we have zero boundaries on social media, email, or negative reviews as authors
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- Опубліковано 10 гру 2023
- This is the dark side of the internet as an author when it comes to how total strangers can send us extremely negative emails, social media messages or comments, and even tag us in negative reviews, and it sometimes feels like we just have to expose ourselves to this as part of the job - but that's not the case! Here are some ways I've set boundaries for my mental health in order to continue to be able to create books. Hope this helps!
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#Authortube #NovelWriting #SelfPublishing - Навчання та стиль
I'm 1 year in as an author and just recently learned to stay off Goodreads 🥴 people can be so mean online when there is zero accountability. Not reading reviews anymore is the best decision I've made, my creative energy is so much higher ❤
Some of the reviews on Goodreads are really shocking. I don't know how some authors cope. People are so mean and the criticism is not even constructive.
@@supermansmom yes! Some are very mean-girl harassment vibes, especially the reviewers that hate-read and have a huge following of like-minded people. Some reviews are just glorified bullying 💔
@@TanyaTFischer Maybe it's just me but it seems like internet bullying has become meaner and more pervasive in the last few years.
@@Print229 right, like it's mutated now that there are more apps/social media outlets/websites to comment on. It has gotten crazy. And Bethany makes a good point on being careful about how you make yourself available to people.
Yes Tanya (and everybody else), I agree! I'm so sorry you've experienced mean comments online, and I would agree that goodreads in particular can be a really nasty space for authors so we have to be super careful what we look at on there! Glad to hear that helped you!
I like the view that reviews are for readers not for authors. While it must be very nice to get bolstering comments, they surely can't make up for having negative or hurtful comments living forever in your head. Also like the view that your book is a piece of art which you have put out in the world, so what other people say about it literally does not matter. You've created what you wanted to create.
Oh absolutely 100%. While I've read some reviews that seem to be targeted at the authors, which makes me laugh, I think you're completely right that they're not really meant for us. Love those thoughts!
Yes! I love this reminder
I often compare writing to the worst day job I have ever had. The difference is big.
I have been in jobs where I felt like I was being bullied and I did not want to go to work. I have quit jobs because the office environment was so toxic. It's difficult to ignore your manager or co-workers every day.
As a writer, you do not have to do social media or read the negative reviews. You can put all your focus on the readers who like your book.
As you said, block negative words, and negative comments and take social media breaks. Even better, delete your social media accounts all together.
So many authors on writing forums have told me they do not use social media and they are authors making 5 or 6 figures a year.
That's really cool to hear you know so many authors who don't use social media, I think it's more common than we realize! (Because most people obviously don't see them not using it, if they're not posting about it haha!) But I think it's definitely doable.
I feel like I'd rather have a small audience that loves my books than a large audience that hates my books ☺️
Honestly, if my only readers are like my cousins and friends, I'd be fine with that 😄
I totally get that feeling! And the cool thing is a small, commited readership can actually be all we need as authors honestly (this is an idea I heard in the book 1,000 true fans or something like that? Very similar concept! :)
This is so useful. If I ever manage to get published one day the big thing I'm dreading is social media. I haven't touched facebook or twitter/x in years and never touched tiktok or Instagram. Social media just stresses me out and makes me miserable, I do not look forward to having to deal with it again but these little tips made it a lot less intimidating.
If it makes you feel better, I fully deleted twitter in 2020, and have used Facebook less than 10x’s since 2020 also, and it hasn’t hurt my sales in the slightest. I think using sales tactics that we feel good about and confident in are the best for our writing business, so if you decide to focus more on things like Amazon ads or bookbub feature deals instead of social media, then go for it! Do what’s best for you! ❤️
try to not look at the comments at all. i think this might really help. i know its hard tho, but mental peace is always better
Maybe easier said than done, but one way of looking at negative reviews that I’ve heard (on places like Amazon at least) is that in reality you do want *some* negative reviews because if you have zero it can make the other reviews look fake. And for me personally when I am thinking about reading a book I do sometimes read the negative reviews to see what people didn’t like. If their reviews don’t resonate with me then I’m like ok, cool, they didn’t like it but I probably will. 😊
Oooh yes, good point Makenna! I wish I would've thought to say that in the video, cause that's a really encouraging thing I've heard before as well, although it's definitely harder to do when you initially see those types of reviews. Glad to hear it's helped you!
I like that you reminded us most of the time we're not being paid for social media, so taking a break is fine because we have that right. Similarly, I like how you said with strangers, though it feels like we have to respond, we don't.
Yes! I'm so glad those resonated with you, thanks Desirae!
@@BethanyAtazadeh Thanks for sharing, Bethany :) Also, when you were talking about community, a random question came to mind. Were you friends with Mandi Lynn before UA-cam or did you become friends with her and like Brittany Wang and other authortubers just from UA-cam? I'm not sure if you'd ever want to share that story, but I feel I'd be curious how you guys reached out to each other. Or, how you all found your community and kept in touch. Like a video of ways other authors can be a part of community even if money and introvertedness factor into things (like writing streams, reaching out, going to events or book signings, or other things?)
KEEP WRITING NO MATTER WHAT
very good encouragement!
The last tip you gave is particularly useful. My book was published not two weeks ago, so, I only have a handful of editorial reviews, but they are so good and uplifting that I have screenshot every one and made a small mood-board, so that, even if at some point I start doubting myself, I can always go back to it, and get into a good mindset.
I'm so glad it was helpful, I love that!
I thought about this for some times because I have read so many less committed comments (people who don't give true heartfelt thoughts but, composed by someone who is trying to vent on their own issues )
Also I read somewhere some authors don't read any of reviews while some creators read every single one of them ( Attack on Titan creator tried to read every review and I have no idea how he felt about it but one thing for sure, I don't think I would ever do that)
I believe having boundaries with social media and focus on creating is a need.
Bethany, this video is a lifesaver. Thank you very much ❤❤❤
That's a really good point, a lot of times the reviewer/commenter tends to have their own personal lense that they view a book or video from, that affects their opinions a lot as well. Glad you enjoyed the video, thank you so much!
I 100% agree with you.
I've started dialing back and not pressuring myself because the past few months, I've spent more time trying to figure out social media instead of creating.
I burned myself out so badly doing that.
I've been a published author for over 10 years now and I have dealt with a plethora of things, especially after expanding my business and publishing under a pen name. I stopped looking at reviews a few years ago, especially on Goodreads. People in my family reacted negatively toward me publishing my first book (I'm the black sheep of the family). My mother even asked me if I even make money doing this (being an author) - I am doing this full-time now and have been for almost 2 years. I deal with stalkers - online and in person. I am always approached by people I know or new people I meet who ask for me to either help them write their book or write it for them and I always say no. One person wouldn't take no for an answer and I had to eventually block them.
I really needed to hear this. I’ve found myself doomscrolling more and more these days. And I probably would just deactivate everything if it wasn’t for the pressure of feeling like I need to do social media to be a self published author. My mantra for 2024 is going to be boundaries!!
Love that mantra! You've got this!
Heard Alex Hormozi say something to the effect of this, and I'm paraphrasing: "All the 'Nos' that you say are actually you saving up for a 'yes.' The more you say 'no,' the better your 'yes' will be."
You absolutely should set boundaries and let your boundaries be known and enforced with extreme prejudice.
Keep up the great content, Bethany! 😎👍
Love that perspective, and so glad you liked the video, thank you! (And Alex Hormozi's videos are so good too!)
Gosh, Bethany that crappy little negative review devil on your shoulder saying, "you suck!", "you suck!", "you suck!" had me howling :)
Loved the tip on social media and how we can "park" by setting up on the socials without having to engage 24/7 365. Valuable gems all around:)
By the way, while watching your video, my 5 year old nephew peeked over my shoulder and started waving at my phone screen as he thought I was on a video call ^_^
Hehehe thank you Avi, that was making me giggle when I made it too lol! So glad that it was helpful (and your nephew sounds adorable haha!)
I never even considered a lot of these points because I am definitely still new to the sphere and still trying to grow but this was such a reminder to make boundaries with yourself online to protect your mental health. Thank you for this!
This is awesome! Boundaries are so important in all areas of life ❤
Thank you! So glad you enjoyed it!
I'm just beginning to take my writing seriously and am working on a rough draft, that I hope to publish when i'm done with it, and I definitely needed to hear this stuff! Thank you for the tips! I'll make sure to keep them in mind (and i'm going to save this video in case i need to be reminded later lol).
Yay that’s awesome, you’ve got this! Glad the video was helpful for the future! :)
👏👏👏 This video is a nice companion piece to your Fourth Wing video. One of the most important relationships you will ever have is with yourself. Protect and foster yourself by focusing more on the constructive and the positive than on the destructive and the negative. Love all the tips.
Thank you so much, I really appreciate it and hadn't thought about how the videos go together that way! Love that perspective, and glad you enjoyed the video!
And I thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to reply to my comment. I appreciate it. 🙂@@BethanyAtazadeh
Sometimes I read reviews of books I read and I wonder if we read the same book…
Glad my parents don’t let me have the “traditional” social media (Insta, Facebook, Twitter, etc) it sounds stressful.
Thank you for this video, I'm glad I could learn this before getting to the point where I need to put this stuff into action. I really appreciate it 😊
I'm so glad it was helpful, thank you! :)
Thank you for teaching me how to do my Novel, this is my first book and it's a goal of mine.
Thank you for this video! This will be super helpful when I finally write and publish my novel 😁
First off, I just want to say that your channel helped me a lot when I decided to self publish and made me think I could actually do it. For that, thank you. Second of all I already feel you on intrusive questions. My first book has only been out two weeks and I've already got messages asking me how much money I've made and how many sales I have. That's so personal and inappropriate. I never though about email being a potential problem. I feel like you are very helpful just making the videos. Don't let people make you feel like you don't do enough for them. You still need to write too. 😁
This video is so amazing! Thanks for all these really great tips and solid advice. I've completely changed the way I interact with social media in order to protect my mental health.
Thank you, so happy you found it helpful! :)
I absolutely love ❤️ your content!!! It's so, hopefully.. and I wanted to say Thank You so much for all your experience and advice you share!!! ❤🤗
Thank you so much!!
Always love your videos. You're a shining north star in so many people's writing journey 🌠😊
Thank you so much!
Great tips!! Thanks for taking the time to make this video 🥰
I'm so glad it was helpful! :D
Yes, to all social media points. And I HATE FACEBOOK! haha I don't know why I hate it, but I just do, I still keep it because it's the only way to keep up with my siblings.
And I'm saving this video. This is so helpful and made me smile... and so validated :)
I haven't been able to keep up with social media and I've been overwhelming myself trying and feeling bad when I can't so this video helps me sooooo much to just know it's okay to take my time to try to balance out everything. Our time we spend working is precious. Thank you so much for helping me realize I don't have to do everything ❤
I totally get that feeling, I think because there's nothing to measure successful posts by on social media it can be easy to feel like nothing we do is enough too, so I'm glad this video was encouraging and helped you give yourself some grace! You've got this!
Your covers are just gorgeous! I can’t get past them ! ❤
Thank you so much!!
I guess I could have posted on a more related video, but I am busy watching this one and not quite there yet. Just wanted to say Thank you! Your channel has helped me a lot as a new author. I am currently waiting for my cover design before I finally can publish my first novel. Very stoked! I am sure I will get to the social stuff in due time. 🙂
Thank you so much, I appreciate that!
Bethany, this might be the most important video you've ever produced. I've moved away from social media platforms that drain or overwhelm me in recent months. Regarding negative reviews, a 1-star review that offers tons of constructive criticism is far more valuable than a 1-star review that offers nothing but personal insults.
Thank you so much, so glad you think it's a good video!
@@BethanyAtazadeh You're welcome!
I want a huge fanbase to talk about my books with, but now after you just pointed out the whole multiple conversations, I am glad I have none lol. You hit every point very well. Thank you. I feel bad about tagging you on Facebook post where I was recommending your channel to someone about how you balance everything in your author life.
I'm on the fence about it too, wanting to grow but also wanting to shrink sometimes lol! I think the truth is that neither large or small accounts are "better", there are actually pros and cons to both. And don't feel bad about tagging me in a thoughtful recommendation at all, those are always appreciated!!
Absolutely LOVE this video! Just what I needed right now! To all this I would add the following: I am a Christian author and I write (predominantly) for a Christian audience. Having gotten into Social Media in a much bigger way, I can't believe the amount of raw pornography I get in simple comment, Follow request, Facebook messages, etc. It used to be that my biggest gripe was the sort of advertising services messages like you mentioned. Now it's to the point where I either make the conscious decision NOT to interact with any social media at all, or literally hold my hand up over the window displaying the message content "just in case". Honestly.... what do people get from randomly hitting people with stuff like that? What thrill do they get from it? Anyway, thanks for the wonderful video! It certainly has helped me approach my "online presence" in a more intentional, mindful way.
Yay so happy to hear that the video was helpful! And it's really awful how many spam bots/scammy accounts are out there for sure, but that's so good you have some strategies for how to deal with the creeps online.
Great ideas and I agree with you. Another issue I have found is that people are quick to support those in mlm/pyramid schemes but not so quick for those of us who are legitimate small business.
Thanks Rachel! And that's very true, good point!
Hi Bethany, these tips are so helpful. Thank you so much for this. The email thing is something I do. I have several- a personal, an author one, one for subscriptions and one I use for classes. It works for me . I’m not real into social media. It seems overwhelming.
By the way, I ordered your book and can’t wait to read it.
Take care ❤
So glad it was helpful, and love that you utilize the multiple email strategy too! Yay happy reading, hope you enjoy the story!
I love the idea of prioritizing your work and then if you have time, look at social media because we all know that can suck up all your time. When I am stuck in my writing it is easy to pick up your phone and scroll SM and before I know it, I went down the rabbit hole and wasted time I should’ve been writing instead of interacting on social media.
Oh my gosh yes, it's so easy to do, you're not alone! Glad the video was helpful! :D
This video arrived just in time!
Yay! Glad you enjoyed!
This information is so helpful. Thanks for taking the time to warn and help.😅❤
You are so welcome! Happy to hear it’s helpful! :)
I don't have a UA-cam channel, but I did create and run (with my friend) a well-received hashtag game over on Twitter for a number of years and the number of people (not always people who even played the game) would DM me asking me how I created it, how I made my graphics, how I decided the times to upload the questions etc. Then when we turned it into a Podcast, I received messages asking how to start a podcast - like, there is already tons of info out there and I had to learn it, it's not that difficult - it just takes time.
Some were not even polite, it was "I want to start a podcast, how did you do it?" no hello, no thank you - just almost a demand, from people who weren't even subscribed to our podcast so gave us nothing in return. I think sometimes people forget they are talking to actual people and not people-shaped search engines
Thank you for the heads-up.
Absolutely!
Thank you for making this. I’m new and am not looking forward to this part of the process.
I want to thank you... Your videos have been a major help. I am a Real Estate Broker who has always been all about business however, I also had a story in me that I wanted to tell, your videos gave me the knowledge to publish my novel "Forest Shadow" by David W. Cropper. I am a proud subscriber of your channel. Keep up the excellent work
You are so welcome!
Also wanted to say how much I enjoy your videos. My internet is bad.
Glad you like them!
Thanks for this great video. It was very helpful with some fantastic suggestions. I'm sorry people were nasty to you but as a fellow author, I've learned over the years that trolls are very brave behind the keyboard but not so much face-to-face. You're doing a great job and I must check out your books.
Thanks again and have a great Christmas.
Absolutely, so glad it was helpful! And unfortunately I'm very used to the nasty comments now, but the good news is, they definitely make you grow thick skin so they wash right off me most of the time these days haha! Thank you so much, Merry Christmas, and happy reading if you decide to try my books! :)
I haven’t published anything yet. So I haven’t actually read any negative reviews. But you’ve given some great insight. I don’t think I will read any of the negative reviews for myself. Especially not right away. If I feel like I need to grow as an author then perhaps I will visit some of the less harsh/critical reviews, after they have been vetted. I just know that for my mental health I probably shouldn’t read anything abusive. Also, I think it’s a great idea to limit access to you through email. I hate checking even my personal email, and let it pile up far too quickly lately. I can’t imagine having to sift through the bad ones in a professional email.
So glad it was helpful! And I forgot to say in the video that if you don’t have anyone handy to filter reviews you can also use the filters on the platforms and choose “just 5 stars” too, to give you some encouragement without exposing yourself to the less helpful stuff! But don’t worry, we also grow thicker skin and things bounce off more as you get used to them, it’s not that bad for most authors! :)
I'll have to look into those filters, when the time comes. Thank you for responding! I hope your week is going well 😊 @@BethanyAtazadeh
This is the one part I am not looking forward to, but as long as I understand that there are going to be haters, I'm hoping it won't be 'as' bad?? 🙂 Thanks for sharing!!
Totally fair, but yes expecting it can help lessen the blow - and I forgot to say this in the video but honestly we grow thicker skin too as we get used to it. It's unfortunate but helpful haha!
Just what I've seen from seasoned readers and their reactions to a lot of books, it seems like they're a tough audience to win over. In the end, I am writing the story for me and I hope through it, it will resonate with some people, at least. I think that is the most I can hope for. As a soon-to-be first time author, I'm expecting to be ripped to shreds, it's my first book, after all. But we'll see how it goes. Thanks for your time in making the video and for your response Bethany! Have a wonderful day!@@BethanyAtazadeh
You have to protect yourself. At the same time, customer service is important as well. I remember buying one of your care packages back in 2020 and you reached out to check to see if I'd received it. Shipping was messed up because of covid. You ended up sending me a second one, and then, of course, the first showed up. You wouldn't let me send it back or pay for it. You let me do a giveaway on my channel so someone else did benefit from your kindness too. ❤ Thanks.
Oh my goodness, thank you Wanita!
Nice shout out! People are quick to complain but much less likely to ever recognize and comment on above and beyond customer service.
I’m not at all surprised she handled your situation the way she did. Seems consistent with what I’ve seen of her here on her channel. She seems like a genuine soul that likes helping others.
tiktok is just dumb in general
but with negative reviews, it's important to handle them with grace
It's not for everyone. :) And that's true, grace is always helpful with reviews
I wish I were more motivated to do more on social media to promote my book. I suck at it. I stopped my knitting channel because I find it so much work and commitment, and I don't get anything really in return, haha. One video took me a week to film and then edit. I thought about on my vlog channel doing an author channel but that would mean I would have to look half decent and the truth is when I write I am usually in my pjs with no makeup and my hair piled on top of my head. If I were going to show myself pouring coffee, I would have to have my kitchen clean and magical looking, and with a large family, that is funny. Then, when I sit at my desk, which is my kitchen table with tons of books, plant stuff and envelopes, well, I know writing would be the last thing I would be concentrating on, haha, and I don't like actually being on video. Needless to say, I barely have any videos on the vlog, and one video does well, but it's a simple plant video!?TONS on my knitting one with barely any view. I think I am a behind-the-scenes girl- although I am learning more about advertising. I need a magic tiktok reader to come and fall in love with my book and tell all her millions of friends. HAHA as for reviews. It is what it is. Comes with the territory. When you put yourself out there you need to have a thick skin. rock hard.
Now do I have a thick skin? Not always. In the past not at all. But my first version of my book came out in 2005 and then I like self doubt hold me back (and work and 6 kids) I am older now and just going to write because I love it and do everything in my power to make it the best I can and learn how to market in other ways. The vast majority of my kids are grown now, and I am done with "what ifs." Who cares. What if I don't? And I die with a drawer full of stories I was afraid to share with the world? Float or sink, I am going for it. AND I am going to pay my friend's and mine talented teenage children to create TikTok and videos for me to promote, haha. Teach them they can earn money creating their art.
Funny that you mention it, I also struggle to vlog writing because I also show up in pjs, no makeup, etc haha, so I get that! I think youtube videos do very little to promote books anyway, at least in my experience, tiktok or instagram are much more likely to sell books well and take way less time on top of it! :)
@BethanyAtazadeh 😊 thanks. I enjoy your videos, your energy, and your dedication to your books. I think you are juggling it all and succeeding.
Hey hun how to i connect with other new authors starting out on the gram😊
Use hashtags to find them, follow them, like and comment on their posts, and generally act like a person trying to connect! ;)
@@BethanyAtazadeh thank you so much you are the one that is going to help me get my book out. YOUR VIDEOS ARE HOW I AM LEARNING. VERY HELPFUL🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Yeah….so I technically have a YT channel, but I haven’t uploaded in AGES, but I get messages (on IG) a lot about things that could be easily googled or “can you read my book”. It’s to the point where yes, I would love to help, but I literally have NO time haha. Also PR Mogul 😂😂😂 yes.
Yessss those! I’m so glad I’m not the only one, it’s wild how many strangers just go for it and ask lol! That’s an awesome response, you have more patience than me haha!
If they are asking about book advice just give them a list of editors who can read their book. In fact maybe you should do a video as to where people can go to get their book read.
That’s a fantastic idea, thank you! Just added it to my UA-cam video list!
The usual comment: there are no dumb questions.
You: I beg to differ. 😂😂
Bahaha YES! This is hilarious and so true!
Amazing girl, this video is above and beyond but now im afraid to ask you anything...ha ha lol, be gud x
lol don’t worry! I feel like anyone who’s thoughtful enough to worry will ask write respectful, kind comments-it’s the people who write nasty stuff trying to be mean that I avoid! :) so glad you enjoyed the video, thank you! ❤️
Wow after evrything you said in the video about replying to individuals, you took your precious time to do so to me, im dancing on the cieling, , hey theres another book tittle ha, cherish the little man, and be gud x carlos
thank you so much bethany for these tips!🤍👩🏻💻I am about to self publish my novel and i have such an amazing, loyal fan base that i’ve created through my channel. but there are always those who want to bring us down and it effects us - even subconsciously. i totally agree with everything you’ve said and it needed to be SAID! let’s all protect each other in this community!! 🤍✨
You're so welcome! That’s very true, haters are normal sadly. But so glad you enjoyed the video, and wishing you an awesome (hater free) publishing experience! 🥰