It's nice to see parent not getting mad at kids because of sleeping problems as a kid who gets in trouble every time I'm up until two cause I can't sleep it's heart warming
For real. When i was younger my parents turned my ipad wifi off but that not only still ended with me staying awake but now all i could so was think about things so it definitely didnt help my depression it made it 10 times worse. Id always get yelled at and until it got so bad i was hallucinating they thought i was full of it. They finally understood i have months of night terrors back to back and we found medicine, tea, and bedtime essential oils that help a lot. I have more stuff aswell for backups on rreeeally bad nights and always listen to music or youtube to sleep too so i can easily ground myself from those awful dreams. I also changed my mindset and started working on my mental and physical health. The frequency of the teerors is spready out and only a few days or weeks and i noticed theyre triggered by fear, too much stress, anxiety, and really bad depression. I think its related to past trauma but i dont know for sure so i regulate my emotions the best i can heck i even let the shower get cold for a few minutes so itll help my skin hair and help keep the depression away. Now i sleep too much 😂 i think im catching up on lost sleep but my meds actually help me be able to wake up and still function the same Also bedtime routines help too
@@flameepidemic4839 for me I have always had problems staying on a schedule no matter what I do. I could handle maybe 2-3 days but on the 4 everything in my life collapses and I just end up doing nothin and staying up later than the time I set
It’s currently 1 in the morning for me and I can’t sleep. So not getting sleep then having a bad day is normal for me but still get yelled at for it. It’s nice know some moms aren’t like mine.
@@flameepidemic4839 Sounds like you found some really good remedies… :S I have sleep issues too and recently I’ve started having really weird and uncomfortable nightmares… >,> the first being set off by my cat sleeping on top of me… I dreamed of a man pinning me down and trying to do… things… My poor cat nearly lost her tail because the tail was where the guy’s hand was when I tried to grab it away from me both in my dream and in real life… the next one wasn’t as bad but I was imprisoned in a house and it ended with the person keeping me in there coming home… the rest is vague. I’m not use to dreams at all so it’s a little concerning because it’s not normal at all… it may have something to do with it being December and my mom having passed on the 29th of Dec a few years ago and it had been a traumatizing thing for me as I was alone to bring her to hospital and to get the news and was holding her limp, likely lifeless, body up at one point while paramedics looked her over. :(
The phrase "misery loves company" refers to having a bad day and taking it out another people, thus making them miserable as well. "Misery loves company, but misery doesn't deserve company" doesn't mean we're ghosting people! Just that when you're having a bad day, it doesn't mean you should allow it to ruin other people's days as well.
@@doggytheanarchist7876 That phrase means “people who are miserable find comfort in people being miserable with them.” Yes, it’s important to be there for people when they are hurting/having a hard time, but it’s not fair or healthy for that to automatically mean that the other person must also hurt or have a hard time.
What is the difference to you, if you don’t mind I ask? I bet different people have different perspectives. These words were used interchangeably by my parents, but they were never unfair looking back.
@@cattsbez i agree. I have Borderline personality disorder, I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow. 🙂 my19th birthday is the 26th it will be the first time spending without her.
I had a mother like that, I say had because I cut her out of my life 2 years ago. Best thing I ever did, it isn't right for everyone and reconciliation should be the first option (in most cases anyway, and it was the first 10 thousand options for me) but sometimes you just need to get yourself away from that. What I'm saying is, you'll figure it out and things will get better, I promise!
There's a whole backstory of random parental trauma that would take too long to spill, so I'll just say, that even though my husband and I don't plan to have children of our own, we 100% support you and other methods of gentle parenting. Raising people to critically think, make informed decisions, and set self-maintained boundaries against deception, aggression, and bigotry are great qualities and I applaud you.
Alot of people forget they're raising people to be adults. They won't be kids forever and the choices parents make when we are kids, might affect us as adults.
@@AspenArtz14 I think you are talking about spoiled kids ones who never get told no and can throw a small fit to get there way that’s not what is happening here tho they are teaching kids to behave and learn how to deal with emotions properly the only way I see a Karen coming out of this parenting is if the kid takes advantage of it other then that it’s all okay
As someone who's had insomnia since I was v little, I was punished so often for complaining and bad behaviour that I started suppressing the feelings until I blacked out at school. It warms my heart knowing that there r kids who won't feel like they need to go so far as passing out to not risk being "a baby"
As a first time parent, I've read dozens of parenting books. And your videos are distilling the best parts of all of them. Basically just treat them with respect and decency and don't put your personal trauma on your kids. A lot harder to do than it sounds, but your videos really break it down into small relatable moments. So thank you.
I agree and also want to acknowledge how hard it is to not react negatively when your kid is struggling THAT badly and pushing all your buttons when you are also cranky from lack of sleep. The key is to do your best and apologize for the rest, I guess. 😅😴
I'm bipolar, sometimes it's really hard for me to self regulate. When I was a child it was ten times harder. Instead of teaching me how to manage my emotions or talking to me, my mom used to throw me into a cold shower until I calmed down, after trying some other non-pacific methods to calm me down. I don't blame her, it must've been really hard dealing with me. This happened almost everyday. I guess she didn't know better. Watching you talk about how gentle and understanding you are with your kids warm my heart. ♡
I'm so happy for your 5yo: my parents made sure to make their bad day mine, as well as doubling down if I had a bad day on my own... people with decent parents don't know how good they have it, and in a way I'm so happy for them that they don't and so sad for the rest of us because we shouldn't either. 💝 for not doubling down your kids bad days...
it's nice to see someone actually treat kids like humans who have emotions, negative and positive, and knows to treat those emotions with care. often parents can forget kids can have bad days too and tell them off for it. I think that might be why I'm still learning that when I'm feeling bad I can and should talk about it.
I love that you talk with your children instead of talking to your children. I think kids should have input in decisions that affect them, or at the least, be able to present their argument for or against something, regardless of the decision made. That doesn't always mean the decisions go in their favor, which is good also. Good job mama!
Unfortunately, not all LGBTQ+ parents are great. I've met my fair share of shitty lesbian parents. (Plenty of great parents in the community too ofc, my mom was bisexual, just... Man I have had bad luck meeting them)
My mom never got parented on how to handle bad days. She still acts like a 5 year old. And then acts like I do the same thing and gets offended when I ask to be left alone
The fact that "parenting" and "punishment" aren't synonymous to you is a major reason you're such a good parent. I know so many people who think otherwise. Thank you.
Hearing how much you care about your children and how well you are raising them gives me a little bit of hope for the next generation. I wish we had more parents like you
That is such a gift for your kids! The fact that you hold space, validate, and are so present! I'm a therapist. What you do should be taught at school. 🎉❤🎉😊
Trying as an adult to recognize and handle my emotions without making it other peoples problems (got some emotional regulatuin issues to do a personality disorder) and it sucks. The fact that you sre helping your kids learn how to handle their feelings now makes me happy. Your videos often help me 'parent' myself,despite the fact that im in my 30's. Never too late to learn to be better!
"Misery doesnt *deserve* company." Im gonna let that change my life. Also, when you said "I dont punish my kids for having bad days" I heard "I dont punish my kids for having emotions." And THAT is going to change my life. I often dont even realize when I'm being cranky to other people. And gentle callouts from my partner helps so much. But this might help me let go of the guilt from it. I wasnt taught proper emotional regulation as a kid and I still struggle with it as an adult. And I am learning to re parent my self.
You have no idea HOW GOOD OF A PARENT YOU ARE! I still can barely self regulate, can express or even feel my emotions (dissociate to save my mind from mental strain) and have trauma from them. Not to mention they had me arrested because i said i didnt like the way i was being treated... which they took as an attack on them... and then ACTUALLY attacked me... They ruined my life and im not sure if i can do anything to change what my "future" looks like
It is now my goal to parent my-54-year-old-self in the same way you parent your 5 year old. I am learning to do better for my own self by watching these. I'm so glad you do you.
I guarantee your tiny humans are going to grow up to be wonderful people with wonderful perspectives. I love how you treat your kids like equals instead of inferiors like many parents choose to do. I bet it helps instill that they are just as important as everyone else in the room and have important ideas too. Kudos!
I just discovered you right as I began my Ed Psychology masters program. Sometimes we forget that children aren’t tiny adults. Their behavior is a reflection of their struggle to BECOME an adult. And we can help. I’m thrilled to see another parent trying to decode their children’s behavior and redirect them toward their ultimate goal: becoming a healthy, functional adult ❤
I’ve been watching your videos for about 6 months and it reminds me a lot of how my parents raised us. Some of the ways you describe your kiddos reminds me of my brother and I. We’re both neurodivergent. I attribute our lack of need for external services to the way our parents (also neurodivergent) helped us through our meltdowns and dealing with social differences. I truly appreciate your approach and the wonderful work you’re doing spreading this message.
I understand the sleep problems. One thing that helped me was a weighted blanket. Now it didn’t fix everything but I have ADHD which makes it hard to lay still and the weighted blanket helped. Also listening to something I’ve heard 1,000 times before so I don’t pay too much attention.
I truly thank you for being such an understanding parent. When I was younger bad moods would basically be punished and even when I was older and living with my dad as the child you where expected to just deal with it because you being upset would upset everyone else, but the adults where allowed to be as moody and mad as they wanted to be without worrying about how it affected us. It really felt like everyone was constantly walking on eggshells around each other but never knowing why, or blaming everyone else for it. I’m in a better environment now, and while I will never had kids I still value what you say as a way to look back through my childhood and see what the difference is.
I’m an Rbt and I work with kids with ASD and a lot of them their challenging behaviors occur when they’re upset/frustrated, and this video reminded me of how I help them deal with it, that was surprisingly helpful. I told them we’re allowed to be upset, mad, sad, we have the right to our feelings, but it doesn’t give us the right to take it out on the people around us, and gave them other ways to deal with it. It’s really nice to see other people, especially parents like you, have healthy ways of educating children about appropriate behaviors while also doing it in a way that still lets them know that their feelings are in fact valid, there’s just better ways to deal with it.
I wish my mom had this mutch of a handle on her mental health so she could help me learn coping mechanisms that were health and so that she could be ok. But she's still great she shelfed her entire life to me and puts herself together when it counts.
I had the WORST time trying to sleep when I was ittle.☹️ I had no words to tell my mom why. I'm so glad you're trying and not screaming ❤️. Best Mom EVER.
The more videos of yours I watch the more I wish my parents were even half like you growing up. Your kids are beyond lucky to have such an amazing parent.
It's really nice to see my mum's style of parenting go right. She would holler about wishing I would choose to be a good person but I didn't know what that looked like because all I wanted was to please her to stop the yelling. Now, I struggle with the idea of myself as a good person because it feels like I'm putting myself beneath her boot and appeasing her when I try to be better. You don't make morality a trigger for your kids - you make it viable by being a safe space for mistakes. It helps me push through the feeling of subservience I get when I try to better myself. I thank you for that.
I've just recently been learning how to do this for myself. Today i got mad for no reason and spent about ten minutes just talking myself through the feelings. It's a good thing for kids, it's a great thing for adults
I enjoy watching these videos so I can parent myself. My birth giver never really taught me any of this stuff. Half of the time I don’t even know what emotion I’m actually feeling!
Oof I feel for your kid. I was that kid with sleep issues. In my teens it turned into HORRIFIC insomnia where I couldn't sleep until 6 or 7am. I was literally losing my mind from lack of sleep.
As a kid- my fathers default response to my bad days were to invalidate my feelings, yell at me if I acted out because of how I felt, or punished me. So it’s honestly really nice to see kind parents. Because as an adult now, all those times he’d yell at me makes it harder for me to ask for help because of the fear and anxiety he gave me for trying to ask him as a kid.
Y'know at first i wasn't really on the whole gentle parenting thing because i didn't really know much about it but watching your videos have really made me see how effective and great this parenting type is
This! I developed sleep-phobia in middle school, no one understood it. My parents just got the advice to be more strict with bedtime, school said not to let me on a computer, to punish me if I didn’t sleep by a certain time. However, reason I was afraid of sleep was that I have autism, my parents were abusive & alcoholic & I tried to cling onto any control I could. I couldn’t control dreams & felt too vulnerable. ALWAYS find the reason why a child is acting out or withdrawing, find healthier ways to cope. If anyone actually bothered to dig a bit deeper I probably wouldn’t still be on 4 different sleep/anxiety meds at 32.
As some one who is struggling with a lot of issues in their 30's sleep being one of them, i found Valerian Root. Its all natural, and it helps sleep and anxiety. ❤
I love this video!! ❤️ So many times when I was little, my parents would punish me for crying or for being sad. I grew into a person who believed I was being inherently bad if I wasn't happy. This created so so many problems and traumas for me as I grew up and I never want kids to have to go through that.
I’m a grown adult and now have to parent myself in this way daily and grow out of childish reactions in adulthood, instead of getting that opportunity when I was younger. Because I simply wasn’t given those opportunities by parents/teachers in childhood. Your children won’t have to do this because you are helping them with this as it’s naturally coming up in their little kid lives. Thank you. Also, thank you for giving an example of those conversations. I can coach myself like that now that I know what is helpful!
I learn so much from watching your videos! I’m certainly going to take inspiration from them when I finally have kiddos. Thank you so much for your content!
This is the kind of thing I WISHED my parents would do. I literally have mental disabilities, and the punishments for "acting out" came from teachers, caregivers and my parents. It would turn a bad day into a bad week, sometimes the cascade effect would last multiple weeks which just lead to more punishments. I'm so happy to see someone breaking that cycle.
That's brilliant parenting. Sometimes as adults we forget that children haven't learned the adequate coping and self regulation behaviours to handle these things.
I need to learn how to reparent myself and your videos are so helpful to me. Your work is giving me more tools and frameworks to understand myself, improve, and a map of how I can move forward. Thank you so much!!!! ❤❤❤
This!! Kids are smart but they're still learning and they learn from us. I still struggle with how to cope on bad days, I'm pretty much learning how at 26. If you don't want you child like that, teach them now, instead of punishing them when even they barely understand why they're reacting like that
I don't have any kids but watching your shorts will help me whenever I need to watch my niece or nephew so I am glad that I can be a good aunt by learning new ways to teach my niece and nephew
I am 27. Now teaching myself to regulate my emotions and feelings and self soothe. My parents were lazy and had no patience, so they shut down and did nothing. This did my brothers and I a disservice. Even now, I strive for my mothers approval even though she makes me feel like shit. My father is always like “Sam I’m proud of you, you’re going to have bad days.” I still need to hear that from my parents. I’m teaching myself that my mothers validation is not necessary for me to know I’ve done all I could in a situation. That’s my rant. And also why you are a role model for me with my sons. I have always put them first by validating their feelings and experiences, and instead of saying “I had it harder than you” im like “I know how hard it is when this happens. Here are some ideas to get through it.” I agree that your parenting style would create world peace haha. This way of parenting is not wrong. I love when you say “my kid had a hard day, she needs more parenting, not to be shut out.”
This is why I think you are a good mom you take things into account like sleep and help I want to be like that when I am a mom but I know I will have off days cus life happens I hope everyone here is having a wonderful day😊
I wish my parents were like this, it doesn't matter why I'm acting out, if I'm acting out I get grounded or yelled at, no talk no nothing, we need more parents like you
Love how this person treats their children like *actual* people! Makes me feel seen, in a sense of "I wish I had been treated with this level of patience and understanding instead of anger". Kids aren't unreasonable forces of nature, they're just people who haven't gotten used to the world yet.
Im 16 and my sister is 1 I’m just watching these to sorta co-parent not cause I’m forced just cause I actually want to my fathers never around too so you are such a help in teaching me to care of her and honestly myself as well
You have such a great attitude...and a great parent...your kids are lucky...they are loved and I bet they are good to others...when they get enough sleep. 😂❤
Thank you, I never had anyone tell me this and it helps me to see the progress I have made but also the progress I need to make, and now I can try to parent myself better
I love your videos but this one brought me to tears. I wish I was parented through my bad days, I don’t think my bad mental health days would be as crippling as they are now had I developed skills to handle them as a child instead of at 25+ years old when I finally found a good therapist (I’ve been in therapy since I was 16)
Making it my goal to use these parenting techniques on my partner. We all need this type of love in our lives, adult or child. Thank you so much for your content!!!
I absolutely adore that you don't just give up on parenting. you genuinely try to understand your kids while also talking about the right response to do
When my kids don’t get enough sleep and are rude I try and have them take “alone time” to help calm down because that works for them but my friend tried it and her son lost it and responded with extreme anxiety and anger. Everyone has bad days and as a parent it’s not easy to find what helps your child have a slightly better day so the best thing you can do is keep trying and remember it will pass 💕💕💕💕
Is there any way you can give an example of correcting negative behaviors when it comes to having a bad day or lack of sleep? I would really love to see how you handle the situation.
This makes me happy to see such awesome parenting. We all go thru rough days & its great you are parenting them thru those days and showing her love. It makes healthier adults.
Your right it’s not excuse to be bad but having sleep problems is a real disorder I have insomnia I understand it’s can make you feel very tired the next day
It's nice to see parent not getting mad at kids because of sleeping problems as a kid who gets in trouble every time I'm up until two cause I can't sleep it's heart warming
For real. When i was younger my parents turned my ipad wifi off but that not only still ended with me staying awake but now all i could so was think about things so it definitely didnt help my depression it made it 10 times worse. Id always get yelled at and until it got so bad i was hallucinating they thought i was full of it. They finally understood i have months of night terrors back to back and we found medicine, tea, and bedtime essential oils that help a lot. I have more stuff aswell for backups on rreeeally bad nights and always listen to music or youtube to sleep too so i can easily ground myself from those awful dreams.
I also changed my mindset and started working on my mental and physical health. The frequency of the teerors is spready out and only a few days or weeks and i noticed theyre triggered by fear, too much stress, anxiety, and really bad depression. I think its related to past trauma but i dont know for sure so i regulate my emotions the best i can heck i even let the shower get cold for a few minutes so itll help my skin hair and help keep the depression away. Now i sleep too much 😂 i think im catching up on lost sleep but my meds actually help me be able to wake up and still function the same
Also bedtime routines help too
@@flameepidemic4839 for me I have always had problems staying on a schedule no matter what I do. I could handle maybe 2-3 days but on the 4 everything in my life collapses and I just end up doing nothin and staying up later than the time I set
same
It’s currently 1 in the morning for me and I can’t sleep. So not getting sleep then having a bad day is normal for me but still get yelled at for it. It’s nice know some moms aren’t like mine.
@@flameepidemic4839 Sounds like you found some really good remedies… :S I have sleep issues too and recently I’ve started having really weird and uncomfortable nightmares… >,> the first being set off by my cat sleeping on top of me… I dreamed of a man pinning me down and trying to do… things… My poor cat nearly lost her tail because the tail was where the guy’s hand was when I tried to grab it away from me both in my dream and in real life… the next one wasn’t as bad but I was imprisoned in a house and it ended with the person keeping me in there coming home… the rest is vague. I’m not use to dreams at all so it’s a little concerning because it’s not normal at all… it may have something to do with it being December and my mom having passed on the 29th of Dec a few years ago and it had been a traumatizing thing for me as I was alone to bring her to hospital and to get the news and was holding her limp, likely lifeless, body up at one point while paramedics looked her over. :(
Omg if everyone had parents like you there would be world peace I swear
imagine a world where we actually communicate not vaguely and good with words 😭
@@stinkynoodle this would be a dream come true!
Fr
That’s it!!! This woman has my vote 2024!!
@@ericafrenk6747 YES
Misery loves company but misery doesn't deserve company. Pearls of wisdom.
That. Just. No!
If someone is in misery they definitely deserve company, even more than the happy ppl. How else would they stop being miserable?
The phrase "misery loves company" refers to having a bad day and taking it out another people, thus making them miserable as well.
"Misery loves company, but misery doesn't deserve company" doesn't mean we're ghosting people! Just that when you're having a bad day, it doesn't mean you should allow it to ruin other people's days as well.
@@doggytheanarchist7876 That phrase means “people who are miserable find comfort in people being miserable with them.” Yes, it’s important to be there for people when they are hurting/having a hard time, but it’s not fair or healthy for that to automatically mean that the other person must also hurt or have a hard time.
@@doggytheanarchist7876 I think you may have misinterpreted this lol
My mother always said, “we don’t need to punish our kids, we need to discipline our kids.” I never understood the difference until I became a mother.
What is the difference to you, if you don’t mind I ask? I bet different people have different perspectives. These words were used interchangeably by my parents, but they were never unfair looking back.
I'm crying. I had a bad day yesterday too and my mom told me she doesn't want to be my mom anymore. I wish I had a mom like you.
oh my god, that is not how a mother should act. have you talked to a counselor abt that? that’s really not acceptable.
@@cattsbez i agree. I have Borderline personality disorder, I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow. 🙂 my19th birthday is the 26th it will be the first time spending without her.
Same thing here we'll both make it out as bad as things may feel
I had a mother like that, I say had because I cut her out of my life 2 years ago. Best thing I ever did, it isn't right for everyone and reconciliation should be the first option (in most cases anyway, and it was the first 10 thousand options for me) but sometimes you just need to get yourself away from that. What I'm saying is, you'll figure it out and things will get better, I promise!
Ill spiritually adopt you! That's no bueno
There's a whole backstory of random parental trauma that would take too long to spill, so I'll just say, that even though my husband and I don't plan to have children of our own, we 100% support you and other methods of gentle parenting.
Raising people to critically think, make informed decisions, and set self-maintained boundaries against deception, aggression, and bigotry are great qualities and I applaud you.
Alot of people forget they're raising people to be adults. They won't be kids forever and the choices parents make when we are kids, might affect us as adults.
Yes, some methods are good, but some just raise karens
@@AspenArtz14 I think you are talking about spoiled kids ones who never get told no and can throw a small fit to get there way that’s not what is happening here tho they are teaching kids to behave and learn how to deal with emotions properly the only way I see a Karen coming out of this parenting is if the kid takes advantage of it other then that it’s all okay
I love how you understand your kids and don't say "it not my fault it is yours" that is one true and lovingly parent ♡
As someone who's had insomnia since I was v little, I was punished so often for complaining and bad behaviour that I started suppressing the feelings until I blacked out at school. It warms my heart knowing that there r kids who won't feel like they need to go so far as passing out to not risk being "a baby"
As a first time parent, I've read dozens of parenting books. And your videos are distilling the best parts of all of them. Basically just treat them with respect and decency and don't put your personal trauma on your kids. A lot harder to do than it sounds, but your videos really break it down into small relatable moments. So thank you.
I agree and also want to acknowledge how hard it is to not react negatively when your kid is struggling THAT badly and pushing all your buttons when you are also cranky from lack of sleep. The key is to do your best and apologize for the rest, I guess. 😅😴
yes! you are allowed to make mistakes too, as long as you apologize and make sure they know that mistakes and bad days are allowed and happen
I'm bipolar, sometimes it's really hard for me to self regulate. When I was a child it was ten times harder. Instead of teaching me how to manage my emotions or talking to me, my mom used to throw me into a cold shower until I calmed down, after trying some other non-pacific methods to calm me down. I don't blame her, it must've been really hard dealing with me. This happened almost everyday. I guess she didn't know better.
Watching you talk about how gentle and understanding you are with your kids warm my heart. ♡
What does work to be able to calm you down enough to have a conversation?
Me 23 years old and I still don’t know how to manage and regulate my mood so I just lock myself in my room all day
you’re such a good parent! kudos to you!
I'm so happy for your 5yo: my parents made sure to make their bad day mine, as well as doubling down if I had a bad day on my own...
people with decent parents don't know how good they have it, and in a way I'm so happy for them that they don't and so sad for the rest of us because we shouldn't either.
💝 for not doubling down your kids bad days...
it's nice to see someone actually treat kids like humans who have emotions, negative and positive, and knows to treat those emotions with care. often parents can forget kids can have bad days too and tell them off for it. I think that might be why I'm still learning that when I'm feeling bad I can and should talk about it.
I love that you talk with your children instead of talking to your children. I think kids should have input in decisions that affect them, or at the least, be able to present their argument for or against something, regardless of the decision made. That doesn't always mean the decisions go in their favor, which is good also. Good job mama!
Omg if I were to show my parents this they would say “yeah that’s what I do” but it’s not. :,)
I swear, the LGBT parents or the They/Them parents are always so understanding and I’m honestly jealous.. I want parents like this.
Unfortunately, not all LGBTQ+ parents are great. I've met my fair share of shitty lesbian parents. (Plenty of great parents in the community too ofc, my mom was bisexual, just... Man I have had bad luck meeting them)
I love how you both take care of their needs and share these awesome moments with us but all without giving names or too many details about the kids.
You’re such a good parent❤
My mom never got parented on how to handle bad days. She still acts like a 5 year old. And then acts like I do the same thing and gets offended when I ask to be left alone
The fact that "parenting" and "punishment" aren't synonymous to you is a major reason you're such a good parent. I know so many people who think otherwise. Thank you.
I love your hair....those colors look so good and I like how the colors blend into each other....very pretty!!!! Also like your eyeshadow today
Hearing how much you care about your children and how well you are raising them gives me a little bit of hope for the next generation. I wish we had more parents like you
That is such a gift for your kids! The fact that you hold space, validate, and are so present! I'm a therapist. What you do should be taught at school. 🎉❤🎉😊
Trying as an adult to recognize and handle my emotions without making it other peoples problems (got some emotional regulatuin issues to do a personality disorder) and it sucks. The fact that you sre helping your kids learn how to handle their feelings now makes me happy. Your videos often help me 'parent' myself,despite the fact that im in my 30's. Never too late to learn to be better!
"Misery doesnt *deserve* company."
Im gonna let that change my life.
Also, when you said "I dont punish my kids for having bad days" I heard "I dont punish my kids for having emotions."
And THAT is going to change my life.
I often dont even realize when I'm being cranky to other people. And gentle callouts from my partner helps so much.
But this might help me let go of the guilt from it.
I wasnt taught proper emotional regulation as a kid and I still struggle with it as an adult. And I am learning to re parent my self.
They are genuinely the most understanding and compassionate parent I've ever seen.
You have no idea HOW GOOD OF A PARENT YOU ARE!
I still can barely self regulate, can express or even feel my emotions (dissociate to save my mind from mental strain) and have trauma from them.
Not to mention they had me arrested because i said i didnt like the way i was being treated... which they took as an attack on them... and then ACTUALLY attacked me...
They ruined my life and im not sure if i can do anything to change what my "future" looks like
Thank you for teaching America how to parent children’s emotions. Former teacher 🙋🏻♀️
I really wish you were my grandparent so that my parent could have had this lesson/experience.
i love how you come into every parenting situation with a calm attitude
You’re kids are going to be wonderful adults.
It is now my goal to parent my-54-year-old-self in the same way you parent your 5 year old. I am learning to do better for my own self by watching these. I'm so glad you do you.
I am 19 and have a four month old, thank you for these videos. You are helping me think forward to future things with my kid. Thank you!
I guarantee your tiny humans are going to grow up to be wonderful people with wonderful perspectives. I love how you treat your kids like equals instead of inferiors like many parents choose to do. I bet it helps instill that they are just as important as everyone else in the room and have important ideas too. Kudos!
I needed to hear this...! This is a totally different perspective from what I grew up with.
I just discovered you right as I began my Ed Psychology masters program. Sometimes we forget that children aren’t tiny adults. Their behavior is a reflection of their struggle to BECOME an adult. And we can help. I’m thrilled to see another parent trying to decode their children’s behavior and redirect them toward their ultimate goal: becoming a healthy, functional adult ❤
ITS THE EYSHADOW FOR ME OMG
(specifically the black shadow in your crease jfc *CHEF’S KISS* AHHH)
I really appreciate this! If you’re having a bad day, it’s not necessarily your fault so you shouldn’t be punished for it.
My mom always says this " You're allowed to have a bad day but not a bad week."
I’ve been watching your videos for about 6 months and it reminds me a lot of how my parents raised us. Some of the ways you describe your kiddos reminds me of my brother and I. We’re both neurodivergent. I attribute our lack of need for external services to the way our parents (also neurodivergent) helped us through our meltdowns and dealing with social differences. I truly appreciate your approach and the wonderful work you’re doing spreading this message.
I understand the sleep problems. One thing that helped me was a weighted blanket. Now it didn’t fix everything but I have ADHD which makes it hard to lay still and the weighted blanket helped. Also listening to something I’ve heard 1,000 times before so I don’t pay too much attention.
I truly thank you for being such an understanding parent. When I was younger bad moods would basically be punished and even when I was older and living with my dad as the child you where expected to just deal with it because you being upset would upset everyone else, but the adults where allowed to be as moody and mad as they wanted to be without worrying about how it affected us. It really felt like everyone was constantly walking on eggshells around each other but never knowing why, or blaming everyone else for it. I’m in a better environment now, and while I will never had kids I still value what you say as a way to look back through my childhood and see what the difference is.
I’m an Rbt and I work with kids with ASD and a lot of them their challenging behaviors occur when they’re upset/frustrated, and this video reminded me of how I help them deal with it, that was surprisingly helpful. I told them we’re allowed to be upset, mad, sad, we have the right to our feelings, but it doesn’t give us the right to take it out on the people around us, and gave them other ways to deal with it. It’s really nice to see other people, especially parents like you, have healthy ways of educating children about appropriate behaviors while also doing it in a way that still lets them know that their feelings are in fact valid, there’s just better ways to deal with it.
I wish my mom had this mutch of a handle on her mental health so she could help me learn coping mechanisms that were health and so that she could be ok. But she's still great she shelfed her entire life to me and puts herself together when it counts.
I like how they have a different hair color in every video. Such beautiful looks.
Ikr? Their hair is always so beautiful!
I had the WORST time trying to sleep when I was ittle.☹️ I had no words to tell my mom why. I'm so glad you're trying and not screaming ❤️. Best Mom EVER.
The more videos of yours I watch the more I wish my parents were even half like you growing up. Your kids are beyond lucky to have such an amazing parent.
It's really nice to see my mum's style of parenting go right. She would holler about wishing I would choose to be a good person but I didn't know what that looked like because all I wanted was to please her to stop the yelling. Now, I struggle with the idea of myself as a good person because it feels like I'm putting myself beneath her boot and appeasing her when I try to be better. You don't make morality a trigger for your kids - you make it viable by being a safe space for mistakes. It helps me push through the feeling of subservience I get when I try to better myself. I thank you for that.
I've just recently been learning how to do this for myself. Today i got mad for no reason and spent about ten minutes just talking myself through the feelings. It's a good thing for kids, it's a great thing for adults
Thank you for doing this! Wish someone would have allowed me to explore my bad feelings and taught me how to self-regulate.
I genuinely wish I had parents like this.
I enjoy watching these videos so I can parent myself. My birth giver never really taught me any of this stuff. Half of the time I don’t even know what emotion I’m actually feeling!
Oof I feel for your kid. I was that kid with sleep issues. In my teens it turned into HORRIFIC insomnia where I couldn't sleep until 6 or 7am. I was literally losing my mind from lack of sleep.
As a kid- my fathers default response to my bad days were to invalidate my feelings, yell at me if I acted out because of how I felt, or punished me.
So it’s honestly really nice to see kind parents. Because as an adult now, all those times he’d yell at me makes it harder for me to ask for help because of the fear and anxiety he gave me for trying to ask him as a kid.
Y'know at first i wasn't really on the whole gentle parenting thing because i didn't really know much about it but watching your videos have really made me see how effective and great this parenting type is
I'M ACTUALLY CRYING! you're such a good parent!
This! I developed sleep-phobia in middle school, no one understood it. My parents just got the advice to be more strict with bedtime, school said not to let me on a computer, to punish me if I didn’t sleep by a certain time.
However, reason I was afraid of sleep was that I have autism, my parents were abusive & alcoholic & I tried to cling onto any control I could. I couldn’t control dreams & felt too vulnerable. ALWAYS find the reason why a child is acting out or withdrawing, find healthier ways to cope.
If anyone actually bothered to dig a bit deeper I probably wouldn’t still be on 4 different sleep/anxiety meds at 32.
As some one who is struggling with a lot of issues in their 30's sleep being one of them, i found Valerian Root. Its all natural, and it helps sleep and anxiety. ❤
I love this video!! ❤️ So many times when I was little, my parents would punish me for crying or for being sad. I grew into a person who believed I was being inherently bad if I wasn't happy. This created so so many problems and traumas for me as I grew up and I never want kids to have to go through that.
I’m a grown adult and now have to parent myself in this way daily and grow out of childish reactions in adulthood, instead of getting that opportunity when I was younger. Because I simply wasn’t given those opportunities by parents/teachers in childhood. Your children won’t have to do this because you are helping them with this as it’s naturally coming up in their little kid lives. Thank you. Also, thank you for giving an example of those conversations. I can coach myself like that now that I know what is helpful!
I learn so much from watching your videos! I’m certainly going to take inspiration from them when I finally have kiddos. Thank you so much for your content!
I know I’m not the only one who is here learning how to re-parent themselves thru Tori 😂 Thank you for being who you are, Tori! You’re healing us all
This is the kind of thing I WISHED my parents would do. I literally have mental disabilities, and the punishments for "acting out" came from teachers, caregivers and my parents. It would turn a bad day into a bad week, sometimes the cascade effect would last multiple weeks which just lead to more punishments. I'm so happy to see someone breaking that cycle.
That's brilliant parenting. Sometimes as adults we forget that children haven't learned the adequate coping and self regulation behaviours to handle these things.
I need to learn how to reparent myself and your videos are so helpful to me. Your work is giving me more tools and frameworks to understand myself, improve, and a map of how I can move forward. Thank you so much!!!! ❤❤❤
If i ever have kids i hope to parent similarly to you!
The best part is how you admit that you also make mistakes. We’re all human!!!
This!! Kids are smart but they're still learning and they learn from us. I still struggle with how to cope on bad days, I'm pretty much learning how at 26. If you don't want you child like that, teach them now, instead of punishing them when even they barely understand why they're reacting like that
I don't have any kids but watching your shorts will help me whenever I need to watch my niece or nephew so I am glad that I can be a good aunt by learning new ways to teach my niece and nephew
I am 27. Now teaching myself to regulate my emotions and feelings and self soothe.
My parents were lazy and had no patience, so they shut down and did nothing. This did my brothers and I a disservice.
Even now, I strive for my mothers approval even though she makes me feel like shit.
My father is always like “Sam I’m proud of you, you’re going to have bad days.” I still need to hear that from my parents. I’m teaching myself that my mothers validation is not necessary for me to know I’ve done all I could in a situation.
That’s my rant. And also why you are a role model for me with my sons. I have always put them first by validating their feelings and experiences, and instead of saying “I had it harder than you” im like “I know how hard it is when this happens. Here are some ideas to get through it.”
I agree that your parenting style would create world peace haha. This way of parenting is not wrong. I love when you say “my kid had a hard day, she needs more parenting, not to be shut out.”
This is why I think you are a good mom you take things into account like sleep and help I want to be like that when I am a mom but I know I will have off days cus life happens I hope everyone here is having a wonderful day😊
I wish my parents were like this, it doesn't matter why I'm acting out, if I'm acting out I get grounded or yelled at, no talk no nothing, we need more parents like you
Beautiful soul. I'm so very glad you are training people how to regulate themselves!
Love how this person treats their children like *actual* people! Makes me feel seen, in a sense of "I wish I had been treated with this level of patience and understanding instead of anger". Kids aren't unreasonable forces of nature, they're just people who haven't gotten used to the world yet.
Love this. I always have to hide the fact it's a bad say, so yeah, more of this please
Thank you for understanding and being you!
I wish more people knew the difference between punishment and parenting
Im 16 and my sister is 1 I’m just watching these to sorta co-parent not cause I’m forced just cause I actually want to my fathers never around too so you are such a help in teaching me to care of her and honestly myself as well
You have such a great attitude...and a great parent...your kids are lucky...they are loved and I bet they are good to others...when they get enough sleep. 😂❤
Thank you, I never had anyone tell me this and it helps me to see the progress I have made but also the progress I need to make, and now I can try to parent myself better
More parents need to act like this
That hair is absolutely magnificent
I'm a new mom and this is how i want to be. ❤
"she had a bad day and made it everyone's problem"
literally me 💀😅
You’re diagnosing a sleep thing that early? That’s AWESOME!!!
"I didn't punish her, I parented her"
I love this, you're awesome
You are such a good parent ❤😭
I love your videos but this one brought me to tears. I wish I was parented through my bad days, I don’t think my bad mental health days would be as crippling as they are now had I developed skills to handle them as a child instead of at 25+ years old when I finally found a good therapist (I’ve been in therapy since I was 16)
you help me do a better job as a DSP and I'm super appreciative of it
I would love to know how you came about parenting in such a calm, cool, and collective way.
Making it my goal to use these parenting techniques on my partner. We all need this type of love in our lives, adult or child. Thank you so much for your content!!!
I absolutely adore that you don't just give up on parenting. you genuinely try to understand your kids while also talking about the right response to do
This is my favorite hair color I’ve ever seen on anyone in my entire life.
The advice is awesome too. Forgot the main point because I was DAZZLED 😅
I have been watching your videos and wow. I love how you are parenting. I wish more parents were like you.
When my kids don’t get enough sleep and are rude I try and have them take “alone time” to help calm down because that works for them but my friend tried it and her son lost it and responded with extreme anxiety and anger. Everyone has bad days and as a parent it’s not easy to find what helps your child have a slightly better day so the best thing you can do is keep trying and remember it will pass 💕💕💕💕
Your parenting advice, to this child-free 30+ year old, is very therapeutic.
Is there any way you can give an example of correcting negative behaviors when it comes to having a bad day or lack of sleep? I would really love to see how you handle the situation.
This makes me happy to see such awesome parenting. We all go thru rough days & its great you are parenting them thru those days and showing her love. It makes healthier adults.
Your right it’s not excuse to be bad but having sleep problems is a real disorder I have insomnia I understand it’s can make you feel very tired the next day
I love your parenting! Teaching your kids the way to properly learn how to manage and also navigate their emotions is amazing!