r/FemaleDatingStrategy | Disturbing & Controversial Subreddits
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- Опубліковано 10 вер 2024
- r/FemaleDatingStrategy prides itself on being "the first and only all-women dating subreddit". Sounds great, right? Until you actually hear the strategies... From the expectation that men should always pay for dates, to the suggestion that women should target insecure men and seduce money, gifts, or opportunities out of them, FDS aims to flip the patriarchy and use it to their advantage, because sexism is totally acceptable as long as it's against men.
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Sorry it's late but I hope it's worth the wait 😄🖤
Always worth every second darling!
You’re always worth the wait! A high-value content creator 😂
Oh absolutely
Man that video felt so bad for me. Maybe as a man I deserved to feel that way as many women feel the same when they come upon misogynistic subreddits and stuff. Can't we all just love each other 😔
Just a friendly reminder that there's more than two sexes and genders.
I gotta say, I'm sick of people who make dating seem like its a game where you need to develop strategies to "win" in a relationship. Its so disingenuous and down right manipulative. If I'm gonna date someone, I will be myself 100%, and I expect them to do the same. If they don't like it, too bad. That just means they don't like me as who I am and that they cannot accept themselves on who they are.
I agree, but alas that's what "the tinder effect" has done to humans. It was already a competition back in the caveman days, it's always been a competition. Now we've evolved to the point it takes a "strategy" to win.
If you think anyone you start dating is showing their true face, your operating in fantasy
@@jldude84 cavemen also needed to stay alive while fighting against the forces of nature. So deeper things are needed to maintain a relationship like trust, secure attachment and emotional mirroring, all that close bonding stuff. No tribe is going to survive if people are playing cutthroat dating indefinitely.
@@egusisoup1826 of course you're going to show yourself from your best side that's why you don't fart in front of your partner for the first year
DaxMarko
The word you're looking for is "adversarial". That's how this sub treats relationships.
The fact that they find proposal almost mandatory after a year is so bizarre to me, especially when sometimes it could take a couple years for certain red flags to show.
If I was to put a proposal timeline on a relationship, I’d say 1 year is a minimum, and that’s only if you’ve been living together a while…
And even without red flags, 1 year is incredibly short!
kinda glad that im a teenager and dont have to worry about this because i was with my last ex about a year and a half and red flags only started showing after we hit the year mark.
Honestly, that one just sounds like a borrowed puritan standard. Fast engagements at a young age are anywhere between normalized to expected the more socially conservative your background is. I know most of my friends from church got married by 22.
When people remove it from the context of religion and familial obligation... Yeah, it *really* highlights how wild the practice is.
@@valumtimes It's likely part of the "don't waste time on men" thing, since much of it is based on stringing men along, in part using looks (it's a necessary part to such scheming) and that "fades", as far as "society" goes. And especially in the minds of shallow people, pickmes, and what seems to be incels masquerading as women. Imo. She made a bit of material (2 stickied posts, a mod post, one section of the about page) so what do I know?
Edit: I mean, honestly, why is there such a rush to be married? And string men along also..? None of it makes sense unless you're piecing together incel talking points into an essay "as a wombyn" or whatever weird thing is going on with the creators' dodgy & questionable "philosophy" behind creating the sub.
“High Value Female” ma’am you have a reddit account
😂
😂😂😂
lmfao
As a female with a reddit account...this made me laugh 🤣
She's way better than this shit.
Course I might be biased since I kinda have a crush on her lol
I desperately wanna see a red pill man vs a FDS woman. Just for my own personal entertainment
An actual red pill man has no time or care for such shit. We should be getting incels and FDS to lower their standards and come together.
😂😂
i imagine it'd turn into that one reddit comment that goes "everyone sucks here, you're both just enabling each other's mental illnesses. you're both perfect for each other, never change, just never involve anybody else in what you've got going on."
I would watch that
IT’S TIME FOR A DEEEEEAAAATTTTHHH BAAAAAATTTTTTTTLLLLLEEEE!!!
The suggestion of “use your sexuality to your advantage” makes me ill. When I first started college in the engineering track, I received a lot of advice from men (especially men in my family) saying I “had an advantage to the men in my program” because I could “flirt with my professors and TAs for better grades and tutoring”. When I had an issue with a male TA who wouldn’t let me talk enough to ask questions, and who called me a bitch when I continued trying to talk, I wasn’t told by these people to report the guy. Instead, I was told to wear low cutting shirts to “distract” him.
I like that your main criticism here is basically “men and women are people, and people have different preferences and lives”. It sounds obvious, but I wish more people would approach individual interactions with that in mind.
@somni So do I. Yet
OP, I'm so sorry that happened to you. People in positions of authority should not be using their power dynamic for any "favours", and definitely shouldn't be abusive to those so bold as to refuse (like you). And the male family advice thing is...part of that opening statement. Thank you for having the nerve to stand up to that guy and not "dress skimpy" like a doll or something.
That’s it, that’s what gives me the ick, the using sexuality to your advantage concept. It just… no. I need someone to be down with me MINUS all things sexual lol
@@madeline_anne "Gives me the ick", heh. (True, though.) It's all so dehumanising, and commodifying human interaction is just peak dystopian neoliberalism.
@@mookinbabysealfurmittens “commodifying human interaction” that’s such a concise way of putting it. It puts words to something I didn’t know how to express.
This is the unsolicited relationship advice your sort-of-recently divorced aunt tells you, drunk at christmas, without telling you that between posting affirmative memes on facebook she also cries alone over getting ghosted by men of lower value than her ex, who's had a hair transplant and taken his secretary on a beach holiday
💯😂
Looool
Lol exactly
yep and yall seem to roll with it like it's business as usual!
Specific ..
So, to them, being a "high value man" means "investing everything in a woman expecting nothing in return" and "high value woman" basically just boils down to "look good, treat yourself, don't worry about morals or commitment", it begs the question: high value for who exactly? Sounds like a guidebook to being abusive and having failed relationships.
men = wallets
@@thegoblinspeaks for real, its sad how men r just wallets to women. how can some women be this low. if a woman just wants men for money she should get back to reality and go attend a job interview.
In the end, they are not different from the Male Pickup Artist crowd
Are men who exclusively shop at their local gas station considered "no value males"? Asking for a friend.
Only if they stare at the Horny Goat Weed a little too long
Yes if he only goes to the gas station just for the restrooms
No theyre classed as Super Value Sigma Males 😎😎
Idk but the gas station seems like a high value man because thats amazing it has everything you ever need or wanted.
Depends, what snacks do they got there.
If you don’t want to live with the person you love because you “lose leverage” you’re probably not truly in love
Unrelated but cool username
This subreddit is the definition of gaslight gatekeep girlboss
no girlboss to be found here. just hate, hate, hate
@@joVeeNoise cry
@@joVeeNoise girlboss (derogatory)
@@lol-me4on ur a dude?
@@lol-me4on nothing screams “I will never have a romantic partner” quite like an individual who uses their time to start fights in UA-cam comments.
It's sad that people manifest deep sadness and loneliness into hatred. It's really one of our worse qualities as humans
So true. My bitter ass has turned dating and social situations in general into a full science inside my head. Thankfully my rational side doesn't let me apply this to real life.
yeah it is sad. i mean everyone has been in that hole but in the end is not about staying into that hole instead is to crawl out of it and make the necesary changes in life to enjoy a life that is worth living and enjoying
Being angry at the world is better for one's growth/wellbeing than being depressed that one lives in it. It is the next step up from the complete victim mentality and still not "good" but its in the right direction. We can just hope those who need go through this phase do so quickly and don't stagnate.
Are you referring to women who hate men?
Some do, but you’ll find that most of the women who claim to hate men are not lonely or sad; they’re not upset bc they don’t have your company or that of other men.
The truth is that most women who hate men in a general sense are actually recovering from the damaging effects of abuse.
Trust me, if you knew half the shit women go through, you’d 100% be able to understand why they want to go above + beyond to avoid abuse/SA
I think it may be a disease specific to western cishet culture tbh. I've never seen this in my social circles but i'm gay so... 🤷🏾
I never liked FDS, it just made me feel really uncomfortable. Categorising people as high and low value is just a bit fucked up.
I hate categorizations like that. I'm 5'4" and have a physical disability from inherited genetic defects. Being judged for something I can't control doesn't have to be. I treat everyone the way I would like to be treated.
I had frequented similar subreddits out of curiosity and in my experience basically all the mods were frauds.
Either not successful at their own game or had an entire fake life that they committed YEARS to only to be exposed later in most humiliating fashion.
The first red flag, of course, being unmarried 20-22 year old that are self-appointed relationship experts.
same, this subreddit just makes me uncomfortable, although I'm not even straight just the thought of people analyzing me like this creeps me out
It’s a trap to fall into eugenics. The presence of eugenics in an ideology is always a very bad sign.
@@iceprincess2134 Twitter suffers from that exact problem as well.
4:19 "Must be in a career they enjoy"
Well that rules out 99% of us
And sounds like an unrealistic wish anyway...unless you're an entrepreneur, which is rare. Might aswell be pansexual to increase your dating pool if that's a wish you have, lmao
@@cinnastag weird logic thing about the pan dating pool joke: it's not expanding it NEARLY as much as people think. Because pan people usually either get pegged as straight or gay and thus only approached by THAT side, and we might get seen as straight just "wanting an experience" by people of the same sex (or, Getter forbids, accidentally attract the "I can cure them straight" idiots).
And then there's the people who think being pan means you can't be monogamous and need two partners so they ditch you the second you say it...
(Pan dating sounds awful and I'm glad I'm aromantic so all I'm looking for is hook-ups and friends with benefits.)
@@neoqwerty Yeah, I'm panromantic, asexual and non-binary and honestly the dating experience is just awful on all sides
I'm asexual, and am a spectator in the dating game. Both these 'strategists' and the redpille r/incels reduce the opposite sex to a commodity. They dehumanize each other. Meanwhile good relationships are built by those who disregard the 'advice' and just spend time with people they actually like and appreciate.
The notion of a 'good' relationship (or anything for that matter) is subjective.
I'm also asexual👋and recently came out of a 12yr relationship (I'm 27) which is when I fully realized I was asexual (didn't really matter too much when I already had a partner you know)
I almost didn't think ppl were really like this bcs I just can't at all grasp that mindset.
In short, I realized finding someone isn't gonna be as simple as I thought and not like it is finding a friend, it could be but people seem to be insistent on making it way more complicated than it really has to be
You couldn't be more spot on either
I'm an ace who just started dating my boyfriend a few weeks ago and yes! We just enjoy being with each other and hanging out.
We haven't kissed yet, and I don't care about the pressure my friends give me to move faster. It's nice to know my boyfriend cares about me, and I care about him.
As someone who is in a stable long term relationship and had no other partners beforehand I find the whole dating scene rather sad.
Most of it is just an unholy mixture of hot people pageant, the mars venus thing taken way out of control & weirdly formal like some weird sexed up Victorian social season without the balls.
any person who says words like "high value male/female" and "low value male/female" are big red flags
Totally dude. There's more to money and physical attractive that makes up a person regardless of their position in dating and the social ladder in this biased society we live in.
If only mental gymnastics were recognized by the olympics
Yeah imagine withdrawn internet dwellers would take home the gold everytime...maybe second only to average members of dictatorial nation states where no one can question anything that's said.
It has to be exhausting to judging yourself and others so harshly all the time. I'm exhausted just hearing about this.
Being a hater is addictive. I would be too embarrassed to judge so openly, but my mind is like a constant diss track.
They only judge others but don’t look at themselves…. My ex wife was like this …. It is an absolute night to be around people like this, never again, I learned my lesson
It's honestly so confusing. They hate the patriarchy, but also support a lot of misogynistic standards for both men and women. Seems like no one wins 😐
Funny how so many ppl on their subreddit have only had abusive, psycho, Low-Value ex-bfs.. If every one of your ex-bfs was such trash .. maybe look into the mirror???
@@H41030v3rki110ny0u A warning on that advice: both that extreme ("all my partners are trash garbage scum!!!") and the other extreme (literally doormat running from abuser to abuser) come from the same place: they think being loved by someone will fill that hole where they can't love THEMSELVES.
Honestly, a lot of people need to go to therapy and just learn to love themselves and THEN go find a partner.
@@H41030v3rki110ny0u I know you’re trying to make a point but you’re just wrong and victim blaming. The truth is there are an abundance of abusers in the world, and they don’t wear A’s tapped to their foreheads. Yes, people with trauma and difficult upbringings are vulnerable and often find themselves in multiple abusive relationships and could benefit from therapy. But it’s also true that most abusers are smart enough to hide their true colors until you’re emotionally or financially invested/dependent. Many mentally healthy people are just as likely to have a string of abusive partners just like vulnerable people. The only difference is that they’re more likely to leave sooner/and have the support network to make it easier.
@@queencatherineofaragon938 I have a hard time feeling sympathy for women who go from abuser to abuser. They typically find men who lack narcissistic qualities pathetic and they reward bad behavior with love and sex. They're part of the problem IMO.
@@michelbergeron3354 … 1. I was talking about PEOPLE, as in both men and women can be victims of this. The fact you hone your apathy towards only women says a lot about you, none of it is good.
2. Where? How? Proof? What evidence can you point to where you know all women with warped views on relationships find other men who don’t emulate them to be pathetic. I’d love for you to back up that very wobbly *OPINION* with facts.
3. Not all abusers are narcissistic. Narcissists aren’t automatically abusers. Equating all abuse to narcissism further stigmatizes mental health, you complain about narcissism yet your actions make people with this disorder less likely to reach out for help.
4. “They (women) reward bad behavior with love and sex,” not only are you generally misogynistic but youre misandrist as well by patronizing men by putting them in the degrading position to be “earning rewards”. Your weird highlight on sex also feeds into the bs mindset that all men everywhere always think about and prioritize sex.
Overall, this is disappointing, reflect on yourself more.
I'm not going to lie, 18 year old me who had nothing to offer a relationship but myself and my love probably would have put up with women acting like this if it meant I had a girlfriend. Almost 40 year old me who has a decent job and a lifetime of experience would laugh one of these women right out of my life. I've been with the same woman for 20 years now so I'm probably a terrible judge of anything dating but I do not envy single people at all. Social media has not made people very social.
It's difficult to be single, let me tell you. I mean I have a job, a truck, a house, and two cute-ass dogs & a cat- and I've been single for around ten years now. The _(very brief)_ encounters that I have with women in a romantic sense always end up with them either not responding, ghosting me, or just wanting sex (but not being honest about it.)
Believe me it really sucks. I've already accepted the fact that I'm just going to die alone. You're lucky that you've found someone, my friend.
@@ItsMeBarnaby Consider yourself lucky, my friend.
@@justinburchette I find once I stop giving a shit about relationships is when I end up with one
Hey congrats on 20 years! My parents just had their 19th anniversary and I adore them. Keep it up my guy!
@@randomtinypotatocried Yup, I hear you. The last time I dated anyone outside of my son's mom was this girl I met at work- and by the time that happened I had totally given up on finding someone lol.
Now I mean I'm still single (me and that girl only dated like 3 or 4 months or something... maybe 5 idk. To me she was absolutely gorgeous. Prettier than any other woman in the world- but she was incredibly immature, and I have a son and I needed someone who was serious about a relationship... it sucked) and I still have zero hope of ever finding someone- but the only potentially romantic things that ever happen to me nowadays are from women who are married and are trying to cheat on their husband's with me. Which ultimately just makes me even more sad... 😮💨
It seems like this can all be summarized as:
You're not into a man who likes you? That's his fault.
A man you like isn't into you? That's his fault.
Which is, no matter if it's man or woman, is such a fucked up mentality
I am studying sexual psychology and I have a few paraphilia websites/disturbing subreddits that i have never seen any users cover if you are interested! I fell down a rabbit hole while studying and there is some crazy stuff
Bet that's fascinating! I'd love to hear them 😊
@@TheInternetInvestigator sent some mud puddle fetishism to the discord to start :)
@@JusticeForDinner wow that's so weird
@@JusticeForDinner m....mud puddle fetishism!?
Ooh, that would be really interesting!
When I was extremely traumatised from sexual violence I had these sort of ideas. I thought men were all evil and were plotting together how to wreck female lives. Now I've worked through what happened to me, I see that it's more of a systemic issue and I feel calmer when the topic of female disenfranchisement comes up. I feel really bad for these women because it seems they're drawn to these forums from bad experiences with men, and then gradually get more brainwashed by the idea that men aren't really human and are only for personal use
They follow the same story-arc as many other -ists.. sexists, racists, etc. It's a shame, but I hope they can learn to treat people as individuals some day.
@@H41030v3rki110ny0u yep, trauma can do that, but it never makes it ok, it's just tragic all around imo but OP is living proof it doesn't have to be that way
It’s interesting you brought up that conspiracy idea, because I feel like a lot of sexist men have used that trope to justify their misogyny for ever. In reality, man or woman, if every person they meet and try to get close to ends up getting upset at them or putting up barriers, you would think they could eventually figure out the common denominator.
Nah its true tbh, you were faced with the truth and somehow fell back into delusion and false trust
@@remindmesometime1855 gaslighting isn't as effective over a youtube comment, just so you know
As an American, the comments about untreated mental illnesses are both funny and incredibly depressing.
But also useful, we have a handful of cases where a partner murders another and it turns out there was an undiagnosed mental disorder.
@@reijiorochi yes! I’m just saying it’s sad that in some cases the illness is diagnosed but treatment isn’t available for financial or insurance reasons.
Because when men have issues, society will turn a blind eye on it.
@@tinycindy2977 excuse me? I never said that I had an untreated mental illness and even if I did it’s none of your business. My comment was that untreated mental illness is common in America due to the shitty healthcare system. Worry about yourself and your poor reading comprehension skills before you tell others not to pair up and procreate 🙄
@@reijiorochi I get what you're saying, but that's a pretty fucked up and ableist way to say it that implies that people with mental illnesses are inherently dangerous, it's such a harmful and victim blaming way to look at mental illness
….I’m starting to think dating is pointless in 2022
Preach. So not worth it.
@That 20th Century Guy the date scene is not death, but dating always is hard
@M I A this, you’ll save yourself trouble if you can identify beforehand
And I thought FDS was a furniture shop that always has a sale on.
Damn my dyslexia.
Heh, SCS
It’s subreddits like this that I occasionally check out just to remind myself how lucky I am to not have people like this in my life
I once saw a woman there write that "even with a high quality man you'll still do 70% of housework" and that men who do 50/50 are "rare unicorns". I literally have been in a relationship when the man did most of the housework, I don't know what kind of people these women base their experiences on
personal experience ≠ reality for most
@@lucia-di-lammermoor ok but saying how men will never treat you equal and this should be one of the examples for that? Maybe rather than finding a guy who "chases you" and pays a lot for expensive restaurants, you SHOULD actually try to find someone who's not treating a woman to get free labor? My example just goes to show that men who are different exist.
@@agatazietek9098 are you even married? even if you are, again, personal experience...
@somni i feel like things work best if both sides put in effort. In my case, that's what it was, though people on this board would probably call him "low quality" based on their criteria. All that matters is that we work together well. We both added a lot to each other's lives, despite not being rich and not having everything figured out yet. I recommend this kind of relationship
Honestly I don't even think the split matters that much anyway, just so long as both parties are okay with the dynamic. What really matters is the mutual consent of the arrangement, rather than what the arrangement itself is.
Getting married before living together first is the absolute worst advice. You dont really know someone until you live together.
That’s not every straight man’s worst nightmare
It’s that one of those girls has a positive test
of what? i don't get it, am i dumb
@@Madeeha_shinkoko pregnancy
@@cxncelled8752 Odd, because they're the type who abort their kids.
@@AnimeArchaeologist they’re also the type to baby trap
@@embroideredragdoll Y'all didn't check the sub and it shows. It literally advises women to go double protection with condom + something else. They think men babytrap women and they advise non married women with kids to hold off on dating untill their kids grow up because there are too many pedos out there. You guys missed the part that fds doesn't see men as a necessity but more often than not a liability. So they won't "babytrap" you, they will just abort it. They are openly pro choice and think women should not bear low value males' children.
I’m kind of afraid to ask what their thoughts on lesbians are.
the subreddit is biphobic AF, referring to bisexual people as "pickmesexuals" and other things, so i kinda think that lesbians are also seen as a "pickme"
I would love to hear you covering the gangstalking/"targeted individuals" community. It seems like a bunch of paranoid people hyping each other up in their delusions. They tried to recruit in some subreddits I frequent and/or mod, and holy shit, while I try to refrain from judgement, they really should seek help.
+1 that would be a very interesting topic.
I'm fascinated by gangstalking. I know people who were actually being investigated and followed but it's not like the "targeted individuals" make it out to be. There is a definitely shared delusion aspect to the concept.
personally that topic feels a bit weird to discuss, because most instances are just people struggling with mental illness. delusions like that can literally ruin your life and the videos discussing it always seemed almost exploitative to me. not saying that's how her video would be, I know she broaches topics more respectfully than others, but I dunno. it doesn't sit right yknow?
Yesss i agree
I've been meaning to for a long time actually, thanks for reminding me! 🖤
Screeching about misogyny while implying that women can't disagree with other women or call out other women's bad behavior for any reason other than sucking up to men. 😑
That's 3rd and 4th wave "feminism" in a nutshell for ya
it just reminds me of the subset of hashtag girlboss """"feminists"""" who are constantly like "feminism isn't all about being a hairy ugly lesbian!! some of us are hot and straight!" and then they end up being super toxic and judgemental and shitty towards other women. like maybe i'm just jaded because i happen to be one of the aforementioned hairy ugly lesbian feminists, but i just don't think trying to position yourself as better or more valuable than other women is empowering. if anything it screams "i'm secretly very insecure and desperately need to work through my internalized misogyny"
@@sillyd0g It's totally unecessary, but unfortunately it's pretty common these days there's a big problem with accusing any woman that doesn't agree/toe that line with whatever other random woman/idea of being a pickme/having internalized misogyny.
It's all geared toward avoiding any criticism or acknowledgement aren't angelic beings that never do any wrong or if they do it's either justified or someone else's fault.
What ever happened to "the radical nothing that women are PEOPLE?"
@@iceprincess2134 i think internalized misogyny is something all women have to grapple with should definitely be called out when you see someone putting down other women or perpetuating harmful gender stereotypes, but the way these fds ladies call pick me on any woman who dares to be like "hey maybe the way to combat the rise of harmful incel dating advice isn't to adopt their exact tactics, that's completely insane" is just ridiculous. women have their own thoughts and feelings outside of "want boyfriend. need husband." i would say a good 99% of the time if a woman disagrees with you it's because she actually just doesn't hold the same beliefs, and has nothing to do with her wanting male attention.
like they act like they're these enlightened paragons of female empowerment but they clearly don't actually feel that great about themselves if they have to invent a bullshit hierarchy that places them above other women for totally arbitrary reasons. it's stupid to see everyone as units that each fall into one of a few rigid categories. like don't get me wrong, i'm an autistic virgo, i'm hard-wired to love categories and lists and shit, but even i know that people don't fucking work like that.
As a FtM transman who is bisexual, I am afraid of dating anyone because I am afraid of being murderd, since, I have not done bottom surgery [options suck and have a failure rate Higher then I am comfortable with.
Tbh I'd say go t4t. It tends to be safer and I find that trans ppl tend to be more accommodating about dysphoria around sex if that affects you. Not saying that t4t is perfect, I've been in an abusive relationship with another trans person, but it definently evens the playing field if that makes sense.
And I'm with you on bottom surgery ,,,, if I had a button that'd give me a penis I'd press it without thought but the medical process is too risky
Bros going for all the achievements 💀
@thestrongestlivingcreature yup, I'm also autistic, and suffered a TBI when I was in the military, that has taken at least a decade to recover from.
I feel like, that if I was some sort of video game character, my player would be some sort of completionist bastard.
@@alchemicmercury Oh wow, you can actually take a joke. Don't see much of that these days. And thank you for your service btw. Hope you at least got a purple heart for that tbi
What these women don't seem to realize is that a man who has the qualities that make him "high-value" (looks, money, confidence, social skills, etc.) Probably won't want to out up with a woman who is this toxic and manipulative.
I can't imagine anyone that fully embraces the mindset and practices espoused in the handbook, could ever be anything resembling happy.
I think not believing in the existence of happiness is a prerequisite to even consider following the handbook.
As a Black, queer woman who joined the FDS sub before I know what it was like/about, I thought it would be very inclusive, tolerant etc... Unfortunately it was the exact opposite and one of most hateful & prejudice subs on all of Reddit
yeah so much of this gives white liberal hyperfeminist/TERF vibes
"Poor men deserve nothing for being low value."
Yeah I actually experienced income shaming the other day. I’ve quit dating after that. Seems like no matter the gender humans are just fucking monsters.
@@wanderingwisp4542 dating is kinda weird theses days but don't give upon it, it sucks but focus on self searching and eventually it ll come, it sound cliche i know but it is true!
jack from titanic wants to know your location
Yes, they're a classist bunch by and large.
I’m dipping my toes into the world of dating for the first real time as an adult and struggle with the balance of not being a push over, but this other extreme is sooooooo scary. It is very red-pill woman edition minus physical aggression, I agree. It absolutely feeds that mindset that “females” just want to use men, which I’ve found is startlingly common in men in their 20-30s right now and it’s so damaging to us even-keeled women who literally just want a fun, loving, responsible companionship.
The most important thing i can tell you is to be honest with your potential partner. Always be honest even when things are tough if they react negatively to you being honest they are not the one. You will find someone who is fun, intelligent, loving, attractive, and all the other qualities you want if you are honest about what you want and need from a relationship and about who you are.
It sounds very cliche but honestly communication is the most important thing. Communication can be hard and it can being up a variety of emotions what is important is if any emotion yours or your partners get to big. Calmly and safely disengage the conversation to be brought back up at a less emotional time. Sometimes one issue will need to be brought up or talked about multiple times and that is okay relationships are work and they take time and effort to maintain a healthy relationship
@@gothicanimegirl44 oh my god thank you for taking time to write such thoughtful replies 🥺 I appreciate it so much! I was in an ~eh~ relationship for years and now in my mid 20s I feel so behind on this stuff lol
@@madeline_anne i spent my late tennage early 20s in a very bad relationship and now in my mid 20s i have an absolutely amazing and compassionate partner. You didn't waste any time you spent time learning. Now you know what you like and don't like. What you want and need and what your limits are. Failed relationships are just more information to lead you closer to a healthier happier relationship.
I totally agree, good luck with the dating btw! 😊
I feel that a big reason that FDS is so awful is also down to them kinda being sexist against women themselves. Shaming "pick me girls", not imagining that women can be dominant in BDSM relationships, and a general feel that women can't or shouldn't be able to enjoy sex. Stuff like that.
This truly is gaslight gatekeep girlboss
this almost seems like a joke, like a bunch of women decided to create a sub and role play the women that incels believe them to be. 😵💫
Interesting. But if so, at what cost? As if women aren't unsafe enough, so let's up the ante & feed the 'cels? imo that last bit is a likely reason for the sub, _but_ it's men doing it. Maybe 'cels, or for "the lulz", or to lure women into posting stuff to be screenshotted & put on other subs. idk. But I've known some true "man haters", pickmes, wifeys, all sorts, and this isn't it. It can't be all and none. Ex: the timeline stuff is niche & old fashioned, like they overheard their aunties chatting. And there's conflicting objectification that just doesn't _fit._ And even the good info is mostly stuff everyone knows, women have been taught for decades (mind your drink!!), _but_ it's all taken to the extreme, the bizarre, and the juxtaposed. It's _odd,_ like it's all seen, interpreted, & scripted through the lens of an "outsider" ("by women, for women", idk...). It's very odd. Feels like broken verisimilitude (like my brain rn, sorry), like watching a TV with a dodgy connection so the tint is off. There was an attempt? It seems there are people commenting who post there. We'll see as more do, ig.
"Fun" fact: The first incels were women. It was the early 90s, iirc. (I wasn't there, heh. I watched a thing.)
@somni Cheers? Lol idk what you're getting at (besides that I waffle on too much; I know) BUT at least read the last line? It's a "fun fact".
@@mookinbabysealfurmittens because as much as no one seems to want to admit it, the incels didn't spawn from thin air. It is very preferable to most people to just condemn incels and their actions because they act terribly, but if a problem is ever going to be fixed we have to learn why it actually happened. It could very well be because sadly, this isn't bait, there just are women like this that only care about men for their resources and material goods the same way some men only care about women for sex. The sexes both have equal capacity to terrible, greedy jerks, and we need to acknowledge and address _both_ sides to that or else dating is just going to remain a hellscape for everyone.
@@rugalbernstein5913 It gets worse because being a femcel has been essentially a thing for the last 20 years if not more. It's just that being a femcel is more socially acceptable (looking at you, Tiktok).
“Prank em, Jane”
Your hair always looks so good. The colour was made for you and you make such amazing content
Aw thank you! 🥰
I agree! She’s absolutely beautiful ♡
@@Crashawsome you're right, how dare someone compliment a beautiful content creator.
@@I_Stay_4_SKZ Your name is pretty (and the font it's in) ♡
Edit: lol I didn't notice that I used the same heart. Here: ❤︎
This! I started dying my hair white blonde bc of how good it looks on her❤️
This is all a strange mix of first wave feminism with old-school, pre-feminism attitudes. What a wild place the internet is...
poignant insights though. good job bringing this to light!
If you want to look at a baffling feminist movement look up political lesbians. Yes, that's a thing and it's confusing
"It's all so complicated with the flowers and the romance and the lies, upon lies"
Kind of unnerving that we all seem to regard dating like an interview process, how are you supposed to enjoy dating when you see the other party as less of a person and just a potential asset?
Ironically, that's actually the whole point of courtship: To assess and select the most well-adapted mate, whose genes will combine well with yours in future generations, in order to keep the species alive and thriving. And, in most other species, the female actually does the choosing.
Yeah women have it so easy its infuriating 😡😡😡😡@@hyliadreamer
The goals of these FDS women makes me wonder how they'd feel about women who don't want to get married, don't want or can't have children, or, God forbid, lesbians or women who are attracted to more than just men.
Yeah, some users vocalise their own opinions on those topics but there doesn't seem to be an official stance. I was wondering who pays for dates if you're both women 😂
@@TheInternetInvestigator The waiter, obviously
I’ve been in lurking the sub for a while and I think most of them wouldn’t put the groups of people you mention down. I’ve seen posts about wanting to be child free and posts about being unable to have children and the discussion was just about supporting the woman in question.
my thoughts, too. and also trans women, I can see a lot of these ppl being terfs
@@tentinybees trans women aren’t allowed in fds lol
I can't help but think that people who are seriously into this (and incels too) must have no friends and barely any outside contact. I can't fathom a normal person with a normal circle of friends and somewhat of a social life to gravitate anywhere near this. All it takes is some minimal contact with other people for you to realize this is all bullshit,
I'm 37 and a virgin. never in my life would i have thought to put the blame on women. i have good friends. that helps of course, but you often feel lonely. But then I ask myself what is wrong with me and not with the others.
They probably do have outside contact - exclusively with fellow karens who either think the same way, or are even more radical. Or are LMFs who get filtered out!
Yep, same goes for racists too, I'm convinced most of them have never really gotten to know someone of a different race because of their environment or something, because just meeting people and getting to know them shows that any kind of generalization is kinda bullshit and is never really accurate
@@isaiahromero9861 Did you see that interview with the black guy (forgot his name) that goes around befriending KKK members? He said a lot of people like that have never even talked to black people before, and after a few conversations with him they go "Oh. You're just a regular guy" and a lot of them end up leaving the KKK.
@@panqueque445 yea I have actually, I watched a documentary on him and I gotta say I kinda have mixed feelings about it because while it's clearly the best way to convert racists and make a positive change and I respect that a ton, he acts like not being willing to do that is problematic. Personally I don't feel safe as a Hispanic dude going out of my way to befriend people who hate me, and I will never tolerate having to work with someone like that or be around them, I don't owe that to them and no one does. I believe it shouldn't just be up to POC to educate racists, it does help, but putting that responsibility on the victim is like telling an abuse victim they have to forgive their abuser. People are capable of educating themselves and we should encourage that more. It is amazing what that guy does though, I agree
When I met my partner, there was instant chemistry. I didn’t wait for him to make the first move, and I have no regrets. 7 years later and we’re still in love. Though I agree with some random points here, as a feminist this way of thinking is incredibly toxic. Equality is what we should strive for and this opposes that on every level. It’s certainly harmful for men and how they view women, but I would also point out that this is harmful to women as well. Nobody wins with this mindset.
Feminist and equality, pick one
Lord these people are going to have a hard time finding someone who respects them and actually loves them.
I like how this video starts off with questionable but reasonable things and ends up with batshit insane ideas
Sounds like tips to attract the exact opposite of what you want. A superficial uncommitted person who views relationships as a game to be won rather than a part of life to be enjoyed.
I once translated a romance novel that was basically this, the protagonist literally referred to herself as "the prize"
Last story isnt a successful dating story, but a successful abusive relationship with sexual and mental manipulation.
17:59 I moved in with my now husband after 10 months of dating. I was only 25 when we moved in and certainly knew I wanted to marry him. But I also knew I wanted to wait. We got married when I was 27, almost 28, after 3 years and a few months of dating. I guess he's not a high value male because he asked me to move in before engagement and he made me wait over two years for engagement. He was hoping to propose on our two year anniversary, but he had just started a new job. We got engaged and his job laid him off a few weeks later. We're coming up on 3 years of marriage and I seriously can't imagine turning him down because of some of the nonsense they have mentioned
What confuses me is this, if you don't want to date me because I'm only making 30k a year, fine.
But why do you expect someone making six figures to marry you in a year when you only work part time at a dinner?
(Not knocking waitresses, they're job is underappreciated, I'm simply pointing out the insane logic of these people).
the thing is, 99% of us make average pay so theyre all after that 1% which is statistically impossible lol
So if my fiancé and I started dating when I was 14 and he proposed when I was 20, that means he’s a bad man because he waited too long? 😂 Should’ve done it when I was a teenager, dammit.
I guess teenagers aren’t exactly the best men due to being… literally not men? Being teen boys?
This makes me so glad to be a low value woman.
Who decide your value?? Society? 🤣🤣 Value is personal for us... dönt let a bunch maggots bring you down
@@v2xerxes580 lol I appreciate the sentiment, but it's true. I'm a bargain bin bitch.
I love being charity shop value, that’s where all the nice things are.
@@v2xerxes580 sadly society does determines who is worthy. I like myself but men do not fall over themselves for me. I would have to pay 50/50 as a sort of bribe especially because I do have the boundary of no premarital sex. It is a sad reality that I am glad many don't have to experience.
I mean these women call themselves "high value". But high value to whom? Certainly not to men. The irony is that these women are actually the least attractive to men due their entitled, narcissistic mindset. You are already of higher value simply by not sharing their views
Them: Stop objectifying us!
Also them: “Low value male”
These women and the red pillers along with the pick uppers (they are NO artists I refuse to call them that), base everything on the incredibly wrong and toxic notion that relationships are a competition instead of a partnership.
Everything they say is either openly antagonistic or based on antagonism against an entire sex. How exausting must be to live like that...
It is exhausting hidden under the excuse of feeling good
Never been happier to be gay
I envy you, mate
Damn... This actually kinda discourages from dating. That's straight up messed up.
rlly weird that this community sees love and intimacy as transactional but are so vehemently anti-sex work... like if u want a man to grovel and call you his queen while you treat him like trash lots of men will pay good money for that, definitely more than most dinner dates cost
Not really- it's a supply and demand issue.
If FDS women believe their vaginas are the mechanism by which they can control and manipulate men (because that's all men want in their view) then their power is lessened by sex workers that advertise straightforward, transactional sex.
some clever ladies over here...
@@iceprincess2134 im mostly just pointing out the hypocrisy lol. also ppl hate sex workers for lots of reasons but I digress
THIS
As a quiet guy who’s been hurt a lot, this shit is more scary than any horror movie I’ve watched
I’ve been lurking in the sub for a while and I actually find some of the advice useful. It’s nice how positive and supportive the users are. And I like how they don’t view being single as a punishment but something that is just as valid and fulfilling as marriage. The pickme thing seems more about women who put other women or themselves down to seem better to men. I haven’t read the handbook though so hearing you read it was surprising. It’s extreme and I don’t even think most of the sub would agree with it. At least I hope not.
There's definitely some good advice but overall I don't think it's worth the rest 😂
A lot of it seems pretty reasonable honesty. I’ve never experienced the dating world as a straight woman but it seems…rough. The porn and BDSM judgement and the 1.5 years to married thing aside, do what you gotta do, girl.
yah I've been lurking on there as well and I do like the advice that you see time to time. the issues about watching p*rn is pretty silly though
@@chibivivichan What did it say? (I must have missed that bit)
@@mookinbabysealfurmittens it says that porn is too exploitative to female pornstars that are participating in it that it is too generous to give porn a chance so people should refrain from watching porn altogether because of the risks of trafficked women plus consumers detaching from reality and starting to objectify the other sex which is something I can confirm happens as an ex porn addict. I watched too many gay porn and it totally fucked up how I view men and I still can't go back to the way I was years ago. Being against porn and bdsm is not that controversial as people make it out to be imho 🤷♀️
1.5 years? It took my husband and I 5 years to get engaged and 8 years total to get married. We began cohabitating about a year in but we've been together 11 years, married for 3 of them.
I really doubt that the woman who wrote that is the “fun” girl she thinks she is. She says she’s mastered being great company? There’s no way. I’ve met people who think like this and they’re transparently the worst. You can always tell when someone is completely disingenuous. She says she used a man’s “attraction” to her to get a job opportunity because hanging out with him (a person in her field) has allowed her to meet other people in that field? That’s just called regular networking. Everyone does it. It’s not master manipulation. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s totally fabricating his “interest” in her. She thinks she’s really smart but really she’s just mistaking the normal social interactions she’s having for calculated genius manipulations on her part. I have to assume that making real friends is just so difficult for her because of her shitty personality that she sees any positive social interaction as a big strategic win.
The "low value male" "high value female" made me feel like they were talking about dogs or horses to breed
In the end they’re just saying the quiet part that everyone wants to, the core foundation of capitalism is competition and consumerism and if you can’t prove yourself better in some way, you’re worthless in everyone’s eyes. Look no further than the many cases of disabled children being left homeless to die on the street. This can also tie into racial supremacy, physiognomy and so on. “Every life is valuable” is a very bizarre lie people trick themselves into repeating even when they don’t believe it.
I like the idea of women putting more thought and into picking a partner. Women should decide what they want, where their boundaries and limits are before seeking a mate. It's good to consider tactics to attract who you want as well how to weed out who you don't. A lot of this seems over the top and predatory. Still, a lot seems smart.
I feel like the actual advice is good, but the redditors themselves are really vitriolic. I personally find the vetting strategies helpful because female socialization leads to women accepting things we know we shouldn't, but there isn't enough cultural exposure to women standing their ground
these threads prove Sartre's maxim of hell being other people to be right
What is your opinion of the meaning of that quote? I'm writing a book of essays on philosophical inquiries and Sartre's quote is one I've grappled with, to little avail. I'm certain there are many interpretations on the meaning, but I'd like to gather personal research, rather than academic research.
@@therocknrollmillennial535 My take on this quote after having read a bit of Satre’s work (including Huis-Clos) is that one of humanity’s struggle is the impossibility for someone to define oneself without the other’s gaze. The notion of alterity and how it’s central to the human experience is a big part of Sartre’s work but also of many thinkers of that era.
@@therocknrollmillennial535 i’m not the person you asked, but personally it sounds like he’s saying that the worst punishment is dealing with and/or being affected by the people around you. it seems to usually be interpreted to mean that others opinions of you is hell, but i think it could also be approached from a sort of asocial perspective, meaning “dealing with the people i meet is a personal hell incomparable to anything else”. most horrible things are man made, since humans are likely the only species capable of being evil entirely on purpose.
or maybe he just had a really bad experience at a party idk
This subreddit makes me want a shower, so creepy
13:32 coffee dates are so perfect for first dates thoigh! Of any kind! Esp if you don’t have much rapport with the other person. Coffee is less than 1 hour so if you need to/want to, you can leave quite suddenly with no guilt and with lots of ease. No pressure. Also cheaper lol
All this armchair obsessive labeling and categorizing of the incredibly nuanced social world of relationships, dating and career is hella detrimental to our ability to let things play out naturally I think.
It's creepy I could take a girl who had a cute smile and an interest in camping out for coffee or a beer and then she jumps back into a horribly toxic echo chamber that weeds me out because of that, regardless of the connections we may have made before. It reeks of how so many of my fellow dudes have convinced themselves that 99.9% of women are horrible, manipulative harlots.
The irony of how these terminally online people all act the same can't be overstated.
And worst of all they the online toxic people may end up feeding on each other, FDS are basically what incels and guys with similar mentalities think all women are like
@monus782 Exactly. The toxic shit they are spewing over there is just giving a real-life boogeyman that the incels had long invented in their minds before. And ironically, a lot of the FDS shit was lifted from incels and red-pilled weirdos on 4Chan.
It's like they are just feeding off each other like you stated.
I find it hilarious and sad that this group speaks as though the goal of all straight women is to be married--I've NEVER wanted kids or to be married. They speak of marriage like it's this pedestal of what all women want from men. It's a very hypocritical stance.
There is a lot of strangely good advice woven in with some really terrible, hypocritical advice. It's weird.
Right? I personally want to get married in the future, but if my boyfriend who I'm living with proposed to me right now, I would freak out in a bad way. I'm not ready for that at all, does that mean I should just break up with my boyfriend and be single or date around until I am? Ridiculous
@@agatazietek9098 it really is ridiculous.
I should have clarified, I have no issues if that is what any person desires in life, a marriage. I reread my comment and I don’t think it was clear enough that my PERSONAL wants in life are not kids and marriage, but what anyone wants in life is personal to them. I don’t want to be judged for this or come off inadvertently as being judgmental about anyone with different goals and desires in life.
And yeah, I’d be freaked out if someone proposed to me in general. But I can imagine that if you want to be married, potentially to your boyfriend, but haven’t made that decision yet, a proposal would be so challenging. I get second hand freak out thinking about that.
I really wish the only dating advice for everyone was: be an honest, sincere, and kind person
Communities like these help justify incels or related groups, which in turn further drives traffic to itself. It's self-propagating misery.
which is interesting because most of this stuff is just gender swapped incel rhetoric anyway. women acting like incels being what radicalizes men into becoming incels isn't so much of a "gotcha" as it is an indicator that the incel community sustains itself on hypocrisy and cognitive dissonance. it's a little lazy to place the onus on women in this situation just for parroting existing motifs found in the opposing community. (i feel like i have to clarify i don't approve of the rhetoric, gender swapped or not.)
Yeah well Misery does love company after all....
And you could say its incels who make those kinda movement growing...pot calling kettle back or whatever the saying is... Each one of them are responsible for their own misery.
I’ve never heard of a community of people who sound somewhat reasonable one second, but then sound absolutely batshit insane the next.
There are tons of communities that fulfill this principle. Why else do you think people fall down toxic and destructive pipelines? That's the mechanism by which this happens and also everyone knows this, so I'm a bit confused why people keep saying this.
It's shocking and sad how both of these groups are so blinded by their generalizations of a small sub-set of people that they fail to see their own bias and hypocrisy.
That's ANY controversial subreddit.
Subreddit full of sad girls that never got out of the 14 year old heartbreak phase
I ran across this subreddit after being out of the dating pool for pretty much 6 years. At first it sounded like good advice for someone just getting back into dating, I quickly realized how toxic it is.
yeah i get you, the bit about becoming the best version and bettering yourself is actually good, but then it goes down to a bit of a narsicistic and very toxic mind set that actually is very bad
Love a fresh cup of TII content in the morning
🖤🖤🖤
The thing about this mindset from the women in this group is they treat every guy like all he cares about is physical climaxes... And it's just not the reality. Honestly it's awesome to find a lady that you can be dorks with, have interesting witty conversations about weird stuff, enjoying hobbies together that don't all include money like hiking in the woods, walking your dogs, running errands together, making the best out of the little things like grocery shopping. Not everything is this power trip in the relationship, I'm fine with giving the lady power, upper hand, control, and it can sway back and forth between each people in a very healthy and organic way. It seems like so many people who talk about relationship advice talk in a all or nothing, black or white, the guy is weak or strong and it's just so robotic. I think the best person is a flexible adaptable patient and compassionate person. It doesn't make that person weak it's good to have feelings lol idk
I misread the last part as "I think the best person is a flexible, adaptable patient" as if you were some sketchy ass surgeon.
I never let man pay, specially in the first date, because I'm afraid they'll think I owe them something. You never know if a guy is a nut, sometimes they hide it pretty well.
I never let a woman pay on the first date... I was the one who asked to go out so its only polite to pay for the first one, within reason.
Soo we should probably never go out or we will die at the first restuarant in our never ending fight of who will pay.
@@SpaceTrump solution for both of you: dine and dash
@@joVeeNoise 201 IQ.
Aha women do false accusations and gets reward for it....soon every interection will be harrasment...that what you dummies do by living ín a digital world
im glad you came at this from a more balanced angle than most. i don't like FDS, but a lot of criticisms of it are just misogynistic and weird. i'm so glad i found your channel, i think you're great female voice in this content niche.
@@LordIceify i mean that the people (typically men) who criticize FDS and its users are sexist towards those users. there is ample room for fair criticism without straight up being misogynistic about it. FDS trends towards misandry and occasional TERF-iness, but they wrap it up in a layer of female empowerment that a lot of women agree with. that's why i'm glad TII covered this, because i think a lot of male commentators handle it in a way i perceive as unfair. a lot of the time they don't include the actually good and positive beliefs that FDS claims to hold---that tends to be the appeal for people. hell, i've run into FDS posts on accident and a lot of it isn't obviously FDS on first glance.
@@LordIceify i feel like there's some sort of irony here about a (presumable) man telling a (presumable) woman what she means as if she doesn't know what she's talking about and then patronizing her about it. all in the comments on a video about FDS lol.
fenake dating strategy is just women hating on men
Its funny how biased they are
High Value Male requirements: ∞
High Value Female requirements: just do you babes, we all deserve the best.
That's called being a female incel bruh lmao
Dawg if anyone, and Lordy do I mean ANYONE, uses “male” or “female” to refer to people of the opposite sex, that’s a red flag bigger than the entire country of Russia and I will be quoted on this
How
@@puffballbk2186 It reduces people to their reproductive organs, and not seeing them a full people.
Love how you call this out for the hypocrisy that's peddled here, you rock girl x
I *do* kind of feel like PUA guys fully deserve FDS women.
@M I A facts
Incels and femcels should all get with each other
Whats with people who think the opposite sex ain't shit yet are so desperate for a relationship?
The views FDS has on men and the advice they provide is best described as “toxic” as it involves gaslighting and manipulative behaviour. Especially how FDS endorse the idea of women intentionally deceiving and misleading the men into commitment by lying about their promiscuous past. FDS say men are insecure with a woman’s promiscuity but would have no problems with women lying to insecure men into committing to them.
This is the kind of stuff that makes me think straight dating is a nightmare.
It really is. Kristen Leo’s video “The Collapse of Hetero Relationships” covers the topic in great detail.
It's a Neverending, life and confidence destroying nightmare.
how can it not be when one half is influenced from childhood to see the other half as inferior, and the other half is expected to love their oppressor
@@honeysugar8528 You mean woman oppressing man though psyschological warfare and victim playing? For sure there are sadly so many man who fall for this feminázi bullshit
Ya know, this subreddit just makes me feel more justified for not wanting to ever have a relationship. I'll just stick with having what friends I have and the family I love. More than enough for me.
There's one thing you said that I have a serious problem with. You said that the worst case scenario that could result from FDS behavior is a man wasting time and money. No. The *worst* thing that could happen as a result of FDS is a man being caught in a manipulative, emotionally abusive relationship that leaves them with serious trauma. That's obviously not Elliot Rodger level, so your core point in that section is fair enough, but that exact phrasing seemed extremely trivializing to me.
I think if I met someone and felt like I connected with them and subsequently found out they had a profile on this reddit I think it would feel exactly like getting punched in the stomach. I'm not the kind of guy to pretend I'm above being hurt in that way and I think it would really mess me up long-term.
I am bloody scared that someday i may date a girl that thinks these things are okay
Same bro, same.
This shit is why you should never be alone with a woman unless you trust her 100%, which is damn near impossible to do these days.
Being afraid to meet a bad person is valid. Although, don't let that deprive you of human interaction especially if it's with someone who's in a group you're not apart of. That is how these types of toxic "dating advice" groups form, it's a bunch of scared, hurt people that refuse to leave an echo chamber that affirms their fears and insecurities. Once you go down that road it's incredibly hard to get out. My ex turned out to be a redpill/ incel guy, which has certainly changed me and made me much more cautious. Does that mean I shouldn't trust or interact with a man again? No, because that would only contribute to the divide between people and turn me into a resentful sad sack that blames my problems on others. Much like the misogynist that I used to date.
I used to think like a member of fds and now realize it's due to a few factors.
The biggest is that most men I've tried dating were users or abusers. I have a lifelong history of sa and dv too.
The secondary is because I think im a lesbian so im not honestly attracted to all but a few guys.
Tbh therapy has been so good and tbh I don't like dating men still but then again, probably a lesbian
I don´t see the FDS mentality fitting too well for lesbians.
I find your statements interesting. I thought I was a lesbian and came out when I was 15. Starting at 11, I was being groomed by a 30+ year old male friend of my mom and aunt. So, not good experiences with men. Additionally, my mom and aunt were very…let’s say, friendly with their favors, so there was a revolving door of barflies during these years too. And on top of that, they would make fun of me for not having a boyfriend. So I just figured I must be gay. After a some very weird relationships with women and later men, after a lot of soul searching and realizing how inappropriate their parenting was, I’m now 31 and happily married to a man.
I’m certainly not saying you’re not gay, only you can know that, just wanted to share my experience. Having negative people in your life during formative years can really shape or warp our entire mind and perception of reality. Kudos to you for finding a therapist and actually reflecting on your life. I know so many people who are just stuck in perpetual turmoil partly because they can’t look at themselves, forgive themselves, get away from bad people and try to be better themselves.
@@ashtonlorainew oh wow, thank you for sharing and being vulnerable! I'm so sorry all of that happened to you but I'm really proud of everything you overcame.
I think for me, bi might be more correct but on the whole I have more chemistry with women and can only feel friendship towards pretty much all men. Whether it's trauma or biology I think I just don't romantically love men no matter how much I want a "normal" life.
I appreciate you sharing, not just for me, but for others who might read and gain some enlightenment or comfort. Especially any young people. I'm 30 and also glad for my therapist. I'm glad for your husband and you too.
Btw any young people reading this, part of fds' strategy that is fundamentally incorrect is it doesn't actually attract high value people. It brings users and people who think they can buy you. Actually high value partners are ones with emotional intelligence and who can love freely and have complementary personalities and perspectives.
@@dismurrart6648
“Actually high value partners are ones with emotional intelligence and who can love freely and have complementary personalities and perspectives.”
There it is. No matter our sexual orientation, this is what we should all be striving for. To love and be loved without manipulation.
You rock, dis murrart! Thanks for your kind and thoughtful response.
@@ashtonlorainew absolutely! Kindness is free and we should be generous with it
I really wonder how these people feel about queer relationships? Would they be happy about my relationship because it is two high value women or have a problem with it?
As a lesbian these kinds of behaviors are so bizarre to me. I do the cooking because I like to cook. My girlfriend does more of the cleaning because I work more. I don’t understand why so many straight couples don’t work like this. My cis, straight parents always divided the work equally. I didn’t realize how common it was for people to have these weird relationship roles until I was a little older.
It seems like a lot of this is just internalized misogyny pretending to be equality. These women are expecting to be treated poorly so they are mean to their potential partner. A genuinely nice guy probably wouldn’t put up with being treated like that. I feel like this kind of behavior wouldn’t attract the kind of men they are looking for. If they want some weird power struggle relationship, thats fine, but this approach doesn’t seem like it is about equality and sharing your life with someone as equal partners.
I tried to comment on this subreddit before but they banned me because I hadn't been "accepted" yet. It was weird.
I wouldn't mind posting, but you're not even allowed to comment unless you're an XX homosapiens lol
also, all of someone's credibility goes out the window as soon as you start labeling some people more "high value" than others. nobody is a higher value than anyone else, and if you truly believe that you're simply delusional.
no? bet 1000$ that you still judge people lmao
Although i somewhat agree, i think their basis of someone being high value often relates to money and job status and that can be objectively measured. I do however think that a child abuser, pedo, rapists, serial killers etc are lower than functioning members of society.
Umm..of course all people are definitely equally valued however when it comes to dating there is a difference in the man who has a stable job, who is educated, is a law abiding citizen and who is a kind person as opposed to a man who is unemployed long term, uninterested in getting his shit together, who is an alcoholic or who abuses illicit drugs on a regular basis and who cheats every chance they get or who abuses their partner...when it comes to relationships or dating you don't think one of those 2 have a higher value than the other??
Some people are definitely more valuable than others. As a whole, one person may have more to offer than another making them worth more to the one perceiving them. This is just the way it is in like all relationships. Friends, lovers, co-workers, neighbors whatever.
@@amp4105 ...obviously people who commit atrocities such as that are not on the same level of morality as those of us who don't, I didn't realize I had to explicitly state "murderers are bad"
I don't remember where, but awhile ago, I heard someone suggest that toxic femininity is "viewing sex, not as a mutual action, but as something woman have and give to men". It's something that made me stop and think, but it does make sense. It's woman believing that they are fulfilling their side of the relationships simply by making love and having sex, whilst the men need to do extra to earn those things. And that's definitely what seems to be what's going on in this subreddit.