I used to think the “tell me about your childhood” line is a movie trope, but now I see red flags if therapists _don’t_ relate the issues back to childhood experiences or trauma. I can’t believe the number of therapists I’ve had (95% were duds) gone through before finally realising that I need to look for someone who specialises in childhood trauma and attachment issues. Personally I find the CBT, ACT, DBT, mindfulness are only as good as bandaids on gangrene if the source of all of those unhelpful belief systems etc aren’t identified and addressed. No, we can’t go back and change anything, but if we don’t acknowledge and work through it, our inner child will be stuck in the time and reality warp and won’t ever let us fully move on with our lives.
100 %👌 I start my recovery from Mindfulness and positive thinking but is bulishit not a help if we not process bottle up emotions and they are many and looks how this toxic family affect our core values and beliefs 🤔
1 - how do you work with childhood trauma specifically ? 2 - how do u help clients navigate abusive family members? 3 - do you offer brief check ins? 4 - how much do you challenge clients vs waiting for clients to come to conclusions? 5 - how much do u work with childhood development and family systems?
You know, I had already been planning on trying to become a therapist “someday”. This channel not only helped me get farther along on my own therapeutic journey (after a long time plateauing with unsatisfactory therapists), it’s also inspired me to finally take the plunge and settle on a focus in childhood trauma. This is what I want to do, and I just got accepted to grad school! See you in 3 years as a colleague!
First therapist dressed like Erin Brockovich, suggested I stop doing housework and caring (after I explained that I came from a hoarding situation and large messes are triggering), and she wound up crying as I recounted my childhood trauma which was totally off putting. Next one was an improvement, and more effective mainly because of the EMDR. But I still felt like I was rambling for most of the time and self-processing without much guidance. Oh, and she fell asleep during a session. 😕 The struggle is real, but don’t give up hope!
I too had a therapist that would just have me talk every session, and after 5 sessions, I had to ask her for input, and ask if I had a diagnosis from her for anxiety, so I could get medication for it from my Dr. I even had to reach out to her to figure out how to pay her. It was super odd.
@@r3b3lutions Yeah, I mean she would ask leading questions once in a while, but yeah, I ended up just talking and bawling every session until her timer went off, and then was just exhausted the rest of the day. This was my first therapist ever out of 6, and she was even a psychologist, so I would have assumed she’d have more input to give me. The next therapist I had was the complete opposite, and didn’t get to hear my experiences hardly at all, and just jumped right into coping techniques and exercises, so that was weird too. The next few I’ve had have been great, but for different aspects of my issues, now my current one is an EMDR specialist. I’m hoping this is the thing that finally gets me fully unstuck in life.
@@puddincakes1005 In her defense, our session was right after lunch and she was a little on the older side...lol It definitely made it a little awkward though when I noticed she was "on the nod."
Thank you Patrick 🙏🏼 I’ve seen so many therapists in my life, but none of them talked about how present unhealthy strategies relate to childhood trauma survival mechanisms. I had to figure it out along the way and it took me decades of my life. Thank you for teaching me to understand these survival mechanisms!
I’ve watched so many therapist UA-cam videos on childhood trauma and this guy here is one of the most accurate, in-depth videos I’ve seen. I WISH there were more therapists with this level of insight
I really appreciate all the information you make available for us. I've been contemplating going to therapy again for 2 years and the lack of simplicity in finding someone has been a huge barrier. This will really help.
I really appreciate your work. Your channel is one of a few that assisted me to be able to remove my most challenging label that was placed on me for 31yrs. 31 yrs I allowed to be branded into my soul that I was unfixable.. And now I see I was never broken to begin with. 💚🌿
I'm a licensed counselor in Arkansas. I serve approximately ages 8-22 (just based on the clinic). I'm surprised at the number of clinicians who do not inquire about developmental histories. That's something I'm doing from the start. I also agree about challenging clients. I do have some suggestions to add. I would encourage searching any state-specific directory for trauma-trained clinicians (if it has one). In Arkansas, ours is called ARBEST (Arkansas Building Effective Services for Trauma). It lists the clinicians by county, city, and their evidence-based treatments. For example, I'm also trained in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT). All clinicians in the directory completed additional learning + months of group consultations on this topic and specific cases (it's paid by the state tobacco tax). Beyond that, you can also search directories of specific interventions. For example, therapists trained in Brainspotting are listed on the Brainspotting directory if they choose. To be honest (and maybe because my training is in family therapy), I would reach out to a family therapist and ask for local recommendations. Ideally, they're already working with family systems and consider developmental trauma as a part of their assessment. They'll know others doing the same.
Maybe this was a fluke, but I had surprising success with searching Psychology Today for EMDR + my parents biggest issues (substance abuse and borderline personality). My logic was that a therapist who worked with these issues would "get" what it had been like for me. The first person I tried was an awful fit, but the second one was just right.
Your channel has been so helpful for me. I've been kind of trying to process some trauma on my own in the meantime while looking for a new therapist and your videos have helped me realize just how much of my current struggles relate back to childhood trauma. Thank you for talking about this particular issue, it will greatly help me narrow down my search for that needle in a haystack trauma therapist :)
I'm glad you brought up the problem of therapists who have an impossibly long list of issues they work with or types of therapy they do. Related is finding one who is a supposed specialist in your issue or with a particular type of therapy you want but has no business claiming it on their profile. For example, listing DBT as a type of therapy they do, but they actually only do "DBT-informed" treatment because they attended a webinar one time. I'm sure those therapists will be the right fit for some folks, but what's so frustrating for those of us with complex cases and comorbid diagnoses is that it causes us to waste time with clinicians who, if they were more truthful about their limitations, we'd have never scheduled an appointment with in the first place. It's also a lot of wasted money for those of us with financial struggles, having to do an intake appointment and then a few more sessions to assess the fit, when, again, we could have skipped all that if they'd been more forthright on their Psychology Today profile. After so many failed therapy relationships, I ended up doing what was suggested and going with a psychologist out of pocket (with some out of network reimbursement from insurance) because I'm fortunate enough to afford it. I hate that there's an obvious class divide in access, but I'd be lying if I said my new therapist wasn't a tier above any I saw in my insurance network.
@@jackoh991 I can understand why you would want therapists to offer a free first visit, I used to feel that way too. I shifted my perspective a bit though because we do not ask other professionals to offer free services. We would never go into a restaurant and ask for our first meal there to be free because you don't know if you'll like it or not. I now see paying them as another investment in my health and finding one more thing that will or won't help. Overall it moves me closer to my end goal so win win!
@@jackoh991 I can totally see where you are coming from but I can also see we don't agree and that is totally OK:) I don't believe mental healthcare is a human right. I am curious where that idea comes from... I do realize many mental health professionals choose to offer free consultations which is different from a free session but in my experience having an actual session gives both parties a better read on whether they will work well together. I wouldn't classify a construction bid in the same category as offering a service. With a bid they are just telling you what their service would cost and not actually providing their work for free.
There’s a class divide for therapists too. It costs thousands of dollars to do those extra trainings. It could cost around $5,000 or more to become fully EMDR certified as an example. Maybe $10,000 for the highest level of Internal family systems certification. It’s really disempowering graduating from grad school with $50,000 in student debt (not mentioning undergrad debt) and a year of unpaid internships (that I could only pull off paying rent and bills with the help of an amazingly sacrificial partner) to have potential clients tell me the schooling and state licensing I did isn’t adequate. That I should spend thousands I don’t have to learn EMDR or I’m essentially useless. (Not saying you said this, just that I’ve had this experience many times). So I wish I could pay for extra trainings, but I can’t pay for lunch. Free consultations are standard where I live. Which I think is great, but it can take up a lot of unpaid time throughout the week. Not to mention the phone calls and e-mails educating people about therapy and how their insurance works and scheduling sessions only to be ghosted. Also many people who don’t pay after a few sessions and ghost you. I can deal with it, but therapists make a human connection with their clients too. It can be hard to be ghosted.
Patrick, in addition to the therapists you have trained, I think a great service to the public would be to have a “friends” list of therapists on your website (aka those you’ve trained plus others you’ve gotten to know professionally). I’m an artist, and most of my colleagues and I have a page on our websites called “friends,” where we list the websites of artists who work with similar social practice ethics (we’re social practice artists, so ethics happen to be relevant). Anyway, I don’t think it would have to be as significant or heavy as “recommended therapists,” but just having a list of colleagues you happen to know approach trauma treatment the way you (and Amanda) do, with the clear caveat that relationships are always individual and about finding a good fit, would be amazing.
Thanks Patrick. You are an invaluable source of information. I was wondering if you could do a video on How to work with and cope when an abusive parent dies. My father passed away last week and it's bringing up very confusing thoughts and feelings. My head and heart aren't aligned and I'm feeling like I need to grieve in private and avoid other family members because I just don't know what to say.
Thank you, Patrick, for giving some additional key questions to ask a therapist to make it a little more likely to find the right one. Based on your earlier advice, I found a therapist that was specifically trauma informed and could do EMDR. I saw this therapist for a while, but she never talked about family systems. We talked about my childhood mainly when I brought it up. She just listened to me talk about whatever was on my mind and we hardly ever did EMDR, and when we did, it didn't feel like it was doing anything. A lot of us who grew up in dysfunctional families already have a lot of insight and self-awareness, so it's not going to be enough for the therapist to just enlighten us as to what the problem is. We know. I usually tend to have more insight into it than the therapists do. What I don't know is how to heal. I've seen many therapists but I've never been shown how to or guided or pushed to heal.
I've tried a few and gave up. Virtual one was condescending and acted like I was wasting her time. Two of them that I saw in-office (different time periods) would let me yak for an hour and then in the last 5 mins. ask me what did *I* want to work on. If I knew that, Genius, I wouldn't be here. One of those therapists I wasted 2 years on. I don't recall ever using the term "narcissist" but he said that I had to leave my family in order to heal. At the time, I was Trauma Bonded and loyal to my parents. When I refused, he didn't want to see me anymore. The very first therapist I tried laughed at my Mom's abuse as I tried to describe it. She thought my mom was funny. I didn't. She also sat in a giant rocker with her feet tucked under her. Reminded me of Lily Tomlin's character Edith Ann. Immediately turned off. I no longer want to waste my time.
I believe in therapy in the abstract, but I've had similar experiences to what you describe here -- my approach is pragmatic and forward facing (i.e., what tools can I use today to start making my life better) and my therapists have often been hung up on much more elementary things, and I've had the experience of having to comfort a therapist because my story was upsetting to them. I don't feel like you can be an effective trauma therapist if you are not able to listen to some difficult stories and keep your mind open.
This video is ESSENTIAL. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. I wish I had this available to me a few years ago when I began the work, but I'm also sort of happy to see it all laid out like this and to know that I successfully "felt my way through" each of these processes and checklists while on my search for a high quality childhood trauma therapist. It took a long time, but I got there eventually. I hope this video can help speed up that process for those currently in the looking phase. Again, thank you for this work you're doing
That is really important! All therapists I've been too have never adressed the root causes of my problems/the trauma. It was just changing behaviour in the here and now - which is super important, I don't doubt that! Absolutely not - but I always had the urge to talk about all that past stuff and have it recollected in some way because just changing behaviour and thinking patterns alone hasn't had the deep internal change I was hoping to get from therapy. Mostly because the real issue was never adressed and my symptoms were just seen as a form of depression or a personality disorder... which is not very helpful in my opinion.
Yes same. Most of the childhood /inner child insights I’ve gained have been through UA-cam. It’s been enlightening to look at the roots / causes of certain dysfunctional behaviors and realize that they’re indeed dysfunctional and not just part of my personality. Some of these defense mechanisms are like parasites in how I’ve accepted them into the core of me. I think humans who are called to guide others through this process of connecting the dots are just so special. Real life super heroes. ❤️ I’ve recently started therapy with someone who seems to understand trauma. I woukd ask the questions but im defo too embarrassed lol. Hence the therapy 🤷🏻♀️
What I hope to find is someone who can help me move forward away from the childhood trauma, to have solid footing to address why we have trauma from Realtors who are trying to remove us from low-income housing so they can make a larger profit. We have many deaths here and a couple of suicides. Recovery takes on a whole different meaning when you don't know where you're going to live.
Patrick! Don't ever change. You are a real one. This information is worth thousands of pounds and you are giving it away for free. Sending you so much love!
An entire year of superficial day to day talk with my therapist!? I have been through severe trauma but she was disinterested in talking about anything other than the present. I no longer see her... She was my tenth attempt at finding a therapist in 46 years.
I had a therapist during my childhood/teenage years for a little bit who, despite me telling him about my father abusing me and that i had trouble ever doing homework, gave me homework to do and when i didnt do it told my father that he doesn't think its working because i dont listen. It really destroyed me
I feel like this was really helpful considering my last therapist (who I didn’t really get a say in the matter due to the psychiatrist I was seeing+family+high school involved at the time) would always kind of like gossip around especially to my mom who’s really never been good for me to be around and never protected me+abused me herself, so thank you. Especially since i was debating on going into therapy once again, with little to no support from those I live with (my friends aren’t close by+had to cut some out bc they weren’t healthy either) so it’s hard, but yeah,,, thank you so much 🫂
Patrick, you are terrific. Many therapists want you to come to the conclusion. There is no - I think this relationship might be abusive, how do you feel about that? (that was actually a paraphrase) I want to add, with regards to insurance, many insurances, you can get reimbursement if you pay the service directly. I know that is a pain but that option is available and I use it with several different physicians. Thank you, Great video.
Oh thank god I always felt lost during talk sessions and was too scared to ask for a challenge and felt like I was a bad client. Thank you for doing this!!
I had a weird experience where I went to a therapist who said they specialized in trauma but when I opened up during the first visit they seemed shocked and said something along the lines of "ok that's a big thing to drop right away and we definitely don't know each other." I was confused because I thought that was the point. lol Is there some unwritten rule of how many sessions I should wait before telling them why i'm really there? I don't know the etiquette.
I really need to find a good therapist. I’m 57 and I noticed lately how angry I am at my parents and I’ve been acting out. I never acted out when I was younger. I’m full of rage now. Why is this happening now?
Brief note guys... MDs and other clinicians who deal with bodily physical health are also notoriously bad at identifying problems. If you feel gaslit by a Dr about your situation, and if you feel they dont respect your experiences in caring for your own body, find a new Dr asap... medical malpractice is rampant right now
I am having trouble believing there is a point to paying for therapy, at all. I see that your experience with childhood trauma has left you able to relate, and I find your videos helpful, but it doesn't make me confident that finding a therapist would be any *more* helpful than just hearing you speak about things in a way that is validating. The incredibly non-scientific approach to finding someone to administer "mental medicine," by saying we just need to "find the right fit," while simultaneously saying "I'm your therapist, not your friend" makes it all seem...more like snake-oil, instead of medicine. I don't need to find the right fit to get anti-biotics for an infection. The fact that I can see three therapists, and have one tell me to "do yoga" and take "natural supplements", or tell me to "watch a ted-talk about happiness" by an unlicensed professional, makes me think there are a lot of barriers in the way of receiving actual help. And, by the way, I'm not saying that a therapist should break the professional boundaries, which keep themselves safe. I'm saying that a sick person having to interview 25 therapists, and hope to find one within their budget, who has an opening, who isn't a nut-bag handing out chamomile tea, and happy thoughts, is a pretty unbelievable burden; one that leaves a lot of people feeling more isolated, broken, frustrated, and ultimately failed by a "medicinal" practice.
I've had 3 sessions with a therapist. She is a liscenced therapist and specializes in anxiety and religious trauma. These are very appropriate for me. I really liked her the first session because she asked a lot of specific questions about my childhood. But after two more sessions I'm a little uncertain. How long should a trial period be to see if we are a good fit?
This is a great question! I've gone to two over the last few years and I always ended up sticking around for longer than I should have! Keen see an answer to this! ❤️
I think it was well done. Its not easy to find the right fit. I had a great therapist and then after covid and her having twins, working remote, the dynamics changed and I had to find someone else that could focus. I call it me time! Thank you!!! I find your voice calming and you are very well spoken where I can understand! ♡♡♡ you
You are soooo RIGHT!: my best therapist emulated good discernment for me (wisely), while helping me clear the guck off my own radar. Another STELLAR video of straight-forward meaningfulness, & genuine connection of your care into benefiting my life , & sooo many others too! THANK YOU! 💞🌟
I have been in therapy since my mid-twenties. I am 64 now and I can count on one hand the number of decent therapists I have worked with. I was diagnosed as ocd and adhd I my 40's, but it wasn't until my late 50's that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and complex ptsd. It really is very difficult to find a good therapist. As I've said, I've been at it my entire adult life. I'm better, but I'm still not whole. I would love find a therapist who would validate my childhood trauma instead of encouraging me to let it go and move on, or praise me when I acknowledge that my parents were mentally ill as well as if that somehow lets them off the hook for my trauma. I want someone to validate that what happened to me was wrong and for everyone expecting me to just forget about it and let it go because they are dead and I am 64. Trauma has no sell by date. If not addressed properly, it follows you to the grave.
What is the most effective way to address childhood trauma? Can you please be specific? I've tried a few therapists but have yet to find a good one. The therapists I've gone to have either re-traumatized (doing EMDR very early, with very little prep work... another downplayed/invalidated my trauma "a lot of kids get sexually and physically abused," (wtf?), or the worst... I had one therapist reach out to my then girlfriend and discuss highly personal info including fetishes & relationship issues. Obviously those are very bad therapists but... How do I find a DECENT therapist? Thanks in advance.
I have had a similar experience. I am 62. I was told I was almost "this" ok r "that" ...I say those are labels for what we went through. I had terrible therapists.
Wow I am sorry you have experienced bad therapists so many times and haven’t been validated in your childhood past family abuse and unhealthy ways and how that continues to affect you. I find personally I am so sick of always being blamed or scapegoated and my feelings never validated. It makes you doubt yourself. I hope you do find that support, validation and guidance you deserve.
My therapist specializes in ACT. He isn't childhood trauma focused per se, however, he is by far the best therapist I've ever had to start working through my trauma issues. I will totally forward him this video to him and let him know you are looking to network! He already knows who you are =)
This video is IMMENSELY helpful. I can't thank you enough. I swear, I kept stopping every few seconds to take notes. I'm going to send these notes to someone whose helping me search for a therapist, and I think it'll help narrow things down a lot. I remember with my last therapist, I told her I was watching your videos, and she got kind of weird about it! Saying that she needed to know any of my outside therapeutic influences. It was an early red flag that things weren't going to work out. Again, I can't thank you enough for outlining this. When you're disheartened by the search and intimidated by bureaucracy, it's outstanding having such a guide on what to look for.
Thank you thank you thank you! Those interview questions are so helpful. I’ve been stuck in the “waiting” mode in therapy for years. Thanks also for the tips about therapist profiles. Something has felt not quite right about those to me for a while now, and your advice on those made a bit more sense of that.
Thank you!!! I'm searching for a therapist now, and I have an appointment with a potential therapist coming up. This video helped strengthen my resolve to interview them up front.
This video is Gold! I was driving in my vehicle and had to pull over so I could comment immediately. I wish that I had this info before I attempted to access therapy. Sadly I had to find out the long hard way that the overwhelming majority of therapists are generalists. Trauma treatment is a specialty as Patrick states.
I worked with one of those middle man organizations for a while. They billed every 28 days. I’ve never had any bill that wasn’t 1x/ month. And that way you can plan which paychecks will cover it. But every 28 days makes the billing date constantly changing which is a challenge to the financial planning. In addition there will be one month a year when you would have to pay twice. I found this to be too distressing and dropped the service.
Patrick! This was INSANELY GOOD. I appreciate you SO MUCH. You inspire me to keep learning and moving forward with my passion. Your answers were so validating for me, they help me see that I’m on track with my ways of thinking. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
It'd tick me off if a therapist wanted to talk about my abuser(s) history first if at all. To me it's like if I was bleeding from an accident and the paramedics wanted the perpetrator's childhood history. Maybe it sounds bad, though I really couldn't care about what they went through, especially given the nature of my trauma. So my focus is my healing.
Gods I have been through the ringer with therapists, if I just had say ptsd (which I think I have cptsd even though I was diagnosed as a kid with ptsd in the 90's), that would be well enough, but I am autistic and goooood luuuuck finding someone. Worse, the insomnia makes things complicated cuz regular office ours usually see me running on 3 to 5 hours of sleep. And money. This channel has given me a lot of information and insight, just wouldn't mind some good resources to get my head and thought processes in a more comfortable plateau. Sometimes I wonder where the autism begins and where it ends and I'd love to see more videos on what these things might appear as if someone is autistic. Cuz how x thing is with a person without is likely different from a person who is.
Thank you for this summary. I am 74 years old and can not wait for a therapist to wait until I work it out! I realized that with my previous therapist who had a degree in substance abuse and one in "trauma" but actually had no experience in therapeutic process. So she just sat there and waited for me to talk. I told her I was a happy go lucky four year old and she said that why did I become an alcoholic? I played dumb. I asked her why did she think I did. She should have asked: what happened to you? I now know questions to ask about how they will direct the therapy process. Thank you so much.
Spot on, my last therapist just hasped and sympathised with my stories and never worked on anything, I just felt retraumatised, it makes me nervous to go back down the therapy road. This vid has been very helpful.
I personally don't trust medical/mental health professionals who don't take insurance, I don't know why. However the situation here in Germany is also somewhat different to the US.
I was so blessed that my PCP referred me to a new therapist in the building. I was with this Therapist for 30+ years. Started at 25 and he retired on June 30th 2021. Sometimes I think he put his retirement off until he felt I could walk on without him. Bless you Dr. William Mullins. You are THE BEST 🏆
I went to school- got a free one - who said I should write a book on philosophy like Montaigne and Nietzsche. You are not the smartest academic, you can't write nonsense. I can see the pain in your eyes you can't even feel.
My therapist on zoom hung pictures on wall while Im talking and spoke (softly) to someone unseen in the room about helping her! Isnt that a privacy violation? Being trained to ignore red flags I started talking but got distracted by her inattention. So i stoped talking. When she finally noticed, she asked "So...how are you doing with that?" so I'd keep talking. Seems so fake! I've had enough of that from childhood. I can't with her anymore...🙄
THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!👌👌 This advice is MOST HELPFUL and something I was HOPING YOU WOULD ADDRESS!! I Have had Very Good therapists where I felt we had a GOOD , and Realistic relationship; I'VE ALSO had a really BAD one where the therapist wouldn't give me a direct answer to ANY question...simply respond with ANOTHER question. *Sigh*
OMG!! I’m 77 and still trying. Been with one 3? years biweekly. After discovering your channel mentioned “inner child” work but it went nowhere. She said it’s okay to look back but not too closely. 😩
I find this subject VERY HELPFUL, finding the Right person to help is essential to my healing, and can be so confusing and trying. Having these tips helps keep.the momentum going in a positive direction, THANK YOU!❣️
What timing! After discovering you two months ago and learning so much, I finally decided to make my first virtual therapy appointment on Friday for today. Unfortunately the therapist didn't show. I guess there was a time zone issue but he didn't call me to let me know that until well after the appointment would have ended even when accounting for that misunderstanding. So it got me thinking: what am I really looking for in a therapist? I knew I had the option to reschedule with the same person. I reviewed their bio and they seem to have a lot of specialties. I've never seen a therapist, so I'm just guessing here, but it would seem like at a certain point if you specialize in everything then you kind of specialize in nothing. I don't have anxiety. I don't deal with depression. It's cool if my therapist understands these issues but I really like to know that they have a lot of experience and dealing with the things that your channel talks about. I'm definitely not upset that I couldn't get my appointment today and it could have been a blessing in disguise. I got an appointment with another person who definitely has fewer specialties and one of them s what I'm looking for
Half the battle is fought within yourself, as usual. You can explore and work for while with therapists who aren’t PERFECT while going forward and piecing together the healing approaches and understanding too.
Thanks so much for this video, it helped immensely in being able to focus on what I need to be aware of, look for, ask for, what my expectations should be, when working with issues that relate to childhood with my therapist.
To me it's like the haystack "is just way way too big!!!! I'm tired of their rudeness and bad treatment!!! I am not kidding about this at all!!! 😢😢 🙄🙄🙄
Do you have any advice for those of us who need the specialized expertise in childhood trauma who don’t have good insurance coverage for therapy? I’m looking for therapists through affordable mental healthcare databases in Ottawa in Canada but where else can I look? Psychology today? Local crisis line referrals? Zocdoc? I am looking to find my best fit that I can afford outside of coverage VS trying to make a bad fit work because my limited insurance coverage accepts that therapist… I’m getting quotes though for $+200/hourlong session for dbt therapists when my coverage is only $500 ANNUALLY for only licensed psychologists or social workers. So with this video I think o have a better way to sift through therapists that don’t match what I need but where should I be looking in the first place?
hi patrick, i was just wondering for someone who is 20 years old and has been in therapy for 5 or 6 years, do you recommend getting a therapist who specialises in childhood trauma for someone younger like me? the thing is, i have moved to another country to continue my education, and am looking for a therapist who specialises in trauma to continue from my previous therapist's work. (they were not trauma specialists but served the needs i had at the time). i wanted to ask you if it is 'worth' the work now to do childhood trauma work because I am 'young' and should 'enjoy my life' while it lasts. in fact, i am still financially dependent on my parents.
I've Been seeing my therapist now for a couple months, and a prescribing therapist for almost that. They are my firsts and I'm incredibly thankful that they're very nice and we get along well. My regular and I kind of clicked because we have some of the same issues and her daughter plays Animal Crossing like me. (She sounds young so I was surprised she had a daughter around my age!) She's been helping with my organization, forgetfulness, etc. The other one I asked for because I've gotten so far on my own and really reached a point where medication might take me that extra step towards normal. So that's what we're doing currently, as well as some assessments to see if there's anything else that might be in play here. A lot has happened recently so my brain is kind of a blank slate right now but I'm hoping to recover and rebuild in a sense. But I may not have gotten even started this therapy journey yet if not for seeing your videos! They're what pushed me over the fence to "I want something like this 1 on 1"
I like the last bit. It’s difficult to find a therapist who is willing to stick their neck out and give advice. Most of them are vague and wait for you to say something.
My experience with therapists is that they are all charlatans who regurgitate the same ideas and practices: journal, go outside, meditate, etc. How about providing some guidance and answers as opposed to doling out assignments like a school teacher.
Hi Patrick my issue is finding a childhood trauma therapist who is capable of dealing with the trauma of transracial adoption particularly the 60’s scoop. In fact they are the ones telling me they can’t help. What do I do?
my negative therapist experiences: this is gonna be a lot ... TW first one I met up with told me "to go outside and get a boyfriend and you'll be fine" second on I was with for 2 years and he had no clue how to deal with me he talked to my parents and then had ongoing sessions with them talking about me and then took their position in our therapy sessions; he said things like "your normal. there is nothing special about you." "your problems are normal." even tho i told him repeatedly that being invalidated like that triggers SH and suicidal thoughts. He continued doing it. he also told me the whole two years "This is going really well. Your doing well." up until the last day telling me:"well our time working together wasn't working out at all. Every step of the road we failed. you didn't make any progress. if you're not able to open up I'll cancel the therapy" which he then did. very abruptly might i add. from one day to the other i was left alone without a therapist -_- and then when i went to a hospital i had a psychologist tell me that they don't believe in BPD as a whole and the professor on the same unit told me that another patient had a lot worse depression and that I'm probably JUST melancholic. All while I was struggling with BPD, Depression and suicidal thoughts which then led to one attempt at said hospital. In conclusion I can say at this point it sadly validated the thoughts of not being able to trust anyone and that no one actually cares. But I'm still here. And I'll fight and do my very best to find another therapist and get treatment. I hope. That's what matters.
In the Middle East we don’t have what you would consider a licensed therapist and it’s a mess sadly over there. two of my many counsellor I tried told me: But you are not a child anymore, you are an adult!! I couldn’t tell them that I don’t feel like one. so basically I was shamed for being stuck in my traumatic childhood! One of them told me that the past has passed since I have forgiven my parents and that my struggle in my marriage is only coming from the present! 😰 As for my psychiatrist, who act as therapists in the Middle East, he didn’t do feelings. Another one left his wife and children and he wrecked a few marriages because of his own unfinished childhood business with his father, I quit before it happens to me. I am a therapy survivor I should say! 😂
Currently in existential talk therapy and feeling like an absolute crazy person for being upset that I am expected to just “get it”… With virtually no response from the therapist
My current therapist just told me I’ve reached some dead ends in therapy and that I should reflect on my goals. Sounds like she doesn’t get me at all and that she doesn’t have the tools to help. And that I need to keep looking.
I found a trauma therapist but have felt uncomfortable with her. She disclosed to me that she has PTSD from childhood and she will not talk about it with therapists. This seems like a red flag to me
I wish I could wave a magic wand and get you as a therapist, but this is the next best thing. Thank you for helping me navigate this instead of just taking the first therapist that takes me in.
I would love to find a therapist a lot like you. I am in California which is huge but I have yet to find a therapist that is experienced at a level of trauma I have experienced. I am an adult child of alcoholic and drug addicts and survivor of narcissistic parents, I am the scapegoat and neglected child, my brother is the golden child & narcissist also; there was severe violence, gaslighting, neglect and abuse as a child and I am still trying to be heard but the rest of my family doesn’t want to hear about it cause then they’ll have to face themselves! They treat me like I’m such a huge burden cause I’ve always stood up for myself and what’s true! My mom especially is an extreme narcissist, gaslighter & manipulator. None of them have been in therapy, I’ve been in therapy my entire life. So it’s hard to find a therapist that is educated on all of this more than I already am. Also I moved to California 8 years and they have all followed me here. My mother just moved next-door to me because we both have breast cancer right now and I just currently had to completely cut her out of my life (a 1st for me) because of her gaslighting and narcissism. If there are any therapists truly experienced in this, reading this in California that are caring and experience at this level of trauma please respond thank you so much!🙏🏽
Thank you for caring about us, Patrick ❤ I'm still having so much trouble. My kids' therapist said some really inappropriate things to my child, and then manipulated me into responding before I was ready, even after I told her I needed time to not feel dysregulated. Since my child is over 13, I can't file a grievance. Only my child can. She doesn't schedule appointments or even use her own laptop for them...it just feels like the same cycle of systemic abuse. I feel like therapy has done more damage than good. I'm pretty good at utilizing free resources, so I really am so close to throwing in the towel. My kids are so emotionally intelligent, and I feel like we get further just talking through things together. This past year has been so stressful, only because I keep getting triggered. Otherwise everything is pretty good. Maybe I should look into becoming a counselor myself. Nobody seems to actually understand CPSD, CHT, or Domestic Violence or Death of a parent
I have two different counselors I’m seeing. One is deaf cuz I’m deaf. She supposedly has experience with abuse and trauma but often seems to explain my accounts as things related to my deafness as opposed to possible abuse from childhood since I just have vague memories. We haven’t talked much about my childhood stuff and focus more on present day stuff with family. I have another counselor I’m seeing that works at an abuse/assault center. Both of these counselors primarily use cbt. I don’t feel like the deaf counselor really seems that knowledgeable or understanding of my abuse issues. The other one at the abuse clinic does seem to have more experience and understanding. I’m just not sure I like the cbt approach.
ive been in a counselling session before a couple times but i can tell that if the person really going out of there way to fill u in give a heads up and filtering etc the person is doing there job right, my worst experience was that the sessions werent counseling sessions anymore it become a mundane chill talk out session just waste time and money ranting shit and not getting anywhere and you still having a problem with a problem right now but the problem is the person your having these so called " sessions " of a councilor is the one giving you more problems instead of reducing it or try to make the situation even worse than it already is.....
Thank you for listing these five questions and giving a brief insight behind asking them. Am seeking a therapist that can help with not only childhood trauma, but also other side of the equation; childhood/adult development. I find myself lopsided on understanding the source of the trauma, but still unable to navigate through adult crisis or understanding how to create a healthy foundation that supports moving through life successfully, rather than recreating the same song and dance no matter how many things I try out; which has me constantly second guessing things.
Very much agree about not starting from a place of discouragement. Just asking, trying, seeing what's available usually finds a path even if it takes time and there's some course correction. If we believe there are no options then we just get nowhere. Different challenges in different countries too. It seems like therapy is much more accessible in the US than where I live.
I used to think the “tell me about your childhood” line is a movie trope, but now I see red flags if therapists _don’t_ relate the issues back to childhood experiences or trauma. I can’t believe the number of therapists I’ve had (95% were duds) gone through before finally realising that I need to look for someone who specialises in childhood trauma and attachment issues. Personally I find the CBT, ACT, DBT, mindfulness are only as good as bandaids on gangrene if the source of all of those unhelpful belief systems etc aren’t identified and addressed. No, we can’t go back and change anything, but if we don’t acknowledge and work through it, our inner child will be stuck in the time and reality warp and won’t ever let us fully move on with our lives.
100 %👌 I start my recovery from Mindfulness and positive thinking but is bulishit not a help if we not process bottle up emotions and they are many and looks how this toxic family affect our core values and beliefs 🤔
That’s what happened with my first therapist, he only talks about CBT and I feel like my problem wasn’t improving.
Hey there, I completely could relate to what you said. Do you have a therapist that specializes in childhood trauma?
1 - how do you work with childhood trauma specifically ?
2 - how do u help clients navigate abusive family members?
3 - do you offer brief check ins?
4 - how much do you challenge clients vs waiting for clients to come to conclusions?
5 - how much do u work with childhood development and family systems?
Thank you for doing that
Thank you!
Thank you so much 🙏
Thank you ❗
I misplaced my notes from the first time I looked at this and have a consultation tomorrow! So, thank you!
You know, I had already been planning on trying to become a therapist “someday”. This channel not only helped me get farther along on my own therapeutic journey (after a long time plateauing with unsatisfactory therapists), it’s also inspired me to finally take the plunge and settle on a focus in childhood trauma. This is what I want to do, and I just got accepted to grad school! See you in 3 years as a colleague!
First therapist dressed like Erin Brockovich, suggested I stop doing housework and caring (after I explained that I came from a hoarding situation and large messes are triggering), and she wound up crying as I recounted my childhood trauma which was totally off putting. Next one was an improvement, and more effective mainly because of the EMDR. But I still felt like I was rambling for most of the time and self-processing without much guidance. Oh, and she fell asleep during a session. 😕 The struggle is real, but don’t give up hope!
Holy shit! You had a therapist fall asleep!! How extremely unprofessional and rude!
I too had a therapist that would just have me talk every session, and after 5 sessions, I had to ask her for input, and ask if I had a diagnosis from her for anxiety, so I could get medication for it from my Dr. I even had to reach out to her to figure out how to pay her. It was super odd.
@@puddincakes1005 holy cow a therapist with no comment after so long would definitely trigger my stress at neutral feedback (or no feedback). Yikes
@@r3b3lutions Yeah, I mean she would ask leading questions once in a while, but yeah, I ended up just talking and bawling every session until her timer went off, and then was just exhausted the rest of the day. This was my first therapist ever out of 6, and she was even a psychologist, so I would have assumed she’d have more input to give me. The next therapist I had was the complete opposite, and didn’t get to hear my experiences hardly at all, and just jumped right into coping techniques and exercises, so that was weird too. The next few I’ve had have been great, but for different aspects of my issues, now my current one is an EMDR specialist. I’m hoping this is the thing that finally gets me fully unstuck in life.
@@puddincakes1005 In her defense, our session was right after lunch and she was a little on the older side...lol It definitely made it a little awkward though when I noticed she was "on the nod."
Thank you Patrick 🙏🏼 I’ve seen so many therapists in my life, but none of them talked about how present unhealthy strategies relate to childhood trauma survival mechanisms. I had to figure it out along the way and it took me decades of my life. Thank you for teaching me to understand these survival mechanisms!
I’ve watched so many therapist UA-cam videos on childhood trauma and this guy here is one of the most accurate, in-depth videos I’ve seen. I WISH there were more therapists with this level of insight
Absolutely!
I really appreciate all the information you make available for us. I've been contemplating going to therapy again for 2 years and the lack of simplicity in finding someone has been a huge barrier. This will really help.
I really appreciate your work. Your channel is one of a few that assisted me to be able to remove my most challenging label that was placed on me for 31yrs. 31 yrs I allowed to be branded into my soul that I was unfixable.. And now I see I was never broken to begin with. 💚🌿
I'm a licensed counselor in Arkansas. I serve approximately ages 8-22 (just based on the clinic). I'm surprised at the number of clinicians who do not inquire about developmental histories. That's something I'm doing from the start. I also agree about challenging clients. I do have some suggestions to add. I would encourage searching any state-specific directory for trauma-trained clinicians (if it has one). In Arkansas, ours is called ARBEST (Arkansas Building Effective Services for Trauma). It lists the clinicians by county, city, and their evidence-based treatments. For example, I'm also trained in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT). All clinicians in the directory completed additional learning + months of group consultations on this topic and specific cases (it's paid by the state tobacco tax). Beyond that, you can also search directories of specific interventions. For example, therapists trained in Brainspotting are listed on the Brainspotting directory if they choose. To be honest (and maybe because my training is in family therapy), I would reach out to a family therapist and ask for local recommendations. Ideally, they're already working with family systems and consider developmental trauma as a part of their assessment. They'll know others doing the same.
Thank You!!
Well, yes, some clients are challenging. But isn't that your job?
@@Wendylovespitties
I suspect the OP used "challenging" as a verb here, not an adjective. Changes the whole meaning.
Maybe this was a fluke, but I had surprising success with searching Psychology Today for EMDR + my parents biggest issues (substance abuse and borderline personality). My logic was that a therapist who worked with these issues would "get" what it had been like for me. The first person I tried was an awful fit, but the second one was just right.
Your channel has been so helpful for me. I've been kind of trying to process some trauma on my own in the meantime while looking for a new therapist and your videos have helped me realize just how much of my current struggles relate back to childhood trauma. Thank you for talking about this particular issue, it will greatly help me narrow down my search for that needle in a haystack trauma therapist :)
I'm glad you brought up the problem of therapists who have an impossibly long list of issues they work with or types of therapy they do. Related is finding one who is a supposed specialist in your issue or with a particular type of therapy you want but has no business claiming it on their profile. For example, listing DBT as a type of therapy they do, but they actually only do "DBT-informed" treatment because they attended a webinar one time.
I'm sure those therapists will be the right fit for some folks, but what's so frustrating for those of us with complex cases and comorbid diagnoses is that it causes us to waste time with clinicians who, if they were more truthful about their limitations, we'd have never scheduled an appointment with in the first place. It's also a lot of wasted money for those of us with financial struggles, having to do an intake appointment and then a few more sessions to assess the fit, when, again, we could have skipped all that if they'd been more forthright on their Psychology Today profile.
After so many failed therapy relationships, I ended up doing what was suggested and going with a psychologist out of pocket (with some out of network reimbursement from insurance) because I'm fortunate enough to afford it. I hate that there's an obvious class divide in access, but I'd be lying if I said my new therapist wasn't a tier above any I saw in my insurance network.
I agree. People on disability I have the worst choices of everything
@@jackoh991 I can understand why you would want therapists to offer a free first visit, I used to feel that way too. I shifted my perspective a bit though because we do not ask other professionals to offer free services. We would never go into a restaurant and ask for our first meal there to be free because you don't know if you'll like it or not. I now see paying them as another investment in my health and finding one more thing that will or won't help. Overall it moves me closer to my end goal so win win!
@@jackoh991 I can totally see where you are coming from but I can also see we don't agree and that is totally OK:)
I don't believe mental healthcare is a human right. I am curious where that idea comes from...
I do realize many mental health professionals choose to offer free consultations which is different from a free session but in my experience having an actual session gives both parties a better read on whether they will work well together.
I wouldn't classify a construction bid in the same category as offering a service. With a bid they are just telling you what their service would cost and not actually providing their work for free.
Wow good to know. How did u end up finding your current therapist?
There’s a class divide for therapists too. It costs thousands of dollars to do those extra trainings. It could cost around $5,000 or more to become fully EMDR certified as an example. Maybe $10,000 for the highest level of Internal family systems certification. It’s really disempowering graduating from grad school with $50,000 in student debt (not mentioning undergrad debt) and a year of unpaid internships (that I could only pull off paying rent and bills with the help of an amazingly sacrificial partner) to have potential clients tell me the schooling and state licensing I did isn’t adequate. That I should spend thousands I don’t have to learn EMDR or I’m essentially useless. (Not saying you said this, just that I’ve had this experience many times). So I wish I could pay for extra trainings, but I can’t pay for lunch.
Free consultations are standard where I live. Which I think is great, but it can take up a lot of unpaid time throughout the week. Not to mention the phone calls and e-mails educating people about therapy and how their insurance works and scheduling sessions only to be ghosted. Also many people who don’t pay after a few sessions and ghost you. I can deal with it, but therapists make a human connection with their clients too. It can be hard to be ghosted.
Patrick, in addition to the therapists you have trained, I think a great service to the public would be to have a “friends” list of therapists on your website (aka those you’ve trained plus others you’ve gotten to know professionally). I’m an artist, and most of my colleagues and I have a page on our websites called “friends,” where we list the websites of artists who work with similar social practice ethics (we’re social practice artists, so ethics happen to be relevant). Anyway, I don’t think it would have to be as significant or heavy as “recommended therapists,” but just having a list of colleagues you happen to know approach trauma treatment the way you (and Amanda) do, with the clear caveat that relationships are always individual and about finding a good fit, would be amazing.
Thanks Patrick. You are an invaluable source of information. I was wondering if you could do a video on
How to work with and cope when an abusive parent dies. My father passed away last week and it's bringing up very confusing thoughts and feelings. My head and heart aren't aligned and I'm feeling like I need to grieve in private and avoid other family members because I just don't know what to say.
Thank you, Patrick, for giving some additional key questions to ask a therapist to make it a little more likely to find the right one. Based on your earlier advice, I found a therapist that was specifically trauma informed and could do EMDR. I saw this therapist for a while, but she never talked about family systems. We talked about my childhood mainly when I brought it up. She just listened to me talk about whatever was on my mind and we hardly ever did EMDR, and when we did, it didn't feel like it was doing anything. A lot of us who grew up in dysfunctional families already have a lot of insight and self-awareness, so it's not going to be enough for the therapist to just enlighten us as to what the problem is. We know. I usually tend to have more insight into it than the therapists do. What I don't know is how to heal. I've seen many therapists but I've never been shown how to or guided or pushed to heal.
I've tried a few and gave up. Virtual one was condescending and acted like I was wasting her time. Two of them that I saw in-office (different time periods) would let me yak for an hour and then in the last 5 mins. ask me what did *I* want to work on. If I knew that, Genius, I wouldn't be here. One of those therapists I wasted 2 years on. I don't recall ever using the term "narcissist" but he said that I had to leave my family in order to heal. At the time, I was Trauma Bonded and loyal to my parents. When I refused, he didn't want to see me anymore.
The very first therapist I tried laughed at my Mom's abuse as I tried to describe it. She thought my mom was funny. I didn't. She also sat in a giant rocker with her feet tucked under her. Reminded me of Lily Tomlin's character Edith Ann. Immediately turned off.
I no longer want to waste my time.
I believe in therapy in the abstract, but I've had similar experiences to what you describe here -- my approach is pragmatic and forward facing (i.e., what tools can I use today to start making my life better) and my therapists have often been hung up on much more elementary things, and I've had the experience of having to comfort a therapist because my story was upsetting to them. I don't feel like you can be an effective trauma therapist if you are not able to listen to some difficult stories and keep your mind open.
omg
This video is ESSENTIAL. Thank you so much for taking the time to do this. I wish I had this available to me a few years ago when I began the work, but I'm also sort of happy to see it all laid out like this and to know that I successfully "felt my way through" each of these processes and checklists while on my search for a high quality childhood trauma therapist. It took a long time, but I got there eventually. I hope this video can help speed up that process for those currently in the looking phase. Again, thank you for this work you're doing
That is really important! All therapists I've been too have never adressed the root causes of my problems/the trauma.
It was just changing behaviour in the here and now - which is super important, I don't doubt that! Absolutely not - but I always had the urge to talk about all that past stuff and have it recollected in some way because just changing behaviour and thinking patterns alone hasn't had the deep internal change I was hoping to get from therapy. Mostly because the real issue was never adressed and my symptoms were just seen as a form of depression or a personality disorder... which is not very helpful in my opinion.
Yes same. Most of the childhood /inner child insights I’ve gained have been through UA-cam. It’s been enlightening to look at the roots / causes of certain dysfunctional behaviors and realize
that they’re indeed dysfunctional and not just part of my personality. Some of these defense mechanisms are like parasites in how I’ve accepted them into the core of me. I think humans who are called to guide others through this process of connecting the dots are just so special. Real life super heroes. ❤️ I’ve recently started therapy with someone who seems to understand trauma. I woukd ask the questions but im defo too embarrassed lol. Hence the therapy 🤷🏻♀️
What I hope to find is someone who can help me move forward away from the childhood trauma, to have solid footing to address why we have trauma from Realtors who are trying to remove us from low-income housing so they can make a larger profit.
We have many deaths here and a couple of suicides. Recovery takes on a whole different meaning when you don't know where you're going to live.
Patrick! Don't ever change. You are a real one. This information is worth thousands of pounds and you are giving it away for free. Sending you so much love!
An entire year of superficial day to day talk with my therapist!? I have been through severe trauma but she was disinterested in talking about anything other than the present. I no longer see her... She was my tenth attempt at finding a therapist in 46 years.
I'm so sorry that happened to you... 💔💔💔💔
I had a therapist during my childhood/teenage years for a little bit who, despite me telling him about my father abusing me and that i had trouble ever doing homework, gave me homework to do and when i didnt do it told my father that he doesn't think its working because i dont listen. It really destroyed me
I wish I had found someone like Patrick for therapy, years ago...I think he would have beem a perfect therapist for me.
I feel like this was really helpful considering my last therapist (who I didn’t really get a say in the matter due to the psychiatrist I was seeing+family+high school involved at the time) would always kind of like gossip around especially to my mom who’s really never been good for me to be around and never protected me+abused me herself, so thank you. Especially since i was debating on going into therapy once again, with little to no support from those I live with (my friends aren’t close by+had to cut some out bc they weren’t healthy either) so it’s hard, but yeah,,, thank you so much 🫂
Patrick, you are terrific. Many therapists want you to come to the conclusion. There is no - I think this relationship might be abusive, how do you feel about that? (that was actually a paraphrase) I want to add, with regards to insurance, many insurances, you can get reimbursement if you pay the service directly. I know that is a pain but that option is available and I use it with several different physicians. Thank you, Great video.
Oh thank god I always felt lost during talk sessions and was too scared to ask for a challenge and felt like I was a bad client. Thank you for doing this!!
I had a weird experience where I went to a therapist who said they specialized in trauma but when I opened up during the first visit they seemed shocked and said something along the lines of "ok that's a big thing to drop right away and we definitely don't know each other." I was confused because I thought that was the point. lol Is there some unwritten rule of how many sessions I should wait before telling them why i'm really there? I don't know the etiquette.
Where I live all the therapists are all backed up because of the pandemi c. Waiting lists are months long and very frustrating.
I just love your work and personality. Aware fluid humor and safe vibe. Wish I could see you:(
Patrick, I appreciate you so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I can't express enough how helpful your content is. Thank you.
I really need to find a good therapist. I’m 57 and I noticed lately how angry I am at my parents and I’ve been acting out. I never acted out when I was younger. I’m full of rage now. Why is this happening now?
Brief note guys... MDs and other clinicians who deal with bodily physical health are also notoriously bad at identifying problems. If you feel gaslit by a Dr about your situation, and if you feel they dont respect your experiences in caring for your own body, find a new Dr asap... medical malpractice is rampant right now
I am having trouble believing there is a point to paying for therapy, at all. I see that your experience with childhood trauma has left you able to relate, and I find your videos helpful, but it doesn't make me confident that finding a therapist would be any *more* helpful than just hearing you speak about things in a way that is validating. The incredibly non-scientific approach to finding someone to administer "mental medicine," by saying we just need to "find the right fit," while simultaneously saying "I'm your therapist, not your friend" makes it all seem...more like snake-oil, instead of medicine. I don't need to find the right fit to get anti-biotics for an infection. The fact that I can see three therapists, and have one tell me to "do yoga" and take "natural supplements", or tell me to "watch a ted-talk about happiness" by an unlicensed professional, makes me think there are a lot of barriers in the way of receiving actual help.
And, by the way, I'm not saying that a therapist should break the professional boundaries, which keep themselves safe. I'm saying that a sick person having to interview 25 therapists, and hope to find one within their budget, who has an opening, who isn't a nut-bag handing out chamomile tea, and happy thoughts, is a pretty unbelievable burden; one that leaves a lot of people feeling more isolated, broken, frustrated, and ultimately failed by a "medicinal" practice.
I've had 3 sessions with a therapist. She is a liscenced therapist and specializes in anxiety and religious trauma. These are very appropriate for me. I really liked her the first session because she asked a lot of specific questions about my childhood. But after two more sessions I'm a little uncertain. How long should a trial period be to see if we are a good fit?
You've had it. You're worth it.
i dont personally think there's trial period per se. asap and proportionately to how and what feels off you go from there.
This is a great question! I've gone to two over the last few years and I always ended up sticking around for longer than I should have! Keen see an answer to this! ❤️
The timing of this video is perfect. Just starting my search now for someone who specializes in trauma therapy. Thank you for the advice! 😊
I think it was well done. Its not easy to find the right fit. I had a great therapist and then after covid and her having twins, working remote, the dynamics changed and I had to find someone else that could focus. I call it me time! Thank you!!! I find your voice calming and you are very well spoken where I can understand! ♡♡♡ you
Any recommendations in Melbourne?
How does one stop the second guessing? I have a hard time with this.
You are soooo RIGHT!: my best therapist emulated good discernment for me (wisely), while helping me clear the guck off my own radar.
Another STELLAR video of straight-forward meaningfulness, & genuine connection of your care into benefiting my life , & sooo many others too! THANK YOU! 💞🌟
Thanks so much. I appreciate the practicality of your advice.
I have been in therapy since my mid-twenties. I am 64 now and I can count on one hand the number of decent therapists I have worked with. I was diagnosed as ocd and adhd I my 40's, but it wasn't until my late 50's that I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and complex ptsd. It really is very difficult to find a good therapist. As I've said, I've been at it my entire adult life. I'm better, but I'm still not whole. I would love find a therapist who would validate my childhood trauma instead of encouraging me to let it go and move on, or praise me when I acknowledge that my parents were mentally ill as well as if that somehow lets them off the hook for my trauma. I want someone to validate that what happened to me was wrong and for everyone expecting me to just forget about it and let it go because they are dead and I am 64. Trauma has no sell by date. If not addressed properly, it follows you to the grave.
What is the most effective way to address childhood trauma?
Can you please be specific?
I've tried a few therapists but have yet to find a good one. The therapists I've gone to have either re-traumatized (doing EMDR very early, with very little prep work... another downplayed/invalidated my trauma "a lot of kids get sexually and physically abused," (wtf?), or the worst... I had one therapist reach out to my then girlfriend and discuss highly personal info including fetishes & relationship issues.
Obviously those are very bad therapists but... How do I find a DECENT therapist?
Thanks in advance.
I have had a similar experience. I am 62. I was told I was almost "this" ok r "that" ...I say those are labels for what we went through. I had terrible therapists.
66 year old woman here. Preach it, sister!
Wow I am sorry you have experienced bad therapists so many times and haven’t been validated in your childhood past family abuse and unhealthy ways and how that continues to affect you. I find personally I am so sick of always being blamed or scapegoated and my feelings never validated. It makes you doubt yourself. I hope you do find that support, validation and guidance you deserve.
My most recent therapist told me my parents "did the best they could." I mean, yikes! Done with her!
My therapist specializes in ACT. He isn't childhood trauma focused per se, however, he is by far the best therapist I've ever had to start working through my trauma issues. I will totally forward him this video to him and let him know you are looking to network! He already knows who you are =)
This video is IMMENSELY helpful. I can't thank you enough. I swear, I kept stopping every few seconds to take notes. I'm going to send these notes to someone whose helping me search for a therapist, and I think it'll help narrow things down a lot.
I remember with my last therapist, I told her I was watching your videos, and she got kind of weird about it! Saying that she needed to know any of my outside therapeutic influences. It was an early red flag that things weren't going to work out.
Again, I can't thank you enough for outlining this. When you're disheartened by the search and intimidated by bureaucracy, it's outstanding having such a guide on what to look for.
Thank you thank you thank you! Those interview questions are so helpful. I’ve been stuck in the “waiting” mode in therapy for years. Thanks also for the tips about therapist profiles. Something has felt not quite right about those to me for a while now, and your advice on those made a bit more sense of that.
Thank you!!! I'm searching for a therapist now, and I have an appointment with a potential therapist coming up. This video helped strengthen my resolve to interview them up front.
This video is Gold!
I was driving in my vehicle and had to pull over so I could comment immediately.
I wish that I had this info before I attempted to access therapy.
Sadly I had to find out the long hard way that the overwhelming majority of therapists are generalists. Trauma treatment is a specialty as Patrick states.
I worked with one of those middle man organizations for a while. They billed every 28 days. I’ve never had any bill that wasn’t 1x/ month. And that way you can plan which paychecks will cover it. But every 28 days makes the billing date constantly changing which is a challenge to the financial planning. In addition there will be one month a year when you would have to pay twice. I found this to be too distressing and dropped the service.
Patrick! This was INSANELY GOOD. I appreciate you SO MUCH. You inspire me to keep learning and moving forward with my passion. Your answers were so validating for me, they help me see that I’m on track with my ways of thinking. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU.
It'd tick me off if a therapist wanted to talk about my abuser(s) history first if at all. To me it's like if I was bleeding from an accident and the paramedics wanted the perpetrator's childhood history. Maybe it sounds bad, though I really couldn't care about what they went through, especially given the nature of my trauma. So my focus is my healing.
Gods I have been through the ringer with therapists, if I just had say ptsd (which I think I have cptsd even though I was diagnosed as a kid with ptsd in the 90's), that would be well enough, but I am autistic and goooood luuuuck finding someone. Worse, the insomnia makes things complicated cuz regular office ours usually see me running on 3 to 5 hours of sleep. And money. This channel has given me a lot of information and insight, just wouldn't mind some good resources to get my head and thought processes in a more comfortable plateau. Sometimes I wonder where the autism begins and where it ends and I'd love to see more videos on what these things might appear as if someone is autistic. Cuz how x thing is with a person without is likely different from a person who is.
Thank you for this summary. I am 74 years old and can not wait for a therapist to wait until I work it out! I realized that with my previous therapist who had a degree in substance abuse and one in "trauma" but actually had no experience in therapeutic process. So she just sat there and waited for me to talk. I told her I was a happy go lucky four year old and she said that why did I become an alcoholic? I played dumb. I asked her why did she think I did. She should have asked: what happened to you? I now know questions to ask about how they will direct the therapy process. Thank you so much.
I love my therapist so far💗 tics all the boxes. I hope I continue to feel comfortable with her.🥺
Long overdue, much needed topic. Thank you for covering this ~
Would love a California childhood trauma group in the future!
My therapist of 10.5 years is retiring. She is hooking me up with another lady in her office, but I have to admit I’m scared half to death!!
Spot on, my last therapist just hasped and sympathised with my stories and never worked on anything, I just felt retraumatised, it makes me nervous to go back down the therapy road. This vid has been very helpful.
I personally don't trust medical/mental health professionals who don't take insurance, I don't know why. However the situation here in Germany is also somewhat different to the US.
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I was so blessed that my PCP referred me to a new therapist in the building.
I was with this Therapist for 30+ years. Started at 25 and he retired on June 30th 2021.
Sometimes I think he put his retirement off until he felt I could walk on without him.
Bless you Dr. William Mullins. You are THE BEST 🏆
I went to school- got a free one - who said I should write a book on philosophy like Montaigne and Nietzsche. You are not the smartest academic, you can't write nonsense. I can see the pain in your eyes you can't even feel.
This helped greatly and made me realise there was a risk of me being re-traumatised with my current therapist
My therapist on zoom hung pictures on wall while Im talking and spoke (softly) to someone unseen in the room about helping her! Isnt that a privacy violation? Being trained to ignore red flags I started talking but got distracted by her inattention. So i stoped talking. When she finally noticed, she asked "So...how are you doing with that?" so I'd keep talking. Seems so fake! I've had enough of that from childhood. I can't with her anymore...🙄
THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!👌👌 This advice is MOST HELPFUL and something I was HOPING YOU WOULD ADDRESS!! I Have had Very Good therapists where I felt we had a GOOD , and Realistic relationship; I'VE ALSO had a really BAD one where the therapist wouldn't give me a direct answer to ANY question...simply respond with ANOTHER question. *Sigh*
OMG!! I’m 77 and still trying. Been with one 3? years biweekly. After discovering your channel mentioned “inner child” work but it went nowhere. She said it’s okay to look back but not too closely. 😩
I find this subject VERY HELPFUL, finding the Right person to help is essential to my healing, and can be so confusing and trying. Having these tips helps keep.the momentum going in a positive direction, THANK YOU!❣️
What timing! After discovering you two months ago and learning so much, I finally decided to make my first virtual therapy appointment on Friday for today. Unfortunately the therapist didn't show. I guess there was a time zone issue but he didn't call me to let me know that until well after the appointment would have ended even when accounting for that misunderstanding. So it got me thinking: what am I really looking for in a therapist? I knew I had the option to reschedule with the same person. I reviewed their bio and they seem to have a lot of specialties. I've never seen a therapist, so I'm just guessing here, but it would seem like at a certain point if you specialize in everything then you kind of specialize in nothing. I don't have anxiety. I don't deal with depression. It's cool if my therapist understands these issues but I really like to know that they have a lot of experience and dealing with the things that your channel talks about. I'm definitely not upset that I couldn't get my appointment today and it could have been a blessing in disguise. I got an appointment with another person who definitely has fewer specialties and one of them s what I'm looking for
Half the battle is fought within yourself, as usual. You can explore and work for while with therapists who aren’t PERFECT while going forward and piecing together the healing approaches and understanding too.
Thanks so much for this video, it helped immensely in being able to focus on what I need to be aware of, look for, ask for, what my expectations should be, when working with issues that relate to childhood with my therapist.
To me it's like the haystack "is just way way too big!!!! I'm tired of their rudeness and bad treatment!!! I am not kidding about this at all!!! 😢😢 🙄🙄🙄
Do you have any advice for those of us who need the specialized expertise in childhood trauma who don’t have good insurance coverage for therapy? I’m looking for therapists through affordable mental healthcare databases in Ottawa in Canada but where else can I look? Psychology today? Local crisis line referrals? Zocdoc?
I am looking to find my best fit that I can afford outside of coverage VS trying to make a bad fit work because my limited insurance coverage accepts that therapist…
I’m getting quotes though for $+200/hourlong session for dbt therapists when my coverage is only $500 ANNUALLY for only licensed psychologists or social workers. So with this video I think o have a better way to sift through therapists that don’t match what I need but where should I be looking in the first place?
hi patrick, i was just wondering for someone who is 20 years old and has been in therapy for 5 or 6 years, do you recommend getting a therapist who specialises in childhood trauma for someone younger like me? the thing is, i have moved to another country to continue my education, and am looking for a therapist who specialises in trauma to continue from my previous therapist's work. (they were not trauma specialists but served the needs i had at the time). i wanted to ask you if it is 'worth' the work now to do childhood trauma work because I am 'young' and should 'enjoy my life' while it lasts. in fact, i am still financially dependent on my parents.
I've Been seeing my therapist now for a couple months, and a prescribing therapist for almost that. They are my firsts and I'm incredibly thankful that they're very nice and we get along well. My regular and I kind of clicked because we have some of the same issues and her daughter plays Animal Crossing like me. (She sounds young so I was surprised she had a daughter around my age!) She's been helping with my organization, forgetfulness, etc.
The other one I asked for because I've gotten so far on my own and really reached a point where medication might take me that extra step towards normal. So that's what we're doing currently, as well as some assessments to see if there's anything else that might be in play here.
A lot has happened recently so my brain is kind of a blank slate right now but I'm hoping to recover and rebuild in a sense. But I may not have gotten even started this therapy journey yet if not for seeing your videos! They're what pushed me over the fence to "I want something like this 1 on 1"
I’d pay you!
I like the last bit. It’s difficult to find a therapist who is willing to stick their neck out and give advice. Most of them are vague and wait for you to say something.
Thank you for giving this clearity. That might help to stay on track with "dating" my future therapist.
My experience with therapists is that they are all charlatans who regurgitate the same ideas and practices: journal, go outside, meditate, etc. How about providing some guidance and answers as opposed to doling out assignments like a school teacher.
Hi Patrick my issue is finding a childhood trauma therapist who is capable of dealing with the trauma of transracial adoption particularly the 60’s scoop. In fact they are the ones telling me they can’t help. What do I do?
my negative therapist experiences:
this is gonna be a lot ... TW
first one I met up with told me "to go outside and get a boyfriend and you'll be fine"
second on I was with for 2 years and he had no clue how to deal with me he talked to my parents and then had ongoing sessions with them talking about me and then took their position in our therapy sessions; he said things like "your normal. there is nothing special about you." "your problems are normal." even tho i told him repeatedly that being invalidated like that triggers SH and suicidal thoughts. He continued doing it.
he also told me the whole two years "This is going really well. Your doing well." up until the last day telling me:"well our time working together wasn't working out at all. Every step of the road we failed. you didn't make any progress. if you're not able to open up I'll cancel the therapy" which he then did. very abruptly might i add. from one day to the other i was left alone without a therapist -_-
and then when i went to a hospital i had a psychologist tell me that they don't believe in BPD as a whole
and the professor on the same unit told me that another patient had a lot worse depression and that I'm probably JUST melancholic.
All while I was struggling with BPD, Depression and suicidal thoughts which then led to one attempt at said hospital.
In conclusion I can say at this point it sadly validated the thoughts of not being able to trust anyone and that no one actually cares. But I'm still here. And I'll fight and do my very best to find another therapist and get treatment. I hope. That's what matters.
In the Middle East we don’t have what you would consider a licensed therapist and it’s a mess sadly over there. two of my many counsellor I tried told me: But you are not a child anymore, you are an adult!! I couldn’t tell them that I don’t feel like one. so basically I was shamed for being stuck in my traumatic childhood! One of them told me that the past has passed since I have forgiven my parents and that my struggle in my marriage is only coming from the present! 😰
As for my psychiatrist, who act as therapists in the Middle East, he didn’t do feelings. Another one left his wife and children and he wrecked a few marriages because of his own unfinished childhood business with his father, I quit before it happens to me. I am a therapy survivor I should say! 😂
Currently in existential talk therapy and feeling like an absolute crazy person for being upset that I am expected to just “get it”… With virtually no response from the therapist
Thank you for this. This is very relevant to me right now since I’m trying to gather resources for someone close to me.
My current therapist just told me I’ve reached some dead ends in therapy and that I should reflect on my goals. Sounds like she doesn’t get me at all and that she doesn’t have the tools to help. And that I need to keep looking.
My guess is to find a therapist who went through childhood trauma themselves.
But it is best from my experience that the therapist is not female
I found a trauma therapist but have felt uncomfortable with her. She disclosed to me that she has PTSD from childhood and she will not talk about it with therapists. This seems like a red flag to me
I wish I could wave a magic wand and get you as a therapist, but this is the next best thing. Thank you for helping me navigate this instead of just taking the first therapist that takes me in.
Hello! I am a therapist who works with childhood trauma. And i love your videos.
Do you know of any good ones in Sarasota FL? I watch all your videos and resonate with all of them but have no one to talk to about this stuf🎉😂🎉😢❤
How can we get an appointment with you? 😊 I live in Spain, need a childhood trauma specialist as you
I would love to find a therapist a lot like you. I am in California which is huge but I have yet to find a therapist that is experienced at a level of trauma I have experienced. I am an adult child of alcoholic and drug addicts and survivor of narcissistic parents, I am the scapegoat and neglected child, my brother is the golden child & narcissist also; there was severe violence, gaslighting, neglect and abuse as a child and I am still trying to be heard but the rest of my family doesn’t want to hear about it cause then they’ll have to face themselves! They treat me like I’m such a huge burden cause I’ve always stood up for myself and what’s true! My mom especially is an extreme narcissist, gaslighter & manipulator. None of them have been in therapy, I’ve been in therapy my entire life. So it’s hard to find a therapist that is educated on all of this more than I already am. Also I moved to California 8 years and they have all followed me here. My mother just moved next-door to me because we both have breast cancer right now and I just currently had to completely cut her out of my life (a 1st for me) because of her gaslighting and narcissism. If there are any therapists truly experienced in this, reading this in California that are caring and experience at this level of trauma please respond thank you so much!🙏🏽
Thank you for caring about us, Patrick ❤ I'm still having so much trouble. My kids' therapist said some really inappropriate things to my child, and then manipulated me into responding before I was ready, even after I told her I needed time to not feel dysregulated. Since my child is over 13, I can't file a grievance. Only my child can. She doesn't schedule appointments or even use her own laptop for them...it just feels like the same cycle of systemic abuse. I feel like therapy has done more damage than good. I'm pretty good at utilizing free resources, so I really am so close to throwing in the towel. My kids are so emotionally intelligent, and I feel like we get further just talking through things together. This past year has been so stressful, only because I keep getting triggered. Otherwise everything is pretty good. Maybe I should look into becoming a counselor myself. Nobody seems to actually understand CPSD, CHT, or Domestic Violence or Death of a parent
I have two different counselors I’m seeing. One is deaf cuz I’m deaf. She supposedly has experience with abuse and trauma but often seems to explain my accounts as things related to my deafness as opposed to possible abuse from childhood since I just have vague memories. We haven’t talked much about my childhood stuff and focus more on present day stuff with family.
I have another counselor I’m seeing that works at an abuse/assault center. Both of these counselors primarily use cbt. I don’t feel like the deaf counselor really seems that knowledgeable or understanding of my abuse issues. The other one at the abuse clinic does seem to have more experience and understanding. I’m just not sure I like the cbt approach.
Do you know such therapist in Israel, Jerusalem?
Thank you fantastic advice. You are doing great work.
I am also dealing with parental alienation of my children by my ex. I don’t know if I need a specialist in that also
Thank you very much for opening my eyes to certain things I hadn't before. It was my daughter that told me about you!
I am in need of a childhood trauma therapist. I am in Indianapolis. Can you find any references for me, even fm a person through another person?
ive been in a counselling session before a couple times but i can tell that if the person really going out of there way to fill u in give a heads up and filtering etc the person is doing there job right, my worst experience was that the sessions werent counseling sessions anymore it become a mundane chill talk out session just waste time and money ranting shit and not getting anywhere and you still having a problem with a problem right now but the problem is the person your having these so called " sessions " of a councilor is the one giving you more problems instead of reducing it or try to make the situation even worse than it already is.....
Thank you for listing these five questions and giving a brief insight behind asking them. Am seeking a therapist that can help with not only childhood trauma, but also other side of the equation; childhood/adult development. I find myself lopsided on understanding the source of the trauma, but still unable to navigate through adult crisis or understanding how to create a healthy foundation that supports moving through life successfully, rather than recreating the same song and dance no matter how many things I try out; which has me constantly second guessing things.
This video was God-sent to me! Thank God for your services
Very much agree about not starting from a place of discouragement. Just asking, trying, seeing what's available usually finds a path even if it takes time and there's some course correction. If we believe there are no options then we just get nowhere. Different challenges in different countries too. It seems like therapy is much more accessible in the US than where I live.
You’re telling a my child to go non contact when you have no clue the other side of the story.