ARE YOU BEING TOO KIND? | 5 LESSONS on how TOO MUCH KINDNESS MAY HURT YOU
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- Опубліковано 3 січ 2024
- People naturally expect something from us. Stoicism helps us define limits and provides us with means to make them real in our lives. The practice of moderation, one of the Stoic virtues, becomes a guide amid numerous demands, help, and limitless requests. Stoicism advises us to balance our generosity. Instead of passively accepting unlimited requests and favors, by acting with moderation, we maintain control over our actions, avoiding patterns that wear down our emotional well-being.
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There are people who will take advantage of your generosity and kindness but will never do anything for you.
Yes i am finding that there are too many. I have had to make some changes.
Yes. I have a former friend who did this.
Empathic people have light that attracts narcissistic takers like moths to a 🔥 flame. Logic needs to balance out where one can learn to be normal and no longer a flame that shines too bright.
Certainly, here's a response:
"It's unfortunate that there are individuals who may exploit your generosity and kindness without reciprocating. It's important to be mindful of such people and set boundaries to protect yourself from being taken advantage of."❤❤❤
I am a psychologist and always recommend my clients to listen to these videos to maintain their mental health. Thank you!
Thanks a lot my master
Thank you I agree with you 100%
Mind over body
My exes and siblings have all taken advantage of my kindness and generosity. I finally stopped being too kind and help only when extremely necessary. Now they think of me as mean and cold hearted my past generosity all but forgotten. It's very frustrating 😢
❤
Only focus on your new future ❤. My younger sister treats me badly because I will no longer give her too much money and time. I have accepted that she will be disrespectful to me until she wants to change. I am willing to let all people who just take out of my life go. Good luck to you. Keep listening to these videos! They are awesome:).
@@mirandagaga9221 great advice. Thank you 😊
Stay strong and positive. You are doing the right thing for your happiness that they cannot understand right now. ❤
See it as the sign that you failed to see. You were only kind when they were getting what they wanted but became mean when you set boundaries. Take it as a blessing and leave them alone. Be around people that practice reciprocity.
"The key to a peaceful mind is to let go of the need for external validation and find tranquility within ourselves." - Marcus Aurelius
I found peace, purpose and mental health in Christ Jesus.
What's your teaching is humanism okay and a human is nothing but dirt from dirt they came from dirt they will return okay this is not about sole development, the soul is eternal the soul can move into different dimensions it can grow, this is all about humanism, humans are weak they're just flesh and Bones Eternal living Creator created humans from dirt for atom from dirt from dirt you came from dirt you will return the only thing that lives on is your Eternal Soul and this is just teaching you how to function in an earthly society as a human.
All this doesn't go very deep.
@@danilaroche1156That's a great quote, thank you.
You are. All you need to be
Just be the best version of yourself or
Read the book titled The water babies by Charles Kingsley written in 1863
There you will find great quotes to live by
May you all be blessed 😇
This is the video I needed to listen to years ago. I’ve always been too giving and all it did was attract narcissists. You can have a different vibe if you make the effort. I’m living proof.
I recently discovered I'm a narcissist magnet, after tracing back to see why,I discovered and realised a lot with one of them being too kind and not able to say no.
I was the same. Now, I reject those who would use me and I've established boundaries that have shocked and rattled others. Too bad, I am the priority in my life and nothing will change that now.
I stopped giving and helping, lost a few so called friends, but I don't feel so irritated and stressed out anymore. Thank you for this video and valuable lessons.
It's courageous to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being.
It's interesting how our relationships evolve when we start to change our behaviors.
How do you feel about the new space and peace you've created in your life since making these changes?
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I'm glad our video could offer some valuable insights.
This video has taught me how to protect my self against takers, and how to establish boundaries, and how to say no without feeling guilty.
Sometimes helping a particular person out of situations all the time stops that person from learning and growing. Because you are always there to catch them, they don't need to.
It is terrible to have people used you for their own gain just because you are kind, but to see the user is one of your family members whom you love is an ultimate betrayal. The hurt that cause me words cannot begin to describe! Finally I had to let him out of my life and now I am peacefully knowing I’ve made the right choice to regain my self respect and self esteem! It’s a long road to self healing but I am on my way! Blessings everyone…Be strong and know what you are worth!!❤️
My mother allowed her own sinister, lousy tempered mother to rule her life. The old battleaxe lived with us and refused to get a life of her own until I was 14.
Kali Ma sucked the life out of my mom who never really recovered. More of that insanity rubbed off on me than I was aware of, but now that I'm divorced, I look back and see that my self worth is far greater than I ever realized. My ex is running scared as he should be. Taking advantage of my overtly good nature was his life's biggest error. No worse enemy exists tm than a tortured woman who has found her feet and has adorned them with cletes.❤
I have been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder a couple months ago and I am in therapy learning cognitive thinking, retraining my brain because my perception of the world, people, and emotions are distorted and I've been learning I know nothing. I've been listening to the videos for about a week and it has been such a positive thing in my life because i am determined to put my BPD in remission and live a better life for myself. Thank you for doing these videos, they have been more helpful in my journey to self discover than anything else since stoicism and cognitive training are pretty much the same.
❤ you got this Ms stew
Thank you 😊
Mind
Thank you for this video. It helps me to reexamine parts of my life.
Thank you for the encouragement!@Mr.Metal.Detectorist
I have found that at times I have gone to great lengths to be of assistance to various people I have tried to be kind and sometimes loving only to be latter met with hostility and betrayal. The boundaries are up.
It's tough when acts of kindness are met with negativity.
Setting boundaries is a healthy response.
Have you found a balance between kindness and self-preservation since then?
I wish I could have found this channel a decade ago. "Setting yourself on fire to keep others warm" is a painfully accurate description of my life in the 2010s and I have nothing to show for it aside from litigation and trauma
God will repay you and fight for you. Nothing you did was in vain
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My parents have always taken from me, (even the car I bought myself when I was younger), now in there old age the only time the call is when there is a crisis or they need something causing me lots of anxiety. You must choose yourself before helping others if you want to preserve your mental health.
“Don’t set yourself in fire to keep someone else warm! “. Lightbulb moment!… What wisdom
I’ve been diagnosed with depression because a hard time I’ve been through. I’m on a divorce process, a woman to who I’ve given everything without never expecting anything in return, she betrayed me over and over because of my unlimited kindness…is this normal in life.
I hear this kind of videos every night before sleep. I live alone in a new country far from my family..and sometimes loneliness strikes. I have no friends here..only work, and my apartment. These videos helps me to understand better and hearing our thoughs better without the noise of this world. Such motivating...helping me to be a better version of myself everyday❤
Same here! I want to be your friend, virtual friend!
@@beatrizmoreira4036 🫂🫂
I'm also like you. I've come to rely on these teachings. I'm far away from the motherland.
❤ snap... London is a big city
Are you in London?
I just love stoicism, once I found it I feel happier. At one point in life I was afraid to say no,I set a challenge to say no,never felt so good,I lost a lot of ppl once I started saying no,because majority of ppl in ur life because u can do something for them,but it's all good.
It's inspiring to see how Stoicism has brought positive changes in your life. Setting boundaries is indeed empowering.
As Aristotle said: 'Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.'
Have you discovered more about yourself through this process?
Your journey reflects a deep understanding of personal values and strength.
@StoicKing101 thank you for taking ur precious time to reply, yes I realize I'm stronger than I think, I also realize I was a ppl pleaser, I was not aware,I thought it was the right thing to do,because religious beliefs and childhood traumas.I realized I was buying ppl's love,admiration, approval, it can be tiring at times.Like the video mentioned everybody trying to make their problem my problem, forcing their responsibilities on Me.i was being used,taking advantage of me,when I need these ppl they re nowhere to be found.now I put myself first,I've been saying no,I got some push back because they are not used to the new version of me yet,I stayed solid.
Being authentic is living your life to the fullest. Which brings confidence, self respect and respect from likeminded individuals. What a magnetic field!
The problem lies in the nature of man. Men invariably take kindness as weakness. It is a sad and unfortunate reality in this life. I've seen and experienced it more times than I care to remember.
The stoics were right in their observations.
It is a rare man indeed who doesn't mistake kindness for weakness.
A true rarity in this world.
Be kind with your words, not with your money or work.
Help in only necessary situations.
I was doing my best to please someone since I was afraid of losing them and being left alone; I was a coward. Of course, I do not talk to them anymore and learned the importance of being myself once I stayed free from them. Even family becomes toxic once I try to be "a nice baby or son".
My Dad was a stoic and I didn't realize until I came across your videos. Thank you 🙏
I am, as well. My daughter mistook this for a lack of empathy 😂
She has learned since then, but we didn’t have a relationship for a very long time because of it, despite my explanations.
"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love." Marcus Aurelius
This is sure an eye opener! I'm definitely a giver and love to help people. People have taken advantage of me during the past making me feel like I'm a push over, it's not a good feeling as I don't like people thinking I'm stupid and can easily be used. This video is indeed useful and helpful, I can definitely learn from this.
💯
My repository has now hit a bottom line.my family has used me my entire life.i learned my lesson a bit late but I got myself before I went over the cliff.nobody helps me when I'm in real need.thank you for your advice.
Stoicism should be talked to all young men
This is one of the channels that gave me the courage to start my UA-cam channel 10 months ago about self development. Now I have 1,914 subs and > 2k hours of watch time. I know it’s not comparable with others but I’m still proud I started because I’ve been learning so many lessons that I could haven’t learned without getting started in the 1st place.
👍😊
@@anneliolsson31 Whoever you are, I don't know you personally but I can say that you're one of the non-judgmental and open-minded people who is not fixated on tangible or external factors in order to learn from someone like me. Just because someone doesn't have a piece of paper as a credential, doesn't mean that person is not entitled to share personal experiences with the hope & intention to inspire others. Keep up with whatever it is that you're doing to improve mankind or improving your life even to a slight degree each day. This is just one part of a bigger puzzle for creating my UA-cam channel about holistic health. I literally could have died back when I was 14 years old due to major depression but here I am right now replying to you, a UA-camr, who's full of fulfillment and dedication to help others to be a better version of themselves. I ain't better than anyone else but my old self. That's all that really makes this UA-cam thing more meaningful and enjoyable. Thanks so much for your support! I am hoping that you can join me with this endless personal development journey! :)
Good luck with your channel!
@@johnsmith-ds5yt Whoever you are, I don't know you personally but I can say that you're one of the non-judgmental and open-minded people who is not fixated on tangible or external factors in order to learn from someone like me. Just because someone doesn't have a piece of paper as a credential, doesn't mean that person is not entitled to share personal experiences with the hope & intention to inspire others. Keep up with whatever it is that you're doing to improve mankind or improving your life even to a slight degree each day. This is just one part of a bigger puzzle for creating my UA-cam channel about holistic health. I literally could have died back when I was 14 years old due to major depression but here I am right now replying to you, a UA-camr, who's full of fulfillment and dedication to help others to be a better version of themselves. I ain't better than anyone else but my old self. That's all that really makes this UA-cam thing more meaningful and enjoyable. Thanks so much for your support! I am hoping that you can join me with this endless personal development journey! :)
@@anneliolsson31 thanks
I am definitely the guy who people only think about when they need something, I am finally waking up to this. My phone never rings otherwise. I am trying to live this lifestyle even if I am alone.
This has been such a realty check for me i never knew how much i gave of my self to others and forgot about me
This has changed my thinking of how I allow myself to think differently about how I treat myself as I treat others.not setting myself on fire to keep someone else warm. ❤
Get away from all the people that's negative around you and that makes you feel negative about anything.
Mind over body. I'm very spiritual, but this teaching is helping me to tap more into my true intellect. Thank you
The first one really got me. I helped someone very close to me during their time being released from prison and it lead to my complete and utter downfall. I’m so glad I have found stoicism and channels like yours.
I especially loved your analogy using an oxygen mask first in order to help others, basic but brilliant. Thank for your work.
Let me first note how amazingly beautiful these statues of healthy men are in these videos! I do a lot for those in my family. Years ago, I stopped doing so much for friends, but they do remember it. I just withdrew from so much extra external generosity because I started getting older and I realized that I have a lot of needs of my own to take care of, here at my big old farmhouse, and that takes a lot of time and energy to maintain our estate here. I searched within for happiness, as I aged , and I found it. These wise words of the stoics have made my life better. We can all live an extraordinary life by following these principles. I thank you for these videos. They have inspired and helped me immeasurably! ⭐️
Wonderful video that reminded me of my excessive generosity and kindness that lead to several burnouts. Thank you for starting these series for 2 reasons: many people need your teaching and many people need to learn about ancient wisdom. Today our culture does not value history and philosophy, but that does not mean it never existed. Keep up the amazing mentorship you are providing for those who listen. All my respect for your work!
Thanks for this guilt free self empowering video. Setting limitations, boundaries, and the word No is very powerful.
*Just finished watching this video and it's a real eye-opener! It made me think, have you ever experienced a situation where your kindness backfired?*
Unfortunately yes, but now I can share my wisdom with you so that you do not fall on the same trap
Most of my life I have been puzzled and hurt by unworthy twits who stomped on me... not any more! Only the best for moi!❤
I did from my own flesh and blood.She walked out on me after receiving copious hospitality after winning a fortune 23 years ago. Irrespective of life events there were no response!
I'm sorry to hear about your difficult experience.
It's tough when life takes unexpected turns, especially involving close ones.
How have you been coping with these changes over the years?
Sharing your story can be incredibly powerful and might help others in similar situations.@@sagayagambrun5149
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"Waste no more time arguing about what a good man should be. Be one." - Marcus Aurelius
I’m learning to say no more than I used to by distancing myself from the energy vampires and maintaining my own good vibes
This is honestly some of the best help and advice I've had in the last 5 years I really think I'll turn my life around. I'm setting new boundaries make a new goals and going to move forward in life instead of two step back thank you for your time and your knowledge thank you
Yes……..I’ve been taken advantage of financially…..perfect video for me ….so thank you so much❤although, id rather be in the position of the giver than the taker …..I really don’t want to take on other’s responsibilities anymore . This year will be better .
So inciteful. I’m a giver and have hurt people accidentally by doing too much for them. Hope I can do better in future.
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The segment on reciprocity resonated deeply with me, as it highlighted the dangers of expecting too much from others and the subsequent disappointment that can arise. Stoic teachings encourage us to focus on what we can control and to accept events as they unfold, rather than becoming fixated on outcomes or recognition.
I am now following a path of solitude, and your videos became a precious enrichment to my life... Thank you!
Moderation is key, determined with experience.
This is so true, I know because I allowed it to happen to me
Thank you so Much for THIS Information. Because I See Myself as A HELPER I tend to go overboard in Helping others .... To the point of having to cut my loses and move in
My ex husband would botch any household tasks on purpose, knowing I would jump in and do it. Once, when I was working late I asked him to have 3 potatoes peeled before I got home (to help me get dinner fixed a bit faster) when I got home. Yup, he peeled them and then plucked 3 hairs from his head and put in the bowl of water with the 3 potatoes. Each year it got worse.
It is my Pleasure to leave this comment And expressing my gratitude for finding your wisdom, clarity and bringing focus, when I listen to your calm, intelligent voice and can bring perspective to situations in my life, where I can say "I never realized or saw it that way!" I am 82 years of age and it is only now that I am free to reflect and truly understand so Many aspects of my life and the "whys" of various circumstances and sift through the results, both good and bad. Some realizations have been startling. My screen on ny cell phone does not have the option of the "Like" button, nor the subscription place. Yet, somehow I am able to scroll almost always (to my delight) to your channel. You have been and ARE a blessing. I always am focused and at ease after hearing you. To just say thank you seems so inadequate, but I am so grateful to have found your sanity.
Thank you so much for this. I've been feeling used because I try to be kind, and people get used to me always trying to help. So im always the one they ask for something.
Our generosity and doing for others is confirmation of what we can accomplish. Now that we know we can move mountains, let’s identify the deserving people we move these mountains for.
Reading Marcus Aurelius changed my life for the better. Lately I’ve been too tired to read once I get home from work, I love watching your videos so I can continue to learn even when my eyes are strained.
I wish I know this advice when was younger. I spent my money and time to give to others. It’s too late to practice now. Thanks for sharing this video ❤.
It’s never too late you are still alive. Forgive yourself and thank GOD!❤
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Mind over body.Thank you for reminding me of these valuable lessons.😊
I spent many years breaking my back for people, but when I was in need, the people who helped me were people who I never did anything for....
This is exactly what happened to me. This is a lesson and advice to me to avoid being kind, to give advantage the manipulate people
OMG, I needed this year's ago! Thousands of hours and dollars list. I'm so glad I found your channel. This is a God send!!! I'm definitely subd❤
I want to thank you for this video you just helped me re-realize that I am too kind to my family. Oddly I have no problem doing the advice that is recommended outside of my family. However you helped me remember that I need to be more kind to myself and not be so selfless when it comes to family. A man has to know his limitations- dirty harry. godbless and thank you for sharing your wisdom with us all.
As a psychologist, I consistently advise my clients to listen to these videos to sustain their mental health. Thank you!
Thank you so very much because this video has freed me from killing myself in helping people who are never there when I’m in need and, are never tired of asking for help. Thanks again
Brilliant stuff !!! I wish I had learned to say NO a long time ago. Still, never too late ! Thank you.
Damn, you came in blazing with this one💪🏿
Crying in my car at the park remembering to love myself as I would a friend. I gave everything to everyone else, I haven't been a good friend to myself.
True! Less Is More ,
Being To Attentive And Generous Isn't Always Respected Nor Appreciated . Respect Your Self And Your Time, Boundaries.
Definitely grateful to have come across your channel. It’s important to me to continue to see growth within myself. I’ve learned so much in so little time. Keep transforming lives!
Sunday 7 January. I am so happy I have found your group and knowledge. I never knew of it before. It's perfect for the way I already think but have needed help now and then What about giving too much to your children?. Thanking you. janie from Australia.
Serendipity 🙏🏽
Excellent- my partner certainly needs help, and after 40 days and 40 nights, I burst into tears… his small efforts to be reasonable are a welcome and enormous help to my well being. I am reassured by your video here.
Thank you for this! I'd love it in book form !
Mind Over Body
Thank you very much for this eye and mind opening video experience. It's enlightening for me to know that I can change for the betterment of myself.
Thanks again!!!😌
Moderation is a life savior for me. Thanks for making a stoic decision to share your gift to the world.
This was sent to me from a very good friend to help me with my issue of over giving my time and kindness to where I’m sick physically and drained. This video has taught me so much.
Thank you for your awesome lessons!
Excellent, thanks so much for sharing so much knowledge very much needed for many of us who have fallen into that situation of being too nice and not thinking of ourselves first. At 60 and still in the process of fixing many things in my life, this knowledge you shared is one of the pillars that I needed to keep on building the house of my mind and heart... Again thanks so much. Many blessings to you friend.
Been there, done this. Still recovering from the exhaustion & damage done to my life. Thanks for posting this!
Mind over body. "What you think of yourself is more important than what others think of you. "
Very thought provoking. I may need to watch this a few times to totally benefit from the lessons resented here.
Mind over body 😊
Watched to the end.
Your channel and words of wisdom have helped me immensely. 😊
Crushed it🎉
Switch kicks 65 to 77
Power Jacks 40 to 36😢
Power knees 83 to 84
Power jump 42 to 50
Frog jump 13 to 20
Suicide jumps 16 to 21
Side to side drills 17 to 21
Power squat 38 to 46
Push ups 17 to 20
Leg lifts 25 to 30
The video is an eye opener. Excessive kindness and generosity, people pleasing, neglecting your own needs, flexibility, always having to change to live up to others' expectations are some of the things that are part of the unhealthy mindset of the sick society.
Excellent video. I learned a lot how to be better to myself.
I love listening to your life lessons😊
Mind over body, stoicism is foremost the way.
Excesses in any field is detrimental to the individual , even being overly kind. Clear boundaries in generosity is essential.
This content is so relevant in today's world. Thank you for sharing these valuable lessons and prompting some serious self-reflection. Your perspective is both insightful and refreshing. Grateful for the wisdom you've shared! 🙏💖
“It is essential for you to remember that the attention you give to any action should be in due proportion to its worth, for then you won’t tire and give up, if you aren’t busying yourself with lesser things beyond what should be allowed.” - Marcus Aurelius
My boundaries are set irrespective of my kindness. There is a line that cannot be crossed.....
A beautiful soothing voice with cushioned words of love and compassion correcting mistakes gently and helping to change the direction of the very thought process leading to peace of mind and choosing a work which makes you feel enthusiastic and happy hopeful to live... my salutations to all highly experienced masters of stoicism giving me a hope to Iive a meaningful quality life peace uunderlined with 🙏🙏
I needed this video, people pleasing is what I struggle with. I’ve made a promise to myself that I would flip the switch and tap into my shadow more. Making sure my interactions with people are different this year.
This video is very helpful in my endeavor. for that, I thank you.
The background music is so distracting and ruining this great video.
Sounds like the sun outside setting it self on fire to keep us all warm, and its the only star that does that lol
I couldn’t count the amount of times I put someone else’s needs first. Video was exactly what I needed to hear 2 months into a relationship. Need to stop that codependency mindset as I am the only one that suffers when my needs are not met.
Thank you Mind over Body.
Imagine the level of dystopia we are in when being kind is a flaw.
Sometimes I can’t help it,i wish I can.
Thank you... It's always great life lesson🙏
I hope, I could listen this video my whole life.
I live a selfless life, always trying through Gods creation and his faith. Always providing my best for his people. I have recently, through Gods acknowledgment, the understanding of God's logic . Human logic I find is through learning and understanding the lessons from Jesus. That the logic of humans feed their logic from the fuel of money . Which leads to selfishness ,ignorance, and greed. Which has become overwhelming. I'm beginning to heal myself through reading others for their true intent.
These thoughts have helped me get through a very difficult time, a time where I thought I lost myself. Thank you
I made a career out of giving, accommodating, helping, doing favors, giving money and very devoted to “friends”. After 40 years, I still have no friends because I just can’t give anymore. My “friends” always had their way. We went where they wanted. Same with my relationship with my late husband. He always had a say fr everything. I always felt guilty if I didn’t always sacrifice and give always. I always felt guilty if I had my pick where or what we wanted to do. I never felt I deserved to receive and always gave.
This is definitely a topic I needed to hear. I won't feel guilty not being kind again. Mind over body, indeed.❤😊❤
Our actions send messages to the world👌