Dealing With Triggers After Infidelity | Couples Academy

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  • Опубліковано 9 гру 2018
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КОМЕНТАРІ • 67

  • @suzzettebrown4324
    @suzzettebrown4324 2 роки тому +12

    My partner is the one that doesn't want to talk about it when I experience the triggers.

  • @leoceh6073
    @leoceh6073 2 роки тому +7

    Lol I am a emotional wreck right now I have only just realised what I have been experiencing all these years and yes my ex always says get over it and move on how shallow was she

  • @davetimmer5149
    @davetimmer5149 Рік тому +4

    My wife minimized everything in her affair. Also 1/2 truths and lies for a year and a half after the affair was known.

  • @jessicasherman5392
    @jessicasherman5392 3 роки тому +13

    Try getting so far into recovery (few months) and then learning you were infected with an STD that you will have to fear possible death from for the rest of your life...THEN when you tell him you have it...he then decides to tell you “oh my God...she said she had an STD but she said a condom would make me safe” but never disclosed this to me...even when I asked multiple times if he knew/thought we had anything like that to worry about...so NOW...it’s like this will keep haunting me the rest of my life everytime I have to get checked like every 6-12 months...huge trigger for sure. 😔🤬

    • @missNCW
      @missNCW 3 роки тому +3

      And this is why cheaters are bad people, and abusive spouses. Period. This is malicious. Affairs are not mistakes. Cheaters need to be accountable for what they do. It's disgusting. This is pathetic.
      Cheaters take their partners' sexual health and make the decisions to risk it like they have a right to. That is abusive. How is this less harmful than domestic abuse

    • @Jane.Doe.
      @Jane.Doe. 2 роки тому +2

      @Jessica
      I am so sorry that so much sorrow and pain has been brought upon you. Nobody deserves what you're having to cope with. Reading your words made tears roll out of my eyes, I'm just truly so sorry.
      I pray that you press in close to the Heavenly Father. Trust in Him with all your heart and lean not to your own understanding, because it's not possible to understand on our own... but *do* work on releasing it as you are able to, and give it to God. Ask God to guide you, to help move you forward with strength (God's *supernatural* strength), discernment and wisdom. I don't know your faith or if you read Scripture, if not, perhaps you'll be lead to do so. I like the King James Version (KJV) of the bible. Pray to and just start talking to The Father in private (I pray in my closet) give your whole self, your life, your heart, soul, mind, body and spirit to Jesus our beloved Messiah. Give Him your hurts, your pain, all your anger, rage, frustration, sadness and bitterness. Try to release all of it into His loving hands. God will sustain you and heal you over time! I promise He will... Have unwavering Faith in God, that He will deliver you out of the darkness.
      I come from a very very painful place too. My husband and I have been together since we were 16 yrs old and then married for 25 years. During the last 15 years, he began changing... he turned into a pathological liar, cruel, sadistic manipulator, disceitful to me in every way. This past Thanksgiving Day 2021, I found out that he's been unfaithful many times in those years, when I got a random text from a stranger- his "girlfriend" of THREE years outing him and all he's done, crazy lies he's told about me behind my back that just blew my mind. To make things even more hellish, he's been verbally, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and twice physically abusive to me. He waged psychological warfare on me is what it feels like. Even before I got that text I had had to stop working (I'm a hair stylist) because I'd sunk into such a deep, dark depression and had days where I just couldn't get out of bed or eat. Then I developed that phobia where I couldn't even leave my house, the anxiety and awful fear overwhelmed me so that It was impossible to be in public around people. Infidelity is enough to fell like your dying, abuse along with it feels like your soul is being murdered.
      Looking at all of it now, there's no doubt in my mind that the Father held me up and carried me through those times... Like explained in the beautiful poem "Footprints".
      As time passes, I feel that our journey with the Lord becomes more intense, more obvious, more personal.
      For the record, I don't go to a church. It's most impossible to find one where they glorify and praise God first and foremost. Where the reading and teaching of Scripture *is* the meat of their sermons, offering Deliverance to those in need and winning souls for God through Salvation.
      You don't need all that organized "religious" nonsense. Just a close and loving relationship with our Messiah Jesus. At least that's what's most satisfying and helpful for me and many many other Believers.
      I didn't plan for this to get this long! But I wish you inner peace, and much joy and happiness now and in your future! 🙏💞🌺🦋🧡💯
      God Bless
      From your sister in Christ -

    • @marcusyoung24117
      @marcusyoung24117 2 місяці тому

      I pray God's comfort wrap you. 🙏🏿🖤😇

  • @MRdotE1984
    @MRdotE1984 3 роки тому +15

    This is really helping me to be able to communicate what I’m feeling with my partner because sometimes I don’t know how to put it into words or explain it properly. Thank you

  • @lindijohnsonnyarc3956
    @lindijohnsonnyarc3956 2 роки тому +9

    When you say "it's neither fault, both need healing", what does the unfaithful partner need healing from?

  • @evnomiaiw2244
    @evnomiaiw2244 5 років тому +10

    Thank you for providing such in depth clarifications on this subject! I feel so relieved and assured now that I have obtained these explanations on triggers. Your wise teachings and knowledge are greatly appreciated :)

  • @BAMshazam
    @BAMshazam 9 місяців тому +1

    If the betrayer is closed up tight it will trigger the betrayed because the unfaithful is still lying and denying. The deceit and betrayal runs so deep and it mirrors the behavior of the betrayer during the affair. The secrecy, lying, denying and deception can turn the abused into a volcano that will eventually erupt. And yes, infidelity is a huge form of abuse. Honesty and truth must be revealed or more destruction will be heaped on the head of the faithful.

  • @math4341
    @math4341 5 років тому

    Your message helped with what I'm experiencing. Thanks so much. Good material

  • @vanessarenae5169
    @vanessarenae5169 2 роки тому +1

    Thank you for this!!!! This saved me this morning

  • @high3367
    @high3367 3 роки тому

    Awesome..thank you all so much!!

  • @suzzettebrown4324
    @suzzettebrown4324 2 роки тому +2

    I have been in that place and is working to make better. And what you all are saying are so true. Keep up the good work you guys are awesome.

  • @forestcop2399
    @forestcop2399 4 роки тому +2

    I needed this, thank you.

  • @JessyTosh
    @JessyTosh 2 роки тому +2

    Thank you so much for these videos, they are truly helping me go through this and know that I am not alone.

  • @suzzettebrown4324
    @suzzettebrown4324 2 роки тому +1

    Love you both what you guys bring to help people in their treatment throughout their relationship is phenomenal. Great job

  • @coriebegin5951
    @coriebegin5951 9 місяців тому

    I have been dealing with this for 2 years. I have said those exact words. I have told him our realationship will never go to back to where it was. I call it a new relationship.

  • @michaelathomas
    @michaelathomas 3 роки тому +2

    Im happy I found your channel. I would like to see a video about talking about the infidelity to other people and what it can do to the relationship.

  • @detrias.jenkins9761
    @detrias.jenkins9761 2 роки тому

    This is good information geez!

  • @tabithablount2547
    @tabithablount2547 2 роки тому

    I'm just seeing you two, Thank you both

  • @belovedchild2401
    @belovedchild2401 Рік тому +1

    Your videos are a blessing...

  • @alicaalabama590
    @alicaalabama590 4 роки тому +2

    .... she looks pissed haha - she’s an example of how I feel inside because of the struggles I’ve faced in my “marriage”

  • @addarealest2287
    @addarealest2287 3 роки тому +5

    In my situation I was the hurt one and I feel exactly what the women is feeling and I tell you what I feel like I died spiritual and my Partner is just trying to sweep it under the rug and saying hurtful things when im triggered to just give up the relationship if I can't get over and that hurts me 1000 times more because I feel unappreciated and I feel like she not willing to learn to be better and I feel like I'm not important

    • @glory2glory679
      @glory2glory679 Рік тому

      You are.. Important

    • @BAMshazam
      @BAMshazam 9 місяців тому +1

      If the cheater is still in lying, denying and coverup mode then they are still the same and never grew from the experience. This is the kind of deceiver that will repeat the offense. We should send all the cheater off together so they can all live together, slither around and lie, deceive and cheat on each other. Leave the faithful on the other side away from Snakesville.

    • @josephwilson3757
      @josephwilson3757 3 місяці тому +2

      The next time she says that to you, leave and don't look back. Know your worth and stand up for yourself.

  • @CollapseAirsoftTeam
    @CollapseAirsoftTeam 5 років тому +4

    You guys don’t know how much you just helped my case!

  • @collegchick39
    @collegchick39 5 років тому

    Thank you

  • @missNCW
    @missNCW 3 роки тому +3

    Th cheater is not in pain, and definitely not for their spouse. That's why they should be in pain but that doesn't really happen of course

  • @evelyn28able
    @evelyn28able 3 роки тому

    Journaling is good idea

  • @dylansalt1
    @dylansalt1 10 місяців тому +1

    After watching your video it’s just not worth the trauma of living with it - I mean how long is a piece of string, 2yrs, 5 yrs, 10 yrs? The unfaithful might have become unfaithful due to the partner never ever shifting or evolving during the marriage-you try get back together but there are triggers on both sides which totally becomes self destructive- I firmly believe that who ever is unfaithful, needs to man or woman up and realise that whatever was is now lost forever and make their peace with it and exit the relationship

  • @BAMshazam
    @BAMshazam 9 місяців тому

    Biggest trigger… continued lying, denying and minimizing.

  • @addarealest2287
    @addarealest2287 3 роки тому

    I'm saying this to to just educate that its not just a women thing and I Somewhat forgave and proposed to show that I'm willing to give to because a relationship is to give to sometimes to get where you trying to get to which is happiness

  • @cliffhamilton7730
    @cliffhamilton7730 4 роки тому

    Thanks......... how do i join the mens group

  • @keynat9755
    @keynat9755 3 роки тому +8

    Have you 2 experienced infidelity in your marriage? I often see couples who have experienced infidelity teach the best on the topic.

  • @chicobeach5578
    @chicobeach5578 3 місяці тому

    Please use a microphone for future videos this one has echo/poor sound quality

  • @munchsken
    @munchsken 5 років тому +5

    I agree with some of your points, but how do you deal with a trigger that will constantly trigger you such as your partner impregnating the side woman, so now you get triggered every single time he has to go and be with his child?? This is difficult for me because this is going to be a forever thing as long as this child is here.

    • @sugamama9444
      @sugamama9444 5 років тому

      Are u married

    • @munchsken
      @munchsken 5 років тому

      Suga Mama we are not married.

    • @sugamama9444
      @sugamama9444 5 років тому +9

      @@munchsken run for your life

    • @munchsken
      @munchsken 5 років тому

      Suga Mama I can’t quite do that, we have 2 children together. It has been a thought. Right now I’m just communicating better with him. While also taking care of me. We are not a couple but remain close friends still to see where it can go.

    • @raquel4677
      @raquel4677 5 років тому +3

      munchsken if he truly loves you, he will bring the child to your home so that he doesn’t even have to put YOU in a position of fearing something will happen. If you will stay with someone after they get another woman pregnant, there should never be a time where he doesn’t offer for you to come with him to see his child or be alone with her.

  • @kadenseitz7066
    @kadenseitz7066 Рік тому

    Are you both licensed in any way

  • @nyalalaniboitshepo2657
    @nyalalaniboitshepo2657 Рік тому +1

    The unfaithful never listens to such 😢

  • @sandybaudoin6426
    @sandybaudoin6426 2 роки тому

    What do you do my spouse pretend he’s helping but he’s doing thing that not right an I try not to go there because we both have been hurt from each other I’m his first wife sometimes I feel he’s use the situation to justify his wrong because of our divorce an now God has restored us back BUT very

  • @Dglicker543
    @Dglicker543 10 місяців тому

    Why are you referring to the betrayer as always the man? Great content but frustrating to the betrayed man.

  • @kegler27
    @kegler27 4 роки тому +3

    really annoying that she always refers to the hurt partner as "her" and the unfaithful partner as "him". i hope this changes as the percentages of female and male cheaters is about equal.

    • @newyork588
      @newyork588 4 роки тому

      I will be reachong out to you

    • @alicaalabama590
      @alicaalabama590 4 роки тому +1

      I’m sure she’s speaking for the woman and he’s speaking for the man.

    • @kegler27
      @kegler27 4 роки тому

      @@newyork588 ???

    • @joyphillips1821
      @joyphillips1821 3 роки тому +1

      Many more women keep silent than you think. But now they just simply divorce rather than repair.

    • @missNCW
      @missNCW 3 роки тому

      Men cheat more

  • @jazzyfizzal9004
    @jazzyfizzal9004 11 місяців тому

    I want to forgive but how can i when i run into the woman all.the time and she cusses at me? And tells the whole town what my husbands done. Both sides of the fsmily knows what hes done.

  • @ssmith3620
    @ssmith3620 2 роки тому +4

    My mind is assaulting me with flashbacks because she sent me videos of them having sex...how do I get those images out of my head???

    • @tobilolawilliams9820
      @tobilolawilliams9820 Рік тому +1

      Why? Did you actually ask for it 😳 or did she just feel like being mean?

  • @juriancastro
    @juriancastro Рік тому

    😢😢😢😢😢

  • @cewilliamsable
    @cewilliamsable Рік тому +2

    It's not just men that cheat... this video kinda assumes the man is the cheater even when he isnt. 😔

  • @davetimmer5149
    @davetimmer5149 Рік тому

    Im triggered by alot of things. Deit pepsi, wife vehicle, blueberry fields, her work, soccer games, track and field events, bonfires, high table and chairs, and unfaithful acts on the screen.