The most important highlights for me: - Don't look at the content of your mind but the direction 01:00:11 - Look at and study your thoughts 01:02:10 - Each objection is a task to be completed 01:04:41 - You need to be stable/steady, your brain cannot win it can only get you to surrender 01:06:34 - Your mind getting desperate and panicking is you winning. 01:12:53 The more it hurts, the better you get. 0:42:19 - Do it until you are done 01:13:26 - Do asana, pranayama, sit and meditate, get a set of prayer beads and do ohm chanting for 108 rounds. Every single day. 01:14:18 - We aim to remove the cues that lead to bad behavior 00:52:26 and 01:14:39 - The benefit should not be for the doer. 01:15:12 The actor should get nothing. 01:16:13 - You will always be the same person. Only difference is your actions. The actions create the life you live. 01:18:41 Edit: since this got liked so much I will share more parts that also resonated with me a lot - When you feel hopeful your mind attaches a fear to hope. Then you reach for numbing agent 00:33:31 (this was most mindblowing because I was wondering for a long time why I reach for binge watching UA-cam videos/shorts after a big achievement in the day. Why would something good lead to something bad? Because the attached fear to hope.) - We are men of intense amount of action. "It took a lot of effort to skrew up my life the way I skrewd it up" 00:34:50 - Do less, absorb all of those consequences that will manifest. Let it come. 00:37:49 This video is a surprising gold mine of advice that I relate to.
Thank you for this because I know I looked at the length of the video and said "not at this time" (add to watch later, maybe listen to while gaming... some day...)
In-fucking-credible. He always puts this out right when I'm struggling with the particular thing he's talking about. Shows you how relevant his topics are to all aspects of living.
I honestly love the interviews so much. It’s one thing to hear you explain a lesson or process in the mind, but for me it sticks a lot better to see some of the things play out in a real conversation in real time. It helped me learn to catch myself and my own mental habits as they occurred.
That's me but I'm actually 40 years old. I still live in my parents basements. I work, but nothing moves in my life. When people ask me what I do in life. I answer to them ''I'm waiting for death.''
At least your parents are still around to give you a place to stay. I'm 35 and both my parents passed within 2 years of each other. Now, I'm by myself. No siblings, friends are either in different states or married with kids.
@@christianbrennan1806 maybe this is a chance for you to change things around? idk i dont know you're situation but i think you could find things that could make life worth living, man
This is a comprehensive description of my life. After being medically discharged from the military due to service connected mental illness, I rapidly declined to the point that my wife of almost 7 years decided it was time for her to move on. It hurt but not so much that I didn’t feel like it was worth lingering over. I kind of expected it. In my mind she made the right decision.
Hey man I feel ya. Same thing happened to me after I broke my back. Started to work when it wasn’t healed yet, f ed it up even more and therefore was homebound again. She left, lost my job and had to stop my study. Now 4 years have passed and I’m still sitting in the well I fell in. All I can say is hang in there; sometimes that all we can do.
The talk about never meeting a human that can see the future, use your power for good got me crying at the desk. Thank you for what you do for the community, for everyone!!
bro dr k please write a book about this for us early twenties or so people about relationship success and self fulfilment and stuff. I would live by it.
Just started this. This was me. After being exposed to the idea of Dharma here, at some point I meditated and understood it. Living dharmically has changed my life. I've lost 80lbs, got a job I enjoy, and even asked a girl out (she said no but I'm okay with that). I'm continuing to make progress every day. I deeply appreciate what you've done here and what you do.
@@deadinside8781 Dharma I think means duty, service. Dr. K might have something related to this. But you should find 'purpose' in doing a service to yourself or around yourself, I think
As a teenage who graduated to high school and had zero friends for the past 3+ years, I find myself dipping in and out of recovery and complete destruction/loathing. Idk sleep just resets the past day's negative biases right until something triggers it.
This is a well timed coincidence. A profound metaphor for me I recently had to think about was the well-trodded path. Touching on that almost in passing was a great thing to highlight. Building a behavior is like walking that path, and it becomes more likely to retread the more that behavior is engaged. Simply creating a new path thats more beneficiql, and walking it over and over, will increase the likelihood that new behavior 'wins' over the old. Ignoring the old behavior will have its path begin to become overgrown and harder to walk down. Thanks for these lectures, this helped me a lot!
1:05:03 Holy shit. I have always wondered my entire life why every time I say to myself, "right, get up, go do something productive" my body immediately feels exhausted and heavy. Understanding that this isn't just me being lazy and is a physiological response that can be overcome might have just changed my life
Self-loathing man of inaction here, diagnosed with PTSD and schizoid personality disorder. My parents were a double-whammy combo of NPD/BPD and dealt with substance abuse issues. On the whole my life could be a lot worse- I have a partner and a cat, a decent job, getting application materials together to pursue graduate-level education, make music, do community service and gardening- but my body is constantly in pain because it’s working overtime to suppress a lifetime of grief, fear, and anger. I am haunted by a vast emptiness inside that makes it hard to get out of bed sometimes; I wake up every day expecting danger and annihilation. Severe social anxiety makes it almost impossible to interact with people and create relationships, professional or otherwise. Sometimes I marvel at the people around me who are able to have normal lives, not perfect but happy and functional, because they didn’t have to deal with the abuse and instability that I did.
Sounds really hard... I hope you find healing. Life is so unfair. But I'm very surprised by your uncomblisments. When I see people with a partner or friends and hobbies and job they like, I feel kinda jealous because I tend to assume that they are happier than me. That their life is easier. It's amazing you've achieved so much, even though you've been through hell. Thank you for sharing, you gave me some perspective. I wish I could've been more of help to you.
It’s all good brother. I’m getting support from therapy and my ACA support group, but some days are really really hard. There are people in this world I idolize- Anthony Bourdain was one of them- but constantly have to remind myself that I don’t know what kind of pain they’re in or how well they manage the relationships in their lives (which is all that matters in this life imo).
You can end your limerence at any time by having a conversation with the person you are infatuated with. If they share your feelings, great, if they don’t, move on. Life is too short to constantly wonder about what someone may feel, when you can just approach them.
Here are the time stamps from the provided context: - [00:03] Self-worth and compassion are essential for personal growth and healthy relationships. - [09:32] Updates on content changes and future plans for Healthy Gamer GG. - [14:06] Embrace growth and feedback for personal and community development. - [16:20] Addressing the struggles of self-loathing men of inaction. - [20:22] Many struggle with inaction due to fear of disappointment and longing for numbness. - [22:23] Self-loathing stems from misinterpreting constant actions as inaction. - [26:59] Stopping harmful actions is crucial for personal growth. - [29:21] Actions can mitigate negative thoughts and their consequences. - [33:54] Self-loathing men numb hope, hindering action and perpetuating negativity. - [36:17] Numbing emotions leads to inaction and a cluttered life. - [41:39] Emotional dissociation increases PTSD severity; healing requires emotional engagement. - [44:20] Dopamine drives cravings and movement, influencing behavioral change. - [49:04] Breaking negative habitual patterns requires intentional change. - [51:34] Embrace a committed strategy for personal transformation without distractions. - [55:47] Inaction is a form of action influenced by mental processes. - [58:08] Your future is determined by your current actions, not your past regrets. - [1:02:47] Awareness and willpower are interconnected and crucial for overcoming habits. - [1:04:46] Overcoming mental objections can transform self-doubt into action. - [1:08:57] Combat boredom by creating a dedicated, distraction-free space for productivity. - [1:10:52] Focus on functional diet for survival, not pleasure. - [1:15:25] Self-loathing leads to selfish actions without community benefit. - [1:17:34] Helping others can improve mental health and reshape identity. - [1:22:12] Height significantly correlates with suicide risk in Swedish men. - [1:24:36] Height significantly impacts men's mental health and suicide risk in Sweden. - [1:29:00] Height correlation with suicidality illustrates complex relationships, not direct causation. - [1:31:30] Height influences suicide risk through social class and relationship status. - [1:36:04] Self-esteem impacts dating more than height does. - [1:38:12] Study shows correlation between height and self-perception, not direct causation. - [1:45:23] Superficial attraction overshadows meaningful connections in relationships. - [1:47:13] Exploring feelings of self-isolation and fear of relationships in a complex emotional landscape. - [1:51:13] Healthy relationships require nurturing beyond simply finding a good partner. - [1:53:19] Anxious attachment leads to unrealistic romantic ideals and selective storytelling. - [1:57:44] Healthy bodies depend on diet, exercise, and genetics. - [1:59:56] Healthy minds require diverse and positive mental inputs. - [2:04:29] Internet consumption often provides temporary satisfaction but fails to fulfill deeper needs. - [2:06:44] Emotional engagement impacts perceptions and relationships, influencing actions and commitments. - [2:10:53] Addressing emotional availability and positive male communities. - [2:13:16] Internet algorithms create a biased mental landscape similar to unhealthy eating habits. - [2:18:09] Real connections require authenticity, not fantasy ideals. - [2:20:16] Anxious attachment can lead to limerence in relationships. - [2:24:53] Understanding love communication is crucial for relationships. - [2:27:48] Distraction stems from impulsivity and environmental cues. - [2:32:34] Focus on meaningful action to combat inaction and self-loathing. - [2:34:30] Continuous effort is essential for maintaining progress and learning. - [2:38:55] Prioritize sustainability over productivity to enjoy life now. - [2:41:01] Creator plans exciting content on emotions and desires for the audience.
Some of the sweetest guys I know, best friends from growing up, wonderful guys with great memories, are significantly shorter than me. I hate it when girls are attracted to how tall I am. They'd date me, but they wouldn't date the best guys on the planet. That short guys getting more suicidal tidbit breaks my heart. If they're short because they were malnourished or stressed that doesn't make me any happier. These guys need some real support.
very relatable. i had a good friend (well we are still friends but we dont see each other very often these days) that i used to go out to parties and clubs with. i would say our faces had about the same attraction level and i actually had a better body in terms of muscle definition but he was like a head taller than me. guess who got the most attention in like 90-95% of cases? hint: it wasnt me.
@@fourshore502 Interesting, because my experience when I was younger didn't match with this. Im 6'3, and have been above 6ft since I was like 17, and it never really helped me. I had more confident, sometimes better looking shorter (not necessarily short) friends who got much more attention than i. Of course at the time, I was awkward, not in shape, bad haircut - but the height didn't carry me unfortunately. I look much better now, but still don't get all the attention im promised from being tall - but of course I do like having the height either way.
Atleast you had the option because you were tall. Your short friends didn't even get that. So I don't see why you hate it. It truly must be so hard when you get all this attention for something you just happen to be born with. Woe is you 😂
@@Balloonbot I mean yeah. Basic hygiene, being in decent shape and some social skills are a prerequisite for everyone. Tall or short. If you struggled without them then the shorter guys struggled without them too. Sounds like you fixed those and you're doing better now. If you're still struggling then idk what to tell ya. You're doing something wrong. Are you not putting yourself out there enough maybe? You were born with aim assist, so use it.
I genuinely tried to put myself in her shoes. On one side, there’s an average woman who’s accumulated 37k likes on Bumble. A staggering number that, even if we assume most are from shallow men only interested in something fleeting, still reflects an overwhelming amount of attention. On the other side, there’s the experience of the average man: navigating a world where being desired, even in the smallest way, often feels unattainable. Where the absence of connection or touch weighs heavily. It’s a contrast that’s hard to reconcile without sounding judgmental or dismissive. It leaves me reflecting on how different these realities are, and how much they shape the way we view relationships and value ourselves. After sending out thousands of messages on Hinge and getting virtually no interaction, I can’t begin to fathom what it would be like to receive 37k likes.
From one man to another. Get off the apps ASAP and meet women organically. I wasted years on tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel. Please, sign out and meet real people doing real things. Eventually, you WILL meet someone.
I don't blame you. Even as a therapist, it's hard for me to empathize with her. I was on the dating apps for a year and experienced nothing but hope, disappointment, repeat. It felt dehumanizing... like I was a beggar pleading for attention. I'm in a relationship now (not from the apps) but if it doesn't work out, I hope I'll have the self-respect not to go back. I would rather die alone with some dignity than be every woman's play thing.
I just bought the entire guide I’ve been procrastinating getting it for ever now but your discord notification letting me know about it being the last day to get it on sale pushed me over that hurdle. I am SOO excited to get started after watching literally every video you’ve put out I am hungry for more and to make a difference in life ❤ THANK YOU
This is really insightful, to deal with that running away i left my room and stay on the living room couch now so i can't self isolate anymore, i can't avoid my family and I can't avoid my responsibilities so this has been really helpful to me in getting my body aligned with my mind and getting over that initiation paralysis too, it has the added benefit of getting me used to engaging with people all the time so i dont dissociate as well
My mind's trump card has always been "you are too late, there are thousands of people ahead of you already". Sadly it works every time, and it becomes worse in time.
My friend, set aside that being “ahead” is a very poor metric of comparing one’s trajectory with other peoples trajectory. Did you believe that you would be put on this earth and somehow magically be at the pinnacle of human society? Everyone struggles in their own way and has their own unique starting point, what matters is do you do what needs to be done today? Don’t worry about yesterday, don’t worry about tomorrow just do what needs to be done in this moment. This will put you “ahead” of sooo many people and will always be a way more gratifying way of judging one’s life situation, than any arbitrary metric you can think of. Did you do what needed to be done today? Yes? Great! Do it again tomorrow. No? Well shit happens, what went wrong, what can you improve? Don’t judge, just assess. Try again tomorrow. Dr K has an amazing video about this approach, when he went about his studies in medicine and didn’t care about his grades, only about his day to day learning. Just stay at it! You’ll be fine! You being here watching this content already puts you “ahead” of so many people because it means you want to become a more mindful and loving human.
There is no other. If I learn to drive. I can drive. If I learn a skill and sell it. I make money. There isn't anyone ahead or behind. A drivers license is a drivers license. Makes no difference if they got theirs 10 years ago or last week. A skill is a skill. It's useful and it makes money. Doesn't matter when or who . There is no other. Just you.
There are approximately 100 billion people ahead of you, 92% of them in the ground. Is that the finish line you want to be the first at? Take your time. Or don’t. But in the end things either happened in your life or they didn’t. Your choice what you prefer.
This is literally my case study _ I'm in my 25 _ I'm pretty sure I'll get -200 to -100 to 0 eventually cause I'm trying so hard to read _Laws of human nature_ to increase my awareness on this topic also on my own recognising behavioural patterns & this books is really helping & & _Dr.k just assured me I'm on right path_ ..Thank You ! . so nice to watch a stream to such a pinpoint accuracy to this issue of mine & similar people like this, Thank you
Also, that introvert guy with social anxiety finally won his battles settled with his love , I'm too introvert or ambivert or extrovert with lack of social skills battling same social anxiety hopefully I win too ❤ Also, congratulations to that guy 🎉🎊
I am only on the half of the video, but I just can't hold myself from saying this. That video seems to be the missing peace of puzzle that I was looking for a long time. I had a transformative moment in my 20s. But I hasn't been able to reproduce that process. And now I finally understood why. Thank you so much Dr K! This video is something that I needed very badly right now at this exact moment.
2:02:38 "Telling you what to do is not sufficient. We must tell you _why_ you should do it. This creates behavioral change." This is perfectly summarizing why I had trouble learning maths in school and finding it fascinating and easy during studying for an engineering degree. Trigonometry is easy and logical. But not getting an answer on what to apply it on does not help me motivate learning it for the first time.
these concepts and ideas are a talisman every gamer and every human being should have handy. it really helps to revisit these concepts and practice some daily (or nightly 😅) because as i get older i still return to this channel and community and now im also learning more about what that takes to facilitate all of THAT too and it’s just phenomenal the impact yall have had on my life and so many others- it’s really inspiring to see how far we’ve all come and i am so excited to see where we might go next>> !!
thank you for making these videos and information free, i have been listening and struggling for a long time and im so thankful to always hear you say there is hope
I absolutely love this lecture. I think it all boils down to a sense of power. Power is not something of abuse or righteousness, but the control, awareness and security of one's life. It's the ability to provide action towards stressors (PERCIEVED threats) in one's mind. The first step to power is awareness, which could be described in Bloom's Taxonomy as remember and understand, then a sense of control being application, analysis and evaluation, then the last step being creation or in another word being power. To go through these stages an individual has to remove the association of thoughts and learn about logical fallacy. People who chose their actions, seeming like they are lazy will continue to build their skills intentionally and will learn far more than someone who simply acts without evaluation
What lead me down this path: Believing, that my my effortless good grades in school means life is easy and effortless achievements would come later in my life too. To be fair, 12 years of school is a pretty long period, one I learned this lesson well in my childhood, that minimum effort still put me in the top 10%. And when the faliures started in 2nd and 3rd years of uni, I brushed it off as a fluke, that I just wasn't in the right mindset due to a breakup, so I didn't even put in the minimum effort that I thought all I needed to suceed, and never reasessing, that hey, maybe the stuff others were saying about stuff being hard, needing lot of disciplined work might be actually true for me too now. The other thing is, I was literally taught by my parents and family in elementary school the coping strategy of "ignore it, endure it, count to 10 before you express your emotions" about school bullying. Turns out lots of other things can be endured for a long time, pretending they don't exist, hiding your dissatisfaction about them, it's just not a very fruitful thing to do about solving them and overcoming them.
None of the guilt matters, nor the reason why, nor the words of compassion unconditional. Why tell me then that these things matter? That seems hypocritical and as though all that matters is certain perfection, usually in the form of acts of charity that may justify indiscretion. That is the exhalation of power alone to me as those that chase after this, no deeper meaning to question, do not really understand all of those that are weak.
Truly though, everyone is 'weak' in some way. There is no deeper philosophy they follow however. That's proof enough. It is not meaningless but not enough, for me. Otherwise what they've done, in blaming me to that degree, hurts like nothing they seem to be capable of understanding.
No one is on my side and everyone hates me for feeling guilt and caring about someone enough to want to know the truth. They mock me as today the perceptions others hold make those actions okay. If they always were, then there's nothing wrong with me I realize. This simply is hell.
Really relate to this comment, thanks for sharing. I hope you have success tapping into those feelings. My therapist shocked me by advising that I need to tap into my anger. I had always thought anger was the enemy, but that led me to sustain years of emotional abuse due to not acting on my repressed anger and converting it to something positive. Feeling is healing!
I appreciate you for helping this nation and its suffering youth. I appreciate you for all the videos you do and I appreciate that. Your program is genuinely directed at helping people
52:06 Yes, big and drastic changes are truly easier, then "small steps". Like "go clean" is while still challenging - is much, much easier, then trying to control substance use for example. At least for me. The same goes with nofap etc. Monk mode is much more easy than "scientific" way, when you have to learn to do it in moderation. ESPECIALLY if have an addictive personality, like me
22:10 through my own "looking inside and asking questions" like yogi, I developed a great fascination with mechanisms, and ever since I learned about how Buddhist monks get rid of bad habits through Dr. K, I appreciate these kinds of lectures and mechanistic knowledge of why am I like that even more💜 just started listening, I hope we go into each one of those
My brain is too damn smart for me to outplay it, I just can't get over the idea of having to face all that pain of all the traumas I've repressed and dissociated from for 25 years. Ain't no way I'm choosing to feel all that instead of numbing with UA-cam or video games. At least not right now. I used to have the strength for it, I did a 2 week dopamine detox years ago, but nowadays it feels completely out of reach.
It's extremely painful to uncover the problems we've been hiding for years.. It just became even scarier with time. Each time I try to face it, my depression takes place and it's 10 times harder. Having to deal with the fear of taking responsibilities, stopping my NEET way of living. I've never been this conscious about what I'm avoiding out of fear tho, but It's just terrifying getting over all this.
You're tricking yourself into thinking that. You can process the pain, small chunks at the time. It will feel intense but not infinite, and each time you intensely face it, it will melt a bit
Doing it alone is really hard. In my experience there are risks associated with the "Ungabunga" method Dr. K suggests, mainly su*cide if you don't have the psychological knowledge and awareness to do it right. How about not doing it alone? Do you think getting a therapist is something you could do or someone could do for you?
Do them both!! You're amazing, your team is amazing!! You are definitely key though so hire people to support you in the background so you can do the front facing stuff.
Personal Notes: There is always action, take note of the direction. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing. Action isnt always about the physical but also what happens in the mind. Let the emotions run, they are not reality. 50:40 - How to change 51:10 - Wholescale change, or all-in There is no person who can see the future, it's most likely to be a self fulfilling prophecy. 1:07:55 - Dont ignore your medical needs. Duct tape - create your own temple. Techniques of the mind: Rationalization - "Its not enough." Efficiency. Physical- tiredness. Time and boredom(emotional). 1:45:00 - femcel
Dr K, I just want to say to you and your team, from the bottom of my heart, you guys are a light in this crazy world. You are a straight up bodhisattva in my book. I respect and adore what you do and I hope you and your team and family are blessed in all your personal lives and endeavors to help people like myself. ❤
She was a sign of the ability for things to change, that it were possible for me to be loved by someone that loved me, that I was capable of being loved at all for who I actually was. It was all a lie.
I have watch a ton of your videos. I am a man of action. I’m an hour in and this, is by far, for me, the most powerful video. When a person combines clinical experience with humanity, it’ll change the world. 💯 support even if I don’t agree with everything. Thank you Dr. K.
Definitely a relationship is something that is created, and maintained, by two people. For these who don’t want to change at all, please let flexible people create a good relationship with other flexible people. From what I’ve seen and experienced, a perfect match is made by choice by a person who simply cares about other person and the relationship to do things for the other.
I'm giving up all of my bad habits overnight, a lot thanks to you Dr K. I'll be documenting it on my channel and I'm hoping it can heal my shattered brain. Thanks for your inspo, cheers!
I'm pretty fascinated by the article that shows how increased height decreases suicidality as a 6'7 person who has contacted a suicide hotline twice in the last couple months.
The someone else can be you in the future. The someone else that is a happy version of you that was never allowed to exist by the cruelty of this world. Do it so that better you can be real. So that you can look back to this time and be grateful to yourself for sacrifices you made along the way to make that better future a reality. Is that a good enough reason for you?
Dr.K please make a video on existential Ocd...its legit ruining my life... I just wakeup everyday n I start having such thoughts that life is meaningless and why am I even living n stuff...N this makes me search videos on UA-cam and research online..I even need prooof that it is ocd liel 20 times a day😢
Possibly better description why inaction is impossible by Nate Soares: > I think many people think there is a default "rest state", and this is a related concept: **many people seem to think that there is a privileged "don't do anything" action, that consists of something like curling up into a ball, staying in bed, and refusing to answer emails.** It's much easier to adopt the "buckle down" demeanor **when, instead, curling up in a ball and staying in bed feels like just another action. It's just another way to respond to the situation, which has some merits and some flaws.** > So this is my second piece of advice, if you want to be the sort of person who buckles down in the face of hardship: **see the world in terms of possible responses. See curling up in bed and ignoring the world as just one possible response, rather than an escape hatch. Dispel the illusion that some actions are labeled "do nothing," and notice that those, too, are responses. There is no privileged null choice.** > (That's not to say that it's bad to curl up in a ball on your bed and ignore the world for a while. Sometimes this is exactly what you need to recover. Sometimes it's what the monkey is going to do regardless of what you decide. The point is that **when nature offers you a choice, there is no "don't choose" option**. There are only the options that nature offers, and all you can do is pick the best of them.)
Hi Dr K. I am glad to hear that you are doing well and that you are continuing to evolve the HG project. And now to the fun stuff... Dr K. makes the introduction and suddenly says... "...now that we have hope, we may crush it..." *villain laugh* 😁 This is the reason, and I think I can speak for many out there, that we will always love you. ...1 hour in... Actually it doesn't bother me that I keep repeating the same day that I have optimised to have fun and enjoy life and I don't have self- loathing either. I mean, my life could be better if I loved my job and had a loving wife, BUT...^^ The past has taught me that my wife cared more about my money than me and the work environment at my job was hell on earth. So I'm a little hesitant to try again since my life doesn't depend on it. Not to mention the daily news don't give much hope for improvement either....Like Trump, wanting to annex Canada and Greenland... This is probably textbook avoidance behaviour...mhhh? 😅 ...Me, me, me, ...damn now I feel bad about myself.... ...Swedish study...can't be bad.... Ok, now I'm going to do something good for the small guys out there. Being tall sucks too. ;-) I'm almost 2m tall and that's actually a problem on public transport, crowds, shoe shops etc. So don't feel bad if you think you're too small. If the woman of your dreams says you're too small, then she's just too tall and not the right one. 2:13:00 That's exactly what's happening to the world... "...a race to the bottom..."... and I just don't see our species getting out of this cycle... I absolutely love the conclusion. "...Develop a sustainable life..." 💯
Does anyone have any advice on where to go to train to be a monk and for it not to be some weird guru/cult/fake enlightenment/preying on desperate people money making scheme?
It would be great if those live recordings had timestamps / chapters !!! A lot was covered and i would love to come back to certain parts if i needed to ❤
"I am taking a physical action to reduce a mental action". and I though 'yeah i do that. oh shit...thats all i do. " I only do things to prevent feeling bad about not having done it be it work or excersize or a favour etc, as well as all my addictions.
I'm a (mostly) straight married man who also wants more female friends. A lot of the dudes in my life are rough to be around, tbh--just like addicted, anti-work, purposeless, selfish, etc etc etc. Where are all the good men, indeed.
You're always doing something kinda, do less You're not doing nothing, you're doing the wrong thing (actions) Bad habit caused by something you don't solve being suppressed THOUGHTS AREN'T TRUTH, SO LET THEM PASS MORE (and don't act too much on them) 54:28 and on (lmao at 57:17) 1:06:16 About bad habit/addictive thoughts Party that has taken over the brain MINDFULNESS, JUST NOTICE THOUGHTS AS THEY PASS, STAY NEUTRAL AND STABLE ok now I calm down Notice the direction(!) of thoughts when mindful 20:1120:57 21:44 ! 22:21! 25:29! 26:51!!! 27:55!
"Desire for numbness" dang man... as a woman, i felt the word "self-loathing" deeply resonated with me, although on a surface i am actually "gym, pretty, interesting, empathetic(to the point of self sacrificing), career driven and academy woman" and guys actually hit on me(i get emotionally attached, then i instantly push the guy away cuz i have mental shenanigans and i feel used even if poor guy didnt do nothing wrong). OH especially that "ill think about this boy from AE-7 class from middle school for today, ill save him today so he falls in love with me", i have like mental(dear God thanks i learned to detach emotionally, i am actually detached from things like friends nowadays in order to get my head together) attachment to like 10 guys like this thoughout my life (me turning 23 now , single i also started comfortably thinking about deth , ways it all would end, and "why would i be, no reason", imagining the way off , even if i feel emotionally stable.. it just feels logical in my mind. i just am not happy (as in "i know there is no stable source of happiness for me, i am tired of searching for it.") So i today thought "maybe i have some illness which makes me not feel things?" I am even afraid its a byproduct of some physical illness. Idk man, it is hard. Hope it is not as serious as i think it is.
If you haven't already, try looking into childhood trauma stuff and see if something aligns with your family system. People pleasing aka self sacrificing empathy and unhealthy attachment definitely could be byproducts. It was for me at least. And a lot of the stuff you've described certainly is very relatable. Except, for the relationship stuff (probably, mostly due the the gender differences). However, even then, the attachment to people from the past and self sabotaging behavior definitely aligns. Like, when I was hit on (for the first and last time in my 35 years on this rock) by a girl, who I also found cute, I've excused myself to have a smoke and just left... Also, as some one, who also occasionally has suicidal ideation due to never feeling or being happy - at least try to find what might be the reason for not being happy for now. I know its played out, but a professional can really help. If not by "fixing" it, at least by having a safe person to vent and bounce ideas off of. At least, it did for me and it was a free 10 visit one.
I’m surprised by his option about protein. Obviously his advice about the rest has great value to me, and I do eat veggie. They add nice taste to meat 😂❤
The most important highlights for me:
- Don't look at the content of your mind but the direction 01:00:11
- Look at and study your thoughts 01:02:10
- Each objection is a task to be completed 01:04:41
- You need to be stable/steady, your brain cannot win it can only get you to surrender 01:06:34
- Your mind getting desperate and panicking is you winning. 01:12:53 The more it hurts, the better you get. 0:42:19
- Do it until you are done 01:13:26
- Do asana, pranayama, sit and meditate, get a set of prayer beads and do ohm chanting for 108 rounds. Every single day. 01:14:18
- We aim to remove the cues that lead to bad behavior 00:52:26 and 01:14:39
- The benefit should not be for the doer. 01:15:12 The actor should get nothing. 01:16:13
- You will always be the same person. Only difference is your actions. The actions create the life you live. 01:18:41
Edit: since this got liked so much I will share more parts that also resonated with me a lot
- When you feel hopeful your mind attaches a fear to hope. Then you reach for numbing agent 00:33:31 (this was most mindblowing because I was wondering for a long time why I reach for binge watching UA-cam videos/shorts after a big achievement in the day. Why would something good lead to something bad? Because the attached fear to hope.)
- We are men of intense amount of action. "It took a lot of effort to skrew up my life the way I skrewd it up" 00:34:50
- Do less, absorb all of those consequences that will manifest. Let it come. 00:37:49
This video is a surprising gold mine of advice that I relate to.
Thanks my dude, haven't seen it yet and already know it will be super helpful thanks to you
Appreciate you sharing these! 💚
Thank you for this because I know I looked at the length of the video and said "not at this time" (add to watch later, maybe listen to while gaming... some day...)
@@Kambra who cares?
@@Kambra Watch the video first, then look at the highlights. This subject is too complex for contextless highlights to be understood.
Love that the livestreams are uploaded cause I definitely didn’t catch the first half.
Same, I started watching the live after 1h so now I'm watching the first hour
In-fucking-credible. He always puts this out right when I'm struggling with the particular thing he's talking about. Shows you how relevant his topics are to all aspects of living.
Same thing for me, it feels personalised even if it just logically can't be. (It isn't and this video is a good example but it still feels that way.)
Dr. K is hacked into our minds 😵💫
I honestly love the interviews so much. It’s one thing to hear you explain a lesson or process in the mind, but for me it sticks a lot better to see some of the things play out in a real conversation in real time. It helped me learn to catch myself and my own mental habits as they occurred.
That's me but I'm actually 40 years old. I still live in my parents basements. I work, but nothing moves in my life. When people ask me what I do in life. I answer to them ''I'm waiting for death.''
At least your parents are still around to give you a place to stay. I'm 35 and both my parents passed within 2 years of each other. Now, I'm by myself. No siblings, friends are either in different states or married with kids.
i'm turning 42 i just moved out on my own. i was living with my mom but she betrayed me. just a matter of time till i end it
@@christianbrennan1806 never lose hope my friend. life will get better
@@christianbrennan1806 maybe this is a chance for you to change things around? idk i dont know you're situation but i think you could find things that could make life worth living, man
Me too! 44. Not getting any easier. It's a wrap for me.
Thank you for giving us this content. Not all of us can afford professional psychologists
This is a comprehensive description of my life. After being medically discharged from the military due to service connected mental illness, I rapidly declined to the point that my wife of almost 7 years decided it was time for her to move on. It hurt but not so much that I didn’t feel like it was worth lingering over. I kind of expected it. In my mind she made the right decision.
Hey man I feel ya. Same thing happened to me after I broke my back. Started to work when it wasn’t healed yet, f ed it up even more and therefore was homebound again. She left, lost my job and had to stop my study. Now 4 years have passed and I’m still sitting in the well I fell in. All I can say is hang in there; sometimes that all we can do.
The talk about never meeting a human that can see the future, use your power for good got me crying at the desk. Thank you for what you do for the community, for everyone!!
bro dr k please write a book about this for us early twenties or so people about relationship success and self fulfilment and stuff. I would live by it.
Agreed, it's very much needed in this age of information bombardment leading people to nowhere
He wrote a book recently, it's not just for parents
It wouldn't be anything he hasn't said in his videos so far. What's stopping you from living by his words now?
@@xCCflierxmaybe he needs info in a more organised and flow manner
Agreed
Just started this. This was me. After being exposed to the idea of Dharma here, at some point I meditated and understood it. Living dharmically has changed my life. I've lost 80lbs, got a job I enjoy, and even asked a girl out (she said no but I'm okay with that). I'm continuing to make progress every day. I deeply appreciate what you've done here and what you do.
@@Stuugie. Excellent to hear!
How does one live a dharmic life?
@@deadinside8781 Dharma I think means duty, service. Dr. K might have something related to this. But you should find 'purpose' in doing a service to yourself or around yourself, I think
@ Ah. That’s gonna be hard.
@@deadinside8781 it sounds impossible until it makes sense, when it makes sense it becomes much easier to bear
As a teenage who graduated to high school and had zero friends for the past 3+ years, I find myself dipping in and out of recovery and complete destruction/loathing. Idk sleep just resets the past day's negative biases right until something triggers it.
Same condition
This is a well timed coincidence. A profound metaphor for me I recently had to think about was the well-trodded path. Touching on that almost in passing was a great thing to highlight. Building a behavior is like walking that path, and it becomes more likely to retread the more that behavior is engaged. Simply creating a new path thats more beneficiql, and walking it over and over, will increase the likelihood that new behavior 'wins' over the old. Ignoring the old behavior will have its path begin to become overgrown and harder to walk down. Thanks for these lectures, this helped me a lot!
1:05:03
Holy shit. I have always wondered my entire life why every time I say to myself, "right, get up, go do something productive" my body immediately feels exhausted and heavy. Understanding that this isn't just me being lazy and is a physiological response that can be overcome might have just changed my life
Self-loathing man of inaction here, diagnosed with PTSD and schizoid personality disorder. My parents were a double-whammy combo of NPD/BPD and dealt with substance abuse issues. On the whole my life could be a lot worse- I have a partner and a cat, a decent job, getting application materials together to pursue graduate-level education, make music, do community service and gardening- but my body is constantly in pain because it’s working overtime to suppress a lifetime of grief, fear, and anger. I am haunted by a vast emptiness inside that makes it hard to get out of bed sometimes; I wake up every day expecting danger and annihilation. Severe social anxiety makes it almost impossible to interact with people and create relationships, professional or otherwise. Sometimes I marvel at the people around me who are able to have normal lives, not perfect but happy and functional, because they didn’t have to deal with the abuse and instability that I did.
@@AaronPerles how old ru?
28
Sounds really hard... I hope you find healing. Life is so unfair.
But I'm very surprised by your uncomblisments. When I see people with a partner or friends and hobbies and job they like, I feel kinda jealous because I tend to assume that they are happier than me. That their life is easier. It's amazing you've achieved so much, even though you've been through hell. Thank you for sharing, you gave me some perspective. I wish I could've been more of help to you.
It’s all good brother. I’m getting support from therapy and my ACA support group, but some days are really really hard. There are people in this world I idolize- Anthony Bourdain was one of them- but constantly have to remind myself that I don’t know what kind of pain they’re in or how well they manage the relationships in their lives (which is all that matters in this life imo).
Happy to hear the success story. Even though it may be bittersweet.
A video on limerence would be good. It’s painful to know it is happening for both people involved..
yes, in 2024 this thing broke me beyond repair but I'm working
limerence, maladaptive day dreaming, disassociation
really messed me up
You can end your limerence at any time by having a conversation with the person you are infatuated with. If they share your feelings, great, if they don’t, move on. Life is too short to constantly wonder about what someone may feel, when you can just approach them.
Here are the time stamps from the provided context:
- [00:03] Self-worth and compassion are essential for personal growth and healthy relationships.
- [09:32] Updates on content changes and future plans for Healthy Gamer GG.
- [14:06] Embrace growth and feedback for personal and community development.
- [16:20] Addressing the struggles of self-loathing men of inaction.
- [20:22] Many struggle with inaction due to fear of disappointment and longing for numbness.
- [22:23] Self-loathing stems from misinterpreting constant actions as inaction.
- [26:59] Stopping harmful actions is crucial for personal growth.
- [29:21] Actions can mitigate negative thoughts and their consequences.
- [33:54] Self-loathing men numb hope, hindering action and perpetuating negativity.
- [36:17] Numbing emotions leads to inaction and a cluttered life.
- [41:39] Emotional dissociation increases PTSD severity; healing requires emotional engagement.
- [44:20] Dopamine drives cravings and movement, influencing behavioral change.
- [49:04] Breaking negative habitual patterns requires intentional change.
- [51:34] Embrace a committed strategy for personal transformation without distractions.
- [55:47] Inaction is a form of action influenced by mental processes.
- [58:08] Your future is determined by your current actions, not your past regrets.
- [1:02:47] Awareness and willpower are interconnected and crucial for overcoming habits.
- [1:04:46] Overcoming mental objections can transform self-doubt into action.
- [1:08:57] Combat boredom by creating a dedicated, distraction-free space for productivity.
- [1:10:52] Focus on functional diet for survival, not pleasure.
- [1:15:25] Self-loathing leads to selfish actions without community benefit.
- [1:17:34] Helping others can improve mental health and reshape identity.
- [1:22:12] Height significantly correlates with suicide risk in Swedish men.
- [1:24:36] Height significantly impacts men's mental health and suicide risk in Sweden.
- [1:29:00] Height correlation with suicidality illustrates complex relationships, not direct causation.
- [1:31:30] Height influences suicide risk through social class and relationship status.
- [1:36:04] Self-esteem impacts dating more than height does.
- [1:38:12] Study shows correlation between height and self-perception, not direct causation.
- [1:45:23] Superficial attraction overshadows meaningful connections in relationships.
- [1:47:13] Exploring feelings of self-isolation and fear of relationships in a complex emotional landscape.
- [1:51:13] Healthy relationships require nurturing beyond simply finding a good partner.
- [1:53:19] Anxious attachment leads to unrealistic romantic ideals and selective storytelling.
- [1:57:44] Healthy bodies depend on diet, exercise, and genetics.
- [1:59:56] Healthy minds require diverse and positive mental inputs.
- [2:04:29] Internet consumption often provides temporary satisfaction but fails to fulfill deeper needs.
- [2:06:44] Emotional engagement impacts perceptions and relationships, influencing actions and commitments.
- [2:10:53] Addressing emotional availability and positive male communities.
- [2:13:16] Internet algorithms create a biased mental landscape similar to unhealthy eating habits.
- [2:18:09] Real connections require authenticity, not fantasy ideals.
- [2:20:16] Anxious attachment can lead to limerence in relationships.
- [2:24:53] Understanding love communication is crucial for relationships.
- [2:27:48] Distraction stems from impulsivity and environmental cues.
- [2:32:34] Focus on meaningful action to combat inaction and self-loathing.
- [2:34:30] Continuous effort is essential for maintaining progress and learning.
- [2:38:55] Prioritize sustainability over productivity to enjoy life now.
- [2:41:01] Creator plans exciting content on emotions and desires for the audience.
Hg should pin this! Thank you so much for breaking this down into timestamps for this insightful video 🙏
Thanks
Thanks
Thanks friend
Great, thank you!
Some of the sweetest guys I know, best friends from growing up, wonderful guys with great memories, are significantly shorter than me. I hate it when girls are attracted to how tall I am. They'd date me, but they wouldn't date the best guys on the planet.
That short guys getting more suicidal tidbit breaks my heart. If they're short because they were malnourished or stressed that doesn't make me any happier. These guys need some real support.
very relatable. i had a good friend (well we are still friends but we dont see each other very often these days) that i used to go out to parties and clubs with. i would say our faces had about the same attraction level and i actually had a better body in terms of muscle definition but he was like a head taller than me. guess who got the most attention in like 90-95% of cases? hint: it wasnt me.
@@fourshore502 Interesting, because my experience when I was younger didn't match with this. Im 6'3, and have been above 6ft since I was like 17, and it never really helped me. I had more confident, sometimes better looking shorter (not necessarily short) friends who got much more attention than i. Of course at the time, I was awkward, not in shape, bad haircut - but the height didn't carry me unfortunately. I look much better now, but still don't get all the attention im promised from being tall - but of course I do like having the height either way.
Atleast you had the option because you were tall. Your short friends didn't even get that. So I don't see why you hate it. It truly must be so hard when you get all this attention for something you just happen to be born with. Woe is you 😂
@@Balloonbot I mean yeah. Basic hygiene, being in decent shape and some social skills are a prerequisite for everyone. Tall or short. If you struggled without them then the shorter guys struggled without them too. Sounds like you fixed those and you're doing better now.
If you're still struggling then idk what to tell ya. You're doing something wrong. Are you not putting yourself out there enough maybe? You were born with aim assist, so use it.
@inquisitionagent9052 I don't like it when that is the only reason they are into me. And I hate that it's happening to my friends.
I am a 22 year old Asian fenmale and I go through this too. Thanks Dr. K for the amazing content!
The hell is a fenmale?
Thank you so much Dr K. You have described my life in the first part of this talk. This is one of your best talks
I genuinely tried to put myself in her shoes.
On one side, there’s an average woman who’s accumulated 37k likes on Bumble. A staggering number that, even if we assume most are from shallow men only interested in something fleeting, still reflects an overwhelming amount of attention.
On the other side, there’s the experience of the average man: navigating a world where being desired, even in the smallest way, often feels unattainable. Where the absence of connection or touch weighs heavily.
It’s a contrast that’s hard to reconcile without sounding judgmental or dismissive. It leaves me reflecting on how different these realities are, and how much they shape the way we view relationships and value ourselves. After sending out thousands of messages on Hinge and getting virtually no interaction, I can’t begin to fathom what it would be like to receive 37k likes.
Not everyone is on these apps. Not everyone recieves anything either. Stop feeding your brain worms and build your one life, it's never too late.
From one man to another. Get off the apps ASAP and meet women organically. I wasted years on tinder, Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel. Please, sign out and meet real people doing real things. Eventually, you WILL meet someone.
I don't blame you. Even as a therapist, it's hard for me to empathize with her. I was on the dating apps for a year and experienced nothing but hope, disappointment, repeat. It felt dehumanizing... like I was a beggar pleading for attention.
I'm in a relationship now (not from the apps) but if it doesn't work out, I hope I'll have the self-respect not to go back. I would rather die alone with some dignity than be every woman's play thing.
I just bought the entire guide I’ve been procrastinating getting it for ever now but your discord notification letting me know about it being the last day to get it on sale pushed me over that hurdle.
I am SOO excited to get started after watching literally every video you’ve put out I am hungry for more and to make a difference in life ❤ THANK YOU
@@Kambra ?
aw what? i missed it being on sale? ;(
Yea they sent a message on the discord a few days before I posted this sorry to disappoint anyone
This is really insightful, to deal with that running away i left my room and stay on the living room couch now so i can't self isolate anymore, i can't avoid my family and I can't avoid my responsibilities so this has been really helpful to me in getting my body aligned with my mind and getting over that initiation paralysis too, it has the added benefit of getting me used to engaging with people all the time so i dont dissociate as well
My mind's trump card has always been "you are too late, there are thousands of people ahead of you already". Sadly it works every time, and it becomes worse in time.
My friend, set aside that being “ahead” is a very poor metric of comparing one’s trajectory with other peoples trajectory. Did you believe that you would be put on this earth and somehow magically be at the pinnacle of human society? Everyone struggles in their own way and has their own unique starting point, what matters is do you do what needs to be done today? Don’t worry about yesterday, don’t worry about tomorrow just do what needs to be done in this moment. This will put you “ahead” of sooo many people and will always be a way more gratifying way of judging one’s life situation, than any arbitrary metric you can think of. Did you do what needed to be done today? Yes? Great! Do it again tomorrow. No? Well shit happens, what went wrong, what can you improve? Don’t judge, just assess. Try again tomorrow. Dr K has an amazing video about this approach, when he went about his studies in medicine and didn’t care about his grades, only about his day to day learning.
Just stay at it! You’ll be fine! You being here watching this content already puts you “ahead” of so many people because it means you want to become a more mindful and loving human.
Now, you are ahead of the thousands behind you. Get going!
There is no other. If I learn to drive. I can drive. If I learn a skill and sell it. I make money. There isn't anyone ahead or behind. A drivers license is a drivers license. Makes no difference if they got theirs 10 years ago or last week. A skill is a skill. It's useful and it makes money. Doesn't matter when or who . There is no other. Just you.
There are approximately 100 billion people ahead of you, 92% of them in the ground. Is that the finish line you want to be the first at? Take your time. Or don’t. But in the end things either happened in your life or they didn’t. Your choice what you prefer.
@@browny1962 If only employers saw it that way lmao.
thank you so much. you deserve all what is coming to you and plenty more!
Intro music is awesome - I feel like a ninja!! Let's do this!!
last night i lay in the grass and stared at the stars beneath a pylon. there was no reason.
That’s beautiful.
There was no reason
Something to write a song about
For no reason
Sounds great honestly
This is literally my case study _ I'm in my 25 _ I'm pretty sure I'll get -200 to -100 to 0 eventually cause I'm trying so hard to read _Laws of human nature_ to increase my awareness on this topic also on my own recognising behavioural patterns & this books is really helping & & _Dr.k just assured me I'm on right path_ ..Thank You !
.
so nice to watch a stream to such a pinpoint accuracy to this issue of mine & similar people like this, Thank you
Also, that introvert guy with social anxiety finally won his battles settled with his love , I'm too introvert or ambivert or extrovert with lack of social skills battling same social anxiety hopefully I win too ❤
Also, congratulations to that guy 🎉🎊
Thank you for uploading in full.
These almost always hit mid workday for me on the East coast.
that devotion segment is golden. thank you for this information
Thankyou Sir. It's not just from you...there is some divine Power besides you.🙏
I think this approach is oversimplifying the pain, depression aspect, numbness created to deal with pain, causing trouble later.
Are you talking about the femcel aspect of the video? I’m an “incel” could you help me understand and elaborate of what you meant?
I mean it's easier to do it with a professional for sure.
I disagree. Dr. K specifically advises to “feel everything” in this talk and not to avoid the depression, pain, or numbness.
I am only on the half of the video, but I just can't hold myself from saying this. That video seems to be the missing peace of puzzle that I was looking for a long time. I had a transformative moment in my 20s. But I hasn't been able to reproduce that process. And now I finally understood why. Thank you so much Dr K! This video is something that I needed very badly right now at this exact moment.
I cannot believe how effing relevant the section from minute 35 for me is right now.
Dr. K, thank you for your work
2:02:38 "Telling you what to do is not sufficient. We must tell you _why_ you should do it. This creates behavioral change."
This is perfectly summarizing why I had trouble learning maths in school and finding it fascinating and easy during studying for an engineering degree. Trigonometry is easy and logical. But not getting an answer on what to apply it on does not help me motivate learning it for the first time.
That's so great that we have someone lile dr.k. I'm really curious about why some people get bullied everywhere they go
these concepts and ideas are a talisman every gamer and every human being should have handy. it really helps to revisit these concepts and practice some daily (or nightly 😅) because as i get older i still return to this channel and community and now im also learning more about what that takes to facilitate all of THAT too and it’s just phenomenal the impact yall have had on my life and so many others- it’s really inspiring to see how far we’ve all come and i am so excited to see where we might go next>> !!
thank you for making these videos and information free, i have been listening and struggling for a long time and im so thankful to always hear you say there is hope
I absolutely love this lecture. I think it all boils down to a sense of power. Power is not something of abuse or righteousness, but the control, awareness and security of one's life. It's the ability to provide action towards stressors (PERCIEVED threats) in one's mind. The first step to power is awareness, which could be described in Bloom's Taxonomy as remember and understand, then a sense of control being application, analysis and evaluation, then the last step being creation or in another word being power. To go through these stages an individual has to remove the association of thoughts and learn about logical fallacy. People who chose their actions, seeming like they are lazy will continue to build their skills intentionally and will learn far more than someone who simply acts without evaluation
Is the height to suicide ratio linear though? I'd imagine the five inches from 5'4" to 5'9" is much more important than 5'9" to 6'2"
Average. Almost nothing in "imperfect" sciences as sociology will be linear.
As usual thank you Dr.K and team 🙌🙌🙌
Thank you for all your work Dr.K and the HG team, I am just starting with the stream, but the beginning speech is great and I really appreciate it!
What lead me down this path:
Believing, that my my effortless good grades in school means life is easy and effortless achievements would come later in my life too. To be fair, 12 years of school is a pretty long period, one I learned this lesson well in my childhood, that minimum effort still put me in the top 10%.
And when the faliures started in 2nd and 3rd years of uni, I brushed it off as a fluke, that I just wasn't in the right mindset due to a breakup, so I didn't even put in the minimum effort that I thought all I needed to suceed, and never reasessing, that hey, maybe the stuff others were saying about stuff being hard, needing lot of disciplined work might be actually true for me too now.
The other thing is, I was literally taught by my parents and family in elementary school the coping strategy of "ignore it, endure it, count to 10 before you express your emotions" about school bullying. Turns out lots of other things can be endured for a long time, pretending they don't exist, hiding your dissatisfaction about them, it's just not a very fruitful thing to do about solving them and overcoming them.
None of the guilt matters, nor the reason why, nor the words of compassion unconditional. Why tell me then that these things matter? That seems hypocritical and as though all that matters is certain perfection, usually in the form of acts of charity that may justify indiscretion. That is the exhalation of power alone to me as those that chase after this, no deeper meaning to question, do not really understand all of those that are weak.
Truly though, everyone is 'weak' in some way. There is no deeper philosophy they follow however. That's proof enough. It is not meaningless but not enough, for me. Otherwise what they've done, in blaming me to that degree, hurts like nothing they seem to be capable of understanding.
No one is on my side and everyone hates me for feeling guilt and caring about someone enough to want to know the truth. They mock me as today the perceptions others hold make those actions okay. If they always were, then there's nothing wrong with me I realize. This simply is hell.
Really relate to this comment, thanks for sharing. I hope you have success tapping into those feelings. My therapist shocked me by advising that I need to tap into my anger. I had always thought anger was the enemy, but that led me to sustain years of emotional abuse due to not acting on my repressed anger and converting it to something positive. Feeling is healing!
I appreciate you for helping this nation and its suffering youth. I appreciate you for all the videos you do and I appreciate that. Your program is genuinely directed at helping people
This is literally my life rn and I was doing so well recently it’s maddening
Starts at 9:17. You're welcome
It's ok i like the music
@Thegeekponygirl
Thank you! 🫡
@Kuskis-JPG Also yes, unexpected banger
No it starts at 18:00
Ty
I do it because others have done it for me. Whoops, sorry that I value everything that Dr.K. says, unlike some ungrateful creatures 🙄
52:06 Yes, big and drastic changes are truly easier, then "small steps". Like "go clean" is while still challenging - is much, much easier, then trying to control substance use for example. At least for me. The same goes with nofap etc. Monk mode is much more easy than "scientific" way, when you have to learn to do it in moderation. ESPECIALLY if have an addictive personality, like me
"we miss the best years of our life grinding towards retirement" goes so hard and then he just dips.
Incredible thank you so much for this video, I think I really learned something important about how my mind works!
22:10 through my own "looking inside and asking questions" like yogi, I developed a great fascination with mechanisms, and ever since I learned about how Buddhist monks get rid of bad habits through Dr. K, I appreciate these kinds of lectures and mechanistic knowledge of why am I like that even more💜 just started listening, I hope we go into each one of those
thank you so much for this lecture Sir, I'm going to follow your advice and change my life for good.
There is *sooo* much value in this incredible video.
Still king Dr. K.
My brain is too damn smart for me to outplay it, I just can't get over the idea of having to face all that pain of all the traumas I've repressed and dissociated from for 25 years. Ain't no way I'm choosing to feel all that instead of numbing with UA-cam or video games. At least not right now. I used to have the strength for it, I did a 2 week dopamine detox years ago, but nowadays it feels completely out of reach.
It's extremely painful to uncover the problems we've been hiding for years.. It just became even scarier with time.
Each time I try to face it, my depression takes place and it's 10 times harder. Having to deal with the fear of taking responsibilities, stopping my NEET way of living.
I've never been this conscious about what I'm avoiding out of fear tho, but It's just terrifying getting over all this.
You're tricking yourself into thinking that. You can process the pain, small chunks at the time. It will feel intense but not infinite, and each time you intensely face it, it will melt a bit
Same, ima chronic porn addict and have been my entire life. I cant even go a few hours without urges and relapses 2 weeks sounds nearly impossible
Doing it alone is really hard. In my experience there are risks associated with the "Ungabunga" method Dr. K suggests, mainly su*cide if you don't have the psychological knowledge and awareness to do it right. How about not doing it alone? Do you think getting a therapist is something you could do or someone could do for you?
Do them both!! You're amazing, your team is amazing!! You are definitely key though so hire people to support you in the background so you can do the front facing stuff.
Very informative and well worth watching!
Glad you enjoyed it! 💚
Personal Notes:
There is always action, take note of the direction. Sometimes the best thing to do is nothing.
Action isnt always about the physical but also what happens in the mind.
Let the emotions run, they are not reality.
50:40 - How to change
51:10 - Wholescale change, or all-in
There is no person who can see the future, it's most likely to be a self fulfilling prophecy.
1:07:55 - Dont ignore your medical needs. Duct tape - create your own temple.
Techniques of the mind:
Rationalization - "Its not enough." Efficiency.
Physical- tiredness.
Time and boredom(emotional).
1:45:00 - femcel
Dr K, I just want to say to you and your team, from the bottom of my heart, you guys are a light in this crazy world. You are a straight up bodhisattva in my book. I respect and adore what you do and I hope you and your team and family are blessed in all your personal lives and endeavors to help people like myself. ❤
I love change. If nothing was changing live would be unbearable. Depression to me has been feeling stuck in a reality where nothing ever changes.
She was a sign of the ability for things to change, that it were possible for me to be loved by someone that loved me, that I was capable of being loved at all for who I actually was. It was all a lie.
I have watch a ton of your videos. I am a man of action. I’m an hour in and this, is by far, for me, the most powerful video. When a person combines clinical experience with humanity, it’ll change the world. 💯 support even if I don’t agree with everything. Thank you Dr. K.
Thank you doc 🙏 Needing this right now
Oh, this guy is good at least in describing the problem. Though I haven't got to solution part of the video yet
To choose not do do something is a choice in of itself and not to act is an Action as well. Because if choose not to act it will still have an effect
Definitely a relationship is something that is created, and maintained, by two people.
For these who don’t want to change at all, please let flexible people create a good relationship with other flexible people.
From what I’ve seen and experienced, a perfect match is made by choice by a person who simply cares about other person and the relationship to do things for the other.
I'm giving up all of my bad habits overnight, a lot thanks to you Dr K. I'll be documenting it on my channel and I'm hoping it can heal my shattered brain. Thanks for your inspo, cheers!
Rooting for you!
@@4_seagull Thanks so much!
Remember missing a day of gym isn't a failure. Missing a week of gym is. Don't be rigid and let a small blip completely derail you.
@@drewerd15 so true!
Thank you for the time stamps 😊
Where are they
I'm pretty fascinated by the article that shows how increased height decreases suicidality as a 6'7 person who has contacted a suicide hotline twice in the last couple months.
Dr.K: "Do it for someone else"
My brain: "There is no-one else"
...
The someone else can be you in the future. The someone else that is a happy version of you that was never allowed to exist by the cruelty of this world. Do it so that better you can be real. So that you can look back to this time and be grateful to yourself for sacrifices you made along the way to make that better future a reality.
Is that a good enough reason for you?
Do it for your inner child
The someone else he was referring to, at least in part of the video, was your future self.
Will tomorrow you thank you?
Tomorrow, not any further
Thank you for all of your videos.
Dr.K please make a video on existential Ocd...its legit ruining my life...
I just wakeup everyday n I start having such thoughts that life is meaningless and why am I even living n stuff...N this makes me search videos on UA-cam and research online..I even need prooof that it is ocd liel 20 times a day😢
I've never heard the concept of limerence in my life before, now I need to know more because I've just realized that's my whole emotional life
Cant believe how right you are...once again blown away
The amount of ads makes this very difficult to follow, I think I got one every 2 minutes or so. Ridiculous.
maybe geographical factor i got like 2
Dr. K out here explaining "How to Lie with Statstics" in the modern day lol.
Loved the explanation of corelation and causation.
Sending you energy Dr.K ✨️ Namaskar ♡
Possibly better description why inaction is impossible by Nate Soares:
> I think many people think there is a default "rest state", and this is a related concept: **many people seem to think that there is a privileged "don't do anything" action, that consists of something like curling up into a ball, staying in bed, and refusing to answer emails.** It's much easier to adopt the "buckle down" demeanor **when, instead, curling up in a ball and staying in bed feels like just another action. It's just another way to respond to the situation, which has some merits and some flaws.**
> So this is my second piece of advice, if you want to be the sort of person who buckles down in the face of hardship: **see the world in terms of possible responses. See curling up in bed and ignoring the world as just one possible response, rather than an escape hatch. Dispel the illusion that some actions are labeled "do nothing," and notice that those, too, are responses. There is no privileged null choice.**
> (That's not to say that it's bad to curl up in a ball on your bed and ignore the world for a while. Sometimes this is exactly what you need to recover. Sometimes it's what the monkey is going to do regardless of what you decide. The point is that **when nature offers you a choice, there is no "don't choose" option**. There are only the options that nature offers, and all you can do is pick the best of them.)
We were due for a livestream! Love these sm
Hi Dr K.
I am glad to hear that you are doing well and that you are continuing to evolve the HG project.
And now to the fun stuff...
Dr K. makes the introduction and suddenly says... "...now that we have hope, we may crush it..." *villain laugh* 😁
This is the reason, and I think I can speak for many out there, that we will always love you.
...1 hour in...
Actually it doesn't bother me that I keep repeating the same day that I have optimised to have fun and enjoy life and I don't have self- loathing either.
I mean, my life could be better if I loved my job and had a loving wife, BUT...^^
The past has taught me that my wife cared more about my money than me and the work environment at my job was hell on earth.
So I'm a little hesitant to try again since my life doesn't depend on it.
Not to mention the daily news don't give much hope for improvement either....Like Trump, wanting to annex Canada and Greenland...
This is probably textbook avoidance behaviour...mhhh? 😅
...Me, me, me, ...damn now I feel bad about myself....
...Swedish study...can't be bad....
Ok, now I'm going to do something good for the small guys out there. Being tall sucks too. ;-)
I'm almost 2m tall and that's actually a problem on public transport, crowds, shoe shops etc.
So don't feel bad if you think you're too small.
If the woman of your dreams says you're too small, then she's just too tall and not the right one.
2:13:00
That's exactly what's happening to the world... "...a race to the bottom..."... and I just don't see our species getting out of this cycle...
I absolutely love the conclusion.
"...Develop a sustainable life..." 💯
im kinda past this point, no loathing, no problems with the past. but still alot of inaction and indifference in existence :/
Music ends at 9:17 thumbnail/title starts at 17:55
Does anyone have any advice on where to go to train to be a monk and for it not to be some weird guru/cult/fake enlightenment/preying on desperate people money making scheme?
Taos
This changed me forever
Goddamn it. This hit me hard in the heart.
And well... It is what it is.
It would be great if those live recordings had timestamps / chapters !!! A lot was covered and i would love to come back to certain parts if i needed to ❤
I think I will now use the work "emotionates", because it has a point and reminds me of sugar (with all it's sideeffects of consuming too much)
Thanks Dr K! I'll give this a try for a week and I'll report back
"I am taking a physical action to reduce a mental action".
and I though 'yeah i do that. oh shit...thats all i do. "
I only do things to prevent feeling bad about not having done it be it work or excersize or a favour etc, as well as all my addictions.
I'm a (mostly) straight married man who also wants more female friends. A lot of the dudes in my life are rough to be around, tbh--just like addicted, anti-work, purposeless, selfish, etc etc etc. Where are all the good men, indeed.
You're always doing something kinda, do less
You're not doing nothing, you're doing the wrong thing (actions)
Bad habit caused by something you don't solve being suppressed
THOUGHTS AREN'T TRUTH, SO LET THEM PASS MORE (and don't act too much on them)
54:28 and on (lmao at 57:17)
1:06:16 About bad habit/addictive thoughts Party that has taken over the brain
MINDFULNESS, JUST NOTICE THOUGHTS AS THEY PASS, STAY NEUTRAL AND STABLE
ok now I calm down
Notice the direction(!) of thoughts when mindful
20:11 20:57
21:44 ! 22:21! 25:29!
26:51!!!
27:55!
I'm a self loving man of inaction. Maybe the point is to escape social matrix and prioritize your happiness over your status
The only conclusion I can draw from this is that Dr K is stalking me personally
I have limerence as a middle aged man and it sucks. I've never had a relationship before and i'm still a virgin. And now, I don't have friends.
🎶 He's a Semi-aquatic Self-Loathing Man of Inaction...🎶
"Desire for numbness" dang man...
as a woman, i felt the word "self-loathing" deeply resonated with me, although on a surface i am actually "gym, pretty, interesting, empathetic(to the point of self sacrificing), career driven and academy woman" and guys actually hit on me(i get emotionally attached, then i instantly push the guy away cuz i have mental shenanigans and i feel used even if poor guy didnt do nothing wrong). OH especially that "ill think about this boy from AE-7 class from middle school for today, ill save him today so he falls in love with me", i have like mental(dear God thanks i learned to detach emotionally, i am actually detached from things like friends nowadays in order to get my head together) attachment to like 10 guys like this thoughout my life (me turning 23 now , single
i also started comfortably thinking about deth , ways it all would end, and "why would i be, no reason", imagining the way off , even if i feel emotionally stable.. it just feels logical in my mind. i just am not happy (as in "i know there is no stable source of happiness for me, i am tired of searching for it.") So i today thought "maybe i have some illness which makes me not feel things?" I am even afraid its a byproduct of some physical illness. Idk man, it is hard. Hope it is not as serious as i think it is.
If you haven't already, try looking into childhood trauma stuff and see if something aligns with your family system. People pleasing aka self sacrificing empathy and unhealthy attachment definitely could be byproducts.
It was for me at least. And a lot of the stuff you've described certainly is very relatable. Except, for the relationship stuff (probably, mostly due the the gender differences). However, even then, the attachment to people from the past and self sabotaging behavior definitely aligns. Like, when I was hit on (for the first and last time in my 35 years on this rock) by a girl, who I also found cute, I've excused myself to have a smoke and just left...
Also, as some one, who also occasionally has suicidal ideation due to never feeling or being happy - at least try to find what might be the reason for not being happy for now. I know its played out, but a professional can really help. If not by "fixing" it, at least by having a safe person to vent and bounce ideas off of. At least, it did for me and it was a free 10 visit one.
You're cooked
Thank you, Dr. K. ❤
My fiance broke up with me and I'm so heartbroken. I can't get over him while he moved on. Is that limerence on my heart?
This channel, and this man - us my church
"If you want to lose weight you don't need to eat anything - you need to stop eating" ~ Dr. K 2025
(27:30)
Hello ED
@@vivvy_0 An obese person fasting intermittently to lose weight, is not an eating disorder
Wow, great information here
I’m surprised by his option about protein.
Obviously his advice about the rest has great value to me, and I do eat veggie. They add nice taste to meat 😂❤
Please make a video on learned helplessness!
Timestamps for personal use:
44:14
50:30
57:00
1:00:00
1:04:00
1:15:00