I lost my dream job and am having an extremely hard time finding employment. My family is drowning, and once I finally get hired, I am terrified of working around others now. I don’t understand how people believe it’s no big deal to hurt someone else. I’m so scared. It’s like we live in a souless society. I took it as long as I could, and I couldn’t find another job quick enough. I broke too soon…
I watched the Dr. Phil episode about workplace bullying. In 2000 I read Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace. I felt triggered by this show but was relieved to see that this problem is getting more attention and traction. I have trauma that I am working through with a mental health counselor for years. I was a music teacher for 20 years. I taught elementary, middle, and high school. I made an observation that might be valuable to your studies. I watched bullies in school become bullies as adults. Bullying in schools is terrible as we all know, but they are sneaky and difficult to catch. My daughter was brutally bullied by some girls on her basketball team. The biggest problem they had with her as that she was an amazing athlete and a beautiful girl. I was teaching at the same school and the parents of these girls were bullies as well. She didn't want me to do anything because it would become worse. We are giving bullies carte blanche to carry on their evil into the workplace. The worst bullies are advantaged children, the marginalized kids just stay the hell away from them to survive. I have never been so enraged in my life. There is more to my own bullying story, but my point is that bullies are often raised by parents who are bullies.
I completely agree with your observations as someone who also worked in the public education system. I met many amazing, caring, teachers who are doing an incredible job shaping the future. I also met many teachers who bully students who are already bullied by their peers. And these were teachers who had “superior” social standing with administrators and the board. The people who witnessed the same discrimination - other EA’s I worked with - only succeed in their role because they stick their head in the sand and pretend it’s not happening. Smile, nod, and do what you’re told. Those are the employees who succeed - and the ones who are the cause of a lot of trauma and psychological/emotional violence. The part that made me lose sleep at night was the fact that they will never face any consequences - no policy about whistleblowing means no one will ever report discrimination. I have completely given up on working in that system and it breaks my heart every day knowing how many kids are being traumatized and their parents have no idea. It still keeps me up sometimes trying to think of ways I can bring justice to them.
Thank you. You guys are keeping me alive. I have integrity, work super hard, but deal with bullying from some new people at work. Its so hard to deal with and stay stable.
Stay strong. I have learnt something recently and its the act of intimidation, bullying and provocation, at which point we must not defend ourselves, as this leads to phase 2 where they gaslight you. I call out one 2 weeks ago and openly exposed his bullying after I saw the narcissistic pattern. He has backed right off. His mate is trying to intimidate me but he not as bright, however still need to not divulge anything personal.
‘Absence of clear role definition’ - definitely a problem. In several jobs I asked for clarity with respect to roles and was given none. At the ambush meeting I was then accused of ‘not doing what was required’ yet that was never even defined. Also, the drive for power comes into it because bullies see every opportunity to accuse targets, even creating situations and false events to strengthen their claims. The description of ‘others scattering’ when the target asks for help, is absolutely accurate. Accusations will be escalated and the target will be isolated as a way of getting rid of them.
I completely agree. Originally the idea behind giving extremely vague job descriptions is to give workplace flexibility, but of course this can be abused and twisted to bully people. So I worked in a lab and my job role outline simply said to do tasks as assigned. This meant that it did not just include analysis of samples in the section of the lab in which I meant. It meant that you could be moved to any section, whether there was a need to do that or not. That you could be asked to do stuff that most of us would consider to be outside of what the job was advertised to be and when folk fail at them, it is OK to say that the person is not capable of doing the job properly.
Naively honest describes the lesson that people are not the way we are. The quote attached to this is from Anais Nin: "we do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are."
Thank you for your amazing videos. I just found your channel or UA-cam found it for me. I must say your lectures are spot on. It's exactly how you describe it. I recently got away from a workplace bullying situation. It was horrifying. I think in some cases managers who bully are malignant narcissists using their subordinates for narcissistic supply.
I have met this man, Gary Namie, in person and he himself is a bully. I was at one of his meetings to stop workplace bullying. I barely said two words when I was starting to talk about my work experience. This woman in the meeting pointed at me and shouted "You are too nice!". Dr. Namie agreed with her. He didn't know me and he didn't know my story. I am a small soft spoken woman but I will stand my ground. The real story was that when I stood up to my bully I was written up for it! That is what many bullies at work will do so you have to be careful with them. I reached out to Dr. Namie via email to talk to him about what happened and he ignored those emails, not once, but twice. Gary, you need to be called out for what you have done.
IDK if he's a bully just bcuz he said you're too nice & hasn't responded to you. I myself have been genuinely nice ally life and have had to learn to be cold, rude, and give the bullies a taste of their own medicine. This has made me feel better, even though I am outnumbered. They are cowards bcuz they always work in numbers. When ur nicez people don't respect you. It's horrible but it's true!
Your podcast is the best i have come across on the topic of bullying. You & your guests actually know about the topic, have a very reality-based, practical approach to dealing with bullying & you make me feel braver & more accepting that there are many monsters lurking among us & lots of passive sheep surrounding us, but that there is a quiet power in accepting this as a reality of life & being prepared for the inevitable attacks. My problem was that i could not fathom that people could be so openly & covertly cruel so i missed the patterns of behaviour for over a decade. Now that I am aware of it, I cut it off at the pass & expose the person's behaviour to people who they wish to impress. We'll see if it works in the longer term...😅
I had a great relationship with both of my sons early. I actually put him into a school early after he was diagnosed with Autism in California. He seemed fine at first When we got back from California, I put him the GreenTree School, where a schoolbus would pick him up, then to Albert M. Greenfield Elementary School. After school, he went to the Catholic Church's across the street (diagonally). He didn't like it there. I was actually a Pre Scholl Teacher at the Philadelphia Naval Base so that I could work and still be there for him. I taught at Head Staret so that I could be there with his little brother, though it wasn't a paid position. I also started a Daycare at Stenton Family Manor at the Homeless Shelter for the children there, so the parents could look for work. Some of the parents came to visit, where I would also hold Bible Study. They gave me a very large room that I decorated and taught the children basic languages (aside from English), some Spanish (I believe Hebrew, and Japanese) if I am not mistaken. I had an email from Congressman Dwight Evans saying he wanted to honor me for my work there (a Congressional honor), but something happened.
Just came across this, raised clinical cyber security and £ concerns, equivalent of iIRS had no details for me, pay in deficit for over a yr, forced out, then they got their machievalian affiliates to intimidate me out of my flat, blocked from jobs, blocked from welfare support, all due diligence covered up. Evil is the right word. Having studied organisational psychology ironic yes they couldn't stand my integrity. This should be made hate crime, and an offense that renders £ and legal reprecussions for organisations. . Very good podcast. ❤
Hello there, the contact page of the WBI website does not allow the population of the free text fields. Please could you ask someone to take a look at the website
I lost my dream job and am having an extremely hard time finding employment. My family is drowning, and once I finally get hired, I am terrified of working around others now. I don’t understand how people believe it’s no big deal to hurt someone else. I’m so scared. It’s like we live in a souless society. I took it as long as I could, and I couldn’t find another job quick enough. I broke too soon…
I watched the Dr. Phil episode about workplace bullying. In 2000 I read Mobbing: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace. I felt triggered by this show but was relieved to see that this problem is getting more attention and traction. I have trauma that I am working through with a mental health counselor for years. I was a music teacher for 20 years. I taught elementary, middle, and high school. I made an observation that might be valuable to your studies. I watched bullies in school become bullies as adults. Bullying in schools is terrible as we all know, but they are sneaky and difficult to catch. My daughter was brutally bullied by some girls on her basketball team. The biggest problem they had with her as that she was an amazing athlete and a beautiful girl. I was teaching at the same school and the parents of these girls were bullies as well. She didn't want me to do anything because it would become worse. We are giving bullies carte blanche to carry on their evil into the workplace. The worst bullies are advantaged children, the marginalized kids just stay the hell away from them to survive. I have never been so enraged in my life.
There is more to my own bullying story, but my point is that bullies are often raised by parents who are bullies.
I couldn't agree with you more on this. Especially about the parents being bullies themselves. They’re the first teachers!💯
I completely agree with your observations as someone who also worked in the public education system. I met many amazing, caring, teachers who are doing an incredible job shaping the future. I also met many teachers who bully students who are already bullied by their peers. And these were teachers who had “superior” social standing with administrators and the board. The people who witnessed the same discrimination - other EA’s I worked with - only succeed in their role because they stick their head in the sand and pretend it’s not happening. Smile, nod, and do what you’re told. Those are the employees who succeed - and the ones who are the cause of a lot of trauma and psychological/emotional violence. The part that made me lose sleep at night was the fact that they will never face any consequences - no policy about whistleblowing means no one will ever report discrimination. I have completely given up on working in that system and it breaks my heart every day knowing how many kids are being traumatized and their parents have no idea. It still keeps me up sometimes trying to think of ways I can bring justice to them.
Thank you. You guys are keeping me alive. I have integrity, work super hard, but deal with bullying from some new people at work. Its so hard to deal with and stay stable.
Stay strong. I have learnt something recently and its the act of intimidation, bullying and provocation, at which point we must not defend ourselves, as this leads to phase 2 where they gaslight you. I call out one 2 weeks ago and openly exposed his bullying after I saw the narcissistic pattern. He has backed right off. His mate is trying to intimidate me but he not as bright, however still need to not divulge anything personal.
‘Absence of clear role definition’ - definitely a problem. In several jobs I asked for clarity with respect to roles and was given none. At the ambush meeting I was then accused of ‘not doing what was required’ yet that was never even defined.
Also, the drive for power comes into it because bullies see every opportunity to accuse targets, even creating situations and false events to strengthen their claims. The description of ‘others scattering’ when the target asks for help, is absolutely accurate. Accusations will be escalated and the target will be isolated as a way of getting rid of them.
I completely agree. Originally the idea behind giving extremely vague job descriptions is to give workplace flexibility, but of course this can be abused and twisted to bully people. So I worked in a lab and my job role outline simply said to do tasks as assigned. This meant that it did not just include analysis of samples in the section of the lab in which I meant. It meant that you could be moved to any section, whether there was a need to do that or not. That you could be asked to do stuff that most of us would consider to be outside of what the job was advertised to be and when folk fail at them, it is OK to say that the person is not capable of doing the job properly.
Wow! My eyes are opened. I feel so relieved. It explains it all. It all makes sense now. Thank you.
Naively honest describes the lesson that people are not the way we are. The quote attached to this is from Anais Nin: "we do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are."
Thank you for your amazing videos. I just found your channel or UA-cam found it for me. I must say your lectures are spot on. It's exactly how you describe it. I recently got away from a workplace bullying situation. It was horrifying. I think in some cases managers who bully are malignant narcissists using their subordinates for narcissistic supply.
Some workplaces are simply toxic and it is very difficult to fight back or get support where that is the case.
I have met this man, Gary Namie, in person and he himself is a bully. I was at one of his meetings to stop workplace bullying. I barely said two words when I was starting to talk about my work experience. This woman in the meeting pointed at me and shouted "You are too nice!". Dr. Namie agreed with her. He didn't know me and he didn't know my story. I am a small soft spoken woman but I will stand my ground. The real story was that when I stood up to my bully I was written up for it! That is what many bullies at work will do so you have to be careful with them. I reached out to Dr. Namie via email to talk to him about what happened and he ignored those emails, not once, but twice. Gary, you need to be called out for what you have done.
IDK if he's a bully just bcuz he said you're too nice & hasn't responded to you. I myself have been genuinely nice ally life and have had to learn to be cold, rude, and give the bullies a taste of their own medicine. This has made me feel better, even though I am outnumbered. They are cowards bcuz they always work in numbers. When ur nicez people don't respect you. It's horrible but it's true!
Your podcast is the best i have come across on the topic of bullying. You & your guests actually know about the topic, have a very reality-based, practical approach to dealing with bullying & you make me feel braver & more accepting that there are many monsters lurking among us & lots of passive sheep surrounding us, but that there is a quiet power in accepting this as a reality of life & being prepared for the inevitable attacks. My problem was that i could not fathom that people could be so openly & covertly cruel so i missed the patterns of behaviour for over a decade. Now that I am aware of it, I cut it off at the pass & expose the person's behaviour to people who they wish to impress. We'll see if it works in the longer term...😅
Periodically, leaders need to proactively ask their employees in private if they have experienced any bulling.
Yes. I think only good leaders (not perfect) would do that. The others just don’t care and enjoy bullying others.
Exactly, and it could be anonymous
I had a great relationship with both of my sons early. I actually put him into a school early after he was diagnosed with Autism in California. He seemed fine at first When we got back from California, I put him the GreenTree School, where a schoolbus would pick him up, then to Albert M. Greenfield Elementary School. After school, he went to the Catholic Church's across the street (diagonally). He didn't like it there. I was actually a Pre Scholl Teacher at the Philadelphia Naval Base so that I could work and still be there for him. I taught at Head Staret so that I could be there with his little brother, though it wasn't a paid position. I also started a Daycare at Stenton Family Manor at the Homeless Shelter for the children there, so the parents could look for work. Some of the parents came to visit, where I would also hold Bible Study. They gave me a very large room that I decorated and taught the children basic languages (aside from English), some Spanish (I believe Hebrew, and Japanese) if I am not mistaken. I had an email from Congressman Dwight Evans saying he wanted to honor me for my work there (a Congressional honor), but something happened.
Just came across this, raised clinical cyber security and £ concerns, equivalent of iIRS had no details for me, pay in deficit for over a yr, forced out, then they got their machievalian affiliates to intimidate me out of my flat, blocked from jobs, blocked from welfare support, all due diligence covered up. Evil is the right word. Having studied organisational psychology ironic yes they couldn't stand my integrity. This should be made hate crime, and an offense that renders £ and legal reprecussions for organisations. . Very good podcast. ❤
Great video! 🙌🏽💖
Excellent…thanks! ❤👏🏾♥️
One hospital I worked for had a hr video on bullying, however seemed odd that used people who actually were the bullies.
Hello there, the contact page of the WBI website does not allow the population of the free text fields. Please could you ask someone to take a look at the website
It looks like this episode 2.7 is not uploaded to the audio podcast yet.
Awesome
this is what they did to me
Wish this guy would have muted himself every time he had that flemmy cough.