Joan & Toni: When Mommy Issues Cause An Unhealthy TOXIC friendship..

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  • Опубліковано 23 жов 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 177

  • @ciarajca25
    @ciarajca25 4 місяці тому +371

    I always said in the end William was her realest friend

    • @yendaaaa
      @yendaaaa 3 місяці тому +44

      @@yukijames1321 She was also a terrible employee, and her and Lynn would talk make comments about Joan when she wasnt around. A mess lol

    • @tootler23
      @tootler23 3 місяці тому +31

      @@yukijames1321, and leaving Joan out to dry by telling Darnell that Joan bought the watch Stan bought, after which Darnell cursed Joan, his wife’s boss, out. I could never! That was not only a friendship-ending offense, but a terminable offense, as well.

    • @Silly_u1908
      @Silly_u1908 3 місяці тому +30

      @@yendaaaaYES! Remember the episode where they called the health department on Joan and let rats loose in her restaurant because they were upset at Joan for standing up to them? They ate for free at her restaurant and watched her struggle. Joan gave them too much support and grace for the little she received.

    • @Silly_u1908
      @Silly_u1908 3 місяці тому +10

      @@tootler23not to mention he did it publicly at a work event. Mya would have gotten a pink slip and a white box. I would have never spoken to her again.

    • @rachelmartin5187
      @rachelmartin5187 3 місяці тому +24

      William was also the only one to actually stick up for Joan. When Maya and Lynn kept eating at the restaurant and wouldn't pay, he told them off and even encouraged her to do so. Even though his girl Monica started off evil, even she was a better friend to Joan as well.

  • @Kgthegtacreator
    @Kgthegtacreator 3 місяці тому +153

    I love girlfriends but Toni & Joan’s friendship should have ended the moment Joan caught Toni trying to sleep with Sean.

    • @TheRetroWoman80
      @TheRetroWoman80 3 місяці тому +7

      I agree

    • @TamESQ
      @TamESQ 2 місяці тому +2

      You’re absolutely right! Joan finally put her foot down and refused to have anything to do with her after toni blabbed her business about therapy to her colleague, but of course… she forgave Toni yet again.
      Which makes sense because there’d be no more tv show 😂 however, in real life…. Joan would have ended it a long time ago.

  • @GeorgiaPeach1984
    @GeorgiaPeach1984 3 місяці тому +24

    Wow, looking at them ALL today. I wouldn't want to be friends with either one of them. Joan was too needy, Mya was too ghetto, Lynn bummed off everybody & Toni, I could NEVER be friends with someone like her.

    • @ashleysamone95
      @ashleysamone95 3 місяці тому +2

      I literally just said this the other day lol it comes on still and watching as an adult I wouldn’t want to befriend either one of them

  • @nicolesherman8974
    @nicolesherman8974 4 місяці тому +342

    Listen, I am so glad you are talking about this. Toni and Joan’s relationship was difficult at times to watch. Toni never respected Joan’s boundaries, like how Toni slept with one of Joan’s boyfriends. Toni and Maya’s relationship was a little better.

    • @iconicallyiconic
      @iconicallyiconic  4 місяці тому +86

      This is what I meant to mention in the video. Toni knew she couldn’t do to Maya what she did to Joan, it’s why enforcing boundaries are so important.

    • @bissah18
      @bissah18 4 місяці тому

      Did toni sleep with toe sucking Charles

    • @AfroAngola
      @AfroAngola 4 місяці тому +50

      I want to make one correction. Toni and Sean didn't have sex . In Season 2 , episode 1. Toni tried to seduce Sean. It was out of revenge after the Greg disaster . Thankfully, Sean didn't fall into that trap. But yeah, Toni was foul for what she did.

    • @SamDavidJr
      @SamDavidJr 3 місяці тому +23

      ⁠@@AfroAngolaBut Toni and Charles were dating in the first episode…so we were INTRODUCED to Tony’s shenanigans.

    • @yendaaaa
      @yendaaaa 3 місяці тому +5

      @@SamDavidJr They made a correction in relation to Sean lol

  • @leiiib
    @leiiib 3 місяці тому +136

    I totally forgot to mention how Joan was helping Toni with her payments on her Range Rover because she was always living above her means. How is that even your friend’s responsibility ?? lol

    • @coachkrish
      @coachkrish 3 місяці тому +29

      @@leiiib Toni had 500,000 in savings too. So selfish

    • @leiiib
      @leiiib 3 місяці тому +14

      @@coachkrish chileee and then acted as though she was going to pay Joan back for all the times she borrowed money from her and took it back because she said she just wanted to “rub it in” that she had gotten some extra funds 🙄🙄

    • @Silly_u1908
      @Silly_u1908 3 місяці тому +16

      This and Joan financially supported Lynn for 8 years! Lynn never paid a bill, cleaned, or made a meal for Joan for 8 years.

    • @chanela.7786
      @chanela.7786 3 місяці тому

      @@Silly_u1908 and the crazy thing is Lynn herself came from money…I liked her the least…lazy mooching ass bum😭

    • @leiiib
      @leiiib 3 місяці тому +7

      @@Silly_u1908 Lynn really was a highly educated vagrant which I’m glad iconically did a video on her and called out because her character oooohhh I couldn’t stand lmao 😂😂

  • @coreyrae0183
    @coreyrae0183 4 місяці тому +145

    As much as I love Girlfriends, I can't watch it anymore. The ladies were so toxic towards Joan, they had no self-awareness, no accountability at all. I hate Toni, I don't care how iconic she is! Maya got on my nerves a little and Lin wouldn't grow up until the last season! William was the real friend to be honest.

    • @KhalilCarterJr
      @KhalilCarterJr 4 місяці тому +17

      😮 chile Joan wasn't no saint and she was very toxic too

    • @blackalisondilaurentis1996
      @blackalisondilaurentis1996 3 місяці тому +14

      fr. I’m all for realistic characters/relationships with flaws and imperfections but I feel like Girlfriends is just straight up nasty. I don’t like how unnecessarily mean-spirited this main girls are. It feels inauthentic imo.

    • @Priscilla-yn5xm
      @Priscilla-yn5xm 3 місяці тому +15

      @@KhalilCarterJr Honestly Joan's main fault and insecurity was being too forgiving, lenient, and passive and lacking boundaries to the point where her friends were able to walk over her so much . Even despite her giving the most to keep the friendship stable and together. People also talk about her being needy of a man which at times she was portrayed to be needy or desperate when it came to men, and I feel she shouldn't have been she was beautiful, successful, and grounded and she didn't need to be desperate for a man. She was very desirable already. It's okay to want someone to be with but she was portrayed in the show to be desperate as if she couldn't keep or have a man and a relationship and I don't like that because she had so many good qualities to attract someone who wanted to be with her. And this may have been due to her strained relationship with her parents I wish they would have delved into and showed her parents more and her mending her relationship with them. Joan wasn't perfect but she was far from a worse or terrible friend, she prided herself on being there for her friends and the people she loved and cared for and she always did that. The rare moments she was not were moments where her own issues needed to be addressed and she had to care for herself.

    • @domdom2215
      @domdom2215 3 місяці тому +10

      @@coreyrae0183 girl mya got on my nervessssssss in season two! When the Christmas episode when mya lied on Joan girl the way I would’ve fired Mya for that she played in her face and just ugh

    • @rachelmartin5187
      @rachelmartin5187 3 місяці тому +8

      ​@@KhalilCarterJrShe was, but at the end of the day she apologized and actually took accountability for her actions. Outside of William, the others didn't do that. They'd talk crap and manipulate Joan only to come back scrambling when they need help. Hell, Maya was quick to call Joan crazy and say that she'd never get a husband, but she didnt have a problem living off her rent free.

  • @tamutswassounds6272
    @tamutswassounds6272 3 місяці тому +189

    Can we talk about how Toni was never happy for Joan when Joan started to become successful with the restaurant.Toni was so selfish it made me mad

    • @Kgthegtacreator
      @Kgthegtacreator 3 місяці тому +37

      Like when Joan bought that Porsche and she was in her feels

    • @tamutswassounds6272
      @tamutswassounds6272 3 місяці тому +23

      @@Kgthegtacreator exactly!!!….and she thought the car was for her

    • @rachelmartin5187
      @rachelmartin5187 3 місяці тому +35

      What sucks even more is that she never apologized. There were times when Joan wiuld get jealous too, like when Toni got married first, but SHE apologized and had to be the bigger person as always.

    • @leelohaskin7941
      @leelohaskin7941 3 місяці тому +9

      @@rachelmartin5187 I thought I was the only one who noticed, Toni literally thought she had the right to treat Joan like sh$& so that could be why she acted like that lol

    • @RamboQuellz
      @RamboQuellz 3 місяці тому +4

      BUT! Joan wasn't happy about Toni getting married before her and was purposely sabotaging things for her wedding

  • @chinnyb4942
    @chinnyb4942 4 місяці тому +217

    I love their fashions, but I can't watch girlfriends anymore because it was too toxic and I hate the way they treated joan.

    • @iconicallyiconic
      @iconicallyiconic  4 місяці тому +54

      I agree! The fashion is great and there are some funny moments, but the friendship is beyond toxic.

    • @nes96
      @nes96 4 місяці тому +22

      It's sad that we'll never get clouser all because of that 2007 / 2008 writers strike

    • @Slick5150
      @Slick5150 3 місяці тому +12

      Exactly there were several times throughout the series where I kept saying "Joan can you put your foot down on something" 🙄

    • @kayrup3712
      @kayrup3712 3 місяці тому +3

      Yep, it's on Netflix now and I won't watch it, too grown for it...

    • @LuvDaSkinUAreIn
      @LuvDaSkinUAreIn 2 місяці тому

      @chinnyb4942 I feel that same exact way! I recently tried to start watching it over and I couldn't get through half of the 1st season before I called it quits!

  • @terrybradford418
    @terrybradford418 2 місяці тому +5

    All four of these women were toxic as hell. Look how they stop speaking to William when he couldn’t play Santa for Jabari and William had to kiss their ass to forgive him.

  • @FishareFriendsNotFood972
    @FishareFriendsNotFood972 4 місяці тому +101

    Joan is on her way up and unfortunately some of our friends are simply not willing to grow with us. It's a tough lesson we all must learn in adulthood.

  • @mila.milaaj
    @mila.milaaj 3 місяці тому +54

    Toni is one of those friends who you just have fun with and that's it, you don't make her your close friend because she's not reliable or trustworthy. You can't have deep friendships with people like Toni because it will always be one-sided and draining

  • @btchnotme1587
    @btchnotme1587 3 місяці тому +29

    Joan and Toni was not a friendship. It was a trauma bond that turned into a frenemy situation.

  • @slixameth
    @slixameth 4 місяці тому +192

    You give Toni a lotttttt of grace, she seems like a grown up mean high school girl

    • @Likelyfairy
      @Likelyfairy 4 місяці тому +60

      Yeah there’s too many things she did that are just inexcusable

    • @leiiib
      @leiiib 4 місяці тому +30

      What grace did she give Toni ? Did you actually watch the video ? She spoke multiple times about how a Joan should’ve cut Toni off because of how she treated her and how she wasn’t a good friend at all and needed her a*s whopped for the way she treated Joan… what else do you want her to say ?
      I guess because she didn’t call her out of her name and bash her consistently it doesn’t satisfy people like you. She spoke on facts which is Toni and Joan were broken from mommy issues and had no business being friends. Grace and EMPATHY are two different things

    • @Princessdollamanda
      @Princessdollamanda 4 місяці тому +30

      Are we watching the same video ????? She called out Toni this entire video. She said she was cruel, vengeful and used Joan, she spoke about how Toni was codependent how she had no boundaries. Were you waiting for a love and hip hop style read ? Lmao

    • @Princessdollamanda
      @Princessdollamanda 4 місяці тому +21

      @@leiiibgirl like I’m really trying to find the grace she gave Toni lmao people really don’t understand how empathy works. If therapists had that mindset there would be a lot of messed up people out here. You can call someone out while also having empathy for how their childhood may have effected them

    • @LilacStar82
      @LilacStar82 3 місяці тому +2

      Yes like Moesha

  • @riritheedon8967
    @riritheedon8967 4 місяці тому +92

    Girllllll I hated their friendship so much it was so toxic and they were so jealous of each other they didn’t need to be friends 🥺🥺🩷

    • @nes96
      @nes96 4 місяці тому +13

      I saw an interview where the actress who played toni said she think joan needed a toni in her life and I was like......ehm um no girl.....

    • @Princessdollamanda
      @Princessdollamanda 4 місяці тому +21

      @@nes96I could understand if she said she needed someone like Toni to have her back and help her learn to stick up for herself, but Toni was not a friend Joan needed, because all she did was take advantage of her and made her go into therapy. I mean if a friendship makes you go into therapy it’s time to cut them off

  • @barbiesinspiration8799
    @barbiesinspiration8799 3 місяці тому +42

    Toni had a lot of narcissistic ways and made everything about herself, and she took advantage of the fact that Joan was the caring sensitive one and used it for her benefit anytime she had the chance like the rest of them did, people like that are the worst because they always going around looking for people to take from

  • @taotaostrong
    @taotaostrong 3 місяці тому +33

    I never saw Toni as a villain. All of these women were ultimately better off apart.

    • @SouthSideLadyWright
      @SouthSideLadyWright 3 місяці тому +2

      @zaire-aniyarobinson2928 Girrrrl thank you for mentioning that part about Toni calling her baby a bitch. I never liked Toni. 😩 I was so glad Todd finally got custody of his daughter when Toni went to jail. Even though Toni moved to New York to be closer to her daughter, in my opinion, Toni would've hauled her butt back to LA and terrorize another man.

  • @RamboQuellz
    @RamboQuellz 3 місяці тому +25

    Joan was "Penny" and Toni was "Dijonay"

  • @YeahmynameKiara
    @YeahmynameKiara 3 місяці тому +16

    So basically, Joan and Tony Friendship was more of a trauma bond.

  • @Princessdollamanda
    @Princessdollamanda 4 місяці тому +44

    I agree with everything you said especially about mommy issues. Joan and Toni both had them. Joan was a genuine good friend she had her moments of jealousy but she didn’t try to hurt people and like you said she was the only one who would put up with Toni’s 💩 and that’s why Toni held onto her so tight

  • @mindyourmanners3784
    @mindyourmanners3784 4 місяці тому +31

    Toni was on point when it came to her standards and how she should be treated and didn't want the bare minimum in relationships but she was a terrible friend to Joan. Attempting to sleep with your friends boyfriend was enough to cut her off and not look back but Joan had a trauma bond like you said with Toni and couldn't cut her loose. Friendship breakups are just as hard as romantic ones. I just hate the way Joan had to walk on eggshells around Toni sometimes Toni was emotionally ab u s i v e to Joan

  • @lovefromwonderland
    @lovefromwonderland 4 місяці тому +29

    I enjoyed watching the progression of Toni and Joan's relationship because Toni is the ONLY one who Joan set boundaries with (after years of letting Toni walk all over her), forcing her to actually grow up and change as a person. Did she transform? No, but that made her better as a person. If we saw this development with Lynn and Maya then I would definitely like the show a lot more.

    • @lovestadance
      @lovestadance 4 місяці тому +11

      Right bc Lynn walked all over her for too long.

    • @Princessdollamanda
      @Princessdollamanda 4 місяці тому +6

      Yess to all of this, Joan was always giving more to her friends and all they did was use her. I just can’t watch the show anymore because it glorified toxicity

  • @gazellehelene5380
    @gazellehelene5380 4 місяці тому +57

    I think both of them needed to heal before trying to be anyone’s friends. People act out their hurt in various ways. With Toni it was by taking from others in order to feel important; having someone at her beck and call helps to ease the fact that she had no one when she needed it the most. For Joan, she became a people pleaser in order to prove that she is worthy of love; even in her romantic relationships, she felt the need to go for guys that she had to do things for instead of a man who was head over heels for her already. I love how you don’t shy away from talking about topics such as these. It’s great to learn how to recognize and deal with toxic friendships and even to recognize if you might be the toxic friend. Lovely video as always❤️

    • @bbyphathoneei
      @bbyphathoneei 3 місяці тому +7

      I felt this. Joan is me. Recently, I started putting myself first and enforcing my boundaries, I've been outgrowing people left and right. It hurts but its fine.

    • @TheRetroWoman80
      @TheRetroWoman80 3 місяці тому +1

      Great way to look at it.

    • @TheRetroWoman80
      @TheRetroWoman80 3 місяці тому +3

      ​@@bbyphathoneeiYou had to do it to keep your peace and sanity. Good for you!😊

    • @NellyBellz26
      @NellyBellz26 3 місяці тому

      @@bbyphathoneei me too

    • @myajanell2504
      @myajanell2504 3 місяці тому

      right

  • @LYJmusic
    @LYJmusic 3 місяці тому +21

    Man, this spoke to me. I was Joan, I recently ended a long friendship and you’re right I was focused on the duration of time not the healthiness of it. She depended on me and even would admit she had no one else. I finally accepted why she was alone. I can’t fix anyone, and I can’t allow someone to destroy my mental state because they refuse to heal their trauma and take care of theirs. I’m not at fault, I was too loving and too forgiving. But I come first. She was really the only person I let get away with so much because of her story, I don’t feel bad for letting her go now. ❤
    Thanks for this video and I hope you never take it down. I’d love to come back and watch it from time to time to remind myself of what to watch for in the future. I only want reciprocal friendships 🎉

    • @NellyBellz26
      @NellyBellz26 3 місяці тому

      oh my goodness this was my story. I was the Joan of the friendship. I was stressing myself out doing so much for others that
      I started to get chest pains. We were friends since elementary school but I had to walk away. I was tired of being treated like the help.

  • @leiiib
    @leiiib 4 місяці тому +40

    As much as I love Toni because of her standards and how she wasn’t going to bend on them as well as how beautiful, fly she was. She was not a good friend to Joan, her dating Joan’s ex, telling Joan’s business, trying to seduce Sean and actually h I t ting Joan was reason enough for Joan to cut her off for good. Joan didn’t deserve that at all
    Also girl yes I would loveee more podcast style videos, I know you put a lot of time into your videos and sometimes have to re-edit due to copyright so I think these are great when doing deep dives and I love hearing your perspective and how you make people look deeper into things we may have not thought about before 💗💗

  • @ThatGrl2006
    @ThatGrl2006 3 місяці тому +12

    Toni was THE show and I loved her style BUT I never understood how people bypass all the very problematic things she did as a friend. Especially to Joan. Joan was not perfect either but she was nowhere near as mean as a friend as Toni. Toni did so many revengeful vindictive things to Joan and made it so apparent that she hated her. She was always in competition with her and she was never secure despite all her fabulousity and accomplishments. It’s a shame because I really would have loved to see some level of growth from Toni but they made her character so narcissistic. I still love the show though and Jill Marie Jones was amazing in this role! ❤

    • @leelohaskin7941
      @leelohaskin7941 3 місяці тому +3

      Yeah that's exposes a real problem with some women in the fandom, hell some are just like Toni so focused they overlook her nastiness tbh

    • @TheRetroWoman80
      @TheRetroWoman80 3 місяці тому +1

      Right, I still watch some old episodes when I'm in the mood. Toni was the quintessential example of what it looks like when a person never looks in the mirror and deals with all of who they are.

  • @serenitysubs933
    @serenitysubs933 4 місяці тому +25

    Whats crazy is how much of a great mom toni became after having her baby.

  • @beautelle1065
    @beautelle1065 4 місяці тому +19

    Toni was beautiful and Fabolous but she is the girl your mother constantly tells you is not your friend and to watch out for because she seeks to bring down the people who she sees positivity in, she wants people to be as damaged as her. There are women who prey on other women because they're jealous of the love and support they receive from their family or that they weren't promiscuous and what they'll try to do is destroy them to make them go through what they did because they're broken,.. Toni wasn't that extreme, but she was a snake who you keep at a distance and don't trust.
    The type of woman that as soon as you're no longer friends runs allll of your business and bad mouths you every chance she gets. You have to stay clear of women like that because they are only about themselves and don't care who they hurt in the process.
    You touched on a very important topic which is mommy issues and it's the truth on how you have to be careful of women who have them because they don't know how to be a friend to other women 🤷🏾‍♀

  • @itslaurenalexander5176
    @itslaurenalexander5176 4 місяці тому +19

    Toni was just an awful character I really didn’t like her attitude towards other people and the amount disrespect would give her husband and friends but I loved her fashion and hustle

    • @nicolemoore04
      @nicolemoore04 3 місяці тому +2

      I agree, Toni was the definition of selfish and she treated Todd horribly which I think she was mad because he wasn't Greg & the sad part is, she never stopped to realize she was the problem! she didn't appreciate Greg either and looked down on him , she deserved what he did to her in the end

    • @Nevaeh1
      @Nevaeh1 3 місяці тому +2

      Toni wasn’t a good partner. She constantly put Greg down because he didn’t have money. Then in season two, she pretty much lost everything, and Joan to bail her out. She wouldn’t even be honest with him when she cheated on him and got an STD. She treated Todd badly as well, however he was wrong for lying to her about his finances. They both were wrong for rushing into marriage without knowing each other that long. Had she been a better wife, he probably would’ve been more supportive when she was going through postpartum depression, instead of trying to get full custody.

  • @buttalovebae
    @buttalovebae 4 місяці тому +18

    Kudos to talking about this. I never liked any of their dynamics. They were all toxic, but Lynn ugh 😂 Girlfriends made a bad impression on BW friendships in my eyes.

    • @TheRetroWoman80
      @TheRetroWoman80 3 місяці тому +1

      It was just television characters but I see where you are coming from. There never seems to be a shortage of shows that portrays black women becoming acclimated with unhealthy BS, particularly in friendships.

    • @beverlyledbetter4906
      @beverlyledbetter4906 3 місяці тому

      Lynn was my favorite on this show, and I never felt they did enough to develop her character. She could have been much better!🫤

    • @blackalisondilaurentis1996
      @blackalisondilaurentis1996 2 місяці тому +1

      @@buttalovebae I agree. I respect Girlfriends as a show, but I also feel like the show normalized a lot of struggle love/friendships. I hate how people pull the ‘realistic dynamic’ card when it’s really just unnecessary mess. The writers were always doing too much 😩.

  • @rahmirnightride
    @rahmirnightride 3 місяці тому +14

    toni had some self hate…

    • @TheRetroWoman80
      @TheRetroWoman80 3 місяці тому +3

      Oh indeed. Growing up with an Alki mom added to it. She was ashamed of her family...her Fresno origins.

  • @layna762
    @layna762 4 місяці тому +15

    Women with seeious mommy issues always weird. Kenya moore is prime example

    • @LONDONelese
      @LONDONelese 3 місяці тому +6

      We didn’t ask for it love.

  • @Slick5150
    @Slick5150 3 місяці тому +9

    I'm glad you made this video cuz I swear as much as I love this show. Toni got on my Goddamn nerves & she's my least favorite of all the Girlfriends. With how she talks to Joan, takes advantage of her, and aside from a few times, the thing that bugs me the most is that Toni never wants to admit she's wrong
    Joan on the other hand as much as I feel bad for her, I wish she would have stood up for herself more and not take all the shit she did

  • @yendaaaa
    @yendaaaa 3 місяці тому +7

    It’s disgusting how often I watch this show lol I like to think that at this point I’ve caught everything.
    Besides William, Joan was the best friend on the show. I don’t even need to list the amount of issues that Toni has, that Joan had to suffer through. When it comes to the end of their relationship (and trust me I understand the gravity of the situation with the custody battle) but ultimately I feel like she could have given Joan one more chance. The court case ended amicably. If she had lost the case because it was dependent on Joan’s character statement, and the judge had awarded Todd custody then I would be singing a completely different song. But because it had a favourable outcome, I really do think considering all the shit that she put Joan through over the years, she could’ve given her one more chance. I wouldn’t even of been mad if they were on the outs with one another for half of season, it would be understandable, but it’s annoying that she cut her off like that.
    I think with Joan finally having found Aaron and Toni raising a child, their relationship probably could’ve blossomed into a new season and it would have been nice to watch.

    • @MJTruePal
      @MJTruePal 6 днів тому

      This is my favorite comment here! I did think that Toni should have forgiven Joan for sure because Toni was an absolute menace in the early seasons and Joan put up with too much! I sometimes wonder if the writers were planning to do this near the end of the show before its cancellation.

  • @AfroAngola
    @AfroAngola 4 місяці тому +6

    Interesting POV, and thank you for the Podcast like video. Here is my take on their friendship and personalities :
    _ Not only did Joan have Mommy issues, but she had Daddy issues as well. Do you guys remember Season 2, when Joan celebrated her 30th Bday and they all went to a nude beach?! She freaked out when she saw her Dad. Joan couldn't stop being confrontational when her Dad wanted to take her out to eat for her Bday at her house. She even says that if he and her " Big footed momma" had stayed together, she wouldn't be so messed up. This explains why Joan could be so needy and neurotic. Those personality traits are what caused an unsuccessful love life. She literally saw every new boyfriend as a potential husband 🤦🏽‍♂️. And the people pleasing was exhausting. Joan needed to create boundaries, but then again, she was also very controlling smh. Nevertheless, her heart was in the right place ( most of the time).
    _Regarding Toni, she was indeed a very flawed character. She was self-centered , narcissistic, selfish, and superficial. However, she was also very insecure. Her being straightforward with Joan ( as well as the others) was her way to protect her persona. Just like Joan, she had a pattern with men. As long as they were wealthy and showered her with gifts, she was set. Toni only made an exception twice throughout the TV series:
    _ Greg and Todd
    With the former, Toni did leave the wealthy doctor and returned to Greg. But it was always going to blow up in her face since Toni did cheat on him.
    Despite Todd not being Bill Gates rich or a tall man, Toni still married him. We all know they eventually get divorced, but Toni did try to save her marriage ( especially when she was pregnant).
    It was already mentioned by others in the comment section, that Joan and Toni's relationship was toxic. The friendship did last longer than it should have. They've clashed multiple times, but remained girlfriends until the finale of Season 6.
    In my opinion, Lynn said it best in season 7 , episode " Everybody Hates Monica ". She confronts Joan of trying to replace Toni with Monica. Joan insist Maya and Lynn cut Toni off as well, especially since she left them and moved on to NY. Lynn askes her to stop deflecting and face reality. Toni 's friendship was the LONGEST and CLOSEST relationship that Joan has ever had. It outlasted her relationship with her ex lovers and even her parents. Despite the problematic nature of their friendship, it wasn't easy for Joan to let go.

  • @j.conley237
    @j.conley237 3 місяці тому +5

    This video was a WORD
    PREACH!
    I’m surprised that we don’t talk about mommy issues enough and friendship conflicts …GREAT VIDEO ❤

  • @Trenephviews
    @Trenephviews 4 місяці тому +6

    I would like to see a video about the weddings of the show and how Yvonne was turned down and maya got Darnell back at the alter. The weddings of the show always been very crazy.

  • @pinksuperstar2
    @pinksuperstar2 3 місяці тому +5

    I love Toni but I can admit she wasn't a good friend. I didn't care for Joan in the beginning, but I've grown to respect her & honestly I see a lot of myself in her. Especially not wanting to deal with confrontations

  • @therealmarlonbellamy
    @therealmarlonbellamy 4 місяці тому +11

    I’m loving these breakdowns. I’m interested in these podcasts style videos.

  • @angelaholmes8888
    @angelaholmes8888 4 місяці тому +8

    I used to watch this show when I was a kid even then i knew how toxic joan and toni friendship i can't ever rewatch the show now as an adult

  • @levelupsinglemom6143
    @levelupsinglemom6143 3 місяці тому +1

    I felt the same way about when Joan was having her "it girl" moment. She was doing THEE most for sure, but the way they treated her was uncalled for

  • @Greatful0374
    @Greatful0374 4 місяці тому +8

    Omg 😱 this makes me take notes and unpack.

  • @aissatasy3090
    @aissatasy3090 4 місяці тому +8

    I love this format, please do some more videos like that.

  • @Asia9898
    @Asia9898 3 місяці тому +1

    Your breakdowns are spot on👍

  • @PrettyBrownEyes91
    @PrettyBrownEyes91 3 місяці тому +5

    Joan was a whole problem, she welcomed all the issues in her life, she wanted to be the center of attention. It made everyone look like the bad guy but even maya said “why do we always have to go to Joan’s house?”. She wanted to be in charge of everything, now I’m not saying that anyone else was perfect BUT when you give off that energy that’s what you attract🤷🏾‍♀️

    • @jazzynicole2106
      @jazzynicole2106 3 місяці тому +8

      But Joan’s house was the first place Maya ran to after Darnell found out about her affair, she conveniently forgot about that…not to mention staying there rent free… They all stayed with her at one point. She definitely had her issues but she was always there for them. Hell, they were the bad guys most of the time bc they all used her.

    • @rachelmartin5187
      @rachelmartin5187 3 місяці тому +7

      ​@@jazzynicole2106 You took the words right out of my mouth. Maya and them talked crap, but they relied on Joan for damn near everything. Hell, Lynn may have had 5 college degrees, but she had no problem trying to guilt trip Joan into letter her move in.

    • @jazzynicole2106
      @jazzynicole2106 3 місяці тому +5

      @@rachelmartin5187 Right?! They love to bash Joan but those other heffas treated her way worse. I couldn’t stand Maya, especially after the Stan & the watch incident. They used her & were freeloaders, but everyone says that Joan was the worst. It’s insane

    • @PrettyBrownEyes91
      @PrettyBrownEyes91 3 місяці тому

      @@jazzynicole2106 when maya got her house Joan was doing her best to get them back to her house complaining about the fish fry’s. Joan was going to give money to maya for her vowels being renewed and wanted it at her house, Joan isn’t everyone’s victim. They all had their faults.

  • @nopeninja9765
    @nopeninja9765 4 місяці тому +4

    Your videos are like my high frequency feminine coffee! I just love watching them! 🥰

  • @StrawberryCakeStudiosYT
    @StrawberryCakeStudiosYT 4 місяці тому +5

    This is such a good video, honestly, I watched liked 3-4 seasons of Girlfriends last year. Ironically my fave character is Joan, she always saw common sense. I’m gonna have to get back into the show. 😂

  • @matthewbenge7112
    @matthewbenge7112 4 місяці тому +3

    Just discovered your channel. Im binging and Im obsessed.
    Love your channel! 🎉❤🎉❤

  • @diamondsfursexpensivethings
    @diamondsfursexpensivethings 4 місяці тому +3

    This group of friends were extremely toxic and treated Joan like garbage. Joan was the only one who couldn't have issues and talk about them because they would say she was whining while yes she may have complained they were NO DIFFERENT actually they were completely selfish, especially Maya who made her affair everyone's problem LITERALLY, she had her husband jumping in Joans face disrespecting her and stopping her from seeing her friends a controlling b u m. Toni was the worst of them though because she was friends with Joan for years and hurt her in so many ways and i'm sure she did that all throughout their friendship before they even hit adulthood, if you're acting like that at your grown age I can only imagine how she treated her when they were younger
    ~ had to I hear Jhene's - No L.O.V.E playing as the instrumental. you really are a music connoisseur and I love it lol

  • @SouthSideLadyWright
    @SouthSideLadyWright 3 місяці тому

    You explained Toni and Joan 💯👏🏽👏🏽

  • @TheRetroWoman80
    @TheRetroWoman80 3 місяці тому +1

    Great video!!
    So much of TV, historically, has provided us with sugar-coated "let's make up right now" outcomes juxtaposed against heavy realistic conflicts. That's for ratings lol.
    In real life, there's no way Joan would have remained friends with Toni after the knee-jerk reaction sleeping with the boyfriend moment.
    There was a whole lot Joan let slide for years and it was probably due to the obligation she thought she owed to Toni because of Toni's childhood traumas.
    Toni thought she possessed Joan on some level, to be honest.

  • @DeannaJacksonDJsDelectables
    @DeannaJacksonDJsDelectables 3 місяці тому +2

    In short, trauma bonding should NEVER be the foundation of a friendship!!

  • @aaliyah4eva
    @aaliyah4eva 3 місяці тому +1

    Very good take on these two. Great video!

  • @ValeneseB
    @ValeneseB 3 місяці тому

    When I watched this as an adult I was floored at all that I missed as a child. They definitely had a toxic one sided relationship. Toni tried to sleep with her ex, got mad when Joan was the IT girl, and disrespected her every chance she got! SMH. 🤦🏽‍♀️ it was hard to watch. 😩💋❤️

  • @BeaMode1990
    @BeaMode1990 3 місяці тому +1

    While I love Joan & Toni down? I always felt like they weren't good for each other because most of the conflict was ALWAYS between the two of them. Too much drama for me as an adult. 😩😩😩

  • @prettygirl2105
    @prettygirl2105 3 місяці тому

    This is a great analysis.

  • @tykelwilliams6053
    @tykelwilliams6053 4 місяці тому +8

    I’m surprised the hidden colorism never got brought up because Joan did call Toni Tar Baby & Joan was jealous of Toni & Maya in her own Toni had the fun lifestyle that Joan wanted, but when Joan got Toni lifestyle she didn’t know how to handle it like Toni did and Maya had a husband and a son which something Joan desperately wanted since the beginning and whenever there was wedding she tried to make about her or take over. Toni did say in the first episode Joan did like playing the mom because it gave a sense of control like when you at Khadijah from Living Single she was the mom of the group, but she know how to respect everybody space or knew not to always shoot down someone dreams unlike Joan who wasn’t always supportive of her friends decisions like when Toni wanted to open her reality company, when Maya wanted to become author, or when Lynn found something she was passionate & wanted to fully commit to then when you look at Regine her & Toni shared similarities, but the difference Regine respected her friends boundaries most of the time while Toni didn’t until later on in the show

    • @leiiib
      @leiiib 4 місяці тому +17

      Joan called Toni that one time while they were younger and while it is a colorist remark Joan never did that again and told Toni how beautiful she was especially when she refused to date that darkskin man. Toni was TOXIC period, Joan may have had jealous moments like almost everyone it’s human but she never was malicious and sought out to HURT Toni which can’t be said for Toni who did. There is absolutely no excuse for the vile things she did to Joan, putting your hands on your friend? Because you wanted to sleep around and it caught up to you? Trying to sleep with your friend’s boyfriend? Disrespecting your husband constantly? Talking about Joan’s body and how she was “hippy”. Telling her boss all of her personal business and she becomes the laughing stock at work? Yeah NO. She was a TERRIBLE friend.
      And Maya was a bird who had a husband who didn’t want her pursuing her dreams to go back to school and talked down to women and cheated on her with a woman from his job. Having a husband and a kid doesn’t equate to happiness, there are plenty of unhappy marriages

  • @temiigbaroola136
    @temiigbaroola136 4 місяці тому +1

    You spoke so many facts whoa

  • @hiscountrigal1764
    @hiscountrigal1764 3 місяці тому

    Thank you so much this.

  • @Sunrise6410
    @Sunrise6410 3 місяці тому +2

    This was truly a toxic friendship. I said it then when the show aired.

  • @awesomestar7597
    @awesomestar7597 4 місяці тому +5

    I’m the male version of Joan

  • @thesecondcoming2022
    @thesecondcoming2022 4 місяці тому +11

    This video needs a "TRIGGER WARNING"...Whew...😆 I was Joan (Libra Moon-We don't like confrontation) and my Ex BF was Tony...The things that girl put me threw makes Tony Childs look like a SAINT...Whenever I was doing really good in life she wanted nothing to do with me, but the moment the second I was out of work or gaining weight...now she wants to hang out. She really told me that when people are doing better than her she avoids them until she is doing just as good or better...I started moonwalking out of that relationship after she made that declaration... Not to mention I could not trust her as far as I could spit...She was a SLUT...and it was silly of me to think that I would receive loyalty from someone with such low character and morals....I am so GRATEFUL to be FREE of that DRAMA...The only people we can save is ourselves. If a person adds nothing but chaos to your life and you can't trust them then you should not entertain the B.S. no matter how long you been friends or family...STRESS will KILL YO AZZ... PEACE

  • @kejathomas2967
    @kejathomas2967 4 місяці тому +1

    Exactly

  • @creativeblackgirlstorytelling
    @creativeblackgirlstorytelling 3 місяці тому +1

    This show was so toxic. Rewatching season 1 i realized i dont like this show. It is a horrible depiction of Black women and black love. Those women were a mess. I couldn’t continue to rewatch it. And Tony was definitely the worst.

  • @FrankiRanada-xp3pf
    @FrankiRanada-xp3pf 3 місяці тому +1

    I really loveee these discussions but the Toni hate in these comments is crazyyyy lol they both had issues setting boundaries and dealt with a fear of abandonment not just Toni

  • @angelacooper8973
    @angelacooper8973 3 місяці тому

    Hey love ❤️ I feel Toni held on to tight to Joan. But deep down they did love each other.

  • @user_justsomeone
    @user_justsomeone 4 місяці тому

    I was in a friendship like that for years , since we was kids . I had enough for it and I end this very lovely for my side ( not her side tho) some months ago. And now I can see what was going on and it was terrible . It's exactly like this video, except the man situation. I just sat down to watch this while I'm eating and I was hooked, I couldn't believe this because I haven't seen this show before I'm from Europe.

  • @Juicyxcouture
    @Juicyxcouture 4 місяці тому +11

    Omg . I loved girlfriends; the show was soo good.🎉💕
    Can you do a Fashion deep drive on Monster High.

  • @WaterfallVee
    @WaterfallVee 4 місяці тому +17

    Joan was also jealous of Toni.

    • @say.yes.
      @say.yes. 3 місяці тому +6

      Yeah I agree, they were jealous of eachother sadly.

  • @Hunnyluv1
    @Hunnyluv1 3 місяці тому

    Well it turns out I’m more of a Joan but same mother problem as Toni but try not to act out make everything about me as u describe toni it is very relatable to me n I deal with those type of issues which Is a eye opener for me

  • @kamieyonce
    @kamieyonce 4 місяці тому

    Great breakdown 😌

  • @JaeElise
    @JaeElise 3 місяці тому

    I watched one episode of girlfriend and knew I wouldn’t like it. Even when it came out when I was young, I knew something was off. Comments prove it😕 just wow

  • @AFocusedLiving
    @AFocusedLiving 4 місяці тому

    I was just watching your Toni and Joan video the other day❤

  • @thevenusian1314
    @thevenusian1314 3 місяці тому

    I guess I'm just toxic because rewatching as an adult I've come to the conclusion that Joan was the villain. And she secretly hated Toni. Why else would she sabotage the engagement with Clay, and tell Greg about the affair, that's just hateful! She cost Toni a potential husband, and her boyfriend. Then when Toni actually does get engaged she does everything in her power to sabotage not just the ceremony, but all the events leading up to the nuptials. But because it was disguised as 'nice nasty' it was perfectly acceptable.

  • @altonjohn6348
    @altonjohn6348 3 місяці тому

    A great video

  • @bontlelethetsa
    @bontlelethetsa 3 місяці тому +3

    Why do Joan’s friends like cheating on their spouses?

    • @monicaw22
      @monicaw22 3 місяці тому

      Toni never cheated on Todd. Maya cheated.

    • @say.yes.
      @say.yes. 3 місяці тому

      ​​@@monicaw22toni cheated on the artist guy, who she was the most in love with, with the doctor. Secretly got engaged to the doctor and caught an STD.
      Then blamed Joan for the artist finding out and leaving and tried to sleep with Joans sec addicted bf for revenge.

  • @Iamraretalent
    @Iamraretalent 3 місяці тому

    Maya was my favorite

  • @neneleach22
    @neneleach22 3 місяці тому

    Toni and Joan were equally bad friends to each other and codependent. When it comes to playing with someone’s child, I can see why Toni decided to cut all ties. It’s one thing to not do something for me. Don’t do that to my child.

    • @mindyourmanners3784
      @mindyourmanners3784 3 місяці тому +9

      Going to have to respectfully disagree. Joan didn't intentionally miss out on that court date she tried her best to make it there. they were not EQUALLY bad, Toni was a narcis s ist who attempted to sleep with her friends boyfriend, always used her, had her paying her car payments, told her business to her boss, body shamed her, constantly talked down to her and made their entire friendship about TONI. secondly, idk what world y'all live in where you cut a friend off for good and think they have to show up for any part of your life. Figure it out on your own, the friendship is done for that person no longer owes you nor your child anything. Toni had a lot of nerve when she almost caused Joan her job for the charity auction, she's lucky Joan was still as nice as she was

    • @yendaaaa
      @yendaaaa 3 місяці тому +3

      (Friendly debate) besides the time when Joan was jealous of Toni for being married 1st, which she got over eventually, how was Joan a bad friend?
      I know that when any relationship goes sour, we’re supposed to place blame on both persons blah blah blah takes two to tango, but sometimes the demise of a relationship really is pretty much because of one person.
      First episode, Bam. Toni is dating one of Joan’s exes. Even the episode where they got into a fight outside the club and Toni was mad that Joan didn’t jump in and fight for her. Even though Joan explained that she would’ve gotten disbarred. I thought that was pretty selfish. She tried to sleep with Shawn. She bitch slapped her (😂)for accidentally telling Greg, keyword accidentally and not intentionally. she told Mr. Sweedleson Joan’s business (Shawn being a sex addict), then there was the time that she didn’t come through for her for the law firms charity auction even though Joan had told her ahead of time what she needed from her. She also insulted Joan a looot throughout the show. Whereas the worst thing about Joan was that she lacked boundaries, was a pushover and let her friends walk over her, got jealous that Toni was married first (but I feel like this has more to do with her obsession with weddings and wanting to a bride than it did her simply being jealous of something that Toni had), and her acting brand new when her restaurant starting popping.

    • @neneleach22
      @neneleach22 3 місяці тому +1

      I don’t disagree with either one of you ladies, Toni was horrible but Joan had issues as well. I do hated the fact that all friends mooched off her and her restaurant knowing it was sinking at one point. If this was real life I couldn’t be friends with any of these women. LOL. I have never seen a group of friends of 4 or more where there wasn’t drama and I don’t mean just simple disagreements.

  • @bunnysb2587
    @bunnysb2587 3 місяці тому

    Also Joan should be upset with the men accepting Toni as a gf

  • @soulangel835a
    @soulangel835a 3 місяці тому

    what about how Toni ended the friendship when Joan missed the court date, she never forgave Joan

  • @beverlyledbetter4906
    @beverlyledbetter4906 3 місяці тому +1

    I had to stop watching this show after the second season because I didn't like what they were doing with the characters. The first season was the best; that cliffhanger was a copout!🙄

    • @blackalisondilaurentis1996
      @blackalisondilaurentis1996 2 місяці тому

      @@beverlyledbetter4906 Right. The writers STAYED doing too much for ratings. Like enough is enough 😭.

  • @dasheairadavis3668
    @dasheairadavis3668 3 місяці тому +1

    Toni is a bad friend and only cares about herself always expects Joan and everyone to be there for her she's not there for them at all 😤forget her🫤

  • @mish0214
    @mish0214 3 місяці тому +2

    Toni was just a narcissist with an unhealthy victim to feed on which was Joan. Joan is a people pleaser who learned how to be codependent to keep ppl.