I completely hear you! I also have my doctorate in biochemistry and after two years of a postdoctorate, I got pregnant with my beautiful daughter. I decided just like you to stay home with her and put my career on hold. Then my beautiful baby boy came along and I continued to stay at home with them to enjoy the most amazing years of their lives! I thought I was making a mistake but in hindsight I loved every minute. It was stress free and pure! I became a full-time Mom and I realized that not many women can have this opportunity to watch their children grow! After they started school, I decided to be a small business owner and opened a Kumon Math and Reading center! It was a completely different career choice, but my background in Math and Science allowed me to help kids understand and excel in Math and Reading, build self-confidence, do better in school and set the foundation for them to attain their goals. Who knows, maybe I can nurture future Biochemists, but this choice was the best choice I could make for my life! Cheers to all women who have the courage to do the unthinkable and follow their heart!
Shalini Outram This post made me cry. I’m an RN and just as I was considering staying home with my three little ones, I got a call from two different departments that I had applied for some time ago asking me to interview. Both of these departments are areas I have always wanted to be in (oncology and women’s health). It is forcing me to wrestle with what I really want. Your post spoke directly to my heart.
It’s not the companies. This is the result of pretty high income taxes. You know, that things that is sooooo horrible and Americans shiver at the mere thought.
spokeforhours I'm not American nor Canadian so I don't know how it works there, in my country, the maternity leave is with full pay... And companies have to pay a fee for the mom and also pay full salary for her substitute and support that for 3 or 4 months is hard for most of the businesses, the big companies can afford that thought... And paying more taxes is out of the questions for many of them...
@@MimTorbell Austria has paid maternity leave too and it's paid by the national health insurance. The national health insurance is generally paid for by employees (they pay a small part, which is automatically deducted from their income along with the income tax) and the employers (they pay the larger part). You can choose between a few different models of how long you want to stay with your child, I think you can choose to stay up to 2 years. How much money you receive depends on the model you chose and the length of your leave. Fathers can also stay at home instead of the mothers or they can share the leave. During the first year your employer cannot dismiss you, but they can dismiss you during the 2nd year if they have valid economic or personal reason, but this needs to be accepted by a court.
I did it for almost 20 years. Homeschool, farming, lost social life, divorce and everything. I was lonely, exhausted, broke, confused alot of the time and I will never regret it. My children and I are so close and they are the most amazing people. Other people see tbe difference in my kids and want to know what I did differently. I was there. ❤
Aggeliki P. I mean it’s definitely not fake, I agree many are overreacting as the truth is for the vast majority it doesn’t even make you that sick, let alone hospitalize or kill you. I had it myself, as well as my boyfriend and a coworker, and it wasn’t bad, started with a fever and sore throat, and then came a minor cough, and loss of taste and smell for a few days. Whole thing lasted about a week. But some people’s immune systems react very strongly with covid for some reason, which is why they get so sick. It’s best just to try to be respectful of others and keep your distance and wear a mask where required at least. it can’t hurt, and may help reduce the spread for the people who do get really sick from it.
Congratulations!! I hope you can make the choice that is best for your family. You only get a few very short years with little ones, and it goes by very quickly. I say that with having 6 kids who are now all in school. One about to graduate high school who is checking out medical programs. Your baby gets one momma. If you do what will make you the best person possible, you will be the best mom possible. Every child is a gift and a blessing. Best wishes to you and your upcoming adventure!!!
I hear you. My daughter is 10 months and I still need this video. I have my doctorate and have always been career minded. The thought of staying home wasn’t even in my mind. Now I truly wish I educated myself more and built my life to have multiple options. If I could, I’d spend every second with my Little. Damn student loans....
In Czech we can stay at home until the kid is 3 years old with a little financial support from the government. It's great, I am so grateful to be a stay-at-home mom
That is awesome. The US has a lot to learn from other countries. We only lived on one very small income and so I was able to stay home with our kids until they were all in school and then I worked part time to be home every afternoon after school, it meant working an early shift. When I was home full time in the early years it meant going without everything except the absolute essentials ~ I loved it anyways, I am glad I made the choice. Its not for everyone, I understand that.
I can relate! I graduated from Harvard and went on to law school. Now I am a stay-at-home mom and want to be my child's primary caregiver. It is hard to trust anyone!
@@rheashank6881that really is a great question. To put it simply, in an "over all" statement: money, prestige, and position is not as important to most women as family, personal time, and making meaningful connections. This is why there are mostly men in top positions.
I love you Mayim. I'm an RN. I never intended to be a SAHM. I went back to work 3 months after my son was born. It lasted 3 weeks. I cried EVERY day I had to leave him. And HE cried because he would only take the breast and would not take a bottle while I was gone. One day he got so worked up that it scared my mom and when I got home that night my husband said "you're not going back to work." And I called my boss and said "I'm sorry. I can't come back." They were understanding. At first, I had an identity crisis. I had always worked and prided myself on being an independent woman. Seeing my son grow changed that. I knew I was the most important job I have ever done and being there for every moment was so special to me. My son and I have the strongest bond and I am so proud of that. A lot of people disrespected me for my choice but I don't care. I wouldn't trade one moment of being home with my son. All the reasons you stated are exactly my reasons.
I’m also an RN. The reason I felt so much more guilty than usual is I chose my career choice thinking I would work different hours from my husband to make it work (be a stay-at-home AND work outside the home). Well when my twins got here I knew immediately I could never leave them. They are 10 now (I also have a 9-year-old and twin 5-year-olds) and I will say it’s ALL been worth it for me to stay home. I felt so guilty and got flack for it but now they are older it has validated my choice.
I was a RN too. You know working with the elderly and having their point of view really helped me make up my mind to stay home. They would ask about my daughter and always comment that they grow do quickly. The time is do short and looking at these 80 year olds I could see there's still time for me, after I get to enjoy my children now.
I think being an RN helped. I was an ER nurse and seeing some things I did made me realize how short life is. My son is almost 8 and I am thinking about going back to work part time, but it has to be very flexible hours because I haven't missed one of his school events and don't plan to. I think everyone has to decide what's right for them, but they also need to stop shaming those of us to choose to stay home. I find more value in raising my son than I ever did in any job.
I chose to stay home with my children. Now my oldest is 25 and my youngest is 16. I am so happy I was given the opportunity to stay home with them. It was a blessing.
@@Alyssa18633 when the kiddos got older I worked in healthcare. One day I got very sick. After that was a series of hospital stays and operations. I am unable to do the work I once did. Through everything I did find a new passion. Now I devote my life to growing organic food, herbs and other plants. I had to find a new dream. Thank you for asking. I hope you are having a wonderful day.
@@GrandmaGG001 I LOVE that! I'm gonna stay home with my babies too and when they get older, I plan to work part-time in schools and eventually live half the year in the South of France. That's my happy place where people aren't so work or money obsessed. There I will teach English and Spanish part time and have my organic garden and hike. When someone asks me "what do you do now?" this is what I plan on telling them.
This is everything. I experience stay at home mom shaming REGULARLY. Everything you said in this video is 100% accurate. I am someone who has many single working mom friends, and I am their biggest cheerleader. I am fortunate and blessed that I am able to be home with my daughter, as my husband works a job that requires him to travel & therefore, he is gone anywhere from a few weeks to a few months at a time. Other than the financial aspect, I am a single mother the majority of the time. I am blessed to not have to work and worry about money. However, I am constantly bashed, belittled, & criticized for my CHOICE to stay home with my daughter. Even more disheartening, the constant bashing comes from my own mother. She says things like, “why don’t you get a JOB and set an example” & “you have too much time on your hands, get a JOB”. It is unfortunate that in this age where women are becoming more and more empowered, that we still have this type of judgement and shaming for the choices that we make for our families. I really really appreciate this video and I plan on listening to it every time I am feeling shamed for choosing what is best for me, my daughter, and the future of my family. Thank you, Mayim. Thank you so much. 💗
Heather, don't you give a fuck about what others think. Focus fully on your family. You will be giving the world gems of love. One day you will know the investment you made. Until then know that your making the right choice.
Tell your mom this: Is taking care of kids at a daycare a JOB? Yes? Then why isn't taking care of my OWN kids a job?? My mother was a working mom but she's very proud of me for wanting to raise my children instead of throwing them out of the house every day to have someone else be their mom. I'm sorry you don't have that same support! I realize you commented a long time ago but I had to reply. You're doing a great job. Screw what anyone else thinks. And if you did work, then screw what everyone thinks of that too! The shaming is real. You keep doing what you think is best for your child and PROUDLY!!
Dear heather! SCREW THEM ALL! It’s awful what is happening in US with motherhood and EXPECTATIONS we put on mothers to be both, and so many woman don’t even have choice to stay with their INFANTS which is insane! The truth is you can’t be great at both at the same time(I mean maybe in rare circumstances) and it is COMPLETELY AMAZING to choose to be there for your kids in those early years especially! I feel you on the mother thing, my mom can say something and it’ll stay in my head for days and it hurts, I really hope you are able to let it go because you are doing the right thing by your kids.. I’m pregnant right now and planning to be near my baby for those early years because I think it’s important! I worked very hard to get where I am in my career too but I’m not willing to give my child to be raised by someone else and really want to be there for them. I read so much about the importance of having a single caregiver( preferably mom/dad) those first 4 years and how crucial it is for that little persons whole life ahead, you are doing everything right! Don’t let ppl tell you different
@@Curiousitydrive Congratulations on your upcoming baby! He or she is very lucky to have you. I agree, especially the early years is important. Its hard to believe that it's not only accepted, but it's encouraged, for mothers to abandon their children at daycares, with strangers and a pack of other people's kids. Especially when they're infants. Can't people just have some common sense that a baby, especially a nursing baby, but bottle fed ones too, are completely traumatized when ripped away from their mothers for hours day after day? Or even one day a week! Anyways, I'm getting carried away but just wanted to congratulate you on your baby and your decision to stay with him or her.
It’s because at a certain point it seems like your just trying to avoid adulting and doing something with your life .. don’t you think we would all love to just avoid bills and financial stress and just stay at home with kids all day and just do simple house chores ??? Lol and women empowerment??? You all already have so much options and freedoms and still act oppressed and then in this day and age where you could go out in the world and choose to be get what ever job a man could get and do whatever a man could do (ya know...what the original 1840’s feminist activist FAUGHT TO WORK!!! FAUGHT SO THEY DIDINT HAVE TO STAY HOME AND COULD DO WHATEVER A MAN COULD DO) and now you have all these new millennial woke lazy ass girl trying everything to avoid employment 🙄😂😂😂
In my most recent job interview, I just had a compliment on my resume because I included my 10 years I stayed home with my girls. He liked the way I broke down my time at home into visual tasks - balanced priorities to create and implement budget, taught and modeled ethics, worked closely with educators to closely monitor academic performance, etc,. I’m very thankful we were able to swing me staying home, a lot of families these days just can’t do it.
Hey! I love the sound of that! So positive 🤗 I’m an expectant mother from Toronto. Would love to have a quick chat on how you managed your time during your pregnancy
I had that on my resume too, and I was proud to list it as a real job. I stayed at home for seven years until my youngest started school...I interviewed and received a job offer immediately after he started school. Never regretted my years at home...it's where I was meant to be. I don't believe that God blessed me with two awesome kids just to have somebody else raise them. I have a bachelor of science degree and had no worries about finding work after SAHM-hood. We weren't "well off"...we chose for my husband to work hard outside the home, while I worked hard inside the home, and we lived frugally for those seven years. Those years are long gone...all that remains are sweet memories.
@ Jennifer Bybee ... I really want to take the risk and stay home instead of continuing my career but I’m scared. I have 2 months to make a final decision. Wish me luck!
I Love this!! I stay home with my 3 kids and pregnant, working on my 11 😉. I was working but realized What I wanted wasn’t going to work while working I was exhausted, fighting with my husband, and too stressed for my kids. I also was reading my bible and was trying to model how God designed the family but was fighting the being dependent on your husband part. Which was more of my mom and grandmas lifestyle of motherhood and marriage so I adopted their traditional ways of thinking. I put the full providing responsibilities on my husband and now i focus on my home and kids. And I love it!!! Everyone is happier!! And my husband has shot up in the providing category which I wasn’t expecting. I believe God blessed us because we listened Him.
When we got married we tried to live off of only my husbands paychecks so that I could stay home once we had kids. I now have an almost 3 year old (hoping to get pregnant soon) and am able to stay at home. We definitely make some sacrifices in order for me to be able to stay at home. Our cars are old and we rarely eat out. Vacations are not happening until we have saved enough to replace one of the cars. I do feel judged a lot for staying at home but daycare costs more than half of what I would earn and I do want to see my kid grow up and not pay someone else and miss out.
You clearly do not understand feminism. Feminism is about deciding whether or not you are staying at home. It is about not being forced to do something because of specific roles.
@@julietrose260 yes but there's lots of people who think feminism = as many women in workforce as possible. So it then goes from stay in the kitchen to stay out still in the end eliminating choice
I'm a grandparent who has decided to cut back my work in order to allow my daughter(a teen Mom)to finish highschool while i become a Mom all over again. I know this action will cause a drastic tightening of my budget BUT the satisfaction i feel knowing i am there for my beautiful grandaughter AND helping my daughter have a better chance in life are worth it. Yes, being a teen Mom was NOT the best of choices BUT i wouldn't trade my granddaughter for anything! I've prioritized- EXTRA stuff is not going to have me miss the precious moments with my grandbaby😀. Thank God i can make that choice.
@Team Queen’ s Fearn Tucker and Bentley Forever i could be a hard ass and turn my back on my daughter BUT that would also hurt my grandchild in the short AND long term- it would create a bitterness between me and my daughter that may last years on end- there are times to be hard core but when you factor in a child and the folly of teens- this IN MY OPINION- is NOT a time for spite and hatred, but of love and forgiveness. My daughter has a hard road ahead- i WILL NOT make it harder with HATE. When it comes to MY children - i will ALWAYS choose the road of LOVE. YOU obviously aren't required to agree....
its such a difficult and thankless job and people often look down on it, and i just cant wait till when society wakes up and realize that its the most selfless and one of the hardest job.😣
I got pregnant my last semester of college graduated with a Bachelor’s degree with not knowing what to do. I stayed at the job I had been at for 6 years & then made a decision to leave when my daughter turned 1 to stay home with her because I barely saw her with working over 40 hours & I was not happy working there anymore. I would see her in the morning & just before she went to bed so I knew something had to change. BEST decision I ever made. I am now home with my daughter & pursuing & starting an online business in order to continue to stay home & have more children! LOVE this video.
SOME do what they can, but a good half do what they prefer to. Some people want the stressfree comfort over career and financial independence. I get your point but im getting tired of the literally endless backpatting and validation of each other, to the point of spoiling themselves, as if they were ALWAYS the poor oppressed victim that sadly for some reason has to suffer the wrath of life
This made me emotional. I was not prepared by any means for motherhood. I had no idea what I was getting in to. I THOUGHT I’d go back to when my son was 3 months old but here I am 2 years later at home with him. I was in no way ready to return to work physically or mentally when my son was that young. I had no idea I’d have postpartum depression and be so exhausted I thought I’d die. No one told me this. I know women do it everyday but I discovered there’s no way I could give both 💯 to my son and a job and a marriage and a household. Thank you for this video.
sharnay teixeira amen! I was in the same scenario as you. I love being at home and taking care of everything while husband works. I couldn’t have gone back to work in the state I was in and survive.
I was fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom for 9 years. One of the absolute best things I could have done for my Son. I tell my son while your young you can pick money over time but when you get older and have a family, pick time. Those years are precious and fly so fast. I wouldn't ever change my decision to stay home. Never feel bad for picking family over work.
Living in Sweden is a good thing when it comes to having kids. We can stay home with our kids for over a years, with pay! And we can divide it between both parents almost any way we like. For me, being home for that long almost made me crazy, so for our third child we split the time 50-50.
Sweden has a lot of socially responsible plans, I like how education is encouraged & students paid. It makes financial sense if it makes people more employable taxpayers in the long run.
@@3saphires1garnet15 yes, I agree. What is your point? What does that comment have to do with me writing about the fantastic benefits we have in Sweden?
I was brought up by a stay-at-home mom. I have always been so grateful and appreciative that she went against the grain and made that choice. We didn't have much when I was little...our living room was empty for several years, one winter they couldn't afford heating oil and we spent nights huddled around a kerosene heater...but I wouldn't have traded my mother being there for anything in the world. I can't put into words the joy and confidence my mother's constant presence gave me as a child. Don't let a capitalist, materialistic culture make you feel insecure for putting your children first. We're truly living in upside-down world when women are judged badly for devoting themselves to raising their children.
That's such a beautiful story! Love really is the key to being a good parent. It's such a blessing that you could see the good in your parents' decision, even though you had to make sacrifices. I guess that made your relationship with your mom even better. God bless you!
Wow! I stay at home with my 5 & have for 10 years. My Dad is always telling me I need to get a job and I'm not going to have any retirement. Your comment confirms in my heart I am doing what is most important. Our kids are only young once and our most important job is to be there for them. I homeschool mine & one is special needs. I will continue to put my kids first. Thank you for your comment! ♡
@@luvmyangels3 but your dad doesn't remember that you can get your husbands retirement (if he has it and he dies first). My mom was a stay at home mom also I greatly appreciate it and guess what? She is actually living better than when my brother and I were kids, and it's all because of my dad.
My love for my job was gone after I became a mom. Staying home with my precious little bundle (and working my butt off!) was the best and easiest decision ever. ❤️
It can be triggering for women who want to stay home but don't have the option to hear that from someone who does have that option. And unfortunately the rhetoric around stay-at-home vs working mom can come with a lot of moralizing (and often classist and/or sexist) judgment. Obviously this isn't coming from Mayim, but the subject already comes with a lot of baggage. This disclaimer is unfortunately necessary because of the broader context of the discussion.
I think the disclaimer was there to keep from offending anyone who felt attacked by her choices. OF COURSE that's not how she meant it, but we, as women, are so often scrutinized for our choices as parents.
Holy crap. I've never seen any of your videos, and for the first time ever you showed up in my reccomendations. This video showed up in my reccomendations. What's crazy is that I JUST got off the phone with my sister, crying because I wanted to be a stay at home mom but was torn because I felt unaccomplished. I felt like people viewed me as the one who "gave up her dreams to stay at home and now has it easy" but watching this video reminded me- this is my new dream. Every precious moment and new discovery of my little toddler I get to witness and it is a DREAM come true. Thank you for helping me remember that being a stay at home is hard and is an accomplishment. Thank you for reminding me of all the blessings I get to witness with the difficult decision I made to stay home. Not sure if you believe in God, but I believe that God wanted me to see your video. Total fate. ❤
@K Weaver what in the actual hell are you talking about? Are you dumb? Blind? Illiterate? Where in my entire post did you somehow get the vibe that I'm sexist? I literally never even brought up sexism, or said women are supposed to so what I did. Some people man, some people. 😂
@K Weaver do you know how to read? I literally wrote that I WANTED TO. I WANTED to watch my kid grow up and be apart of his life throughout his childhood. If I wanted to work I could have kept my job. You're an idiot. You really should so back to school.
I am glad I saw this video. I am a mother of two girls.I was working for Microsoft as a software engineer. I was unable to balance work and family. So I quit my job when I was pregnant. But the society made me feel that I was a failure. Since I was not in the job force. I went into severe depression. My children are 13 and 8 years old. I am still feeling wasted that I was at home all this time. But now I feel worthy of myself. My husband has been a pillar of support for me all this time. Thanks for being an inspiration for sahm like me. I am really grateful for this video.
I feel like we've flipped compared to previous generations. Before, it was looked down upon if you weren't home to raise your children. Now, it feels you're judged if you want to stay home with your kids and not focus on a career. Whether you are able to, or you pay someone else to do it, someone has to be there to raise babies. There's no shame in either decision. I've loved being a SAHM, and now that my kiddo turned 4, I'm starting to feel that I can begin focusing on my education and career seeing as full-time school is only a couple years away for my little one.
kay Trust me, working moms catch flak, too. I’ve been told I should have never had children and been accused of letting someone else raise my kids (although where that ‘someone else’ was during midnight puke tests, I have no idea). I think it’s just the American pastime to disparage what other moms do.
******MESSAGE TO HOUSEWIVES OR SOON TO BE *********** A stay home wife or a stay home husband is a duty that comes with the decision of buying/renting a house and having children(s). It NOT A JOB you do not have the option to choose whether or not you want or don't want to do it. It your DUTY as a parent to raise your children and run the household. That task CAN be done with both parents working. There is a difference between school, college, university and life lesson. School university and college will teach your child how to function and work in today society. While the life lesson should be given by the parents containing lessons such as belief religion moral personality value politics good manners respect love etc... I do agree that the school is fucked up just like many other things in our society. But it this same society that provide this system that we living on. This system that allows us to have food 2 feet away water house clothes etc... How because there is people out there working OUTSIDE OF THEY HOME during rain snow building this system those laws. We all want to just stay home with our family all day long but we can't we have to work not just for money but to contribute to the development of our society so that EVERYONE'S CHILDREN can have a better future a better system a place to live. You can't ignore the world staying in your little bubble taking care of your kids only and hoping that somehow the world will be a better place later on. SO GO THE WORK Thank you.
From a child's perspective. My mom worked three jobs when I was growing up and I saw how much stress that put on her but I'm so thankful for all she gave up in order for me and my siblings to have what we needed. She still knows my first word and jokes about how weird I was as a child but also wishes she had been there for more. I love her so much and now I'm glad she can be a stay at home mom for my little brother. Love your videos 😊😊
I just talked about this with my 19 year old. My husband works on the road alot so that we can pay the bills and so that I can be home with the kids. She's an amazing young woman, and while she doesn't want her own children, she really appreciates that I was able to stay home, and she respects and loves her dad for sacrificing and working so hard to provide for us. We've never been rich, and we had to save up to get non necessities, but we have a good time =)
I was a banker with a master degree, now I am a stay-at-home mom with a 14month baby girl. I just move from China 7months ago. Now living in L.A without any friend or family, only my baby and my husband. it makes me depress for months, but is getting better since I enjoying watching others mom from UA-cam and try to make my own vlogs. It is nice to hear stories from other moms. Thank you!
I was lucky enough to take a year off with both my toddler children while my wife went back to work and I was the full time parent. Best job in the world. We took turns taking a year or two off though my wife took more time because she needed to do the things I couldn't (like carrying our babies in her womb and breastfeeding), We both returned to work when the kids went to school. In my mind there is no job more rewarding or joyous than being a stay-at-home-parent. That whole career thing never looks you square in the eyes and says "I love you to the moon and back daddy"
You saying “I was there for...” made me so happy to hear. I am there for EVERYTHING my son goes through and does and I absolutely love it. I felt my job a few weeks before having my son because I would have made $100 more a month than daycare would have been. I’d much rather stay home than make $100 a month take home and not see my son every moment of every day. He’s 2 now and my husband works hard for our family but we’re happy
For the past 24 years My husband and I have lived a low income lifestyle just so I can stay home and raise our kids. If money is needed to be made, I watch other peoples kids as well or I find a side hustle that can be done when my husband gets home from work. Its all about priorities. We have 5 kids ranging from 24 to 1
I was a portrait studio manager for 16 years. I was one of those moms who had no choice but to work. I missed everything you said you were there for with my 16 and 11 year old. I now have a 8 week old and a new husband who supports me staying home and I love it! Thanks for the encouragement
Omg I needed this, after my BA in biology I got married and became pregnant. I had gone to college later in life and when I graduated I was 30. I love being a stay at home mom and I’m so grateful to have this opportunity . . But it’s hard to not think I’m throwing my career away or that I’m wasting a degree I’ll never get to use again... my little man has just turned one and I am in a constant state of anxiety about feeling like I need to go back to work to feel like I have worth again. Ty for the support you have for other moms like us... we really don’t get the help and encouragement we need.
Love this video! I love staying at home. I am an RN and haven’t worked since the day before I gave birth (14 months). People need to understand that if you can stay home and want to/do you aren’t a lesser person because of it.
I wish we could make it work. I have a 6 year old and 6 month old twins but the reality is, there is nowhere to cut. We already don't go on vacations or own nice cars. We don't have any savings and live paycheck to paycheck. I work days and my husband works nights because we also can't afford childcare. I love my kids and I hope that my stress, frustrations and guilt don't peek through so much that it is detrimental to them.
This. For too many of us a two income household is necessary just to scrape by. I personally would not want to stay home with babies, but my husband would if we could afford home and food on one salary.
Your life is exactly like mine. We did the same with my husband on a night shift and I worked days. I'm much farther down the road because my girls are at the end of high school now. My girls are well rounded, very dependable and independent. There will be struggles within the family so make sure you and your husband have date night at least once a month.
@@MsEllen918 I always plan to arrange a date night and don't. I need to commit to making it happen. We have so little time together. Thank you for your kind words and advice!
All the respect in the world for SAHMs. I would love to do it, but I know that for my own personal mental stability I NEED to work. And I know my kids will need me to be mentally stable.
SAAMME i feel like everything I hear about family/ motherhood is just - women need to be a housewife / stay home mom because otherwise they won't be happy and their bad moms and the man can be the provider... I know I could never stay at home for so long. Idk if I want to have a child one day but if I will I won't be able to stay at home for years and do nothing other than existing. I need my projects and my work I know I would be unhappy otherwise wich would also make me a bad mom. Idk just let women make their own decisions if staying at home makes you happy go for it. If not than don't. Society will tell you that you're wrong no Matter what
It’s so important to be happy yourself and set an example for your kids! Yes the first 3-4 years even just 1 are very important for mom to be around as much as possible, but you’re completely right your kids need you healthy and happy!
My husband and I are making serious financial sacrifices so I can stay home with our 5 months old boy. It’s not easy as we had to adjust our spendings significantly but it is so worth it. I love staying home with our baby.
Love this video!. I had my son 6 years ago i chose to stay with him at home until he was 6 months but then took some part time work as a babysitter until my son was 4 years old and stopped sitting and went to school 2 get certified in whatever I could .mostly something creative so it chose a nail technician course. It was hard to work first to look for work I did odd jobs in nail salons like front desk / Nail Tech but I wasn't happy because I was spending too much time away from my kid that I feel really needed me for development I chose to stop working for other people and salons in October 2017 and got pregnant that month fast forward to October 2018i have a 6 month old and a 1st grader. Im stay at home mom I work from home part-time as a nail technician mostly during the weekends so I'm able to help my family and I get to take my boyfriend to work drop off my son and pick them up and in between take care of the house take care of the baby and take client's after my husband's home or during the weekend and I don't regret spending more time with my kids then work. There is a lot in her future is just baby steps right now because the kids are still little and there's no room to grow in the near future. :)
Izabela Rivera have you thought about maybe babysitting once your son is older. That way you can bring in money and start socializing your son. It made things bearable when I was struggling as a single mom. My son got a playmate and I got to breath with my bills paid. Congratulations on your sons birth
Judith Bisson I did think about it but babysitting isn’t really my thing. I am currently learning to trade stock. It is an awesome way to supplement income and I can easily fit it into my schedule.
It's the best you can do, well done! You'll see, it pays of! Tons of work, but after I stayed with my dear daughter for 2 years, I can ensure you, we took the best decision ever! You won't regret it!
Advances in communication technology have revealed just how stupid many of our fellow citizens are. You were just in denial before. When they had no voice they were easier to ignore.
@@nellycious1692 You sure about that? ua-cam.com/video/mzYHBPTfXCI/v-deo.html ua-cam.com/video/vMSmUzDt-7U/v-deo.html ua-cam.com/video/5JB6qiJ5n5w/v-deo.html Also, hopefully you realize what you just said is sexist and racist, *going by SJW/feminist logic.*
I'm a SAHM. I was at Walmart in customer service and the lady behind the counter was upset and said "I hate retail!" Me too! Did it for 6 years. So I know how she felt, or at least I thought I did. I asked her what job she wanted if she could have any job. She said she just wanted to be with her daughter, raising her (her words). My heart just sunk for her. I can't imagine wanting to be with your child but not being able to. Since then I've never taken for granted the fact that my husband has a good enough job that I can be home with our son. And I'm thankful that I have a husband who not only supports me being a sahm but that it was/is just as important to him as it was/is to me that I be home with our son and any other children we might have later. Before I was married I was working retail (and in college) when a customer asked me what I wanted to be if I could be anything. I said a mother and he laughed at me and said that there are much more important things. Maybe to other people, but not to me. I can't think of any job I could be nearly as passionate about as I am about being my son's mother.
The money paid to people on parental leave doesn’t come from tax dollars. It comes from employment insurance which everyone pays into. You are just claiming an insurance benefit that you are entitled to. The money coming from the government is just a widely-spread misconception in America to scare people out of the idea.
@@Mjl449 of course the benifit isn't funded by the gov. The government doesn't have money of its' own. The government takes money from people to give to people. The government is giving out other peoples' money, by them requiring people to pay into it. Its' not my fault somebody else decided to have kids. I wish the gov would pay me to go on vacation the next time I decide to go.
When you pay your health insurance premium every month and then you get sick and make a claim to cover the costs of seeing a doctor, you are entitled to the money from the insurance company. That’s why you’ve been paying into it every month. Employment insurance is the same thing. People pay into it every month, so that when they go on parental leave they can make a claim. I don’t get why this is so hard to understand. You are literally getting back the money you put in. It’s yours to claim 🤦♀️
It takes a village to raise a child. Americans really have it all screwed up. In traditional societies, the extended family helps, the mom is never alone with her kids-grandparents, aunties, uncles. That's how it was done for millions of years, and only in the last few decades women were left alone to deal with their kids. It is not natural. Humans are tribal animals, we've lived in a close-knit tribes for hundreds of thousands of years. It is sad that it is like that-we have lonely elderly population, and desperate moms, who have to choose between the career they love, and their kids. There is a middle ground, but it is not in the US, sadly.
As eastern european, I get tired of this low hanging fruit kind of basing of american culture differences. They do it differently, that's all. Besides a lot of traditional things are illegal and cruel now, because being a tradition doesnt translate to being morally right this is a stupid argument. A lot of new non traditional changes are extreme improvements too but you overlook that., just like plenty of traditions are horrible in this age
It’s nice if you have people who can help. Sometimes it’s not grandparents or extended family’s fault that they cannot help. They are full time carers, or sick or disabled themselves, or live too far away for work, or deceased and can’t help (All of these are true in my family). It’s great if the ideal exists, but it’s just not realistic these days where people don’t have lots of kids, because there aren’t a lot of aunts and uncles when your parents don’t have a lot of kids, and when people aren’t having kids as young, their parents may have passed away. I don’t think society is the cause of the village going away. Lots of people still have the village, but lots of people as has always been the case, do not due to circumstances outside of everyone’s control.
It is also not in other countries, even in Asia.. Yes, women should not be left alone to deal with small kids. I used to had the privilege to experienced this kind of pain. Pregnant and raising baby alone while forcing myself going to work amidst the cries of my little baby..
With my husband we have decided that I'll be a stay at home mom and homeschool our kids, but at the moment I'm finishing my degree in case something happens and I'd have to go to work. You never know what life brings, husband can get sick or lose his job, so it's always good to have plan B!
Psychologist here, after having my son I decided to stay at home, 8 years ago. Best decision ever. Still don’t have a lot of time for myself, but I don’t mind. Life is not short, will do something for myself in few years:-) Having healthy child and watching him growing up is the best life reward.
I totally agree. I live in Australia and have 4 kids. They are now aged from 19 to 27 years old. I was home with them 95% of the time. My husband is amazing (he worked a factory job - so we were NOT well off, we also have a mortgage etc) My kids were never in day-care, even though my Mum owned and ran a day care centre. I had post natal depression following the birth of my 4th child, and my Dad, who had recently retired would visit every weekday so I could collect my other children from school with out taking the baby. Staying at home is do-able. One needs to make adjustments to expectations, and when "well-meaning working friends" telephone and ask "What do you do all day??", you can calmly answer - "What the workers in your child care centre (day care) do, plus run the house etc". NOT for everyone. It was right for me. XXX Love you Mayim XXX
I'm currently working as a chemist and 22 weeks pregnant. I'm going in to a PhD chemistry program in August. I'm making the decision to go to school after and during my pregnancy because it allows me more time to be home with my baby than I have in my current position, while still doing some career work. Every family and situation is so different. ♥️
i was lucky enough to be able to be a stay home mum until my son was almost 3. I loved all the day-to-day mummy stuff. So many of my friends were bored and went back to work in a year, I was never bored once. My career took a massive hit, I went from running a department in a school to starting back 3 years later in a new place as a classroom teacher - but my son will never be small again and I am working my way back up. I had my son at 34 adn am 40 now and I wouldn't change a thing. If you want to stay at home you should be able to and if you're bored by staying home you should go back to work. Happy parents = happy children. If only everywhere gave mums the opportunity for longer paid maternity.
I totally agree with you. I don’t want to stay home, staying home makes me depressed and unsuccessful. But if it makes others happy, then that’s great. I just wish both parents had better parental leaves and we encouraged father to take time off as well.
I’m glad your happy in your choice! In my experience having a mother who worked from 8am to 8 pm every weekday was AWESOME. I think it made me really independent (not that you can’t make your kids be independent if your staying at home) and it made me bond with my grandparents who would later leave me in life. I loved having her all for myself during the weekends but having the freedom to explore different things and different cares by different people during weekdays. This was just my experience :)
Love your honest take on this. I worked as a nanny in the UK for a number of years and loved all those special moments that I shared with the children I was looking after. When I started a family of my own I didn't want to miss any of those moments. So pleased that we made the financial sacrifices that it took to have me at home with the kids. It's not an easy road but full of so many blessings along the way. Thanks for giving such a clear and honest voice to what I and I'm sure many others are feeling. I have subscribed to your channel to hear more sanity :) :) Have a great day - Heather in NZ
I loved your words. Ive just resigned from work during my maternity leave. Ive been home full time mom since six month as the age of my second daughter. I knew i May regret it but until now im thankful ive made the choice. My heart and mind both said yes it only took from me the courage to do it
I had my first son 6 weeks ago and decided to become a stay-at-home mom. The most common and dreaded question I receive is "when do you return to work?" A lot of people seem taken aback when I tell them I quit my ECE teaching job (though I still have my remote ghostwriting position) to raise my child. I find myself having to defend my decision, and this can be disheartening when trying to learn the ropes of being a new mother. I'm glad I found this video (and your channel).
yes mommy Shanna. I agree with u. I'm so happy to find this vlog coz it boost my dignity and value as a person.. I'm also a college graduate, after 10 years of working and helping my family, now a stay at home wife. One of the challenges are the criticism and disrespect of some people, why u gave up your career?, what will you do now? now, you're less valuable. etc., etc., and it's so annoying coz it makes me feel that I'm so wrong with my choice in life and I become guilty of the thing that I would love to do though it's an unpaid job.. They don't know how much anxiety they're giving to a Stay at home Mom. I Salute all the moms especially those who bravely let go of their careers just to cherish every milestones of their children. It's tough, but it's priceless... Time will never come back..
Don't feel the need to explain yourself all the time. As long as you are doing what's right for you and are confident in that, that's what matters... Not if other people understand or agree
The time I spent with my children helped them to be more sure of themselves, more intelligent, better socially adept. I was available to answer questions that can't wait, we watched the trash trucks and freight trains, cleaned dinosaur bones, weekly trips to the library, daily summer fun. I am thankful daily that we were able to have a parent at home. It was HUGE!
I loved being a stay at home mum. Unfortunately we divorced. I am in my 50's now and have to go out to work, I would rather stay home and be a home maker. I love gardening and cooking and cleaning and I love being my own boss and making my own timetable. I have 2 degrees.
@Amandeep Wahi I agree but that woman also can pride herself in taking very good care of her husband and children in return. It's teamwork and sharing the load. A job to be proud of; but young girls are now taught being a homemaker is less somehow?? Being a homemaker is what you make of it. The woman mustn't be lazy, she has to be self motivated. And the man must share, not be controlling because he brings the cash to the house.
As a human being who has seen periods of time where my mother was a stay at home parent and then my dad (for medical reasons), i think I have maybe a different perspective. I remember my mother struggling with patience for us kids because she was still working through a lot of baggage from her own childhood. I remember my dad didn't struggle with patience for us so much as struggle with depression over his medical issues. I also remember my mother being very cold except when we made her look good but my dad was compassionate especially on our bad days. I think my mother didn't really have the temperament to be a stay at home mom, I think it might have been bad for her mental health. I'm not saying my dad was perfect, he struggled with his own issues too, but I never had to question whether or not he loved us. EVER. I do think that children can benefit from having a stay at home parent; however, I disagree that the stay at home parent be selected because of sex or gender. I think whether or not a parent stays home at all should be determined by finances, and which parent if any be determined based on a combination of which parent wants to and can they survive on the other parent's income.
BROTHER TN why because she takes care of her children instead of of making extra money ? Are you stupid? Let’s see how you deal with your family in the future idiot
I am a 22 year old who has a 3 year old brother. A few months after my brother was born, my mom decided to work so I was left with all the sisterly duties. I was at university and didn't have a life aside from going to classes and going home to take care of my brother. I am happy that I am helping my family, but this also put me into a state of depression since I didn't have the time to further my career by getting internships and didn't have time to join clubs and socialize. I have graduated now and only working as a cashier despite being a Dean's Lister for all school years. I want to apply for internships or volunteer to gain more experience but my mom keeps saying that I am selfish if she quits her job for me. I really wish I had a mom like you.
I was not blessed with children because of health issues but I respect you for putting your children before your career. You are blessed to be able to make that choice because so many people are just not able to choose to stay home instead of work.
Thanks for this. My 3 Children aged 9 to 15 are my life. It was a choice to stay home. I have a college degree and was working all the way up to my due date. I had picked child care and planned to go back but I could not leave my little girl. Was it easy? No. I’d thought I’d go crazy for want of adult companionship but eventually I found other moms and made great connections. When my youngest started school I decided to stay at home still. I’m as busy as ever and often wonder how working moms get it all done. I love that you called it a choice. Often I hear from women that I’m being a bad example for my daughter or I need to have a career to be complete. As women and as a society we need to stop criticizing each other and just offer support any way we can. In the end working moms or stay at home moms want the same thing, happy kids.
I'm a SAHM to. I'm 25 and I have two children. I study to become a psychologist and my boyfriend is studying philosophy. Of course we don't have much money but we have so much time together it's literally heaven on earth. As we both had a bit of a hard time growing up it's pure healing to celebrate our kids like that. I also have friends that turned away from me because they think I've given myself up( oddly enough only my girlfriend's reacted that way). For me feminism is not about trying to be something that society values more, it's about giving women and men the opportunity to be what they want without discriminate them for there choices. seeing you, my beloved mayim, radiating strength, not in spite of beeing a mother but because of it, is everything. And to all the superwomen reading this- I kneel down before all of you.
Career SAHM of 14 years and counting! My prior career was in medicine and Hubs was/is a teacher. His job was the more family friendly (by far) and I had the boobs to feed the babies, thus the choice of WHO would stay home was made! We practiced AP when we had littles and continue to live an entirely family-centric lifestyle now that they're older. Family has always been the focus of our marriage because it's what feels natural and right to us, it's never been a problem in our relationship (20+ yrs as a couple, 30+ friendship). Teacher's salaries being what they are, we have sacrificed the fancier things in life but we have all of our needs and some of our wants covered. I supplement our income by subbing at school, teaching a bit of Archery, and offering personal styling services. I volunteer extensively in our schools and community. This Mom gig absolutely IS my identity, and I am very proud to say that! It's a career that has fulfilled me. I take pride in what I do for our family and our community. I've seen the difference my SAHM career has made, not just in the lives of my own children, but in many others who have benefited from the time I've spent volunteering at their school. Kids regularly TELL me how much it means to them to have me there and say they wish their parents were able to spend that time with them, too. I feel extremely blessed & fortunate to do what I do for a living! I'm frustrated that society in general devalues career parenting, devalues family. I hate our dual income economy most of all!
Omg!!! It’s like God heard my cry and answered by helping me find this video. I’m so depressed coming into work everyday. And then having to deal with the nonsense at work. I had to come back with my baby being 3 mos old. Everyday I drop her off I can’t let her go. The daycare workers have to tell me bye so I can get the hint to let go and leave. I miss my baby so much while at work. And the chaos of both of us working is insane. I know I’m blessed to even have the option to try to make staying home work. My first two babies were from a previous relationship and staying home wasn’t an option. I was single parent and I HAD to work. Now with me being married and my husband earning a good income, it’s an option. I wish I could quit tomorrow, but I’m 8 mos shy of being fully vested in my pension. I honestly don’t even know if I’m going to make it that long, bc the thought of me missing 8 more months of watching my baby grow just makes me extremely sad. But, I do feel more encouraged or give this some more thought and weigh my options. THANK YOU!
Every video that you release just makes me love you more! I stayed home with my first baby for a year....and while of course I loved and adored him, I feel zero shame saying I really disliked being a stay at home mom. (The fact that the first six months of that were spent battling/in treatment for incredibly severe postpartum depression did not help.) But that aside, I really missed my career. I was lonely and even though my husband was completely supportive, honestly I was incredibly uncomfortable not bringing home a paycheck and contributing financially. I went back to work and when I had my second baby, I stayed home for 4 months and then went back to work. Two years later, I don't regret that decision one bit.
Love this conversation! A few points I'd like to make from my side of things as a full-time working mother: 1. I agree we need more policies in place that allow mothers to be home with their kids for more than 4-6 weeks! I was fortunate enough to take 12 weeks off with my second (compared to 8 with my first) and even then, it wasn't enough. Plus, it was financially draining and difficult because it was unpaid. 2. There is definitely an unhealthy emphasis placed on career success in our country, and I've experienced it first hand. However... 3. Working is extremely fulfilling for some mothers. Though I wish I had more than 3 months off work after a newborn, I was eager to go back to the work I enjoyed doing with co-workers I enjoyed work with. 3. My children are my everything, as I am to them. They (almost) always come first. But, there's also an importance on the parents that have to be prioritized at times. For us, it's as simple as a date night away from the kids, but as extensive as a few nights away on vacation, and for some--it's their career. Of course, this can't be possible for everyone and is probably could be a whole other topic for another video! We are so fortunate to have close-by family who are the caregivers during the 8-5 work week, and this certainly plays a large factor in my ability and desire to work full-time. P.S. Stay at home moms truly rock. And yes, it's work. It's a lot of freaking hard work!
I made the same choice as you.I haven't gone to college yet I managed to finish my high school while being pregnant.Not only do I take care of my 2yr old son,but also my disabled mother.My mother helps me on what she can and I'm a care provider for her.Together we have raised my son.Yes I'm a single mom and im 23.I feel thankful to God regardless of the hardships because I spent, I'm spending and will spend as much time as I can with my son.I love him,hes my everything.The greatest wealth is my mother and my son.Im rich!At the moment I'm thinking of a career which can have a flexible schedule.I want to inspire and help people reach their full potential because we all have it in us!I don't have a social life,but everything comes in due time.Sorry for the long message,but I felt I should say these things.God bless all!😃
I went to college at the age of 30 when my kids were already full time students....school and careers will always be there on any level....your xhildrens years are only one at a time and you dont get any of them back...jobs are temporary...motherhood is til our last breath...You gor this...dont be so hard on yourself....you will get there 💜
omygod this is what I need to hear right now. I quit my job just couple of months ago to be with my baby and develop a healthy rhythm. Currently feel like I'm trapped in an unknown blob where I feel overwhelmed, though the first months I handle it gloriously. Thank you Mayim!
I love how in Europe they give up a few years of maternity leave and women don’t have to choose between career and family . It’s so upsetting to have to choose and make huge sacrifices that will have repercussions on the long term.
@@jenncolen620 that is not correct there are many different systems in Europe. in Austria you can stay for 2 years as well but you won't get the same amount of money you get when you only take 12 months.
Still ladies be careful, I know a lot of cases when smth happens to the husband or he simply leaves and then the woman is left on her own very vulnerable and without financial assistance ( especially if you are from a developing countries where the divorce law isn’t like it’s in the USA ), also make sure your man doesn’t start to put you down ( happens a lot too, he starts feeling superior or he is a sadist enjoying control )
My husband and I plan to get life insurance for each other that is 10X our salary as soon as I enter my second trimester. I also have an education and two years worth of savings. This scenario doesn't worry me at all! But I am in the U.S.A so my choices are very different. A big portion of my family lives in a "developing country" and they all stayed home with their babies. Money is less there but community tends to be stronger. At least that's the case in the part of Mexico where my family is from.
Great video! It’s refreshing to have open & honest discussions about this. I think something that is important to note, is that many women want to go to work for more than just the money. Having a career can be incredibly fulfilling and maybe it’s a bit frustrating that men are still able to have that, because 99% of the time it’s the women staying home from work to be a fulltime mom (and not a father being a fulltime dad). I don’t have children yet but I would love to be able to stay home for the formidable years of childhood development - but it begs the question, what do you do once that time is done? For most people who don’t homeschool, after a certain age your children are in school full-time, so it would be reasonable for the mother to go back into the workforce again. However, the crux of this whole thing is that it’s hard to stop your career at age 28 and not pick it up again until 10 years later. For most career paths, it’s almost impossible to catch up after that much ‘time off’ (I don’t mean time off like it’s a vacation, just time off from full-time work). Curious to hear what anyone thinks about this!
I'm definitely wondering the same thing because I did stay home at first with my son because he was a premie and I also had horrible health problems after I delivered him too early. I tried to go to work part-time after about a year but he needed me too much to trust other people who had no clue about what to do if he had a medical emergency that might not require an ER visit. So I didn't work for about 5 ish years and then I worked part-time for about 5 years. However I was forced to become a caregiver for my father in law and I couldn't do it all. So I quit my job and was back home again. I haven't been employed since 2014 and now my son is 13 years old and I have been trying to get back into the workforce. I've had one interview and the guy said to me that he couldn't even understand why on earth I would have stayed home for as long as I did! I didn't respond because I was so angry at him for judging my decision without even knowing me! Either way I too would love to learn how to get back into the swing of things!
I'm not a woman but I've an opinion on this... Offices should encourage moms to join work as soon as the baby is able for babysitting - Not just for the women but also because it would increase the productivity of the company instead of letting go of a hardworking promising employee... At least companies should start by allowing women to take kids in offices & have a "Mother-zone" or something like that where women could leave their babies with babysitters in front of their eyes & can check on the kid time to time without caring too much about the baby & missing too much on him! Could work or could not - but at least someone should try!
My aunt was a sahm for their 4 kids. She was off the workforce for more or less 15 years, went back to work when the two youngest were in high school, and the transition went really smooth for her. She’s a social worker tho, so I don’t know if employers consider raising four kids as extra field experience lol! As for our situation, my husband and I are freelancers, and he works at night, so there’s almost always one of us home (or running errands, etc) with our son, and we have grandparents and friends to babysit him on the rare occasions we both need to work outside of home at the same time. So, I hope this is good food for toughts for your lifeplan... 😊
Manic Mama Hippo my mom used temp agencies to get her back into the work world. This was back in the mid 90's. She taught herself how to use computers (they were getting big then). She landed a good job with Motorola. Eventually she became a Realtor.
I too decided to stay home and raise my son. My husband and I wanted more kids but we just haven't been blessed. My son is going to be 7 soon and I'm starting to think it's time to go back to work lol I have learned to stretch a dollar and I don't regret a thing! Seeing my son grow up has been such a beautiful pleasure! I would do it all over again if I had to!
I know so many people who have kids, but looking for babysitters because they don’t want to give up the material stuff. In reality most people choose materials over family
My husband is a cop and I am a teacher. Living on one of those incomes is practically impossible. I despise it when people say "just make sacrifices!" That is stuff people who are not public servants say. Material things like rent, car maintenance, healthcare etc are things that I do not consider "extras." Furthermore, the divorce rate is hovering around 40%. Even if one chooses to be a sahm, not honing skills or making plans for the future is unwise.I have been married over 20 years and been together 26 and even I am not naive enough to think "oh it could never happen to me..!"
Whoo hooooo!! I LOVED this video!!! I just had my first baby, and I agree with this 💯% I am also a mom who decided to leave my career and make a living from home. I think being there for him is more important than leaving him in a daycare. I agree our country should help women who want to be home with their kids to do just that. Don't stop speaking about this it resonates believe me.
Wow! This actually made me cry. I am a stay at home mom and finished my degree while my son was 6 months old. This really resonated with me and made me feel validated for being a stay at home mom. Thank you so much!!
I can really relate. I was pregnant when I started my Masters degree and having a newborn/infant while doing school is damn hard. When I finished my Masters I decided to stay home, at the time it was financially possible because my husband had a good income and if I went back to work my entire salary would essentially be going to childcare. People are always shocked to hear that I have a Masters degree and decided to stay home and raise my son. We live in a society where people expect other people to think like they do and make decisions like they do. Staying home to raise children doesn't seem like an important job to most people and as a result women who stay home are viewed as not very smart and lazy. I have experienced the way people change their opinion of me as soon as they hear that I am a stay at home mum, all of a sudden I am not smart enough to have basic conversations about politics or the economy or anything none child and home related 🙄 you really inspire me Mayim👏
Stay at home mom! My son is 18 and I feel very fortunate to have been able to be with him at all the special events etc. it was a lot of sacrifice and I gave up a career but I wouldn’t change a thing!
Hi from Georgia! I love your videos! I've done the same, staying home with my boys. I didn't get as far with my education; I've postponed that as well. My oldest has autism and my choice was pretty clear. I'm a single parent though so it's been a really rough a rocky road but SO worth it. Kids need their mother!
You. Are. Amazing 🎉🎉 I am so glad to look up “How I made the decision to be a SAHM “ and find your video! Your public presence for the breastfeeding community and attachment parenting has given me the affirmation I needed at times that yes, it’s okay to want to be a certain type of parent for my child. I completed my doctorate recently, when my son was 6 months old. He is now 10 months old. I want more children. I want to be present for my children. I want to make their meals, rock them to sleep, nurse until they no longer need, and create exciting days and experiences with them. I am ready to be 100% present, even though I’m more tired at home with them than I am at work. I am teaching uni part time while working on research and publications. I’m fortunate that my husband is able to support my part time-ness. I often feel that, because I have over a decade of full time work experience and a PhD, I owe it to someone (myself? The world?) to continue with it all. My colleagues know me as one person. My son needs me as another. It is very hard when your core beliefs are pulled in a direction that society does not respect as much as it seems the working mother is respected. It is unsettling to me that our society seems to support that higher education must be put to use, as if raising small humans is less valuable, when they are the future generation. Anyway, thank you!! Your words resonated. I will be on the job market for the next uni cycle, but putting my beliefs in God’s hands for what will happen.
Always enjoy your take and thoughts. You must be a fantastic teacher! Chosing to be a SAHM is not an easy choice for any mother, as is chosing not to. It's a 24/7 job and is so rewarding and tiring. They do grow so quickly and the first 3 years are so important in their development.
I wholeheartedly agree. I am struggling with my own decision, but I'm leaning toward giving up a lucrative college teaching career to care for my three little ones. For me, nothing else really feels right. I a, however, scared about my financial future, scared of being judged harshly, scared of being without support.
Nan G don’t give up on your own development and stability, the kids will achieve more if their mom is an achiever too, also it’s dangerous to be dependent financially, I know a lot of women who need to beg their controlling husbands for anything for themselves, that’s the other side of it - men start feeling superior and start insulting you for being useless while expecting to be served
I can’t wait to be a stay at home mom. My mom stayed home with my siblings and I and I always loved that she was always there through the ups and downs... I can never say she wasn’t there for me. Awesome video!
I stayed home with my kids as well. I love the list you gave about not missing anything. I have often felt the same way. But also as a homeschooling mom, I also feel truly blessed that I was there when my kids learned how to read, wrote their first poem and created all those overly messy art projects. I like to say that my two oldest (girls) broke me in as a home educator and my youngest (son) reaped the softer version. When my youngest was weaned, I decided to go back to professionally teaching ballroom. I opened up my own program for adults in our area and it grew to be much more than I had anticipated. I was able to do this as I home schooled during the day and trained dancers at night. This May I will graduate my youngest out of high school. I thought I would be an ugly, blubbering mess this year as my baby and I will be ending our home school journey after 21 years in the trenches; but I am finding that I am 57, tired and ready for a new challenge. Mayim, raising kids sometimes feels like it moves like molasses in January and other times it feels like it flies by. I applaud you for your choices. We are all just moms who want the best for our kids whether we stay home, work outside the home or try to do the utterly unthinkable thing like I did and split our attention between the two the best we can.
My Mom died from complications of diabetes when my firstborn was 6 mos old. Before she died, one of her last pieces of advice to me were: “Breastfeed your babies for at least 2 years. Those years will fly by so fast, and you can never retake them when they have passed. Your children will need it as a good foundation in life. I promise you, you won’t regret it.” She breastfed all 6 of us (me and my siblings) for at least 2 years each, and we turned out healthy and okay, so I believed her. 3 kids and 10 years later, I know now that she was right. I love those bonding moments with my children and I am a better person for it. Thank you, Mayim, for the encouragement.
I am a homemaker and stay at home mom! I think success is being mom. Success is not just material. I'm so glad you mentioned this. As women we need to be empowered to make any family and career decision we think is best for us without the shaming, including being a full-time mom. I left work in scientific research and doctoral studies to be a mom. I love it and enjoy these precious little moments. The work will always go on and be there later, kids are young once.
@@Visitkarte I understand her want to be empowered and be happy with being true self, but this is extreme level of backpatting and unconditional validation of each other. Like, do these people dont feel empowered by having responsibilities and being financially independent. Or not only being independent, but PROVIDING. It feels good too, but to these people, any kind of responsibilities or dirty work - yuck. Thats being adult, you stop and realize not everything you WANT is a given or even sustainable, and you have to give up some comfort for future prosperity or even to provide comfort to your family member at the cost of your own - thats noble in of itself.
Your kids are lucky to have a parent like you. My mom is amazing she choose me over her career too...even though we are struggling financially today because my dad doesn't work.....my mom doesn't regret the decision she made.....none of us do.....and we will get through this.....my mom has been through a lot, ever since she was young....I come from India and she was forced to marry at the age of 18....she didn't have a mom....her dad never took care of her.....my dad put her through a lot too....I just wish whrn I grow up, I can take care of her the way she takes care of me.
Thank you for this video. I am a stay at home mom to a two year old and pregnant with my second. I do not know anyone around me who has let go of the idea of a career to stay home with their children and at times have doubted myself for my choice. But it has always felt so right to be the carer of my child and now children and it is nice to know I am not alone and that is it society who tells us, basically, that it is wrong, not cool and etc to stay at home. I am judged constantly, people think I do nothing whilst home; but the reality is I am constantly on the go, educating, feeding, nurturing, cleaning, loving etc my child. Yay you for making it known that it is a job unto itself, raising children. Thanks for validating my choice.
Not American, thanks. South African. Welcome to the third world honey. Toddler sleeps through the night, and we co sleep because I love him close to me. Why do you hope he has no breast milk? How odd. He nurses on occasion, but falls asleep on his own. And he is two next week and likes to wee in the garden, lets me know when he wants to go etc. And I think I will do just fine with two, one can't be lazy with two under three!
@@s.h.9095 Where's the judgment? My comment was meant for those who do choose to have children. If you make such a choice, no other success will ever compensate if you do not take your role as a parent seriously. Maybe this world would work better if people asked questions before jumping to conclusions.
Being a stay at home Mom was the best choice I could have made and I know I was blessed to be able to do that. Having someone else make decisions for my children during their formative years was not something I wanted for them or for myself or their Dad. We didn't have new cars, we didn't take lavish vacations and that was okay. As my kids became a little older and began to want everything other kids had I began to doubt my commitment to be at home. Was I doing the right thing? Was I making the right choices? My answer came when my 13 year old daughter was home from school with a bad cold. I was making her soup and a grilled cheese and she said " Mom I'm glad you're here when I don't feel good " and simple as that I had my answer. I lost my son just after his 30th birthday and I thank God for the opportunity ! had and the memories I have to hold onto. Do your best Mama's that's all any of us can do, that and unconditional love will carry you far.
******MESSAGE TO HOUSEWIVES OR SOON TO BE *********** A stay home wife or a stay home husband is a duty that comes with the decision of buying/renting a house and having children(s). It NOT A JOB you do not have the option to choose whether or not you want or don't want to do it. It your DUTY as a parent to raise your children and run the household. That task CAN be done with both parents working. There is a difference between school, college, university and life lesson. School university and college will teach your child how to function and work in today society. While the life lesson should be given by the parents containing lessons such as belief religion moral personality value politics good manners respect love etc... I do agree that the school is fucked up just like many other things in our society. But it this same society that provide this system that we living on. This system that allows us to have food 2 feet away water house clothes etc... How because there is people out there working OUTSIDE OF THEY HOME during rain snow building this system those laws. We all want to just stay home with our family all day long but we can't we have to work not just for money but to contribute to the development of our society so that EVERYONE'S CHILDREN can have a better future a better system a place to live. You can't ignore the world staying in your little bubble taking care of your kids only and hoping that somehow the world will be a better place later on. SO GO THE WORK Thank you.
@@pterlo9087 You're a badly indoctrinated fool if you think school and university is good for a child. The theory is the only thing good about it. They're more concerned with making them dependent slaves though than making them independent and capable people.
This video has some good points. And most women would like to stay home and raise their kids because no one can raise their kids as they could. But what i have noticed is that most women that stay home are not considered as valuable as the men that earn the money. And that is just sad. And that is what drives women to work and not take care of the child the first years. Not to feel dependent from the husband, or less valuable. If the husband values the wife and respects that she stays home to raise the kids and understand that is like a job than more women would find it more easy to be stay at home moms and this would be better for the society in general Anyways loved the topic and the video ❤️
I've also seen that the stay at home dads aren't considered as valuable as the working mom. Some feel like they're going to be less "man" if they stay at home, or that they will lose their masculinity because they aren't providing for their family... It's all about the money at the end of the day, from both sides
In addition, I think it's not only the husband who may not completely value what a mother at home accomplishes, but it's also society that doesn't value a mother's job anymore. For example, it's also other women who do work saying that staying at home with your kids taking care of them and the household isn't "work".
Also, most women do not want to stay home. I for sure do not. It’s okay to not want to stay home, it’s also okay to stay home. It’s a personal decision
This means a lot. Thank you ! We are often taken on a guilt trip by people around for either why are you staying at home or why are you working etc this is the time we should stand for ourselves and do the best for our kids. Keep inspiring. Much love from India!
Someone seems really undermentioned in this video, someone else who could stay home if the mom wants to work, someone else who might not get much sleep, someone else who could make career sacrifices for their family.
As a daughter to a stay at home father, I can tell you that mayim knows better than we both that the mother is in any case, whether you want it or Not, the primary provider to a baby, especially in their early infancy. As an example, babies don't know they are an entity on their own until they are 9 or 6 months old, and during this whole period they don't realize they split apart with their mum. They think they are still one only body. So it's not about feminism, it's about neuroscience. What mayim knows better than we do.
I imagine Mayim is speaking as someone who breastfed - which may be a big factor in her staying home as opposed to her husband. But also if he makes more money, and the mom didn’t want to go back to work, that’s okay too.
Like the disclaimer said. This is about her and ONLY her. It's what worked for her. It's really sad that people have to put up disclaimers like that. I don't understand why people have to be assholes and put other people down.
I tried the SAHM thing with my first. We could afford it, but the dynamics with my husband changed and expectations from his family were ridiculous. Somehow me being home meant the 1950s were back in my house. After a 1.5 years of crying every night I looked for work unsuccessfully. Being out of work that long in science/tech, you are finished. So went back to more grad school, got a crack internship and now an awesome career where I work 7a-3pm and a few hours from home as needed. My kid now an awesome high schooler sees a happy and in-control mom everyday, which is far more important than me seeing the first of his everything. P.S. Still married to same guy after some counseling (which my work paid for 😉). What Im trying to say is - think carefully before giving up your financial independence and power. Many cultures don’t even have the options we do.
You are right, before a women gets married or has a child she should know she has a way to take care of herself and the child without a partner. Even the best of plans change, men who you would never believe it of, walk away.
I also was a 'stay at home' mother and I never would regret this. It was a beautyful life, with all Highs and Lows, and if I would have the choice, I would do it the same again. It was a 24 hour job, but I loved it. We had a lot of fun together. And I think, my benefit was, that I was a very young mother. Very flexible, busy, full of love for my children, so it was never a problem for me. Every day, when I remember this time, I have a smile in my face.
I completely hear you! I also have my doctorate in biochemistry and after two years of a postdoctorate, I got pregnant with my beautiful daughter. I decided just like you to stay home with her and put my career on hold. Then my beautiful baby boy came along and I continued to stay at home with them to enjoy the most amazing years of their lives! I thought I was making a mistake but in hindsight I loved every minute. It was stress free and pure! I became a full-time Mom and I realized that not many women can have this opportunity to watch their children grow! After they started school, I decided to be a small business owner and opened a Kumon Math and Reading center! It was a completely different career choice, but my background in Math and Science allowed me to help kids understand and excel in Math and Reading, build self-confidence, do better in school and set the foundation for them to attain their goals. Who knows, maybe I can nurture future Biochemists, but this choice was the best choice I could make for my life! Cheers to all women who have the courage to do the unthinkable and follow their heart!
Shalini Outram This post made me cry. I’m an RN and just as I was considering staying home with my three little ones, I got a call from two different departments that I had applied for some time ago asking me to interview. Both of these departments are areas I have always wanted to be in (oncology and women’s health). It is forcing me to wrestle with what I really want. Your post spoke directly to my heart.
Good job :)
This made me feel sad for you.
What is the meaning in learning for so long instead of having fun when you stay at home in the end? I do not want to offend. I am just curious.
You got pregnant with you daughter? xD
In Denmark, parents have 1 year paid maternity leave per child. I wish more countries had such opportunity to be with their kid
I wish every country could afford it... their companies most be strong enough to support that
It’s not the companies. This is the result of pretty high income taxes. You know, that things that is sooooo horrible and Americans shiver at the mere thought.
Canada has a year maternity leave too. I can’t believe that’s not the standard everywhere.
spokeforhours I'm not American nor Canadian so I don't know how it works there, in my country, the maternity leave is with full pay... And companies have to pay a fee for the mom and also pay full salary for her substitute and support that for 3 or 4 months is hard for most of the businesses, the big companies can afford that thought... And paying more taxes is out of the questions for many of them...
@@MimTorbell Austria has paid maternity leave too and it's paid by the national health insurance. The national health insurance is generally paid for by employees (they pay a small part, which is automatically deducted from their income along with the income tax) and the employers (they pay the larger part). You can choose between a few different models of how long you want to stay with your child, I think you can choose to stay up to 2 years. How much money you receive depends on the model you chose and the length of your leave. Fathers can also stay at home instead of the mothers or they can share the leave. During the first year your employer cannot dismiss you, but they can dismiss you during the 2nd year if they have valid economic or personal reason, but this needs to be accepted by a court.
I did it for almost 20 years. Homeschool, farming, lost social life, divorce and everything. I was lonely, exhausted, broke, confused alot of the time and I will never regret it. My children and I are so close and they are the most amazing people. Other people see tbe difference in my kids and want to know what I did differently. I was there. ❤
Melinda Jordan absolutely love how u worded it at the end. “I was there” perfect!
@A B Childless women can be out there doing that, they are needed, but I hope MOMS are home taking care of their children.
Harlee Saenz my mom and dad worked my whole life and we are very close; I have wonderful memories of my childhood as well so...
Aggeliki P. I mean it’s definitely not fake, I agree many are overreacting as the truth is for the vast majority it doesn’t even make you that sick, let alone hospitalize or kill you. I had it myself, as well as my boyfriend and a coworker, and it wasn’t bad, started with a fever and sore throat, and then came a minor cough, and loss of taste and smell for a few days. Whole thing lasted about a week. But some people’s immune systems react very strongly with covid for some reason, which is why they get so sick. It’s best just to try to be respectful of others and keep your distance and wear a mask where required at least. it can’t hurt, and may help reduce the spread for the people who do get really sick from it.
“I was there.” Yes! Exactly! So simple and beautiful! My mom was there too and all three of us kids have grown up and thanked her for it.
As a lawyer who is 28 weeks pregnant with her first baby I needed this video.
Congratulations!! I hope you can make the choice that is best for your family. You only get a few very short years with little ones, and it goes by very quickly. I say that with having 6 kids who are now all in school. One about to graduate high school who is checking out medical programs. Your baby gets one momma. If you do what will make you the best person possible, you will be the best mom possible. Every child is a gift and a blessing. Best wishes to you and your upcoming adventure!!!
I know of a couple. One is a dental surgeon and the other is a lawyer. They’re just fine. You’ll be fine.
I hear you. My daughter is 10 months and I still need this video. I have my doctorate and have always been career minded. The thought of staying home wasn’t even in my mind. Now I truly wish I educated myself more and built my life to have multiple options. If I could, I’d spend every second with my Little. Damn student loans....
Awwwww congrats
The relationship you form with your child when you are there for it will be a source of love and pride for years to come. Best wishes to your family.
In Czech we can stay at home until the kid is 3 years old with a little financial support from the government. It's great, I am so grateful to be a stay-at-home mom
same in Hungary! it's great to have a choice
I Poland 1 year paid (80 % of average salary from last year), after that you can take 3 years unpaid maternity leave.
That is awesome. The US has a lot to learn from other countries. We only lived on one very small income and so I was able to stay home with our kids until they were all in school and then I worked part time to be home every afternoon after school, it meant working an early shift. When I was home full time in the early years it meant going without everything except the absolute essentials ~ I loved it anyways, I am glad I made the choice. Its not for everyone, I understand that.
wiopla In Montenegro is the same as in Poland, but only in public sector. What about the private sector in PL?
South africa only gets 4 months 😢😢😢😭
I can relate! I graduated from Harvard and went on to law school. Now I am a stay-at-home mom and want to be my child's primary caregiver. It is hard to trust anyone!
Bless you
Good mommy~
Why would someone study at Harvard and waste their degree and money ?
@@rheashank6881that really is a great question. To put it simply, in an "over all" statement: money, prestige, and position is not as important to most women as family, personal time, and making meaningful connections. This is why there are mostly men in top positions.
I love you Mayim.
I'm an RN. I never intended to be a SAHM. I went back to work 3 months after my son was born. It lasted 3 weeks. I cried EVERY day I had to leave him. And HE cried because he would only take the breast and would not take a bottle while I was gone. One day he got so worked up that it scared my mom and when I got home that night my husband said "you're not going back to work." And I called my boss and said "I'm sorry. I can't come back." They were understanding.
At first, I had an identity crisis. I had always worked and prided myself on being an independent woman. Seeing my son grow changed that. I knew I was the most important job I have ever done and being there for every moment was so special to me. My son and I have the strongest bond and I am so proud of that. A lot of people disrespected me for my choice but I don't care. I wouldn't trade one moment of being home with my son. All the reasons you stated are exactly my reasons.
You trusted your gut - that's a scary thing to do, but I'm glad you're happy you did it.
Very true! And I'm so glad I did!
I’m also an RN. The reason I felt so much more guilty than usual is I chose my career choice thinking I would work different hours from my husband to make it work (be a stay-at-home AND work outside the home). Well when my twins got here I knew immediately I could never leave them. They are 10 now (I also have a 9-year-old and twin 5-year-olds) and I will say it’s ALL been worth it for me to stay home. I felt so guilty and got flack for it but now they are older it has validated my choice.
I was a RN too. You know working with the elderly and having their point of view really helped me make up my mind to stay home. They would ask about my daughter and always comment that they grow do quickly. The time is do short and looking at these 80 year olds I could see there's still time for me, after I get to enjoy my children now.
I think being an RN helped. I was an ER nurse and seeing some things I did made me realize how short life is. My son is almost 8 and I am thinking about going back to work part time, but it has to be very flexible hours because I haven't missed one of his school events and don't plan to. I think everyone has to decide what's right for them, but they also need to stop shaming those of us to choose to stay home. I find more value in raising my son than I ever did in any job.
I chose to stay home with my children. Now my oldest is 25 and my youngest is 16. I am so happy I was given the opportunity to stay home with them. It was a blessing.
Charli McIntosh so what do you do now?
@@Alyssa18633 when the kiddos got older I worked in healthcare. One day I got very sick. After that was a series of hospital stays and operations. I am unable to do the work I once did. Through everything I did find a new passion. Now I devote my life to growing organic food, herbs and other plants. I had to find a new dream. Thank you for asking. I hope you are having a wonderful day.
@@Alyssa18633 she doesn't of had to have done anything, she should be able to have a well earned rest if she so choses
Steph Starrett that’s sweet, and very true!
@@GrandmaGG001 I LOVE that! I'm gonna stay home with my babies too and when they get older, I plan to work part-time in schools and eventually live half the year in the South of France. That's my happy place where people aren't so work or money obsessed. There I will teach English and Spanish part time and have my organic garden and hike. When someone asks me "what do you do now?" this is what I plan on telling them.
This is everything. I experience stay at home mom shaming REGULARLY. Everything you said in this video is 100% accurate. I am someone who has many single working mom friends, and I am their biggest cheerleader. I am fortunate and blessed that I am able to be home with my daughter, as my husband works a job that requires him to travel & therefore, he is gone anywhere from a few weeks to a few months at a time. Other than the financial aspect, I am a single mother the majority of the time. I am blessed to not have to work and worry about money. However, I am constantly bashed, belittled, & criticized for my CHOICE to stay home with my daughter. Even more disheartening, the constant bashing comes from my own mother. She says things like, “why don’t you get a JOB and set an example” & “you have too much time on your hands, get a JOB”.
It is unfortunate that in this age where women are becoming more and more empowered, that we still have this type of judgement and shaming for the choices that we make for our families. I really really appreciate this video and I plan on listening to it every time I am feeling shamed for choosing what is best for me, my daughter, and the future of my family. Thank you, Mayim. Thank you so much. 💗
Heather, don't you give a fuck about what others think. Focus fully on your family. You will be giving the world gems of love. One day you will know the investment you made. Until then know that your making the right choice.
Tell your mom this: Is taking care of kids at a daycare a JOB? Yes? Then why isn't taking care of my OWN kids a job?? My mother was a working mom but she's very proud of me for wanting to raise my children instead of throwing them out of the house every day to have someone else be their mom. I'm sorry you don't have that same support! I realize you commented a long time ago but I had to reply. You're doing a great job. Screw what anyone else thinks. And if you did work, then screw what everyone thinks of that too! The shaming is real. You keep doing what you think is best for your child and PROUDLY!!
Dear heather! SCREW THEM ALL! It’s awful what is happening in US with motherhood and EXPECTATIONS we put on mothers to be both, and so many woman don’t even have choice to stay with their INFANTS which is insane! The truth is you can’t be great at both at the same time(I mean maybe in rare circumstances) and it is COMPLETELY AMAZING to choose to be there for your kids in those early years especially! I feel you on the mother thing, my mom can say something and it’ll stay in my head for days and it hurts, I really hope you are able to let it go because you are doing the right thing by your kids.. I’m pregnant right now and planning to be near my baby for those early years because I think it’s important! I worked very hard to get where I am in my career too but I’m not willing to give my child to be raised by someone else and really want to be there for them. I read so much about the importance of having a single caregiver( preferably mom/dad) those first 4 years and how crucial it is for that little persons whole life ahead, you are doing everything right! Don’t let ppl tell you different
@@Curiousitydrive Congratulations on your upcoming baby! He or she is very lucky to have you. I agree, especially the early years is important. Its hard to believe that it's not only accepted, but it's encouraged, for mothers to abandon their children at daycares, with strangers and a pack of other people's kids. Especially when they're infants. Can't people just have some common sense that a baby, especially a nursing baby, but bottle fed ones too, are completely traumatized when ripped away from their mothers for hours day after day? Or even one day a week! Anyways, I'm getting carried away but just wanted to congratulate you on your baby and your decision to stay with him or her.
It’s because at a certain point it seems like your just trying to avoid adulting and doing something with your life .. don’t you think we would all love to just avoid bills and financial stress and just stay at home with kids all day and just do simple house chores ??? Lol and women empowerment??? You all already have so much options and freedoms and still act oppressed and then in this day and age where you could go out in the world and choose to be get what ever job a man could get and do whatever a man could do (ya know...what the original 1840’s feminist activist FAUGHT TO WORK!!! FAUGHT SO THEY DIDINT HAVE TO STAY HOME AND COULD DO WHATEVER A MAN COULD DO) and now you have all these new millennial woke lazy ass girl trying everything to avoid employment 🙄😂😂😂
In my most recent job interview, I just had a compliment on my resume because I included my 10 years I stayed home with my girls. He liked the way I broke down my time at home into visual tasks - balanced priorities to create and implement budget, taught and modeled ethics, worked closely with educators to closely monitor academic performance, etc,. I’m very thankful we were able to swing me staying home, a lot of families these days just can’t do it.
Hey! I love the sound of that! So positive 🤗 I’m an expectant mother from Toronto. Would love to have a quick chat on how you managed your time during your pregnancy
That Sounds Great.
Thank you for this. Was it difficult to re-enter the working work and get recognized by employers?
I had that on my resume too, and I was proud to list it as a real job. I stayed at home for seven years until my youngest started school...I interviewed and received a job offer immediately after he started school. Never regretted my years at home...it's where I was meant to be. I don't believe that God blessed me with two awesome kids just to have somebody else raise them. I have a bachelor of science degree and had no worries about finding work after SAHM-hood. We weren't "well off"...we chose for my husband to work hard outside the home, while I worked hard inside the home, and we lived frugally for those seven years. Those years are long gone...all that remains are sweet memories.
@ Jennifer Bybee ... I really want to take the risk and stay home instead of continuing my career but I’m scared. I have 2 months to make a final decision. Wish me luck!
I Love this!! I stay home with my 3 kids and pregnant, working on my 11 😉. I was working but realized What I wanted wasn’t going to work while working I was exhausted, fighting with my husband, and too stressed for my kids. I also was reading my bible and was trying to model how God designed the family but was fighting the being dependent on your husband part. Which was more of my mom and grandmas lifestyle of motherhood and marriage so I adopted their traditional ways of thinking. I put the full providing responsibilities on my husband and now i focus on my home and kids. And I love it!!! Everyone is happier!! And my husband has shot up in the providing category which I wasn’t expecting. I believe God blessed us because we listened Him.
So do you think biblically speaking, it is better for a woman to provide care and emotional support at home than earn ?
When we got married we tried to live off of only my husbands paychecks so that I could stay home once we had kids. I now have an almost 3 year old (hoping to get pregnant soon) and am able to stay at home. We definitely make some sacrifices in order for me to be able to stay at home. Our cars are old and we rarely eat out. Vacations are not happening until we have saved enough to replace one of the cars. I do feel judged a lot for staying at home but daycare costs more than half of what I would earn and I do want to see my kid grow up and not pay someone else and miss out.
I bet the people that judge you are mostly other women and feminist men. Conservative men see you as a rare unicorn 🦄.
You clearly do not understand feminism. Feminism is about deciding whether or not you are staying at home. It is about not being forced to do something because of specific roles.
@@julietrose260 yes but there's lots of people who think feminism = as many women in workforce as possible. So it then goes from stay in the kitchen to stay out still in the end eliminating choice
@@ianlilley2577 If that's what they think feminism is, they are wrong, ignore them.
@@hiwall4883 that seems to be what my government thinks
I'm a grandparent who has decided to cut back my work in order to allow my daughter(a teen Mom)to finish highschool while i become a Mom all over again. I know this action will cause a drastic tightening of my budget BUT the satisfaction i feel knowing i am there for my beautiful grandaughter AND helping my daughter have a better chance in life are worth it. Yes, being a teen Mom was NOT the best of choices BUT i wouldn't trade my granddaughter for anything! I've prioritized- EXTRA stuff is not going to have me miss the precious moments with my grandbaby😀. Thank God i can make that choice.
@Team Queen’ s Fearn Tucker and Bentley Forever oh go away and shut up would ya
@Team Queen’ s Fearn Tucker and Bentley Forever she probably did use protection but it is not 100% effective
@Team Queen’ s Fearn Tucker and Bentley Forever but it's doesn't work all the time
@Team Queen’ s Fearn Tucker and Bentley Forever i could be a hard ass and turn my back on my daughter BUT that would also hurt my grandchild in the short AND long term- it would create a bitterness between me and my daughter that may last years on end- there are times to be hard core but when you factor in a child and the folly of teens- this IN MY OPINION- is NOT a time for spite and hatred, but of love and forgiveness. My daughter has a hard road ahead- i WILL NOT make it harder with HATE. When it comes to MY children - i will ALWAYS choose the road of LOVE. YOU obviously aren't required to agree....
please, at least teach you granddaughter the value of condoms
its such a difficult and thankless job and people often look down on it, and i just cant wait till when society wakes up and realize that its the most selfless and one of the hardest job.😣
Exactly so!
To allow you to stay at home you need a husband that works so much that he can not almost see his kids. Selfless?
It's not selfless to raise your own kids.
Sorry l'm not trying to be funny. I see it as a responsibility for a parent...not a job.
And most important!!
I got pregnant my last semester of college graduated with a Bachelor’s degree with not knowing what to do. I stayed at the job I had been at for 6 years & then made a decision to leave when my daughter turned 1 to stay home with her because I barely saw her with working over 40 hours & I was not happy working there anymore. I would see her in the morning & just before she went to bed so I knew something had to change. BEST decision I ever made. I am now home with my daughter & pursuing & starting an online business in order to continue to stay home & have more children! LOVE this video.
I don't see why people have to explain why or why not they stayed home or went back to work. Everyone does what they can in their situation.
SOME do what they can, but a good half do what they prefer to. Some people want the stressfree comfort over career and financial independence. I get your point but im getting tired of the literally endless backpatting and validation of each other, to the point of spoiling themselves, as if they were ALWAYS the poor oppressed victim that sadly for some reason has to suffer the wrath of life
As a mother, every choice you make is judged negatively, whatever you do. I just ignore it and do what is best for my family
This made me emotional. I was not prepared by any means for motherhood. I had no idea what I was getting in to. I THOUGHT I’d go back to when my son was 3 months old but here I am 2 years later at home with him. I was in no way ready to return to work physically or mentally when my son was that young. I had no idea I’d have postpartum depression and be so exhausted I thought I’d die. No one told me this. I know women do it everyday but I discovered there’s no way I could give both 💯 to my son and a job and a marriage and a household. Thank you for this video.
sharnay teixeira amen! I was in the same scenario as you. I love being at home and taking care of everything while husband works. I couldn’t have gone back to work in the state I was in and survive.
Same here! God's planned out our lives just right.🙏🏽
I also agree. I think it is a myth that women "can have it all." That may be true but one of those things is bound to suffer.
I was fortunate enough to be a stay at home mom for 9 years. One of the absolute best things I could have done for my Son. I tell my son while your young you can pick money over time but when you get older and have a family, pick time. Those years are precious and fly so fast. I wouldn't ever change my decision to stay home. Never feel bad for picking family over work.
Living in Sweden is a good thing when it comes to having kids. We can stay home with our kids for over a years, with pay! And we can divide it between both parents almost any way we like. For me, being home for that long almost made me crazy, so for our third child we split the time 50-50.
Sara Sjölund We are talking about raising your children to adulthood, not just one year.
Sweden has a lot of socially responsible plans, I like how education is encouraged & students paid. It makes financial sense if it makes people more employable taxpayers in the long run.
@@3saphires1garnet15 yes, I agree. What is your point? What does that comment have to do with me writing about the fantastic benefits we have in Sweden?
Love it. That's the way it should be. So both parents can bond, it's a must.
The UK is pretty good like this right now too :)
I was brought up by a stay-at-home mom. I have always been so grateful and appreciative that she went against the grain and made that choice. We didn't have much when I was little...our living room was empty for several years, one winter they couldn't afford heating oil and we spent nights huddled around a kerosene heater...but I wouldn't have traded my mother being there for anything in the world. I can't put into words the joy and confidence my mother's constant presence gave me as a child. Don't let a capitalist, materialistic culture make you feel insecure for putting your children first. We're truly living in upside-down world when women are judged badly for devoting themselves to raising their children.
That's such a beautiful story! Love really is the key to being a good parent. It's such a blessing that you could see the good in your parents' decision, even though you had to make sacrifices. I guess that made your relationship with your mom even better. God bless you!
Wow! I stay at home with my 5 & have for 10 years. My Dad is always telling me I need to get a job and I'm not going to have any retirement. Your comment confirms in my heart I am doing what is most important. Our kids are only young once and our most important job is to be there for them. I homeschool mine & one is special needs. I will continue to put my kids first. Thank you for your comment! ♡
@@luvmyangels3 but your dad doesn't remember that you can get your husbands retirement (if he has it and he dies first). My mom was a stay at home mom also I greatly appreciate it and guess what? She is actually living better than when my brother and I were kids, and it's all because of my dad.
luvmyangels3 You’re doing it right! 👏🏻
That’s lovely! You are lucky to have such a great family.
My love for my job was gone after I became a mom. Staying home with my precious little bundle (and working my butt off!) was the best and easiest decision ever. ❤️
Shouldn't have to have a disclaimer! Women should support each other in their choices!!
sonora jones THANK YOOOUUUU
Amen!
It can be triggering for women who want to stay home but don't have the option to hear that from someone who does have that option. And unfortunately the rhetoric around stay-at-home vs working mom can come with a lot of moralizing (and often classist and/or sexist) judgment. Obviously this isn't coming from Mayim, but the subject already comes with a lot of baggage. This disclaimer is unfortunately necessary because of the broader context of the discussion.
I think the disclaimer was there to keep from offending anyone who felt attacked by her choices. OF COURSE that's not how she meant it, but we, as women, are so often scrutinized for our choices as parents.
Tbh it's probably mostly for men.
Holy crap.
I've never seen any of your videos, and for the first time ever you showed up in my reccomendations. This video showed up in my reccomendations. What's crazy is that I JUST got off the phone with my sister, crying because I wanted to be a stay at home mom but was torn because I felt unaccomplished. I felt like people viewed me as the one who "gave up her dreams to stay at home and now has it easy" but watching this video reminded me- this is my new dream. Every precious moment and new discovery of my little toddler I get to witness and it is a DREAM come true. Thank you for helping me remember that being a stay at home is hard and is an accomplishment. Thank you for reminding me of all the blessings I get to witness with the difficult decision I made to stay home. Not sure if you believe in God, but I believe that God wanted me to see your video. Total fate. ❤
Sarah Hernandez Oh wow I feel the same way. This video just showed up in my feed and I needed to hear this🙏🏼
That how I always felt. But I'm not ambitious person and I don't care about career. I did finish my faculty, just in case 😊
@K Weaver what in the actual hell are you talking about? Are you dumb? Blind? Illiterate? Where in my entire post did you somehow get the vibe that I'm sexist? I literally never even brought up sexism, or said women are supposed to so what I did. Some people man, some people. 😂
@K Weaver do you know how to read? I literally wrote that I WANTED TO. I WANTED to watch my kid grow up and be apart of his life throughout his childhood. If I wanted to work I could have kept my job. You're an idiot. You really should so back to school.
@K Weaver perhaps if you had a stay at home parent you'd be better at reading, lol🤷♀️
I am glad I saw this video. I am a mother of two girls.I was working for Microsoft as a software engineer. I was unable to balance work and family. So I quit my job when I was pregnant. But the society made me feel that I was a failure. Since I was not in the job force. I went into severe depression. My children are 13 and 8 years old. I am still feeling wasted that I was at home all this time. But now I feel worthy of myself. My husband has been a pillar of support for me all this time. Thanks for being an inspiration for sahm like me. I am really grateful for this video.
I feel like we've flipped compared to previous generations. Before, it was looked down upon if you weren't home to raise your children. Now, it feels you're judged if you want to stay home with your kids and not focus on a career. Whether you are able to, or you pay someone else to do it, someone has to be there to raise babies. There's no shame in either decision. I've loved being a SAHM, and now that my kiddo turned 4, I'm starting to feel that I can begin focusing on my education and career seeing as full-time school is only a couple years away for my little one.
kay Trust me, working moms catch flak, too. I’ve been told I should have never had children and been accused of letting someone else raise my kids (although where that ‘someone else’ was during midnight puke tests, I have no idea). I think it’s just the American pastime to disparage what other moms do.
******MESSAGE TO HOUSEWIVES OR SOON TO BE ***********
A stay home wife or a stay home husband is a duty that comes with the decision of buying/renting a house and having children(s). It NOT A JOB you do not have the option to choose whether or not you want or don't want to do it. It your DUTY as a parent to raise your children and run the household. That task CAN be done with both parents working. There is a difference between school, college, university and life lesson. School university and college will teach your child how to function and work in today society. While the life lesson should be given by the parents containing lessons such as belief religion moral personality value politics good manners respect love etc... I do agree that the school is fucked up just like many other things in our society. But it this same society that provide this system that we living on. This system that allows us to have food 2 feet away water house clothes etc... How because there is people out there working OUTSIDE OF THEY HOME during rain snow building this system those laws. We all want to just stay home with our family all day long but we can't we have to work not just for money but to contribute to the development of our society so that EVERYONE'S CHILDREN can have a better future a better system a place to live. You can't ignore the world staying in your little bubble taking care of your kids only and hoping that somehow the world will be a better place later on. SO GO THE WORK
Thank you.
Pter Lo not everyone has to follow your agenda. There’s different tasks so let people live their lives
@@camiller958 I'm not asking you to follow what I do I'm asking everyone to be fair you using the system without contributing to it that selfish asf
From a child's perspective. My mom worked three jobs when I was growing up and I saw how much stress that put on her but I'm so thankful for all she gave up in order for me and my siblings to have what we needed. She still knows my first word and jokes about how weird I was as a child but also wishes she had been there for more. I love her so much and now I'm glad she can be a stay at home mom for my little brother. Love your videos 😊😊
I just talked about this with my 19 year old. My husband works on the road alot so that we can pay the bills and so that I can be home with the kids. She's an amazing young woman, and while she doesn't want her own children, she really appreciates that I was able to stay home, and she respects and loves her dad for sacrificing and working so hard to provide for us. We've never been rich, and we had to save up to get non necessities, but we have a good time =)
I was a banker with a master degree, now I am a stay-at-home mom with a 14month baby girl. I just move from China 7months ago. Now living in L.A without any friend or family, only my baby and my husband. it makes me depress for months, but is getting better since I enjoying watching others mom from UA-cam and try to make my own vlogs. It is nice to hear stories from other moms. Thank you!
You are going to be so glad you made that decision
Sounds depressing honestly.
I was lucky enough to take a year off with both my toddler children while my wife went back to work and I was the full time parent. Best job in the world. We took turns taking a year or two off though my wife took more time because she needed to do the things I couldn't (like carrying our babies in her womb and breastfeeding), We both returned to work when the kids went to school. In my mind there is no job more rewarding or joyous than being a stay-at-home-parent. That whole career thing never looks you square in the eyes and says "I love you to the moon and back daddy"
Exactly, and you will always cherish those memories 💗
OMG YES. Many dads don't get this opportunity. You are super lucky
@Los Santos SoyBoy? Err no. I'll give you clue though.... I open-carry a Glock-17 and I work for the Government
You saying “I was there for...” made me so happy to hear. I am there for EVERYTHING my son goes through and does and I absolutely love it. I felt my job a few weeks before having my son because I would have made $100 more a month than daycare would have been. I’d much rather stay home than make $100 a month take home and not see my son every moment of every day. He’s 2 now and my husband works hard for our family but we’re happy
For the past 24 years My husband and I have lived a low income lifestyle just so I can stay home and raise our kids. If money is needed to be made, I watch other peoples kids as well or I find a side hustle that can be done when my husband gets home from work. Its all about priorities. We have 5 kids ranging from 24 to 1
Yes!
Totally agree with you! I 💗 being a SAHM. It's the most selfless "job" in the world. It's refreshing to see other women feel the same way.
Bea M especially a Dr. neuroscientist!
Actually it's the definition of selfishness, but ok.
Whitney Jane Do explain...
Watch "I'm A Working, Divorced Mother || Mayim Bialik" on UA-cam
ua-cam.com/video/yVHp58xkQX4/v-deo.html
And men feeling this way? Ah, no, this is only for women.
I was a portrait studio manager for 16 years. I was one of those moms who had no choice but to work. I missed everything you said you were there for with my 16 and 11 year old. I now have a 8 week old and a new husband who supports me staying home and I love it! Thanks for the encouragement
Omg I needed this, after my BA in biology I got married and became pregnant. I had gone to college later in life and when I graduated I was 30. I love being a stay at home mom and I’m so grateful to have this opportunity . . But it’s hard to not think I’m throwing my career away or that I’m wasting a degree I’ll never get to use again... my little man has just turned one and I am in a constant state of anxiety about feeling like I need to go back to work to feel like I have worth again. Ty for the support you have for other moms like us... we really don’t get the help and encouragement we need.
This is Soo true. I am also in the same situation. It's just you know hard many people think I am lazy just because I chose to raise my kids .
@@kezzywambui7487 lazy??? This is a lot of work.
Love this video! I love staying at home. I am an RN and haven’t worked since the day before I gave birth (14 months). People need to understand that if you can stay home and want to/do you aren’t a lesser person because of it.
I wish we could make it work. I have a 6 year old and 6 month old twins but the reality is, there is nowhere to cut. We already don't go on vacations or own nice cars. We don't have any savings and live paycheck to paycheck. I work days and my husband works nights because we also can't afford childcare. I love my kids and I hope that my stress, frustrations and guilt don't peek through so much that it is detrimental to them.
This. For too many of us a two income household is necessary just to scrape by. I personally would not want to stay home with babies, but my husband would if we could afford home and food on one salary.
Your life is exactly like mine. We did the same with my husband on a night shift and I worked days. I'm much farther down the road because my girls are at the end of high school now. My girls are well rounded, very dependable and independent. There will be struggles within the family so make sure you and your husband have date night at least once a month.
I never had the choice either, but I don’t fault those who can and do. I might not have been able to, but I did always want it.
@@wendydelaney2790 oh I don't fault them either. I will admit to a fair amount of envy.
@@MsEllen918 I always plan to arrange a date night and don't. I need to commit to making it happen. We have so little time together. Thank you for your kind words and advice!
All the respect in the world for SAHMs. I would love to do it, but I know that for my own personal mental stability I NEED to work. And I know my kids will need me to be mentally stable.
Lol 😄. I am a sahm and I understand your point of view.
Same
SAAMME i feel like everything I hear about family/ motherhood is just - women need to be a housewife / stay home mom because otherwise they won't be happy and their bad moms and the man can be the provider... I know I could never stay at home for so long. Idk if I want to have a child one day but if I will I won't be able to stay at home for years and do nothing other than existing. I need my projects and my work I know I would be unhappy otherwise wich would also make me a bad mom. Idk just let women make their own decisions if staying at home makes you happy go for it. If not than don't. Society will tell you that you're wrong no Matter what
Absolutely! Working moms are good moms too!
It’s so important to be happy yourself and set an example for your kids! Yes the first 3-4 years even just 1 are very important for mom to be around as much as possible, but you’re completely right your kids need you healthy and happy!
Thanks for being real! Being a mom is the hardest and best thing I do.
Alex Deaton amen girl!
Amen yes!
My husband and I are making serious financial sacrifices so I can stay home with our 5 months old boy. It’s not easy as we had to adjust our spendings significantly but it is so worth it. I love staying home with our baby.
open a home business - it's extra cash and you can deduct expenses and part of your house off your taxes ...
Love this video!. I had my son 6 years ago i chose to stay with him at home until he was 6 months but then took some part time work as a babysitter until my son was 4 years old and stopped sitting and went to school 2 get certified in whatever I could .mostly something creative so it chose a nail technician course. It was hard to work first to look for work I did odd jobs in nail salons like front desk / Nail Tech but I wasn't happy because I was spending too much time away from my kid that I feel really needed me for development I chose to stop working for other people and salons in October 2017 and got pregnant that month fast forward to October 2018i have a 6 month old and a 1st grader. Im stay at home mom I work from home part-time as a nail technician mostly during the weekends so I'm able to help my family and I get to take my boyfriend to work drop off my son and pick them up and in between take care of the house take care of the baby and take client's after my husband's home or during the weekend and I don't regret spending more time with my kids then work. There is a lot in her future is just baby steps right now because the kids are still little and there's no room to grow in the near future. :)
Izabela Rivera have you thought about maybe babysitting once your son is older. That way you can bring in money and start socializing your son. It made things bearable when I was struggling as a single mom. My son got a playmate and I got to breath with my bills paid. Congratulations on your sons birth
Judith Bisson I did think about it but babysitting isn’t really my thing. I am currently learning to trade stock. It is an awesome way to supplement income and I can easily fit it into my schedule.
It's the best you can do, well done! You'll see, it pays of! Tons of work, but after I stayed with my dear daughter for 2 years, I can ensure you, we took the best decision ever! You won't regret it!
It sucks everyone is so sensitive now, we all have to explain and use disclaimers before speaking our opinions or experiences 🤔
But we don't have to. I recommend you don't. If people want to get triggered over that, they weren't worth speaking to anyhow.
Advances in communication technology have revealed just how stupid many of our fellow citizens are. You were just in denial before. When they had no voice they were easier to ignore.
@@sidecar7714 that too
Straight White Male exactly
@@nellycious1692 You sure about that?
ua-cam.com/video/mzYHBPTfXCI/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/vMSmUzDt-7U/v-deo.html
ua-cam.com/video/5JB6qiJ5n5w/v-deo.html
Also, hopefully you realize what you just said is sexist and racist, *going by SJW/feminist logic.*
I'm a SAHM. I was at Walmart in customer service and the lady behind the counter was upset and said "I hate retail!" Me too! Did it for 6 years. So I know how she felt, or at least I thought I did. I asked her what job she wanted if she could have any job. She said she just wanted to be with her daughter, raising her (her words). My heart just sunk for her. I can't imagine wanting to be with your child but not being able to. Since then I've never taken for granted the fact that my husband has a good enough job that I can be home with our son. And I'm thankful that I have a husband who not only supports me being a sahm but that it was/is just as important to him as it was/is to me that I be home with our son and any other children we might have later.
Before I was married I was working retail (and in college) when a customer asked me what I wanted to be if I could be anything. I said a mother and he laughed at me and said that there are much more important things. Maybe to other people, but not to me. I can't think of any job I could be nearly as passionate about as I am about being my son's mother.
2019-UA-camrs becoming celebrities
2020-celebrities becoming UA-camrs
Full circe 😁
No job on this planet is more important than raising kids.
@A B yeah, I agree. Paying people to not work is unfair to people who do work.
The money paid to people on parental leave doesn’t come from tax dollars. It comes from employment insurance which everyone pays into. You are just claiming an insurance benefit that you are entitled to. The money coming from the government is just a widely-spread misconception in America to scare people out of the idea.
@@Mjl449 of course the benifit isn't funded by the gov. The government doesn't have money of its' own. The government takes money from people to give to people. The government is giving out other peoples' money, by them requiring people to pay into it. Its' not my fault somebody else decided to have kids. I wish the gov would pay me to go on vacation the next time I decide to go.
When you pay your health insurance premium every month and then you get sick and make a claim to cover the costs of seeing a doctor, you are entitled to the money from the insurance company. That’s why you’ve been paying into it every month. Employment insurance is the same thing. People pay into it every month, so that when they go on parental leave they can make a claim. I don’t get why this is so hard to understand. You are literally getting back the money you put in. It’s yours to claim 🤦♀️
@@Mjl449 yeah,well I don't choose to be sick. I'm not going to be using paternity leave, so why should I be forced to pay into it.
It takes a village to raise a child. Americans really have it all screwed up. In traditional societies, the extended family helps, the mom is never alone with her kids-grandparents, aunties, uncles. That's how it was done for millions of years, and only in the last few decades women were left alone to deal with their kids. It is not natural. Humans are tribal animals, we've lived in a close-knit tribes for hundreds of thousands of years. It is sad that it is like that-we have lonely elderly population, and desperate moms, who have to choose between the career they love, and their kids. There is a middle ground, but it is not in the US, sadly.
As eastern european, I get tired of this low hanging fruit kind of basing of american culture differences. They do it differently, that's all. Besides a lot of traditional things are illegal and cruel now, because being a tradition doesnt translate to being morally right this is a stupid argument. A lot of new non traditional changes are extreme improvements too but you overlook that., just like plenty of traditions are horrible in this age
I love America. 🇺🇸 it's the liberal agenda that has destroyed the family. Here--------> take a red pill🔴
Julia Sochnikova I love the way you think. Everything you wrote is spot on.
It’s nice if you have people who can help. Sometimes it’s not grandparents or extended family’s fault that they cannot help. They are full time carers, or sick or disabled themselves, or live too far away for work, or deceased and can’t help (All of these are true in my family). It’s great if the ideal exists, but it’s just not realistic these days where people don’t have lots of kids, because there aren’t a lot of aunts and uncles when your parents don’t have a lot of kids, and when people aren’t having kids as young, their parents may have passed away. I don’t think society is the cause of the village going away. Lots of people still have the village, but lots of people as has always been the case, do not due to circumstances outside of everyone’s control.
It is also not in other countries, even in Asia.. Yes, women should not be left alone to deal with small kids. I used to had the privilege to experienced this kind of pain. Pregnant and raising baby alone while forcing myself going to work amidst the cries of my little baby..
With my husband we have decided that I'll be a stay at home mom and homeschool our kids, but at the moment I'm finishing my degree in case something happens and I'd have to go to work. You never know what life brings, husband can get sick or lose his job, so it's always good to have plan B!
Being a forever SAHM is indeed a risky position. I am saying this from my personal family experience.
@@ganeshhegde8896 it’s risky just like a single mom getting sick or lose their job.
Psychologist here, after having my son I decided to stay at home, 8 years ago. Best decision ever. Still don’t have a lot of time for myself, but I don’t mind. Life is not short, will do something for myself in few years:-) Having healthy child and watching him growing up is the best life reward.
I totally agree. I live in Australia and have 4 kids. They are now aged from 19 to 27 years old. I was home with them 95% of the time. My husband is amazing (he worked a factory job - so we were NOT well off, we also have a mortgage etc) My kids were never in day-care, even though my Mum owned and ran a day care centre. I had post natal depression following the birth of my 4th child, and my Dad, who had recently retired would visit every weekday so I could collect my other children from school with out taking the baby. Staying at home is do-able. One needs to make adjustments to expectations, and when "well-meaning working friends" telephone and ask "What do you do all day??", you can calmly answer - "What the workers in your child care centre (day care) do, plus run the house etc". NOT for everyone. It was right for me. XXX Love you Mayim XXX
I'm currently working as a chemist and 22 weeks pregnant. I'm going in to a PhD chemistry program in August. I'm making the decision to go to school after and during my pregnancy because it allows me more time to be home with my baby than I have in my current position, while still doing some career work. Every family and situation is so different. ♥️
i was lucky enough to be able to be a stay home mum until my son was almost 3. I loved all the day-to-day mummy stuff. So many of my friends were bored and went back to work in a year, I was never bored once. My career took a massive hit, I went from running a department in a school to starting back 3 years later in a new place as a classroom teacher - but my son will never be small again and I am working my way back up. I had my son at 34 adn am 40 now and I wouldn't change a thing. If you want to stay at home you should be able to and if you're bored by staying home you should go back to work. Happy parents = happy children. If only everywhere gave mums the opportunity for longer paid maternity.
I'm happy that you were able to experience seeing your baby grow his first few years! I wish you all the best in these years to come :)
I totally agree with you. I don’t want to stay home, staying home makes me depressed and unsuccessful. But if it makes others happy, then that’s great. I just wish both parents had better parental leaves and we encouraged father to take time off as well.
@@unscmistressgaming1132 Do you have children now ?
@Janaina Ribeiro YES!
I’m glad your happy in your choice! In my experience having a mother who worked from 8am to 8 pm every weekday was AWESOME. I think it made me really independent (not that you can’t make your kids be independent if your staying at home) and it made me bond with my grandparents who would later leave me in life. I loved having her all for myself during the weekends but having the freedom to explore different things and different cares by different people during weekdays. This was just my experience :)
Beautifully said. I did the same. I finished my undergrad after my son went to kindergarten. I love your humor. 💕
Love your honest take on this. I worked as a nanny in the UK for a number of years and loved all those special moments that I shared with the children I was looking after. When I started a family of my own I didn't want to miss any of those moments. So pleased that we made the financial sacrifices that it took to have me at home with the kids. It's not an easy road but full of so many blessings along the way. Thanks for giving such a clear and honest voice to what I and I'm sure many others are feeling. I have subscribed to your channel to hear more sanity :) :) Have a great day - Heather in NZ
I loved your words. Ive just resigned from work during my maternity leave. Ive been home full time mom since six month as the age of my second daughter. I knew i May regret it but until now im thankful ive made the choice. My heart and mind both said yes it only took from me the courage to do it
I had my first son 6 weeks ago and decided to become a stay-at-home mom. The most common and dreaded question I receive is "when do you return to work?" A lot of people seem taken aback when I tell them I quit my ECE teaching job (though I still have my remote ghostwriting position) to raise my child. I find myself having to defend my decision, and this can be disheartening when trying to learn the ropes of being a new mother. I'm glad I found this video (and your channel).
yes mommy Shanna. I agree with u. I'm so happy to find this vlog coz it boost my dignity and value as a person.. I'm also a college graduate, after 10 years of working and helping my family, now a stay at home wife. One of the challenges are the criticism and disrespect of some people, why u gave up your career?, what will you do now? now, you're less valuable. etc., etc., and it's so annoying coz it makes me feel that I'm so wrong with my choice in life and I become guilty of the thing that I would love to do though it's an unpaid job.. They don't know how much anxiety they're giving to a Stay at home Mom. I Salute all the moms especially those who bravely let go of their careers just to cherish every milestones of their children. It's tough, but it's priceless... Time will never come back..
Don't feel the need to explain yourself all the time. As long as you are doing what's right for you and are confident in that, that's what matters... Not if other people understand or agree
The time I spent with my children helped them to be more sure of themselves, more intelligent, better socially adept. I was available to answer questions that can't wait, we watched the trash trucks and freight trains, cleaned dinosaur bones, weekly trips to the library, daily summer fun. I am thankful daily that we were able to have a parent at home. It was HUGE!
Well said. Thank you. Im a say at home mom to my 19month old and have no regrets.
I loved being a stay at home mum. Unfortunately we divorced. I am in my 50's now and have to go out to work, I would rather stay home and be a home maker. I love gardening and cooking and cleaning and I love being my own boss and making my own timetable. I have 2 degrees.
@Amandeep Wahi I agree but that woman also can pride herself in taking very good care of her husband and children in return. It's teamwork and sharing the load. A job to be proud of; but young girls are now taught being a homemaker is less somehow?? Being a homemaker is what you make of it. The woman mustn't be lazy, she has to be self motivated. And the man must share, not be controlling because he brings the cash to the house.
As a human being who has seen periods of time where my mother was a stay at home parent and then my dad (for medical reasons), i think I have maybe a different perspective.
I remember my mother struggling with patience for us kids because she was still working through a lot of baggage from her own childhood.
I remember my dad didn't struggle with patience for us so much as struggle with depression over his medical issues.
I also remember my mother being very cold except when we made her look good but my dad was compassionate especially on our bad days. I think my mother didn't really have the temperament to be a stay at home mom, I think it might have been bad for her mental health. I'm not saying my dad was perfect, he struggled with his own issues too, but I never had to question whether or not he loved us. EVER.
I do think that children can benefit from having a stay at home parent; however, I disagree that the stay at home parent be selected because of sex or gender. I think whether or not a parent stays home at all should be determined by finances, and which parent if any be determined based on a combination of which parent wants to and can they survive on the other parent's income.
Having a parent that is depressed but always there is worse than having a parent who is there sometimes but enjoys the time with you.
Yeah I am a stay at home mom too.. I have no regrets. But everyone around me feel that I am loser in time. Except my hubby.
You're not and will never be a lose.. if my mum didn't stay at home to train me? i wonder what i woulda been today
Meenadevi pandiyan your husband thinks you’re a loser too sweetheart 😹😹😹
BROTHER TN why because she takes care of her children instead of of making extra money ? Are you stupid? Let’s see how you deal with your family in the future idiot
BROTHER TN fucken troll .
@@brothertn708 your wife thinks your a loser too..
I am a 22 year old who has a 3 year old brother. A few months after my brother was born, my mom decided to work so I was left with all the sisterly duties.
I was at university and didn't have a life aside from going to classes and going home to take care of my brother. I am happy that I am helping my family, but this also put me into a state of depression since I didn't have the time to further my career by getting internships and didn't have time to join clubs and socialize.
I have graduated now and only working as a cashier despite being a Dean's Lister for all school years. I want to apply for internships or volunteer to gain more experience but my mom keeps saying that I am selfish if she quits her job for me.
I really wish I had a mom like you.
I was not blessed with children because of health issues but I respect you for putting your children before your career. You are blessed to be able to make that choice because so many people are just not able to choose to stay home instead of work.
Thanks for this. My 3 Children aged 9 to 15 are my life. It was a choice to stay home. I have a college degree and was working all the way up to my due date. I had picked child care and planned to go back but I could not leave my little girl. Was it easy? No. I’d thought I’d go crazy for want of adult companionship but eventually I found other moms and made great connections. When my youngest started school I decided to stay at home still. I’m as busy as ever and often wonder how working moms get it all done. I love that you called it a choice. Often I hear from women that I’m being a bad example for my daughter or I need to have a career to be complete. As women and as a society we need to stop criticizing each other and just offer support any way we can. In the end working moms or stay at home moms want the same thing, happy kids.
The way she said, "I watched them *speak words* for the first time." 😭💖😁
I'm a SAHM to. I'm 25 and I have two children. I study to become a psychologist and my boyfriend is studying philosophy. Of course we don't have much money but we have so much time together it's literally heaven on earth. As we both had a bit of a hard time growing up it's pure healing to celebrate our kids like that. I also have friends that turned away from me because they think I've given myself up( oddly enough only my girlfriend's reacted that way).
For me feminism is not about trying to be something that society values more, it's about giving women and men the opportunity to be what they want without discriminate them for there choices.
seeing you, my beloved mayim, radiating strength, not in spite of beeing a mother but because of it, is everything. And to all the superwomen reading this- I kneel down before all of you.
Sarah Alicia All i can say is much respect for you and your husband👏🏾👍🏽
Career SAHM of 14 years and counting! My prior career was in medicine and Hubs was/is a teacher. His job was the more family friendly (by far) and I had the boobs to feed the babies, thus the choice of WHO would stay home was made! We practiced AP when we had littles and continue to live an entirely family-centric lifestyle now that they're older. Family has always been the focus of our marriage because it's what feels natural and right to us, it's never been a problem in our relationship (20+ yrs as a couple, 30+ friendship). Teacher's salaries being what they are, we have sacrificed the fancier things in life but we have all of our needs and some of our wants covered. I supplement our income by subbing at school, teaching a bit of Archery, and offering personal styling services. I volunteer extensively in our schools and community. This Mom gig absolutely IS my identity, and I am very proud to say that! It's a career that has fulfilled me. I take pride in what I do for our family and our community. I've seen the difference my SAHM career has made, not just in the lives of my own children, but in many others who have benefited from the time I've spent volunteering at their school. Kids regularly TELL me how much it means to them to have me there and say they wish their parents were able to spend that time with them, too. I feel extremely blessed & fortunate to do what I do for a living!
I'm frustrated that society in general devalues career parenting, devalues family. I hate our dual income economy most of all!
I wish I could give more than one thumb up!!
Katheryn Hill , Thank you!
Agreed to everything you say. Your community benefits so mich from people like you. I hate our dual economy too
Ginger you are doing an awesome job
Jo x Thank you 🙏!
Omg!!! It’s like God heard my cry and answered by helping me find this video. I’m so depressed coming into work everyday. And then having to deal with the nonsense at work. I had to come back with my baby being 3 mos old. Everyday I drop her off I can’t let her go. The daycare workers have to tell me bye so I can get the hint to let go and leave. I miss my baby so much while at work. And the chaos of both of us working is insane. I know I’m blessed to even have the option to try to make staying home work. My first two babies were from a previous relationship and staying home wasn’t an option. I was single parent and I HAD to work. Now with me being married and my husband earning a good income, it’s an option. I wish I could quit tomorrow, but I’m 8 mos shy of being fully vested in my pension. I honestly don’t even know if I’m going to make it that long, bc the thought of me missing 8 more months of watching my baby grow just makes me extremely sad. But, I do feel more encouraged or give this some more thought and weigh my options. THANK YOU!
So true, we need to prepare and support parents/people so much more! It would make such a big difference for the development of society and humanity.
Every video that you release just makes me love you more! I stayed home with my first baby for a year....and while of course I loved and adored him, I feel zero shame saying I really disliked being a stay at home mom. (The fact that the first six months of that were spent battling/in treatment for incredibly severe postpartum depression did not help.) But that aside, I really missed my career. I was lonely and even though my husband was completely supportive, honestly I was incredibly uncomfortable not bringing home a paycheck and contributing financially. I went back to work and when I had my second baby, I stayed home for 4 months and then went back to work. Two years later, I don't regret that decision one bit.
I’m a mother and a nurse. I absolutely love being a nurse, but I love being a mother a million times more.
Love this conversation! A few points I'd like to make from my side of things as a full-time working mother:
1. I agree we need more policies in place that allow mothers to be home with their kids for more than 4-6 weeks! I was fortunate enough to take 12 weeks off with my second (compared to 8 with my first) and even then, it wasn't enough. Plus, it was financially draining and difficult because it was unpaid.
2. There is definitely an unhealthy emphasis placed on career success in our country, and I've experienced it first hand.
However...
3. Working is extremely fulfilling for some mothers. Though I wish I had more than 3 months off work after a newborn, I was eager to go back to the work I enjoyed doing with co-workers I enjoyed work with.
3. My children are my everything, as I am to them. They (almost) always come first. But, there's also an importance on the parents that have to be prioritized at times. For us, it's as simple as a date night away from the kids, but as extensive as a few nights away on vacation, and for some--it's their career. Of course, this can't be possible for everyone and is probably could be a whole other topic for another video!
We are so fortunate to have close-by family who are the caregivers during the 8-5 work week, and this certainly plays a large factor in my ability and desire to work full-time.
P.S. Stay at home moms truly rock. And yes, it's work. It's a lot of freaking hard work!
I made the same choice as you.I haven't gone to college yet I managed to finish my high school while being pregnant.Not only do I take care of my 2yr old son,but also my disabled mother.My mother helps me on what she can and I'm a care provider for her.Together we have raised my son.Yes I'm a single mom and im 23.I feel thankful to God regardless of the hardships because I spent, I'm spending and will spend as much time as I can with my son.I love him,hes my everything.The greatest wealth is my mother and my son.Im rich!At the moment I'm thinking of a career which can have a flexible schedule.I want to inspire and help people reach their full potential because we all have it in us!I don't have a social life,but everything comes in due time.Sorry for the long message,but I felt I should say these things.God bless all!😃
I went to college at the age of 30 when my kids were already full time students....school and careers will always be there on any level....your xhildrens years are only one at a time and you dont get any of them back...jobs are temporary...motherhood is til our last breath...You gor this...dont be so hard on yourself....you will get there 💜
omygod this is what I need to hear right now. I quit my job just couple of months ago to be with my baby and develop a healthy rhythm. Currently feel like I'm trapped in an unknown blob where I feel overwhelmed, though the first months I handle it gloriously. Thank you Mayim!
I love how in Europe they give up a few years of maternity leave and women don’t have to choose between career and family . It’s so upsetting to have to choose and make huge sacrifices that will have repercussions on the long term.
It's not years. It's 1 year max.
Jenn Colen in some countries is up to 3 years . Minimum everywhere is 1 year.
@@Kbydfrsghusy it's not... minimum is 3 months. Definitely not more than 1 year.
Jenn Colen if you didn’t know now you know . Read here www.businessinsider.com/countries-with-best-parental-leave-2016-8
@@jenncolen620 that is not correct there are many different systems in Europe. in Austria you can stay for 2 years as well but you won't get the same amount of money you get when you only take 12 months.
Still ladies be careful, I know a lot of cases when smth happens to the husband or he simply leaves and then the woman is left on her own very vulnerable and without financial assistance ( especially if you are from a developing countries where the divorce law isn’t like it’s in the USA ), also make sure your man doesn’t start to put you down ( happens a lot too, he starts feeling superior or he is a sadist enjoying control )
My husband and I plan to get life insurance for each other that is 10X our salary as soon as I enter my second trimester. I also have an education and two years worth of savings. This scenario doesn't worry me at all! But I am in the U.S.A so my choices are very different. A big portion of my family lives in a "developing country" and they all stayed home with their babies. Money is less there but community tends to be stronger. At least that's the case in the part of Mexico where my family is from.
@A B ummm... what's so funny? You need to let people live their life as they want
@A B looks like someone has too much time on their hands... get over it your one month too late
@A B bahhahahahaa you sound pretty butthurt about something.
Yes this happen to me
Great video! It’s refreshing to have open & honest discussions about this. I think something that is important to note, is that many women want to go to work for more than just the money. Having a career can be incredibly fulfilling and maybe it’s a bit frustrating that men are still able to have that, because 99% of the time it’s the women staying home from work to be a fulltime mom (and not a father being a fulltime dad). I don’t have children yet but I would love to be able to stay home for the formidable years of childhood development - but it begs the question, what do you do once that time is done? For most people who don’t homeschool, after a certain age your children are in school full-time, so it would be reasonable for the mother to go back into the workforce again. However, the crux of this whole thing is that it’s hard to stop your career at age 28 and not pick it up again until 10 years later. For most career paths, it’s almost impossible to catch up after that much ‘time off’ (I don’t mean time off like it’s a vacation, just time off from full-time work). Curious to hear what anyone thinks about this!
I'm definitely wondering the same thing because I did stay home at first with my son because he was a premie and I also had horrible health problems after I delivered him too early. I tried to go to work part-time after about a year but he needed me too much to trust other people who had no clue about what to do if he had a medical emergency that might not require an ER visit. So I didn't work for about 5 ish years and then I worked part-time for about 5 years. However I was forced to become a caregiver for my father in law and I couldn't do it all. So I quit my job and was back home again. I haven't been employed since 2014 and now my son is 13 years old and I have been trying to get back into the workforce. I've had one interview and the guy said to me that he couldn't even understand why on earth I would have stayed home for as long as I did! I didn't respond because I was so angry at him for judging my decision without even knowing me! Either way I too would love to learn how to get back into the swing of things!
I'm not a woman but I've an opinion on this...
Offices should encourage moms to join work as soon as the baby is able for babysitting - Not just for the women but also because it would increase the productivity of the company instead of letting go of a hardworking promising employee... At least companies should start by allowing women to take kids in offices & have a "Mother-zone" or something like that where women could leave their babies with babysitters in front of their eyes & can check on the kid time to time without caring too much about the baby & missing too much on him!
Could work or could not - but at least someone should try!
My aunt was a sahm for their 4 kids. She was off the workforce for more or less 15 years, went back to work when the two youngest were in high school, and the transition went really smooth for her. She’s a social worker tho, so I don’t know if employers consider raising four kids as extra field experience lol! As for our situation, my husband and I are freelancers, and he works at night, so there’s almost always one of us home (or running errands, etc) with our son, and we have grandparents and friends to babysit him on the rare occasions we both need to work outside of home at the same time. So, I hope this is good food for toughts for your lifeplan... 😊
Manic Mama Hippo my mom used temp agencies to get her back into the work world. This was back in the mid 90's. She taught herself how to use computers (they were getting big then). She landed a good job with Motorola. Eventually she became a Realtor.
I too decided to stay home and raise my son. My husband and I wanted more kids but we just haven't been blessed. My son is going to be 7 soon and I'm starting to think it's time to go back to work lol I have learned to stretch a dollar and I don't regret a thing! Seeing my son grow up has been such a beautiful pleasure! I would do it all over again if I had to!
I know so many people who have kids, but looking for babysitters because they don’t want to give up the material stuff. In reality most people choose materials over family
My husband is a cop and I am a teacher. Living on one of those incomes is practically impossible. I despise it when people say "just make sacrifices!" That is stuff people who are not public servants say. Material things like rent, car maintenance, healthcare etc are things that I do not consider "extras." Furthermore, the divorce rate is hovering around 40%. Even if one chooses to be a sahm, not honing skills or making plans for the future is unwise.I have been married over 20 years and been together 26 and even I am not naive enough to think "oh it could never happen to me..!"
Whoo hooooo!! I LOVED this video!!! I just had my first baby, and I agree with this 💯% I am also a mom who decided to leave my career and make a living from home. I think being there for him is more important than leaving him in a daycare. I agree our country should help women who want to be home with their kids to do just that. Don't stop speaking about this it resonates believe me.
Wow! This actually made me cry. I am a stay at home mom and finished my degree while my son was 6 months old. This really resonated with me and made me feel validated for being a stay at home mom. Thank you so much!!
I can really relate. I was pregnant when I started my Masters degree and having a newborn/infant while doing school is damn hard. When I finished my Masters I decided to stay home, at the time it was financially possible because my husband had a good income and if I went back to work my entire salary would essentially be going to childcare. People are always shocked to hear that I have a Masters degree and decided to stay home and raise my son. We live in a society where people expect other people to think like they do and make decisions like they do. Staying home to raise children doesn't seem like an important job to most people and as a result women who stay home are viewed as not very smart and lazy. I have experienced the way people change their opinion of me as soon as they hear that I am a stay at home mum, all of a sudden I am not smart enough to have basic conversations about politics or the economy or anything none child and home related 🙄 you really inspire me Mayim👏
It is sad when people think a woman with a Masters degree is not smart enough
Stay at home mom! My son is 18 and I feel very fortunate to have been able to be with him at all the special events etc. it was a lot of sacrifice and I gave up a career but I wouldn’t change a thing!
Hi from Georgia! I love your videos! I've done the same, staying home with my boys. I didn't get as far with my education; I've postponed that as well. My oldest has autism and my choice was pretty clear. I'm a single parent though so it's been a really rough a rocky road but SO worth it. Kids need their mother!
You. Are. Amazing 🎉🎉 I am so glad to look up “How I made the decision to be a SAHM “ and find your video! Your public presence for the breastfeeding community and attachment parenting has given me the affirmation I needed at times that yes, it’s okay to want to be a certain type of parent for my child. I completed my doctorate recently, when my son was 6 months old. He is now 10 months old. I want more children. I want to be present for my children. I want to make their meals, rock them to sleep, nurse until they no longer need, and create exciting days and experiences with them. I am ready to be 100% present, even though I’m more tired at home with them than I am at work. I am teaching uni part time while working on research and publications. I’m fortunate that my husband is able to support my part time-ness. I often feel that, because I have over a decade of full time work experience and a PhD, I owe it to someone (myself? The world?) to continue with it all. My colleagues know me as one person. My son needs me as another. It is very hard when your core beliefs are pulled in a direction that society does not respect as much as it seems the working mother is respected. It is unsettling to me that our society seems to support that higher education must be put to use, as if raising small humans is less valuable, when they are the future generation. Anyway, thank you!! Your words resonated. I will be on the job market for the next uni cycle, but putting my beliefs in God’s hands for what will happen.
I think it’s good there are starting to be more stay at home dads, great video 👍
But please be my mummy
Always enjoy your take and thoughts.
You must be a fantastic teacher! Chosing to be a SAHM is not an easy choice for any mother, as is chosing not to. It's a 24/7 job and is so rewarding and tiring. They do grow so quickly and the first 3 years are so important in their development.
I wholeheartedly agree. I am struggling with my own decision, but I'm leaning toward giving up a lucrative college teaching career to care for my three little ones. For me, nothing else really feels right. I a, however, scared about my financial future, scared of being judged harshly, scared of being without support.
Nan G don’t give up on your own development and stability, the kids will achieve more if their mom is an achiever too, also it’s dangerous to be dependent financially, I know a lot of women who need to beg their controlling husbands for anything for themselves, that’s the other side of it - men start feeling superior and start insulting you for being useless while expecting to be served
I can’t wait to be a stay at home mom. My mom stayed home with my siblings and I and I always loved that she was always there through the ups and downs... I can never say she wasn’t there for me. Awesome video!
I stayed home with my kids as well. I love the list you gave about not missing anything. I have often felt the same way. But also as a homeschooling mom, I also feel truly blessed that I was there when my kids learned how to read, wrote their first poem and created all those overly messy art projects. I like to say that my two oldest (girls) broke me in as a home educator and my youngest (son) reaped the softer version. When my youngest was weaned, I decided to go back to professionally teaching ballroom. I opened up my own program for adults in our area and it grew to be much more than I had anticipated. I was able to do this as I home schooled during the day and trained dancers at night. This May I will graduate my youngest out of high school. I thought I would be an ugly, blubbering mess this year as my baby and I will be ending our home school journey after 21 years in the trenches; but I am finding that I am 57, tired and ready for a new challenge. Mayim, raising kids sometimes feels like it moves like molasses in January and other times it feels like it flies by. I applaud you for your choices. We are all just moms who want the best for our kids whether we stay home, work outside the home or try to do the utterly unthinkable thing like I did and split our attention between the two the best we can.
My Mom died from complications of diabetes when my firstborn was 6 mos old. Before she died, one of her last pieces of advice to me were: “Breastfeed your babies for at least 2 years. Those years will fly by so fast, and you can never retake them when they have passed. Your children will need it as a good foundation in life. I promise you, you won’t regret it.” She breastfed all 6 of us (me and my siblings) for at least 2 years each, and we turned out healthy and okay, so I believed her. 3 kids and 10 years later, I know now that she was right. I love those bonding moments with my children and I am a better person for it. Thank you, Mayim, for the encouragement.
I am a homemaker and stay at home mom! I think success is being mom. Success is not just material. I'm so glad you mentioned this. As women we need to be empowered to make any family and career decision we think is best for us without the shaming, including being a full-time mom. I left work in scientific research and doctoral studies to be a mom. I love it and enjoy these precious little moments. The work will always go on and be there later, kids are young once.
Leilani James how is it empowering to be dependent on your husband’s income, fidelity and good fortune?
@@Visitkarte I understand her want to be empowered and be happy with being true self, but this is extreme level of backpatting and unconditional validation of each other. Like, do these people dont feel empowered by having responsibilities and being financially independent. Or not only being independent, but PROVIDING. It feels good too, but to these people, any kind of responsibilities or dirty work - yuck. Thats being adult, you stop and realize not everything you WANT is a given or even sustainable, and you have to give up some comfort for future prosperity or even to provide comfort to your family member at the cost of your own - thats noble in of itself.
Your kids are lucky to have a parent like you. My mom is amazing she choose me over her career too...even though we are struggling financially today because my dad doesn't work.....my mom doesn't regret the decision she made.....none of us do.....and we will get through this.....my mom has been through a lot, ever since she was young....I come from India and she was forced to marry at the age of 18....she didn't have a mom....her dad never took care of her.....my dad put her through a lot too....I just wish whrn I grow up, I can take care of her the way she takes care of me.
Sai 888 You poor soul. I really do hope that you and your mom will have a better life.
God bless you and your mom ❤️
the natural actions of a mother need to be explained and justified in this day
Thank you for this video. I am a stay at home mom to a two year old and pregnant with my second. I do not know anyone around me who has let go of the idea of a career to stay home with their children and at times have doubted myself for my choice. But it has always felt so right to be the carer of my child and now children and it is nice to know I am not alone and that is it society who tells us, basically, that it is wrong, not cool and etc to stay at home. I am judged constantly, people think I do nothing whilst home; but the reality is I am constantly on the go, educating, feeding, nurturing, cleaning, loving etc my child. Yay you for making it known that it is a job unto itself, raising children. Thanks for validating my choice.
Gabrielle Novick yes yes yes, perfectly said
Not American, thanks. South African. Welcome to the third world honey. Toddler sleeps through the night, and we co sleep because I love him close to me. Why do you hope he has no breast milk? How odd. He nurses on occasion, but falls asleep on his own. And he is two next week and likes to wee in the garden, lets me know when he wants to go etc. And I think I will do just fine with two, one can't be lazy with two under three!
Day care is so scary. You dont even know what your kid is up to!
Also he never had a dummy. I breast fed for comfort. He is the best and will be the kindest older brother.
Such an odd reply though, I dont get why you are caring whether I have a double buggy or breastfeed or where my kid sleeps! Explain! :P
No success outside the home will ever compensate for failure inside it.
Ah yes, better to be poor and die of starvation with well behaved kids than to live in luxury but have douche bag children.
What?
@@InitialFailure And yet all those children hooked on drugs and fucked up lives are real happy about it.
@@InitialFailure you sound dumb..
Rob Hickman Not having children is not a failure, it's a decision or fate or medical condition. Nobody needs your judgement.
@@s.h.9095 Where's the judgment? My comment was meant for those who do choose to have children. If you make such a choice, no other success will ever compensate if you do not take your role as a parent seriously. Maybe this world would work better if people asked questions before jumping to conclusions.
Being a stay at home Mom was the best choice I could have made and I know I was blessed to be able to do that. Having someone else make decisions for my children during their formative years was not something I wanted for them or for myself or their Dad. We didn't have new cars, we didn't take lavish vacations and that was okay. As my kids became a little older and began to want everything other kids had I began to doubt my commitment to be at home. Was I doing the right thing? Was I making the right choices? My answer came when my 13 year old daughter was home from school with a bad cold. I was making her soup and a grilled cheese and she said " Mom I'm glad you're here when I don't feel good " and simple as that I had my answer.
I lost my son just after his 30th birthday and I thank God for the opportunity ! had and the memories I have to hold onto. Do your best Mama's that's all any of us can do, that and unconditional love will carry you far.
Being a stay-at-home mom is the best career decision I've ever made!
******MESSAGE TO HOUSEWIVES OR SOON TO BE ***********
A stay home wife or a stay home husband is a duty that comes with the decision of buying/renting a house and having children(s). It NOT A JOB you do not have the option to choose whether or not you want or don't want to do it. It your DUTY as a parent to raise your children and run the household. That task CAN be done with both parents working. There is a difference between school, college, university and life lesson. School university and college will teach your child how to function and work in today society. While the life lesson should be given by the parents containing lessons such as belief religion moral personality value politics good manners respect love etc... I do agree that the school is fucked up just like many other things in our society. But it this same society that provide this system that we living on. This system that allows us to have food 2 feet away water house clothes etc... How because there is people out there working OUTSIDE OF THEY HOME during rain snow building this system those laws. We all want to just stay home with our family all day long but we can't we have to work not just for money but to contribute to the development of our society so that EVERYONE'S CHILDREN can have a better future a better system a place to live. You can't ignore the world staying in your little bubble taking care of your kids only and hoping that somehow the world will be a better place later on. SO GO THE WORK
Thank you.
Pter Lo lol you think the world is worse because moms stay at home with their children?
@@pterlo9087 You're a badly indoctrinated fool if you think school and university is good for a child. The theory is the only thing good about it. They're more concerned with making them dependent slaves though than making them independent and capable people.
@@DaisyValdivia I don't recall saying that lol
@@TheStraightestWhitest the school system is good the people who run it not so much
This video has some good points. And most women would like to stay home and raise their kids because no one can raise their kids as they could. But what i have noticed is that most women that stay home are not considered as valuable as the men that earn the money. And that is just sad. And that is what drives women to work and not take care of the child the first years. Not to feel dependent from the husband, or less valuable. If the husband values the wife and respects that she stays home to raise the kids and understand that is like a job than more women would find it more easy to be stay at home moms and this would be better for the society in general
Anyways loved the topic and the video ❤️
I've also seen that the stay at home dads aren't considered as valuable as the working mom. Some feel like they're going to be less "man" if they stay at home, or that they will lose their masculinity because they aren't providing for their family... It's all about the money at the end of the day, from both sides
In addition, I think it's not only the husband who may not completely value what a mother at home accomplishes, but it's also society that doesn't value a mother's job anymore. For example, it's also other women who do work saying that staying at home with your kids taking care of them and the household isn't "work".
And there are people who write like only women can stay at home. Taking care of kids is not exclusive of women.
Also, most women do not want to stay home. I for sure do not. It’s okay to not want to stay home, it’s also okay to stay home. It’s a personal decision
This means a lot. Thank you ! We are often taken on a guilt trip by people around for either why are you staying at home or why are you working etc this is the time we should stand for ourselves and do the best for our kids. Keep inspiring. Much love from India!
Someone seems really undermentioned in this video, someone else who could stay home if the mom wants to work, someone else who might not get much sleep, someone else who could make career sacrifices for their family.
As a daughter to a stay at home father, I can tell you that mayim knows better than we both that the mother is in any case, whether you want it or Not, the primary provider to a baby, especially in their early infancy. As an example, babies don't know they are an entity on their own until they are 9 or 6 months old, and during this whole period they don't realize they split apart with their mum. They think they are still one only body. So it's not about feminism, it's about neuroscience. What mayim knows better than we do.
Agree. A dad can also stay at home. I don't like how it's always expected for the mom to do it.
I imagine Mayim is speaking as someone who breastfed - which may be a big factor in her staying home as opposed to her husband. But also if he makes more money, and the mom didn’t want to go back to work, that’s okay too.
Daddy, especially if mom is willing to pump.
Like the disclaimer said. This is about her and ONLY her. It's what worked for her.
It's really sad that people have to put up disclaimers like that. I don't understand why people have to be assholes and put other people down.
I tried the SAHM thing with my first. We could afford it, but the dynamics with my husband changed and expectations from his family were ridiculous. Somehow me being home meant the 1950s were back in my house. After a 1.5 years of crying every night I looked for work unsuccessfully. Being out of work that long in science/tech, you are finished. So went back to more grad school, got a crack internship and now an awesome career where I work 7a-3pm and a few hours from home as needed. My kid now an awesome high schooler sees a happy and in-control mom everyday, which is far more important than me seeing the first of his everything. P.S. Still married to same guy after some counseling (which my work paid for 😉).
What Im trying to say is - think carefully before giving up your financial independence and power. Many cultures don’t even have the options we do.
KD I wouldn’t care what my husbands family expected. To hell with them. It’s your life and your husbands life. Ignore negative BS.
KD I'm so happy things worked out well for you!
You are right, before a women gets married or has a child she should know she has a way to take care of herself and the child without a partner. Even the best of plans change, men who you would never believe it of, walk away.
It sounds like your in laws were jealous.
I also was a 'stay at home' mother and I never would regret this. It was a beautyful life, with all Highs and Lows, and if I would have the choice, I would do it the same again.
It was a 24 hour job, but I loved it. We had a lot of fun together. And I think, my benefit was, that I was a very young mother. Very flexible, busy, full of love for my children, so it was never a problem for me. Every day, when I remember this time, I have a smile in my face.