The Real Way to Fix Bad Communication with Your Partner | Relationship Theory
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- Are you struggling to communicate in a clear and healthy way with your partner? Does your relationship struggle due to arguing, fighting, or a pattern of bad behavior? On this episode of Relationship Theory, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu sit down to discuss such matters and more as they explore ways to identify patterns of negative behavior in your relationship and how to fix them for good so that you can communicate together in a healthy way. They discuss how you should be communicating with your partner, dangerous patterns to look out for in your relationship, why you need to just be clear about your feelings, how to prevent problems from happening again, and why putting pressure on your partner isn’t doing the relationship any good.
SHOW NOTES:
Communicate | Lisa and Tom reveal how to better communicate with your partner. [0:17]
Patterns | Lisa and Tom reveal the power of predicting patterns in your relationship. [5:54]
Feelings | Tom and Lisa discuss why you need to be very clear about your feelings. [6:58]
Prevent | Lisa and Tom reveal how to prevent repeating problems in the future. [8:33]
Pressure | Lisa and Tom discuss why you should never dismiss your partner’s feelings. [10:10]
QUOTES:
“Don’t ever say, like, the other person shouldn’t be feeling something, right? Cause you feel it and it’s real and there’s nothing anyone could ever tell you that’s going to make that seem less valid." [7:40]
“They may kind of resolve it in the moment but then they don’t think about, “How do I prevent this in the future?” Because having the same argument or the same problem over and over again is just, like, a waste of energy.” [8:45]
FOLLOW TOM:
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Podcast: spoti.fi/2xEloFL
FOLLOW LISA:
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Podcast: spoti.fi/2IEajGW0
Emotionally sober... important to deal with our partners when we emotionally sober.
What does that mean though?
@@katelynmccorkle9902 I believe it’s when you can speak about something but you’re not under the influence of intense emotions. Basically not talking about it when you’re extremely mad, waiting until you’re calm. I think…. Not positive though
Lisa, I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability on this show. I feel so much guilt about feelings and cannot tell you how much your sharing means to me. I am human. It is okay to have feelings. I love the phrase "pattern recognition". Thank you both ♥️♥️♥️♥️
Llll
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That emotionally depleting person seems like they are insecurely/anxiously attached and are themselves emotionally triggered and therefore, they are ultimately, dysregulated. Good thing there are educational and self improvement videos like this and about these subjects here on YT 👍🏾
So powerfull one question "does this person love me?"
I really like the pattern advice, because the patterns can help us recognize changes within ourselves and help us reach out to discuss how we're feeling and how to prevent petty arguments and, instead actually discuss the true issues.
The information you two are providing on all your platforms are so helpful and educational.
You talk about pessimist, being negative, never in a good mood. If you are that kind of person how do you break out, how do you find different words to change and improve to not be so negative. Do you already have a video that covers this on your other channels?
Good comments, Lisa. But does it not bother you that you seem to be the only one who recognizes when you guys get distant and you are the only one who requests more together time?
Some people take on more responsibilities than is healthy. When you hit that mode of perpetual low-key trauma you start to interpret your relationships as conflicts and you start sliding down a hole of social isolation. Tom looks tired.
But it's not unusual for this to happen in a modern relationship, the key is that career-oriented partners need to take turns giving each other vacations at home, where when one has more energy than the other, that one picks up the slack for the other. Historically that's always the women, because women have much more stamina than men, in general. In turn, the male needs to keep his strength up for battle.
I think a more logical evolution of these relationships would be polygamous, with women in the lead and men on the periphery, but society is only going to tolerate so much deviation from it's ridiculous expectations at this point in time.
Golden advice and examples. Loved the Pattern recognition piece. At the end of the day, most things boil down patterns. Patterns of behaviour, patterns in our nervous system, patterns of thought, even trauma patterns.
You guys are awesome. I truly aspire to have my relationship to allow the level of communication that you appear to. You make so much sense and it seems so obvious when you discuss it, thank you. I'm learning so much from listening to you both, thank you for sharing your wisdom. ❤
We know facilitator here I followed some seminars, from heart IQ who teaches tracking from the heart and relationshipmastery., just what you explained.
So amazing.
All mij relations improved after that, iand even old emotional patters vanished.
I saw this happen with my sister.
Before she said, idk what that is, but I have emotions with you, I have with no one else.
I containered everything she wanted to say, without making her wrong. I felt very emotional when she shared, how to behave me, with her friends, a control thing, but I didn't judge her for it. Try to Stay centered and calm and shared my truth or ask her questions.
It was on a vacation, she is living in the US and I in the Netherlands.
And than it happened, all the emotions where gone. Amazing
We have a really amazing relationship now. Unbelievable beautiful.
Awesome podcast. I appreciate how raw and authentic you both are!
I’ve been an Absolute Motivation subscriber for ten years or more, unless I’m overestimating. Surely you’ve been killing it on UA-cam that long. But this relationship content!!! I so needed this. I’m struggling with my guy. Gottman of the Gottman institute uses physiologically calm for emotionally sober.
Wow um his response at the end- interesting
I disagree with the statement that “we are going through our feelings”. We create our feelings by using our mind to interpret our emotions and we are all responsible for our interpretation of these emotions. It’s not something that is outside of us that we go through.
I think communication is lacking in relationships. Without communication, there is no connection. Without connection, there is no vulnerability. Without vulnerability, there is no real commitment to the relationship.
Great video but like.. look at Lisa's biceps 💪🏽👍🏼
Damn, these videos are so underrated
This guy got a whole vibe that just dont sit right with me
Thank you. I shared this with my SO. We're working on things..
Okay help me out. What if I'm communicating these things directly plainly and in a non-confrontational way over and over and over years and years on end and it's literally like I'm telling a stone wall. And then he complains about the exact same things over and over and over and I communicate over and over and over.
Example: I tell him, hey if you want intimacy let me know early in the day so I can be sure that I've had time to unwind and shower and feel like a human in the evening and we'll make time for this. But then he just doesn't. He asks for it when I'm in bed with dirty breath and unshowered (I take care of my elderly mother 24/7 in my home)I'm not feeling in the mood AT ALL. Then he's feeling rejected and then I tell him again...let me know earlier in the day if you want intimacy so that I can get a shower and feel fresh and in that romantic mindset. And again in the middle of the day he'll come in the room and lock the door, when I'm feeling the absolute opposite of attractive or in the mood, and I again tell him let me know in advance so I can get showered and feel fresh and just unwind for a minute so I can get into this with you, and then again we are in the same place. He's feeling rejected again.And now intimacy is massively lacking, it's an awkward spot it makes me feel guilty and awkward because he thinks I'm always rejecting him and feeling totally rejected. I've even said we need to communicate better I need you to communicate with me and I am telling you exactly what I need. Really impossible while I'm caring for my mother in our home 24/7 for spontaneous intimacy. This all happens all over again and it makes my head spin. It's heartbreaking it's frustrating and even if I come to him and say hey you are not listening to me can you please just listen, it's exactly the same. And now resentment is building and both of us and it's the same in any and every other thing. I feel like he absolutely does not care about me, he feels rejected, I feel like I just don't matter and how is he going to even enjoy intimacy when he knows I absolutely do not want to, it would almost be like asking him to do it say... while his mother's in the room and then me saying why are you rejecting me? That's an extreme but that's kind of how it feels.
I don't get it, it's like a black hole what do you do?
I wonder to myself if I am just with somebody who is just plain toxic and he's gaslighting me or something? I mean to me he's a sweetheart and I know he loves me. I've wondered if he has Asperger's. Is that a possibility for something like this? Help
This is my most favourite video of you 2 to date. 💕
Can you guys make a video on how to recreate attraction after someone broke up with you? Cuz I know ultimately the emotional and physical attraction faded which led to the break up and him not wanting to move forward anymore
What do I do when my partner does dismiss my feelings/gets defensive and turns things on me, or tells me I’m ridiculous for feeling a certain way, when I come to him wanting connection or trying to respectfully express something that’s upsetting me he’s done. It’s so hard 😔
I know fhis is after a long time
But in my old relationship ( recent break up) we both had problems. And he had anger issues and he was insensitive to a lot of things i felt. He was a sweetheart obviously, but still these issues were there. But man those are fixable issues. My issue that i told him as i broke up with him and i know is giving time. its not just him...i dont really like calling or texting. I like more meeting up in person. We were friends for 2 years but when finally we got together i moved countries 3 days later. How do i get better at communication? I can talk, but i hate to. Like i can listen to u talk for hours about yr problems... but is that all u should talk about in a relationship...his problems?
I feel my confidence breaking someone pls help
Power couple😉❤️
Great short clip!! 👍👍
So good 💝
Orlando Florida
What if a partner is dismissive?
RUN
Relationship happy love
How about relationships that have mental problems and don't live together having cumunication problems
Like people with PTSD or anxiety, is it a good idea for two people that have these to date one another???
It's nice and all but I feel like he should make time for you in his schedule without you even asking since it's a repetitive situation
Holy fck! This was great
I just want to break up he doesn’t communicate reads messages and doesn’t reply
Don’t do it
Maybe he is dealing with something you don’t know about or he is unsure of telling you just try and talk things out people nowadays just throw things away o don’t value it just try and maybe there is more behind this
@@dree18423 did all that unfortunately
@@dree18423this statement right here !
Here at 4 views. :v
Holy crap Tom! You’re wife is ripped!
Wow this guy is not a guy,he acting like she missed the boat. It is be nicer,and stop the holding back if she is .he talkes way too much.
Agree
😱Wow, what a mansplainer - and I'm a man! Let her get a word in edgewise, don't do a whole arrogant narrative about her needs, when she's the one you should allow to talk about them, and just let her go "uhuh". My partner and I are watching this and we're about to change to something else.