Dealing With Loneliness as a Celibate w/ Mthr Natalia and Fr. Michael
Вставка
- Опубліковано 8 чер 2023
- 📺 Full Episode: • Mthr. Natalia and Fr. ...
Mthr. Natalia and Fr. Michael talk about what they do when they are lonely as celibates.
🟣 Join Us on Locals (before we get banned on YT): mattfradd.locals.com/
🖥️ Website: pintswithaquinas.com/
🟢 Rumble: rumble.com/c/pintswithaquinas
👕 Merch: shop.pintswithaquinas.com
🚫 FREE 21 Day Detox From Porn Course: www.strive21.com/
🔵 Facebook: / mattfradd
📸 Instagram: / mattfradd
We get a small kick back from affiliate links. - Розваги
Please stop interrupting her. She is full of wisdom.
Yeah he's really rude. Pretty annoying
He gave her her own show so no more worries about that!
They are the heroes that this world does not deserve but desperately needs. God bless them both!
Not all hero’s wear capes, but some do wear habits
Def needed this. Celibate for 5 years after the Lord freed me from pornography and everything that goes along with pornography. Stopped dating over 8 months ago to commit more to the Lord and every now and then I’ll get a tug for that connection as Father mentions and the ache that mother mentions. And that’s very real. It’s not about sex, it really is about holding hands, watching a movie and perhaps knowing that a woman likes you, that creature comfort. Def needed this 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Not sure what else is going on in your life, but you really should try and find a wife still.
@@sercastamere9853 I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman or girl is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about worldly affairs, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord. . . . So that he who marries his betrothed does well; and he who refrains from marriage will do better (1 Cor. 7:32-35, 38).
@@sercastamere9853 ua-cam.com/video/vmq-AcRN9DY/v-deo.html
@@winter-wb7cf hes been celibate for 5 years. Considering he stopped at atleast 18 years old...its time to find a wife and your vocational cross, either a priest or a husband.
Holding hands and intimacy isn’t bad. Sounds like you just need to moderate it better. If you want to focus on the Lord then fine but you shouldn’t completely forgo that other stuff if you plan on getting married someday.
Beautiful lady a role model and an inspiration. Married to the wrong individual is a curse not a blessing. Being celibate is a much better way if your called to it. God has to be the center of your life regardless we are all one with Him.
A crazy aspect of Catholicism is that - unlike other religions - it takes some of its best representatives out of the genepool.
Is that a good or a bad thing?
@@oliversanderson8665 recent history shows it is a bad thing.
It should be fine if each family has lots of kids (then 1-2 are called to religious life) which used to be normal in Catholic families
God willing, it guides them home
The ache of loneliness will never be fully satisfied until we are with our King. Even those in the world, and if it, may think they’ve found escape from it but it will be nothing in comparison to the comfort we believers will experience in full communion in the next life.
It really sucks being single at 33 going on to 34, I'm getting older, and the desire of being with someone, always had that desire all of my life.😔 It's not always easy to love God.
I think by labeling your experience as it "sucks" will only cause you suffering. I was single for years too but I realised that this world, society sends a covert message and that message is: Being in a couple is better than being single. And so many people buy into this. Its everywhere, it in TV, movies, books, magazines.......but if you actually stop to question this you find that it's a complete lie. I know this because I've spoken to many married people about their lives and they all say, without exception, that they are no happier now they are married than when they were single. Some in fact wish to be single again. The truth is if your life sucks when you're single it will suck just the same even if you were to marry the best person in the world. Don't fall into that trap. See the life you have now and enjoy it, don't let your food grow cold while you're looking at someone else's plate.
I'm coming up on 42. My biological hour glass is running out of sand. Yes, it sucks until you come to the realization you are called to learn the same things single as you would in a in a Monastery/Marriage. Poverty, Chastity, and Obedience. Look for it in your daily life.
I know it might be a bit annoying to hear, but have you prayed to God about it? Have you asked Him to find you a spouse? I recommend praying the rosary and especially the rosary novennas (there's few of them, shorter or longer). Intercession of Virgin Mary is great. Also of St. Joseph.
If you have a vocation to marriage, and since you're saying you've always had that desire, you most likely do (our desires tell us where our vocation is).
I myself have a bit different story. I used to think I perhaps should look for a husband, because that's a right order of things and all, so I prayed the novenna to Our Lady Undoer of Knots. Needless to say, very soon I have realize that my Bridegroom is already waiting for me and it's not an earthly bridegroom😅. Must emphasize though, it wasn't the realization that was detatched my life history or deeper longings, in fact it was about getting much more _clarity_ in recognizing what's already in my heart and as if someone took heavy tainted glasses off my eyes.
So I very much urge you to pray to God, with the intercession of Mary and St. Joseph, to find you a spouse. I'm sure you won't be left without help and God will find you a way to fulfill your unique vocation. God will show you what you need to work on yourself, as well as help you find that other person and build a relationship with them. (Unless of course you'd have a different vocation, but from what you wrote, I think it's unlikely. If youve always felt called to marriage, then it's most likely your vocation, and God will help you to fulfill it, if that's the case, just you need to ask precisely for it.)
I've heard from many marriages how the intercession of St Joseph helped them find themselves.
The other rosary novena is Pompeii Novenna, it's much longer than the one I've mentioned. And very 'powerful' 🙃.
TL;dr for my previous post: God will help you fulfill your vocation, if you're missing on it (if there's something He called you to do and has prepared for your life, He'll always can get you back on track!), but you must *pray* for it, and put your trust in Him, and follow His lead. 🧡
God doesn't work against us and our purpose, but we must turn to Him to guide us, and He knows the way best.
@TR God was talking about fellowship, a support network. He wasn't talking about marriage. If he was then Jesus and Paul would've lived lives not in keeping with God's design.
I've never seen this topic discussed quite this way before. Very enlightening
Wow......absolute discipline and willingness to serve Him...im speechless❤
Great discussion and I always a appreciate how forward you are with questions, Mr. Fradd!
There’s an error in the title:
In the Eastern and Western Catholic Church it’s “Mo.” for a religious mother. So it’d be “Mo. Natalia”.
The Wikipedia article “Ecclesiastical titles and styles” gives all the info on religious titles and abbreviations.
Nice!!! Please talk more on this… sometimes our desires aren’t good. I must admit I think I have a slight crush or very strong admiration (not sure which one it is but it’s not necessary to know) for one of the Priests in my parishes.. it scares me because we have similar humor and love for reverence and silence (I think), but I wouldn’t ever cross the line (at least I hope I wouldn’t even in my weakest moments). He is a very good priest, but I know that I (and all women) need to keep a safe distance! Pray for me if you read this.
I should also add that once my friend explained why seminarians seem so attractive sometimes and she said it’s because they have qualities we desire for our husbands. I agree with this!! We all want a man after Christs heart. That being said we should never cross the line and should help our brothers in seminary by stepping away while they discern.
They are usually very admirable men.
Wow, I was recently looking for an answer to this question and now boom - this video
Thank You so much, God Bless You Matt, Mthr Natalia and Fr. Michael
Wow this is so edifying and useful. Thank you
So helpful. Watching again. Thanks!!
Would love to see more discussions about loneliness and love even tho this discussion was fruitful plenty lol 🙏🏼!!!!
"I mean I do.... try to - turn to the Lord"- Haha, yes! I love this response! May God bless you and keep you sister. Wise virgins come to mind. Wait patiently for our Groom, and you will never ever ever be lonely again! May He be praised!
Sister, can you share your devotion routine? See, I want the Holy Wisdom too. Please persist, sister, and pray for me too, so I can rejoice for your salvation and Jesus' work in you in Heaven. May God be praised, may He be glorified in all His creatures. The Vine!
Oh man, I needed to hear this.
Very practical advice here. This could also be applicable to people who are suffering from addictions.
No word of a lie but as a man and a married man at that, listening to this I feel like Fr Michael just opened a window in me and described what was there. Beautifully put and so helpful, so uplifting to hear it.
This is insanelly good. It also applies to any other temporary ache, I think this is why divorce comes from, rather then you thinking why do you feel like this and how to actually make it better, you obsses with the bad things of your spouse and divorce (this I guess more applies to women), while men, can turn to temporary satisfaction, lust and justify their actions that they are men, both leads to seperation and all of those ppl are suffering but they don't have the tools to cope, they turn to paichologist, rather then to god.
THIS! This right here! I am always reminded that I am not alone in my struggles🤍
Great explanation! ❤️
Some wisdom here, thank you for your honesty. This makes me think of Epictetus.
The idea of moments when I feel most lonely is when I’ve been in my own head is real! Sacrificial love is very powerful and I really want to take this on board. However, I often get in my head over comparison a lot e.g. I feel like I go out of my way to message people to ask how they are or meet up more than people do to me. Any tips on how I can combat this insecurity? To continue loving but not feeling that tiny bit empty or unloved back. Much love from England 🤍
I needed this 😊
Mother Natalia and Father Michael get it.
Great answer from a humble woman
Brave and honest conversations.
Absolutly brilliant
I just broke up with my fiancé on Saturday, this was very much needed. Thank you all very very much.
Best video on UA-cam ❤
My loneliness isn’t the feeling that I don’t have anyone it’s that nobody has me. Then I feel the void with porn & become even more hollow.
Chastity can effect people in different ways , I observe this completely and for me it works because as I understand it , it was always meant to . Faith , discipline and obedience all play an integral part in this .
Agree with previous comment, interruptions spoiled this otherwise great video
How about dealing with a difficult spouse? Makes loneliness look easy!
It's been more than a year for me practising sexual continence, as purely as I can. By the Grace of God I've given up many bad habits. There was a moment which was quite clear to me. That still small voice in my head said "When you let go of these things, you will not miss them." And while it's difficult to live that truth, it seems truer and truer as time goes on.
It was very interesting, and very relatable, how Brother Matt asked Father Michael about feeling sexual urges, and the Father responded by talking about holding hands and watching a movie, and saying "you're tempted to dating, not marriage".
I do have sexual thoughts, but the pull towards things like, having a woman gaze deeply into my eyes, is much stronger. In some ways it does seem a little bit deeper than sexual attraction, but it is almost as superficial.
Paul the Apostle writes in the Second Epistle to the Corinthians "we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ". By watching our thoughts closely, we can more clearly see when we are trying to fool ourselves. Godwilling, that might lead us toward Grace.
God bless
I’ve been married 32 years and I couldn’t agree with this father more
Fan-darn-tastic!
I sort of wish I could be a nun instead of floating around in this cesspool.
People with same-sex attraction living chaste, single lives also suffer crippling loneliness.
The Church and individual parishes have done a terrible job at promoting friendship and community.
It's something we Catholics could learn from our Protestant brethren.
All us single discerning people out there need to take notes.
Celibate all my life. Such a sensitive subject.
i can not stop thinking about the documental with pope francis in hulu, the testimony of the ex nun, and the allegations of psichological abuse,
Useful to know even for lay celibates
Every single one of us are supposed to be chaste, even in marriage. I like to try and think of St. Charbel with his eyes cast down. I know I may look like I am being ignorant sometimes to some people, but best to guard the eyes, it's our first line of defence. Once you stare, the imagination kicks in and then you can start desiring what you imagine and end up acting on your desires, and it can all just be a self-manufactured or demonically-inspired fantasy to bring about your fall.
Yes.
Interesting video with good point for people, except somoking...
When I was young I longed for a romantic partner then I was terrorized by a gang of bullies who beat up girls if I spoke to them. That traumatizing experience coupled with a lifetime of other negative encounters, left me with the understanding that God wanted me to remain single. Now at 40 I am trying to accept that and give up on any hope for love in this life. I don’t find peace or fulfillment in this, only darkness and pain. I do not understand all of these people who are saying that this is hopeful and inspiring. I just feel fear and despair. I’m scared to talk to God because I’m scared I’ll say something that will piss him off.
You're not going to know what God wants for you if you do not talk to him, and if he wanted you to remain single he would not have done it by having innocent girls beaten up in front of you, If anybody would do that it would be Satan trying to screw your mind, because we know God never wants us to give up hope. God already knows everything about you and still desires your heart so it's not like you are going to tell him something that he doesn't already know, so its best to just be honest with him and lay all your cards on the table
@@president234 Thanks. I try to talk to God about it but I'm afraid that I'm just bothering him with something childish and petty when there's much more important things in the world.
@jordanowen42 but to think that he won't want to hear you because there's "more important things in the world" would imply that he doesn't care about you or your problems, like you're not important enough. We can't ignore scripture and think that somehow we're some special kind of bad that God doesn't wanna hear us, that's just vanity
Jesus loves you all. For those of you wondering if he loves you in his perceived absence, the answer is yes. It feels lonely, cold, dark and scary at times, but i promise it gets better.
Dont lose hope, and dont lose faith. He may not be there when you want to feel him there, but he is always there in the ways that matter most, patiently waiting, lovingly smilingly, and hoping for your betterment.
Have faith, GOD bless you 🌸
When you belong to a community as close-knitted as a religious one, you're never alone. You have your brothers or sisters backing you up when things don't work. You really don't experience the loneliness as some of us do. Nothing far from my will to be disrespectful here, but unless you live a hermit-like life, isolated from the world with little to no contact with others, you won't experience real and deep loneliness. I know what it is, way better than them.
This interview makes virtually no sense to me as a celibate Catholic, because a nun who lives in a community or a priest are surrounded with stable human connections. Living that community and difficult human relationships is part of the great challenge of their life. I live by myself, and my community is the parish, which has no discernible interest at all in being a surrogate family to people who have no other family, and besides Mass attendance only offers essentially ephemeral ways of humanly connecting with others, such as 6 week small groups. It would never, ever occur to me to ask a nun how to deal with needs for community because I know she HAS community, often more than she can stand, and her life is about living that community even when it's difficult. Also i am one of many celibates who doesn't experience "wanting to have sex" so i do not relate to that; on the contrary I'm utterly grateful Jesus' love for me is nonsexual, to me that's one of the the wonderful things about celibacy. I'm very skeptical of sexualized interpretations of celibacy that want to discuss the "sexuality" of celibate people in some way because it's not how I think or feel, my relationship with my Beloved IS. NOT. SEXUAL.
A nun yes, has a community, but diocesan priests are typically very lonely, there's zero community (in the sense as in the order/cloister, where you live with other people). He lives alone and tends to the parishioners. It's a very different dynamic, and kind of on the margins of social life of people. It's quite a lonely life, actually.
I mostly agree with other parts though. I've also wrote another posts in response to the video - as a fellow lay celibate - where I wrote that it's not for the ache for the earthly husband or the earthly intomacy, because I already have the heavenly Bridegroom, who satisfies my soul on a deeper level.
I personally wouldn't perhaps phrase it's 'non-sexual' though - which of course isn't wrong to say - but rather would phrase it that it surpasses sexuality. Just a subtle emphasis difference, but it's just me. God's love encompasses everything albeit in a _purest_ way.
(but it also needs to be said, that everyone's relationship with Christ is unique. I also don't share what the nun said, that she aches in the way she described, as I do feel a deep spiritual satisfaction in the place of superficial carnal ones. She also spoke about it being a cross, but she didn't mention there's a certain 'exctasy' of the cross as well (although she did spoke of graces while going that way of the cross, just she didn't deepen the subject) a certain inner spiritual joy that is deeper and bigger than suffering. It's not all that easy to categorize in human words/concepts)
What I lack, is there's difficulties related to little community, little friendships (most people aren't interested in them anymore, they're only busy with their immediate families). At some point, you only get acquaintes or colleagues and that doesn't ever go any deeper into friendships.
Also doing various ministries or helping, which is part of a vocation, it becomes invisible that no one thinks to help the helper. The last issue is not only for lay celibates of course, but for priests as well, and for some caring professions.
I think there Is a real problem in the Catholic Church when it comes to fellowship and community. I was a protestant and I'm now Catholic but let me tell you the difference when it comes to fellowship is colossal. The protestant church is all about fellowship, you are really looked after if you're single or married. To be honest, I go to the Catholic Church for mass and adoration but I get my fellowship from my protestant friends. I'm still part of that group, in fact we're getting together to play football tomorrow. So this is something the Catholic Church needs to sort out because if you're not married as a Catholic it's like you don't exist and that's not right
@@eoinbrennan3949 We need to convert all the Southern Baptists and then put them in charge of our church fellowship programs.
@@eoinbrennan3949 it's probably one of the reasons why the Catholic church is dying, at least in some places. I'm a lapsed Catholic but going to mass feels awkward and like I don't belong.
I have a problem with the question. Our aches are part of each person's cross - people have many different crosses. Aversion to any suffering whatsoever is such a modernist problem. The "society or worldly"" premise is that all people living a celibate life must really (deep down) want a husband or wife - which is not true. Building on what is mentioned in the clip, is the role of temptation and promptings of the enemy - which is a misrepresentation of everything.
Why are they smoking?
If they are orthodox, the Fr should now it s a sin to smoke( it s the devil's incense). Be careful out there brothers and sisters!
I'm sorry I'm not understanding her response. What does she do when she feels lonely?
I think she means that she accepts that she is lonely and offers it up to God, realizing that the sad parts of her life are as necessary as the happy parts.
She lives in community with others, finds her life and her relationship with Jesus very fulfuilling and doesn't feel particularly lonely and that's why she struggles to respond.
What about the people who are walking around bitter and married?! 😅 J/k.
No, I like the idea and commitment of celibacy but it’s not realistic for most people. Furthermore, I think it’s wrong.
Well if you're in the priesthood (sex) isn't in the mind of him. His service is the Lord and so is Hers.
Have they thought about Paul and the possibility of His wife?
She may have passed or left him because of his faith. Hebrew priests had to be men and couldn’t do it unless they were married.
Thoughts?
Paul was not a member of the Jewish priesthood (in fact he states himself to be of the tribe of Benjamin); there's no evidence one way or the other if he had ever been married in the past but he certainly doesn't seem to have any woman at the time we know of him.
@@ElizabethDMadison If Paul was married at one time, he wasn't when he wrote this:
1 Cor 7:8 "Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do."
Fun fact: Paul addresses pastors / elders as “the husband of one wife”; therefore it is more than ok for priests to have a wife.
Also: Peter was married 😳
It's a disciplinary thing, not a doctrinal one
The Catholic Church does allow it in certain circumstances and has allowed it in general in the past. However, this does not mean that it is okay right now. If Catholicism is true, then the Church has authority on these matters, and so when it decided in general that Catholic priests cannot be married, this means that it is canonically impossible for a married man to become a Catholic priest (again, exceptions notwithstanding), as the Church just would not ordain the person.
However, the rule could be changed back to how it was prior to the 1000s or so, and then married priests could be a norm again. We'll see. My grandfather was one of the "exceptions" to the no-married-priests rule that the Church ordained, so I've seen that a married priesthood can work, but I concede that there are problems with it as well.
That’s a long winded way of saying “I disagree with Paul because the Catholic church has done so recently”. If they’re contradicting scripture, they’re contradicting scripture my friend. It’s as simple as that. So many people I know’s marriage pushes them to be more selfless and sacrificial, and thus better shepherds of their congregation. Stop saying”the rule was changed”. God’s truths never change. The Catholic Church is not true, just as the Protestant church is not true. Jesus Christ is true, and His word is true.
That said - Paul clearly states in 1 Corinthians 7 that it is most definitely better for some to be celibate. He ain’t talking about pastors. He says Christians in general. The royal priesthood of believers. that’s because if you’re single you don’t have to attend to your wife’s concerns, but only the Lord’s. This does not mean that single Christian’s use their time like that, they most frequently do not. Myself included.
As St Paul says, it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Young people should not be taking vows of chastity.
Jesus said, speaking of celibacy "Let the one who is able to receive this receive it." It's not for you to decide who can and can't receive it.
Paul also says he wishes people were like him, purposely not married so as to give their undivided attention to God. That's what the call to chastity, a God-given grace, is.
Humans are meant for connection. I think that celibacy can lead to extreme temptations and depravity esp with many priests in the catholic church...imagine if they could marry have normal marital sex....there would be a LOT less sexual abuse in the church.
Celibacy and abuse are not correlated. No amount of action or lack there of can change a perverse mind.
Tell that to Eduardo Verastegui who is very devoted, not a priest & celibate for over 20 years…if he can do it EVERYBODY can. 😇😌☺️❤️🔥🕊🦨
This obviously isn't true. I am celibate and it doesn't "lead to extreme temptations" in any sense, completely to the contrary the person who hasn't trained their brain to seek the dopamine hit of sexual stimulation compulsively experiences their urges get habitually calmed down and controllable. The abuse of the dopamine cycle creates sexual problem; people who make excuses to indulge in sexual pleasure are the ones who have problems. Avoiding abuse of it completely is an essential key to peaceful celibacy. Knowing how to get tough with yourself is an important skill of chaste people.
@@ElizabethDMadison BASED! God’s metanoia helps us live via his divine will. 🕊🙏🏽😇❤️🔥✝️✌🏽⛪️🕯📿💒
The vast majority of child abuse takes place inside the family, at home, by a close relative of the kid, like a father, brother, uncle/cousin, etc. People that are not celibate, mostly married/in a relationship, with "normal marital sex". The chances of a kid being abused at home by his father, at school/summer camp by her teacher/counselor or the local Protestant pastor (another married collective) are way higher than at church by the parish priest. I know picking on the consecrated life folk is the easy way, but also the most deceiving one. God bless you.
EW! Who’s smoking?!
May the Lord grant you the ability to restrain yourself from making dumb comments like this in the future ✝️
@@malgorzatawojtys9846 no one cares
There is literally no need for this loneliness.
And yet people both married and single experience profound loneliness. What is your solution?
It’s not adding up to see a man of God smoking. A priest is a representative of Jesus in the church