1:01:21 I wonder if incels and men who engage in post-separation abuse, stalking, harassment, revenge porn, sextortion have higher levels of estrogen coupled with spikes in testosterone levels that keep crashing. 🤔
so does this mean women shouldnt go lift weights and exercise when they’re stressed? i don’t necessarily agree with the Doc’s belief that men shouldn’t talk when they’re stressed due to estrogen. there’s a lot of black and white thinking coming from him.
I think what he's suggesting is men process their thoughts and emotions first before speaking, it's called being stoic. I'm sure he wants men to talk, but first manage ones emotions.
When people are in stress, pain, anger..... they dont think consciously, which means nothing you say ....they will hear, or pay attention. because the cognitivre brain is in different place of brain than the emotional brain. Its about children but a so adults... So they have to first calm down, come to their senses, in calm environment and after hour as they calm down and realise the things they are grateful for, then they are able to think consciously. The amygdala is different place, which means if you are very emotional you dont think consciously. But of course if you feel deep love, empathy compasion, it comes from heart, heart has its own brain, and when brain and heart are coherent then the person feels elevated emotions and thinks consciously.
I don't watch porn. I'm constantly doing things around the house like yardwork, projects, etc. I'm a pretty calm person, and I hardly ever feel stressed. Maybe slightly annoyed sometimes, but nothing that huge to get stressed over. I guess I'm doing pretty good lol
Am I the only one who feels that John Gray is a bit too certain and categorical, and a few notches too full of himself? I was looking forward to a dialogue, but got a monologue of his convictions with very few options talk about nuances. Struggled to watch the whole thing.
Its because humans have 60 000 thoughts a day subconsciously and they are aware only of 100 thoughts a day, because subconscious mind (original brain) works 95 percent a day conscious mind is very loving , happy, creative but works only 5 percent a day. He does a lot of seminars and events, so he is probably in his "seminar" mode where he explains most asked questions from clients, if you raelise taht youa re conscious and self-aware only 5 percent a day then you raelize that you operate mostly fčrom subconscious mind. Subconmscious mind works asd a computer program, its based on frequent habits, you repeated 100 times before.
Pardon my English Connor, but I couldn't really keep listening to this crap for more than 11 minutes. I normally find you diligent on podcast, asking the right questions and holding guests accountable for their claims. But what you produced here is just ridiculous. Is there any actual data to backup whatever your guest is saying? Porn lowers testosterone? Talking about your emotions lowers testosterone? Measurable effects of drinkwater contamination on hormone levels? For men, dealing with your demons include: (1) exercise including resistance training in whatever form a couple times a week, (2) eat well, mostly natural products, (3) SLEEP 7-9h a day
Agreed. New to the channel and have been impressed up until this point. This guy is spouting the same fringey bullshit pseudoscience that RFK is, and retreading his antiquated gender theory. This is some seriously retrograde stuff. I'm surprised and disappointed to see him in the company of your other great guests.
Enough sleep, relax , increases testosterone... He says men need 10 or 20 times more testosterone than women. Women have some testosterone to be conected sexually, intimate with a partner, or to be creatoive in her tasks, but men usually have more jobs to care of family etc, proovide, they are more productive and focused on tasks if they have enough testosterone. Testosterone makes man calm and focused, because it keeps his estrgen low, so he may focus better. Porn and alcohol stimulate the brain and body so much that he isnt able to focus on other tasks, and goals. Porn or gambling dont give him, the feeling of accomplishent as he gets from reading a book, or from some sports, where he gets some success. Sports give him long term success, or when woman tells him she loves his successful career and his talent, he feels veyr accomplished and loved, so he gets testosterone, from the fact that she gives him some compliment, that she like what he is doing. If her values are good. Men show love with action, women show love with accepting his love appreciating him.The feeling of accomplishent increases his testosterone.
You may talk bout your feelings, but he ment the bets way is to discuss the problems with some coach or therapist or friend, because then you feel best accomplishment from it, if you discuss it with someone who understands it, or someone who had similar experiences. Or he also ment that many feelings are not real, which means they may be a projection from childhood trauma or some school, that the feelings may not be objective truth in present moment. She can not solve bad experiences of his youth, so as man can not solve her traumas from her past. But good relationships creates the good feelings.
I totally agree, I came with an open mind but as the episode progressed I just could not understand what I’m listening to. A lot of “shoulds” about how men and women should behave. I would love to see some of the science behind what he says, if there is any.
10:30 the facts vs feelings section is complex. I like the DBT model. The feelings are facts *for the person* experiencing them. But they are not universal. If one is afraid, that’s a fact. But the narrative of why they’re afraid or the justification of the fear may or may not be a fact. No one knows the future. We all only know the now, to the degree that we are present in an integrated way. 23:45 - 24:00 yep. This is exactly what o was trying to illustrate.
I think that sometimes for both men and women works, some matra: some one word, or two. Some use word "Stop" or "change"...the brain shifts from over-thinking, into focus thinking. that stops the emotional analytical, loop of thinking feeling... then the brain feels much more focused, confident, productive. Because both men and women want to feel productive , or happy.... Woman feels I want to make things done, cooking or... I dont want to be in my head for 3 hours. Men feel the same way. But both have different methods.
I googled if alcohol, cigarettes and processed foods lower testosterone. It said yes it lowers testosterone. I wonder how it affects for example young teenage boys or girls. Maybe it would be good if the companies would produce a normal food, for mental and physical health. They save money too. "Some studies have found that regularly consuming trans fats from sources like processed foods could decrease testosterone levels. For example, one study in 209 men showed that those who consumed the highest amounts of trans fats had 15% lower levels of testosterone than those with the lowest intake."
Being fat also significantly lowers testosterone, and do you think fat people generally eat more or less unhealthy foods with trans fats? Edit for clarity: correlation does not equal causation
Add to that a sedentary lifestyle, NEET and a porn addiction, and you have a man with even lower testosterone levels. From an evolutionary perspective, such a man is not reproductively successful and therefore has low mating value.
15:21 Dr. Gray is implying that single mothers may have lower levels of estrogen and higher levels of cortisol compared to mothers who have the emotional and physical support of a male partner.
So...men should hold everything in, never have or express any feelings/emotions and be there in total support for their woman??? Explains why men die younger than women. Also...he says "a man should never hit a woman"....but it's ok for a woman to hit a man?? NO ONE should be hitting anyone but a woman also needs to be put in check if she thinks she can lash out physically/violently with no consequences.
Serious question: I've seen plenty of content on the internet talking and teaching men about relationship dynamics and how women work. And a lot of us are doing the effort to get our shit together with life and relationships. On the opposite side, are women doing their part on understanding how men work? or this is only a mens issue? Sometimes I feel is a little delusional to think women are going to invest time in understanding how men work. Not because they are bad people, but because they are heavily conditioned to expect men to take care of them emotionally and not the other way around.
that's a very good question. If you are in a relationship with a woman and she doesn't even want to entertain the idea that both of you should put in the work, you to understand her and she to understand you, then it's clear that it's a one way street and you can firstly address this issue and if she isn't willing to change, then leave her because she isn't worth the time and energy. Apart from relationships, no, I don't think that the majority of single women out there take the time to understand men, they are just bitter and blame men for all disasters not being able to take accountability for what they do wrong, and that is precisely why they are single in the first place.
Alison Armstrong did book about it for women...She meets a lot of men and women who give her feedback. And women also do youtube seminars for women. But maybe the algorithm shows men only the certain videos.
@@alaalfa8839 and in all fairness, I don't think the majority of men and women are trying to understand how the opposite gender work. Most people just try to learn on the fly.
@@jjskip5577 Or mostly on face to face seminars, its more healhy way to socialise in real life, thze body releases hormones when people talk to face to face.
@@jjskip5577 They do... But a real life seminars are better or to socialise in real life, face to face. Because people socialised over thousands of years thanks to face to face conversations, the healthy hormones are release ed when talking face to face to people. Therefore the dating apps seem a bit annoying, because there is only the dopamine. Alison Armostrong explains that first you have to understand yourself, your gender, give a yourself the love you need, taking care of your needs, doing sports, eat healthy, read books, then you are motivated to understand teh other gender. You can not go to understanmd other people before understanding your emotions and needs.
Rare miss from the Pod. I could hear Connor shut down throughout this, especially knowing that certain claims Gray was making flies completely in the face of various things Connor has been shown to believe. Grays teachings feel antiquated and have zero room for nuance. He obviously made a name for himself with what, at the time was a slightly edgy concept in pop psychology circles, but has evolved 0% in what? 30 years? Miss me
" If you think strong men are dangerous, wait until you see what weak men are capable of "
- Jordan Peterson
Yes!! Weak men abuse women. Strong men protect them. 🙌
1:01:21 I wonder if incels and men who engage in post-separation abuse, stalking, harassment, revenge porn, sextortion have higher levels of estrogen coupled with spikes in testosterone levels that keep crashing. 🤔
God, this will always go so hard 🙌
so does this mean women shouldnt go lift weights and exercise when they’re stressed? i don’t necessarily agree with the Doc’s belief that men shouldn’t talk when they’re stressed due to estrogen. there’s a lot of black and white thinking coming from him.
I think what he's suggesting is men process their thoughts and emotions first before speaking, it's called being stoic. I'm sure he wants men to talk, but first manage ones emotions.
When people are in stress, pain, anger..... they dont think consciously, which means nothing you say ....they will hear, or pay attention.
because the cognitivre brain is in different place of brain than the emotional brain. Its about children but a so adults...
So they have to first calm down, come to their senses, in calm environment and after hour as they calm down and realise the things they are grateful for, then they are able to think consciously.
The amygdala is different place, which means if you are very emotional you dont think consciously.
But of course if you feel deep love, empathy compasion, it comes from heart,
heart has its own brain, and when brain and heart are coherent then the person feels elevated emotions and thinks consciously.
Do you think it has something to do with childhood trauma and parental wounds.
I don't watch porn. I'm constantly doing things around the house like yardwork, projects, etc. I'm a pretty calm person, and I hardly ever feel stressed. Maybe slightly annoyed sometimes, but nothing that huge to get stressed over. I guess I'm doing pretty good lol
Hit me up if you're single 🤣
I appreciate his input but I would have loved seeing you challenge him at one point or another
Am I the only one who feels that John Gray is a bit too certain and categorical, and a few notches too full of himself? I was looking forward to a dialogue, but got a monologue of his convictions with very few options talk about nuances. Struggled to watch the whole thing.
Its because humans have 60 000 thoughts a day subconsciously and
they are aware only of 100 thoughts a day, because subconscious mind (original brain) works 95 percent a day
conscious mind is very loving , happy, creative but works only 5 percent a day.
He does a lot of seminars and events, so he is probably in his "seminar" mode where he explains most asked questions from clients,
if you raelise taht youa re conscious and self-aware only 5 percent a day then you raelize that you operate mostly fčrom subconscious mind.
Subconmscious mind works asd a computer program, its based on frequent habits, you repeated 100 times before.
I been confused about women all my life, this vid solve it all!!!!!!
Pardon my English Connor, but I couldn't really keep listening to this crap for more than 11 minutes.
I normally find you diligent on podcast, asking the right questions and holding guests accountable for their claims. But what you produced here is just ridiculous. Is there any actual data to backup whatever your guest is saying? Porn lowers testosterone? Talking about your emotions lowers testosterone? Measurable effects of drinkwater contamination on hormone levels?
For men, dealing with your demons include: (1) exercise including resistance training in whatever form a couple times a week, (2) eat well, mostly natural products, (3) SLEEP 7-9h a day
Agreed. New to the channel and have been impressed up until this point. This guy is spouting the same fringey bullshit pseudoscience that RFK is, and retreading his antiquated gender theory. This is some seriously retrograde stuff. I'm surprised and disappointed to see him in the company of your other great guests.
Enough sleep, relax , increases testosterone... He says men need 10 or 20 times more testosterone than women.
Women have some testosterone to be conected sexually, intimate with a partner, or to be creatoive in her tasks, but men usually have more jobs to care of family etc, proovide, they are more productive and focused on tasks if they have enough testosterone. Testosterone makes man calm and focused, because it keeps his estrgen low, so he may focus better. Porn and alcohol stimulate the brain and body so much that he isnt able to focus on other tasks, and goals. Porn or gambling dont give him, the feeling of accomplishent as he gets from reading a book, or from some sports, where he gets some success. Sports give him long term success, or when woman tells him she loves his successful career and his talent, he feels veyr accomplished and loved, so he gets testosterone, from the fact that she gives him some compliment, that she like what he is doing. If her values are good. Men show love with action, women show love with accepting his love appreciating him.The feeling of accomplishent increases his testosterone.
You may talk bout your feelings, but he ment the bets way is to discuss the problems with some coach or therapist or friend,
because then you feel best accomplishment from it, if you discuss it with someone who understands it, or someone who had similar experiences.
Or he also ment that many feelings are not real, which means they may be a projection from childhood trauma or some school, that the feelings may not be objective truth in present moment. She can not solve bad experiences of his youth, so as man can not solve her traumas from her past.
But good relationships creates the good feelings.
I totally agree, I came with an open mind but as the episode progressed I just could not understand what I’m listening to. A lot of “shoulds” about how men and women should behave. I would love to see some of the science behind what he says, if there is any.
You forgot booze....
Love love love the new intro!
10:30 the facts vs feelings section is complex. I like the DBT model. The feelings are facts *for the person* experiencing them. But they are not universal.
If one is afraid, that’s a fact. But the narrative of why they’re afraid or the justification of the fear may or may not be a fact.
No one knows the future. We all only know the now, to the degree that we are present in an integrated way.
23:45 - 24:00 yep. This is exactly what o was trying to illustrate.
15:25 20x more energy
I think that sometimes for both men and women works, some matra: some one word, or two.
Some use word "Stop" or "change"...the brain shifts from over-thinking, into focus thinking.
that stops the emotional analytical, loop of thinking feeling...
then the brain feels much more focused, confident, productive.
Because both men and women want to feel productive , or happy....
Woman feels I want to make things done, cooking or... I dont want to be in my head for 3 hours.
Men feel the same way. But both have different methods.
I googled if alcohol, cigarettes and processed foods lower testosterone. It said yes it lowers testosterone.
I wonder how it affects for example young teenage boys or girls. Maybe it would be good if the companies would produce a normal food, for mental and physical health.
They save money too.
"Some studies have found that regularly consuming trans fats from sources like processed foods could decrease testosterone levels. For example, one study in 209 men showed that those who consumed the highest amounts of trans fats had 15% lower levels of testosterone than those with the lowest intake."
Being fat also significantly lowers testosterone, and do you think fat people generally eat more or less unhealthy foods with trans fats?
Edit for clarity: correlation does not equal causation
Add to that a sedentary lifestyle, NEET and a porn addiction, and you have a man with even lower testosterone levels. From an evolutionary perspective, such a man is not reproductively successful and therefore has low mating value.
Absolutely brilliant
John is the best!! Thank you :)
15:21 Dr. Gray is implying that single mothers may have lower levels of estrogen and higher levels of cortisol compared to mothers who have the emotional and physical support of a male partner.
Sounds logical.
It’s proven to be true though👀
So...men should hold everything in, never have or express any feelings/emotions and be there in total support for their woman??? Explains why men die younger than women. Also...he says "a man should never hit a woman"....but it's ok for a woman to hit a man?? NO ONE should be hitting anyone but a woman also needs to be put in check if she thinks she can lash out physically/violently with no consequences.
I’m I psychologist (female). I can tell you that is not how we do therapy
Serious question:
I've seen plenty of content on the internet talking and teaching men about relationship dynamics and how women work. And a lot of us are doing the effort to get our shit together with life and relationships.
On the opposite side, are women doing their part on understanding how men work? or this is only a mens issue?
Sometimes I feel is a little delusional to think women are going to invest time in understanding how men work. Not because they are bad people, but because they are heavily conditioned to expect men to take care of them emotionally and not the other way around.
that's a very good question. If you are in a relationship with a woman and she doesn't even want to entertain the idea that both of you should put in the work, you to understand her and she to understand you, then it's clear that it's a one way street and you can firstly address this issue and if she isn't willing to change, then leave her because she isn't worth the time and energy. Apart from relationships, no, I don't think that the majority of single women out there take the time to understand men, they are just bitter and blame men for all disasters not being able to take accountability for what they do wrong, and that is precisely why they are single in the first place.
Alison Armstrong did book about it for women...She meets a lot of men and women who give her feedback. And women also do youtube seminars for women. But maybe the algorithm shows men only the certain videos.
@@alaalfa8839 and in all fairness, I don't think the majority of men and women are trying to understand how the opposite gender work. Most people just try to learn on the fly.
@@jjskip5577 Or mostly on face to face seminars, its more healhy way to socialise in real life, thze body releases hormones when people talk to face to face.
@@jjskip5577 They do... But a real life seminars are better or to socialise in real life, face to face. Because people socialised over thousands of years thanks to face to face conversations, the healthy hormones are release ed when talking face to face to people. Therefore the dating apps seem a bit annoying, because there is only the dopamine.
Alison Armostrong explains that first you have to understand yourself, your gender, give a yourself the love you need, taking care of your needs, doing sports, eat healthy, read books, then you are motivated to understand teh other gender.
You can not go to understanmd other people before understanding your emotions and needs.
If a guy isnt getting laid they're gonna resort to porn, it's quite simple
Rare miss from the Pod. I could hear Connor shut down throughout this, especially knowing that certain claims Gray was making flies completely in the face of various things Connor has been shown to believe. Grays teachings feel antiquated and have zero room for nuance. He obviously made a name for himself with what, at the time was a slightly edgy concept in pop psychology circles, but has evolved 0% in what? 30 years? Miss me
Listening to this I realised.I may be a man and know it lol
First