Healing Complex Trauma. Breaking my own rules and accepting I am " the stolen boy"
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- Опубліковано 16 вер 2024
- Healing the stolen boy I spent a lifetime denying. Change requires us to break our own rules, rules we make to feel safe and stable. It is difficult , painful work. Validating our self by inhabiting our experiences and learning to feel everything we denied. Healing as we become real.
The song I mention • High Leaves - Free Of ...
My blog and contact. sam-kaye.com/
A lifetime of self-abuse is often more damaging than the childhood abuse that spawned it. Let’s not perpetuate the cruelty to ourselves.
It certainly is . Change comes slowly.
Yes but something in your response implies that that self abuse is conscious or one's own fault. We're not aware we're hurting ourselves or perpetuating the abuse that was done to us. We're just doing our best to cope with the pain while being unaware that we are coping and not living in the present.
@ayesha8809 There comes a point when we do become aware and that is when the real work begins. From that point on everything is a choice, we cannot continue in the way we have been coping so must change, we must take responsibility for our lives and actions.
Breaking habitual forms of self harm, be they mental or physical, is incredibly difficult but is a huge part of healing .
When we begin to see clearly how cruel we are to ourself, we need to understand why. This enquiry inevitably reveals the depth of self hate we internalised as children .
This is the heartbreak I keep talking about.
Feeling that heartbreak is the beginning of validating our feelings that we denied and connecting to how we really feel, then we begin to inhabit our self without apology and re-claim our will .
Still, the habitual stress responses linger but once we get to this point, change can happen.
It is painful and difficult work .
I hope you're doing well Ayesha .
Amen
@@idontknowyetwhoiam I definitely didn’t mean to imply that we should blame ourselves, which is often just another form of self-abuse. Taking responsibility to solve a problem is different than taking responsibility for causing the problem, which obviously isn’t the case. We can only be responsible for the complicity we are aware of, but we often remain unaware until we’re ready to take responsibility for our own healing.
“Feeling is your pathway to presence…” Thankyou so much Sam. You are so loved & such an incredible healer to all of us. I’m so glad you came back from hurting yourself. You’re a treasure in the world. Sending a big hug. 💚
Bless you... Thanks so much for your support. X
I am 27 years old and this resounds with all my healing in my 20s. Thank you for sharing. This is the reflection of my own. I am sending love and take care.
Bless you, thank you so much
Ah, you brave soul. Thank you for sharing all of it. You are magnificent and altogether worthy. Thanks for staying around to meet yourself. Warm blessings.
Thank you..... I smiled when I read this
It’s so nice to know that someone else’s thoughts and feelings are similar to mine. Sometimes even thinking of these things can make you feel like you’re in a battle that no one else is apart of. Thank you for sharing!
Think of yourself as a child. Would you hurt that child? That child is you! I do it as well, verbally. I’m trying to be more mindful of my inner child and keep her more present in my mind.
Thank you Kathy..... yes, it's so true isn't it.... we'd never treat a child as we treat ourselves .
It doesn't happen often and the reason I felt the urge lately is because I am challenging myself all the time. Change feels imperative so I keep pushing against my own boundaries and rules .
I wouldn't do it if it wasn't getting me somewhere !
Healing is change and change takes determination ...... and gentle self care, this is what I forget sometimes.
I hope you're doing well yourself.
Best wishes
Sam
Rain…
God cries when you hurt yourself. I am wiping tears.
Grieving and accepting losses and gains while seeing God’s glow within my dark. Stillness and quiet are unfamiliar, but welcomed territory.
I am not hurting myself, one baby step at a time with an even bigger leap of faith.
Tenderly, patiently and kindly chipping away at my life‘s vicious cycle of trauma induced repetition compulsion. I am trying with God’s loving intention not to recreate, but resolve it as a process of progress and becoming,
perfectly imperfect.
Sharing my faith fullness, Layne
This is lovely Layne. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing your insights and the effects trauma has had on you. Our stories and experiences are different yet I resonated with how your search for self, the description of your suffering and the length to which it drives us to find safety, some peace any morsel of affection. I'm 71 now and was diagnosed with manic depression in 1963 and given Librium to control my volatility and rage. After decades of psychiatrists and drugs that couldn't help me my research led me to CPTSD. The diagnosis first appeared in the ICD-11 in 2018 but is not included in the DSM-5, the diagnostic manual used in the U.S. and Canada. Because of this intentional and ongoing omission I cannot be properly diagnosed by my psychiatrist or receive proper trauma based care or insurance coverage. There is an epidemic of CPTSD in America with millions of sufferers who will never understand their illness or recieve treatment for it, or the many deadly ancillary health problems. I hope to gather the focus, and dedication to overcome my inability to add my story to the conversation and the efforts to clarify and seek parity for treatment of the horrible experience of life as person abused and neglected by their caregivers during childhood. Thank you, Sam.
Thank you Frank.
Over the years I've had a few therapists and various offerings of pills from different doctors. They mean well and both pills and therapy can help but I think that the support we can give each other has the most value. As you said, it was your research that took you to cptsd, it's we that have to work things out ourselves .
Over the last couple of years through this channel I've had contact with quite a few people . The nature of the trauma we experienced may be different but the consequences and what we live with are so very similar.
Some of us who have led lives of desperation find a way through to a calmer place and can offer some help to others, this is my intention.
As I heal I'm more able to be there for others who need support. Change is slow and painful but I'm definitely making progress .
Thank you for your comment and best wishes in your own healing.
Sam
Yes the offering of your presence is Real. You deserve to be here.❤ You are a beautiful spirit!
You have such courage, Sam. I'm realising recently how frightened I feel so much of the time. I want to feel all of my feelings as I was quite dissociated since childhood, but wow it's so hard. Once you start being honest you can no longer look away. Would be nice not to feel so fkin terrified all the time! Just listening to you speak helps. Distance co-regulation! Thank you ❤
Thats it, honesty..... how do we really feel, who are we really. Once we begin to inhabit ourself we simply cannot continue to deny or delude ourselves or any one else.
It is a painful path but essential if we want to heal.
Yes, I hear you, I'm in my mid 50s and have been terrified all of of my life but I am changing now.
It can be done. No rush, it's a life's work !
Glad to help, thank you for letting me know .
With love
Sam
Thank you very much for sharing this. You are so powerful in your way of talking about this matter.
Thank you.
Dear Sam,
I am an 80 year old woman who chooses to listen to her soul... Who I am and what brings me peace and joy.
Mother Nature provides the most beautiful and wonderfilled retreat in which to meditate and to look inward to find what brings you peace and an understanding of who you wish to be and how you wish to live.
Honor and respect yourself as a human being. Be kind to yourself, you are worthy.
You are capable of becoming stable and living your best life, as you see it.
Make it happen regardless of the past. Each day, choose you.
You can do it.
Masculine, Feminine are only words. Be the best of who wish to be... .only you know who and what that looks like.
I am sending good vibrations and blessings your way.
Oh, would I ever love to live where you do your videos from...glorious...
Masculine and Feminine are how He created us. Not mere words.
I thought, it's a 50-50 chance; 4an embryo 2create male vs female body parts..
BTW - Who is this "He" who creates us? I believe we are created from the Stars' dust.. the matter of 'all that is.'
I thought it was the longing of Source/Univers to experience, thru our senses & through our bodies.. all that is 💞👽 🌌✨🌠🛸💞
Peace 🕉️🕊️ 🙏🏼 ☮️@@sandythomas8911
I have experienced that breaking down and reforming on Ayahuasca. I had a deep realisation that I couldn't simultaneously satisfy all the constraints and expectations on my being and I felt myself literally break down, both from within where I felt broken and non functional, and from without, represented by evolving imagery of conflicting forces collapsing and twisting in on themselves. I them struggled to put myself together again in a new configuration. Probably only lasted 5 minutes but it was a scary ride. Great insight this vid as usual, by the way.
bless you Sam
The scenery in this vid ❤❤❤❤
Kia ora Sam 🙋♀️. So your basically saying one Has to FEEL WHAT WE HAVE BURIED FROM OUR CHILDHOOD? Like a purging, a releasing, a letting GO? Safely of course. And it will come in layers, yes? With a awaken focus on that moment of release and what ones releasing? Embracing, honoring (in my case) The lost Girl 😔? Thank you deeply Sam for being you in all your layers of humanity 💚
Yes . If we can't be emotionally honest with ourself, then what other dishonesty are we accepting.
Dishonesty in others, dishonesty in ourselves both come more easily if we are too afraid to actually be present with how we really feel.
X
@@Call-Me-Sam It's important to be honest with ourselves I get that, but for me as a mother my kids don't want my honesty however at times not skillfully given.... I believe it's the extremely abusive childhood I experienced that they don't want to hear about not that that is all I talk about but it's come up as I try to understand why I've been sooo disfunctionly and unstable.! Really really unwell mentally and emotionally..... I'm learning to live with the blame they aim at me and my own shame and guilt and not being understood for the person I was, and am becoming . But I seek to get better always!! I fear it is to late for my relationship with them as one has shut me out these past 5 years and 2 of them treat me like I'm on the outside of their lives. 😔So much heart ache for a life I had No control over..... Life has become very Lonely as it is safer to withdraw from most connections I once had... I do still have one son of 19 who sadly can't see himself alive in a future time.... I as his mother still have a purpose to Be Here for Him as best I can. My lucky last child 😌Looking forward to hearing your next video, thanks Sam 💚
Talking about our experiences can make others uncomfortable, they don't know what to say, they are confused about what they feel. This can make us feel more isolated but is just another part of learning to be with ourselves in silence, no diversions.
Though my mother and I have gone through a lot over the last 20 years or so, we still have difficulty. There is guilt and shame and the ancestral trauma is still present. We try and be understanding of each other and forgive.
When we're young we just don't understand what awaits us as we age. Your children will change, as will your relationship.
Best wishes to you Jo.
Love
Sam
17:49 What an innocent moment.
It was wasn't it.
Thank you Sam
"Every tear has a purpose"
You have incredible self insight and self expression. I want to share a book that really opened my eyes, the body keeps the score by Bessel Van der Koch executive director of the Childhood trauma center. He's done years of research and helped people all around the world. He shows a connection between childhood abuse and mental illness and how to heal from it. Its a painful book to read, but it expresses how sensitive and fragile baby and child nervous systems are.💖💖💖
Thank you. Yes, I have watched lots of his lectures ad interviews but have not read this book.
Thank you
You're a beautiful boy and we see you ❤
Wow
Merry Christmas Sam. Hope you are doing well.
Thank you Terry. Merry Christmas to you too.
Stolen childhoods suck so bad. Crying with you not for you, friend.
Thank you for sharing....Your honesty and vulnerability touched my heart so deeply...You are beautiful human being, so please just let it sink in....
Btw, you mentioned that you gonna link that song....can't find it...
Thanks again.
Thank you so much . Here is the song. ua-cam.com/video/BObRsGWZxcQ/v-deo.html
Hey Sam, Happy New Year. Hope you are doing well.
Thanks Terry, and a happy new year to you too. I am well, thanks . Waiting for an opportunity to make a video. Something I want to talkj about came to me last night so I shall be back this week.
♥️
😢
When we have to push up against our own self, it’s extremely difficult and so painful. It’s not even funny. Yes I know self harm very very well. Maybe we must learn to accept ourselves and try our best not to be so hard on us?
are you INFJ ?
Yes
I also had an eating disorder in the 90's, my 20's, and group therapy helped me tremendously. That's what youtube feels like sometimes, group therapy. ❤❤🩹❤
Yes, eating disorders are so damaging and so difficult to deal with. When you mention group therapy this reminds me of how vital friendship is. Humans need each other.
@@Call-Me-Sam absolutely. I needed to feel I wasn't alone hiding my shame. Seeing the variety of people in the room was so comforting.
@@Call-Me-Sam you're like Pip to my Estella. God bless you.
@@luckystargazer I had to look up that reference and still I'm not 100% sure I understand 😊
@@Call-Me-Sam Great Expectations. Pip and Estella. Owell. I am never understood.