“$50k credit card debt. Will he ask for a divorce?”
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- Опубліковано 1 лип 2024
- Ramit Sethi of I Will Teach You To Be Rich talks to Sarah and Kevin who are 38 and 42. They sold their home to pay off $130k in debt, only to dig themselves another $55k hole, six months later. Sarah is worried that if she doesn’t stop her credit card spending, Kevin will ask for a divorce. We need two episodes to untangle their complicated situation.
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Can’t-miss moments:
00:00:00 - 1: Opening
00:04:15 - 2: The last time they fought about money
00:05:56 - 3: Is their credit card spending out of control?
00:11:20 - 4: Why can’t they agree on a plan?
00:15:45 - 5: The surprising way Sarah’s parents handled money
00:23:40 - 6: The weird way they split costs
00:27:48 - 7: Ramit is stunned: How they went from $0 to $50k in debt in 6 months
00:32:00 - 8: The moment they realize they spent $72,000 in 6 months
00:34:55 - 9: Sarah tells herself “it’s all my fault.”
00:40:02 - 10: The Numbers: What’s in their Conscious Spending Plan
00:47:00 - 11: Ramit asks “WTF is going on here?”
00:49:00 - 12: Ramit’s mind is blown: a $55k secret expense is revealed
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If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here: forms.gle/pjYMaLeThJM3z9uN6
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0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
Yes I would, I don't know how to get on the show.
@@MinnieOnCam there’s a link in the video description
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Can their public schools really be that bad - did the mom and/or dad go to private schools? And what about when your kids go into the real world - all those other kids will still be around & what about saving for college - some of that money could go there. I like public schools, but that's just me, I guess.
$50k in 6 months..."what happened?" "Life." Accountability has left the room.
Yep. That's how these people become like this. They don't feel bad for their behaviors, they only feel bad for the end result and they will distance themselves from the actual cause of the issue to cope. 'It's just out of our control', etc kind of mindset.
These kind of people just need new hobbies that don't require spending 400$'s at restaurants.
I didn't know million dollar houses , 11k cruises , private schools, 1k/month training and 400k inheritance were Middle class thing. Jeezz 😂
💯
They are definitely middle class. 😂
"Middle class" is a sweet little lie that some high earners tell themselves so that they don't feel like they're the villains in their own stories.
They can’t afford the lifestyle middle class goes up to 400k… the have student loans so thier not wealthy they doing great together income wise but if he were to divorce she would be struggling with three kids.. they will never be at zero since they have inheritance like most white people and access to resources so they will be fine … it’s just the continuing of paying of debt to get back into it… if she didn’t spend the money from the house and add that to the incoming inheritance they would be at around 600k and change and be debt free.. the issue is they trying to keep up with millionaires and wealthy people and they middle class
Yes!!
“I’m not putting my kids in public school” is WILD. That inheritance is already gone!!
Kevin's body language looks like he's checked out. And I bet he checks out like that whenever she opens her mouth because he knows she's about to bring the BS. They probably need marriage counseling on top of financial guidance.
A master counselor for sure. It’s tough once one checks out.
Very true! Severe financial issues are rarely due to lack of financial knowledge. There's often lots of mental health issues behind it. Ramit asks a lot of great indepth questions and shows empathy while still challenging them.
100% I obviously have 0 idea what their marriage is like. But just from this video it doesn't look like it's good.
He needs tobget a divorce lol
If you need married counseling, you need to divorce 🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
The problem is that they want it all, and all at the same time. Million dollar house, expensive cars, private schools, luxury vacations, new clothes, high-end business coaching, $3k in takeout a month and on and on. The could have two or three of those dialed up to a 10 (re: Money Dials), but few people can sustain all of those categories all the time.
Very good comment
❤ “Money Dials” - great insight
Decadence to the Max! But they seem so nice
Agreed! Some big shifts must occur on both of their parts so they can eventually have this lifestyle and provide “it” for their kids but they haven’t put the work in. Their incomes don’t match the wants, desires or current expenses.
Key take aways:
1) Start being honest with yourself and your partner for LIFE goals including cut costs and plan.
2) Pay down the debts (Credit, personal school loans, and even change one or both vehicles for cost effective alternatives.
3) Find an alternative to private school. Homeschooling not the answer due to current spending habits. Many great successful people did amazing in life through public or charter school educations.
4) Boost your “pay yourself first” (investment & savings) habits now.
5) Set short term monthly/yearly and long range goals for retirement until you’re there.
Lastly some big shifts need to occur on both their parts.
@@ramitsethi I’m 😮f
I think the wife is in an MLM and doesn't want to admit it. It would explain the variable income, "affirmations", and her desire to portray a glam perfect life. MLMs also bring tons of "business" costs she isn't tracking. If her pyramid collapses that won't he good for the family.
That’s the vibe I got as well. Along with the desire to hide “business coaching” expenses
I got the same vibe. I hope he digs into her business in the next video to see if it’s profitable. She said $95k is revenue but is that the business revenue or what she pays herself? What are her total business expenses? She spent $3500 on a flight to Cabo! What. The. Actual. Heck?!!! She is living a fantasy life and can’t wait to spend her husband’s inheritance.
Just watched again. 100% MLM. She lost an "account" in October aka downline that led to her loss of income.
Yeppp!!!! Real business owners don’t get business coaching!!!!
Hmm thats quite an assumption to make lol. Maybe I missed it cause I listen at 2x but I didn’t hear anything related to MLM. I despise them, my dad screwed over his entire life savings on it.
“Affirmations are nice, but sometimes you need to look at the F*ing numbers”. I felt that!! 😮
Not that I am judging them, but $4 000 eating out? You can hire a private chef and pay him another $1 000 for groceries and have damn best food of your life at home!
Oh, I'm judging them
I really don’t understand that, do they eat out for every meal? You’re right, hiring a private chef would be easier if they feel like they come have time or want to cook
Minute 31 and she says "I flew to Cabo for my business." I'm sure her business is an MLM and that's part of the reason she puts in 15k in three months and no return. Same with her "Business Coaching". Its very sad the manipulative way these companies trick women (specially mothers) into wasting away their family's money chasing a dream that ALL the data clearly shows is unattainable for 99.9%.
Bingo. Another family destroyed by an MLM. So obvious.
I was thinking the same thing! She must be in a MLM. And 1st class to cabo, for sure! Showing off for her MLM friends!
I said the same thing. She’s in some MLM Network Marketing program. It’s so sad that they take advantage of people. $900 for a business coach is insane 😮
I was looking for this comment! “My business” = MLM every time. I hate to also speculate but they are all having plastic surgery to keep up their image as well, might be her medical procedure that cost them $1k/ month in recovery?
Let me stop you. It’s not a gender problem but stupidity problem
She is doing exactly what her dad did to her family. He was ordering stake for himself and the kids without actually being able to support it financially. She is sending her kids to private school (and driving expensive cars) without actually being able to afford it. If they were living in a million dollar home before the public school couldn’t be have been that bad.
Extremely insightful
yes! and she's passing those terrible habits down to their three girls. they don't have good role models when it comes to either conflict or finances. as hard as it is to hear, a divorce might leave the kiddos better off in the long run.
there's something odd going on with all 3 kids being pulled out of their previous private school and moved to a new one, too. that's quite an extreme reaction and feels like the mom is trying to solve a perceived problem by throwing money at it instead of considering other ways to fix it. that's her main go-to when things get difficult - spend money.
yeah; stake & private school. the same ;)
That is such a great point. I used to live in a "bad" town in California that was very close to two expensive ones. The property values were 500k vs 1M kind of difference. The highschools were vastly different.
Are these kids going to a religious private school?
I can’t be with a partner that spends more than they earn. This is out of control!
No no girl, this is NOT a generational issue, it's a YOU issue.
This is what I came to comment, verbatim. My parents taught me don’t get an anybody’s pocket.
No, there is more marketing and a very common problem.
I think your taking the phrase in the wrong context... She talked about her father then said "it's a generational issue" ...meaning it comes from my father, and he got it from his father ect...
Not generation, meaning gen X, Boomer ...
@@janebaker4912Wrong!
PREACH!!!!!!!
She is clearly in an MLM, meaning her “95k” income is probably closer to $24k when you subtract her coaching costs, trips, and buying garbage inventory that expires before she can sell it.
Honestly, her quitting to homeschool her kids would be the best thing she could do for her and her family. Get off the predatory hamster wheel of this pyramid scheme, save the $55k on private school, and live a comfortable life off husband’s $200k income and $400k inheritance!
The reason she’s impulse buying is because she has to keep up appearances with her MLM peers, because showing off the “luxury” lifestyle is the only way to keep recruiting a downline.
Going to watch part 2 now and really hope this gets addressed. Dropping out of this MLM would solve 90% of their problems.
Yep, very solid advice here. They need to simplify their lives by her getting out of that environment. I also feels like that and social media pressure is a major character here.
great insight. would have been interested to hear more about the reality of that side.
Yeah I am surprised he didn't call her out on in. What a miss of a teaching moment.
Ah!!!! Yes that explains the business coaching and business trips
Did you find part two I can’t find it?
The "I'm not putting my kids in public school" attitude while being in debt is what's holding them back. They make enough to restart everything with no debt in a month or two but she wants the rich lifestyle.
I agree with prioritizing private school; however being mindful of the cost. There’s possibly better options. And if you prioritize private school then other things have to go like a Tesla, 11K cruises, and thousands on take out every month. Unfortunately public school in the US is not what it used to be when I was in school.
@@milivaro the gains of £50k a year on private schools are not much more over £10k a year on weekend tuition. It’s insane to spend that much while you’re drowning like that.
They’re not living in Baltimore for goodness sake, they’re in posh suburbia
I’m guessing by her take on public schools, that they have an issue with the nutty agenda current waging war in the public (and even some private) school systems. I tend to agree with her! That said, they can’t currently afford £55k per year (excluding fee increases) with their current spending habits. They could easily budget in and Cashflow that £55k but they need to cut back on business and personal vacations.
They also spend $50K a year on eating out. Their spending is insane. They have very good earnings, but they spend as if they earn twice what they actually earn.
With respect, it's irresponsible to not consider public school. This private education decision could be so damaging mixed with their current spending habits, enough so that their children may have to deal with the consequences down the line. It's sad to see that reactionary political movements are getting in the way of their financial future
For the record, she DID NOT do the Dave Ramsey plan. If they had, they would have cut up and closed all credit cards. Annoying to see ppl lie about what they did and used a method from someone that shows them to do the complete opposite of what they have done.
💯
yah, they would be on their way to be millionaires.
Yep
They have. They literally told us they paid off 145k in debt and had zero debt. That’s the part of the Ramsey plan. What happened after is a different story
I did the Dave plan. I did a complete
180. Now I have 0 debt house paid off
$50k in savings. Life is good.
$3500 flights, $4k/month eating out, admitted impulsive spending- she is absolutely clueless.
It's mind boggling that anyone would spend 4k/month eating out. They must be eating out daily. Even if I was a billionaire I wouldn't want to spend 4k/month eating out. Talk about unhealthy.
That man looks so miserable. I feel for him. What a difficult person to partner with in life..
The plastic surgery and 4k of eating out a month and business expenses for an mlm. He's said yes way too much. He married a princess. I feel bad for him. Her whole "I speak emotions and he's only numbers" is irritating too. She's already spending his inheritance. She's so selfish.
The two numbers that stood out to me were $4000 per month on eating out and the $3500 flight to Mexico (Cabo).
If I assume they eat out EVERY DAY of the month, that is a whopping $130 per day. If I assume they eat out 20 days in a month, its $200 per day. That is A LOT to spend on eating out. And I would bet that a large portion of that is delivery charges and fees.
A flight from the U.S. to Mexico that costs $3500 HAS to be First Class ticket.
Both these items reek of someone being extremely used to luxury. And in their mind, they have equated these luxuries to being "necessities".
And rationalized under "I'm really busy" and "I deserve it".
The $4,000. Eating out should be $600.
MAXIMUM ...all meals prepared and eaten AT HOME.
What exactly are they eating out??? Even if they spent $30 per day only buying dinner takeout that would come to about $1000. It’s like every single meal is eaten out. Plus they’re getting all the appetizers all the desserts all the drinks, etc.
how about $5000 per month for the next 16 years for education...fme..no way
@@chocolatemint9225getting delivery is easily 50$ for two people😅
It makes sense if they don’t cook often to spend $130 per day for 5 people isn’t insane if you eat out at decent places. If both parents eat out for lunch and they order dinner or go out for dinner (probably somewhere nicer) that’s very easy to do. It’s a great way to save money eating at home.
Aaahhhh this was so painful to listen to! I am in disbelief at how people can fool themselves. Kudos to Ramit for having an insane amount of patience to dig deeper.
I think Sarah might be the physical embodiment of spending too much time on Instagram.
She is the physical embodiment of sexy
Bravo! I completely agree with you 👏
WTF you talking about Sarah is smoking hot. She could spend all money I would not care.
@@eliane69254 Sarah is smoking hot
Man - that pause after he asked how they think that they can afford $55k+ (and it'll go up) when they had to use their house sale cash . . . just eternal. That means they already know the answer (they can't), but they've been avoiding admitting it.
It's taken me 4 attempts to finish this video. This elicited so many emotions for me that it was hard to watch.
They don't see it but they are using their kids as an excuse to live beyond their means.
Whew! I can feel the anxiety and shame in this one. I can respect them for being vulnerable publicly and working to improve themselves. Wishing them the best
Caleb Hammer voice - “YOU ARE NOT A CREDIT CARD PERSON!!!!”
In his high-pitched voice😅
And the response is always, "sure I am, I use it every day!"
They make around $300K and they spend almost all of it, but I caught that they are both contractors as such they have to save a lot of $ for taxes as they get issued 1099 and get the full amount of their billing rate - no taxes removed. From experience, I learned that contractors must have the discipline to save away money for taxes otherwise they will have a hard time when tax comes in. Regardless awesome interview Ramit!
They also have to pay for insurance for 5 people. Someone needs to get a regular job for benefits. She can be a program manager and make 140k w2 with benefits.
Does contractors get bonuses ?
My kids went to private school 8 years ago and I still think it’s the worst decision I have ever made. My kids are happily in public school
Yeah as a kid you don't really think about those things when you grow up. Middle / Highschool really doesn't even matter significantly for education...
I did terrible in highschool grades wise (Like C's and barely passing until Senior year), then as soon as I got to college (which was more test based rather than doing crap busy-work) I literally graduated with a 4.0 GPA.
Just spending a ton of money to put your kids with other kids who are just going to be rich and snobby as well.
Despite coming on the show, I'm still not convinced they understand the gravity of the situation or are willing to make real changes. They could be wealthy, but they are blowing up their lives. They waste more money each month than most families make. It's actually incredibly sad.
I think the husband understands their situation pretty well but, he chooses to remain calm in order to avoid starting an argument. She may actually ruin him financially if things don't change.
You mean. She is
people like this should never get a credit card if you don't have enough discipline to save half the money you make and pay all your debts don't get a cc.
I appreciate how you hold off from being much harder on her and shaking her up yelling "what are you thinking lady!". Maybe that's in Episode 2 lol. Watching this, I'm shaking my head. I think the saddest thing is when she says she doesn't want her kids to grow up thinking they don't have enough money for this or that, meanwhile, that's exactly the environment she (and he to a lower extent I think) is creating. They make so much more money than most families, and yet are really struggling. With this amount of money and some kind of budget, they could 100000% live a rich life, go on fun vacations that their kids would love, eat out regularly and create the type of environment she wants for their family. They just have to make better decisions - 1. no one needs to go on a 10k cruise (does it even sound fun? I feel like as a kid I would probably hate being stuck in one place) - there are so many other vacations they could take for much less; 2. separate business and personal expenses - they're two very different things and mixing the two makes it hard to grasp whether their family expenses or business expenses are out of control...or which is worst; 3. stop thinking that "this is what we deserve/want/what our kids deserve/want": no one is setting this expectation except themselves. I think their kids would definitely benefit more from having parents that can afford their expenses, maybe even save for college, and not fight about money, than eating out for $4000/month or going to a fancy private school. Also by setting expectations that they're spending that kind of cash on lifestyle, they're teaching their kids that this is normal and how things work: then growing up to be their own person, make their own money and budget, they'll have the same expectations and the cycle continues. She says she wants to break the generational cycle, yet she is behaving exactly like her father, except she's not buying a steak or a TV, but a cruise and private school fees, and in her head she thinks "I deserve it/I have to have it", no matter the consequences, here being her husband sitting on the sideline, working his ass off to support the expenses, and telling her 'this needs to stop or I'm out'. Ok, that was far too long lol. I really hope they can figure it out because they have everything they need! Just need to be smacked in the face by reality, and decide to change. Good luck!!
Very insightful comment. Thanks for watching and commenting here
i agree with everything you wrote except for 1 thing. A week long $10k cruise is awesome, especially for parents with young kids. it's fun for everyone and no work for mom. :)
@Sanna P for a family of 5, what is bizarre about it? A vacation to Disney would run even more: flight, car, hotel, food, entrance tickets, food at the parks, and incidentals. They could do a trip, just maybe not every year. And they need to adjust the cost of those other wants.
@@Wandafully_Wanda They could just travel internationally to a place with history and culture. Outside of the western world, they could end up having a more affordable and educational experience for their kids due to the exchange rate alone.
@vulpixelful they don't want to homeschool their own children. Why would they want to turn vacation into a huge research/learning experience?
The difference between them and me: If they were making 10 million a year, they'd be spending 25. If I was making 10 million a year, I'd be retired after one year of work.
But none of u are making 10mill so what is your point 😂
@@oswaldorazo6279it doesn’t matter how much money she has, she’ll spend it.
The conversation really pivots at 27:47 when you find out it only took 6 months to get back into 50k of credit card debt.
Meanwhile, here I am panicking about $5000 of credit card debt.
literally my life feel like a failure over 5k debt i don’t see how people do it
@@alexdbarton3908 cut your credit card
So true! I have 8k of cc debt and I'm disgusted with myself
@@lot2196that’s amazing! It takes so much discipline! I am curious: are y’all going to travel or do anything special now that you have met so many goals?
I got lucky. My parents never really taught me to use credit cards or anything. When I was younger earning money I always just had a debit card, I never even considered buying cars with loans rather than cash. I felt like it was normal to just buy everything with cash and if you don't have the money you don't buy it.
Then I hit my early 20s and then realize literally everyone I'm friends with has 10k+ in student loans / multiple thousands in credit card debt / car loans / put the minimum down to buy their houses.
I literally paid my entire way through college, first going to community college for core classes and then instate college for my computer science major.
That woman is just waiting to put her paws on that poor man's inheritance. I'm sorry but, in this case, this is HIS money and he should put it away/invest it, as if they never got it.
They are married, the only way is to divorce her before he inherits it, unless it already happened
I've started to realise that hardly anyone is rich.. it seems like everyone is just drowning in debt constantly. I'm so proud I don't have any
Everyone? There are many in debt but there are many not in debt. My friends, family and relatives are not in debt and most of us have savings.
Yeah, society is a debt based economy because people aren't earning any more when wages are adjusted for inflation. Then come the credit cards...
She will spend his inheritance. I bet you my last dollar. She’s gonna convince him to build a house.
She'll sign the papers and tell him later
I would have this inheritance directed to a family member I trust to hold it for me. She ain’t getting that in the divorce.
When she mentioned paying for household utilities and bills on the credit card, I was dumbfounded. The moment it was disclosed that the debt was re-accumulated within 6 months 🤯🤯🤯 after making $375K selling the house. The husband's face said it all when she was listing the debt. This just goes to show, you never know other's financial struggles just from an outside perspective. My jaw is on the floor!
Yeah. The wife will probably never change. I really think the only hope is the husband closes accounts and cuts cards, then deals with the incoming hurricane of contempt from the wife. I have a feeling her bark is worse than her bite though. She needs him
These two part episodes kill me. The waiting a week in between is torture when the content is the damn good! Thanks Ramit for all you and your team does!
:)
I give this couple so much credit to speak with you and make their truth public for all of us. I know what it's like to be thousands of dollars in debt. It's so many different emotions and I'm so thankful to be out of credit card debt for so long now. I owe much of it to my wife. She's a rock star.
It’s sad a combined income of $300k household can have about $50k cc debt. Personal finance and living within your means should be taught at a young age both at home and in school.
There is some real cognitive dissonance going on here. Kudos to the couple for reaching out.
I agree. It takes a lot to ask for help. I'm proud of them
Are you kidding! If you consider what she if paying for job coaching, other job expenses, eating out because she has no time to cook, and the private school, she is not even earning that much. Quit your job and homeschool already.
I thought the same thing! The numbers are obvious; they'll save money if she quits her job and homeschools the kids. Alternatively, could she scale back to part-time and work on her business around the kid's schoolwork?
The assumption here is she has the patience and can teach well enough where they understand. Put them in public school and extra curricular activities. Like robotics, engineering, and so forth.
Poor Kevin. After this first part, I get the feeling that he doesn't get much of a say in money at all and things have to go Sarah's way.
For example, look at the reaction and reasoning for the private schooling and not putting the kids in public school. Kevin had to really find the words and reason for it (which makes it feel like he was tiptoeing around the real reason to not upset Sarah), while the tone of Sarah's response sounded more like it was a personal choice ("I'm not putting my kids in public school"). Look at Kevin's reaction when she's talking about it. He looks defeated, as though he's tried to talk her out of it many times and she won't listen.
Another example is racking up all that debt after paying it all off. I wonder if Kevin even said anything about it to her, even after the first $1,000 in charges? I'm guessing that if he did, she just dismissed whatever he says.
I am scared of what will happen to the inheritance, if he doesn't lock it away into an account that only he has access to. She will piss it away then wonder what happened to it all.
Money is emotional for her and he's probably the person that backs down in emotional situations. So she drives the spending by, effectively, emotional terrorism, but probably has no idea what she's doing. Couple that with her feelings about money in her upbringing and I get why it's an emotional topic for her and why she drives so much of the spending. But it sounds an awful lot like when it comes to money, they're not in a relationship.
She doesn't feel worthy. She needs to dig deeper and not depend on the dopamine she feels after she spends. I know she has self-confidence issues.
When the $4K /mth for eating out was mentioned, I dropped the mic. Feeding a family of 5 is an expensive business but wow, that was a large red flag that things are very out of control.
Ramit, my wife and I have started on your Netflix show (haven't finished due to our own financial tensions causing us to avoid it) and I have started listening to your podcasts on youtube. I knew we kept scraping the bottom of the bucket each month but never really knew why until I heard your podcast and decided to really start working on our budget. Some good moments of realization and some very painful ones. Discussing finances is definitely a tense and difficult subject for my wife and I and we would LOVE to come on your podcast for some direction! Thanks for all you do to help so many people!
I think homeschooling will help them a lot, she can become a stay at home mom. Save $55k on school tuition & at least $2k/month on eating out that’s about $79K saved a year which is literally more than your yearly salary after taxes. Good luck to you both.
She strikes me like the kind of woman who wants to flash things on social media. Like pretending she has the perfect life, which today means she works too. Apparently, you can't be a strong independent woman if you are a stay at home mom, which is complete bull.
And sell either the Tesla or Expedition and get something a lot cheaper
I went to public school in NJ. We had a literal billionaire's son at our school. Total asshole but i digress. If public school was good enough for him, it's good enough for her.
@@1.5golf98also grew up in NJ. The people who went to private school that I knew had issues in public school and couldn’t keep up. It’s a completely different mindset than a lot of places I guess but my husband grew up in Chicago suburbs and he has the same opinions.
Yup. Everyone I know who went to private school had serious behavioral issues or was extremely religious. There are many areas of the country where public schools offer a great education.
Best quote ever..."Sometimes you need to just fucking look at the numbers!" I hit the # in 2 seconds without calculating or adding up in my head. We lie to ourselves. I add 20% to all of my estimates of what something will cost. I'm typically right on the money. Very brave couple. Sarah is particularly courageous because although she lies to herself, she wants to change. I wish them both the best...I hope they can get through this together. You're incredible Ramit...you provide such a gift!
As soon as I saw the wall affirmations I knew Ramit would go on a rant about it 🤣 Super interesting, can't wait for Pt.2
I'm new here, does he hate wall affirmations? lol
@@lemoncat9213 yes very much. they don't do shit lol. they are fine if you have systems and discipline. he also rants about the basic ones like Love Our Home hahahahaah. so funny
Great Show. Thank you for posting. The episode was eye-opening between husband and wife about money. Mind-boggling in terms of their unplanned spending. Ramit, you are a Great Interviewer. Thank you.
Yeah if I was the husband I’d be thinking of divorce too. This is wildddd. If you can’t afford it don’t buy it. They had a lot of unnecessary expenses on their credit cards
Yep. And i think the lady would really benefit from some humble pie if someone goes over her "business" expenses one by one. I bet most of it is eating out.
You can have anything you want, but you can't have EVERYTHING you want. Hard choices need to be made by everyone, no matter how much money you make. It won't hurt the kids if you can't give them every single thing they want. It would actually be better for them to learn delayed gratification.
"You can have anything you want, but you can't have EVERYTHING you want." - I love that. That's my new motto.
Not hard, if you don't let corporations define what "great experiences" are. Most good stuff is very cheap or free.
I was listening to the beginning of this episode in the car and immediately switched to youtube to watch the rest at work. Just had to see it all to believe what i was hearing.
I am so glad to hear that. This is one of the reasons we added video to the podcast!
She is such a master manipulator. Do not let her touch that inheritance or else it will disappear.
Perhaps he should look into getting a post-nup re the inheritance.
Ramit, I just discovered your channel / content. I am pretty well advanced in Personal Finance (no debt, halfway to FI, 50%+ savings rate etc..), but as a family, this content is eye opening because it shows you how things can go bad even if you are good hearted. Thanks for what you're doing. Also, renting > buying. Cheers xD
Welcome! Glad you're here
I'm coming to the same conclusion as you for the renting vs buying debate. I've seen more than 7 close persons around me going into bankruptcy or lots of debt because they had issues/complications with a property. I'm making more % in the markets than the appreciation of a house, without the headache of managing tenants, previous buyers hiding problems, etc. I'm curious to know, what is your reasoning for renting? thanks
@@EtherDotterMatterBitter I have 3x my income while changing jobs in the past 6 years. If I had a house I would have been stuck or just not looking for another job and focused on the mortgage obligation.
In addition I had multiple kids and my need evolved. I would have sold 100%.
I may not have been that much upside down because where I rented appreciated but at the same time I put so much money in stocks that I'm sure it seriously offsets it.
I do think however that I would like a paid off home before retirement. When I'm old I just don't want to be pushed around by rent increase. By then I should have a few millions
@@patienceisalpha Thanks! I'm a programmer and selling the house at 25 allowed me to move to different cities and increase my income as well. I invest 20% of my after tax income in crypto and stocks. I'm gonna be a millionaire in a couple of years and don't plan on owning a house until I'm old or done moving. Blowing up the engine of my sports car set me back in my 20s and just like a house, it's just a liability. Always something waiting to break when you own stuff. I'd rather be able to rent everything so that I have fixed expenses and invest heavily. I make more than 10% a year.
I don’t understand how you have the patience to listen to Sarah - she is manipulating herself. She believes that she deserves to live this lifestyle that she can’t afford and it’s hurting her marriage. I’m curious to find out how together they manage their expenses. Where the heck does all the money go every month? Do they pay anything off? I don’t know if there is hope for Sarah in particular when she can’t accept the situation and you’re spelling it out for her in this episode. 😅
$4000 a month on eating out is WILD
Yes, I eat out a little too much but if I had their income, I'd hire a private chef! It would even be cheaper to have a chef do meal delivery!
I take home $4100. A month
And I’m doing 100x better than them.
But I eat oatmeal and dried blueberries
Everyday for $3.
“That it’s all my fault” because it is!! Omg
This is insane. How can they fix the problem when they don't even want to recognize it, see it, or acknowledge it. She was like saying, we have to cut back some stuff. But, we haven't really taken action to see how it makes us really feel. How will you feel five years down the road and you are in debt due to that private school or worst divorce. Then, would anything matter at that point? Did she say 4,000 dollars per month eating out? Why are you going on an 11,000 trip, when you are 50,000 in debt. Come on even a 5th grader can do the math. Denial is bliss I guess.
I feel bad for her husband, he seems to have learned from their experience of paying of the previous debt while she is not holding herself accountable at all! I don’t think it’s a mutual problem, this seems to be about her only but she is hiding behind their marriage as an excuse to continue the behavior without addressing her own issues. You gotta know who you are marrying before you do.
Ramit asked, “What are you gonna do?” hoping they would address a change to their overall behaviors, but instead their answer was just to pay the CC debt…followed with, spend more money lol. Crazy that they believe making more money will solve their problems. They came up on additional income after selling their house and now expect an inheritance, yet here they are…
not crazy at all. every single couple on the podcast (a microcosm for everyone) thinks that more money will solve the problem. its easy for us lookin in to think they should be able to see it. they are in the cycle so its not visible to them
What confused me in the beginning is that after 14 years of marriage $300k of income, they have not create a joint credit card, a business credit card and separate those things from personal cc. It’s tough to hear that much money is coming in and they are still under water.
Of coarse, because that way she can't hide purchases, which I have a strong feeling is the case.
The doe eyes and tears are her way of avoiding accountability. 🙄🤦🏻♀️
Every time she rolls a number off her tongue she comes across like she is actually proud and secretly enjoying it! I don’t know if she actually wants to give that up.
I saw an interview on the street where women & men were asked:
“Would you rather have a high status job and get paid 0, or make 100,000k/ year cleaning gutters?”
The women said the first, the men opted for the latter. I’m a woman, and I definitely opt for #2; I’m already blue collar. But this just shows how women like this just want to keep up with the joneses and have zero self control.
@@Dwelleronthethreshold89 I saw that video and I noticed that too. It's funny because my mom was responding like this, kinda bragging about how she accumulated 10K+ of credit card debt. It was weird because inside I was cringing and couldn't understand the reasoning behind it.
The kids can go to a charter school that is just like a private small classrooms.
When she said she feels so much fear that she cant afford a life she wants for her kids.... i just cant comprehend that.
I feel that way and it makes me pounce on every dime i make... and i budget it.. because i truely fear that i wont have enough to eat or retire.
Her actions flies in the face of her words
that good ole cptsd
We live in California (moved her a year ago for our jobs) and make decent money but definitely missed out the big boom in tech stocks. As a result we find ourselves priced out of the market unless we choose to be house poor. We ran the numbers and it made no sense. We also did an analysis of what expenses we could do without and what we we needed or wanted for quality of life purposes). We won’t own a house anytime in the future but that’s going to be OK.
I struggle with the “this is a generational issue” when folks are past a certain age and have managed to accomplish this once. I’m certainly not a therapist, but at that point you’ve been your own example of how to fix things. You didn’t have someone model it for you, so you did that yourself. I think this is something different, especially considering this is TWO people struggling in this way.
yeah I'm tired of grown adults blaming their parents for everything
@@pkdude5334 boom! Nobody taught me finances either, but somehow I figured it out. Libraries are free.
They “fixed” the problem by selling a house. They didn’t do anything different in their budgeting and spending habits. So they continued on the same downward path.
By the time you’re 30, you deserve where you’re at in life. Only exception is medically handicapped folks, and no, anxiety isn’t a real handicap.
@@expensivefreedom There are lots of obstacles people face in life. There’s a lot of truth behind not judging others until you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. But when people are actively making choices that they know are going to hurt them, it’s hard not to think, “Just do better.”
55k tuition is crazy! They can not even come close to affording that.
if they managed their money properly they could ....oh wait, she is prob in an mlm never mind lol
Thanks for being so brave. This couldn’t be easy!
Ramit. I have followed you for a while and it’s so amazing to see how the brand has evolved. You are absolutely good at this.
good is an deep deep understatement. he got voted to be president by politico lolol. dude is a phenom
How can she not see that she IS her father😊
the same reason that people cant see anything, social conditioning and constant distraction. not to mention people, especially white people, have made full cultural shifts on being avoidant. we had a emotional intelligence workshop and the room was very quiet when the instuctor who was also white said this lol
And she's making her husband fulfill the role her mother did.
I suggested in the comments that they could go on much more affordable vacations if they were willing to stay away from the typical pre-packaged vacation spots and the Anglo-western world in general. But that public school comment has me thinking a trip to even just Central America would be...out of the question for them 😶
Based on this video alone I think they should divorce. Just my opinion. She’s high end. He’s more level headed. Kids can go to public school. They could truly have a rock life but she’s too worried about what others see/think.
There was a time when I had a mortgage, 30k car 500 dollar car payment 10k personal loan and about 45-50k in credit cards. I got roommates, worked 69hours a week, sold the car and got a 10k car for 230 a month. I paid everything off. I ended up in debt a few more times and climbed out again and again. Now I have 2 mortgages and one cash flows. I have a Roth and pers retirement.
It’s possible you just have to sacrifice and not be materialistic. Materialism will kill you.
Any reason why exactly 69 hours per week?
@@enigmauniwar9166 no. Lol that was supposed to say 60.
35:00 she blames the past. But isn’t the problem her business expenses? Ppl keeping up with the Jones. Private Schools , 3,000 in uniforms 😱 , family cruise. Ramit hits it always on the dot. Their he goes: how do you see yourself compare to others.
They need to giver her her own checking account with “x” amount of dollars refilled each month. She can only use the debit card to pull from. Take away her credit cards!
Absolutely, but when I dis that with my exwife I was called abusive. The only time she ever heard the word "no" was when it came to finances after we got into 30k worth of debt.
Listening to this episode, I can see a lot of similarities between this couple and the couples in the case studies of The Millionaire Next Door by Stanley and Danko. They talk a lot about how very often, those who are high income earners end up being under accumulators of wealth due to overconsumption to keep up with the lifestyle optics of someone who earns a high income. Sending your kids to private schools does not only rack up the cost of tuition, but the cost of "keeping up with the Joneses" by buying houses and cars that fit the "look" of someone whose kids go to private school. Additionally, I am surprised that Sarah does not have separate bank accounts/credit cards for her business. I wonder if Ramit will go into this topic in part 2. This seems like a fixable problem since they have such a great income, but I imagine it will be very difficult and challenging emotionally to make the dramatic sacrifices necessary for them to forge a positive path forward. I think they can do it!
Melanie you are so right. The Millionaire Next Door was such an eye opener for me. Totally changed my attitude. Sadly I see friends and family who earn high incomes spending all their wealth on rich people status items and keeping up with the joneses. A couple of them in their 50s said that they can’t afford to retire. I find that so sad.
Ps great show Ramit and thanks to this couple for being vulnerable.
They need to read that book! They seem so honest they need to learn to what UAWs are and how they are headed down a path that doesn’t get them where they want.
As a business owner myself, i immediately caught ramits expression when she talked about some of their debt being business debt.. business 101 - keep personal and business finances separate!!!
I was thinking the same thing- she could earn half a million a year and still have a net worth of zero because she doesn’t know how to live within her means no matter the means
$4,000 a month in take-out. I'm guessing neither of them cooks. This gives me SO much anxiety.
Love this channel! Are there episodes where he interviews people who aren’t considered “high earners?”
She reminds me of my mom, my mom always justifies her spending with past trauma. But after failing bankruptcy, she is still using the same excuses. I had to lock her credit so she could stop applying for credit cards. Even with doing that, she still has $20k of credit card debt.
The podcast set up is SOOOO nice! Love Love LOVE it. Aesthetic goals right here
Thank you Heather!
When she ends up in a nursing home homeless with a stinky roommate because she has no desire to be accountable of her money or health she’ll realize it’s too late.
She deserves it, I hate to see it.
I think you’re right. I seen it happen
Gosh I love this show. Every single one is 💯
sammmmmmeeeee ive listened to 50 plus and going to peep them all
I am watching this for the second time and I am becoming more and more appalled. You can’t go to private school if you can’t afford it. They live like they are making 500K. They really don’t make that much money. She makes the equivalent of 70K since she has to pay her own taxes and health insurance. That is NOT a high earner.
Making $300K, spending like they make 7 figures. There's always things you can't afford. Just need to realize that and accept it.
Usually I watch these kinds of videos and feel bad for the people, this is not one of those couples. Don't blow 11k on a cruise then expect sympathy.
I keep noticing the notifications popping up on the Echo Show behind her for her recent orders 😂
I see the wife that is technically rich in income, but living with a pot person mindset. I define that mindset as living with a sense of scarcity, and also wanted all the status symbols of wealth and success. Work some overtime means time to go out and eat because you don’t know when your next “blessing” will come. There is no planning, which means no accountability. Emotions are the catalyst for a lot of the spending. You don’t even realize that you don’t make a plan because you don’t want the accountability so that you can have your emotions and hide from those root problems that Ramit digs up every episode. My heart goes out to you. Just know that this too will pass to your kids if you don’t address your fears. More is “caught” than “taught”. Best wishes on your journey.
I still really wish there was actual low income/low middle class people on the show. I know anyone can learn from this and tones of high income earners are also struggling with money. But I really wish to also see hope for really low income people. I love your book and the podcast and UA-cam content but So far all the podcast and episode I have listened are millionaires or at least earn 100k+ a year. Most shows are understandably about clearing dept, but what about increasing income? It really feels unattainable sometimes.
Sounds like you should apply to be on the show
I agree, please include some lower income people on the show Ramit!
There have been couples with
If you watch the rest of his videos he specifically explains that his show deals with moderate to high-income earners. There is already a ton of stuff out there for low-income earners who need to focus on baby steps. His content is exactly what I've been searching for. He said it in one of his previous videos that there is very little content out there for people who were wondering what to do with their money after they've already achieved the basics of money handling
Caleb Hammer has a ton of lower income inners on his show! He’s a very different personality but similar style in that he doesn’t beat around the bush.
Top qualities to look for in a partner:
Low levels of neuroticism and a saver.
Sarah is repeating the same mistakes her dad did and her husband is being her mother. I don't think she wants to change at all because you were raised one way doesn't mean you have to continue to live that life. I hope when the three daughters are raised they break away from the life of debt their parents live.
My in-laws were big-time alcoholics and my husband liked to party but when our first child was born he said I will not raise my children the way I was raised.
The husband seems like he is out mentally and he is just there. They don’t seem like they work together and spending money like it comes out if the faucet is dangerous. If they don’t get control and make radical changes, goodbye inheritance.
And the thing about it is that's his money, not hers. I get that they are married but I do not believe in shared inheritance
@@jamesenglish9029 well good for you, but the law does. No such thing as his and her money in a marriage.
@@katie8325 nay nay, there is. Its called a property separation agreement. Best thing ever allowed in pre-marital law.
Great video! Really enjoyed it.
We need a financial version of attachment styles bc it seems like her behavior and difficulty is tied to attachment styles stemming from her childhood. Possibly fearful avoidant or anxious preoccupied attachment style.
Even when she thought about talking about their finances, she pictured them out to eat. Smh. Im so happy my partner is financially fit. This situation would be the death of most marriages.
The concept of accumulating so much Credit Card Debt just seems so foreign to me. I get it when people are poor and are struggling to survive. But for people with that kind of income? It just blows my mind. I dont want to generalize but it also feels very American to me. Who else has cars like this when you have so much debt??? I hope they find a way to live a healthy lifestyle that they can afford. They seem like really nice people. There's no reason why their life shouldn't be great.
I think you’re correct.
I have no debt no car and my
House paid off.
My daughter and her husband have
4x my income and fancy cars and broke.
generalizing isnt always bad. we have a lot of status anxiety in America. hyper materialism only increasing with social media.
When is the new episode coming? I usually listen to podcasts and came here to see their facial expressions. I am so shocked to see that people struggle irrespective of their income but for the decisions they make.
First let me say a big Thank you for these videos here, I started following your videos recently and successfully completed your book(I will teach you to be rich) helping me to start a discussion about finance and money with my family. Looks like people need everything at onetime all rich life(too money dials) high end cars, vacations, Private schools, Great dinners... Waiting to see how Ramit Suggest for them and what can i take it from that to improve my finance conversation with my Husband.
I admire their courage to be honest and open about their financial challenges. It's weird to me as a single 39 yo guy who earns a fraction of what they do combined, I still have a higher net worth. I also live way below my means.
You said it in your comment… you are a SINGLE man and you live below your means. I always tell my son to try to find a partner who shares his goals and values. 🙏
@@wendyhutchinson5820 or stay single / not married. Im glad society is starting to accept more variations than married/single. How about accepting long term committed but not married and no intention to marry? There should be a word for this type of partnership.
@@jamesenglish9029 i think there is a word for that… it’s SMART. 😂😂😂😂😂
Yeah it can be easy to live below your means when you don't raise a human especially if you're in America. So stay single and don't have kids! I see even my most frugal friends struggle because school fees, food, and medical bills are horrible!
@@jamesenglish9029 Just make sure to declare that you aren't married in a legal binding document. When one of you passes, it can get quite interesting when the other tries to claim common law marriage. Trust me, I just went through this with my dad's estate...it wasn't a fun process when my dad was very adamant they were not married, but his "partner" went for the title and our inheritance.
IMO her "business" is killing their finances. Get a W2 job with health insurance and retirement plan and budget based off the husband's income.
7:00 - She’s crying about the situation, but she’s the problem. The husband is quiet like, “Don’t start that ish! Just stop speaking fu***** money!!!”
The reason nothing works is because they/she isn’t willing to make any sacrifices. Her priority is keeping up with the Joneses.
As someone who has always struggled with money (please note I have bipolar disorder along with other mental illnesses) my advice to the wife - please seek therapy you will never over come your over spending habits without help and therapy. I have only just gained control after dealing with this for 20 years. It will really change the way you look at money.