Unknown ADHD Behaviours part 12
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- Опубліковано 18 гру 2023
- Can you relate? - part 12 💡
ADHD Behaviors you didnt know about, part 12
If you have ADHD you’ll often really dislike afternoon appointments, not because you can’t wait, but because you are unable to get anything important done until they happen. You feel *stuck* in waiting mode, where, no matter what you try to focus on, your mind keeps reminding you of the upcoming meeting, which often happens because you’re trying to overcompensate for past experiences where your forgetfulness exposed you as a late person to others.
Disclaimer: All my content is based on my own experience and/or research/observations from licensed professionals. Just because you do these things, doesn’t necessarily mean you have ADHD. ADHD behaviours are not exclusive to ADHD. If you think you might have it, please look to get officially diagnosed by a professional.
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"Stuck in waiting mode" YES!! When I have something important coming up, I can't do ANYTHING until that thing happens.
Me too. Newly diagnosed later in life. I thought i was just a big sook
At 57, and newly diagnosed , EVERYTHING in my past is mirrored by his experiences… some more obviously than others … the afternoon appointment idleness is particularly resonant!
But what's the solution ?
@@sahilpanwar4124Solutions are highly individual, trial and error until you solve it.
For me, I usually schedule my appointments as early as possible so they would be before work. If I have to leave work for an appointment, I struggle to focus on work afterwards.
I try to schedule my meetings in as few days as possible. I have recurring meetings on tue & Wed, so I try to keep all my meetings to those days. This is because I struggle to focus before and after meetings.
Sometimes when I feel extra focused due to having a high profile deliverable or tight deadline, I will set a timer and let myself focus. Though I use timers sparingly since I easily become desensitized to them, also alarms.
I set 6 alarms just to wake up. I usually sleep through the first couple.
My daughter uses music to time things. If she knows she needs to do something at a certain time she'll set up her play list to play a certain trigger song that let's her know it is time.
She uses music to time everything, otherwise a she'll spend 2 hours at the sink and never wash a single dish. All the while believing only 5 minutes have passed. When she has music playing, she recognizes how much time has passed since she knows how long each song is.
Only you know you, starts with you believe would work then get creative.
Exactly. Therefore I'm almost never late. People then say I don't have ADHD because I'm never late. But I'm just in waiting mode all the time
And the icing on the cake, when it gets close to that time is when you also suddenly get the motivation to do task and chores you've been putting off.
"Got to leave in 20 minutes and _now_ I want to clear and organise that pile of stuff I've put off for months...."
Working under pressure is what we’re great at lol😅
Yes! Nothing quite like getting my whole life together while risking being late somewhere!
Yup.
“…and learn Spanish…”
@@brendatomlinson 20 minutes isn't enough time to learn Spanish... or clean a room in a Horder house.
OMG This is me!!! I really had no idea that was adhd, just like you said, duh. Thank you. I really appreciate your videos❤
I remember when I first learned about this, I almost cried. I never understood how people got things done so calmly during the day when they had an arvo appointment. It would stress me out.
I’m between the devil and the deep blue, if it’s a morning one I panic because of insomnia and likely oversleeping…and therefore get zero sleep…if it’s afternoon I’m like this.
I thought I was the only one!! And I have also this waiting-thing... So in those days with some appointment or such, I can barely do anything else. I am too tired or too nervous to do more, so it is a waste of that day. 😒🙄
There's so many of us that feel this way. Maybe we are actually the " normal " ones 😂
That's so me.
10 am appointments are perfect. I'm fully awake and ready, and I'm not wasting the whole day
I’m not a morning person at all, but I always do my meetings between 10 and 11 haha
I always aim for morning appointments for this reason. If I can only get an afternoon one it paralyses my morning
10am😶 days well on it'd way by then
These videos have really made me feel seen and heard. Thank you
I was just about to comment the same thing!
Yes! I am not the incompetent, lazy, mean stupid monster I make myself out to be. Learning we have this condition doesn't provide a crutch, it empowers us to take control for perhaps the first time.
@Guruchild1 no we are just unable to translate are thoughts into reality as fast as we have them or before we push them out with new ones 😅 not monster's
@@ValorQuestStudiosThat's what I always thought, I've thought that I am the biggest loser, monster, etc., for many years as now that I know my 67 years weren't all for nothing. I have so many of the difficulties described by these vids and now I know why, diagnosed at 67. I know it was the LORD who got me this far, it wasn't me, lol. 😎
Wow! This is so me! Yes, I wait all day for that appointment--
Yes and it feels like such a waste of a day then which triggers guilt and other negative feelings
That is so correct. Early appointments keep me from sleeping also. I am afraid Ibwill miss the appointment.
Yes this!! I hate early appointments, I either won't sleep at all from the anxiety of being possibly late or ill knock out hard and miss it, again.. sgh.
I read the comments and I am blown away at how similar my stories are and I had no idea this is ADHD
Bro, this is like 1000% spot on! 👌🏼
I call it the "Paralysis of Waiting" 😂
This is just one of many things you've described that applies to PTSD. Because of watching your videos I'm thinking there must be some kind of connection/kinship between the two...maybe, e.g., the brain affected by trauma being similar to the ADHD brain?
@Alice-xy3fi well that's an interesting point I must say
Ouch, true. I often schedule early morning dentist appointments so it'll get me up and moving earlier. Then I regret it when the alarm goes off.
This is me too 😂 So relateable
Yes! Morning appoints only! My solution for afternoon appts is to set my alarm for every 30 minutes all day, which sounds crazy, but I need reminders about how much time is passing as the day goes on. It works for me.
This is why being a parent with adhd is so hard. The whole early morning revolves around getting to school on time, then it takes me some time to recover from the morning rush, then I have a little bit of time to work and suddenly I need to be gearing myself up for school pickup again. There goes all my executive function for the day
Oh my god yes!
Yes!
EXACTLY!!!
For me it's atleast a little easier because of the structure aspect. The before school years are killing me, because there's no schedule or structure to count on consistently enough to keep my brain from wasting any time i possibly could have had, mostly because I had no clue I even had as much time as I did as usually I wouldn't. Lol. If that makes sense. Lol!
Exactly how I feel
That waiting period is evil. Were in the process of selling and buying a home.... i cant live until its all over. Its horrible.
I’m actually usually extremely punctual for this very reason. I hate that feeling like I’m always waiting for that appointment, so I’ll show up too early and have to sit and wait at the doctor’s office or what ever until it’s actually time for my appointment.
I've struggled with this so much. If I have *anything* in the afternoon I cannot do anything until then.
My yearly dental appointment once kept itself front and centre of my mind for 12 months. April 17th 2023. When the time came I had to reschedule because of a work thing.
Relatable.
It’s why I set multiple alarms and reminders on my phone. My iPhone has saved me from self most days😂
SO TRUE but I also hate morning appointments because then I actually miss them very often… so I do the afternoon appointments and just deal with the waiting 😢
Me too!
I'm never late to anything at all ever cuz I have anxiety about being late and I grew up with a mom who taught me that "being super super early is considered on time, being on time is considered late, and being late late is apsolutely unacceptable"
I'm so sorry.
It's not even true, being very early can actually be inconvenient or come across as pushy while being a but late is still considered no big deal. There are no fix-all approaches to social stuff unfortunately.
but adhd time passes slower so getting there early puts us in a bad zone
@@susansilvey1614not for me I love showing up early cuz at least I'm at the place I need to be at somwhen the exact time hits I'm ready...it just pisses me off when others give an exact time of things and they are late...I make an effort to show up up to 4+ hours early my brain can't understand why no one else's does
chills. I always have the appointment in the morning. And I hate when my time is being lost between the appointments😅
This is absolutely so correct.
I love afternoon appointments because I usually end up staying up really late. So an afternoon appointment for me is like morning appointment.
I cannot even tell you how true this is for me. To the point of sometimes days will go by before an appointment or a trip or something, where i'm pretty much immobilized. It's frustrating and feels "abusive" to myself. This can also make me impatient and chronically early which puts me in a position of just waiting somewhere else, and it also can, and sometimes does annoy front desk staff at doctor's appointments, etc. because I'm sitting there like an hour early and I don't go shopping, I don't read or listen to music or do anything. I just sit there. My issue is chronic earliness, except for certain other deadlines which become last minute.
I love these. I am basically self diagnosed and this is so confirming. Especially when i am in doubt and start to judge myself negatively. Something as benign as this is real. Thank you for making me a fully realized person.
I've just resigned myself to the fact that 90% of my work will get done in the afternoon, *after* meetings, so yeah exactly this.
*jaw drop* Yep, did NOT know this. I'm literally choked up. Didn't know others were like this, too.
Totally! That's why I rather place appointments early in the morning, even if I don't like getting up super early. But then it's over with and I can try to do something else,
I am everywhere at least half an hour early. Usually an hour. I am so anxious about being late i calculate exactly when i have to be done with what step of the preparation for the meeting. And for every step i add a cushion zone just if i get stuck somewhere. So if i have an appointment at 10am - i set my alarm to 5am.
Usually it ends up with me having to wait forever somewhere and being way to early. But i like that, because i can then enjoy some slow brain time and do some Doom scrolling while i wait. Hype myself up with fast dopamine before i have to perform.
no, the waiting causes depletion of dopamine
OMG!! Thanks you so much for posting this. I always felt that I am the only one with whom this happens 🥺
Man that last part hits home hard. Most of my neurotic nonsense is a consequence not of ADHD itself, but of trying to adapt to an ADHD unfriendly environment.
It’s the shame I end up feeling and it’s so hard to move past it. Then I’m always questioning myself and wonder who I even am if all I am is a disappointment to others. Then I lose all the confidence I spent so long building up. And start all over until it happens again…
Lol every time I watch one of these shorts I just say to myself “ Oh my god he gets me!! “
Your videos hit the nail on the head so precisely it’s wild. It is difficult to concisely explain the condition to others. Bet you could create a series of shorts to help people understand the behaviors of a loved one who has ADHD. Great job, TY from San Francisco!
Yes!!! Having an appointment disrupts my entire day! I feel too distracted about the appointment that I can’t get anything done. It’s the worst feeling.
I set timers on my phone. One hour before and 1/2 before appointment. Allows me to relax and get things done.
I certainly can't get to sleep if i have to get up at a certain time. For a similar reason....im so worried about being late because ive been late so many times
This one is so real. I hate it so much. I cant get anything significant done when im waiting for an afternoon appointment. I also hate things that are planned months or years in advance. I dont even know what kind if person im going to be in a week let alone a year. If it isnt happening in the next week, it doesnt exist and will never happen. The week before birthdays and holidays are awful because if i dont constantly remind myself its happening, i will forget.
Man i love when i wake up and have 7 hours to get ready for my meeting
THIS IS SO SPOT ON. My friend always do her work in between classes and would think I can do that too ...BUT I CAN'T. I know It's not because of laziness. Glad to know this channel
I grew up with severe ADHD, that was undiagnosed. Experienced severe childhood trauma through being hit by a car and a housefire and child abuse from my own parents. We were poor, and there were too many kids, and I was severely farsighted, so I couldn’t see the words on the page of a book to get to the bottom of the page because my ADHD wouldn’t let me keep the attention of the book, and even if I was able to override that I could not actually see the words because my eyes would get tired halfway down the page. So I was labeled lazy and slow behind my back. I went to public schools where no teacher would have the time to look at one student long enough to know anything at all about their actual life, so I had no chance of getting help from any adults. The only thing that made it worse was that everyone I was related to was 10 times worse off than I was so there was no room for complaints. It gave me some serious perspective which is something I rely on a lot these days to provide me sanity. My parents paid for everyone to go to college but me probably because they didn’t think I could get through it. That did wonders for self-esteem
I now realize how wrong my parents were. However, I forgive them because they didn’t know what they didn’t know. In an ironic twist, the terrible childhood experiences that gave me that perspective. Are the very reason I’m able to forgive
As it turns out, I make more money than all of my siblings so that backfired on them. Now they preach to everyone about how proud of me they are. Now all I can think is what is worse ..me thinking They are pathetic for thinking I cannot see through all of that or them, thinking, I was stupid behind my back as a child and treating me that way.
I like to think my parents were not bad people, but I’m afraid that may be the abuse speaking
I've never been late for appointments because my mind will fill with so much anxiety and exaggerate the experience I will get if I'm late
Which is why I always book the most possible early morning appointment !
Thank you for explaining WHY we do this, cos there are lots of videos talking about “waiting mode” but don’t explain the reason behind it. I actually don’t like morning appointments either because I won’t sleep from the anxiety about the upcoming appointment….
Hard-core relate!!!! It drives me nuts!
I'm undiagnosed but this hit home for me! Anytime I work afternoon shift I am always in the waiting game. I'm terrified if I start anything all become so hyper focused that I'll lose track of time and be late for work. It's also why I set two alarms for work.
Oh I don’t have that at all. I have it the other way around. I never put appointments in the morning, because I’m too afraid that Ill sleep poorly and will be too groggy to be useful.
Does anyone here wind up not sleeping well the night B4 because you have an appointment the next day!!
Yes, but I'm more stressed when it's a morning appointment, if it's before noon, I won't be getting more than 3-4 hours of sleep, because I'm staying up late, being paranoid of sleeping through it.
@@MonkeyDLuffy-rr3wl I do the same ..I have appt right around noon
@@cindy9032 Good luck!
That's true.... I hate having to get into the shower at 5 to be ready for work by 6:30, but once I get there I'm okay. Then after work, if there isn't something to keep me busy right away - I tend to have drinks.... it's almost better if I'm kept busy, because I have a hard time redirecting.
Yea, I have exactly this every time I have a packet send to my home. That's why I usually just send those to lockers so I can catch them at my pace and the time I feel right.
The trick is to have a natural sleep cycle where you wake up at 1 pm. Checkmate afternoon appointments, you are morning appointments now.
The more I see vids about people with diagnosed adhd, the more I think I may have it.
Yes! This is why I like to make appointments early on the day. Especially when its something I'm likely to worry about. If it's an appointment with people that are kind of like me (I have one project where I work with one other adhd-er, one add-er and one person with a similar personality, so I know I'll be fine), I can make those later on the day and focus on other stuff. Also, I sometimes just set an alarm about half n hour before I should leave for my appointment, so I don't have to worry about losing track of time while focusing on other stuff. (Thought it might be helpful to some fellow adhders struggling with this :))
hit that nail on the head
Yesssss I’ve started using multiple alarms on my phone and I use that as a safety net so I don’t hyper focus and miss the appointment
This crap has driven me nuts for 26yrs and coupled with a dose of narcissist bullying and anger, I kept out of the way and to myself. They never wanted treatment for it or even know what exactly they had or how to control themselves.
All they wanted was to shut me up making it my fault
This is exactly what happens to me… i hate it.
I always show up way too early for afternoon appointments because I get so anxious!
I try my hardest to schedule work meetings in the morning. Otherwise, it's like background noise that won't let me focus.
This is why I cannot work second shift. 2pm-10pm. It destroys my entire day.
One correction, my forgetfulness didn't expose me as a late person, it exposed me as a no-show.
Bruh my deepest fear is forgetting an appointment in the afternoon.
Everytime I wake up knowing my work shift will start at 5pm, I am like „well the day is already over. There is literally NO time to do anything important until I have to work“ and I only found out when I was 28 that this is not normal. my boyfriend called me out for doing nothing for like 8 hours until I had to leave and the reality hit me really hard.
Omg lol ..this is is my tragic life..the pocket checking slayed me ..just shown my partner these videos ..he's just nodding .Its all spot on 😅x
Omg your channel is the best! This shit is ME!
I work in the late afternoon… which means I am very reluctant to plan anything for the earlier part of the day. The idea of running an errand outside is even worse. I really really have to push myself to go to a store because I feel like I am going to lose track of time and get to work late
No no. I hate morning meetings because I'm always running late and quite often I'm not yet at work when the meeting starts. I have gone to the second half of so many morning meetings!
I recognize myself in all your behavior.
I also spend my entire day off trting to convince myself to chill because i keep thinking i have to be at work.
Thissssssss. I hate it so much. Sometimes i even get it the day before 😭
Omg. That is true about me…
Also you could easily be the most present person in the meeting if in happens “right now”. Telling part of the story is what our society is best at. Also, “Shorts” seems to be the ADHD thing in general.
I actually have this for early morning appointments too, as in, will struggle to fall asleep, stuck in waiting mode, if the appointment is too early. I prefer appointments in the late morning and the early afternoon. That way it's far away enough that I can sleep, and it's early enough that I can more easily do other things with my day
I need the afternoon appointment to be able to prepare, which will be doing an hour work in 30 minutes before leaving
Oh my goodness. Yall killong ne with these symptoms. I didnt know this wasnt a thing
that makes so mutch sense now
Mornings are hard because I have so much to do before I can leave but afternoon appointments give me anxiety like in this video I can't get anything done
I hate appointments. It doesn’t matter what time they are.
I usually schedule in the afternoon. First appointment after the office has lunch. I eat too… well, if I remember, but at work I usually do bc it’s “time” to eat.
That serves as my reminder to leave, eat on the way and be on time(ish).
Morning appointments are the worst for me. I either wake up and zone out the appointment, get ready too slowly, under estimate how long the commute to the appointment will be… just don’t FEEL like dealing with ppl yet, have a headache from not being able to sleep etc etc.
I do feel my entire day can be wasted if I have an hour appointment at say, 2pm. I can’t get busy doing what I want bc I will not finish, space out the appointment or run so late they won’t see me.
I hate all appointments.
I work the same hours everyday. If I didn’t have a boring schedule there that demands my presence at the same time each day… none of my patients would be seen in time.
I hate scheduling and doing the same ol thing all the time, but for those things I must do… routine is paramount to that happening. Appointments are not part of a regular routine and they always throw my day off.
getting started on something while waiting and blanking out on the appointment 😮
I never knew so many of my traits that are problematic are ADHD behaviors.
Nope I hate the morning appts lol. The pressure to get the stuff done before the appt, is sometimes the only reason anything gets done
I have to do afternoon appointments. It is often hard for me to go to sleep, so I end up sleeping later or I have such Time Blindness that I never get to any appointment.
I work from 2PM to 10PM this is my day 5 days a week. And on my off days I still can’t leave the house.
those adhd people keep describing the most normal human experience, but reframing as a symptom of something, lol
If it’s not so important… this could me never happen.. clue word “not happen”😂.
Yup this is accurate as heck
yes, but on the flip; side morning appointments greatly effects my ability to go to sleep the night before or i keep waking up then oversleep and miss the appt or end up late and over stressed
I knew about it. Oh, boy, did I ever! Too bad I didn't know about it when I worked afternoon shifts for 10 years...
I am sometimes 24:hours early because im so worried about being late. Then i have to worry about being late all over again.
me everytime this guys have a paise in a sentence: YEAH. EXACTLY.
Yes yes yes ❤
Very, very true!
Omg this is me..I really need to just book stuff for the mornings
I have a hard time focusing when I have plans in the evening
Ah no wonder I always prefer earlier appointments. I always try to explain how later ones completely ruin my whole day. Not many understand this unfortunately 😕
Omg- Now I get it. Thanks for these bite sized videos!! What I do is make appointments :30 or :15 after. So 10:30 or 11:15am is my sweet spot! 🥳
(I need some time to run around in circles and then slow it down and then I’m READY ….. I think 😵💫)
Shite I forgot my phone… 🥴
I've accepted that most of the time I'm late to everything but I do my best when I'm with friends I'm on time or have to go pick up someone it helps to have someone help me time manage instead of me sometimes
Or be my roommate where she just is like “I don’t care” and than misses the meeting and than gets mad at everyone else around her because she missed the meeting she didn’t care abkut
Yep! I try to have early morning appts for this reason!