@ B Murph Oh i’ve seen a study like this somewhere... the conclusion the researchers came to was that the smarter people were considered smarter because through their childhood they studied and if they had the humor trait it was shown that they were less serious about their studying. Of course a sense of humor can be rediscovered as shown by a different study I saw a while ago. People that were said to be without a lack of humor and they were forced to interact with charismatic or funny or people with a sense of humor and remarkable enough they subconsiously copied their mannerisms in the first phase and like a while later they were said to have “gained a sense of humor”. You can classify a sense of humor as a lot of things but most of the time you can see that it draws to charisma or fear and I haven’t seen a study on humor that hasn’t been met with near unanimous support yet. So i’ll say that humor is the genuine subconscious reaction to a stimulus and with that in mind you’ll see that humans are really social creatures and when you leave them to develop on their own then there isn’t much control to how they develop their humor.. like a desert and a coast are to a buffer and pH, one has a buffer. You’ll see that the people you classify smart (systematic education wise) don’t fare much better as the people with experience, passion or the eccentricity. All ted talks i’ve seen were with people with the second kind. It’s probably just random chance though... this crowd was a tough crowd even by TED standards.... can someone check the sEm on that im too lazy
Where did Nathan Go? It's a question I've gotten numerous time about "The 15 yr old meth addict who taught me about leadership" "Nathan" (not his real name) may well be running his own business somewhere with the family, education, and future he hoped for, or he could be in a grave somewhere passing way too early. I've seen both outcomes with many of the kids we worked with at the time. I wonder if a better question is. Does it matter? Should I be less motivated by his brave action if his future turned out bad or more because it turned out well? If he was shot in a drive-by does it make his prior bravery any less important, less impactful, less courageous? I've been inspired by complete assholes and more than let down by absolute saints. As we all have. But, in each situation, we have a choice. Focus on the good we got, or the perfection that was missed. The story about Nathan is imperfect, like the rest of us. In that way, it leaves us with a choice about what we want to focus on. Which, in turn, will communicate what we get out of it. What do you think?
for all the people who “don’t believe” a 15 year old could be a meth addict, please take a moment to be thankful that you were privileged enough and win the birth lottery of parents, a decent house, love, not having to be hurt enough to turn to drugs, and living in a “nice” and “quiet” area. not all kids have this privilege, especially kids like Nathan, who probably grew up without love, lived in a “bad” area. and turned to drugs and gangs as a way to cope.
Makenzie Tibbs exactly my sister started doing meth at this age maybe younger when she was sent to live with MY FATHER. My mom didn't know this about him when my sister begged to live with him because she was having a difficult time. She's sober know since she was 33; thank God, she's 38 now.
alicia nolan i’m so sorry to hear about that. it must’ve been really hard to watch your sister go through bad times. but i’m really glad she’s better now
When he got emotional I bursted out into tears. Lost my mum to drugs. Maybe I should of asked questions instead of giving the answers. I will remember that the next time I am trying to help someone through a hard time, drugs or just life
Yea, and hopefully when your children get older, you *will* ask questions if it ever becomes a vital topic that may save their lives as well. My deepest condolences for you 🙏 Yours and my daughter have the exact same name!! That's so cool. Except her name is spelled with ir instead of er at the end. I knew you must have been either from England or Australia by the way you said mum. I'm so proud of your country standing up to China for their threats!!
I'm for your loss as well. I also got emotional at that part. I had to screenshot what you said too, it will be foundation for my business. I appreciate you.
His audible breathing was due to nervousness (fear of speaking in public.) His delivery: loudness & melodramatic, indicates how deeply this speaker was moved by his experience. It was a learning he still feels intensely. True emotions are hard to disguise unless one is skilled in: professional acting, polished public speaking and lying. If you chose to focus on and critique his breath or 'bad' speaking, you missed the entire meaning of the speech; good leadership means questioning, not just those you try to lead, but yourself as well. All the time! Even if one never plans to lead, manage, supervise, counsel, mentor, parent, employ, minister to or address others. When we FIRST ask ourselves why we feel a certain way about another, we open ourselves to: 1. Potentially understanding them.. and growing, 2. Probably discovering something deeper in ourselves.. and growing. Growing = living. When a living thing stops growing, it's dead.
my dad is a meth addict, im not allowed to make contact with him legally until i turn 18, I last saw him almost 3 years ago, and every day, one thing i think is "i will never see my dad again. i should have enjoyed that time i had with him 3 years ago, because i know thats the last time ill ever see him." i didnt even tell him how much i love him last time I saw him, i dont know why im posting about this, but to everyone who reads this please tell everyone you know how much you love them because you never know when itll be gone
Dom Da Bom+ look It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say you loved him before you were taken away it matters if you know he’s loved you for how long you’ve been away. You don’t know my face, my voice, or or my personality but you can see my compass and love for my fellow human being
Hun your dad is gunna be ok you'll turn 18 and be best buds with your pops. Just because he does meth doesn't make him any less of a person, I know a lot of successful lawyers that use meth lol don't let what society thinks alter your mind. Idk you or your dad but this is my opinion. He's not going to die he's not going to jail unless he's a criminal, which idk.
was just thinking this same thing too. i've been in a psych ward and i know the staff can't really keep in touch with the patients, but it would be cool to try and find him, see where he is now.
Wow, this was pretty moving. It brought out a few tears in me. I’ve struggled with addiction and homelessness for a long time. Thankfully, I have a home and have stayed sober for about three years now. But that question, “what do you want?” That was something I struggled with and kept hidden like Nathan. I’ve had a couple good drug counselors and they would always ask questions. Good job to the speaker, I would’ve been proud to have someone like him helping me during my tougher days.
I have 8 months sober and I can relate to this whole thing, what do you want, what are you hiding from, what are you scared of. He very well could have helped save this young mans life. All addicts really want is someone who understand them with no judgement
Wow! 😮 Thank you everyone! And congrats to Rage Mayne on your sobriety! Everything you said is so accurate. You see, the praise and encouragement I have received here means SO MUCH to me! Not only does it encourage me to stay clean, but I rarely receive praise when I share my past with people. I’ll be ridiculed or cast out of social circles. It’s hard making friends that have never used once they know your past. At least where I live. So to receive everyone’s support, love, and encouragement means a lot to me, man! Thank you all! 🙏
You let your emotions run free and that's when you know the story is good. I'd listen to you speak over any politician or professional public speaker any day. Loved it.
How can people comment on the public speaking abilities of this man when he is crying over a child addicted to drugs? It's really easy to laugh or poke fun when it's not your son addicted to meth finally opening up to someone about a potential future, instead of a potential death sentence. Please have a little bit more compassion.
marianne white how? I heard of a study about how it stands with empathy in first world countries: result.. Only 2 in 10 people feel others, but they love their cars, pets, smartphones etc.
Damn someone gives what could be a life changing story and all ppl can think about is his breathing ...this is America I guess ...glad Ted doesn’t have anyone of y’all speaking
This really hit me. Been struggling with addiction since i was 14, im currently 17 and my use has been almost daily for the past year. It would've and still would help me so much to receive the type of attention and care this teacher gave to nathan because theres lack of. Many addicts are missing conection and support and overall a loving enviroment. I wish more people approached the issue like this man because many of us are not the lowlive pieces of shits that are slaves to their drugs, even then most of those people are a product of their enviroment. We are people that are hurting. Being perceived as less than makes it impossible to get help. It means a lot to reach out like this and Im positive he left a huge mark on nathan, bless this man and his compassion. 💕
Tassia, So glad this connected with you. You are worth being seen, heard, and known. I truly hope you can find the beauty within yourself that becomes worth fighting for. It means a lot to me to have you share your story. You have affected this person, and I hope you know you can, and likely already do, affect many more. Keep fighting. It's worth it. You are worth it. You are loved.
Yeah, and neglect and judgement can be a killer, but thanks to our society, people have been discouraged from believing that people will be led by anyone fit, by any objective standards, to be led by.
Really dont think anyone complaining about his breathing has actually been on a stage before, especially a big one like this. Love the video, love the passion and that i can hear the emotion in his voice
At 10:18 you start with a quote: "It's not our darkness that we fear, it's our light that we are most afraid of." For me personally I would argue that "It's not my darkness that I fear, it's losing my light that terrifies me."
I have to agree. I think it's entirely plausible that Nathan had had his light extinguished so many times that he had to bury it so deep down so that no one could kill it entirely.
I have been a Paramedic for 15 years and I have been in the hole where my light was only a distant candle, but it was still there. Loosing that light terrifies me.
wouldn't losing your light mean you had given in for the darkness? Then it would mean it's the darkness you fear the most, if we think it as a battle between darkness and light. If we give in for the light, darkness fades.
I teach storytelling to individuals and organizations and have been looking in vain for a great TedTalk to show people how to tell a compelling story and then tie it back to their work. You did it brilliantly, seamlessly, and beautifully.
He was almost there. I was actually thinking I was going to hear it this time. But, alas, it ended like every other one of these talks that I've heard. The therapist (or what ever he was) was asking this kid what he wanted, and finally the kid broke down and told him. I need to hear the talk where the answer is "I don't know doc. I have no friggin idea what I want. Or what I want to do. Or how I want to spend my years here on Earth." But I never get to hear that talk because, apparently, everyone else knows what they want. Or what they want to do. I know what I don't want to do. I know how I don't want to spend my years here on Earth. But what do you do if you don't know what you want? I'm 58 years old now. I've been a meth addict since I was 25. I'm still trying to figure that out, that 'what I want' thing. But I'm running out of time...
Try something each day that is different, maybe it will spark a thought, feeling, ect. that might lead you to your answer. Jump up and down and scream, go outside and make a mud pie, throw things, jump a rope, walk, listen, read, play 20 questions, 💋your self. Sorry, just don't give up.
Are you reaching for the meth because it feels good and gives an escape from reality? Perhaps you have a serotonin imbalance in your brain (at this point with the meth, you likely do). People who reach for drugs (personal experience) usually have a mental illness, trauma or health deficient beforehand. To correct this, we have to come off the drug and see the therapist or psychiatrist and lose the weight, exercise, take our vitamins, eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Finding the motivation to do so will be the hardest part- because you’re starting lower than before you began the drug...hence needing support from drug counselors. But eventually you will see an increase in the quality of your life, you’ll see the beauty in the sky or a child’s laughter or a strangers conversation. Perhaps trying to rewire your thought patterns by mindfulness and meditation, or spirituality.
You can’t find joy and satisfaction in anything outside that high until you train your body to live without the high- then you will experience life, after a little hard work and adjustment.
You’re never to old to change and the day you’ve run out of time to be something or someone else is the day after you die because even up to the second on your death bed before you die there’s always something that can change in you. No longer live by your age but by your heart.
This seriously had me in tears. This both moves and motivates me. That shows that even in the darkest places, light can be found. And that people society tends to label as “gangsters” or “criminals” are still people too even if they’ve pushed that side of them back. Great job Brian!!
Brought me to tears 😢 I hope Nathan has everything he wanted in life & is drug free. confidence and self-esteem have so much to do with how we live our lives so make sure to build people up 🙂
Guys stop posting comments about the *you know what* because it causes more people to hear the *you know what* , together we can rid the comment section of people talking about the *you know what*
it's teachers like him who can change a kids life. personally i've never had a teacher that came close to being as passionate abt their job as much as he is but i've still had a few good ones and i am beyond grateful for them. his passion for helping Nathan reminds me of the teacher from Freedom Writers.
Absolutely inspirational. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt story with the world and showing us that leadership can be such a simple concept if we simply try to not have the answers, but show up.
Jesus christ man. Im at work and had to hide for a bit cause I shed a cold tears to this. 4 and a half years clean in June so long as I make it. This hit home. Thank you
I've been an addict over 20 years, now I work in a men's detox center, the best people to help, are the people who have been there, I love my job more then anything
I can't find the right words, to describe how this affects me in this moment. I battle addiction too. This man just made me realize how important it really is to ask an addict questions. It's real easy for me to stay in my head, and turn one small difficulty into 100 problems too complicated to solve. Yes, please, ask me questions. Help me focus. On anything. Except drug use. God, I'm grateful I watched this video.
One of my favorite speeches thus far I hope to work in probation possibly one day and am quite attached to rehabilitating juvenile offenders and this is one lesson I hope to hold throughout my entire career. Thank you so much for sharing this story❤️
Brian Fretwell, this hit me hard as well. It's people like you who stick to it with these troubled souls & build the future so kids like him can go on to do the same. Your speech brought a tear or few to me & I respect your service to the community. Keep doing your thing. 👏👍
"Most of the time people don't need our answers, they need our participation. They need us to believe something is there that we can help grow from within." - Brian Fretwell That statement was the most powerul thing I took away from this.
You are a brilliant speaker! you nailed all the elements of a great speaker. For years i have told my brother on ways to change his life, but i never asked him questions!! thank you for this! we all have the wisdom within us
Thanks for the great talk. I wish more people would understand people aren’t their addictions, but they turn to addictions as ways to survive. We need to start actually helping people and not hurting them.
Not sure they turn to addictions as ways to survive. Often, the person develops a habit because too many friends are suddenly trying the new stuff and it becomes social, much like drinking. At some point we need to all stop to think before the first taste. One a habit forms it's compulsion keeping it up. But many people with no problems get hooked because the chem happened to be popular with a group of friends they knew long before the meth came around.
So true...... people don't understand until it happens to them that's why you hear so little about it because those people dealing with their problems don't have any time to comment or read valuable comments like this one.
one of the first times I've seen a public speaker get so emotional over the subject. I'm truly blessed to see people making a difference and feel such a great emotion doing it. thank goodness!
@@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell I'm not big on public speaking but I feel like when you talked about it, it showed that you cared about this subject. even when you started your body language showed you were invested in what you were saying/tone of voice etc. I think that when you did it it was fine because it just showed how this is a sensitive topic that you still wanted others to know. thank you for being kind enough to tell us about all these things :)
As a drug addict the tears just started running down my face because I don't want this either. I wanna have a family and kids. But my body screams for more and wants it for the rest of my life even when it's cut short 50 years bc of it and I feel powerless of having the strength for it.
Hey man try to find a place like I'm in its called flying high they teach you trades and have a sober living house you can live in I'm going for welding
Thank you Brian. I learned in sales the person asking the questions is the one in control of the conversation. I love what you have to say and have many drug addicts in my family I realize you can't change them but questions can provoke thoughts. Actions and plans start in the brain through thoughts. Meth is a drug that causes people to obsess maybe if we can get them to obsess over the right thoughts. It's worth a try. It doesn't matter where Nathan is today. What matters is you tried to make a difference and even if he when back to meth at least he knew someone really cared. God bless you!
Great job Kevin and greatly applicable. So many leaders I see talk and mandate and direct the work. They embrace the Title and Position of a leader, not the true job.
The power of this story is incredible. But it's not just the story. If he had been monotone about it, the story wouldn't have meant so much. But because of his emotion, his dedication, his compassion, THAT's what made it poignant. Well done to him for allowing himself to be emotional.
My Goodness, God bless you sir! I think you’re an awesome role model for these children!! Keep up the great work!! I respect you for your compassion for troubled children!! 🙏🏼🙌🏽✊🏽👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
The way you got to him allowed him release some pent up hurt that a CHILD does not have the skills to compartmentalism. Thank you for doing what you did do for him. As a mom, I felt this. 15yr olds are not adults, they are children that still need us even if they push us away. The desperately need structure, boundaries and emotional education. I’m in tears.
Excellent work, Brian. One of the first steps in growth is accepting new methods and learning from them, even if it's reluctant acceptance at first, as you put it until you can come up with something else yourself.
Brian I love your passion, tenacity and care of all the Nathan’s you come across. I’m glad you’ve come to see that when we reach out to connect with someone and help them, they return the gift and we grow because of it as well. Fantastic talk.
I'm an addict, and I've been on the other side of addiction as well. This guy really sounds like a good addiction councilors/teacher. I'd have taken him seriously, but probably wouldn't have quit still. I had plans to quit all the time. Eventually I got sick n tired of the lifestyle, side effects, how it ruined my life while I was blinded using. I finally got tired. And quit. This guy yells w genuine feeling, that gets addicts attention.
I can sense the empathy in this guy n it honestly made me cry... I’ve been thru addiction n rehabs n counselors n some most REALLY do care. I’m very empathetic n it’s beautiful but at times it is sooo hard
That crowd sucked, jokes were killin it lol. This was a very good talk.
Nah they were just to absorbed into the story
Ain't a comedy club lol, usually the more intellectual people you get the less sense of humor that occurs
@@bennywolf2169 not having a sense of humor doesn't make ya smart, but whatever makes you feel better about yourself lol
B Murph that’s not what he said. He said a lot of intelligent people don’t have the strongest sense of humor. This is a very true statement.
@ B Murph Oh i’ve seen a study like this somewhere... the conclusion the researchers came to was that the smarter people were considered smarter because through their childhood they studied and if they had the humor trait it was shown that they were less serious about their studying. Of course a sense of humor can be rediscovered as shown by a different study I saw a while ago. People that were said to be without a lack of humor and they were forced to interact with charismatic or funny or people with a sense of humor and remarkable enough they subconsiously copied their mannerisms in the first phase and like a while later they were said to have “gained a sense of humor”. You can classify a sense of humor as a lot of things but most of the time you can see that it draws to charisma or fear and I haven’t seen a study on humor that hasn’t been met with near unanimous support yet. So i’ll say that humor is the genuine subconscious reaction to a stimulus and with that in mind you’ll see that humans are really social creatures and when you leave them to develop on their own then there isn’t much control to how they develop their humor.. like a desert and a coast are to a buffer and pH, one has a buffer. You’ll see that the people you classify smart (systematic education wise) don’t fare much better as the people with experience, passion or the eccentricity. All ted talks i’ve seen were with people with the second kind. It’s probably just random chance though... this crowd was a tough crowd even by TED standards.... can someone check the sEm on that im too lazy
Where did Nathan Go?
It's a question I've gotten numerous time about "The 15 yr old meth addict who taught me about leadership"
"Nathan" (not his real name) may well be running his own business somewhere with the family, education, and future he hoped for, or he could be in a grave somewhere passing way too early. I've seen both outcomes with many of the kids we worked with at the time.
I wonder if a better question is.
Does it matter?
Should I be less motivated by his brave action if his future turned out bad or more because it turned out well? If he was shot in a drive-by does it make his prior bravery any less important, less impactful, less courageous?
I've been inspired by complete assholes and more than let down by absolute saints. As we all have.
But, in each situation, we have a choice. Focus on the good we got, or the perfection that was missed. The story about Nathan is imperfect, like the rest of us.
In that way, it leaves us with a choice about what we want to focus on. Which, in turn, will communicate what we get out of it.
What do you think?
My feelers, thanks for reminding me that there's others out there that been have been through similar situations.
Doesn't matter, excellent response to the question and subsequent thoughts. Might be best you DON'T know what happened, tbh.
Woaahh you're even a good speaker through writing....
Man, you're the kind of guy I would let lead me! Great talk! I have learned a lot from this, thank you.
I think Nathan matters.
When is Ted gonna talk
When he sees joe
After Yuri for sure
For sure wilma
Liam Lee who’s joe?
Joe is teds best friend
This story had a 90% chance of revealing that he is Nathan.
Zain Chupacabra broooo I was thinking the same thing
He said I don't know where Nathan is today. He is the kid Nathan was hiding inside him 😯
@@ΕΜΜΑΝΟΥΗΛΣΠΑΝΑΚΗΣ he ate Nathan? 😯
His name is Brian wtf
No tattoos
for all the people who “don’t believe” a 15 year old could be a meth addict, please take a moment to be thankful that you were privileged enough and win the birth lottery of parents, a decent house, love, not having to be hurt enough to turn to drugs, and living in a “nice” and “quiet” area. not all kids have this privilege, especially kids like Nathan, who probably grew up without love, lived in a “bad” area. and turned to drugs and gangs as a way to cope.
Makenzie Tibbs exactly my sister started doing meth at this age maybe younger when she was sent to live with MY FATHER. My mom didn't know this about him when my sister begged to live with him because she was having a difficult time.
She's sober know since she was 33; thank God, she's 38 now.
alicia nolan i’m so sorry to hear about that. it must’ve been really hard to watch your sister go through bad times. but i’m really glad she’s better now
why are you talking about this tf
your name is makenzie no fucken way you lived in a rough area
Addiction doesn't discriminate.
Living in a "nice" and "quiet" area will not prevent you from becoming an addict.
my ex-girlfriend was 16 when she started using. people are so closed-minded and they don't know how real this stuff can be. smh
The anger and authenticity in his voice is heartwarming. I felt that.
Made me shed a tear
When he got emotional I bursted out into tears. Lost my mum to drugs. Maybe I should of asked questions instead of giving the answers. I will remember that the next time I am trying to help someone through a hard time, drugs or just life
Yea, and hopefully when your children get older, you *will* ask questions if it ever becomes a vital topic that may save their lives as well. My deepest condolences for you 🙏 Yours and my daughter have the exact same name!! That's so cool. Except her name is spelled with ir instead of er at the end. I knew you must have been either from England or Australia by the way you said mum. I'm so proud of your country standing up to China for their threats!!
I am sorry for your loss
I'm for your loss as well. I also got emotional at that part. I had to screenshot what you said too, it will be foundation for my business. I appreciate you.
Let me recommend to you the best tutorial on addiction. "Staying Sober!" A GUIDE FOR RELAPSE PREVENTION by Gorski and Miller.
*should have
I mean no disrespect ofc. This is just what I do.
His audible breathing was due to nervousness (fear of speaking in public.) His delivery: loudness & melodramatic, indicates how deeply this speaker was moved by his experience. It was a learning he still feels intensely.
True emotions are hard to disguise unless one is skilled in: professional acting, polished public speaking and lying.
If you chose to focus on and critique his breath or 'bad' speaking, you missed the entire meaning of the speech; good leadership means questioning, not just those you try to lead, but yourself as well. All the time!
Even if one never plans to lead, manage, supervise, counsel, mentor, parent, employ, minister to or address others.
When we FIRST ask ourselves why we feel a certain way about another, we open ourselves to:
1. Potentially understanding them.. and growing,
2. Probably discovering something deeper in ourselves.. and growing.
Growing = living. When a living thing stops growing, it's dead.
Sean de Haast most insightful and intelligent thing I have heard from a comment in a long time
Exactly brother
Thanks. Peace!
Sean de Haast Actually his whole speech says he's lying, nervous, and not committed to his words.
highly underrated comment
"People don't need our answers, they need our participation"
igot all the answers fuk this clown..............................haha he now takes meds,harm mini,,,,hahhaa
huh? lol i legit didnt understand what you were trying to say xD
I read this comment as he said it...... spooky
@@jacktaylor6250 literally same wtf
@@NotRyan96 he's prolly a drug addict.
Plot twist: he is Nathan.
Twist Plot: Is he Nathan?
Nathan Drake
Can't be, his teeth are too nice.
Also the tattoos?
@Mr. VW O' Day Doesn't work as well as you'd think.
literally every comment is people defending him over his breathing i havent seen one attacking his breathing
same yoo
Haha legit!
Could be a response to an internal dialogue
its annoying af
bruh he breathes hella
'' Our deepest fear is not we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure ''
For me this is true. Almost every time in my life when things were going good I willfully and consciously sabotaged it.
Thanks Coach Carter.
@@BladeRunner-td8be I've done that and now I'm jobless smh
Yeah probably not bro
@@danthadon87 😂😂😂
Y'all unsympathetic af, this talk was amazing.
Very nice of you to say.
I reckon that to truly appreciate this talk, taking meth beforehand might be a good idea.
z00h If one could even sit still during a 14-minute video.
Le Penseur - don't knock it before you try it*
*always read T&C's or consult your doctor before taking any drugs.
Empathetic*
The first time I see a public speech gets so emotional
Hoping that's a good thing.
It is, don't worry!
Brian! Amazing speech, many struggle with addiction in my area. It is a real issue, good work and again amazing speech.
It's ENZO Barney gang
“Leadership isn’t a me thing it’s a we thing.” Well put. Thank you.
my dad is a meth addict, im not allowed to make contact with him legally until i turn 18, I last saw him almost 3 years ago, and every day, one thing i think is "i will never see my dad again. i should have enjoyed that time i had with him 3 years ago, because i know thats the last time ill ever see him." i didnt even tell him how much i love him last time I saw him, i dont know why im posting about this, but to everyone who reads this please tell everyone you know how much you love them because you never know when itll be gone
Dom Da Bom+ look It doesn’t matter if you didn’t say you loved him before you were taken away it matters if you know he’s loved you for how long you’ve been away.
You don’t know my face, my voice, or or my personality but you can see my compass and love for my fellow human being
You never know man. Maybe you'll meet him again.
You'll be okay man, you'll find ur father
That's so sad. Alexa play party in the usa by miley cyrus
Hun your dad is gunna be ok you'll turn 18 and be best buds with your pops. Just because he does meth doesn't make him any less of a person, I know a lot of successful lawyers that use meth lol don't let what society thinks alter your mind. Idk you or your dad but this is my opinion. He's not going to die he's not going to jail unless he's a criminal, which idk.
I really hope Nathan sees this and contacts him
Trinity Frank me too. Thank you Trinity. I think that would be cool.
was just thinking this same thing too. i've been in a psych ward and i know the staff can't really keep in touch with the patients, but it would be cool to try and find him, see where he is now.
not allowed to :/
Trinity Frank there is no Nathan
yeah come on man... there never was a nathan in the first place
This talk was amazing and I truly wish the best for Nathan and his future.
As do I
@John Palumbo Nathan is not the real name. If you look at Fretwell's comment in this video you will find a clearer picture.
@@jeffreyhuang3814 wheres the tatoos
I like the passion in his speech i dont mind the breathing.
Abdi Hoto Chema Spa Ghett haha älskar din profilbild😂
Same here
I didn't mind his breathing either. What mattered to me was the passion with which he spoke
I didn't notice breathing
What breathing
Wow, this was pretty moving. It brought out a few tears in me. I’ve struggled with addiction and homelessness for a long time. Thankfully, I have a home and have stayed sober for about three years now. But that question, “what do you want?” That was something I struggled with and kept hidden like Nathan. I’ve had a couple good drug counselors and they would always ask questions. Good job to the speaker, I would’ve been proud to have someone like him helping me during my tougher days.
Lars Fjelde congrats on your sobriety man keep fighting the good fight
I have 8 months sober and I can relate to this whole thing, what do you want, what are you hiding from, what are you scared of. He very well could have helped save this young mans life. All addicts really want is someone who understand them with no judgement
You are a legend, much love
god bless! keep coming back (and by god I just mean your HP)
Wow! 😮 Thank you everyone! And congrats to Rage Mayne on your sobriety! Everything you said is so accurate. You see, the praise and encouragement I have received here means SO MUCH to me! Not only does it encourage me to stay clean, but I rarely receive praise when I share my past with people. I’ll be ridiculed or cast out of social circles. It’s hard making friends that have never used once they know your past. At least where I live. So to receive everyone’s support, love, and encouragement means a lot to me, man! Thank you all! 🙏
the best and most passionate TED talk i have ever heard in my years of watching from the classroom setting; thank you.
What a beautiful human. It warms my heart to see that we still have compassionate people on this planet. Thank you sir ❤
Thank you Rlee, nice to have a beautiful person like you comment as well.
Brian Fretwell love and hugs to you 🤗
Memes I feed to my mom before bed
You are truly a beautiful speaker. Loved this Mr.Brian Fretwell
William Mett people thank you William, that is very nice of you to ssy.
You let your emotions run free and that's when you know the story is good. I'd listen to you speak over any politician or professional public speaker any day. Loved it.
@@AtomicMonkeybutt Politicians sound so boring anyway. They're saying sentences we have heard thousands of times before
I almost cried when Nathan admitted his fear. I had that same moment in my method addiction where I had no hope and was so scared.
"Method addiction"
@@Ninnimuggins nice one 👍
@@Ninnimuggins methadone*
How can people comment on the public speaking abilities of this man when he is crying over a child addicted to drugs? It's really easy to laugh or poke fun when it's not your son addicted to meth finally opening up to someone about a potential future, instead of a potential death sentence. Please have a little bit more compassion.
So I
hey, at least they're making fun of his breathing, not making fun of nathan
marianne white how? I heard of a study about how it stands with empathy in first world countries: result.. Only 2 in 10 people feel others, but they love their cars, pets, smartphones etc.
Love this comment
Happy too see that,
ppl should think about themselves
maybe they'll see the light
Damn someone gives what could be a life changing story and all ppl can think about is his breathing ...this is America I guess ...glad Ted doesn’t have anyone of y’all speaking
Always gonna be haters...and cool people like you calling them out. Thanks Ald.
I don’t hear the breathing, am I missing something?
It’s not him it’s the mic he’s using also commenting wont help anything sorry
You don't have to be glad. You can be certain.
Word man. It's a shame. This was an impassioned speech
Dang you can see how important Nathan was/is to him in this talk, there's so much passion, it's quite moving.
Thanks for noticing.
Wow he had to breath, shame on him guys.
I'm working on holding my breath for 14 min next time. :)
But you can't talk if you don't exhale
I didn't even notice it until people pointed it out. I still don't care. I focus on the words
Brian Fretwell You were amazing.
+Brain Fretwell nice
This really hit me. Been struggling with addiction since i was 14, im currently 17 and my use has been almost daily for the past year. It would've and still would help me so much to receive the type of attention and care this teacher gave to nathan because theres lack of. Many addicts are missing conection and support and overall a loving enviroment. I wish more people approached the issue like this man because many of us are not the lowlive pieces of shits that are slaves to their drugs, even then most of those people are a product of their enviroment. We are people that are hurting. Being perceived as less than makes it impossible to get help. It means a lot to reach out like this and Im positive he left a huge mark on nathan, bless this man and his compassion. 💕
Tassia, So glad this connected with you.
You are worth being seen, heard, and known. I truly hope you can find the beauty within yourself that becomes worth fighting for. It means a lot to me to have you share your story. You have affected this person, and I hope you know you can, and likely already do, affect many more.
Keep fighting. It's worth it. You are worth it.
You are loved.
Yeah, and neglect and judgement can be a killer, but thanks to our society, people have been discouraged from believing that people will be led by anyone fit, by any objective standards, to be led by.
Brian Fretwell oh my goodness you’re a beautiful human being. Thank-you for being a light in the lives of those that need it :)
this post hits a little too close to home. I hope you're doing well :)
You are wise, Tassia. So much love to you, beautiful human.
"It's our light that we're most afraid of" Inspirational quote.
Facts
Really dont think anyone complaining about his breathing has actually been on a stage before, especially a big one like this. Love the video, love the passion and that i can hear the emotion in his voice
At 10:18 you start with a quote: "It's not our darkness that we fear, it's our light that we are most afraid of."
For me personally I would argue that "It's not my darkness that I fear, it's losing my light that terrifies me."
Great to know you have found yours. Fantastic perspective.
Thank you for the quote
I have to agree. I think it's entirely plausible that Nathan had had his light extinguished so many times that he had to bury it so deep down so that no one could kill it entirely.
I have been a Paramedic for 15 years and I have been in the hole where my light was only a distant candle, but it was still there. Loosing that light terrifies me.
wouldn't losing your light mean you had given in for the darkness? Then it would mean it's the darkness you fear the most, if we think it as a battle between darkness and light. If we give in for the light, darkness fades.
he had to fight his tears so hard. its amazing how emotional he talked about this heartbreaking happening. what a man. this derserves more views.
I didn't hear the breathing until I scrolled down the comments. Dammit guys!
The Claynadians same
Same
Me too. I guess they didn't really listen. It's very emotional to me. And I have learned.
Same
Yea for real
I teach storytelling to individuals and organizations and have been looking in vain for a great TedTalk to show people how to tell a compelling story and then tie it back to their work. You did it brilliantly, seamlessly, and beautifully.
He was almost there. I was actually thinking I was going to hear it this time. But, alas, it ended like every other one of these talks that I've heard. The therapist (or what ever he was) was asking this kid what he wanted, and finally the kid broke down and told him.
I need to hear the talk where the answer is "I don't know doc. I have no friggin idea what I want. Or what I want to do. Or how I want to spend my years here on Earth."
But I never get to hear that talk because, apparently, everyone else knows what they want. Or what they want to do.
I know what I don't want to do. I know how I don't want to spend my years here on Earth.
But what do you do if you don't know what you want?
I'm 58 years old now. I've been a meth addict since I was 25. I'm still trying to figure that out, that 'what I want' thing. But I'm running out of time...
You can do it, hang in there somethings bound to come by.
Try something each day that is different, maybe it will spark a thought, feeling, ect. that might lead you to your answer. Jump up and down and scream, go outside and make a mud pie, throw things, jump a rope, walk, listen, read, play 20 questions, 💋your self. Sorry, just don't give up.
Are you reaching for the meth because it feels good and gives an escape from reality? Perhaps you have a serotonin imbalance in your brain (at this point with the meth, you likely do). People who reach for drugs (personal experience) usually have a mental illness, trauma or health deficient beforehand. To correct this, we have to come off the drug and see the therapist or psychiatrist and lose the weight, exercise, take our vitamins, eat lots of fruits and vegetables. Finding the motivation to do so will be the hardest part- because you’re starting lower than before you began the drug...hence needing support from drug counselors. But eventually you will see an increase in the quality of your life, you’ll see the beauty in the sky or a child’s laughter or a strangers conversation. Perhaps trying to rewire your thought patterns by mindfulness and meditation, or spirituality.
You can’t find joy and satisfaction in anything outside that high until you train your body to live without the high- then you will experience life, after a little hard work and adjustment.
You’re never to old to change and the day you’ve run out of time to be something or someone else is the day after you die because even up to the second on your death bed before you die there’s always something that can change in you. No longer live by your age but by your heart.
Nice talk. I teach guitar and this made me think I need to ask my students more questions instead of telling them everything.
"so when you plan to get fame and rich to give me credit"
This seriously had me in tears. This both moves and motivates me. That shows that even in the darkest places, light can be found. And that people society tends to label as “gangsters” or “criminals” are still people too even if they’ve pushed that side of them back. Great job Brian!!
Brought me to tears 😢 I hope Nathan has everything he wanted in life & is drug free.
confidence and self-esteem have so much to do with how we live our lives so make sure to build people up 🙂
Guys stop posting comments about the *you know what* because it causes more people to hear the *you know what* , together we can rid the comment section of people talking about the *you know what*
I love u
popfizz55 Good call
"triggered heavy breathing"
Your comment is what the comment section needed, thanks.
I hear these words in SpongeBob’s voice...
it's teachers like him who can change a kids life. personally i've never had a teacher that came close to being as passionate abt their job as much as he is but i've still had a few good ones and i am beyond grateful for them.
his passion for helping Nathan reminds me of the teacher from Freedom Writers.
I really thought he was almost crying. his acting was top notch. and a beautiful talk. Thanks TED.
"I want to have a family" Exactly what I had in mind.
Absolutely inspirational. Thank you for sharing such a heartfelt story with the world and showing us that leadership can be such a simple concept if we simply try to not have the answers, but show up.
Jesus christ man. Im at work and had to hide for a bit cause I shed a cold tears to this. 4 and a half years clean in June so long as I make it. This hit home. Thank you
This has to be among THE BEST lessons I have heard in a long time. Thank You.
Oh...I read "Math addict" 😓
Allie Knapp same
Loll
Nerd
Allie Knapp me 😂😂
Same here was waiting for him to say the kid was some sort of human calculator or something because of meth
The intensity of this story was absolutely amazing. Such a strong message. Thank you. Nathan, wherever you are, I hope you're truly at peace.
I've been an addict over 20 years, now I work in a men's detox center, the best people to help, are the people who have been there, I love my job more then anything
Cool, i think about that too, sometimed
this is really powerful and great
Awe, thank you Julie, that's really nice.
Julie Tea you are powerful and great 🧞♀️
The speech or his breathing?
zack heinzman the powerful breath
"leadership isn't a me thing, its a we thing" - so true
Glad that resonated with you.
I hope nathan sees this.
hes dead
@@TheWormzerjr the sad truth..
Wait...he's Dead?
dead-seal Same! And I hope he’s alive 😭
He is Nathan
"What do you want?" Very powerful. Society is too busy telling them what they need to consider their wants and needs. Thank you for this.
Brilliant speaking skills and delivery of the story
One of the best Ted talks I've ever seen, this guy really knows how to talk
I don't usually cry listening to people speak but this did me in
Id do you in. No cap.
Same
I can't find the right words, to describe how this affects me in this moment. I battle addiction too. This man just made me realize how important it really is to ask an addict questions. It's real easy for me to stay in my head, and turn one small difficulty into 100 problems too complicated to solve. Yes, please, ask me questions. Help me focus. On anything. Except drug use. God, I'm grateful I watched this video.
Only clicked to make sure he wasn't talking about me
lmao
Same
Get out of my head
Dead af
his name is Nathan lol clearly
Look at the internet tough guys typing their sarcastic comments because they're too scared to stand and talk in front of an audience.
@Agent J You do know that he was being sarcastic right?
Who are you talking to lol
I don't see any internet tough guys in here. Almost all the comments I've seen here are nice.
A hundred years from now the world will be a better place because Mr. Fretwell was important in the life of children and teens.
One of my favorite speeches thus far I hope to work in probation possibly one day and am quite attached to rehabilitating juvenile offenders and this is one lesson I hope to hold throughout my entire career. Thank you so much for sharing this story❤️
Me too
Nicely done. Also, breathing didn't bug me lol.
Thanks Lemony.
Brian Fretwell You're welcome! 😃
The Lemony Bard 🤣
TheDigitalKing82 we
Look up misophonia
Probably the best leadership speach I have ever heard. Beautiful.
Thank you. and I dig the name Freedom Hard....cause it is.
Hit me hard... Damn.
Rad reply Al, glad it did.
Brian Fretwell, this hit me hard as well. It's people like you who stick to it with these troubled souls & build the future so kids like him can go on to do the same. Your speech brought a tear or few to me & I respect your service to the community. Keep doing your thing. 👏👍
Chronologious thanks. Glad to hear you were positively effected by it.
"Most of the time people don't need our answers, they need our participation. They need us to believe something is there that we can help grow from within." - Brian Fretwell
That statement was the most powerul thing I took away from this.
Thank you for participating
I listened to this while falling asleep and I swear to God it sounded like a movie.
Júlia Lilla Baktay fr
🗿
He’s a good speaker
your job seems or seemed highly challenging good job buddy
Retro Assassin we
one of the best talks about leadership ive heard. Hands down.
CRUSHED it, my friend. Well done!
Scholarship in a new Somalia
Thanks Kibbee,
beautiful. confidence, courage, vulnerability.
Very kind of you to say Cassandra
You are a brilliant speaker! you nailed all the elements of a great speaker. For years i have told my brother on ways to change his life, but i never asked him questions!! thank you for this! we all have the wisdom within us
People complaining about people complaining about his breathing.
That's the comment section.
Ur welcome.
Lmao o man
Epic
Where?
Thanks for the great talk. I wish more people would understand people aren’t their addictions, but they turn to addictions as ways to survive. We need to start actually helping people and not hurting them.
Not sure they turn to addictions as ways to survive. Often, the person develops a habit because too many friends are suddenly trying the new stuff and it becomes social, much like drinking. At some point we need to all stop to think before the first taste. One a habit forms it's compulsion keeping it up. But many people with no problems get hooked because the chem happened to be popular with a group of friends they knew long before the meth came around.
So true...... people don't understand until it happens to them that's why you hear so little about it because those people dealing with their problems don't have any time to comment or read valuable comments like this one.
Addiction sometimes is the only way to block what's corrupting someone inside their mind.
one of the first times I've seen a public speaker get so emotional over the subject. I'm truly blessed to see people making a difference and feel such a great emotion doing it. thank goodness!
Thanks for saying that. I think we often wonder if it's the right choice or not. But we have no control of what others might think etc.
@@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell I'm not big on public speaking but I feel like when you talked about it, it showed that you cared about this subject. even when you started your body language showed you were invested in what you were saying/tone of voice etc. I think that when you did it it was fine because it just showed how this is a sensitive topic that you still wanted others to know. thank you for being kind enough to tell us about all these things :)
As a drug addict the tears just started running down my face because I don't want this either. I wanna have a family and kids. But my body screams for more and wants it for the rest of my life even when it's cut short 50 years bc of it and I feel powerless of having the strength for it.
Hey man try to find a place like I'm in its called flying high they teach you trades and have a sober living house you can live in I'm going for welding
Thank you Brian. I learned in sales the person asking the questions is the one in control of the conversation. I love what you have to say and have many drug addicts in my family I realize you can't change them but questions can provoke thoughts. Actions and plans start in the brain through thoughts. Meth is a drug that causes people to obsess maybe if we can get them to obsess over the right thoughts. It's worth a try. It doesn't matter where Nathan is today. What matters is you tried to make a difference and even if he when back to meth at least he knew someone really cared. God bless you!
this guy is sincere to the bone. Please don't criticize his delivery or style, it comes from the heart.
I hope one day I can make an impact in someone's life the way this guy did.
I’m sure you have x
Had me crying when he finally broke Nathan
"They don't want our answers, they want our participation" -That is profound.
Jesus Christ I almost cried, what a powerful message
Thank you.
I did cry 😅
He delivered awesomely, he got my whole attention ❤ this is one of the best speach i ever heard 👌👏
Really nice comment. Thank you.
Authentic and genuine Brian. You moved me with your honesty and passion, Don't change a thing!
The titles of the ted videos are spot on 24/7
Great job Kevin and greatly applicable. So many leaders I see talk and mandate and direct the work. They embrace the Title and Position of a leader, not the true job.
The power of this story is incredible. But it's not just the story. If he had been monotone about it, the story wouldn't have meant so much. But because of his emotion, his dedication, his compassion, THAT's what made it poignant. Well done to him for allowing himself to be emotional.
Thanks for sharing this story, Brian, and the powerfully simple lesson we all need to learn.
My Goodness, God bless you sir! I think you’re an awesome role model for these children!! Keep up the great work!! I respect you for your compassion for troubled children!! 🙏🏼🙌🏽✊🏽👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
God bless you Diana.
Brian Fretwell Thank you!! Same for you!! I think you’re an inspiration!!! 🙏🏼💯🙌🏽✊🏽
Amen god bless
The way you got to him allowed him release some pent up hurt that a CHILD does not have the skills to compartmentalism. Thank you for doing what you did do for him. As a mom, I felt this. 15yr olds are not adults, they are children that still need us even if they push us away. The desperately need structure, boundaries and emotional education. I’m in tears.
Excellent work, Brian. One of the first steps in growth is accepting new methods and learning from them, even if it's reluctant acceptance at first, as you put it until you can come up with something else yourself.
Rinky Dink you could even say “new METHods”
He just wanted someone to care about him, like genuinely care about him
Brian I love your passion, tenacity and care of all the Nathan’s you come across. I’m glad you’ve come to see that when we reach out to connect with someone and help them, they return the gift and we grow because of it as well. Fantastic talk.
Thanks Alison. And you are correct, it always comes back to us.
I don't think the breathing is that bad? Cmon comment section leave him alone
I would reply to them, but I can't stop breathing...thanks for the defense though. glad you liked the talk.
@@FindingGoodwithBrianFretwell 😂
Peanut gallery.
I'm an addict, and I've been on the other side of addiction as well. This guy really sounds like a good addiction councilors/teacher. I'd have taken him seriously, but probably wouldn't have quit still. I had plans to quit all the time. Eventually I got sick n tired of the lifestyle, side effects, how it ruined my life while I was blinded using. I finally got tired. And quit. This guy yells w genuine feeling, that gets addicts attention.
Glad to hear you are clean.
Man, I am an addict too. Are you better? Keep up going 😊
I can sense the empathy in this guy n it honestly made me cry... I’ve been thru addiction n rehabs n counselors n some most REALLY do care. I’m very empathetic n it’s beautiful but at times it is sooo hard
This brought me to tears I started doing meth at 15 the same time I lost my family
I had to 2 friends die and turned to meth I'm 15 and currently using life is hard but hopefully it'll be overcome
@@wrenchbydedsec5661 hope you’re in a better place now 💪🏻
What state did you grow up in?
My brain: Los Angeles
this was powerful. the emotion that he speaks with is so captivating
very nice of you to say mariana.
Such a powerful video, I teared up a little watching it
Thank you Ale.
ah yes, i also tested up
BETTER BE STUDYIN'
hey babygirl
Nate Neale I hadn’t notice that typo, thanks ;)
Maybe 'Nathan' was in audience seat that day, listening his story's being shared out loud..
Or maybe he is "Nathan"...