I was miserable. Had been a Teacher for 25 years. I have just retired early. I have a little part time job in a supermarket and I am doing voluntary work but.... I am happier than I have ever been in my life.
I retired as a social worker and now work part time in an assisted living. I’m happy making a difference and in not having to be up every day on the working Treadmill. Happiness is our lives work and also in radiating that to others. Our calling is not the same as our job. No one can fire us from our calling 🤲🏽🦋
Happy for you. I am still sufferings in my engineering job, that makes most of my family living and I am dreaming that one they i would only do my art and craft, that make me happy. I am 60, but can not stand another 5 years.
I wouldn't agree less but a times we are influenced based on result of what will see and experience, failure at first try doesn't mean it is over but unfortunately people seems to back off when they have experiences some obstacle or failure along the way
I restarted ballet lessons at 61. It was hard and I hated everything about it for 8 months. Now in my 2nd year I have excellent posture and I enjoy the challenge.
I'm only 27 minutes into this conversation and my mind is BLOWN! At 56 years old, it's such an incredible perspective to listen to after working so hard for so many years building a company and wondering what's next. Thank you for doing this interview!
Your discussion of love vs fear prompts me to share this vision: Help create a culture of kindness. Love trumps fear and kindness counts. Be the blessing, be the light. Commit to kindness, mindful kindness. Practice kind intention and attention. Pause, breathe, choose. Choose kindness, mindful kindness. Namaste.
Tom this is actually one of the best podcasts you’ve done and one of the most intelligent and connected human beings you’ve had on. This was so good I’ve listened to it twice! 💜
OMG Tom, this explains my life perhaps, so refreshing!! I left a boring admin job of many years, went to uni (I am an Aussie) at 48, completed a 4 year degree in occupational therapy during which i endured dom violence cos he couldnt handle the change, so left, finally finished my degree in 5.5 years, unravelled my childhood cptsd, learnt how to deal with my trauma affected mother and just wondered so iften, why did I do this to myself?????? and what the heck happened, most people are retiring from about now, what the HELL is wrong with me??? This is refreshing as maybe mistakenly i found crystalised intellience, just maybe.... love yr channel, it TOTALLY inspires me 🙏
how do you like OT? I love psychology and spirituality. OTA would be the one of the only things i could imagine doing being employed by someone else, while i go after my other dreams of public speaking.
This is amazing...really describes how I felt after turning 40 and feeling in decline. I used to be really fit and in a job where I worked with people. I'm trying to keep that line in the water....creating a life that's exciting- revisiting old pastimes, dancing, music etc. Thanks Tom...for bringing such amazing content!
This conversation is like sitting at the best buffet table and trying to digest it all. There is too much to devour in one sitting. Ill return again and again to belly up to this table. Thank you, Tom, for saving a seat for me to listen in on this conversation. My heart is as full as my stomach at a buffet.
I've only listened to the first 30 minutes or so but this really speaks to me. I'm rich and successful by most standards. I'm in my 40s and I have more than enough money to retire, yet I still work incredible hours as a physician and professor because I know that I won't be very happy if I retired. Even so, I'm not very happy, and I think this is giving me some insight into why.
I’m sorry to read that you’re not happy. I make small goals throughout my day and when I reach them, I’m really happy. It can be small things, but I’m proud of myself for every little thing I manage to complete in my day. And I spoil my parents and siblings, that’s also a good way to go. Hoping that you can see how great you are, I’d be very proud of myself if I managed to get through medical school like you did. ❤️
Sounds aweful. Quit your job, give away everything, and go work on a roofing crew or something for ten years while struggling ever week to pay rent. Youll still be miserable. People that have $ and success simply cant realize what they have. You scoff at money, as a man on the shore shouts to the drowning man that air wont make them happy. Maybe It would take losing everything to see it. Maybe you could take a year off and join doctors without borders or something. I dont know, but litening to these old obvious psychobabel tropes offered by another pampered proffessor will never help you. Good luck. If its any conscelation, its alot better having money and being unhappy than being broke and happy. At least you can make a move.
One can look at your situation in many ways. I have no idea what your emotional position is. It may even be a combination of several things. I feel happiness and contentment are two constructs one needs to understand cognitively first, though we are talking about an emotional state and then working towards unlearning maladaptive patterns that we learnt and through mindfulness meditations with a cognitive challenging of your maladaptive cognitions, reprogramme your expectations and strengthen the brain regions of letting go and accepting rather than tiresome seeking. Also there is nothing wrong with working as long as you enjoy it. I will work till my nineties if I can but I only work for 5 months a year. You do good work in helping people , so be happy by this good deed. The constructs are: A) your natural emotional tone and set point. Some people have a natural set point towards dysthymia, and this is fine.Then the normal feeling tone. Here there is a supply demand situation and our expectation, continued seeking for this elusive happiness can be very tiring. The set points for happiness, contentment, are genetic but very much modified by our upbringing, the family values, expectations we grew up with but these things can be unlearned, through understanding and through Mindfulness meditations that give rise to opening the mind to infinity, a boundless place, so we'd not reinforce the constant underlying expectations of our childhood programs . B ) your childhood expectations and work ethic you have internalised. Also if you had a constant pressure even through subconscious expectations you develop patterns of behaviour of not resting, but working towards constant achievement. These can be subtle family expectations even that we have internalised. C) The inner demands you place upon your self. If you are a driven person who constantly keep moving , either through habit or family expectations that you internalised, these can be undone. Mindfulness meditation is a good way to learn about our inner programmes, like holding a mirror to self. On UA-cam you get many by Jon Kabbt Zinn etc. guided that you can follow. C) What you think happiness is. Some people seek a constant state of joy, where as contentment is a quiet satisfaction, not something shouting out loud. May be your emotional set point is genetically set in a negative dysthymic way, so huge joyous moods are not your norm. Yet by accepting and not searching constantly you can learn to be content with your lot. Also you can self examine in Mindfulness meditations and body scanning to unlearn any internalised negativity as a body or mind memory. Good luck. But acceptance and letting go by opening the mind to Infinity rather than comparing and seeking may help.
The “friction” is called polemos. It’s the push and pull of conflict (via dialogue) that bears fruit. My philosophy professor always talked about it, but 14 years later. I get it. Enlightening talk!
I love these rich and beautiful conversations with fresh guests. The conversations can always go in any direction as Tom will stop and go down a rabbit hole with something that has been shared. Thanks Tom for always being so curious and creatively inquisitive!
So true..early fast fame/success is likely to lead an unhappy future. Most of the happy ppl I know live simply. Most of the rich ppl I know, stress to get more, and it shows in their character.
Thats basically it, agreed. Id add, live as if other people matter too, but thats more obvious than the YOU matter part (these Gents in the discussion never had a problem with that part). :)
Even though we have both wonderful and difficult experiences in life - it's the difficult experiences that caused us hurt and pain that can sometimes keep us stuck in survival/unhappy mode - rather than thrive/happy mode. It's a survival mechanism - to protect us from further harm. So many of us humans have come from dysfunctional upbringings that have impacted our ability to be truly happy. Healing our past hurts, pains, anger, guilt, shame, etc can help us in being able to feel happy. You'd think happiness is just a choice - it's not that simple. Our neural networks in the brain - are like grooves in a record. We need to heal so that our brain has new neural pathways. It's complex in my opinion. We can have moments, days, weeks and months of happiness, but that feeling can be illusive when we have past issues that need to be healed. And given the state of the world with high costs of inflation - with so many barely making ends meet - causes most of us a great deal of unhappiness. With the chances of being born approximately 1 in a trillion - it is a miracle that we are alive. Try to remember the circumstances, situations things and experiences when we did feel happy. Repeat that every day!! I sometimes reminisce about the fun times I had in a certain era. It always brings a smile to my face! I think when we can unconditionally truly accept and love ourselves every moment of every day - we are well on the royal road to happiness. www.scienceabc.com/humans/why-do-bad-memories-last-longer.html I truly wish each of you happiness - we all deserve to feel happy!
This conversation was life changing for me. I’m listening to it again with a notepad. It is chock full of learning, across so many topics. I’m so thankful I didn’t miss this one. Thank you, thank you, thank you 🙏🏻
I really loved every minute of this episode. The flow in, the interest, the mission of connecting and sharing, It is a communication, dialogue!! They really are actively listening to the other person!!!
Hmm. I disagree with declining after a certain age. I am able to learn and progress on several musical instruments: cello, classical guitar, and classical piano than when I was younger. I've also finally been able to understand music engineering: recording, producing and mixing which I was unable to do when I was younger. Finally, my artwork is at its highest peak so far in my journey.
Me too. Im 60. I did not relate to that part. I was a pharmaceutical scientist, a teacher then a stay at home mom. I am expanding my application of math right now and moving ahead much faster then I did as a younger person into other fields just for fun. I could write in Spanish pretty well as a younger person but never speak well. Im also working on the speaking end and it's also easier to pick up then when I was younger. I actually feel like a sponge right now, but in a different way so clearly something has changed but as far as aquiring new information goes, it has gotten better then when I was middle aged.
@@fatihemreli Not all human beings are the same. Anomalies are also part of science. Also, human will, adaptation, evolution can challenge any scientific data.
Hey YOU, incredible person reading this...The truth is you are confident and good enough already with who you are, where you are at and what you have right now to have the success you want in life. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn that skill and go after it! I believe in you so much! Have an awesome day! - Love, Nat ❤️
Always remember the Jim Carrey quote after watching this ‘choose love not fear’ … something along the lines of don’t let fear stand in the way of your true spirit, your true self etc. ✌️
I think many self-help gurus think that everyone should think and act like them to gain happiness, when a lot of us are happy not rising at 5AM and working 12 hour days. I cannot even think of a goal so great that I would be willing to grind every minute. We are not all hard-wired like that.
in minute 4:38 I sooo love the fact the guest started to ask questions as if Tom was the guest ... it tells a lot about how good of a listener the guest is especially coming from a HARVARD professor
"When you begin to open inside, begin to have a greater sense of yourself, begin to develop your capabilities and sensitivities and begin to draw upon the higher qualities that you possess, you see that points of view can vary and that how you see things is not the truth. The truth is very hard to see, but it is not hard to feel. Two people with very different viewpoints can have very similar experiences feeling the truth. When I say “feeling,” I do not mean emotions. I mean a deeper kind of experience. You see, the world cannot provide you happiness, but you can give the world happiness because you have brought happiness with you from your Ancient Home. You must be its first recipient, however. Everyone in the world is looking for the way to happiness, how to maintain happy stimulations and how to avoid pain. It is very desperate to try and keep everything pleasant and comfortable and to have all things you want without loss. Is this not difficult to achieve? There are people who will guarantee that you can do it, but if you look about, no one is successful. True happiness is something that you bear with you, but it is deep within you. It is the result of experiencing purpose, meaning and direction in your life. This is not a purpose, meaning or direction that you invent for yourself. It is something that arises in your mind. You realize it. It is not merely your thoughts or beliefs or philosophy or religion. Though the experience of happiness can find expression in these, they are not its source. The source of true happiness is inexplicable and beyond your realm and range of experience. The result, which is happiness in this world, is something that you are meant to have, but you must cultivate yourself to be able to gain access to it, to have the capacity to live with it and to carry it into life." A quote from *Wisdom from the Greater Community, Book 1* - Chapter 24: Happiness in the World, a free book by Marshall Vian Summers.
God Tom! So often watching your interviews I resonate with something deeply, and then get practical advice about it.... The value in this youtube chanel is emence! Thank you, you are a major player in bettering humanity.
1. amazing interview: never revealed so much about yourself. This transparency gave so much inspiration. It wasn’t to show off - it was to share. Dear Tom, thank you so much. 2. love your comment on going out for biking miles away from home. Truly believe that brooks‘s answer was right on your success. It forms your independence and believe in yourself. I had the same experiences like you. 3. On your question on happiness: the answer is to be able to stop searching. It doesn’t mean that you should ignore the wisdom and ideas that other smart people have on this topic, but it means it is finding peace.
This was FABULOUS. I am currently working on SELF and the title caught my attention. Ya'll bro's is deep. I was like will I be able to understand this. But alot of it did. I actually got in my feelings a bit and shed some tears. Appreciate people like you sharing this knowledge and energy to make us and our world a better place. Signed, HOT MESS TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT 🥰
Wow, your videos are always good, but this one was amazing, thank you Tom B for all you do. The information in your videos have the power to change the world for the better.
@Valerie Gawthrop Then I will personally intro you to Expert Trust of Crest Fx .I have been working with her for months now, investing with her is awesome and of no regret.
I love the show. What I haven't figured out - I am not interested in becoming rich or powerful - I'm interested in having a perspective in life. That of course includes paying my rent. So that's my challenge, figuring out what I WANT to do, and considering I can't become a fighter pilot at 40, what I CAN actually do in a highly specialized world.
Best conversation EVER! I had 10 breakthroughs from listening to this one conversation. Tom, your content keeps me hopeful. Thank you for a resource to get back to myself as an entrepreneur and human.
I needed to listen to this one for some many reason thank you for having such a positive outlook even with the big scary things coming. I will try to start looking at things from love instead of fear
In old ancient ARAB world, the most respected are the TEACHERS (Al Hakim) and heads of Villages (Muktar). They have known the secrets to happiness. In USA, getting old continues to be worthless. It's ass backwards....aging into wisdom is the highest
Nothing can make me feel not confused sometimes ... Not any wisdom... Only dancing makes me happy... Its the only thing that ever gave me joy and confidence.... But recently someone said something that made me unable to enjoy it as much..... And crushed my whole identity basically....
The common thread with all these interviews is you all have great success and can afford to reflect on unhappiness... When the average folks stuck in a place of poverty ,renting working after retirement just to survive ..this doesn't apply ... different being top of your field feeling sad then being at the bottom of a heap feeling defeated .. esp in old age .. enjoyed the stories
Great interview 🙏🏻 Never thought that Business partners should have different characters or personalities from each other. From everything I’ve listened to before, I got a message that leaders or partners should be similar , that it’s something that can help building good business or relationship . I love what you guys said about it , big eye opener . Thank you 🙏🏻
Happiness comes from gratitude and appreciation of small things. Happiness comes from human interaction, helping others. Success only brings happiness if you have those other things.
Well done you two. First, shout out to fellow PNW studs. Second, I learn so very much from both of you. Knowing both of you through your presentations and content only I feel you could have gone on together for 10 more hours. (And I would have watched). Please know that what you are producing and "preaching" makes a difference! Keep being great!
Great conversation. I think people confuse values with beliefs. I completely agree with the statement if you follow and align with your values you will have joy. Happiness is not the right word. Joy is heartfelt
I absolutely love you as a role model and your show! I love your guest and your persistent questions and interactions with the guest! Great guest here and another all time favourite guest is Robert Greene! Thank you and much appreciated! From Canada!
To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, your dream is not dead. Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
One thing that has helped, some, with my Mental Illness - DONT strive for Happiness - strive for Peace and Calmness. There is no constant state of Happiness- only moments, because its too extreme - strive for peace, being content, calmness
Values are just a story you tell yourself to create a Self. Like love and fear, they map onto reality only insomuch as we believe the story, and can convince others the story is true.
Love how Tom changes from that's crazy to that's interesting, good on ya man, marginal change is so important in any big change we make for the better (hopefully?)
What an incredible interview. Love it, thanks. Really appreciate it. You literally confirmed some or many principles of which I felt but didn't understand, all based on love/feeling ... appreciate you gents.
I had a great time watching this, maybe even more because I'm living the worst time of my life so far. Thank you for the inspirational things you two shared with us, I think I can get a lot of help from them. Keep up the good work!
Our only instinct is to survive, and the only guarantee is that we won’t. Your legacy is what matters. The achievements you unlock within your lifetime, and the humans you raise to carry on your teachings and memory. That’s it. If you focus on those two things everything else will fall into place.
I’ve been watching Tom’s videos religiously and just love this piece. This really struck a cord with me as I am in that transitional stage now trying to figure out my next step.
Being "present" while your in jail, or about to be evicted? Thats exactly why people "escape". Some people would arguee the present is just an illusion, no more powerful than your imagination
This dude is basically a non-labeled Christian and everything he says sounds soooo much like Jesus and Christianity that I found this incredibly validating! Jesus has been saying STOP THE HATE for 2000+ years but somehow people forget or don’t care or think they know better 😯
I totally agree about the difference languages romances. Not to mention the muse powers in the language learning when you're in love helps with quitting smoking too 😁
Feel the exact same but I have these existential crises every day/every few years. It's so scary. Tom and Arthur - thank you for talking about this so candidly. I don't often know how I can go on and I am 28....
Stop wishing to be happy!, happiness is temporary and aim to be satisfied,that inner peace !and love yourself (not in a narcissist way) which means learning to love small victories, and forgive yourself and others.
Good advice I wish I had when i left my dysfunctional home at the age of 17. Now that I am pushing 60, single, no children - it seems my search for 'love' will have to be through other means. Consider a version for the no children no spouse crowd - especially due to the aging population. Thanks for listening.
What do you think the secret to happiness is?
I’m not sure it’s a secret….
Mindset mastery.
Freedom. Companionship. Bourbon. In that order.
Understanding yourself.
To give up on anything and everything
I was miserable. Had been a Teacher for 25 years. I have just retired early. I have a little part time job in a supermarket and I am doing voluntary work but.... I am happier than I have ever been in my life.
I can relate! I’m leaving my real estate career after 18 years to work for a pet food store and follow my other passion of my side hustle.
I retired as a social worker and now work part time in an assisted living. I’m happy making a difference and in not having to be up every day on the working Treadmill.
Happiness is our lives work and also in radiating that to others.
Our calling is not the same as our job. No one can fire us from our calling
🤲🏽🦋
Love hearing this! Happy for you ☺️
Happy for you. I am still sufferings in my engineering job, that makes most of my family living and I am dreaming that one they i would only do my art and craft, that make me happy. I am 60, but can not stand another 5 years.
Is that your painting? Nice!
*EVERY FAMILY HAS SOMEONE WHO BREAKS THE CHAIN OF POVERTY IN THAT FAMILY,I PRAY YOU BE THE ONE*
This is really helpful for my situation,please how can I get intouch with her?
What a striking coincidence,Expert Mrs blossom Jefferson changed my financial life tremendously.
Reach her on and tell her I referred you 👆
Thanks for the recommendation I've been trading by
myself for long and I've been making a lot of losses, l'Il
surely give her a try right away.
I wouldn't agree less but a times we are influenced based on result of what will see and experience, failure at first try doesn't mean it is over but unfortunately people seems to back off when they have experiences some obstacle or failure along the way
I restarted ballet lessons at 61. It was hard and I hated everything about it for 8 months. Now in my 2nd year I have excellent posture and I enjoy the challenge.
Out of curiosity what kept you going? There must be something that you liked about it?
"Humans aren't meant to decline. Happiness comes from PROGRESS, Unhappiness stems from REGRESS." Makes sence, I can totally relate.
Utter nonsense
I'm only 27 minutes into this conversation and my mind is BLOWN! At 56 years old, it's such an incredible perspective to listen to after working so hard for so many years building a company and wondering what's next. Thank you for doing this interview!
Your discussion of love vs fear prompts me to share this vision: Help create a culture of kindness. Love trumps fear and kindness counts. Be the blessing, be the light. Commit to kindness, mindful kindness. Practice kind intention and attention. Pause, breathe, choose. Choose kindness, mindful kindness. Namaste.
Tom this is actually one of the best podcasts you’ve done and one of the most intelligent and connected human beings you’ve had on. This was so good I’ve listened to it twice! 💜
Agreed!
Thank you for expressing exactly what I was thinking! This was amazing. I’m about to listen again.
Yeap !! Same here I watched it twice and took notes ❤
Agree 💯
Yes, it was really good, but too many commercials if you ask me.
OMG Tom, this explains my life perhaps, so refreshing!! I left a boring admin job of many years, went to uni (I am an Aussie) at 48, completed a 4 year degree in occupational therapy during which i endured dom violence cos he couldnt handle the change, so left, finally finished my degree in 5.5 years, unravelled my childhood cptsd, learnt how to deal with my trauma affected mother and just wondered so iften, why did I do this to myself?????? and what the heck happened, most people are retiring from about now, what the HELL is wrong with me??? This is refreshing as maybe mistakenly i found crystalised intellience, just maybe.... love yr channel, it TOTALLY inspires me 🙏
Wow. Christine.
how do you like OT? I love psychology and spirituality. OTA would be the one of the only things i could imagine doing being employed by someone else, while i go after my other dreams of public speaking.
Hello from a fellow Aussie you’re inspiring x
The guest and the speaker are examples of real gentlemen. I love how they talked about their wives❤
“Happiness and unhappiness are not opposites. They're not. They're different experiences.” 🙌
Sounds so right, would please explain
@@mercyz6252 I think it is like extreme anger is the same energy as winning a marathon .It is just high energy with different titles
This is amazing...really describes how I felt after turning 40 and feeling in decline. I used to be really fit and in a job where I worked with people. I'm trying to keep that line in the water....creating a life that's exciting- revisiting old pastimes, dancing, music etc. Thanks Tom...for bringing such amazing content!
This conversation is like sitting at the best buffet table and trying to digest it all. There is too much to devour in one sitting. Ill return again and again to belly up to this table. Thank you, Tom, for saving a seat for me to listen in on this conversation. My heart is as full as my stomach at a buffet.
👍👍
Yep. This was a really good one.
When you hate… somebody is profiting … and not you!
Soooo deep!!
I've only listened to the first 30 minutes or so but this really speaks to me. I'm rich and successful by most standards. I'm in my 40s and I have more than enough money to retire, yet I still work incredible hours as a physician and professor because I know that I won't be very happy if I retired.
Even so, I'm not very happy, and I think this is giving me some insight into why.
I’m sorry to read that you’re not happy. I make small goals throughout my day and when I reach them, I’m really happy. It can be small things, but I’m proud of myself for every little thing I manage to complete in my day. And I spoil my parents and siblings, that’s also a good way to go. Hoping that you can see how great you are, I’d be very proud of myself if I managed to get through medical school like you did. ❤️
Sounds aweful. Quit your job, give away everything, and go work on a roofing crew or something for ten years while struggling ever week to pay rent. Youll still be miserable. People that have $ and success simply cant realize what they have. You scoff at money, as a man on the shore shouts to the drowning man that air wont make them happy. Maybe It would take losing everything to see it. Maybe you could take a year off and join doctors without borders or something. I dont know, but litening to these old obvious psychobabel tropes offered by another pampered proffessor will never help you. Good luck. If its any conscelation, its alot better having money and being unhappy than being broke and happy. At least you can make a move.
look to give and serve in more meaningful ways and do more things you enjoy and know why your doing them. to impress yourself or others?
One can look at your situation in many ways. I have no idea what your emotional position is. It may even be a combination of several things. I feel happiness and contentment are two constructs one needs to understand cognitively first, though we are talking about an emotional state and then working towards unlearning maladaptive patterns that we learnt and through mindfulness meditations with a cognitive challenging of your maladaptive cognitions, reprogramme your expectations and strengthen the brain regions of letting go and accepting rather than tiresome seeking.
Also there is nothing wrong with working as long as you enjoy it. I will work till my nineties if I can but I only work for 5 months a year. You do good work in helping people , so be happy by this good deed.
The constructs are:
A) your natural emotional tone and set point.
Some people have a natural set point towards dysthymia, and this is fine.Then the normal feeling tone. Here there is a supply demand situation and our expectation, continued seeking for this elusive happiness can be very tiring. The set points for happiness, contentment, are genetic but very much modified by our upbringing, the family values, expectations we grew up with but these things can be unlearned, through understanding and through Mindfulness meditations that give rise to opening the mind to infinity, a boundless place, so we'd not reinforce the constant underlying expectations of our childhood programs .
B ) your childhood expectations and work ethic you have internalised. Also if you had a constant pressure even through subconscious expectations you develop patterns of behaviour of not resting, but working towards constant achievement. These can be subtle family expectations even that we have internalised.
C) The inner demands you place upon your self. If you are a driven person who constantly keep moving , either through habit or family expectations that you internalised, these can be undone. Mindfulness meditation is a good way to learn about our inner programmes, like holding a mirror to self. On UA-cam you get many by Jon Kabbt Zinn etc. guided that you can follow.
C) What you think happiness is. Some people seek a constant state of joy, where as contentment is a quiet satisfaction, not something shouting out loud. May be your emotional set point is genetically set in a negative dysthymic way, so huge joyous moods are not your norm. Yet by accepting and not searching constantly you can learn to be content with your lot. Also you can self examine in Mindfulness meditations and body scanning to unlearn any internalised negativity as a body or mind memory.
Good luck. But acceptance and letting go by opening the mind to Infinity rather than comparing and seeking may help.
This unhappiness first of all comes from your close family and friends that don't really appreciate you.... You are in the wrong company!
Wisdom, humor, love...Arthur Brooks...you are an inspiration sir!
"When you hate, someone else is profiting and it's not you" wow do we need to hear that as a society.
It’s like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.
"if you want to change the world, start off by making your bed"
given by retired Navy seal Admiral McRaven. It's truly remarkable
The “friction” is called polemos. It’s the push and pull of conflict (via dialogue) that bears fruit. My philosophy professor always talked about it, but 14 years later. I get it. Enlightening talk!
You noticed friction between the 2?
I love how this guy instantly has great answers to any question. Impressive
I love these rich and beautiful conversations with fresh guests. The conversations can always go in any direction as Tom will stop and go down a rabbit hole with something that has been shared. Thanks Tom for always being so curious and creatively inquisitive!
For me, learning to be happy by appreciating everything you already have, and not wating to feel so, till having more in life.
So true..early fast fame/success is likely to lead an unhappy future. Most of the happy ppl I know live simply. Most of the rich ppl I know, stress to get more, and it shows in their character.
Great talk. I think the secret to happiness is to know yourself and live your life as if you matter
Thats basically it, agreed. Id add, live as if other people matter too, but thats more obvious than the YOU matter part (these Gents in the discussion never had a problem with that part). :)
Such a beautiful way to put it :)
That is as long as you’re still cognitive and have your memory intact
Now, this one was incredible. I need more of Arthur Brooks.
Yah!!!!🥰 Reminds me of: "There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear"❤
Even though we have both wonderful and difficult experiences in life - it's the difficult experiences that caused us hurt and pain that can sometimes keep us stuck in survival/unhappy mode - rather than thrive/happy mode. It's a survival mechanism - to protect us from further harm. So many of us humans have come from dysfunctional upbringings that have impacted our ability to be truly happy. Healing our past hurts, pains, anger, guilt, shame, etc can help us in being able to feel happy. You'd think happiness is just a choice - it's not that simple. Our neural networks in the brain - are like grooves in a record. We need to heal so that our brain has new neural pathways. It's complex in my opinion. We can have moments, days, weeks and months of happiness, but that feeling can be illusive when we have past issues that need to be healed. And given the state of the world with high costs of inflation - with so many barely making ends meet - causes most of us a great deal of unhappiness. With the chances of being born approximately 1 in a trillion - it is a miracle that we are alive. Try to remember the circumstances, situations things and experiences when we did feel happy. Repeat that every day!! I sometimes reminisce about the fun times I had in a certain era. It always brings a smile to my face! I think when we can unconditionally truly accept and love ourselves every moment of every day - we are well on the royal road to happiness. www.scienceabc.com/humans/why-do-bad-memories-last-longer.html I truly wish each of you happiness - we all deserve to feel happy!
Omg! I was thinking about what true happiness is these days! I feel so empty and blue after finishing my exams so this just came up at the right time!
You need the next adventure.
This conversation was life changing for me. I’m listening to it again with a notepad. It is chock full of learning, across so many topics. I’m so thankful I didn’t miss this one. Thank you, thank you, thank you 🙏🏻
Me too! ❤
I really loved every minute of this episode. The flow in, the interest, the mission of connecting and sharing, It is a communication, dialogue!! They really are actively listening to the other person!!!
Hmm. I disagree with declining after a certain age. I am able to learn and progress on several musical instruments: cello, classical guitar, and classical piano than when I was younger. I've also finally been able to understand music engineering: recording, producing and mixing which I was unable to do when I was younger. Finally, my artwork is at its highest peak so far in my journey.
Thanks for watching
Let's talk now ⬆📩
Me too. Im 60. I did not relate to that part. I was a pharmaceutical scientist, a teacher then a stay at home mom. I am expanding my application of math right now and moving ahead much faster then I did as a younger person into other fields just for fun. I could write in Spanish pretty well as a younger person but never speak well. Im also working on the speaking end and it's also easier to pick up then when I was younger. I actually feel like a sponge right now, but in a different way so clearly something has changed but as far as aquiring new information goes, it has gotten better then when I was middle aged.
Easiest way to understand is looking at world chess champions and their decline with the age. It's not his opinion it's a physiological fact
@@fatihemreli Not all human beings are the same. Anomalies are also part of science. Also, human will, adaptation, evolution can challenge any scientific data.
Hi, just curious, what age range are you referring to specifically in your case?
“...get your line in the water..” just hit me so hard! This episode has me hooked ❤
Thanks for watching
Let's talk now
Hey YOU, incredible person reading this...The truth is you are confident and good enough already with who you are, where you are at and what you have right now to have the success you want in life. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn that skill and go after it! I believe in you so much! Have an awesome day! - Love, Nat ❤️
Ok, take care of yourself first, other people can and will deal with their problems without your pretentious youtube posts
❤️
Thank you 🙏 god bless your heart ❤️
Namaste 🙏
Always remember the Jim Carrey quote after watching this ‘choose love not fear’ … something along the lines of don’t let fear stand in the way of your true spirit, your true self etc. ✌️
I think many self-help gurus think that everyone should think and act like them to gain happiness, when a lot of us are happy not rising at 5AM and working 12 hour days. I cannot even think of a goal so great that I would be willing to grind every minute. We are not all hard-wired like that.
in minute 4:38 I sooo love the fact the guest started to ask questions as if Tom was the guest ... it tells a lot about how good of a listener the guest is especially coming from a HARVARD professor
When I say I'm wrong to my kids I know I'm learning and still growing. Listen to your kids too.
Extending Love, laughter, forgiveness and humility help move toward happiness!
Absolutely mind-blowing! I will watch this several times just to capture the perspectives on both sides! Thank you
"When you begin to open inside, begin to have a greater sense of yourself, begin to develop your capabilities and sensitivities and begin to draw upon the higher qualities that you possess, you see that points of view can vary and that how you see things is not the truth. The truth is very hard to see, but it is not hard to feel. Two people with very different viewpoints can have very similar experiences feeling the truth. When I say “feeling,” I do not mean emotions. I mean a deeper kind of experience.
You see, the world cannot provide you happiness, but you can give the world happiness because you have brought happiness with you from your Ancient Home. You must be its first recipient, however. Everyone in the world is looking for the way to happiness, how to maintain happy stimulations and how to avoid pain. It is very desperate to try and keep everything pleasant and comfortable and to have all things you want without loss. Is this not difficult to achieve? There are people who will guarantee that you can do it, but if you look about, no one is successful.
True happiness is something that you bear with you, but it is deep within you. It is the result of experiencing purpose, meaning and direction in your life. This is not a purpose, meaning or direction that you invent for yourself. It is something that arises in your mind. You realize it. It is not merely your thoughts or beliefs or philosophy or religion. Though the experience of happiness can find expression in these, they are not its source. The source of true happiness is inexplicable and beyond your realm and range of experience. The result, which is happiness in this world, is something that you are meant to have, but you must cultivate yourself to be able to gain access to it, to have the capacity to live with it and to carry it into life."
A quote from *Wisdom from the Greater Community, Book 1* - Chapter 24: Happiness in the World, a free book by Marshall Vian Summers.
Wow
This is freaking abstract and annoying. Absolutely no help whatsoever
Thank you, Ivan.
Values as gifts... Perfectly said..... Fear takes over snd there is so much of it... Everywhere.... Love IS the answer.
God Tom! So often watching your interviews I resonate with something deeply, and then get practical advice about it.... The value in this youtube chanel is emence! Thank you, you are a major player in bettering humanity.
1. amazing interview: never revealed so much about yourself. This transparency gave so much inspiration. It wasn’t to show off - it was to share. Dear Tom, thank you so much.
2. love your comment on going out for biking miles away from home. Truly believe that brooks‘s answer was right on your success. It forms your independence and believe in yourself. I had the same experiences like you.
3. On your question on happiness: the answer is to be able to stop searching. It doesn’t mean that you should ignore the wisdom and ideas that other smart people have on this topic, but it means it is finding peace.
Perfect timing , incredibly insightful and fundamentally profound . Billion thanks !
I rarely if every day this but I’m in my 50s and this video is fundamentally changing how I look at life.
This was FABULOUS. I am currently working on SELF and the title caught my attention. Ya'll bro's is deep. I was like will I be able to understand this. But alot of it did. I actually got in my feelings a bit and shed some tears. Appreciate people like you sharing this knowledge and energy to make us and our world a better place. Signed, HOT MESS TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT 🥰
Wow, your videos are always good, but this one was amazing, thank you Tom B for all you do. The information in your videos have the power to change the world for the better.
I pray everyone that sees this will become a millionaire in 5 years
Your businesses will make you rich but your investments will make you wealthy.
Assets that can make rich
Crypto
Stock
Real estate
Gold
Investing in crypto is the most profitable investment due to its current rise, huge profits and future benefits.
@Valerie Gawthrop Then I will personally intro you to Expert Trust of Crest Fx .I have been working with her for months now, investing with her is awesome and of no regret.
Facezbook 👇👇
By far one of the best podcast ever! Wow so many knowledge/ experience shared! This was brilliant!
I love the show. What I haven't figured out - I am not interested in becoming rich or powerful - I'm interested in having a perspective in life. That of course includes paying my rent. So that's my challenge, figuring out what I WANT to do, and considering I can't become a fighter pilot at 40, what I CAN actually do in a highly specialized world.
Best conversation EVER! I had 10 breakthroughs from listening to this one conversation. Tom, your content keeps me hopeful. Thank you for a resource to get back to myself as an entrepreneur and human.
I needed to listen to this one for some many reason thank you for having such a positive outlook even with the big scary things coming. I will try to start looking at things from love instead of fear
I was the Director of a major Pharma company in the early 2000’s .. retired with a stroke, am unemployed now and HAPPY now!!!
He's my favorite guest you've had, what a great interview!
In old ancient ARAB world, the most respected are the TEACHERS (Al Hakim) and heads of Villages (Muktar). They have known the secrets to happiness. In USA, getting old continues to be worthless. It's ass backwards....aging into wisdom is the highest
Yes, we worship youth and ignorance. Not a sustainable society
0:50 "feeling lost & unhappy is basically part of what it means to be human"
37:46 "suffering is sacred"
Nothing can make me feel not confused sometimes ... Not any wisdom... Only dancing makes me happy... Its the only thing that ever gave me joy and confidence.... But recently someone said something that made me unable to enjoy it as much..... And crushed my whole identity basically....
The common thread with all these interviews is you all have great success and can afford to reflect on unhappiness... When the average folks stuck in a place of poverty ,renting working after retirement just to survive ..this doesn't apply ... different being top of your field feeling sad then being at the bottom of a heap feeling defeated .. esp in old age .. enjoyed the stories
Great interview 🙏🏻 Never thought that Business partners should have different characters or personalities from each other. From everything I’ve listened to before, I got a message that leaders or partners should be similar , that it’s something that can help building good business or relationship . I love what you guys said about it , big eye opener . Thank you 🙏🏻
Happiness comes from gratitude and appreciation of small things. Happiness comes from human interaction, helping others. Success only brings happiness if you have those other things.
This has become my second best interview on this show after Dr Joe Dispenza. This is was brilliant!
Well done you two. First, shout out to fellow PNW studs. Second, I learn so very much from both of you. Knowing both of you through your presentations and content only I feel you could have gone on together for 10 more hours. (And I would have watched). Please know that what you are producing and "preaching" makes a difference! Keep being great!
Great conversation. I think people confuse values with beliefs. I completely agree with the statement if you follow and align with your values you will have joy. Happiness is not the right word. Joy is heartfelt
I loved the humility of the interview and shared interaction ...
This guy is speaking my language. Nice work getting this guy Tom!
This is hands down one of the best talks I’ve heard on here. Wow wow wow wow
I absolutely love you as a role model and your show! I love your guest and your persistent questions and interactions with the guest! Great guest here and another all time favourite guest is Robert Greene! Thank you and much appreciated! From Canada!
To the *worthwhile person* seeing this, your dream is not dead. Don’t allow the past and current pains and hurts stop and define you. You’re more than a conqueror. Rise up and put yourself together. Keep pushing your future depends on it. I wish you all the best in life ❤️.
❤️
Thank you, I needed encouragement today ❤️
One thing that has helped, some, with my Mental Illness - DONT strive for Happiness - strive for Peace and Calmness. There is no constant state of Happiness- only moments, because its too extreme - strive for peace, being content, calmness
35:11 Put your line in the water during the changing tides of your life....
My new mantra 😊
"What matters most is how you feel about yourself when ypu're by yourself".
What an amazing conversation. So many random epic epiphanies and ideas. Thank you!
Such an excellent conversation! I had just read Arthur's book and loved it. So many wonderful and clear ideas you guys. Thank you!
Between Love & Fear , ideally we should strive to choose Love in everything we think or do..
This is so good I think I need to re-watch a few times.
"money doesn't make you happy, but it sure puts you in a better neighborhood to look for it"
great guest... I literally just went and bought the book!
Values are just a story you tell yourself to create a Self. Like love and fear, they map onto reality only insomuch as we believe the story, and can convince others the story is true.
Wow the line in the water analogy was profound for me, thank you.
Really enjoyed this one. Plenty of food for thought.
Love how Tom changes from that's crazy to that's interesting, good on ya man, marginal change is so important in any big change we make for the better (hopefully?)
Omg that your wife. I love her! I was just watching her b4 I switched to this episode. Thats wild. U guys are appreciated
What an incredible interview. Love it, thanks. Really appreciate it. You literally confirmed some or many principles of which I felt but didn't understand, all based on love/feeling ... appreciate you gents.
I had a great time watching this, maybe even more because I'm living the worst time of my life so far. Thank you for the inspirational things you two shared with us, I think I can get a lot of help from them. Keep up the good work!
Our only instinct is to survive, and the only guarantee is that we won’t. Your legacy is what matters. The achievements you unlock within your lifetime, and the humans you raise to carry on your teachings and memory. That’s it. If you focus on those two things everything else will fall into place.
I’ve been watching Tom’s videos religiously and just love this piece. This really struck a cord with me as I am in that transitional stage now trying to figure out my next step.
This was a great conversation to listen in on. So informative. Well done!
Wow true happiness is not dependent on anything. not progress but presence
Yes 🙌🏻
Being "present" while your in jail, or about to be evicted? Thats exactly why people "escape". Some people would arguee the present is just an illusion, no more powerful than your imagination
🎯ABSOLUTELY!!!👏
This dude is basically a non-labeled Christian and everything he says sounds soooo much like Jesus and Christianity that I found this incredibly validating! Jesus has been saying STOP THE HATE for 2000+ years but somehow people forget or don’t care or think they know better 😯
Hmm. I was just thinking he thinks he has discovered answers, but they have already been around for 2000 years.
I totally agree about the difference languages romances. Not to mention the muse powers in the language learning when you're in love helps with quitting smoking too 😁
This video is a pure gem! I love the explanations, the examples, everything! Thank you very much! 🙏
Feel the exact same but I have these existential crises every day/every few years. It's so scary. Tom and Arthur - thank you for talking about this so candidly. I don't often know how I can go on and I am 28....
Keep going! Studying really old philosophy and religion helped me. People have been thinking about this stuff for thousands of years.
@@gregkirk1842 Excellent point!
Just ordered the book on Audible. Enjoyed your book Gross National Happiness, and meeting you, Arthur years ago.
Stop wishing to be happy!, happiness is temporary and aim to be satisfied,that inner peace !and love yourself (not in a narcissist way) which means learning to love small victories, and forgive yourself and others.
Wow I got chills with the fully alive / transitions talk. 🤯
Thank you, Tom. I am enjoying Arthur’s book and valued hearing your thoughts on the book.
Wow, great content today. I wish when I was in college I could have taken his classes.
I loved this conversation!!! Two extremely intelligent men together!!! Both amazing!!!
Good advice I wish I had when i left my dysfunctional home at the age of 17. Now that I am pushing 60, single, no children - it seems my search for 'love' will have to be through other means. Consider a version for the no children no spouse crowd - especially due to the aging population. Thanks for listening.
Enjoying listening to this without the jarring music! Makes such a difference 👍 thanks