Just to note, I am still trying to figure out how to film and use good light :). It was interesting that as I was talking about a metaphorical cloud of shame, a literal cloud came over, and darkened the video. My apologies about the quality, hopefully, I will figure out the technical aspects of filming soon, it's a learning curve for me too :).
@Top Cat 2000 I am glad that you liked the video, and I hope you know that you are a whole person, there are so many sides of you, this is just one small relevant piece.
Videos like this truly hit home and make me feel less "crazy". I've assumed there was fundamentally something wrong with me for so long and it's difficult to understand why I feel like this and how I can grow. I feel like I'm making excuses and setting myself up to fail again when I consider going to therapy, but it's better than giving up on myself I guess, and your channel is helping me consider getting some help.
I am so sorry to hear this, shame is hard, it's like having a bully that has endless negativity to say about you that won't jump off your shoulder. There is healing out there though - feel free to sign up for a session with me - or find a good therapist to work with. Good lick!
I think one of the main issues of beeing a recoverd ACOA is that i feel alone for the first time in my life. Before i think my mind simply repressed the feeling. This has made me 100% independent. Exept emotionaly. After i learnd in therapy to share my feeling and memorys things has been going alot better. But i still feel shame when trying to connect in a relationship long term. I have no problem getting sex, friends, or to adapt to the work environment. But in my mind i have a irrasjonal feeling that nobody want to know the " real me" or to be with me in the long term. Great video!
Thank you for sharing. I personally struggle with this as well. It gets better for some time and then I'm reminded of those feelings again. Support groups, a healthy lifestyle, and using awareness and intuition to put yourself in a good loving environment definitely helps. Learning to ride out the waves.
wow, 63 grew up feeling stupid and shamed. Both parents were alcoholic.ecently diagnosed with, dyslexia, ADD, and executive function disorder. Sometimes I feel like an alien. I don’t know where to turn or where to begin.
Getting help is a challenge when you have multiple issues. You think you’re great until some flashback happens. Then you realize it’s a gift that keeps on giving in a negative way.
@@joannemurphry1542 The flashbacks are not a gift. They are memory/emotions of trauma ( past painful moments), that is not processed by the brain. So the brain takes the moments back up to your " conscious mind" like it just happened, again and again. In reality it is the mind telling you to get treatment!. EMDR trauma treatment helped a lot for me. The most important part is to find a therapist that you trust, and that has empathy ( the ability to listen, and who actually tells you the truth) Getting treatment is though in the beginning because ACOA`s naturaly has deep roothed trust issues. Trust issues that where there to protect us from harm. But in reality we are now mature adults and no longer defenceless children. The therapy will help with faceing the neglect, abuse, fear that we suffered from growing up under the " dysfunctional narcissistic alcoholics". And to face the reality of the episodes. Then give your self the closure and self-care, that our toxic care takers never did. This is in reality how you can finally connect with your own " autentic self". To reconnect the part`s of our psyche that was traumatised/repressed and heal it. It will never be perfect or " new" again, but the mind will be more and more syncronised with the real world ( that is focus in real time and not zoomeing out). And you will not feal that sence of helplessness that we did as children. Make sure it is a licensed therapist, who is both specialised in EMDR and cognitive psychology .Take one step at the time ,You can do it!. And it is worth it!.
I think I commented on one of your videos.. I am pretty sure that shame is one of the inner drugs that ACA mentions.. I think it is just a familiar place to be.. I think that stepping outside of the shame is more uncomfortable then the actual shame itself.. That and being around people that are in shame and trying to get them to change.. Good luck with that..
Hi Sofya, I was interested in your coaching program and paid for a consultation but I've not heard back and can't seem to get a hold of you. Hate to make this public but there's no phone number or email I can reach you at.
Again, so true about us. It is painful to acknowledge who we really are, but it is the only way grow up.
Just to note, I am still trying to figure out how to film and use good light :). It was interesting that as I was talking about a metaphorical cloud of shame, a literal cloud came over, and darkened the video. My apologies about the quality, hopefully, I will figure out the technical aspects of filming soon, it's a learning curve for me too :).
@Top Cat 2000 I am glad that you liked the video, and I hope you know that you are a whole person, there are so many sides of you, this is just one small relevant piece.
Natural light is real I thought you handled it well you are filming outside its Nice
Videos like this truly hit home and make me feel less "crazy". I've assumed there was fundamentally something wrong with me for so long and it's difficult to understand why I feel like this and how I can grow. I feel like I'm making excuses and setting myself up to fail again when I consider going to therapy, but it's better than giving up on myself I guess, and your channel is helping me consider getting some help.
I am so sorry to hear this, shame is hard, it's like having a bully that has endless negativity to say about you that won't jump off your shoulder. There is healing out there though - feel free to sign up for a session with me - or find a good therapist to work with. Good lick!
I think one of the main issues of beeing a recoverd ACOA is that i feel alone for the first time in my life. Before i think my mind simply repressed the feeling. This has made me 100% independent. Exept emotionaly. After i learnd in therapy to share my feeling and memorys things has been going alot better. But i still feel shame when trying to connect in a relationship long term. I have no problem getting sex, friends, or to adapt to the work environment. But in my mind i have a irrasjonal feeling that nobody want to know the " real me" or to be with me in the long term. Great video!
Thank you for sharing. I personally struggle with this as well. It gets better for some time and then I'm reminded of those feelings again. Support groups, a healthy lifestyle, and using awareness and intuition to put yourself in a good loving environment definitely helps. Learning to ride out the waves.
wow, 63 grew up feeling stupid and shamed. Both parents were alcoholic.ecently diagnosed with, dyslexia, ADD, and executive function disorder. Sometimes I feel like an alien. I don’t know where to turn or where to begin.
Getting help is a challenge when you have multiple issues. You think you’re great until some flashback happens. Then you realize it’s a gift that keeps on giving in a negative way.
@@joannemurphry1542 The flashbacks are not a gift. They are memory/emotions of trauma ( past painful moments), that is not processed by the brain. So the brain takes the moments back up to your " conscious mind" like it just happened, again and again. In reality it is the mind telling you to get treatment!. EMDR trauma treatment helped a lot for me. The most important part is to find a therapist that you trust, and that has empathy ( the ability to listen, and who actually tells you the truth)
Getting treatment is though in the beginning because ACOA`s naturaly has deep roothed trust issues. Trust issues that where there to protect us from harm. But in reality we are now mature adults and no longer defenceless children. The therapy will help with faceing the neglect, abuse, fear that we suffered from growing up under the " dysfunctional narcissistic alcoholics". And to face the reality of the episodes. Then give your self the closure and self-care, that our toxic care takers never did.
This is in reality how you can finally connect with your own " autentic self". To reconnect the part`s of our psyche that was traumatised/repressed and heal it. It will never be perfect or " new" again, but the mind will be more and more syncronised with the real world ( that is focus in real time and not zoomeing out). And you will not feal that sence of helplessness that we did as children.
Make sure it is a licensed therapist, who is both specialised in EMDR and cognitive psychology .Take one step at the time ,You can do it!. And it is worth it!.
My father was an alcoholic and very critical of us children. I once got a bad report card and he nailed it on the wall of my bedroom.
Wow, that's rough. Sorry
Children feel shame cause they cant have their friends over cause they don t know what they are coming home too.
Yes, unfortunately :(, compassion for all the kids experiencing this in real-time and all the people who had experienced this in their history
This was my home growing up 😥
@@endriandri7914 Sorry to hear that, hope you heal from it
I think I commented on one of your videos.. I am pretty sure that shame is one of the inner drugs that ACA mentions.. I think it is just a familiar place to be.. I think that stepping outside of the shame is more uncomfortable then the actual shame itself.. That and being around people that are in shame and trying to get them to change.. Good luck with that..
Yes, shame is one of the hardest emotions to break through
Hi Sofya, I was interested in your coaching program and paid for a consultation but I've not heard back and can't seem to get a hold of you. Hate to make this public but there's no phone number or email I can reach you at.
love your video AND your top!
Thank you :)
Good videos
I am so glad you're enjoying them