A look at bridesmaid debt
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- Опубліковано 21 вер 2024
- With bridesmaid duties costing thousands of dollars on average, some women are now going into debt for their friends' weddings.
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And a lot of women don't even keep in touch with their friends after they get married.
That is true! Bridesmaids and groomsmen are supposed to be the closest friends, yet more and more it seems that people choose these positions based on a uniform look for photos. It's ok to have only a maid/matron of honour. I like how some cultures do it with the sacred ceremony in private with only immediate family and then the reception with the larger group. That way there is no need for bridesmaids or groomsmen.
@@RasheedahNizamthat’s what my parents did. 1945 after wwll was over, mom wore a nice suit and dad wore a nice suit. They had a private family only church wedding and then went out to dinner at a nice restaurant. I see nothing wrong with 5hat.
I was a groomsman for a guy that wouldn’t even show up for my wedding as a guest later. I knew when he said he wasn’t coming that was the last time I’d be talking to him.
@@cyclemadness great friend you had there. My sympathies.
Can confirm! I was a maid of honor twice and don't remember the last time I talked to them.
A real friend wouldn’t put you in debt
Exactly and if they do just walk away. Be a guest.
Funny as a bridesmaid I was told "if you're a real friend, you'd go into debt for my wedding". I ended up backing out and was ghosted by the bride thereafter.
A real adult doesnt blame other people for their choices, i appreciate the offer but at this time i simply cant afford it, that is the adult response
Financial idiocracy is the responsibility of the adult that chooses to spend
Amen
My husband and I went to courthouse to get married didn’t tell anyone about it, cost $20. We saved for our first home instead.
Great! My brother did the Same. 😀✌️My weeding was small just with close friends and family at church then backyard! 😄👍
probably because you and your husband actually like each other and just wanted to get married. a lot of these people having huge weddings are just excited about the idea of a big wedding and all the attention they're gonna get while their relationships aren't even on solid ground.
Mom and dad wanted a small wedding, dad's mother came back with a list of 200 people they just absolutely HAD to invite, and mom and dad barely knew any of them.
Mom and dad said "up yours" and married in front of a judge, and then went right back to work.
They told dad's parents when they got married, grandmother went running into the kitchen crying her eyes out, (even though she was the one that drove my mother to the courthouse for the marriage license in the first place, I guess she thought they wouldn't really go through with it.)
Mom said "let me know when your mother grows up," and walked home. Dad and grandad argued, dad punched a hole in the hallway wall and stormed out.
Grandparents church gave mom and dad six months before the divorce, they had married at 18 years old, and they've now been married for nearly 27 years
I don’t know. There’s a middle ground between slumming it and going full red queen mode. Yours sounds just as unsatisfying as the over the top going into debt ones.
That’s smart
People need to learn to say no. I sat out of my sister’s wedding because i just couldn’t kick it financially. I was unemployed at the time and i wasn’t gonna go into debt for it. It was still a wonderful day for both of us
Your sister should pay
People need to learn to not ask.
@@mayaal9352when my friend got married he paid for everything! He paid for all our suits
@@nataliesterling2558amen!
@@nataliesterling2558and then if you don’t ask them to be in your wedding party, they will still get offended and upset, trust me, I’ve been there 🙄
Choice and responsibility apply here. Real friends don’t let other friends ruin their finances. Saying no shouldn’t wreck a friendship.
💯
And real friends shouldn’t put pressure on each other to act so financially irresponsible.
When my husband and I got married, we paid for all the bridesmaids dresses and shoes, the flower girls gowns and shoes, plus we rented 3 of the tuxedos. I also brought all the jewelry for the bridesmaids.
Same. I also paid for their hair and makeup.
That's not everyone financial situation. However, that was very sweet of you two.
@@flychic7if you cant afford to pay for your bridesmaid dress , dont have bridesmaid.
That’s how it’s supposed to be.
People are so classless these days… if you want a bunch of people to be accessories in your wedding then cover the costs. If your aren’t paying then the bridesmaids should be able pick their own dresses, hair, and makeup in their budget
I'm gonna say it: Weddings are stupid. Back in the day, weddings were at home or maybe a church, everyone brought food, and they dressed up in their best clothes that they already had. The wedding industry has gone hog wild. Diamond rings that cost $20,000? They're just shiny rocks. $7,000 dresses? That you're going to wear one time. Go down to the courthouse, pay $80, and have a celebration with your friends and family at whoever's got the biggest house (or chip in to rent a really large AirBnB like a cabin).
Love the cabin idea
Right on!
Agreed - there's too much emphasis on having a big fancy wedding now. It puts a lot of stress and financial pressure on people. Nothing wrong with holding a 'dream' wedding but I think it all needs to be put into perspective.
My husband and I got married this year. We eloped in our livingroom with an officiant and a photographer. Other than that, no guests, just us. Afterwards we went out for a nice meal. It was an absolutely perfect day! The way I see it, a wedding is a party, but an elopement is the couple going on a really nice date. Small doesn't mean any less special.
@@PiperZeus That sounds perfect
I got married during the pandemic. Best financial decision ever!
So true! I was shocked at the number of weddings cancelled during the panny. That was the best time to have a wedding in my opinion. Less stress for sure. Everyone has different ideas though. I value the marriage more than the wedding.
Me too
😂
i wonder if wedding were cheaper and better deals cuz of low demand
I’m glad this is finally being talked about. When I get married, I’m not going to have bridesmaids, a bachelorette party and the whole circus. Because I don’t want people to spend hundreds of dollars to celebrate a decision that I’m making.
or you can have them by paying yourself , it s your wedding , you party , your chosen design and colors for the dresses
wait, in your culture the bride themselves wont pay for the bm’s dresses and the whole wedding events?!?? EWW THE AUDACITY!!!!
Amen sister
I agree with you
That’s what I did. Got married without a bridal party
Same!
The predatory, wasteful wedding industry and social media pressure associated with it, is completely out of control. "Small footprint" weddings need to become the newest trend.
Big weddings are out. Small elopements are in. Get with the times.
Or living common-law.
Weddings have gotten totally ridiculous, money-wise. All those parties, clothes, gifts … before the wedding! It’s insane. Most people can’t afford all that stuff. My wedding was small, immediate family and two or three friends. Get-together at my moms house afterward -I even made my own cake (nothing fancy, but it tasted good). And guess what? My marriage lasted for 35 years, until my husband passed away.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Why did u focus on the negativity.. everyone of us will die at somepoint
I declined, but not for financial reasons. How you not gonna see me for two whole years & then have the audacity to ask me to stand up for you? NO, MA’AM. 🤚🏼
One of my nieces got married and just had to have this huge bridal party. I mean she had people in the wedding she wasn’t even friends with just so she could have 10 bridesmaids. And trying to get everyone to pay for their dresses and tuxes was a disaster. If you want to have all that you should be prepared to pay for it yourself.
Wait a minute. I thought true friendship never dies.
I saw a Reddit recently where the bridesmaid sued and won against the bride when she was cut from the wedding party days before for cutting her hair. Something for brides to consider is the more you put on the bridesmaids the more you’re liable when you go bridezilla on them.
Yes I know it’s completely insane some people go completely overboard with the wedding I remember reading in Cosmopolitan magazine how some brides turn into bridezillas. One bride manipulated her mother into spending her life savings on her wedding dress which was $10,000.00. She was very demanding with her bridesmaids everything had to be perfect on her wedding day. By the end of the reception her bridesmaids were completely fed up with her (can’t really blame them) and her mother drank herself into a drunken stupor. Another bride wanted her bridesmaids to spend $800.00 on their shoes. 🙄🙄🙄 I can understand why a lot of woman opt out of being bridesmaids these days.
@@marwatson7408; these are some Absolutely ridiculous brides😩😩!!! A 1200 -2000🤑🤑 dress is just as lovely or just Rent A wedding dress. Glad I got married sometime back when weddings were affordable. By 2030; weddings will
cost 90,000 bucks on Average from the way it’s going.
I would feel dumb spending that much money on somebody ELSE's wedding, I won't even go into debt for my own wedding.
That means you want a no-frills wedding. Which is also a no-thrills wedding.
I had a simple wedding and paid for both of my bridesmaids dresses. I didn’t expect them to pay because I was getting married. My wedding gown was less than $400. We didn’t go into debt for the wedding. I’m so thankful!
Very cool idea! Who married you? What do you have to do (other than obtain the marriage license beforehand) to make sure it’s legal?
I got married on a cruise ship without guests and our honeymoon started a few hours after the ceremony. Best decision!❤🎉
from India and i had no idea bridesmaids were expected to buy their own dresses! Wow.
We would never expects guests to foot any part of our wedding expenses, even a wedding registry is considered bad etiquette. Like " asking for gifts" people are extremely generous but you cannot be putting any expectations on guests.
There are very good reasons for gift registries. It’s so the couple won’t receive ten toasters, for example. So that things will fit into their decor. So couples won’t get things they already own. It can help guests who don’t know what to get. It’s understood that gifts don’t have to come from the registry and the couple also needs to pick out inexpensive items for guests who can’t spend much. Having bridesmaids pay thousands for the wedding is insane, but registries aren’t.
@@JeantheSecond-ip7qm, in Spain, most people just gift money, enough to pay for their food, and other expenses. I haven’t heard of people gifting stuff in more than 30 years.
@@JeantheSecond-ip7qmin asia, we usually give money as gift.
@@JeantheSecond-ip7qm understand the logic just that its not culturally acceptable outside of the US possibly. Where i come from people usually give cash or gold
The gag: once the couple is married, these bridesmaids won’t hear from the bride again.
That part!
Welcome to patrarchy. This is why it is important for women to decentare males.
Um..: what?
I think you’re trauma sharing, if your experience with all of your close, female friends is that they don’t talk to you again after they get married, speaking only about you, your friends and your life . Whole group of us women out here, who treat our friends with love and respect. My girls are my family and I’ve seen some of the married a couple times.
Nah, this is true. Most times naturally the couple focuses on their new life rather than old friendships. And its not necessarily "trauma sharing" lol its just the reality of life. @@LindyandDevin
When my friend got married it did not cost me thousands! She had no bridal shower or bachelorette. Mom did hair and I did my own makeup. Got them small gifts. Helped with the planning process. Bought a dress and got a pair of shoes on sale. Some people make it more complicated and expensive than it has to be.
I already had 5 friends that got married and are already divorced..all the husband's cheated.
I hit 50 recently and a friend of mine said hey I’m getting remarried. I said that’s nice. I’m not gonna be in your wedding. Don’t bother asking. She sighed said how come everyone says that. I told her number one this is your second wedding. You already have everything that you would usually get gifted. Number two you’re a little old to be asking 50 something women to wear bridesmaid dresses. Number three none of us really want the extra expense when we rather spend the money on the nicer gift for you and your husband? She’s like yeah you’re right, but I shouldn’t have had to tell her that. My niece when she got married eloped and took the money they would’ve given her to have the party to put it towards a house. Everybody sent her a nicer gift than what she would’ve received otherwise. She sent out thank you notes and the bottom of it said WINNING and we all agreed.
Jude, * you’re a little old* oh noooooo girl that is borderline cruelty ..
Your niece is very smart! Good for her. 🎉
@@PHlophe asking your friends who are all struggling financially to be in your wedding and wear ridiculous dresses that is borderline cruelty. In fact, remove the borderline it’s straight up cruel. Most of these people have children that are in college that need their help. They do not want to be spending money on an expensive bridesmaids dress. Because guess what the closer you are to 50 the more money they think people have to spend.
My niece has been married four times. We all showed up and helped out for weddings one and two. None of us showed up for three and four. We just hope it’s her last one. 😂
@@misstriciaskitchen8640 Wowww. I hope so too. ✌️
My partner and I couldn’t go to a wedding because it’s so expensive to even be a guest.
what,!?
@@tribecalledmayaI get that. In some cultures the community helps pay for part of it. If you couldn’t or did want to contribute I completely understand. Me & my husband went out of town for a day trip & didn’t attend a wedding because the day trip was cheaper. We have a value in our friend group that family comes first so when we explained that it was a “family trip” they understood. It’s definitely a cultural aspect when it comes to weddings.
I’m not surprised, gone are the days when you buy the couple a gift of your choosing. I didn’t mind the registry too much if it was reasonable but some couples demand gifts at a certain price since they are paying so much per head at the reception.
My neighbours daughter is getting married this months. They been living together for over 4 years. The grooms family wants a wedding ,the brides family say elope. The looked for one year for a venue. Totally insane.So grooms family is paying for the wedding.
I’ve opted out of 2 weddings. I had the money but didn’t want to spend it on that.
I would have to travel by plane, buy a dress, get an hotel and take days off work.
I just sent a gift it was way better. They didn’t need my presence anyway.
Half of these couples would end up divorcing anyway. The entourage should be included in the settlement. Lol
That part. The bigger the wedding, the sooner they get divorced. 🙄
😅😂😂 agreed
Bachelorette parties have become bachelorette trips which carry the expectation of the bridal party traveling to far-off destinations for several days. That is getting to be the biggest expense. Just say no to that!
Yes. I went bar hopping from my bachelorette party. It was fun. My sister in law rented a cabana at a water park & took pictures. A lot of the guys (obviously they didn’t get invited) thought she went to Hawaii. Ha ha ha..
I told my sister this. And she's not listening to me. I'm not going. Her wedding is already costing me 3k
O M G! So ridiculous! 😂😂 What a stress and waste of money. 😅
@@s.r6331Simply don't do it because you can't. Hopefully your sister understands soon.
Social media and Pinterest has people out of control on everything. Including baby showers.
I have been a bridesmaid for both my sister and sister in law. They both said “find any dress that is this color”. I spent less than $30 or $40 on each dress.
I knew a woman who paid 37 thousand dollars for a big Cathedral wedding in New Orleans.. She and her husband broke up 1.5 years after that. The wedding bill was still on the credit card
It's the most simple weddings are the ones that lasts.
My husband and I got married in my mother's living room by a friend of hers who was a minister (who was also a very distant cousin of my father...who had passed away four years earlier...so that was cool). Anyway, it was 3 days after Christmas, so the house was decorated beautifully. I wore a white suit with a blue gossamer blouse, and my husband wore a blue suit. Our wedding cake was a macadamia and pineapple cake from Neiman-Marcus. We had country ham sandwiches, chicken salad sandwiches, potato salad, devilled eggs, snack foods, and lots of all kinds of booze. It was a LOVELY day! Our guests were our photographers with our cameras. Our moms wore nice Sunday dresses. We all had fun.
I think the whole day, including the wedding license and my outfit, was about $200. We were married almost 31 years, and would be still if he had not died suddenly from a heart attack.
This new crazy American wedding with designer gowns for the wedding party and the moms and all the crazy expenses is just crazy. Then these kids are mad they can't afford a house. Well, duh!
I haven't been to a wedding as an adult that cost me less than $1000. My sister and friends hammered out 4 weddings back to back summers (most divorced now) after my own wedding and even with them having an understanding of my then finances, inexpensive dresses became $450+ alterations, a day outing became overnight city stays and high scale restaurants. I kept a light face but spent far too much time crying in well designed bathrooms.
Colleen, when you swiped that credit card with a forced smile , you probably needed a fan to keep you cool . Mwah ha ha ha ! even a Hen do is pricey these days . it ads up quickly for women. when you count dieting, dress fitting make up , jewellery flying or driving in and out . For us blokes we just slip in and out out random tuxedos and our only expense is a deodorant and hair gel . it is entirely unfair how things are expensive for the Gals.
It’s all up to you can say no. One gets married for the love of each other. You want show of then pay the price.
I'm getting married next month. We have no bridal party, no bachelor or Bachelorette parties planned, and no wedding shower planned. It's too much spending, and buying a home and having a happy married life is more important to us.
Just say no.
PSA: it's perfectly okay to set boundaries and to say no! Don't say yes to things you can't afford just to save face or to " be supportive." This is why bridezillas exist, because people don't know how to be honest and upfront and say no.
I m from Eastern Europe and the bride pays for the dresses and other shenanigans . Nobody is expected to pay for a dress that they might not even like , you are a special guest in the eyes of others but that doesn t mean you have to throw money for any weird idea a bride might have . It s sad to hear stories of people not being able to afford going to a best friend's wedding , but i guess that s capitalism nowadays :/
Chinese wedding customs absolutely dominate here. The couple is responsible to pay for everything. Families can also offer to help them pay for it.
The expectation is that every guest at the wedding just gives a bit of money. Nobody has to go into debt for a wedding
I gave my bridesmaids a choice of paying for their dress, hair, or make up. In USA the couple is the ones spending the money & I couldn’t afford to spend everything for everyone. I had many women opt out because of cost, but they just ended up being guests & that was actually easier. It’s also a big time commitment to be in a wedding
I'm from ex Soviet country too. Women here don't even get childsupport. We are always getting screwed over. 🤬
My sister found her dress on sale for $80. A good friend of my mom sewed the bridesmaid dresses, mom bought the material. Reserved a public park with a pavilion. Mom splurged and hired a local wedding organizer as she was weak from several years battling breast cancer. A longtime family friend who enjoyed photography took photos (hers were better than the hired photographer). My sister did have a caterer for the reception after the ceremony at the park. Zero debt. There was a budget and it was stayed within. Going into debt for a wedding is foolish. The key is a celebration with family & friends. That can be a potluck at a park, or at someone’s house.
I would love to see a 180 degree flip to simple, inexpensive weddings as being the “in thing” again! All it takes is a few brides, the right media slant, and good use of social media to make this happen.
How about no social media...even better. Privacy is paramount
People are insane. They see all of these ridiculous celebrity weddings, and somehow believe they are entitled to the same thing, ignoring the very real fact they don’t have bank accounts like celebrities. The excuse “my special daaaaaaaaay” makes me want to projectile vomit. No Karen, one day isn’t a reason for you to behave like a tyrant, holding everyone hostage to your selfish, expensive delusions. A wedding is one day, a marriage is for life. Spend that money on a down payment on a house and use your brain.
I was a bridesmaid or maid of honor a number of times. My last wedding as matron of honor was the final straw for me. My friend had a destination wedding in another city (if it had been in another country, I would've said no). However, this meant I had to rent a B&B room for two nights (it was in a scenic part of the country and in the country, so places were expensive to rent and there weren't many to choose from). I paid for a dress then discovered I was pregnant halfway through, so had to buy another dress. I bought her an expensive gift. I hosted a shower for her, which cost me money. And I attended the bachelorette party, which cost me money. This was in the mid-2000s. All told, I spent about $1,000 attending to her. If I knew it was going to cost that much, I would've said no. But usually when you get asked, nothing is yet planned.
I was a guest at a wedding a couple days ago and spent over a thousand dollars all told between the hotel, transportation, meals, gifts, clothes, etc etc etc. I can’t imagine what it would have cost to be in it. 😞
You sound like a nice person
@@noble604😮
You are a good friend. 🎉 But you have to say No, I know it's very hard to do.
Destination or another city totally out the question for me .
I lost one of my best friends over a bridesmaid drama. Plane tickets, hotels, dresses, hair dressers, makeup artists, and she would not stop. I miss my friend
She wasn't your real friend. She should have understood.
Married in 1979. My two friends were married with kids and lived a long distance away. I found a great pattern , bought the fabric and lace trim I wanted, and sent it all to them. They both sewed and the dresses turned out great. Their gift to me was coming in that distance to be my attendants. It was a simple wedding but I had my friends there.
My husband and I married privately because we didn’t want ourselves or anyone else to go into debt for our wedding. That was 29 years ago. That money went to better use, house etc,
Same…this was only 10 years ago, nobody was there but us we had a huge wedding party on our anniversary. ❤️ Social media culture has ruined many traditions :(
From what I heard, most women want the wedding day to be an event that is special and to be fondly remembered.
What's wild is going into debt for this one-day (or three-day) event when there's a 50% chance the marriage is just going to end in divorce anyway.
When did bachelorette parties become a thing? Used to be there was a bridal shower with a bunch of elderly relatives but these elaborate vacations are ridiculous. The bride will be going on a honeymoon why does she need a big trip before that
Exactly! And bachelorette posses seem to be totally obnoxious )drunk, loud, goofy matching attire). So stupid. Everybody detests them and they have no clue…
Letting bridesmaids pick their own nice dress that they could wear again in one of the wedding colors really helps snd the variety of styles looks great in photos!
My bridesmaids dress was about 100. That’s what it cost them to be in my wedding. My mom paid for everyone to get make up done. The bridal shower was potluck style at my house. No bachelorette bonanza. I didn’t need all the hoopla. I don’t understand how all those other financial obligations got tied to being a bridesmaid.
Since college I have always said no to being in someone's wedding. Why would I spend all that money for parties? I also tell friends I can only attend one event, which one do you want me to go to.
The bridesmaids should absolutely not be paying for their own hair and make-up. I don't even think they should be paying for a dress the bride picks out and mandates they wear. But bachelorette parties turning into weekends away is really ridiculous.
How about saying “NO”. What happened to the days where the bridesmaids only purchased their dress?
I would rather tell my friend no thank you if I can not afford it.
That's wrong. You should go anyway because you might meet a rich guy there. That guy might turn out to be your future husband. You can't the lottery if you don't buy a ticket.
One of my cousins who I grew up with in the same household and is like a brother to me asked me to be a groomsman. I had to decline because it was a destination wedding at resort. I would’ve had to rent a matching tuxedo, rent shoes as I’m a surfing beach bum and only wear flip flops, airfare, hotel, and a gift. I called him and apologized.
I deliberately didn't have bridesmaids because I didn't want to ask anyone to take on a financial burden that I wasn't willing or able to pay. The only thing I bought was a dress and bouquet for my daughter. I didn't have a bridal shower or a bachelorette party either. The truth is that weddings are expensive, and those things are sadly luxuries that many cannot afford.
There's something sl*tty about bachelorette parties anyway.
I was invited to be a bridesmaid at my sister's wedding 25 years ago and the costs really added up. Since I didn't live in the same city, I had to pay for return airfare, which was about $350 The dresses were $110 each. Shoes were about $70. The wedding gift was $250. Hair and make-up was close to $200. (I could have done my own, but I wanted to share the experience with my sister.). There were a few other expenses which I can't remember, but it came to about $1,300. At the time, after rent, I had $200 left in my pocket each month. It was really, really difficult to afford her wedding. However, I'm very glad I got to be a part of it. And her and her husband are still happily married after 25 years! Nowadays it seems much worse. When you factor in destination weddings, and crazy out-of-town bachelorette parties...the costs can balloon to several thousand dollars.
I had no bridesmaids or groomsmen at our wedding. Best decision we ever made.
That means it was a no-frills wedding.
Simply say no if you can’t afford to be a bridesmaid. No became my favorite word to tell friends. That’s a ridiculous debt to take on.
I thought it was bad enough 20 years ago when i got married. Now the entitlement is just out of control.
I'm spending approx $1600 for my friends wedding. She's not getting a wedding gift 😕
If you don't have $1500 on the side. Or extra income. Say no. Again say no to avoid resentment. 😬🤷🏻♀️
I did not do this to my bridesmaids...it's a wedding yes, but to go into debt for it. I couldn't live with myself! They are my friends!
Cancelled our already booked dream vacay to accommodate my sisters destination wedding in Italy. We are now in well over 10k! And still haven’t bought gifts yet. Wasn’t asked to be the maid of honor or the matron of honor…just a silly Willy nilly in passing comment of “oh do you want to be a bridesmaid?” I wasn’t on her radar. And now am the MOH because her so called friends ditched her. My job is to step up, make the peace and make sure this goes smoothly but I do feel sad with all of this. We can afford it but it’s still a huge unexpected expense in the pocket and very hard on me emotionally. Especially when you werent even thought about in the first place. I’m just trying to be a good sister. All I can do. 🤷♀️
Remember... theres always their next wedding if you pass on being a bridesmaid this time around.
I had 2 bridesmaids for my wedding and paid for their dress, hair/makeup, and mani/pedi.
you are truly a sweet friend i might do that too. maybe just the dress
Bachelorette parties are ridiculous and borderline disgusting. An excuse for drunkenness and raunchy behavior
Agree 💯👍
I made the mistake of doing this. Never again. When I got married, I got rid of the bridal party all together. It was the best decision I could have made.
When my cousin got married his bride got flowers for my grandmother and my great cousins as respected for the family members that we lost that year and even took photos with the our family. And its was beautiful wedding. She wanted our family to part of they wedding and she did not ask for a dime. And me and her good friends .
Mom told me a story about when she was pregnant, early-mid 90’s (I was born 8 month’s later). She was a bride’s maid in a “friend’s” wedding. She talked about her concerns with the friend, and said she could not be able to possibly participate in her wedding due to health complications. The bride didn’t take it well. They are no longer friends.
Cannot agree with this more! So glad this is being more publicly talked about. I understand that some people have a very hard time saying "No" and setting boundaries, but I cannot stress enough how important it is to advocate for yourself. We all love our siblings and best friends, but any true friend/family member should completely understand that their wedding is not worth you going into debt. There is absolutely no shame in telling the bride or groom, "I love you and I want to support you on your special day, but I can't afford to spend x, y and z. Can we try to work something out?" And if you're the bride or groom, there is also no shame in saying, "This is the budget I'm working with, this is what I'm hoping for and this is what I'm able to provide. Tell me what works for you so you can be a part of my special day." Bottom line, communicate. Have an open and honest conversation, you'll be glad that you did ❤️
Soo very true! 25 years later, only bridesmaid (out of 6) I kept in touch with is my one & only sister.
I wouldn't be friends with someone who is comfortable with putting me in debt. I was a bridesmaid 20 years ago and my friend told me that I could pick out several different options to wear. and to wear neutral nail polish. That's it. I flew in for the wedding (I am from that state anyway) so I was able to be in her wedding while seeing my family.
Maid of honor here (twice). The dress and shoes are usually the most affordable expenses. It’s the bachelorette party (travel expenses, gifts purchased for attendees, cost of venue, male dancer, transportation, etc) and the bridal shower (cost of venue, food and desserts, themed decor, prizes for games plus gifts for bride). I’ve spent over $7K on just two weddings 😭
Wow…
The thing that I don't get is the fact that you need to spend thousands of dollars on a bachelorette party when you can simply go to your local bar and get drunk or have it at home and get the drinks from a supermarket. The other things depend on what you can afford, but at least thousand dollars for a bachelorette, that's too much money waste.
The Bridal industry has gotten ridiculously overpriced. But then the brides are choosing to have an expensive dress and do all these other stupidly expensive things.
To make it look nice on social media primarily…
Definitely. Each bride needs to keep up or surpass the ‘Instagram’ worthiness of the last bride friend or family member’s wedding palooza. They are also overly influenced by celebrity weddings. My bridal shower party in the 1990s was a potluck Sunday girls’ lasagna lunch of a dozen ladies. No big deal 🎉
It sounds like everybody is cheapskate.
We should not be so hard on our kids for bowing to peer pressure. Clearly we struggle as adults.
Kids? We’re talking about grown adults 😂
My take is you want a fancy over the top wedding ? You pay for it.
Just say no. And on the bride’s part be considerate- It’s unaffordable expensive to get a new one time use bridesmaid dress. Just let them wear a casual inexpensive sun dress… If you want to treat them as decorations then YOU pay for the dress.
As for the Bachelorette parties- plan better, and budget within your means.
But don’t listen to me, I don’t even know what a bridal shower is. Why can’t they just have one wedding party?
We didn't have bridesmaids and groomsmen. Almost every wedding I have attended had them, but for me, the tradition of choosing your favorite same-sex friends and having them stand in a line, dressed in the same clothes is not particularly meaningful. Some of my friends threw me a lovely bridal shower. My husband's friends took him out for Brazilian barbecue. Then my husband and I stood at the altar with our parents beside us and had our wedding. There were about 425 guests. No regrets.
I had 1 attendant. My MOH contacted my closest friends for a bridal luncheon at my favorite restaurant. They each pitched in for a honeymoon fund at whatever they could each afford. Sweetest gift ever! I told my MOH to find a dress in either one of 2 certain colors that made her feel beautiful and special and then I paid for it. We each did our own makeup and I covered her hair. She drove up 9 hours to be with me and stayed with me. Brides, please be very considerate of your attendants. There’s no need for an extravagant bachelorette party! Just enjoy being together. Keep your attendant numbers lower and consider paying for their attire. The simpler things are kept, the less stressed you’ll be ❤
Just say no. Just don’t do it. Be a guest, and be done.
There is some truth to this story, but everyone @ GMA can't be THAT out of touch about what REALLY is happening with the bridal party. Gap tooth has been divorced for a minute. George has been married for over 20 years and I KNOW he had absolutely NOTHING to do with the ins and outs of the bridal party. Robin. . .🦗🦗🦗
1) Not everyone in the bridal party is there bc you want them to be. NOBODY has 15 female bff's. Some are favors to family members. Cousin Chelsea is only there bc her mother is your mom's favorite sister.
2) I was asked to be in a bridal party bc I had long hair. The bride wanted all of her bridesmaids hair to be in a certain hairstyle.
3) Money is funny. Starting these conversations with ANYONE about your financial situation can be embarrassing, sensitive, and extremely private. Just bc you have known the bride since freshman year in hs, it doesn't mean she needs to know you are $180k in the hold from college loans, financing a boob job, and paying for boyfriend's acting workshop.
This is the best comment. Who is really going to tell anyone how broke they are? Just say no is nonsense.
Nobody should have to go into debt for someone’s wedding. I gave my bridesmaid a large color palette and they could buy a dress or wear one they already had. I paid for the Airbnb and we partied at the house and carpooled to the location. It was super easy and stress free
Nobody wants to stop the insanity. Weddings don’t have to be expensive undertakings.
As the parents of the bride, we insisted on paying for the dresses and suits for the bridal party. No we aren’t wealthy but we made it part of the budget.
It’s never okay to dump and financial burden on people, especially young people just starting out
I'm not from the US. Average wedding expenses in my country is about $5,000 to 10,000. We only spent $1,500.
My wedding dress and make up was $150. Food and venue for 90 guests was about $1,000 in a nice hotel. We hired a newbie photographer. No bridal shower, no entourage. Our wedding rings was $100 each. We explained to our families and friends that we can't invite everyone due to our limited budget. Best decision ever. 11 years and still together.
We upgraded our wedding rings 5 years later.
Why do people even have to have bridesmaids?….. i have never reused my bridesmaid dresses. When I got married my husband and I had no wedding party. Your friends will be happy being there and being part of the celebration regardless . It’s just all become so commercial, and that shouldn’t be what a wedding is about.
In two days, my husband and I will be celebrating our 24th wedding anniversary. I have never been big with attention on me and spending and splashing money all over the place. I only wanted to be his wife and I was looking forward to a life with him. It was never about the wedding. So we ONLY invited our closest relatives. 13 people total including the bride & groom. Had a VERY small wedding celebration and moved on with focusing on buying our house. I am so glad that we did. A wedding nowadays is NOTHING more than a ONE day party celebration. I can't justify the cost.
As a financial coach I’ve spoken to clients who were suffering bcz of this issue but couldn’t be honest with their friend about it
you don’t need to go into thousands of dollars in debt for a wedding my grandparents got eloped and made her wedding dress no bridesmaids and had small lunch for family weddings theses days are very over the top you have a good wedding for under $5000 and you can borrow tables and chairs and stuff from family and friends will cut down the cost 🙃🙂😸👰👰♀️💍🤵
I’m getting married and I have a maid of honor, her responsibility is to sign the wedding license, and I told her she could wear any dress she wants and that will be my wedding colors. I’m not having a bridal shower, and gifts are optional. But I’m a second bride, so I have a lot. I want a stress free and simple wedding.
Thank gawd I'm a 51yo never married woman with a circle of lots of unmarried women--we're not going broke for bridesmaid duties. We know better and value our friends too much to do that to them. If/when any of us get married, we're either telling them to find a cute dress and come as they are or if everyone has to be matchy-matchy, we're footing the bill. Geezus!🙄🙄🙄
You said thank God you're not married. That wasn't God, that was your choice.
@@sweet89190 Being a pick me isn't an accomplishment...hope you heal
The wedding industry is so commercialized and expensive. Save your money.
I hate that social media makes weddings so expensive now. I know there are wedding etiquette rules, but they need to change with the times. This is why I went to the courthouse. We splurged on a minimoon & I still dressed up. Zero debt & we still had enough to move in our new home.
I wouldn't expect anyone to travel overseas for a bridal shower or wedding.
That's psychotic. It's not even your own wedding and you're going into debt for it? Say no and bring a nice gift.
Putting money aside every month makes sense.
Putting the expenses on your credit card and carrying a balance is horrible advice. If you can't pay for everything in cash, tell the bride you can't do it.
The bride bought all our dresses.
I had one bridesmaid, my sister. I told her to buy a black dress she liked and that was it. We had maybe 40 people at our wedding and my dress was $150 from a department store💁🏾♀️ People love weddings but if you can't afford to be part of it, don't be a bridesmaid in their wedding. Be a guest. I think Brides have to really talk to their friends to make sure they're on board with it if they're truly friends. If they can't either make adjustments as the bride or just accept that they can't be part of it. Some brides become so consumed with the wedding and choose to ignore the reality of the cost.
If you're asking for your friends and family to spend too much on *your* wedding, you're not a good friend/family member to them.
A colleague of mine who was married years ago, paid for her bridesmaid's dresses and let them choose them.
I got married in the mid-1970s. The reception had 400 people and it consisted mostly of my mother-in-laws friends and relatives but that was okay because she was paying. She also paid for the church, minister, all the flowers, etc. My mother was a seamstress so she made my dress and the dresses of my 3 bridesmaids. My mother and I chose and paid for the fabric and she made their dresses. She also made the flower girl’s dress and the ring bearer’s suit. My husband took his 3 grooms to a tuxedo rental and paid for their suits. The wedding gifts were mostly money which my mother-In-law received to pay for the dinner banquet.
Inviting someone to be part of your event, and expecting them to pay, especially when they might not be able to, is insane.
This is all silly. Be honest with your friends and just say I can't afford that. The only thing keeping them in debt is their pride that they didn't speak up. A real friend will cover the cost or find someone else to do it. Let go of your ego and you won't be in debt.
I would never have dreamed of expecting my friends to pay for my wedding activities. All they paid for was their bridesmaid gowns and they were not expensive. I gave THEM gifts! This is insane.