I had to get a restraining order - my story...
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- Опубліковано 2 жов 2024
- A few years ago I had to go through the process of filing for and getting a restraining order against a very dangerous person...this is my story.
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I apologize for the glitching video and audio around 9:09! There was a part I edited out, thanks to the wise words of a few Footless Jo community members. 😊💜
THANK YOU, all, so much for your incredible support with this video and my story. I was honestly nervous to post it, and the response has been so uplifting and encouraging. I’m truly so grateful - thank you! 💜
-Jo
Footless Jo yay to keeping yourself safe!!!! we r proud of u for doing what was best for you, jo!!
Never noticed anything out of normal. Still a great video to watch as well as informative.
You may want to hide the comments alluding to the removed section too x
@@phoebebrunt4386 Thank you! I thought I had actually - I'll go back through and make sure it is clean! SO appreciate you watching out for me!!
Your dog is like your ESA!
I was a taxi driver for sixteen years and I met a young lady who was in a DV relationship. I told her I wouldn't push her to do anything but the day she decided she wanted to leave to call me and I would come and get her, day or night. One day she called and I picked her up and drove her to her mums house (no charge if anyone wonders) and dropped her off. Three months later my phone rang and it was her mum. She explained who she was and told me they had just left the court where she had successfully obtained a restraining order, she was going to community college and doing a hairdressing apprenticeship. Mum just wanted to thank me for being there and helping her daughter. I didn't do anything really. It was her daughter that decided enough was enough and that she wanted to change.
That made me tear up, Nathaniel. Thank you for sharing. 💜 I’m so glad that you were a part of her safely getting away and to a better life. You made a difference.
You most certainly DID do something. You made it possible for that young lady to break away from the horrors of domestic violence.
Year ago at a service station, I witnessed the interaction between a single mother who was probably leaving an abusive relationship and a Police Officer. Her sun glasses & makeup didn't hide the black eye or the fat lip. But the big problem was her car, which was in very dangerous condition. Since I was a mechanic I knew that the steel belts showing on the front tires indicated that it needed two ball joints replaced before the front suspension collapsed. I didn't see her drive up, but her car was probably all over the freeway...
The long & short of it was the Officer said that he would have to impound her car, or she could let him pay for the repairs at the service station, as it was not safe for her & her child. It took her a minute to comprehend that he was only concerned about their safety, as she was not going to make it to her sisters home on the West Coast without about few hundred in repairs & a pair of tires. The only thing the Officer wanted from her was a phone call to tell him she made it safely to her sisters...
So @UCYLuFecwSgoZPp8axT1YJvg, not only are there people like us, but some of them went into Law Enforcement for that very reason...
Taxidriver is an underrated job! ;-)
May God the Almighty bless you endlessly! It could have gone very different for her if you hadn’t reached out to her, might be you safed her life.
I love the “here are German Shepard’s” disclaimer. More people need to do this. Thank you for sharing your story! It is so difficult getting out of an abusive relationship and going to authorities.
Aww, when the puppy came over for cuddles when she thought you were upset it just melted my heart!
Such a Good Girl! 🐶
I was sexually assaulted as a child. Since I was a minor they had me speak to my therapist in a recorded session. He asked questions and I answered. I was comfortable since I’d seen him for a while. That made the court process easy for me in Iowa as a minor.
My sister was "lucky." Her crazy ex had left these insane voicemails on my sister's friend's phone. The judge listened to them and that was it. She got the restraining order. That was how crazy the messages were.
@Deidre Westover
- Did the magic paper work make him stay away or did the crazy ex use the order as toilet paper and keep coming after her?
@@JeffsFreedomGarage the question is if he was a real danger and wanted to murder her, would he be botheeed by a restraining order "can't kill her, might get arrested for violating the restraining order".
Actually there is something called “Claire’s law” and it’s a law that states you can ask for domestic violence history on someone& they have to give that information. It’s technically public information, anyways, but they now have a law in place ti stop police from refusing.
PiercedBitxh Aila this is in the UK, right? I think I saw a documentary about the woman whose murder resulted in this law. Being able to tell future partners about charges/convictions that someone has had against them is a powerful tool.
It’s great to see you’re in a place to partly open up about trauma and legal proceeding experiences like this, you’re smashing it! ❤️
That's so kind of you to say, Erin! Thank you so much! 💜
3 years ago i was raped by a “friend” and after it happened he showed up to my work and tried to call me and text me. so i had to change my number, and i eventually quit that job and made all my social media private. there are still some days i feel like he’s going to find me and i hope that day never comes. Thank you for sharing your story Jo💕
Thanks for sharing your story. It has to be very hard on everyone who has to go to court and do this.
I’m so thankful for this video. I’m currently going through the same process of reporting assaults that happened 3 years ago and the legal system sucks. Thank you so much, this gave me a boost of energy to continue on with this💕
I didn't intend to watch this while video but it was compelling and I am so sorry people who have already been hurt so badly have to go through this to get some safety. Thank you for sharing so much of yourself. I'm sure it helps others. It makes me so mad and sad that we can't continue to believe the best of everyone. I still kind of do, but there are qualifications.
When I was very young, someone did something bad to me. I didn't think it was bad enough to be worth the hassle of reporting it. I regret not taking action, but I was little. I know it wasn't my fault. I'm glad you took action; it's not easy regardless of filing charges or getting a restraining order, but you did something. No matter the outcome, you acted. We need more examples like you. Thank you for your courage and wisdom...and also the puppers. That shepherd lay down "sigh"...good times.
I totally understand how scary it is to go to court, not have money for a lawyer, knowing the other party has one and fight for your rights. My ex was a "don't get mad, get even" type personality. We had an 18 month old daughter who I needed to get custody of and child support for. Going into court each time I felt like I was going to throw up. I didn't go for a restraining order as my situation was different from yours, I can't imagine how much more traumatizing that was. Thanks for sharing your story Jo. ❤❤❤
For folks in MN, you write out an affidavit and meet privately with a judge to file. There is only a hearing if the defendant requests one within 45 days.
Wow - that's fantastic, and makes a lot of sense to me.
Thank you so much for sharing this information. I was stalked for more than a year in high school, and I wish I had the courage to file a restraining order against that jerk. So glad you got out of that situation!!
As always your puppy is adorable ❤️
Aw thank you so much, Allenna!
Wow really sorry u had to go through that, but you’ve grown SOOO much! U are an amazing strong woman! U inspire me so much to keep pushing no matter what I go through! Love u!!
Thank you for sharing this Jo. I know this couldn’t have been easy. I dealt with a similar situation years ago, however, I didn’t have to get a restraining order. I didn’t say anything for the longest time because I blamed myself. Through lots of therapy, I was able to realize what a horrible person this individual was. I regret that it took so long and the statute of limitations prevents me from pressing charges. I know in my heart I was not his only victim. Hopefully, your post will empower someone else in this situation to find the strength to take action.
Thank you for sharing your story. The more open people are about things like this, the better. Shame flourishes in the darkness, and shining a light on abuse helps to improve our whole society.
Thank you for sharing, I admire how brave you are and appreciate your willingness to speak out about these topics!
Thank you for sharing Jo!
Thank you for sharing your story. Been there too. Understand. Hugs and glad that you have moved on.
Thank you for sharing jo, you are a beautiful and brave person.
I am sad you went through that but glad you got the restraining order. My estranged husband was emotionally and mentally abusive and just recently sent me very threatening texts from hundreds of miles away. Its taken me 12yrs to finally be able to look back and see what a truly awful person he is. As soon as I get the money I am divorcing him. And yes I am in a safe place were he will never set foot in!
Hey that's great! I hope everything goes to plan for you!!❤❤
Joe, i love you and support you 100%. Saw this title and wanted to see if you were ok. Unfortunately i had to go the german Shepherd route because while not me, just a little too close home. ❤️
I did go through some things in my last marriage that were very emotionally abusive. I got very sick and depressed. I didnt press charges cuz I dont think it was necessary but I am glad I had friends who were able to help me realize how toxic the situation was.
I’m so, so glad you were able to get out Sharayah. That’s incredible. 💜 So glad your friends were there to help you!
@@FootlessJo I dont hold any resentment toward him. I do think that I also held some bad outlets for my frustrations. I dont think he was 100% to blame. That being said, healing definitely takes time. There are still times I struggle with my current relationship. But experiencing a healthy relationship has been the best thing in my life.
Hi Jo, thank you for sharing your very personal experience with us. My ex was very sneaky. He once told me, that he learned how to physically hurt someone without leaving a bruise or scar, while in the military. The first time, he pummeled me with his fists, while I was completely under the covers. I jumped out of the bed in surprise and shock. I immediately called the police. I wanted him to know that I was not going to "take it" quietly. When the police arrived, he suddenly developed a fake limp and told the police that his attack of me, was the result of a nightmare from ptsd. Some time later, I found out that he was cheating on me. I was near the entrance of our front door, begging him to stay and talk with me (Yes, I know how pathetic this sounds, never again) He got irritated at my pleas. He is 5' 11" and 260 pounds. I am 5' 3" and 150 pounds. I never saw it coming. He cut the lights off and head butted me in the forehead. It felt like a brick, going upside my head. I fell backwards against the wall. The neighbor heard my screams and called the police. Because, he had cut the lights just prior and I could not give a full account to the officers, he was not charged. He told the police, that it was all an innocent accident. One of the policeman, actually turned to my ex, and told him that he thought that he was guilty and that if he was called out to another so called "accident" again, he would arrest him. The very next morning, I found that he was true to his word, when he said, "that he could do damage, without leaving so much as a bruise or scar." My entire forehead throbbed, down to my jawline. Even with the the force that he applied, the only thing visible, was moderate swelling.
@@sharayahdeblasi5780 ...I wish for you, continued healing and growth 🌷
Didn’t expect a video like this on your channel.
Good job pulling through the situation.
Can't imagine how frightening it must have been at times during the process where he wasn't yet legally restrained not knowing whether or not he'll show up randomly at your door with potentially harmful intentions. Bravo for standing up against your abuser.
I love your channel Jo this one meant alot to me not only am I going though the process of amputation btk but iv been in a abusive relationship every way he abused me I did not have the strength at the time or now to press charges but the police told me to stay clear of him that he is a bad guy. I take peace in the fact that I have an amazing partner now and that other girls have pressed charges love what you do here Jo, your an amazing woman!!!
This process sounds heartbreaking!! They might be able to do it more empathetically, asking you behind closed doors, official person present, guided by a professional psychologist. There are better ways to get the needed information without traumatizing people 💜💜
Yeah that’s what I’ve always thought...putting you, at most, ten feet away from the person you’re terrified and forcing you to answer incredibly intimate, shameful, and insulting questions and you have to do so in a convincing way to be perceived well enough to be credible and convincing is absolute rubbish....there has to be a better way.
@@FootlessJo like, why even being forced to meet that person again 🤷♀️ I don't see the benefits for the case. Maybe behind a blinded window if they need you to confirm its the right person. Like really, if someone with empathy would organise it, it's really not that hard. So, very very terrible it is being done this way, for now. You are and have been soooo strong for doing that 💪💪💪
There is so much wrong with the system. I am so proud of you for having the courage to push through and get the restraining order. It takes strength to leave and even more strength to protect yourself. The system the way it is, is one reason I never reported my attack. There are other reasons too but that was a big one.
Love you, Jo! This was a great video!
I’ve been through something with a controlling and manipulative man, not as bad as your situation but it still took me over a years to process and I’m still understanding it. I’m going to get counselling soon so it doesn’t affect my future relationships. I’m so encouraging to see you in a happy loving relationship. Thanks for this video! X
Jo I’m so sorry to hear that you went through all the abuse that you went through. I Pray that you’re doing better now and that you’re able to put the abuse that you went through behind you. Stay strong 💪
Hi, Jo! I think your story is very interesting, and I'm so blessed to be able to learn it. You are so strong and inspirational!
So sorry you had that experience. I live with the repercussions of one, too. I wish with everything in me that I had never told anyone because now I have been accused of lying and been rejected by my family. I wasn't even allowed to attend my dad's funeral in October. I'm glad things turned out well for you, but I don't think that's the case for so many others of us.
You were called a liar. Maybe your actions will help some one else one day.
You are very brave! Thank you for sharing! You are NOT alone!!
Thank you for taking about this. As a “survivor” myself I know it’s such a difficult decision to make. I’m so proud of you for being able to do so. I know a lot of us are not able to but it’s stories like this that give us at least some of of the courage to do so. I wish I was able to now, but maybe one day I can..
It’s so insanely encouraging that you talk so candidly about your experience. Thank you for sharing your experience 💕 I’m so proud of you!!!!!!!!
I feel like you’ll enjoy one of my favorite quotes I’ve ever found “it can never be easy, but it can be better”
I’m also a domestic violence, sexual and mental abuse survivor. I’m lucky that here in the UK the police handled everything and I didn’t have to go to court at all. No one unless they’ve been through something like that will understand the fear you have. The worry of them turning up in the night. So glad you were brave enough to stand up for yourself. 😘
I'll keep this a little vague (for their protection), but two people very close to me have had to go through that process. I know how traumatic it was for me to watch it; I can't even fathom what they were feeling at the time, as it's just overwhelming. In one case, she came to terms with what was going on within a year, but the other took over 10 years to process, leading to failed relationships, strained family tires, and a major substance abuse problem. As such, we've tried to volunteer some of our time & resources to helping those in DV relationships. Many blessings to any of you who have had to endure the cruelty that other people can subject you to.
Needless to say, this video resonated with me greatly.
Well done you !!!!!!
I was in law enforcement for 11 years. At the time of the following incident, I was working in Kansas. It's a bit of a long story, but it's pertinent here.
One night I found a vehicle at hotel that was stolen in a robbery (car jacking). We determined what room, and for ed entry and arrested the two adults, male and female. There were also two children in the room. Male had a pistol with him, but we took him into custody with no problem. We take everyone to the jail, kids get turned over to SRS (child services). The man was found to have several felony warrants for robbery (other than the car), assault, and sexually assaulting his daughter (not the one with him then).
The woman waived her rights and cooperated. When I interviewed her, she told how the male had robbed a car salesman while on a test drive, and left him tied up in the wood. The old man is honestly lucky he lived, as it was cold when it happened. After listening to all this, and how abusive he was to her, I pretty much read her the riot act. I told her flat out he was going to kill her eventually, as he'd told her he had no intention of being taken alive. I released her, she had family come get her and the kids.
Now to the more pertinent part. I had to go back and testify at the robbery trial where the vehicle was taken. The woman, early 20's, was there testifying for the prosecution. She had cut contact with the male, and was dating a good man by this time, al ost a year later. She was scared to confront him in court. We spoke some, and she thanked me for saving her life. I just encouraged her to be brave and go in there and looking him in the eye, he couldn't hurt her anymore.
She came out a changed woman. She'd gone in nervous, and he tried to intimidate her by staring. It pissed her off. She saw him sitting there and KNEW he couldn't hurt her again. How pathetic he was.
So yes, going through the criminal justice system is hard. Yes, it doesn't always work the way it should. But look the bastard in the eye and tell the truth.
Knew* missed the k it's really triggering my ocd please fix it. Great story btw.
@@ward9 Your ocd missed the other 2 missing letters???
thank you for this video. you're awesome
Thank you so much doogos4president! Also your username is amazing lol!
I've had several stalkers, all of them were homeless men with serious mental health issues. I've never gotten a restraining order on any of them. The worst one moved back to the mainland (I live hawaii) a couple years ago, yes ive had to call police and write a report, and 2 have moved to a different part of the island.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I'm so sorry you had to go through this shit.
My dad has been abusing my mom and we finally called the police and my mom just let him back in our house I'm terrified of him when he's angry and I hug and say I love him every day I hate him so much I BEGGED my mom to get him out but he's just allowed to come here I have fought the strong urge to kill my self everyday for the last three months that this has been going on if he doesn't go to jail IDK what I'll do. Due to some kind mental illness he doesn't actually remember attacking my mom ever! She keeps saying 'I need him for this baby' I'm just so mad at her you really want another child watching you suffer and not sleeping and praying that they'll just die so they don't have to listen to them screaming anymore?
I'm going to put some stuff here because I keep getting a handful of the same advice: I'm disabled I can't run away I use a wheelchair at all times (edit:I can walk around holding onto doors, walls, desks and bed frames as well as stand for about ten minutes at a time.), I was pulled out of school before I started 3rd grade, I don't have any teachers, I don't have any friends either due to being isolated, I can't leave the house by myself, I'm only just turning fifteen I can't drive yet, I do have a phone so any hotlines are good (if they're text-lines though that's better) DCFS was alerted but on the second visit the case was dismissed (I told her my twin got dragged down a flight of stairs by our dad apparently it didn't matter) my dad also has some health issues and that's why everyone's choosing to bat an eye even though this was a problem before he got whatever's wrong with him. My aunt is really the only person who will do something if she can but I can't get her to illegally remove me from my house (I sat there on the phone with her begging and sobbing to get me out of here), even if she agreed my parents can just call the police and say that my aunt took me without permission.
I'm putting hotlines here for myself and others
National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
child abuse hotline from kids health Nemours:1-800-4-A-CHILD
Talk and pray to God he love you!💙
Wow, im soooo sorry u have to go through this. You are loved! Im keeping u in my prayers! You are amazing! Stay strong!!!
look I understand that you come from a good heart but that doesn't help me I've had nightmares because of this and constant emotional exhaustion nothing legal is gonna help me and neither is praying to god
Make
I too am the product of an abusive relationship. I never saw anything, but my older siblings did and one used to have night terrors because of it. We've all recovered, life is good.
He has been out of our lives for a long time, but it took a long time to get rid of him.
Please keep yourself safe, and try to love and be patient with your mom. Call out what you see, tell her she deserves better.
Tell her what you've said here.
And seek help for yourself. It's out there.
The line "I would not allow myself to see abuse as abuse. I wasn't trained to see it as abuse" resonates so much with me. I was sexually abused and emotionally manipulated in my first relationship as a teenager. It took my 3 and a half years in that relationship to realize the abuse I was facing. Like you, I was kind and naive, I wanted to see the best in people and someone took advantage of that. I'm still working through the trauma I faced with a psychiatrist. Thank you for making this video
I was glad to see you had a fuzz baby near you while talking about this hard topic.
Those are the best along with their slobbery kisses 🥰
Thank you for sharing your story. This one really resonates with me as I have been through two really bad abusive relationships. I used to fear for my life every second and now live in a different state than either one of them. I did have a restraining order against my daughter's father but it was only good for two years. I was a small, shy girl but I did stand up to him and his lawyers in court. Even after I won the case, he still stalked me at work, tried to poison me, banged in my car door, kicked in a fog light, and called the cops on me many times and tried to report me to child protective services and have me arrested for crimes I didn't commit. I knew that the restraining order could not fully protect me. I would be dead by the time the cops came. I did get into another relationship which turned out to be almost as bad. He tried threaten me with a loaded 9mm (hollow points) semiautomatic pistol and a kitchen knife. He was an alcoholic who kicked many holes in walls (and I became an expert at drywall repair.) Both men were emotionally and sexually abusive. I raised my daughter (now almost 15) alone. I feel bad that she had to witness a lot of this at a young age, but today, we are happy in our little house. For anyone who reads this, there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thank you for sharing this. You are such a strong beautiful soul and I'm so happy you and your daughter are safe now
I’ve been a jail nurse here in Colo - won’t say where. But I saw first hand how women who call for help can be punished by law enforcement. One case involved a woman whose husband beat the crap out of her, including a long bone fracture, multiple lacerations and contusions. But while she was running for cover, he fell against a picture frame on a table while chasing her, giving him a small superficial scratch. The deputies arrested her, not him. I’ll never forget how despondent she was. I can totally see why people don’t report. Decades ago when I was married to an abuser, he’d actually taunt me about how if I called the police to report him, I’d go to jail because he was a firefighter and his cop buddies had his back.
That is just horrible.
@MarysMaamCave The story you just shared is another reminder we all need very good lawyers by our side. 😊
stay strong! x
I almost lost my life before I got out. It's been almost 20 years. It took a lot of work to get to a healthy emotional place. Still not something I talk about very often, and most people don't know and would be shocked to find out.
I left a boyfriend who was verbally abusive toward me and it was empowering because i got on with my life even though my now ex left me with so much anxiety that i ended up being hospitalized for depression. That hospitalization was an escape for me. He and i both have developmental disabilities so anyone from any demographic can be violent
Footless Jo!
I'm so sorry you had to go thru this.
Meanwhile, & forgive me for perhaps being irrelevant, but I very much like the lashes.
Nicely subtle purple.
love
Steve Holliday
Thank you so much, Steve! I really appreciate that! 😊
Hi Jo, just found your channel completely by chance and i've been watching your videos for the past hour or so, and just wanted to say that i absolutely love your personality, you shine, you ooze strength and positivity and i really admire you. My only regret is not being able to actually watch some of your videos (i still listen to the wonderful content though..) or hit "follow" on your instagram account because i am ridiculously afraid of rats. yeah, to the point where i can't even look at them on a screen - i should probably work on that but im not brave enough to do that. anyway, thank you for being your beautiful self and sharing your strength and wisdom with us. Love from the UK.
I'm starting to realize how much my ex took advantage of my compassion/kindness/eagerness to forgive. I saw how mean and fly-off-the-handle she could be with others, but told myself that when she did it to me it was because she loved and trusted me enough to forgive her. Any time I tried to talk to her about something she did that bothered me, I ended up being the one apologizing because I was just inconsiderate and needed to think about things from her perspective. I've been processing a lot of shit through therapy and even now I feel like I need permission to say anything explicitly bad about her. Like I have a really hard time saying she was manipulative/coercive but usually I settle on 'persuasive' because it's less accusatory.
She was a totall manipulative bitch towards you and others, it's okay to say it out loud! (trust me, I am a female ;P I know what a complete and utter bitchperson looks like, too many of them out there! Sometimes I am no saint myself during my PMS days either, but I hate it/ it is embarassing when I lose my temper.)
Forgive but do not forget.
Trust is earned, trust broken is broken. That is rather obvious but hard to accept, because we want to believe in the best in others When you have been mistreated or assaulted repeatedly, when that person who has broken your trust and then asks to be trusted again immediately, that is a new breach of trust and in some cases a greater offense and breach of trust than the original offense and breach of trust.
I scared my problematic person in my life and have never ever seen this person since, but we are all different as people and that does not mean it was easy or not a little bit short term psychological damaging in the short term. I would rather face death in the moment than do something that would let that kind of situation start up again.
The good news is often these abusive persons ( most of them) are not that patient and will move on to another person, if you meet them and hold them at arm's length when you first meet them and they know that you two are meant for each other and right for each other and all that.
People be safe.
Girl you are amazing!
Be grateful for the system on US, here we only got police protection when we are Dead, I never saw/know an woman who has granted an restraining order
This hair style is good on you :) I am going through a situation that I am so afraid to report because I feel I m the fragile side ... I was silent for a long time thinking it will disappear but it hasn’t ...
Miracles do not happen in one day, but they can! If you can...go talk to someone about it. Sometimes you need to do a few trailruns, that is okay. Just do not give up, you are a great person and everyone has a right to be as safe and happy as they can be.
Are you wearing blue mascara, it looks good.
I was sexually assaulted as a child by a family member no one knows about it. I’m in my twenties now. I know I don’t have it as bad as other people. This person make me touch them and when I wasn’t doing it right they would take over. From my knowledge (now it was a repressed memory for a long time so who knows how accurate or not) this person never touched me that why but it’s still mentally taxing knowing this person made me do that to them.
I've been in a court room twice, both times for happy reasons. Right out of high school, though, I told a friend I'd go to court of she needed me to, but I wouldn't lie under oath for her. She and a former teacher of ours had a lawsuit against each other for harassment, and she was pleading the "innocent kid" card. I knew she was lying, and so did she. Our friendship fell apart after that. We still communicate on Facebook, but it's weird.
I actually went to court today for protection orders from family members.
Goodness! Good luck and well done!
Had an older friend when I was in high school, who was swooned by a navy man, but all the rest of us, noticed there was something "odd about him". Fast forward decades later, she just gotten divorced, he had been molesting KIDS in every single port they were stationed at. Some of these charges were dropped because of the statute of limitations was up, but apparently hes been in & out of prison about 3 times due to pedophillia........She and I "didn't work out", because her 2 were out of control, because she just let them run wild, because they had just been through such a trauma, a time when I assumed they would need more structure, not less....
I admire you so much! For me it's been 3 years since my trauma, and almost one year in constant neurological pain. It legit takes so many years to make small steps in recovery. My goal is to make it to a point where I can talk about my experience and help others like you do. Do you have any advice for dealing with trauma like this while in chronic pain?
At 15 I had to go to the court for an order of protection. I had to stand in front of a judge and say what happened. I honestly don't know if he could actually understand a single thing I said I was crying and shaking so bad. It's a horrible experience but I can say I'm glad I did it.
Thank you for sharing such a difficult story. I am glad that you have been able to move past that period and are able to use your experience to teach others. Some time ago, there was a documentary called "Second Assault" that dealt with the fact that victims who file charges so often have to go through the same experience again in order to have the case prosecuted. Some day perhaps, we can have a justice system that recognizes the trauma that victims experience and operates in such a way as to prevent the secondary effects. My wish for you is that you continue to heal from those events, and continue to share your story to help others. Sending respectful hugs!
7:00 Can't a lawyer be disbarred for giving legal advice to their clients advisory? There is a clear conflict of interest, and if the lawyer gives advice that strengthens the adversary's case, well the lawyer is then guilty of malpractice.
It's a lose-lose for the lawyer.
It was in their best interest as well, which he disclosed. HE wanted an extension so they had more time to assemble things (but then...they didn't show up....so idk), and mentioned it was technically in my best interest as well to prepare.
@@FootlessJo He didn't show up because with that extension he knew your balls would come into play. He had you cowed and scared, but your fear faded as more time passed. In fact, I think it was not in his client's interest to extend.
He should have moved ahead at that time because you were clearly messed up. Which is why I'm not a lawyer. I just couldn't do stuff like that, which may be why he talked to you in the first place. Of course, that means he's guilty of malpractice and you ex would have had grounds to sue his pants off.
I guess there are still ethical lawyers.
They aren't giving advice, if you aren't represented they have to talk to you in the same way that they would typically talk to you lawyer, so they have to present it in a lay manner. Once you have a lawyer in cases like these, you are not allowed to talk to the other person's lawyer anymore.
@@anneharrison1849 The lawyer advised her to ask for an extension. Something, by the way, that was not to his client's interest.
The guy had hired his lawyer to avoid having a restraining order issued against him. That goal could have been accomplished by putting Jo on the stand and doing his best to destroy her credibility. This is what the lawyer was legally obliged to do.
However, in law sometimes what is the legally correct action can be the morally wrong action, and vise-versa.
For example, lets say your neighbor's kid accidentally crashes his bike into your parked car. The kid is unhurt, but he's just done $1500 in damage to your car.
Do the kid's parents owe you the money to fix it? Morally they do, sure. But legally the parents are *NOT* responsible for the negligence of their child.
If the parents don't pay the money there isn't much you can do about it.
This lawyer's action could have gotten him disbarred, but it was *MORALLY* the right thing to do.
"But legally the parents are NOT responsible for the negligence of their child."
That sounded wrong to me, but I wasn't sure, so I double checked. It may vary by location? Here in Oregon, parents (excepting non-custodial parents and foster parents) are responsible for property damage done by children, whether intentionally or recklessly, up to $7500.
Jo
Constant emotional pain can cause physical pain. I loved seeing your pup know you needed extra loves, and sometimes it's OK to suffer feline or k9 paralysis. Even tho we want to do other things.
I left my ex after almost 9 years. I didn't realize how emotionally abusive it was and how much he held me back. I dont even think he realized how bad he is. Thankfully no issues so far and I'm so happy. If you're not happy think about why that is and what can change. Thanks for sharing your story!
@@geoffmerritt Oh I completely agree with that.
Hey Jo. I'm in Colorado as well. My wife and i own an Alpaca ranch and We would like to invite you and your family to the ranch.
Oh we'd love to! I got your email and will reply soon!
Only thing that officer couldn’t share legally is the fact that there is ongoing litigation other then that it’s public record.
For sexual assault lawyers should provide the question before hand and neutral 3rd party (Judge or other courtroom staff). Lawyers shouldn't be allowed to intimidate traumatized people.
Been watching your channel a few days now but had to subscribe after this episode. You are an unmeasurably strong person and I appreciate your positive attitude to all you have been through. Your energy is so infectious and gives hope to those that might believe they can’t deal with issues anymore. Love the puppies and God bless
Homeschoolers unite!!!! On a side note that guy might be watching your videos.....
I had that thought too. I pray for her that's not the case!
Ted homeschoolers for the win!
Thank you so much for the adorable puppy video idea! I’m pretty much bomb-proof when it comes to triggers but I have many friends and a ton of others who have been affected and are still affected by triggers and this idea is something I’ve never seen (and I watch a LOT of UA-cam) and is such a good idea ♥️ Thank you for sharing your story and spreading awareness about this subject as I know so many people who can relate and it breaks my heart. Sending you all my love and hugs from Nashville ♥️
My dad was verbally and physically abusive while I was growing up, it took me a very long time to realize it wasn't normal cause my old other friend also had an abusive father, so I thought it was normal.
Now I'm on multiple medications for anxiety because of the way he treated me. I still live at home with him and I feel sick to my stomach hearing his voice, having to hug him, and when he says "I love you."
Abuse is a horrible thing that no one should go through, but for everyone who's been through it, you may not always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it's there, you've made it this far, don't give up, there are lots of people out there who will help you.
I broke up with my ex boyfriend 6 years from now and I spent a while thinking about reporting him for being abusive to me, or sexually assaulting. Not even for how I feel about it, as it is over, but rather to protect further girls from this.
googled and sexual abuse can be sued within 5 years
rape has longer deadlines, I don't know if I want to do this but I think one or two cases count as rape probably
Same girl! Minus sexually abusive. My first boyfriend turned his behavior about close to year into our relationship and often started to tell me what to do and how to behave to a point I couldn’t wear what I wanted or felt comfortable in, I couldn’t talk to people at work (we used to work in a same place) and he watched my every step as if to find some mysterious reason to yell at me or threaten to break up if I wasn’t up to his expectation.
I’m pretty feisty often and I tend to have my temper explode so when he was grabbing me i was always struggling against so he ended up being physical towards me and we’ve even done that in public like out at the curb. Once he became aggressive when his mother was home (we were staying at her place) and i fell and hit my head on the ground and he immediately changed to a caring and worried person.
It always happened when some minor hurt happened. And each time he apologized and I apologized and we got like okay again.
Long story short some while later I was just done. I realized his mind is in fact traumatized by some early life event and that I will not be able to “fix” him any way as he will never see what is wrong with him and he actually gave away the hint of cheating and lying about being interested into someone else so I just left.
I was strangely attached to him and now I wonder if it was my own strange weird mental state or I was just so bored with my life I wanted to experience some soap opera stuff.
But I’ve learned from this and gotten even deeper insight so I’m not crying about it. I believe I’m gonna use this experience and knowledge in some way d7ring my life.
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s important to hear what steps need to be taken to really get your voice heard.
Hello, I was just looking at how to add subtitle (in french) but youtube says that the video owner has not activated translation submission for the community. Thanks for this video.
I definitely relate to you in this. I have an ex, my daughters father, we have two domestics and everything… traumatizing. I found out I was pregnant when things were already so bad… it’s gotten better over years but it took a lot of court orders restraining orders and emotional and mental and physical trauma.
♥️ keep going strong 🤟🏻
If you're a man, good luck getting any help.
I was married to and am now divorced from a woman with borderline personality disorder. She abused me for 10 years. But BPD people don't get it. They don't give up until they have control of you again. So... every 5-8 months, she comes around again, trying to find me. It's been 5 years of no contact but still here we are. I'm in therapy trying to recover. I applied for an order and it was denied because, and I quote, "she hasn't harmed you physically yet." YET.
I was hit once after we were married but the rest of the abuse was emotional and spiritual. I ended up in a mental hospital because she had me convinced I should kill myself and I got scared and checked myself in. But I wasn't suicidal--I was being abused. But she apparently hadn't harmed me so it was denied. And the cop I spoke to this last time she decided to show up at my dad's house and demand to see me (I wasn't there) said I was denied because I'm a man and that she sees it all the time.
While I'm super glad you got help when you needed it, perhaps you can advocate for those of us on the other side of the gender spectrum to show that men also deserve to live peaceful lives, away from those who would harm us. Your voice is louder than mine and it's not fair that men get ignored when a woman is the dangerous one. Thanks.
Hey Eric - first of all, I am so incredibly sorry for all you've had to go through. I've talked about this before on my other channel, but the way men are treated when it comes to abuse breaks my heart. Almost as many men are victims of domestic violence and sexual assault as women, but we don't take it nearly as seriously. Its awful. I advocate for that in any situation that it comes up in, online included. How you were treated is inexcusable - by all parties. Women can be just as dangerous as men...gender doesn't matter. My thoughts are with you, and know that I will continue talking about this and working to see a change. ♥️
My mom and step dad procured a restraining order for me when I was 10. I was being stalked by a pedophile who lived across the street from us. I know now that the process would have been so much harder were my step dad not a Homicide Detective. I do remember having to go to court and holding my mom's hand and hiding behind my step dad. Having to see him across the aisle was terrible. We eventually had to move and change our phone number as he was not easily deterred, luckily he died when I was 16. To this day my father knows nothing about this as he would have killed the man.
I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship from age 12/13 to 17. Still haven't been able to fully process through it in therapy 2+ years after getting out of it. He took my innocence from me, and left me so broken. Even though I'm free of him, he forever haunts me
Thank you for talking about this. I'm currently recovering from a similar situation. I was assaulted a few years ago but my PTSD kicked in last year so it's a very fresh fear. Then at the end of last year I met someone who I thought was great but the relationship turned bad quickly. He ended up showing up to my house twice at like 3am completely wasted. The first time I let him in as I was worried and wanted to make sure he was ok but I then told him to never do it again or I'd call the police, which ended up happening. I thought I'd be able to move on with my life but a few weeks ago he did it again, but I didn't know as I blocked him on everything and was asleep but he called my friends and they believe he was outside. I'm still working on leaving the house but I'm not consumed by fear and I can actually speak again as I was stuttering for a while due to my anxiety 😂
Today I had a public speaker in my Human Interactions class who talked about abusive relationships. I never really thought about the extent that they can go to until today. I am so sorry that it happened to you and great job with standing up for yourself! Many people don’t make it that far. Have a great day!
So glad you stood up for yourself and didn't just let things go. I'm so sorry you've been through it too,I was in a marriage for 9 years that was abusive in every way possible. I don't wish it on anyone. You're one strong woman that's for dam sure.
Hi Joe just wanted to let you know I love your channel and I've been here since the video were you told us how you said goodbye to your foot we are all here for you and I love your content (even though I can't realate to any of it) I think your just a amazing person
I've gone through something very similar. Thank you for this.
I’m really sorry that you had to go through this.😔
I'm glad you did that, I've ordered people off my property in life, and those that messed with me are a bit fearful to try that kind of mess again because I'll shoot them if I have to. Such orders are good to do, restraining orders, but some ignore them, and I'm lucky to have very good security now. I did at one time in life have to shoot, which isn't fun, but even that didn't do a whole lot until police arrived, kept people at a distance and then they got arrested for not listening to my order to leave, which is a crime if a person owns property and orders people to leave and they don't. Having a lot of dogs is also good, they are very good defenders when people try mess with people as well. Wish you the best and have a beautiful week Jo, and all your family.
Hello its great to be here kinda early. I just wanted to say hi 😊😊
Aw thanks so much, April! 💜
@@FootlessJo I know ive left some other comments. Dont think im being werid but ive always wanted to talk with you in person and drink coffee. You are literally like an idol to me your such an amazing person.💜💜
I had to leave Europe because I knew my ex partner would find me. After one year of Canada 🇨🇦,I came back I have adult children here. I live in a different city. It’s been 3 years but I am now just starting to working through it. I’m tired of hiding.
I had a roommate once that tried to start a fight with another roommate while he was drunk. Guy was a nutcase in general, on drugs, and was a heavy drinker. Used to talk about being in the CIA. I got between him and this other roommate and said no, this isn't happening, just go back to your room. He decided to throw a punch at me. Hit me in the chest.
It was kind of like a cartoon, honestly. I looked down at where he had hit me, as it didn't even hurt (though it did bruise up a bit a few days later) and then at him, and just instinctively hit him back. I hit him hard enough to throw him back. Then I told him "this is your last warning to back off. Go to your room." And he did. The police showed up, landlord showed up, and everyone told the cops what happened. He didn't get arrested, but was warned that if the police come out again he's going to jail. He had threatened all of us, talking about having a gun, etc. Police were useless.
Me and the landlord went down to the courthouse the next morning and got a restraining order. That part wasn't too hard. We got a private meeting with a judge in their office, and they were friendly enough. The only thing they said about any kind of court appearance was that if the guy decided to contest it we would have to show up in court for a hearing. Actually getting him served was a nightmare, as he wasn't on the property when we got back, and when he showed up, the police never came when we called them. They came like a day or two later, and by that point the guy had already moved out of his own accord, wanting to avoid the landlord getting a formal eviction order (the landlord had told him that he needed to be out within 24 hours or he was going to go file for eviction because of his violent, drunken behavior and his drug use). The cops that came couldn't even serve the guy because they didn't know where to find him. Frankly, my employer at the time was better about it, as I had requested on the restraining order that the man be banned from my workplace too (didn't want to deal with him at all), and I showed that to HR when I went to work, and they made sure our security was aware that this may be an issue. They took it very seriously.
Now after he left I never saw him again, thankfully, but what if I had? What if the guy had decided he wanted revenge and showed up at the house? What if he had shown up at my work? Sure, I got the restraining order against him, but it's not been served and the cops wouldn't take the situation seriously enough as it was. I can't even imagine being a single, disabled woman who was assaulted and having to deal with all that crap.
I was 14. I never got help or justice. However he moved from Illinois to New York and was arrested there for assaulting his 12 year old niece. Now he lives in Missouri and I check his location every 6 months or so through the registry. I'm 41 now. Thanks for sharing your story.
8:02 - Just FYI, for anyone that goes through a similar experience with interviewing an attorney: they're testing your demeanor and response. In her situation, she's going to be asked the same questions by an opposing attorney (someone not on her side). It's going to be way more uncomfortable and unpleasant... If you can't handle answering in the best conditions, you're definitely not ready for court.
Are you really footless? I mean you have more than 2.. I do have a question.. if you get on a plane.. do you technically have 2 personal items? I mean if your carrying your purse?
I am sorry you had to go through that experience. There is a good reason to goto court. You can’t cross examine a paper.
You have the right to discuss your grievances with the court just like the defendant does. This is to make everything fair because you are the witness and it is your job to prove your grievance. (You really should be there because what this particular case is about is getting being put whole and most importantly re-empowering yourself.) The court is there to obviously hear both sides of the argument and decide which side of the scale of justice proved their case. It is always going to be difficult. I am glad you were successful. It is a paper like you said.. but in this country you can defend yourself without question.
Tough subject.. thanks for sharing
I.m so sorry you or anyone had to go through this. Anyone needing help with this type of situation please ask for help. God bless you.
Firstly, thank you for being willing to share this for the first time. It breaks my heart that you got this security only because he didn't show. So much internet love to you ❤ I always really appreciate the alternative video options if content is too triggering, I have made use of it at times.