I’m so sad - this has been out for 4 years and I’m just seeing it. But I am overjoyed that I have found them now. If I may, these are great videos sir!
My impression: - In western societies (which I’m most familiar with), our right to exist is constantly questioned: We have to prove that we are worthy (via exams, tests, performance reviews, etc.). - In addition, we see right vs. wrong very rigidly, even though these often change over time: our medical practices evolve; we are now less cruel to animals; etc. These two points explain why saving face (and being right) is so important to us: Losing face feels like an existential threat.
I used to be like a bull in a china shop: very forthright an forthcoming. It never went very well, but as a younger person I didn’t really care. When I met my husband, he didn’t feel threatened by my rough edges but he taught me about politeness and consideration of others’ feelings. he is the most charming, diplomatic guy ever. Politeness will go along way….
So good sir. I realize now that when I say “I’m going to teach you…” that I may be causing the other to lose face and that “I’m going to share this with you…” may be a better way to impose my knowledge on others.
I think it would be interesting to note that on some occasions being indirect can be more face-threatening and impolite. If I tell my mom "This turkey tastes like nothing I have ever tasted before" she would immediately infer "The turkey you have cooked tastes bad". I mean, there are many situations in which indirectness is not polite, therefore the rule fails because it is culturally specific to some English-speaking countries and social classes within them. However, this is a fascinating theoretical framework and the creator of the video is great at summarising it and delivering it. Thanks!
I get back to say you also explain things with love, lots of examples; you make me happy watching this video and smile when you smile. God bless you and your family.
Thanks a lot for sharing such a very instructive and useful content. I was very confused about that topic but you made everything crystal clear. Really thanks!
I have the Japanese language teaching competency test coming up. I need to comprehend about four universal politeness strategies. This video must be helpful to get a passing score.
I would like to know, how should one deal with polite refusals? Obviously if one is refused, as in the coffee date example, there is a loss of face to an extent. But what if the person cannot get the hint and keeps asking? For example, what if the refused person asks for another date, or asks why not? Those situations can be very embarrassing to both. Maybe you could address the anticipation of rejection, or how to gracefully accept rejection. Thanks for all your work in helping communicate.
I think when someone fails to comprehend polite but indirect refusal, you have little choice except to be more direct until they understand. Of course being more direct will cause more of a face threat, but sometimes causing someone to lose face is unavoidable.
The problem with this is if you say it honestly at first place people know the problem and have a chance to improve it WITHOUT LOOSING PRESCIOUS TIME AND APPORTUNITIES. If no one does people have to guess, sometimes for YEARS. LOSING TIME.
I have a question for you. I have utterances "Yes ma'am, I will include this in my report. Thank you, ma'am". If I would analyze it one by one, (in my opinion) it would be a positive politeness strategy in "I will include ...." (promise). Am I right? But then, I confused in analyzing the "Thank you ma'am" utterance. Is it categorized as positive politeness (because it can be 'give gifts to H' expression) or is it negative politeness (in the context of deference)?? Or I can use both of the strategies at once?
What would it be if you put it on yourself. For instance: The turkey is lovely, but garlicy. I really have no tolerance for garlic. or: I'd love to go, but coffee after 3 just makes me jumpy. Also what if you offer an alternative such as: I really can't do coffee right now, but lets try to get together next week? Bald with redress?
The last one is on the record with redress. The other is all involve at least some indirectness. But these are good examples, and you have a good understanding of the subtleties of Politeness.
I have an oral exam next week about politeness theory, FTA, etc. and I really like your videos! I’m from Germany and I noticed a lot of connections between “bald on the record” and the German mentality of being “direct”. Would you say as a foreigner, that’s one way of describing “German directness”, especially in regards of sounding rude? Thank you in advance!
Thank you so much for this fruitful lecture. Sir, I have a number of questions concerning Politeness and I would be really appreciative if you could help me!
Your videos, sir, are fucking brilliant. Perhaps an increased use of slides would add an element of visuals to your lectures in a very benefitting way?
E. g. 'May you please open that beautiful window behind you a little for we can smell the fragrance of the roses of the garden, now that we are in summer, if you do not mind, of course?' (Gosh! It's so hot, I cannot even breathe well here.)
You explained it so well! Thanks for the video, Bruce. Just one question: are negative politeness strategies included in the third kind of strategy you mentioned? For example, when we ask something that will threaten someone's negative face
Indirectness is one way of respecting negative face. Indirectness saves face by doing the act indirectly and allowing the person to make the face threatening inference themselves rather than hearing it directly on the record.
Tone of voice definitely affects how people interpret the things we say. The same statement can seem either sincere or sarcastic depending on your tone of voice. So we have to be careful how we say things. The example I gave of the turkey being bad but your dress being nice was meant to be humorous. But it still illustrates one principle of politeness
I find the ‘just lie’ bit to be too far. If people ask me my opinion about stuff but cannot handle hearing an answer they don’t like, they shouldn’t ask that question. I think it’s impolite for them to ask. Also, when I ask someone a ‘risky’ question, most of the time I genuinely want to know what they think and I know I’ll lose face. I think I’d rather know the truth than be pragmatic.
it would be more relatable if you used a different word, or set of words, instead of "face" in your teachings. "Face" in the way you're using is correct, it's just not used much here in North America so it's not very familiar to people. I want this information to reach more people, so can you please use some more familiar terms.
Slightly more polite version of “bald on the record”: “I don’t like the way the turkey tastes”. I find that universal statements such as “it tastes bad” are neither accurate nor radically honest and can come from a desire to impose one’s own perspective on others - especially if such statements are made without prompting.
![How to Get What You Want Without Asking For It [2018] (Polite Request Communication Skill)](/img/n.gif)
Your contents are off the rack, and very precise. Seems like I finally found the channel I was looking for. Thanks for sharing your knowledge, Bruce!
Welcome aboard!
I’m so sad - this has been out for 4 years and I’m just seeing it. But I am overjoyed that I have found them now. If I may, these are great videos sir!
My impression:
- In western societies (which I’m most familiar with), our right to exist is constantly questioned: We have to prove that we are worthy (via exams, tests, performance reviews, etc.).
- In addition, we see right vs. wrong very rigidly, even though these often change over time: our medical practices evolve; we are now less cruel to animals; etc.
These two points explain why saving face (and being right) is so important to us: Losing face feels like an existential threat.
I used to be like a bull in a china shop: very forthright an forthcoming. It never went very well, but as a younger person I didn’t really care. When I met my husband, he didn’t feel threatened by my rough edges but he taught me about politeness and consideration of others’ feelings. he is the most charming, diplomatic guy ever. Politeness will go along way….
So good sir. I realize now that when I say “I’m going to teach you…” that I may be causing the other to lose face and that “I’m going to share this with you…” may be a better way to impose my knowledge on others.
I can see how you’re phrasing would be more polite.
I've got much to learn from you. My professor in the ELT major recommends me your channel and it's awesome.
I think it would be interesting to note that on some occasions being indirect can be more face-threatening and impolite. If I tell my mom "This turkey tastes like nothing I have ever tasted before" she would immediately infer "The turkey you have cooked tastes bad". I mean, there are many situations in which indirectness is not polite, therefore the rule fails because it is culturally specific to some English-speaking countries and social classes within them. However, this is a fascinating theoretical framework and the creator of the video is great at summarising it and delivering it. Thanks!
Thank God, I finally understand these 4 politeness strategies... You're a great lecturer
Thanks so much. Happy to help. Check out HowCommunicationWorks.com ado for blogs on politeness. And tell yourself classmates!
Thank you so much, especially for the off-record strategy explanation. I didn't realize it was a polite way for people indirectly tell how they feel.
This is more important than 90% of what we learn in school
That's so informative and your accent is clear to non-native speakers of English and it's all clear and interesting
Glad you enjoyed it.
I get back to say you also explain things with love, lots of examples; you make me happy watching this video and smile when you smile. God bless you and your family.
You’re very kind. All the best to you and your family as well.
Where are you in the world, Aseel?
Very clear and concise, and great examples. Thank you!
My pleasure.
Your explanation was excellent! I was struggling with reading about this topic, but your explanation literally saved me :D. Great examples too!
Thank you.
Great video. Remaining diplomatic is an art. Communication can be extremely challenging-even on good days
Thanks a lot for sharing such a very instructive and useful content. I was very confused about that topic but you made everything crystal clear. Really thanks!
Thank you Doctor
thank your Sir. Your video helo my students to understand politeness stratgy.
Thank you very much advance for your explanation
Thank you so much, this helped me a lot!
I have the Japanese language teaching competency test coming up. I need to comprehend about four universal politeness strategies. This video must be helpful to get a passing score.
I would like to know, how should one deal with polite refusals? Obviously if one is refused, as in the coffee date example, there is a loss of face to an extent. But what if the person cannot get the hint and keeps asking? For example, what if the refused person asks for another date, or asks why not? Those situations can be very embarrassing to both. Maybe you could address the anticipation of rejection, or how to gracefully accept rejection. Thanks for all your work in helping communicate.
I think when someone fails to comprehend polite but indirect refusal, you have little choice except to be more direct until they understand. Of course being more direct will cause more of a face threat, but sometimes causing someone to lose face is unavoidable.
@@HowCommunicationWorks thank you for replying!
Finally, I find what I want, Can't tell how much this help me, Many thanks, could you transcript what you said in English please.
Did you try the automatic transcript?
And thank you for your kind words. You might also like the articles on my blog at HowCommunicationWorks.com
@@HowCommunicationWorks yeah, I find it. Many thanks 🌼💙
Excellent lecture with understandable examples thank you for your time and effort
The problem with this is if you say it honestly at first place people know the problem and have a chance to improve it WITHOUT LOOSING PRESCIOUS TIME AND APPORTUNITIES. If no one does people have to guess, sometimes for YEARS. LOSING TIME.
Great job..
You make your lectures quite interesting👍
Thanks a lot. Your video helps me to do my thesis about politeness.
Glad it was helpful.
I have a question for you. I have utterances "Yes ma'am, I will include this in my report. Thank you, ma'am".
If I would analyze it one by one, (in my opinion) it would be a positive politeness strategy in "I will include ...." (promise). Am I right?
But then, I confused in analyzing the "Thank you ma'am" utterance.
Is it categorized as positive politeness (because it can be 'give gifts to H' expression) or is it negative politeness (in the context of deference)??
Or I can use both of the strategies at once?
the roast potatoes and vegan sausages are great Grandma, ,...I'm not so wild about pea soup with paprika.
What would it be if you put it on yourself. For instance: The turkey is lovely, but garlicy. I really have no tolerance for garlic. or: I'd love to go, but coffee after 3 just makes me jumpy. Also what if you offer an alternative such as: I really can't do coffee right now, but lets try to get together next week? Bald with redress?
The last one is on the record with redress. The other is all involve at least some indirectness. But these are good examples, and you have a good understanding of the subtleties of Politeness.
Thanks 🙏 you are great
So nice of you
Hello , thanks a lot for the great presentation. 👌Would you please share the examples with me . I'll appreciate that
Can you do interview tips?
I have an oral exam next week about politeness theory, FTA, etc. and I really like your videos!
I’m from Germany and I noticed a lot of connections between “bald on the record” and the German mentality of being “direct”.
Would you say as a foreigner, that’s one way of describing “German directness”, especially in regards of sounding rude?
Thank you in advance!
Yes absolutely. I think there’s a German cultural norm to be more direct.
@@HowCommunicationWorks Awesome! Thank you very much!
Thank you so much for this fruitful lecture. Sir, I have a number of questions concerning Politeness and I would be really appreciative if you could help me!
I’m sorry I can’t answer individual questions, but you can go to HowCommunicationWorks.com and read all you care to know about politeness.
Wonderful !!!
Your videos, sir, are fucking brilliant.
Perhaps an increased use of slides would add an element of visuals to your lectures in a very benefitting way?
hi Bruce. have you read The Pragmatics of Politeness of Geoffrey Leech? what do you think about this book ?
I think I may have read some of it in graduate school. My recollection is that this is a serious work by a serious scientist.
Thank you. For the lesson 😊😊😊
You’re most welcome.
Magnificent ❤
Thanks!
It's quite helpful 😁
13:31 That's actually brutal. I'd lie at that point if the outcome isn't too critical
E. g. 'May you please open that beautiful window behind you a little for we can smell the fragrance of the roses of the garden, now that we are in summer, if you do not mind, of course?' (Gosh! It's so hot, I cannot even breathe well here.)
Good content! Thank you
You explained it so well! Thanks for the video, Bruce. Just one question: are negative politeness strategies included in the third kind of strategy you mentioned? For example, when we ask something that will threaten someone's negative face
Indirectness is one way of respecting negative face. Indirectness saves face by doing the act indirectly and allowing the person to make the face threatening inference themselves rather than hearing it directly on the record.
Could you quote the authors whose ideas are mentioned in this video? Thanks!!!!
Erving Goffman (Interaction Ritual)
Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson (Politeness)
Can I get your list with examples? please
Email me at bruce@HowCommunicationWorks.com
Who I can email you in regards of politeness I want some information and examples
And thank your a lot for this amazing and informative video
Send me an email at bruce@howcommunicationworks.com and ask for examples of politeness.
Does intonation effect politeness? If I shouted at granny YOUR TURKEY IS RUBBISH , BUT I LIKE YOUR DRESS. Is that inpolite?
Tone of voice definitely affects how people interpret the things we say. The same statement can seem either sincere or sarcastic depending on your tone of voice. So we have to be careful how we say things. The example I gave of the turkey being bad but your dress being nice was meant to be humorous. But it still illustrates one principle of politeness
I find the ‘just lie’ bit to be too far.
If people ask me my opinion about stuff but cannot handle hearing an answer they don’t like, they shouldn’t ask that question. I think it’s impolite for them to ask.
Also, when I ask someone a ‘risky’ question, most of the time I genuinely want to know what they think and I know I’ll lose face. I think I’d rather know the truth than be pragmatic.
it would be more relatable if you used a different word, or set of words, instead of "face" in your teachings. "Face" in the way you're using is correct, it's just not used much here in North America so it's not very familiar to people. I want this information to reach more people, so can you please use some more familiar terms.
Slightly more polite version of “bald on the record”: “I don’t like the way the turkey tastes”. I find that universal statements such as “it tastes bad” are neither accurate nor radically honest and can come from a desire to impose one’s own perspective on others - especially if such statements are made without prompting.
I think saying this turkey sucks is inherently disrespectful. But saying i don't like this turkey is not.
But even saying, I don’t like the turkey will hurt the feelings of the host, don’t you think?
Polite=disingenuous