Does Discipline Stifle a Child’s Sense of Being?
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- Опубліковано 6 чер 2024
- A mother raises the topic of children and discipline. She wants to know if the act of disciplining a child stifles their innate sense of freedom.
Rupert says: ‘Sometimes it’s necessary to discipline or correct children, and by doing that you are not necessarily affecting their sense of being. First, make sure that what you’re doing is not in reaction to the way you were brought up. Next, always see your children as they essentially are. Magnify their innate qualities, continually giving them a taste of their true nature, but not in an abstract way. Nurture the experiences of peace, joy, freedom, love, interconnectedness and beauty. That will be like a blueprint for them.
‘And then you have to find the right balance between supporting that freedom and letting them make mistakes or providing boundaries where appropriate. And that changes all the time as your child grows. So don’t be principled. Don’t think, “I should” or “I shouldn’t” discipline or correct my child. Sometimes it’s appropriate, sometimes not. So, you have to continually adjust as you go along.’
*This video is from one of Rupert’s in-person retreats at Garrison Institute, 26 March-2 April, 2023. For more information on upcoming retreats (many of which can be attended online via livestream) go to:
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Timestamps:
0:00 Children and Discipline
0:57 When to Discipline Children
1:58 Encouraging Innate Qualities
3:28 Nurturing Peace, Joy, Freedom
4:04 Different Styles of Parenting
5:27 Non-Reactive Parenting
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It doesn't matter what one says to their child in any format, the child will leave home and adapt their own sense of self because that FORM source within will override any external beliefs.
An example of an override is the so called teacher becoming a teacher from two conflicting parents.
But the ironic situation is the teacher has to revert back to his parents and to his beliefs that he learned and taught to him. I mean there is an element within adopted from his Parents and more elements adopted by studying Sufism,Shavism, Tantric Tradition, Mystical Christianity.
Going by that, I would deduce that the teachers innate sense of self has been stifled.
Rupert is pointing to the stance that I love, "Let your child do whatever they want when you can, take charge when you have to."
As long as what our children do is not hurtful, dangerous, immoral, unethical, or illegal (except when the law is corrupt like when slavery was legal) we can let them do whatever they want.
It's an art to be a parent. To be loving, kind, empathetic, supportive and at the same time establish rules and limitations, never fall out of touch with their world so they don't close the door on you, always keep the relaxed attitude with them, they will include you every time, even when they're 18. Tell them that you trust them because they know what the right thing to do is. Discipline is never abuse. Discipline cannot hurt them
Healthy discipline and boundaries create a sense of safety for children. They may not appreciate it then, but probably will later on. Allowing freedom and exploration within those boundaries is also important.
Love you Rupert ❤🙏 ,hearing you is meditation 🙏
Thank you so much… it is a big question for me and I appreciate a lot your answer 🙏🌟💙💙💙
So beautiful 😍
سلام موفق باشید.
The ego comes from the sense of self control and the sense of self control comes from inner conflict (having to sacrifice one desire for another). In short, having to sacrifice one desire for another is what gives rise to the ego because it creates the illusion of free agency.
What an interesting take. What do you mean sacrifice one desire for another? Is it like having to choose? And how does it play into a definition of oneself? I think i'm getting that what one chooses plays into one's definition. Is that it? Again, very interesting observation
I think this is an interesting perspective and certainly one I’m contemplating often with four children “homeschooled”. The dance with technology. I can’t arrive at an answer because I suspect there isn’t one. Just moment to moment sensitivity to what is “the way”. What comes up for me in this moment is that all desires are essentially one. All desire is seeking the state of desirelessness. When we get the object of our desire for a moment we are free from desire. We can discover this by getting everything we want or by not getting anything we want. I have seen examples of parents who allow their kids full freedom and therefore full responsibility and by their teens they arrive at a place where they are already aware and deciding that screens are not giving them what they really want and therefore feel better without them or having them around less. I think if there is a way that doesn’t work it’s the way of moderation. But again, I’m not sure.