Problems Throwing Out Moms Stuff - Tips to Help Parents Downsize

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  • Опубліковано 25 гру 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 93

  • @AskAngelaBrown
    @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +3

    Check out this playlist of similar videos we made on the care series. More valuable info. ua-cam.com/play/PLh1fKdNH3piSF6JgQSd303Wc1AG55q086.html

    • @judykindelberger3905
      @judykindelberger3905 Рік тому

      I've been downsizing china cabinet; I want to keep the things I love and, Of course the very old stuff. My son is so upset. Just leave it as it is; I have many boxes of my mom's photography/albums, china; I don't want to leave this to my kids. Most of the people in the photos, they have no idea who they are. My daughter doesn't really want anything. I gave her a nearly 100 year old trunk and she has no idea where it is. It was hers to do with as she pleased...just interesting.

  • @suewilkinson910
    @suewilkinson910 8 місяців тому +4

    I know this is 3 years ago, but I'm getting to the end of this process now. I did it the other way around. I built mum a little apartment in our garden, then bought her new furniture because the old was so dilapidated. She chose her new armchair and bed I did the rest. I told her to gather the most important things she would need for a month's holiday and we fetched her over. She didn't bring loads of things she needed really. So I went back and forth a few times until I knew she had enough. I made sure she had photographs, wedding album, embroidery kits and equipment and her precious books. I wanted her to leave the darn china cabinet behind but she went on and on about the china so I relented, bought a new cabinet minus woodworm and brought over the best bits. I have then been clear to get rid of everything else in my own time. It's taken a long time but I've done it all myself. We have some offers on the house now. I just have the garage to go.
    It's been tough on me, having to throw away so much. But it's been really easy on her.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  8 місяців тому +2

      Wow! Thank you so much for sharing your story. You've done an amazing job taking care of your mom's needs and making sure she feels at home❤

  • @ngonigriffith1491
    @ngonigriffith1491 4 місяці тому +2

    I have been in the process of decluttering my parents home. My dad passed away in January 2023, but thank God he didn't leave a lot of stuff. Then my sister passed away in December 2023 and even though she lived in an apartment, she left behind a lot of things, which was added to my mom's house. I told my mom to get rid of her stuff, but my mom wants to hold onto things. I call her a hoarder. We now have a garage packed with things. I am going to inherit these things. So I told my mom to declutter to make it easy on me. 😢 Thank you for this video. It gives me more inspiration to get to decluttering again.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 місяці тому +1

      Thank you so much for sharing your story, and I'm really sorry for your loss. It's definitely tough dealing with the emotions and all the things that come with it. I can understand how overwhelming it must be. I'm glad my video could inspire you, and I hope it helps make the process a little easier for you. Sending you strength and support as you continue decluttering! 💪 Take care.

  • @damianbarreto25
    @damianbarreto25 4 роки тому +16

    angela you are such a class act

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +3

      What a lovely thing to say. Thanks Damian. :-)

  • @imtaliesen
    @imtaliesen 4 роки тому +20

    I discovered your channel fairly recently and this one video really hit home. My husband and I are in our mid 60s and we have so much stuff in our 5 bedroom home that it would be a nightmare for our kids to go through it all when it’s our time to go. I’m still hanging on to my parents’ stuff for over 30 years. I’m just now starting the process of getting rid of things. It will probably take me a year to get it down to a level where it wont be too overwhelming for my kids. I’m finding it difficult to part with things but I just feel I’m running out of time and I need to get this done. I’m turning 65 on Monday and that’s probably why I’m feeling I’m running out of time. Where did all the time go? I love your channel. Your voice is so soothing.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +4

      Hello Heidi, Thanks for watching, and thanks for your kind words. Downsizing your belongings is tough for us all. Here's wishing you a seamless process as you sort through your treasures, and Happy Birthday! 🎉🎁🎈

    • @k.w.1459
      @k.w.1459 4 роки тому +1

      Heidi, please look at the documentary from the Minimalists and books and UA-cam by Joshua Becker. They can explain how to pare down.

  • @inashamsia
    @inashamsia 2 роки тому +9

    That's me with my parents, and now just my mom. There's a lot of love and memories integrated with the stuff, but in the end, the love is there even though the stuff is gone.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  2 роки тому +2

      Well said! Thanks for taking the time to write this comment, I appreciate it! 🤗

    • @kfetter9046
      @kfetter9046 Місяць тому +1

      Beautifully stated.

  • @susanstinebiser1007
    @susanstinebiser1007 4 роки тому +10

    I love how respectful and empathetic you are, Angela. I had one client who's husband had passed away. He had been an amputee, he had only one leg and foot. I asked her about throwing out his old socks since they weren't in pairs. She said no, and I had to back off and realize she just wasn't ready to deal yet. I had to respect her feelings.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +3

      Hi Susan, Thanks for sharing this. This is a really important lesson to earn about respect for other's feelings. I appreciate the reminder. :-)

  • @susanmcquaig2927
    @susanmcquaig2927 4 роки тому +14

    This just made me sad for this person. The families. But this was a beautiful way to help them. Thanks for sharing!

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +3

      You're welcome! And thank you for watching the video. 🙂

  • @SJL07
    @SJL07 9 місяців тому +2

    Angela, thank you for this video and information. My MIL went into assisted living this week so I started cleaning out her house … linens, bedding, etc. Simple items. I completely broke down crying so hard because I felt like I was violating her life. She has mild dementia and isn’t even asking for any of her stuff but it’s still been hard for me. My husband is hyper organized and has a good plan. We’ll get through it, but it’s so hard. More for me than her 😞

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  9 місяців тому +2

      I'm so sorry you're going through this hard emotional process. Sending you strength and support❤

  • @k.w.1459
    @k.w.1459 4 роки тому +7

    Thank you for answering my question. It’s been tough but my mother finally got moved in this past weekend. I have given her a great looking entire floor of my home. She had two homes in two states and an overabundance of possessions. So many bedding sets (one house had room for 9-11 people to sleep!) and eleven cookbooks which again took about an hour as she paged through each one to determine if she wanted to take it. She brought SIX still with her LOL and she mostly doesn’t cook at all anymore. She’s a great painter so she came with her paintings which we will find room on walls for as many as she’d like and looks presentable. But also had additional dozens and dozens of frames and mats for future paintings (she hasn’t painted in about 10-12 years).
    I also would like to say that at almost 80 YO she always has kept her things immaculate. Her thinking in keeping all these things was she could eventually give them to her kids. I explained to her gently that though we appreciate the wonderful thought we are all in our late 40/50s and have established lives now for many years that include all the cookware, furniture etc that come with living. It has been very emotional for her and I. I’m not ready for this responsibility, I’m sad to say. I was great the way things were prior and feel forced into this new life by guilt pressed from my siblings and their wives.
    Lot of layers to unwrap. LOL thank you for addressing this topic as from the comments I know I’m not the only one.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +3

      It is a very emotional moment for both you and your mom. And taking on the task is a big responsibility that can take an emotional toll on you. But you got this!! Thank you for sharing your story and for the update. Sending you positive vibes and hugs. 🤗😊💕

  • @turkeyrunfarms
    @turkeyrunfarms 4 роки тому +12

    I’ve decided to do what my parents did when they were empty nesters. We’ve purged most of our junk now in our 50’s. The kids won’t have much to deal with when it’s time to “move on” one way or another. It’s called Swedish death cleaning. I know it sounds morbid, but it’s truly a gift for the kids! Less stuff in the house is less to care for and makes it an easier day to day life.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +2

      I've never heard of the term. Thank you for sharing and thanks for watching. 🙂

    • @JR-tc9xm
      @JR-tc9xm 18 днів тому

      I wish the baby boomers would embrace this concept. it's been so hard on their children having to deal with hoarding

  • @Erintii
    @Erintii Рік тому +1

    I lost my Mum last year. This year I cleaned apartment. I had no chance to keep her stuff. I donated what was possible to donate and throw away almost everything. It was hard but needed. I felt horrible but I want to sell a place. But this is me. I know it is hard for others. Thank you for compassionate video.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  Рік тому +1

      I'm so sorry about your mom. Thank you for sharing your story!

  • @patriciarivas2638
    @patriciarivas2638 4 роки тому +7

    My parents passed away and we had to deal with this situation. Thanks for this.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +1

      You're welcome! And thank you for watching the video.

  • @natalialopes719
    @natalialopes719 2 роки тому +3

    Very good advice. I have problem with my brothers and sisters not wanting to get rid of my parents' clothing and other items even though my father passed away 10 years ago and my mother 13 years ago. Everything is jam-packed in the home of my mother and father's attic and no one wants to get rid of anything.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  2 роки тому +1

      Grief takes many forms, and can take a long time as well. It's hard for some people to wade through the items before they wade through the attached emotions. I'm sending you a big virtual hug. 🤗

  • @nadiacarpio8435
    @nadiacarpio8435 4 роки тому +6

    I'm going through something similar but with my mother-in-law. She took the dining room and guest room of our house as storage and every time I try to help her minimize her things, we never progress. my brother from texas comes to visit us at christmas. I own a small cleaning business called N.R Cleaning Services here in New Jersey. I really thought I could help her and make her feel comfortable but like you said, it's really hard when she starts to remember who gave her what and doesn't want to throw it away.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +4

      Oh no, that sounds like a difficult situation. I'm going to cross my fingers that you are able to work through it. Extra stuff you're not using in a house can add to the pressure and noise in your life. I'm sending you a big virtual hug. :-)

  • @BettsiLedesma
    @BettsiLedesma 3 роки тому +4

    Angela, thank you for bringing such compassion, wisdom and common sense to this difficult subject. You are doing such good work!

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  3 роки тому +2

      You're welcome! Thank you so much for your kind words and for taking the time to write this comment, I appreciate it! 🤗

  • @josephward5436
    @josephward5436 4 роки тому +4

    Yeah, I'm going through this process right now. My dad passed away 7 months ago and I've spent the last few months repairing and emptying our cabin, the home where my Dad spent most of his time, so that Mom and I could put it up for sale. We just finished emptying out the last of it 2 days ago and it transfers to the new owner next week. It is emotional dealing with the memories of Dad. Fortunately, Mom is the one who has to deal with most of his stuff, and the stuff is now at her house, not mine. Thankfully, although Mom loved Dad, she is not very sentimental and has absolutely no problem throwing things out. But she still has certain special items to deal with that are not just thrown away. I'm grateful I inherited a new painting that came from the cabin -- a beautiful keepsake that doesn't take up much space.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +1

      Sorry for your loss. For some it's easier to let go of things because they are not emotionally attached to them, while others have a difficult time. I hope you are able to get thru the process easily. Sending hugs. 🤗

  • @twaoum6561
    @twaoum6561 2 роки тому +5

    You make cleaning as nurturing and honoring as can be. Thank you so much for guiding me to the new light I have never seen. 🙏

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  2 роки тому +1

      Thanks for your kind words and for taking the time to drop me a line. I'm thrilled you're here.

  • @healinggamer
    @healinggamer 4 роки тому +5

    My husband and I became disabled at 38 and 43 years old. Because of this, we moved into a garage apartment on his parent's property. Obviously we had more stuff from our home that would not fit into this smaller space. We were hesitant to part with a lot of our stuff. Our solution was to put things into storage. This allowed us to go thru and get rid of things at our own pace. It took some time, but eventually everything had been gone thru and given away, sold, or donated.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +3

      I love the fact that you took a proactive approach and intentionally went at your own pace and with a strategy. I'm so happy and so proud of you. High Five for working smart. :-)

    • @healinggamer
      @healinggamer 4 роки тому +1

      @@AskAngelaBrown Thanks! That makes me feel special!

  • @ColleenMc-M213
    @ColleenMc-M213 2 роки тому +3

    I'm teary just from your opening statements about timestamp 1:50. Thank you!

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  2 роки тому +1

      Thanks for watching and for taking the time to drop me a line. It's great to have you here. :-)

  • @janmata4449
    @janmata4449 2 роки тому +2

    I needed this video so badly. I’m trying to pair down my moms home so I can move my things in. I have been living here for 6 months with only my clothes. She reacts the same way you described in the beginning of the video. My children took my home and with all my things there. They have nowhere to put their own things. So we are stuck in this holding pattern where no one‘s happy.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  2 роки тому +3

      Jan, I am so sorry for all you are going through right now and am sending you hugs and prayers. 🤗 🙏
      Keep me posted on how things are going with this situation.

    • @janmata4449
      @janmata4449 2 роки тому +1

      @@AskAngelaBrown Thank you 🙏🏻

  • @deniseberg3135
    @deniseberg3135 4 роки тому +6

    Thanks so much for your compassion and understanding. You shared really good ideas. ❤️

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +3

      You are so welcome! And thank you for watching the video. 🙂

  • @kathymills1925
    @kathymills1925 4 роки тому +4

    Great advice!

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +1

      Thanks for watching and taking the time to reach out. :-)

  • @cocasio7190
    @cocasio7190 4 роки тому +3

    Thank you Angela!

  • @ladylake4026
    @ladylake4026 3 роки тому +3

    Thank you Angela Great advise.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  3 роки тому +2

      You are so welcome, glad it was helpful! And thanks for watching!

  • @sheilawest4788
    @sheilawest4788 4 роки тому +3

    An excellent explanation of such an emotional time.

  • @johncarter4411
    @johncarter4411 4 роки тому +1

    You are wonderful and inspiring in every video of yours that I watch. I'm fortunate my mom has downsized a lot on her own.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +2

      Thank you so much for your kind words!😊

  • @nilanjanachatterjee9023
    @nilanjanachatterjee9023 27 днів тому

    Excellent video 😊

  • @WhirlyPearly
    @WhirlyPearly 4 роки тому +1

    Third party is so smart! My Mother had 2 pairs of her gardening shorts from 1981 and she passed in 2009. She had three bath towels and 25 pairs of shoes she couldn’t wear. She hoarded those shoes, they represented her fashionable, beautiful self before she needed medication that made her large. I understood that . I made sure she was cremated in her favourite outfit even if it was split up the back so it fit perfectly. My sister-in-law and I cleaned out the dressers but I had a holiday booked and when I came back she ruthlessly gone through the house. They sold antique tables worth hundreds for 15$. I didn’t want anything but there were many items worth money they sold for nothing. We’re going to see them on Antiques Roadshow.

    • @k.w.1459
      @k.w.1459 4 роки тому +1

      Yup. I’m the one who asked this question and have found out that not only was one dresser sold to someone for $15 the other table which I specifically told my brothers was an antique I’d like to take or at least sell was CHOPPED UP AND LANDFILLED.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +2

      Oh wow...sorry too hear. Some people do that just to get rid of things. Hope you are well. Sending hugs. 🤗

  • @rynic
    @rynic 4 роки тому +3

    My mom died first and my dad second and then we moved into my childhood home and yes throwing away stuff is hard. I wish I had her cookbooks, afghan stand, her cast iron pan and my favorite big rocking chair and a whole bunch of other stuff and some point they got rid of and back then I guess I wasn't affected or didn't care or wasn't aware. Now that they are gone, I wish I had them. My problem is the 6 curio cabinets that are filled with stuff that meant a lot to her but of course not worth anything. I have one cabinet filled with clowns. But now I am having a hard time deciding what to keep and what not to keep. Kept all furniture because of the quality. So what if everywhere I turn there is something Mahogany. Everything matches. Our furniture was cheap mismatched particle board crap. I feel like I'm hurting my mom's feeling with everything I throw away. It's super hard.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  2 роки тому +2

      Kimberly, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother and father. Sending you hugs and prayers. 🤗 🙏

  • @Sonyacleaningservices
    @Sonyacleaningservices 4 роки тому +2

    how cute Angela brown gives recommendation how to clean
    and protect yourself I like your videos
    beautifu

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +2

      You are so kind! Thanks for watching. 🙂

  • @JnTmarie
    @JnTmarie 2 роки тому +2

    I think it is important to have closure. Just taking people’s things without them saying goodbye is cruel. It’s their life. I took pictures of pictures and of the rooms so they could see them. and called 10 professionals to take watches, jewelry, silverware etc. saying goodbye It was nice. They had money to spend they didn’t feel like they threw or gave valuables away.

  • @sheilavelez-cuevas1679
    @sheilavelez-cuevas1679 4 роки тому +7

    Awesome video! If I could give it 10 thumbs up, I would.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +3

      Wow, thanks! You just made my day. Thanks for taking the time to reach out. :-)

  • @shardeelyons4599
    @shardeelyons4599 4 роки тому +2

    Do you have any training courses ?

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +3

      Yes, I do. Check out the link in the description notes or click on the link below:
      *** FAST TRACK TO CLEANING SUCCESS ***
      SavvyCleaner.com/Calendar-of-Courses
      Thank you for inquiring about training!

    • @shardeelyons4599
      @shardeelyons4599 4 роки тому +1

      How long is it for each course it doesn’t say?

  • @Minnie11chula
    @Minnie11chula 4 роки тому +4

    💕💕💕

  • @kaylynnhuddleston5533
    @kaylynnhuddleston5533 2 роки тому +3

    except for LED ZEPLIN 3!! ALBUMS

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  2 роки тому +2

      Good ones! Thanks for watching!

    • @judykindelberger3905
      @judykindelberger3905 Рік тому +1

      @@AskAngelaBrown my husband has so many records that he thinks have great value. Maybe 1 or 2 have a few dollars value, but to mess with it not for me. And he wouldn't put the effort out. Ha ha Hmm that trash can looks awfully close...

  • @vickimerritt2832
    @vickimerritt2832 2 роки тому +2

    Elders on fixed incomes find paying for movies, music, and subscriptions for things they have already wasteful.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  2 роки тому +2

      Thanks for sharing your input and for watching the video!

  • @vickimerritt2832
    @vickimerritt2832 2 роки тому +2

    you are not just removing stuff but their lives, please do not call it junk, as that is taken personal, it hurts them to be so insulting. no one wants to die or spend their last years on earth purging.

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  2 роки тому +2

      Great points, and you are correct. We need to be sensitive and caring when working through these delicate situations. Thanks so much for sharing.

    • @judykindelberger3905
      @judykindelberger3905 Рік тому +1

      @@AskAngelaBrown I agree. Something important to one can mean nothing to another. When I see posting say "junk" my mind says they are junk? and their stuff now...junk? Yes, all is gone. But for the surviving members...kindness.

  • @amandatarkington6877
    @amandatarkington6877 2 роки тому +3

    Magazines and newsapers take FOREVER to haul out! Truly junk!

  • @carolstout7978
    @carolstout7978 4 роки тому +2

    Wonderful advice!

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  4 роки тому +2

      Glad you think so! Thanks for watching. 😊

  • @500deanna
    @500deanna 3 роки тому +2

    Great advice! Very smart!

    • @AskAngelaBrown
      @AskAngelaBrown  2 роки тому +2

      Deanna, Thanks so much for watching the show and taking the time to leave a comment. 😊