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Can I also suggest making a clearer distinction between when you're reading directly from the past and making your own comments? I love the asides but if I'm not looking directly at the screen it can be hard to tell the difference between your own thoughts and what you're reading
I’m almost 2 years sober from heroin(2 years in august) and this video really helped me to not ever want to even consider touching that disgusting shit again. I already didn’t but at first I was a little put off the video but it just reinforces how it’s the worst thing you can do to yourself and the no win nature of it. And for anyone who thinks his beginning posts were ludicrously delusional, absolutely yes but it almost always begins with the thought of “not you, you can do it in moderation here and there” and not get dependent on it but it’s almost never the case, clearly.
13 years sober from opiates and I am still dealing with the psychological impacts of adolescent/teenage heroin abuse. It ruined me, it ruined the people around me, and I don’t think the fiending, gnashing part of my lizard brain that needs drugs will ever go away. I hated being a junkie, but there was some truth in bloodshot’s words.. I never got back that lust for life. Maybe it’s because I started so young, but the apathy and listlessness (or worse, a cold, razor sharp cynicism) has stayed with me for all these years. It feels like I may have destroyed my own ability to feel emotions at their full magnitude. As if those neural pathways to any sense of happiness or fulfillment in my brain short-circuited and blew out, so I’m left just.. existing. Therapy and medication have helped, but I just never got back to the person I was before. Don’t do drugs.
I just smoked weed but eventually found myself in a literal decade long battle of isolation and depression when a bombshell hit my friend group - betrayals, deaths, overdoses; I eventually developed mental health issues and the ER forced me into a psch unit for a week. That single week destroyed that same thing you're talking about now.
@@GoodpizzaaI’m not above checking myself into a hospital if it could do me some good, but I do feel like that spot would be better taken by someone in crisis. I’m sober, medicated, in therapy, and have good support. For all intents and purposes I’m a productive and functional member of society, just with an insatiable need for escapism and perpetual mental burnout. But, who knows - I’ll look into it. Thanks for the advice.
Wow I feel this 100% I've been clean from opiates for 7 years now. I have a job, a house, a child, a car, a decent life I guess. But I still always feel like I'm missing something. I should probably get back into therapy and on medication for my anxiety/depression & adhd. But I have no motivation to do anything for myself. I can do anything and everything for my son, but when it comes to myself, I feel hopeless. I also lost all my friends when I was in my addiction. I never did anything to them, just stopped talking to everyone besides other users and dealers. But even since getting clean, I haven't actually made any friends.. so I feel like I'm just not worthy I guess.
I don't know if it's good to know i feel the exact same way but it's at least something to know I'm not the only one. I managed to get my shit together 15 years ago and now live a quite comfortable life yet I feel like I don't experience things the same as someone who didn't alter their brain with drugs for years from a young age. This seem almost dull like you know something is missing
Trying to get out of an opiate addiction as a young person is so difficult. I started when I was a teenager and it ate away my entire early twenties. No health insurance so had to figure out withdrawals and treatment on my own on top of incarceration for a year. In my thirties now and haven't used an opiate in several years, but I still think about doing it when something really bad happens. If you're reading this and going through the same thing, I know withdrawals suck and everything feels dull and grey while not high, but it does get so much better when you can spend the time and energy wasted on scoring instead on things that really make you happy for more than a few minutes.
@@ohthatswhatabearis1270 felt that too hard, but you are not alone in this feeling, and sometimes you can "retrain" your brain to find happiness in the smallest things, my cat gets me through a lot, don't give up because beauty is all around us, we have to choose to see it. Stay safe, mate, and if you need an ear, I'd be open to talking. Love and light
I also started using in my late teens and used throughout my twenties. Rn i am on methadone maintenance but i havent used heroin in years also. And things are so much better. Just hearing about withdrawals makes me cringe. Im so glad my urges to use are mostly gone. Every now and then il get an urge but i also think about everything and how much better things are now. It sucks cos im basically picking up where i was in my teens as far as like real life trying to go back to school ect but again things are way better now. If any of you are trying to het clean i urge you to not give up and muster up the strength to lock yourself up somewhere or find help in some form or another cos thats not a very nice lifestyle
This is the most positive youtube comment section I’ve ever seen?! No victim blaming, no edgy jokes, no dumb fights, just people talking honestly about their experiences and other people congratulating them for staying clean or offering condolences. As someone who grew up around alcoholism I wish everyone had this attitude towards addiction.
Major props to all you guys in the comments working towards a healthier you! You guys rock. I’m super proud of each of you. Keep fighting, even when you fall
@Yung_Shkreli Because there are thousands and thousands of people that, while being completely different, all share the same struggle. We're proud because we can empathize. There are meeting rooms in churches and grange halls and bowling alleys and restaurants all over the world, and we can walk into any of those rooms that we've never been to before in our lives, and look into dozens of faces that we've never seen before, and yet, we will know them all, because they're just like us. We've been there, done that, and F*** the t-shirt, because we just got high and forgot where we put it anyway. I mean, good on you, not being able to understand. Means you've probably never been there. For those of us that have been there, we understand perfectly what Melanie means (And thank you, Ms. Melanie..You're worth it!)
@@TheUluxian Great comment! You perfectly explained how those of us who have been effected by addiction feel a sense of community with one another. I read about this study the other day that relates to this. The study compared 2 groups of ppl: 1 group had to complete mildly painful or uncomfortable tasks, such as holding their hands in ice water as long as possible, etc. The other group performed tasks that didn't involve pain or discomfort. Then both groups were asked to do activities that required teamwork & communication to complete. They found that the group that endured pain/discomfort together were significantly more successful in working together towards a common goal compared to the other group. I think this speaks to how there's a sense of community among those of us who have suffered from addiction. We want to support & encourage one another bc we know how important it is in recovery. Having a support system is critical to recover from addiction.
Well put, and I agree completely! These people are wonderful to have fought back against something that does so much damage. Their inner strength is beautiful and marvelous.
Opioid addiction is the worst thing I've ever dealt with. Especially if you deal with anxiety issues and sleeping problems. I'm now on methadone and I'm doing better, but I'll prb always be a shell.
Stay strong. I'm an addict myself but it's been over 6 years since I've used. Try to do a little less everyday. That's how I got off it. Taper down. It took well over a year and I slipped up a couple times. You can't get too down on yourself. I'm not sure what is motivating you to get sober but for me, it was my girl and my kids. She told me "you care about getting pills more than us." I couldn't allow that to be true any longer so I quit. You can do it too. It's not easy. But you obviously know where the other road will take you. Good luck homie. With all my heart, much love to you.
Also, I know this may not be for everyone but try to find a doc willing to wean and put you on Suboxone instead. I weaned off in two years versus ten on methadone.
I feel like videos like these should be shown to at-risk youth. This is definitely my favorite content of yours, and coming from someone with a genetic disposition to addiction, this serves as a painful reminder of what could come if you make the wrong choice.
im making elaborate plans in my hometown to hustle and get some of the good shit like lsd just cause of my godawful life and reality, would kill for some drugs.....
absolutely. stories like these helped me nip some alcoholic tendencies in the bud, as well as keep me away from nicotine. while those drugs are legal and not nearly as bad as heroin, it still helped me keep out of bad habits.
As an ex heroin junkie.... This breaks my heart. I know how hard it is to quit for an actual addict and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I actually got so desperate at one point I pulled up water in my syringe from a mud puddle. Heroin and opioids are very dangerous. Please don't try it. Even though most people just don't try it... It kind of becomes the cheaper fix for prescription pain meds. Reach out of you have a problem. It's ok. Lots of people do. Please don't become another statistic.
My opiate addiction is painkillers. I've never touched heroin, despite being offered it many a time, even times when I've been rattling badly from having no tablets. I can't let myself touch it because I know how it would make me feel and there would be no coming back from it. I knew the dangers, I knew how likely I was to abuse them due to the many other substances I'd struggled with. They make life more tolerable, like a kick up the arse. After I'd been on them for around a year I did actually reach out to my drug treatment centre. I was seeing them for cocaine usage and mentioned the extent of the tablets and how I saw the outcome. No guidance offered and he told me to just take paracetamol as though I'd never considered that in the first place. I'd had back pain pregnant, a c-section and was waiting for knee surgery at the time so I needed pain relief...my Drs never checked my records before dishing out multiple prescriptions either, which was great at the time. I never went back to the drug centre after that counsellor's sound advice, until March this year, almost 7 years into opiate addiction, with a daily pill intake that rivals some of my friend's heroin habits. I've been on methadone ever since and I hate it. It hasn't made me stop the tablets completely but I have cut down. I still struggle to see a completely sober future, it terrifies me and seems boring but stories such as yours do give me some hope.
@@sarahelliott3229 I don't know you.... But you are loved. As long as you're above ground there is hope for you. Have you tried Suboxone instead of methadone? It worked really well for me when methadone fell short.
No rehabs will help me bc I take klonopin and can’t just stop that. Been on it too long it’s dangerous too. And everyone sees me as a liability bc of it :-( No hope is an understatement but I keep trying. These stories kinda reminded me that maybe I’m like them and just a lost cause stuck forever…
If dude was running out of veins to use he was waaaay worse than he was presenting himself. Unless you have steel resolve, you cannot have a casual relationship with opioids. They're too wonderful. And far too demanding. They want to be the centerpiece to your life and they will be.
Literally what I was thinking when he said that. You can’t have that sort of relationship with opioids, it’s just not possible. It will become the be all and end of all for anyone who does it, it’ll become the only thing that matters to the addict to the detriment of literally everything else in their life. Work, relationships, just daily living in general because all that matters is getting that next hit.
I had terrible veins naturally that you cant see or feel, phlebotamists couldnt hit them long before i used drugs. I only injected in Arm a handful of times before I couldn't use arms. So it's possible.
That was the hardest part for me... Knowing I'll never feel that feeling again. It sounds cringe but you will feel again, different, but you will. you'll become so thankful you don't have that prison surrounding you where every thought and action is based on drugs, when, where, how, even when you have them. It's exhausting and it feels good to not be consumed by that relentless ball and chain. And eventually you'll be able to relate to life in a valuable way and have a unique perspective and perception of people. As well as the ability to self reflect and find it so much easier to admit hard things about and to yourself bc it's nothing compared to what you could never admit to yourself before. It's freeing. You'll have the hard days but you will wake up one day and realize you didn't even think about drugs the day before and so one. I hate being that person that says all the same things but you're doing amazing, you have so much to be proud of.
I remember how I felt when that first occurred to me when I was 21 and in rehab. I wanted to run away from there. But eventually you'll get tired of feeling bad all of the time, because your tolerance is so high you must do it 3 times a day just to get through. And when you've been clean a while, your endorphins will return to normal. I was addicted at 16. I'm 35 now, four years clean. I feel like I never want to touch heroin again. I hope that eventually, you experience this too.
as lame as it sounds, you'll get to a point where the joy and comfort you get from the things in your life that are the result of your sobriety far outweigh what you got from being high. i have 7 years now, and you won't believe how much your life can change for the better.
I was a minor and an alcoholic. I wasn't sober ever for over a year by the time I was 21 and able to legally drink, and by the time I was 23, I had gotten stabbed breaking up a bar fight. I went through the WORST withdrawal of my life and came out the other side better for it. I'm 30 now and can permit myself a single drink at my birthday or Christmas or whatever, but for a while I got addition sweats being around alcohol, her siren song calling out to me. I even worked in a liquor store for a while, thankfully getting over the call to drink by seeing the regulars who came in every day for LARGE quantities of booze at a time, thinking about how that had been me only a few years prior. That being said, i still smoke cigarettes (got started at 11 years old with this addiction) and have recently been able to cut back to about 10 a day (half a pack) which is a miracle leaning towards quitting altogether before I move cross-country with my partner come spring. I've quit smoking a few times, but the longest I ever lasted was a year. Hopefully this time is for good.
i was basically an alcoholic before even turning 18 and now at 20 my body just doesn't like alcohol anymore and i don't get almost any pleasure from drinking, thankfully. I'm glad that's happening but i'm scared i'll over-drink that bondary eventually if i don't quit fully
My friend ended his life at only 26 after years of heroin addiction. He also had loving parents who got him into rehab yet in the end he also chose to end his pain in his bedroom at his parents' house. I hope his family finds peace and the OPs family as well.
i lost my dad last year because of his drug addiction, and it’s so hard to hear other stories of people thinking they can do it once and never again. i can’t count on one hand the amount of times my dad was in rehab, then got out and started using again. it’s so incredibly sad to have to watch someone slowly die, and be able to do nothing.
As a past needle user I can assure you that the addiction to doing it that way is almost more addicting than the drugs. So they don’t realize that they’re not quitting one addiction anymore, They now have to deal with the fact that not only are they addicted to heroin now they’re addicted to shooting up too
as someone suffering with a severe excoration disorder due to OCD, I can seriously relate to this and have never thought of that before. I fucking hate picking at my skin but its literally addicting and intoxicating to do, as well as causes you to block out your surroundings/sense of time that has past, so I can really see why the ritual of injecting could be addicting in and of itself.
I've never touched any drugs, nor have I been around any except for a friend smoking an occasional joint, so this whole world is alien to me. But from what I can gather from what I've heard and read, there's no such thing as being completely free from heroin addiction. I can't imagine what a terrifying nightmare that must be.
I'm in the same boat; I've never been near anything like that. Something like this is beyond my comprehension and imagination, and I plan for it to stay that way. I'm proud of all the people in the comments who've successfully broken free from their addictions, and I hope they're all in a happier mindset, and in much better health.
As someone who has lost both their older siblings to drug addiction, specifically heroin, this was a really tough video to watch, but also somewhat insightful. It's very easy for those of us who aren't doing drugs to get angry and frustrated at our loved ones for not being able to quit, without realising just how insanely difficult it truly is and the pain they go through to stay sober.
My sister was an addict (1 year sober last month!) so I'm really sensitive to stories about addiction, especially heroin. But I'm glad I watched this video though because I know you treat them with respect and don't make gross and callous jokes. Love your channel
thank you so much for approaching addiction & substance use with compassion & not scorn or an "they should have known better" attitude, as is often the norm. the empathy you express for the subjects of your videos is without a doubt my favorite thing about you as a creator. i wish more people were like you in that regard. rip paul. i can only imagine that through his thorough documentation of his addiction, he did a lot for people battling heroin. rest easy, man.
Just wanted to say thank you for making such an accurate, non-judgmental, and empathetic video about addiction. I live in the US, am a big harm reduction advocate, and actually working towards having some sort of career that allows me to advocate for PWUD (People Who Use Drugs). Most people are still so harsh, judgemental, and lacking in compassion towards PWUD as, although progress has been made, it still carries a massive stigma. MAT (Medication Assisted Treatment) is also often stigmatized, especially in the US, even though it has by far the best results for opioid addicts specifically. So it was very refreshing to see you cover this person's story in a manner that was accurate, yet not entirely dispassionate with the empathy you displayed throughout. Absolutely stunning work.
Good for you! I hate this country's boner for punishment. We're so scared that the least little bit of harm reduction will keep someone for being punished for their sins, because that's SO much more important than like, trying to actually help anything.
@@janerecluse4344 Thank you for the kind reply! I agree, so much of how our country handles addiction is incredibly reactionary when we are really just punishing and shaming individuals who are greatly suffering and who already hate themselves far more than anyone else ever could.
the way you handled covering paul’s story was incredibly delicate, and i know myself (who has never been an addict, but has attempted suicide like paul did) and so many others /including/ paul appreciate it so much. addiction is a slope that has no branch to grab onto. i’m incredibly sad that he ended up passing as a result of his addiction, but i also feel incredibly proud of him for trying so many times to get better, even if the fight was just too tiring in the end. i hope everyone in the comments who has shared their personal story with addiction through different mediums is doing well, being safe, and staying healthy
I tried fentanyl a handful of times and I HAD to stop. I could see how easy it would be to dedicate your whole life to procure and use the drug. I was afraid of how good it felt. I felt like, “sure, I may die at any moment but at least I’ll die happy”. I was severely depressed at the time but now I love life with just some occasional drinking and mushrooms.
I just know for certain that if I tried anything like that, especially when in specific moments in my life, I would fall madly in love with the drug. I already romanticize opium den use, though I know in my mind it had a melancholy reality attached to it. You are wise, not simply because you know yourself but because you heed your own warning.
This story hits me so hard so deep because, I'm a recovering addict from UK London, I'm currently on medication methadone and I'm really struggling to fix up , I'm very lucky to have a 80 yr old mother, otherwise I'd be homeless or probably o'deed d3ad somewhere on the streets , my mother cries for my recovery everyday, say she wishes I was clean and given her some grandchildren, I wish the same wishing I had a wife and kids instead of my current self and life too , Hearing this story put me in so much distress, every word just got me more and more every single word made me more agitated , meaning the silence after the end of the video did calm me down, but still keep myself thinking, I wish I could give my utmost sincere condolences to Paul bloodshots family, I'm so sorry for their loss , and I really honest wish he stopped his addiction and was alive today, I'm not what else more to say, I really want to change my medication from methadone to subitex , and even though mom's 80 , I've a good feeling she's got a good ten or twelve years in her left, so I really want to try my hardest to give her a grandkid very soon having wife a kid stay clean for ever , everyone please please pray for me as much as everyone can , if you're not religious please wish me extra good luck, also forgot to mention , I'm British born but my parents were born in South Asia, so if I can stay clean without medicine without using substance for a minimum four or six or more months of staying clean and sober , this guarantees and means I am most likely will have an arranged marriage, which I'm completely fine with, even though I really really wish I had a mixed race marriage like as if my wife was from a different race , but I'm completely happy with whoever my family choose , I will just make sure my future generations of kids don't spend their life like mine, I will guarantee my son daughter is educated in a degree to be a doctor or scientist etc , I will do anything to make sure my kids don't go through whatever how I grew up , Sorry for my essay type comment and thanks to everyone for reading this, But I want to thank the internet investigator , I want to thank you especially for making this video , I really pray and really hope and wish your video makes such an impact on me , that your video changes my life , Thank you everyone please pray for my goals and recovery I'm serious sick and tired of myself also is my elderly mother , Take care everyone bye!!!
Stay strong dude, you can absolutely do this! I hope that your mum gets to hear the pitter patter of little grandbaby feet soon enough, but more importantly than that I hope you find yourself in a place where your life is so good that you can look back on everything and say "I am so glad I found this courage to stop". I too am trying to stop with an opioid addiction, though mine is for otc meds and my situation isn't made easier due to suffering from long time back problems, however you have helped to inspire me to stick with it, for my mother's sake (she is disabled and I am her full time carer) but also for myself, I am so tired of my mental wellness being tied to having to take a drug.
@@WeWillAlwaysHaveVALIS thank you from bottom of my heart for your words brother, I pray your mother has all the best health and happiness, also I pray you recover from all your illnesses, hopefully one day science will come out with some opioid free medicine that makes us all better one day, Also have you ever considered documenting your daily duties with your mother, because UA-cam has a large audience for sick or disabled people, you can blurr both you and your mother face , also you can open a go-fund-me account, people are very kind and helpful, Also everyone who liked my comment please tell me your channel I will subscribe to you
You could look into taylor nicole dean. Her story is also sad - she got hooked on heroin because of an abusive (now ex) bf. She is still alive and claims to be sober, although many fans express doubt about this. I dont know too much about the whole situation and if you want to do a vid on this id totally watch
As someone who had developed crippling chronic pain at 19 and was offered hydrocodone to help, I wouldn’t wish any drug addiction on anyone and I don’t believe anyone who does drugs at least once a week as someone who has it “under control”. If you believe that you have a drug addiction under control, you are trying to excuse your addiction. If you had it “under control” you probably wouldn’t be doing it at all or making excuses on why you need a little hit here or there. Believe me, having an addiction is the worst thing I went through. I was naive to believe that getting pills from a doctor for my actual pain but taking more than I should have was not like being a junkie. It’s such a terrible feeling, I mean, the withdrawal is horrible, but when you reflect and see what you believe you have to take in order to function and making excuses to use, it’s such a low feeling. The overwhelming feeling of knowing that you need a crutch like pills or street drugs to be able to feel “normal” is the worst - for me, whenever I didn’t hurt too bad and I would have 2-4 pills in my hand (that I bought off someone else after taking my entire 30 day prescription in a week) I felt like garbage. I still feel like garbage for allowing myself to get that bad with the pills - but they made me feel like how believed others must feel without chronic illnesses and severe depression and anxiety - I wish I could go back and change things. I’m not on any heavy instant pain medication like before due to new DEA and pain management laws, and I don’t have a job so no money to buy any - and I dealt with the withdrawals. I’m lucky fentanyl wasn’t rampant like it is now. The strongest thing I take is 0.25 alprazolam for the panic attacks I’ve been experiencing - and it isn’t something I like to take, it just makes me feel like I took too many Benadryls and can’t fall asleep easily. Anyway, just, anyone thinking about doing drugs, please don’t. It’s not something you can control unless you don’t have a job or connection, and can’t get any drugs. It’s a horrible way to live life, thinking about when you’ll get to use again to feel “better”. I can’t imagine wanting and then planning to use any kind of drug, why do it? It’s like you’re planning out how to ruin your entire life.
I was a meth addict for about 5 years and I got out of that scene RIGHT when my using friends were getting into heroin and fent, and I am soooo thankful that I did, because half of them are dead now and the other half are completely lost souls. :(
I'm grateful that you're clean, and I wish that your friends had managed to get sober with you. My mother went to high school with a guy back in the Sixties who was really popular, and a true go-getter; she showed me his yearbook picture, and he looked so nice, friendly, handsome...he really looked like he had it all. And he got hooked on some serious drugs. I can't remember whether she said he'd died or not, but she's said that he was an absolute, burned-out shell at the end of it. She herself admitted that she tried coke once back in the Seventies, and was so scared of how good it felt that she never tried it again, and that she'd been afraid to try LSD, because she was sure that she'd be the one to have a bad trip, and never come out of it. She used to drink socially before she met my father, and did pot daily back then, though all of that was out of her system years before I came along. And, wouldn't you know, her only daughter (yours truly) turns out to be a teetotaler and nonsmoker who was (and remains) firmly opposed to my state's recent legalization of marijuana!
I've been on suboxone for 3 years now. Heroin was the worst thing I've had to deal with in my entire life. I was injecting for about 4 years and there came a boiling point where I had a mental break and got arrested then when I got to the hospital, I made a scene in the ER. They had to lock down the entire wing. I remember refusing to take a pill they gave me and I tried to leave but they held me down and I felt two needles in my arms. I remember very clearly thinking that there was some large conspiracy against me and that they were hurting me. When I woke up from the shots they gave me, I was strapped to a gurney in a dark room already feeling the effects of withdrawal starting so I began to yell and the nuse came in and told me to shut up and left. During this mental break, I attacked everyone in my family. I took a huge chunk of skin out of the side of my stepdads neck because I thought he was "one of them" and I hit my mom, slapping the glasses off her face and I tried to stab my brother with a pencil. My family stuck by me though and realized a was extremely sick. I got sent to an institution and came home, still wanting to use. The psychological aspects of the addiction fucked up even after I got out.. the cravings were intense. I started going to an outpatient treatment facility where I got on suboxone. Now, the cravings are virtually gone and I got my sanity back. My mom told me that she thought I was going to stay in that psychosis state for the rest of my life...Im glad I didn't and got my life back on track. Heroin fucking sucks. It tears you and everyone around you apart. :/
i just want to say, i'm so glad you're doing better. i don't know you, but that sounds like hell, as someone who has psychosis running in the family. i'm glad you're alive.
@@tacioob2337 Yeah, it's hard to think about even now. The fact that I worried my family so much makes me want to cry. I absolutely love my family..they have been with me through a lot of heavy shit and still love me no matter what. I'm so grateful they had the patience and hope that I would get better. ❤
My best friend is an addict. I've seen him at his worst, curled up in the shower crying in pain from withdrawals. He sold everything he had for drugs but ended up getting clean for a while. It didn't last though
There isn't a reason for him to suffer in withdraw...but he has to be prepared to deal with his substance abuse issues. Suboxone tnesoy has made a world of difference for the horrors and hell of withdraw,but it's not going to work if it's a band-aid. Meanwhile, the line between co dependancy and being there is a fine one and can lead to you to bring addicted to that relationship....you can't do this for him, you can't make him get better, do you need to understand how not to default to things that won't help him and could hurt you...there's lots of really good info and resourc s out there please....apprise yourself...you can't help him or be there if it affects you negatively...and be prepared to not being able to have this come out positively...it sad , but better to accept the total thing then feel guilty and like you could of done something that you couldn't....good luck...
I'm still on a self imposed taper. I was on a medically supervised taper, but predictably, the doctor began treating me like a filthy junkie and would say all of my medical issues were because of the drugs. So I switched providers, and have been hiding that side of me from the world ever since. Opiate withdrawal is the absolute worst thing I have ever gone through. It's scary, and way too easy to lie to yourself. I still remember the first time I took my prescription pain medication when I wasn't in pain, purely to stop my anxiety about flying. That was ten years ago. For a long time, I was very high functioning, and that was the worst thing about it. I'm not done yet, but I'm slowly on my way to being totally clean. Stay safe out there, everyone. Be well, and take care of yourselves.
"Since my consumption is so low, it's not hard to quit or take breaks. I just don't feel like it." That's the first warning sign. If you "know" you can quit whenever, but "don't feel like it", you can't. You just haven't realized it yet.
@@ladyreverie7027 Yes. All things you can get addicted to. If you think "yeah I can stop whenever I want", but never feel like it, and never do, you're addicted.
As someone who is genetically pre-disposed to addiction, sad to say, but I didn't beat the odds as I had hoped. Fell off a major cliff, which culminated in being thrown in jail. That time I spent in jail was the wake-up call I desperately needed, and I'm happy to say that I'm 14 months clean and sober. For all of us who are working through addiction, withdrawals, yearnings to return, I hope some of you read this, and if I can help just one person, you and I have a bond, even if we never speak again. You all can do it. You all can take those chains off and live your best life, from this moment on. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. We gotta take it all into account, and recognize that, yes, the bad times happened, and they may have been a long time, but to paraphrase the final line in my favorite book, The Great Gatsby, we can "run faster, stretch out our arms farther, until one fine day..." we come out the other side, victorious. It's a struggle, a daily one, hell, an hourly one, but we can all beat this thing we have inside of us. Peace and love to you all on your journeys to recovery and healing
I used to work in a neonatal ICU, where there were frequently babies born addicted to heroin. If withdrawals are unbearable for an adult, it’s truly horrific what some infants are brought into this world having to endure.
I'm 44 and have six years clean. My best friend since middle school has eight years clean and has a wonderful 20 year old daughter who was born addicted to heroin and methadone. Her daughter, who calls me 'auntie' (I don't have children of my own, so that really warms my heart), works full time and also just completed her second year of college and is doing wonderfully, we are both so proud of her...but she had the most vicious introduction into this world--she did nothing but scream for seemingly a month after her birth. I babysat her at three weeks and I can still remember exactly how she sounded, and my heart still breaks thinking of the pain she must have been in. I remember my friend being sent home with prescription formula that had morphine in it to slowly wean her daughter off the opioids that were in her system (pretty sure NICUs do not do this anymore). Though her mother is my very best friend, back then, when she told me she was pregnant, my heart sank. This is a very rare story where everyone in it is still alive and healthy and everything turned out okay. Thank you for the vital work that you do.
It's interesting when he said he got mild physical withdrawal symptoms and he's "not addicted." Buckaroo, when you start feeling the restless arms and legs, running nose and anxiety when not using for several days, you addicted. The body and mind has grown accustomed to it in a way that it has a hold. A foot in the door. The limbic-prefrontal cortex highway is being paved. That's enough to find yourself 3 years later panicking that your dealer isn't answering and feel the hunger, but you can still have the same mild symptoms. You can get addicted to "small amounts" so the withdrawals never get that bad, and larger amounts cause more intense withdrawals. Though time+tolerance=eventually taking it to the next step. It is true that most people don't get addicted. They may not even have any withdrawal after using it for more than a month consistently. There's genetic and environmental aspects that go into that. Roughly 10% are addicts though, and possibly a lot of uncounted individuals who are "functional" addicts. Trauma- recent, ongoing or in the past, can actually causes addiction to take hold because substances can be soothing in some way; a way of escaping the troubling situation you are or have been in. Houselessness is a thing that can cause late onset addiction or domestic violence. So it's really not a good statistic to lean into if you're going to try heroin. What's starting to be a really big deal, at least on the west coast of the US, is street fentanyl. It comes in a blue pill here stamped like it's 30mg Percs but are actually fentanyl. Addicts smoke it on foil, constantly hitting it every few minutes all day. The fentanyl has also been laced in the meth too, so it causes a physical addiction. I've seen several folks who I was in group with since at least Sept who had physical withdrawals like opiates and they only smoked meth which only causes a strong psychological dependancy. So seeing it covertly in the meth making veritable goofballs without the buyer's consent, and causing intense physical withdrawals. It's difficult too, because getting off fentanyl is harder than heroin because detox can't administer benzos for like 7-13 days. That's wild. I had to wait like a few days without any chemical help, to get on Sub/bupe, and that was rough enough. I'm very happy I managed to get sober before I saw the blues. It's gonna get worse too. Opiate crisis 2: fenty boogaloo. Edit: subutex. Suboxone, bupenorphrine should be destigmatized. They're not really intoxicating and are good at keeping someone out of the harmful aspects of addiction and be able to rebuild their lives. A lot of addicts I know are on them- practically everyone in my last group. None of them seemed to complain except for the taste which is horrid. I'm happily on subs and I can tell you that my withdrawals get farther and farther apart. It takes four days till I get the runny nose and restless arms, when it was daily at first. There will be a day where I won't need them. It's a medication for a disease. One that's clear headed and not thinking about the next bag. It's night and day. Though for some that are far more down the rabbit hole like bloodshoteyes, it's just a stop gap. I've never experienced the flatness or experienced some of the things that he said about subs. That could just be the anhedonia, or inability to feel pleasure, that's a common trait within the first year of sobriety that can come or go. People also get anhedonia while in use as it's the only thing that helps you feel anything. Sad part is, is I've met people who were even farther down the rabbit hole and are like drug counsellors and stuff now. It's pretty sad he felt hopeless about it.
What's the difference between methadone and sub? Wanting to know cos my birthmother took methadone throughout the whole pregnancy and I've always wondered if my health problems are bc of that
A lot of people forget is that many drug addictions start with something as innocent as pain meds from a minor surgery, which then spirals out of control. For those of you in the comments who have gotten clean, I’m so proud of you! For those still struggling, there is hope. I believe in you. The first step, truly, is to realize you have a problem, as cliché as it sounds.
sometimes i think about how differently my life could’ve gone, maybe like this. i’ve been sober for over 4 yrs now but i was a heavy drug user for two years. i didn’t use heroin much, it wasn’t as available to me but i would use it if it was around. it was mostly pills and meth. my heart broke listening to this, i understand the way drugs can grip a person. may he rest in peace
my cousin was an addict for over ten years, his childhood and teen years weren't the best and mental illness and addiction run in our family heavily, so in a way it was kinda inevitable. in the last few years of his life fentanyl was the one he did alot. so many overdoses and so many late-night calls about wanting to be clean and be a "good person again". he was a good person, he was very kind and had a huge heart, he would have done anything for his family, after his addiction of course. i miss him alot, he was really starting to turn a corner and was in a good spot, but unfortunately he did some F and he took to much. i wish there was a way to go back and talk to him more before that happened, and tell him how much i loved him and how much he meant to me, we were very close in age and he was like a brother to me. the only thing that helped me get thru was knowing he was no longer in pain and turmoil, that he was finally able to rest. i hope anyone out there watching someone they care about go thru the same thing know just one thing, its fine to love someone going thru this, its normal to be angry at them, and its natural to want to do things for them, but take care of yourself first.
So I’m listening to this one year after it was posted. For all those who left a comment saying you were clean - if you are still clean now; you have managed another year! That’s huge xx ❤🎉
I relate to this guy so much . I thought for so long that I could do opiates recreationally and not have it become a problem and I was soo so wrong. I have two years and I'm still afraid that someday if I'm left to my own devices for too long or find and opportunity where no one will find out that it could happen again. I feel like the longer your clean the more you start forgetting how bad it can get and remembering the good parts
This is scary to me, coming from a family with alcoholic tendencies. I have dealt with (and still do) a lot of mental health issues, and I would be so scared to even try heroin. Physical dependencies I am usually able to deal with (though I know I shouldn't underestimate heroin in particular), but the mental aspect of substance abuse is hard. I went through that with weed as a teen, then I took a 10 year break from it before I was able to have a casual relationship with it. After seeing family members at their worst, with an alcohol concentration that would've killed most people, I feel absolutely repulsed by substances when I'm down. I hope that feeling sticks around for life. And I wish every (ex) user reading this the best of luck in finding and/or keeping your balance.
hey i wanted to say congratulation from using less weed, i know that some people have a hard time with that, maybe you could also try to go sober from all drugs one day
This is so sad, it's really similar to how my eating disorder got started (recovered for 12 years). Trying to make it seem like you're being reasonable while it takes a strong and stronger hold. I can't imagine how hard it would be for something that is also physically addicting like drugs.
Before you think about trying Heroin know this: The average life expectancy of someone after the first time they use heroin is 7 Years. So let's so you're 25, most people live till around 80, so you can expect to live 55 more years. The moment you shoot up that drops to 7years. And that's not even the worst part. Once you become a seasoned addict and get your tolerance sorted out it's actually pretty unlikely that you'll die of an overdose. So that means the average is being skewed by lifelong addicts who just get lucky. You're MUCH more likely to die in less than 7years, than you are to survive longer than that. So if you're thinking about trying Heroin, also think about writing your will, telling your loved ones how to handle your funeral arrangements, think about selling your house, and getting rid of your pets. Because all those things, however far away they seemed Before, become very relevant as soon as you stick that needle in your arm. Sincerely, Addict for 10years. Clean 6mo.
Someone very close to me is an addict, for many different things, he has an ED as well, and this hurt so bad to watch because I've seen him go through things like this. I hope that many of the people who watched this that have no experience with this stuff learned alot
I once knew a guy that refused to watch Requiem for a Dream because he believed that people who use dr*gs had no moral/ethical backbone and thus had no cares for their stories or struggles. He really showed his colours that day, and we're no longer friends. Addiction is gravely serious and we need to help where we can, not outright demonize others. @bloodshotEyes' story is horrific but we can learn a lot from it to help divert and aide others from following what he did.
This is so heartbreaking.. I’m clean for 5 months currently and I can relate to the psychotic depression. I have tried and failed to stay clean more times than I can remember, and honestly it’s the depression that constantly brings me back. It’s so hard to maintain long term sobriety and it just beats you down over the years. I just got a job working with addicts in recovery because that has helped me stay clean in the past. Service to others is crucial in recovery.
One thing I've learnt from reading other's experiences with heroin? Heroin is the sneakiest drug out there. You take it once? It has the highest chance to catch you in a stranglehold
Oh gosh, this is heartbreaking. Addictions, compulsions, EDs... they're all hell holes. I've the utmost respect for anyone who manages to claw their way out of it, and deep sympathy for those who don't.
"I don't do it too often" becomes "I only do it half the week" becomes "I do it daily but small amounts" becomes "I have to do it a few times a day but not much withdrawl" becomes "I have to or I'll be sick" becomes "I don't have a place to stay but I'm with friends" becomes "My friends are shit heads so I'm sleeping outside" which becomes "I'd never do x y or z to get high usually but this one time I have to because I'm sick, I'm sad, etc" which becomes "...I'll blow you for the 3 dollars ..I need to get high" And the conslusion? "_______ died after losing their battle with addiction and will be missed by all who knew them" Choose wisely friends.
My friend has been using since he was in his late teens-early twenties. Used to be mostly hard stuff uppers and downers with sporadic psych use and the occasional joint, but when his friend took his own life he added alcoholism to the mix. When I first met him in 2019 he was in a really bad way. Drank openly on the job, used hard stuff every night, and would go from sleeping all day to not sleeping at all in the same week. The worst thing is that he’s very untrusting of the medical field, especially psychology. I understand why, he was forced to take “sit down and shut up” pills as a kid (that’s how some ADHD kids got treated in the 90s) and the wariness stuck with him, but it’s really doing him a disservice these days when I can see that therapy would help him. He’s got problems that neither drug nor sobriety alone will fix, but trying to get him to consider (not even go, just consider!) professional help is like trying to persuade a cat to get into a bathtub. Now in 2023, he’s in his 30s, and he doesn’t do any uppers, rarely does psychs, and mostly uses weed and alcohol as a crutch to try to wean himself off opioids/ates. He does relapse after a while, usually a week to a month or two, and while I know it would be best if he didn’t do it at all, I’m glad he’s made progress. I’ve seen how hard it is to fight the urges, especially if you have a tiny sober support circle or nobody at all.
My cousin and ex-boyfriend were both addicts. my cousin got clean and while he now has a family of his own, years of heroin has permanently damaged him. My ex, who I had broke up with years before, never got clean. I had a lot of complex feelings after he died since he wasn't the best partner (neither was I), but hearing this story reinforces my opinion that he never deserved what he went through. Thank you for covering this. It's a sad world out there, and addiction is such a complicated disease.
Its fascinating to think of all the dark reddit rabbitholes that existed pre-2020, and how exponentially the amount of stories that has grown since then. We're starting to see now, the world has taken a massive step towards the digital for entertainment, after being locked up in their homes for 18 months. (Not a political statement, just observation.) It makes me wonder if we're going to see a large influx of these stories being documented on YT in the coming years.
I will forever thank you for this "dive" I guess you could say, but this was really a eye opener I needed... looking on how a person in my life is acting, this really connects it, and it shows me Ina way it's normal for herion and blues/pk's. Like i really cannot thank you enough for sharing this
It really is a heart ache to now have tides connect in my mind... it really does make since, although what would you think is worse?, seeing your own kin & blood fall into the rabbit hole of opiod use, or seeing your own parent(al figure) fall into this? I'd really be interested in your prospective on which would be generally worse...
@@SwisherFlppr I'd say to see yourself be in that type of situation. When you only watch it is seems easier to maintain hope, probably not so much when you're living it. And that's exactly it, the person beside an addict always has a solid answer: they want them clean and alive. An addict is at best uncertain of the future, at worst, wishing to have no future at all. At the same time, it would also depend on how dependent or close that person is to their parent, and their personality.
that poor baby.. I think Paul’s documentation of his experiences from the very beginning could be helpful to so many people, and I hope that would give him comfort. I’ve always felt sad for people with addiction, but every little detail of this story, all his highs and lows, has put it in a completely new light for me. It’s so sad that he’s not here anymore, and I feel horrible for his parents who can never replace their baby 😢
I'm currently fighting an opiate addiction (pain pills) and so much of what this guy says hits close to home. My issue is chronic pain, depression and severe agoraphobia. Drugs for pain, drugs to make me feel better, drugs to make me feel less exhausted, drugs to help me cope with daily activities that make me anxious. I struggle to see a future in which I am not an addict. I want to be clean, but I also don't. I don't know how I'd live without it. Life seems hard, scary and exhausting. I don't know how to live. I'm just starting counselling, I'm looking into physiotherapy for my chronic pain, I'm doing a course on managing my anxiety. I'm trying. Unfortunately, it's cheaper to be an addict than it is to get help. Pills are a lot cheaper than therapy and physiotherapy. I can't work, so I don't have insurance or money for those things. Pills are cheap, they make me feel better, it's easy. I have a lot of admiration for all the brave, strong people in this comments section. Seeing people live clean gives me hope.
''I struggle to see a future in which I am not an addict. I want to be clean, but I also don't. I don't know how I'd live without it. Life seems hard, scary and exhausting. I don't know how to live'' this part is just, idk i really feel it. when you reach a point where you know you have a huge problem but you dont want to get clean, its scary, really scary
@@al3xisd3ad If this is relatable to you, I'm sorry. It sucks and knowing that people feel the same way sucks too. It's not a feeling I'm glad to share. I struggle to believe in myself, but I have a lot of belief in others. You can do this, friend.
I can relate to so much of what you’re going through. I also struggle with agoraphobia and holy shit is it exhausting!! I’ve got the chronic pain from botched surgery and an infection that ate away part of my spine, ADD, OCD, panic disorder too. I truly wish you all the best; try to take your wins wherever you can, doesn’t matter how tiny they may be, they still count as wins. Here’s to a streak of victories!! ♥️
"He said that cannibis makes you lose your personality, and that if he could live again he'd stick to alcohol" yes because a ruined liver is much more better than being stoned.
Never tried heroin but I was addicted to benzos and it was hell to get off. It hid some past trauma that hit me as soon as I stopped taking it. People often try to escape with drugs because of pain. You never know what someone is going through. Being in pain doesn't make someone a bad person. Being addicted doesn't make someone a bad person.
Literally the worst thing in the world is opiate withdrawals BY FAR I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and it annoys me when people used to say o just suck it up knowing they would be crying if feeling the same for 5 minutes. Hardest thing I ever did was get off h and fent and I'm so glad I did still on methadone but it's SOOOO much better than the constant cycle of wd getting well scrounging for money getting wd I would rather be on methadone the rest if my life then back on that shit again
ive never taken any substances because i know i could easily get hooked, but ive struggled with SH addiction and its brutal. now even while being 2 years clean i have days where i cant get it out of my head, i thought my addiction would end me before i could get clean. i feel so bad for his parents, it reminds me of how my family tried to help me, removing anything sharp from my room, inspecting my arms and at one point cleaning my wounds, i made my dad cry and it broke my heart. to anyone here struggling with any kind of addiction, you can do this, i believe in you and im proud of you
I've never known anyone addicted to hard/illicit drugs, but my family (on both sides) has a long history of alcoholism. My dad was a severe alcoholic for years. He almost died from it twice. It's terrifying watching someone slowly destroy themselves like that. The problem with alcohol, in my opinion, is that because it's widely accepted by society and incredibly easy to access, use is almost encouraged. Of course, the heavy stigma around drugs like heroin probably makes recovery difficult. Especially since many addicts are likely too afraid of the legal or social consequences of seeking help. My only personal experiences are antidepressant withdrawals when I came off Celexa and years later off Prozac, and those were pretty crappy. I felt hot, feverish, nauseous, and had bad insomnia. I can't imagine the withdrawals from something like heroin or alcohol.
i’m an addict, and while i do believe it’s a disease and not a choice, i wasn’t always addicted. in my early 20’s, i had tried H a few times and never had a strong urge to do it again. there were times when i would do it multiple times, every day, for a week or two, but i was still able to just drop it without withdrawal or any negative symptoms honestly. i dabbled in all sorts of drugs. i did pills constantly, sometimes everyday, but never got hooked. a long while after, i eventually did become hooked on pain pills for a couple of years, but was able to completely stop cold turkey for a whole year. it was crazy to me that i never got sick and it was so easy. a few years later, i had experienced heavy trauma. i had been r*ped by 6 different people over a few years, physically abused by a partner, and years of mental and psychological abuse by 2 exes. i had lost my health insurance and was off medication for 2 years (i have bipolar) and was being harassed and tormented 24/7 from an abuser. he would call me and my bf at 3am, send his friends to my bf’s work to sit and stare at him his whole shift, show up to my bf’s music gigs, not paying admission but standing outside all night to intimidate us. it got unbearable and with me being off my meds, i relapsed and started taking pills again. 6 months into that, my bf became abusive, i couldn’t function at work due to panic attacks and crying bc of him. he ended up blaming me for my previous abuse and breaking up with me, so i went and bought H bc i was determined to end it all. after using for 2 weeks, i then became hooked. for real this time. the worst withdrawal after 24 hours of no use. it went on for weeks, months, years. a cycle of only using so i wouldn’t be sick, but not ever feeling it or getting high. TLDR; i think extreme levels of trauma can greatly affect addiction. it was never a problem for me until i dealt with a huge deal of it. also, being on psych medication helps tremendously.
I have multiple cousins who have recovered (for lack of a better term) from heroin addiction. One of them was addicted for ~20 years before getting clean shortly before the pandemic. They have remained clean and have managed to live a normal and fulfilling life the past ~5 years. It’s not an easy thing by any stretch of the imagination, and often requires hitting a rock bottom unimaginable until one hits it…but it can be done. It has been done. I am deeply proud of anyone who manages to climb out of that hole of addiction, and hold a deep sense of empathy for those who have not or never manage to, as well as their loved ones. Addiction is a disease, and like many diseases, relies on both the doctors and patient (so to speak) doing everything right to have a chance at the best outcome.
Fentanyl has been my demon for years now, and getting clean and getting out is the worst thing I've ever dealt with.... Over ten years of opiates and drug abuse has destroyed my life, been in and out of rehabs and NA/AA meetings.... I've lost everything over and over again, today I have 4 months clean and it's so hard.... I'm glad you made this video, we need to keep talking about this so people can get the help they need. My brother died from an overdose, and just .... We shouldn't have to loose people we love so much to this hell ....
The sad thing is this is just a common experience with these types of drugs. People think “oh it’s not that bad” get a little careless with use and then they’re dependent. Then once they hit that point they have diminished enjoyment of the experience and end up hating using while needing to use while also hoping the use goes back to how it used to be, but it never does.
I’m very lucky to be a recovering addict from meth, nicotine, cocaine, and alcohol for over four years now. I was able to do so because of my “friends” ghosting me unless I had drugs. Lucky me, I lost my job and was near suicidal when my parents came and dragged me out to detoxify alone in a small room on an air mattress, to deal with my own demons. I spent close to a full month not knowing what or if I will be able to be who I was ever again. After that month, I was browsing UA-cam, crying, trying to figure things out and saw a ad for drug rehabilitation services for people who were homeless - which I basically was at the time, no permanent place of my own and no clue if I would be on the streets the following day. So I signed up, knowing that I needed help. Fast forward to now, I’m four years clean and sober, a diagnosed epileptic, diagnosed with severe depression (possible BPD as well due to the meth addiction and that lifestyle), anxiety issues, BUT I’ve been able to do positive things as well. I’ve been able to get my associates degree and multiple certifications in IT and cybersecurity, reconnected with my brother’s family and my sister’s family(she and I still don’t see eye to eye) and I’m helping my parents with their business since they are getting older and they have been so helpful to me - it’s only right in my mind and heart to do that. I tried to reconnect with some of my friends, that went VERY poorly. Some of the friends that weren’t raging meth addicts spoke about me in a very positive manner when they saw me and thought I was “lost for good” and when I asked about certain former friends, the words “lifer”, “lost cause”, “bad” were quickly used as descriptive words. In four years, I’ve been able to start rebuilding what’s left of my life, hopefully I can be independent enough and become human again. I wasn’t that when I was a junkie and I knew that totally. My body is destroyed from the drugs and damage I’ve done to myself and I’m possibly disabled from my actions, but I don’t know how to proceed with that. It sucks not knowing who to trust, who to care for that isn’t family and who to believe anymore but I want to stay strong and optimistic for if I lose that - I will inevitably lose and relapse into despair and oblivion with drugs, something I never want again.
I'm a very addictive person, so I'll never come near any drugs. I cannot go a day without caffeine, nicotine and sugar, I have no willpower to quit these, so if I'll get hooked on anything more serious, there's no turning back for me. Luckily I already had a really bad experience with weed (mixed it with alcohol lol), so there's almost no temptation for me there as well. My cousin is a huge fan of psychodelics, though, and he always advertises it to me and anyone listening, always goes about how it's not addictive at all and is a mind-altering and life-changing experience. But I've been listening to these talks for almost a decade now, and the only change I've noticed - as time passed, it became like the only topic he's really passionate about. Recently he met a mephedrone-addicted girl, had a crush on her and did some with her "to test it". He told me he didn't like it, had the worst hangover for the rest of the week and will never touch it again, but I'm not really sure about it, coz it's really easy to get and is almost famous for being a "first try gets you hooked". I'm really sad and horrified about the situation, but there's nothing I can do, really, he's a grown ass stubborn man, who's convinced he'll never get addicted and knows everything about his "safe drugs". Everyone who managed to quit amazes me, how strong and conscious you should be to do that, your stories and your voices should be heard
Drone is horrible, I've tried that once and I hated how I felt on it, didn't sleep for a few days coz my limbs were twitchy as hell and I got a horrible headache. Never touched it again after that one night. I have quite an addictive personality myself, but I've not been as smart as you I've dabbled in a few things, though the only thing I use daily now is weed, I smoke cigarettes aswell so I've got the nicotine addiction- honestly finding it the hardest to stop, it's my original first addiction so my body is heavily addicted to it. Psychedelics can be good in micro doses but just like anything if you enjoy how you feel on it you can get addicted definitely! I feel for your cousin, i hope they can stay away from the drone, esp if their crush is into it it can be so easy to be tempted when someone you like is on it. You're smart to just stay away from drugs ☺️
Week 5 of being clean from coke after a relapse during isolation. Also getting a divorce to remove my biggest trigger. It's hard, I used on and off for the last 5 years. It started because of chronic dental issues and some mystery illness that has been causing me severe fatigue and pain. It got worse because of marital SA and A. Leaving two bad situations at once.
I know this video is basically a year old, however as a recovering addict.. I was surprised to not feel triggered by the mention of my drug of choice. Instead it reminded me of the hell I had to go through, multiple times to get where I am now! And I’m never giving myself up like that again.
The saddest thing about these types of stories is that there's been a lot of recent studies that show addiction isn't even a lifetime thing. Within ten, twenty, thirty years, somewhere around ~70-80% of people who experience issues with substance use make a full recovery. For most people it's NOT a lifetime struggle. It's not this invisible monster you have to grapple with for the rest of your life. It's so hard to see that when you're on the first shaky steps of your recovery but in the long term, trends lean towards recovery, not relapse. If you just hold out long enough, no matter how many times you relapse, statistically, you're going to make it.
I've experienced a lot of Benzo withdrawal and it is truly awful. So I cannot even begin to imagine H withdrawal. Like, it has to be the worst thing I've ever experienced × 1,000
This was a sad story, but I could commend the man for his honesty. I was a poly drug user, and I absolutely trashed my veins with stimulants. By comparison, the heroin was actually better for me, simply because it was so much less hard on my veins and I was able to actually do things on it, I wasn’t just lost in stimulant psychosis constantly. Ultimately it saved me because I was able to get onto a treatment program; for heroin addicts you can get onto methadone and into a methadone treatment program with therapy, but here in the U.K. there’s nothing like that for intravenous stimulant users. Ultimately I also had to quit because not only was my life in shambles, but I had reached the point where if I wanted to keep injecting, it would have to be into my neck, and I just didn’t want to do that. Are there people who can use heroin once in a while? Yes, I’ve heard of precisely one couple; they were in their 80s, and had been doing it together for decades, like twice a year. And that’s it. Out of the hundreds of heroin users I know of, of the thousands that I’ve heard of, there’s literally just that couple that I’ve ever heard of, and that was in an article; I suspect the journalist searched far and wide for them. So is it possible to be an occasional user? Yes, technically, in the same way that it’s possible to win the lottery. Is it possible to try it just once or twice and never use it again? Sure, it happens. But once you’ve hit the point where you’re considering trying it, I’d say you’re already in trouble, you’re at the point where you should seek help. You’ve already reached the point where you’re considering taking such an incredible risk with your body and life; you should work with a counsellor or professional to work out why you have so little care for the miracle that has lead to your existence, everything that had to go right - and wrong - to get you to being exactly who you are, where you are, at that moment. If you’re currently addicted, I highly recommend methadone treatment. Don’t let people put you off by telling you it’s more addictive than heroin, you’re just swapping one addiction for another, it’ll make you feel like a zombie, you can’t function on it, blah blah blah. If your care is appropriately managed, your dose is right for you, it’s a completely functional medication. It can give you stability, enough time and space to sort your life out. I know many people who have been tapered off of it with minimal suffering (if it’s done slowly enough) and have been able to stay clean afterwards. You’ll notice that most of the people telling you how terrible it is are still using… Get sugar free though, for your teeth :)
My veins are that bad I could never inject, I feel its a bit of blessing in disguise tbh coz I could see myself trying that drug a few years ago had I not had totally crap veins, I've only smoked it like once, wasn't for me thank fuck 😅
Psychology suggests that, if anything, alcohol would be the "gateway drug". Not only is it the most widely available, but research shows a strong correlation with alcohol usage at a young age and other drug usage, specifically the ones we would consider "harder drugs". Chronic pain, previous traumatic experiences and severe mental illness symptoms are also frequently found as potentially contributing factors. So, I found it very interesting that he would have preferred to "stick to alcohol" because I think that kind of shows our societal acceptance of alcohol as somehow inherently less harmful when, truly, it is just more normalized.
I lost my dad in 2016 due to a heroin overdose after he struggled with opiate addiction for 20+ years. I've always tried to understand what he was going through, why it was so hard for him to actually stay clean. I think these posts are some of the most informative I've ever heard as far as understanding the physical and psychological effects.
Words cannot express how proud I am of those folks who battle addiction, and also to those that come out the other end. It's a continued and maintained state and one that I hope is sustained for the rest of their lives. I know folks personally who have come out from usage and that strength is something I wish they didn't have to endure. But I'm so glad they do. I'm sending well wishes to anyone affected, I hope you all have support you deserve and require ❤
Sadly I've been around addicts all my life. I can tell you addiction, especially to heroin, isn't something you can have a casual relationship with, even if you think you know what you’re doing. Heroin is much like a boa constrictor - you'll not think anything of it, and then the next thing you know, you'll be slowly suffocating to death; every time you try and fight against it, it just gets tighter and tighter before you're consumed by it. And it happens so fast that while you’re being suffocated, you can't see what's happening to you.
people who've been through this, who are in recovery -- when do you stop thinking about it, when do you stop ghost-busting, when do you stop lusting after opiates? Serious question. It trips me up every time I want to quit. I dig in the carpet, I can't relax, I fidget and daydream, sometimes literally dream, about finding more drugs than I have. Sometimes I do find them when I dig. Mostly, I don't. days seem so long and hard even when I'm not withdrawing and I just want to use and have nothing but enough to not get sick.
I have been on methadone for almost 5 years after using opiates for about 7 years. Your question is one I can relate to bc I asked myself that before I decided to go into a methadone program. My answer would be... Well there's 2 answers or possibilities. With the help of methadone or Suboxone, you don't think about it much at all. That's one of the reasons these medications are used to treat opiate addiction. They eliminate cravings & obsessive thoughts about using. You just feel "normal"... You're not high or euphoric as if you're still using. For me, without the methadone I would think about using... But it gets less & less with time. Especially if you have something or someone in your life that you care about enough to stay clean. For example, when I found out I was pregnant I was scared that I would be a terrible mom bc of my history with addiction. Now my baby girl is 17 monthes old & I truly have never been happier in my life. She gives me a reason to want to be my best self, so I can be the best Mom & give her the best life possible. Anything that gives you purpose or makes you content or fulfilled is going to make you think less about using. Now I realize that opiates filled a emptiness I had inside. It was a emptiness that used to be so large that I felt like I needed to use to numb myself from the most awful feeling ... Which to me is feeling nothing. Now I feel true happiness, love, joy, & responsibility for my baby girl & that changed everything for me. You will find something that makes you whole, don't give up. I definitely recommend a methadone or Suboxone program. I hope & pray for the best for you! God bless you 🙏
I've always had an insane fear of heroin, to the point of having nightmares about loved ones getting addicted to it and falling into this exact same spiral. This is personally the scariest video on YT right now.
I had to quit a pretty intense antidepressant cold turkey and went through withdrawal, and it was the sickest I’ve ever been. Basically I was stuck in bed for 2 weeks straight, couldn’t keep any food down and moving my head felt like I was in a laggy video game. I could not even imagine what coming off heroin is like. It definitely put me off touching any drugs and almost put me off antidepressants for good, though thankfully I found one that works and I’m feeling better now than I have in a very long time
That was my experience coming off Prozac. I felt like absolute garbage. I can't imagine the withdrawals from something like heroin either. I'm glad you found one that works! I was almost put off antidepressants after my experiences as well, especially after Cymbalta gave me serotonin syndrome, but I finally found one that works
And I thought quitting weed for 2 weeks was hard. Seeing friends go through hell to enable a heroin, or worse yet, fentanyl addiction is one of the hardest things you can go through besides being an addict yourself. Life as an 18 year old shouldn’t be so rough but that’s what you get in america where life ruining drugs are cheaper and easier to get than real mental help.
This subject is touchy for me because I've lost my mom to hard drugs-- not physically, everything but-- she's not safe to be around and it's just the drugs piloting her now-- commenting, liking and sharing for the algorithm. Keep up the good work!
I'm 3 years and 1 week clean from meth and heroin, i was actively using for 7 years... those descriptions of withdrawals gave me such flashbacks, it reminds me of why I stopped. I'm listening to this video at my job I've had for over 2 years, and I'm actually a sponsor for one of my coworkers. I wish I never did drugs in the first place but getting my life together has been the most fulfilling thing I have ever done. I love the We Do Recover movement
11 years in recovery this year. Feels so surreal watching this video. Echoing other comments' sentiments- thank you for covering this with such tact. While I've been fortunate to see some shifts in stigmas surrounding mental/behavioural health and substance abuse/recovery, there's still a long road ahead. Also as has been expressed- anyone going through it right now please don't give up. I promise there's hope. xx
SpontaneousH always struck me as fake and made up for cachet. I'm a recovering H addict who was been stuck on the needle for 8 years and there are so many details about that entire saga that Don't add up. Very glad to hear you back! My favorite True Crime comments .
And sticking for alcohol is always a bad idea, unless you limit your alcohol intake to a few days a week. I was a fucking wreck when J drank daily. It's a shame how alcohol is glossed over when it does more neurological damage than H could ever hope to.
heroin addiction was hell. 7 years of my youth, wasted, for what. luckily i have 10 months clean now and am still doing well. i would trade anything for nobody to ever have to go through that.
I feel for Paul and his family. I had an opioid addiction myself. Nothing as strong as heroin, but I can't lie to myself and say I wouldn't get hooked immediately if I had access to it. Now I use cannabis, and while I admit it's not a great habit either, I prefer it to popping pills and killing my liver. It's nearly 100% replaced my painkiller addiction. If not for that, I'd still be eating pills like candy. RIP Paul.
wrt smoking cigarettes. i feel u. i smoked cigs on and off for around ten years and finally quit for good a little over a year ago. prior to quitting every previous time, i thought, i'll just smoke occasionally, it's too good at relieving stress after a long day, its too good as a means to strike up conversations with strangers. the problem is, u can't have a casual relationship with them ever again if u've ever had a serious one with them. every time i would have one with a friend while out of town, or at a bar, i would remember how much i enjoyed them. and would think. man, i don't need to be so strict abt them i can have a few a month. and i would buy a pack bc i don't want to ask for them from strangers. and then i have access to them so i smoke them when i feel i need them, too, like when i'm stressed. and then i'm buying a pack every couple weeks. and then i end up around ppl that smoke and end up smoking with them bc i have them. and then i'm buying a pack every couple days. its happened three times in ten years. i'm not taking any more chances now that i have a kid. i wish it didn't take having a kid to force me to quit for good. but it did and now i can look clearly back on it and see the cycle. just know. if u ever have a serious relationship with them, u can never have a casual relationship with them again
Day three of withdrawals. I’ve finally stopped throwing up stomach acid and blood. My throat is thrashed and hurts. It’s not like I even have any desire to be clean, I’m just fuckin broke and have no one to help me out. Honestly at this point I just welcome OD’ing and being done with all this shit.
watching someone fall into addiction is so sad. when i was in highschool i fell into kinda a rough crowd i mostly avoided it but watched a guy i know go from a friendly stoner to a junkie who threatened us (children btw) with knives and took anything he could to stay high. one time we were all walking downtown and his estranged family passed and hid their kids eyes so they wouldnt see him. that shit destroys lives, heartbreaking fr
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Could you consider posting your sources in the description, or in a PasteBin? I'd like to read the full article you're showing!
Can I also suggest making a clearer distinction between when you're reading directly from the past and making your own comments? I love the asides but if I'm not looking directly at the screen it can be hard to tell the difference between your own thoughts and what you're reading
I’m almost 2 years sober from heroin(2 years in august) and this video really helped me to not ever want to even consider touching that disgusting shit again. I already didn’t but at first I was a little put off the video but it just reinforces how it’s the worst thing you can do to yourself and the no win nature of it. And for anyone who thinks his beginning posts were ludicrously delusional, absolutely yes but it almost always begins with the thought of “not you, you can do it in moderation here and there” and not get dependent on it but it’s almost never the case, clearly.
2 years sober is a great achievement! I'm glad the video reminded you of your reasons for quitting. Wishing you the best in the future 🖤
@@TheInternetInvestigator thank you so much! 🖤
Congrats on the two years! You got this!
Congratulations!
I'm proud that you're doing so good with recovery. 2 years is a lot 💜
13 years sober from opiates and I am still dealing with the psychological impacts of adolescent/teenage heroin abuse. It ruined me, it ruined the people around me, and I don’t think the fiending, gnashing part of my lizard brain that needs drugs will ever go away. I hated being a junkie, but there was some truth in bloodshot’s words.. I never got back that lust for life. Maybe it’s because I started so young, but the apathy and listlessness (or worse, a cold, razor sharp cynicism) has stayed with me for all these years.
It feels like I may have destroyed my own ability to feel emotions at their full magnitude. As if those neural pathways to any sense of happiness or fulfillment in my brain short-circuited and blew out, so I’m left just.. existing. Therapy and medication have helped, but I just never got back to the person I was before.
Don’t do drugs.
13 years is absolutely incredible
I just smoked weed but eventually found myself in a literal decade long battle of isolation and depression when a bombshell hit my friend group - betrayals, deaths, overdoses; I eventually developed mental health issues and the ER forced me into a psch unit for a week. That single week destroyed that same thing you're talking about now.
@@GoodpizzaaI’m not above checking myself into a hospital if it could do me some good, but I do feel like that spot would be better taken by someone in crisis. I’m sober, medicated, in therapy, and have good support. For all intents and purposes I’m a productive and functional member of society, just with an insatiable need for escapism and perpetual mental burnout. But, who knows - I’ll look into it. Thanks for the advice.
Wow I feel this 100% I've been clean from opiates for 7 years now. I have a job, a house, a child, a car, a decent life I guess. But I still always feel like I'm missing something. I should probably get back into therapy and on medication for my anxiety/depression & adhd. But I have no motivation to do anything for myself. I can do anything and everything for my son, but when it comes to myself, I feel hopeless. I also lost all my friends when I was in my addiction. I never did anything to them, just stopped talking to everyone besides other users and dealers. But even since getting clean, I haven't actually made any friends.. so I feel like I'm just not worthy I guess.
I don't know if it's good to know i
feel the exact same way but it's at least something to know I'm not the only one. I managed to get my shit together 15 years ago and now live a quite comfortable life yet I feel like I don't experience things the same as someone who didn't alter their brain with drugs for years from a young age. This seem almost dull like you know something is missing
Trying to get out of an opiate addiction as a young person is so difficult. I started when I was a teenager and it ate away my entire early twenties. No health insurance so had to figure out withdrawals and treatment on my own on top of incarceration for a year. In my thirties now and haven't used an opiate in several years, but I still think about doing it when something really bad happens.
If you're reading this and going through the same thing, I know withdrawals suck and everything feels dull and grey while not high, but it does get so much better when you can spend the time and energy wasted on scoring instead on things that really make you happy for more than a few minutes.
Don't do drugs, kids. Score instead!
Glad to hear you're doing better now, it must take a lot of willpower to resist the urge to relapse at times 🖤
Its just sucks when u hate being here. And when u dont enjoy anything.
@@ohthatswhatabearis1270 felt that too hard, but you are not alone in this feeling, and sometimes you can "retrain" your brain to find happiness in the smallest things, my cat gets me through a lot, don't give up because beauty is all around us, we have to choose to see it. Stay safe, mate, and if you need an ear, I'd be open to talking. Love and light
I also started using in my late teens and used throughout my twenties. Rn i am on methadone maintenance but i havent used heroin in years also. And things are so much better. Just hearing about withdrawals makes me cringe. Im so glad my urges to use are mostly gone. Every now and then il get an urge but i also think about everything and how much better things are now. It sucks cos im basically picking up where i was in my teens as far as like real life trying to go back to school ect but again things are way better now. If any of you are trying to het clean i urge you to not give up and muster up the strength to lock yourself up somewhere or find help in some form or another cos thats not a very nice lifestyle
This is the most positive youtube comment section I’ve ever seen?! No victim blaming, no edgy jokes, no dumb fights, just people talking honestly about their experiences and other people congratulating them for staying clean or offering condolences. As someone who grew up around alcoholism I wish everyone had this attitude towards addiction.
wonderful isn't it? lovely to see a community come together in support
It's really refreshing.
On god?? awesome
I can fix that
@@cumbrap youre irrelevant and annoyingly edgy
Major props to all you guys in the comments working towards a healthier you! You guys rock. I’m super proud of each of you. Keep fighting, even when you fall
@Yung_Shkreli whats the point in being negative here, like what do you gain from that
@Yung_Shkreli Because there are thousands and thousands of people that, while being completely different, all share the same struggle. We're proud because we can empathize.
There are meeting rooms in churches and grange halls and bowling alleys and restaurants all over the world, and we can walk into any of those rooms that we've never been to before in our lives, and look into dozens of faces that we've never seen before, and yet, we will know them all, because they're just like us. We've been there, done that, and F*** the t-shirt, because we just got high and forgot where we put it anyway.
I mean, good on you, not being able to understand. Means you've probably never been there.
For those of us that have been there, we understand perfectly what Melanie means (And thank you, Ms. Melanie..You're worth it!)
@@TheUluxian Great comment! You perfectly explained how those of us who have been effected by addiction feel a sense of community with one another.
I read about this study the other day that relates to this. The study compared 2 groups of ppl: 1 group had to complete mildly painful or uncomfortable tasks, such as holding their hands in ice water as long as possible, etc. The other group performed tasks that didn't involve pain or discomfort. Then both groups were asked to do activities that required teamwork & communication to complete. They found that the group that endured pain/discomfort together were significantly more successful in working together towards a common goal compared to the other group.
I think this speaks to how there's a sense of community among those of us who have suffered from addiction. We want to support & encourage one another bc we know how important it is in recovery. Having a support system is critical to recover from addiction.
Thank you 💛
Well put, and I agree completely! These people are wonderful to have fought back against something that does so much damage. Their inner strength is beautiful and marvelous.
Opioid addiction is the worst thing I've ever dealt with. Especially if you deal with anxiety issues and sleeping problems. I'm now on methadone and I'm doing better, but I'll prb always be a shell.
You won't always be a shell. You can live a fulfilling life. Just remember to take it easy on yourself.
Stay strong. I'm an addict myself but it's been over 6 years since I've used.
Try to do a little less everyday. That's how I got off it. Taper down. It took well over a year and I slipped up a couple times. You can't get too down on yourself.
I'm not sure what is motivating you to get sober but for me, it was my girl and my kids. She told me "you care about getting pills more than us."
I couldn't allow that to be true any longer so I quit.
You can do it too. It's not easy. But you obviously know where the other road will take you.
Good luck homie. With all my heart, much love to you.
I wish you the best, and I hope you overcome and live a fulfilling life.
Yeah I am still somewhat torn apart from heroin addiction ten years ago. Things will never be the same as before, that's for sure.
Also, I know this may not be for everyone but try to find a doc willing to wean and put you on Suboxone instead. I weaned off in two years versus ten on methadone.
I feel like videos like these should be shown to at-risk youth. This is definitely my favorite content of yours, and coming from someone with a genetic disposition to addiction, this serves as a painful reminder of what could come if you make the wrong choice.
im making elaborate plans in my hometown to hustle and get some of the good shit like lsd just cause of my godawful life and reality, would kill for some drugs.....
“Wrong choice” yeah, because legal drugs are always perfect as well 😂 as you know, it’s not like codeine has never killed anyone
@@HolyGoddessMotherAnne do it. It helps fight for freedom and destroy big pharma
absolutely. stories like these helped me nip some alcoholic tendencies in the bud, as well as keep me away from nicotine. while those drugs are legal and not nearly as bad as heroin, it still helped me keep out of bad habits.
As an ex heroin junkie.... This breaks my heart. I know how hard it is to quit for an actual addict and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I actually got so desperate at one point I pulled up water in my syringe from a mud puddle. Heroin and opioids are very dangerous. Please don't try it. Even though most people just don't try it... It kind of becomes the cheaper fix for prescription pain meds. Reach out of you have a problem. It's ok. Lots of people do. Please don't become another statistic.
Good luck, i wish the best for ya man
My opiate addiction is painkillers. I've never touched heroin, despite being offered it many a time, even times when I've been rattling badly from having no tablets. I can't let myself touch it because I know how it would make me feel and there would be no coming back from it. I knew the dangers, I knew how likely I was to abuse them due to the many other substances I'd struggled with. They make life more tolerable, like a kick up the arse. After I'd been on them for around a year I did actually reach out to my drug treatment centre. I was seeing them for cocaine usage and mentioned the extent of the tablets and how I saw the outcome. No guidance offered and he told me to just take paracetamol as though I'd never considered that in the first place. I'd had back pain pregnant, a c-section and was waiting for knee surgery at the time so I needed pain relief...my Drs never checked my records before dishing out multiple prescriptions either, which was great at the time. I never went back to the drug centre after that counsellor's sound advice, until March this year, almost 7 years into opiate addiction, with a daily pill intake that rivals some of my friend's heroin habits. I've been on methadone ever since and I hate it. It hasn't made me stop the tablets completely but I have cut down. I still struggle to see a completely sober future, it terrifies me and seems boring but stories such as yours do give me some hope.
@@sarahelliott3229 I don't know you.... But you are loved. As long as you're above ground there is hope for you. Have you tried Suboxone instead of methadone? It worked really well for me when methadone fell short.
No rehabs will help me bc I take klonopin and can’t just stop that. Been on it too long it’s dangerous too. And everyone sees me as a liability bc of it :-(
No hope is an understatement but I keep trying. These stories kinda reminded me that maybe I’m like them and just a lost cause stuck forever…
@@sumbunniii8721 i believe that its worth a try to reach for help !!
If dude was running out of veins to use he was waaaay worse than he was presenting himself. Unless you have steel resolve, you cannot have a casual relationship with opioids. They're too wonderful. And far too demanding. They want to be the centerpiece to your life and they will be.
Literally what I was thinking when he said that. You can’t have that sort of relationship with opioids, it’s just not possible. It will become the be all and end of all for anyone who does it, it’ll become the only thing that matters to the addict to the detriment of literally everything else in their life. Work, relationships, just daily living in general because all that matters is getting that next hit.
💯
@@purpleeyebrows19 Ouch! That's painfully true
I had terrible veins naturally that you cant see or feel, phlebotamists couldnt hit them long before i used drugs. I only injected in Arm a handful of times before I couldn't use arms.
So it's possible.
Facts 💔
this one hurt but you treated his story with great respect
That was the hardest part for me... Knowing I'll never feel that feeling again. It sounds cringe but you will feel again, different, but you will. you'll become so thankful you don't have that prison surrounding you where every thought and action is based on drugs, when, where, how, even when you have them. It's exhausting and it feels good to not be consumed by that relentless ball and chain. And eventually you'll be able to relate to life in a valuable way and have a unique perspective and perception of people. As well as the ability to self reflect and find it so much easier to admit hard things about and to yourself bc it's nothing compared to what you could never admit to yourself before. It's freeing. You'll have the hard days but you will wake up one day and realize you didn't even think about drugs the day before and so one. I hate being that person that says all the same things but you're doing amazing, you have so much to be proud of.
I remember how I felt when that first occurred to me when I was 21 and in rehab. I wanted to run away from there. But eventually you'll get tired of feeling bad all of the time, because your tolerance is so high you must do it 3 times a day just to get through. And when you've been clean a while, your endorphins will return to normal. I was addicted at 16. I'm 35 now, four years clean. I feel like I never want to touch heroin again. I hope that eventually, you experience this too.
The only constant in life is change, you won’t always feel this way. Congrats on 108 days! You’re doing great
as lame as it sounds, you'll get to a point where the joy and comfort you get from the things in your life that are the result of your sobriety far outweigh what you got from being high. i have 7 years now, and you won't believe how much your life can change for the better.
@@sordidsentinel you said it way better than I could. This is it exactly.
I was a minor and an alcoholic. I wasn't sober ever for over a year by the time I was 21 and able to legally drink, and by the time I was 23, I had gotten stabbed breaking up a bar fight. I went through the WORST withdrawal of my life and came out the other side better for it. I'm 30 now and can permit myself a single drink at my birthday or Christmas or whatever, but for a while I got addition sweats being around alcohol, her siren song calling out to me. I even worked in a liquor store for a while, thankfully getting over the call to drink by seeing the regulars who came in every day for LARGE quantities of booze at a time, thinking about how that had been me only a few years prior. That being said, i still smoke cigarettes (got started at 11 years old with this addiction) and have recently been able to cut back to about 10 a day (half a pack) which is a miracle leaning towards quitting altogether before I move cross-country with my partner come spring. I've quit smoking a few times, but the longest I ever lasted was a year. Hopefully this time is for good.
good luck 🫂 you are doing the right thing for yourself stepping away from stuff like that- any progress is progress :3
That is huge, man. Dealing with those things from basically childhood/adolescence? You're legit doing well from the sound of it. 👏🏽
i was basically an alcoholic before even turning 18 and now at 20 my body just doesn't like alcohol anymore and i don't get almost any pleasure from drinking, thankfully. I'm glad that's happening but i'm scared i'll over-drink that bondary eventually if i don't quit fully
Good luck with everything. Keep up the good fight. Kudos.:-)
Congratulations on your sobriety, and I hope that you've successfully managed to quit smoking. Be healthy and happy!
My friend ended his life at only 26 after years of heroin addiction. He also had loving parents who got him into rehab yet in the end he also chose to end his pain in his bedroom at his parents' house. I hope his family finds peace and the OPs family as well.
fucking hell that's absolutely heartbreaking
I am so sorry may He Rest in Peace
I'm so, so sorry. That's devastating. I hope that you and your friend's family will be able to heal from such a sad loss. We're all behind you.
I hope you find peace as well. ♥️
i lost my dad last year because of his drug addiction, and it’s so hard to hear other stories of people thinking they can do it once and never again. i can’t count on one hand the amount of times my dad was in rehab, then got out and started using again. it’s so incredibly sad to have to watch someone slowly die, and be able to do nothing.
I’m so sorry 😢
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
As a past needle user I can assure you that the addiction to doing it that way is almost more addicting than the drugs. So they don’t realize that they’re not quitting one addiction anymore, They now have to deal with the fact that not only are they addicted to heroin now they’re addicted to shooting up too
Second this.
It's the ritual almost as much as the drug. When I was drinking, the ritual of preparing glasses, mixers, music etc was hard to let go of.
Agreed. When I was addicted, shooting up was all I thought about. I wouldn't do it any other way.
as someone suffering with a severe excoration disorder due to OCD, I can seriously relate to this and have never thought of that before. I fucking hate picking at my skin but its literally addicting and intoxicating to do, as well as causes you to block out your surroundings/sense of time that has past, so I can really see why the ritual of injecting could be addicting in and of itself.
@@sewnkin_fournine same
I've never touched any drugs, nor have I been around any except for a friend smoking an occasional joint, so this whole world is alien to me. But from what I can gather from what I've heard and read, there's no such thing as being completely free from heroin addiction. I can't imagine what a terrifying nightmare that must be.
I'm in the same boat; I've never been near anything like that. Something like this is beyond my comprehension and imagination, and I plan for it to stay that way. I'm proud of all the people in the comments who've successfully broken free from their addictions, and I hope they're all in a happier mindset, and in much better health.
As someone who has lost both their older siblings to drug addiction, specifically heroin, this was a really tough video to watch, but also somewhat insightful. It's very easy for those of us who aren't doing drugs to get angry and frustrated at our loved ones for not being able to quit, without realising just how insanely difficult it truly is and the pain they go through to stay sober.
I’m very sorry for your losses ❤️
My sister was an addict (1 year sober last month!) so I'm really sensitive to stories about addiction, especially heroin. But I'm glad I watched this video though because I know you treat them with respect and don't make gross and callous jokes. Love your channel
1 year is wonderful
Congratulations on your sister's sobriety! I hope that she's doing well.
thank you so much for approaching addiction & substance use with compassion & not scorn or an "they should have known better" attitude, as is often the norm. the empathy you express for the subjects of your videos is without a doubt my favorite thing about you as a creator. i wish more people were like you in that regard.
rip paul. i can only imagine that through his thorough documentation of his addiction, he did a lot for people battling heroin. rest easy, man.
Just wanted to say thank you for making such an accurate, non-judgmental, and empathetic video about addiction. I live in the US, am a big harm reduction advocate, and actually working towards having some sort of career that allows me to advocate for PWUD (People Who Use Drugs). Most people are still so harsh, judgemental, and lacking in compassion towards PWUD as, although progress has been made, it still carries a massive stigma. MAT (Medication Assisted Treatment) is also often stigmatized, especially in the US, even though it has by far the best results for opioid addicts specifically. So it was very refreshing to see you cover this person's story in a manner that was accurate, yet not entirely dispassionate with the empathy you displayed throughout. Absolutely stunning work.
Good for you! I hate this country's boner for punishment. We're so scared that the least little bit of harm reduction will keep someone for being punished for their sins, because that's SO much more important than like, trying to actually help anything.
@@janerecluse4344 Thank you for the kind reply! I agree, so much of how our country handles addiction is incredibly reactionary when we are really just punishing and shaming individuals who are greatly suffering and who already hate themselves far more than anyone else ever could.
Heroin addiction is so hard that I've been clean for ten years and just listening to this was tough.
I'm so proud of you!!!
@@ApatheticallyPleasing ☺️☺️😒
How tough? Made u wanna take it?
the way you handled covering paul’s story was incredibly delicate, and i know myself (who has never been an addict, but has attempted suicide like paul did) and so many others /including/ paul appreciate it so much. addiction is a slope that has no branch to grab onto. i’m incredibly sad that he ended up passing as a result of his addiction, but i also feel incredibly proud of him for trying so many times to get better, even if the fight was just too tiring in the end. i hope everyone in the comments who has shared their personal story with addiction through different mediums is doing well, being safe, and staying healthy
I tried fentanyl a handful of times and I HAD to stop. I could see how easy it would be to dedicate your whole life to procure and use the drug. I was afraid of how good it felt. I felt like, “sure, I may die at any moment but at least I’ll die happy”. I was severely depressed at the time but now I love life with just some occasional drinking and mushrooms.
I just know for certain that if I tried anything like that, especially when in specific moments in my life, I would fall madly in love with the drug. I already romanticize opium den use, though I know in my mind it had a melancholy reality attached to it. You are wise, not simply because you know yourself but because you heed your own warning.
This story hits me so hard so deep because, I'm a recovering addict from UK London, I'm currently on medication methadone and I'm really struggling to fix up , I'm very lucky to have a 80 yr old mother, otherwise I'd be homeless or probably o'deed d3ad somewhere on the streets , my mother cries for my recovery everyday, say she wishes I was clean and given her some grandchildren, I wish the same wishing I had a wife and kids instead of my current self and life too ,
Hearing this story put me in so much distress, every word just got me more and more every single word made me more agitated , meaning the silence after the end of the video did calm me down, but still keep myself thinking, I wish I could give my utmost sincere condolences to Paul bloodshots family, I'm so sorry for their loss , and I really honest wish he stopped his addiction and was alive today,
I'm not what else more to say, I really want to change my medication from methadone to subitex , and even though mom's 80 , I've a good feeling she's got a good ten or twelve years in her left, so I really want to try my hardest to give her a grandkid very soon having wife a kid stay clean for ever , everyone please please pray for me as much as everyone can , if you're not religious please wish me extra good luck, also forgot to mention , I'm British born but my parents were born in South Asia, so if I can stay clean without medicine without using substance for a minimum four or six or more months of staying clean and sober , this guarantees and means I am most likely will have an arranged marriage, which I'm completely fine with, even though I really really wish I had a mixed race marriage like as if my wife was from a different race , but I'm completely happy with whoever my family choose , I will just make sure my future generations of kids don't spend their life like mine, I will guarantee my son daughter is educated in a degree to be a doctor or scientist etc , I will do anything to make sure my kids don't go through whatever how I grew up ,
Sorry for my essay type comment and thanks to everyone for reading this,
But I want to thank the internet investigator , I want to thank you especially for making this video , I really pray and really hope and wish your video makes such an impact on me , that your video changes my life ,
Thank you everyone please pray for my goals and recovery I'm serious sick and tired of myself also is my elderly mother ,
Take care everyone bye!!!
Stay strong dude, you can absolutely do this! I hope that your mum gets to hear the pitter patter of little grandbaby feet soon enough, but more importantly than that I hope you find yourself in a place where your life is so good that you can look back on everything and say "I am so glad I found this courage to stop".
I too am trying to stop with an opioid addiction, though mine is for otc meds and my situation isn't made easier due to suffering from long time back problems, however you have helped to inspire me to stick with it, for my mother's sake (she is disabled and I am her full time carer) but also for myself, I am so tired of my mental wellness being tied to having to take a drug.
@@WeWillAlwaysHaveVALIS thank you from bottom of my heart for your words brother, I pray your mother has all the best health and happiness, also I pray you recover from all your illnesses, hopefully one day science will come out with some opioid free medicine that makes us all better one day,
Also have you ever considered documenting your daily duties with your mother, because UA-cam has a large audience for sick or disabled people, you can blurr both you and your mother face , also you can open a go-fund-me account, people are very kind and helpful,
Also everyone who liked my comment please tell me your channel I will subscribe to you
I wish you the best of luck on the path to getting clean, we're rooting for you
@@biolumess4463 thank you
im praying for you
You could look into taylor nicole dean. Her story is also sad - she got hooked on heroin because of an abusive (now ex) bf. She is still alive and claims to be sober, although many fans express doubt about this. I dont know too much about the whole situation and if you want to do a vid on this id totally watch
As someone who had developed crippling chronic pain at 19 and was offered hydrocodone to help, I wouldn’t wish any drug addiction on anyone and I don’t believe anyone who does drugs at least once a week as someone who has it “under control”. If you believe that you have a drug addiction under control, you are trying to excuse your addiction. If you had it “under control” you probably wouldn’t be doing it at all or making excuses on why you need a little hit here or there.
Believe me, having an addiction is the worst thing I went through. I was naive to believe that getting pills from a doctor for my actual pain but taking more than I should have was not like being a junkie. It’s such a terrible feeling, I mean, the withdrawal is horrible, but when you reflect and see what you believe you have to take in order to function and making excuses to use, it’s such a low feeling. The overwhelming feeling of knowing that you need a crutch like pills or street drugs to be able to feel “normal” is the worst - for me, whenever I didn’t hurt too bad and I would have 2-4 pills in my hand (that I bought off someone else after taking my entire 30 day prescription in a week) I felt like garbage. I still feel like garbage for allowing myself to get that bad with the pills - but they made me feel like how believed others must feel without chronic illnesses and severe depression and anxiety - I wish I could go back and change things.
I’m not on any heavy instant pain medication like before due to new DEA and pain management laws, and I don’t have a job so no money to buy any - and I dealt with the withdrawals. I’m lucky fentanyl wasn’t rampant like it is now. The strongest thing I take is 0.25 alprazolam for the panic attacks I’ve been experiencing - and it isn’t something I like to take, it just makes me feel like I took too many Benadryls and can’t fall asleep easily.
Anyway, just, anyone thinking about doing drugs, please don’t. It’s not something you can control unless you don’t have a job or connection, and can’t get any drugs. It’s a horrible way to live life, thinking about when you’ll get to use again to feel “better”. I can’t imagine wanting and then planning to use any kind of drug, why do it? It’s like you’re planning out how to ruin your entire life.
I was a meth addict for about 5 years and I got out of that scene RIGHT when my using friends were getting into heroin and fent, and I am soooo thankful that I did, because half of them are dead now and the other half are completely lost souls. :(
I'm grateful that you're clean, and I wish that your friends had managed to get sober with you. My mother went to high school with a guy back in the Sixties who was really popular, and a true go-getter; she showed me his yearbook picture, and he looked so nice, friendly, handsome...he really looked like he had it all. And he got hooked on some serious drugs. I can't remember whether she said he'd died or not, but she's said that he was an absolute, burned-out shell at the end of it. She herself admitted that she tried coke once back in the Seventies, and was so scared of how good it felt that she never tried it again, and that she'd been afraid to try LSD, because she was sure that she'd be the one to have a bad trip, and never come out of it. She used to drink socially before she met my father, and did pot daily back then, though all of that was out of her system years before I came along. And, wouldn't you know, her only daughter (yours truly) turns out to be a teetotaler and nonsmoker who was (and remains) firmly opposed to my state's recent legalization of marijuana!
I've been on suboxone for 3 years now. Heroin was the worst thing I've had to deal with in my entire life. I was injecting for about 4 years and there came a boiling point where I had a mental break and got arrested then when I got to the hospital, I made a scene in the ER. They had to lock down the entire wing. I remember refusing to take a pill they gave me and I tried to leave but they held me down and I felt two needles in my arms. I remember very clearly thinking that there was some large conspiracy against me and that they were hurting me. When I woke up from the shots they gave me, I was strapped to a gurney in a dark room already feeling the effects of withdrawal starting so I began to yell and the nuse came in and told me to shut up and left. During this mental break, I attacked everyone in my family. I took a huge chunk of skin out of the side of my stepdads neck because I thought he was "one of them" and I hit my mom, slapping the glasses off her face and I tried to stab my brother with a pencil. My family stuck by me though and realized a was extremely sick. I got sent to an institution and came home, still wanting to use. The psychological aspects of the addiction fucked up even after I got out.. the cravings were intense. I started going to an outpatient treatment facility where I got on suboxone. Now, the cravings are virtually gone and I got my sanity back. My mom told me that she thought I was going to stay in that psychosis state for the rest of my life...Im glad I didn't and got my life back on track. Heroin fucking sucks. It tears you and everyone around you apart. :/
i just want to say, i'm so glad you're doing better. i don't know you, but that sounds like hell, as someone who has psychosis running in the family. i'm glad you're alive.
@@somerandomgoblin2583 Thank you! ❤
Thats was heavy...
@@tacioob2337 Yeah, it's hard to think about even now. The fact that I worried my family so much makes me want to cry. I absolutely love my family..they have been with me through a lot of heavy shit and still love me no matter what. I'm so grateful they had the patience and hope that I would get better. ❤
heroin and heroin wd doesn't make people act violently like that
My best friend is an addict. I've seen him at his worst, curled up in the shower crying in pain from withdrawals. He sold everything he had for drugs but ended up getting clean for a while. It didn't last though
There isn't a reason for him to suffer in withdraw...but he has to be prepared to deal with his substance abuse issues. Suboxone tnesoy has made a world of difference for the horrors and hell of withdraw,but it's not going to work if it's a band-aid. Meanwhile, the line between co dependancy and being there is a fine one and can lead to you to bring addicted to that relationship....you can't do this for him, you can't make him get better, do you need to understand how not to default to things that won't help him and could hurt you...there's lots of really good info and resourc s out there please....apprise yourself...you can't help him or be there if it affects you negatively...and be prepared to not being able to have this come out positively...it sad , but better to accept the total thing then feel guilty and like you could of done something that you couldn't....good luck...
I'm still on a self imposed taper. I was on a medically supervised taper, but predictably, the doctor began treating me like a filthy junkie and would say all of my medical issues were because of the drugs. So I switched providers, and have been hiding that side of me from the world ever since.
Opiate withdrawal is the absolute worst thing I have ever gone through. It's scary, and way too easy to lie to yourself. I still remember the first time I took my prescription pain medication when I wasn't in pain, purely to stop my anxiety about flying. That was ten years ago. For a long time, I was very high functioning, and that was the worst thing about it. I'm not done yet, but I'm slowly on my way to being totally clean.
Stay safe out there, everyone. Be well, and take care of yourselves.
Hope you're able to get fully clean, I wish you the best of luck
"Since my consumption is so low, it's not hard to quit or take breaks. I just don't feel like it."
That's the first warning sign. If you "know" you can quit whenever, but "don't feel like it", you can't. You just haven't realized it yet.
I mean, you could say that about anything a person enjoys doing. Playing video games, having sex etc.
@@ladyreverie7027 Yes. All things you can get addicted to. If you think "yeah I can stop whenever I want", but never feel like it, and never do, you're addicted.
As someone who is genetically pre-disposed to addiction, sad to say, but I didn't beat the odds as I had hoped. Fell off a major cliff, which culminated in being thrown in jail. That time I spent in jail was the wake-up call I desperately needed, and I'm happy to say that I'm 14 months clean and sober. For all of us who are working through addiction, withdrawals, yearnings to return, I hope some of you read this, and if I can help just one person, you and I have a bond, even if we never speak again. You all can do it. You all can take those chains off and live your best life, from this moment on. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. We gotta take it all into account, and recognize that, yes, the bad times happened, and they may have been a long time, but to paraphrase the final line in my favorite book, The Great Gatsby, we can "run faster, stretch out our arms farther, until one fine day..." we come out the other side, victorious. It's a struggle, a daily one, hell, an hourly one, but we can all beat this thing we have inside of us. Peace and love to you all on your journeys to recovery and healing
14 months that's awesome!! Congratulations!!
Well said; I hope your words will be an inspiration to anyone who needs them. Congratulations on your sobriety, and I wish you happiness!
I used to work in a neonatal ICU, where there were frequently babies born addicted to heroin. If withdrawals are unbearable for an adult, it’s truly horrific what some infants are brought into this world having to endure.
I'm 44 and have six years clean. My best friend since middle school has eight years clean and has a wonderful 20 year old daughter who was born addicted to heroin and methadone. Her daughter, who calls me 'auntie' (I don't have children of my own, so that really warms my heart), works full time and also just completed her second year of college and is doing wonderfully, we are both so proud of her...but she had the most vicious introduction into this world--she did nothing but scream for seemingly a month after her birth. I babysat her at three weeks and I can still remember exactly how she sounded, and my heart still breaks thinking of the pain she must have been in. I remember my friend being sent home with prescription formula that had morphine in it to slowly wean her daughter off the opioids that were in her system (pretty sure NICUs do not do this anymore). Though her mother is my very best friend, back then, when she told me she was pregnant, my heart sank. This is a very rare story where everyone in it is still alive and healthy and everything turned out okay.
Thank you for the vital work that you do.
It's interesting when he said he got mild physical withdrawal symptoms and he's "not addicted." Buckaroo, when you start feeling the restless arms and legs, running nose and anxiety when not using for several days, you addicted. The body and mind has grown accustomed to it in a way that it has a hold. A foot in the door. The limbic-prefrontal cortex highway is being paved. That's enough to find yourself 3 years later panicking that your dealer isn't answering and feel the hunger, but you can still have the same mild symptoms. You can get addicted to "small amounts" so the withdrawals never get that bad, and larger amounts cause more intense withdrawals. Though time+tolerance=eventually taking it to the next step.
It is true that most people don't get addicted. They may not even have any withdrawal after using it for more than a month consistently. There's genetic and environmental aspects that go into that. Roughly 10% are addicts though, and possibly a lot of uncounted individuals who are "functional" addicts. Trauma- recent, ongoing or in the past, can actually causes addiction to take hold because substances can be soothing in some way; a way of escaping the troubling situation you are or have been in. Houselessness is a thing that can cause late onset addiction or domestic violence. So it's really not a good statistic to lean into if you're going to try heroin.
What's starting to be a really big deal, at least on the west coast of the US, is street fentanyl. It comes in a blue pill here stamped like it's 30mg Percs but are actually fentanyl. Addicts smoke it on foil, constantly hitting it every few minutes all day. The fentanyl has also been laced in the meth too, so it causes a physical addiction. I've seen several folks who I was in group with since at least Sept who had physical withdrawals like opiates and they only smoked meth which only causes a strong psychological dependancy. So seeing it covertly in the meth making veritable goofballs without the buyer's consent, and causing intense physical withdrawals. It's difficult too, because getting off fentanyl is harder than heroin because detox can't administer benzos for like 7-13 days. That's wild. I had to wait like a few days without any chemical help, to get on Sub/bupe, and that was rough enough. I'm very happy I managed to get sober before I saw the blues. It's gonna get worse too. Opiate crisis 2: fenty boogaloo.
Edit: subutex. Suboxone, bupenorphrine should be destigmatized. They're not really intoxicating and are good at keeping someone out of the harmful aspects of addiction and be able to rebuild their lives. A lot of addicts I know are on them- practically everyone in my last group. None of them seemed to complain except for the taste which is horrid. I'm happily on subs and I can tell you that my withdrawals get farther and farther apart. It takes four days till I get the runny nose and restless arms, when it was daily at first. There will be a day where I won't need them. It's a medication for a disease. One that's clear headed and not thinking about the next bag. It's night and day. Though for some that are far more down the rabbit hole like bloodshoteyes, it's just a stop gap. I've never experienced the flatness or experienced some of the things that he said about subs. That could just be the anhedonia, or inability to feel pleasure, that's a common trait within the first year of sobriety that can come or go. People also get anhedonia while in use as it's the only thing that helps you feel anything. Sad part is, is I've met people who were even farther down the rabbit hole and are like drug counsellors and stuff now. It's pretty sad he felt hopeless about it.
What's the difference between methadone and sub? Wanting to know cos my birthmother took methadone throughout the whole pregnancy and I've always wondered if my health problems are bc of that
A lot of people forget is that many drug addictions start with something as innocent as pain meds from a minor surgery, which then spirals out of control. For those of you in the comments who have gotten clean, I’m so proud of you! For those still struggling, there is hope. I believe in you. The first step, truly, is to realize you have a problem, as cliché as it sounds.
may be cliche but true nonetheless
sometimes i think about how differently my life could’ve gone, maybe like this. i’ve been sober for over 4 yrs now but i was a heavy drug user for two years. i didn’t use heroin much, it wasn’t as available to me but i would use it if it was around. it was mostly pills and meth. my heart broke listening to this, i understand the way drugs can grip a person. may he rest in peace
my cousin was an addict for over ten years, his childhood and teen years weren't the best and mental illness and addiction run in our family heavily, so in a way it was kinda inevitable. in the last few years of his life fentanyl was the one he did alot. so many overdoses and so many late-night calls about wanting to be clean and be a "good person again". he was a good person, he was very kind and had a huge heart, he would have done anything for his family, after his addiction of course. i miss him alot, he was really starting to turn a corner and was in a good spot, but unfortunately he did some F and he took to much. i wish there was a way to go back and talk to him more before that happened, and tell him how much i loved him and how much he meant to me, we were very close in age and he was like a brother to me. the only thing that helped me get thru was knowing he was no longer in pain and turmoil, that he was finally able to rest.
i hope anyone out there watching someone they care about go thru the same thing know just one thing, its fine to love someone going thru this, its normal to be angry at them, and its natural to want to do things for them, but take care of yourself first.
So I’m listening to this one year after it was posted.
For all those who left a comment saying you were clean - if you are still clean now; you have managed another year!
That’s huge xx ❤🎉
I relate to this guy so much . I thought for so long that I could do opiates recreationally and not have it become a problem and I was soo so wrong. I have two years and I'm still afraid that someday if I'm left to my own devices for too long or find and opportunity where no one will find out that it could happen again. I feel like the longer your clean the more you start forgetting how bad it can get and remembering the good parts
This is scary to me, coming from a family with alcoholic tendencies. I have dealt with (and still do) a lot of mental health issues, and I would be so scared to even try heroin. Physical dependencies I am usually able to deal with (though I know I shouldn't underestimate heroin in particular), but the mental aspect of substance abuse is hard. I went through that with weed as a teen, then I took a 10 year break from it before I was able to have a casual relationship with it. After seeing family members at their worst, with an alcohol concentration that would've killed most people, I feel absolutely repulsed by substances when I'm down. I hope that feeling sticks around for life. And I wish every (ex) user reading this the best of luck in finding and/or keeping your balance.
hey i wanted to say congratulation from using less weed, i know that some people have a hard time with that, maybe you could also try to go sober from all drugs one day
This is so sad, it's really similar to how my eating disorder got started (recovered for 12 years). Trying to make it seem like you're being reasonable while it takes a strong and stronger hold. I can't imagine how hard it would be for something that is also physically addicting like drugs.
Before you think about trying Heroin know this: The average life expectancy of someone after the first time they use heroin is 7 Years. So let's so you're 25, most people live till around 80, so you can expect to live 55 more years. The moment you shoot up that drops to 7years. And that's not even the worst part. Once you become a seasoned addict and get your tolerance sorted out it's actually pretty unlikely that you'll die of an overdose. So that means the average is being skewed by lifelong addicts who just get lucky. You're MUCH more likely to die in less than 7years, than you are to survive longer than that. So if you're thinking about trying Heroin, also think about writing your will, telling your loved ones how to handle your funeral arrangements, think about selling your house, and getting rid of your pets. Because all those things, however far away they seemed Before, become very relevant as soon as you stick that needle in your arm.
Sincerely,
Addict for 10years. Clean 6mo.
when she said that he passed away, I immediately started to cry. This story is far too similar to my own. Rest in peace Paul.
Someone very close to me is an addict, for many different things, he has an ED as well, and this hurt so bad to watch because I've seen him go through things like this. I hope that many of the people who watched this that have no experience with this stuff learned alot
As a former opiate addict this one was too tough to listen through
Yeah...all the cringe compilations combined couldn't make me wince more than this video did in 10 minutes
Understandable. Congratulations on the "former" 🖤
@@HumanTimeCapsule didn't mean it made me cringe, I meant it was hard to be reminded of what it's like
I'm glad that you're clean; well done!
I once knew a guy that refused to watch Requiem for a Dream because he believed that people who use dr*gs had no moral/ethical backbone and thus had no cares for their stories or struggles. He really showed his colours that day, and we're no longer friends. Addiction is gravely serious and we need to help where we can, not outright demonize others. @bloodshotEyes' story is horrific but we can learn a lot from it to help divert and aide others from following what he did.
This is so heartbreaking.. I’m clean for 5 months currently and I can relate to the psychotic depression. I have tried and failed to stay clean more times than I can remember, and honestly it’s the depression that constantly brings me back. It’s so hard to maintain long term sobriety and it just beats you down over the years. I just got a job working with addicts in recovery because that has helped me stay clean in the past. Service to others is crucial in recovery.
One thing I've learnt from reading other's experiences with heroin? Heroin is the sneakiest drug out there. You take it once? It has the highest chance to catch you in a stranglehold
Oh gosh, this is heartbreaking. Addictions, compulsions, EDs... they're all hell holes. I've the utmost respect for anyone who manages to claw their way out of it, and deep sympathy for those who don't.
"I don't do it too often" becomes
"I only do it half the week" becomes
"I do it daily but small amounts" becomes
"I have to do it a few times a day but not much withdrawl" becomes
"I have to or I'll be sick" becomes
"I don't have a place to stay but I'm with friends" becomes
"My friends are shit heads so I'm sleeping outside" which becomes
"I'd never do x y or z to get high usually but this one time I have to because I'm sick, I'm sad, etc" which becomes
"...I'll blow you for the 3 dollars ..I need to get high"
And the conslusion?
"_______ died after losing their battle with addiction and will be missed by all who knew them"
Choose wisely friends.
My friend has been using since he was in his late teens-early twenties. Used to be mostly hard stuff uppers and downers with sporadic psych use and the occasional joint, but when his friend took his own life he added alcoholism to the mix. When I first met him in 2019 he was in a really bad way. Drank openly on the job, used hard stuff every night, and would go from sleeping all day to not sleeping at all in the same week. The worst thing is that he’s very untrusting of the medical field, especially psychology. I understand why, he was forced to take “sit down and shut up” pills as a kid (that’s how some ADHD kids got treated in the 90s) and the wariness stuck with him, but it’s really doing him a disservice these days when I can see that therapy would help him. He’s got problems that neither drug nor sobriety alone will fix, but trying to get him to consider (not even go, just consider!) professional help is like trying to persuade a cat to get into a bathtub.
Now in 2023, he’s in his 30s, and he doesn’t do any uppers, rarely does psychs, and mostly uses weed and alcohol as a crutch to try to wean himself off opioids/ates. He does relapse after a while, usually a week to a month or two, and while I know it would be best if he didn’t do it at all, I’m glad he’s made progress. I’ve seen how hard it is to fight the urges, especially if you have a tiny sober support circle or nobody at all.
It's not Thursday!! Thanks for the wonderful surprise.
Enjoy! 😊
It's Thursday Tuesday, distant cousin of taco Tuesday
My cousin and ex-boyfriend were both addicts. my cousin got clean and while he now has a family of his own, years of heroin has permanently damaged him.
My ex, who I had broke up with years before, never got clean. I had a lot of complex feelings after he died since he wasn't the best partner (neither was I), but hearing this story reinforces my opinion that he never deserved what he went through.
Thank you for covering this. It's a sad world out there, and addiction is such a complicated disease.
Its fascinating to think of all the dark reddit rabbitholes that existed pre-2020, and how exponentially the amount of stories that has grown since then. We're starting to see now, the world has taken a massive step towards the digital for entertainment, after being locked up in their homes for 18 months. (Not a political statement, just observation.)
It makes me wonder if we're going to see a large influx of these stories being documented on YT in the coming years.
I think you might just be more aware of the rabbit holes now that you’ve been depending on the internet for entertainment more ;)
There is no casual relationship with heroin. SMH. I’ve been clean almost 3 months from that demon & the needle.
congratulations for almost 3 months! 💞
I will forever thank you for this "dive" I guess you could say, but this was really a eye opener I needed... looking on how a person in my life is acting, this really connects it, and it shows me Ina way it's normal for herion and blues/pk's. Like i really cannot thank you enough for sharing this
It really is a heart ache to now have tides connect in my mind... it really does make since, although what would you think is worse?, seeing your own kin & blood fall into the rabbit hole of opiod use, or seeing your own parent(al figure) fall into this? I'd really be interested in your prospective on which would be generally worse...
@@SwisherFlppr I'd say to see yourself be in that type of situation. When you only watch it is seems easier to maintain hope, probably not so much when you're living it. And that's exactly it, the person beside an addict always has a solid answer: they want them clean and alive. An addict is at best uncertain of the future, at worst, wishing to have no future at all. At the same time, it would also depend on how dependent or close that person is to their parent, and their personality.
that poor baby.. I think Paul’s documentation of his experiences from the very beginning could be helpful to so many people, and I hope that would give him comfort. I’ve always felt sad for people with addiction, but every little detail of this story, all his highs and lows, has put it in a completely new light for me. It’s so sad that he’s not here anymore, and I feel horrible for his parents who can never replace their baby 😢
I'm currently fighting an opiate addiction (pain pills) and so much of what this guy says hits close to home.
My issue is chronic pain, depression and severe agoraphobia. Drugs for pain, drugs to make me feel better, drugs to make me feel less exhausted, drugs to help me cope with daily activities that make me anxious. I struggle to see a future in which I am not an addict. I want to be clean, but I also don't. I don't know how I'd live without it. Life seems hard, scary and exhausting. I don't know how to live.
I'm just starting counselling, I'm looking into physiotherapy for my chronic pain, I'm doing a course on managing my anxiety. I'm trying.
Unfortunately, it's cheaper to be an addict than it is to get help. Pills are a lot cheaper than therapy and physiotherapy.
I can't work, so I don't have insurance or money for those things. Pills are cheap, they make me feel better, it's easy.
I have a lot of admiration for all the brave, strong people in this comments section. Seeing people live clean gives me hope.
''I struggle to see a future in which I am not an addict. I want to be clean, but I also don't. I don't know how I'd live without it. Life seems hard, scary and exhausting. I don't know how to live'' this part is just, idk i really feel it. when you reach a point where you know you have a huge problem but you dont want to get clean, its scary, really scary
@@al3xisd3ad If this is relatable to you, I'm sorry. It sucks and knowing that people feel the same way sucks too. It's not a feeling I'm glad to share. I struggle to believe in myself, but I have a lot of belief in others. You can do this, friend.
I can relate to so much of what you’re going through. I also struggle with agoraphobia and holy shit is it exhausting!! I’ve got the chronic pain from botched surgery and an infection that ate away part of my spine, ADD, OCD, panic disorder too. I truly wish you all the best; try to take your wins wherever you can, doesn’t matter how tiny they may be, they still count as wins. Here’s to a streak of victories!! ♥️
Why people think they can recreationally use one of the most addictive drugs out there without getting addicted is just beyond me. Delusion.
Desperation
It's that old saying 'it wont happen to me'.
Arrogance.
@@K-a-n-d-i-s exactly
It's literally a coping mechanism for mental illness and trauma
"He said that cannibis makes you lose your personality, and that if he could live again he'd stick to alcohol" yes because a ruined liver is much more better than being stoned.
As a recovering alcoholic, alcohol is much more frightening than weed. Not just physically, but the way it affects you mentally/psychologically.
THAT’s what you got out of this video? mind you, it’s literally true, drinking once a week is much better for you than smoking weed every day.
man drug addiction is a hell of a thing
Never tried heroin but I was addicted to benzos and it was hell to get off. It hid some past trauma that hit me as soon as I stopped taking it. People often try to escape with drugs because of pain. You never know what someone is going through. Being in pain doesn't make someone a bad person. Being addicted doesn't make someone a bad person.
Literally the worst thing in the world is opiate withdrawals BY FAR I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and it annoys me when people used to say o just suck it up knowing they would be crying if feeling the same for 5 minutes. Hardest thing I ever did was get off h and fent and I'm so glad I did still on methadone but it's SOOOO much better than the constant cycle of wd getting well scrounging for money getting wd I would rather be on methadone the rest if my life then back on that shit again
ive never taken any substances because i know i could easily get hooked, but ive struggled with SH addiction and its brutal. now even while being 2 years clean i have days where i cant get it out of my head, i thought my addiction would end me before i could get clean.
i feel so bad for his parents, it reminds me of how my family tried to help me, removing anything sharp from my room, inspecting my arms and at one point cleaning my wounds, i made my dad cry and it broke my heart. to anyone here struggling with any kind of addiction, you can do this, i believe in you and im proud of you
Didn't have withdrawals until 4 years, every user wishes they'd stopped at this guy's level in the beginning.
Amen
I've never known anyone addicted to hard/illicit drugs, but my family (on both sides) has a long history of alcoholism.
My dad was a severe alcoholic for years. He almost died from it twice. It's terrifying watching someone slowly destroy themselves like that. The problem with alcohol, in my opinion, is that because it's widely accepted by society and incredibly easy to access, use is almost encouraged. Of course, the heavy stigma around drugs like heroin probably makes recovery difficult. Especially since many addicts are likely too afraid of the legal or social consequences of seeking help.
My only personal experiences are antidepressant withdrawals when I came off Celexa and years later off Prozac, and those were pretty crappy. I felt hot, feverish, nauseous, and had bad insomnia. I can't imagine the withdrawals from something like heroin or alcohol.
I love the way you handle these topics. Thank you for sharing his story. It's so sad.
I became an Amy Winehouse fan years after she passed and listening to Rehab is so eerie tbh reminds me of reading the first parts of Paul’s posting
i’m an addict, and while i do believe it’s a disease and not a choice, i wasn’t always addicted.
in my early 20’s, i had tried H a few times and never had a strong urge to do it again. there were times when i would do it multiple times, every day, for a week or two, but i was still able to just drop it without withdrawal or any negative symptoms honestly. i dabbled in all sorts of drugs. i did pills constantly, sometimes everyday, but never got hooked.
a long while after, i eventually did become hooked on pain pills for a couple of years, but was able to completely stop cold turkey for a whole year. it was crazy to me that i never got sick and it was so easy.
a few years later, i had experienced heavy trauma. i had been r*ped by 6 different people over a few years, physically abused by a partner, and years of mental and psychological abuse by 2 exes. i had lost my health insurance and was off medication for 2 years (i have bipolar) and was being harassed and tormented 24/7 from an abuser. he would call me and my bf at 3am, send his friends to my bf’s work to sit and stare at him his whole shift, show up to my bf’s music gigs, not paying admission but standing outside all night to intimidate us. it got unbearable and with me being off my meds, i relapsed and started taking pills again. 6 months into that, my bf became abusive, i couldn’t function at work due to panic attacks and crying bc of him. he ended up blaming me for my previous abuse and breaking up with me, so i went and bought H bc i was determined to end it all.
after using for 2 weeks, i then became hooked. for real this time. the worst withdrawal after 24 hours of no use. it went on for weeks, months, years. a cycle of only using so i wouldn’t be sick, but not ever feeling it or getting high.
TLDR; i think extreme levels of trauma can greatly affect addiction. it was never a problem for me until i dealt with a huge deal of it. also, being on psych medication helps tremendously.
I have multiple cousins who have recovered (for lack of a better term) from heroin addiction. One of them was addicted for ~20 years before getting clean shortly before the pandemic. They have remained clean and have managed to live a normal and fulfilling life the past ~5 years.
It’s not an easy thing by any stretch of the imagination, and often requires hitting a rock bottom unimaginable until one hits it…but it can be done. It has been done. I am deeply proud of anyone who manages to climb out of that hole of addiction, and hold a deep sense of empathy for those who have not or never manage to, as well as their loved ones.
Addiction is a disease, and like many diseases, relies on both the doctors and patient (so to speak) doing everything right to have a chance at the best outcome.
Fentanyl has been my demon for years now, and getting clean and getting out is the worst thing I've ever dealt with.... Over ten years of opiates and drug abuse has destroyed my life, been in and out of rehabs and NA/AA meetings.... I've lost everything over and over again, today I have 4 months clean and it's so hard.... I'm glad you made this video, we need to keep talking about this so people can get the help they need. My brother died from an overdose, and just .... We shouldn't have to loose people we love so much to this hell ....
The sad thing is this is just a common experience with these types of drugs. People think “oh it’s not that bad” get a little careless with use and then they’re dependent. Then once they hit that point they have diminished enjoyment of the experience and end up hating using while needing to use while also hoping the use goes back to how it used to be, but it never does.
I’m very lucky to be a recovering addict from meth, nicotine, cocaine, and alcohol for over four years now. I was able to do so because of my “friends” ghosting me unless I had drugs. Lucky me, I lost my job and was near suicidal when my parents came and dragged me out to detoxify alone in a small room on an air mattress, to deal with my own demons. I spent close to a full month not knowing what or if I will be able to be who I was ever again. After that month, I was browsing UA-cam, crying, trying to figure things out and saw a ad for drug rehabilitation services for people who were homeless - which I basically was at the time, no permanent place of my own and no clue if I would be on the streets the following day. So I signed up, knowing that I needed help. Fast forward to now, I’m four years clean and sober, a diagnosed epileptic, diagnosed with severe depression (possible BPD as well due to the meth addiction and that lifestyle), anxiety issues, BUT I’ve been able to do positive things as well. I’ve been able to get my associates degree and multiple certifications in IT and cybersecurity, reconnected with my brother’s family and my sister’s family(she and I still don’t see eye to eye) and I’m helping my parents with their business since they are getting older and they have been so helpful to me - it’s only right in my mind and heart to do that. I tried to reconnect with some of my friends, that went VERY poorly. Some of the friends that weren’t raging meth addicts spoke about me in a very positive manner when they saw me and thought I was “lost for good” and when I asked about certain former friends, the words “lifer”, “lost cause”, “bad” were quickly used as descriptive words.
In four years, I’ve been able to start rebuilding what’s left of my life, hopefully I can be independent enough and become human again. I wasn’t that when I was a junkie and I knew that totally. My body is destroyed from the drugs and damage I’ve done to myself and I’m possibly disabled from my actions, but I don’t know how to proceed with that. It sucks not knowing who to trust, who to care for that isn’t family and who to believe anymore but I want to stay strong and optimistic for if I lose that - I will inevitably lose and relapse into despair and oblivion with drugs, something I never want again.
You've done incredibly well for yourself. Always be proud of your progress and just know that someone out there will support you.
I'm a very addictive person, so I'll never come near any drugs. I cannot go a day without caffeine, nicotine and sugar, I have no willpower to quit these, so if I'll get hooked on anything more serious, there's no turning back for me. Luckily I already had a really bad experience with weed (mixed it with alcohol lol), so there's almost no temptation for me there as well.
My cousin is a huge fan of psychodelics, though, and he always advertises it to me and anyone listening, always goes about how it's not addictive at all and is a mind-altering and life-changing experience. But I've been listening to these talks for almost a decade now, and the only change I've noticed - as time passed, it became like the only topic he's really passionate about. Recently he met a mephedrone-addicted girl, had a crush on her and did some with her "to test it". He told me he didn't like it, had the worst hangover for the rest of the week and will never touch it again, but I'm not really sure about it, coz it's really easy to get and is almost famous for being a "first try gets you hooked". I'm really sad and horrified about the situation, but there's nothing I can do, really, he's a grown ass stubborn man, who's convinced he'll never get addicted and knows everything about his "safe drugs".
Everyone who managed to quit amazes me, how strong and conscious you should be to do that, your stories and your voices should be heard
Drone is horrible, I've tried that once and I hated how I felt on it, didn't sleep for a few days coz my limbs were twitchy as hell and I got a horrible headache. Never touched it again after that one night. I have quite an addictive personality myself, but I've not been as smart as you I've dabbled in a few things, though the only thing I use daily now is weed, I smoke cigarettes aswell so I've got the nicotine addiction- honestly finding it the hardest to stop, it's my original first addiction so my body is heavily addicted to it. Psychedelics can be good in micro doses but just like anything if you enjoy how you feel on it you can get addicted definitely! I feel for your cousin, i hope they can stay away from the drone, esp if their crush is into it it can be so easy to be tempted when someone you like is on it. You're smart to just stay away from drugs ☺️
Good for you for recognizing your addictive tendencies; soooo many of us don’t and then … BAM! Ya find out.
Week 5 of being clean from coke after a relapse during isolation. Also getting a divorce to remove my biggest trigger. It's hard, I used on and off for the last 5 years. It started because of chronic dental issues and some mystery illness that has been causing me severe fatigue and pain. It got worse because of marital SA and A. Leaving two bad situations at once.
happy for you keeping pushing through this and getting out of bad situations. you are very strong 🫂
I know this video is basically a year old, however as a recovering addict.. I was surprised to not feel triggered by the mention of my drug of choice. Instead it reminded me of the hell I had to go through, multiple times to get where I am now! And I’m never giving myself up like that again.
The saddest thing about these types of stories is that there's been a lot of recent studies that show addiction isn't even a lifetime thing. Within ten, twenty, thirty years, somewhere around ~70-80% of people who experience issues with substance use make a full recovery. For most people it's NOT a lifetime struggle. It's not this invisible monster you have to grapple with for the rest of your life. It's so hard to see that when you're on the first shaky steps of your recovery but in the long term, trends lean towards recovery, not relapse. If you just hold out long enough, no matter how many times you relapse, statistically, you're going to make it.
I've experienced a lot of Benzo withdrawal and it is truly awful. So I cannot even begin to imagine H withdrawal. Like, it has to be the worst thing I've ever experienced × 1,000
This was a sad story, but I could commend the man for his honesty. I was a poly drug user, and I absolutely trashed my veins with stimulants. By comparison, the heroin was actually better for me, simply because it was so much less hard on my veins and I was able to actually do things on it, I wasn’t just lost in stimulant psychosis constantly. Ultimately it saved me because I was able to get onto a treatment program; for heroin addicts you can get onto methadone and into a methadone treatment program with therapy, but here in the U.K. there’s nothing like that for intravenous stimulant users. Ultimately I also had to quit because not only was my life in shambles, but I had reached the point where if I wanted to keep injecting, it would have to be into my neck, and I just didn’t want to do that. Are there people who can use heroin once in a while? Yes, I’ve heard of precisely one couple; they were in their 80s, and had been doing it together for decades, like twice a year. And that’s it. Out of the hundreds of heroin users I know of, of the thousands that I’ve heard of, there’s literally just that couple that I’ve ever heard of, and that was in an article; I suspect the journalist searched far and wide for them. So is it possible to be an occasional user? Yes, technically, in the same way that it’s possible to win the lottery. Is it possible to try it just once or twice and never use it again? Sure, it happens. But once you’ve hit the point where you’re considering trying it, I’d say you’re already in trouble, you’re at the point where you should seek help. You’ve already reached the point where you’re considering taking such an incredible risk with your body and life; you should work with a counsellor or professional to work out why you have so little care for the miracle that has lead to your existence, everything that had to go right - and wrong - to get you to being exactly who you are, where you are, at that moment.
If you’re currently addicted, I highly recommend methadone treatment. Don’t let people put you off by telling you it’s more addictive than heroin, you’re just swapping one addiction for another, it’ll make you feel like a zombie, you can’t function on it, blah blah blah. If your care is appropriately managed, your dose is right for you, it’s a completely functional medication. It can give you stability, enough time and space to sort your life out. I know many people who have been tapered off of it with minimal suffering (if it’s done slowly enough) and have been able to stay clean afterwards. You’ll notice that most of the people telling you how terrible it is are still using… Get sugar free though, for your teeth :)
My veins are that bad I could never inject, I feel its a bit of blessing in disguise tbh coz I could see myself trying that drug a few years ago had I not had totally crap veins, I've only smoked it like once, wasn't for me thank fuck 😅
Psychology suggests that, if anything, alcohol would be the "gateway drug". Not only is it the most widely available, but research shows a strong correlation with alcohol usage at a young age and other drug usage, specifically the ones we would consider "harder drugs". Chronic pain, previous traumatic experiences and severe mental illness symptoms are also frequently found as potentially contributing factors. So, I found it very interesting that he would have preferred to "stick to alcohol" because I think that kind of shows our societal acceptance of alcohol as somehow inherently less harmful when, truly, it is just more normalized.
I lost my dad in 2016 due to a heroin overdose after he struggled with opiate addiction for 20+ years. I've always tried to understand what he was going through, why it was so hard for him to actually stay clean. I think these posts are some of the most informative I've ever heard as far as understanding the physical and psychological effects.
Words cannot express how proud I am of those folks who battle addiction, and also to those that come out the other end. It's a continued and maintained state and one that I hope is sustained for the rest of their lives.
I know folks personally who have come out from usage and that strength is something I wish they didn't have to endure. But I'm so glad they do.
I'm sending well wishes to anyone affected, I hope you all have support you deserve and require ❤
Addiction is hell. Kudos to the people who fight/have fought to better their lives. You’re worth it ❤️
Right when I was looking at the playlist and wondering when you'd upload to it again yesterday, perfect timing
Lost a friend to a fentanyl OD this year and the end of this hit me so hard that I cried a little. Please be careful, everyone.
Sadly I've been around addicts all my life.
I can tell you addiction, especially to heroin, isn't something you can have a casual relationship with, even if you think you know what you’re doing.
Heroin is much like a boa constrictor - you'll not think anything of it, and then the next thing you know, you'll be slowly suffocating to death; every time you try and fight against it, it just gets tighter and tighter before you're consumed by it.
And it happens so fast that while you’re being suffocated, you can't see what's happening to you.
people who've been through this, who are in recovery -- when do you stop thinking about it, when do you stop ghost-busting, when do you stop lusting after opiates? Serious question. It trips me up every time I want to quit.
I dig in the carpet, I can't relax, I fidget and daydream, sometimes literally dream, about finding more drugs than I have. Sometimes I do find them when I dig. Mostly, I don't. days seem so long and hard even when I'm not withdrawing and I just want to use and have nothing but enough to not get sick.
I have been on methadone for almost 5 years after using opiates for about 7 years. Your question is one I can relate to bc I asked myself that before I decided to go into a methadone program.
My answer would be... Well there's 2 answers or possibilities. With the help of methadone or Suboxone, you don't think about it much at all. That's one of the reasons these medications are used to treat opiate addiction. They eliminate cravings & obsessive thoughts about using. You just feel "normal"... You're not high or euphoric as if you're still using.
For me, without the methadone I would think about using... But it gets less & less with time. Especially if you have something or someone in your life that you care about enough to stay clean. For example, when I found out I was pregnant I was scared that I would be a terrible mom bc of my history with addiction. Now my baby girl is 17 monthes old & I truly have never been happier in my life. She gives me a reason to want to be my best self, so I can be the best Mom & give her the best life possible. Anything that gives you purpose or makes you content or fulfilled is going to make you think less about using. Now I realize that opiates filled a emptiness I had inside. It was a emptiness that used to be so large that I felt like I needed to use to numb myself from the most awful feeling ... Which to me is feeling nothing. Now I feel true happiness, love, joy, & responsibility for my baby girl & that changed everything for me. You will find something that makes you whole, don't give up. I definitely recommend a methadone or Suboxone program. I hope & pray for the best for you! God bless you 🙏
I've always had an insane fear of heroin, to the point of having nightmares about loved ones getting addicted to it and falling into this exact same spiral.
This is personally the scariest video on YT right now.
I had to quit a pretty intense antidepressant cold turkey and went through withdrawal, and it was the sickest I’ve ever been. Basically I was stuck in bed for 2 weeks straight, couldn’t keep any food down and moving my head felt like I was in a laggy video game. I could not even imagine what coming off heroin is like.
It definitely put me off touching any drugs and almost put me off antidepressants for good, though thankfully I found one that works and I’m feeling better now than I have in a very long time
That was my experience coming off Prozac. I felt like absolute garbage. I can't imagine the withdrawals from something like heroin either.
I'm glad you found one that works! I was almost put off antidepressants after my experiences as well, especially after Cymbalta gave me serotonin syndrome, but I finally found one that works
Oh man, interestingly enough it was actually cymbalta that I was coming off of
And I thought quitting weed for 2 weeks was hard. Seeing friends go through hell to enable a heroin, or worse yet, fentanyl addiction is one of the hardest things you can go through besides being an addict yourself. Life as an 18 year old shouldn’t be so rough but that’s what you get in america where life ruining drugs are cheaper and easier to get than real mental help.
This subject is touchy for me because I've lost my mom to hard drugs-- not physically, everything but-- she's not safe to be around and it's just the drugs piloting her now-- commenting, liking and sharing for the algorithm. Keep up the good work!
I'm 3 years and 1 week clean from meth and heroin, i was actively using for 7 years... those descriptions of withdrawals gave me such flashbacks, it reminds me of why I stopped. I'm listening to this video at my job I've had for over 2 years, and I'm actually a sponsor for one of my coworkers. I wish I never did drugs in the first place but getting my life together has been the most fulfilling thing I have ever done. I love the We Do Recover movement
11 years in recovery this year. Feels so surreal watching this video. Echoing other comments' sentiments- thank you for covering this with such tact. While I've been fortunate to see some shifts in stigmas surrounding mental/behavioural health and substance abuse/recovery, there's still a long road ahead. Also as has been expressed- anyone going through it right now please don't give up. I promise there's hope. xx
SpontaneousH always struck me as fake and made up for cachet. I'm a recovering H addict who was been stuck on the needle for 8 years and there are so many details about that entire saga that Don't add up. Very glad to hear you back! My favorite True Crime comments .
*commenter
And sticking for alcohol is always a bad idea, unless you limit your alcohol intake to a few days a week. I was a fucking wreck when J drank daily. It's a shame how alcohol is glossed over when it does more neurological damage than H could ever hope to.
heroin addiction was hell. 7 years of my youth, wasted, for what. luckily i have 10 months clean now and am still doing well. i would trade anything for nobody to ever have to go through that.
I feel for Paul and his family. I had an opioid addiction myself. Nothing as strong as heroin, but I can't lie to myself and say I wouldn't get hooked immediately if I had access to it. Now I use cannabis, and while I admit it's not a great habit either, I prefer it to popping pills and killing my liver. It's nearly 100% replaced my painkiller addiction. If not for that, I'd still be eating pills like candy.
RIP Paul.
I hope you feel better in the future!!
wrt smoking cigarettes. i feel u. i smoked cigs on and off for around ten years and finally quit for good a little over a year ago. prior to quitting every previous time, i thought, i'll just smoke occasionally, it's too good at relieving stress after a long day, its too good as a means to strike up conversations with strangers. the problem is, u can't have a casual relationship with them ever again if u've ever had a serious one with them. every time i would have one with a friend while out of town, or at a bar, i would remember how much i enjoyed them. and would think. man, i don't need to be so strict abt them i can have a few a month. and i would buy a pack bc i don't want to ask for them from strangers. and then i have access to them so i smoke them when i feel i need them, too, like when i'm stressed. and then i'm buying a pack every couple weeks. and then i end up around ppl that smoke and end up smoking with them bc i have them. and then i'm buying a pack every couple days. its happened three times in ten years. i'm not taking any more chances now that i have a kid. i wish it didn't take having a kid to force me to quit for good. but it did and now i can look clearly back on it and see the cycle. just know. if u ever have a serious relationship with them, u can never have a casual relationship with them again
Yeah this sounds like literal living hell, this poor individual....I hope he rests in peace.
Day three of withdrawals. I’ve finally stopped throwing up stomach acid and blood. My throat is thrashed and hurts. It’s not like I even have any desire to be clean, I’m just fuckin broke and have no one to help me out. Honestly at this point I just welcome OD’ing and being done with all this shit.
watching someone fall into addiction is so sad. when i was in highschool i fell into kinda a rough crowd i mostly avoided it but watched a guy i know go from a friendly stoner to a junkie who threatened us (children btw) with knives and took anything he could to stay high. one time we were all walking downtown and his estranged family passed and hid their kids eyes so they wouldnt see him. that shit destroys lives, heartbreaking fr