Helen and Philip Share Their Miscarriage Story & How to Support Loved Ones | AsianBossGirl Ep 274
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- Опубліковано 26 чер 2024
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Earlier this year, Helen went through a miscarriage, and since then she’s been navigating this devastating loss alongside her husband Philip. From doctor visits to sharing the news, every step along the way has been a difficult one. It’s unfortunate to learn that about 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, and expectant parents often have to go through their grief in silence, and alone. For this reason, Helen and Philip want to share their personal story to bring more visibility to the experience of miscarriage and reduce the stigma around talking about it. They also offer some tips for how we as a community can support loved ones going through similar experiences.
To anyone who has experienced such loss, we see you, and our hearts go out to you.
*Content Warning: This episode deals with the difficult topics of grief and loss, along with some graphic details surrounding the miscarriage experience.
00:00 Intro
05:16 When was the first time you heard about miscarriages?
09:04 Helen’s experience
36:32 Supporting your partner & the grieving process
44:53 Why did we want to share this publicly?
48:08 We did a burial - what was in the box?
49:25 Are we nervous to try again?
50:04 Best ways to support a friend after miscarriage
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Guest:
• Philip Wang - / wongfuphil
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I lost it when Helen read from her diary about wanting to save her child in that devastating moment and “scoop you, if it was you, up from the toilet water”. That’s what a mother’s love feels like right there 😭❤️ My sincerest condolences and love to you both ❤️❤️
Helen and Philip, I am so very sorry. Please take heart in that many of us have gone through similar tragedies, but have ultimately come through into much happier times. My thoughts are with you both. To tie my comments to the Asian-American experience, in my experience some Asian-Americans (particularly with families from East Asian roots) have to deal with family members who might make comments that imply that the couple is at least partially "at fault" for the miscarriage by either doing thing that "they should not have done" or did not do things to "maximize" the chance of a healthy pregnancy. These types of comment can be very emotionally damaging to the couple to hear, even if the comments were "well-intended". I hope that you two did not experience that type of situation.
I'm not one to comment on anything (this is probably my first comment in 15 years of having a UA-cam account), but this video really resonated with me. First off, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. My husband and I recently suffered the loss of our (first) baby late last year, while 23 weeks along. It was the single most hardest, and most difficult thing we've ever gone through. I've never felt such unconditional love for someone, without ever even meeting them. I too was also going through the stages of grief for the first time, and I too had thought my husband "wasn't sad enough". Helen and Philip, there is no doubt that you two will come out of this experience stronger and more united than ever. You two are so lucky to have each other to lean on. Thank you for sharing your story, and for helping me feel less alone. I also found so much comfort in sharing my story with a few selected friends, because it really opened up my eyes to how common (but not talked about) pregnancy loss is. Wishing the best for your little family, as I hope to one day be able to also have one of my own.
Thank you for your vulnerability. That reading from your diary, Helen.. my heart and soul is hurting for you. I teared up and I felt the pain of those words. You’re both are the greatest parents and your love for each other is heavily felt. I have no words :( but appreciation for sharing your story.
We just got the news ourselves. Thank you for sharing. I hope you two can find peace and I appreciate the bravery for sharing something so traumatic. ❤
Thank you so much for being vulnerable and sharing this story with us.
To the dearest Philip...there are no words to truly express how sad I am for your darling loss. The emotional sharing of such a rough topic is just a bit of what continues to have me tune in. GAMAN to the family and others who are going thru the same journey. Much ALOHA to all.😢🎉❤
Wow. Helen and Phillip, thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your story. Like you guys, ive heard that word be thrown around before but never actually knew and understood what it meant! You are helping so many others and I just wanted to say bless your hearts! No one deserves to go through this. Sending so much love and healing vibes ❤❤
My mom, just like Phil's, was very open and honest with me about her miscarriages when I was a kid. She had one a couple years before I was born, I was born in 2001, then another one when I was around 4 or 5. The memory of that second one is faint, because I was so young, but I can remember the feeling, that sadness, it was potent.
Whenever I asked what happened, especially with the miscarriage that happened when I was young, my mom put it so beautifully. Something along the lines of, "God just needed them back up there with him right now, he needs their help, their love, to help God with God things." "They are Angels watching over us now, isn't that awesome honey!"
Yeah, my 5 year old self did think that was pretty awesome!
We moved on, life went on, I remained an only child, until, at the age of 41, my mom got pregnant. Twins. Girls. I guess God made up for it, huh. I'm 22 now, they're 14. God's timing is the best timing.
Sending love and good vibes from Long Beach 🤙🏻
Thank you both for sharing your story - it definitely brought up a lot of feelings, emotions and memories of when I had a miscarriage, almost three years ago. It was our first pregnancy and we had decided early on to share with family and a few close friends, so that they could be there for us in case anything happened to our baby. We're so glad that we did because they were the ones who supported us, prayed for us and were there for us when we needed it most. I got pregnant a few months after the miscarriage, and I found myself feeling really anxious during the pregnancy, but all the more grateful for each milestone and a sense of not wanting to take anything for granted. The crazy thing about life is holding both the grief and the joy, and being able to still celebrate our second pregnancy while continuing to grieve the loss of our first.
Thank you Helen and Philip for sharing your story and creating a space for those in different circumstances of growing a family. As someone dealing with infertility, I can relate to the grief albeit in a different way. My heart goes out to you in your healing journey ❤️
I am so sorry for the both of you. Thank you feeling comfortable enough to share your story with us.
As someone who just went through a miscarriage, I had very similar experiences, feelings, and emotions. Your video today was exactly what I needed today. Thank you both for sharing you story
Helen and Philip, I'm so sorry for your loss. 29 yrs ago, I went through a miscarriage during my first pregnancy at 8 weeks. I had a pink showing for 3 days and went to my doctor. They did a ultrasound and found that there was no fetus in the sack. Unfortunately, my husband wasn't with me for all the doctor's appointments at that time bc he was doing his medical residency. I had to break the news to him when he got home. We weren't planning to start a family at that time bc I was in grad school while he was in training. But when we found out that we were pregnant, we were excited yet uncertain how we would handle the responsibility of being parents. As the weeks went on, I was getting excited in anticipation of having a baby of my own, thinking of names, what to get, planning what to do after birth, etc.. When I found out that this pregnancy was not meant to be, I grieved. My husband was there for me but couldn't really do much for me except listening to me and letting me cry. I didn't really have friends or family around the area. We were 6000 miles away from home for school. Bc my school is next to a hospital, I would see pregnant women walking to their appointments. And there was a daycare next to the building I worked in. I could see the babies and the toddlers through the windows. I would silently cry inside. My husband suggested that we get a cat to keep me company since he couldn't be home much. The cat saved me. In any case, 2 years later I had a health pregnancy, another a year later, then another 4 years after that. Every time I got pregnant I had a little tinge of fear that I might miscarry again. I prayed and prayed throughout those pregnancies. God blessed me with 3 health children who are in their 20s now. There is hope. Best wishes to you both.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending lots of virtual hugs.
thank you Helen & Philip for sharing such a raw and vulnerable story! i'm in awe of both of your courage and strength ❤
from a stranger to another stranger, growing up watching wongfu and having a tremendous amount of respect for phillip. I too feel the pain for Helen. I truly hope you guys will heal and eventually gain the strength, especially Helen to one day try again! but also know the love this community and MYSELF have for both of you. Please always stay happy and we can get through everything TOGETHER!
I NEVER comment on things... but sincerely wanted to thank you guys for being bold and sharing your story....
I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story. I myself suffered 3 very different miscarriages. I am such an advocate for miscarriage awareness, because as much as I never want anyone else to experience what i went through and what my husband went through, I never want anyone to be as alone and unprepared as I was when I had my first miscarriage. Like you guys said, it’s so rare to hear stories of miscarriage and trouble conceiving/carrying. It’s so important to have a supportive village. And as much as friends and family will want to be there for you, not everyone gets it if they didn’t experience it first hand. As much as it absolutely sucks that this happened to anyone, it’s so comforting when you find people that know what you went through. Writing this while starting the video, and preparing myself to cry.
We lost our little girl in 2022 and I still struggle to talk about her openly. Can’t even imagine doing this on camera.😭
I am so sorry to hear all the heartache and sadness you both had to endure :( sending so much love to you both and thank you for sharing your story💕
thank u for being so real and raw .. i learned alot
Thank you Helen and Philip for sharing your story. I can feel your pain and grief and how crazy to realize it can be common occurrence that parents are silently suffering through. When you mentioned you felt so defeated during the blood draw, it struck a cord with me. Im just like you, healthy on paper and feel like I have a good body that is capable of doing whatever is needed. But this shows miscarriage really can happen to anyone, regardless of past medical history or behavior. It does not discriminate. Also that pregnancy is not an easy task. It is not just eating right and resting, the emotional baggage that comes with it can be so invisible to others. Thank you for always sharing your insight to the world and us internet people. :) I am so grateful to have you guys, this channel, in my life.
thank you for sharing - very sorry that you experienced this. Sending you all the love
Thank you so much for being willing to share this story ❤❤❤ Dialogue is absolutely important and thank you for sharing the educational info.
Thank you for sharing your story, as someone who’s had to experience this heartbreaking type of loss it’s honestly comforting to hear others stories and their journey to healing. Sending you both so much love ❤
Thank you guys so much for doing this and sharing all of this for the sake of others ❤️ Your love for each other, for your children, and for others is really moving and inspiring. Keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers-and also all those going through these things ❤
Sending you both lots of love. It takes alot of courage to share your story, rewinding the moments again must have been difficult. 5 years, 1 IUI and 1 IVF and we were so close to getting to the only thing we wanted in life - to start a family of our own. But it didn't work out, and I remember myself telling the doctor the same thing - to let it pass naturally, because I just wanted to hold on to whatever that's left. Please take all the time you need to grief, and know that your little baby is watching over you both, always.
Thank you both for sharing. ❤
So sorry for your loss. So glad your parents were there for you. When I miscarried, my mom tried to make it seem like it was my fault. Later I discovered that she miscarried as well. She even told me not to tell others. Of course now I always share my story when I hear someone miscarried. So much love to you both.
I’m so sorry. I’m crying waterfalls right now
Thank you for sharing and I'm really sorry you had to go through that.
Thank you for sharing your story ❤️
God I’m so sorry you guys. Thank you for being vulnerable with us like this. I hope you can heal a little bit of your hearts by sharing your story. Also it is so apparent that Phil is your rock. He is the greenest flag there is. You’re so strong Helen & even though I don’t know you personally, I’m proud of you.
How come i started crying when he said "read it if you have to" ???
Thanks for sharing your story and sending lots of love ❤️
Dear Heavenly Father, I come to You today praising You for your faithfulness and thanking You for the miracle of life. Lord, I ask You to wrap Your loving arms around moms who have experienced miscarriage and infancy loss. Help them to look past the pain and into the hope that is active in Your Word amen 🙏 🙏🙏🙏🙌🙌🙌
I am impressed you 2 are able to hold back your tears and smile. So sad you had a miscarriage. I was looking forward to see your baby
Thank you for sharing your story, I am so sorry for your loss. I have never left a comment but I resonated with your story. I also had a miscarriage at 8 weeks during Covid. It was awful to be admitted to the hospital without my husband by my side due to covid restrictions. Same as you, I lost my baby in the toilet without realising it until after I had flushed the toilet 😭 I still have the guilt to this day, the image of that night still haunts me. We are still trying to have our first baby. I wish you both all the best ❤
wow, thanks for sharing your story, I just sufferd from miscarrage 2 months, never felt so lone and lost in that journey. till my OB/GYM doctor told me how many women suffered from miscarriage. as a standup comedian, I tried to cope the pain with comedy & laugher, but the more you try to cover, it always seem more hard to think about this... this is the issue many women avoid to talk, appreciate that you put out there for other women who went through this to feel their journey is not alone.
Thank you for sharing your story
Sending you guys all the love ❤️😞🙏🏻
“Is that you” - we all can relate to this.
Once I became a mother I truly finally understood why is such a sensitive question to ask When are you having kids/when are you having a second one? because it is true you don't know what they are going through. They are probably trying and nothing so I stop asking my friends about when they are having kids or when is your turn etc.
Lots of love to you guys. ❤️
Thanks for sharing
You’re so brave Helen ❤
"is that you?..." That broke me
Having grown up with Philip, this is sad man...
Helen and Phillip, get the book, Powerfully Pregnant by Donna Young, and do the pregnancy diet included in it,it will help you get pregnant again.
I am like the opposite-never was innocent about pregnancy. This probably stems from a strong academic background in biology and genetics. There’s always the possibility of loss on my mind, and in therapy I work to try and be happy during pregnancy-I am happy, but also very cautious.
I told close friends and family I was pregnant at 4 weeks because I worried about miscarriage even then and wanted a support system.
But, thank you, Helen, for sharing your story. Not enough women do, so the rest of us are kind of left in the dark about it. My heart really goes out to you. I cried more than once watching this. There’s nothing you could have done to change the outcome. My personal opinion with chemical pregnancies is that at that point, the child’s quality of life is so severely compromised the body automatically aborts the zygote because it will not survive. Mutations naturally occur during cellular division, which is great for evolution, but oftentimes mutations are more harmful than helpful, and dividing cells have mechanisms in place to detect harmful mutations so that they self-abort. It’s all random chance or probabilities. This is all a wonderful thing nature has created to ensure the survival of our species.
I know a lot of moms who miscarried in public restrooms, whose unborn zygotes or fetuses were flushed down a toilet in shock and grief, and just not knowing what to do. I’m glad you were able to capture some of your baby’s remains to honor and remember them.
Best of luck to your next pregnancy! Most moms I know, even my own, who had miscarriages, tell me they wouldn’t change a thing because it often led to the birth of their next child. They say the womb is pretty fertile for another kid soon after miscarriage because the environment is just right.
What does God say about the loss of a baby?
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”- Psalm 34:18. God, we pray that you will draw near to these parents who are grieving the loss of their baby.
I am so sorry for your miscarriage. Looking at the good side, it usually means the foetus is not healthy enough. Pray to God that you and Phil will have a healthy baby ❤
I think one of the reasons that is worth considering for not sharing about a pregnancy till after 3 months, is so the mother (and others) don’t have to explain, if they don’t wish to. Personally that is the route I would prefer because talking about something, or having to talk about something that I don’t want to, when I’m in pain, would just augment it all. Not because of shame. But others would ask, and I want to share on my terms, right?
Hi thanks for sharing this, how much was the bill for the ER? I'm from Australia and we don't pay a cent for that.
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Xoxo ❤❤❤
Dam i felt this =/
❤
damn :(
this is actually sad
Thank you so much for sharing your story both individually and as a couple on your platforms!
I am so so sorry for your loss 🫂
Its not easy recounting your story Thank you for being so brave 🤍
I experienced a stillbirth at 7 months pregnant with my bb girl. Her heart stopped beating. Stillbirths are rarely talked about. Perhaps, less known. A stillbirth is when a baby passes in the womb after 19 weeks, and the mother needs to be induced to deliver her baby and go through labour. The mom also go through regular postpartum journey (physical recovering from labour and breast milk coming in) along with navigating between burial or cremation.
Thank you for inviting us into your reality ❤
Grief is love pserseving
NBC
Thanks for sharing your story! So not easy to recount hard moments such as this! 😢🫶🏼😢
I bawled out when Helen read from her diary. My heart goes to you guys. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences it must be so hard to tell yet you did it with grace and bravery. My sincere condolences and so much love to you and your family. Please know that your telling has helped to soothe many broken hearts