The SNL skit just makes me so angry. It mocked the guys for doing the right thing to protect their workers and business and for being vulnerable with their emotions (which is something men get enough flack for). It's just so disgusting.
It's SNL, their workplace is incredibly toxic, they have had a lot of creeps and assaulters working with them and had a track record of minimizing and mocking abuse of power dynamics (etc. Bill Clinton manipulating Monica Lewinsky to have an affair with him when she was a 20-year-old intern)
The SNL skit is really icky. Another UA-camr, Swoop, posted a video pointing out that Ned is friends with a writer at SNL and that writer worked on that skit.
@@Selene_Rosara also, SNL themselves have a history of workplace sexual harrassment so I think that had a major impact on the attitudes within the organization
I had a therapist once describe little t trauma as "death by popcorn". It's getting hit over and over with tiny little things that seem easy to brush off at the time but can end up making a big ass mess. It makes life exhausting.
As a CSA survivor this trauma is absolutely valid. Not every trauma needs to be some big, deeply disturbing thing. People wanna gatekeep stuff that doesn't need gatekeeping, ffs
Agreed, and I'm so sorry for what you have had to experience. But also, this situation absolutely *was* a big, deeply disturbing trauma too (not that I think you're saying otherwise). The simple idea of being in the public eye while going through all of this personal trauma is enough to make me want to wither away.
excessive gatekeeping sometimes looks to me like a shorthand for expressing "i dont/can't care about any more issues than I already do". which is not ok to impose onto other people. its fine if an individual is experiencing compassion fatigue induced psychic numbing, because those are real things, but to impose gatekeeping onto other people just because they dont want to be judged for not caring about that particular event that other people care about/make space for other traumas to gain attention is just unacceptable
It took me a long time to acknowledge CSA as trauma and the PTSD associated with it as valid because it didn’t come from like…. _war_ and like, PTSD is a thing soldiers get🙈
Zach said he spent all day on the phone with lawyers every day for a month. Relations aside, I feel like that is traumatic. They also had to hide everything that was going on for a month for fear of potential lawsuits and they feared that if Ned brought them down with him that they could be bring their collaborators too.
The more I hear about this situation the more I understand now why they felt like they had been traumatized and how this was very traumatizing for them. The lives of these four men were really wrapped up in each other both personally and at work, and at work they have all these employees depending on them, and one of these employees and one of their close friends lied to them for over a year and carried on this affair, they cared about this man and his children so now they’re concerned about them and the whole situation and impact that relationship with them, this whole event negatively affects their brand so they have to deal with that both legally and personally with their coworkers, and then they also just have to deal with the friendship aspect and the fact that they held him to a higher standard and he knew what he was doing could hurt his friends and his children because Eugene Of divorce whose father had done the same thing to his mother and never knew that, so this probably stirred up his trauma and all of the memories he’s had to deal with, and ned knew about that. I’m not saying that this should discourage people from trying to have personal relationships with their coworkers or going into business with people they work with or have close relationships with, but this clearly is a cautionary tale of what happens when you go into business with people you have close relationships with, when you get really tangled up in each others lives and your close friends also become your coworkers and back-and-forth, because of all the trauma and all the negative things that can happen when it all falls apart
Yeah, Zach was also left all alone to deal with all this as Keith and Eugene were away doing other things. So Zach was at homebase scrambling and calling all of the lawyers and trying to handle everything all by himself... that absolutely added to the stress that he was under. I think it would have been much easier for him if he had the support of the other try guys with him while he was having to figure all that out. Unfortunately, he didn't have them close by as support or to share the workload of handling the situation.
Seriously, like my heart races enough when I wake up without an alarm thinking I slept longer than I wanted to, how would people not see that as absolutely panic inducing for weeks on end
Yes! I had a terrible workplace experience a few years ago and sometimes that comes back to me in little ways. I had no idea workplace abuse and traume was so prevalent until recently.
Thank you for this Mickey! I wanted to add- not only was this traumatic to them in a multitude of ways, but Zach also mentioned that this situation caused his auto-immune disease to flare up, so it was physically traumatizing as well. As someone with chronic illnesses/pain and CPTSD, that really resonated.
Traumatic & stressful, I imagine! Excessive stress can have real affects on the body so it makes sense that this whole debacle would trigger his symptoms.
I have a disease somewhat similar to Zach’s and one of the first things I thought of when all this came out, then again with the SNL skit, was how much pain he must be in. I know with me, when something stressful happens, I end up having a flare of increased pain and other symptoms, but I usually have to push through it to deal with whatever crisis is happening. But I can only push through before my body says “that’s enough” and I’m in so much pain that I almost literally can’t move. The pain at that point is typically so severe that my meds don’t even touch it. It doesn’t help that during the “push through” phase, I usually don’t eat much because I hurt a lot, am stressed, and am busy. So once it all comes crashing down, I don’t have a lot of physical or mental strength. Then I end up getting stressed out because I’m bedridden for a couple days and there’s not anything I or anyone else can do to ease the pain. Sometimes that stress causes the cycle to start all over again (especially if I continue not to eat much) and I can be in that kind of pain for months before I’m able to finally break the loop. That kind of pain also frequently causes insomnia (which is why I’m writing this at 4:30am, lol) which can take ages to get flipped the right way around. And when insomnia is caused by pain, meds like Ambien don’t have much affect unless you can treat the pain. I just hope Zach has access to better doctors than I do and that he has a support network that can help him is he falls in to that stress-flare-stress-flare repeating cycle.
So glad you're talking about this! As someone with literal diagnosed PTSD from some pretty serious traumas (who has good reason to not want people to improperly use terms like this), it's actually so disappointing to see people put down experiences that can absolutely be traumatizing. Also, I'm not 100% sure this was a factor in this case, but I've realized that sometimes people conflate trauma with PTSD (basically, thinking that if you don't have PTSD then you didn't experience trauma/your trauma isn't valid) which is SO harmful. I've noticed people I care about downplaying traumatic experiences they've been through because they don't have PTSD like me, and I've tried to explain to them that what they went through is still clearly traumatic, even if it's not "as bad" as what I went through (and how my body/mind held on to what I went through). Even though I didn't see anyone directly saying "the Try Guys are trying to act like they have PTSD!," I can't help but feel like this mindset has contributed to the way people have been criticizing them. Trauma isn't a switch that's flipped, it's a spectrum of experiences.
Very important there that point about it being a spectrum. I think the dichotomous view is quite "gatekeep-y" and adds to the unnecessary questioning thoughts people get when asking themselves if they "deserve" a label
It's like "Oh your mom has died/has x disease? well that's not trauma because it didn't give you ptsd and when MY family member died/had this I didn't care/get ptsd, get over it" which... is an unfortunately and discouragingly common take actually
Holy crap thank you for your comment because I completely did not realize I was conflating trauma with PTSD, that if you didn't have PTSD you didn't experience trauma. But I've been doing it in reverse where since everyone has experienced some form of trauma, everyone has some level of PTSD, so the monster in my head is like "So you're not f***ing special and you need to get over your f***ing weak self already because everyone else is already fine so why can't you be." Lol I just ran a lap in my brain...but yeah your comment made me realize something I had no idea I was doing, thank you for explaining this.
I’d love to watch a video on complex trauma. I’m absolutely positive, with my medical history and such I have complex medical trauma.it’s such a weird thing that interventions meant to save a life can cause a trauma response and I don’t feel like it’s talked about enough
I would love a video on complex trauma too. Mickey was sensitive to this, but trauma is so often talked about as a thing that happens to people who were ok at first. What if your starting point is trauma? Childhood trauma can deprive you of coping mechanisms, leading you into more trauma. More than half the SA survivors I know also have childhood trauma, which deprived them of boundaries and relationship skills, making them vulnerable to SA. And yes, medical trauma isn't talked about enough. People are expected to be happy and grateful after they survive cancer treatment, for example, which imo is completely unrealistic. You've been through so many physical and social changes and so much pain. Whatever health trauma you went through, thank you for sharing and I hope you can get support that's right for you
Omg same! I have such bad medical trauma that just calling to make an appointment with my primary care doctor gives me such horrendous anxiety I end up crying. Or like the smell of hospital cleansers make me nauseous and sometimes I'll smell in in the middle of walking the dog or something. And those are the mild symptoms
you're absolutely right. I haven't been on the receiving end of this but I am an EMT and see this stuff all the time. there are often a lot of us working on one person performing interventions that the patient doesn't really understand the function of in the way that we do as trained professionals. it's why I always make an effort to communicate with the patient through the whole process but I don't think anyone walks away from something like that without some trauma.
I was involuntarily hospitalized for a drug interaction when I was 25. They assumed I had attempted to unalive myself, and the trauma of essentially being kidnapped and stripped of my rights was so dehumanizing, I came out with worse PTSD than when I went in. I’d love to hear this discussed, because if you look at the statistics, this is less an exception and more the rule.
I experienced "little t" trauma this year in the workplace. I was harmed by a coworker. It wasn't intentional, but it happened as a result of their negligence and recklessness. The incident has left me with long term health problems that impact my quality of life on a daily basis. The incident and the harm to my physical health has honestly been less traumatic than the response from my employer and coworkers. Initially my health issues were minimized, then I was implied to be exaggerating my symptoms, then I was told that the incident didn't even happen, and finally I was told that I was just making it all up to gain sympathy and make everyone hate this coworker. I worked at this place for years and considered my boss and coworkers friends. The coworker involved was there less than a year. The lack of support and betrayal I felt has messed me up way more than my illness. I feel like no one can be trusted.
i went through a sort of similar situation to the Try Guys' a couple years ago, where someone i considered my best friend and closest creative partner turned out to be doing some really shady shit that i hadn't known about. it hurt me a lot. it's been pretty invalidating to see the eye-rolling response a bunch of people have had to the drama, but it's also been comforting to see people like you explain that these situations can be earth-shattering and, indeed, traumatic. thank you for saying something.
I am also a therapist and I always find it fascinating when intaking a new client and asking about trauma and they often say no until I say something like “you know a lot of people think trauma only means abuse of some kind, but if you went through a bad storm and you’re still having nightmares or getting upset when dark clouds gather, that’s trauma, too.” It almost invariably opens new avenues of conversation about things people have experienced when they’re given permission to “be dramatic” about the difficult things they’ve gone through.
When my brother and I still lived under the same roof, I had trouble throwing stuff away, and he was overly stressed about keeping stuff clean, and sometimes, he would unknowingly throw away my stuff. Other times it was on purpose. He once even put some dried out teabags I was saving for composting, all over my bed. I know that it was gross of me to save those teabags, I should have just cleaned up, but I still get extremely stressed about losing stuff and having to throw things away. I can afford now to just buy a new "thing" but that makes me feel even worse. as if there isn't enough "stuff" in the world as it is. That's trauma, right?
Watching the Tryguys thing unfold was very confusing for me. I kept feeling like I was asleep and was almost expecting to wake up and find that none of it was real. I then started questioning myself if my expectations of things to return to a status quo, meant that on a deep level I haven't been seeing them as fully realized people, but more like fictional characters
i have no therapeutic licenses so grain of salt, but i feel like i experience that a lot irl even when things happen with people i do know, so i wouldn't be surprised if that feeling is really the 'denial' part of the 5 stages of grief 🤔 not to say there couldn't be more at play here, and also i think i'm autistic so that could affect how i process things/social relationships, but i wouldn't jump to assuming you don't view them as like, real people 🤷♀🖤
@@Elle_Riley I have also had this experience, ever since my grandmother and aunt died, I still feel like that didn't actually happen and one day they will just be there again. Like they will just show up and say, wow what a great 7 year long vacation we were on, how have you guys been doing.
It is because it is easy to have a parasocial relationship with them. Of course when we watch them we feel like we know them, but it isn't a two way social interaction. It's cool you are recognizing that you only see what they want you to see about them
I would love to see a video on CPTSD. Particularly as it pertains to childhood bullying by peers. I feel like I never really see people talk about how bullying by peers can affect us as we grow up.
Yes please, most trauma content is about family and relationships, never about school bullying, which is also significant as time spent in school is such a significant portion of one's childhood.
I remember the first time I read the first tweet you mentioned on your video and it made me really upset, people do not consider how traumatic it can be to realize that a loved one is a terrible person and that you have to let them go, it feels like or worse than a break up.
Yeah, plus they are friends with the person cheated on and cheated with, that is a stressful situation to figure out how to act in, and they had to take a lot of financial hits on both the try guys and on unrelated personal projects, so they're losing money from several different jobs. Financial instability on its own is pretty scary already, and they have to deal with solving all the problems Ned caused by being a CEO and HR person who may or may not have abused his position. And they have to do it all while in the public eye and mocked by a show on national TV which was written by Ned's friends from college. Like, all of those events are pretty stressful on their own, but this is all of them packed together. :(
Re: parasocial relationships - Mr. Rogers was an attachment figure for me in childhood and his show was one of the only safe "spaces" in my entire life. Thank God he was the "real deal" good person, because if I found out he wasn't it would feel like losing a parent
As a survivor of several big T traumas, I am always a bit taken aback when a loved one is expressing stress or strong emotions and then apologizes to ME because they seem to feel my trauma trumps theirs. It’s not how I feel, I think that trauma reactions are real, and difficult big emotions show up for reasons that I’m not about to invalidate. Mickey is right, if someone is having those scary, or overwhelmed feelings, a licensed clinician WITH EXPERIENCE IN TREATING TRAUMA can really, really help. It’s helped me, and no one has to have those feelings without hope of healing. There is help to be had, and as I’ve never seen anyone fix their own badly broken leg, nor should you try to “fix” your own, equally hurt, emotions. Your feelings are real, and valid, and you deserve nurture and support. Keep looking until you find it. Most good therapists, who are open to new patients, will do an initial consult over the phone. Set up a time to chat with them, and see how that feels. Mickey has a great video on how to find a therapist, I highly recommend it. I wish I would have known that info when I began my mental health journey about thirty years ago.
You're amazing. I feel like those people that apologise to you for having a smaller trauma it's because they have been told by others before that they shouldn't feel so bad unless they went through something much worse. I've had that experience, not specifically with the word trauma but with being depressed and having other people be like "but look at what I went through and YOU are the one that's depressed?". Makes me not want to share my feelings at all, and for other people it might make them need to apologise if they ever share theirs. So thank you for being understanding.
@@latronqui I’ve definitely been told I shouldn’t feel bad or traumatized because others have experienced worse things. And they have, it’s true. But why should trauma or suffering be a competition? Like Mickey said (I’m paraphrasing, it’s been a very long day), it’s basically impossible to go through life without experiencing SOME kind of trauma. It’s so cliche, but it’s like the saying goes: be kind to everyone, because everyone is going through something.
I've been scared of using the word trauma to describe my experiences since I had a horrible therapist tell me I didn't have trauma and that I was using the word incorrectly. She literally googled the definition. Thank you so much for this ❤️
I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that. I haven't been to more than a few therapy visits, but I stopped going because I felt like I poured my heart out to this therapist only for her to comment "it sounds like your mom wasn't very patient", as if nothing I described was that big of a deal. I felt dismissed and embarrassed.
Thank you for this video, Mickey. I’m a therapist and was deeply disappointed by that tweet, but had trouble eloquently verbalizing why. Sometimes mental health terms are used hyperbolically, but this ended up trivializing what the Try Guys were experiencing.
similar to this, my experience with my ED had me constantly questioning if I was “bad enough” to receive treatment, since there were people so much worse off in my eyes. It takes a lot of re-training the brain to feel validated in things like that.
My sister constantly invalidating my trauma ruined my relationship with her. We grew up in the same household but because she was older and more heavily involved with things happening, she has straight up told me I have gone through nothing in my life and have no reason to have mental health issues because she had it so much worse than me. She has 0 concept of understanding that just because someone went through LESS, doesn't mean that it wasn't traumatizing.
I’ve had a similar experience with my older sister. Sometimes she will describe our parents’ behavior to me so I can confirm the memory, then turn around and say “but of course that only happened to me” like I was living in some other household with real primary care givers having a normal childhood (yet can still remember everything from that family apparently only she had to live with) 😬 I had a (very bad) friend for a while who claimed that their younger sibling had’t suffered from their upbringing because growing up in a family system that has already broken down completely isn’t traumatizing like seeing the system break down in front of you. They also used that opinion to argue that their sibling’s mental health problems... shouldn’t exist or didn’t matter or something, it wasn’t really clear what the complaint was. It gave me some very ugly insight into what my sister might be thinking about me too.
This is so important. I assumed my abusive childhood wasn't valid or legit because I wasn't like.. being kept in a cage and severely beaten. In 2018 I had a mental breakdown and finally realized that I had pretty severe ptsd because of all of the many things in my childhood. And my body was having physical reaction. I was super sick and had no idea it was from my traumatic experiences my body remembered.
Health hack: Take a sip of water every time Mickey says trauma. No but really this video is really helpful. As someone who is vocal about my struggles I get asked about trauma and PTSD a lot. I do my best to explain, but now I've got the phrases "big T trauma" and "little t trauma" in my arsenal!
Poem I wrote on PTSD asd CPTSD: PTSD. One and done. Doesn't matter if it was Big T Or little t. It just matters that it happened. Not easy, but one event to recover from. C-PTSD. Repeated trauma Keeps rolling its punches never-ending. The big Ts and Little ts Stacking Up High It feels impossible to identify What happened at what time. Traumas to work through Different places Different people Don't know when the next blow goes I can't brace myself. I can heal all the way someday, But today is not that day. The real nightmare might just happen again The very next day. Meanwhile, For us both, Who knows when the trigger will be pulled? Who knows When we go back To that flashback? I don't mean the ones in fairytales, I mean the one in my head On repeat Repeat Repeat Won't stop messing with me. When grounding doesn't work And seemingly time is the one that makes it end and helps me Inhale Exhale. But until then, I suffer in silence because I can't breathe. I can't move. I can't speak Or communicate I need someone there with me. Until then, I'm in a room, All the oxygen sucked out Shaking like a leaf in the wind But I can't speak because I Can't Breathe. All the oxygen is gone. I jolt up in the middle of the night, The trigger replaying in my mind, Gasping for air my brain decides isn't there. And that reminds me of when I wanted to be in their place. I hear screaming And it brings me back to when I screamed for the fighting to stop And the screams of pain. I see punches And I witness the people throwing them, But their faces are replaced with the ones from those days. All this Because of a trigger.
I also think that initial tweet must have been made by someone so far removed from the emotional context of the situation, or just very emotionally removed in general from the idea that betrayal has its own deep impact. It’s as if they thought this whole thing was a business agreement that fell through between these people-which honestly is also traumatic in its own right even if it was just that, as you’ve said-but these men were betrayed so deeply-financially *and* emotionally-by someone they trusted and held close. It really is just a dehumanizing generalization to think that they wouldn’t be traumatized by that, or aren’t *allowed* to be because they are well off, I’m not really sure about this person’s logic here..
Was thinking this exactly... I think because I'm autistic, I experience all trauma as Trauma. Sensory Trauma, social Trauma, medical Trauma, etc. I've had both trauma and Trauma... and they feel and affect me in identical ways. I suspect this is because of how autistic folks tend to process context differently from allistics. There's a wee bit of research that shows trauma affects autistics same as Trauma from allistics who survived war and/or natural disasters.
@@coda3223 That would explain a lot of things! I feel like I experience trauma and Trauma the same as well, which makes things harder than I feel like they need to be at times.
I've thought about this a lot and you validated my feelings ❤️ My issue is with the unempathic responses to fans/viewers being freaked out/anxious such as "you don't even know them you're so silly for being impacted". Why is it so impossible for people to accept that we all react differently???? some of us (me) get a literal physical reaction to tiny changes. It made me nauseas finding out about try guys, because the whole "this person is not who you thought they were" is extremely unsettling, traumatising or re-traumatising. The community have been supporting eachother and that's more than I could have wished for. It would have been a lot easier dealing with it all if reacting to real (but online) events were accepted. One could assume that those who think it's unreasonable to respond emotionally when someones hurt, are the same people who don't see any problem with what caused the hurting 😬
I always compare my trauma to others and this video has made me feel validated. I was repeatedly inappropriatly touched by my teenage neighbor when I was kidnergarden-2nd gradeish. I was not actually raped, verbally abused or treated violently. I had blocked this out of my memory until it was triggered when he went to prison for having a relationship with a 13 year old. When he got out he lived next door and I avoided going outside my house as to not have to see him. This changed my romantic behavior and trust also. Yet I never considered it trauma because it was not as bad as other people and I was able to move on with my life for the most part. Only now watching this at 21 do I feel valid in saying this is trauma because it profoundly changed my life.
The fact that we've been trained to think about trauma as something that has to be 'worse enough to be validated' and 'taking away from someone else' as if trauma is something that can run out. People really like to gloss over how impactful losing your trust in a person can be.
Thank you so much for saying this. I recently had an experience where I felt unsafe in my living situation for months (I’m out of that situation now) and one of the people I used to live with decided that they needed to talk to me about it. I told them that I spent months not feeling safe at home and they said “the “unsafe” thing really runs me the wrong way. there was nothing unsafe about what we were doing. i understand why you were upset but we did nothing to make you feel unsafe.” I’ve spent the last couple months feeling like I overreacted and just generally really shitty so I really appreciate you validating that.
I'm glad you addressed the topic of trauma, I've had similar experiences with physical pain.. I have a chronic illness, and I've hidden my pain in the past to where it was detrimental to my health because when I had complained or vented in the past it led to the other person or persons playing the "my pain is worse than yours" game.. After several attempts (mostly as a child), to let someone know I was in pain and having them play that game with me, especially since I have a high tolerance for pain so I seldom cry, I just stopped complaining and eventually ended up in the ER very sick.. It's better now, but I still have trouble letting others know when I'm in pain (even doctors).. Playing the your pain (physical or mental) isn't as bad as mine game is dangerous..
Thanks so much for talking about this. I've only recently began to unpack some reeeeeeally hard shit from my childhood that I was hesitant to call traumatic before because I assumed "trauma" was reserved specifically for life-threatening events or severe abuse. Plus the fact that I am on the autism spectrum always made me second-guess whether or not I was interpreting events incorrectly or just being "too sensitive" and needed to toughen up. I am now realizing that there have been several instances throughout my life that were definitely traumatic for me, and allowing myself to admit that has actually helped me unpack and work through it.
tysm for making this video. i live with my mom because im too depressed and anxious to work or go to school or do anything awdjnkam and shes good enough to me that i can stand to live with her but i feel so broken down from all the years of passive aggression and hurtful comments that i never spoke up abt.... idk im still trying to heal and work thru it and its just always nice to hear ppl validate that its ok to be emotional and like sensitive to stuff, it doesnt make me less than and im not faking just cuz i present or react differently to stuff than other ppl.... just yeah ty
I think the little t trauma is an interesting concept. I remember having little t trauma because of Sia's movie Music and the whole situation where she was being rude and dismissive towards autistic people voicing very valid criticism about the movie. Not only her attitude towards the criticism but because I was a fan of her and the whole reaction to the situation kinda felt like a betrayal. Thank you for this understanding
!! i would love to see a video from your pov on CPTSD, i was diagnosed with it last year at age 25, and it really hurt & confused me to come to terms with the fact that my parents *were* abusing me as a child. i never thought it was “that bad” because my parents weren’t/aren’t awful people and there WERE good times, but i can’t remember them. i only remember the horrible things they said to me, the times they physically punished me and used gifts they gave me as a tool to manipulate me (which taught me to detach from anything i ever cared about so they couldn’t use it against me), i could go on. it’s incredibly complex as the name suggests because nothing in my adult life is untouched by those experiences/trauma and has severely affected my self worth and esteem. it’s taken me years to not view myself as lower than the shit smeared at the bottom of someone’s shoe and that’s fucking sad.
i should say the taking items away wasn’t just grounding, i definitely understand the importance of teaching kids consequences by not allowing them access to certain things when they misbehave, but i mean they would get angry that i didn’t want to talk with them openly (because i was fucking terrified of them, all conversations lead to a lecture of how i was wrong in some way) so they’d take away my laptop and phone so i couldn’t talk to anyone else. like retaliation almost, it was crushing
@@tracyveronika My therapist says i have C-PTSD. It was the first time I'd ever even heard of it, so I looked it up - it is not in the DSM-V, though many argue that it should be. But because it is not in the DSM-V, you're probs not going to get an official diagnosis for it in the West. I know it is hard and frustrating, but for now at least, you're probs gonna have to focus on validating yourself and surrounding yourself with people who believe you on that front, rather than waiting for an official diagnosis.
When you mentioned someone commenting on their kid's body and I realized that that's when my body image problems started. 🙃 now that I'm 40 and my metabolism is fucked from decades of dieting
Trauma can also be something that did NOT happen to you, whether it be not having friends, relationships, jobs, etc. I have trauma from life experiences I feel I have not had, through no fault of my own, which turned me atheist and turned me away from all my beliefs I once held.
Thanks for sharing this! I worked as an employment law attorney for awhile and helped companies with investigations of all types. The level of betrayal people felt when they learned that their colleagues had engaged in inappropriate behavior and had to leave the company as a result was very real and traumatizing. I've sat with so many people as they've cried and probed each relationship in their life wondering if anyone is genuine or good. We don't talk enough about the bonds we make in the workplace and how impactful these kind of events can be.
Please do a video on CPTSD, more people need to talk about it, even though it's getting more coverage in the past few years, it's still not well known or understood overall
I am so happy I found this channel. This is the first video I’ve seen from her, but I already really appreciate it & can’t wait to watch more. Especially the discussion/definitions about “big T and little t trauma”. Yesterday (literally), I was watching a documentary about Abercrombie & Fitch with a friend. She paused it, turned to me and said, “Okay. Feel free to make fun of me because I know this is stupid, but can we watch something else? Sorry. This is making me like…scared. Or nervous. Or anxious-I don’t know.” She explained that she used to get bullied pretty harshly in middle school but owned 1 Abercrombie & Fitch shirt that she wore all the time because her friends told her it was one of her only shirts that wasn’t embarrassing or “poor”. And the documentary just brought back a lot of those negative feelings. I tried to explain the “big T and little t trauma” thing, but couldn’t really find the words, so I sort of shakily landed on “you never need to apologize for something like that/it’s more than fine and honestly, I think it’s normal. We all have things like that/how do you feel about watching Adventure Time instead”
This is a poem I wrote last year about PTSD and CPTSD. Nothing graphic: PTSD. One and done. Doesn't matter if it was Big T Or little t. It just matters that it happened. Not easy, but one event to recover from. C-PTSD. Repeated trauma Keeps rolling its punches never-ending. The big Ts and Little ts Stacking Up High It feels impossible to identify What happened at what time. Traumas to work through Different places Different people Don't know when the next blow goes I can't brace myself. I can heal all the way someday, But today is not that day. The real nightmare might just happen again The very next day. Meanwhile, For us both, Who knows when the trigger will be pulled? Who knows When we go back To that flashback? I don't mean the ones in fairytales, I mean the one in my head On repeat Repeat Repeat Won't stop messing with me. When grounding doesn't work And seemingly time is the one that makes it end and helps me Inhale Exhale. But until then, I suffer in silence because I can't breathe. I can't move. I can't speak Or communicate I need someone there with me. Until then, I'm in a room, All the oxygen sucked out Shaking like a leaf in the wind But I can't speak because I Can't Breathe. All the oxygen is gone. I jolt up in the middle of the night, The trigger replaying in my mind, Gasping for air my brain decides isn't there. And that reminds me of when I wanted to be in their place. I hear screaming And it brings me back to when I screamed for the fighting to stop And the screams of pain. I see punches And I witness the people throwing them, But their faces are replaced with the ones from those days. All this Because of a trigger.
I’m so delighted this video just so happened to come up in my recommended feed to discover the gem that is you and your channel! “It does not take ANYTHING away from you to validate and to honor someone else’s experience.” THIS. I love and emphatically agree with this sentiment. And the fact of the matter is, generally speaking, that if someone were to feel the opposite, it’s a direct reflection of deep-rooted wounds and ingrained notions related to one’s own experiences and their self-validation of those, or lack there of, which projecting onto others will rarely if ever offer any sort of immediacy in terms of self-gratification but rather leave an emptiness in its wake. The irony of being in a rallied, inspirited climate culturally in terms of political and social issues that will sing or outright shout the importance of mental health from the rooftops, even if only in the interest of virtue signaling on social media, while consistently failing to respond in kind to applicable, real-life situations revolved around the topic or nuanced conversation of mental health - that one size doesn’t fit all bc we’re complex, multi-faceted beings- is never lost on me! Apologies for the length, but this topic and conversation is something I will never tire of and always encourage! Definitely subscribing!
Yes please, I'd love to see a vid on complex trauma. Once, early on, my therapist made reference to my complex trauma. I'm pretty sure I'd already heard of CPTSD, but in that moment I thought "oh no, she called my ptsd 'complex.' That must mean it's weird and complicated to work with; I hope I'm not too bothersome a patient :s"
the explanation about little t trauma was very interesting. it made me think about the way that the effects of my mental illness have constantly been undermined, to the point where i would, for periods of my life, have panic attacks when someone so much as mentioned my anxiety or my depression. the mere idea that i would have to advocate for myself and reinforce my boundaries and try to justify my actions in any given interaction would oftentimes be the trigger to an episode, and then i would feel silly for being so sensitive.
So IMO what counts as trauma is subjective. One time I replied to someone on Twitter telling her about one time when my sister and I got lost in the woods for a few hours and I legitimately thought we were going to die and that I had led my little sister to her death. (We hadn’t brought any food or water with us). We made it back home just before our mom was about to report us missing, but it was really scary. The other person on Twitter was like “omg that must have been so traumatic I’m so sorry!” But to me if it even counts as trauma at all it’s so minor that I see it as more of a funny story to tell of 12 year old me panicking or a cautionary tale as to why you should always bring food and water with you when playing in the woods. I do get nervous when in the woods now but my state has so many trails and I’m an adult so I know what to do if I get lost now and I have so many health problems I usually will be with a group if I’m out in the woods anyways. There was one incident when I lived at an Assisted Living Home where I got lost in the woods on the property and I started having a medical episode, but I had a Life Alert on me so if all else failed I could have just pressed that and a CNA would have gone looking for me. To others the incident from when I was a kid may be seen as traumatic but to me it’s just a “kids are so funny sometimes” thing.
Also I remembered after rereading my comment the time I was 13 and I was on the ski team at school and we were skiing the trails at the local high school which is now the local middle school, and I got separated from my mom and both my coaches, and I was lost and couldn’t find my way back and I cried until some high schoolers found me and helped me find my mom. THAT was the traumatic “lost in the woods” incident for me tbh.
omg thanks for sharing this!!, I have had similar experience where I'll tell a story that may have been scary at the time, but that now is just a funny/interesting story about an experience I had, and peoples' responses will be sympathetic, saying that oh that must be so hard to live with.... Uhhh, no, not really? 😅 I know people mean well, and that it's usually due to me not effectively expressing the tone and intention of the story-it's still awkward, though! I worry that I'm making myself sound like I see myself as a victim/was a victim when I wasn't. 😭🤣 It IS also a little funny though, you know? Also, damn right about the snack thing. I grew up playing in the woods a lot too. 😋
Ok but did your little sister ever talk to you about it? Maybe it was traumatizing for her, considering she had no control over the situation and you were supposed to, but you didn't. That's a common thing for kids to realize when their parents do something irresponsible, and it can certainly be traumatic...
@@bananawammabama I was 12 dude. Neither of us had control over the situation. We went out in the woods together to play, that was it. And she’s never mentioned it being traumatic to me at all, and considering what events in our childhood WERE traumatic, knowing my sister she probably doesn’t even remember that incident.
I wasn’t “supposed to” have control, I was a middle schooler. Forcing me to “have control” of a situation like that, forcing me into an adult role, is Parentification. Literally the textbook definition. We were both children in a scary situation and we both got out alive. I was able to keep her safe and we worked together to get ourselves home.
I actually really needed to hear some of the things you brought up in this video. the ideas of parasocial trauma, and of trauma changing our perspective on some key component of life, are really clicking for me and giving me a lot to think about. thank you 🖤
Parasocial trauma. The closest thing I can think of with something like that is the whole Martinez twins situation with Jake Paul. I’d loved Jake as his role of Dirk on Bizzardvark (Disney Channel show) so it was really hard when that happened and all the shit with Team 10.
Wow the parasocial relationship explanation really helped me to see this differently. Honestly I didn’t really understand parasocial relationships before but this helped to explain it a LOT.
This is a super interesting video! I would love to hear you talk about c-ptsd as well. I haven't been able to find a therapist ever since my former one suddenly started screaming at me and putting words in my mouth because she was just so offended that I dared to suggest that my trauma could have caused ptsd. (If her behaviour feels unbelievable to you, know that I feel the same.) I still deal with symptoms akin to ptsd and if it's *not* ptsd, not only would I like to know what it is, but most importantly I would like to be helped for it, because whatever it is is actively ruining my life. I had actually not heard of the terms "big T" and "little t", thank you for teaching us! I hope videos like yours can open people's eyes - for those who believe trauma doesn't exist outside of war.
When I watched their podcast on it and Zack said "I've been reacting like it was some kind of trauma" )I dont remember his exact words) and I was like it is a trauma!!! As someone with PTSD , you can have trauma responses and traumatic experiences without having PTSD!, We all react to situations differently! I also think that its relevent that SNL multiple times has been under fire for sexual harassment in the worplace and cast members grooming or harassing fans, and it not being handeled well. I feel like of course a workoplace that poorly handled those kinds of situationsit is no surprise to me they cant fathom what a good response is, which is what the Try Guys did. Also people who do the kinds of things Ned did or have friends who have, would probably have some difficulty accepting that behaviors like that can cause trauma.
over almost 45 years of working with adults and children (most of these children were in residential homes) and i noticed that when 2 children, who experienced the same traumatizing event were affected differently. The child who went "home", was made to feel safe and loved, who were heard and allowed to feel the emotions of the event were often more likely to process the event come to a positive result and go forward...The child who went "home" and was faced with anger and accusations, got told they were lieing, or they were attention seeking and their feeling were invalid/dismissed. This child has been doubly traumatized, this child has truely been traumatized and if it becomes a frequent event may eventually develope some form of mental illness. These are the kids you see with depression, severe anxiety, who are so overwhelmed they have not ability to comfort themselves and get to a more stable mental "ground"
Every time something like this happens publicly, I am affected a little more as far as overall trust specifically in men. I start to get depressed about all the wrongdoings around me constantly and I fear that there are more bad people than good. So I really appreciate this video because I’ve never really heard someone talk about this specific issue
As someone with a lot of trauma, I feel like Trauma is a bad memory that becomes a core memory, this means that any bad memory can become a traumatic one, no matter if it was something 'silly', like farting in a classroom, or something as severe as being the sole survivor of a plane crash.
I find it useful to tell people that trauma is defined by the response rather than by the event. If exposure to the triggering event has changed the default settings and/or automatic responses to related situations in a way which interferes with a person's ability to function in those situations, it is trauma.
As someone with a few big Ts I still felt the Ned thing was sad and disturbing. If you have been watching the Try Guys for years, it feels like the end of an era... and I'm not even a super fan. It's another straw on the back of the shitshow that has been the past few years. I think it's especially sad because Ned and Ariel were such a source of wholesome entertainment. Their divorce isn't on the scale of Jimmy Saville, but we don't have many "heroes" on that scale anymore. People don't trust as easily. So in a way, it makes what trust we do give more precious.
Love this, thank you. as a millennial with a job and a house and whatever I felt stupid being so impacted by this, but the try guys were a safe and nonjudgmental space full of goofballs. Ned's abuse of power to predate on a younger employee is such a gross violation of so many things. The blame being heaped on the employee is just an extra level of disgusting, alongside the characterization of this as a consensual affair. Consent is muddy *at best* in imbalanced power dynamics.
I'd love to start hearing terms like "developmental trauma" more often. I don't love the phrases "little t" and "big T" trauma, especially because they can both be so impactful in their own way, as well as interlinked, as developmental trauma can prime us for later post traumatic stress. I really appreciate the sentiment of this video, trauma comes in so many shades and forms.
throwback to when i went to therapy and my therapist was like “do you have a lot of trauma?” and i was like “no? i don’t think so” and then she listed off like 10 things that i didn’t think counted as trauma and i was like “…. maybe a little bit”😂😂😂
I hope this conversation allows people to not only empathize more with the Try Guys, but also hopefully make room for validating their own traumas [big or little] as well. Thank you for your thoughts on this!
I would love another video on trauma, cPTSD, etc. From this video, I realized that maybe one of the reasons I haven’t looked for a trauma-specific therapy, is because when I’ve talked about feeling like I have childhood trauma, or told people that one of my parents was diagnosed with PTSD, their reaction is always kind of confused/sceptical. I don’t want to have to explain WHY I feel that way or justify why someone may have been diagnosed with PTSD. I just want people who fully believe me and trust what I’m saying. To add, the few people I have tried bringing these things up with, have all been mental health professionals, which adds another layer of suck, for me.
The snl skit seemed so out of touch to me. I don’t think they ever tried to make it seem like their problem with Ned was more important than bigger issues affecting the world.On top of that Ned wasn’t just their business partner Ned was also a very close friend to them for years. For someone who you think you know so well and you think you know who they are as a person to do something so far out of character would be very upsetting. It would cause you to go through and reevaluate all of your relationships with people in your life. Thank you so much for this video social media and people don’t haves a clear understanding of trauma and act as if they do hurting people in the process.
Personally I’m sick of people saying “you should’ve seen this coming” or like the comment about “wife guys still being guys” cause I think not even as a public figure who made his whole personality about his marriage but like we should be able to expect people in general to not cheat that’s a reasonable expectation to have that people who are in committed relationships honor that commitment. It feels like a lot of bullying for just wanting to be optimistic about relationships being sweet and healthy and nontoxic and not everyone had the privilege of watching that growing up so they don’t have anything to compare it to and it seems perfectly logical and optimistic to believe that’s a good relationship or that finding out it wasn’t isn’t traumatic especially when it might bring up your own personal traumas.
My therapist explained trauma to me as something that happened without consent or that takes away autonomy. It helped me understand and do more to protect myself from getting retraumatized or my trauma getting exploited.
Could we have a video on ptsd/cptsd’s effect on sleep etc, I have sleep paralysis, night terrors, lucid trauma dreams, and I scream all night in my sleep apparently. I don’t know what to do because in the daytime I can use coping methods but at night I’m kinda at my minds mercy LOL
Thank you for validating all trauma. I'm tried of gatekeeping trauma. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from childhood and my abusive parent and family still invalidate my trauma. Invalidating any trauma is not helpful to anyone.
This is such an interesting topic and I love hearing your thoughts. On a related note: in the past years, I feel there’s been a lot of talk about “trauma-dumping”, including to a therapist. Sometimes I feel like that term is misused for situations where someone is just sharing their experiences with a friend, but maybe I’m wrong about that. Would you consider doing a video on this topic sometime? Would love to hear your thoughts.
I think an interesting example of parasocial trauma is the real crime fandom and the amount of, particularly women, who are now exhibiting the type of symptoms of serious trauma that you would normally associate with the victims of the crimes they consume as entertainment. I think this is particularly interesting because it shows how trauma can latch on to pre-existing social stereotypes, such as the racist stereotypes against black men, as a jumping off point for its traumatic thought process. Also "a close friend I thought I knew and could trust acted in a way that revealed my judgement of him to be completely wrong, and also threatened the future of my business and the well being of my staff in the most public way imaginable" sounds like a pretty traumatic experience to me.
I had a really tough time at a previous job, and the mental health nurse who worked there said I was suffering from PTSD symptoms and I was horrified & kept thinking I’m fine, people are dying right now (this happened in the height of the pandemic) I have no reason to have PTSD, however as she pointed out, my body was responding to things like my manager calling me with a trauma response (eg having a panic attack/feeling nauseous and sweating). It’s hard to admit that’s what’s happening, and you feel guilty & dramatic - I’m so glad you explained that trauma is different to everyone! Lots of my colleagues said they would have been even worse if they’d gone through what I was going through, so everyone is different.
thanks for touching on this cynicism of cis-het men that seems to be making its way around… im a white guy in college, and i understand the general frustrations of women and queer people toward bravado, dismissiveness, patriarchy, etc. on the other hand, its really tricky to date or even just make friends that are women. im trying my best to get educated and evaluate my attitudes, but its hard because i wasnt raised with certain emotional skills, and have had to build them up myself. i care especially about the alienation of men are from each other. theres just a lot of resentment of masculinity in general, even among men, but performing a masculine gender identity is not the same thing as TM, and ive met so few other guys that understand the balance there. it gets really lonely.
Misandry (sexism aimed at men) is a real and destructive feature of patriarchy, too. Similar to misogyny and other expressions of sexism, misandry enforces hierarchy and animosity, instead of encouraging cooperation amongst all people. Thanks for sharing about your experience.
Growing up in purity culture and denying my sexuality for so long (I came out at 37), I long felt like I had PTSD from my upbringing, but I felt embarrassed to say that out loud because I thought only police officers or soldiers or surgeons or victims of assault, etc. could have that. I read a book called Pure which stated that survivors of purity culture often display signs of PTSD. Then I saw a therapist who got to know me and said it before I could even say it myself. I felt so validated. Trauma doesn't have to be one event, or a "dangerous" lifestyle or career.. Not giving advice but just listen to your own feelings and be kind to yourself.
"It doesn't take anything away from you to validate someone's experience." THIS! Doesn't this apply to so many things that people push against. Gay marriage, abortion, pronouns.. It doesn't take anything away from your marriage if the guys next door can get married, it doesn't take anything away from you to use a new pronoun for a friend..
Thank you. I have always struggled with comparing my situation with others, even to the point of delaying getting accommodations for my physical needs, even though my physical health has very obvious limitations, because someone else might need a parking place more. Mental health is even less defined. I am a big Try Guys fan, so it felt like getting slapped when I saw the news. I have followed it a lot. I don't know if I would say I feel traumatized from it, but I was impacted. I remember hearing Zach say that it felt "almost like a trauma" and thinking "no, that is a justifiable trauma. It's ok to say it." Not that I wanted to define it for them, but it felt like he was not wanting to overstep. I feel like those who say that they don't deserve to classify it a trauma look at it as they just witnessed someone else's trauma and overreacted. It is true that Ariel faced a unique betrayal in the situation, but it wasn't the only betrayal. He betrayed all of them. They trusted him enough to connect their finances and reputation to his name. Some may deny the risk he took, because I actually think they will cone out of this stronger, but it is 100% because they responded so openly and quickly they managed to regain tge trust of a lot of fans. 9 out of 10 times it doesn't go that way, and they are mocked until they break up, or just fade away... They also personally just learned they couldn't trust someone they cared deeply for, and lost a friend. I have lost a good friend, no money involved, and yes, it was trauma. Anyway, thank you for addressing this.
When I was first starting to wake up to my past trauma, I found The Rewired Soul's channel, and for a while I felt like he was really helping me. For those who don't know, he started getting called out for a bunch of stuff, and at first I bought his side. Then, in a response he made, he completely contradicted something I remembered hearing him say in an earlier video, and I bailed. It was super upsetting at the time because he was someone who's advice I trusted in helping me heal from a toxic relationship, and when he turned out to be toxic, I was disappointed that I'd "missed it."
Thank you for this video! It is exactly what I was trying to explain about all this stuff, youtubers in general not just the try guys, and have learned from many years of therapy.
This was really good! I’ve been struggling with what trauma is for me. If what I’ve gone through classifies as trauma or not. Very validating and helped me understand trauma in itself more. Thank you 🙏
What about compulsive buyers? My mother said her mom burned her things without permission and now she feels the need to buy lots of stuff and my parents' home is now full of stuff.
My trauma has caused me to not trust men and to even hate them. This causes me problems, but also, it’s true enough that I continued to be proven right by the men in my general vicinity.
I was definitely one of the people who agreed with the sentiment of the original tweet, and you've more or less changed my mind by the 4 minute mark here, so thank you for both elucidating the definition of trauma beyond the DSM and for reminding me to be empathetic
Thank you, Mickey, for covering this from a professional mental health worker's viewpoint. I was upset by that first tweet you read but you give me much more context. By the way, Keith and Zack's podcast on what happened gives a lot more detail about how they were personally affected (traumatised) and, in my opinion, shows what very decent human beings Keith and Zack are. For example, Keith was touring with his comedy group at the time and he couldn't say anything to them or to the fans, which must have been so isolating. At the same time, he was feeling so guilty because he thought the other members of the comedy group would be tainted by association and would have their careers ruined, too!
This is so validating for me. I don't have a lot of what other people would consider big T trauma, but I do have a lot of things that deeply bother me. I like having terms to describe them. I also really love the definition that it's something that changes your view of the world. Having your deeply held belief shattered can be very much traumatizing even if your physical safety was never in question.
i personally have been manipulated by a person i considered my best friend. she lied behind my back, turned all of our shared friends on me, to the point where i didn’t even know what i had done. when i was finally able to talk to one of my friends about it, i kept asking what i had done and she said so many things that were taken out of context, things that flat out didn’t happen, or things that person had done to me. i had been isolated by everyone i knew for a month and everyone refused to communicate with me seemingly overnight. even now i still have trust issues in what i confide in people because of how much that person had told my close friends. i totally think their trauma is valid, someone they had known and trusted for years lied and put everyone at risk.
I have complex ptsd and would really appreciate an informative video for people like me who have it and people like my friends and chosen family who want to help but aren’t sure how. Love your videos thank you!
I’ve always felt more traumatized by regular situations than actual life or death trigger warning stuff I’ve been through. I am diagnosed with PTSD over those types of things; but I have some severe social deficits, so things like too much conversation is what usually makes me consider un-aliving myself.
THANK YOU. Your words perfectly echo what my therapist said to me when I ended up at a dangerous low due to a parasocial relationship. I didn’t tell anyone what was bothering me until I had completely broken down out of fear that my trauma would be dismissed as not real and just something I needed to grow up and move on from. Thank you for validating my licensed therapist’s words and recognizing the very real trauma that can result from parasocial situations. ❤
My wife and I were having a conversation recently about how keeping big secrets from your spouse would be traumatizing because, when the truth came out, one would begin to wonder if they really knew their partner at all , especially if the information that was kept secret made them out to be a person who was very different from the person they married. That's a huge, life-altering blow that a friend of ours marriage could not withstand, even if in the end they liked and could see themselves married to the person their partner turned out to be, the trauma of having something that they'd taken as a consistent and reliable fact of their life ripped out from beneath them very suddenly was simply too much and they didn't make it through that adjustment period to stabilize things. This is a good example to compare the try guys' experience to, because while he wasn't their romantic partner they were building their life and business around this friendship and the person they expected him to be based upon years of experience together. To have that turn out not to be true is devastating, but compounded with the fact it was an office affair that happened within the company they'd all built together? A company they were building to support themselves and their families and employees? That's a real blow. It's definitely not the same trauma that his wife is going through, of course, but that doesn't mean it's not a traumatic event in their lives in its own way.
within two minutes i must say, learning that my friend was cheating on my other friend was absolutely devastating to me. i got sick for weeks, cried for moths, and dissociated for a long time. partly triggering from my family’s sake, but too complicated to deal with on my own. damaging to say the least. holding onto a painful secret
The wife guy thing - on social media it looks so sweet and wonderful so many women look for a partner who seems that same way. To find out that isn't an answer can be discombobulating at best! How can we actually know if who I'm dating is actually as good of a guy as he seems before I get in to deep? It's hard.
It's the way the captions say CIS Hitman instead of cishet men. Maybe they know something I don't. On a more serious note, thank you for explaining this!
I remember when I first started with therapy and discussing my trauma from bullying about my size in childhood even into adulthood I felt guilty. Like I was taking away a resource from some who has had a harder life than me. I am forever grateful for my therapist because she told me what Miley is saying in this video. That yes people can experience levels of trauma that we believe too be worse than our own. But what matters is that your mind has interpreted what you went through as trauma. You are experiencing trauma and you were traumatized. So it doesn’t matter what my trauma derived from I deserve too heal. And she’s was going to support me.
The SNL skit just makes me so angry. It mocked the guys for doing the right thing to protect their workers and business and for being vulnerable with their emotions (which is something men get enough flack for). It's just so disgusting.
It's SNL, their workplace is incredibly toxic, they have had a lot of creeps and assaulters working with them and had a track record of minimizing and mocking abuse of power dynamics (etc. Bill Clinton manipulating Monica Lewinsky to have an affair with him when she was a 20-year-old intern)
The SNL skit is really icky. Another UA-camr, Swoop, posted a video pointing out that Ned is friends with a writer at SNL and that writer worked on that skit.
@@Selene_Rosara also, SNL themselves have a history of workplace sexual harrassment so I think that had a major impact on the attitudes within the organization
And I can almost bet the same writers that mocked it are the first to say, but what about men or men also, when we talk about women's issues.
I agree. I think it was snl’s vain attempt to be relevant and funny but it was really awful
I had a therapist once describe little t trauma as "death by popcorn". It's getting hit over and over with tiny little things that seem easy to brush off at the time but can end up making a big ass mess. It makes life exhausting.
thanks for sharing this; I'm putting this in my therapy journal
"Death by a thousand cuts."
My therapist said "death by paper cuts"
0: thank you
I have a TON of little t trauma
As a CSA survivor this trauma is absolutely valid. Not every trauma needs to be some big, deeply disturbing thing. People wanna gatekeep stuff that doesn't need gatekeeping, ffs
Agree with this so much!!!
Agreed, and I'm so sorry for what you have had to experience. But also, this situation absolutely *was* a big, deeply disturbing trauma too (not that I think you're saying otherwise). The simple idea of being in the public eye while going through all of this personal trauma is enough to make me want to wither away.
Ditto. Their trust was thoroughly betrayed by a long-time friend and business partner. Lives have been turned upside-down.
excessive gatekeeping sometimes looks to me like a shorthand for expressing "i dont/can't care about any more issues than I already do". which is not ok to impose onto other people. its fine if an individual is experiencing compassion fatigue induced psychic numbing, because those are real things, but to impose gatekeeping onto other people just because they dont want to be judged for not caring about that particular event that other people care about/make space for other traumas to gain attention is just unacceptable
It took me a long time to acknowledge CSA as trauma and the PTSD associated with it as valid because it didn’t come from like…. _war_ and like, PTSD is a thing soldiers get🙈
Zach said he spent all day on the phone with lawyers every day for a month. Relations aside, I feel like that is traumatic. They also had to hide everything that was going on for a month for fear of potential lawsuits and they feared that if Ned brought them down with him that they could be bring their collaborators too.
The more I hear about this situation the more I understand now why they felt like they had been traumatized and how this was very traumatizing for them. The lives of these four men were really wrapped up in each other both personally and at work, and at work they have all these employees depending on them, and one of these employees and one of their close friends lied to them for over a year and carried on this affair, they cared about this man and his children so now they’re concerned about them and the whole situation and impact that relationship with them, this whole event negatively affects their brand so they have to deal with that both legally and personally with their coworkers, and then they also just have to deal with the friendship aspect and the fact that they held him to a higher standard and he knew what he was doing could hurt his friends and his children because Eugene Of divorce whose father had done the same thing to his mother and never knew that, so this probably stirred up his trauma and all of the memories he’s had to deal with, and ned knew about that. I’m not saying that this should discourage people from trying to have personal relationships with their coworkers or going into business with people they work with or have close relationships with, but this clearly is a cautionary tale of what happens when you go into business with people you have close relationships with, when you get really tangled up in each others lives and your close friends also become your coworkers and back-and-forth, because of all the trauma and all the negative things that can happen when it all falls apart
Yeah, Zach was also left all alone to deal with all this as Keith and Eugene were away doing other things. So Zach was at homebase scrambling and calling all of the lawyers and trying to handle everything all by himself... that absolutely added to the stress that he was under. I think it would have been much easier for him if he had the support of the other try guys with him while he was having to figure all that out. Unfortunately, he didn't have them close by as support or to share the workload of handling the situation.
Seriously, like my heart races enough when I wake up without an alarm thinking I slept longer than I wanted to, how would people not see that as absolutely panic inducing for weeks on end
This conversation has me thinking that I would love to hear you talk about little ‘t’ trauma in the workplace
Please!! I’m about to leave a workplace that has been so mentally exhausting and feels traumatic sometimes but I’m scared to use that word
i experienced some pretty intense/traumatic workplace bullying while living overseas, it's definitely a topic i would love to see covered here.
@@olivethunderbird I still have haunting thoughts about the workplace that I left two years ago 😔
Yes! I'm also physically disabled, but work/employment/job related trauma has had, and continues to be, one of the largest impacts on my life.
Yes! I had a terrible workplace experience a few years ago and sometimes that comes back to me in little ways. I had no idea workplace abuse and traume was so prevalent until recently.
Thank you for this Mickey! I wanted to add- not only was this traumatic to them in a multitude of ways, but Zach also mentioned that this situation caused his auto-immune disease to flare up, so it was physically traumatizing as well. As someone with chronic illnesses/pain and CPTSD, that really resonated.
Oh no!!!
Traumatic & stressful, I imagine! Excessive stress can have real affects on the body so it makes sense that this whole debacle would trigger
his symptoms.
I have a disease somewhat similar to Zach’s and one of the first things I thought of when all this came out, then again with the SNL skit, was how much pain he must be in.
I know with me, when something stressful happens, I end up having a flare of increased pain and other symptoms, but I usually have to push through it to deal with whatever crisis is happening. But I can only push through before my body says “that’s enough” and I’m in so much pain that I almost literally can’t move.
The pain at that point is typically so severe that my meds don’t even touch it.
It doesn’t help that during the “push through” phase, I usually don’t eat much because I hurt a lot, am stressed, and am busy.
So once it all comes crashing down, I don’t have a lot of physical or mental strength.
Then I end up getting stressed out because I’m bedridden for a couple days and there’s not anything I or anyone else can do to ease the pain. Sometimes that stress causes the cycle to start all over again (especially if I continue not to eat much) and I can be in that kind of pain for months before I’m able to finally break the loop.
That kind of pain also frequently causes insomnia (which is why I’m writing this at 4:30am, lol) which can take ages to get flipped the right way around. And when insomnia is caused by pain, meds like Ambien don’t have much affect unless you can treat the pain.
I just hope Zach has access to better doctors than I do and that he has a support network that can help him is he falls in to that stress-flare-stress-flare repeating cycle.
@@Annie_Annie__ we could be twins lol!! I have very much the same things happen. it sucks on so many levels! be well ❤️
So glad you're talking about this! As someone with literal diagnosed PTSD from some pretty serious traumas (who has good reason to not want people to improperly use terms like this), it's actually so disappointing to see people put down experiences that can absolutely be traumatizing.
Also, I'm not 100% sure this was a factor in this case, but I've realized that sometimes people conflate trauma with PTSD (basically, thinking that if you don't have PTSD then you didn't experience trauma/your trauma isn't valid) which is SO harmful. I've noticed people I care about downplaying traumatic experiences they've been through because they don't have PTSD like me, and I've tried to explain to them that what they went through is still clearly traumatic, even if it's not "as bad" as what I went through (and how my body/mind held on to what I went through).
Even though I didn't see anyone directly saying "the Try Guys are trying to act like they have PTSD!," I can't help but feel like this mindset has contributed to the way people have been criticizing them. Trauma isn't a switch that's flipped, it's a spectrum of experiences.
Very important there that point about it being a spectrum. I think the dichotomous view is quite "gatekeep-y" and adds to the unnecessary questioning thoughts people get when asking themselves if they "deserve" a label
Thank you for putting this in words! My brain doesn't like forming my own coherent thoughts lol
Good point about the fact that not every trauma becomes a pathology of some kind like PTSD!
It's like "Oh your mom has died/has x disease? well that's not trauma because it didn't give you ptsd and when MY family member died/had this I didn't care/get ptsd, get over it" which... is an unfortunately and discouragingly common take actually
Holy crap thank you for your comment because I completely did not realize I was conflating trauma with PTSD, that if you didn't have PTSD you didn't experience trauma. But I've been doing it in reverse where since everyone has experienced some form of trauma, everyone has some level of PTSD, so the monster in my head is like "So you're not f***ing special and you need to get over your f***ing weak self already because everyone else is already fine so why can't you be." Lol I just ran a lap in my brain...but yeah your comment made me realize something I had no idea I was doing, thank you for explaining this.
I’d love to watch a video on complex trauma. I’m absolutely positive, with my medical history and such I have complex medical trauma.it’s such a weird thing that interventions meant to save a life can cause a trauma response and I don’t feel like it’s talked about enough
My trauma isn't medical, but I would love this too ❤️ complex trauma isn't talked about enough
I would love a video on complex trauma too. Mickey was sensitive to this, but trauma is so often talked about as a thing that happens to people who were ok at first. What if your starting point is trauma? Childhood trauma can deprive you of coping mechanisms, leading you into more trauma. More than half the SA survivors I know also have childhood trauma, which deprived them of boundaries and relationship skills, making them vulnerable to SA.
And yes, medical trauma isn't talked about enough. People are expected to be happy and grateful after they survive cancer treatment, for example, which imo is completely unrealistic. You've been through so many physical and social changes and so much pain. Whatever health trauma you went through, thank you for sharing and I hope you can get support that's right for you
Omg same! I have such bad medical trauma that just calling to make an appointment with my primary care doctor gives me such horrendous anxiety I end up crying. Or like the smell of hospital cleansers make me nauseous and sometimes I'll smell in in the middle of walking the dog or something. And those are the mild symptoms
you're absolutely right. I haven't been on the receiving end of this but I am an EMT and see this stuff all the time. there are often a lot of us working on one person performing interventions that the patient doesn't really understand the function of in the way that we do as trained professionals. it's why I always make an effort to communicate with the patient through the whole process but I don't think anyone walks away from something like that without some trauma.
I was involuntarily hospitalized for a drug interaction when I was 25. They assumed I had attempted to unalive myself, and the trauma of essentially being kidnapped and stripped of my rights was so dehumanizing, I came out with worse PTSD than when I went in. I’d love to hear this discussed, because if you look at the statistics, this is less an exception and more the rule.
I experienced "little t" trauma this year in the workplace. I was harmed by a coworker. It wasn't intentional, but it happened as a result of their negligence and recklessness. The incident has left me with long term health problems that impact my quality of life on a daily basis. The incident and the harm to my physical health has honestly been less traumatic than the response from my employer and coworkers. Initially my health issues were minimized, then I was implied to be exaggerating my symptoms, then I was told that the incident didn't even happen, and finally I was told that I was just making it all up to gain sympathy and make everyone hate this coworker. I worked at this place for years and considered my boss and coworkers friends. The coworker involved was there less than a year. The lack of support and betrayal I felt has messed me up way more than my illness. I feel like no one can be trusted.
i went through a sort of similar situation to the Try Guys' a couple years ago, where someone i considered my best friend and closest creative partner turned out to be doing some really shady shit that i hadn't known about. it hurt me a lot. it's been pretty invalidating to see the eye-rolling response a bunch of people have had to the drama, but it's also been comforting to see people like you explain that these situations can be earth-shattering and, indeed, traumatic. thank you for saying something.
I am also a therapist and I always find it fascinating when intaking a new client and asking about trauma and they often say no until I say something like “you know a lot of people think trauma only means abuse of some kind, but if you went through a bad storm and you’re still having nightmares or getting upset when dark clouds gather, that’s trauma, too.” It almost invariably opens new avenues of conversation about things people have experienced when they’re given permission to “be dramatic” about the difficult things they’ve gone through.
When my brother and I still lived under the same roof, I had trouble throwing stuff away, and he was overly stressed about keeping stuff clean, and sometimes, he would unknowingly throw away my stuff. Other times it was on purpose. He once even put some dried out teabags I was saving for composting, all over my bed. I know that it was gross of me to save those teabags, I should have just cleaned up, but I still get extremely stressed about losing stuff and having to throw things away. I can afford now to just buy a new "thing" but that makes me feel even worse. as if there isn't enough "stuff" in the world as it is. That's trauma, right?
Most therapists don't care and don't try to help clients communicate
Watching the Tryguys thing unfold was very confusing for me. I kept feeling like I was asleep and was almost expecting to wake up and find that none of it was real. I then started questioning myself if my expectations of things to return to a status quo, meant that on a deep level I haven't been seeing them as fully realized people, but more like fictional characters
i have no therapeutic licenses so grain of salt, but i feel like i experience that a lot irl even when things happen with people i do know, so i wouldn't be surprised if that feeling is really the 'denial' part of the 5 stages of grief 🤔 not to say there couldn't be more at play here, and also i think i'm autistic so that could affect how i process things/social relationships, but i wouldn't jump to assuming you don't view them as like, real people 🤷♀🖤
@@Elle_Riley I have also had this experience, ever since my grandmother and aunt died, I still feel like that didn't actually happen and one day they will just be there again. Like they will just show up and say, wow what a great 7 year long vacation we were on, how have you guys been doing.
It is because it is easy to have a parasocial relationship with them. Of course when we watch them we feel like we know them, but it isn't a two way social interaction. It's cool you are recognizing that you only see what they want you to see about them
@@user-th1pv6ks5o ahhh i get that, ESPECIALLY when i wake up from a dream that a loved one was in and then it’s like….oh 😟
Dude you need to get a life outside of UA-cam.
I would love to see a video on CPTSD. Particularly as it pertains to childhood bullying by peers. I feel like I never really see people talk about how bullying by peers can affect us as we grow up.
+
Yes please, most trauma content is about family and relationships, never about school bullying, which is also significant as time spent in school is such a significant portion of one's childhood.
I remember the first time I read the first tweet you mentioned on your video and it made me really upset, people do not consider how traumatic it can be to realize that a loved one is a terrible person and that you have to let them go, it feels like or worse than a break up.
Yeah, I HATE it when friendships end.
Even parasocial/fictional ones, unless it's for an understandable reason.
Yeah, plus they are friends with the person cheated on and cheated with, that is a stressful situation to figure out how to act in, and they had to take a lot of financial hits on both the try guys and on unrelated personal projects, so they're losing money from several different jobs. Financial instability on its own is pretty scary already, and they have to deal with solving all the problems Ned caused by being a CEO and HR person who may or may not have abused his position. And they have to do it all while in the public eye and mocked by a show on national TV which was written by Ned's friends from college. Like, all of those events are pretty stressful on their own, but this is all of them packed together. :(
Re: parasocial relationships - Mr. Rogers was an attachment figure for me in childhood and his show was one of the only safe "spaces" in my entire life. Thank God he was the "real deal" good person, because if I found out he wasn't it would feel like losing a parent
As a survivor of several big T traumas, I am always a bit taken aback when a loved one is expressing stress or strong emotions and then apologizes to ME because they seem to feel my trauma trumps theirs. It’s not how I feel, I think that trauma reactions are real, and difficult big emotions show up for reasons that I’m not about to invalidate. Mickey is right, if someone is having those scary, or overwhelmed feelings, a licensed clinician WITH EXPERIENCE IN TREATING TRAUMA can really, really help. It’s helped me, and no one has to have those feelings without hope of healing. There is help to be had, and as I’ve never seen anyone fix their own badly broken leg, nor should you try to “fix” your own, equally hurt, emotions. Your feelings are real, and valid, and you deserve nurture and support. Keep looking until you find it. Most good therapists, who are open to new patients, will do an initial consult over the phone. Set up a time to chat with them, and see how that feels. Mickey has a great video on how to find a therapist, I highly recommend it. I wish I would have known that info when I began my mental health journey about thirty years ago.
You're amazing. I feel like those people that apologise to you for having a smaller trauma it's because they have been told by others before that they shouldn't feel so bad unless they went through something much worse. I've had that experience, not specifically with the word trauma but with being depressed and having other people be like "but look at what I went through and YOU are the one that's depressed?". Makes me not want to share my feelings at all, and for other people it might make them need to apologise if they ever share theirs. So thank you for being understanding.
@@latronqui I’ve definitely been told I shouldn’t feel bad or traumatized because others have experienced worse things. And they have, it’s true. But why should trauma or suffering be a competition? Like Mickey said (I’m paraphrasing, it’s been a very long day), it’s basically impossible to go through life without experiencing SOME kind of trauma. It’s so cliche, but it’s like the saying goes: be kind to everyone, because everyone is going through something.
I've been scared of using the word trauma to describe my experiences since I had a horrible therapist tell me I didn't have trauma and that I was using the word incorrectly. She literally googled the definition. Thank you so much for this ❤️
She prolly wasn't a good therapist if she had to Google the definition. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Wtf that doesn’t sound like a very good or professional therapist! I also found this video very validating
I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that. I haven't been to more than a few therapy visits, but I stopped going because I felt like I poured my heart out to this therapist only for her to comment "it sounds like your mom wasn't very patient", as if nothing I described was that big of a deal. I felt dismissed and embarrassed.
Thank you for this video, Mickey. I’m a therapist and was deeply disappointed by that tweet, but had trouble eloquently verbalizing why. Sometimes mental health terms are used hyperbolically, but this ended up trivializing what the Try Guys were experiencing.
similar to this, my experience with my ED had me constantly questioning if I was “bad enough” to receive treatment, since there were people so much worse off in my eyes. It takes a lot of re-training the brain to feel validated in things like that.
Learning about "little t trauma" has really helped me understand some of my own experiences so I'm really glad you're talking about it
My sister constantly invalidating my trauma ruined my relationship with her. We grew up in the same household but because she was older and more heavily involved with things happening, she has straight up told me I have gone through nothing in my life and have no reason to have mental health issues because she had it so much worse than me. She has 0 concept of understanding that just because someone went through LESS, doesn't mean that it wasn't traumatizing.
I’ve had a similar experience with my older sister. Sometimes she will describe our parents’ behavior to me so I can confirm the memory, then turn around and say “but of course that only happened to me” like I was living in some other household with real primary care givers having a normal childhood (yet can still remember everything from that family apparently only she had to live with) 😬
I had a (very bad) friend for a while who claimed that their younger sibling had’t suffered from their upbringing because growing up in a family system that has already broken down completely isn’t traumatizing like seeing the system break down in front of you. They also used that opinion to argue that their sibling’s mental health problems... shouldn’t exist or didn’t matter or something, it wasn’t really clear what the complaint was. It gave me some very ugly insight into what my sister might be thinking about me too.
This is so important. I assumed my abusive childhood wasn't valid or legit because I wasn't like.. being kept in a cage and severely beaten. In 2018 I had a mental breakdown and finally realized that I had pretty severe ptsd because of all of the many things in my childhood. And my body was having physical reaction. I was super sick and had no idea it was from my traumatic experiences my body remembered.
Health hack: Take a sip of water every time Mickey says trauma.
No but really this video is really helpful. As someone who is vocal about my struggles I get asked about trauma and PTSD a lot. I do my best to explain, but now I've got the phrases "big T trauma" and "little t trauma" in my arsenal!
Poem I wrote on PTSD asd CPTSD:
PTSD.
One and done.
Doesn't matter if it was
Big T
Or little t.
It just matters that it happened.
Not easy, but one event to recover from.
C-PTSD.
Repeated trauma
Keeps rolling its punches never-ending.
The big Ts and
Little ts
Stacking
Up
High
It feels impossible to identify
What happened at what time.
Traumas to work through
Different places
Different people
Don't know when the next blow goes
I can't brace myself.
I can heal all the way someday,
But today is not that day.
The real nightmare might just happen again
The very next day.
Meanwhile,
For us both,
Who knows when the trigger will be pulled?
Who knows
When we go back
To that flashback?
I don't mean the ones in fairytales,
I mean the one in my head
On repeat
Repeat
Repeat
Won't stop messing with me.
When grounding doesn't work
And seemingly time is the one that makes it end and helps me
Inhale
Exhale.
But until then,
I suffer in silence because I can't breathe.
I can't move.
I can't speak
Or communicate
I need someone there with me.
Until then,
I'm in a room,
All the oxygen sucked out
Shaking like a leaf in the wind
But I can't speak because
I
Can't
Breathe.
All the oxygen is gone.
I jolt up in the middle of the night,
The trigger replaying in my mind,
Gasping for air my brain decides isn't there.
And that reminds me of when I wanted to be in their place.
I hear screaming
And it brings me back to when I screamed for the fighting to stop
And the screams of pain.
I see punches
And I witness the people throwing them,
But their faces are replaced with the ones from those days.
All this
Because of a trigger.
Agree! Big T vs little t trauma is such helpful framing.
I also think that initial tweet must have been made by someone so far removed from the emotional context of the situation, or just very emotionally removed in general from the idea that betrayal has its own deep impact. It’s as if they thought this whole thing was a business agreement that fell through between these people-which honestly is also traumatic in its own right even if it was just that, as you’ve said-but these men were betrayed so deeply-financially *and* emotionally-by someone they trusted and held close. It really is just a dehumanizing generalization to think that they wouldn’t be traumatized by that, or aren’t *allowed* to be because they are well off, I’m not really sure about this person’s logic here..
methinks it's somebody that is a bit of a back stabber themselves...
This is all complicated if you are neurodivergent. Different things traumatise us and it's usually easier to do.
Oh god yes. It’s a whole other beast.
This
Was thinking this exactly... I think because I'm autistic, I experience all trauma as Trauma. Sensory Trauma, social Trauma, medical Trauma, etc.
I've had both trauma and Trauma... and they feel and affect me in identical ways. I suspect this is because of how autistic folks tend to process context differently from allistics. There's a wee bit of research that shows trauma affects autistics same as Trauma from allistics who survived war and/or natural disasters.
@@coda3223 That would explain a lot of things! I feel like I experience trauma and Trauma the same as well, which makes things harder than I feel like they need to be at times.
I've thought about this a lot and you validated my feelings ❤️
My issue is with the unempathic responses to fans/viewers being freaked out/anxious such as "you don't even know them you're so silly for being impacted". Why is it so impossible for people to accept that we all react differently???? some of us (me) get a literal physical reaction to tiny changes.
It made me nauseas finding out about try guys, because the whole "this person is not who you thought they were" is extremely unsettling, traumatising or re-traumatising. The community have been supporting eachother and that's more than I could have wished for. It would have been a lot easier dealing with it all if reacting to real (but online) events were accepted.
One could assume that those who think it's unreasonable to respond emotionally when someones hurt, are the same people who don't see any problem with what caused the hurting 😬
I always compare my trauma to others and this video has made me feel validated. I was repeatedly inappropriatly touched by my teenage neighbor when I was kidnergarden-2nd gradeish. I was not actually raped, verbally abused or treated violently. I had blocked this out of my memory until it was triggered when he went to prison for having a relationship with a 13 year old. When he got out he lived next door and I avoided going outside my house as to not have to see him. This changed my romantic behavior and trust also. Yet I never considered it trauma because it was not as bad as other people and I was able to move on with my life for the most part. Only now watching this at 21 do I feel valid in saying this is trauma because it profoundly changed my life.
The fact that we've been trained to think about trauma as something that has to be 'worse enough to be validated' and 'taking away from someone else' as if trauma is something that can run out. People really like to gloss over how impactful losing your trust in a person can be.
Thank you so much for saying this. I recently had an experience where I felt unsafe in my living situation for months (I’m out of that situation now) and one of the people I used to live with decided that they needed to talk to me about it. I told them that I spent months not feeling safe at home and they said “the “unsafe” thing really runs me the wrong way. there was nothing unsafe about what we were doing. i understand why you were upset but we did nothing to make you feel unsafe.” I’ve spent the last couple months feeling like I overreacted and just generally really shitty so I really appreciate you validating that.
I'm glad you addressed the topic of trauma, I've had similar experiences with physical pain.. I have a chronic illness, and I've hidden my pain in the past to where it was detrimental to my health because when I had complained or vented in the past it led to the other person or persons playing the "my pain is worse than yours" game.. After several attempts (mostly as a child), to let someone know I was in pain and having them play that game with me, especially since I have a high tolerance for pain so I seldom cry, I just stopped complaining and eventually ended up in the ER very sick.. It's better now, but I still have trouble letting others know when I'm in pain (even doctors).. Playing the your pain (physical or mental) isn't as bad as mine game is dangerous..
Thanks so much for talking about this. I've only recently began to unpack some reeeeeeally hard shit from my childhood that I was hesitant to call traumatic before because I assumed "trauma" was reserved specifically for life-threatening events or severe abuse. Plus the fact that I am on the autism spectrum always made me second-guess whether or not I was interpreting events incorrectly or just being "too sensitive" and needed to toughen up. I am now realizing that there have been several instances throughout my life that were definitely traumatic for me, and allowing myself to admit that has actually helped me unpack and work through it.
tysm for making this video. i live with my mom because im too depressed and anxious to work or go to school or do anything awdjnkam and shes good enough to me that i can stand to live with her but i feel so broken down from all the years of passive aggression and hurtful comments that i never spoke up abt.... idk im still trying to heal and work thru it and its just always nice to hear ppl validate that its ok to be emotional and like sensitive to stuff, it doesnt make me less than and im not faking just cuz i present or react differently to stuff than other ppl.... just yeah ty
I think the little t trauma is an interesting concept. I remember having little t trauma because of Sia's movie Music and the whole situation where she was being rude and dismissive towards autistic people voicing very valid criticism about the movie. Not only her attitude towards the criticism but because I was a fan of her and the whole reaction to the situation kinda felt like a betrayal.
Thank you for this understanding
!! i would love to see a video from your pov on CPTSD, i was diagnosed with it last year at age 25, and it really hurt & confused me to come to terms with the fact that my parents *were* abusing me as a child.
i never thought it was “that bad” because my parents weren’t/aren’t awful people and there WERE good times, but i can’t remember them. i only remember the horrible things they said to me, the times they physically punished me and used gifts they gave me as a tool to manipulate me (which taught me to detach from anything i ever cared about so they couldn’t use it against me), i could go on.
it’s incredibly complex as the name suggests because nothing in my adult life is untouched by those experiences/trauma and has severely affected my self worth and esteem. it’s taken me years to not view myself as lower than the shit smeared at the bottom of someone’s shoe and that’s fucking sad.
i should say the taking items away wasn’t just grounding, i definitely understand the importance of teaching kids consequences by not allowing them access to certain things when they misbehave, but i mean they would get angry that i didn’t want to talk with them openly (because i was fucking terrified of them, all conversations lead to a lecture of how i was wrong in some way) so they’d take away my laptop and phone so i couldn’t talk to anyone else. like retaliation almost, it was crushing
I have a very similar history. I know I have CPTSD but it's still hard to find treatment for it, let alone medical providers who diagnose it.
@@tracyveronika My therapist says i have C-PTSD. It was the first time I'd ever even heard of it, so I looked it up - it is not in the DSM-V, though many argue that it should be. But because it is not in the DSM-V, you're probs not going to get an official diagnosis for it in the West. I know it is hard and frustrating, but for now at least, you're probs gonna have to focus on validating yourself and surrounding yourself with people who believe you on that front, rather than waiting for an official diagnosis.
When you mentioned someone commenting on their kid's body and I realized that that's when my body image problems started. 🙃 now that I'm 40 and my metabolism is fucked from decades of dieting
Trauma can also be something that did NOT happen to you, whether it be not having friends, relationships, jobs, etc. I have trauma from life experiences I feel I have not had, through no fault of my own, which turned me atheist and turned me away from all my beliefs I once held.
it hurts me to my core when people spread false information with pathological certainty. as a trauma therapist and as a trauma survivor.
Thanks for sharing this! I worked as an employment law attorney for awhile and helped companies with investigations of all types. The level of betrayal people felt when they learned that their colleagues had engaged in inappropriate behavior and had to leave the company as a result was very real and traumatizing. I've sat with so many people as they've cried and probed each relationship in their life wondering if anyone is genuine or good. We don't talk enough about the bonds we make in the workplace and how impactful these kind of events can be.
Please do a video on CPTSD, more people need to talk about it, even though it's getting more coverage in the past few years, it's still not well known or understood overall
I am so happy I found this channel. This is the first video I’ve seen from her, but I already really appreciate it & can’t wait to watch more. Especially the discussion/definitions about “big T and little t trauma”.
Yesterday (literally), I was watching a documentary about Abercrombie & Fitch with a friend. She paused it, turned to me and said, “Okay. Feel free to make fun of me because I know this is stupid, but can we watch something else? Sorry. This is making me like…scared. Or nervous. Or anxious-I don’t know.”
She explained that she used to get bullied pretty harshly in middle school but owned 1 Abercrombie & Fitch shirt that she wore all the time because her friends told her it was one of her only shirts that wasn’t embarrassing or “poor”. And the documentary just brought back a lot of those negative feelings.
I tried to explain the “big T and little t trauma” thing, but couldn’t really find the words, so I sort of shakily landed on “you never need to apologize for something like that/it’s more than fine and honestly, I think it’s normal. We all have things like that/how do you feel about watching Adventure Time instead”
This is a poem I wrote last year about PTSD and CPTSD. Nothing graphic:
PTSD.
One and done.
Doesn't matter if it was
Big T
Or little t.
It just matters that it happened.
Not easy, but one event to recover from.
C-PTSD.
Repeated trauma
Keeps rolling its punches never-ending.
The big Ts and
Little ts
Stacking
Up
High
It feels impossible to identify
What happened at what time.
Traumas to work through
Different places
Different people
Don't know when the next blow goes
I can't brace myself.
I can heal all the way someday,
But today is not that day.
The real nightmare might just happen again
The very next day.
Meanwhile,
For us both,
Who knows when the trigger will be pulled?
Who knows
When we go back
To that flashback?
I don't mean the ones in fairytales,
I mean the one in my head
On repeat
Repeat
Repeat
Won't stop messing with me.
When grounding doesn't work
And seemingly time is the one that makes it end and helps me
Inhale
Exhale.
But until then,
I suffer in silence because I can't breathe.
I can't move.
I can't speak
Or communicate
I need someone there with me.
Until then,
I'm in a room,
All the oxygen sucked out
Shaking like a leaf in the wind
But I can't speak because
I
Can't
Breathe.
All the oxygen is gone.
I jolt up in the middle of the night,
The trigger replaying in my mind,
Gasping for air my brain decides isn't there.
And that reminds me of when I wanted to be in their place.
I hear screaming
And it brings me back to when I screamed for the fighting to stop
And the screams of pain.
I see punches
And I witness the people throwing them,
But their faces are replaced with the ones from those days.
All this
Because of a trigger.
Thank you for sharing!
I’m so delighted this video just so happened to come up in my recommended feed to discover the gem that is you and your channel!
“It does not take ANYTHING away from you to validate and to honor someone else’s experience.” THIS. I love and emphatically agree with this sentiment. And the fact of the matter is, generally speaking, that if someone were to feel the opposite, it’s a direct reflection of deep-rooted wounds and ingrained notions related to one’s own experiences and their self-validation of those, or lack there of, which projecting onto others will rarely if ever offer any sort of immediacy in terms of self-gratification but rather leave an emptiness in its wake.
The irony of being in a rallied, inspirited climate culturally in terms of political and social issues that will sing or outright shout the importance of mental health from the rooftops, even if only in the interest of virtue signaling on social media, while consistently failing to respond in kind to applicable, real-life situations revolved around the topic or nuanced conversation of mental health - that one size doesn’t fit all bc we’re complex, multi-faceted beings- is never lost on me!
Apologies for the length, but this topic and conversation is something I will never tire of and always encourage! Definitely subscribing!
Yes please, I'd love to see a vid on complex trauma.
Once, early on, my therapist made reference to my complex trauma. I'm pretty sure I'd already heard of CPTSD, but in that moment I thought "oh no, she called my ptsd 'complex.' That must mean it's weird and complicated to work with; I hope I'm not too bothersome a patient :s"
Your description of lowercase “t” examples remind me of a friend who still has nightmares about school 20 years after graduating.
the explanation about little t trauma was very interesting. it made me think about the way that the effects of my mental illness have constantly been undermined, to the point where i would, for periods of my life, have panic attacks when someone so much as mentioned my anxiety or my depression. the mere idea that i would have to advocate for myself and reinforce my boundaries and try to justify my actions in any given interaction would oftentimes be the trigger to an episode, and then i would feel silly for being so sensitive.
So IMO what counts as trauma is subjective. One time I replied to someone on Twitter telling her about one time when my sister and I got lost in the woods for a few hours and I legitimately thought we were going to die and that I had led my little sister to her death. (We hadn’t brought any food or water with us). We made it back home just before our mom was about to report us missing, but it was really scary. The other person on Twitter was like “omg that must have been so traumatic I’m so sorry!” But to me if it even counts as trauma at all it’s so minor that I see it as more of a funny story to tell of 12 year old me panicking or a cautionary tale as to why you should always bring food and water with you when playing in the woods. I do get nervous when in the woods now but my state has so many trails and I’m an adult so I know what to do if I get lost now and I have so many health problems I usually will be with a group if I’m out in the woods anyways. There was one incident when I lived at an Assisted Living Home where I got lost in the woods on the property and I started having a medical episode, but I had a Life Alert on me so if all else failed I could have just pressed that and a CNA would have gone looking for me. To others the incident from when I was a kid may be seen as traumatic but to me it’s just a “kids are so funny sometimes” thing.
Also I remembered after rereading my comment the time I was 13 and I was on the ski team at school and we were skiing the trails at the local high school which is now the local middle school, and I got separated from my mom and both my coaches, and I was lost and couldn’t find my way back and I cried until some high schoolers found me and helped me find my mom. THAT was the traumatic “lost in the woods” incident for me tbh.
omg thanks for sharing this!!, I have had similar experience where I'll tell a story that may have been scary at the time, but that now is just a funny/interesting story about an experience I had, and peoples' responses will be sympathetic, saying that oh that must be so hard to live with.... Uhhh, no, not really? 😅 I know people mean well, and that it's usually due to me not effectively expressing the tone and intention of the story-it's still awkward, though! I worry that I'm making myself sound like I see myself as a victim/was a victim when I wasn't. 😭🤣 It IS also a little funny though, you know?
Also, damn right about the snack thing. I grew up playing in the woods a lot too. 😋
Ok but did your little sister ever talk to you about it? Maybe it was traumatizing for her, considering she had no control over the situation and you were supposed to, but you didn't. That's a common thing for kids to realize when their parents do something irresponsible, and it can certainly be traumatic...
@@bananawammabama I was 12 dude. Neither of us had control over the situation. We went out in the woods together to play, that was it. And she’s never mentioned it being traumatic to me at all, and considering what events in our childhood WERE traumatic, knowing my sister she probably doesn’t even remember that incident.
I wasn’t “supposed to” have control, I was a middle schooler. Forcing me to “have control” of a situation like that, forcing me into an adult role, is Parentification. Literally the textbook definition. We were both children in a scary situation and we both got out alive. I was able to keep her safe and we worked together to get ourselves home.
I actually really needed to hear some of the things you brought up in this video. the ideas of parasocial trauma, and of trauma changing our perspective on some key component of life, are really clicking for me and giving me a lot to think about. thank you 🖤
Parasocial trauma.
The closest thing I can think of with something like that is the whole Martinez twins situation with Jake Paul.
I’d loved Jake as his role of Dirk on Bizzardvark (Disney Channel show) so it was really hard when that happened and all the shit with Team 10.
Wow the parasocial relationship explanation really helped me to see this differently. Honestly I didn’t really understand parasocial relationships before but this helped to explain it a LOT.
This is a super interesting video! I would love to hear you talk about c-ptsd as well. I haven't been able to find a therapist ever since my former one suddenly started screaming at me and putting words in my mouth because she was just so offended that I dared to suggest that my trauma could have caused ptsd. (If her behaviour feels unbelievable to you, know that I feel the same.) I still deal with symptoms akin to ptsd and if it's *not* ptsd, not only would I like to know what it is, but most importantly I would like to be helped for it, because whatever it is is actively ruining my life. I had actually not heard of the terms "big T" and "little t", thank you for teaching us! I hope videos like yours can open people's eyes - for those who believe trauma doesn't exist outside of war.
When I watched their podcast on it and Zack said "I've been reacting like it was some kind of trauma" )I dont remember his exact words) and I was like it is a trauma!!! As someone with PTSD , you can have trauma responses and traumatic experiences without having PTSD!, We all react to situations differently! I also think that its relevent that SNL multiple times has been under fire for sexual harassment in the worplace and cast members grooming or harassing fans, and it not being handeled well. I feel like of course a workoplace that poorly handled those kinds of situationsit is no surprise to me they cant fathom what a good response is, which is what the Try Guys did. Also people who do the kinds of things Ned did or have friends who have, would probably have some difficulty accepting that behaviors like that can cause trauma.
over almost 45 years of working with adults and children (most of these children were in residential homes) and i noticed that when 2 children, who experienced the same traumatizing event were affected differently. The child who went "home", was made to feel safe and loved, who were heard and allowed to feel the emotions of the event were often more likely to process the event come to a positive result and go forward...The child who went "home" and was faced with anger and accusations, got told they were lieing, or they were attention seeking and their feeling were invalid/dismissed. This child has been doubly traumatized, this child has truely been traumatized and if it becomes a frequent event may eventually develope some form of mental illness. These are the kids you see with depression, severe anxiety, who are so overwhelmed they have not ability to comfort themselves and get to a more stable mental "ground"
Every time something like this happens publicly, I am affected a little more as far as overall trust specifically in men. I start to get depressed about all the wrongdoings around me constantly and I fear that there are more bad people than good. So I really appreciate this video because I’ve never really heard someone talk about this specific issue
As someone with a lot of trauma, I feel like Trauma is a bad memory that becomes a core memory, this means that any bad memory can become a traumatic one, no matter if it was something 'silly', like farting in a classroom, or something as severe as being the sole survivor of a plane crash.
I find it useful to tell people that trauma is defined by the response rather than by the event. If exposure to the triggering event has changed the default settings and/or automatic responses to related situations in a way which interferes with a person's ability to function in those situations, it is trauma.
As someone with a few big Ts I still felt the Ned thing was sad and disturbing. If you have been watching the Try Guys for years, it feels like the end of an era... and I'm not even a super fan. It's another straw on the back of the shitshow that has been the past few years. I think it's especially sad because Ned and Ariel were such a source of wholesome entertainment. Their divorce isn't on the scale of Jimmy Saville, but we don't have many "heroes" on that scale anymore. People don't trust as easily. So in a way, it makes what trust we do give more precious.
Love this, thank you. as a millennial with a job and a house and whatever I felt stupid being so impacted by this, but the try guys were a safe and nonjudgmental space full of goofballs. Ned's abuse of power to predate on a younger employee is such a gross violation of so many things. The blame being heaped on the employee is just an extra level of disgusting, alongside the characterization of this as a consensual affair. Consent is muddy *at best* in imbalanced power dynamics.
I'd love to start hearing terms like "developmental trauma" more often. I don't love the phrases "little t" and "big T" trauma, especially because they can both be so impactful in their own way, as well as interlinked, as developmental trauma can prime us for later post traumatic stress. I really appreciate the sentiment of this video, trauma comes in so many shades and forms.
throwback to when i went to therapy and my therapist was like “do you have a lot of trauma?” and i was like “no? i don’t think so” and then she listed off like 10 things that i didn’t think counted as trauma and i was like “…. maybe a little bit”😂😂😂
I hope this conversation allows people to not only empathize more with the Try Guys, but also hopefully make room for validating their own traumas [big or little] as well. Thank you for your thoughts on this!
I would love another video on trauma, cPTSD, etc. From this video, I realized that maybe one of the reasons I haven’t looked for a trauma-specific therapy, is because when I’ve talked about feeling like I have childhood trauma, or told people that one of my parents was diagnosed with PTSD, their reaction is always kind of confused/sceptical. I don’t want to have to explain WHY I feel that way or justify why someone may have been diagnosed with PTSD. I just want people who fully believe me and trust what I’m saying. To add, the few people I have tried bringing these things up with, have all been mental health professionals, which adds another layer of suck, for me.
For the record, I'd love to hear a breakdown of or your thoughts on complex trauma. (Okay back to watching the rest of the video)
The snl skit seemed so out of touch to me. I don’t think they ever tried to make it seem like their problem with Ned was more important than bigger issues affecting the world.On top of that Ned wasn’t just their business partner Ned was also a very close friend to them for years. For someone who you think you know so well and you think you know who they are as a person to do something so far out of character would be very upsetting. It would cause you to go through and reevaluate all of your relationships with people in your life. Thank you so much for this video social media and people don’t haves a clear understanding of trauma and act as if they do hurting people in the process.
3 of Neds friends work at snl which is why the skit was so dismissive and didn't cover his cheating with an employee.
Personally I’m sick of people saying “you should’ve seen this coming” or like the comment about “wife guys still being guys” cause I think not even as a public figure who made his whole personality about his marriage but like we should be able to expect people in general to not cheat that’s a reasonable expectation to have that people who are in committed relationships honor that commitment. It feels like a lot of bullying for just wanting to be optimistic about relationships being sweet and healthy and nontoxic and not everyone had the privilege of watching that growing up so they don’t have anything to compare it to and it seems perfectly logical and optimistic to believe that’s a good relationship or that finding out it wasn’t isn’t traumatic especially when it might bring up your own personal traumas.
For myself I refer to it as “we don’t do trauma Olympics here, trauma is trauma”
Question can being called brat as the youngest child be considered traumatic? Also parents that going through depressed at 11- 14
My therapist explained trauma to me as something that happened without consent or that takes away autonomy. It helped me understand and do more to protect myself from getting retraumatized or my trauma getting exploited.
So excited for Mickey to dive into this!
Could we have a video on ptsd/cptsd’s effect on sleep etc, I have sleep paralysis, night terrors, lucid trauma dreams, and I scream all night in my sleep apparently. I don’t know what to do because in the daytime I can use coping methods but at night I’m kinda at my minds mercy LOL
Great video! I’ve had this conversation multiple times with clients.
Thank you for validating all trauma. I'm tried of gatekeeping trauma. I have been diagnosed with PTSD from childhood and my abusive parent and family still invalidate my trauma. Invalidating any trauma is not helpful to anyone.
This is such an interesting topic and I love hearing your thoughts. On a related note: in the past years, I feel there’s been a lot of talk about “trauma-dumping”, including to a therapist. Sometimes I feel like that term is misused for situations where someone is just sharing their experiences with a friend, but maybe I’m wrong about that. Would you consider doing a video on this topic sometime? Would love to hear your thoughts.
I think an interesting example of parasocial trauma is the real crime fandom and the amount of, particularly women, who are now exhibiting the type of symptoms of serious trauma that you would normally associate with the victims of the crimes they consume as entertainment. I think this is particularly interesting because it shows how trauma can latch on to pre-existing social stereotypes, such as the racist stereotypes against black men, as a jumping off point for its traumatic thought process.
Also "a close friend I thought I knew and could trust acted in a way that revealed my judgement of him to be completely wrong, and also threatened the future of my business and the well being of my staff in the most public way imaginable" sounds like a pretty traumatic experience to me.
Thank you for talking about this, this is so important! You are doing GREAT work ❤
I had a really tough time at a previous job, and the mental health nurse who worked there said I was suffering from PTSD symptoms and I was horrified & kept thinking I’m fine, people are dying right now (this happened in the height of the pandemic) I have no reason to have PTSD, however as she pointed out, my body was responding to things like my manager calling me with a trauma response (eg having a panic attack/feeling nauseous and sweating). It’s hard to admit that’s what’s happening, and you feel guilty & dramatic - I’m so glad you explained that trauma is different to everyone! Lots of my colleagues said they would have been even worse if they’d gone through what I was going through, so everyone is different.
thanks for touching on this cynicism of cis-het men that seems to be making its way around… im a white guy in college, and i understand the general frustrations of women and queer people toward bravado, dismissiveness, patriarchy, etc.
on the other hand, its really tricky to date or even just make friends that are women. im trying my best to get educated and evaluate my attitudes, but its hard because i wasnt raised with certain emotional skills, and have had to build them up myself. i care especially about the alienation of men are from each other. theres just a lot of resentment of masculinity in general, even among men, but performing a masculine gender identity is not the same thing as TM, and ive met so few other guys that understand the balance there. it gets really lonely.
Misandry (sexism aimed at men) is a real and destructive feature of patriarchy, too. Similar to misogyny and other expressions of sexism, misandry enforces hierarchy and animosity, instead of encouraging cooperation amongst all people. Thanks for sharing about your experience.
I think you worded this very well, and I appreciate you breaking down the issue!
I love to see a video on CPTSD. I've been through EMDR to work on mine but I love to see people's perspectives
Emdr has been life changing for me!
Growing up in purity culture and denying my sexuality for so long (I came out at 37), I long felt like I had PTSD from my upbringing, but I felt embarrassed to say that out loud because I thought only police officers or soldiers or surgeons or victims of assault, etc. could have that. I read a book called Pure which stated that survivors of purity culture often display signs of PTSD. Then I saw a therapist who got to know me and said it before I could even say it myself. I felt so validated. Trauma doesn't have to be one event, or a "dangerous" lifestyle or career.. Not giving advice but just listen to your own feelings and be kind to yourself.
"It doesn't take anything away from you to validate someone's experience." THIS! Doesn't this apply to so many things that people push against. Gay marriage, abortion, pronouns.. It doesn't take anything away from your marriage if the guys next door can get married, it doesn't take anything away from you to use a new pronoun for a friend..
Thank you. I have always struggled with comparing my situation with others, even to the point of delaying getting accommodations for my physical needs, even though my physical health has very obvious limitations, because someone else might need a parking place more. Mental health is even less defined. I am a big Try Guys fan, so it felt like getting slapped when I saw the news. I have followed it a lot. I don't know if I would say I feel traumatized from it, but I was impacted. I remember hearing Zach say that it felt "almost like a trauma" and thinking "no, that is a justifiable trauma. It's ok to say it." Not that I wanted to define it for them, but it felt like he was not wanting to overstep. I feel like those who say that they don't deserve to classify it a trauma look at it as they just witnessed someone else's trauma and overreacted. It is true that Ariel faced a unique betrayal in the situation, but it wasn't the only betrayal. He betrayed all of them. They trusted him enough to connect their finances and reputation to his name. Some may deny the risk he took, because I actually think they will cone out of this stronger, but it is 100% because they responded so openly and quickly they managed to regain tge trust of a lot of fans. 9 out of 10 times it doesn't go that way, and they are mocked until they break up, or just fade away... They also personally just learned they couldn't trust someone they cared deeply for, and lost a friend. I have lost a good friend, no money involved, and yes, it was trauma. Anyway, thank you for addressing this.
When I was first starting to wake up to my past trauma, I found The Rewired Soul's channel, and for a while I felt like he was really helping me. For those who don't know, he started getting called out for a bunch of stuff, and at first I bought his side. Then, in a response he made, he completely contradicted something I remembered hearing him say in an earlier video, and I bailed. It was super upsetting at the time because he was someone who's advice I trusted in helping me heal from a toxic relationship, and when he turned out to be toxic, I was disappointed that I'd "missed it."
Thank you for this video! It is exactly what I was trying to explain about all this stuff, youtubers in general not just the try guys, and have learned from many years of therapy.
This was really good! I’ve been struggling with what trauma is for me. If what I’ve gone through classifies as trauma or not. Very validating and helped me understand trauma in itself more. Thank you 🙏
What about compulsive buyers? My mother said her mom burned her things without permission and now she feels the need to buy lots of stuff and my parents' home is now full of stuff.
My trauma has caused me to not trust men and to even hate them. This causes me problems, but also, it’s true enough that I continued to be proven right by the men in my general vicinity.
I was definitely one of the people who agreed with the sentiment of the original tweet, and you've more or less changed my mind by the 4 minute mark here, so thank you for both elucidating the definition of trauma beyond the DSM and for reminding me to be empathetic
Thank you, Mickey, for covering this from a professional mental health worker's viewpoint. I was upset by that first tweet you read but you give me much more context.
By the way, Keith and Zack's podcast on what happened gives a lot more detail about how they were personally affected (traumatised) and, in my opinion, shows what very decent human beings Keith and Zack are. For example, Keith was touring with his comedy group at the time and he couldn't say anything to them or to the fans, which must have been so isolating. At the same time, he was feeling so guilty because he thought the other members of the comedy group would be tainted by association and would have their careers ruined, too!
This is so validating for me. I don't have a lot of what other people would consider big T trauma, but I do have a lot of things that deeply bother me. I like having terms to describe them. I also really love the definition that it's something that changes your view of the world. Having your deeply held belief shattered can be very much traumatizing even if your physical safety was never in question.
i personally have been manipulated by a person i considered my best friend. she lied behind my back, turned all of our shared friends on me, to the point where i didn’t even know what i had done. when i was finally able to talk to one of my friends about it, i kept asking what i had done and she said so many things that were taken out of context, things that flat out didn’t happen, or things that person had done to me. i had been isolated by everyone i knew for a month and everyone refused to communicate with me seemingly overnight. even now i still have trust issues in what i confide in people because of how much that person had told my close friends. i totally think their trauma is valid, someone they had known and trusted for years lied and put everyone at risk.
I have complex ptsd and would really appreciate an informative video for people like me who have it and people like my friends and chosen family who want to help but aren’t sure how. Love your videos thank you!
I’ve always felt more traumatized by regular situations than actual life or death trigger warning stuff I’ve been through. I am diagnosed with PTSD over those types of things; but I have some severe social deficits, so things like too much conversation is what usually makes me consider un-aliving myself.
Please do a vid on CPTSD. Thanks
Please do make that separate video about complex trauma!
THANK YOU. Your words perfectly echo what my therapist said to me when I ended up at a dangerous low due to a parasocial relationship. I didn’t tell anyone what was bothering me until I had completely broken down out of fear that my trauma would be dismissed as not real and just something I needed to grow up and move on from. Thank you for validating my licensed therapist’s words and recognizing the very real trauma that can result from parasocial situations. ❤
My wife and I were having a conversation recently about how keeping big secrets from your spouse would be traumatizing because, when the truth came out, one would begin to wonder if they really knew their partner at all , especially if the information that was kept secret made them out to be a person who was very different from the person they married. That's a huge, life-altering blow that a friend of ours marriage could not withstand, even if in the end they liked and could see themselves married to the person their partner turned out to be, the trauma of having something that they'd taken as a consistent and reliable fact of their life ripped out from beneath them very suddenly was simply too much and they didn't make it through that adjustment period to stabilize things.
This is a good example to compare the try guys' experience to, because while he wasn't their romantic partner they were building their life and business around this friendship and the person they expected him to be based upon years of experience together. To have that turn out not to be true is devastating, but compounded with the fact it was an office affair that happened within the company they'd all built together? A company they were building to support themselves and their families and employees? That's a real blow. It's definitely not the same trauma that his wife is going through, of course, but that doesn't mean it's not a traumatic event in their lives in its own way.
within two minutes i must say, learning that my friend was cheating on my other friend was absolutely devastating to me. i got sick for weeks, cried for moths, and dissociated for a long time. partly triggering from my family’s sake, but too complicated to deal with on my own. damaging to say the least. holding onto a painful secret
The wife guy thing - on social media it looks so sweet and wonderful so many women look for a partner who seems that same way. To find out that isn't an answer can be discombobulating at best! How can we actually know if who I'm dating is actually as good of a guy as he seems before I get in to deep? It's hard.
It's the way the captions say CIS Hitman instead of cishet men. Maybe they know something I don't. On a more serious note, thank you for explaining this!
I find how they portrayed Eugene icky. I can't quite put my finger on it but I felt uncomfortable watching those parts in particular.
I have wondered this myself just about my own life and what is trauma exactly. Thank you for talking about this issue.
I remember when I first started with therapy and discussing my trauma from bullying about my size in childhood even into adulthood I felt guilty. Like I was taking away a resource from some who has had a harder life than me. I am forever grateful for my therapist because she told me what Miley is saying in this video. That yes people can experience levels of trauma that we believe too be worse than our own. But what matters is that your mind has interpreted what you went through as trauma. You are experiencing trauma and you were traumatized. So it doesn’t matter what my trauma derived from I deserve too heal. And she’s was going to support me.