I am the man crippled for 38 years. He is me. I cried out to God in frustration one night some months ago that the Church keeps making me wait to be baptized. Inevitably, I said, something always gets in my way and I cannot complete RCIA. That night, after crying out to God, a video clip popped up on my UA-cam feed: it was the scene from The Chosen (a show which I've never watched) about the man crippled for 38 years. I will be 38 in July. Tears began to stream down my face. I've done this before -- cried out to God in frustration because a lifetime of depression, despair, and addiction makes me feel paralyzed to properly respond to the Church and its call to conversion -- a faith I was not raised in and which I didn't even begin to seriously consider until late in my adult life. At a particularly low moment, away from my home and my family and feeling utter desolation, I cried out to God and demanded that He show Himself, if He exists at all. What followed was the most terrifying experience of my life, in which I carried on an entire conversation with someone that I later learned no one else could see. When I realized this, I had a rush of a deep euphoric awareness of God’s love for humanity. But that euphoria didn't last long, because I then began to see once again my own brokenness and sins, which I knew already, but now I saw them in relation to that all-encompassing love that I had felt. And I fell into a period of terror like nothing I have ever felt before -- a terror so intense that I was actually afraid that I had died and I was in hell. When you make demands of God, you must be careful what you ask for. He answered my demand. He showed Himself, and it resulted in me seeing my brokenness more clearly -- and that feeling is hell. But I was now ready to be introduced to the Divine Mercy, which I was some time later. I had that experience almost three years ago now, and what has followed is what I will call my "Three Years of Darkness" -- only in the last couple of days have I come to realize that for these last three years I have been stuck in the darkness of scrupulosity, which is why I continue to be frustrated and resentful and tempted to despair, feeling like what I was given is wasted on me because it's too late and I'm too broken. So earlier today I started reading a lot of stuff on scrupulosity and printing it out. Then, all the sudden, this video pops up. So... I am once again in RCIA, or rather, Sunday of last week I started the monthly meetings at the church until it begins in August. But I told the Sister, just so we're clear: "I would be baptized today if I could." The Church only "stirs up the water" once a year, and so far I have failed to make it, falling into bitterness and despair as a result. But I see now that scrupulosity was driving my impatience. I wasn't trusting God, that He can and will save me, even if (through no fault of my own) I am never baptized in this life. I needed to realize this and let it sink in. Jesus asked the crippled man if he wanted to be well because Jesus knows that when we have suffered for a long time, people can reach a point where they feel so utterly beat down and defeated that they no longer believe they *can* be well. They have lost hope and the will to go on, feeling that their brokenness cannot be fixed. When a person is paralyzed in that state, they can become frustrated with a promise of healing that always seems just out of reach. "I would be baptized today if I could." Please pray for me.
Tell your priest all of this. You may be surprised because God may tell him to do a private RCIA and get it done sooner. Pray every day. Buy a Apostolic publishing company, Catholic devotional for $2. Memorize the prayers. It changed my life.
Thank you. On the one hand, since it was my scrupulosity that has been causing my impatience, I wondered if God might be calling me to surrender to whatever "process" is asked of me and therefore to trust in Him, instead of trying to take control all the time. But I should probably tell the priest this anyway. That, too, is an act of trust.
@@johnhenry1791 because of covid it took me 3 years to be confirmed and 3 years for my wife to be baptized. There is such a thing as baptism of desire but you must actually be trying to be baptized for it to apply. I was in a severe darkness recently and it turned out i was going through a "dark night of the soul". God bless you
I spoke with a priest this past weekend about young people and scrupulosity. He said that they are seeing an increase in this and it is concerning. Young people that are wanting to live a good Catholic life are watching these videos but don't have a developed brain to know how to understand and properly apply the teaching. How do I know? Because my teenage boys are sharing these videos with me and are struggling with scrupulous tendencies. Their fear is that they don't know if they have thought things through because according to some of the other videos, you can fall into mortal sin in a split second. When my teenage son won't eat bread during lent for fear that unknowingly it has meat in it and could then be in mortal sin, that is a problem. Our teenagers are looking for a healthy formation of conscience to know the difference between venial and mortal sin with their not yet mature brain to think everything through. Please do a separate video addressed to teenagers and a healthy formation of conscience. They are watching and looking to these "experts" more than their parents.
I would encourage them to go to THE expert, who is the Lord who educates us through Scripture. In doing so, Galatians 5:19-21 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 offer really good lists of actionable sins that anyone can defiantly and unrepentently commit to keep them out of Heaven. As they look at those list of "mortal" sins, I would also encourage them to learn how to do word studies with the concordance and related lexicon for each sin too. I say that because the definitions and related dispositions towards them are often far more intricate then we would otherwise realize, or they don't mean the exact same thing at all as they do in our current English. However, if that's too daunting for any of them then tell them to allow the Lord to examine what's in their mind, heart, soul, and strength on any given attitude or action that comes to them throughout the day? Do they align with Jesus and His Goodness? Do they honor Him and His family)? That can also go further with the acronym for "duty" D.E.W.-T. (desires, emotions, will, and thoughts). Do they or do they not align and honor and if not, then keep asking for the Lord's grace to help them do so. In Christ, Andrew P.S. Mortal sins can be forgiven, and they need to realize and appreciate that. P.S.S. Not eating meat during Lent is a discipline, not a doctrine and thus not a mortal sin if broken. It's a way to show love for the Lord and realize that He is the flesh we are meant to live on.
"When my teenage son won't eat bread during lent for fear that unknowingly it has meat in it and could then be in mortal sin, that is a problem." This sounds like OCD, which I have. Might be worthwhile to look into it.
Yes, scruples. If you unknowingly eat meat on Friday it's simply not a mortal sin, period.If someone tricks you into eating meat against your knowing it is not a mortal sin. If your health requires you to eat meat it is also not a mortal sin. Remember even David ate the bread of the presence from the house of God as Jesus said because he and his men needed it and it was O.K. Tell your kids God knows we're not robots, we're human and He takes all things into account. St Theresa of Calcutta reassures us God does not need our success just our good intent. I suffer the same things too, I think, if I try to put formulas ahead of the love of God. This is hard because love of God is a gift from God so I pray to God for the gift of charity (love of God) and I think the rest will come easily enough. Gods mercy and love are both infinite
Let's be honest, it IS a problem because many catholic legalists encourage this kind of thinking. Instead of talking of God's mercy, they keep saying "Yeah you are in trouble, go to confession ASAP, this is very bad" and this increases their OCD.
There is a tender conscience, struggles with scruples, and then scrupulosity (like ocd). Scrupulosity, religious ocd, is not necessarily an issue of not recognizing God’s mercy (this may be part of it but not the primary cause for concern). Most scrupulous have no issue with mortal sin, but rather cannot discern mortal from venial sin and struggle with pathological guilt even though they are people of pure hearts. Having a spiritual director and only confessing with him is definitely a huge move, but there is no replacement for solid Exposure and Response Prevention therapy coupled with other forms of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The Church does a great disservice to the scrupulous (ocd) by telling them it’s primarily a spiritual issue. It is categorically a mental disorder that is invading one's spirituality and should be treated as such.
Matt, when you have a talk again with prof. Matt Breuninger, please approach this topic, specifically as it relates to OCD and exposure-response prevention therapy.
Which image? What did you do? This is very relevant to me. I suffer from scrupulosity, but recently the Sacred Heart has been calling to me for some reason.
@@aisthpaoitht it was just a small Sacred Heart statue with its arms extended in a church. It seemed to me that Jesus was calling me and forgiving me. You will have to find something that works for you.
@@aisthpaoitht I just kept telling myself, Jesus wouldn't have suffered for you if He wanted you to be condemned, and after awhile I started to believe it.
Mark DeJesus is such an amazing ressource for religious scrupulosity, perfectionism and OCD. I wish you could have him on the show, would be an amazing collab!! I love your channel, thank you for everything ❤
My own vanity leads me to scrupulousity. I’m an ex-classical ballerina trained old school Soviet style. Most ballerinas have the archetype of scrupulousity and discipline. Then they go into extreme careless and back to scrupulousity. In many ways I can see how this was all good training God had me endure for the future date when I would be PUNCHED SILLY WITH His love. It was a surprise, not planned and I was not looking (or maybe I was unconsciously) The point is the bodily pain, hunger pangs, bloody and/or broken toe(s), extreme diets placing my body in starvation mode, and more was great training to lead me into mortification and fasting. This area of my life is the smallest compared to other life eexperiences that was for His reason, which now I fully comprehend. All bad is actually GRAND. I notice my scrupulousity and the good thing about my character type is I get sick and tired of my own self in all matters. I stop myself and accept. God loves me for me and some things take a little longer to get down in right order. I’m not worried He will get me there. He always does
Good question, in that instance, no. From my understanding overeating out of your control is a sin, lack of discipline to deny yourself and thus becoming unhealthy. Eating a calorie surplus to gain weight, or eating a big meal to sustain for a while doesn’t exhibit a lack of control. It’s not a bad idea to fast once in a while to break any addiction to food that we might have however.
@@MATTMRN thanks for responding, this has been making me anxious for a whole day now wondering if I sinned or not. I had/have scrupulosity but I’m trying to get rid of it because it’s tormented me for a good year and a half at this point. I’m big into working out so if I don’t eat enough for lunch then I’ll be hungry during my workout at around 4:30 and not perform as well. And then before bed I like to eat something to hold my body over while it sleeps during the night (even if I’m not particularly hungry like I would be around lunch time). I guess gluttony is mindlessly snacking throughout the day and eating absurdly big meals and also eating well beyond the point of comfort. I don’t do any of that but I don’t want to sin.
@@tvhead7074 If you are working out and eating a surplus for the good of your body then I would say you’re good. I’m not a theologian but gluttony is a lack of regard for the temple, and sounds like you’re practicing quite the opposite. God bless you my friend.
Those with scrupulosity need to grow in trust of the Lord and His goodness toward them. This is what Matt is talking about at 2:45. Prayer for deliverance from scrupulosity, and obedience to your confessor and or spiritual director (if you have one) are practical steps to overcoming your scrupulosity. I suffered a lot from scrupulosity when I first revered to the faith. Listening to my confessor and trusting that God was speaking through him started to give me peace. Also, prayer is essential, the Divine Mercy devotion and devotion to Mother Mary are exceptional ways of battling your scrupulosity. I will be praying for you. May God bless you abundantly and grant you His peace! Have hope in Christ my friend.
@@TheYourTroubles thank you for explaining and for giving your advice/tips! I’m happy you overcame scrupulously! Please pray for me, if you would like, as I am battling this all my life but right now it’s at its worst!
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life (I love you too, not as much as God loves you but I do love you)❤🙏 Just close your eyes and say “Jesus, I don’t have faith in you, please help me believe” Jesus loves you, turn to Him. He loves you so much that He died for you. ❤
I am the man crippled for 38 years. He is me. I cried out to God in frustration one night some months ago that the Church keeps making me wait to be baptized. Inevitably, I said, something always gets in my way and I cannot complete RCIA.
That night, after crying out to God, a video clip popped up on my UA-cam feed: it was the scene from The Chosen (a show which I've never watched) about the man crippled for 38 years.
I will be 38 in July.
Tears began to stream down my face. I've done this before -- cried out to God in frustration because a lifetime of depression, despair, and addiction makes me feel paralyzed to properly respond to the Church and its call to conversion -- a faith I was not raised in and which I didn't even begin to seriously consider until late in my adult life.
At a particularly low moment, away from my home and my family and feeling utter desolation, I cried out to God and demanded that He show Himself, if He exists at all. What followed was the most terrifying experience of my life, in which I carried on an entire conversation with someone that I later learned no one else could see. When I realized this, I had a rush of a deep euphoric awareness of God’s love for humanity.
But that euphoria didn't last long, because I then began to see once again my own brokenness and sins, which I knew already, but now I saw them in relation to that all-encompassing love that I had felt. And I fell into a period of terror like nothing I have ever felt before -- a terror so intense that I was actually afraid that I had died and I was in hell.
When you make demands of God, you must be careful what you ask for. He answered my demand. He showed Himself, and it resulted in me seeing my brokenness more clearly -- and that feeling is hell. But I was now ready to be introduced to the Divine Mercy, which I was some time later.
I had that experience almost three years ago now, and what has followed is what I will call my "Three Years of Darkness" -- only in the last couple of days have I come to realize that for these last three years I have been stuck in the darkness of scrupulosity, which is why I continue to be frustrated and resentful and tempted to despair, feeling like what I was given is wasted on me because it's too late and I'm too broken. So earlier today I started reading a lot of stuff on scrupulosity and printing it out. Then, all the sudden, this video pops up. So...
I am once again in RCIA, or rather, Sunday of last week I started the monthly meetings at the church until it begins in August. But I told the Sister, just so we're clear: "I would be baptized today if I could."
The Church only "stirs up the water" once a year, and so far I have failed to make it, falling into bitterness and despair as a result. But I see now that scrupulosity was driving my impatience. I wasn't trusting God, that He can and will save me, even if (through no fault of my own) I am never baptized in this life. I needed to realize this and let it sink in.
Jesus asked the crippled man if he wanted to be well because Jesus knows that when we have suffered for a long time, people can reach a point where they feel so utterly beat down and defeated that they no longer believe they *can* be well. They have lost hope and the will to go on, feeling that their brokenness cannot be fixed. When a person is paralyzed in that state, they can become frustrated with a promise of healing that always seems just out of reach.
"I would be baptized today if I could."
Please pray for me.
I will be praying for you. God bless you sir.
@@TheYourTroubles Thank you, sir. And God bless you as well.
Tell your priest all of this. You may be surprised because God may tell him to do a private RCIA and get it done sooner. Pray every day. Buy a Apostolic publishing company, Catholic devotional for $2. Memorize the prayers. It changed my life.
Thank you. On the one hand, since it was my scrupulosity that has been causing my impatience, I wondered if God might be calling me to surrender to whatever "process" is asked of me and therefore to trust in Him, instead of trying to take control all the time. But I should probably tell the priest this anyway. That, too, is an act of trust.
@@johnhenry1791 because of covid it took me 3 years to be confirmed and 3 years for my wife to be baptized.
There is such a thing as baptism of desire but you must actually be trying to be baptized for it to apply.
I was in a severe darkness recently and it turned out i was going through a "dark night of the soul".
God bless you
I spoke with a priest this past weekend about young people and scrupulosity. He said that they are seeing an increase in this and it is concerning. Young people that are wanting to live a good Catholic life are watching these videos but don't have a developed brain to know how to understand and properly apply the teaching. How do I know? Because my teenage boys are sharing these videos with me and are struggling with scrupulous tendencies. Their fear is that they don't know if they have thought things through because according to some of the other videos, you can fall into mortal sin in a split second. When my teenage son won't eat bread during lent for fear that unknowingly it has meat in it and could then be in mortal sin, that is a problem. Our teenagers are looking for a healthy formation of conscience to know the difference between venial and mortal sin with their not yet mature brain to think everything through. Please do a separate video addressed to teenagers and a healthy formation of conscience. They are watching and looking to these "experts" more than their parents.
I would encourage them to go to THE expert, who is the Lord who educates us through Scripture. In doing so, Galatians 5:19-21 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 offer really good lists of actionable sins that anyone can defiantly and unrepentently commit to keep them out of Heaven. As they look at those list of "mortal" sins, I would also encourage them to learn how to do word studies with the concordance and related lexicon for each sin too. I say that because the definitions and related dispositions towards them are often far more intricate then we would otherwise realize, or they don't mean the exact same thing at all as they do in our current English.
However, if that's too daunting for any of them then tell them to allow the Lord to examine what's in their mind, heart, soul, and strength on any given attitude or action that comes to them throughout the day? Do they align with Jesus and His Goodness? Do they honor Him and His family)? That can also go further with the acronym for "duty" D.E.W.-T. (desires, emotions, will, and thoughts). Do they or do they not align and honor and if not, then keep asking for the Lord's grace to help them do so.
In Christ,
Andrew
P.S. Mortal sins can be forgiven, and they need to realize and appreciate that.
P.S.S. Not eating meat during Lent is a discipline, not a doctrine and thus not a mortal sin if broken. It's a way to show love for the Lord and realize that He is the flesh we are meant to live on.
May be a little OCD. Medication can help too.
"When my teenage son won't eat bread during lent for fear that unknowingly it has meat in it and could then be in mortal sin, that is a problem." This sounds like OCD, which I have. Might be worthwhile to look into it.
Yes, scruples. If you unknowingly eat meat on Friday it's simply not a mortal sin, period.If someone tricks you into eating meat against your knowing it is not a mortal sin. If your health requires you to eat meat it is also not a mortal sin. Remember even David ate the bread of the presence from the house of God as Jesus said because he and his men needed it and it was O.K. Tell your kids God knows we're not robots, we're human and He takes all things into account. St Theresa of Calcutta reassures us God does not need our success just our good intent. I suffer the same things too, I think, if I try to put formulas ahead of the love of God. This is hard because love of God is a gift from God so I pray to God for the gift of charity (love of God) and I think the rest will come easily enough. Gods mercy and love are both infinite
Let's be honest, it IS a problem because many catholic legalists encourage this kind of thinking.
Instead of talking of God's mercy, they keep saying "Yeah you are in trouble, go to confession ASAP, this is very bad" and this increases their OCD.
There is a tender conscience, struggles with scruples, and then scrupulosity (like ocd). Scrupulosity, religious ocd, is not necessarily an issue of not recognizing God’s mercy (this may be part of it but not the primary cause for concern). Most scrupulous have no issue with mortal sin, but rather cannot discern mortal from venial sin and struggle with pathological guilt even though they are people of pure hearts. Having a spiritual director and only confessing with him is definitely a huge move, but there is no replacement for solid Exposure and Response Prevention therapy coupled with other forms of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. The Church does a great disservice to the scrupulous (ocd) by telling them it’s primarily a spiritual issue. It is categorically a mental disorder that is invading one's spirituality and should be treated as such.
Matt, when you have a talk again with prof. Matt Breuninger, please approach this topic, specifically as it relates to OCD and exposure-response prevention therapy.
Thanks for this video!
I suffered from scrupulosity for a brief time in my life and I started being healed by studying an image of the Sacred Heart.
Which image? What did you do? This is very relevant to me. I suffer from scrupulosity, but recently the Sacred Heart has been calling to me for some reason.
@@aisthpaoitht it was just a small Sacred Heart statue with its arms extended in a church. It seemed to me that Jesus was calling me and forgiving me. You will have to find something that works for you.
@@jackieo8693 what was the changed thinking that resulted?
@@aisthpaoitht I just kept telling myself, Jesus wouldn't have suffered for you if He wanted you to be condemned, and after awhile I started to believe it.
@@jackieo8693 I love that...love it. Thank you!
This video is more about rejecting sin than scrupulosity.
It wasn't good for scrupulously, it will make it worse.
@@michaellawlor5625 my thoughts exactly
@@elizabetharr8551 it's really poor. The scrupulous need to hear God's love and provision.
Mark DeJesus is such an amazing ressource for religious scrupulosity, perfectionism and OCD. I wish you could have him on the show, would be an amazing collab!! I love your channel, thank you for everything ❤
Interesting! Is he Catholic?
Agreed!
My own vanity leads me to scrupulousity. I’m an ex-classical ballerina trained old school Soviet style. Most ballerinas have the archetype of scrupulousity and discipline. Then they go into extreme careless and back to scrupulousity. In many ways I can see how this was all good training God had me endure for the future date when I would be PUNCHED SILLY WITH His love. It was a surprise, not planned and I was not looking (or maybe I was unconsciously) The point is the bodily pain, hunger pangs, bloody and/or broken toe(s), extreme diets placing my body in starvation mode, and more was great training to lead me into mortification and fasting. This area of my life is the smallest compared to other life eexperiences that was for His reason, which now I fully comprehend. All bad is actually GRAND. I notice my scrupulousity and the good thing about my character type is I get sick and tired of my own self in all matters. I stop myself and accept. God loves me for me and some things take a little longer to get down in right order. I’m not worried He will get me there. He always does
I see nothing wrong with the thumbnail. I don’t know why some people are saying it is bad.
This was great!!!
This is not a good video for the scrupulous. This is going to make them worse. More despair, anxiety, etc.. Very incompetent and dangerous.
Is it gluttony if you overeat so that way you’re not hungry at a later inconvenient time? Also what if I just want to gain weight and not be small?
Good question, in that instance, no. From my understanding overeating out of your control is a sin, lack of discipline to deny yourself and thus becoming unhealthy. Eating a calorie surplus to gain weight, or eating a big meal to sustain for a while doesn’t exhibit a lack of control. It’s not a bad idea to fast once in a while to break any addiction to food that we might have however.
@@MATTMRN thanks for responding, this has been making me anxious for a whole day now wondering if I sinned or not. I had/have scrupulosity but I’m trying to get rid of it because it’s tormented me for a good year and a half at this point.
I’m big into working out so if I don’t eat enough for lunch then I’ll be hungry during my workout at around 4:30 and not perform as well. And then before bed I like to eat something to hold my body over while it sleeps during the night (even if I’m not particularly hungry like I would be around lunch time).
I guess gluttony is mindlessly snacking throughout the day and eating absurdly big meals and also eating well beyond the point of comfort. I don’t do any of that but I don’t want to sin.
@@tvhead7074 If you are working out and eating a surplus for the good of your body then I would say you’re good. I’m not a theologian but gluttony is a lack of regard for the temple, and sounds like you’re practicing quite the opposite. God bless you my friend.
Keep thy mind in Hell and dispare not.
I didn’t really understand this but I am scrupulous, can someone help explain this to me🙏🏼
Same, I didn’t really understand either.
Those with scrupulosity need to grow in trust of the Lord and His goodness toward them. This is what Matt is talking about at 2:45. Prayer for deliverance from scrupulosity, and obedience to your confessor and or spiritual director (if you have one) are practical steps to overcoming your scrupulosity. I suffered a lot from scrupulosity when I first revered to the faith. Listening to my confessor and trusting that God was speaking through him started to give me peace. Also, prayer is essential, the Divine Mercy devotion and devotion to Mother Mary are exceptional ways of battling your scrupulosity. I will be praying for you. May God bless you abundantly and grant you His peace! Have hope in Christ my friend.
@@TheYourTroubles thank you for explaining and for giving your advice/tips! I’m happy you overcame scrupulously! Please pray for me, if you would like, as I am battling this all my life but right now it’s at its worst!
@@Blossom13745 Thank you and of course. Pray for trust. I hope you have a blessed day!
@@TheYourTroubles Thank you so much, that is helpful! Pray for us so we can heal from scrupulosity, it is unpleasant
John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life
(I love you too, not as much as God loves you but I do love you)❤🙏
Just close your eyes and say “Jesus, I don’t have faith in you, please help me believe” Jesus loves you, turn to Him. He loves you so much that He died for you. ❤
Once again, another video not understanding scrupulosity/ocd and heaping more shame on ppl. You can just unthink yourself out.
You two are laughably ignorant about this topic. Especially the Grandpa.
But is it scrupulocity or mediocrity? Hard to tell
What are you saying?
Almost useless video, especially when Mr Martin spoke re scruplosity. Not very helpful or understanding.
Another immodest thumbnail on this channel …
You have scrupulosity
You are perverse
How so?
Edit: I'm slow lol. Well done sir.
A scrupulous comment
Bruh it's literally just a woman
Are you some kind of pervert?