the issue with recognizing a problem exists is that someone has to fix it and society (government, oligarchs, etc) dont want to do anything that will cost them money.
Its all subjective yes, and not all problems have the same solutions and so on, we ALL have different set of circumstances that are unique so that is why its hard.
@@Lil.Lon3Ly Yeah and ppl tend to forget that and just project their own issues on other people. E.g. guys that think a girl with an army of thirsty men that would like to hook up with her cant feel lonely.
Sometimes on the internet, it almost looks like a competition of what gender has it the worst, and it's so toxic. Mens issues and womans issues aren't even comparable in most cases.
Often it seems that statements like "men are abusers" and "men are abused" are all to often treated as separate, mutually exclusive truth claims, rather than being both true as they describe two (mostly) different sub-populations of the larger, general category of "men"
@@ethanhammond6259 Indeed, basically generalising all males into one category. I mean that's... half the population right there. Might not be justified. lol
That's because usually (in my experiences), talking about my problems typically has the opposite gender telling me "things arent all about you" instead of accepting that more than one person can have problems.
And yet women constantly tell men that men have it easier and that message gets blasted everywhere from tik tok to Insta to Twitter and gets liked and upvoted. Like sure I get what you mean but there is a gigantic empathy gap when it comes to talking about mens issues than womens
Thing is, male self-deletion rates are higher than females for a reason. But what is that reason…? If we really are equal in our struggles than that number should be less skewed. But it isn’t…
My issue with loneliness is that it's not exclusive to just my interactions with women: it's everyone. Nobody really pays attention to me, regardless of how I try. There needs to be a distinction between loneliness in dating and loneliness because you're alone.
Yep I feel this 100%. I am single because I'm lonely, singleness alone is alright but not even having many friends means no chances to interact with others, which means I'm less likely to find somebody to date. And online dating is not an answer because people can and do vet your profile to see if you're sociable; men who have a lot of selfies or otherwise no pictures with other people appear lonely, and it's mostly unattractive to the opposite sex.
@oshawott I sympathize sincerely. I grew up in an abusive family where I was estranged from my parents, had low self esteem so I didnt really put myself out there and now I am 29 feeling alone and worried whether or not I have enough time to turn things around. As I have done some introspection though I noticed a trend that I had more opportunities and more positive treatment from people than I noticed in the moment. When I was in high school a girl handed me a valentine and ran away, and I had several close friendships with girls in college that I could have converted into something more had I been in a better spot emotionally. I couldnt recognize people liked me because I didnt like myself, and to some extent that is still true. I don't know your life, you may have a physical deformity or some sort of developmental issue that is a structural hurdle for you to overcome. I would just consider the possibility that you need to take a leap of faith. For 3 months be as positive and bubbly/upbeat as you can be, make a sincere effort to cold approach maybe 5 (insert gender youre attracted to) every weekend or join a dating service and focus on being as fun a person to spend time with as possible/get out of your head and focus on the person youre with during an interaction. Maybe everyone rejects you, but during that 3 months you built up a hell of a lot of experience interacting with people and you can take that with you for the rest of your life with significant benefits. Good luck my friend, there is hope as much as its hard to see/believe.
I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like no one listens to me. In the workplace, I feel like people don't listen to my opinions and just muscle their ideas or simple just 'okay' me and continue talking down to me. In family, my opinions are just not taken seriously or just downplayed or gaslit. In addition to being talked down.
@@Jazzmaster1992 To play devil's advocate... all of my pictures in dating apps are of me alone and I've been successful in getting matches. Also I've seen multiple women online who express that they immediately dislike pictures of men with other women no matter if it's their sister, their friends or whatever. And pictures with multiple people are disliked as well because it's annoying to identify who the owner of the profile is
The fact that Dr. K even feels the need to give 10 whole minutes of disclaimers before being able to talk about men's issues is pretty telling about where we are in this conversation
Right? It’s especially noticeable having just come from the Female Loneliness video last night, where he got right into the post the second the video began… That really does say it all
It's prolly because other guys and a few women who think that men being depressed and lonely=incels and he doesn't wanna cause trouble with that crowd of people. It's sad that he even has to do that but it is what it is.
For some reason, people especially on the internet are very hostile to anyone bringing up issues that men face, you won't even get to finish your argument before 20 people jumping in to call you an incel....
I'm a woman and even I wish that every talk about men's problems didn't just derail into "women are suffering too but in a different way, we're all suffering, let's respect each other". It is, you know, true and it's important to acknowledge that somewhere, but it shouldn't be the focus every single time and, at the end of the day, it has nothing to do with men's problems and how to help them, let's be real. Put a short disclaimer in and then let the conversation to just be about men and their issues for once, and unapologetically so. It will do a lot of good for everyone. EDIT: I can't answer to everyone, but I'm glad my words resonated with many. I hear you, brothers, and I hope many more people will listen in the future. For what it's worth, as someone currently rebuilding a social circle from scratch after almost a decade of isolation, I know how overwhelming both loneliness AND being social after experiencing it for so long can be. But I believe in myself and I believe in you just as much. Good luck💖
I absolutely agree. Men are so conditioned for that talking point that when I try to have conversations with them and I don't default to "defending women" as a whole (why would I lump 50% of the population into one group and defend them all? Women aren't a monolith) and actually agree with them that there are issues men face in society that need to be addressed they don't know where to take the conversation after that. That tells me that they haven't given much thought to their issues and how to address them beyond just trying to convince people they have issues in the first place. Which means they haven't been able to apply much critical thinking beyond that point because no one's having real conversations challenging them to think beyond that point. They just keep getting stuck at square one.
Society already has a presumption that men have it better, so any problem they encounter is diminished because it's established that women have always had it worse.
I think the sad reality from his side of the channel is that there is a vast army of angry, anti-social misogynists that we don't see ready to invade if he gives them space. I think you are correct that it would be helpful in general but like a nasty virus, its really really easy to infect a community with toxicity and spiral out of control (especially given the demographics of this audience). You can see a lot of comments dipping their toes in those waters already. Its just too compelling for a lot of people to resist.
Right, because that approach starts with the premise that men's issues in relation to women are likely to be an attack upon women, but if we're addressing issues for men there's no good reason to begin with that assumption. If a man's criticism of women ends up being an attack, then recognize it for what it is, but apologizing to women before actually beginning to recognize male problems only ends up communicating that men shouldn't feel the way that they do.
I think 32:00 to 32:33 really gets to the meat of the issue. When I saw the article blow up on Twitter, a lot of the posts were women circling the subtitle about dating opportunities dropping for men because women have healthy standards, and then delving into some version of "Men are trash" based purely on their own limited (but valid) experiences and anecdotal data from their peers. It felt like none of them had actually read the article to see anything about the numbers discrepancy, let alone follow up on the actual research to see if it supported the arguements being made. The very first question I had on seeing that highlight was "What is defined as a healthy standard?" Because if you break it down on an individual basis some of those women may not actually have healthy standards; they may have unrealistic expectations or unresolved trauma but have jumped onto the collective idea that unless all their desires are instantly gratified that the partner isn't good enough, to say nothing of their own issues with communication and emotional availability. But then they claim it's society or bad experiences with men that made them that way and that men have to adapt to that/accept them for who they are, while men are told they need to change for everyone's safety and comfort. As a result, when men complain that they're enduring longer periods of singleness/loneliness, only to be called entitled incels or told that their skills are lacking, it raises emotions because not only are they being blamed for a problem they didn't cause AND their pain is being invalidated, it feels like their very existence is dehumanized by the simple association of being men. Being lonely gets boiled down to a complete lack of effort or simply not being a likeable person, and sadly that ends up driving more men towards the misogynists that appear ready to have a solution. So, do women have it hard in their own ways? Yes. Do men need to cultivate certain skills? Yes. But can we PLEASE stop telling men that everything is their fault and that they're unworthy of love if they don't fix it to someone else's subjective satisfaction? Most of them just want to be accepted, desired and loved for who they are instead of constantly being belittled for not being what someone thinks they SHOULD be.
True. Women chasing the 1% of male population while rendering other 99% males as "unhealthy". But not all women are gold diggers, but there is someone was born just for you. In the end, need to touch grass.
The thing is, high standards aren't really a problem we need to fix, it is a problem that fixes itself. If a person desires a relationship but their standards are too high, and nobody meets them. Then they will have to eventually lower their standards in order to attain what they wanted (a relationship). If they don't lower their standards they either are not self-aware enough to see they are being unrealistic (which means they aren't somebody anyone should want to date) or it means that they don't really want a relationship all that much. The problem is, I think, that many women don't see the cost vs benefit of dating men, worth it. So they don't. I think this is especially highlighted by our continuate presence online, where misogyny and the Andrew Tate type are everywhere. Additionally, since women tend to have lower sexual drives, it might follow that they are more okay not experiencing s3x. Specially because s3x with straight men, famously tends to suck for women.
@@cheyemily6066 I don't agree that prohibitively high standards fix themselves at all. You can lower your standards because you think they were wrong, or you can ignore your standards in order to get what you want. If you ignore them, you very easily end up in unhappy relationships or relationships with unhealthy power dynamics. And having someone meet nobody for no other reason than their standards are unrealistic is bad on its own. I think that the cost benefit of dating for either sex is not worth it. People have a lot of academic debt and online dating is not exactly good for the sanity of most people. I agree that there is probably a higher desire for physical intimacy in men, but it's not like you need a long term relationship for that. I think it might have more to do with the utter lack of emotional support in the lives of most men. I think that men end up leaning on romantic relationships a lot more for things like that than women do.
I was one of the guys who lived with his parents, didn’t make enough money to own a house, and was completely emotionally unavailable….so I spent three years not dating changing all that and now I own a house, I have a job I love, new dog, and I don’t live with my parents. I’m still completely single even with all that so I’ve learned to focus on my tasks and enjoying my parents more as they get older.
getting skilled with woman is not something that comes automatically when you own a house, have a job etc. its a thing on its own, that needs to be developed on its own. you can start developing it without a house, job etc. as many ppl do unconciously while younger. there are ppl who almost exclusively do this who have a shitty job, no house and yet they have plenty of opportunities with woman. when you train chest and beck, dont expect to get huge legs some day. you will only get huge legs if you train them separately, not as an automatic followup for the other body parts you train. its the same with life: advancing in one area, doesnt mean that the other automatically gets better. working and buying a house doesnt come along with a desirable woman automatically. the desirable woman comes, when you can attract them. if you have never learned this and thought that you get them automatically when you work in other areas of your life, then you were mistaken. as on how to learn this: just deal with woman. old, young, medium age. actually listen, care. learn. eventually you will get a feeling for the person and you can try stuff. find a way to do this frequently. for me, it was a work at a nightclub. worked wonders for my social competence, as you have so many personalities in such a short amount of time, the learning volume is huge. good luck ps. if working and owning house, having a dog and spending time with you parents is most of what there is to say about you, you will most likely be seen as "nice" which equals to boring and wont give you many chances.
@@inquisitionagent9052 Its blind luck similar to how poker is blind luck. Sure, you may not control the deck and sometimes it goes against you. Untrained players will just take the odd W and then give up when they see enough L's. A skilled player knows how to turn an L into a W, and even if they can't do that they understand that the only way a previous game will impact a future game is if they're the ones carrying the baggage with them. But of course most of us are not skilled players, and becoming a skilled player takes a whole lot of time and dedication. Two things that society has been training us to live without or even actively suppress for decades now.
These videos about male dating issues always come down to: "just Improve yourself bro" you are not worthy of love atm but be rest assured when you reach this arbitrary standart I set for yourself everything will change.
Basically after watching hours of Dr. K's videos i came to a conclusion that the solution is to "improve yourself" but in a non-materialistic way 1) Find the source of unhappiness (which is inherently inside you. Why do you even dislike being lonely? that's the main question) 2) Resolve it (most likely by controlling your ego and desires) 3) Gratz, you don't need a gf And i haven't seen a single good advice about getting a GF, every single dating advice is wrong in some ways.
I might be able to give some insight on this matter. About 5 years ago I was a 5'9 chubby shy dude with social anxiety. Barely had any friends, couldn't hold a conversation. Had some toxic mental models since childhood that made me the creature I was but that's besides the point. 5 years ago I decided to take the step to make a change. I worked tirelessly in the gym. Shed a lot of weight. Took care of myself. Fixed my diet, adopted a skincare routine, the works. I started reading a lot of self help books and scowering the internet about mental health. I would say the worst of my mental issues are gone. (Except my depression and need to self sabotage which are on the rise again). I forced my self to enter social situations. I took a job that required me to negotiate and interact with clients daily. I cultivated somewhat of a personality and could now hold a conversation. Like a video game character I was leveling up. In the hopes of one day being worthy of love. Guess what the end result was? I still got blown off and got passed on for some other guy. Sad to say but It's all random luck. I genuinely thought that if I work hard enough, any obstacle can be overcome in life. But this is not the case. You can do everything right and stull gue cucked out in the end. Since then I've been slowly spiraling back to that old hole I found myself in 5 years ago. Once again I am isolating myself, my depression is getting worse, working out doesn't feel good anymore and I'm scared. I dont want to go back to being that loser I was 5 years ago. I was kinda proud of the person I was becoming. But at the end, whether or not you find someone us just a matter of luck.
The answer is SIMPLY just be tall, rich, emotionally intelligent and good looking with a side of being a good bad boy. If you don’t have those traits then... goodluck lol.
I understand why Dr. K had to give so many disclaimers... but still, it's really sad that the idea of men having struggles is so offensive to some people.... All the more reason why we often choose to suffer in silence.
@Wrath of Fenrir reddit is a misery hole and discord is probably to becouse he has a reddit platform I hope men start taking some well deserved pride for who they are or they will stay miserable.
I see it more as an attempt to make people who watch not to take a 'man vs woman' mentality, which I always see happen in the comment sections of similar videos - the comment sections became a "woe is me" self victimizing outlet (not limited to just men) - rather than to avoid being offensive.
Being lonely and single sucks. Feeling like there is something fundamentally wrong with you because you're single sucks even worse. There is great shame carried by being single, which compounds the issue. The term "incel" explicitly attacks men for being sexually undesired. It doesn't matter what the context is or how much you think the person really deserves to feel awful, because often other men who aren't necessarily "toxic" yet struggle with dating will hear that word and feel lumped in with all the bad men. The message in that insult seems pretty clear: if you haven't had sex you're a bad person, period. It was already bad enough that a rising number of dudes are writhing in despair over sexual frustration; now they also get to be told that it's only because they're bad people. I'm not saying truly toxic men shouldn't be called out or held accountable, so much that the people who actually struggle to date maybe shouldn't be treated like human garbage on that basis alone. Just a thought.
Except lonely dudes who dont say toxic things arent called lnceI. lnceI is a term that was completely adopted and used by toxic guys who are part of lnceI subreddits and websites. Its a word used to refer to very specific people who are part of a very specific community. Thats how it has been used for years, and that's why people use it as an insult. Ask yourself this, how often do you see people use "involuntary celibate" as an insult? Literally never, people specifically use "incel" which is a NOUN not an adjective. They are specifically referring to the people who use toxic lingo like "beta bux" or "chad" or "femoids"...etc Like, if someone was arguing with a misogynist and they called that misogynist an lnceI, they arent talking about you. Most of the time the misogynist isnt even celibate, so they're only being insuIted for sharing horrible views with the people of that community, not for the sexuaI activity. Almost no one who uses lnceI as an insult thinks badly of people who cant get laid. If they did, they would use "lnceI" or "involuntary celibate" against guys like you as well, not just misogynists. If a misogynists is called lnceI, and you take that as an insult to yourself, then you need to recognize that the insult is not being dealt because inceI's dont have sex, but rather because they develop toxic pathetic ideas
@@botanicalitus4194 mem get called an incel online for saying anything that not women Good men bad. he'll I literally just asked a guy "That's an interesting statement what are you views on the video as a whole" and got called an incel for it.
@@creeperkingdom3190 I was just going to comment this too. I've been called an incel just for sharing some (fence sitting, non extreme) opinions about the men/women topics. Also, misogynist and incel arent the same thing to begin with. So a person calling a misogynist an incel is already using the word in a stupid way (unless the person is both.) Because somebody can be misogynist but not an incel, and vice versa. Also, in the last video on this channel about womens loneliness, somebody accused me of being a woman hater for saying "Nice video, I just wish people in the comments didnt try so hard to make it so 'us vs. them.'" You're right, you cant say almost *anything* that isnt 100% in agreement or you're slandered.
Or maybe, just maybe, as Dr. K said himself in the video, lonely men and their communities often turn to misoginy when expressing their frustations with relationships and the lack of relationships. Knowing that and also knowing his community is composed mainly of men, he tried his hardest to give a push in the opposite direction. If you scan the comments of this video and the comments on the video on women loneliness you might have an insight on this behaviour. It's fascinating, really.
@@von6413 I'd argue this is one of the things that depends on the issue. Dr. K doesn't do ten minutes long disclaimers everytime he discusses issues related to men, just so women are not triggered. That would make no sense, and as you pointed out he talked about women loneliness without a disclaimer. What makes this video different? First, it touches on male loneliness and he said so himself: men often turn to misogyny when dealing with anger and frustation regarding relationships. You just need to read the comments on this very video to see the resentment some of these men have for women. Women, on the other hand, are more inclined to resort to self hatred and to be bitter against other women for their loneliness, so them atracking men over it is not a big concern. But the main thing is: the study he used argues one of the reasons for this loneliness is society's expectation of men as providers. I don't think this is false at all, and I also don't think this should be seen as a "problem caused by women, lets hate on them", but the red pill community does exactly that so Dr. K have to be extra cautious when bringing it up or he risks condoning this kind of speech himself or at the very least not preventing it.
I think the fundamental issue is that there is no real physical space to meet people in our current society. The dating apps are litterally rewarded by failing to match people together. They have a financial incentive to fail at what they advertise they do since when you find someone you don't pay their ridiculous subscription fees. We used to have match makers and it was socially acceptable to approche women anywhere but especially bars and such places. Now don't get me wrong, I do think approching people everywhere is problematic, especially when a portion of the population can't take rejection, making them dangerous. No doubt about that. But we need a place in society to meet new people, a space where it is the goal to meet, a physical space and not a virtual one. A place where it is the fundamental goal to meet and mingle in a safe environment.
It ain’t gonna happen. This society is too far gone. Men will turn to vr in the meta verse to get what they want. It’s already happening. Eventually, there’s not gonna be any guys left in the dating market, women will have to settle for the top 1% of guys (who’ll have all the power and authority in the world, effectively resetting all this “progressive” movement) or be left single and alone. This is our dystopian future, if climate change, wars, or economic recession don’t get us first…
@@sunshoe-l5r you say it's a dystopia but I disagree strongly to your perception of the future. The reality is, we are making huge strides in AI, robotic, but also in other fields like biology. There is a big chance that we will make biorobots before long. From that point, nothing would prevent us to expand humanity in ways we can barely fathom now by merging humanity with AI and robotic. Humans being alone would at that point be only a matter of commanding through the Amazon of that time for companionship from our creations. Creations that would be able to fulfil our needs. Truth is, we don't know what 2040 will look like, the world is just changing that fast before our eyes at an exponential pace. Assuming it will be a dystopia is simply fatalism, not realism. We are at a turning point of evolution on Earth, an inflexion point where darwinian evolution will be taken over by our tech capabilities. At this point any prediction is doomed to be wrong by a huge margin as nothing similar happened in the past. Ultimately the progressive movement you seem to dispise is the only way forward, those who don't accept diversity and change will go extinct, while a new humanity will take over. Up to you to be part of the future or the past.
There are still ways to meet people irl--hobby meetups, conventions, clubs, community events, classes, shows. There are definitely fewer of these than before the internet era, but there are still plenty. You just have to look for them.
I think its so telling that Dr. K had to preface the discussion about male loneliness with a million "just because we're talking about men doesn't disqualify the realities that women face". It's like whenever some gives their own controversial opinion on something like a movie or videogame they have to over emphasize that its just their opinion in order to minimize the blowback from people who make That Thing they're gonna talk about the core of their identity
Yeah, I felt the beginning of the video was a bit problematic in itself. To discuss men's issues and show men any kind of charitability has become really unacceptable.
I agree that it's telling; at the same time - I do appreciate it being there - for educational purposes. It's nice to be reminded to adjust our thinking in a positive way; I appreciate that there's someone like DrK out there, giving people these reminders. There's a lot of young people on this planet - and nobody comes in fully formed, so it's good for good lessons to be repeated; also, you never know - maybe for some people, it's the first time that they see things framed quite this way; or maybe it's that straw that makes things "click" for someone. I think what makes it work for me is that I take it both ways - both as a reminder for the women-issues people, AND for the men-issues people not to discount women's issues - even though this particular video focuses on men's issues (which is totally okay - should go w/o saying). I like the acknowledgement that even though the premise of this video is "men have it hard", women face a host of other issues in the same space. I like that it's validating for "both sides" of the discussion. (Also, it does serve as a very subtle, and a very kind callout for the "wo/men have it hardER" attitude, which is pretty cool.) I think this models good behaviour, so I appreciate it.
I think the reason for this is two fold and it has less to do with women or feminism than just Dr.K's audience. I can imagine Dr.K nodding to female issues in order to avoid some criticism. But given the fact that most of his audience is male I think that the actual reason for mentioning female issues might be trying to recognize that they exist in order to avoid his viewers falling onto the "women have no issues", "women have it so easy" crowd. Because this crowd tends to be loud and prevalent in male spaces that speak of male problems (which is also a problem on the women's side).
I think that loneliness in men, not just in relationships, is at the root of many problems pertaining to gender dynamics. It needs to be adequately and thoroughly discussed without any red tape. The fact that almost half of this talk is Dr. K dancing around the possibility of offending someone by simply acknowledging this as a problem is indicative of why little to no progress has been made on that front, and additionally is extremely frustrating to listen to.
It's loneliness in general. Who knows what the cause is though. I can only tell you that it was endemic before social media or the internet even existed. The only advice I can give is to be friendly and wear a mask -that is, be considerate and put your best face forward.
Agreed. All the eggshell walking was difficult to stomach, but I figure that's probably the sort of audience this channel has. He strikes me as an intelligent critical thinker who is genuinely interested in getting people to have the conversation, so maybe he thinks kid gloves and tip toeing are the only ways to not have his viewers be triggered/offended and immediately plug in their ears.
I agree and I also found it frustrating. I think we have to take this video as more of an introductory/investigative look at the issue and a discussion on a good frame of mind from which to approach articles and information related to it. Hopefully he will do more of a deep dive in the future...
You can't acknowledge that there is a problem. Because the powerful cults or ideologies that control the culture and mainstream narrative fight and suppress anyone that suggests anything outside of their dogma and beliefs. It offends them, and everyone is afraid of offending them for fear of being canceled. This problem has been going on for along time its only gotten worse recently.
The hardest part for me was meeting single women in my age range in any context. Like a remarkable percentage of women I talk to end up liking me, but there's just no comfortable context to meet people in after college to start those feelings. Took me 4 years out of school to get another relationship, and that's with someone I've been close with since middle school. God knows how long it would've taken if I had to meet someone new.
"third places" are low stress low cost spaces where you can socialize with strangers, where you would traditionally grow relationships with diverse people, and they have basically disappeared in the last couple decades. I have similarly had really good luck with women that I have met in person, it's astounding really. But I am not actually sure that I have interacted with any single woman in the past 5-6 years since I graduated, granted pandemic was a lot of those years. Now that the local meetup groups are starting back up I am gonna give that a shot for meeting people I guess.
I can answer that one from at least my perspective: around 17 years and counting... and no conclusion in sight for the foreseeable future. I'll admit I'm what you might call a slowbloomer who has very few dates far in-between, and I certainly comes with some difficulties myself.... but I can't speak of a succesful story yet (which btw also wasn't the case during school)
I feel like this is part of my problem too, I haven't really made new acquaintances outside of school and the workplace but since I'm probably done with school and haven't met anyone in the small team at work, I feel doomed. I'm a decent, reasonable and capable guy, people who are exposed to me long enough usually like me and think I'm funny, I don't look bad and I've been in therapy long enough to develop a good EQ but I've been single for more than 10 years at this point. I don't think I'll ever get the courage to talk to a stranger I find attractive and dating apps did not work at all for me. I just feel left out and the societal conversation around men's issues makes me feel like I should just kill myself and that nobody would bat an eyelash.
I hate how when someone wants to talk about a men's issue they need to start with a 10 minute mea culpa about how they aren't talking about women's issues instead.
Something I was thinking about when watching is that men's dating complaints tend to be about not receiving enough attention or the type of attention they want, and women's dating complaints tend to be about receiving too much attention or inappropriate attention. It definitely creates a crossroads of purpose that can be very difficult to resolve.
Women are complaining that the options available at the grocery store aren't the best; men are complaining that they can't even get into the door to shop. There is a very clear difference and one is more dire than the other.
@@Cybertech134 I disagree, I’m a man and I genuinely think most men if they get the attention will equally be unhappy, it’s kind of like chasing something for so long and when you get it you realise it’s not actually all that.
@@emilka2033 I know what he said, but he's plainly wrong. The entire video is him telling men that it's not as bad as they think it is when in reality, it is as bad as we say it is.
it is. I'm fully supportive of more genuine conversations of men's struggles. But at the same time the conversation gets polluted with guys who can't go 2 seconds without talking about women. "women have the upper hand" "women can't understand" "women are the problem." "women do this" "women do that." Even the article couldn't go without bring up women and their "abundance of choice." It puts women on the defensive because the conversation about men's issues gets associated with conversations that involve lumping all women into an entire monolith that's often portrayed as spoiled, lacking personal accountability, selfish, and shallow. Yes, bad women exist. Women are not angels who all need to be respected. Women are human just as capable of being flawed horrible people as men. We need to have conversations about men that are just about men. No bringing up women as the source of all your problems. (a lot of men's issues are actually created by other men setting the standard of what makes a "real man" not women), AND not bring up how talking about men's issues doesn't invalidate women. Both narratives damage the ability to have genuine conversations about problems plaguing men. and for the record I also have a problem when feminists bring up men all the time too. It causes the same problems.
@@Vannabee13 This is the best take. Discussions of men’s issues are unfortunately tainted by a large trend of woman-hating in most spheres (I’ve seen traces of it even here), when the focus should be on how best to solve the problem in a way that is also sympathetic to the struggles of the opposite gender.
@@Vannabee13 The standard of having to be a real men is NOT set by other men, it is set by WOMEN. Except for a small group of idiots men do not care what other men thinlk of them. Do you know whose opinion men care about? WOMENS! And how do we see what opinions women have about how a man shoudl be? By WHO THEY ARE DATING. The message that you should not be a "be attractive/don't be unattractive"_redpill wanna be asshole is difficult to integrate when we constantly see these types of guys gettign the women. And there are countless men who were constantly told to share their feeling with their partner just to be dumped when they did it or have it be used against them. Being told "you jsut have to be nice" sounds fucking hollow once you see it is not the nice guys getting girls. And don't derail it with "nice guys" are not nice guys. Genuine nice guys do also not get the women.
@@jonathancangelosi2439 just by sheer logic of numbers there's a single woman for every single man. Yet the narrative of dating difficulties for men can't go one second without saying something about women having an abundance of options and never going without a man. How does that mathematically even make sense? If men are single, so are women. So can we stop acting like all women are so flooded with options they don't know what to do with themselves? Men are struggling in the dating market. Get that. Totally valid issue to talk about. No, women aren't flooded with options by contrast. Pretty and young woman maybe. But not "all women." It's like guys hear "average woman" and think they're all Instagram models.
@@misshapenwhale5045 question, who dominants the field of dating advice for heterosexual men, women or other men? Who are men going to for advice on how to be a better man, women or men? Who bullies men more for not adhering to male stereotypes, women or men? Women may reject men and not give them the attention they desire. But who do men go to for explanations for WHY women reject them, women or men? There's a reason it's called the "manoshere" the conversations are dominated by men. Men are telling you what women want, men are telling you why you're single, men are telling you how to act, what to say, what to do. I've seen a lot of men talking about women, what women want, why dating women is so hard, what women are experiencing in the the modern dating market. There's a lot of men sharing their experiences but you never see them listening to the perspective of actual women to hear their take on it. Dating is hard. I know. I'm sympathetic to the struggle of finding the right person. But I'm tired of seeing guys talking about women and blaming women, deciding they know how women REALLY feel and what they REALLY think, what they REALLY want, when they aren't women! If women are really setting the standard for what men should be, then maybe you should be trying to talk and listen to women? Don't get your advice from men and then complain that women's standards are too high when it doesn't work.
It's honestly kind of dis heartening to see the way that Dr. K keeps reiterating that its totally ok to ignore this topic if the audience doesn't like it. This kind of thing gets swept under the rug a lot and this just stung watching 10 minutes of we don't have to talk about it seemingly saying it's not that important. Pointing out that genders have different draw backs has it's merits and so does pointing out that suffering among genders isn't a competition. Just watching that made it seem like men arent allowed to talk about mens emotial issues becase just mentioning mens negative emotions is toxic.
@@crumbtember What exactly do you suggest? The issue is that whilst there may very well be more men at the top in companies, and more men in high positions in politics, none of that should make it any less important to discuss systematic issues such as men getting longer jail sentences, or personal issues such as feeling far less emotional support from the people around them. Despite whoever sits at the top, if we "the people", you, me, everyone else here, speak out and demand change, then we can make it happen. But when the conversation amongst the people is less open to certain topics, to discussing certain groups issues, then that's a problem. We can convince the people at the top, whether they're mostly men or not, to change the situation. But the conversation amongst the public needs to take place first. Even IF women have more problems, or worse problems, that doesn't mean that you invalidate or dehumanize men and suggest that any discussion of their issues should be prefaced with an apology. I get what you're trying to say, but the issue is dealt with by men and women standing up together and being one anothers biggest supporters and cheerleaders, not by lowkey insinuating that we shouldn't love and care for men too. In fact, one of the biggest issues in society in precisely that there is a blatent empathy and compassion gap in terms of how we listen to and help men and women. You see it in everyday life. The current status quo is a result of a currently one sided social narrative where we have been incorrectly informed that men have everything good, and are bad people, whereas women have all of the problems and are angels. Hence, the need for an apology to even consider a discussion of mens issues. It's born out of anger and immaturity, not empathy and compassion.
@@crumbtember genuinely love how conceited people sound when they bring up patriarchy and socio-economic imbalances towards women when discussing problems the AVERAGE man faces. the average man working a close to minimum wage job doesn't benefit from the patriarchy, didn't contribute to the establishment of the patriarchy, and doesn't work to maintain the so called patriarchy. why is it so difficult to just discuss problems groups of people face without instantly jumping towards oh boo hop patriarchy women have it worse 💀
I’m fairly certain a decent chunk of the audience isn’t well adjusted enough to help. Considering half the comments sections come off as a “pick me” suffering contest.
@@crumbtember I assume you're referring to the part where I said; "But when the conversation amongst the people is less open to certain topics, to discussing certain groups issues, then that's a problem." By that I mean that any issue that needs to be discussed for the wellbeing and health of men, is inherently less welcome within the discussion, so much so that it requires a 5 min+ preface as an apology. It seems that the only exception is when the conversation is being held by women on mens behalf, and then they all too often misrepresent the issues since they aren't the ones facing it, and leave out any discussion of the more serious issues altogether.
I think the main issue is that people are monetizing people's loneliness. A company's (or at least the higher ups) main goal isnt to fix loneliness. Its to make money off of it. Want to be noticed that we definitely arent influencing? Pay for a boost! And this goes beyond dating apps too. Ive been getting alot of messages lately from strangers that say 'fate brought us together so we must try friendship', only for them to eventually reveal their true motive involving money. And thats not to mention the bots that link you to their 'website'..
True these corporations like Instagram, Tinder, TikTok, OkCupid and Bumble are so smart and so good at monetization of the male and female loneliness. In fact instead of solving the problem they have only multiplied it by 100 times. Even Dr K talks about this same thing in a video.
Nailed it succinctly. I don't believe dating apps are designed to make dating easier. They're just there to commodify loneliness and accelerate the underlying problems so they can upsale you on a false solution.
Can’t talk about mens loneliness without a million disclaimers about, not committing wrongthink, and woman having it equally bad, not being misogynist or misandrist, and it doesn’t excuse this and that. You NEVER have to go through this level of charades to talk about woman’s problems. For some reason it’s more acceptable to. If you want to listen to mens problems, I’m 10 minutes in and it hasn’t even started.
why is loneliness only discussed in the context of dating? dating is just one way of socializing and interacting with people. there are so many more ways to combat loneliness that start with just interacting with other people and that make you feel less lonely. with co-workers, friends, neighbours, family (both your own generation and older/younger), interactions in public spaces with complete strangers or service workers. just talk with pleasant people, annoying people, boring people or interesting people. these things may be less satisfying than dating someone you're sexually attracted to, but they're good ways to practice communication skills such as listening, asking questions and making small talk. also to keep an open mind and judge people not just by their looks.
This is literally what I don‘t get about any of these videos. As if "dating" would magically solve this problem. Loneliness is about connection. These men are absurdly fixated on dating and not even on finding someone they truly like, just… any woman will do. Like we are not actual people. At least this is how it comes across. When men lose their wives to divorce or death they simply wither. Women usually start becoming active in their community. Y'all truly need to make some friends first.
Your clearly not a man. As a man people fear me in public. I have had people call the police on me for simply standing in public and not doing anything but listen to music. Strangers don't like to interact with me because we live in a society that teaches everyone especially women, who are over 50% of the population, to fear men as someone will hurt you. So every time I interact with a person I have to prove my innocence to them before I can get them to talk to me. When your treated like a criminal every time you try to talk to somebody eventually you just give up.
Honestly I think it's because most people experience loneliness primarily in the romantic sphere. For some people, other ways of socializing _can_ eliminate loneliness, but that's not always true. People can feel 100% fulfilled in every other area but the lack of a partner causes that agonizing loneliness. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to completely eliminate that feeling before you're ready for a relationship.
This video is basically divided into 3 segments - 1. How men having problems doesnt devalue the problems of women (1.2 Masogyny of some lonely guys) 2. How to read an article - opinions vs facts, valid sources etc. (dating aps stuff) 3. Emotional Availability For me this video is deeply unsatisfying. It feels like there is more focus on mens issues not devaluing issues of women than compassion towards men with those problems. Furthermore it doesnt matter if the video is focused on men or womens issues (not talking about gender neutral ones rn) - it seems like the "your problems dont devalue problems of others" is generally targeted at men. Example of this in another video called "A Perspective on Female Loneliness" is the "Reductionism and the removal of Agency" timestamp which btw is still more validating than this video because of the 20;40-21;25 part. In others like "Adressing Mysogyny" video there is a time stamp called "Being born a woman is life on hard mode". Even with such a strong statement i havent seen one third of the video explaining how that doesnt devalue problems men face - just the "men have some default responsibilities too". A big portion of this video is just focused on how to analize articles - because that is more important than how many guys relate to what has been said in the article? Let me quote Dr.K here again "It is not about the statistics. It is about how we treat each other as human beings." in 25;07 of "A Perspective on Female Loneliness". Meanwhile Dr. K went more towards the direction of "According to this sources men are lonlier than women but the diffrence between them isnt as big as it seems in the article." Having said all that related topics have been discussed on this channel in the past and this time i am just dissapointed. Overall what Dr. K does is amazing but that doesnt stop me from pointing out what i dont like in his content. Naturally feedback is more targeted at what needs more attention and not what is already great.
I think Dr.K is aware that some of the ppl watching him are men/boys who hold certain blackpill/redpill/incel belifes and it sounds to me that he often says things that take that into consideration. Alot of these guys who are struggling belive that women don't have any problems they need to navigate on their own, all are shallow/want guys who are 6 feet tall, rich, etc., and all women are only ever attracted to 10 percent of guys or whatever image of women these ideoligies paint. So when he says things like "Being born a woman is life on hard mode", he's directly responding to comments in those ideologies that say "Being born a woman is life on easy mode". Or like when he's making his disclaimer here, hes doing it to remind ppl to have nuance and understading and keep the conversation grounded in reality. A lot of these beliefs that women have no problem don't help actually help these navigate these problems. They are a distraction. Understanding that women are trying to navigate issues on their own end don't invalidate the fact that men have a lot of issues that they are also trying to navigate, it adds nuance to the issue as a whole which will help ppl refocus their attention on things that can actually help. And 75% of everything on this channel is focused on men's issues (a good thing). There are very few videos that are focused on women's perspective and often when thier are Dr. K uses is to try to show his primaraly male audience that women dealing with their own shit. Dr. has made disclaimers that also deal with their own issues in the past, in the video about Women and Harrasment in gaming. In there, as he is talking to the women who were talking about to talk about getting harrassed while gaming, he tells them to remember and keep in mind that women can also do things that hurt men (im paraphrasing). Even then, most of hs videos are about men, and he often talks about men who are lonely. But with all that being said, I'm curious how you think he should have approched talking about the article (keep in mind, I think he wanted to talk about the article more specifically) while also keeping the conversation grounded, as is his goal in all these videos? What should he have siad insted? Should he not address people who focus most of thier attention during these conversation on women's "lack" (or percieved lack) of issues they have to navigate?
Being born a women is life on hard mode, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. This is so funny. Let me tell that to the guys who were on the titanic and Sheppard the women and children first to the lifeboats before they themselves went down with the ship.
I think Dr K failed here. I can’t help but wonder if he just cannot relate at all. He’s a married man in what seems like a very healthy relationship. He just can’t relate. Or if he just doesn’t care about or believe in those issues and he is being political by doing all this hedging and avoiding addressing any of those things outright. I felt that he spent the entire video talking about how women react to men’s issues, and how men react to men’s issues, without actually talking about men’s issues. And you’re right, it’s telling that he felt he needed to do that on the video about men’s loneliness but didn’t need to do that in the one about women’s.
dont put much thought into it, at the end of the day, whatever the psychologists and sociologists say, all the "positive" sexism towards women you see, it's just the evolutionary instinct of people to protect women more because they can have children aka women are wonderfull effect. I dont give a shit that i dont have a degree in this field, this phenomena is so fucking obvious it's hilarious. Take reddit, everyone clearly knows how hard they go against misoginy and sexism etc, you get instant bans for nothing and YET there are thousands of articles, posts etc over the internet that says that reddit has a problem with rampant misoginy even tho every subreddit except for r/mra that was critical of women has been banned. Two subreddits called r/gendercritical and r/femaledatingstrategy even with the obvious and continued misandry arent banned and still able to grow.
50 minutes of caveats and saying “not all people are like this” and pretty much nothing at all said about the suffering people are experiencing. This one was more like a long winded warning about being critical about what you read rather than giving help to people feeling this way. Love you Dr. K, but this wasn’t helpful to me personally. Good luck to all the lonely people out there. Stay strong.
The trouble is people in general especially on the internet can't appear even slightly one sided. Otherwise people will assume that you have no interest in the other side's opinion.
There is no real solution he can give you through a video. Just 1 small tool to help you move there. And it's good to be objective and avoid falling into the trap of being stuck in our own biases. Information that aligns with our believe we tend to take in easily, and anything else has a lot of resistance and can become almost hidden. I don't mean this in a bad way, but it feels like the point of the video kind of described this kind of comment. It's hard to be actually objective, because we tend to think we always are
I have to point out I'm 9 minutes in and the entire time so far it has been prefacing the conversation to make sure everyone knows it doesn't dismiss women's issues. Clicked the female loneliness video to compare and how interesting that zero prefacing the convo to make sure people knew it doesn't dismiss men's issues had to be done. Very interesting.
@@RaNdOmkiid100 This. Its an uncomfortable truth that a lot of men don't want to admit. A lot of the comments want to believe this dynamic doesn't exist but anyone in this space for any amount of time knows that its still a very strong force, using the cloak of mens issues as their current rationalizations. I've seen many a content creator/audience in this space be swallowed whole by the negativity. Lots of rational men in this space would be shocked at the comments Dr. K gets in private (both the content and the volume).
To be fair, if you look at the post Dr. K was responding to in the female loneliness video, the woman didn't bring up men at all originally or make any points about how much easier men have it, or how men couldn't possibly understand, or that men were the source of her problems. When men talking about being lonely, they often bring women into the conversation to say women can't understand. So yeah, you are going to have to address that talking point if they bring it up first.
Also, I didn't interpret the preface as "we aren't dismissing women's issues." To me it leaned more towards "we're not going to dismiss men's issues because women have suffered" which is a perfectly appropriate point that women need to be reminded of.
Dr. K, it's really great that you're teaching people how to critically read articles, and I think you should do it more! 👍 I feel like this kind of approach to reading is what's typically taught in more academic settings (if taught correctly), and seems like many people tend to have a repulsion for anything that they see as "academic". (Sorry if that's offensive, but I feel like I notice a lot more anti-education sentiments online these days. Which I understand, colleges rip people off). But I think this is a basic life skill that people really need now regardless of whether they pursue higher education, especially with so much information and misinformation going around online. It really distorts the way people think and might cause them to fall too deep into conspiracy theories, because it has become difficult to weed out the clickbaity, opinionated, or biased views (even some "scientific" research could be done through biased methods and people don't realize it). Please, please do videos like this more, the world needs it!
I agree. Anti intellectualism is being pushed so hard. People aren't taught critical thinking and reading skills. We are taught to read a headline and rage about it. Also, I noticed that most people refuse to be tentative about their ideologies: we are forced to pick a side. The world isn't Black or White but we are pushed into that kind of thinking. I honestly think communication and emptathy needs to be taught because we are doing a shitty job.
Absolutely. Critical thinking and evaluating good quality sources is crucial. The author of this work would be been absolutely roasted at my university. We were told to maybe go as far back as three years if you had to, but for something like dating sites, there's absolutely no excuse to be using data that old.
This is a great point, people need exposure to dissenting opinions, without that there won't be much motivation for critical thinking, social media will need to change its monetization aims and how we interact with these mediums.
Truly underappreciated comment... I think it would change the world for the better, with great difference mind so, if we would teach young adolescents how to read and wright with this critical principles in mind.
I think my personal problem is that I'm more of a slow burn person. Meeting someone and chatting and hitting it off right away seems like such a foreign thing, but is what is needed when it comes to dating/online dating and when I compare that to people who I'm around for an extended period of time and how they think highly of me it feels as though dating is just not something that is ever going to be fair for me.
God same, that’s why the online dating culture makes me nervous. Because while you CAN get lightning in a bottle and hit it off with somebody after about 20 minutes, I don’t think that’s what everyone should be expecting to happen every time they meet someone. It takes time for me to figure these things out, and it definitely wouldn’t be after a few seconds.
Same here. Oh how I wish I had grown up in the 60s or something, when people had to go out for everything. Going out with no cause, just for the purpose of meeting people just feels so artificial and forced, but with so much going on online, there's fewer real reasons to go out...
“Just be emotionally available” reeks of “just be confident” or “just be yourself”. It _sounds_ nice, but I doubt actually helps anyone practically. Case and point: chat asked “How do I boost EQ?” and the answer was basically a shrug. And that right there is why so many guys turn to pick up artists, Red Pill or even Black Pill.
I agree, but I feels unfair to post this sort of comment under the channel of a therapist. Dr K's literal job is to give more specific and applicable help to people.
Boosting EQ depends on the person you are interacting with. My only advice for EQ: 1) Don't do/say things that may change/challenge someone's perspective of themselves (I used to love doing this growing up, I think its my default mindset). 2) Making people feel happy/wanted is a ongoing process, you have to keep interacting with people to ensure the social bond stays strong.
On one hand, I do think that "Just be emotionally availble" is a very good advice. On the other hand, this advice is clearly not for everyone because there are people out there that being emotionally availble will change nothing because no one wants to emotionally connect with them in the first place so for their availbility or lack thereof become relevant. It's like telling an author who wrote a book about something no one wants to read to rewrite the book with proper grammar so it will become a best-seller.
Here's how to boost Emotional Intelligence for REAL: Learn about Psychology, social awareness, self awareness, communication skills, politeness, expressing yourself, being open or transparent, asking good questions, making statements, communicating openly and honestly, explaining things effectively, how to be a better listener, how to be on the same communication pace. Learn about Philosophy, look up philosophy quotes about love, relationships, crush, friendship or stories. Learn about Buddhism or Spirituality (not religion) Being the greater good, the peacekeeper and the wise. (Wisdom skill) Edit: Learn from Mistakes, from failed conversations or failed dates. Get as much experience as possible. (Grind communication and mistakes because there is always a lesson) Bonus: Learn about zodiac compatibility and zodiac traits
The fact that you even have to ask if we are “allowed” to have this conversation speaks volumes to how we see men. We wouldn’t have to ask if we are allowed to talk about how women are treated poorly in some aspects, we just do it. However, for men, we feel the need to ask.
I think Dr. K was asking if people watching were emotionally ready to talk about this. A lot of his introductory lecture was regarding comparisons regarding the suffering between genders. He asked "can you put your emotions aside for this topic? Can I talk about this? Are you ready?" Dr. K has released many, many videos about men's issues without asking for "permission". His permission was in regards to if the listeners were ready to be neutral to the topic. And many missed the point.
@@rickymort135 the reason he is asking is the exact reason the comments are blowing up. People weren't ready to put aside their personal opinions to listen to his video. By saying "the fact he needs to ask.......", I interpret that as the viewers who were triggered by this video were emotionally unaware enough to blow up about a point they missed. Dr. K handled this video perfectly.
@@michaela9548 if he just focused on talking about this men's issue the only people getting triggered would be the ones who don't like to talk about men's issues because they feel it is rolls backs women's issues. The blow up because of his disclaimer not the other way round
Emotional avaliability has nothing to do with getting matches. That seems to be men's biggest complaint, that they can't even get a match that they'll be able to talk to IRL and demonstrate emotional availability/communication. It's next to impossible to accurately predict someone's communication skills and emotional avaliability based off just a dating profile. You can usually tell what someone's job is and how good looking they are, but that's about it. Online dating isn't the only way to meet people, but in todays environment it's pretty close. I worry about men investing in emotional availability and communication (which are good skills) assuming they will get dates, and then throwing those skills out and giving up on being decent when they realize it isn't helping them get matches.
Most men are sh*t at communicating on dating websites. They expect you to be interested because of their looks, supremely overconfident in how they look, and put out the textual equivalent of a grunt. They don't take the time to show even a little bit of their personality, because they are lazy and expect women to just like them. I am reticent to contact any man just because he is good looking, if he cannot string together a few words to show me that he has a sense of humor and that he might have a personality that jibes with mine. I write engaging profiles, that are pretty clear about who I am. Most men just want to hook up and so all of that stuff does not matter. When the goals are different, this is going to happen.
you kinda listed the solution in your own comment. Online dating only tells you 2 things: what the person looks like and very superficial characteristics like profession and income. So if thats all women on dating apps have to go off of, they'll only flock to the best ones. In person dating is way better because you get a ton of other info about the other person, like their personality, charisma, and even emotional intelligence and whether or not they are a good listener. We need to destroy dating apps, they're toxic and useless unless all you are looking for is a hook up
You... You know what communication is right? You don't have to be on a dating app to communicate with people. You just need social skills before you can communicate with anyone. So online dating isn't even "pretty close" to being "the only way to meet people." Online dating is just trying avoiding social skills
As a man, I know things are hard. The competition is fierce if you don't have money or good looks. With that being said, let's say you do find a woman, who's to say you'll be happier? Theres a lot people in relationships that put up with shit i don't want to deal with. I personally find the freedom I experience to outweigh the occasional loneliness I experience being single because I have a good network of friends and hobbies
As a woman I’m single for the same reasons. I’ve barely seen any relationships around me that I’ve find delightful. So it’s not worth being with someone when I already have other things keeping me distracted and reasonably fulfilled as well.
I'm personally more in the camp of any types of relationships is what I want. You say you have a good network of friends. Some of us, like myself, struggle to even have that. Also I think guys put so much hope in dating because that's what society/other men pushes onto us in order to be happy. I would be fine just having a genuine friendships with at least one person.
Glad someone else feels the same way I do. l dont think I've ever felt really lonely, I love being alone, working on projects. Hang with friends every so often and no one trying to monopolize my time seems pretty great to me.
As a woman, I had 6 relationships and they were 99% misery. Your life might very well be worse after you get a relationship, or stay the same than before. Why do you want it so bad? It's not like you get one woman and BOOM you're in heaven rest of your life.
Bro just because a relationship isn't the end-all be-all of life doesn't mean I don't want to experience one. I want to be loved by a woman, I want to have sex, I want intimacy, I want someone by my side.
Literally facts. I genuinely do think men just need a safe space to talk about this stuff without having the “well think about the women…” speech attached to it constantly
@@sorubro2193 the article referenced at the start started a load of video's and posts by men and women. just type in the title of this video in UA-cam and you'll find dozens of video's/shorts uploaded in the last couple of days
@@db1777 Can you summarize the talking points? I’m very interested in what the subreddit has to say but reading arguments with people being mean to each other just puts me in a bad mood.
The disclaimer he needs to say really underscore the problem a lot of men face. If I mention anything I face that's negative to anyone about my experience as a man the immediate reply is "yeah but women..."
That was the point. There arealso lonely single women. It's not only men who suffer. Stop the suffer Olympics that was the point. Loneliness in men is addressed by Dr K every week on this channel I remind you that Dr K is not the platform for only men. Under every video you will have women and non binary people commenting
Well women also have issues and men don't understand it. When your gender goes on dating apps you use it as a trap to "catch women" rather than looking for something meaningful. You xualise them and objectify them. Women don't want that women want real men that understand them and wants real relationship not to just be f'ed and dmped
The rise of social media presence is also makes a rise in “standards” for people, we have Tiktoks making people more aware of how being ‘good looking’ and having money is a “must” to get a date, so that makes these men insecure or scared trying.
This makes a lot of sense but there's one thing that doesn't add up: The Ancient Greeks had those beautiful statues of the gods and the mythological heroes, and their figures can be easily considered as attractive even by modern standards. But why didn't those statues, which broadly depicted perfect divine beings with desirable qualities that people aspire to have, cause this same effect as Instagram and Tiktok do while doing almost the exact same thing? I mean, I am yet to see rampant records of unreachable beauty standards destroying love and relationships. Is it because every individual Ancient Greek was as beautiful as the gods, or is it because of something else?
@@phosspatharios9680 Because love and relationships are modern concepts. Much of human history involved arranged marriages that weren't about love. Women didn't have much choice (women had almost zero rights in most of ancient Greece, the exception being Sparta where strong women were thought to produce strong men and men being off at war, meant women had to have more freedom to do things when they were left alone). The the thing that changed in recent years is that women have the choice to be single if they want to. And if women chose to be single that means men are forced to be single. For every single woman, there's a single man.
@@shelbyannechien7413 i mean its kinda both. I have seen a lot of negative social media influence. And yes I know where you're goming from. There's a lot of bullshit of "its all standards of women". That is also happeng and some standards are good. Like actually wanting someone who is actually compatible. And i don't think that i can be compatible with 50% of men. People are too different. And we shouldn't go for someone who first gives us attention. But but but internet sometimes telos lies and makes question our own heathy relationships. Like overuse of Red flags. Its important to make clear are actual dealbreakers. "oh his homofobic. You should leave him now. 😡." this kind of stuff. When we see internet couples we see this perfekt image. Which isn't all truth . Relationships are incredibly complex theres no better person.
Part of the problem is that you have to ask permission to discuss men's issues whereas you'll be called sexist if you don't want to talk about women's.
There's not much more frustrating than hearing someone essentially say that "this side isn't doing enough" for a problem that's got so many nuances to it. Especially in this scenario, where there's a potential heavy burden of old expectations already there.
Sometimes it's not even just about dating, but having any type of relationships with any person. I've always had to struggle with social anxiety, (not to mention having to live in the middle of nowhere, with little places to be social besides school) so I usually don't seek out interactions myself. The few friends I did make throughout all my school life have slowly been drifting away ever since covid happened. I'd say I have it easier compared to other guys. I'm not depressed, I'm not overweight, I have great parents, yet I can't help but feel like I'm missing the basic experience of creating relationships with other people. I always hear people say "It'll happen." "Work on yourself and it'll happen." But I know that for myself, it's highly unlikely for anything to happen unless I can force myself to become more social, and maybe move to somewhere more populated.
it's not about being social and/or being in a populated area it's about how you can relate to people on an intimate level, men are usually very VERY little inclined to have personal-level type of talks let alone personal friendships, unlike women. You can live in a populated sure area sure and go ahead and be more social and go out every single day and you may still get the feeling of "being lonely in a crowd"
Even behind all the satire, misogyny, and marketing that Andrew Tate does, I think a lot of men can relate to what he says about how most men don't even exist in the dating sphere and how lonely men are. It always seems that men's problems derail into "women have it worse" or "men should take responsibility for their own issues", but when it's a women's issues, it's a societal problem that men should fix. These ideas stink of toxic masculinity and double standards. "Men live life on easy mode" apparently, but I think we all know that the burden of "personal responsibility" weighs heavy on many men's shoulders, as the common sentiment is that it's our personal shortcomings and lack of achievement that is the reason we are single and lonely.
Yeah, this is one of the major issues I have with all this. Typically when a guy has a concern regarding lack of success in some department or another it always comes down to personal responsibility. When women spend half their day trying to get attention and then are surprised Pikachu face when a bunch of dudes are in their DMs, I'M the toxic one for pointing out how they might be contributing to their own problem. I get that in any case there are circumstances that we can control and some that we can't. It's just that there is a double standard when it comes to the approach for men and women. You can say that incels ruin it for everyone else, but other people ruin it too by just tossing you into the incel category the second you suggest women take responsibility along with you lol
its literally a common internet phrase to say "women live life on easy mode", and pretty much no one every uses it the other way around, so how can you say that women's problems are being treated as serious societal issues then? also if you are even remotely familiar with the comment section of this channel, you literally constantly see people saying that men have it worse. your comment is doing the exact thing dr k said not to do, which is diminishing the problems of others (women in this case)
No, women's issues aren't societal problems men need to fix. This is a false dichotomy that damages the discussion. Yes there are women who blame men and society for all their problems. They are equally wrong and deserve to have the flaws in their logic pointed out. Finger pointing and saying "But when THIS group does it.." NEVER helps the conversation. And it's why these huge disclaimers of "now we're NOT ignoring the other group okay? We can talk about one groups struggles without dismissing this other equally important groups struggles as well, okay?" Because people keep turning it into an us vs them issue when it shouldn't be. You can talk about your own struggles without comparing and contrasting another group of people as "not able to understand" in the process. And it doesn't matter if it's a man or woman who's doing it.
I've been doing coaching for years and studied a bit of how it works. What I figured out is that coaching works by opening new possibilities for the client. Let me explain: if some possiblity you don't see it and you can't imagine it, there is no way you could act on it. Also, if you see the possibility but you don't think it is possible for YOU, you won't act on it. So basically coaching makes you look for options and evaluate if they are possible for you particularly. Once you find a possiblilty and you believe it fits you, you are more likely to act on it and get a different result from what you were getting before.
1:42 Sorry but no, if your immediate reaction about talking about why someone is feeling lonely is "toxic lonely single men", belittling how someone feels, you do have a problem. I can get if you don't care about it, that's valid. Not everyone has to commiserate with someone else's problems. But belittling someone because that someone feels like crap? Nope. And some wonder why men feel alone, where, if you ever dare to talk that you feel like crap you will be belittled into less than a human being with words like "toxic lonely single men"
Simple solution, Us men need to have more circles helping men on an emotional level , men are suffering not because of loneliness but because of lack of emotional support and understanding with what's happening inside, alot of men were with women because the woman represented that emotional support that they got from their mothers or lack of, basically men were not taught how to emotionally love themselves, and regulate themselves, which is crucial ! So yes men need to step up to not only help themselves but to help other men. It will be better for everyone. PS as far as dating the reason isn't solely what the article stated , I would say it's 20% of the problem, so many more factors that play , think about it.
You are right, this is a part of it, but getting in a relationship with a woman is such an intrinsic part to masculinity, that it's literally impossible to replace this with emotional support from other men. It's a talking point that gets thrown around a lot, but I think that the experience of many men who have fulfilling friendships indicate that it's not enough. People want to be desired and not to be treated as ugly losers. Who cares if your friend likes you? This is about status in general. A female friend of mine was completely dissolved because a more attractive friend of hers was getting a lot of attention irl and also due to her not getting more than a few matches on dating apps. Imagine if she would have to deal with the possibility of not getting a relationship EVER. It would completely fuck her brain, like she has NO IDEA how this feels like, she is already completely fucked by the possibility of a girl in her friendgroup being more attractive. Idk people always trivialize getting into a relationship as a luxury, or as something that doesn't matter, well, most women sure seem to risk dealing with a lot of violence from abusive boyfriends just to be in one. I know it's tasteless to say this, but it's the truth??? And if this is the truth then how can we just tell people to talk more with their male friends.. this is not a solution.
@@xXWorldgamefunXx Emotional support from other men doesn`t replace a relationship with a woman, it enables it. You will be far more likely to ask a woman out and risk getting rejected if you know you will meet your mate tonight, have a good time with him and will be able to talk to him about how much it sucks to be rejected than when you know you will be alone at home feeling like shit if she rejects you. Also if I as a woman would sense that you see "a relationship with a woman as an intrinsic part to masculinity", basically me being a tool you need to feel like " a real man", I would run. You literally say that you see being desired by women as a sign of status. You don`t think we can sense when we are just a trophy and not a valuable person to you?
Interesting to see that Dr. K had to spend the first 10 Minutes justifying simply talking about men’s issues without also speaking on women’s issues. Although if it were vice versa I’d wager to say the reaction would’ve been different.
I thought exactly the same and I wish Dr K would dare adress how we have to preface talkign about men's issues every time with 'buit of course women have it bad too' but never do the opposite when talking about women's issues
It sucks that he couldn't talk about an issue in general without calling out every individual group possible. He had to walk on eggshells since a lot of people online will interpret this however they want. Both sides of the war probably spammed his chat in the past for him to feel the need to do so
Men are so sensitive and unwilling to accept that most of their problems are due to their own horrible choices and an inability to accept responsibility and motivate themselves to change. So much easier to blame everything else I reckon.
Even more interesting considering there was a video specifically about women's issues literally like 6 days ago. Going to that and being like (men have issues to or going to this video and being like "women have issues too" is just dumb imo. Yes both have the same issues but he is giving specific advice for one of them right now. It's kinda like going to a talk about cancer and being like "heart disease is also a problem"
I think Dr. K is a bit out of his depth on the topic. He has zero personal experience on dating apps, cause if he had he would know how it is. It's kind of common sense, no statistics needed imo.
Also tie this with the fact that he met his gf in highschool and she was his first girl meaning he never even dated in college nor in his 20s where most people generally do their dating. He has no sense of empathy for the topic.
Really enjoyed this dive into critically thinking about the sources cited in the article. Over the last couple of years, in particular, I've noticed an ever increasing amount of people all too ready to fall on either side of most arguments/discussions (beyond this particular issue); pitting themselves against each other in the process --to their detriment. I think what you've showcased on stream is the antidote, as well as a shining example of how we get to move towards healthier and more reasonable collaboration. Thank you for everything that you do, Dr K. Your example has meant and continues to mean a lot.
kinda sad that in order to discuss men's struggles in any capacity there needs to be a literal 10 minute disclaimer about how everyone's issues are valid, otherwise men get written off or accused of being inconsiderate of women's issues or whatever else. No wonder men are never open about their feelings or problems
Actually most of his viewers are men I believe, so I don't think he is trying to not get yelled at by a female audience. I think he is trying to give men perspective so that they don't go down the route "women have it so easy" which is a typical narrative in male spaces that speak of male problems. Which is a shame, because sht isn't a competition.
@Wrath of Fenrir We would need to look at the stats, but regardless it is not a bad thing to do, to tell one group of people that their's aren't the only problems. In fact it is something that should be done much more in feminist/women's spaces, as there aren't enough women who are knowledgeable on men's issues. In my opinion if we all were informed on each other's isues, sht would be resolved much quicker. Ps. Cool username, I used to have a cat named Fenrir.
@@cheyemily6066 cancel culture doesn't care who the intended or actual audience is, they will attack people for anything they see as an opinion that doesnt align with their own. That's why he has to do that even though his real audience doesn't care.
@@AN-sm3vj Huh? I'm just saying if the culture was so skewed in men's favor why would anyone feel the need to try so unbelievably hard to placate feminists and couch every talk of men's issues with 10 minute disclaimers to avoid the massive amount of hate they'd get for not talking about women instead lol you're thinking too hard.
@@cheyemily6066 I don't have any problem with a disclaimer like this for that kind of purpose. It just feels more intrusive to the conversation when that disclaimer is essentially the entire video considering the first 10 minutes or so is entirely disclaimer alone. And then throughout the rest of the video it seems whenever an acknowledgement about men's issues is actually addressed, the disclaimer has to pop back up again and we have to go over what we spent 10 minutes already talking about. It honestly is more of an issue of making these conversations a lot less efficient and feel more like a jumbled mess rather than the smoothly flowing information about most other given topics you may see on the channel. And you have to admit when dr. k stops and says "so is it okay to talk about this?" its not just him trying to prevent his male audience from being turned into incels, but also being worried about people actually being upset with him trying to help struggling men
I’ve become a person that finds one of dr. K’s videos posted at a time that is very relevant to my situation. I wish I could just convince myself that being alone in the world is fine but it’s easier said than done. I’ve been making big changes in my life that everyone around me agrees is best for me yet I feel empty and despite my efforts to achieve my goal of being a top musician, it’s just not enough and i fear will never be. I’m coming to the conclusion that i really have nothing to live for i guess because i just don’t care about what most of the world does. I can’t find anybody to relate to or talk to. I’m alone when surrounded by people and it’s become psychological torture.
Busca terapia, esos pensamientos pueden volverse peligrosos rápidamente. Nadie dice que estar solo en el mundo es lo ideal, pero estar solo en el mundo no es lo mismo que no tener pareja.
Damn man I feel you, especially as a fellow artist. I'm a film student and I get a lot of attention from other guys when I'm out with my cinema rig and whatnot. Meanwhile the chick's just ignore me no matter what I accomplish, and my family asking me when I'm gonna get a gf is not helping. Definitely feels like it'll never happen
@@awesometjgreen eres un estudiante!! Lo que me lleva a asumir que no tienes más de 23 años, dale tiempo al tiempo haz muchas amistades y no escuches a tu familia las probabilidades dicen que se casaron por que estaban embarazados, si a los 26 aún no ha, tenido algún tipo de relación entonces puedes recién empezar a preocuparte un poco 😌
Regarding the study showing that financial stability in men correlates to being in a relationship status, Dr K's assumption is that financial stability makes a man more attractive to a woman, however I would question if being partnered is what leads to more financial security. We already know men live longer when partnered. Men definitely benefit from the labor of their female partners in that way. It is not a stretch to conclude that men will have more time and resources to pursue financial gain, when partnered and either sharing or completely shirking responsibilities at home.
Also, financially well off women are also more likely to be married. Stable people with good incomes have more relationship success. Instability has social aspects including wealth inequality that has gone unchecked. I think focusing on the individual part here misses opportunity to move forward. We need to create a more stable affluent society so that relationships can thrive. IMO it's a wealth inequality problem.
Good point. My fiance has a full time well paying job now, but when we met he was working part time at target. The only reason he started pursuing a career in earnest is because I told him I wanted a family and in todays economy I can't do that alone. I needed his equal support in work like I have it in the home, and if he couldn't find the effort to really get full time work then that was the only thing I could see breaking us up, because no matter how much I love him our life goals would be too different. When faced with that, he stepped the fuck up and found the drive to do what it took to get the job he wanted - but he couldn't do it alone. I had to support him financially while he took a year long paramedic course, but I knew he was doing something about it so I stuck with him. Now, as a result of my temporary financial support, he is far more financially stable than before. This is something that ought to be teased out more.
This is kind of a general thing, but the thing that I really despise is that whenever an issue pertaining to men is brought up there's usually a response of "how dare you! Don't you know that women have it so much worse than you in general!? What ever gave you the idea that you ever deserved any compassion!? You should feel ashamed of yourself for thinking your pain was ever worth acknowledging!" Obviously not in those words but it damn well feels like it. Edit: before the inevitable storm comes im not actually talking about dating specifically, I just mean in general because my personal opinion is that relationships are something you have to take responsibility for, it's honestly one of the lesser problems.
agreed. I like him and the channel but he's been doing this bs for a while now. Being single is a male problem let's be honest, there wasn't really the need to acknowledge the female perspective. Simply think about all the females you personally know, how many of them have problems in finding a partner? I personally can count 1, but because she has absurd standards. How many males you personally know that have that problem? The answer is probably be definitely more
@@CostaECosta98 I'm a lonely woman, hello🗿 I don't really understand your point here. Just because there're fewer women with this problem, does this make our struggle less valid? I just wish people would stop arguing about who has it worse and started actually aknowledging each others feelings... Edit: The atmosphere is getting tense in the comments. I hope nobody here feels invalidated or offended by my comment (that perhaps ended up being a little too emotional). I wish every lonely person reading this will find peace.
@@CostaECosta98 I wish he wouldn't have to do thios preface, because of course he doesn't have to do it when talking about women's issues. That being said I totally udnerstand why he does it. The MOMENT certain individuals on twitter start having the idea that Healthygamer is "red pill" "men's rights (how they see it)" or anythign similar, there is a very big chance the channel will be pulled into a shitshow and downward spiral which will ultimately end in its demise.
I'm a woman. I'm only here to learn about the struggles of others (in this case men who are lonely) in hopes to understand them better. I genuinely don't want to invalidate anyone without realizing it. I only realize that it's hard for everyone, even if in different ways. Anyway, whatever all of you guys struggle with, I hope your situation will get better and please know that there are people out there who genuinely care to understand and empathize with your situation. Hopefully, mutual understanding will make the situation for everyone better. I don't think, there is anything I can do to help, just wanted to let everyone know what this is my way of showing support and compassion for what you're going through.
Dr. K always seems to have the best discussions on these topics. Where most public content creators I think tend to universalize an individual experience then maybe explore the nuance as the discussion unfolds, you tend to acknowledge the individual experience and invite your audience to pause and then immediately dive into the intricacies. Makes for really productive conversations with your chat.
Facts, people either always blame feminists for every problem or incels for every problem but the truth is both parties are responsible for the damage that is being done to society.
I’m single, and have been for a long time now, but it’s completely my fault as to why. My work schedule is probably the main reason, I work rotating shift and work about 72-84hrs a week. And the little free time that I do have, I usually don’t go out, I just rest. And when I do go out, its to run an errand or something. I never really put myself in a situation or place were its “socially acceptable” to approach women, so I don’t. I’m also insecure of myself in pretty much every aspect, and my lack of experience also makes me feel like I’m behind the curb, like there’s plenty of other guys out there that “know what they’re doing”, and I feel like being inexperienced means that there’s “something wrong with you”, that’s another reason why I don’t try. Honestly, I don’t even care at this point, I’ve been single this long, I’m kinda used to it now :)
I dont think experience means shit. Sex is never "great" the first few times imo bc you have to learn what that person likes and dislikes which requires a lot of unsexy communication and vulnerability. Some dudes like having their balls sucked, some don't. Some chicks like having their clit pounded, others get off by being fingered. Every person is inexperienced with a new partner at first bc it takes time, energy, communication, and experimenting to figure out how to come together in a way that works for you both.
I really admire your level of self-awareness & not letting your circumstances make you bitter toward women. But, being inexperienced doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Be easy on yourself. & when you have the time & are willing to be in a relationship, get yourself out there... It's going to suck at first, you'll make a lot of mistakes, but just like every skill in life, you need a decent amount of time of being crappy at it until you actually get the hang of it. (It's all about mentally surviving that crappy period) I wish you the best.
The argument of lack of relationship skills is particularly sad for me. I have never had a girlfriend in my life and I am 26 and I would be described as lacking skills. Why should I then date a "skilled person"? It's really an objectifying statement that makes me feel unwanted and looking to date a similarly "unexperienced" person.
You don`t need to date to aquire relationship skills. You can get them through having close friendships, having a job where you have to interact with a lot of different people, doing volunteer work, etc. You can coach the kids football team and learn to empathize with and motivate the kids, interact with their parents and their banter and complaints.
The talk was great. It might need time before some people are ready to hear it, but it's good to see Dr.K having the patience and subtlety needed to venture into this minefield. Some are triggered, but I hope it'll help them reflect and be more open on the subject in the long run.
He neglected to mention that men will only engage in dates with a small minority of women that they swiped right on. It's the top 10 percent dating the top 10 percent. Dating apps are insufficient for forming connections for the vast majority of people.
HealthyGG, I wish somebody called out the "men need to be emotionally available" to improve their dating....when the reality is women DO NOT choose the "emotionally available" men. This article feeds on the Mythology that women are superior to relationships than men...when they clearly suck at choosing men. Men can spend years and thousands of $$ on therapy, which is great business for y'all.
Women who are emotionally available want emotionally available men. Idk if you're aware of attachment theory but through it one can see that often people who are anxiously attached end up being drawn to those who are avoidant, that is to say- those who strongly want relationships and have a schema for relationships that suggests they gotta keep doing things to get the partner, and end up with partners who are neglectful and only give them attention when the partner presses them for this attention. Often the first group is women and the second are men, but definitely not always. People who work on themselves may become securely attached, which means they don't feel at a constant deficit when they aren't getting their partners full attention nor do they feel a tendency to avoid their partner when given said full attention. The fact broken people have a pattern of dating other broken people shouldn't concern those who would like to have a functional and fulfilling long lasting relationship. The reason the article was so biased in the first place is likely because the writer had many experiences listening to women complain about men, which is often about their emotional unavailability. But men can also be the ones who are anxiously attached, attracted to avoidant women, it's just that this particular psychologist probably had far less experience with that.
@@FirsToStrike whatever they say almost never matches their actions. as long as a guy is tall and good looking they will spin any narrative in order to explain that 'purely coincidental attraction'. biology is biology, nobody can change that
Dr.K seems to think that the main reason men are lonely is because they struggle with emotional availability. I completely disagree with this. most average guys can’t even get to the stage where emotional availability is important. if you can’t even get a date, if you get ghosted after you send a selfie, if you can’t even get a single match, then you can’t even show to a girl that you have emotional availability. you’re already rejected based off the artificial stuff before you get a chance. emotional availability is important but generally comes later, when a girl is already getting close with you. this is not the barrier that blocks out most men, the barrier comes before that. ultimately, women are just too picky. men can’t be emotionally available when women only swipe right on 4.5% of men.
womens standards are low af, be mentally stable and not be a misogynist. ez. if youre still getting rejected its because either youre an asshole or youre trying to get 8's when youre a 6
and lets say we get past this stage, in my experience, being emotionally available with women lead to 1. being ignored 2. accusations of not being manly enough 3. full on emotional and psychological abuse. Then when I had the gall to talk about my experience? instant "you weren't actually abused", "you weren't actually available", "you deserved it".
@@popejaimie women set standards on men which is far higher than what said woman lives up to herself. This is fundamentally hypocritical.. So yea, you an be too picky
@@klimtkiller I do that, and I’m not too picky because I’d prefer to be single than with someone who doesn’t meet my standards. I’m exactly picky enough.
expected a 1h talk about male loneliness, got 40min of disclaimers followed by 20 min of what to do once you're in a relationship to please the other party.
Sadly that's the most help we're going to get from a more left leaning individual when it comes to mens issues. People want to shit on the right all the time, but at least it's not the side demonizing masculinity when our societies were very clearly built on the backs of hard-working men.
@@vargusdread9519 Hi Vargus, it's important to recognize that each side has its own problems and that the majority of people recognize that no worldview is perfect. Indeed, the left is just starting to realize the whiplash they have induced on their quest for equity, and at least the open minded within the sect are working to rectify the issue. I would caution against the hasty generalizations in your comment, and instead I would advise to notice the nuances in modern political discourse that are too often overshadowed in favor of sensationalism and black-and-white thinking. Cheers.
@@romdotdogwomen lead life on easy mode. Stop the cap. Men leade lives that are a living hell. A feminist who pretended to be a man killed herself. I'm tired of pretending female difficulties are of the same level of that of men.
@@vargusdread9519 I get that this video didn’t talk about any of the things you were hoping for. I didn’t enjoy it very much either. However, there are probably a hundred or more hours of content just on this topic in other videos on this channel. Many of them have helped me personally. Politicising it isn’t helping anyone.
@@romdotdog The open minded within the sect? I've only found a few open minded influencers on the left leaning sphere like Destiny or Shoeonhead and sure they are "trying" to rectify this issue but to no avail. Why? Because the ideological presupposition of modern progressive politics go against any man with healthy testosterone levels. Even when they try their best to make a conventional path of dealing with male issues within the progressive ideology, they clearly fail. NaturalHypetrophy had a great video on that which is funny since this is a fitness channel that delves into philosophy from time to time but the conclusion was pretty clear. The reason why communism had such a big male base is because it was celebrating the parts of masculinity that are considered toxic and in fact made good use of said parts into achieving the communist ideal, even if it was bound to fail.
The dating market is like the job market where the minimum skill required to be successful is a lot higher than it was for our parents. I used to think social skills are not important, but the older I get, the more I realize that interacting with people to make them feel welcomed and build relationships is a real skill that a lot of men are terrible at, including myself.
@@sp123 I agree with most of what you said, but let's be honest our parents had better social skills. Our parent will meet new neighbors, talk to people, get out of the house. This generation lives on their cell phones.
@@sp123 the skill required is higher for men while lower for women when compared to previous generations. Women were once shamed and forced to abide by strict social controls which of course was wrong now they can be masculine, feminine, a girlboss, or stay at home wife while for men it has gotten more and more difficult because online dating means the top 10% of guys are chased by women while the rest are left out and treated like shit generally. And as one of the men who worked on myself plus was lucky enough to be in a position to make the work pay off I have had women offer off the bat to clean my place for me so they could "hang out" to get me to want to more which I told them I'll clean my own place and then chill because that's gentlemanly imo and proper but it's fucked up to see so many people and friends I grew up with great people with interesting stories goals and futures treated like uninteresting shit by women who have accomplished equal or less than what they have with the same lack of developed skills but society inherently values these women and defends their ego with fury while simultaneously shitting on the male versions of those same women. Trust me I cannot find women in gen Z my generation who are ok with traditional relationships/holding hands/cuddling etc but theres plenty who want to fuck on the first date or smash and dash first couple weeks or that have serious issues like dangerous drug addictions/criminal histories lol that I'm in danger meme is fitting for trying to date in the US in 2022 shit is fucked rn even for the "winners" who have meaningless stupid sex that should be available to everyone so people realize it's futility and our civilization can move on to better shit.
@@matasuki Yeah, competition for attention and entertainment has skyrocketed because of the internet and smartphones. It's difficult for regular people to compete for attention when on-demand streaming of movies, celebrities, etc has become ubiquitous. This has also led to an arms race of absurdity in order to catch and keep peoples' attention.
Here's my take, the progression of society has been incredibly one sided. Women work and earn more than ever before, women's issues are taken very seriously. Women want emotionally available men that make enough money, own a car, have there own place, and are funny and charismatic. The number of guys I have met that are all for leveling up emotionally is insane, men want to put the work in, men want to reach out, men want to do better. How do you do you get better at something? You practice. How do you practice emotional skills when nobody will let you get your foot in the door? That's simple, you don't. Additionally making enough money is a challenge all on it's own because how much is enough is totally based on how much women are making, "enough" is typically a breadwinner sum. Women are artificially shrinking there dating pools by progressing in society while at the same time refusing to let go of the perks that came with traditional standards. For the most part any guy that is traditionally successful will likely be spending so much time working they don't have time to grow emotionally where as men putting in the effort to grow emotionally probably aren't on the grind pulling in 5 or 6 figures because they're prioritizing personal growth over traditional success, that kind of growth takes a lot of energy. Surely some guys have both but I can't imagine there are a ton of them out there. I think it is absurdly unrealistic demand the complete package. For the time being odds are you only get one, either you can date someone traditionally successful or men can be allowed the opportunity to slow the fuck down and learn.
Whilst there may be men in communities to deserve to be single we have to take into consideration that women also play a part in 'society" and its expectations. So your right in that sense, its true, alot of progressive types will also aim for trad men but still be progressive in their own way for women (which is good of course) but the side where men still need to be something they likely don't really care about i.e insanely charismatic, have a car, ..basically be a Daddy figure, as toxic as that sounds , is just horrendous. (I'm just using that word as a summary) but part of the reason these issues aren't tackled is because any time you bring it up, you get a reactionary response for daring to highlight women's standards. Dr k likely doesent agree with extremist women like that either tbf. He makes point saying there's "both sides with bad expectations " in one of his videos and poses example of such. In summary I'm not here to blame women over men and men over women, but we need to consider that its both sides . Or all sides very likely that contribute to this bullshit. Alot of men have I guess, become more their owm selves also as society has progressed , as opposed to a bot who falls in line with social standards *Well not all traditional men are bots*, but either way untraditional men aren't rewarded for that. Im definately not the "provoder/ protector" type either, nor a super strong stone faced individual, overall there definitely needs to be change other wise this shiyt will just get worse. Its even worse that ive met men "typically foreign" who will try and tell you "what a man's supposed to do, etc." It's flipping wild. (Now not everyone thinks like this of course so that needs to be clarified.)
I think Dr K misread the 'effect size' at 22:16. He was looking at p values, which tell us how likely the results were to be effected by chance. It seems that the part he was looking at was discussing the percentages of men who felt lonely in a breakdown between demographic factors, and not looking at the male-female ratios that he believed to be looking at. I looked at the article, and their Beta value (insert red-pill joke here) for gender differences was 0.08, which is actually a larger effect than what they found for individualism (-0.06). That also makes me suspicious of their conclusion. It was weird to me that they were talking negatively about their findings surrounding men's loneliness and downplaying it - it felt like the research team wanted to achieve an outcome that predicted more female loneliness and was disappointed, especially as they still pushed the individualism findings, which had a weaker coefficiency than that of their results for gender.
So that table Dr. K read was reporting intercorrelation, which typically implies Pearson's correlation coefficient AKA Pearsons R. So that -0.07 was Pearson's R, not the p-value. Both Pearson's R and Beta are effect sizes, just different kinds of effect sizes. The p-value is reported underneath the -0.07 as an inequality rather than exact value, (as is typical) where it says p
The 9-minute justification wasn't necessary man. You're really good at what you do. You don't need anybody's approval. Keep doing what you're doing what you're doing. You'll always have an audience. You should only get bigger if you play your cards right and focus on your strengths.
That’s because no one takes men seriously nor is there an incentive to help men. Men have so many expectations with 0 avenues for healthy self expression that provides positive reinforcement. Whereas for women they get given the benefit of the doubt. It’s why you see women saying incredibly sexist misandrist shit online and they get positive reinforcement because being the de facto “victim” in every situation means it’s easier to sympathize and get help.
@@CaptainFracture I don't think a lot of this is actually true. There really isn't “Incentive” to help anyone you make the choice to help or you do not. Moreover, there are a lot of men who don't reach out for help. Men seek help for depression and mental health at a significantly lower rate than what women do. As far as communities go there is all kinds of health communities this being one of them. Personally I've got an all poetry account that I use as expression that is normally very positive. Anytime you feel like you can't express yourself in a certain way is almost always because of toxic masculinity. The idea that women get the benefit of every doubt is just false. Do they get more leeway for certain things they say online yes, but we can't pretend that women still have an ridiculously hard time getting justice for rape and assault. Let us also not pretend that very powerful wealthy men get away with slaps on the wrist for truly vile shit. Bobby Kotic, and Vince Mcmahon are two of the most recent examples.
Yes I agree some men get really aggressive if they feel rejected and some stalk you or act creepy if you won't date them. It makes you abit more scared to date because you wonder if its going to be the same scenario. Ofcourse not all men but some ruin it for others
I feel like the issue lies in that we're relying on dating habbits from when Men were specifically expected to be assholes in order to make it in society, specifically during the industrial revolutions The culture back then demanded men be the biggest and meanest in a big and mean world, and the only real shot most women had to be secure was to hope the big mean fella they chose wouldn't be so to them Things have changed RADICALLY since then, but people still look for certain things from that era that aren't really realistic (or even healthy) to expect from todays culture; and doing that is what leads to some men becoming toxic asshats, reinforcing some real bad stereotypes in many cases. I feel for Black men especially on this, because it seems like they have more pressure to act like a "masculine" stereotype than others do, and it sucks I've seen so many lament how they're NOT that online
Some might argue that in order to make it easier for the elite to dominate the society, they needed men to become more docile. How do you have this much income inequality and men don't revolt? During the pandemic we saw mom and pop shops get shut down but big box stores allowed to stay open. So while you see traditional masculine archetype as unnecessary Id argue the opposite. You can see it in Ukraine right now, you need strong men to protect the society from invaders. The reason women say they don't need men is because the men from most modernized economies live online, lack most of the things a woman needs to feel safe. Hell if I slapped most of these guys wife on the ass they wouldn't do anything, maybe they'd cry to the police. There is a lack of masculine spirit in this generation esp among the liberal types. We got guys here too scared to talk to a woman. Masculine spirit is dying in the west
To build on this, I think it's important to remember that we're victims of victims. Our previous generations had little support and just had to "suck it up". It's commendable what they accomplished in spite of the lack of support, but times are different now and other needs are more pressing. Just look at the number of school shootings skyrocketing in the past 20 years. Clearly something must be done. It is very hard to start building a supportive culture around mental health and other social issues, but we are starting it here and now. The previous generation is not likely to take responsibility (source: personal experience), so it starts with us. It's hard to be the bigger person, but that's what we need to focus on right now- fostering a positive change for society.
There's a huge disconnect between what men admire in other men and what women want in men. I've noticed that a lot of popular women's dating coaches are men giving advice to women from the heterosexual male perspective. And a lot of popular men's dating coaches are... heterosexual men. Giving advice to men about what women find attractive from the perspective of... a heterosexual man. When your main source of information about what makes a man attractive comes from someone who's never been attracted to men, that's a recipe for disaster.
@@Vannabee13 this is such a valid point especially with body image in women! That instantly made think of what women think men care about or see versus what they actually want. Most men do not care about cellulite, body hair, makeup, wrinkles, huge boobs, etc. what were taught to desire is so skewed from reality. It’s very shameful and causes so much damage to girls and women globally. I used to suffer bad body image issues from it and know too many who struggled with eating disorders. I’ve found the men who do care about these superficial things have other red flags and tend to be abusive… I know a friend who was shamed for having pubes and the guy she was seeing didn’t want anything to do with her until she shaved and removed all of her body hair. She luckily got out of that but he was bad in other ways and it’s just sad how such conditioning has affected both men and women. Men think they have to be aggressive and provide superficial things, like nah as long as you can provide emotional support and help with the adult responsibilities that’s all we need. At least that’s all I expect, sure work sucks but I don’t want a burned out husband at the end of the day and it’s foolish to rely completely on someone else for income. I like to have my own money and my own things. I don’t think we’re as complex as it seems it’s just generations of toxic conditioning have taught everyone such self hatred that we blame each other for it. We literally value ourselves on our relationship status which is foolish because you can be perfectly content being single.
Dr. missed the mark on this one. He fell into the narrative that you can't talk about mens issues without talking about women's. He is not ready for it. He is still scared to speak the truth.
also I don't understand why we spent so much time on emotional availability. The problem is that men aren't getting into relationships in the first place. They don't get to be emotionally available
@@LAKD Complete opposite from what I've seen. Mostly need to look good to get in a relationship. Then the other stuff matters somewhat to have a stable longer relationship
@@LAKD Being emotionally available to a person you are not in a relationship with is the fastest way to friendzone there is. Been there done that, never again.
I love this comments section because it contains such a chaotic amalgamation of all the different types of people I've ever interacted with online in my journey of increasing my confidence with women. In fact I don't think we can fully have this conservation without including this factor (confidence) and to some extent male sexual repression. I believe that if my own experiences are anything to go by, some men are letting the actions of abusive men dictate their lives by refusing to approach women because "it's also something the dangerous guys do" and "what if she thinks I'm one of them". Life's too short. Do I also think that right now is a difficult environment for some men to build that confidence (if they weren't raised to learn it with ease) and that some people aren't aware of that reality enough to give it proper concern? Yes.
While it was well acknowledged that there is an illusion of what a representative male and female ought to be due to how people portray themselves on massive platforms with alot of information transmission. It should also be acknowledged that standards have risen because the search costs of finding partners have decreased with improvements in technology. It once was the case that you had to get changed every time you wanted to go out, look presentable, get in your car, spend gas, drive from X to Y, spend hours courting, etc,. just for one prospect (even holds for very early on in possible relationships). These massive costs forced people to have to have lower standards because if they did not they would never find a partner. However, today, you can cycle through a prospective partner in seconds, this has undoubtedly gave rise to having higher standards. The issue is peoples' standards are so high due to such low search costs that it has them nearly infinitely searching for the best because its so cheap to do so. I believe there are both theory and empirical papers supporting the above as well. I forget them off the top of my head, but I will edit this comment if they come up. EDIT: There was a theory paper published this month in AEJ Micro called "Searching Forever After" that relates to my point and @a b.
I believe that boils down to the fact most people choose looks first then character/personality second. Society has become increasingly sexualized and all people focus on is the aspects of a relationship involving sex. But a deep and meaningful relationship is so much more than that. Imo the deep connection with somebody else is the main quest and the sex is just a very rewarding side quest. But most people see it in reverse. Society is fucked.
Ill save you 55 minutes: "The men who are single are often single because they are not financially secure enough to provide for a family, men are more affected in the dating market when the economy is bad, we obsfuscate this fact by saying men need to be more "emotionally available" which is a vauge term which its goalpost is contextual to how the other person expects communication to manifest. We cant talk about mens problems without propping up womens issues thus invalidating mens experiences. Personal note here: Years of being rejected because youre not up to womens expectations, and the crushing lonliness that comes with that is worse than getting an unsolicited image of someones genitals. Women get raped more often, men commit suicide more often. Everyone is fucked, give up. To which i would say: No shit bro, im a high school drop out and know this, the academic community is just now catching on
I love your approach.. I'm a freshman in college struggling to meet and connect with people and do my coursework. I've been connected to the "online world" since I was 8. minecraft, youtube, videogames. I'm white, quiet, fat kid, subsisting on fast food and junk all my life. I'm 5'8 260lbs. Always had social anxiety. When I moved to a new highschool I.. just didn't make any friends. I was content with my life literally just being UA-cam, Movies/TV and video games for over 4 years while I coast through highschool. Literally binge watching TV shows like Breaking Bad and the Walking Dead in my study hall for the first few years of highschool..not talking to anyone. I started gaming exclusively alone after I just started talking less with my old friends.. different interests. (~1 year after I left). I've never really learned how to study or even read textbooks.. just quizlet-flashcards and given notes. I've been alone for so long and I started realizing it and all I've missed at the end of junior year, just before covid hit.. and I think it became worse when I lost the in-person interaction with teachers and simply sitting next to classmates. Senior year I ended up with what feels like an undeserved 4.15 gpa and I just had this realization, I'm not happy, I'm not living. I don't know what I want to do with my life (so unusual ikr). I gave up on 2 of my college classes in my first semester. All I know is I want to build a life worth living and be healthier. I just don't know where to start, just routine, routine routine I hear. I can't crumble, life and college is a trial by fire/bs test and relationships are important door openers. I need to ditch my self consciousness. Because we all deserve what this world has to offer. I can't give up on my scared little 10-year-old self and throw my life away. He who still had hope he could make it and be happy in this messed up world. The attentive and studious quiet kid who thought he was going places.. I need to take accountability for my life, find a passion that pays, build dedication and will power. I look down on my hands and I still see scared little boy hands forever injured from anxious nail biting and picking. A couple resources I've liked is this, healthy gamer, male dating by macabre storytelling, and a little bit of gerbert Johnson. There's a bit of truth to everything. At the end of the day, NO one wants to befriend or date an inarticulate, depressed, fatty who can't look you in the eye. If you do not try to improve you will just add to those statistics, you will suffer and miss out on more. Don't become an Andrew Tate or Sneako. It's hard to be confident when you have nothing to show for yourself. Nothing to be proud of. Are you supposed to just say positive affirmations and gaslight yourself into believing you're the best of the best? No, but you have to have something to be confident about, you have to have something to be proud of. Some mission and goal you want to achieve. Remember, In all things it's better to hope than despair.
Your optimism is rare and impressive, especially in your context. You'll go places. Life is actually in front of you. Never forget that you're never alone and life is worth living, even if just for the experience to see it all through! Both space and thus planet are endlessly interesting to me, so... You also seem to have a talent for expressive writing. You're also self reflecting, but without undue bitterness. If you're wondering what to do with your life, try writing stories, you could be good at it.
You know what they say, knowledge is half the battle. You know your weakness, all there is to do now is taking steps to overcome that weakness. One step at a time.
I think with an attitude like that, you will definitely find love at some point. Keep working on yourself. As a woman, I never blamed other people when they didn't want me (which was often) and I find it weird when people do that. No one can control attraction, otherwise we'd all be attracted to whoever was the most convenient. But we can control ourselves. And with lots of hard work and self improvement, I did eventually find love. I think you will too. Finding yourself takes time and dedication - but it is beyond worth the effort.
The fact that he had to take 10 minutes at the beginning to give disclaimers and make sure everyone is okay talking about this is fucking tragic. I’m really glad this topic is being discussed but we have such a long way to go in normalizing discussion around mens issues. We all know womens’ issues and those are being taken seriously by society (as they absolutely should be) but it’s about time we get over this toxic and destructive idea that mens issues are invalid and not worth talking about. Very grateful for Dr K for talking about this.
I would hope he does this when talking about all issues in the future as well. Because he was specifically doing it to try and stop wars from happening in the comments and chat. Because even if HE wasn't saying it, I'm sure there are still toxic males in the audience that are saying men have it harder. And without the disclaimer it would also fuel their egos with thoughts that they "just have it worse," as an excuse instead of dealing with their deficiencies and changing. It sounded like he wouldn't talk about it if when he put out the disclaimer everyone just went "See! Men have it worse then woman!"
Unfortunately for alot of people an AI companion is going to be the only companion, friend youll be able to have as humans are incapable of anything nice towards each other...even. now love is dead, friendship is dead
I used Claude AI as my therapist and I hope find the love of my life soon. I did all I can level up as a good man and gave up my all to improve my dating life
A guy on UA-cam had a short recently that really hit me. He said, Men aren't actually competing with other men for women's affection. They're competing with the peace that women feel in solitude"
@@Artemis_A-24 Women like her don’t care, don’t bother. It’s a narcissistic ego-driven lifestyle where they believe they’re too good for anyone. Better discuss this with more open-minded women.
@@Artemis_A-24 Why do you expect me to show compassion for men when they are not doing it fir women. One of 5he comments literally stated they want to strip peace from women and cause chaos, but here you are targeting women. How about you resolve your own issues and women will do the same. Compassion is a two way street, you lack compassion for women so do not assume women will show you compassion unconditionally.
Says men are lonely because emotionally unavailable, cites a paper that shows getting a job correlates with an 20% increase in the likelihood finding a partner. Hmmm 🤔
I mean, love isn't 100% unconditional. Being unemployed (for either partner) is not a great sign. Likewise, not having a job may mean fewer social connections that lead to the emotional skills gap suggested. However wealth inequality and instability are things that will reduce relationship success so I agree that it's a somewhat of a societal problem
@@DerryckStorm Hey man, I appreciate the positive vibes, but that wasn't really the point of my comment. The article was not really all that useful, because it referenced a paper for conclusion A, whereas the paper came to conclusion B. I get that relationships are multifaceted and complex. Not having a job is also a complicated, and not great thing. Just as you draw the conclusion that not having a job suggests fewer social skills and emotional intelligence gaps, not having a partner might suggest lack of conflict resolution skills, a lack of persistence in the face of reoccurring issues, commitment problems, or low levels of conscientiousness, as an example. You might not have a partner because you're: not looking, not available, not lucky, not desirable, or some combination of the above. Now, you may not have a job because you're: not looking, not available, not lucky, not desirable, or some combination of the above. See the issue?
you have to give a 10 min disclaimer and mention toxic masculinity women's issues and their experiences before just reading this article really shows who has the victim cards and who has the entire social power dynamic. It's acceptable to mock, denigrate distort and demonize these men cause there is literal 0 consequences for such inhumane behaviour. Even this article is nothing but pandering to progressive talking heads and the garden variety MaN bAd WoMaN gOoD. Why don't you read the Jezebel magazine article which cites this article and the blatant inhumane misandry which is Halied as Progressive crusade
it doesn't matter how little power the average man has in socity it will always be his fault of all of societies problems even proems cuased by things he actively fought against and didn't belive in.
@@Dimitris_Half So your entire existence is based on assuming that all males are toxic your entire comment history proves that beyond a shadow of doubt
There was a quote that said something like "To see who rules the world, just see who you aren't allowed to criticize". In this specific case here, this quote is quite correct. But I like to joke that, as per this quote, the ruling elites are fully comprised of women and racial/gender minorities.
Fully blunt: I don't think it's just a rise of lonely, single men, I think it's a combination of everything that's led to a prevalence of many more men identifying with the same sensation/feelings, aka, being lonely and single. This doesn't mean it's any worse or better, nor less or more legitimate. Some things that could be taken account besides Dr. K already mentioned is not only the polarization and radicalisms that could accompany the same idea with gender/sex (men is one extreme, women are another, raised and forced to be completely different, "battle of the sexes", etc., tl;dr sexism), but also, in younger people, suffering the consequences of simply living in their own generation and carrying their past generation's mistakes - even something such as the way we raise a new generation of children can have a giant impact. Then it also certainly doesn't help we live in a world of higher prevalence of less tech literacy despite there being more tech users than ever, misinformation spreading, and so on. TL;DR: Sexism also affects men? Oh boy - who could have guessed this unforeseen predicament.
I feel my empathy burning out, which is absolutely concerning and toxic. I intellectually understand that having too much noise / getting unwanted attention from often a larger and more powerful (physically and politically) group of people is to say the least a shite problem. Yet being single this long really has strained me to the point where I cannot even imagine being wanted by someone else. The concept of someone actually being attracted to me is alien, much less someone actually caring about me beyond some obligation. The "sympathetic" words I squeeze out from my mouth are wholesale rational constructs, the reality is I cannot truly emotionally process issues like "being offered a threesome by attractive people but they're industry leaders" or "I constantly get hit on by persistent creeps". Any sensible person can see how these are issues, but my emotional disconnect makes it almost feel like they're bragging to me.
You are afraid no one cares for you beyond obligation - this is very similar to the female "no one cares for me beyond my appearance." I am a woman, and in spite of what you would consider "offers" I spent years being painfully lonely because no one wanted me - to get to know me, to respect me, to respect my ideas, to care about my personality, etc. It took my until age 24 to get a relationship at all and I had to be the one asking guys out - and low and behold, the men I asked out didn't think I deserved any effort or consideration either, even if they said yes because they thought I was attractive. Add to that that it is a risk even to try and find an emotional connection because anyone you take a chance on could easily kill you... I finally found love at 31. But I spent years painfully lonely and scared of getting physically hurt on every damn date I went on. We all want to be loved for who we are, and women get very few opportunities for that as well, because men often focus on our looks and not who we are. It's the same problem, just different veneers.
Man I really sympathize with you, hope you're doing better. I'm on the other side of the stick as an AFAB (assigned female at birth) non-binary person, and while I still think unwanted sexual attention is one of the worst things to experience, it doesn't undermine the excruciating pain from being lonely with little to no hope. Forgive me if this allegory is inappropriate, but it kinda reminded me of being fat (whatever that means in different societies) and having an eating disorder. In both instances you inevitably face a lot of problems, but if one envies another it's completely understandable. Or if you have executive issues and see a workaholic who is struggling with self-care it's possible to feel jealous even though logically you perfectly understand that neither of you is happy. Sending love and support your way, friend 💜
Go to a gay bar. I seriously mean it. I had a few straight male friends do this and it very much changed their perspective. (You have to go alone and put on clothes like you are going out or on a date) You will have the authentic experience of a lot of men hitting at you that you are not interested in / are intimidated by and who only care about your ass, which is the normal experience for a woman. It will prevent you from feeling resentment towards women because they have the opposite problem that you have. Feeling resentment and not being able to empathize with women will make you stay single for longer. People can feel when you resent them.
@@anthill1510 This advice works for smaller cities and lower population areas. My experience in the big city is that gay dudes will actually leave you alone, or even just have a friendly convo with you . This is because in the city theres always some dude they're down with, and theres dozens of them nearby, thus you'll never see this reaction unless you're actually attractive. There isn't that small selection pressure that you'd experience out in lower population areas simply put. Also theres the simple fact that gay men in large cities are actually very picky unless its towards the end of the night, my friend describes it as a very "any port during a storm" situation. Thus I'm gonna go on a limb here and say your idea sucks which only will serve to generate even more resentment.
Comrades, you know the only way to justify your existence is to form, join and sacrifice for a revolution. Learn to work with your fellow men as equals, and fight for the future you want to see!
Talking as if you are going to end the wealth gap or something? What kind of future do you want to see? A future where others are forced to be with your sorry ass?
Love the content, much prefer when we can see the live twitch chat. Just makes for a more organic and digestible experience, especially because Dr K addresses the chat quite a bit
What we need is one singular event that is so wide reaching and commands our focus. It has to be shocking and painful for just about everyone at the same time. The only thing I can think of that would do us good is crashing the entire financial system because that is where these problems originate from.
Honestly, I feel more than qualified to be a "good" romantic partner. I just haven't met anyone I want to date... because I'm not willing to date. Private hobbies > public rejection thresher.
I'm 29 and have been single pretty much my whole life (also a virgin by choice for anyone who assumes being single means I was still casually hooking up). I think more people need to become more comfortable with the idea of being single and realize being in any relationship (even a bad one) isn't better than being alone. Men stress out about dating because they feel like they don't have "options" (i.e. women chasing after them wanting to date them). When you realize you have the option to be single and you actually learn to like that option and not see it as a failure, your standards and self worth automatically go up. It's not about finding someone willing to date you. It's about finding someone who is compatible and adds to your life. And if there's no one you've met yet who is both interested in you, and is compatible with the life you want to live, it's okay to be single.
@@Dimitris_Half Yes, actually I am asexual. I have little interest in sex which is one of the biggest challenges to finding a compatible romantic partner.
I am also single by choice. I had to longer relationships in the past but I simply don't feel like it is worth it. I wonder if just more women than men like to be single and this is creating at least a part of the problem of lonely men.
@@nanahachi9628 wouldn't be surprised. Men seem to be basing their self worth on getting a woman to date them. There isn't much talk about self love in men's circles. Just a lot of "you're doomed to be single forever, sucks bro". Even the term incel, "involuntary celibate" is about defining yourself around women not wanting to sleep with you. Which says volumes for how these men think of their self worth. In reality I don't think getting a relationship will help at all at making these men feel better about themselves.
Nobody really wants to "have it worse" than everyone else. They just want their problems to be recognized, and receive compassion and support.
I want to have it worse 🗿
@@RammusOK I don't want peace I want problems always
the issue with recognizing a problem exists is that someone has to fix it and society (government, oligarchs, etc) dont want to do anything that will cost them money.
Its all subjective yes, and not all problems have the same solutions and so on, we ALL have different set of circumstances that are unique so that is why its hard.
@@Lil.Lon3Ly Yeah and ppl tend to forget that and just project their own issues on other people. E.g. guys that think a girl with an army of thirsty men that would like to hook up with her cant feel lonely.
Sometimes on the internet, it almost looks like a competition of what gender has it the worst, and it's so toxic. Mens issues and womans issues aren't even comparable in most cases.
Often it seems that statements like "men are abusers" and "men are abused" are all to often treated as separate, mutually exclusive truth claims, rather than being both true as they describe two (mostly) different sub-populations of the larger, general category of "men"
@@ethanhammond6259 Indeed, basically generalising all males into one category. I mean that's... half the population right there. Might not be justified. lol
That's because usually (in my experiences), talking about my problems typically has the opposite gender telling me "things arent all about you" instead of accepting that more than one person can have problems.
And yet women constantly tell men that men have it easier and that message gets blasted everywhere from tik tok to Insta to Twitter and gets liked and upvoted. Like sure I get what you mean but there is a gigantic empathy gap when it comes to talking about mens issues than womens
Thing is, male self-deletion rates are higher than females for a reason. But what is that reason…? If we really are equal in our struggles than that number should be less skewed. But it isn’t…
My issue with loneliness is that it's not exclusive to just my interactions with women: it's everyone.
Nobody really pays attention to me, regardless of how I try. There needs to be a distinction between loneliness in dating and loneliness because you're alone.
To quote or at least paraphrase "the worst thing is not being alone. It is being surrounded by people who make you feel alone."
Yep I feel this 100%. I am single because I'm lonely, singleness alone is alright but not even having many friends means no chances to interact with others, which means I'm less likely to find somebody to date. And online dating is not an answer because people can and do vet your profile to see if you're sociable; men who have a lot of selfies or otherwise no pictures with other people appear lonely, and it's mostly unattractive to the opposite sex.
@oshawott I sympathize sincerely. I grew up in an abusive family where I was estranged from my parents, had low self esteem so I didnt really put myself out there and now I am 29 feeling alone and worried whether or not I have enough time to turn things around.
As I have done some introspection though I noticed a trend that I had more opportunities and more positive treatment from people than I noticed in the moment. When I was in high school a girl handed me a valentine and ran away, and I had several close friendships with girls in college that I could have converted into something more had I been in a better spot emotionally. I couldnt recognize people liked me because I didnt like myself, and to some extent that is still true.
I don't know your life, you may have a physical deformity or some sort of developmental issue that is a structural hurdle for you to overcome. I would just consider the possibility that you need to take a leap of faith. For 3 months be as positive and bubbly/upbeat as you can be, make a sincere effort to cold approach maybe 5 (insert gender youre attracted to) every weekend or join a dating service and focus on being as fun a person to spend time with as possible/get out of your head and focus on the person youre with during an interaction.
Maybe everyone rejects you, but during that 3 months you built up a hell of a lot of experience interacting with people and you can take that with you for the rest of your life with significant benefits.
Good luck my friend, there is hope as much as its hard to see/believe.
I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel like no one listens to me. In the workplace, I feel like people don't listen to my opinions and just muscle their ideas or simple just 'okay' me and continue talking down to me. In family, my opinions are just not taken seriously or just downplayed or gaslit. In addition to being talked down.
@@Jazzmaster1992 To play devil's advocate... all of my pictures in dating apps are of me alone and I've been successful in getting matches. Also I've seen multiple women online who express that they immediately dislike pictures of men with other women no matter if it's their sister, their friends or whatever. And pictures with multiple people are disliked as well because it's annoying to identify who the owner of the profile is
The fact that Dr. K even feels the need to give 10 whole minutes of disclaimers before being able to talk about men's issues is pretty telling about where we are in this conversation
Right? It’s especially noticeable having just come from the Female Loneliness video last night, where he got right into the post the second the video began…
That really does say it all
It's prolly because other guys and a few women who think that men being depressed and lonely=incels and he doesn't wanna cause trouble with that crowd of people. It's sad that he even has to do that but it is what it is.
@@Korsav0 he doesn't _have to_ do that lol, he's just pandering because it's good for business.
For some reason, people especially on the internet are very hostile to anyone bringing up issues that men face, you won't even get to finish your argument before 20 people jumping in to call you an incel....
@@handsomebear. L take
I'm a woman and even I wish that every talk about men's problems didn't just derail into "women are suffering too but in a different way, we're all suffering, let's respect each other". It is, you know, true and it's important to acknowledge that somewhere, but it shouldn't be the focus every single time and, at the end of the day, it has nothing to do with men's problems and how to help them, let's be real.
Put a short disclaimer in and then let the conversation to just be about men and their issues for once, and unapologetically so. It will do a lot of good for everyone.
EDIT: I can't answer to everyone, but I'm glad my words resonated with many. I hear you, brothers, and I hope many more people will listen in the future.
For what it's worth, as someone currently rebuilding a social circle from scratch after almost a decade of isolation, I know how overwhelming both loneliness AND being social after experiencing it for so long can be. But I believe in myself and I believe in you just as much. Good luck💖
I absolutely agree. Men are so conditioned for that talking point that when I try to have conversations with them and I don't default to "defending women" as a whole (why would I lump 50% of the population into one group and defend them all? Women aren't a monolith) and actually agree with them that there are issues men face in society that need to be addressed they don't know where to take the conversation after that. That tells me that they haven't given much thought to their issues and how to address them beyond just trying to convince people they have issues in the first place. Which means they haven't been able to apply much critical thinking beyond that point because no one's having real conversations challenging them to think beyond that point. They just keep getting stuck at square one.
Society already has a presumption that men have it better, so any problem they encounter is diminished because it's established that women have always had it worse.
I think the sad reality from his side of the channel is that there is a vast army of angry, anti-social misogynists that we don't see ready to invade if he gives them space. I think you are correct that it would be helpful in general but like a nasty virus, its really really easy to infect a community with toxicity and spiral out of control (especially given the demographics of this audience). You can see a lot of comments dipping their toes in those waters already. Its just too compelling for a lot of people to resist.
Finally saying what needs to be said.
Right, because that approach starts with the premise that men's issues in relation to women are likely to be an attack upon women, but if we're addressing issues for men there's no good reason to begin with that assumption. If a man's criticism of women ends up being an attack, then recognize it for what it is, but apologizing to women before actually beginning to recognize male problems only ends up communicating that men shouldn't feel the way that they do.
I think 32:00 to 32:33 really gets to the meat of the issue.
When I saw the article blow up on Twitter, a lot of the posts were women circling the subtitle about dating opportunities dropping for men because women have healthy standards, and then delving into some version of "Men are trash" based purely on their own limited (but valid) experiences and anecdotal data from their peers. It felt like none of them had actually read the article to see anything about the numbers discrepancy, let alone follow up on the actual research to see if it supported the arguements being made.
The very first question I had on seeing that highlight was "What is defined as a healthy standard?" Because if you break it down on an individual basis some of those women may not actually have healthy standards; they may have unrealistic expectations or unresolved trauma but have jumped onto the collective idea that unless all their desires are instantly gratified that the partner isn't good enough, to say nothing of their own issues with communication and emotional availability. But then they claim it's society or bad experiences with men that made them that way and that men have to adapt to that/accept them for who they are, while men are told they need to change for everyone's safety and comfort.
As a result, when men complain that they're enduring longer periods of singleness/loneliness, only to be called entitled incels or told that their skills are lacking, it raises emotions because not only are they being blamed for a problem they didn't cause AND their pain is being invalidated, it feels like their very existence is dehumanized by the simple association of being men. Being lonely gets boiled down to a complete lack of effort or simply not being a likeable person, and sadly that ends up driving more men towards the misogynists that appear ready to have a solution.
So, do women have it hard in their own ways? Yes. Do men need to cultivate certain skills? Yes. But can we PLEASE stop telling men that everything is their fault and that they're unworthy of love if they don't fix it to someone else's subjective satisfaction? Most of them just want to be accepted, desired and loved for who they are instead of constantly being belittled for not being what someone thinks they SHOULD be.
So true I'm honestly surprised why this comment is not sinking in likes and responses
Easily the best comment I am also suprised it doesn't have more likes
True. Women chasing the 1% of male population while rendering other 99% males as "unhealthy".
But not all women are gold diggers, but there is someone was born just for you. In the end, need to touch grass.
The thing is, high standards aren't really a problem we need to fix, it is a problem that fixes itself. If a person desires a relationship but their standards are too high, and nobody meets them. Then they will have to eventually lower their standards in order to attain what they wanted (a relationship). If they don't lower their standards they either are not self-aware enough to see they are being unrealistic (which means they aren't somebody anyone should want to date) or it means that they don't really want a relationship all that much.
The problem is, I think, that many women don't see the cost vs benefit of dating men, worth it. So they don't. I think this is especially highlighted by our continuate presence online, where misogyny and the Andrew Tate type are everywhere. Additionally, since women tend to have lower sexual drives, it might follow that they are more okay not experiencing s3x. Specially because s3x with straight men, famously tends to suck for women.
@@cheyemily6066 I don't agree that prohibitively high standards fix themselves at all. You can lower your standards because you think they were wrong, or you can ignore your standards in order to get what you want. If you ignore them, you very easily end up in unhappy relationships or relationships with unhealthy power dynamics. And having someone meet nobody for no other reason than their standards are unrealistic is bad on its own.
I think that the cost benefit of dating for either sex is not worth it. People have a lot of academic debt and online dating is not exactly good for the sanity of most people. I agree that there is probably a higher desire for physical intimacy in men, but it's not like you need a long term relationship for that. I think it might have more to do with the utter lack of emotional support in the lives of most men. I think that men end up leaning on romantic relationships a lot more for things like that than women do.
I was one of the guys who lived with his parents, didn’t make enough money to own a house, and was completely emotionally unavailable….so I spent three years not dating changing all that and now I own a house, I have a job I love, new dog, and I don’t live with my parents.
I’m still completely single even with all that so I’ve learned to focus on my tasks and enjoying my parents more as they get older.
getting skilled with woman is not something that comes automatically when you own a house, have a job etc.
its a thing on its own, that needs to be developed on its own. you can start developing it without a house, job etc. as many ppl do unconciously while younger.
there are ppl who almost exclusively do this who have a shitty job, no house and yet they have plenty of opportunities with woman.
when you train chest and beck, dont expect to get huge legs some day. you will only get huge legs if you train them separately, not as an automatic followup for the other body parts you train.
its the same with life: advancing in one area, doesnt mean that the other automatically gets better. working and buying a house doesnt come along with a desirable woman automatically. the desirable woman comes, when you can attract them. if you have never learned this and thought that you get them automatically when you work in other areas of your life, then you were mistaken.
as on how to learn this: just deal with woman. old, young, medium age. actually listen, care. learn. eventually you will get a feeling for the person and you can try stuff. find a way to do this frequently. for me, it was a work at a nightclub. worked wonders for my social competence, as you have so many personalities in such a short amount of time, the learning volume is huge.
good luck
ps. if working and owning house, having a dog and spending time with you parents is most of what there is to say about you, you will most likely be seen as "nice" which equals to boring and wont give you many chances.
@@raze956 its blind luck
@@raze956 becoming "skilled with women" lmao bro you make it sound like an entire gender is like a game of tennis or something
@@inquisitionagent9052 Its blind luck similar to how poker is blind luck. Sure, you may not control the deck and sometimes it goes against you. Untrained players will just take the odd W and then give up when they see enough L's. A skilled player knows how to turn an L into a W, and even if they can't do that they understand that the only way a previous game will impact a future game is if they're the ones carrying the baggage with them.
But of course most of us are not skilled players, and becoming a skilled player takes a whole lot of time and dedication. Two things that society has been training us to live without or even actively suppress for decades now.
I am also in the stages of this
These videos about male dating issues always come down to: "just Improve yourself bro" you are not worthy of love atm but be rest assured when you reach this arbitrary standart I set for yourself everything will change.
Basically after watching hours of Dr. K's videos i came to a conclusion that the solution is to "improve yourself" but in a non-materialistic way
1) Find the source of unhappiness (which is inherently inside you. Why do you even dislike being lonely? that's the main question)
2) Resolve it (most likely by controlling your ego and desires)
3) Gratz, you don't need a gf
And i haven't seen a single good advice about getting a GF, every single dating advice is wrong in some ways.
So basically you have to almost reach buddha's levels of understanding the world and yourself just to stop being lonely as a male. Have fun.
I might be able to give some insight on this matter. About 5 years ago I was a 5'9 chubby shy dude with social anxiety. Barely had any friends, couldn't hold a conversation. Had some toxic mental models since childhood that made me the creature I was but that's besides the point.
5 years ago I decided to take the step to make a change. I worked tirelessly in the gym. Shed a lot of weight. Took care of myself. Fixed my diet, adopted a skincare routine, the works. I started reading a lot of self help books and scowering the internet about mental health. I would say the worst of my mental issues are gone. (Except my depression and need to self sabotage which are on the rise again). I forced my self to enter social situations. I took a job that required me to negotiate and interact with clients daily. I cultivated somewhat of a personality and could now hold a conversation.
Like a video game character I was leveling up. In the hopes of one day being worthy of love. Guess what the end result was? I still got blown off and got passed on for some other guy. Sad to say but It's all random luck. I genuinely thought that if I work hard enough, any obstacle can be overcome in life. But this is not the case. You can do everything right and stull gue cucked out in the end. Since then I've been slowly spiraling back to that old hole I found myself in 5 years ago. Once again I am isolating myself, my depression is getting worse, working out doesn't feel good anymore and I'm scared. I dont want to go back to being that loser I was 5 years ago. I was kinda proud of the person I was becoming.
But at the end, whether or not you find someone us just a matter of luck.
@@TheGlenofKrokot i joke sometimes about how reaching true enlightenment and nirvana is easier than getting a woman for some guys
The answer is SIMPLY just be tall, rich, emotionally intelligent and good looking with a side of being a good bad boy. If you don’t have those traits then... goodluck lol.
I understand why Dr. K had to give so many disclaimers... but still, it's really sad that the idea of men having struggles is so offensive to some people.... All the more reason why we often choose to suffer in silence.
@Wrath of Fenrir reddit is a misery hole and discord is probably to becouse he has a reddit platform
I hope men start taking some well deserved pride for who they are or they will stay miserable.
was about to write pretty much the exact the same comment, well said.
@@ivanbukac4618 well this just increases our self deletion rate. . . .
"Most men live lives of quiet desperation" - Henry David Thoreau
I see it more as an attempt to make people who watch not to take a 'man vs woman' mentality, which I always see happen in the comment sections of similar videos - the comment sections became a "woe is me" self victimizing outlet (not limited to just men) - rather than to avoid being offensive.
Being lonely and single sucks. Feeling like there is something fundamentally wrong with you because you're single sucks even worse. There is great shame carried by being single, which compounds the issue. The term "incel" explicitly attacks men for being sexually undesired. It doesn't matter what the context is or how much you think the person really deserves to feel awful, because often other men who aren't necessarily "toxic" yet struggle with dating will hear that word and feel lumped in with all the bad men. The message in that insult seems pretty clear: if you haven't had sex you're a bad person, period. It was already bad enough that a rising number of dudes are writhing in despair over sexual frustration; now they also get to be told that it's only because they're bad people. I'm not saying truly toxic men shouldn't be called out or held accountable, so much that the people who actually struggle to date maybe shouldn't be treated like human garbage on that basis alone. Just a thought.
Yes, that sounds really rough. I hope you will find peace and love one day. I wish you luck with that.
Except lonely dudes who dont say toxic things arent called lnceI.
lnceI is a term that was completely adopted and used by toxic guys who are part of lnceI subreddits and websites. Its a word used to refer to very specific people who are part of a very specific community. Thats how it has been used for years, and that's why people use it as an insult. Ask yourself this, how often do you see people use "involuntary celibate" as an insult? Literally never, people specifically use "incel" which is a NOUN not an adjective. They are specifically referring to the people who use toxic lingo like "beta bux" or "chad" or "femoids"...etc
Like, if someone was arguing with a misogynist and they called that misogynist an lnceI, they arent talking about you. Most of the time the misogynist isnt even celibate, so they're only being insuIted for sharing horrible views with the people of that community, not for the sexuaI activity. Almost no one who uses lnceI as an insult thinks badly of people who cant get laid. If they did, they would use "lnceI" or "involuntary celibate" against guys like you as well, not just misogynists. If a misogynists is called lnceI, and you take that as an insult to yourself, then you need to recognize that the insult is not being dealt because inceI's dont have sex, but rather because they develop toxic pathetic ideas
@@botanicalitus4194 mem get called an incel online for saying anything that not women Good men bad.
he'll I literally just asked a guy "That's an interesting statement what are you views on the video as a whole"
and got called an incel for it.
@@creeperkingdom3190 I was just going to comment this too. I've been called an incel just for sharing some (fence sitting, non extreme) opinions about the men/women topics.
Also, misogynist and incel arent the same thing to begin with. So a person calling a misogynist an incel is already using the word in a stupid way (unless the person is both.) Because somebody can be misogynist but not an incel, and vice versa.
Also, in the last video on this channel about womens loneliness, somebody accused me of being a woman hater for saying "Nice video, I just wish people in the comments didnt try so hard to make it so 'us vs. them.'" You're right, you cant say almost *anything* that isnt 100% in agreement or you're slandered.
@@botanicalitus4194 people totally get called an incel regardless of loneliness or misogynist beliefs.
It felt like 50% of this video was Dr K making sure people weren't getting offended that he was talking about men.
Some people are very sensitive about gender that they’ll foam at the mouth off the bat
Or maybe, just maybe, as Dr. K said himself in the video, lonely men and their communities often turn to misoginy when expressing their frustations with relationships and the lack of relationships. Knowing that and also knowing his community is composed mainly of men, he tried his hardest to give a push in the opposite direction. If you scan the comments of this video and the comments on the video on women loneliness you might have an insight on this behaviour. It's fascinating, really.
@@marinareis3606 yeah but he didn’t had to do all that for when he talks about women’s issues...
@@marinareis3606 We never condemn women for turning to misandry to express their dating frustration
@@von6413 I'd argue this is one of the things that depends on the issue.
Dr. K doesn't do ten minutes long disclaimers everytime he discusses issues related to men, just so women are not triggered. That would make no sense, and as you pointed out he talked about women loneliness without a disclaimer.
What makes this video different?
First, it touches on male loneliness and he said so himself: men often turn to misogyny when dealing with anger and frustation regarding relationships. You just need to read the comments on this very video to see the resentment some of these men have for women.
Women, on the other hand, are more inclined to resort to self hatred and to be bitter against other women for their loneliness, so them atracking men over it is not a big concern.
But the main thing is: the study he used argues one of the reasons for this loneliness is society's expectation of men as providers.
I don't think this is false at all, and I also don't think this should be seen as a "problem caused by women, lets hate on them", but the red pill community does exactly that so Dr. K have to be extra cautious when bringing it up or he risks condoning this kind of speech himself or at the very least not preventing it.
I think the fundamental issue is that there is no real physical space to meet people in our current society. The dating apps are litterally rewarded by failing to match people together. They have a financial incentive to fail at what they advertise they do since when you find someone you don't pay their ridiculous subscription fees. We used to have match makers and it was socially acceptable to approche women anywhere but especially bars and such places. Now don't get me wrong, I do think approching people everywhere is problematic, especially when a portion of the population can't take rejection, making them dangerous. No doubt about that. But we need a place in society to meet new people, a space where it is the goal to meet, a physical space and not a virtual one. A place where it is the fundamental goal to meet and mingle in a safe environment.
Yes, I think it's a shame that this seems to be restricted to bars and clubs these days.
@@melitajay here at least, bars are not much of a place to meet anymore, to much space for abuse due to alchool.
It ain’t gonna happen. This society is too far gone. Men will turn to vr in the meta verse to get what they want. It’s already happening. Eventually, there’s not gonna be any guys left in the dating market, women will have to settle for the top 1% of guys (who’ll have all the power and authority in the world, effectively resetting all this “progressive” movement) or be left single and alone. This is our dystopian future, if climate change, wars, or economic recession don’t get us first…
@@sunshoe-l5r you say it's a dystopia but I disagree strongly to your perception of the future. The reality is, we are making huge strides in AI, robotic, but also in other fields like biology. There is a big chance that we will make biorobots before long. From that point, nothing would prevent us to expand humanity in ways we can barely fathom now by merging humanity with AI and robotic. Humans being alone would at that point be only a matter of commanding through the Amazon of that time for companionship from our creations. Creations that would be able to fulfil our needs. Truth is, we don't know what 2040 will look like, the world is just changing that fast before our eyes at an exponential pace. Assuming it will be a dystopia is simply fatalism, not realism. We are at a turning point of evolution on Earth, an inflexion point where darwinian evolution will be taken over by our tech capabilities. At this point any prediction is doomed to be wrong by a huge margin as nothing similar happened in the past. Ultimately the progressive movement you seem to dispise is the only way forward, those who don't accept diversity and change will go extinct, while a new humanity will take over. Up to you to be part of the future or the past.
There are still ways to meet people irl--hobby meetups, conventions, clubs, community events, classes, shows. There are definitely fewer of these than before the internet era, but there are still plenty. You just have to look for them.
I think its so telling that Dr. K had to preface the discussion about male loneliness with a million "just because we're talking about men doesn't disqualify the realities that women face". It's like whenever some gives their own controversial opinion on something like a movie or videogame they have to over emphasize that its just their opinion in order to minimize the blowback from people who make That Thing they're gonna talk about the core of their identity
Yeah, I felt the beginning of the video was a bit problematic in itself. To discuss men's issues and show men any kind of charitability has become really unacceptable.
I agree that it's telling; at the same time - I do appreciate it being there - for educational purposes. It's nice to be reminded to adjust our thinking in a positive way; I appreciate that there's someone like DrK out there, giving people these reminders. There's a lot of young people on this planet - and nobody comes in fully formed, so it's good for good lessons to be repeated; also, you never know - maybe for some people, it's the first time that they see things framed quite this way; or maybe it's that straw that makes things "click" for someone.
I think what makes it work for me is that I take it both ways - both as a reminder for the women-issues people, AND for the men-issues people not to discount women's issues - even though this particular video focuses on men's issues (which is totally okay - should go w/o saying). I like the acknowledgement that even though the premise of this video is "men have it hard", women face a host of other issues in the same space. I like that it's validating for "both sides" of the discussion. (Also, it does serve as a very subtle, and a very kind callout for the "wo/men have it hardER" attitude, which is pretty cool.)
I think this models good behaviour, so I appreciate it.
It is humorous that on women's video he says women have it ahrder than men. HOwever, on the mens video apparently we need to stop comparing??
10 minutes out of 55 is a little over 18%. It's in the percentage range of some kind of tax 🥲
I think the reason for this is two fold and it has less to do with women or feminism than just Dr.K's audience.
I can imagine Dr.K nodding to female issues in order to avoid some criticism. But given the fact that most of his audience is male I think that the actual reason for mentioning female issues might be trying to recognize that they exist in order to avoid his viewers falling onto the "women have no issues", "women have it so easy" crowd. Because this crowd tends to be loud and prevalent in male spaces that speak of male problems (which is also a problem on the women's side).
The fact that he even needs to give disclaimers or call it a “hot topic” is part of the fucking problem.
I think that loneliness in men, not just in relationships, is at the root of many problems pertaining to gender dynamics. It needs to be adequately and thoroughly discussed without any red tape. The fact that almost half of this talk is Dr. K dancing around the possibility of offending someone by simply acknowledging this as a problem is indicative of why little to no progress has been made on that front, and additionally is extremely frustrating to listen to.
You got it! Men's entire problem is sexism against women and Trans folk.
It's loneliness in general. Who knows what the cause is though. I can only tell you that it was endemic before social media or the internet even existed.
The only advice I can give is to be friendly and wear a mask -that is, be considerate and put your best face forward.
Agreed. All the eggshell walking was difficult to stomach, but I figure that's probably the sort of audience this channel has. He strikes me as an intelligent critical thinker who is genuinely interested in getting people to have the conversation, so maybe he thinks kid gloves and tip toeing are the only ways to not have his viewers be triggered/offended and immediately plug in their ears.
I agree and I also found it frustrating. I think we have to take this video as more of an introductory/investigative look at the issue and a discussion on a good frame of mind from which to approach articles and information related to it. Hopefully he will do more of a deep dive in the future...
You can't acknowledge that there is a problem. Because the powerful cults or ideologies that control the culture and mainstream narrative fight and suppress anyone that suggests anything outside of their dogma and beliefs. It offends them, and everyone is afraid of offending them for fear of being canceled. This problem has been going on for along time its only gotten worse recently.
"How to be emotionally available"
Step 1: Get a relationship
Amazing advice thanks
He has no clue what he is talking about, this 'psychologist'
The hardest part for me was meeting single women in my age range in any context. Like a remarkable percentage of women I talk to end up liking me, but there's just no comfortable context to meet people in after college to start those feelings. Took me 4 years out of school to get another relationship, and that's with someone I've been close with since middle school. God knows how long it would've taken if I had to meet someone new.
"third places" are low stress low cost spaces where you can socialize with strangers, where you would traditionally grow relationships with diverse people, and they have basically disappeared in the last couple decades.
I have similarly had really good luck with women that I have met in person, it's astounding really. But I am not actually sure that I have interacted with any single woman in the past 5-6 years since I graduated, granted pandemic was a lot of those years. Now that the local meetup groups are starting back up I am gonna give that a shot for meeting people I guess.
What places did you end up going to?
I can answer that one from at least my perspective: around 17 years and counting... and no conclusion in sight for the foreseeable future. I'll admit I'm what you might call a slowbloomer who has very few dates far in-between, and I certainly comes with some difficulties myself.... but I can't speak of a succesful story yet (which btw also wasn't the case during school)
I feel like this is part of my problem too, I haven't really made new acquaintances outside of school and the workplace but since I'm probably done with school and haven't met anyone in the small team at work, I feel doomed. I'm a decent, reasonable and capable guy, people who are exposed to me long enough usually like me and think I'm funny, I don't look bad and I've been in therapy long enough to develop a good EQ but I've been single for more than 10 years at this point. I don't think I'll ever get the courage to talk to a stranger I find attractive and dating apps did not work at all for me. I just feel left out and the societal conversation around men's issues makes me feel like I should just kill myself and that nobody would bat an eyelash.
I hate how when someone wants to talk about a men's issue they need to start with a 10 minute mea culpa about how they aren't talking about women's issues instead.
Its truly annoying.
Compare with the video “addressing misogyny” he posted 8 months ago.
Gotta make sure he ain't getting canned. Respecc the PC (no, it's not personal computer).
Dr. K is great, but his PC inclinations are getting out of hand sometimes. I mean, let people be offended, that's their choice anyway.
BUT MALE PRIVILEGE!!!!
Something I was thinking about when watching is that men's dating complaints tend to be about not receiving enough attention or the type of attention they want, and women's dating complaints tend to be about receiving too much attention or inappropriate attention. It definitely creates a crossroads of purpose that can be very difficult to resolve.
Women are complaining that the options available at the grocery store aren't the best; men are complaining that they can't even get into the door to shop. There is a very clear difference and one is more dire than the other.
@@Cybertech134 I disagree, I’m a man and I genuinely think most men if they get the attention will equally be unhappy, it’s kind of like chasing something for so long and when you get it you realise it’s not actually all that.
Exactly! It's almost as if we want eachothers problems. It makes it very hard for either side to sympathize.
@@Cybertech134 4:35
@@emilka2033 I know what he said, but he's plainly wrong. The entire video is him telling men that it's not as bad as they think it is when in reality, it is as bad as we say it is.
The fact that men's issues is even considered a "hot topic" to begin with, and needs approval to be talked about, is kinda fucked up not gonna lie.
it is. I'm fully supportive of more genuine conversations of men's struggles. But at the same time the conversation gets polluted with guys who can't go 2 seconds without talking about women. "women have the upper hand" "women can't understand" "women are the problem." "women do this" "women do that."
Even the article couldn't go without bring up women and their "abundance of choice."
It puts women on the defensive because the conversation about men's issues gets associated with conversations that involve lumping all women into an entire monolith that's often portrayed as spoiled, lacking personal accountability, selfish, and shallow.
Yes, bad women exist. Women are not angels who all need to be respected. Women are human just as capable of being flawed horrible people as men. We need to have conversations about men that are just about men. No bringing up women as the source of all your problems. (a lot of men's issues are actually created by other men setting the standard of what makes a "real man" not women), AND not bring up how talking about men's issues doesn't invalidate women. Both narratives damage the ability to have genuine conversations about problems plaguing men.
and for the record I also have a problem when feminists bring up men all the time too. It causes the same problems.
@@Vannabee13 This is the best take. Discussions of men’s issues are unfortunately tainted by a large trend of woman-hating in most spheres (I’ve seen traces of it even here), when the focus should be on how best to solve the problem in a way that is also sympathetic to the struggles of the opposite gender.
@@Vannabee13 The standard of having to be a real men is NOT set by other men, it is set by WOMEN.
Except for a small group of idiots men do not care what other men thinlk of them.
Do you know whose opinion men care about? WOMENS! And how do we see what opinions women have about how a man shoudl be? By WHO THEY ARE DATING.
The message that you should not be a "be attractive/don't be unattractive"_redpill wanna be asshole is difficult to integrate when we constantly see these types of guys gettign the women.
And there are countless men who were constantly told to share their feeling with their partner just to be dumped when they did it or have it be used against them.
Being told "you jsut have to be nice" sounds fucking hollow once you see it is not the nice guys getting girls. And don't derail it with "nice guys" are not nice guys.
Genuine nice guys do also not get the women.
@@jonathancangelosi2439 just by sheer logic of numbers there's a single woman for every single man. Yet the narrative of dating difficulties for men can't go one second without saying something about women having an abundance of options and never going without a man. How does that mathematically even make sense? If men are single, so are women.
So can we stop acting like all women are so flooded with options they don't know what to do with themselves? Men are struggling in the dating market. Get that. Totally valid issue to talk about. No, women aren't flooded with options by contrast. Pretty and young woman maybe. But not "all women." It's like guys hear "average woman" and think they're all Instagram models.
@@misshapenwhale5045 question, who dominants the field of dating advice for heterosexual men, women or other men? Who are men going to for advice on how to be a better man, women or men? Who bullies men more for not adhering to male stereotypes, women or men?
Women may reject men and not give them the attention they desire. But who do men go to for explanations for WHY women reject them, women or men? There's a reason it's called the "manoshere" the conversations are dominated by men. Men are telling you what women want, men are telling you why you're single, men are telling you how to act, what to say, what to do. I've seen a lot of men talking about women, what women want, why dating women is so hard, what women are experiencing in the the modern dating market. There's a lot of men sharing their experiences but you never see them listening to the perspective of actual women to hear their take on it.
Dating is hard. I know. I'm sympathetic to the struggle of finding the right person. But I'm tired of seeing guys talking about women and blaming women, deciding they know how women REALLY feel and what they REALLY think, what they REALLY want, when they aren't women! If women are really setting the standard for what men should be, then maybe you should be trying to talk and listen to women? Don't get your advice from men and then complain that women's standards are too high when it doesn't work.
It's honestly kind of dis heartening to see the way that Dr. K keeps reiterating that its totally ok to ignore this topic if the audience doesn't like it. This kind of thing gets swept under the rug a lot and this just stung watching 10 minutes of we don't have to talk about it seemingly saying it's not that important. Pointing out that genders have different draw backs has it's merits and so does pointing out that suffering among genders isn't a competition. Just watching that made it seem like men arent allowed to talk about mens emotial issues becase just mentioning mens negative emotions is toxic.
it always has been man your expected to just figure life out as a man and not complain about anything.
@@crumbtember What exactly do you suggest?
The issue is that whilst there may very well be more men at the top in companies, and more men in high positions in politics, none of that should make it any less important to discuss systematic issues such as men getting longer jail sentences, or personal issues such as feeling far less emotional support from the people around them.
Despite whoever sits at the top, if we "the people", you, me, everyone else here, speak out and demand change, then we can make it happen. But when the conversation amongst the people is less open to certain topics, to discussing certain groups issues, then that's a problem. We can convince the people at the top, whether they're mostly men or not, to change the situation. But the conversation amongst the public needs to take place first.
Even IF women have more problems, or worse problems, that doesn't mean that you invalidate or dehumanize men and suggest that any discussion of their issues should be prefaced with an apology. I get what you're trying to say, but the issue is dealt with by men and women standing up together and being one anothers biggest supporters and cheerleaders, not by lowkey insinuating that we shouldn't love and care for men too. In fact, one of the biggest issues in society in precisely that there is a blatent empathy and compassion gap in terms of how we listen to and help men and women. You see it in everyday life.
The current status quo is a result of a currently one sided social narrative where we have been incorrectly informed that men have everything good, and are bad people, whereas women have all of the problems and are angels. Hence, the need for an apology to even consider a discussion of mens issues. It's born out of anger and immaturity, not empathy and compassion.
@@crumbtember genuinely love how conceited people sound when they bring up patriarchy and socio-economic imbalances towards women when discussing problems the AVERAGE man faces. the average man working a close to minimum wage job doesn't benefit from the patriarchy, didn't contribute to the establishment of the patriarchy, and doesn't work to maintain the so called patriarchy. why is it so difficult to just discuss problems groups of people face without instantly jumping towards oh boo hop patriarchy women have it worse 💀
I’m fairly certain a decent chunk of the audience isn’t well adjusted enough to help. Considering half the comments sections come off as a “pick me” suffering contest.
@@crumbtember I assume you're referring to the part where I said;
"But when the conversation amongst the people is less open to certain topics, to discussing certain groups issues, then that's a problem."
By that I mean that any issue that needs to be discussed for the wellbeing and health of men, is inherently less welcome within the discussion, so much so that it requires a 5 min+ preface as an apology. It seems that the only exception is when the conversation is being held by women on mens behalf, and then they all too often misrepresent the issues since they aren't the ones facing it, and leave out any discussion of the more serious issues altogether.
I think the main issue is that people are monetizing people's loneliness. A company's (or at least the higher ups) main goal isnt to fix loneliness. Its to make money off of it. Want to be noticed that we definitely arent influencing? Pay for a boost! And this goes beyond dating apps too. Ive been getting alot of messages lately from strangers that say 'fate brought us together so we must try friendship', only for them to eventually reveal their true motive involving money. And thats not to mention the bots that link you to their 'website'..
True these corporations like Instagram, Tinder, TikTok, OkCupid and Bumble are so smart and so good at monetization of the male and female loneliness. In fact instead of solving the problem they have only multiplied it by 100 times. Even Dr K talks about this same thing in a video.
Corporate America doing its thing. Sooner or later the god damn oxygen in the air is gonna be monetized.
Nailed it succinctly. I don't believe dating apps are designed to make dating easier. They're just there to commodify loneliness and accelerate the underlying problems so they can upsale you on a false solution.
Well this will have bad effect in the long run.
@Wrath of Fenrir lol, I guess that's a perspective I never thought of and now can't stop crying 😅🥲😭
Can’t talk about mens loneliness without a million disclaimers about, not committing wrongthink, and woman having it equally bad, not being misogynist or misandrist, and it doesn’t excuse this and that.
You NEVER have to go through this level of charades to talk about woman’s problems. For some reason it’s more acceptable to. If you want to listen to mens problems, I’m 10 minutes in and it hasn’t even started.
Sorry should’ve been born as a girl 🤷♂️🤷♂️
why is loneliness only discussed in the context of dating? dating is just one way of socializing and interacting with people. there are so many more ways to combat loneliness that start with just interacting with other people and that make you feel less lonely. with co-workers, friends, neighbours, family (both your own generation and older/younger), interactions in public spaces with complete strangers or service workers. just talk with pleasant people, annoying people, boring people or interesting people. these things may be less satisfying than dating someone you're sexually attracted to, but they're good ways to practice communication skills such as listening, asking questions and making small talk. also to keep an open mind and judge people not just by their looks.
This is literally what I don‘t get about any of these videos. As if "dating" would magically solve this problem. Loneliness is about connection. These men are absurdly fixated on dating and not even on finding someone they truly like, just… any woman will do. Like we are not actual people.
At least this is how it comes across. When men lose their wives to divorce or death they simply wither. Women usually start becoming active in their community. Y'all truly need to make some friends first.
Ecause science has proven men are healthier when attsched to a romantic partner
@Quantum Passport wrong way to go about it. Having no experience will lessen your chances by then.
Your clearly not a man. As a man people fear me in public. I have had people call the police on me for simply standing in public and not doing anything but listen to music. Strangers don't like to interact with me because we live in a society that teaches everyone especially women, who are over 50% of the population, to fear men as someone will hurt you. So every time I interact with a person I have to prove my innocence to them before I can get them to talk to me. When your treated like a criminal every time you try to talk to somebody eventually you just give up.
Honestly I think it's because most people experience loneliness primarily in the romantic sphere. For some people, other ways of socializing _can_ eliminate loneliness, but that's not always true. People can feel 100% fulfilled in every other area but the lack of a partner causes that agonizing loneliness. Contrary to popular belief, you don't have to completely eliminate that feeling before you're ready for a relationship.
This video is basically divided into 3 segments -
1. How men having problems doesnt devalue the problems of women
(1.2 Masogyny of some lonely guys)
2. How to read an article - opinions vs facts, valid sources etc. (dating aps stuff)
3. Emotional Availability
For me this video is deeply unsatisfying. It feels like there is more focus on mens issues not devaluing issues of women than compassion towards men with those problems. Furthermore it doesnt matter if the video is focused on men or womens issues (not talking about gender neutral ones rn) - it seems like the "your problems dont devalue problems of others" is generally targeted at men. Example of this in another video called "A Perspective on Female Loneliness" is the "Reductionism and the removal of Agency" timestamp which btw is still more validating than this video because of the 20;40-21;25 part.
In others like "Adressing Mysogyny" video there is a time stamp called "Being born a woman is life on hard mode". Even with such a strong statement i havent seen one third of the video explaining how that doesnt devalue problems men face - just the "men have some default responsibilities too".
A big portion of this video is just focused on how to analize articles - because that is more important than how many guys relate to what has been said in the article? Let me quote Dr.K here again "It is not about the statistics. It is about how we treat each other as human beings." in 25;07 of "A Perspective on Female Loneliness". Meanwhile Dr. K went more towards the direction of "According to this sources men are lonlier than women but the diffrence between them isnt as big as it seems in the article."
Having said all that related topics have been discussed on this channel in the past and this time i am just dissapointed. Overall what Dr. K does is amazing but that doesnt stop me from pointing out what i dont like in his content. Naturally feedback is more targeted at what needs more attention and not what is already great.
Nice comment
I think Dr.K is aware that some of the ppl watching him are men/boys who hold certain blackpill/redpill/incel belifes and it sounds to me that he often says things that take that into consideration. Alot of these guys who are struggling belive that women don't have any problems they need to navigate on their own, all are shallow/want guys who are 6 feet tall, rich, etc., and all women are only ever attracted to 10 percent of guys or whatever image of women these ideoligies paint.
So when he says things like "Being born a woman is life on hard mode", he's directly responding to comments in those ideologies that say "Being born a woman is life on easy mode". Or like when he's making his disclaimer here, hes doing it to remind ppl to have nuance and understading and keep the conversation grounded in reality. A lot of these beliefs that women have no problem don't help actually help these navigate these problems. They are a distraction. Understanding that women are trying to navigate issues on their own end don't invalidate the fact that men have a lot of issues that they are also trying to navigate, it adds nuance to the issue as a whole which will help ppl refocus their attention on things that can actually help. And 75% of everything on this channel is focused on men's issues (a good thing). There are very few videos that are focused on women's perspective and often when thier are Dr. K uses is to try to show his primaraly male audience that women dealing with their own shit. Dr. has made disclaimers that also deal with their own issues in the past, in the video about Women and Harrasment in gaming. In there, as he is talking to the women who were talking about to talk about getting harrassed while gaming, he tells them to remember and keep in mind that women can also do things that hurt men (im paraphrasing). Even then, most of hs videos are about men, and he often talks about men who are lonely.
But with all that being said, I'm curious how you think he should have approched talking about the article (keep in mind, I think he wanted to talk about the article more specifically) while also keeping the conversation grounded, as is his goal in all these videos? What should he have siad insted? Should he not address people who focus most of thier attention during these conversation on women's "lack" (or percieved lack) of issues they have to navigate?
Being born a women is life on hard mode, LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. This is so funny.
Let me tell that to the guys who were on the titanic and Sheppard the women and children first to the lifeboats before they themselves went down with the ship.
I think Dr K failed here. I can’t help but wonder if he just cannot relate at all. He’s a married man in what seems like a very healthy relationship. He just can’t relate. Or if he just doesn’t care about or believe in those issues and he is being political by doing all this hedging and avoiding addressing any of those things outright.
I felt that he spent the entire video talking about how women react to men’s issues, and how men react to men’s issues, without actually talking about men’s issues. And you’re right, it’s telling that he felt he needed to do that on the video about men’s loneliness but didn’t need to do that in the one about women’s.
dont put much thought into it, at the end of the day, whatever the psychologists and sociologists say, all the "positive" sexism towards women you see, it's just the evolutionary instinct of people to protect women more because they can have children aka women are wonderfull effect.
I dont give a shit that i dont have a degree in this field, this phenomena is so fucking obvious it's hilarious. Take reddit, everyone clearly knows how hard they go against misoginy and sexism etc, you get instant bans for nothing and YET there are thousands of articles, posts etc over the internet that says that reddit has a problem with rampant misoginy even tho every subreddit except for r/mra that was critical of women has been banned.
Two subreddits called r/gendercritical and r/femaledatingstrategy even with the obvious and continued misandry arent banned and still able to grow.
50 minutes of caveats and saying “not all people are like this” and pretty much nothing at all said about the suffering people are experiencing. This one was more like a long winded warning about being critical about what you read rather than giving help to people feeling this way. Love you Dr. K, but this wasn’t helpful to me personally. Good luck to all the lonely people out there. Stay strong.
The trouble is people in general especially on the internet can't appear even slightly one sided. Otherwise people will assume that you have no interest in the other side's opinion.
There is no real solution he can give you through a video. Just 1 small tool to help you move there. And it's good to be objective and avoid falling into the trap of being stuck in our own biases. Information that aligns with our believe we tend to take in easily, and anything else has a lot of resistance and can become almost hidden. I don't mean this in a bad way, but it feels like the point of the video kind of described this kind of comment. It's hard to be actually objective, because we tend to think we always are
I have to point out I'm 9 minutes in and the entire time so far it has been prefacing the conversation to make sure everyone knows it doesn't dismiss women's issues.
Clicked the female loneliness video to compare and how interesting that zero prefacing the convo to make sure people knew it doesn't dismiss men's issues had to be done. Very interesting.
Probably because the male dominated audience is more likely use the opinion piece as a cudgel against women's issues.
@@RaNdOmkiid100 This. Its an uncomfortable truth that a lot of men don't want to admit. A lot of the comments want to believe this dynamic doesn't exist but anyone in this space for any amount of time knows that its still a very strong force, using the cloak of mens issues as their current rationalizations. I've seen many a content creator/audience in this space be swallowed whole by the negativity. Lots of rational men in this space would be shocked at the comments Dr. K gets in private (both the content and the volume).
To be fair, if you look at the post Dr. K was responding to in the female loneliness video, the woman didn't bring up men at all originally or make any points about how much easier men have it, or how men couldn't possibly understand, or that men were the source of her problems.
When men talking about being lonely, they often bring women into the conversation to say women can't understand. So yeah, you are going to have to address that talking point if they bring it up first.
Also, I didn't interpret the preface as "we aren't dismissing women's issues." To me it leaned more towards "we're not going to dismiss men's issues because women have suffered" which is a perfectly appropriate point that women need to be reminded of.
Stop it don’t make me think too hard the internet will call me an incel if I agree
I loved psychology today before I studied psychology. After I got my bachelors in psych, I realized how completely bunk a lot of their articles are.
Facts. Great to see you bring things like this up
"The individual cannot be responsible for systemic issues"
SOOO glad someone finally came out and said this
Dr. K, it's really great that you're teaching people how to critically read articles, and I think you should do it more! 👍 I feel like this kind of approach to reading is what's typically taught in more academic settings (if taught correctly), and seems like many people tend to have a repulsion for anything that they see as "academic". (Sorry if that's offensive, but I feel like I notice a lot more anti-education sentiments online these days. Which I understand, colleges rip people off). But I think this is a basic life skill that people really need now regardless of whether they pursue higher education, especially with so much information and misinformation going around online. It really distorts the way people think and might cause them to fall too deep into conspiracy theories, because it has become difficult to weed out the clickbaity, opinionated, or biased views (even some "scientific" research could be done through biased methods and people don't realize it). Please, please do videos like this more, the world needs it!
I agree. Anti intellectualism is being pushed so hard. People aren't taught critical thinking and reading skills. We are taught to read a headline and rage about it. Also, I noticed that most people refuse to be tentative about their ideologies: we are forced to pick a side. The world isn't Black or White but we are pushed into that kind of thinking. I honestly think communication and emptathy needs to be taught because we are doing a shitty job.
Absolutely. Critical thinking and evaluating good quality sources is crucial. The author of this work would be been absolutely roasted at my university. We were told to maybe go as far back as three years if you had to, but for something like dating sites, there's absolutely no excuse to be using data that old.
This is a great point, people need exposure to dissenting opinions, without that there won't be much motivation for critical thinking, social media will need to change its monetization aims and how we interact with these mediums.
Truly underappreciated comment...
I think it would change the world for the better, with great difference mind so, if we would teach young adolescents how to read and wright with this critical principles in mind.
Such an amazing comment
I think my personal problem is that I'm more of a slow burn person. Meeting someone and chatting and hitting it off right away seems like such a foreign thing, but is what is needed when it comes to dating/online dating and when I compare that to people who I'm around for an extended period of time and how they think highly of me it feels as though dating is just not something that is ever going to be fair for me.
God same, that’s why the online dating culture makes me nervous. Because while you CAN get lightning in a bottle and hit it off with somebody after about 20 minutes, I don’t think that’s what everyone should be expecting to happen every time they meet someone. It takes time for me to figure these things out, and it definitely wouldn’t be after a few seconds.
Same here. Oh how I wish I had grown up in the 60s or something, when people had to go out for everything. Going out with no cause, just for the purpose of meeting people just feels so artificial and forced, but with so much going on online, there's fewer real reasons to go out...
I hope this directly addresses the concerns, and that its not just something to point to and say "See? It was already talked about!"
“Just be emotionally available” reeks of “just be confident” or “just be yourself”.
It _sounds_ nice, but I doubt actually helps anyone practically. Case and point: chat asked “How do I boost EQ?” and the answer was basically a shrug.
And that right there is why so many guys turn to pick up artists, Red Pill or even Black Pill.
I agree, but I feels unfair to post this sort of comment under the channel of a therapist.
Dr K's literal job is to give more specific and applicable help to people.
Boosting EQ depends on the person you are interacting with.
My only advice for EQ:
1) Don't do/say things that may change/challenge someone's perspective of themselves (I used to love doing this growing up, I think its my default mindset).
2) Making people feel happy/wanted is a ongoing process, you have to keep interacting with people to ensure the social bond stays strong.
@@thatchapthere Not when the complaints the article provides are quite specific.
On one hand, I do think that "Just be emotionally availble" is a very good advice. On the other hand, this advice is clearly not for everyone because there are people out there that being emotionally availble will change nothing because no one wants to emotionally connect with them in the first place so for their availbility or lack thereof become relevant. It's like telling an author who wrote a book about something no one wants to read to rewrite the book with proper grammar so it will become a best-seller.
Here's how to boost Emotional Intelligence for REAL:
Learn about Psychology, social awareness, self awareness, communication skills, politeness, expressing yourself, being open or transparent, asking good questions, making statements, communicating openly and honestly, explaining things effectively, how to be a better listener, how to be on the same communication pace.
Learn about Philosophy, look up philosophy quotes about love, relationships, crush, friendship or stories.
Learn about Buddhism or Spirituality (not religion) Being the greater good, the peacekeeper and the wise. (Wisdom skill)
Edit:
Learn from Mistakes, from failed conversations or failed dates. Get as much experience as possible. (Grind communication and mistakes because there is always a lesson)
Bonus: Learn about zodiac compatibility and zodiac traits
The fact that you even have to ask if we are “allowed” to have this conversation speaks volumes to how we see men. We wouldn’t have to ask if we are allowed to talk about how women are treated poorly in some aspects, we just do it. However, for men, we feel the need to ask.
I was thinking the same thing.
I think Dr. K was asking if people watching were emotionally ready to talk about this. A lot of his introductory lecture was regarding comparisons regarding the suffering between genders. He asked "can you put your emotions aside for this topic? Can I talk about this? Are you ready?"
Dr. K has released many, many videos about men's issues without asking for "permission". His permission was in regards to if the listeners were ready to be neutral to the topic. And many missed the point.
@@michaela9548 yeah so he was asking if we're finally ready to talk about an issue where men are disadvantaged, the fact he needs to ask....
@@rickymort135 the reason he is asking is the exact reason the comments are blowing up. People weren't ready to put aside their personal opinions to listen to his video. By saying "the fact he needs to ask.......", I interpret that as the viewers who were triggered by this video were emotionally unaware enough to blow up about a point they missed.
Dr. K handled this video perfectly.
@@michaela9548 if he just focused on talking about this men's issue the only people getting triggered would be the ones who don't like to talk about men's issues because they feel it is rolls backs women's issues. The blow up because of his disclaimer not the other way round
Emotional avaliability has nothing to do with getting matches. That seems to be men's biggest complaint, that they can't even get a match that they'll be able to talk to IRL and demonstrate emotional availability/communication. It's next to impossible to accurately predict someone's communication skills and emotional avaliability based off just a dating profile. You can usually tell what someone's job is and how good looking they are, but that's about it. Online dating isn't the only way to meet people, but in todays environment it's pretty close. I worry about men investing in emotional availability and communication (which are good skills) assuming they will get dates, and then throwing those skills out and giving up on being decent when they realize it isn't helping them get matches.
Most men are sh*t at communicating on dating websites. They expect you to be interested because of their looks, supremely overconfident in how they look, and put out the textual equivalent of a grunt. They don't take the time to show even a little bit of their personality, because they are lazy and expect women to just like them.
I am reticent to contact any man just because he is good looking, if he cannot string together a few words to show me that he has a sense of humor and that he might have a personality that jibes with mine. I write engaging profiles, that are pretty clear about who I am. Most men just want to hook up and so all of that stuff does not matter. When the goals are different, this is going to happen.
This ^
you kinda listed the solution in your own comment. Online dating only tells you 2 things: what the person looks like and very superficial characteristics like profession and income. So if thats all women on dating apps have to go off of, they'll only flock to the best ones.
In person dating is way better because you get a ton of other info about the other person, like their personality, charisma, and even emotional intelligence and whether or not they are a good listener. We need to destroy dating apps, they're toxic and useless unless all you are looking for is a hook up
@@botanicalitus4194 and having those traits are what keeps a person attracted to you as the absence of them causes a huge discrepancy long term
You... You know what communication is right? You don't have to be on a dating app to communicate with people. You just need social skills before you can communicate with anyone. So online dating isn't even "pretty close" to being "the only way to meet people." Online dating is just trying avoiding social skills
As a man, I know things are hard. The competition is fierce if you don't have money or good looks. With that being said, let's say you do find a woman, who's to say you'll be happier? Theres a lot people in relationships that put up with shit i don't want to deal with. I personally find the freedom I experience to outweigh the occasional loneliness I experience being single because I have a good network of friends and hobbies
As a woman I’m single for the same reasons. I’ve barely seen any relationships around me that I’ve find delightful. So it’s not worth being with someone when I already have other things keeping me distracted and reasonably fulfilled as well.
I'm personally more in the camp of any types of relationships is what I want.
You say you have a good network of friends. Some of us, like myself, struggle to even have that.
Also I think guys put so much hope in dating because that's what society/other men pushes onto us in order to be happy. I would be fine just having a genuine friendships with at least one person.
Glad someone else feels the same way I do. l dont think I've ever felt really lonely, I love being alone, working on projects. Hang with friends every so often and no one trying to monopolize my time seems pretty great to me.
As a woman, I had 6 relationships and they were 99% misery. Your life might very well be worse after you get a relationship, or stay the same than before. Why do you want it so bad? It's not like you get one woman and BOOM you're in heaven rest of your life.
Bro just because a relationship isn't the end-all be-all of life doesn't mean I don't want to experience one. I want to be loved by a woman, I want to have sex, I want intimacy, I want someone by my side.
The whole need for that weird disclaimer and asking for permission to talk about it *IS* part of what's causing men's mental health to degrade.
Literally facts. I genuinely do think men just need a safe space to talk about this stuff without having the “well think about the women…” speech attached to it constantly
If you need someone to coddle you this much, that you can’t handle facts then go to therapy
The long awaited video after such a long "war" on the subreddit
What happened?
The Great Incel vs Simp vs Feminist War
@@db1777 Basically the war between 3 idiotic party's filled with idiots.
@@sorubro2193 the article referenced at the start started a load of video's and posts by men and women. just type in the title of this video in UA-cam and you'll find dozens of video's/shorts uploaded in the last couple of days
@@db1777 Can you summarize the talking points? I’m very interested in what the subreddit has to say but reading arguments with people being mean to each other just puts me in a bad mood.
Can’t even talk about it without a 10 minute preamble
The disclaimer he needs to say really underscore the problem a lot of men face. If I mention anything I face that's negative to anyone about my experience as a man the immediate reply is "yeah but women..."
That's because of toxic femininity which is bigger than ever.
Or "man up"
Thanks for the 56 minutes of saying women also have issues! Very insightful and helpful!👍
That was the point. There arealso lonely single women. It's not only men who suffer. Stop the suffer Olympics that was the point. Loneliness in men is addressed by Dr K every week on this channel
I remind you that Dr K is not the platform for only men. Under every video you will have women and non binary people commenting
Well women also have issues and men don't understand it. When your gender goes on dating apps you use it as a trap to "catch women" rather than looking for something meaningful.
You xualise them and objectify them. Women don't want that women want real men that understand them and wants real relationship not to just be f'ed and dmped
@@kattodoggo3868 exactly. These men need to grow up with all that tantrum.
i think both you and doggo need to be quiet
@@KshipsinKchups Cry
The rise of social media presence is also makes a rise in “standards” for people, we have Tiktoks making people more aware of how being ‘good looking’ and having money is a “must” to get a date, so that makes these men insecure or scared trying.
This makes a lot of sense but there's one thing that doesn't add up:
The Ancient Greeks had those beautiful statues of the gods and the mythological heroes, and their figures can be easily considered as attractive even by modern standards.
But why didn't those statues, which broadly depicted perfect divine beings with desirable qualities that people aspire to have, cause this same effect as Instagram and Tiktok do while doing almost the exact same thing?
I mean, I am yet to see rampant records of unreachable beauty standards destroying love and relationships.
Is it because every individual Ancient Greek was as beautiful as the gods, or is it because of something else?
Nah the standards are women not putting up with abuse and sexism as much, and men can't handle women saying no or being their own person.
@@phosspatharios9680 Because love and relationships are modern concepts. Much of human history involved arranged marriages that weren't about love. Women didn't have much choice (women had almost zero rights in most of ancient Greece, the exception being Sparta where strong women were thought to produce strong men and men being off at war, meant women had to have more freedom to do things when they were left alone).
The the thing that changed in recent years is that women have the choice to be single if they want to. And if women chose to be single that means men are forced to be single. For every single woman, there's a single man.
@@shelbyannechien7413 i mean its kinda both. I have seen a lot of negative social media influence. And yes I know where you're goming from. There's a lot of bullshit of "its all standards of women". That is also happeng and some standards are good. Like actually wanting someone who is actually compatible. And i don't think that i can be compatible with 50% of men. People are too different. And we shouldn't go for someone who first gives us attention.
But but but internet sometimes telos lies and makes question our own heathy relationships. Like overuse of Red flags. Its important to make clear are actual dealbreakers. "oh his homofobic. You should leave him now. 😡." this kind of stuff. When we see internet couples we see this perfekt image. Which isn't all truth . Relationships are incredibly complex theres no better person.
Tik tok is cancer, but it will stay, probably forver...
Part of the problem is that you have to ask permission to discuss men's issues whereas you'll be called sexist if you don't want to talk about women's.
There's not much more frustrating than hearing someone essentially say that "this side isn't doing enough" for a problem that's got so many nuances to it. Especially in this scenario, where there's a potential heavy burden of old expectations already there.
Sometimes it's not even just about dating, but having any type of relationships with any person. I've always had to struggle with social anxiety, (not to mention having to live in the middle of nowhere, with little places to be social besides school) so I usually don't seek out interactions myself.
The few friends I did make throughout all my school life have slowly been drifting away ever since covid happened. I'd say I have it easier compared to other guys. I'm not depressed, I'm not overweight, I have great parents, yet I can't help but feel like I'm missing the basic experience of creating relationships with other people.
I always hear people say "It'll happen." "Work on yourself and it'll happen." But I know that for myself, it's highly unlikely for anything to happen unless I can force myself to become more social, and maybe move to somewhere more populated.
it's not about being social and/or being in a populated area it's about how you can relate to people on an intimate level, men are usually very VERY little inclined to have personal-level type of talks let alone personal friendships, unlike women. You can live in a populated sure area sure and go ahead and be more social and go out every single day and you may still get the feeling of "being lonely in a crowd"
based smt fan
Even behind all the satire, misogyny, and marketing that Andrew Tate does, I think a lot of men can relate to what he says about how most men don't even exist in the dating sphere and how lonely men are. It always seems that men's problems derail into "women have it worse" or "men should take responsibility for their own issues", but when it's a women's issues, it's a societal problem that men should fix. These ideas stink of toxic masculinity and double standards. "Men live life on easy mode" apparently, but I think we all know that the burden of "personal responsibility" weighs heavy on many men's shoulders, as the common sentiment is that it's our personal shortcomings and lack of achievement that is the reason we are single and lonely.
Yeah, this is one of the major issues I have with all this. Typically when a guy has a concern regarding lack of success in some department or another it always comes down to personal responsibility. When women spend half their day trying to get attention and then are surprised Pikachu face when a bunch of dudes are in their DMs, I'M the toxic one for pointing out how they might be contributing to their own problem. I get that in any case there are circumstances that we can control and some that we can't. It's just that there is a double standard when it comes to the approach for men and women. You can say that incels ruin it for everyone else, but other people ruin it too by just tossing you into the incel category the second you suggest women take responsibility along with you lol
its literally a common internet phrase to say "women live life on easy mode", and pretty much no one every uses it the other way around, so how can you say that women's problems are being treated as serious societal issues then? also if you are even remotely familiar with the comment section of this channel, you literally constantly see people saying that men have it worse. your comment is doing the exact thing dr k said not to do, which is diminishing the problems of others (women in this case)
My opinion on Andrew Tate is that his popularity is the equivalent of a bunch of frustrated and angry men lashing out emotionally.
No, women's issues aren't societal problems men need to fix. This is a false dichotomy that damages the discussion. Yes there are women who blame men and society for all their problems. They are equally wrong and deserve to have the flaws in their logic pointed out. Finger pointing and saying "But when THIS group does it.." NEVER helps the conversation. And it's why these huge disclaimers of "now we're NOT ignoring the other group okay? We can talk about one groups struggles without dismissing this other equally important groups struggles as well, okay?" Because people keep turning it into an us vs them issue when it shouldn't be.
You can talk about your own struggles without comparing and contrasting another group of people as "not able to understand" in the process. And it doesn't matter if it's a man or woman who's doing it.
@@botanicalitus4194 exactly
I've been doing coaching for years and studied a bit of how it works. What I figured out is that coaching works by opening new possibilities for the client. Let me explain: if some possiblity you don't see it and you can't imagine it, there is no way you could act on it. Also, if you see the possibility but you don't think it is possible for YOU, you won't act on it. So basically coaching makes you look for options and evaluate if they are possible for you particularly. Once you find a possiblilty and you believe it fits you, you are more likely to act on it and get a different result from what you were getting before.
1:42 Sorry but no, if your immediate reaction about talking about why someone is feeling lonely is "toxic lonely single men", belittling how someone feels, you do have a problem. I can get if you don't care about it, that's valid. Not everyone has to commiserate with someone else's problems. But belittling someone because that someone feels like crap? Nope. And some wonder why men feel alone, where, if you ever dare to talk that you feel like crap you will be belittled into less than a human being with words like "toxic lonely single men"
Your timestamp was a little off. Here you go: 1:32
Simple solution, Us men need to have more circles helping men on an emotional level , men are suffering not because of loneliness but because of lack of emotional support and understanding with what's happening inside, alot of men were with women because the woman represented that emotional support that they got from their mothers or lack of, basically men were not taught how to emotionally love themselves, and regulate themselves, which is crucial ! So yes men need to step up to not only help themselves but to help other men. It will be better for everyone. PS as far as dating the reason isn't solely what the article stated , I would say it's 20% of the problem, so many more factors that play , think about it.
You are right, this is a part of it, but getting in a relationship with a woman is such an intrinsic part to masculinity, that it's literally impossible to replace this with emotional support from other men. It's a talking point that gets thrown around a lot, but I think that the experience of many men who have fulfilling friendships indicate that it's not enough.
People want to be desired and not to be treated as ugly losers. Who cares if your friend likes you? This is about status in general. A female friend of mine was completely dissolved because a more attractive friend of hers was getting a lot of attention irl and also due to her not getting more than a few matches on dating apps.
Imagine if she would have to deal with the possibility of not getting a relationship EVER.
It would completely fuck her brain, like she has NO IDEA how this feels like, she is already completely fucked by the possibility of a girl in her friendgroup being more attractive.
Idk people always trivialize getting into a relationship as a luxury, or as something that doesn't matter, well, most women sure seem to risk dealing with a lot of violence from abusive boyfriends just to be in one.
I know it's tasteless to say this, but it's the truth??? And if this is the truth then how can we just tell people to talk more with their male friends.. this is not a solution.
@@xXWorldgamefunXx Emotional support from other men doesn`t replace a relationship with a woman, it enables it. You will be far more likely to ask a woman out and risk getting rejected if you know you will meet your mate tonight, have a good time with him and will be able to talk to him about how much it sucks to be rejected than when you know you will be alone at home feeling like shit if she rejects you.
Also if I as a woman would sense that you see "a relationship with a woman as an intrinsic part to masculinity", basically me being a tool you need to feel like " a real man", I would run. You literally say that you see being desired by women as a sign of status. You don`t think we can sense when we are just a trophy and not a valuable person to you?
men are not allowed to show weakness.
but personally. i just don't care anymore.
I wish there are more kinder and more compassionate women in the world.
Interesting to see that Dr. K had to spend the first 10 Minutes justifying simply talking about men’s issues without also speaking on women’s issues. Although if it were vice versa I’d wager to say the reaction would’ve been different.
Cause shutting on men's faces is a profitable business with 0 consequences while vice versa is social suicide
I thought exactly the same and I wish Dr K would dare adress how we have to preface talkign about men's issues every time with 'buit of course women have it bad too' but never do the opposite when talking about women's issues
It sucks that he couldn't talk about an issue in general without calling out every individual group possible. He had to walk on eggshells since a lot of people online will interpret this however they want. Both sides of the war probably spammed his chat in the past for him to feel the need to do so
Men are so sensitive and unwilling to accept that most of their problems are due to their own horrible choices and an inability to accept responsibility and motivate themselves to change. So much easier to blame everything else I reckon.
Even more interesting considering there was a video specifically about women's issues literally like 6 days ago. Going to that and being like (men have issues to or going to this video and being like "women have issues too" is just dumb imo. Yes both have the same issues but he is giving specific advice for one of them right now. It's kinda like going to a talk about cancer and being like "heart disease is also a problem"
I think Dr. K is a bit out of his depth on the topic. He has zero personal experience on dating apps, cause if he had he would know how it is. It's kind of common sense, no statistics needed imo.
Also tie this with the fact that he met his gf in highschool and she was his first girl meaning he never even dated in college nor in his 20s where most people generally do their dating.
He has no sense of empathy for the topic.
Really enjoyed this dive into critically thinking about the sources cited in the article. Over the last couple of years, in particular, I've noticed an ever increasing amount of people all too ready to fall on either side of most arguments/discussions (beyond this particular issue); pitting themselves against each other in the process --to their detriment. I think what you've showcased on stream is the antidote, as well as a shining example of how we get to move towards healthier and more reasonable collaboration. Thank you for everything that you do, Dr K. Your example has meant and continues to mean a lot.
kinda sad that in order to discuss men's struggles in any capacity there needs to be a literal 10 minute disclaimer about how everyone's issues are valid, otherwise men get written off or accused of being inconsiderate of women's issues or whatever else. No wonder men are never open about their feelings or problems
Actually most of his viewers are men I believe, so I don't think he is trying to not get yelled at by a female audience. I think he is trying to give men perspective so that they don't go down the route "women have it so easy" which is a typical narrative in male spaces that speak of male problems. Which is a shame, because sht isn't a competition.
@Wrath of Fenrir We would need to look at the stats, but regardless it is not a bad thing to do, to tell one group of people that their's aren't the only problems. In fact it is something that should be done much more in feminist/women's spaces, as there aren't enough women who are knowledgeable on men's issues. In my opinion if we all were informed on each other's isues, sht would be resolved much quicker.
Ps. Cool username, I used to have a cat named Fenrir.
@@cheyemily6066 cancel culture doesn't care who the intended or actual audience is, they will attack people for anything they see as an opinion that doesnt align with their own. That's why he has to do that even though his real audience doesn't care.
@@AN-sm3vj Huh? I'm just saying if the culture was so skewed in men's favor why would anyone feel the need to try so unbelievably hard to placate feminists and couch every talk of men's issues with 10 minute disclaimers to avoid the massive amount of hate they'd get for not talking about women instead lol you're thinking too hard.
@@cheyemily6066 I don't have any problem with a disclaimer like this for that kind of purpose. It just feels more intrusive to the conversation when that disclaimer is essentially the entire video considering the first 10 minutes or so is entirely disclaimer alone. And then throughout the rest of the video it seems whenever an acknowledgement about men's issues is actually addressed, the disclaimer has to pop back up again and we have to go over what we spent 10 minutes already talking about. It honestly is more of an issue of making these conversations a lot less efficient and feel more like a jumbled mess rather than the smoothly flowing information about most other given topics you may see on the channel. And you have to admit when dr. k stops and says "so is it okay to talk about this?" its not just him trying to prevent his male audience from being turned into incels, but also being worried about people actually being upset with him trying to help struggling men
I’ve become a person that finds one of dr. K’s videos posted at a time that is very relevant to my situation. I wish I could just convince myself that being alone in the world is fine but it’s easier said than done. I’ve been making big changes in my life that everyone around me agrees is best for me yet I feel empty and despite my efforts to achieve my goal of being a top musician, it’s just not enough and i fear will never be. I’m coming to the conclusion that i really have nothing to live for i guess because i just don’t care about what most of the world does. I can’t find anybody to relate to or talk to. I’m alone when surrounded by people and it’s become psychological torture.
Busca terapia, esos pensamientos pueden volverse peligrosos rápidamente. Nadie dice que estar solo en el mundo es lo ideal, pero estar solo en el mundo no es lo mismo que no tener pareja.
Damn man I feel you, especially as a fellow artist. I'm a film student and I get a lot of attention from other guys when I'm out with my cinema rig and whatnot. Meanwhile the chick's just ignore me no matter what I accomplish, and my family asking me when I'm gonna get a gf is not helping. Definitely feels like it'll never happen
@@awesometjgreen it’s bizarre when people just expect you to find a relationship.
@@awesometjgreen eres un estudiante!! Lo que me lleva a asumir que no tienes más de 23 años, dale tiempo al tiempo haz muchas amistades y no escuches a tu familia las probabilidades dicen que se casaron por que estaban embarazados, si a los 26 aún no ha, tenido algún tipo de relación entonces puedes recién empezar a preocuparte un poco 😌
im praying for you to find your way brother
Man you are such a good guy - love that you are able to share your knowledge in a non-biased and non-charged way
Regarding the study showing that financial stability in men correlates to being in a relationship status, Dr K's assumption is that financial stability makes a man more attractive to a woman, however I would question if being partnered is what leads to more financial security. We already know men live longer when partnered. Men definitely benefit from the labor of their female partners in that way. It is not a stretch to conclude that men will have more time and resources to pursue financial gain, when partnered and either sharing or completely shirking responsibilities at home.
Also, financially well off women are also more likely to be married.
Stable people with good incomes have more relationship success.
Instability has social aspects including wealth inequality that has gone unchecked.
I think focusing on the individual part here misses opportunity to move forward. We need to create a more stable affluent society so that relationships can thrive. IMO it's a wealth inequality problem.
Good point. My fiance has a full time well paying job now, but when we met he was working part time at target. The only reason he started pursuing a career in earnest is because I told him I wanted a family and in todays economy I can't do that alone. I needed his equal support in work like I have it in the home, and if he couldn't find the effort to really get full time work then that was the only thing I could see breaking us up, because no matter how much I love him our life goals would be too different. When faced with that, he stepped the fuck up and found the drive to do what it took to get the job he wanted - but he couldn't do it alone. I had to support him financially while he took a year long paramedic course, but I knew he was doing something about it so I stuck with him. Now, as a result of my temporary financial support, he is far more financially stable than before. This is something that ought to be teased out more.
This is kind of a general thing, but the thing that I really despise is that whenever an issue pertaining to men is brought up there's usually a response of "how dare you! Don't you know that women have it so much worse than you in general!? What ever gave you the idea that you ever deserved any compassion!? You should feel ashamed of yourself for thinking your pain was ever worth acknowledging!" Obviously not in those words but it damn well feels like it.
Edit: before the inevitable storm comes im not actually talking about dating specifically, I just mean in general because my personal opinion is that relationships are something you have to take responsibility for, it's honestly one of the lesser problems.
Even in areas where it objectively affects men more, like prison or war.
agreed. I like him and the channel but he's been doing this bs for a while now. Being single is a male problem let's be honest, there wasn't really the need to acknowledge the female perspective.
Simply think about all the females you personally know, how many of them have problems in finding a partner? I personally can count 1, but because she has absurd standards. How many males you personally know that have that problem? The answer is probably be definitely more
@@CostaECosta98 I'm a lonely woman, hello🗿
I don't really understand your point here.
Just because there're fewer women with this problem, does this make our struggle less valid?
I just wish people would stop arguing about who has it worse and started actually aknowledging each others feelings...
Edit: The atmosphere is getting tense in the comments. I hope nobody here feels invalidated or offended by my comment (that perhaps ended up being a little too emotional). I wish every lonely person reading this will find peace.
@@CostaECosta98 I wish he wouldn't have to do thios preface, because of course he doesn't have to do it when talking about women's issues.
That being said I totally udnerstand why he does it. The MOMENT certain individuals on twitter start having the idea that Healthygamer is "red pill" "men's rights (how they see it)" or anythign similar, there is a very big chance the channel will be pulled into a shitshow and downward spiral which will ultimately end in its demise.
@@CostaECosta98 You clearly don’t know many women then 😅 wtf is this take?
I'm a woman. I'm only here to learn about the struggles of others (in this case men who are lonely) in hopes to understand them better. I genuinely don't want to invalidate anyone without realizing it. I only realize that it's hard for everyone, even if in different ways.
Anyway, whatever all of you guys struggle with, I hope your situation will get better and please know that there are people out there who genuinely care to understand and empathize with your situation. Hopefully, mutual understanding will make the situation for everyone better. I don't think, there is anything I can do to help, just wanted to let everyone know what this is my way of showing support and compassion for what you're going through.
And here, gentlemen, is an example how to be a supportive person, emotions and all. Spoken like a true socialized-as-a-woman person.
Thank you, i wish the same to you
Beautiful. Thank you for your kindness.
u-feel-better-after-the-virtue-signaling,dont-u-foid?
@@taketheblackpillneo3940 I'm not buying her bs either.
Dr. K always seems to have the best discussions on these topics. Where most public content creators I think tend to universalize an individual experience then maybe explore the nuance as the discussion unfolds, you tend to acknowledge the individual experience and invite your audience to pause and then immediately dive into the intricacies. Makes for really productive conversations with your chat.
Facts, people either always blame feminists for every problem or incels for every problem but the truth is both parties are responsible for the damage that is being done to society.
the fact that 10 minutes of disclaimers are needed just to begin talking about this
I’m single, and have been for a long time now, but it’s completely my fault as to why. My work schedule is probably the main reason, I work rotating shift and work about 72-84hrs a week. And the little free time that I do have, I usually don’t go out, I just rest. And when I do go out, its to run an errand or something. I never really put myself in a situation or place were its “socially acceptable” to approach women, so I don’t. I’m also insecure of myself in pretty much every aspect, and my lack of experience also makes me feel like I’m behind the curb, like there’s plenty of other guys out there that “know what they’re doing”, and I feel like being inexperienced means that there’s “something wrong with you”, that’s another reason why I don’t try. Honestly, I don’t even care at this point, I’ve been single this long, I’m kinda used to it now :)
Working 84hrs a week is not your fault. I wish you luck.
I dont think experience means shit. Sex is never "great" the first few times imo bc you have to learn what that person likes and dislikes which requires a lot of unsexy communication and vulnerability. Some dudes like having their balls sucked, some don't. Some chicks like having their clit pounded, others get off by being fingered. Every person is inexperienced with a new partner at first bc it takes time, energy, communication, and experimenting to figure out how to come together in a way that works for you both.
I hope your work schedule gets better soon ❤️
I really admire your level of self-awareness & not letting your circumstances make you bitter toward women.
But, being inexperienced doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. Be easy on yourself. & when you have the time & are willing to be in a relationship, get yourself out there... It's going to suck at first, you'll make a lot of mistakes, but just like every skill in life, you need a decent amount of time of being crappy at it until you actually get the hang of it. (It's all about mentally surviving that crappy period)
I wish you the best.
The argument of lack of relationship skills is particularly sad for me. I have never had a girlfriend in my life and I am 26 and I would be described as lacking skills. Why should I then date a "skilled person"? It's really an objectifying statement that makes me feel unwanted and looking to date a similarly "unexperienced" person.
You don`t need to date to aquire relationship skills. You can get them through having close friendships, having a job where you have to interact with a lot of different people, doing volunteer work, etc. You can coach the kids football team and learn to empathize with and motivate the kids, interact with their parents and their banter and complaints.
The talk was great. It might need time before some people are ready to hear it, but it's good to see Dr.K having the patience and subtlety needed to venture into this minefield.
Some are triggered, but I hope it'll help them reflect and be more open on the subject in the long run.
He neglected to mention that men will only engage in dates with a small minority of women that they swiped right on. It's the top 10 percent dating the top 10 percent. Dating apps are insufficient for forming connections for the vast majority of people.
HealthyGG, I wish somebody called out the "men need to be emotionally available" to improve their dating....when the reality is women DO NOT choose the "emotionally available" men. This article feeds on the Mythology that women are superior to relationships than men...when they clearly suck at choosing men. Men can spend years and thousands of $$ on therapy, which is great business for y'all.
they just want ur money and will keep feeding you the worst advice and medication to make money
Women who are emotionally available want emotionally available men. Idk if you're aware of attachment theory but through it one can see that often people who are anxiously attached end up being drawn to those who are avoidant, that is to say- those who strongly want relationships and have a schema for relationships that suggests they gotta keep doing things to get the partner, and end up with partners who are neglectful and only give them attention when the partner presses them for this attention. Often the first group is women and the second are men, but definitely not always. People who work on themselves may become securely attached, which means they don't feel at a constant deficit when they aren't getting their partners full attention nor do they feel a tendency to avoid their partner when given said full attention. The fact broken people have a pattern of dating other broken people shouldn't concern those who would like to have a functional and fulfilling long lasting relationship.
The reason the article was so biased in the first place is likely because the writer had many experiences listening to women complain about men, which is often about their emotional unavailability. But men can also be the ones who are anxiously attached, attracted to avoidant women, it's just that this particular psychologist probably had far less experience with that.
@@FirsToStrike whatever they say almost never matches their actions. as long as a guy is tall and good looking they will spin any narrative in order to explain that 'purely coincidental attraction'. biology is biology, nobody can change that
Dr.K seems to think that the main reason men are lonely is because they struggle with emotional availability. I completely disagree with this.
most average guys can’t even get to the stage where emotional availability is important. if you can’t even get a date, if you get ghosted after you send a selfie, if you can’t even get a single match, then you can’t even show to a girl that you have emotional availability. you’re already rejected based off the artificial stuff before you get a chance.
emotional availability is important but generally comes later, when a girl is already getting close with you. this is not the barrier that blocks out most men, the barrier comes before that.
ultimately, women are just too picky. men can’t be emotionally available when women only swipe right on 4.5% of men.
womens standards are low af, be mentally stable and not be a misogynist. ez. if youre still getting rejected its because either youre an asshole or youre trying to get 8's when youre a 6
and lets say we get past this stage, in my experience, being emotionally available with women lead to 1. being ignored 2. accusations of not being manly enough 3. full on emotional and psychological abuse. Then when I had the gall to talk about my experience? instant "you weren't actually abused", "you weren't actually available", "you deserved it".
Women aren’t being too picky if they’re happy with their level of pickiness
@@popejaimie women set standards on men which is far higher than what said woman lives up to herself. This is fundamentally hypocritical.. So yea, you an be too picky
@@klimtkiller I do that, and I’m not too picky because I’d prefer to be single than with someone who doesn’t meet my standards. I’m exactly picky enough.
expected a 1h talk about male loneliness, got 40min of disclaimers followed by 20 min of what to do once you're in a relationship to please the other party.
Sadly that's the most help we're going to get from a more left leaning individual when it comes to mens issues. People want to shit on the right all the time, but at least it's not the side demonizing masculinity when our societies were very clearly built on the backs of hard-working men.
@@vargusdread9519 Hi Vargus, it's important to recognize that each side has its own problems and that the majority of people recognize that no worldview is perfect. Indeed, the left is just starting to realize the whiplash they have induced on their quest for equity, and at least the open minded within the sect are working to rectify the issue. I would caution against the hasty generalizations in your comment, and instead I would advise to notice the nuances in modern political discourse that are too often overshadowed in favor of sensationalism and black-and-white thinking. Cheers.
@@romdotdogwomen lead life on easy mode. Stop the cap. Men leade lives that are a living hell. A feminist who pretended to be a man killed herself. I'm tired of pretending female difficulties are of the same level of that of men.
@@vargusdread9519 I get that this video didn’t talk about any of the things you were hoping for. I didn’t enjoy it very much either. However, there are probably a hundred or more hours of content just on this topic in other videos on this channel. Many of them have helped me personally. Politicising it isn’t helping anyone.
@@romdotdog The open minded within the sect? I've only found a few open minded influencers on the left leaning sphere like Destiny or Shoeonhead and sure they are "trying" to rectify this issue but to no avail. Why? Because the ideological presupposition of modern progressive politics go against any man with healthy testosterone levels. Even when they try their best to make a conventional path of dealing with male issues within the progressive ideology, they clearly fail.
NaturalHypetrophy had a great video on that which is funny since this is a fitness channel that delves into philosophy from time to time but the conclusion was pretty clear. The reason why communism had such a big male base is because it was celebrating the parts of masculinity that are considered toxic and in fact made good use of said parts into achieving the communist ideal, even if it was bound to fail.
This article was BS, yes there are more lonely men (lonely people in general) but not because they aren't shilling $200 an hour to therapists.
The dating market is like the job market where the minimum skill required to be successful is a lot higher than it was for our parents.
I used to think social skills are not important, but the older I get, the more I realize that interacting with people to make them feel welcomed and build relationships is a real skill that a lot of men are terrible at, including myself.
@@sp123 I agree with most of what you said, but let's be honest our parents had better social skills. Our parent will meet new neighbors, talk to people, get out of the house. This generation lives on their cell phones.
@@sp123 the skill required is higher for men while lower for women when compared to previous generations. Women were once shamed and forced to abide by strict social controls which of course was wrong now they can be masculine, feminine, a girlboss, or stay at home wife while for men it has gotten more and more difficult because online dating means the top 10% of guys are chased by women while the rest are left out and treated like shit generally.
And as one of the men who worked on myself plus was lucky enough to be in a position to make the work pay off I have had women offer off the bat to clean my place for me so they could "hang out" to get me to want to more which I told them I'll clean my own place and then chill because that's gentlemanly imo and proper but it's fucked up to see so many people and friends I grew up with great people with interesting stories goals and futures treated like uninteresting shit by women who have accomplished equal or less than what they have with the same lack of developed skills but society inherently values these women and defends their ego with fury while simultaneously shitting on the male versions of those same women.
Trust me I cannot find women in gen Z my generation who are ok with traditional relationships/holding hands/cuddling etc but theres plenty who want to fuck on the first date or smash and dash first couple weeks or that have serious issues like dangerous drug addictions/criminal histories lol that I'm in danger meme is fitting for trying to date in the US in 2022 shit is fucked rn even for the "winners" who have meaningless stupid sex that should be available to everyone so people realize it's futility and our civilization can move on to better shit.
@@matasuki Yeah, competition for attention and entertainment has skyrocketed because of the internet and smartphones. It's difficult for regular people to compete for attention when on-demand streaming of movies, celebrities, etc has become ubiquitous. This has also led to an arms race of absurdity in order to catch and keep peoples' attention.
@@grillmaster95 yep all to make a few people very very wealthy. An externality of late capitalism
Came here for the reason why there's a rise of lonely, single men. Got a lecture on critical reading. Not even mad. Probably a much more useful skill
Here's my take, the progression of society has been incredibly one sided. Women work and earn more than ever before, women's issues are taken very seriously. Women want emotionally available men that make enough money, own a car, have there own place, and are funny and charismatic.
The number of guys I have met that are all for leveling up emotionally is insane, men want to put the work in, men want to reach out, men want to do better. How do you do you get better at something? You practice. How do you practice emotional skills when nobody will let you get your foot in the door? That's simple, you don't. Additionally making enough money is a challenge all on it's own because how much is enough is totally based on how much women are making, "enough" is typically a breadwinner sum.
Women are artificially shrinking there dating pools by progressing in society while at the same time refusing to let go of the perks that came with traditional standards. For the most part any guy that is traditionally successful will likely be spending so much time working they don't have time to grow emotionally where as men putting in the effort to grow emotionally probably aren't on the grind pulling in 5 or 6 figures because they're prioritizing personal growth over traditional success, that kind of growth takes a lot of energy. Surely some guys have both but I can't imagine there are a ton of them out there. I think it is absurdly unrealistic demand the complete package. For the time being odds are you only get one, either you can date someone traditionally successful or men can be allowed the opportunity to slow the fuck down and learn.
Why did it make you feel so?
Are you guys projecting? Are you talking about the Gender section of the video? he disclaimer wasn't bad at all and I'm a guy.
Whilst there may be men in communities to deserve to be single we have to take into consideration that women also play a part in 'society" and its expectations. So your right in that sense, its true, alot of progressive types will also aim for trad men but still be progressive in their own way for women (which is good of course) but the side where men still need to be something they likely don't really care about i.e insanely charismatic, have a car, ..basically be a Daddy figure, as toxic as that sounds , is just horrendous. (I'm just using that word as a summary) but part of the reason these issues aren't tackled is because any time you bring it up, you get a reactionary response for daring to highlight women's standards. Dr k likely doesent agree with extremist women like that either tbf. He makes point saying there's "both sides with bad expectations " in one of his videos and poses example of such.
In summary I'm not here to blame women over men and men over women, but we need to consider that its both sides . Or all sides very likely that contribute to this bullshit.
Alot of men have I guess, become more their owm selves also as society has progressed , as opposed to a bot who falls in line with social standards *Well not all traditional men are bots*, but either way untraditional men aren't rewarded for that. Im definately not the "provoder/ protector" type either, nor a super strong stone faced individual, overall there definitely needs to be change other wise this shiyt will just get worse. Its even worse that ive met men "typically foreign" who will try and tell you "what a man's supposed to do, etc." It's flipping wild. (Now not everyone thinks like this of course so that needs to be clarified.)
Ok I get what you are saying now that you've edited your comment.
"Progress" is just another word for deterioration.
feel like majority of this video was just “sure men might have a lot of issues, but so do women! time to teach critical thinking”
I think Dr K misread the 'effect size' at 22:16. He was looking at p values, which tell us how likely the results were to be effected by chance. It seems that the part he was looking at was discussing the percentages of men who felt lonely in a breakdown between demographic factors, and not looking at the male-female ratios that he believed to be looking at.
I looked at the article, and their Beta value (insert red-pill joke here) for gender differences was 0.08, which is actually a larger effect than what they found for individualism (-0.06).
That also makes me suspicious of their conclusion. It was weird to me that they were talking negatively about their findings surrounding men's loneliness and downplaying it - it felt like the research team wanted to achieve an outcome that predicted more female loneliness and was disappointed, especially as they still pushed the individualism findings, which had a weaker coefficiency than that of their results for gender.
I'd like to give you a gentle reminder that the vast majority of the people in social sciences are female
So that table Dr. K read was reporting intercorrelation, which typically implies Pearson's correlation coefficient AKA Pearsons R. So that -0.07 was Pearson's R, not the p-value. Both Pearson's R and Beta are effect sizes, just different kinds of effect sizes. The p-value is reported underneath the -0.07 as an inequality rather than exact value, (as is typical) where it says p
The 9-minute justification wasn't necessary man.
You're really good at what you do. You don't need anybody's approval.
Keep doing what you're doing what you're doing. You'll always have an audience.
You should only get bigger if you play your cards right and focus on your strengths.
I wish more quality would give me a chance the same way I gave them a chance
Even as a single man, there are a lot of dudes that make it really hard to sympathize with single dudes.
That’s because no one takes men seriously nor is there an incentive to help men. Men have so many expectations with 0 avenues for healthy self expression that provides positive reinforcement.
Whereas for women they get given the benefit of the doubt. It’s why you see women saying incredibly sexist misandrist shit online and they get positive reinforcement because being the de facto “victim” in every situation means it’s easier to sympathize and get help.
@@CaptainFracture I don't think a lot of this is actually true. There really isn't “Incentive” to help anyone you make the choice to help or you do not. Moreover, there are a lot of men who don't reach out for help. Men seek help for depression and mental health at a significantly lower rate than what women do. As far as communities go there is all kinds of health communities this being one of them. Personally I've got an all poetry account that I use as expression that is normally very positive. Anytime you feel like you can't express yourself in a certain way is almost always because of toxic masculinity.
The idea that women get the benefit of every doubt is just false. Do they get more leeway for certain things they say online yes, but we can't pretend that women still have an ridiculously hard time getting justice for rape and assault. Let us also not pretend that very powerful wealthy men get away with slaps on the wrist for truly vile shit. Bobby Kotic, and Vince Mcmahon are two of the most recent examples.
Yes I agree some men get really aggressive if they feel rejected and some stalk you or act creepy if you won't date them. It makes you abit more scared to date because you wonder if its going to be the same scenario. Ofcourse not all men but some ruin it for others
Thanks for talking about this I've been feeling lost and lonely for a long time nice to hear about it thanks so much
Same here. I've been single for so long since birth and I do get occasional heartaches at times. It's hard to be patient
I like how it’s
“the rise of lonely single men” but the entire beginning of the video he babies and coddles women.
.
I feel like the issue lies in that we're relying on dating habbits from when Men were specifically expected to be assholes in order to make it in society, specifically during the industrial revolutions
The culture back then demanded men be the biggest and meanest in a big and mean world, and the only real shot most women had to be secure was to hope the big mean fella they chose wouldn't be so to them
Things have changed RADICALLY since then, but people still look for certain things from that era that aren't really realistic (or even healthy) to expect from todays culture; and doing that is what leads to some men becoming toxic asshats, reinforcing some real bad stereotypes in many cases.
I feel for Black men especially on this, because it seems like they have more pressure to act like a "masculine" stereotype than others do, and it sucks I've seen so many lament how they're NOT that online
Some might argue that in order to make it easier for the elite to dominate the society, they needed men to become more docile. How do you have this much income inequality and men don't revolt? During the pandemic we saw mom and pop shops get shut down but big box stores allowed to stay open. So while you see traditional masculine archetype as unnecessary Id argue the opposite. You can see it in Ukraine right now, you need strong men to protect the society from invaders.
The reason women say they don't need men is because the men from most modernized economies live online, lack most of the things a woman needs to feel safe. Hell if I slapped most of these guys wife on the ass they wouldn't do anything, maybe they'd cry to the police. There is a lack of masculine spirit in this generation esp among the liberal types.
We got guys here too scared to talk to a woman. Masculine spirit is dying in the west
To build on this, I think it's important to remember that we're victims of victims. Our previous generations had little support and just had to "suck it up". It's commendable what they accomplished in spite of the lack of support, but times are different now and other needs are more pressing. Just look at the number of school shootings skyrocketing in the past 20 years. Clearly something must be done.
It is very hard to start building a supportive culture around mental health and other social issues, but we are starting it here and now. The previous generation is not likely to take responsibility (source: personal experience), so it starts with us.
It's hard to be the bigger person, but that's what we need to focus on right now- fostering a positive change for society.
Interesting point. FD signifier has some good videos about the black male perspective on these issues.
There's a huge disconnect between what men admire in other men and what women want in men.
I've noticed that a lot of popular women's dating coaches are men giving advice to women from the heterosexual male perspective.
And a lot of popular men's dating coaches are... heterosexual men. Giving advice to men about what women find attractive from the perspective of... a heterosexual man.
When your main source of information about what makes a man attractive comes from someone who's never been attracted to men, that's a recipe for disaster.
@@Vannabee13 this is such a valid point especially with body image in women! That instantly made think of what women think men care about or see versus what they actually want. Most men do not care about cellulite, body hair, makeup, wrinkles, huge boobs, etc. what were taught to desire is so skewed from reality. It’s very shameful and causes so much damage to girls and women globally. I used to suffer bad body image issues from it and know too many who struggled with eating disorders.
I’ve found the men who do care about these superficial things have other red flags and tend to be abusive… I know a friend who was shamed for having pubes and the guy she was seeing didn’t want anything to do with her until she shaved and removed all of her body hair. She luckily got out of that but he was bad in other ways and it’s just sad how such conditioning has affected both men and women.
Men think they have to be aggressive and provide superficial things, like nah as long as you can provide emotional support and help with the adult responsibilities that’s all we need. At least that’s all I expect, sure work sucks but I don’t want a burned out husband at the end of the day and it’s foolish to rely completely on someone else for income. I like to have my own money and my own things.
I don’t think we’re as complex as it seems it’s just generations of toxic conditioning have taught everyone such self hatred that we blame each other for it. We literally value ourselves on our relationship status which is foolish because you can be perfectly content being single.
Dr. missed the mark on this one. He fell into the narrative that you can't talk about mens issues without talking about women's. He is not ready for it. He is still scared to speak the truth.
You completely missed the point of the video, and he did speak the truth
@@nile7999 no, he did it in a very defensive way. Therefore he is scared to lay it out as it is without some stupid, unneeded and even damaging setup.
also I don't understand why we spent so much time on emotional availability. The problem is that men aren't getting into relationships in the first place. They don't get to be emotionally available
You don't need to be in a relationship to show your emotional availability, that is definitely something that can help you get into one.
@@LAKD Complete opposite from what I've seen. Mostly need to look good to get in a relationship. Then the other stuff matters somewhat to have a stable longer relationship
@@LAKD Being emotionally available to a person you are not in a relationship with is the fastest way to friendzone there is. Been there done that, never again.
Women just know that a lot of men aren’t emotionally available and are avoiding relationships altogether
@@LAKD Getting into a relationship and maintaining a relationship are two COMPLETELY SEPERATE abilities.
I love this comments section because it contains such a chaotic amalgamation of all the different types of people I've ever interacted with online in my journey of increasing my confidence with women. In fact I don't think we can fully have this conservation without including this factor (confidence) and to some extent male sexual repression. I believe that if my own experiences are anything to go by, some men are letting the actions of abusive men dictate their lives by refusing to approach women because "it's also something the dangerous guys do" and "what if she thinks I'm one of them". Life's too short. Do I also think that right now is a difficult environment for some men to build that confidence (if they weren't raised to learn it with ease) and that some people aren't aware of that reality enough to give it proper concern? Yes.
I’m sorry if you’re lonely, I’ve been there, it’s hard. It can take a long time to find a good partner or a good friend group.
I've been waiting for 6 years for new friends and I've made myself a valuable worker at my job
I'm hated
thanks :)
@@philosopherkingzant2037 aww. Do you wanna talk about it? Poor baby🥺
@@fixsationon7244 leave
Yeah. This is coming from someone who is an ambivert trying to be extroverted to talk as many women in one sitting.
While it was well acknowledged that there is an illusion of what a representative male and female ought to be due to how people portray themselves on massive platforms with alot of information transmission. It should also be acknowledged that standards have risen because the search costs of finding partners have decreased with improvements in technology. It once was the case that you had to get changed every time you wanted to go out, look presentable, get in your car, spend gas, drive from X to Y, spend hours courting, etc,. just for one prospect (even holds for very early on in possible relationships). These massive costs forced people to have to have lower standards because if they did not they would never find a partner. However, today, you can cycle through a prospective partner in seconds, this has undoubtedly gave rise to having higher standards. The issue is peoples' standards are so high due to such low search costs that it has them nearly infinitely searching for the best because its so cheap to do so.
I believe there are both theory and empirical papers supporting the above as well. I forget them off the top of my head, but I will edit this comment if they come up.
EDIT: There was a theory paper published this month in AEJ Micro called "Searching Forever After" that relates to my point and @a b.
Well said
hypergamy boosted by technology.
@@ericolofsson pretty much lmao
@@ericolofsson toUch gRaSs inCeL
I believe that boils down to the fact most people choose looks first then character/personality second.
Society has become increasingly sexualized and all people focus on is the aspects of a relationship involving sex. But a deep and meaningful relationship is so much more than that.
Imo the deep connection with somebody else is the main quest and the sex is just a very rewarding side quest. But most people see it in reverse. Society is fucked.
Ill save you 55 minutes:
"The men who are single are often single because they are not financially secure enough to provide for a family, men are more affected in the dating market when the economy is bad, we obsfuscate this fact by saying men need to be more "emotionally available" which is a vauge term which its goalpost is contextual to how the other person expects communication to manifest.
We cant talk about mens problems without propping up womens issues thus invalidating mens experiences.
Personal note here: Years of being rejected because youre not up to womens expectations, and the crushing lonliness that comes with that is worse than getting an unsolicited image of someones genitals.
Women get raped more often, men commit suicide more often.
Everyone is fucked, give up.
To which i would say:
No shit bro, im a high school drop out and know this, the academic community is just now catching on
I love your approach..
I'm a freshman in college struggling to meet and connect with people and do my coursework. I've been connected to the "online world" since I was 8. minecraft, youtube, videogames. I'm white, quiet, fat kid, subsisting on fast food and junk all my life. I'm 5'8 260lbs. Always had social anxiety. When I moved to a new highschool I.. just didn't make any friends.
I was content with my life literally just being UA-cam, Movies/TV and video games for over 4 years while I coast through highschool. Literally binge watching TV shows like Breaking Bad and the Walking Dead in my study hall for the first few years of highschool..not talking to anyone. I started gaming exclusively alone after I just started talking less with my old friends.. different interests. (~1 year after I left). I've never really learned how to study or even read textbooks.. just quizlet-flashcards and given notes. I've been alone for so long and I started realizing it and all I've missed at the end of junior year, just before covid hit.. and I think it became worse when I lost the in-person interaction with teachers and simply sitting next to classmates.
Senior year I ended up with what feels like an undeserved 4.15 gpa and I just had this realization, I'm not happy, I'm not living. I don't know what I want to do with my life (so unusual ikr). I gave up on 2 of my college classes in my first semester. All I know is I want to build a life worth living and be healthier. I just don't know where to start, just routine, routine routine I hear. I can't crumble, life and college is a trial by fire/bs test and relationships are important door openers. I need to ditch my self consciousness. Because we all deserve what this world has to offer. I can't give up on my scared little 10-year-old self and throw my life away. He who still had hope he could make it and be happy in this messed up world. The attentive and studious quiet kid who thought he was going places..
I need to take accountability for my life, find a passion that pays, build dedication and will power. I look down on my hands and I still see scared little boy hands forever injured from anxious nail biting and picking.
A couple resources I've liked is this, healthy gamer, male dating by macabre storytelling, and a little bit of gerbert Johnson. There's a bit of truth to everything. At the end of the day, NO one wants to befriend or date an inarticulate, depressed, fatty who can't look you in the eye. If you do not try to improve you will just add to those statistics, you will suffer and miss out on more. Don't become an Andrew Tate or Sneako.
It's hard to be confident when you have nothing to show for yourself. Nothing to be proud of. Are you supposed to just say positive affirmations and gaslight yourself into believing you're the best of the best? No, but you have to have something to be confident about, you have to have something to be proud of. Some mission and goal you want to achieve. Remember, In all things it's better to hope than despair.
Your optimism is rare and impressive, especially in your context. You'll go places. Life is actually in front of you. Never forget that you're never alone and life is worth living, even if just for the experience to see it all through! Both space and thus planet are endlessly interesting to me, so... You also seem to have a talent for expressive writing. You're also self reflecting, but without undue bitterness. If you're wondering what to do with your life, try writing stories, you could be good at it.
You know what they say, knowledge is half the battle. You know your weakness, all there is to do now is taking steps to overcome that weakness.
One step at a time.
I think with an attitude like that, you will definitely find love at some point. Keep working on yourself. As a woman, I never blamed other people when they didn't want me (which was often) and I find it weird when people do that. No one can control attraction, otherwise we'd all be attracted to whoever was the most convenient. But we can control ourselves. And with lots of hard work and self improvement, I did eventually find love. I think you will too. Finding yourself takes time and dedication - but it is beyond worth the effort.
The fact that he had to take 10 minutes at the beginning to give disclaimers and make sure everyone is okay talking about this is fucking tragic. I’m really glad this topic is being discussed but we have such a long way to go in normalizing discussion around mens issues. We all know womens’ issues and those are being taken seriously by society (as they absolutely should be) but it’s about time we get over this toxic and destructive idea that mens issues are invalid and not worth talking about. Very grateful for Dr K for talking about this.
I would hope he does this when talking about all issues in the future as well. Because he was specifically doing it to try and stop wars from happening in the comments and chat. Because even if HE wasn't saying it, I'm sure there are still toxic males in the audience that are saying men have it harder. And without the disclaimer it would also fuel their egos with thoughts that they "just have it worse," as an excuse instead of dealing with their deficiencies and changing.
It sounded like he wouldn't talk about it if when he put out the disclaimer everyone just went "See! Men have it worse then woman!"
@@xCCflierx No no it's 100% a good thing that he did it. I was just pointing out that him having to do it is tragic.
☕
Unfortunately for alot of people an AI companion is going to be the only companion, friend youll be able to have as humans are incapable of anything nice towards each other...even. now love is dead, friendship is dead
I used Claude AI as my therapist and I hope find the love of my life soon. I did all I can level up as a good man and gave up my all to improve my dating life
A guy on UA-cam had a short recently that really hit me. He said, Men aren't actually competing with other men for women's affection. They're competing with the peace that women feel in solitude"
@@Mapleboi404 😂
Bingo! Women are finding they are content single. They can provide for themselves and create close support systems with friends and family.
@@Mapleboi404 Typical. I bet women avoid you like a plague 😢
@@Artemis_A-24 Women like her don’t care, don’t bother. It’s a narcissistic ego-driven lifestyle where they believe they’re too good for anyone. Better discuss this with more open-minded women.
@@Artemis_A-24 Why do you expect me to show compassion for men when they are not doing it fir women. One of 5he comments literally stated they want to strip peace from women and cause chaos, but here you are targeting women. How about you resolve your own issues and women will do the same. Compassion is a two way street, you lack compassion for women so do not assume women will show you compassion unconditionally.
Says men are lonely because emotionally unavailable, cites a paper that shows getting a job correlates with an 20% increase in the likelihood finding a partner. Hmmm 🤔
I mean, love isn't 100% unconditional. Being unemployed (for either partner) is not a great sign.
Likewise, not having a job may mean fewer social connections that lead to the emotional skills gap suggested.
However wealth inequality and instability are things that will reduce relationship success so I agree that it's a somewhat of a societal problem
@@DerryckStorm Hey man, I appreciate the positive vibes, but that wasn't really the point of my comment.
The article was not really all that useful, because it referenced a paper for conclusion A, whereas the paper came to conclusion B.
I get that relationships are multifaceted and complex. Not having a job is also a complicated, and not great thing. Just as you draw the conclusion that not having a job suggests fewer social skills and emotional intelligence gaps, not having a partner might suggest lack of conflict resolution skills, a lack of persistence in the face of reoccurring issues, commitment problems, or low levels of conscientiousness, as an example.
You might not have a partner because you're: not looking, not available, not lucky, not desirable, or some combination of the above. Now, you may not have a job because you're: not looking, not available, not lucky, not desirable, or some combination of the above. See the issue?
He’s talking out of his ass as per usual
The problem with you males. You wanna date women but you don't want to listen to their needs. Make it make sense lol
Yeah bc they’re probably meeting partners and friends at their jobs lol
you have to give a 10 min disclaimer and mention toxic masculinity women's issues and their experiences before just reading this article really shows who has the victim cards and who has the entire social power dynamic. It's acceptable to mock, denigrate distort and demonize these men cause there is literal 0 consequences for such inhumane behaviour. Even this article is nothing but pandering to progressive talking heads and the garden variety MaN bAd WoMaN gOoD. Why don't you read the Jezebel magazine article which cites this article and the blatant inhumane misandry which is Halied as Progressive crusade
exactly
it doesn't matter how little power the average man has in socity it will always be his fault of all of societies problems even proems cuased by things he actively fought against and didn't belive in.
@@Dimitris_Half So your entire existence is based on assuming that all males are toxic your entire comment history proves that beyond a shadow of doubt
There was a quote that said something like "To see who rules the world, just see who you aren't allowed to criticize".
In this specific case here, this quote is quite correct. But I like to joke that, as per this quote, the ruling elites are fully comprised of women and racial/gender minorities.
@@creeperkingdom3190 yeah but it only matters if you care, who gives a duck?
usually youre pretty insightful but this just felt like you were trying to tiptoe around what's really going on so nobody calls you a "mysoginist."
It is extremely dehumanizing to know that mens issues are a taboo not to be discussed
@heda kom We don't pay any attention to the "kill all men" group when discussing women's issues, why do the same for men?
@heda kom definitely not the mainstream ideology that made any and all discussion on the topic inherently misogynistic
@heda kom oh sweet, a schizopost
There are literally so many videos about men's loneliness?
Fully blunt: I don't think it's just a rise of lonely, single men, I think it's a combination of everything that's led to a prevalence of many more men identifying with the same sensation/feelings, aka, being lonely and single. This doesn't mean it's any worse or better, nor less or more legitimate.
Some things that could be taken account besides Dr. K already mentioned is not only the polarization and radicalisms that could accompany the same idea with gender/sex (men is one extreme, women are another, raised and forced to be completely different, "battle of the sexes", etc., tl;dr sexism), but also, in younger people, suffering the consequences of simply living in their own generation and carrying their past generation's mistakes - even something such as the way we raise a new generation of children can have a giant impact. Then it also certainly doesn't help we live in a world of higher prevalence of less tech literacy despite there being more tech users than ever, misinformation spreading, and so on.
TL;DR: Sexism also affects men? Oh boy - who could have guessed this unforeseen predicament.
I feel my empathy burning out, which is absolutely concerning and toxic. I intellectually understand that having too much noise / getting unwanted attention from often a larger and more powerful (physically and politically) group of people is to say the least a shite problem. Yet being single this long really has strained me to the point where I cannot even imagine being wanted by someone else. The concept of someone actually being attracted to me is alien, much less someone actually caring about me beyond some obligation. The "sympathetic" words I squeeze out from my mouth are wholesale rational constructs, the reality is I cannot truly emotionally process issues like "being offered a threesome by attractive people but they're industry leaders" or "I constantly get hit on by persistent creeps". Any sensible person can see how these are issues, but my emotional disconnect makes it almost feel like they're bragging to me.
You are afraid no one cares for you beyond obligation - this is very similar to the female "no one cares for me beyond my appearance." I am a woman, and in spite of what you would consider "offers" I spent years being painfully lonely because no one wanted me - to get to know me, to respect me, to respect my ideas, to care about my personality, etc. It took my until age 24 to get a relationship at all and I had to be the one asking guys out - and low and behold, the men I asked out didn't think I deserved any effort or consideration either, even if they said yes because they thought I was attractive. Add to that that it is a risk even to try and find an emotional connection because anyone you take a chance on could easily kill you... I finally found love at 31. But I spent years painfully lonely and scared of getting physically hurt on every damn date I went on. We all want to be loved for who we are, and women get very few opportunities for that as well, because men often focus on our looks and not who we are. It's the same problem, just different veneers.
Man I really sympathize with you, hope you're doing better. I'm on the other side of the stick as an AFAB (assigned female at birth) non-binary person, and while I still think unwanted sexual attention is one of the worst things to experience, it doesn't undermine the excruciating pain from being lonely with little to no hope. Forgive me if this allegory is inappropriate, but it kinda reminded me of being fat (whatever that means in different societies) and having an eating disorder. In both instances you inevitably face a lot of problems, but if one envies another it's completely understandable. Or if you have executive issues and see a workaholic who is struggling with self-care it's possible to feel jealous even though logically you perfectly understand that neither of you is happy. Sending love and support your way, friend 💜
Go to a gay bar. I seriously mean it. I had a few straight male friends do this and it very much changed their perspective. (You have to go alone and put on clothes like you are going out or on a date) You will have the authentic experience of a lot of men hitting at you that you are not interested in / are intimidated by and who only care about your ass, which is the normal experience for a woman. It will prevent you from feeling resentment towards women because they have the opposite problem that you have. Feeling resentment and not being able to empathize with women will make you stay single for longer. People can feel when you resent them.
@@anthill1510 This advice works for smaller cities and lower population areas. My experience in the big city is that gay dudes will actually leave you alone, or even just have a friendly convo with you . This is because in the city theres always some dude they're down with, and theres dozens of them nearby, thus you'll never see this reaction unless you're actually attractive. There isn't that small selection pressure that you'd experience out in lower population areas simply put. Also theres the simple fact that gay men in large cities are actually very picky unless its towards the end of the night, my friend describes it as a very "any port during a storm" situation.
Thus I'm gonna go on a limb here and say your idea sucks which only will serve to generate even more resentment.
Comrades, you know the only way to justify your existence is to form, join and sacrifice for a revolution.
Learn to work with your fellow men as equals, and fight for the future you want to see!
Talking as if you are going to end the wealth gap or something? What kind of future do you want to see? A future where others are forced to be with your sorry ass?
Cringe
Love the content, much prefer when we can see the live twitch chat. Just makes for a more organic and digestible experience, especially because Dr K addresses the chat quite a bit
Would love to see you and Sneako. That would be interesting as heck.
As if. It would just be Sneako yelling at and making incomprehensible sounds at Dr. K for 45 minutes to an hour
Sneako is brain damaged no thanks
interesting? thats like a monkey yelling at a genius...
He did an interview with Sneako you can search it up
10 minutes in and all I’ve heard is that women have it hard and I need to recognize that
What we need is one singular event that is so wide reaching and commands our focus. It has to be shocking and painful for just about everyone at the same time. The only thing I can think of that would do us good is crashing the entire financial system because that is where these problems originate from.
Honestly, I feel more than qualified to be a "good" romantic partner. I just haven't met anyone I want to date... because I'm not willing to date. Private hobbies > public rejection thresher.
I'm 29 and have been single pretty much my whole life (also a virgin by choice for anyone who assumes being single means I was still casually hooking up). I think more people need to become more comfortable with the idea of being single and realize being in any relationship (even a bad one) isn't better than being alone. Men stress out about dating because they feel like they don't have "options" (i.e. women chasing after them wanting to date them). When you realize you have the option to be single and you actually learn to like that option and not see it as a failure, your standards and self worth automatically go up. It's not about finding someone willing to date you. It's about finding someone who is compatible and adds to your life. And if there's no one you've met yet who is both interested in you, and is compatible with the life you want to live, it's okay to be single.
@@Dimitris_Half Yes, actually I am asexual. I have little interest in sex which is one of the biggest challenges to finding a compatible romantic partner.
I am also single by choice. I had to longer relationships in the past but I simply don't feel like it is worth it. I wonder if just more women than men like to be single and this is creating at least a part of the problem of lonely men.
@@nanahachi9628 wouldn't be surprised.
Men seem to be basing their self worth on getting a woman to date them. There isn't much talk about self love in men's circles. Just a lot of "you're doomed to be single forever, sucks bro".
Even the term incel, "involuntary celibate" is about defining yourself around women not wanting to sleep with you. Which says volumes for how these men think of their self worth.
In reality I don't think getting a relationship will help at all at making these men feel better about themselves.
Dude, same, but I'm a woman. I'm asexual, and tho I have romantic attraction, dating seems...a pain in the ass?