The (real) Secret to Happiness: Relaxing Craving and Enjoying Life
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- Опубліковано 6 чер 2024
- Dr. Rick and I focus on the secret to everyday happiness: learning how to like without wanting. We talk about the lies our brain tells us, the rapid movement from liking to wanting, and how we can enjoy an experience without craving more of it. We then explore a specific example of getting captured by the brain’s “inner ad agency,” and what we can do to stay in the present, meet key needs, and see the whole of our experience without getting trapped by any one part. You won’t want to miss this one!
Key Topics:
0:00 Introduction
1:50 Liking, wanting, and healthy desire
6:10 Inhibition and “prudishness” around liking
21:35 “21st century problems”
26:00 A personal example of getting trapped by desire
28:35 Meeting your legitimate needs, somatic cues, and inner freedom
35:05 The search for the slightly better experience
42:05 The brain’s prediction errors, and longing for what is already here
47:45 The ability to zoom out and see the full spectrum of our experience
59:30 Recap
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Who Am I: I'm Forrest, the co-author of Resilient (amzn.to/3iXLerD) and host of the Being Well Podcast (apple.co/38ufGG0). I'm making videos focused on simplifying psychology, mental health, and personal growth.
I'm not a clinician, and anything I say on this channel should not be taken as medical advice.
You can follow me here:
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🌍 www.forresthanson.com
📸 / f.hanson
In liking the small things...this happened to me this morning over the podcast washing a pot.
At first I grumbled over it - taking all the room in the sink, being so dirty, needing a scrubber and extra time.
Then I intuitively switched to, no; this is my favorite pot for everyday cooking, and it's very durable, always cleans up and life would be a challenge without it. I'm giving it a bath.
Funny how new attitudes ensue.
"I'm giving it a bath."
love that 💝
I rarely comment, but watch nearly all these long form vids, and i gotta say that i really enjoyed this one. Especially that deep conversation both of you had after the 30 minute mark about analyzing the craving for "slightly better experiences", and hearing Rick analyzing it and joking about practising therapist cringing, that was so good 😂! Thank you for this level for intimacy, its so helpful.
Living with a sense of GRATITUDE elevates and sparks all "little" things in life.
Your vid’s are packed with insightful content! Who needs therapy?!? Lol ❤️
I just want to share something. I'm someone who traditionally would not be considered as someone that has loads. I don't have a family of my own, or a family of origin. I don't have friends. I'm really poor, quite frightenly poor: technically homeless. So I've got a job and I made sure that I only work part time. I'm a teacher. This means I have time to process mental health issues which come up for teachers instead of being overwhelmed. So this kind of makes me happier. It's also not a bad job to have in terms of meaning and purpose, so there is joy there. I can see that joy when it's there. I have hobbies which have meaning and are also good for mental health like wild swimming, sustainable farming and singing harmonies. So there is joy there. There is beauty. There is nature. I also have two pets who are beautiful. They give me comfort. Right I'm here. I'm in my life I'm turning up. I'm trying. It's not easy, but I'm making the best of it. I've practised that liking without wanting in terms of material things. I turned poverty into an interest in minimalism and frugalism and it's quite interesting. But what I keep butting my head against is connection. You must be connected to have happiness and a lot of people reject people like me because of the economic situation. They just do and so there's only really about 25% of my life which can be lived. I'm excluded from everything else because other people will not accept. It's not about me accepting me. I've done that. It's not about me accepting others I'm working through that. It's about being accepted and I have absolutely no control over that whatsoever, but simply cannot make progress without it.
"kind of podcast and content that you make" IS GOLD, and this episode IS GOLD and maybe this is not for everybody, but I am definitely very greatful that I found your and your dad's work on so many levels. and thank you for that. Also I wish you that kind of success that you are longing for, because this mind and heart and soul what you have is needed.
This topic of shutting down sensory experience and joy due to early shaming (from purity culture) is so relevant in my life right now. A lot of shutting down joy, foreboding joy. Inability to connect with my body. Thank you for talking about this!
What an opportune topic for me to think about this morning. Singing is my joy in life and I’m what many call a dreamer. I spent a lot of time learning a song and creating images to accompany it. I even spent a lot of time placing the images in just the right sequence to maximize the emotional crescendo of the cover. For me, the final work was uplifting and I just could not get tired of watching/listening to it repeatedly on a music app. A few of my followers enjoyed it, too. But many expressed their disappointment in me. I did not satisfy their desires.
How is it that I could put so much thought, emotion, and creativity into a project to uplift people who instead received it a reason to express their grievance? I guess the lesson for me is I can continue to enjoy singing and creating musical works. I can experience my bliss and I can share it with others. But other people’s perceptions of my covers lies inside of them, not me. I don’t need to fulfill everyone’s cravings and desires. I sing because I love singing and making the world a better place. I sing for joy. Thank you for helping me clear my head. 😀
The dancing example got me. Your example of creating something you enjoy is also a wonderful example. Thank you for sharing it.
*Keep these phenomenal videos coming! We need them more than ever. As I pursue my second book deal (my memoir) realted to mental health battles and reflecting in mid-life, I need to say THANK YOU!! You and your Dad are phenomenal. Immense respect!*
This is the best, most rewarding and hardest work anyone will ever do.
It is changing our DNA.
While going through the most difficult and confusing issues for myself, I would say it was like shredding, not shedding, skin.
A person has to have a taste, has to witness, what is being promised in order to find the want to want different.
A person has to buy into, for themselves, that this is not just a fantasy but available to all.
It's taken (taking) me years, but now that I have momentum and personal evidence, nothing can stop me from changing my orientation and waking up.
🙏
People acting out in emotional and physical addictions are just wanting to feel 'not bad', they aren't wanting to feel better than everyone else.
Your podcast changes lives. Capitalism perverts. Please know, many of us NEED this content. You are improving and in many ways saving lives. I will live better bc of what you all are doing. You're amazing. And even if you ever decided to stop this work I would be grateful for what you've done. You've put truth and beauty out into the world.
It is easy to be swept away by some overwhelming feeling, so it’s helpful to remember that any stressful feeling is like a compassionate alarm clock that says, “You’re caught in the dream.” Depression, pain, and fear are gifts that say, “Sweetheart, take a look at your thinking right now. You’re living in a story that isn’t true for you.
Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
Absolutely amazing. I've been grappling with these things for so long and having them being named and explained and normalised is a game-changer.
Wonderful so much material to work with to gain a deeper understanding of oneself 💚
I’ve listened twice now - this episode delves RIGHT down to a part of the core of the human experience. I have a HEALTHY NOT-CRAVING WANTING (I swear) to hear much more depth on Rick’s idea of UNIFYING in the PRESENT with a sense of ALREADY having your longing fulfilled (around minutes 44-48). It’s a counterintuitive proposition, since that longing is speaking out and generating craving BECAUSE it’s unfulfilled.
I really resonated with the mock session about an experience not quite meeting the idealization of the anticipated activity. The Buddhist principle about our suffering as the difference between reality and our expectations is deeply profound for me.
Love the 'intense tranquility' concept!
Very nice. These are gems of episodes with your dad.. It is an original idea and it works in a new and different and more effective way! I am really appreciating them! Thank you!
This is a gem of youtube gems. I have seen so many videos like this. But this one hits different. Very concrete and cohesive to leave me with a feeling of inspiration and agency!
So powerful Rick so great these conversations between a father and son. Honest relating.
I thoroughly enjoy all your content!, and your relationship with your Dad!
Excellent episode. Thank you!
I just watched your video on discovering your wants and I was recommended this one. I hope it helps me build off of those wants I discovered and figure out how to use them to make me happy.
Like your videos. Special father and son synergy. Also relate to Buddhist calmness.
Wonderful podcast. 🙏
Great episode! Came at a good time thank you 🙂
More things to worry about.
Sitting here knitting while waiting for a work report to run and now I’m worried about whether or not I’m enjoying the small break from work or if I’m enjoying knitting.
I’m so flipping exhausted.
Wonderful episode you are both awesome
With good spiritual conditioning there is little to worry about.
Worrying is praying for what you don't want.
So I heard.
❤
"Sold a story by a craving..." ❤
I am beginning to get what you mean about learning to like something vs craving (or holding on too tightly to a positive experience). I ponder attachment and the importance of healthy attachment for an infant to feel safe and loved for who they are. Do you have any comments regarding this?
It is very difficult to feel seen in our culture I find, as it is difficult to form deep friendships. People tend to be self absorbed, and not into reciprocating interest in other people. It creates so much loneliness and disconnection.
❤
Both you and Rick have sure been talking a lot about mothers, starting families, and children lately. It sure seems like an announcement is coming soon.
Why work ethic has decreased? Lack of shame decreases sense of accountability
🌸 Promo sm
Tall poppy syndrome