What if I don’t want to get better? Question 1) 1:02 What if one of your patients have opposing views. Question 2) 12:04 How to open up in therapy? Question 3) 16:34 Nervousness in therapy. Question 4) 23:43 Struggling with phone calls. Question 5) 29:48 What does it mean to get triggered easily? Question 6) 34:43 How to deal with loving + hating parents. Question 7) 40:06 Feeling unable to reciprocate support that friend gives because it leads to panic attacks Question 8) 47:30 How to be comfortable in the grey area/dealing with choices. Question 9) 53:59 After sister’s suicide attempt, I’m getting hallucinations/flashbacks and go into panic mode. Question 10) 1:00:39 Maladaptive daydreaming without trauma + Kati going over some comment replies. Question 11) 1:06:56
Kati Morton. Hello and good evening from uk I like the change of filming location and nice background curtain s iv missed the last 2 podcast s I have been stressed and struggling though the days but watching this new podcast to hopefully help x
Hey Kati! I’ve been listening to your podcast for some time now! It helps me a lot, you are awesome! Here’s my question: I’ve been seeing my psychologist for about 3 years now. I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I’ve seen another psychologist before her and a few different psychiatrists. Last week I was talking to her about how I thought maybe I was autistic (I had been watching a girl on tik tok/UA-cam that had autism and was self diagnosing.. which I have previously done before thinking I had borderline personality disorder). She explained that this can over lap sometimes and said “ that could be because of your ADD” I was confused and said “my what?!” .. basically she had been under the impression that I had been previously diagnosed with ADD (like in middle school or highschool) and just decided not to be treated with meds for it. She went through my chart and was baffled I hadn’t been. She seemed pretty flustered and even gave me a “clinical apology”. I was happy at first to finally understand why I am the way I am because it all made a lot of sense and clicked.. but now I’m just a little confused and shocked. I’ve seen so many people before her and no one had ever said anything. She didn’t even catch it until now... I’m 21 and I can’t help but think about how much easier school and certain things could’ve been if I had known sooner. Anyway I guess I’m just wondering what I should do now? Is medicine something I should look into if I’ve been doing well with my current anti-anxiety and depression meds.. should I question that my psychologist didn’t catch this sooner?..And think about finding a new one? (She’s helped me the most out of anyone I’ve seen but it’s seems weird it took this long). I really appreciate if you take the time to read and answer this. I know you are busy. Thank you so much! You are the best 💕
Lol is it weird that I listen to this podcast in part bc I find Kati's voice soothing? 😅 The voice in the back of my head is screaming I have attachment issues 😂
Wow, this community never ceases to surprise me! So many of this week’s questions are ones I’ve struggled with or thought about for a long time but never quite put them into the right words (right to me, at least). Y’all do such a good job asking such great questions, you’re helpful! 😅 Also... 50 episodes of AKA?! Holy cats, it feels like so little time has passed since the first episode! Way to go, Kati!
Thank you so much for answering my question about witnessing my sister's suicide attempt and the PTSD it has caused me. I can't tell you how much it means to me and how much I appreciate your input.
I once again had to leave therapy abruptly because of money so your podcast is really important to me. No matter the question I learn something that can help me get through my own issues. Thanks Kati
Love your videos Katy. I’ve had a rough year with my anxiety disorder and depression. It’s been a roller coaster, changing between hope and energy and paralyzing fears, but one constant has been your videos! Love from Argentina!
Q1: for me, i'm tired of people (including mental health system) treating my emotional pain as BAD and WRONG and something that i should undo or "fix". my feeling is that my emotional pain is trying to tell me something, and is wanting to validate the pain that i went through. this is why CBT was so awful for me: i felt it was gaslighting my emotional pain and experiences. if i want to "get better", it won't be on the agenda and the plan that others demand i follow. it will have to be my own way.
I've always been at it with my mom because she never understood me & let me tell you.. I moved out over a year ago & have been in therapy & now our relationship is much healthier!
Similar here, tho I know she will most likely Always see me as a kid. Or someone who needs to date someone to be a true man or whatever. It's beyond frustrating, letting my guard down somewhat the other day, she told me out of the blue how she was concerned about my anger issues (just the tip of the iceberg/ isn't without reason(s)) I calm her down there/ attempt my best to show how I'm no longer prone to outbursts/ being overly offended... Next thing I know she's accusing me of my car looking like s**t for having bugs on the bumper for months on end, etc. Random spiel about my sister having decals she won't take off somehow applying to my situation... And I had just overcome an intense episode of my dad previously yelling at me over nothing while visiting/ doing laundry... I am perfectly fine away from them. They meet all of the toxic criteria. Are super boring cleaners/ busy bodies around the house but never get out. I get they have 5 cats to help with that, but I just don't understand. They use to go out and enjoy themselves. Now they just criticize, watch cnn and overly trust the nightly news... I don't owe them anything nor do I need to listen to them. They know far too much, assume and judge too much, and I know I must never stay over at their house any longer except very briefly or a formal event with lots of company or something. Shame, never thought it'd get to this, but they cannot see how I've developed, still see me as a child or like a troubled teen somehow for not fitting their mold of what a 'true adult' should be, but it is whatever... and definitely paying the chump change to do laundry closer to my place and without someone over my shoulder is worth every cent
In regards to exposure therapy, allow me to share two things about myself. 1. I am deathly afraid of heights. 2. I used to stumble and bumble through telephone conversations. I never really worked with a therapist on either issue, per se but, as I began to trust my therapist and trust myself, I started to challenge myself. Once, when I missed a bus (on a Sunday, of course) and that was the last one of the late afternoon, I was stranded. The funny/sad thing was that I was stranded near a drawbridge in Seattle and on the other side of the drawbridge was my apartment! The drawbridge was over Lake Union and the teensy little sidewalk was up on the bridge deck. The handrail barely came up to my belt buckle. And worse, every single time a car or truck drove past, the entire bridge deck would shake. I have never been so terrified in my life. I got on that damn bridge and muttered under my breath the entire time, "I can do this, I can do this, even if I am scared shitless, I can do this!" I wanted to cry and crap my pants. I nearly kissed the ground when I finally made it across. And then I shakily stumbled to my apartment and called my therapist. I was so proud! Story #2: I sometimes say really bizarre things, apropos of nothing. I get nervous, say something really weird or nonsensical and then I get anxious about saying something worse...and I usually do. When calling to make doctor appointments or talking to someone about the electric bill, I would get so scared that I almost always hung up before I could embarrass myself. HOWEVER!! My therapist suggested writing a script for every phone call. I thought it wouldn't work but it did! I was also very introverted for a while and that didn't help matters. With time, experience and patience with myself, I am very comfortable talking with strangers on the phone and in person. I'm also a semiprofessional artist and have to meet with clients, gallery owners, etc. Most of the time I am comfortable talking about my art. Occasionally I do get that stammering, stuttering anxiety. That seems to happen when I have to talk to someone who is kind of indifferent or just has issues of their own. I am learning not to take things so personally. But, scripts. Yeah. It's no shame in writing out a little script so you don't forget what you want to say or questions you want to ask.
I love it! Super proud of you for crossing that damn bridge! You go friend! And yes, I too write down scripts and even try to memorize lines of what I want to say and replay it over and over again in my head before saying out loud. Kuddos to all of us for coming up with creative ways to address and solve problems and reaching higher and bigger.
These videos have helped me get through these difficult times Here is a poem I wrote in the midst of a crisis Title: Crisis Heartbeat quickens Thoughts racing Keep it together Smile don’t let it sneak out They asked a question Trouble recalling words Frustration Can’t gather my thoughts Confusion Why am I so dumb Panic They tell me to pay attention Breathing quick I can’t take it anymore They call my name I nod dizzily Breathe I need help I need it all to end Can’t they see No the wounds are all inside of me I don’t want to live anymore Keep it together Deep breaths Mindfulness Focus on the present I have so much to do Homework Exams Chores Dad calls my name I need to pay bills I snap at him Calm down These are all simple things I want to cry I need a hug I want someone to listen I can’t keep helping I have nothing left to give When will someone notice? What’s wrong with me? Depression Anxiety I can’t let them define me They have taken over There is nothing left of me What’s the point? Hopeless It’s all my fault Guilt Go to sleep Tossing and turning Nightmares Wake up Hands wrap around my neck I can end it all with a compressive squeeze Why would I do that? I’m in pain But God wouldn’t be happy with that Cry out to God for help He is the only who truly knows my struggles Dear God have mercy on my soul You created me to reach a goal A goal I struggle to understand and find I feel I constantly keep losing my mind The calamities that keep befalling this world Have me asking when will our savoir return I don’t want to lose hope but it’s hard not to When all I see is destruction and misery This world has become so dark Nothing interests me anymore Keep fighting Apply for jobs There might be a future One that I can’t see Depends on the moment And how I feel One second I’m fine The next all logic goes out of my mind They tell me to take it one day at a time And that is what I shall try
Can't believe its podcast 50 still cant believe how meny podcast s have been done well done kati I also want to thank people here on the comments for always makeing me feel welcome and calm here people are always polite here x
comfort items like a blanket or stuffed animals can help too. I will bring a stuffed animal with me when I know therapy will be tough and it helps me stay in the moment because it is familiar and I can touch it to calm down
That’s what I was thinking when she talked about emotionally supportive animals. In my head I thought “well I have my stuffed animal puppy” and I’m sure that could work too. 👍🏽
I seem to be one of those individuals where several things that are suggested to me don't work. For the most part, I feel like they are suggesting the basics, or strategies that are known to work. I've had to take a step back and really try to better connect with myself to find what works for me. I know that listening to music is a major coping mechanism for my anxiety, especially in public places. I know that deep breathing can help in some manner, but I have noticed that the more I focus on my breathing when having anxiety, causes me more anxiety, as if I'm not getting enough air (feeling from slowing breath). Exposer therapy was brought up here. Now I'm sure if works for many, but my personal experiences seems to be that it creates more scenarios to been anxious. Riding the bus to locations for example. Sure I forced myself on the bus more, but I had places I needed to go. I'd be lucky if I could find a seat that people weren't near, or facing me, or having to sit beside someone else. A quiet bus was the best bus. I'd listen to music to keep from getting overwhelmed. My anxiety never left, nor subsided. Making phone calls has been the same. If I have to make an important call to someone I don't know, then I will be anxious. It's not like I've done it a couple times and concluded that it isn't going to get better. It just doesn't seem to help. Even taking classes prior to Covid. There is a small element that I can get used to, like the action. But because people are part of it, I always seem to need my means of coping, or else it's too much. I mean, nothing quite like brain fog during a call to the government. I admit, in some scenarios, more exposure does help (like seeing a new counselor). Is there some advice on exposer therapy that might be of better help in my situation, where I've been exposed to public places, and talked with strangers for quite some time? Might there be something I've missed about it?
Self sabotaging your progress in therapy b/c you don’t know who you are without trauma. It’s something I’ve been going through forever. Thank you for answering this
This is such a great question and yet can be so personal! With my health, I am in constant pain every day and have to fight to work and do normal things. I DO want to get better, but I get to a point where I become fearful of the pain and don't want to do certain things because of it. That's why I I started a Positive support group on FB and my youtube channel. Its just SO new... because so many groups are so negative and focus on the pity party of life. We need more joy and happiness so we want to get better and feel better! ❤❤❤
Like the first question, I was diagnosed with BPD due to major, continued physical and verbal bullying from age 4 until my teens and when I mention it to people, they're so condescendent about it, even my closest family. They always say things such as "I've been through the same back in school" and "it happens to everyone".
Kati please make a video about adults that are estranged from their families. My dad passed away and my mum is an abusive alcoholic with narcissistic tendencies. I have no family support and I'm distancing myself from her but I feel so isolated. What advice do you have for people that are basically alone in the world with no safety net? Thank you, love your podcast x
Here's something that has really made a difference in my relaxation, especially before bedtime. Do the "shakeout" exercise that Kati talks about. Take a warm/hot shower and, as you're drying off, gently massage your arms, legs, hands, fingers with a CBD lotion or balm. I have a roll on type of balm that has cloves, menthol, eucalyptus oils, and of course, the CBD. The CBD relaxes tense muscles. CBD oils for topical use will NOT make someone high. Only THC does that. As I listen to this video, I am sooooooo calm and relaxed. I rubbed the CBD balm all over and then ate 5 mg. of edible marijuana. I am usually in crippling physical pain from Scoliosis and the only thing that knocks it back to a tolerable level are edibles that have both THC and CBD in them but the CBD mg. is always more than the THC. I know many listeners of this show are probably dealing with substance abuse issues so this advice is not necessarily for you. My substance abuse is sugar-related so I am very strict about the sugar in my edibles. If this looooong message was helpful to anyone, I'm glad. Just trying some of the topical-only CBD products can help with anxiety and stress. Your mileage may vary.
Serious question..your substance disorder is sugar?... Is sugar use disorder listed in the DSM5 as a substance use disorder? Just thinking how this might invalidate people with actual substance use disorders such as ones listed in the DSM5 by the American board of medical professionals...My bad if it is, not sure so I might need to read up but don't think it is.
I often have trouble like the person in question 3. The struggle to open up. My problems arise when talking details of the nightmares/memories of sexual abuse. I now tell my therapist that I can’t get the words out to describe it and she takes over asking some questions. Normally one question related to the memory, like “where were you, what was the setting?” Then after I answer, she asks a question completely unrelated, like “so how is your dog going?” And we chat about that for a minute before she asks another question around my horrible memory. Obviously this may not be an approach for everyone but it works well for me. Sometimes it does take a couple of sessions to get the full memory out and after going through it slowly we go back over it like a “recap” kind of thing and then discuss like my emotions attached to different parts of this memory. This is just what works for me. The starting and stopping helps keep my anxiety, dissociation and flashbacks at bay to get through the session and processing my memories.
6:18, it might also give suggestion how to act, like a family name kind of thing. Maybe something similar of another way is personality traits of a zodiac. Like if some one is a Taurus they tend to be confident and sensual, but that through a lens of disorder may be unhealthy, you know what I mean? A description of traits we can relate to may feel comforting.
Regarding question 1, I've been stuck in that place for 10 years of therapy. Feeling content or peaceful or happy feels invalidating and wrong to me. It also feels like "not me". Recovery feels like brainwashing, or that society is trying to change who I am so I can fit in better and be a better cog in the machine.
Thank you for being you, Kati. 💕 I'm deciding whether to try therapy again as I'm really poorly, but my previous therapist caused me trauma so I don't know whether to go down that route again but I'm not coping right now. 😭 Love you XOXO
Even though I had read the comment about the person who walked in on their sister's suicide attempt, I completely flashbacked to when my husband suddenly died. I haven't had a flashback that strong in months. I did the shake out and some DBT techniques. It helped but now I'm exhausted. Oops. I really thought I was pat the flashbacks as I did the storyline and that really helped. I hope this doesn't mean they are back.
Ashley-.hello how have you been how are things hope your ok I missed kati s last 2 podcast honestly sadly wasn't feeling like they was helping me but I come back to watch again take care Ashley
Actually studied during the 1960 rush for information, the graphic illness of mental instability which is based upon a digressing society paranoia. So, as society does show signs of repression how far is the necessity for the patient to eliminate themselves of the action to harm others. Not meaning that all modes of this depression can be approved but that unknown to the patient all of the beginning symptoms are valid. This established the theory to rebase all of a patient's symptoms to a philosophical and moral validity. Also, the suicidal acclaim to the patient was regraded to a softest or milder one. Really Interesting! It was even compared to an exotic trip, just as someone tries all the strange foods in a mood or dressing oddly.
Hey Kati! I have been diagnosed with BPD. There are a million racing thoughts in my mind and I find it really stressful to deal with each of them. As I don't have enough financial resources to pay for a personal therapy, I am using the DBT skills workbook - that you recommend. I read that safe place visualization is one of the effective distraction tools. But, I am not able to figure out how to transition from a disturbed space to a peaceful space in mind. Can you please talk about it in one of your upcoming videos?
Getting better means opening our selves up again to the brutality that life has been, not just here or there but for decades? I have this deep rage at life, at god if you will, for everything that has been. It feels as though getting better means saying it's all ok. That life is in fact all happening for you even if it has been horrible and taken so so so so so much from you.
Lol when you said to listen to someone on UA-cam I got a chuckle out of it because that's exactly what I do with you. My therapist says you are one of my coping mechanisms.
I have a question, or more like a problem..? Idk what exactly it is. I dont know what i have or what is wrong with me (i self harm and i have suicidal thoughts), but i dont have trauma and if i have i dont know where it comes from. I have some reasons for it but they dont feel valid, because they are mostly based of selfhate and overthinking and stuff, i cant really phrase it. And everyone else i met who has scars or similar behavior had major trauma or anything like that. Which is why in my head i cant justify my actions, because as i said i dont have trauma or anything like that. But its just so hard to stop. Why cant i be normal, why cant i just stop doing this, stop thinking those things, stop making plans in my head? I just want it to stop. (Please dont worry i wouldnt have the "courage" and motivation to actually end it) I just feel so invalid and dumb, and the worst thing is sometimes i dont even want it to stop because it makes me feel good or something. Am i crazy? I have mental breakdowns because I want it to stop, because i want everything to stop but the voice in my head tells me its good. Wtf is wrong with me i dont want this
Anxiety feels very similar to the elevated heartrate I got once from accidentally taking too much of my albuterol inhaler. Every time I experience anxiety like that, even as it's really annoying how my chest feels fluttery and my pulse won't calm down, I'm also grateful that my alexithymia protects me from the thought patterns other people get from anxiety. Brain is bad, but is comfortable kind of bad to inhabit, you feel?
In the big Ts and little ts model of trauma that you've mentioned, it seems like it ought to be possible to amass enough trauma to get symptoms without having any single event that makes you realize that's what's happened. So maybe the maladaptive daydreaming person is experiencing a trauma symptom, but without a big, flashy, attention-grabbing cause.
Hey Kati, I’m 19 years old and still in high school. My questions are “Why do I not want to get better from my eating disorder, but still hate that I have it?”
hey hun! just wanna let you know that on the Opinions That Don't Matter youtube page in the community section, she makes a new post every thursday that you can comment under and she will see your question there!
It can feel so polarizing but is very normal to have different parts or aspects of yourself with opposing positions. Part of you hates it as you said and that is valid. Part of you maybe is not yet ready to let go. That part is also valid and at the same time it is not what is in honour of yourself. To help that part join the decision to heal perhaps question what needs that part of you is getting met or avoiding with the eating behaviours . Is there a healthy way to meet that need? How is your self esteem and self talk? You are worthy and you are the only you on this planet so that makes you valuable. What different activities might you choose if it was ok to like and love yourself? I am sorry you are struggling and I hope Kati can answer your great question. I’m just heating of her for the first time but she seems sweet and good at what she does. Much love to you
Hi Kati! I love your videos! They've really helped me through everything. Is there a place I can send you a question thats not so public? An email or other social media messenger place? Thank you!
Hey Kati I been trying to get this question answered for weeks now can you please answer it soon please Hi Kati can you discus complicated grief and how the pandemic may cause that in same cases right now .I was wondering because my family just had my stepsister funeral the other day and some we had to wait a whole month to have it to know if the grief is now considered completed grief because of how long it took to have the funeral because my stepsister actually passed away last December do to car accident?
I thought I was the only one who not only hated but literally is a fraud of talking on the phone. People still insist on calling me even after I’ve told them I hate it. It forces me to respond far too quickly than I’m comfortable. It like puts me on stage and I hate it. Literally I’ve had my sisters and mom make calls for me cuz I just couldn’t do it…. It’s beyond a fear it’s like if someone said I’m gonna trap you in a small cave with a bear and pythons and how you’d feel like dying is the only way to deal, that’s how talking on the phone and calling and being called feels to me as dramatic as it sounds….
Hello people just put this weeks Thursday s new podcast on I haven't watched the last 2 weeks podcast I was dealing with how depressed iv felt and sad and fed up iv felt everyday of the week I'm still not good but iv got myself back into these podcasts I see there are 11 question all good questions lastly nice different filming location of this podcast hope everyone s ok
You mean like apathy? No Emotions is not a thing I would assume or believe, try to figure out what parts of your body feel no emotions. And then from no emotions, you say then they become overwhelming? I’m sorry to hear that and hope you stay well
I'm so curious if you get botox? Your forehead doesn't move as much as it used to. Im the same age as you, and heavily considering.botox. It's really hard.getting older sometimes and seeing our youthfulness slowly decline 😓 Would love to hear about your personal experience with it! 😉
Hi Katie Seriously I feel that getting Therapy is a waste of time One broken person talking to another broken person Completely absurd Sexually abused since a child and raped at age 18 at gun point,I have suppressed many things and live a reasonably productive life No one escapes unscathed Respect
I think therapy doesn't work for some people. After 4 different ones, it seems silly to keep believing it's the solution for me, I need to look elsewhere
That would be nice … BUT unfortunately there are too many people on earth 🌍 🌎🌏living in terrible circumstances and even wars😮😢😰 Reading the Holy Scriptures wouldn’t help. I presume you don’t live in such circumstances. Lucky you ! Open your eyes and pray for them 😅🙏
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What if I don’t want to get better? Question 1) 1:02
What if one of your patients have opposing views.
Question 2) 12:04
How to open up in therapy?
Question 3) 16:34
Nervousness in therapy.
Question 4) 23:43
Struggling with phone calls.
Question 5) 29:48
What does it mean to get triggered easily?
Question 6) 34:43
How to deal with loving + hating parents.
Question 7) 40:06
Feeling unable to reciprocate support that friend gives because it leads to panic attacks
Question 8) 47:30
How to be comfortable in the grey area/dealing with choices.
Question 9) 53:59
After sister’s suicide attempt, I’m getting hallucinations/flashbacks and go into panic mode.
Question 10) 1:00:39
Maladaptive daydreaming without trauma + Kati going over some comment replies.
Question 11) 1:06:56
Thank you!
Vale. Thank you for the question s timestamp s
Thank you. That helps a lot. I was trying to jot down the three I wanted to go back to in the morning to explore more.
Thank you so much :)) so kind of you 💜
Appreciate you! That’s so kind of you
Good morning everyone! :)
Kati Morton. Hello and good evening from uk I like the change of filming location and nice background curtain s iv missed the last 2 podcast s I have been stressed and struggling though the days but watching this new podcast to hopefully help x
Good morning :) hope you are taking good care :)
Hey Kati! I’ve been listening to your podcast for some time now! It helps me a lot, you are awesome!
Here’s my question:
I’ve been seeing my psychologist for about 3 years now. I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression and generalized anxiety disorder. I’ve seen another psychologist before her and a few different psychiatrists. Last week I was talking to her about how I thought maybe I was autistic (I had been watching a girl on tik tok/UA-cam that had autism and was self diagnosing.. which I have previously done before thinking I had borderline personality disorder). She explained that this can over lap sometimes and said “ that could be because of your ADD” I was confused and said “my what?!” .. basically she had been under the impression that I had been previously diagnosed with ADD (like in middle school or highschool) and just decided not to be treated with meds for it. She went through my chart and was baffled I hadn’t been. She seemed pretty flustered and even gave me a “clinical apology”. I was happy at first to finally understand why I am the way I am because it all made a lot of sense and clicked.. but now I’m just a little confused and shocked. I’ve seen so many people before her and no one had ever said anything. She didn’t even catch it until now... I’m 21 and I can’t help but think about how much easier school and certain things could’ve been if I had known sooner. Anyway I guess I’m just wondering what I should do now? Is medicine something I should look into if I’ve been doing well with my current anti-anxiety and depression meds.. should I question that my psychologist didn’t catch this sooner?..And think about finding a new one? (She’s helped me the most out of anyone I’ve seen but it’s seems weird it took this long).
I really appreciate if you take the time to read and answer this. I know you are busy. Thank you so much! You are the best 💕
Kati thanks for posting as much as you do. Your videos get me through the week until i can see my therapist again. Thanks for all you do
Lol is it weird that I listen to this podcast in part bc I find Kati's voice soothing? 😅 The voice in the back of my head is screaming I have attachment issues 😂
Wow, this community never ceases to surprise me! So many of this week’s questions are ones I’ve struggled with or thought about for a long time but never quite put them into the right words (right to me, at least). Y’all do such a good job asking such great questions, you’re helpful! 😅
Also... 50 episodes of AKA?! Holy cats, it feels like so little time has passed since the first episode! Way to go, Kati!
❤️
Thank you so much for answering my question about witnessing my sister's suicide attempt and the PTSD it has caused me. I can't tell you how much it means to me and how much I appreciate your input.
I once again had to leave therapy abruptly because of money so your podcast is really important to me. No matter the question I learn something that can help me get through my own issues. Thanks Kati
Love your videos Katy. I’ve had a rough year with my anxiety disorder and depression. It’s been a roller coaster, changing between hope and energy and paralyzing fears, but one constant has been your videos! Love from Argentina!
Spring is a reminder how lovely change can truly be.
Q1: for me, i'm tired of people (including mental health system) treating my emotional pain as BAD and WRONG and something that i should undo or "fix". my feeling is that my emotional pain is trying to tell me something, and is wanting to validate the pain that i went through. this is why CBT was so awful for me: i felt it was gaslighting my emotional pain and experiences.
if i want to "get better", it won't be on the agenda and the plan that others demand i follow. it will have to be my own way.
I've always been at it with my mom because she never understood me & let me tell you.. I moved out over a year ago & have been in therapy & now our relationship is much healthier!
Similar here, tho I know she will most likely Always see me as a kid. Or someone who needs to date someone to be a true man or whatever. It's beyond frustrating, letting my guard down somewhat the other day, she told me out of the blue how she was concerned about my anger issues (just the tip of the iceberg/ isn't without reason(s)) I calm her down there/ attempt my best to show how I'm no longer prone to outbursts/ being overly offended... Next thing I know she's accusing me of my car looking like s**t for having bugs on the bumper for months on end, etc. Random spiel about my sister having decals she won't take off somehow applying to my situation... And I had just overcome an intense episode of my dad previously yelling at me over nothing while visiting/ doing laundry...
I am perfectly fine away from them. They meet all of the toxic criteria. Are super boring cleaners/ busy bodies around the house but never get out. I get they have 5 cats to help with that, but I just don't understand. They use to go out and enjoy themselves. Now they just criticize, watch cnn and overly trust the nightly news... I don't owe them anything nor do I need to listen to them. They know far too much, assume and judge too much, and I know I must never stay over at their house any longer except very briefly or a formal event with lots of company or something. Shame, never thought it'd get to this, but they cannot see how I've developed, still see me as a child or like a troubled teen somehow for not fitting their mold of what a 'true adult' should be, but it is whatever... and definitely paying the chump change to do laundry closer to my place and without someone over my shoulder is worth every cent
In regards to exposure therapy, allow me to share two things about myself. 1. I am deathly afraid of heights. 2. I used to stumble and bumble through telephone conversations.
I never really worked with a therapist on either issue, per se but, as I began to trust my therapist and trust myself, I started to challenge myself. Once, when I missed a bus (on a Sunday, of course) and that was the last one of the late afternoon, I was stranded. The funny/sad thing was that I was stranded near a drawbridge in Seattle and on the other side of the drawbridge was my apartment! The drawbridge was over Lake Union and the teensy little sidewalk was up on the bridge deck. The handrail barely came up to my belt buckle. And worse, every single time a car or truck drove past, the entire bridge deck would shake. I have never been so terrified in my life. I got on that damn bridge and muttered under my breath the entire time, "I can do this, I can do this, even if I am scared shitless, I can do this!" I wanted to cry and crap my pants. I nearly kissed the ground when I finally made it across. And then I shakily stumbled to my apartment and called my therapist. I was so proud!
Story #2: I sometimes say really bizarre things, apropos of nothing. I get nervous, say something really weird or nonsensical and then I get anxious about saying something worse...and I usually do. When calling to make doctor appointments or talking to someone about the electric bill, I would get so scared that I almost always hung up before I could embarrass myself. HOWEVER!! My therapist suggested writing a script for every phone call. I thought it wouldn't work but it did! I was also very introverted for a while and that didn't help matters. With time, experience and patience with myself, I am very comfortable talking with strangers on the phone and in person. I'm also a semiprofessional artist and have to meet with clients, gallery owners, etc. Most of the time I am comfortable talking about my art. Occasionally I do get that stammering, stuttering anxiety. That seems to happen when I have to talk to someone who is kind of indifferent or just has issues of their own. I am learning not to take things so personally. But, scripts. Yeah. It's no shame in writing out a little script so you don't forget what you want to say or questions you want to ask.
I love it! Super proud of you for crossing that damn bridge! You go friend! And yes, I too write down scripts and even try to memorize lines of what I want to say and replay it over and over again in my head before saying out loud. Kuddos to all of us for coming up with creative ways to address and solve problems and reaching higher and bigger.
These videos have helped me get through these difficult times
Here is a poem I wrote in the midst of a crisis
Title: Crisis
Heartbeat quickens
Thoughts racing
Keep it together
Smile don’t let it sneak out
They asked a question
Trouble recalling words
Frustration
Can’t gather my thoughts
Confusion
Why am I so dumb
Panic
They tell me to pay attention
Breathing quick
I can’t take it anymore
They call my name
I nod dizzily
Breathe
I need help
I need it all to end
Can’t they see
No the wounds are all inside of me
I don’t want to live anymore
Keep it together
Deep breaths
Mindfulness
Focus on the present
I have so much to do
Homework
Exams
Chores
Dad calls my name
I need to pay bills
I snap at him
Calm down
These are all simple things
I want to cry
I need a hug
I want someone to listen
I can’t keep helping
I have nothing left to give
When will someone notice?
What’s wrong with me?
Depression
Anxiety
I can’t let them define me
They have taken over
There is nothing left of me
What’s the point?
Hopeless
It’s all my fault
Guilt
Go to sleep
Tossing and turning
Nightmares
Wake up
Hands wrap around my neck
I can end it all with a compressive squeeze
Why would I do that?
I’m in pain
But God wouldn’t be happy with that
Cry out to God for help
He is the only who truly knows my struggles
Dear God have mercy on my soul
You created me to reach a goal
A goal I struggle to understand and find
I feel I constantly keep losing my mind
The calamities that keep befalling this world
Have me asking when will our savoir return
I don’t want to lose hope but it’s hard not to
When all I see is destruction and misery
This world has become so dark
Nothing interests me anymore
Keep fighting
Apply for jobs
There might be a future
One that I can’t see
Depends on the moment
And how I feel
One second I’m fine
The next all logic goes out of my mind
They tell me to take it one day at a time
And that is what I shall try
Can't believe its podcast 50 still cant believe how meny podcast s have been done well done kati I also want to thank people here on the comments for always makeing me feel welcome and calm here people are always polite here x
comfort items like a blanket or stuffed animals can help too. I will bring a stuffed animal with me when I know therapy will be tough and it helps me stay in the moment because it is familiar and I can touch it to calm down
That’s what I was thinking when she talked about emotionally supportive animals. In my head I thought “well I have my stuffed animal puppy” and I’m sure that could work too. 👍🏽
So lovely to see you with such a nice bright background Kati, it makes you shine!
Thank you so much Kati for answering my question, yes it helped. Now that you mentioned I have more insight than I had when I started therapy
I seem to be one of those individuals where several things that are suggested to me don't work. For the most part, I feel like they are suggesting the basics, or strategies that are known to work. I've had to take a step back and really try to better connect with myself to find what works for me. I know that listening to music is a major coping mechanism for my anxiety, especially in public places. I know that deep breathing can help in some manner, but I have noticed that the more I focus on my breathing when having anxiety, causes me more anxiety, as if I'm not getting enough air (feeling from slowing breath). Exposer therapy was brought up here. Now I'm sure if works for many, but my personal experiences seems to be that it creates more scenarios to been anxious. Riding the bus to locations for example. Sure I forced myself on the bus more, but I had places I needed to go. I'd be lucky if I could find a seat that people weren't near, or facing me, or having to sit beside someone else. A quiet bus was the best bus. I'd listen to music to keep from getting overwhelmed. My anxiety never left, nor subsided. Making phone calls has been the same. If I have to make an important call to someone I don't know, then I will be anxious. It's not like I've done it a couple times and concluded that it isn't going to get better. It just doesn't seem to help. Even taking classes prior to Covid. There is a small element that I can get used to, like the action. But because people are part of it, I always seem to need my means of coping, or else it's too much. I mean, nothing quite like brain fog during a call to the government. I admit, in some scenarios, more exposure does help (like seeing a new counselor). Is there some advice on exposer therapy that might be of better help in my situation, where I've been exposed to public places, and talked with strangers for quite some time? Might there be something I've missed about it?
I hope you are better able to work through this with a therapist and may you receive my peace and blessings.
Self sabotaging your progress in therapy b/c you don’t know who you are without trauma. It’s something I’ve been going through forever. Thank you for answering this
Thank you Katie for all you do. ❤
Refreshing to see another episode! I haven't listened to the podcast as much, but it's nice to return to a new one.
Hi Ben hope you’re having fun good evening I erred hope hope all
Hi Ben hope you’re having fun good evening I erred hope hope all
Hi Ben hope you’re having fun good evening I love your your family I hope t
Yes we can have the girls
Rrrtt
This is such a great question and yet can be so personal! With my health, I am in constant pain every day and have to fight to work and do normal things. I DO want to get better, but I get to a point where I become fearful of the pain and don't want to do certain things because of it. That's why I I started a Positive support group on FB and my youtube channel. Its just SO new... because so many groups are so negative and focus on the pity party of life. We need more joy and happiness so we want to get better and feel better! ❤❤❤
Like the first question, I was diagnosed with BPD due to major, continued physical and verbal bullying from age 4 until my teens and when I mention it to people, they're so condescendent about it, even my closest family. They always say things such as "I've been through the same back in school" and "it happens to everyone".
I can relate to question 5 I am very anxious and nervous with phone calls couldn't even except phone calls from health professionals
Kati please make a video about adults that are estranged from their families. My dad passed away and my mum is an abusive alcoholic with narcissistic tendencies. I have no family support and I'm distancing myself from her but I feel so isolated. What advice do you have for people that are basically alone in the world with no safety net? Thank you, love your podcast x
Amazing episode, Kati!🙂❤ Thank you so so much!🙂❤
Here's something that has really made a difference in my relaxation, especially before bedtime. Do the "shakeout" exercise that Kati talks about. Take a warm/hot shower and, as you're drying off, gently massage your arms, legs, hands, fingers with a CBD lotion or balm. I have a roll on type of balm that has cloves, menthol, eucalyptus oils, and of course, the CBD. The CBD relaxes tense muscles. CBD oils for topical use will NOT make someone high. Only THC does that. As I listen to this video, I am sooooooo calm and relaxed. I rubbed the CBD balm all over and then ate 5 mg. of edible marijuana. I am usually in crippling physical pain from Scoliosis and the only thing that knocks it back to a tolerable level are edibles that have both THC and CBD in them but the CBD mg. is always more than the THC.
I know many listeners of this show are probably dealing with substance abuse issues so this advice is not necessarily for you. My substance abuse is sugar-related so I am very strict about the sugar in my edibles.
If this looooong message was helpful to anyone, I'm glad. Just trying some of the topical-only CBD products can help with anxiety and stress. Your mileage may vary.
Serious question..your substance disorder is sugar?... Is sugar use disorder listed in the DSM5 as a substance use disorder? Just thinking how this might invalidate people with actual substance use disorders such as ones listed in the DSM5 by the American board of medical professionals...My bad if it is, not sure so I might need to read up but don't think it is.
I often have trouble like the person in question 3. The struggle to open up. My problems arise when talking details of the nightmares/memories of sexual abuse.
I now tell my therapist that I can’t get the words out to describe it and she takes over asking some questions. Normally one question related to the memory, like “where were you, what was the setting?” Then after I answer, she asks a question completely unrelated, like “so how is your dog going?” And we chat about that for a minute before she asks another question around my horrible memory.
Obviously this may not be an approach for everyone but it works well for me. Sometimes it does take a couple of sessions to get the full memory out and after going through it slowly we go back over it like a “recap” kind of thing and then discuss like my emotions attached to different parts of this memory.
This is just what works for me.
The starting and stopping helps keep my anxiety, dissociation and flashbacks at bay to get through the session and processing my memories.
6:18, it might also give suggestion how to act, like a family name kind of thing. Maybe something similar of another way is personality traits of a zodiac. Like if some one is a Taurus they tend to be confident and sensual, but that through a lens of disorder may be unhealthy, you know what I mean? A description of traits we can relate to may feel comforting.
Love the background really refreshing
Regarding question 1, I've been stuck in that place for 10 years of therapy. Feeling content or peaceful or happy feels invalidating and wrong to me. It also feels like "not me". Recovery feels like brainwashing, or that society is trying to change who I am so I can fit in better and be a better cog in the machine.
Great video. It really helps. Thank you.
Thank you for being you, Kati. 💕
I'm deciding whether to try therapy again as I'm really poorly, but my previous therapist caused me trauma so I don't know whether to go down that route again but I'm not coping right now. 😭
Love you XOXO
How does a therapist cause trauma? Genuine question, not mocking
Even though I had read the comment about the person who walked in on their sister's suicide attempt, I completely flashbacked to when my husband suddenly died. I haven't had a flashback that strong in months. I did the shake out and some DBT techniques. It helped but now I'm exhausted. Oops. I really thought I was pat the flashbacks as I did the storyline and that really helped. I hope this doesn't mean they are back.
The guest curtains are lovely.
We should have had a community poll guessing which colour they’d be, because we’re interesting like that! 😂😂
Ashley-.hello how have you been how are things hope your ok I missed kati s last 2 podcast honestly sadly wasn't feeling like they was helping me but I come back to watch again take care Ashley
@@itsgrahamslife we will know for next time! Haha
@@nikkimckay860 hi Nikki!
Thank you so much
Actually studied during the 1960 rush for information, the graphic illness of mental instability which is based upon a digressing society paranoia. So, as society does show signs of repression how far is the necessity for the patient to eliminate themselves of the action to harm others. Not meaning that all modes of this depression can be approved but that unknown to the patient all of the beginning symptoms are valid. This established the theory to rebase all of a patient's symptoms to a philosophical and moral validity. Also, the suicidal acclaim to the patient was regraded to a softest or milder one. Really Interesting!
It was even compared to an exotic trip, just as someone tries all the strange foods in a mood or dressing oddly.
Hey Kati! I have been diagnosed with BPD. There are a million racing thoughts in my mind and I find it really stressful to deal with each of them. As I don't have enough financial resources to pay for a personal therapy, I am using the DBT skills workbook - that you recommend. I read that safe place visualization is one of the effective distraction tools. But, I am not able to figure out how to transition from a disturbed space to a peaceful space in mind. Can you please talk about it in one of your upcoming videos?
Getting better means opening our selves up again to the brutality that life has been, not just here or there but for decades?
I have this deep rage at life, at god if you will, for everything that has been. It feels as though getting better means saying it's all ok. That life is in fact all happening for you even if it has been horrible and taken so so so so so much from you.
What does “processing “ actually means in therapy please?! Thanks!!
Lol when you said to listen to someone on UA-cam I got a chuckle out of it because that's exactly what I do with you. My therapist says you are one of my coping mechanisms.
Heck yeah! That’s what I was thinking too
Thanks Katie
Wow first question, might be what my family member is working through. Thanks for asking question . Insight.
I have a question, or more like a problem..? Idk what exactly it is. I dont know what i have or what is wrong with me (i self harm and i have suicidal thoughts), but i dont have trauma and if i have i dont know where it comes from. I have some reasons for it but they dont feel valid, because they are mostly based of selfhate and overthinking and stuff, i cant really phrase it. And everyone else i met who has scars or similar behavior had major trauma or anything like that. Which is why in my head i cant justify my actions, because as i said i dont have trauma or anything like that. But its just so hard to stop. Why cant i be normal, why cant i just stop doing this, stop thinking those things, stop making plans in my head? I just want it to stop. (Please dont worry i wouldnt have the "courage" and motivation to actually end it)
I just feel so invalid and dumb, and the worst thing is sometimes i dont even want it to stop because it makes me feel good or something. Am i crazy? I have mental breakdowns because I want it to stop, because i want everything to stop but the voice in my head tells me its good. Wtf is wrong with me i dont want this
Anxiety feels very similar to the elevated heartrate I got once from accidentally taking too much of my albuterol inhaler. Every time I experience anxiety like that, even as it's really annoying how my chest feels fluttery and my pulse won't calm down, I'm also grateful that my alexithymia protects me from the thought patterns other people get from anxiety. Brain is bad, but is comfortable kind of bad to inhabit, you feel?
We just know it’s going to be great 🤷♀️😊
In the big Ts and little ts model of trauma that you've mentioned, it seems like it ought to be possible to amass enough trauma to get symptoms without having any single event that makes you realize that's what's happened. So maybe the maladaptive daydreaming person is experiencing a trauma symptom, but without a big, flashy, attention-grabbing cause.
What if I hate myself Kati? Is that an ok thing to do?
Hey Kati, I’m 19 years old and still in high school. My questions are “Why do I not want to get better from my eating disorder, but still hate that I have it?”
Change is scary!!
hey hun! just wanna let you know that on the Opinions That Don't Matter youtube page in the community section, she makes a new post every thursday that you can comment under and she will see your question there!
It can feel so polarizing but is very normal to have different parts or aspects of yourself with opposing positions. Part of you hates it as you said and that is valid. Part of you maybe is not yet ready to let go. That part is also valid and at the same time it is not what is in honour of yourself. To help that part join the decision to heal perhaps question what needs that part of you is getting met or avoiding with the eating behaviours . Is there a healthy way to meet that need? How is your self esteem and self talk? You are worthy and you are the only you on this planet so that makes you valuable. What different activities might you choose if it was ok to like and love yourself? I am sorry you are struggling and I hope Kati can answer your great question. I’m just heating of her for the first time but she seems sweet and good at what she does. Much love to you
idk all i ever feel is pain i don't want to get better because i have no idea how.
50 already?!!! Thank you so much for all you do Kati! Glad you made it through Portland's snowpocolypse! Lol
Hi Kati! I love your videos! They've really helped me through everything. Is there a place I can send you a question thats not so public? An email or other social media messenger place?
Thank you!
Check her description
Hey Kati I been trying to get this question answered for weeks now can you please answer it soon please
Hi Kati can you discus complicated grief and how the pandemic may cause that in same cases right now .I was wondering because my family just had my stepsister funeral the other day and some we had to wait a whole month to have it to know if the grief is now considered completed grief because of how long it took to have the funeral because my stepsister actually passed away last December do to car accident?
I thought I was the only one who not only hated but literally is a fraud of talking on the phone. People still insist on calling me even after I’ve told them I hate it. It forces me to respond far too quickly than I’m comfortable. It like puts me on stage and I hate it. Literally I’ve had my sisters and mom make calls for me cuz I just couldn’t do it…. It’s beyond a fear it’s like if someone said I’m gonna trap you in a small cave with a bear and pythons and how you’d feel like dying is the only way to deal, that’s how talking on the phone and calling and being called feels to me as dramatic as it sounds….
#11 mmm escapism 💙
Hello people just put this weeks Thursday s new podcast on I haven't watched the last 2 weeks podcast I was dealing with how depressed iv felt and sad and fed up iv felt everyday of the week I'm still not good but iv got myself back into these podcasts I see there are 11 question all good questions lastly nice different filming location of this podcast hope everyone s ok
Is there a name for a person that goes from no emotions to overly emotions any input thanks
Alcoholic
You mean like apathy? No Emotions is not a thing I would assume or believe, try to figure out what parts of your body feel no emotions. And then from no emotions, you say then they become overwhelming? I’m sorry to hear that and hope you stay well
I'm so curious if you get botox? Your forehead doesn't move as much as it used to. Im the same age as you, and heavily considering.botox. It's really hard.getting older sometimes and seeing our youthfulness slowly decline 😓 Would love to hear about your personal experience with it! 😉
@C L wow, you started young! How come?
thanks I fucking love you. 😍
Hi Katie
Seriously I feel that getting Therapy is a waste of time
One broken person talking to another broken person
Completely absurd
Sexually abused since a child and raped at age 18 at gun point,I have suppressed many things and live a reasonably productive life
No one escapes unscathed
Respect
I hope you’re able to find a good therapist that works with you. And they should probably have their own therapist too to deal with life.
I wish you could be my therapist :/ I’ve seen so many but I never felt good with them
One question: what's wrong with me?
History history history behaviors REPEAT . WE HAVE CHOICES . CHANGE for Better. Better thoughts. Write those thoughts down on a note book.
This video has no views but 2 likes 🧐🧐🧐
View counts often take awhile to get updated! The UA-cam servers store the views up and add them all at once every few minutes.
I think therapy doesn't work for some people. After 4 different ones, it seems silly to keep believing it's the solution for me, I need to look elsewhere
Better to Read the HOLY SCRIPTURES. GET ALMIGHTY GOD 🙏 Jah s
Views how he wants U to do his will daily. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Ok?
That would be nice … BUT unfortunately there are too many people on earth 🌍 🌎🌏living in terrible circumstances and even wars😮😢😰 Reading the Holy Scriptures wouldn’t help. I presume you don’t live in such circumstances. Lucky you ! Open your eyes and pray for them 😅🙏
The wretched forehead advantageously squeak because option obviously multiply amidst a grandiose motorboat. ubiquitous, nondescript card