Why Men Act Interested, Yet End Up Being Flakey
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- Опубліковано 21 жов 2022
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Get Him To Commit Before Sleeping Together (The Dating Vow)
Have you ever heard the saying: Women are the gatekeepers of sex, and men are the gatekeepers of commitment?
The "Dating VOW" Before Sleeping Together
I ___________________ agree to explore the process of getting to know you with the intent to declare something serious in the next 3 to 6 months.
I ___________________ agree to be monogamous sexual while we have regular sex together
I ___________________ agree to not actively seek to meet/date others while we are in this dating process (include taking down dating profile)
I ___________________ agree to speak up if this isn't working for me vs. pulling back, ghosting or disappearing
I __________________ agree to invest regular time in this process of getting to know you which looks like this ______________
90% of men will bail on this because thousands of women will have sex without any commitment/agreement whatsoever. If all women are banned together (going forward), this will change how men treat/view sex, but in the meantime, if he does agree, you have a better chance of commitment than without it. - Навчання та стиль
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I'd like to say to men and women alike "GROW UP". Being flaky or ghosting is being rude. It only takes 1 minute to give anyone the courtesy of a text to let them know you feel you're not a match. I sure hope that at our age, we know and practice the concept of COMMON COURTESY with every person we encounter in our life.
Exactly
Your so bang on, I'd Like peeps to just be legit and say it like it is. Plus I'm done sugar coating shit. My bestie said if you think of someone just say shit, or if u ain't into it say it. Cuz then you will have peace within.
A text? How about a meeting , face to face. A little basic respect .
@@sleepingwithcats5121 a text because why make things harder and more awckard than they need to be. Btw, I'm talking about at the early stages of meeting someone (less than 3 dates) not when you're already in a relationship.
I concur!! Grow up and learn some freaking manners, and behave with integrity.
Another big reason for men showing interest and then not following through is that men/women sometimes/often will show interest in somebody because they want reassurance that somebody wants them. Sometimes they’re not available to begin with or sometimes they’re afraid, there’s lots of different reasons why somebody can bow out.
Very true, Jonathon! When I look back at the guys I had relationships with, it took quite a while for us to trust each other...and frankly, either I was the one more interested or the guy was! It's so rare for instant chemistry to hit BOTH people. At midlife, so many people have trauma, trust issues and other things happening that prevent them from getting close enough to each other to form a solid relationship leading to marriage. Even all my prayers are NOT making it happen. Since I've always met someone when I wasn't looking for him, I've decided to just focus on my own life and happiness and not worry about meeting anyone. Period.
Jonathon, I am so happy for you that you found your beloved. God Bless You and both of you🙏
I was dating a guy consistently for 5 months. Literally seeing him a few times a week. We were never physically intimate, just emotionally. Out of nowhere, he ghosted me.
I honestly cannot understand how they don't see this as a complete waste of time for even themselves????
Right... He'll be back though, they always come back. Sad thing is I'm no longer available... To him
Online is a terrible place to meet people. A lot of people have no integrity and wont be intentional with strangers. Someone with no integrity isnt worth your time.
I met my beloved on a dating app...
@@JonathonAslay curious how you connected with her so far away. Most men seek close to home. I've written good matches 1+ hour away who say I live too far.
@@musicdesign7264 honestly from the moment we connected, I was upfront I didn't want a LDR which is why in the year before we met, we treated each other as friends. What I didn't know was... after we met, I was smitten and from that point forward, we agreed that this wouldn't work if we lived thousands of miles away, so we explored a relationship with the idea of living together rather quickly.
@@JonathonAslay that's great, but you were searching online outside of your local area. I guess my question was how did you in CA find her in Chicago? Most online searching is close to home.
I'm struggling to find a guy locally, but when I expand distance, told I live too far away. I state on my profile open to relocating.
@@musicdesign7264 she found me because she was doing a search all across the country and she loved what I wrote.
My advice (after learning the hard way)..don’t waste your time. If a man does something that you would not do or find inappropriate…done…next….zero tolerance!! I have joined activity groups like church groups, singles golfing, meetups to name a few. At least with these you can start with some common ground
For the first five years I thought he was everything I could ever want. But then we actually moved in together and I realized he was a heavy drinker.
Jean, That happened to me. We never lived together, he only had a social drink at a restaurant dinner. We got married and on our first night together, he stood in the kitchen and drank 8 tall boys. And, it never stopped night after night. I divorced him after a year of it. SAD.
Compartementalizing addictions
I think on-line dating plays a huge critical part, in both men, and women always thinking that if they get back on the site, and swipe right they'll find the better one! Or at least better than what they're currently dating! I think we must strive to find an individual that has class, integrity, and high moral values, starting with a strong Christian, if you are one yourself? and someone that knows what they want, and knows what they are looking for! Most individuals put up with a lot of flaky behavior, if they truly are into said person. . .
HUGE mistake! If they pull away? Just close the door behind them! That simple~
In dating, I feel that what is meant to be will be. Maybe if someone is flakey, he is not the one for me. And If I am flakey with someone, it's obviously for a reason and doesn't feel like the right thing.
Hi Jonathan. When one says there’s nothing wrong with you, that there just is not enough interest, that can lead one to believe there IS something wrong with them, especially after a few of these experiences. I believe most of the time it’s because something we know NOTHING about is going on with the other person, and today people communicate these things less than they ever have with the ability to just ghost. Best thing is not to take it personally and just move on. There are people out there who do and will love and accept us just the way we are. Worth the wait.
I wish I could believe that, really but after years of FBoys I find a lot out about myself. For one that I’m a masochistic fool to put myself through this hell
I have had girlfriends tell me that there's nothing wrong with me and that the guy is a narcissist. I have had other girlfriends tell me that I must be the problem. I would have to say that there is something I need to fix about me. But then there's also something those narcissists need to fix about themselves but I can't fix them they have to fix themselves. Everybody has gone through something. Even those guys who intentionally deceive, or love bomb or whatever are probably dealing with some baggage they haven't thrown out. That doesn't mean that I am not resentful and mad that they ghosted me, but I have to recognize that I need to stop repeating this pattern.
A nice looking man. But photos say a lot. He is looking away and not at her! A first step is to get rid of the smartphone. Texting causes misunderstandings! I know from experience.
Totally agree. Texting is terrible.
YES!!!
Texting always leads to miscommunication. A teacher taught this in an emotional intelligence class I took
Not everything that works for you, must be the ultimate way. Living together is NOT the ONLY way to know another person. Intimacy and closeness have several ways to reveal itself. Some people should have the space in order to have a juicy healthy relationship.I believe mentors should be aware of those personal reflections and conclusions....and avoid it.
Most want their cake and eat it, too. It seems like a lot of men are always on the look out for the better deal.
Yes and women as well...
@@JonathonAslay you may be right but as a woman who isn’t “looking for the better deal” I can only comment on what it’s been like for me, my experiences with men. Sad to admit that I’m relieved I’m not the only one who feels this way, though, but I’m so happy for you that you’ve found a woman who is genuine, loving, and authentic. Fingers crossed that one day I might be lucky enough to find a man who is the same.😊
Brenda - totally. They're usually looking to see if they can get something even more non committal and casual, but with all the physical benefits.
This has happened to me a lot and even more recently. I'm sure I'm repeating a pattern of being attracted to guys who are potential flakes. Or maybe rushing into things too quickly. Or getting my mind all caught up in Romance way too quickly. Yes they need to grow up in tell me when they're no longer interested but also I need to figure out what I need to change so that I don't even get emotionally caught up in a person who is going to flake out. I had that eight dates book and I actually need to start reading it. I probably need a dating coach as well. I also sometimes think that I should just give it up and not even pursue a relationship. I don't know what I think and sometimes I'm frustrated about it all. Sometimes I'm longing for it. Sometimes I'm repulsed by the idea of trying to meet someone again. I'm all over the place I guess. He's right, these short-term relationships or encounters I should say with flaky people can do a number on your emotions.
Those flakes are all over the place. They flake constantly online but i just met someone in real life vs online....super nice guy....so i thought....but NOW i think he is just a total game player. Wow! It truly is all just a waste of time....grown adults acting like they are 5.
Yes, This off and on, one-and-done pattern is really wearing emotionally . Why? ‘Not enough interest’ you say…Do they go back online and find 3 other options that evening perhaps? 😊 Maybe survey a lot of middle aged men and see the results of Why?
Yes 👍🏼
Thank you for the prayer! Just in time for the Scorpio New Moon. ✨😉🙏🏽
Oh boy ,I need to here this one as happened to me many times .
You are amazing!
Thank you 😊
95 percent of dates for me is like this, and makes you feel like throwing in the towel.
Same for me.
This guy hit me up online I ignored the website for 2 weeks when I came back he was wondering why I wasn't contacting him I apologize and then we talked on the phone for 2 hours he said he'd love to see me next weekend when He gets back in town but I haven't heard from him in 3 days I mean where's the basic consideration?
Yes... men and women can be flakey
I love you ❤and the Grace For our fellow humans
I'm making myself go on a date this weekend coming..as iv lost my confidence in this area ..being 60..just hope his not flakey because iv had more than my share .Wish me luck.!
What do U do when you find your one true love your Prince Charming.. and he romances the hell out of ya... But his idea of returning your love is not like yours you're and your a hopeless romantic
... He loves you but not in the way you open your heart freely and totally.. after you've had a wall put up around your heart and you let it down for him... I think there's a real danger of being a hopeless romantic is once you find that one true love and he doesn't return it it with as much passion as you have... it shatters your heart... And where do you go after you find the love of your life there's nothing else to serch for... Everything else will be just second best...
Yor damned if you do and damned if you don't.. 😊
Get the book The Five Love Languages and both you and your partner Define your love languages. That will help each of you be able to know what the other likes and what makes them feel loved and appreciated.
I have written down your prayer and have added some of my own to it and I Am in a long distance relationship . ...Just saying . Love Your input . He has lost two sons and I have lost one .
Sending you light and love ❤️
I'm sorry but got to let you know your taping of videos the sound is low and when commercial comes on it's super loud but,love your insights and advice so much it's very informative.
Sorry about that
I can barely hear it
Oh really?
@@JonathonAslay no, it’s not that bad. I think we are just not that used to you sounding so low key and relaxed these days 😊
I think he’s aware of the problem, especially since 2 others complained about the sound already. Works better with headphones on anyway.
Hello I'm going through this now
I hear ya...
Your son's date could not have been that interested in him. One wonders why she displayed such an over the top response. My inclination is that she pretended the interest, which is cruel. It's better to be honest. She was play acting.
Johnathan is it normal for your bf (mine is in his 60s) to hold on to things of his exes? Is this a red flag?
Is there a time frame for lusty/limerence related feelings to run their course?
Too many People are cowards. Grow up, get some manners and behave with integrity.
Video too low volume
Got it...
Works better with headphones on.
Met a guy on a dating site almost three months ago. He just canceled for tomorrow because his Mom fell, and had to be hospitalized. This was supposed to have been our first date. Now he’s telling me to wait until November 17th to go to the amusement park we were supposed to go to tomorrow. He’s retired, and 14 years older than I am. I want to ask for a coffee date sooner, so that we can talk sooner than the 17th. He has been opening up about his Mom’s Dementia. So, I take that to be that he likes me? I heard when a guy opens up, he likes you.
A Man doesn't like a woman until after you've gone on at least 5 to 10 dates... that's when he knows he likes her. Prior to that, it's a crap shoot.
@@JonathonAslay I disagree. One can't formulate an exact number of dates, every one and every heart is different.
@@sleepingwithcats5121 he's making a point that he doesn't know her to like her on the level she may be hoping or interested in
Love bombers
Yes...
It is a sad road, to me. So many bumps disheartening. On dating site, was contacted by a guy I had a first meet me (no hanky panky) a couple of months ago. Being in a country town it's rare someone is in the same area which was nice with this guy. A religious man, so I thought GOOD guy NICE, tho' I noted his personality was joking alot sarcastically. OK I like to laugh. Didn't hear from him again. Last night he messaged me from dating site at 7pm and wrote to me, HEY you wanna drink some Scotch, mess around, just a thought, you're easy to talk to. His approach gave me pause. hmmm. I wound up in to and fro conversation to say straight from the hip, that another time might be nice, however, I like being with a man feeling he is interested in me, getting to know me, rather than having a feeling he is contacting me only for not having anything better to do, or whatever else in mind. He went poof. Maybe I was too direct. Bottom line: this didn't make me feel very good.
Useless . Waste of time. Is that how to treat your dream woman? He’s bored. Make him work for a date after ghosting you.
Yes. A waste of time. He'd REALLY have to change his tune with me. Obviously, wasn't interested in me, being so long to contact again. I don't care. These guys online act like their Gods, even if they are not all that attractive, not great at communicating. Could it be that women throw themselves at men giving them sex from the get go? for there are so many selfish humdingers out there.
@@dianevitale1214 must be. The guys just don’t care. No effort , very fussy and useless at making conversation and then wonder why online dating doesn’t work for them. 😤
I've now learnt that a man having a strong faith actually means nothing when it comes to his interpersonal morals and how he treats people. Sad and never expected that, but seems to be the evidence
@@xm7ld Yes evidently. Crazy to me. It spells out to me that the individual is seeking God in a selfish manner. To save himself in the hereafter thinking all his prayers wash out how he treats his fellow man and/or woman. There is an ocean of twisted minds, imho
Jonathon, I recognize flakiness immediately, at 67 years old😂
That's a good skill...
@@JonathonAslay I have seen many flaky men at 67 years😂
I’m 60 have a very fine tuned antenna but still get it wrong, they are certainly evolving into they’re flakiness .. Crikey this man waffles !
Can't hear this easily, volume needs to be louder
Works better with headphones on.
Noted ✅️
He most likely is dating other women and he likes the other one more 🤷🏼♀️
Hold on... You didnt meet your now girlfriend in person over a year after you matched online? Why?? This goes against all the dating advice that's out there for women....
She lived in Chicago and we spoke sparingly until I had a trip planned to her city for an event. We then decided to meet and sparks flew. ✨️
@@JonathonAslay Could you please do a video on this? Every single dating coach I've seen says that if a man is interested he *will* ask you out. The idea that you should stay talking to a year to a man is a hard no / red flag, to them (and tbh, to me!) , that a man isnt looking for something serious or is window shopping.... But clearly not in this case... 🤷♀️🤔🤷♀️🤔🤷♀️