Rating Tumblr's Infamous Fake Stories
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- Опубліковано 19 жов 2021
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I hate, hate, HATE the furry person’s storytelling. Too much purple prose and arrogance.
I have to assume this was a consequence of Homestuck
not to mention just, throwing in the word “shoah” as the narrator mentions :/
Plus just generally one of those people that lets a fandom or subculture they don’t like just live in their head rent free. Like “are you okay dude?”
it hurt my brain so bad
@@TheScourge007 glad to know I wasnt the only one who thought that. Midway through I thought "did rose lalonde write this shit"?
"this may sound fake but i assure you, my life is stranger than fiction" is the beginning of a fucking horror story
it sounds like the prelude to an episode of goosebumps😭
@@gargles5270 IT DOES OH MY GOD
My life is literally stranger than fiction
Like "why me" is something I say like 50x a day
Their life is the fucking Twilight Zone
ur name is amazing
The thing that really gets me about the warm milk story is the audacity of op to be like “I’ll have another on the house, I think I’ve earned it” LIKE WHAT
Same just demanding another drink for free from the barista who also happens to be asexual. Absurd
Like the barista could've also just offered them that??? Still super weird and unrealistic but makes slightly more sense. you can even throw in a line like "well if I'll get fired anyway [for throwing water on a patron], might as well give you another one on the house!" But straight up just demanding it is... Something else for sure
@@justsomerandompersononthei1773it makes more sense when you approach it knowing that this isn't a post from someone who's actually ace but someone who's trying to make ace people look bad, its a double-fake post basically. they're actively trying to portray ace people as weirdos by giving the protagonist an obnoxious, smug attitude
@@justsomerandompersononthei1773RIGHT thats what i was thinking like why not just write the barista offering a free drink instead of writing themselves demanding it 💀
@@soupeaterits mainly bc the op of that was a troll who was trying to make ace people seem smug and bad. I think around that time Tumblr was weirdly bigoted (/gen) against ace people.
Basically it's like Oppa Homeless but instead of making a fake screenshot it's a fake blog
Most unbelievable thing about the "someone put weed in the vents" post is that no teenager is going to waste their weed like that.
Idk I knew some kids who tried to sneak weed into the Bunsen burners of the science room cause they thought it’d be funny. They had parents who grew it so it wasn’t hard for them to get.
I can legally get an ounce for $30 and I’m 27. If I hated my landlords and neighbours, I would ABSOLUTELY do this.
@@FernBlackwood1995 exactly, you're 27. teenagers cannot buy weed legally and $30 is not a small expense for a teen
@@FernBlackwood1995 27 year olds aren't teenagers, hope this helps
@@deadmeme9031this comment sent ice water out my nose thanks
"I'm gonna culture you like yogurt" is so funny for some reason
It has such a threatening aura
sounds like a threat
I love it so much that I plan to integrate this into my everyday conversation from this day on.
"I'm gonna culture you kids" really resonates with me...
Big "I'll make you a vintage like milk" energy
As a tot hopic employee, the MCR thing does happen, and we do change it. But not because people go quiet in awe or something, but because younger kids will like SCREAM it and it is annoying AF when you're trying to hear someone during checkout.
Yeah same at the Hot Topic I work at. MCR and I write sins not tragedies, are usually the ones that are skipped or taken off of the playlist all together because when there are only 2 people working and like 10 thirteen year olds, it is too much to handle.
also im tired of hearing it 20 times a day because thats the only mcr song they play
I KEEP SEEING MCR AND CONFUSING IT WITH CCR
LMFAO oh god that sounds annoying but honestly kinda hilarious 😭 I've never been to hot topic cause they don't have em in my country but holy shit this sounds like An Experience. sorry that y'all can't just play a song without people being obnoxious in public though.
I don't understand, why do they scream?
i somehow missed the part of the warm milk story where the person was wearing an ace flag and i thought that they were living in a bizarro world where warm milk was just... a stereotype of asexual people
I would not mind that stereotype honestly. Haha!
honestly it might be now
Well at this point there's no getting rid of that association
SAME
I will not be accepting the stereotype because milk is lowkey kind of weird, but tbh I also dont like garlic bread, so I don't think my personal taste has any basis in declaring the edible icons of the aces 😂
And like, warm milk = ace, why???
At least cake and garlic bread are indulgent treats people crave, and make for a nice analogy for attraction. Who craves warm milk?!
i love how these fake stories always throw in a little diversity. like yeah, we could have a bus driver of nonspecified race and body type, but this person said no. action starts with me. be the change you wish to see in the world. mlk. how has racism recovered?
Yeah. I could understand specifying what race someone was if it was relevant to the story. Just kinda threw it in there:
Fr, especially when these stories mention or try to phonetically write words with strong accents it’s pretty weird
the driver (a big Jamaican man)
@disturbedblair the old lady (a short English woman)
Me (a clown of unspecified race and gender)
I can't believe bus driver mario kicked monokuma off for being homophobic
This comment has sent me into a laughing fit, thanks for making my day:)
OH MY GOD
Chris pratt mario leaked?
@@fletcheragenda6014 Nah, Mario would BE the homophobic one 😂
@Baby excuse me
the furry one was absolutely, undeniably written by a homestuck fan and the language alone makes it abundantly clear
I was thinking that. Theres no way it wasnt.
In the middle I was like "this is a Dave kin" imagine being a homestuck and getting angry at furries lmao
the use of rumpus confirmed it for me
Andrew “Lawsuit” Hussie would be proud
@@cractor6307
It sounded EXACTLY like a karkat kin to me. Too many big angry words.
It's funny to me how "and everybody clapped" is so common in these stories, because in my high school it was actually really common for people to applaud mundane things
It’s also an American stereotype, so it’s why I found many of these stories plausible back then
@@d_alistair-yearsit’s not an American stereotype, it’s a Hollywood movie stereotype and so people assume that all Americans do it lmfao
@Maddie B. Yes thats what a stereotype is.
The clapping thing actually happened to me in class once. And I got so furious afterward because I knew if I told anyone what I'd said beforehand it'd sound fake as hell.
@@juliaoliver2446 stereotypes are exclusively from Hollywood? Never knew.
Honestly the most unrealistic part of the "I'm not like _other_ girls. I like old school rock, and I _hate_ One Direction!" story is that the cashier tried to judge her for liking Led Zeppelin.
If an adult working at a music shop sees a teen who's into the same stuff they are, no way they'd pull that kinda stunt. They'd start gushing over the band and asking what their favorite album or song is because people _like it_ when younger people are fans of the stuff they like.
Honestly as a hottopic manager….seeing ex emos come into the store and look dead inside when they hear the beginning of the black parade happens every single day. It’s hilarious.
The old emos are usually the coolest people that come into my store. We do usually end up turning off some of the more popular MCR songs because of the screaming 13 year olds.
I can't believe they don't enjoy MCR :/
@@nightlight0x07cc you just don't understand
@@nightlight0x07cc or its sarcasm
@@ambereyedbabygirl no I love the Black Parade :3
the most unrealistic thing about the warm milk story is that there are four random people in the same room who all know what asexuality is and can identify the flag....
EXACTLY
I mean maybe back in 2013 but now asexuality is incredibly well known. It wouldn't be a shock now
@@randomthoughts0829 idk what kind of world you live in, but people dont even understand that gay people exist yet, lol
@@sh0wp0ny what world do YOU live in?
@@randomthoughts0829 earth. heteronormativity means even grown afults dont understand that somebody can be gay, let alone how or why
the furry story guy was ABSOLUTELY a homestuck. there were at least 12 discreet homestuck references on there. that shit reads like it was written by andrew hussie himself. i’m obsessed with it.
when I saw the disclaimer about the different writing style I immediately knew it was gonna be some early homestuck fandom horseshit
huh? what where the reffrences?
@@fourthmatchflame
beck noire and the karkat amount of swearing
@@axelfirekirby hm.
This person rps Karkat.
i'm like 90% sure the warm milk story is an oppa homeless style situation, where op wrote it specifically to make ace people look bad. idk how to explain it, but it has that "strawman sjw" stank.
also: the made up slur, the "villain" being a gay man, the bit about him "forcing his sexuality on a sex-repulsed ace person", etc. it all reeks specifically of people i saw a lot in instagram discourse circles, who were convinced ace people are all homophobic and "just straight people pretending to be oppressed". and their "proof" was like. three ancient tumblr screenshots they kept circulating and reposting. but they'd also try to aggressively gatekeep who did and didn't count as ace for some fcking reason. overall, not a good experience for a questioning ace. probably put me back a few years in coming to terms with my sexuality lol
Oh yeah so many of the fake asexual stories where clearly people pretending to be asexual people making up stories so the could use it as fuel for asexual hate and diminish the problems asexuals face by furthering the false narrative that they're just wanting to be victims.
Maybe in hindsight its less clear but at the time in context the fact that these where made by aphobic people to be used as antiasexual copypastas was so obvious but people didn't care because they liked the confirmation bias
This is an old comment, but yes - this was 100% a thing that the shitty ace exclusionist crowd would do from 2015-2018ish. Searched up the original and the blog was infamous for posting bigoted things to make aces look bad, and everyone in the ace exclusionist groups thought it was HILARIOUS. I'm just glad the stupid discourse died down - it was hell.
But yeah, the more I think about it the more obvious the whole anti-asexual mock and make up shit about asexuality stuff was the main factor in me absolutely struggling denying and self hating that I was asexual for years. I totally was convinced asexuality wasn't real and people who identified as asexual were just attention seekers because of aphobe propaganda which included stuff like this but oddly I didn't know of this post at the time but I did know all the other popular stuff cited for use against aces.
that anti-self-hate school story just clicked for me: it's the tumblr version of those stories where an atheist professor has some dumb questions and a christian student has a perfect rebuttal and also turns out to be albert einstein
wheres the tumblr version of gods not dead starring david tennant????
“But Teacher I just don’t understand!!”
@@azurdlywisterious Doctor's Not Dead
Dude exactly
And then everyone claps
The homophobe on the bus story is unbelievable because in real life the old woman would have assumed they were sisters or really good friends
my grandma doesn't even know lesbians exist
I stg I thought the driver was gonna be gay too
also jamaica is a pretty damn homophobic country
italian bus driver
@@gayvideos3808 alt ending: the bus driver comes out as gay, kisses the man next to the elderly women… and the whole bus claps.
“Another warm milk on the house” as if they’re in a Wild West saloon 💀
Btw that story was made up by someone who hated asexuals to make them look bad, not by an asexual.
That furry high school post was written by a Homestuck fan. I can't exactly explain how, but it's so obviously written by a young person under heavy Homestuck influence. As soon as I saw the word "murderviolence" I started getting vivid flashbacks in Courier New (Bold).
Yeah, there's a lot of "Hussie words" in that, and the writing style seems to almost deliberately be mimicking some of the wordier narration and monologues from the comic.
You can't be a Homestuck fan and try and paint furries as weird and cringe. Both have their weirdos and cringe people/behavior.
@@jadethenidoran but also ive never met a homestuck fan who wasnt at least a little bit of a furry. nepeta definitely altered some life trajectories lmao
@@ckorp666 that's what make it so weird lol! So many homestuck characters were at least furry adjacent. I can't imagine being a homestuck fan and being against furries, it just doesn't compute
@@roseyoung44i dont really know anything about homestuck, but i do recognize alt right weirdos when i see them, and that poster absolutely reeked of 4channer, so that explains the intense hatred of furries (and also the casual anti semitism)
Recipe for fake Tumblr story: Random stranger calls out OP for a quality/fanship/identity that is typically not readily apparent to most passing strangers in real life. OP reacts with righteous indignation to being called out with the perfect thesis statement comeback. Rando becomes cartoonishly, unreasonably angry at OP for sticking up for themselves, possibly to the point of threats of violence. Stranger who is bigger/older steps in to support OP, sometimes threatening Rando in turn. Rando stammers/breaks into tears and runs off. OP thanks Stranger for their support. Stranger reveals that they/a relative are also quality/fanship/identity. Everybody claps.
its a thing that happens in overwatch but not irl
Lmao
tumblr loves smug social justice
Someone needs to make a fake tumblr story madlibs format, it'll be glorious
And then they find 5 dollars
I used to tell fake stories, not for attention or because I thought they were interesting, literally just because. They were the most mundane shit, but I still lied for no reason. Stuff like "I had pancakes for breakfast yesterday" when I actually had eggs and bacon. Literally lying with nothing to gain from it.
That’s a clinically anti-social trait
@@callumg3330 Also something kids do.
That’s called compulsive lying and I also went through the same thing. It was very hard but It’s manageable as long as you keep reminding yourself that it’s okay to admit you lied no matter the reaction you get from others.
I did that too when I was 6-8. Loads of kids have a random lying phase around that age. It’s an odd phenomenon.
Based
My favourite thing about the fake homophobic stories is that the people writing them clearly have never experienced homophobia irl
Its often made by people pretending to be queer people making stuff up. Like the warm milk story was made by an aphobe to make asexuals look bad, which was a huge trend.
i mean they definitely have. it’s everywhere. but not in the same ways. like strange said- it’s cathartic to play pretend as a marginalized person.
Or just watched a queer kiwi video
The part of the warm milk post that throws me for a loop is the term "aceggot" as if an aphobe would try to make up a term for us when they can fall back on the classics like "so you're straight" and "that's not a real thing".
Plus, why would they not have warm milk? What the Hell do you think foam is made out of???
Right?? Like it feels like it was written by someone who briefly skimmed ace community posts and wanted to mock us and give us a reputation as egocentric prudes in a fake story. Honestly, feels like a way more realistic form of ace hate than anything in the story 😂
@@lilpetz500because it was. It was made by an anti-asexual troll blog
It was a story made my an aphobe pretending to be asexual so to give "evidence" for there bullshit claims towards asexuals.
Aceggot was used by a few people on like 4chan and the "im so edgy" circles but obviously wasnt really a thing, but was chosen by this troll to make the whole situation extra ridiculous to really make sure people got that interpretation that "asexuals just make up oppression but that's ridiculous"
@@randomwhatever5403*yeouch*
And that the woman would hear that and understand it. That was the most unbelievable detail to me
shaking crying and throwing up i was just targeted by the down with cis bus thank you Strange for posting this as i’m recovering in the hospital
thoughts and prayers
@@binnskawibble1222 thank you 🥺
Best wishes, god bless 🙏🙏
i’ve seen the bus around my place recently, keep an eye out cis people it’s a dangerous place hope you recover soon and safely
this is true, i was on the bus
As a person of Jamaican descent, I approve of the choice to portray the Jamaican bus driver using a Mario impression.
I'm glad I have your approval!
I’m also Jamaican, and thank you for doing a Mario impression instead of a crappy Jamaican one!
Now I just wanna hear Mario portrayed with a stereotypical Jamaican accent.
Italianfishing
It's a me, some random Jamaican guy.
For those who don’t know, I’m pretty sure “Pelzignacht” (German for “furry night”) is a direct reference to the Kristallnacht, a pogrom carried out by the Nazis in 1938.
So the person is 100% antisemitic then?
the idea of a GROWN ADULT writing one of these fake stories to promote "proshipping" is hilarious to me lol
honestly yeah. im a proshipper but what kind of asshole posts an obouis lie that involves them being mean to a kid
Honestly, I'll never get over the whole "proshipper" and "antishipper" thing. I guess I could be called a proshipper, but the thought of calling myself that with pride, just makes me cringe. It's such a ridiculous debate that I tried really hard not to get involved in that shit when it went down. I can't imagine putting so much effort and time into trying to justify your shipping preferences.
@@roseyoung44I totally agree with you. The entire thing just seems quite overkill.
@@roseyoung44 hard agree, i side eye tf out of anyone who calls themselves either term because why on earth does it matter enough to you that you make it part of your online identity?? strange behaviour
The furry story sounds like something Onision would write, just slightly more readable and with less grammatical errors
It did have that pretentious way of over explaining to it
it’s very ironic, but…. fewer grammatical errors. it’s quantifiable.
Including how it frames people as utter monsters without actually doing anything to establish them as such. Like, in the story 1 furry does a bad thing, but by the way it is written it is like we are supposed to root for the people whodecided to beat up the rest of them. Rather than Furries ruining the school, ut sounds more like everyone else ruined it by attacking others for no reason. But that is just me putting way too much thought into something that never happened
I didn’t see any grammatical errors? Just over the top language that makes it hard to read aloud without verbally tripping up.
And I don’t get the vibe that they’re a bad writer, just a pretentious, judgmental ass with a stick up their ass. Take out them chewing up the scenery (which they are clearly doing on purpose for reasons of humor) and it’s a decent read.
fewer
i've never heard the term aceggot in my life and i find it absolutely hilarious. It's like... not even a slur, it's just throwing the non-offensive suffix of a slur onto an actual word. It's like changing it to "Gayggot" or "Panggot". Totally floored
If they did it for bisexuals it would just be bigot but BIGGER
It's even wilder because apparently a known acephobe wrote the whole thing.
@@LittleBlackFoxInali JGKDFKDHAJJ IT JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER
If I heard that I’d think they were saying ‘ace-git’ which still isn’t nice but would be a confusing thing to call someone
I literally didn't get what that meant until you put more examples, I legit thought it was about nuggets
The furry high school story doesn't seem *that* unlikely to me, taking rumor into account. If it's based on real events, it was maybe more like:
1. There's a group of weird furry friends who wear tails to school (is that really unbelievable in a highschool?)
2. One of them gets bullied (at high school? Surely not! /s)
3. He makes a vague gun threat to seem tough, doesn't actually do it, but probably gets suspended (or maybe expelled) and rumors circulate that the furry brought a gun to school. Rumors about guns at school were a yearly occurrence when I was at high school.
4. After this, furries start getting harrassed more and someone makes up the buttplug rumor to humiliate one of them.
It's not *that* out there, as far as fake stories go.
Yeah in the middle school I went to there was a kid who had a fox tail and ears in his backpack which he sometimes wore (And was bullied for it), 1 and 2 seem completely plausible.
I think it's more the way the story was written that makes it so absurd (aside from the person who wrote it being, well, antisemitic)
The “furry wears buttplug” rumor is a tale as old as time at this point. I won’t even believe it even if I see it myself irl
I get I'm nine months late butI can confirm the furry story is very realistic. At my high school there was a group of three furries, a girl and two guys. They would wear weird clip on tails or ear-bands whenever they could get away with it. One of them did end up threatening to shoot up the school (I lived in the UK, so he was obviously just being edgy). I think the other boy (but it could have been the same one) literally tried to start gay sex in the locker rooms? (This might have been a rumor, but it was taken seriously enough he was called into the head teachers office. And the girl of the group actually became my gf.
So yeah, most parts of the story are extremely credible.
There are girls at my highschool that wear tails, well I should say were because they were banned because girls were using them in nsfw ways
I knew a furry who would wear buttplug tails, not sure they did at school because I really wasn’t excited to find out
the led zeppelin one is so funny cause if a cashier at a music store is gonna say anything in response to a 14 year old buying led zeppelin stuff, its probably gonna be something along the lines of “its nice to see the younger generations appreciating this stuff”
Whether they like each other or not, 4chan and Tumblr have always had some entertaining fake stories
what do you mean?! green texts are always real!
I don't know why everyone would just assume that they were ever really all that different..
The only difference is one over-moderated and one proceeded to not moderate at all.
Ah yes, the duality of man
Difference is that greentexts are intentionally funny.
ua-cam.com/video/TNfNlkmY1jc/v-deo.html
The warm milk story comes across like a 4channer trying to make ace and gay people look bad because not only is it so unbelievably written but it’s so unbelievable to think somebody genuinely believed what they were pushing
It is from an acephobic troll blog
@@mingledingle1556theyre mad aces keep depleting the dominos garlic bread supply
@@meyramerah HELP THIS IS SO FUNNY, I LOVE GARLIC BREAD AND IM ACE ISNABFISLSNEB
@@meyramerah god dominos garlic bread is so fucking good tho
@@meyramerah I would literally fight an asexual right now for some garlic bread
The black parade one is semi believable because I had emo friends in middle school who would hella overreact to it. I can imagine you go into a hot topic and It's like 4 or 5 of those kinda kids haha
Teens do stuff like this, and emo ones are especially a bit dramatic, I could see the story maybe happening if everyone in the shop were a group of friends (including the attendant) with an in joke of loving this song.
Especially back in the emo hayday? Yeah this ones actually believable 🤷
There is so much to unpack in the warm milk post. It absolutely reeks of the ace discourse era and I can't quite decide if it was meant to be genuine (obviously plenty of ridiculous fake stories that are genuine exist) or if it was meant to be obviously fake to make other people look bad.
The story isn't genuine. It's by crazy-acey-in-spacey, who made a whole slew of these pro-ace fake fake tumblr stories. But a lot of the tropes (anti-sex Puritanism disguised as ace-inclusion, invoking "queer elders" who are ace-inclusionists) are tropes common in the REAL ace-inclusionist tumblr fake stories. Only other big trope this one is missing is "asexuals at Pride" discourse.
So crazy-acey-in-spacey is wrong & bad for making fake tumblr fake stories to invite harassment on ace-inclusionists. But genuine ace-inclusive discourse already had a lot of anti-sex homophobia in it such that cais didn't need to make the blog. And I'm apparently the real loser here for knowing the difference.
I don't miss tumblr.
-- Michael-Giuliana
(they/them)
It very strongly reeks of the latter
Yep, It was made by an aphobe on a troll blog that was made to make asexuals look bad (that was luckily eventually banned). It was really obivious, but no one cared because they hated asexuals so "yep this is representative of asexuals, they just love to make up shit to be oppressed" was just accepted as fact and spread everywhere, just like the other obviously made for propaganda fuel and copypasta stuff made for aphobia
The most unbelievable part of that warm milk ace post is the idea that someone would recognize the ace flag in public ☠️☠️☠️
I know right, my first thought was literally "nobody even knows what aces are, no way a rando could recognize the flag." I've had to explain it to all but one of the people I've told I'm ace to. That one person? Also ace.
that’s because it’s a doublefake post made by someone whose intent is to slander asexuals. the blog responsible for it is a known troll.
I'm ace and I can't even remember what the ace flag looks like lmao 💀
@@goth_papa I was working on constructing mini pride flags for an event at my college, including ace flags. From my little work space, I happened to glance over at the person making the ace flags. Every single one was upside down. Purple on top, black on bottom. And even as an ace person myself, I had to double-check on Google to make 100% sure before I had the confidence to point it out. If a terminally online asexual college student has trouble with their own flag, then some coffee shop rando doesn't have a chance lmao
TIL from these replies that it's uncommon to memorize every pride flag you come into contact with so you can make everyone feel accepted and recognized.
I always find it funny how tumblr used to think "ageism" meant your parents taking your xbox away for failing English, not the neglect and discrimination of the elderly
johnny pfp? elite taste
I think because they were looking for a word that means "supports children's human rights" and found "anti-ageist" and decided to roll with that. Then they grew up some.
A lot easier to just say one is anti-child abuse or anti-spanking (of children, and not in a bedroom, between consenting adults context).
@@lizabethhampton4537 do you include that disclaimer for everything that could be bdsm related? "Tying someone up, beating them, and using them as a stool is wrong (unless its between consenting adults)"
@@shaaekli god I hope they do, that’s hilarious
Oh my god. Just last year I came across a post where this girl was begging for money because she lived with her mom who was abusive. The abuse? Making her daughter apply for jobs and wash the dishes everyday. Like goddamn, your mom is trying to motivate you to become financially independent and washing the dishes is the least you can do for someone letting you live with them rent-free. And people actually fucking donated.
As an Ace with an Ace pin, that conversation would go:
It wouldn't.
No one recognises the damn pin.
Kudos for having your character order warm milk though, that's funny as shit. I'm gonna start walking into random restaurants, bars and hair salons and ordering a warm milk.
The furry story increased my vocabulary by 80%
As someone whose native language isn't English, I learned so many... interesting words in that furry story. I feel like a scientist observing culture on a petri dish. Thanks.
As someone who’s native language IS English, I also learned so many interesting words in that story. Believe me, no one uses those words like ever. Especially “Japery”
as an AP language and composition student who’s native language is english, i learned new words too. i… i’m processing…
Perfect analogy. Analyzing a culture grown from a swab of your own mouth under a microscope is definitely uncomfortable but educating in a similar way lol...
As someone who's native language is english that post was annoying as fuck and I understood nothing.
@@happyfrigginrainbowcookies Thank God. English is my second language and I understood absolutely nothing and thought there was something wrong with me.
The prose, the wording, the offensive references... the furry one was very clearly written by an edgy homestuck who shipped davekat way too hard.
How to you know how homestuck is written?
@@Ollebolle112 2012 was a dark, dark year.
Did nazis like homestuck?
@@Ollebolle112 If you were on tumblr when homestuck was at peak popularity, you knew how homestuck was written. EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T WANT TO.
accurate 😔😔
the dashcon baby one is my favourite bc it was a dual effort and that story wasn't the from op who basically started the rumor. wumblr made a post just plain lying and saying like "what happened to the dashcon baby," and that person came by with that story. wumblr later posted a meme with text from their gc that said essentially "i've finally started a rumor on tumblr about a dashcon ball pit baby and yahoo lost $97mil dollars,"
That Italian-Jamaican-American busdriver is beautiful, I’m glad we have fake people like him in the world
For real though, I really like the wholesome ones, even though they’re ridiculous and unbelievable they still give me a warm fuzzy feeling
Edit: Aww, you got round to talking about it in your closing summary ❤
So proud of Mario for standing up for those lesbians!!
Mario the lesbian protector
Jamaican Mario is an ally
we love jamaican mario here 🇯🇲🇮🇹
Thank you for this comment lmao. As soon as I heard the accent, I was like "nope, I just cant" rotf
The unbelievable part about the warm milk at Starbucks post is they didn’t say what size. We all know starbucks bullies you into saying their sizing.
I don't I feel like the most unbelievable part is there were two asexuals meeting IRL on accident. Never heard of such a thing happening. It might have but it's only heard in legends.
@@ArturGlass.C As a real life asexual I must assume that I can now justifiably refer to myself as being made of "the stuff of legends" because I somehow did manage to find and befriend another asexual when I started university on accident, not through going to a space dedicated to meeting folks. We really just met by chance because we started off studying the same thing. It is amazing!
@@Meeko4eve39 HOLY SHIT....that is surreal. I only ever meet over aces online. Well outside of my dad but it's not an accident since it's genetic. You both are the chosen ones lmao.
@@ArturGlass.C I shall tell her the next time we talk that we've been dubbed the chosen ones 😁 But yeah. Outside of that one time I also never met any other Aces in real life, sadly.
As a Starbucks barista, yeah, we'll bully you cause we need to know what size cup to write your order on. Also because we're all sadistic. 🙂
People used to put weeds in my middle schools vents all the time and it doesn’t get you high lmao, I think op just got a headache or nausea from smell and assumed that was getting high
I always felt during the high era of these that a lot of them come from a place of comfort guilt. That a lot of users of the time were largely living safe lives, either comfortable remaining in the closet or supported by family if out and felt an overwhelming sense of guilt for never experiencing 'the struggle'. So they concoct elaborate stories about being both incredibly open about themselves and also 'winning' as a kind of self-soothing. Like the way people think they sound good singing in the shower.
That furry post was the worst thing I've ever read. It was miserable to get through their empty prose.
Thanks for asking me to voice it for you, I had a blast!
felt like i was being thrown hate speech directly at me the whole way through thanks for reading it for us
Yes! When you yelled "Shut up!!!" I could feel it in my soul. That was insufferable.
Thank you for your service. That was torture.
Thank you for your sacrifice
Thank you for putting yourself through that.
Also, I gotta say, giving a Jamaican character a Mario-style Italian accent for a tumblr fake story is honestly just peak tumblr energy.
I've been laughing my ass off through the entire video. Thank you.
would being born in the dashcon ballpit be technically like a baptism
A baptism of piss
It's a reverse baptism. It sends your soul directly to hell.
@@bari_bari_bari see you in superhell you stupid fruit
NO. Immediately no.
I want you to know this gave me enough psychic damage damage to kill me in one shot. thank you
I very specifically remember a fake story about a girl who was watching supernatural and there was like, a male police officer at her house who gushed with her about the new episode or something.
i think this is the homestuck cop copypasta (i remember people switching out homestuck for supernatural after the confession scene)
the copypasta in question
"so bECAUSE OF THE UPDATE I WENT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING AT 12AM SO NATURALLY SOMEONE THOUGHT I WAS BEING MURDERED AND CALLED THE POLICE AND WHEN THEY GOT HERE I HAD TO GIVE THEM MY EXPLANATION FOR SCREAMING AT 12AM SO I JUST SAID HOMESTUCK AND ONE OF THE COPS EYES SUDDENLY GOT REALLY BIG AND THEN HE SAID “IT UPDATED??!?” AND THEN HE READ THE UPDATE ON HIS PHONE I HAVE A GROWN POLICE MAN SITTING IN MY DRIVEWAY CRYING AND CURSING AT HUSSIE UNDER HIS BREATH HIS PARTER GAVE HIM A SHOCK BLANKET OH MY GOD"
"so bCAUSE OF DESTIEL I WENT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING AT 12 AM SO NATURALLY SOMEONE THOUGHT I WAS BEING MURDERED AND CALLED THE POLICE AND WHEN THEY GOT HERE I HAD TO GIVE THEM MY EXPLANATION FOR SCREAMING AT 12 AM SO I JUST SAID DESTIEL AND ONE OF THE COPS EYES SUDDENLY GOT REALLY BIG AND AND THEN HE SAID "IT'S CANON??!?" AND THEN WATCHED THE CLIP ON HIS PHONE I HAVE A GROWN POLICE MAN SITTING IN MY DRIVEWAY CRYING AND CURSING AT SUPERNATURAL UNDER HIS BREATH AND HIS PARTNER GAVE HIM A SHOCK BLANKET OH MY GOD"
@23:10 That is the most frustrating TLDR in the history of the abbreviation. Story took 8 full minutes to read and you summarised it in 3 lines without omitting a single detail!!
This is like sitting around a campfire for internet users in 2014
And every word gets me one step closer to self immolation remembering the name that was there😂
@@Lucifersfursona was his name... Strange Aeons?
I am the cool kid from Germany making videos for the USA and the rest of the world. I will make your day so don't say nay to me today, dear ga
let’s gather round the campfire and sing our campfire song,
@@thatoneguy9582 our warm milk drinking, cis bus driving, S O N G song
“Im gonna go have sex with my boyfriend” is such a goofy line already but the voiceover made it 10x better and I couldn’t help but giggle.
It's reminding me of, "I'm so mad. I'm going to have sex with my girl friend so I won't be so mad."
That's such a boss line to drop irl in any other context and so funny to think about them having sex like "babe an ace bullied me today"
The furry story is also falling into a complete misunderstanding of how those tails work
Like, the plug tails go into your butt, obviously. But the tails you wear go around a belt loop on the waist, usually around the spine's end where a tail would be. It would be immediately, visually obvious if you were wearing one or the other in about 99% of situations even if we ignore all the other absurdity in that story
“And that bus…was the Down With Cis Bus.” Way to add to the TCU (Tumblr Cinematic Universe)
the warm milk ace one is so awful that is so clearly written by someone trying to make asexuals look stupid 😭
I deadass repressed my asexuality for years and that post was actually one of the reasons why 😭
A lot of people on tumblr did and probably are still bullying ace/aro people and it’s quite sad
@Baby perfect for the ace post I'm so happy
I hadn't heard this one before (blame my lack of Tumblr reading, lol), but I haven't ever been called out in public or anything beyond microaggressions. Most bigots generally don't understand we exist let alone have dumb slang for us.
@@jimjam8246 I repressed mine because every time I mentioned it at all, even on my own posts, I got harrassed by radfems.
The furry post was either written by someone who REALLY like homestuck, or literally written by Andrew hussie
No normal person has ever written the word "japery" and has not been a homestuck
i'm glad people in the know agree with me. i actually started reading homestuck recently and i could instantly recognise that type of writing style
thanks for your wisdom kanaya
I mean, I use it pretty frequently and I just started reading because of this exact comment section, and so far I'm definitely having fun. I think it's more of a "using hussie-esqe vocabulary and liking homestuck are both symptoms of some sort of specific neurological anomaly" sort of thing. It takes a certain type of personality to find humor in absurd amounts of vibrant multicolored puppet ass.
I’m crying cause as soon as I heard “japery” my mind went to undertale because of course
Toby fox was a renowned homestuck
Either that or they heard the word from Undertale.
The phrase “Mr. Gay” just aged like a fine wine didn’t it?
>let me tell you something mister gay
that is the greatest line of any story ive ever heard
”My life is stanger than fiction” contains so much cringe in six words
like, if somebody says that to me, they better be WEIRD. they better have an extra limb, been raised by ninjas, and beat the president in a trail of strength to say that shit
I guess in a way it's kind of true for most people. In fiction things rarely happen for no apparent reason; but there's a lot of stuff in real life that never comes up again and has no significance to your overall story.
that anti-furry post was so hard to get through. the writer was so pretentious and used so many big words to make themselves seem smarter. also the dogwhistles and blatant references to n*zi rhetoric and the holocaust....yikes yikes yikes. willing to bet that this person turned out to have alt right tendencies or was hanging around in alt right spaces at the time
I stayed far away from furry tumblr, so I never even saw that post until just now
Honestly, dropping in "degenerates" actived my fight AND flight
“tribe” “degenerate” “sh*ah” yikes yikes yikes
I can't believe I've lived 18 years without ever hearing of the warm milk and furry high school stories. I am now enlightened in a way I never thought was possible. Thank you.
I know this is an old comment, but just to let you know, the warm milk story was a story made by someone who hated asexuals to make asexuals look bad, invalidate actual asexual experiences, and to be used as proof for their shit takes. It was a whole trend to fo this, but even when it was obviously from a troll blog like this post was, it still spread like wild fire and used to represent asexuals because people didn't like asexuals and thought asexuality was fake attention seeking and this was confirmation bias for them
I legitimately hate the warm milk ace post so much, it just triggers my fight or flight instantly and I start thrashing like a feral cat trapped in a garbage can
god, that furry prose post was definitely written by a homestuck who idolised hussie
oh my god,,, ur so right
I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO GOT HOMESTUCK VIBES FROM THAT WRITING STYLE
Can confirm
NO YOU’RE SO RIGHT
I can’t believe they took Roses purposely bad writing style and then wrote the dumbest thing in existence
i regularly order steamed milk at starbucks and every time i do i’m just so afraid someone is gonna mention/show any recognition of the warm milk post
(relatively) new " I like your shoelaces " dropped
Honestly I'd be more afraid of people doing steamed hams references.
Genuine question, do you get the steamer with any flavoring (like vanilla or caramel) or is it just hot milk?
I reccomend the flavor combo in steamed milk of berry syrups and caramel
Where I live Starbucks is kinda expensive, so it's a shocker to me the fact that people can order just milk.
Having been on Tumblr at the time, the warm milk story comes off like somebody making bait to piss off people who don't like asexual people.
13:25
“Mr Gay” had me cackling
Good to know that lovecraft is still writing nowadays, albeit he now does it to bully furries
the absolute horrific sound this wrenched out of my throat godtier comment op
Truly quite the redemption arc
It’s revenge for them making fish people hot
@@Dave-zv3lp nah
I mean the antisemitism checks out
Honestly I hate the amount of trolls posing as aces or aros to intentionally make us look freaky, irrational, and constantly talking about our identities. I was on tumblr during the hight of aspec discourse and I saw such a colorful community shrink and die because of the amount of heinous things done in hate of aspecs.
tumblr ace blogs are the only reason i have the ability to call myself ace bc before i had a tumblr i would have never known it was even a thing. i thought i was broken lol
but yeah i deleted my original tumblr account bc of anonymous asks and i still would never consider myself lgbt bc of it haha
idk if thats a consensus or not i've been told since then that ace is part of lgbt but it feels way too mean of me to call myself that bc of the things i was told back then so
I’m so glad that during that time I was too busy playing animal crossing and Pokémon to be active on tumblr
@@petrichorbones I don't allow asks to be anonymous for this reason. These idiots can own up to it, or they can just be cowards
@@petrichorbones In the real world, aces are overwhelmingly considered part of the lgbt community. I was scared to enter queer spaces for the same reason, but my experiences in real life queer spaces have been overwhelmingly positive.
Yeah, when it comes to "Bigot Destroyed!"-style Tumblr posts, I really recommend everyone go watch Sarah Z's video about Oppa Homeless Style, she goes into great detail about how SO MANY of those kinds of posts were literally just written by a single person who posted them constantly in order to portray "SJWs" as shrill, hysterical freaks, and I doubt that person was the only one doing it.
As a former homestuck fan, the furry one is so surreal. If someone just threw that into a "let's read homestuck" video from 2014 I would not question the validity of it, straight up sounds like something Andrew Hussie would write. I would love to know how long they spent writing that...
this video came out so long ago but the black parade story is incredibly believable, on my first date w my bf the coffee shop we were in started playing the first three notes of hamilton and I could FEEL the panic from the person in the back who hurriedly skipped the song
I feel like the way Charley's whole body rejects the word "tribe" passes the vibe check.
Lol. I'm glad I passed
There’s also “He had tapped into that bottomless well of righteous umbrage SHUT UP! I HATE YOU!” 🤣 that’s another pass right there
@@CharleyMarlowe *gasp* the legend
That warm milk story made my day, barista got that milk suspiciously quickly, "acegot" is a recognisable insult in the real world? "mr gay", screaming about having sex in a Starbucks, and my favourite part "my life is stranger than fiction". Gold
THANK YOU i thought i was the only one who noticed how fast the milk was ready,,, the most unrealistic part smh
it was made by an acephobe to make aces look bad
@@Nepeta-Leijon they did a great job
I think mr. Gay is the best part of that story
I was gonna say that it doesn’t take that long to boil milk, but then I realized that steaming milk, and boiling milk would be completely different processes.
3:16 Obviously tumblr had a lot of fake stories, but so many of the really insane and infamous ones turned out to be the same situation as oppa homeless style. Wild shit
i just noticed you have the Land of Elyon books in your background. Underrated series, you have spectacular taste
I adore how everyone universally agrees that the furry story was 100% devised by a homestuck fan.
It's funny to me how much these people are alike and yet how much they seem to hate each other.
a really racist one at that
I am absolutely clueless about this corner of the internet. Why is everyone so sure they are a homestuck fan? Do they all talk in prose like this or something?
@@paulrudd1483 yes, not to mention that there are a few words that are just. Undeniably homestuck.
@@narratornavigatorstoryteller oh so is the homestuck series also written like this?
the furry one is obviously horrendous but there is something seriously fucking tragic about a thirty-nine year old making up an "i am so smart and mature and this fictional child is so stupid and annoying" post in the year of our lord 2017. like they would have been too old to be posting that kind of stuff even during the old tumblr era- you lose your get out of cringe free pass at like 21 tops
(btw by "tragic" i mean stupid. that person is stupid, i am cyberbullying them)
especially when its about a stupid, unimportant online ship 😭 what is humanity?
I vaguely remember reading the furry thing years ago, before I lost my tumblr password and gave up on it. I loved it at the time. Losing it laughing. (In the meantime I totally forgot the school shooting part; just retained the butt plug.) So the experience of listening to the Dramatic Reading is sending ME to super hell.
I SEEE
THE INKHEART BOOKS IN THE BACKGROUND
AND IT MADE MY DAY, THANK YOU
the furry post started off believable with the kids wearing tails every day (happened in my middle school) and then quickly spiraled downward from there
My school had a group of anime nerds who cosplayed a lot. They were lovely. Odd, but lovely. Made the teenage years much more bearable.
Still happens in my school.
S t a l e s e m e n
Yeah I could see some sophomores making fun of furries and after that gets worse and worse
so yeah, the story is actually true
While the Led Zeppelin story smacks of fake teen cringe, I have encountered the most baffling condescension from older dudes gatekeeping. I was like 17-18? (It was a looong time ago lmao.) My mom had taken me to get a PC, as I needed something a little more powerful than the laptop I had (but couldn’t afford some incredible gaming PC, and building one from scratch was not as easy and accessible as it is now).
We were asking the guy what the best option they had for a midrange pc that could handle games and that I could upgrade in the future and he was like “why? What games do you even play? You’ll be fine with a laptop if you want to play FarmVille.” And when I told him I was talking about RPGs and shit he kept pushing and trying to test my gamer cred. It was incredibly fucking weird, and it was the first time that I ever encountered that in person lol. I definitely would hear that shit online but it was kind of shocking how blatantly condescending and rude this guy was.
Yeah, had some run ins myself, those guys are definitely out there.
i experienced it with zelda pls
right, i've gotten shit abt liking video games such as "well i bet you only play minecraft and the sims hurr durr" and yknow what?? yes actually. and? and? they are still video games bro who cares what i play lmao i just want to learn about computers
@@insertname1857 Honestly trying to mod minecraft taught me so much about computers. So much more than modding games like Skyrim which are the more “”serious”” games or whatever
Yup, same here. I tried my best to mingle with a few friends of a friend at a party once and mentioned gaming, only to be completely railed with "HUH what? so what, you play, like, the sims?? Barbie?? lol" and when I told them I really enjoy horror games, especially psychological horror like Silent Hill, I was promptly told that all horror is useless crap. Later on, one of the guys were playing some piano tile game on his phone, and while playing Mozart's Turkish March he said something like "this is sooo hard its insane" while having to press all of four buttons... and me being a pianist kept eyeing the little keyboard in the corner of the room thinking "should I...?". I ultimately decided against it but oh man, wouldn't that have been the comeback of a lifetime.
The writing in the furry story put me on edge the entire time
every time i see the "sugar we're going down swinging" post, i automatically assume op meant the girl used her period blood
But what you don't know is that his real name is Strange Aeons...
I didn't know he lived in Canada, United States!
this joke isn't just run into the ground at this point
I forgot about this and thought she used he/him prns and felt like shit for misgendering them in the past-
@@kindaquit4823 this joke is actually a mole. It burrows.
to read the words "are you a fucking reylo" in the year 2021 shook me to my core, thank you
Look up Raylo
Lmao same
I have a friend who is the personification of the “no homophobes on my bus” tumblr fake story. I can’t explain it but he is.
19:25 - This sounded like Dipper Pines from Gravity Falls and it’s kind of a hilarious mental image
I do voice Dipper a lot, good ear
That "acegott" post absolutely reads like something a weird aphobe exclusionist discourser wrote to try and make aces look bad
Yea thats just straight up what it is if you look into the OP, ew
You’re right on the money unfortunately. At least it’s hypothetically less embarrassing than it actually being real
that is genuinely what happened yes
no everyday person would ever think that a word like "acegot" even means something
That’s because it was! If I remember correctly, it was a blog called crazy-acey-in-spacey that was known for just straight up being an aphobic troll blog.
As an asexual who lived through tumblr’s ace “discourse” era, I feel like the warm milk story is most likely written by a fake blog.
It is, and it was written by one of the more prominent ones too... It's a crazyaceyinspacey post.
Ace discourse??? Ehat
Awesome damara pfp
@@itsafish3235 People who don't experience something sometimes think those that do are attention seekers. Often ace people deal with "Of course you have sexual attraction you just haven't met the one" "You'll change your mind someday trust me you'll be enjoying it like the rest of us." Which both of these grossly misrepresent ace people. The first one would be treating them as Demisexual with "the one" as is hurting Ace and demi people with ace being represented as "one day you will" and erasing Demi from being a struggle because "you eventually found them." There's a lot of hate for Ace people especially by sexually proud people who feel as though Ace people are just prudes. People who are asexual can still have sex. They do not feel the urge or attraction to do so but they can decide to. That would be a sex positive ace who is just as Ace as the complete opposite who would be grossed out by the thought of sex.
You can tell it’s a troll blog because “homophobic asexual Jesus-freak” seem like incompatible traits.
The furry one sounds like it was written by someone trying really hard to sound like hussie writing Homestuck 14:54
The furry rumpus story has such intense reddit energy that I'm genuinely surprised its a tumblr post.
It is the middle ground between Cat and Goblin, between fanfic and sexyman, and it lies between the pit of tumblr's depravity and the summit of its imagination. This is the dimension of fake stories. It is an area which we call the Bingus Zone.
Ya know what I think I love this
This is a special comment.
A realm not of sight, nor of sound, but of cringe
@Baby hell yeah dude
The Asexual Warm milk one reminds me of the Sarah Z video where she points out that 99.9% of the time the asexuals that aphobes hate are other aphobes making troll accounts that make posts to make us look bad
Which video?
@@edenorsomething7630 uhhhh All or Nothing or Oppa Homeless style I can't remember
@@kestreldomann2787 i’m pretty sure it’s oppa homeless style bc it talks a lot abt those kinds of trolls
Self-perpetuating hate.
yeah that's what i was thinking of too, everything in that story is like. very much an aphobe's idea of what ace people are like
i was very very gullible when i was younger, and believed almost everything i read, and even i could tell the warm milk post was fake
14:17 I imagine the author tried to do this in real life and expected the guy to also run out crying but instead he gets super heated and violent.
thank you for outright addressing that the furry story its actively trying to trigger jews. people love to use us as their metaphors, and treat us like we're not allowed to be hurt by that
You're welcome. I am not white-passing, so being ethnically Jewish affects me every day. -the VA Teya hired to read the furry story
@@CharleyMarlowe I loved your Mario voice for the bus driver lol
@@ollieno971 Thank you!
I am so sorry you had to go through that
@@CharleyMarlowe dude you’re awesome. I listened to the furry story only because you were reading it so well.
The milk post honestly sounds a lot like the very specific genre of post that was non aces making fake posts/blogs and pretending to be an insufferable asexual to encourage aphobia. I think Sarah Z talks about this in her Sherlock video of all videos if ur interested
Edit: so the Sherlock video doesn’t really talk about it but her Oppa Homeless Style vid is essentially all about this fake post phenomenon lol
it totally is. it's crazy-acey-in-spacey if that means anything to you
no because it literally is and everyone still likes to pretend that its genuine lmaooooo
Either “I HATE ASEXUALS AND ASEXUALITY” is 10/10 comedy gold
it is. made me feel a bit sick to see it in this video without that context, i had to stop watching.
PLEASE keep the bingus zone, very quality content
26:02
SEEING THE WOODY ICON FUCKING SENT ME **BACK**