Older generations will say "Kids these days are traumatised by anything, when I was a kid-" then describe the most horrific situation you've ever heard that explains why they are the way they are.
People who go through trauma and don't deal with that trauma pass suffering around to everyone they interact with longterm. My parents never got therapy for their severe abuse so they thought it was fine when my dad whipped me with his hotwheel tracks because 'it's not like i threw you down the stairs and broke your arm like your grandpa did to me!' @@nancylowe2692
@@nancylowe2692I’m thankful for your generation. I learned how to push through some things when I needed to. Sometimes you gotta pick yourself up by your bootstraps, trudge through some ugly stuff and deal with it later. Edit:for the love of god… yes I’m aware of where the phrase came from. I guess try to look at my overall point. Sometimes you have to trudge through the uncomfortable for a sec before you’re able to address the issue…
It's probably good to clarify that back when the life expectancy was significantly lower than it is today and people were more likely to die from manual labour which was the vast majority of jobs, marrying a younger woman and having kids as early as possible was a precaution in case anything were to happen to the man. They entrusted the woman to raise the child alone if such a disaster were to happen, which was very likely. Mining accidents, Steel Mill accidents, Black lung, Radiation poisoning, and loads of other industrial accidents were very prevalent during periods of uncertainty where the man was the only one working and the woman was the one taking care of the children. At the end of the day, the children and the mother mattered more than the father when it came to who was prioritised for safety. That tradition of marrying younger was very much accepted and was passed down for generations until we got more comfortable as a species to start pulling away from unnecessary precautions like impregnating a 15 year old. Those who want to do that nowadays are simply creeps. But those who did it back then were simply following traditions and precautions. This is why people still marry very young women in countries outside of the US and UK. They are practicing the same precautions and traditions because it's much more necessary for them than it is for someone in the west.
@@TheBlackQueen Okay but the video and comment is most likely referring to Gen X and boomer parents so not exactly lower life expectancy. Even the parents of baby boomers themselves lived till 70-90. You're talking about way before
@@esbns My point was that that tradition carried on into the latter generations before it started being questioned. Boomers were the first in the newer comfortable age so of course they were still marrying young. Gen X saw that decline and then was very much not accepted by the time of millennials and Gen Z.
@@TheBlackQueen. No, this is referring to boomers. Who while Gen z insist that we had it easier, we actually were far less liked after than today’s young people. I was told it was time to leave my parents home by 18. I married my husband at 19, who was 28. It sounds predatory but it was a different world back then. No one even asked about our age difference. Ever, I don’t think. We’re happily married 43 years, so it all worked out.
@@redlight3932it builds so much character that you might get mental illnesseses and insecurities/fears & many other bad behaviors that will accompany you all throughout your life... Very nice character build.
I once told my teen daughter stories of when I was a young girl. I saw her eyes well up with tears. I asked her what was wrong. Crying, she looked at me, "I wished I could've been your mom. I would have loved you so much." That just hit me like a freight truck. I knew there and then why I tried so hard all her life to never make her cry or feel bad. I've always consoled her in my arms, regardless of age, when she felt sad or bad, so she could feel safe. I always listen when she has something to say. It was all the things my parents never did for me. Now I knew she loved me as much as I loved her 😊
This is why other generations think we’re weak. Their trauma, and mistreatment, was so normalized and kept on the shush, that lots of them probably don’t even know it is that. Like my dad has had to do a lot of looking in with his childhood trauma and realizing he was indeed robbed of it and hurt. 😔
It wasn't normal back then either and wasn't normal for women to walk alone there was always police in corners Men used to walk with pals and brothers too, men that used to be weird were "loners" and used to do those weird things, but it wasn't normal. Also most men after 17 18 were sent to the military and there was wars every decade, so it wasn't common to see loner men's
@@hiwelcometochillis2579 none of those circumstances mean traumatic experiences werent normal. Honestly im kind of having trouble telling which experiences youre pointing to but i think thats more a lack of being able to read undertones on my part. Regardless things “children should be seen not heard”, “men dont cry”, “find a husband or you will be miserable” shit like that was VERY normal and is incredibly damaging over long periods of time
What’s worse is that the younger generations have a stupid label in popular culture called trauma dumping, which heaps even more shame onto the person sharing their history-you want to know this stuff so you can be a better person and not repeat the same situation as your parents did & if that’s too hard for you to hear then you’re gonna have a really tough life ahead, it’s not like you lived the trauma yourself. You’re just listening to someone tell you their experience and you’re too soft to hear it. That’s insane grow up.
Stories of how older relatives met are always something like “we went on one date, got married 2 weeks later, and we’ve been together ever since” or just straight up a crime.
This is literally my parents' story. They didn't even go on a date, just met and bam. Married. Fight a lot. Verbally and physically abuse to their kids. My mom somehow still tell me stories about how great their relationship was. Huh girl i was literally there, no it wasn't tf?
Met my husband in February, married by June, 38 years ago. Never fight or argue, never have. Neither one of us drinks, drugs, abuses, harms, manipulates, neglects or disrespects the other. We both grew together, experienced life together, good and bad. But we upheld and supported each other, filling in the places where the other lacked. You make it sound like a brief courtship guarantees that a relationship will be a total disaster, yet my marriage has been proof that is not always true. It is easy to judge a relationship from the outside, but you don't know the full measure of it. Like so many people today, it would benefit you to judge less and respect others more. You only see the veneer. Marriage, strong relationships of all kinds, really, takes a commitment to making it work. A lot of people seem to want effortless relationships today. When the going gets tough, folks want to cut and run. I think that's part of the increase in the divorce rate. Folks seem to think that you shouldn't have to do the work, make compromises, or grow to stay/stay happy in a relationship. In my experience, that's not how it works.
Yea that’s the way they did things. That was the societal norm of the day and a lot probably most of these marriages turned out well because they had a different mindset and different values. Doesn’t mean there aren’t outliers. Also let’s make sure we don’t confuse cultures. What happens in one culture doesn’t work in the US.
Some older generation woman had the strength and courage to make some (little) change for the better . Thanks to these ladies we are where we are, able to see the wrong. We should be grateful and not complain for how women lived those times. They literally had no other choice 😢, and often didn't know it was not right.
Women did nothing wrong. Male predators just be lurking. If you think women weren't speaking up about this in every generation, you are VERY mistaken. It's been 4000 years of male supremacy. We are no better than our mothers and grandmothers, may we all have their strength
My husband's grandmother always tells this story about being 14 and having just arrived in the US after losing both her parents in Italy and having to move in with her aunt. Then along comes a 27 year old man who followed her home from school and begged her aunt to let him to marry her, every day, for weeks. She said her aunt got tired of sending him away and agreed to "let him have her". They tell this story as if it is romantic and it makes me want to smash my face into the dining table every time.
Soooo whats wring with... your alive to tell the stoey vecayse your 27 year.old grqnd father was perisstent in securing your 14 year old grand mother Okaaay
My grandmother just casually dropped that her husband just casually cheated on her all throughout their marriage, and even though she hated it she let it slide because the "temptation" was just too strong for him to handle 😬
bruh my friend told me that her parents had 20 years age difference, when did they met you ask? he actually knew her mom since she was a kid since he went to their bar a lot, they got together when she was 17, i'll let you do the math.
Actually, some people go through hard times you would not believe. Maybe it's not always good to tell your children, but there is no way a person can go through life without some kind of suffering. My mom stuffed all of her emotions from growing up in the Great Depression. She and had trouble with anger coming up. I wish she had shared some of it with me to let it out instead of stuffing her emotions. I would rather know than have her suffer with such terrible sadness.
Literally and moms go 'be nice to your dad'. Like tf you told me stories to think of him as some inhumane monster and you want me to carry on with life like I didn't hear anything 😂😂
My first boyfriend was also my stalker. He waited for me outside school and followed me home. I was 14. I hated it, I was scared, I never let him into my house and he would stay on my driveway for hours. I couldn’t send him away as my family told me I was being rude, and him following me home was romantic. I finally managed to free myself of his grip 3 years ago, when I was 30. In no circumstances is stalking ever romantic 🙃
OMG and WTF!? I’m so happy you are finally free! Stalking an underaged girl is NOT romantic! I’m so sorry this happened to you. Here’s to a fresh start and autonomy!
Got a distant relative wayy into the older generations. I'll never forget how how she was pleased with her husband, who was the type of man to come home drunk, not work neither in or out the house, and not try to support anyone neither financially or emotionally, because he "didn't beat her 🤗🤗🤗"
My grandmother who got married and had my oldest uncle at 14, telling me that she would sprint home from the playground to start cooking dinner for my grandad. Broke my heart
My grandmother married at 14 and had my mom at 16 and wasn't even allowed to show affection towards her baby and was scared of her husband most of her life
My gramma hates her husband. They say he used to beat all after coming home drunk. The day she left the home with kids she beated her husband with a pot and took him down lol. She's a strong woman but married young
Dude I’m Mexican and the way older family and friends just casually say ‘Oh your Uncle stole your Aunt Tita when she was 14’ like I beg your PARDON!!!???
That happened to someone's grandma that I know! She was kidnapped at 14, held for a weekend of rape, and then forced to marry her rapist. I cannot imagine the generational trauma that caused it.
In Mexico the "marry your rapist and his crimes are exonerated" law wasn't repealed nationally until 1991. This law was (and still is) depressingly common in many countries.
my older sister was conceived on my mom's 15th birthday. her dad was 27. dude was a deadbeat who never paid child support and my sister cut off all contact with him as an adult. my younger siblings and I have a different dad who is two years older than my mom. they went to school together and had dated but were broken up when my mom got pregnant. he raised my sister as if she was his own kid, and married my mom a year later. they're still together to this day, and that was 25 years ago.
Ugh very similar, mother 16, father 28. Predator, pedophile, narcissist, abuser, violent, deadbeat person. I can't bare to say his name or even call him a sperm donor since it was rape. I now call him Haman. Someone who believed they are the best, entitled and tries to destroy someone else.
My grandma trauma dumped me. It sounded horrific, and she did not realize she was describing an assalt. But since she is 82, I kept my cool and did not let out my inner thoughts and didn't overreact, i just let her speak out and reasured her she could tell me anything. Too bad, this is a one-sided treatment, I would never get such treatment in return. But oh well.
Goodness, I totally know how that goes. I grew up with my mother neglecting me, and her husband detesting me. My grandmother, diagnosed NPD, spent the most time with me - and ironically, did her best to instill some semblance of self-esteem, within me. However, she was very mean to my mother and aunt, when they were growing up. I survived a near decade of Munchhausen’s by Proxy, when I was severely ill (come to find out it was due to a life-long severe hormonal imbalance, from stress, called Cushing’s Syndrome). I knew what Munchhausen’s was, before Gypsy Rose made it famous. I am, finally, getting back on my feet. At the beginning of 2022, when I was first REALLY getting back on my feet - we had to start taking care of my grandmother, who developed Alzheimer’s dementia. My mother started to treat her in the awful way she treated me, when I was ill. I am autistic/ADHD and my symptoms were BAD, when I was ill- both due to the stress she put me under and medications - and taking care of my grandmother made me realized how closely related autism, ADHD, and Alzheimer’s is (there is medical research to back this up). I stood up to my mother, about her treatment of my grandmother - she knew I’d have no issue exposing her, especially, after what I have been through, under her “care.” In the duration of us working together (quite successfully, only because I proved of great value to her, and made her look good, to people and the court - because I am the one who majority took care of my grandmother).. My mother would open up, a bit, about the type of things my grandmother did, to her. And they were EXACTLY the things my mother did, to me. Now, could I be honest and say I know how she feels - because I went through the exact same things, because of her? Nope. When she says any of it - it’s as if I have never experienced anything, whatsoever. My mother pretends as if my being sick never even happened - I can’t even talk about my health issues, without her ignoring ‘em. Which, I know she resented the fact I wouldn’t let her post anything about my health, on social media - especially, once I saw how excited she would get, from all the comments and likes, over her being a (supposed) loving and dotting mother and caretaker. Just goes to show that all we can do is really learn how to he the parents/grandparents we’ve always wished we had - and be that, to and for ourselves.
Like the Notebook where Ryan Gosling's character literally writes a letter to a married woman every single day for a year with no response until she breaks off with him and marries the obsessed looney. 😂
Oh my gosh I was stalked by a creepy guy in my school when I was 14/15 and one of my grandaunts be like: “he just likes you and gets possessive” NO WHAT THE HECK☠️☠️☠️ I haven’t talked to her since then and my family solved the problem for me 🫡
@GiuseppeGaetanoSabatelli that isn't stalking, that's just what was expected for long distance lovers. And anyone who truly is in love with someone writes to another. Plus In the movie, he wrote letters to her the year she left, not the year she was married. That was way into the future
So relatable. My mom only married my dad to get out of her dad’s house. She didn’t even love him but he was head over heels for her. Then the Vietnam War happened and everything changed for them. The parents I met were post-war and very traumatized by their individual experiences… some unfathomable. It took for me to become an adult/mother to understand that my parents were just people in need of help that they didn’t even know they needed. People that I love and have so much empathy for. At 53, I’m finally understanding that I’m also a person in need of help and healing. The difference for me is that I’m getting it and encouraging my son to do the same.
My great grandma got forced to marry a 27 yo man when she was just TEN 😭 She tried running away multiple times, but always came back as she had no other place to stay. I'm 13 and I CANNOT IMAGINE GOING THROUGH 5 THAT, THAT IS SO SICK AND DISGUSTING
Jesus christ, ten years old? So she suffered for her whole life. This is horrifying. I'm afraid to ask, but I have to - how old was she when she had her first child and how many children did she have?
@@alexmagney5326 Ikrr!! I'm not sure since I moved out from Morocco (where it happened) and lost contact with the dad's side of the family. I just know that she had kids as a teen and 6-8 in total... I think it's obvious that she was r@ped by her so called "husband", people's mentality back then was sick and disgusting, like who the f*ck marries their 10 yo to a pedophile... I'm so angry lol
I thought it WAS a therapist till I only heard 3 digits 😅. Perhaps one day you can call emergency services for therapy though... this seems like a necessary way forward
@@ayamempress1579988 is the number for suicide hotline, I do believe. Just in case you ever know anyone in that situation. It's not therapy per say, but it kind of is
An old coworker friend had this happen to her. Only she was sold off to a 50 year-old weathy Texas ranger when she was 18. She was taken from her home in Mexico to the middle of nowhere-texas. She didn't speak English or know anyone and endured every kind of abuse. She worked to learn English and convinced her husband to let her attend church, 'to learn how to be a good wife'. The church ladies worked together and moved her across the country to stay with some of their friends/family and got her a job. She was very brave and hard working. It paid off. She was granted a divorce without having to see her ex-husband. She went from bilingual receptionist to dental assistant with on the job training. Now she's married to a man she has chosen and they've had a baby. I'm amazed and proud of her. ❤
@Steven-hq3go you have no sympathy in your heart. This person was literally kidnapped and forced into marriage and here you are talking about her commuting adultery. You so call shifty Christians are the worst
@@Steven-hq3goyes, coz a 50 yo man who BUYS 18 yo girls is a gentleman who cares about consent. The one officiating? LOL coz a person who officiates a marriage between a 50 yo man and an 18 yo girl who can't speak english cares about the well being of the girl. Adultry? Right, coz God will certainly justify some ceremony over justice and the happiness of His daughter.
Mexican grandparents and I never understood why my grandma was so mean and hated my grandpa until I was older and found out what kind of man he was. Then it all made sense. To this day, she’s a queen in my eyes and whatever grandma wants grandma will get! When I think about what she went through, I get so angry with the people who were supposed to protect her from people like him!
My mom casually mentioned that my dad punched her when she was pregnant because she was being annoying. And then said "well I was being really annoying". Like bro I don't even know how to feel about my family anymore, not only that but I feel bad for my mom.
hm that's funny bc they say the exact same thing when trauma is spoken about with emotion - that it's "unprocessed". people process things differently and only they themsleves would know if it is "processed" or not. when you say something is unprocessed, what do you really mean/imply?
@@starfruitiger idk what the commenter means by unprocessed yet but I agree with them. I interpret it as their brains are still protecting them and not allowing them to see it as traumatic, or see themselves as a victim/ survivor, or maybe they simply haven’t admitted it to many people. Especially if they follow it up with “but that was how it was back then” or “but it’s fine” or something to justify that it’s “normal” and okay, despite it being very not ok nor healthy. It’s not a judgement or anything. I just have seen both my mom and dad do this and I did this ALOT in my life prior to therapy and in the early stages of therapy. In order to process trauma the person’s body and mind has to feel they are in a safe enough place to do it, and sometimes even talking to your child or partner about it can still feel threatening. The horrified look on someone’s face can make you start feeling “threatened” and try and brush it off as nothing.
@@starfruitiger...who says that? I've seen a lot of therapists, psychiatrists, and heard from others who did the same. I still have one. Not one therapist, not even the one that fell asleep and ruined a good few years because she misheard something, ever said that trauma spoken with emotion was unprocessed. Let's think about it. If you think about a time in your life that was horrible, whether just a bad work week with an abusive boss or a dangerous cruel childhood, and you reflect on those times with anger or sadness or despair etc, you understand it was a bad time. But if you're like me and many others, having had a poor childhood and what you do remember seems normal/casual to you, it's most definitely unprocessed. Unpacked, unacknowledged, unnoticed. There were so many things and events that happened to me that I just dealt with, because it felt commonplace. Whereas now I'd probably break down sobbing if I thought about a certain event longer than I ever have. That's most certainly what they mean when they say "unprocessed"; it's *not* remembering, or thinking deeply on how you felt, or dismissing what happened to you because it felt so normal to experience. And that's just a case of childhood trauma-it most certainly has different effects and whatnot on different situations. There's a difference between someone finding humor/light in being bullied as a child (typically at the bully), and someone who casually laughs at themselves in that moment (at the expense of themselves).
I feel like the reason I can talk about it casually is BECAUSE it's been processed and is no longer triggering. I'm also a big fan of dark humor as a coping mechanism🤷♀️ lol how should one act when it has been processed? Still super emotional about something that can't ever be changed?
Unfortunately, that often happens with trauma. One of the reasons why is that by her shaming other victims, who were "asking for it", she subconsciously validates her experience as traumatic and herself as the "perfect victim". Since the adults in her life probably dismissed it or ignored it completely, this is the only way for her to validate her experience and feel that that little girl didn't deserve that. Doesn't make the victim blaming any better, but that's what trauma does. While not justifying it in the slightest, explaining it is important for the context. Though nothing makes this any less fucked up lmao it just shows us why we all fucked up 😂
Thank God for our female ancestors who fought tooth n nail for us to get divorced, own property, wear pants. Thank you mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers Every legal protection women have today is owed to women of the past. The other generations weren't dumber, they were as brave as you and I.
It’s better than the current system for the children at least. And the men. It’s only better now for 1 of the 3 parties involved. In the name of the greater good bring back 1940s and 1950s style marriages.
@@Terahydron friend of mine got divorced last year, she has always earned more, owns the house alone and everything. Get out of your 1923 box and join modern life already, women work.
NO FOR REAL it hurts to know just how absolutely alone and vulnerable my mom was for most of her life and my life, until i was old enough to actually be able to look out for her
If they have character development sure, then there are the dads who use them for social standing or are creepy with them & are possessive in a different kind of way like my grandfather, UGH
Like my father. Wanted to know my every move, snooped through my things, controlled my ability to socialize and expand in the world….BUT would barely take care of me and abandoned me financially. Left me to live with his mother, etc. but yes controlled how and when and where I did anything.
I’m Latina…. This one hit home… happened to my mom not just from my dad but from her moms advice too!!! Like WTF!!! I mean she is happy but you are in utter shock… grandma literally told her that no one else would want her because she kissed and was holding hands with a man!!! Then my dad told her “if you don’t marry me, I know another girl that will” like wtf is that???!!! They laugh but to me that is just utterly strange
I am Indian, my mom's cousin lied to his wife's family. It was arranged marriage. He lied about age, that he was in his mid 20s, when he was mid 30s he gave horoscope of youngest brother to girls side where there will be DOB . Wife was 18 just few days before marriage!!!!. If I was in her place I would have filed a police case for cheating. This happened in 2000s not in 90s or 80s😶
My grandma told me how my grandpa pestered her for a date for 2 years AS HER SUPERVISOR AT WORK! She said it with a smile and laugh like it was a funny joke
Most of the time I don't realize it was a traumatizing experience till my daughter ask me about something in the past and I start sharing and realizing, whoa that was messed up or traumatic. Then talking with her about how things should have been done in response OR most of the time processing the trauma for the first time quietly for a long time and remembering not to trauma dump on my kids while working it out on my own.
@@lbarnxbut surely not to a grown ass ADULT, right? that's considered child abuse, right??? ESPECIALLY if it's sexual. doesn't matter the age of consent, if they're under the age of majority, an adult and a minor in a sexual relationship is illegal. (that's obviously not accounting for romeo and juliet laws)
Watch standup comedy from anytime before the late 90s it's about 95% hating your spouse. Social pressure to get married young and never separate did terrible things
From the old days women are learnt to take abuse and creepy behaviour as "love". Domestic violence? Love. Abuse? Love. Cheating? Love. Emotional abuse? Love.
My mom said that she was driving for a week with a stranger when she was around 16-17. She was practically kidnapped bc he decided to teach her lesson that she shouldn't get into the car with a stranger. She asked to take her to another city and they end up in a whole different town and was selling a beer on streets bc he said that he bring her back when he finish his work. He DID bring her back and said that she shouldn't trust strangers but that was the craziest shit she ever told me and she was like "mhm yeah doesn't matter".
Literally my mom told me how when she got kicked out at 18, she had to be roommates with this older aggressive man because she had nowhere else to go. She extremely casually told me how one day he pushed her down a super long flight of concrete stairs out of nowhere, and thankfully she was able to catch herself after tumbling down around 5-10. I at 14 had to explain to my 41 year old mother how that experience is 100% not normal and absolutely horrific.
Also my dad used to joke how he and his brother we’re always beaten with wooden spoons, and that I had it easy (he was extremely verbally aggressive when I was super young) thankfully once I got diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder at 13 he truly realized the effects it had on me and is now working everyday to make up for how he was, but still, absolutely wild how they see these things as normal
@@Xxg0r3r4bb1txXchats great the progress I truly hope all older gen heal too and dont dump it on thier kids no wonder we are the gen with more mental health diagnoses
@@Xxg0r3r4bb1txXmy parents had abusive parents. My dad had shitty siblings, and my mom's sisters got into fights way too many times for her to ever relax as the eldest. Then my parents abused my older brothers, my mom on the grounds that they were boys (???) and my dad because they weren't his children. You can see the aftermath in their personalities and behaviors. Then, afaik from only living in my body, I was the last to be abused. I don't want to trauma dump or say too much, but what I will say is that every group has said to the most recent victim "you have/had it better than we did". When in reality, all that changed was the method of abuse. That, and the constant belief that "abuse" was parenting/discipline. If it was...they wouldn't be as angry and miserable as they are. Just because one grew up silently in response or another laughed it off doesn't mean they're mentally okay. My granddad would send my mom and her sisters to school with welts on their legs, and my grandmom wouldn't stop him. It didn't matter how many vacations they were taken on, especially when there was an aspect of racism and them refusing to move to a less bigoted area. My mom may not have beaten her own kids as violently as her father did her, but she literally used Chinese rice torture "as discipline", got angry when her very obviously autistic child hated getting their hair washed (me), and was aggressive in most of what she did. Only recently has she..."mellowed" out. It didn't matter how many toys we had, especially when they were taken away and blamed for our "bad behavior". I really hate to say it, but they refuse to acknowledge just how horrible the older gen to them was. None of them have ever truly engaged with therapy (esp since they see therapy and getting help as for the "insane"), or talked out any of their issues, or apologized, or tried to be different. And it sucks, watching from the youngest of the family, just how messed up they all are. I loved these people, most people want to love their family, but it gets harder when they refuse to acknowledge or process their emotions/trauma/life experiences, and merely see it as "wisdom" to store away. Not to say it isn't informative, just not in the way they believe it to be.
For my parents it was the opposite. My mom was 20 and dad was 17. Like... I know its only three years but he was *17* when they got pregnant with me and he literally just turned 18 when i was born... Theyre not together anymore, but its a pattern ive unfortunately seen my mother repeat with at least one other man. I was 15 and she always lied about her boyfriends age. She said he was 30 or 35 and just kept changing it. I found out after they broke up that he was only 5 years older than me and she met him when he was in high school. Some parents are just horrible creeps. My dad isnt much better, but at least he didnt try to be in relationships with people who were teenagers...
As a person who’s a first generation immigrant of America, my mom is the same exact way. She talks about her life and it’s just terrifying and depressing. From, how she grew up in a civil war, how she was arranged for her marriage by her own mom, to her lack of freedom, and the hell she had been put through from my dad and his side of the family. Yet, she accepts the small good part of her life is by having me and my siblings. I feel tremendously bad for her due to the hardships she dealt with. I don’t know how she does it, because I would have ran from home given the chance if I went through the tough shit she has been through.
Truly. Both men and women of this generation has grown up seeing this. Women take it as a cautionary tale, men take it as aspirational. No wonder women are happier by themselves.
@@ariellll-vb5nmIt has everything to do with this. Forced marriages are still painfully common. Esp in lower middle income and low income families who think of their daughters as liabilities.
@gargi657 i understood the comment wrong. This person was talking about children whose parents force them to marry a specific person. Of course, they don't want to get married then. But I thought the person was talking about everybody. Like not everybody's parents are like this.
Makes perfect sense, but the generation that was told even though your mother did the best she knew how at the time, it wasn't good enough and it's unforgivable...they think they're justified to cut off their mom because they would do so much better. I hate that the culture gives young women the arrogance and hubris to judge their mothers.
Pretty sure some men in India still think this works and isn’t completely creepy. I can’t even fully blame them. They’re all traumatized and misguided. Speaking as an American-born Indian who stupidly told his parents something and was essentially advised to be a stalker. Thank god I had the empathy, and knew better, to do the right thing.
Generational trauma is no joke. Be the one who puts an end to it. It's not easy but entirely possible. God bless those who made it despite everything coming against them
I share this to rather be safe than sorry. I am not sure if you have heard of The biblical prophecy called the three days of darkness, but it is three days when the sun will be covered and there will be total darkness, during that time demons will have free range over the earth, in order to protect ourselves we must remain inside with all doors and windows locked and pray, if you hear voices of dead family member or anyone you knew and care about, ignore it, it is because the demons are trying to lure you out of your safety to destroy you. It is very possible that this prophecy will be coming true on April 8th when the total solar eclipse takes place. May GOD bless you and keep you In Jesus's Mighty and Wonderful Name❤
I know. My brother and I went through hell because of Dad, he was physically and psychologically abusive. We both grew up so angry and barely talking to each other that I was always sure he was gonna be the same when he had kids. Oh boy, i was so wrong; he's the most loving father and I'm so proud of him. Stopping the cycle is definitely possible
There was a period where romantic scenes in old shows was mostly guys being peeping toms to the female love interest, or kidnapping her, or imprisoning her, or inviting himself into her space and forcing himself on her and says he could do worse but he doesn't because he loves her And then they fall in love. What a romantic story Edit: I finally got a liked notification after this got 8k. When I was a wee child, my parents likes to watch whatever is on TV, I don't mind anything because I trust them to change channels if there's anything not okay for me to see. The romance plot in these movies or shows are sparse and the chemistry was lacking a lot. I can ship two pebbles together when I was a child but none of these canon lovers looked like lovers in my eyes
reading this all put into one comment made my skin crawl. i'd never realized how narrow the idea of romance in media really was (and still sometimes is)
I’m Gen Z and even my generation grew up with that shit. I’m Mexican so that’s literally all novelas do too. I remember seeing one where this one guy had been trying to get this lady to be with him and when she tried to leave his place he forced himself on her and they actually had the actress act like she was “slowly falling for his ways”. That’s peak romance in a lot of novelas. Sadly our society is still so behind, it’s no wonder we have a femicide crisis.
My grandma always talks about what a great man her father was, but then goes on and on about how he would hit his wife and kids and how he thought women shouldn't be allowed to get an education or a job. I once asked her to share with me one (ONE) happy memory she had with him, I honestly just wanted to know he wasn't as awful as these stories made him seem!! And then her face did the human equivalent of a blue screen shutdown
Ah yes. They are usually like that lol. My gramma was married young abused by her alcoholic husband and beated by him everyday but still she thinks men are definitely above women lmao. Once she called out my mom for not bringing my dad the dinner first and and eating before him. Dad prolly said hewasnt hungry. She said "during the old times it wasnt like this. Man was fed first before anyone bc thats how we respected our husbands". We all knowing her past just cudnt help but laugh so hard. I know its bad bc she was litterally traumatized but what she said was so dumb even after all that beating
@@Youknowwho910 So she had the spirit & individual thought beaten out of her & instead of being patient, & treating her gently in her old age in spite of her trauma based ignorance, you mock her to her face & make fun of her on the internet. Good job.
@@2xcrzkxkSome people can only laugh in the face of such absurdity. It comes from incredulity & is a way to cope too. They didn't find the suffering funny, but the irony. Especially when the victim refuses to listen after a long time, it's all you can do.
yeah it's not uncommon. you see that a lot in a fam with narcissistic parents too. (i think graddad was one). they don't seem to realize anything is amiss and they idolize them. but stuff... doesn't fit, it's weird, yanno? and both she and her sister, both adopted, ended up marrying alcoholics and the kids on both sides ended up with narcissists/borderline personality. (it's UNCANNY. myself, then my brother, and my older cousin i realized later that's what the wife was. i'm the only one who got out. :/ i worry for my brother. it's.... really bad. but he has a young son and understandably doesn't want to leave him. he's 2.5yrs old.)
I’ve wondered how many women are literally married to their predator and/or stalker. It has definitely been a man’s world. Hopefully that’s changing someday and someday soon.
The “marry your rapist” law. Basically to avoid punishment, the rapist had to “accept responsibility” by marrying the person they raped. Often happened with young girls. Gross as hell.
My mum once casually told me that I had a dead older cousin sister 😭 like i have been thinking i was the 2nd daughter of my family for last two decades and then one evening she drops "oh,you have a dead older sister" 💀
@lordnokia4222 tbf, this is true in grade school lol. Kids don't know how to recognize and process the emtions so it all gets mixed up. Doesn't excuse their behavior but at least in your 20s you can look back and go "He's prolly a pretty OK guy now that he's grown up". And also, girls have been shown to engage in similar behavior too as kids. However the important point of all of these are the words "as kids" lol.
@@heavennunya809 Not focused on the kids, im talking specifically about the adults. The "responsible" ones in a situation between two kids that clearly harbor hate for each other, are "shipped" As a thing just because they're of the opposite sex. You don't see this ideology pushed on in same sex friendships, because that would be considered "grooming" 🙄🙄🙄🙄. I hope it dies soon, because it brings the expectation that boys or girls growing up to be shitty, end up feeling entitled to treat their partner by hating them with a sense of twisted "love". It's the same lazy excuse as "Boys will be boys" That puts girls in future or present danger, by normalizing an innapropriate behavior that just doesn't get called out in a school full of impressionable kids.
@lordnokia4222 Dude, who the hell is saying to an adult "if he bullies he likes you"? I can't imagine anyone saying that to an adult outside of for giggles, or very specific cultures (I have a friend who is Indian, I could see her mom saying that to her). Most of the western world understand that as a child's behavior, no? And I will point out, the phrase "boys will be boys" isn't supposed to be an excuse, it's simply an explanation. When your son breaks the neighbor's window or jumps off the roof because he CAN, yeah, boys will be boys, they'll do stupid shit, doesn't mean they don't still get consequences lol. I know some parents, specifically ones that like to spoil their sons, do use it as an excuse though. I just don't want that phrase to become verboten, it does help some mothers who can't understand why their son does so much stupid shit lol. Oh and just to be sure, I'm not like, fighting with you anywhere here. Just talking. Don't want anything I said to be misunderstood as me trying to argue lol.
@@heavennunya809You're very illiterate if you understood that's told to adults. Which is the exact opposite i just explained. Edit: which doesn't matter, UA-cam removed my comment and i really don't care to rewrite it all over again to prove a dumb point.
they handle their actual problems without therapy a million times better than the modern generation handles their pseudo problems with therapy, where they are told to look for any kind of potential problem in their childhood, just to be able to blame someone else
I’m so happy to hear that these young people are realizing that even if it’s their culture, and has been forever, that it’s abuse, nothing cultural about it.
Listening to the stories of these older gens I often wonder how were they so mind numbingly tolerant of everything. No matter what shit they went through, how did they think it was okay
My great- grandfather traveled for work. Once a year, he'd come home and get my great-grandma pregnant, and leave again. She raised 13 kids by herself. Much later in life, after great-grandpa had long retired and had a lung removed due to cancer (he smoked since he was five) he was put on oxygen and basically couldn't leave the house and great-grandma came down with dementia. She started telling everyone that great- grandpa was seeing those 20 year old women, again. After they both died, and genetic testing came out, my family was contacted by more than a dozen people who said they were the children or grandchildren of my great-grandpa. My poor great-grandma. When she lost her mind when she was old, she basically lived in a trauma loop in her head of my grandpa abandoning her and committing adultery. She was so sweet and tender, and she didn't deserve that. 😢
Her name was Alma for anyone who wondered. She really was a remarkably sweet an tender lady. She was always so kind and soft spoken. She loved and accepted all her children, and great-great grandchildren and all the generations in between. She even loved the one who (gasp) turned out to be gay, which was a huge scandal because my family is catholic. She told everyone to go to his wedding for her sake. And, EVERONE complied because she was the grand jewel of us all.
When my best friend told her oldest how old she was and how old their dad was when they got together and when he was born… his *immediate* reaction was ‘wait. Dad is a pedophile!?!’ At least this new generation is calling it what it is.
One of the positive outcomes of the internet is that the younger generations can learn from the older generations trauma and hopefully avoid it themselves. The kids are alright I’d say.
@@EvaeAwakeAs a “kid”, no we are not alright, the internet has done irreparable harm to the way in which we develop… Constant overstimulation and information bombarding us… Yes there are some benefits but it doesn’t offset the harm the internet has done…
These are my kids now, they are 16 and 10. I was 19 when I met their dad, he was 33! We were together for 14 years, split, then he passed away in 2020. I’m 38 now and would never entertain anyone under 30! I can say I was never mistreated, he was one of my best friends even after we split and I miss him dearly. However, that does not negate the fact he was way too old for me when I was just 19 and my kids and I have had talks about it.
Same story for my mom. My moms family was extremely emotionally abusive and her only support - her dad passed away when she was 15. She was tired of the house and married my dad at 21. My mom was 16 and he was 24 when they were in a relationship. He is a serial cheater and extremely unsupportive and emotionally unavailable for everyone. My dad faced extreme bias from his parents between him and his brother to the point his brother stabbed him accidentally and still my dad was blamed . My grandfather had an alcoholic, physically abusive father. What I’ve realised is none of them address their traumas and criticise us for being “soft” but in reality, they just normalised it and buried it and passed that trauma onto us
My mom was 16 and married off to a 27 year old MAN. Dude tortured us and my mother for very long time. My grandparents all married their sons to really really young girls so they can manipulate and control them and brought them here to America to isolate from their family. Sorry for casually trauma dumping here but brown families got the most fucked up stories I hear shit like this all the time and it’s normalized and it makes me so angry and the generational curse is real. I hope we all can break it and heal and hope our generations to come are healed and healthy. ❤️
This happens in America with peach young girls in various areas. Young ones among the Mormons and baptist snake kissers, for example, are married off for the sake of the community over the girls well being. It’s a human thing. Unfortunately.
Yep. My mom trauma dumped on me since I can remember. It was like I was supposed to solve her problems. She’s also the type of mom I never wanted to be like.
My mother was married off the moment she was born. No, am serious, it's kinda normal in some places around here. A man ask for the baby's hand in marriage and he'd work for the family until the girl is old enough to be married off, and by old enough I mean sixteen/seventeen. The man my ma married was abusive and she eventually ran away while pregnant for him. She married to my dad, but my grandma her mother took away her baby and gave it to the father(my step sister grew up rotten by the way). In the end my mom was never happy with my dad and after series of suffering I just pray they divorce like seriously it's depressing, my dad is cool and all but my mother is the best mother anyone could ask for and she deserves better.
@@jads_so_enigmatic7941 people die for respect kill for respect , if anyone make they feel inferior they lost it , they say men life so hard so many responsibility meanwhile women being told they inferior , infinite tonts , no respect to the level they forget their worth and they tell men life was harder than women ....
My grandma was abandoned by her mother. When she was 18 and locked in a room by a relative and made to marry a 45 year old man with children the same age as her. They had 5 kidsafter that, and she built several businesses since he was no good at it. She bought the family home, too. I feel so bad for her but also proud of her for being a badass.
Complicated feelings I'm sure! She was a badass who made the most of an awful situation. She made the best for her children, I'm sure is how she thought of it.
I think also in those times, there was a lot of value placed on family, that’s why it was unthinkable to leave and better to make the most out of a terrible situation. These days, family is less valued so even if circumstances aren’t terrible, people leave if they have enough money to do so
@@SunGathersDustfamilies are still important, maybe even more so. they’re held to a higher standard (which should be the norm) for the happiness, balance and RESPECT they should bring, but more importantly, all the trauma that they shouldn’t. so please don’t “this generation doesn’t know family values” with me right now. we know family values, and we leave when the other partner doesn’t.
My mom had like such a crazy life bro but she has crazy trauma too and it rlly sucks bc she tells us fun stories bc she had a lot of opportunities but other times its talking abt how abusive her parents were
My mother is always making excuses for my father’s behavior. The mindset of the older generation is so toxic. They just tolerate abuse in their own home??? How damaged are these poor people!?
It’s not tolerance, it’s rationalizing. And it’s a pretty common coping mechanism that has allowed eons of humans to survive and go on to the next day…and others to oppress and exploit them in the process.
Children have no choice. My family was very dysfunctional but I as a child thought it was normal. I watched “ family shows “ on tv and thought they were pretend. I still don’t understand my parent’s intentions.
I’m ashamed to say but I was that mum who told her older children of her trauma and I regret it so bad. I’ve affected my children in ways I never imagined.
No, it's being real. It's not hiding the truth. It's teaching others and hoping the cycle stops. It's sharing and hoping your kids will feel brave enough to ever tell you when something happens to them.
Once in a work training thing with all women, they asked us to tell the story of how our parents met. It was a very international group. Out of like 20-25 of us there were THREE literal kidnapping stories. Three. As in a man and his friends grabbed their moms and took them away. Three.
My husband's mom was kidnapped by his dad when she was 14 and he was in his twenties😢 they have so many kids and he was always drinking and abusive when they were little
@@ARose.1989my “grandpa” literally did the same.. kidnapped and SA’d my probably 13 year old grandma and took her away from her family, married her and had 12 kids, against her will, constantly abusing her in every possible way.. he is dead now (drank himself to death) but I am so disgusted by him and ashamed to be related to him. She is so so strong but my heart hurts for her still
my mom literally told me once that she was led into the woods and beaten with a bat. and then when she met my dad he was MARRIED. and called her all the time, whenever my parents talk my eyes just get wider
I’m happy that she’s happy. She found a purpose in life in a difficult situation. That is admirable. We will all face hard situations, and not everyone rises above. Give your mom hugs :)
I can relate. I'm 55 years old and just this year my mother told me additional details about how exactly my grandfather got my grandmother to marry him and now I see my grandfather as a monster. Certain details are sometimes related in a joking manner and laughed off to mask the shame of trauma and its horrifying to finally get all of the facts and realize the ugly truth. My grandmother is my family hero and now I see her as so much more for enduring the trauma and surviving and becoming much more.
It’s interesting that a lot of people say that this generation is messed up but in reality, there was a lot of messed up things happening, but they aren’t just discussed.
Or it happens so often that they not only hush hush but 'normalize' it. I am disturbed the way my grandmother and mother use to talk about child molestation without horror in their voice. They obviously disapproved but they dealt with it almost casually. Even reading these comments is making me sick.
Yup, that's kind of like why Florida has such a reputation for being crazy. I mean it is, but it's no crazier than most places with major cities in America. It's just that Florida has certain laws about making crimes public, so we simply hear about it more. It's all about perception.
Hahahaha! That's why I admired my grandmother so much. She'd be 118 years old if she had lived. She left her husband. Wasn't sticking around for abuse.
My dad used to share these really terrible stories from his childhood, that obviously still upset him all these years later. One day I told him that I thought it might help him to go to therapy to heal from some of the trauma that he talks about. He got really, really angry with me and said they were “just funny stuff that happened when I was a kid, but if you’re going to act that way, I won’t bring them up again”. He hasn’t since. I feel really bad that he isn’t sharing anymore but I also think it’s sad that he views therapy as a negative for him (especially because I’ve been going myself for years, which he encourages).
Maybe you should dig deeper. Hint: it does not get better the further back it goes. Imagine your ancient ancestors losing their homes and family because the continents shifted, some sank, some new ones arose, and once free people were then enslaved. My mother told me about the things that happened to her. Perhaps she shared too many details at times, but I respect what she powered through, how strong she was and that she did not kill herself. My grandma went through hell, both of them, and I don't even know about their childhoods. Maybe those things weren't proper to talk about during their times. One of them was meaner than hell, the other wasn't kind. I see a lot of young people bashing the older generations but believe us when we say things were different. Even just 30 years ago, things were so different, I doubt young people could even fathom. A hundred years or so ago, there were no highways from New York to Florida. People had to travel by wagon and/or boat to make that trip.
@@TheEnigmaticmuse Thank you for your kindness! As someone whose mother went through hell with my dad, the best she could do was trauma dump on her children, and I was the only one who actually listened to her. She couldn’t speak English so she couldn’t find a bilingual therapist for her language. My dad certainly didn’t care. She was isolated and alone. Because I listened, I was able to piece our history together, and have a closer bond with my female ancestors. I have a lot of empathy for my mother and female ancestors for what they went through. Women barely got to make the connections we are making today by sharing our stories. I see it as an opportunity to heal. ❤
@@Shaa-Belle ❤️ the stories our ancestors told weren't always fun, but they were important. It's important to pass their stories down the line, when age-appropriate so our descendants don't forget where they came from.
Man my mom told me her and my dad got married when she was 15 and he was 21 and I’m like ummm mom you don’t see nothing wrong with that. Her fave line is “ times were different back then” no ma’am dogs still bark like they did back then
@@Hitsugix only in the recent world we have enough comfort to judge everyone on phone. Times were different and not worse or better, just different. You can feel uncomfortable but can't villanize someone for things of different era
@@swatik2509 because she has no other perspective, I'm pretty she wouldn't allow her 15 year old daughter to marry a 25 year old man... A 15 year old teenager should be a teenager not a wife
And people wonder why so many marriages end up in divorce nowadays compared to the previous generation. Its because *daughters didn't inherit the silence of their mothers* and the daughters would never let a man treat them like their mothers were treated. PROGRESS PEOPLE WE MADE PROGRESS. BE PROUD OF IT instead of complaining that the divorce rate is up and all.
I cannot like this comment enough. I went and unliked it so I could like it again. Possibly because I've been divorced - once from the love of my life who decided that therapy was useless and he was no longer in love with me and just walked out. Second husband was a pedophile having sexual fantasies about my daughter. We are SOOOO much better than before! I would have been shamed into staying with that pedo in years past! Can you imagine how much more damage would have been done?
That is an amazing turn of phrase ‘did not inherit the silence of their mothers’ And yet people don’t talk about how that happens. We fought. We fought for women to be able to not stay with creepy controlling rapist assholes.
Thank you. I hope you understand how much of a difference you are making in not only their lives,but the lives of future generations. As a person who escaped an arrangement and have never been able to recover being disowned, do you have any advice on what resources I can find?
In some circumstances I can understand marriages being annulled due to consent not being given. If a woman regrets after the fact then they should not divorce. What God has joined together, let no man separate.
When I was 60 and my mom was 80, she suddenly told me a man she was walking with tried to rape her when she was 14. She never told anyone except me and my dad, because her father would have straight up killed the guy. I’d known her 60 years and had no freaking CLUE. The world kind of rocks under you. I knew my grandad best her, but damn.
My mother was 14 when she met my father (24) and they married when she was 15 and he was 25. My father passed 10 years ago, when I was 15, and to this day I don’t think I can forgive him for taking away my mothers youth. She never got to become a person. All she’s ever known is being a child…and then she was a mother for the rest of her life. It’s troubling.
My grandparents had a very similar situation. In my grandma's case she was trying to escape her home life. They thought for a few years she couldn't concieve to full term-- no, she was just too young. She never even finished high school, which she came to regret. When she could have kids - which she ended up hating - the joke among the them all growing up was that "someday we'll get Mom raised too."
I understand why you feel that way, and your worldview is valid, but still developing at 25. I think that in a few more years you will have a different understanding of the situation. Doesn't mean you won't still have strong opinions about your mum and dad and how they met, but I think you will have a broader perspective. Your mum is going to be alright too. Look out for her. 💛
Older generations will say "Kids these days are traumatised by anything, when I was a kid-" then describe the most horrific situation you've ever heard that explains why they are the way they are.
THIS.
Right, the only difference is we KNOW we're traumatized, we actually know what trauma is, and we're trying to deal with it instead of bury it
Well...we didn't have therapists. We didn't yhink anyone would believe us, so we made the best if it!
People who go through trauma and don't deal with that trauma pass suffering around to everyone they interact with longterm. My parents never got therapy for their severe abuse so they thought it was fine when my dad whipped me with his hotwheel tracks because 'it's not like i threw you down the stairs and broke your arm like your grandpa did to me!' @@nancylowe2692
@@nancylowe2692I’m thankful for your generation. I learned how to push through some things when I needed to. Sometimes you gotta pick yourself up by your bootstraps, trudge through some ugly stuff and deal with it later.
Edit:for the love of god… yes I’m aware of where the phrase came from. I guess try to look at my overall point. Sometimes you have to trudge through the uncomfortable for a sec before you’re able to address the issue…
Based on the stories around the older gen around me, this is true 😭 their resilience is insane
It's probably good to clarify that back when the life expectancy was significantly lower than it is today and people were more likely to die from manual labour which was the vast majority of jobs, marrying a younger woman and having kids as early as possible was a precaution in case anything were to happen to the man. They entrusted the woman to raise the child alone if such a disaster were to happen, which was very likely. Mining accidents, Steel Mill accidents, Black lung, Radiation poisoning, and loads of other industrial accidents were very prevalent during periods of uncertainty where the man was the only one working and the woman was the one taking care of the children. At the end of the day, the children and the mother mattered more than the father when it came to who was prioritised for safety.
That tradition of marrying younger was very much accepted and was passed down for generations until we got more comfortable as a species to start pulling away from unnecessary precautions like impregnating a 15 year old. Those who want to do that nowadays are simply creeps. But those who did it back then were simply following traditions and precautions. This is why people still marry very young women in countries outside of the US and UK. They are practicing the same precautions and traditions because it's much more necessary for them than it is for someone in the west.
@@TheBlackQueen Okay but the video and comment is most likely referring to Gen X and boomer parents so not exactly lower life expectancy. Even the parents of baby boomers themselves lived till 70-90. You're talking about way before
@@esbns My point was that that tradition carried on into the latter generations before it started being questioned. Boomers were the first in the newer comfortable age so of course they were still marrying young. Gen X saw that decline and then was very much not accepted by the time of millennials and Gen Z.
Lol😂😂😂life expectancy😂😂 are you talking about bronce age😂😂😂 god!!! Today's mother are 40 when they speak about this with 17 year old daughters!
@@TheBlackQueen. No, this is referring to boomers. Who while Gen z insist that we had it easier, we actually were far less liked after than today’s young people.
I was told it was time to leave my parents home by 18. I married my husband at 19, who was 28.
It sounds predatory but it was a different world back then. No one even asked about our age difference. Ever, I don’t think.
We’re happily married 43 years, so it all worked out.
“Kids these days are traumatized by anything-“ THERE IS A REASON THE THINGS YOU WENT THROUGH ARE ILLEGAL😭
Weaklings be abused it builds character
@@redlight3932corny
Not in india
@@redlight3932what the fu-
@@redlight3932it builds so much character that you might get mental illnesseses and insecurities/fears & many other bad behaviors that will accompany you all throughout your life... Very nice character build.
I once told my teen daughter stories of when I was a young girl. I saw her eyes well up with tears. I asked her what was wrong. Crying, she looked at me, "I wished I could've been your mom. I would have loved you so much." That just hit me like a freight truck. I knew there and then why I tried so hard all her life to never make her cry or feel bad. I've always consoled her in my arms, regardless of age, when she felt sad or bad, so she could feel safe. I always listen when she has something to say. It was all the things my parents never did for me.
Now I knew she loved me as much as I loved her 😊
This is incredibly sweet, and is the same way I feel about my mom. I wish you and your daughter well :)
I wish more moms were like you. I’m sure you know. Thank you ❤ It sounds like you broke the cycle, good job. I wish you all the best!
Y'all are proper ohana
omf im gonna cry thats so sweet
This is an amazing comment
My mom will always throw in “Those were different times.” for a little razzle dazzle.
not the razzle dazzle 😭
Razzle dazzle 😂 lmfao!!!!!!!!!
✨✨
😂
😂😂
This is why other generations think we’re weak. Their trauma, and mistreatment, was so normalized and kept on the shush, that lots of them probably don’t even know it is that. Like my dad has had to do a lot of looking in with his childhood trauma and realizing he was indeed robbed of it and hurt. 😔
Likr they think the way they got treated is normal. It's really sad tbh. And then they go ahead and get all their pain on other people.
Other generations are traumatized by actual experiences… you’re traumatized by pronouns and science… you are weak!
It wasn't normal back then either and wasn't normal for women to walk alone there was always police in corners
Men used to walk with pals and brothers too, men that used to be weird were "loners" and used to do those weird things, but it wasn't normal. Also most men after 17 18 were sent to the military and there was wars every decade, so it wasn't common to see loner men's
@@hiwelcometochillis2579 none of those circumstances mean traumatic experiences werent normal. Honestly im kind of having trouble telling which experiences youre pointing to but i think thats more a lack of being able to read undertones on my part. Regardless things “children should be seen not heard”, “men dont cry”, “find a husband or you will be miserable” shit like that was VERY normal and is incredibly damaging over long periods of time
What’s worse is that the younger generations have a stupid label in popular culture called trauma dumping, which heaps even more shame onto the person sharing their history-you want to know this stuff so you can be a better person and not repeat the same situation as your parents did & if that’s too hard for you to hear then you’re gonna have a really tough life ahead, it’s not like you lived the trauma yourself. You’re just listening to someone tell you their experience and you’re too soft to hear it. That’s insane grow up.
"Who are you calling?"...... "The police!!" 😂
“It’s too late to call the police…”
It is criminal. We waste so much time talking about the past and never discuss how people today still use the banner of marriage to enslave women.
that was the ONLY thing that solved this trauma for me xD!
It's never too late
But reason for calling police explained please
This is so real, my aunt met my uncle when she was 15, he was 20, and her excuse was “love knows no age limit” WELL NANCY THE LAW BEGS TO DIFFER
😂😂❤
at 15 you're clearly not consenting
It is legal in many states.
Also 15-20 is ok.
It is not at all how disgusting of you to say that. Legality doesnt equate to morality. @@leandro6234
@@leandro6234 No it's not
Stories of how older relatives met are always something like “we went on one date, got married 2 weeks later, and we’ve been together ever since” or just straight up a crime.
This is literally my parents' story. They didn't even go on a date, just met and bam. Married. Fight a lot. Verbally and physically abuse to their kids. My mom somehow still tell me stories about how great their relationship was. Huh girl i was literally there, no it wasn't tf?
😂😂😂 and also 😭😭😭
Met my husband in February, married by June, 38 years ago. Never fight or argue, never have. Neither one of us drinks, drugs, abuses, harms, manipulates, neglects or disrespects the other. We both grew together, experienced life together, good and bad. But we upheld and supported each other, filling in the places where the other lacked. You make it sound like a brief courtship guarantees that a relationship will be a total disaster, yet my marriage has been proof that is not always true. It is easy to judge a relationship from the outside, but you don't know the full measure of it. Like so many people today, it would benefit you to judge less and respect others more. You only see the veneer. Marriage, strong relationships of all kinds, really, takes a commitment to making it work. A lot of people seem to want effortless relationships today. When the going gets tough, folks want to cut and run. I think that's part of the increase in the divorce rate. Folks seem to think that you shouldn't have to do the work, make compromises, or grow to stay/stay happy in a relationship. In my experience, that's not how it works.
My grandparents married after 1...
Yea that’s the way they did things. That was the societal norm of the day and a lot probably most of these marriages turned out well because they had a different mindset and different values.
Doesn’t mean there aren’t outliers.
Also let’s make sure we don’t confuse cultures. What happens in one culture doesn’t work in the US.
The older generation always says that we complain too much about our problems, honey you guys didn't complain enough!!
Exactly ~ so you passed your problems onto us but now thankfully we're complaining & dealing with them!
Right omg 😮😮
Some older generation woman had the strength and courage to make some (little) change for the better . Thanks to these ladies we are where we are, able to see the wrong. We should be grateful and not complain for how women lived those times. They literally had no other choice 😢, and often didn't know it was not right.
@geavisser7339 and your absolutely right
Women did nothing wrong. Male predators just be lurking.
If you think women weren't speaking up about this in every generation, you are VERY mistaken.
It's been 4000 years of male supremacy. We are no better than our mothers and grandmothers, may we all have their strength
My husband's grandmother always tells this story about being 14 and having just arrived in the US after losing both her parents in Italy and having to move in with her aunt. Then along comes a 27 year old man who followed her home from school and begged her aunt to let him to marry her, every day, for weeks. She said her aunt got tired of sending him away and agreed to "let him have her". They tell this story as if it is romantic and it makes me want to smash my face into the dining table every time.
😮
It is probably a lot more "romantic" than what goes on in your life
@@CGJUGO80weird sh*t being approved by weirdos is the point of the video
Here it goes again
Wtf!!!
Soooo whats wring with... your alive to tell the stoey vecayse your 27 year.old grqnd father was perisstent in securing your 14 year old grand mother
Okaaay
My grandmother just casually dropped that her husband just casually cheated on her all throughout their marriage, and even though she hated it she let it slide because the "temptation" was just too strong for him to handle 😬
😒 temptation my ass! I woulda left, she shoulda left
😮
And now they say that we tend to get divorced too easily! I mean who’s going to tolerate the constant cheating these days????? 😅😅😅
Oh my God
Gross.
And they still think they don’t need therapy 😭😭
Bruh… right!?!?
TRUTH 😭😭😭
They receive therapy by offloading all their problems on us.
@@mercedesharrison5550 who’s us?
@@Sushi_Lover456their children 😊
Dad lore is crazy but mom lore is genuinely the most depressing stories you’ll ever hear
bruh my friend told me that her parents had 20 years age difference, when did they met you ask? he actually knew her mom since she was a kid since he went to their bar a lot, they got together when she was 17, i'll let you do the math.
Actually, some people go through hard times you would not believe. Maybe it's not always good to tell your children, but there is no way a person can go through life without some kind of suffering. My mom stuffed all of her emotions from growing up in the Great Depression. She and had trouble with anger coming up. I wish she had shared some of it with me to let it out instead of stuffing her emotions. I would rather know than have her suffer with such terrible sadness.
mom: who u callen?
her: THE POLICE 💀💀💀
Dad lore makes me wonder how he's still alive, mum lore makes me wonder if life is worth living
Literally and moms go 'be nice to your dad'. Like tf you told me stories to think of him as some inhumane monster and you want me to carry on with life like I didn't hear anything 😂😂
My first boyfriend was also my stalker. He waited for me outside school and followed me home. I was 14. I hated it, I was scared, I never let him into my house and he would stay on my driveway for hours. I couldn’t send him away as my family told me I was being rude, and him following me home was romantic. I finally managed to free myself of his grip 3 years ago, when I was 30.
In no circumstances is stalking ever romantic 🙃
This is so scary. I'm so sorry your family didn't support you through this. They should have. Thankfully you're free
OMG and WTF!? I’m so happy you are finally free! Stalking an underaged girl is NOT romantic! I’m so sorry this happened to you. Here’s to a fresh start and autonomy!
@@mostskillful6672 Dude, what is wrong with you?
WAIT NO WRONG COMMENT
sory guys i was replying to the bastard up there didtn mean to @ u
Got a distant relative wayy into the older generations. I'll never forget how how she was pleased with her husband, who was the type of man to come home drunk, not work neither in or out the house, and not try to support anyone neither financially or emotionally, because he "didn't beat her 🤗🤗🤗"
The bar was truly low. Under the earth kinda low!
my mom says that..(he doesn't drink tho), it gets me so mad I cannot explain in words
Sounds like my kind of woman 😅
@@PoppyDada27I love women with low standards lol
It just really sad
My grandmother who got married and had my oldest uncle at 14, telling me that she would sprint home from the playground to start cooking dinner for my grandad. Broke my heart
That’s heart breaking same goes for my grandma. So sad.
And here I am at 14 playing video games.
I'm so sorry for your grandmothers
My grandmother married at 14 and had my mom at 16 and wasn't even allowed to show affection towards her baby and was scared of her husband most of her life
My gramma hates her husband. They say he used to beat all after coming home drunk. The day she left the home with kids she beated her husband with a pot and took him down lol. She's a strong woman but married young
😢😢😢💔💔💔
Dude I’m Mexican and the way older family and friends just casually say ‘Oh your Uncle stole your Aunt Tita when she was 14’ like I beg your PARDON!!!???
Kidnapping a child is the most common “love story” plot among our elders 🥲
That's what happened to my husband's parents she was 14 and he was in his twenties in Mexico
That happened to someone's grandma that I know! She was kidnapped at 14, held for a weekend of rape, and then forced to marry her rapist. I cannot imagine the generational trauma that caused it.
In Mexico the "marry your rapist and his crimes are exonerated" law wasn't repealed nationally until 1991.
This law was (and still is) depressingly common in many countries.
@@nekokun354 the US made marital rape illegal in 93
my older sister was conceived on my mom's 15th birthday. her dad was 27. dude was a deadbeat who never paid child support and my sister cut off all contact with him as an adult. my younger siblings and I have a different dad who is two years older than my mom. they went to school together and had dated but were broken up when my mom got pregnant. he raised my sister as if she was his own kid, and married my mom a year later. they're still together to this day, and that was 25 years ago.
For your dad to do that at 17/18, real good dude.
Ugh very similar, mother 16, father 28. Predator, pedophile, narcissist, abuser, violent, deadbeat person. I can't bare to say his name or even call him a sperm donor since it was rape. I now call him Haman. Someone who believed they are the best, entitled and tries to destroy someone else.
My grandma trauma dumped me. It sounded horrific, and she did not realize she was describing an assalt. But since she is 82, I kept my cool and did not let out my inner thoughts and didn't overreact, i just let her speak out and reasured her she could tell me anything. Too bad, this is a one-sided treatment, I would never get such treatment in return. But oh well.
Goodness, I totally know how that goes.
I grew up with my mother neglecting me, and her husband detesting me.
My grandmother, diagnosed NPD, spent the most time with me - and ironically, did her best to instill some semblance of self-esteem, within me.
However, she was very mean to my mother and aunt, when they were growing up.
I survived a near decade of Munchhausen’s by Proxy, when I was severely ill (come to find out it was due to a life-long severe hormonal imbalance, from stress, called Cushing’s Syndrome).
I knew what Munchhausen’s was, before Gypsy Rose made it famous.
I am, finally, getting back on my feet.
At the beginning of 2022, when I was first REALLY getting back on my feet - we had to start taking care of my grandmother, who developed Alzheimer’s dementia.
My mother started to treat her in the awful way she treated me, when I was ill.
I am autistic/ADHD and my symptoms were BAD, when I was ill- both due to the stress she put me under and medications - and taking care of my grandmother made me realized how closely related autism, ADHD, and Alzheimer’s is (there is medical research to back this up).
I stood up to my mother, about her treatment of my grandmother - she knew I’d have no issue exposing her, especially, after what I have been through, under her “care.”
In the duration of us working together (quite successfully, only because I proved of great value to her, and made her look good, to people and the court - because I am the one who majority took care of my grandmother)..
My mother would open up, a bit, about the type of things my grandmother did, to her.
And they were EXACTLY the things my mother did, to me.
Now, could I be honest and say I know how she feels - because I went through the exact same things, because of her?
Nope.
When she says any of it - it’s as if I have never experienced anything, whatsoever.
My mother pretends as if my being sick never even happened - I can’t even talk about my health issues, without her ignoring ‘em.
Which, I know she resented the fact I wouldn’t let her post anything about my health, on social media - especially, once I saw how excited she would get, from all the comments and likes, over her being a (supposed) loving and dotting mother and caretaker.
Just goes to show that all we can do is really learn how to he the parents/grandparents we’ve always wished we had - and be that, to and for ourselves.
They literally gave the biggest stalker weirdos chances back then, like these are now dad‘s walking around
That’s a great point 😅
I feel like you should be able to trust someone’s dad, but ????
It's not like they had a choice...
@@evilskeleton1 they as in the parents/family
Forced marriages.
Which explains a lot about the weird pedophiles dads
This explains why people thought romcoms with stalkers were ok.
Like the Notebook where Ryan Gosling's character literally writes a letter to a married woman every single day for a year with no response until she breaks off with him and marries the obsessed looney. 😂
Because women eat that shit up.
Oh my gosh I was stalked by a creepy guy in my school when I was 14/15 and one of my grandaunts be like: “he just likes you and gets possessive” NO WHAT THE HECK☠️☠️☠️ I haven’t talked to her since then and my family solved the problem for me 🫡
@GiuseppeGaetanoSabatelli that isn't stalking, that's just what was expected for long distance lovers. And anyone who truly is in love with someone writes to another. Plus In the movie, he wrote letters to her the year she left, not the year she was married. That was way into the future
Romcoms are still full of stalkers, cheaters etc.
So relatable. My mom only married my dad to get out of her dad’s house. She didn’t even love him but he was head over heels for her. Then the Vietnam War happened and everything changed for them. The parents I met were post-war and very traumatized by their individual experiences… some unfathomable. It took for me to become an adult/mother to understand that my parents were just people in need of help that they didn’t even know they needed. People that I love and have so much empathy for. At 53, I’m finally understanding that I’m also a person in need of help and healing. The difference for me is that I’m getting it and encouraging my son to do the same.
My great grandma got forced to marry a 27 yo man when she was just TEN 😭 She tried running away multiple times, but always came back as she had no other place to stay. I'm 13 and I CANNOT IMAGINE GOING THROUGH 5
THAT, THAT IS SO SICK AND DISGUSTING
It is horrific. I hate that this is even a thing. I can’t imagine marrying a freaking 10 year old!!! WTF?!
@@temperance2580i have a lot of older relatives who got married at 14 to
21yr olds. Its sick, and they dont even see it as a problem
Jesus christ, ten years old? So she suffered for her whole life. This is horrifying. I'm afraid to ask, but I have to - how old was she when she had her first child and how many children did she have?
@@alexmagney5326 Ikrr!! I'm not sure since I moved out from Morocco (where it happened) and lost contact with the dad's side of the family. I just know that she had kids as a teen and 6-8 in total... I think it's obvious that she was r@ped by her so called "husband", people's mentality back then was sick and disgusting, like who the f*ck marries their 10 yo to a pedophile... I'm so angry lol
So gross, I wish her the best
“Who are you calling?” “A fucking therapist” would probably be my response lmfao
I thought it WAS a therapist till I only heard 3 digits 😅. Perhaps one day you can call emergency services for therapy though... this seems like a necessary way forward
@@ayamempress1579988 is the number for suicide hotline, I do believe. Just in case you ever know anyone in that situation. It's not therapy per say, but it kind of is
@@ayamempress1579yes!! First Aid Car like in Station 19!
Asian parents don't believe in therapy.
Therapists are a scam
An old coworker friend had this happen to her. Only she was sold off to a 50 year-old weathy Texas ranger when she was 18. She was taken from her home in Mexico to the middle of nowhere-texas. She didn't speak English or know anyone and endured every kind of abuse. She worked to learn English and convinced her husband to let her attend church, 'to learn how to be a good wife'. The church ladies worked together and moved her across the country to stay with some of their friends/family and got her a job. She was very brave and hard working. It paid off. She was granted a divorce without having to see her ex-husband. She went from bilingual receptionist to dental assistant with on the job training. Now she's married to a man she has chosen and they've had a baby. I'm amazed and proud of her. ❤
Wow, I’m amazed how recently this happened!
She's incredible! 👏
@Steven-hq3go you have no sympathy in your heart. This person was literally kidnapped and forced into marriage and here you are talking about her commuting adultery. You so call shifty Christians are the worst
Are you slow or something?@@Steven-hq3go
@@Steven-hq3goyes, coz a 50 yo man who BUYS 18 yo girls is a gentleman who cares about consent. The one officiating? LOL coz a person who officiates a marriage between a 50 yo man and an 18 yo girl who can't speak english cares about the well being of the girl. Adultry? Right, coz God will certainly justify some ceremony over justice and the happiness of His daughter.
Mexican grandparents and I never understood why my grandma was so mean and hated my grandpa until I was older and found out what kind of man he was. Then it all made sense. To this day, she’s a queen in my eyes and whatever grandma wants grandma will get! When I think about what she went through, I get so angry with the people who were supposed to protect her from people like him!
Wow yeah I never really thought logically about why abuelas are the queens of every family until now…
It’s cus man we really owe them one
Your grandmother has no reason to hate your grandmother
My mom casually mentioned that my dad punched her when she was pregnant because she was being annoying. And then said "well I was being really annoying". Like bro I don't even know how to feel about my family anymore, not only that but I feel bad for my mom.
When trauma is spoken about so casually, it’s usually unprocessed
hm that's funny bc they say the exact same thing when trauma is spoken about with emotion - that it's "unprocessed".
people process things differently and only they themsleves would know if it is "processed" or not.
when you say something is unprocessed, what do you really mean/imply?
@@starfruitiger idk what the commenter means by unprocessed yet but I agree with them. I interpret it as their brains are still protecting them and not allowing them to see it as traumatic, or see themselves as a victim/ survivor, or maybe they simply haven’t admitted it to many people. Especially if they follow it up with “but that was how it was back then” or “but it’s fine” or something to justify that it’s “normal” and okay, despite it being very not ok nor healthy. It’s not a judgement or anything. I just have seen both my mom and dad do this and I did this ALOT in my life prior to therapy and in the early stages of therapy. In order to process trauma the person’s body and mind has to feel they are in a safe enough place to do it, and sometimes even talking to your child or partner about it can still feel threatening. The horrified look on someone’s face can make you start feeling “threatened” and try and brush it off as nothing.
@@starfruitiger...who says that? I've seen a lot of therapists, psychiatrists, and heard from others who did the same. I still have one. Not one therapist, not even the one that fell asleep and ruined a good few years because she misheard something, ever said that trauma spoken with emotion was unprocessed.
Let's think about it. If you think about a time in your life that was horrible, whether just a bad work week with an abusive boss or a dangerous cruel childhood, and you reflect on those times with anger or sadness or despair etc, you understand it was a bad time. But if you're like me and many others, having had a poor childhood and what you do remember seems normal/casual to you, it's most definitely unprocessed. Unpacked, unacknowledged, unnoticed. There were so many things and events that happened to me that I just dealt with, because it felt commonplace. Whereas now I'd probably break down sobbing if I thought about a certain event longer than I ever have. That's most certainly what they mean when they say "unprocessed"; it's *not* remembering, or thinking deeply on how you felt, or dismissing what happened to you because it felt so normal to experience. And that's just a case of childhood trauma-it most certainly has different effects and whatnot on different situations.
There's a difference between someone finding humor/light in being bullied as a child (typically at the bully), and someone who casually laughs at themselves in that moment (at the expense of themselves).
Truth. If they sat down and really unpacked what they went through the responses would shift so fast.
I feel like the reason I can talk about it casually is BECAUSE it's been processed and is no longer triggering. I'm also a big fan of dark humor as a coping mechanism🤷♀️ lol how should one act when it has been processed? Still super emotional about something that can't ever be changed?
"we didn't need divorces or professional therapy back in the day"
Yes grandpa and I have seen the results on your children.
“Mmhm, mmhm, and tell me, what was the rate of death via poisoning?”
Therapy is a new invention you know that right
@@adrianfleming3437Not even remotely the point I was making and it's over 60 years old at this point, so i would not say it is new.
The children do now because the wolrd is fucked up 😂
@@adrianfleming3437yeah new things are terrible. That’s why nobody ever makes or improves anything.
Bro my mom was SA'd as a kid a literal child in pajamas and has the NERVE to victim shame then act like qhat she went through was different
Unfortunately, that often happens with trauma. One of the reasons why is that by her shaming other victims, who were "asking for it", she subconsciously validates her experience as traumatic and herself as the "perfect victim". Since the adults in her life probably dismissed it or ignored it completely, this is the only way for her to validate her experience and feel that that little girl didn't deserve that.
Doesn't make the victim blaming any better, but that's what trauma does. While not justifying it in the slightest, explaining it is important for the context. Though nothing makes this any less fucked up lmao it just shows us why we all fucked up 😂
“I’m retroactively calling CPS for you.”
Men: Marriages lasted longer back in the old days.
Yes! Because Women had no choice. 😢
Thank God for our female ancestors who fought tooth n nail for us to get divorced, own property, wear pants.
Thank you mothers and grandmothers and great-grandmothers
Every legal protection women have today is owed to women of the past. The other generations weren't dumber, they were as brave as you and I.
@@inactivechannel6365 What?
@@witchytaedragon I think they meant that they weren't women yet, because they were still children.
@@charlieleseman7847 Ohhh that makes sense. Gods I'm stupid lmao
It’s better than the current system for the children at least. And the men. It’s only better now for 1 of the 3 parties involved. In the name of the greater good bring back 1940s and 1950s style marriages.
"Women initiate divorces the most" YEAH! GOOD!
I'll never understand why they think this is a 'gotcha' statement in their favour.
@@bliss252yeah good luck surviving without men.
And then depend on tax money and country run by men 😂
@@Terahydron you guys are terrible in running things
@@Terahydron friend of mine got divorced last year, she has always earned more, owns the house alone and everything. Get out of your 1923 box and join modern life already, women work.
NO FOR REAL it hurts to know just how absolutely alone and vulnerable my mom was for most of her life and my life, until i was old enough to actually be able to look out for her
Literally they will describe a arraigned child marriage and marital 🍇 like they’re just masking causal small talk
And these dads knowing how terrible they were when they were young will be sooooo protective of their daughters 😂
Not all. Some dads see their daughters as future investments for a piece of land or a new goat or something
yeah cause they know people like themselves are walking around. its a weird toxic projection
It's the karma. He was haunted with what he did in the past.
If they have character development sure, then there are the dads who use them for social standing or are creepy with them & are possessive in a different kind of way like my grandfather, UGH
Like my father. Wanted to know my every move, snooped through my things, controlled my ability to socialize and expand in the world….BUT would barely take care of me and abandoned me financially. Left me to live with his mother, etc. but yes controlled how and when and where I did anything.
My mom being like “your dad lied to me to get me to marry him, haha it was so funny.”
I’m Latina…. This one hit home… happened to my mom not just from my dad but from her moms advice too!!! Like WTF!!! I mean she is happy but you are in utter shock… grandma literally told her that no one else would want her because she kissed and was holding hands with a man!!! Then my dad told her “if you don’t marry me, I know another girl that will” like wtf is that???!!! They laugh but to me that is just utterly strange
I am Indian, my mom's cousin lied to his wife's family. It was arranged marriage. He lied about age, that he was in his mid 20s, when he was mid 30s he gave horoscope of youngest brother to girls side where there will be DOB . Wife was 18 just few days before marriage!!!!. If I was in her place I would have filed a police case for cheating. This happened in 2000s not in 90s or 80s😶
no seriously!!
Oh shiiit, did you know my grandma? Cause my grandpa was 12 years older than her and didn't tell her until their wedding night!!!
😢
My grandma told me how my grandpa pestered her for a date for 2 years AS HER SUPERVISOR AT WORK! She said it with a smile and laugh like it was a funny joke
Most of the time I don't realize it was a traumatizing experience till my daughter ask me about something in the past and I start sharing and realizing, whoa that was messed up or traumatic. Then talking with her about how things should have been done in response OR most of the time processing the trauma for the first time quietly for a long time and remembering not to trauma dump on my kids while working it out on my own.
That's good progress, keep going! ❤
The relationships in the older generations are just creepy and ilegal 😭😭
Not illegal. We just changed the age of consent in some staes where a 12-14 year olds could be married off by her parents.
@lbarnx okay just because in certain states or countries it's not illegal, doesn't mean it's not morally incorrect.
@@lbarnxthat's actually creepy 💀 12 year olds should be playing with dolls, not walking down the isle 😭
@@lbarnxbut surely not to a grown ass ADULT, right? that's considered child abuse, right??? ESPECIALLY if it's sexual. doesn't matter the age of consent, if they're under the age of majority, an adult and a minor in a sexual relationship is illegal. (that's obviously not accounting for romeo and juliet laws)
@@user-hp8my2hp1y Still in some countries 12 year olds are forced to get married
One of my great aunts told me that she met her husband by being chased by him through a corn field... Are the older gens okay???
Nope! Unfortunately you don't realize the gravity of trauma until you've already passed it down. But things are starting to change.
Watch standup comedy from anytime before the late 90s it's about 95% hating your spouse.
Social pressure to get married young and never separate did terrible things
They are most definitely not okay. That's why we aren't either. 👌
no they are not :(
WHAT
From the old days women are learnt to take abuse and creepy behaviour as "love". Domestic violence? Love. Abuse? Love. Cheating? Love. Emotional abuse? Love.
My mom said that she was driving for a week with a stranger when she was around 16-17. She was practically kidnapped bc he decided to teach her lesson that she shouldn't get into the car with a stranger. She asked to take her to another city and they end up in a whole different town and was selling a beer on streets bc he said that he bring her back when he finish his work. He DID bring her back and said that she shouldn't trust strangers but that was the craziest shit she ever told me and she was like "mhm yeah doesn't matter".
😂😂😂😂😂 my ghot
What the actual fuck
@@alexmagney5326 exactly my thoughts
"Marriages don't stay together like they used to" yes and that's a GOOD THING😭
RIGHT?? like women who were treated like this were always unhappy, now they just have resources to leave😭
"Women aren't obedient asswipes anymore" is what they really mean
YEAH some marriages maybe sometimes definitely SHOULDN'T stay together ... 100%
“Marriages don’t stay together like they used to” is just a dog whistle for “women are allowed to divorce now”
Not if you have kids
Literally my mom told me how when she got kicked out at 18, she had to be roommates with this older aggressive man because she had nowhere else to go. She extremely casually told me how one day he pushed her down a super long flight of concrete stairs out of nowhere, and thankfully she was able to catch herself after tumbling down around 5-10. I at 14 had to explain to my 41 year old mother how that experience is 100% not normal and absolutely horrific.
Also my dad used to joke how he and his brother we’re always beaten with wooden spoons, and that I had it easy (he was extremely verbally aggressive when I was super young) thankfully once I got diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder at 13 he truly realized the effects it had on me and is now working everyday to make up for how he was, but still, absolutely wild how they see these things as normal
@@Xxg0r3r4bb1txXchats great the progress I truly hope all older gen heal too and dont dump it on thier kids no wonder we are the gen with more mental health diagnoses
@@Xxg0r3r4bb1txXmy parents had abusive parents. My dad had shitty siblings, and my mom's sisters got into fights way too many times for her to ever relax as the eldest.
Then my parents abused my older brothers, my mom on the grounds that they were boys (???) and my dad because they weren't his children. You can see the aftermath in their personalities and behaviors.
Then, afaik from only living in my body, I was the last to be abused. I don't want to trauma dump or say too much, but what I will say is that every group has said to the most recent victim "you have/had it better than we did". When in reality, all that changed was the method of abuse. That, and the constant belief that "abuse" was parenting/discipline. If it was...they wouldn't be as angry and miserable as they are. Just because one grew up silently in response or another laughed it off doesn't mean they're mentally okay.
My granddad would send my mom and her sisters to school with welts on their legs, and my grandmom wouldn't stop him. It didn't matter how many vacations they were taken on, especially when there was an aspect of racism and them refusing to move to a less bigoted area.
My mom may not have beaten her own kids as violently as her father did her, but she literally used Chinese rice torture "as discipline", got angry when her very obviously autistic child hated getting their hair washed (me), and was aggressive in most of what she did. Only recently has she..."mellowed" out. It didn't matter how many toys we had, especially when they were taken away and blamed for our "bad behavior".
I really hate to say it, but they refuse to acknowledge just how horrible the older gen to them was. None of them have ever truly engaged with therapy (esp since they see therapy and getting help as for the "insane"), or talked out any of their issues, or apologized, or tried to be different. And it sucks, watching from the youngest of the family, just how messed up they all are. I loved these people, most people want to love their family, but it gets harder when they refuse to acknowledge or process their emotions/trauma/life experiences, and merely see it as "wisdom" to store away. Not to say it isn't informative, just not in the way they believe it to be.
The world is much safer these days. People don't get it 😮
Your mother casually told you about an attempted murder on her life.
For my parents it was the opposite. My mom was 20 and dad was 17. Like... I know its only three years but he was *17* when they got pregnant with me and he literally just turned 18 when i was born... Theyre not together anymore, but its a pattern ive unfortunately seen my mother repeat with at least one other man. I was 15 and she always lied about her boyfriends age. She said he was 30 or 35 and just kept changing it. I found out after they broke up that he was only 5 years older than me and she met him when he was in high school.
Some parents are just horrible creeps. My dad isnt much better, but at least he didnt try to be in relationships with people who were teenagers...
As a person who’s a first generation immigrant of America, my mom is the same exact way. She talks about her life and it’s just terrifying and depressing. From, how she grew up in a civil war, how she was arranged for her marriage by her own mom, to her lack of freedom, and the hell she had been put through from my dad and his side of the family. Yet, she accepts the small good part of her life is by having me and my siblings. I feel tremendously bad for her due to the hardships she dealt with. I don’t know how she does it, because I would have ran from home given the chance if I went through the tough shit she has been through.
And they wonder why we don't want to get married
That has nothing to do with this... this is about forced marriage...
right? im mean look at ur marriage ma
Truly. Both men and women of this generation has grown up seeing this. Women take it as a cautionary tale, men take it as aspirational. No wonder women are happier by themselves.
@@ariellll-vb5nmIt has everything to do with this. Forced marriages are still painfully common. Esp in lower middle income and low income families who think of their daughters as liabilities.
@gargi657 i understood the comment wrong. This person was talking about children whose parents force them to marry a specific person. Of course, they don't want to get married then. But I thought the person was talking about everybody. Like not everybody's parents are like this.
Understanding your mother is a revolutionary act
Female class solidarity starts at home
The most powerful comment here. ❤
THIS !!!
Amén 🙏🏼
Facts. Can I like this ONE THOUSAND TIMES!!??🙌🏽🙌🏽💙❤️🩵
Makes perfect sense, but the generation that was told even though your mother did the best she knew how at the time, it wasn't good enough and it's unforgivable...they think they're justified to cut off their mom because they would do so much better. I hate that the culture gives young women the arrogance and hubris to judge their mothers.
Pretty sure some men in India still think this works and isn’t completely creepy.
I can’t even fully blame them. They’re all traumatized and misguided.
Speaking as an American-born Indian who stupidly told his parents something and was essentially advised to be a stalker. Thank god I had the empathy, and knew better, to do the right thing.
That is a tough one when your parents give you terrible dating advice 😢 it might get you thrown in jail or make you catch a case or something.
Generational trauma is no joke. Be the one who puts an end to it. It's not easy but entirely possible. God bless those who made it despite everything coming against them
This is so true. I moved away and don't associate with any of those people who thought that was OK.
I share this to rather be safe than sorry. I am not sure if you have heard of The biblical prophecy called the three days of darkness, but it is three days when the sun will be covered and there will be total darkness, during that time demons will have free range over the earth, in order to protect ourselves we must remain inside with all doors and windows locked and pray, if you hear voices of dead family member or anyone you knew and care about, ignore it, it is because the demons are trying to lure you out of your safety to destroy you. It is very possible that this prophecy will be coming true on April 8th when the total solar eclipse takes place. May GOD bless you and keep you In Jesus's Mighty and Wonderful Name❤
aamiin🤲🤲
I know. My brother and I went through hell because of Dad, he was physically and psychologically abusive. We both grew up so angry and barely talking to each other that I was always sure he was gonna be the same when he had kids. Oh boy, i was so wrong; he's the most loving father and I'm so proud of him. Stopping the cycle is definitely possible
@@radleyisidore1900 God bless In Jesus's Mighty and Wonderful Name🫶
There was a period where romantic scenes in old shows was mostly guys being peeping toms to the female love interest, or kidnapping her, or imprisoning her, or inviting himself into her space and forcing himself on her and says he could do worse but he doesn't because he loves her
And then they fall in love. What a romantic story
Edit: I finally got a liked notification after this got 8k.
When I was a wee child, my parents likes to watch whatever is on TV, I don't mind anything because I trust them to change channels if there's anything not okay for me to see. The romance plot in these movies or shows are sparse and the chemistry was lacking a lot. I can ship two pebbles together when I was a child but none of these canon lovers looked like lovers in my eyes
LITERALLLYYYY
reading this all put into one comment made my skin crawl. i'd never realized how narrow the idea of romance in media really was (and still sometimes is)
I’m Gen Z and even my generation grew up with that shit. I’m Mexican so that’s literally all novelas do too. I remember seeing one where this one guy had been trying to get this lady to be with him and when she tried to leave his place he forced himself on her and they actually had the actress act like she was “slowly falling for his ways”. That’s peak romance in a lot of novelas. Sadly our society is still so behind, it’s no wonder we have a femicide crisis.
@@Lost-mb1gjwas it “What Life Took From Me?”
Isn't that kind of like some modern romances though? Like 50 shades of gray and all those romantic novels for middle aged women?
NAH WHY IS THIS SO TRUE? IM LITTEARLY SHOCKED HOW ACCURATE THIS IS
"THE POLICE"
As u should 😭
My grandma always talks about what a great man her father was, but then goes on and on about how he would hit his wife and kids and how he thought women shouldn't be allowed to get an education or a job.
I once asked her to share with me one (ONE) happy memory she had with him, I honestly just wanted to know he wasn't as awful as these stories made him seem!! And then her face did the human equivalent of a blue screen shutdown
Ah yes. They are usually like that lol. My gramma was married young abused by her alcoholic husband and beated by him everyday but still she thinks men are definitely above women lmao. Once she called out my mom for not bringing my dad the dinner first and and eating before him. Dad prolly said hewasnt hungry. She said "during the old times it wasnt like this. Man was fed first before anyone bc thats how we respected our husbands". We all knowing her past just cudnt help but laugh so hard. I know its bad bc she was litterally traumatized but what she said was so dumb even after all that beating
@@Youknowwho910 So she had the spirit & individual thought beaten out of her & instead of being patient, & treating her gently in her old age in spite of her trauma based ignorance, you mock her to her face & make fun of her on the internet. Good job.
@@2xcrzkxkSome people can only laugh in the face of such absurdity. It comes from incredulity & is a way to cope too. They didn't find the suffering funny, but the irony. Especially when the victim refuses to listen after a long time, it's all you can do.
yeah it's not uncommon. you see that a lot in a fam with narcissistic parents too. (i think graddad was one). they don't seem to realize anything is amiss and they idolize them. but stuff... doesn't fit, it's weird, yanno? and both she and her sister, both adopted, ended up marrying alcoholics and the kids on both sides ended up with narcissists/borderline personality.
(it's UNCANNY. myself, then my brother, and my older cousin i realized later that's what the wife was. i'm the only one who got out. :/ i worry for my brother. it's.... really bad. but he has a young son and understandably doesn't want to leave him. he's 2.5yrs old.)
Horrifying when it comes to this I think of titanic how rose fought to escape her fate damN glad suffragettes and women movement happened
I’ve wondered how many women are literally married to their predator and/or stalker. It has definitely been a man’s world. Hopefully that’s changing someday and someday soon.
for fucking real. it’s dark and cruel
Most religions dictate it sooooo... there's that to hate about humans🤦🏾♀️
I hate how there are religions that support that shit.
The “marry your rapist” law. Basically to avoid punishment, the rapist had to “accept responsibility” by marrying the person they raped. Often happened with young girls. Gross as hell.
@@parkchimmin7913I have a suspicion some did it on purpose to continue to have access to said women
This is honestly the mildest version. No one is getting beat up or snatched.
My mum once casually told me that I had a dead older cousin sister 😭 like i have been thinking i was the 2nd daughter of my family for last two decades and then one evening she drops "oh,you have a dead older sister" 💀
This is why they now say “if a boy bullies you, he fancy’s you!”
Gross boomer logic romancing abuse and yet the bully gets to pretend that he hates to get married, it becomes his whole personality.
@lordnokia4222 tbf, this is true in grade school lol. Kids don't know how to recognize and process the emtions so it all gets mixed up. Doesn't excuse their behavior but at least in your 20s you can look back and go "He's prolly a pretty OK guy now that he's grown up".
And also, girls have been shown to engage in similar behavior too as kids. However the important point of all of these are the words "as kids" lol.
@@heavennunya809 Not focused on the kids, im talking specifically about the adults. The "responsible" ones in a situation between two kids that clearly harbor hate for each other, are "shipped" As a thing just because they're of the opposite sex. You don't see this ideology pushed on in same sex friendships, because that would be considered "grooming" 🙄🙄🙄🙄.
I hope it dies soon, because it brings the expectation that boys or girls growing up to be shitty, end up feeling entitled to treat their partner by hating them with a sense of twisted "love". It's the same lazy excuse as "Boys will be boys" That puts girls in future or present danger, by normalizing an innapropriate behavior that just doesn't get called out in a school full of impressionable kids.
@lordnokia4222 Dude, who the hell is saying to an adult "if he bullies he likes you"? I can't imagine anyone saying that to an adult outside of for giggles, or very specific cultures (I have a friend who is Indian, I could see her mom saying that to her). Most of the western world understand that as a child's behavior, no?
And I will point out, the phrase "boys will be boys" isn't supposed to be an excuse, it's simply an explanation. When your son breaks the neighbor's window or jumps off the roof because he CAN, yeah, boys will be boys, they'll do stupid shit, doesn't mean they don't still get consequences lol. I know some parents, specifically ones that like to spoil their sons, do use it as an excuse though. I just don't want that phrase to become verboten, it does help some mothers who can't understand why their son does so much stupid shit lol.
Oh and just to be sure, I'm not like, fighting with you anywhere here. Just talking. Don't want anything I said to be misunderstood as me trying to argue lol.
@@heavennunya809You're very illiterate if you understood that's told to adults. Which is the exact opposite i just explained.
Edit: which doesn't matter, UA-cam removed my comment and i really don't care to rewrite it all over again to prove a dumb point.
They are the gen that doesn't believe a bit in therapy, but are the ones that NEED IT THE MOST
They claim Theraphy is for the weak 😂😂😂😂
they handle their actual problems without therapy a million times better than the modern generation handles their pseudo problems with therapy, where they are told to look for any kind of potential problem in their childhood, just to be able to blame someone else
@@egalscheie5714 so is grammarly it seems.
Horrific how true this is 😭
I love how youtube still gives notifications about new replies being added even after they delete your own
I’m so happy to hear that these young people are realizing that even if it’s their culture, and has been forever, that it’s abuse,
nothing cultural about it.
Listening to the stories of these older gens I often wonder how were they so mind numbingly tolerant of everything. No matter what shit they went through, how did they think it was okay
My great- grandfather traveled for work. Once a year, he'd come home and get my great-grandma pregnant, and leave again. She raised 13 kids by herself. Much later in life, after great-grandpa had long retired and had a lung removed due to cancer (he smoked since he was five) he was put on oxygen and basically couldn't leave the house and great-grandma came down with dementia. She started telling everyone that great- grandpa was seeing those 20 year old women, again. After they both died, and genetic testing came out, my family was contacted by more than a dozen people who said they were the children or grandchildren of my great-grandpa. My poor great-grandma. When she lost her mind when she was old, she basically lived in a trauma loop in her head of my grandpa abandoning her and committing adultery. She was so sweet and tender, and she didn't deserve that. 😢
Thats a movie screenplay right there 😢
I feel bad for her.
Aww how sad 😢
Her name was Alma for anyone who wondered. She really was a remarkably sweet an tender lady. She was always so kind and soft spoken. She loved and accepted all her children, and great-great grandchildren and all the generations in between. She even loved the one who (gasp) turned out to be gay, which was a huge scandal because my family is catholic. She told everyone to go to his wedding for her sake. And, EVERONE complied because she was the grand jewel of us all.
😢How heartbreaking
When my best friend told her oldest how old she was and how old their dad was when they got together and when he was born… his *immediate* reaction was ‘wait. Dad is a pedophile!?!’ At least this new generation is calling it what it is.
One of the positive outcomes of the internet is that the younger generations can learn from the older generations trauma and hopefully avoid it themselves. The kids are alright I’d say.
@@EvaeAwakeAs a “kid”, no we are not alright, the internet has done irreparable harm to the way in which we develop… Constant overstimulation and information bombarding us… Yes there are some benefits but it doesn’t offset the harm the internet has done…
These are my kids now, they are 16 and 10. I was 19 when I met their dad, he was 33! We were together for 14 years, split, then he passed away in 2020. I’m 38 now and would never entertain anyone under 30! I can say I was never mistreated, he was one of my best friends even after we split and I miss him dearly. However, that does not negate the fact he was way too old for me when I was just 19 and my kids and I have had talks about it.
@@griffins750 I know everything feels HUGE and all encompassing when you are young. I recognize where you are coming from.
@@BurritoMassacre so happy to hear you were treated well but sad to hear your best friend/father to your kids passed away 💚
Same story for my mom. My moms family was extremely emotionally abusive and her only support - her dad passed away when she was 15. She was tired of the house and married my dad at 21. My mom was 16 and he was 24 when they were in a relationship. He is a serial cheater and extremely unsupportive and emotionally unavailable for everyone. My dad faced extreme bias from his parents between him and his brother to the point his brother stabbed him accidentally and still my dad was blamed . My grandfather had an alcoholic, physically abusive father. What I’ve realised is none of them address their traumas and criticise us for being “soft” but in reality, they just normalised it and buried it and passed that trauma onto us
Mom stories are truly traumatic about their marriage then they are still married with dad
My mom was 16 and married off to a 27 year old MAN. Dude tortured us and my mother for very long time. My grandparents all married their sons to really really young girls so they can manipulate and control them and brought them here to America to isolate from their family. Sorry for casually trauma dumping here but brown families got the most fucked up stories I hear shit like this all the time and it’s normalized and it makes me so angry and the generational curse is real. I hope we all can break it and heal and hope our generations to come are healed and healthy. ❤️
It's all fun and games, until a lady from back home, sends a proposal to you for her 33 year old son... when you're only 17
Darling you can change it by talking about it that it's not normal. Women are brushing it off bc they THINK it is normal.
@@InshasChoiceBruh I already received it twice when I was 16 or something. Thank goodness my parents valued my studies more than anything lmao
This happens in America with peach young girls in various areas. Young ones among the Mormons and baptist snake kissers, for example, are married off for the sake of the community over the girls well being.
It’s a human thing. Unfortunately.
I'd be careful about those long ass trips back home, might be the last time you get to be unmarried.
The policeeeee😭😭😭😭the voice
Same!
😂😂😂
The voice was perfect in this skit ❤
the GULP 😭
She’s a great actress!
Yep. My mom trauma dumped on me since I can remember. It was like I was supposed to solve her problems. She’s also the type of mom I never wanted to be like.
My mother was married off the moment she was born. No, am serious, it's kinda normal in some places around here. A man ask for the baby's hand in marriage and he'd work for the family until the girl is old enough to be married off, and by old enough I mean sixteen/seventeen. The man my ma married was abusive and she eventually ran away while pregnant for him. She married to my dad, but my grandma her mother took away her baby and gave it to the father(my step sister grew up rotten by the way). In the end my mom was never happy with my dad and after series of suffering I just pray they divorce like seriously it's depressing, my dad is cool and all but my mother is the best mother anyone could ask for and she deserves better.
Most painful is when they still dont know they didnt deserve all that and dont know what they actually worth ....
That's what the men wanted and it was accomplished, it's scary that they did this to women
@@jads_so_enigmatic7941 🥺
seriously, it's horrifying hearing people talk about abuse and predation like they deserved it
@@mammoneymelon right 🥺 , its hurt when they didnt even know they was suffering.
@@jads_so_enigmatic7941 people die for respect kill for respect , if anyone make they feel inferior they lost it , they say men life so hard so many responsibility meanwhile women being told they inferior , infinite tonts , no respect to the level they forget their worth and they tell men life was harder than women ....
My grandma was abandoned by her mother. When she was 18 and locked in a room by a relative and made to marry a 45 year old man with children the same age as her. They had 5 kidsafter that, and she built several businesses since he was no good at it. She bought the family home, too. I feel so bad for her but also proud of her for being a badass.
Complicated feelings I'm sure! She was a badass who made the most of an awful situation. She made the best for her children, I'm sure is how she thought of it.
I think also in those times, there was a lot of value placed on family, that’s why it was unthinkable to leave and better to make the most out of a terrible situation. These days, family is less valued so even if circumstances aren’t terrible, people leave if they have enough money to do so
@@SunGathersDustfamilies are still as important as they always were
I'm proud of her tooo
@@SunGathersDustfamilies are still important, maybe even more so. they’re held to a higher standard (which should be the norm) for the happiness, balance and RESPECT they should bring, but more importantly, all the trauma that they shouldn’t. so please don’t “this generation doesn’t know family values” with me right now. we know family values, and we leave when the other partner doesn’t.
My mom had like such a crazy life bro but she has crazy trauma too and it rlly sucks bc she tells us fun stories bc she had a lot of opportunities but other times its talking abt how abusive her parents were
Common Indian, and Arabic family experiences
FRL LMAOOOOOOOO
My mother is always making excuses for my father’s behavior. The mindset of the older generation is so toxic. They just tolerate abuse in their own home??? How damaged are these poor people!?
For Real😢
It's usually people tell them that their worries aren't worth it so their mind has to make up bs reasons
It’s not tolerance, it’s rationalizing. And it’s a pretty common coping mechanism that has allowed eons of humans to survive and go on to the next day…and others to oppress and exploit them in the process.
Some people had no choice😢
Children have no choice. My family was very dysfunctional but I as a child thought it was normal. I watched “ family shows “ on tv and thought they were pretend. I still don’t understand my parent’s intentions.
"Back when I was a kid, [insert most horrific thing known to mankind], and I'm just fine now!"
--*my mom*
Dad lore in chaotic and a lil sad but mom lore is just straight up depressing bro 😭
I’m ashamed to say but I was that mum who told her older children of her trauma and I regret it so bad. I’ve affected my children in ways I never imagined.
No, it's being real. It's not hiding the truth. It's teaching others and hoping the cycle stops. It's sharing and hoping your kids will feel brave enough to ever tell you when something happens to them.
Once in a work training thing with all women, they asked us to tell the story of how our parents met. It was a very international group. Out of like 20-25 of us there were THREE literal kidnapping stories. Three. As in a man and his friends grabbed their moms and took them away. Three.
My husband's mom was kidnapped by his dad when she was 14 and he was in his twenties😢 they have so many kids and he was always drinking and abusive when they were little
@@ARose.1989my “grandpa” literally did the same.. kidnapped and SA’d my probably 13 year old grandma and took her away from her family, married her and had 12 kids, against her will, constantly abusing her in every possible way.. he is dead now (drank himself to death) but I am so disgusted by him and ashamed to be related to him. She is so so strong but my heart hurts for her still
Was this some specific environment? I know that for some cultures the kidnappings are normal but i am still shocked.
Can the three commenters share what country of origin their grandparents were from? I wonder if a cultural(?) thing is at play.
@@theoutlook55 I've heard chechens and circassians have this kidnapping the bride culture
Our parents raised the most affectionate loving compassionate children out of the most horrific trauma
No they did not
What?
Some of the parents did, some of them made Jeffrey dhomers
Let's hope so 😭
@@natee5104this is hilarious abd unfortunately true
my mom literally told me once that she was led into the woods and beaten with a bat. and then when she met my dad he was MARRIED. and called her all the time, whenever my parents talk my eyes just get wider
I’m happy that she’s happy. She found a purpose in life in a difficult situation. That is admirable. We will all face hard situations, and not everyone rises above. Give your mom hugs :)
I can relate. I'm 55 years old and just this year my mother told me additional details about how exactly my grandfather got my grandmother to marry him and now I see my grandfather as a monster. Certain details are sometimes related in a joking manner and laughed off to mask the shame of trauma and its horrifying to finally get all of the facts and realize the ugly truth. My grandmother is my family hero and now I see her as so much more for enduring the trauma and surviving and becoming much more.
What did he do?
I'll second the question above. What did he do?
What happened?
Wth did he do??
no one cares
These are the same auntie asking us when we're getting married a million times. 😭
My mom was also 17, and my dad was 26. It took me until I was in my mid 20s to realize that didn't sound right... They're no longer together, though.
Lowkey I've literally knocked my pops down when my mother told me a similar story. Shit don't fly
What was the story she told you? And what did your pops do after you knocked him?
It’s interesting that a lot of people say that this generation is messed up but in reality, there was a lot of messed up things happening, but they aren’t just discussed.
Or it happens so often that they not only hush hush but 'normalize' it. I am disturbed the way my grandmother and mother use to talk about child molestation without horror in their voice. They obviously disapproved but they dealt with it almost casually. Even reading these comments is making me sick.
This! ... social media shows us what's been going on. It's not new, per se, it was just often hushed or not discussed.
Enter the work now being done on "breaking generational curses"....
EXCATLY ‼️‼️‼️
Yup, that's kind of like why Florida has such a reputation for being crazy. I mean it is, but it's no crazier than most places with major cities in America. It's just that Florida has certain laws about making crimes public, so we simply hear about it more. It's all about perception.
The daily casual trauma dump is so real. Almost every time I talk to my mom. It’s a lot to take in
Ahhhh frr
And if they don’t have anything from their life, it’s some tragedy they saw on TV that they just have to share with you because it’s just so sad
And she can't take one single story of my sadness!
Fr fr!!!!
My mom died a long time ago, but I still get trauma dump at work. 😢
Hahahaha! That's why I admired my grandmother so much. She'd be 118 years old if she had lived. She left her husband. Wasn't sticking around for abuse.
My dad used to share these really terrible stories from his childhood, that obviously still upset him all these years later. One day I told him that I thought it might help him to go to therapy to heal from some of the trauma that he talks about. He got really, really angry with me and said they were “just funny stuff that happened when I was a kid, but if you’re going to act that way, I won’t bring them up again”. He hasn’t since. I feel really bad that he isn’t sharing anymore but I also think it’s sad that he views therapy as a negative for him (especially because I’ve been going myself for years, which he encourages).
Why are Older generations backstories just so unhinged
@@emryadora I highly doubt I'd live long enough to have a unhinged backstory
@@MayonnaiseWithoutMayonnaise*snip* *snip* --ACK
Maybe you should dig deeper.
Hint: it does not get better the further back it goes. Imagine your ancient ancestors losing their homes and family because the continents shifted, some sank, some new ones arose, and once free people were then enslaved.
My mother told me about the things that happened to her. Perhaps she shared too many details at times, but I respect what she powered through, how strong she was and that she did not kill herself. My grandma went through hell, both of them, and I don't even know about their childhoods. Maybe those things weren't proper to talk about during their times. One of them was meaner than hell, the other wasn't kind.
I see a lot of young people bashing the older generations but believe us when we say things were different. Even just 30 years ago, things were so different, I doubt young people could even fathom. A hundred years or so ago, there were no highways from New York to Florida. People had to travel by wagon and/or boat to make that trip.
@@TheEnigmaticmuse Thank you for your kindness! As someone whose mother went through hell with my dad, the best she could do was trauma dump on her children, and I was the only one who actually listened to her. She couldn’t speak English so she couldn’t find a bilingual therapist for her language. My dad certainly didn’t care. She was isolated and alone. Because I listened, I was able to piece our history together, and have a closer bond with my female ancestors. I have a lot of empathy for my mother and female ancestors for what they went through. Women barely got to make the connections we are making today by sharing our stories. I see it as an opportunity to heal. ❤
@@Shaa-Belle ❤️ the stories our ancestors told weren't always fun, but they were important. It's important to pass their stories down the line, when age-appropriate so our descendants don't forget where they came from.
Man my mom told me her and my dad got married when she was 15 and he was 21 and I’m like ummm mom you don’t see nothing wrong with that. Her fave line is “ times were different back then” no ma’am dogs still bark like they did back then
"dogs still bark like they did back then" is such a great metaphor
age restrictions really became serious recently. She isn't wrong if you think.
@@swatik2509 just because it's legal, doesn't mean it's right
@@Hitsugix only in the recent world we have enough comfort to judge everyone on phone. Times were different and not worse or better, just different. You can feel uncomfortable but can't villanize someone for things of different era
@@swatik2509 because she has no other perspective, I'm pretty she wouldn't allow her 15 year old daughter to marry a 25 year old man... A 15 year old teenager should be a teenager not a wife
the slight accent coming in randomly with an otherwise 'american' accent is literally so true😭
My parents didn’t meet each other until the wedding day in the salon and 20 yes later their the happiest 💀
And people wonder why so many marriages end up in divorce nowadays compared to the previous generation. Its because *daughters didn't inherit the silence of their mothers* and the daughters would never let a man treat them like their mothers were treated. PROGRESS PEOPLE WE MADE PROGRESS. BE PROUD OF IT instead of complaining that the divorce rate is up and all.
This comment needs more upvotes
I cannot like this comment enough. I went and unliked it so I could like it again. Possibly because I've been divorced - once from the love of my life who decided that therapy was useless and he was no longer in love with me and just walked out. Second husband was a pedophile having sexual fantasies about my daughter.
We are SOOOO much better than before! I would have been shamed into staying with that pedo in years past! Can you imagine how much more damage would have been done?
Yes, Yes, Yes 🎉🎉🎉🎉
That is an amazing turn of phrase ‘did not inherit the silence of their mothers’
And yet people don’t talk about how that happens. We fought. We fought for women to be able to not stay with creepy controlling rapist assholes.
Facts!! ❤
I help women like this get divorced. I am so privileged to help women take full advantage of the US legal system and to give them back their choices.
Thank you
Thank you. I hope you understand how much of a difference you are making in not only their lives,but the lives of future generations. As a person who escaped an arrangement and have never been able to recover being disowned, do you have any advice on what resources I can find?
Thank you so much
Unfortunately, US laws today make it possible for men to enter women's spaces, and anyone who speaks out against it will face consequences.
In some circumstances I can understand marriages being annulled due to consent not being given. If a woman regrets after the fact then they should not divorce. What God has joined together, let no man separate.
When I was 60 and my mom was 80, she suddenly told me a man she was walking with tried to rape her when she was 14. She never told anyone except me and my dad, because her father would have straight up killed the guy. I’d known her 60 years and had no freaking CLUE. The world kind of rocks under you. I knew my grandad best her, but damn.
So true. Still happens but in a modern way. They guilt you about it too if you complain like" yeah everyone went through the same thing big whoop"
My mother was 14 when she met my father (24) and they married when she was 15 and he was 25. My father passed 10 years ago, when I was 15, and to this day I don’t think I can forgive him for taking away my mothers youth. She never got to become a person. All she’s ever known is being a child…and then she was a mother for the rest of her life. It’s troubling.
My grandparents had a very similar situation. In my grandma's case she was trying to escape her home life. They thought for a few years she couldn't concieve to full term-- no, she was just too young. She never even finished high school, which she came to regret. When she could have kids - which she ended up hating - the joke among the them all growing up was that "someday we'll get Mom raised too."
She was always a person. Always.
If she doesn't have a problem why would you impose your problems where there isn't one
That's the problem today.
I understand why you feel that way, and your worldview is valid, but still developing at 25. I think that in a few more years you will have a different understanding of the situation. Doesn't mean you won't still have strong opinions about your mum and dad and how they met, but I think you will have a broader perspective. Your mum is going to be alright too. Look out for her. 💛
@@chaoticgoodies I'm 32 & absolutely agree with her