I find it hilarious the juxtaposition between baloney bob being a man child and then the madlad of a kid at 19 being covered in scars and clearly knows how to handle their own
Does he know how to handle himself though? On one hand he got himself in those situations and has so many scars. On another he is still alive and allowed to sign into military. On third hand I've never been in military so what do I know?
@@TheBard1999 It seems likely to me that he was allowed to join the military because he doesn't have a criminal record. This is not to say that he was never a criminal, just that he was not caught.
@@Horokiwibirb Hard times either turn you into the nicest person or a colossal jerk. I haven’t experienced anything in between. Edit: Cait from Fallout 4 is the latter.
The fact that Zach was just thought to be a friendless dude with weeb drawing all over his room and a extreme love for guns makes the 21st birthday story and just all the military stories have such a funnier image in my brain
@@tylercoon1791 I say he probably put someone else’s balls in a vice then died and got his body disposed of somewhere near military camp if he was ghost.
I just love the mental image. On one side of the room, you have Zach, who's wall is covered in anime drawings and who has a grody old wool blanket from the 50's Then you have Baloney Bob, who's particular brand of slobbery is so confusing that the inspecting officer didn't even think to act mad about it in the moment.
Why does Ghost sound like a real life version of Vincent Vincent? Like... Was Vincent Vincent based off Ghost? Does Ghost also have Driver Nephi's golf club?
Mike and Zach: We don't have many more stories to tell. Not as much happened in our military careers as you might think. Also Mike and Zach: **Miraculously find more stories**
See, that's the thing. We all have the stories we LIKE to tell, and those are the ones that stick around. It's the stories we DON'T have directly stuck in our minds that come out the more stories are told. Something will remind us of the time Squirrel got really drunk and tore into the fiberglass lagging looking for an extension cable, but it's not at the forefront. I don't know how many stories I have, but I know there are some that I'll remember next time they're getting swapped around.
Yeah, when you've been subject to enough BS your definition of what's actually noteworthy tends to get a bit skewed. For example, I used to drive taxis in a rural town, before that I'd find it horrifying breaking news to hear someone got stabbed. Now I'll see it happening in front of me and go "Oh, is it Tuesday already?"
My best friend is like the guy who got shot 5 times. Sentences like, "And we were late to our meeting in Japan because the volcano exploded and they grounded all the planes, so we had to stay in the airport till it was safe to go outside again," are normal. He was in his teens at the time. You think its bullshit, till you see him pull pictures of the exploding volcano in the window of an airport with his dad in the background.
Was Baloney Bob related to the drill Sargent that smelt like taco meat? I feel like there a secret underground meat smelling family slowly appearing in the Mikeburnfire cinematic universe
I was honestly expecting Mike to say "he'd look at me with these Dale Gribble eyes and go... patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a Nuclear winter"
At 7:37 I am wheezing. Bob sounds like the most crackhead Florida Man to ever join the army. I mean, the man doesn't even have a license, yet he owns a Chrysler Sebring, aka the official Florida Man Car.
I thought the Ghost Story (ba dum tss) would just go: “You ever seen a man’s balls in a vice?” “No Ghost, _thankfully_ I have never seen that.” “Yeah... me neither.”
In the Chair Force there’s only one time I ever had any roommates, and that was in Tech School and I had a two roommates for the majority of the time I was there. I just wanted to say, A1C Muhammad and A1C Ariel if you’re reading this thank you for being the best most easy going roommates of all time. Those two guys were the best! Granted I didn’t know anything about them, we hardly talked at all with one another, but they were clean, well organized, not annoying, and they all kept to themselves. My Sheppard experience was less crappy thanks to them!
@@grandmademetrius9941 The likely reason behind why he replied to himself. Thought of a joke, and it was quicker to reply to himself than hit the edit button.
This video is going to be the perfect Father’s Day gift for my dad ….that and the pocket knives I got him Edit my dad had the most priceless reaction on the ball vice scene you really should’ve seen it he was going absolutely nuts😟
The best part is Mike pulled out some crazy answer of "Oh well maybe he liked to fill it with water and let it flow over his head" and Zach replies "How did you know?". It's fun when life is absurd.
Don't know why but the only time I laughed throught out the video was when Zach said: *_"YES. ME WANT GO ARMY, ME DRIVE TRUCK"_* My humor is so fucked up.
Here’s a story, it’s from my Father’s career in the USMC. Back during boot camp when they were graduating, one of his buddies decided to pull a prank. What they had done is steal a DI’s hat specifically a Master Sergeant DI, insignia and the such. And he went over to the other company’s area where the DIs didn’t know him. So for a good couple hours he just went around messing with people, yelling at them, getting to do tasks, including other DIs. Until about 4 hours in one of the DIs who recognized him went, “Hey! That’s Recruit Smith!” And they just started chewing him out, but this was like on the day before they graduate so they found it hilarious but still chewed him out. Like at the end of the day there was just a circle of like six DIs yelling at him all at once.
I legit wanna spend an evening with Ghost... He sounds like someone that'd be fun to hang with... Especially since I don't talk very much, we'd just be there saying a couple sentences a piece and just quietly chilling.
I like how on their own they are good, Zach is funny and interesting and Mike is entertaining and kinda calming but together they are some odd fusion of stupidity, genius, irresponsibility, responsibility and all in all completely fun
I went through boot twice, because I busted my shoulder the first time around. Once it had healed, I had to start over - that little bit of experience I'd gained before helped quite a bit three years down the line. But not as much as the experience of the guy in the next squad bay over on my first round. He had double citizenship, so he had gone to do his military service first in his father's country - Vietnam. And then, some time later, he had finished some school (I think he was a professional cook) he had to go and do his Finnish service before he got too old for it (he was in his early twenties, about my age, at the time). He could field-strip an RK-62 in about three seconds flat, and put it back together blind-folded in about ten, and while he wasn't that good on our drill (everyone has different drill), he was hell on two legs in combat practice. Sadly, we did shooting days by squads, not a full platoon at a time, so I never saw him shoot.
yep that definitely sounds like a proper-trained Vietnamese former conscript. . For context, in Vietnam you have 18 months of mandatory service (there are lots of grounds of exemption though so not everyone has to go through it). Now couple with your National Defense training we have in high school (which usually consisted of basic formations, basic first aid training, familiarize with AK and SKS,...) and finally the similarity in design between the Finnish Rk.62 and your regular AK, I can totally see him field-strip the thing in a few seconds. . which is quite impressive in on of itself. the last time I got to touch and field-stripped an AK back in high school I did it in 24 seconds.
I love you guys, I suffer from bipolar 2 and depression and you guys make me laugh and brighten up my day just a little more each time I see your videos.
I remember my older brother telling me how much he hated his bunkmate in the Marines that he farted on his pillow as a joke and bunkmate woke up the next day with double pink eye.
We had a guy we’d call BO1 (body odor first class petty officer) because he was such a raunchy disgusting human being. We constantly tried getting this garbage bag to shower or at least bathe, but all he would do is throw on some Axe body spray and call it a day. When my roommate was on deployment BO1s roommate came down into my room to stay for a couple months due to the smell. BO1 failed every room inspection after that, only ever got counseling chits but nothing ever came of it. I believe it was because no one ever wanted to be close enough to him to get that grossness rubbed off on them.
Everyone in the military has their Baloney Bob. I had a guy in basic, when I was in medhold for a month, who, in the middle of the night, would make this low bouncing noise in his bunk. Everyone just assumed he was wacking it. Turns out, he had carved a little hole in the mattress. He was fucking his bed. We had to wrap the damn mattress in plastic wrap to take it down for disposal.
My dad had pneumonia during the end of his boot camp and he didn't eant to do it again so he made it to the end of boot camp while being ill. Officers back then pushed you so hard but even they werent as crazy as my dad.
2:06 Yeah, they were DESPERATE for manpower. I remember getting absolutely INUNDATED with recruitment mailers in the mid-oughts. Army, National Guard, Marines, Navy...I think the Chair Force was the only branch I didn't get any from, ironically since it was the only branch I actually wanted to join but wound up not being able to because I developed an astigmatism in my eye.
This is the 5th time I've watched this video, and the "why do you have a 6 foot pillow, of a foot?" got me again. That always kills me. Every time I hear that, I'm dieing of laughter.
i'm heading off to university pretty soon and i am TERRIFIED of having a roommate like baloney bob. i can't stand people that never clean up after themselves.
I'm so glad most of my roommates have been cool. My favorite is a guy I've known forever, he grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere Minnesota and he is the single most boring yet most hardworking guy you will ever meet and is the living embodiment of the stereotypical Scandinavian: protestant work ethic, somewhat puritan values, pragmatic and practical, and easy going. He will bust his ass if you need help, I have seen him outwork men who have 50 pounds of muscle on him, and he will do absolutely anything you ask him no matter how degrading or demeaning. I have seen him unclog a toilet with a coat hanger and no gloves. He watches TV in his room at low volume and works 14 hour shifts at a factory and then spends the rest of his time helping out other people for no reason or gardening. That said he is still pretty weird and the dude lived off almost nothing but ice cream, soda, water, cereal, microwave pot pies, canned chili, and microwave pop corn for years, no exaggeration that was 90-95% of his diet and on more than one occasion I've walked into the house to find him staring out the window or staring out into space for so long its gotten dark and he hasnt bothered to turn the lights, turn on the TV, or even move (and he was wide awake the whole time).
Mike should do the replacement voice for Vincent, I'm not even joking. (For those who don't know, the creator of the mod removed it from Nexus after he learned that the voice actor of Vincent has been found guilty of murder. He is currently looking for a replacement.)
You guys should make a campfire story of nothing but you guys telling all the jokes you know, but instead of just saying jokes, you should make it like you're trying to 1-up each other.
I had a a guy with me in ait. We were in fort Lee Aco 16th ordinance. He had the room dead center in the hallway. This guy refused to shower. Combined with the other roommate who did shower but never cleaned up any of the water he spread around. Long story short the room got black mold and whenever you passed his room when going to morning pt or whatever the smell and especially the heat hit you like a truck. Also forgot to mention the ac was broken in said room too which did not help the mold situation.
Not sure if it’s the horrific visualization of a man who smells like bologna, or the constant misspelling of bologna. This video makes me want to Minecraft myself into a pile of bologna
@@Zach_Hazard I am actually honored to get a reply, thanks for the awesome content. All I could picture was the dumb face Pyle made during the scene in the barracks where he’s being yelled at to stop smiling.
There’s another channel called Combat Veteran Reacts that did a reaction video to some of Zach’s stories. According to him, you can find volunteers for any posting in the world, including active combat zones and Antarctica, but never for Fort Polk.
"Is that a truck bumper?"
"Yes sir"
"Why is it in there?"
"Has to go somewhere, sir."
"I.... ah.... carry on."
"Well, I can't argue with that..." lmao
If I gave a smart answer to my dad like that, he’d give me the biggest tirade ever.
@@loganreads90 Probably a fat lip to go with it, too.
That's the most E-4 shit I've ever heard 😂
I find it hilarious the juxtaposition between baloney bob being a man child and then the madlad of a kid at 19 being covered in scars and clearly knows how to handle their own
Does he know how to handle himself though? On one hand he got himself in those situations and has so many scars.
On another he is still alive and allowed to sign into military.
On third hand I've never been in military so what do I know?
@@TheBard1999 It seems likely to me that he was allowed to join the military because he doesn't have a criminal record.
This is not to say that he was never a criminal, just that he was not caught.
@@Xer0sama "on another" I meant that medically he was still able to serve.
if you say baloney bob three times in the mirror, he appears behind you and gives you obesity and increased likelyhood of type 2 diabetes.
@@TheBard1999 Intestines aren’t a big issue. Got plenty to spare. Two feet probably won’t give you lasting medical issues.
Im not even joking ghost sounded really nice like
"S'good"
"Alright good night"
"Sleep well"
Mans been through a lot probably
Well he's nice guy, until he puts your balls on a vice
@@Eric-vs2he heh
@@Eric-vs2he ayo that pfp
@@Horokiwibirb Hard times either turn you into the nicest person or a colossal jerk. I haven’t experienced anything in between.
Edit: Cait from Fallout 4 is the latter.
The fact that Zach was just thought to be a friendless dude with weeb drawing all over his room and a extreme love for guns makes the 21st birthday story and just all the military stories have such a funnier image in my brain
Oh my, that makes so much sense. Wait I wanna see his drawings now!
@@AceOfBlackjack I want to imagine his drawings look like anime George Washington
@@AceOfBlackjack Zach is one of us rare gun weebs. We're an endangered species you know.
@@spiceforspice3461 what about the even rarer muscle weeb
@@julian7247 I'm also a sort of muscle weeb, if anything muscle weebs are more common than gun weebs from my experience.
Ghost sounds like a pre pre war, Vincent Vincent
I actually would have like the bloke probably had some stories
i was picturing a cross between ghost, vincent and boone
Really? I thought it was more like a pre pre pre war Vincent
@@demi-doll-animege-sama boon ?
@@abysswalker2594 was that a pre-pre-pre war comment or a preprepreprepre comment? because im not funny. forgive my sin of cringe
I was already laughing pretty hard, but Ghost's "Sleep well" absolutely put me over the edge
Tell me something disturbing and then say sleep well, like how am I gonna sleep well with that image in my head when I go to sleep like tf dude
The Dale Gribble comparison had me primed to laugh, and then the words and the voice they were spoken in set me off every time. 🤣
Either be afraid, or sleep soundly knowing you’ve got someone like him protecting you as you sleep.
@@crimsondynamo615 as long as you don’t piss him off to the point where he decides to strangle you in your sleep
"You ever seen a man's balls in a vice?"
Baloney Bob was definitely sticking his Baloney into that BK Cup
What in the-
That's a pretty picture.
Patreon or members get it early I believe
@@hiddenhundred8565 Ok thanks, I was so confused 😂
His special sauce probably had fuckin’ maggots in it
Ghost sounds like a typical Fallout character. Did he ever bitch about wishing for a nuclear winter?
No he has that rugged paranoid survivalist voice. I doubt he’d bitch about wanting a nuclear winter.
Funny you should mention, there is a character in the game called Ranger Ghost.
@@dragonheart1236 she's a nice lady imagine if the courier could marry her :)
His parents were killed by raiders.
@@theenderdestruction2362bro I wish she was a companion
Theory: Ghost was an actual ghost haunting the barracks, he spends eternity smoking out front.
Yup, he died in an incident in the workshop in the 60's, a Jeep fell on him while he was working on it.
Completely unrelated, whats the link for the Character Creator you used to make your profile picture?
He died from blood loss when his balls were crushed in a vice
s'good
@@tylercoon1791 I say he probably put someone else’s balls in a vice then died and got his body disposed of somewhere near military camp if he was ghost.
I sure as hell hope that Bologna Bob wasn’t multi-purposing that BK Cup.
That was my first thought when I heard "hole in the bottom of a BK cup, that was in the shower"
why is this 6 days old
@@alexzanderanderson1926 patreon early access, so the video is unlisted for a week
The cup was definitely used for nefarious purposes....
@@mr.moonthegoon4178 ok
Honestly, that bit about the burger king cup in the bathroom did not end as horribly as I was afraid of.
i think we're on the same brain waves
Yeah bro i was thinking what you were thinking
@@loganwillis2780 I'm 99.999% sure I was on the same wavelength as you too...
That man definitely fucked that BK cup, no doubt in my mind.
@@andrewarzate6632 he did say it was jagged tho
Gotta love the fact that when Zach mentions smile and wave things he would never do, God says let there be light!
How was this 3 days ago?
@@draydengee9060 time travel have the money to do so.
3 days ago when video is
@@eageraurora879 time travel works in complicated ways I don't question it.
@@draydengee9060 it might have been released early for members but I’m not even sure if they do that.
The fact that Baloney Bob didn’t think to simply take a cup, fill it and pour the contents on his head makes this story funnier
he didn't like having his head underwater
@@ratboythin8870 hello i am under the water i am drowning wooooo
Baloney Bob sounds like his mom gave him baths well into his adulthood
I think he used the cup like a fleshlight
Maybe he started out doing that, but then experimented with progressively smaller holes until he achieved the optimum flow rate
Baloney Bob just seems both overly complicated and overly simple all at once and i hate it
How did you make this comment a week ago?!
@@commanderfoxtrot i donate a dollar a month to the patreon to have early access
@@KiloWhiskeyKilo Oh... so the content isn't actually new then.
@@commanderfoxtrot not with that attitude, its new to you isn't it
You're new
I just love the mental image. On one side of the room, you have Zach, who's wall is covered in anime drawings and who has a grody old wool blanket from the 50's
Then you have Baloney Bob, who's particular brand of slobbery is so confusing that the inspecting officer didn't even think to act mad about it in the moment.
The cup was actually a funnel for his ketchup
Ketchup Fleshlight
@@warped_rider I see you have a dirty mind as well
@@warped_rider one paper cut later...
@Doxx Box Returns No.. not yet. Would you be interested?
@@warped_rider oh hell naw
Why does Ghost sound like a real life version of Vincent Vincent? Like... Was Vincent Vincent based off Ghost? Does Ghost also have Driver Nephi's golf club?
Osama bin Laden's Golf Club
@@heythatguyalex haha
Tiger woods golf club
Reminds me of Boone, or like Ranger Ghost's ancestor or something.
Mike and Zach: We don't have many more stories to tell. Not as much happened in our military careers as you might think.
Also Mike and Zach: **Miraculously find more stories**
See, that's the thing. We all have the stories we LIKE to tell, and those are the ones that stick around. It's the stories we DON'T have directly stuck in our minds that come out the more stories are told. Something will remind us of the time Squirrel got really drunk and tore into the fiberglass lagging looking for an extension cable, but it's not at the forefront. I don't know how many stories I have, but I know there are some that I'll remember next time they're getting swapped around.
They could write a book together
@@pyromaniacal13 that squirrels thing was way to specific
Yeah, when you've been subject to enough BS your definition of what's actually noteworthy tends to get a bit skewed. For example, I used to drive taxis in a rural town, before that I'd find it horrifying breaking news to hear someone got stabbed. Now I'll see it happening in front of me and go "Oh, is it Tuesday already?"
My best friend is like the guy who got shot 5 times. Sentences like, "And we were late to our meeting in Japan because the volcano exploded and they grounded all the planes, so we had to stay in the airport till it was safe to go outside again," are normal.
He was in his teens at the time. You think its bullshit, till you see him pull pictures of the exploding volcano in the window of an airport with his dad in the background.
Some people have strange events just happen more than normal around them.
Have you read the wheel of time?
@jeremypedersen6894 there is a reason "may you live in interesting times" is a curse.
Was Baloney Bob related to the drill Sargent that smelt like taco meat? I feel like there a secret underground meat smelling family slowly appearing in the Mikeburnfire cinematic universe
Now we wait, for the legendary arrival of the veteran who smells like mcnuggets and sour ketchup.
@@protojager oh I’ve 100% met a ketchup person. All I ask is why
@@BananwafflesI feel like we've all met someone who at least reminds us of the dried ketchup around the rim of the bottle
These two are the definition of imma keep going out of spite
That just sounds like ghost
I imagine him saying “oh baloney bob you character” as he shakes his head
laugh track plays as baloney bobs theme jingle comes up
Baloney Bob: *Shrugs with arms up and looks at the camera*
@@javohnjackson1417"Did I do that? 🤓"
I was honestly expecting Mike to say "he'd look at me with these Dale Gribble eyes and go... patrolling the Mojave almost makes you wish for a Nuclear winter"
At 7:37 I am wheezing. Bob sounds like the most crackhead Florida Man to ever join the army. I mean, the man doesn't even have a license, yet he owns a Chrysler Sebring, aka the official Florida Man Car.
But this was in Lousiana, so he was a Lousiana Woman
I like this comment but already on 69 likes so can't press it
@@danielstocks9088 Now you can.
How did baloney bob get away with a car and possess no license???
Ghost sounded like he had some PTSD on the way in.
I thought the Ghost Story (ba dum tss) would just go:
“You ever seen a man’s balls in a vice?”
“No Ghost, _thankfully_ I have never seen that.”
“Yeah... me neither.”
Ngl I thought he was gonna say that too
or
"look down"
to then see a vice dangling out of his pants
@@jujuteuxOfficial Oh *God.*
"Wanna?" Was my thought
"He destroyed a bunch of car windows, and got sued for millions of dollars"
jesus christ his poor familly
Probably had to go into the military so his family wouldn't murder him themselves.
I would've fuckin disowned him man, what an absolute jackass 😂
In the Chair Force there’s only one time I ever had any roommates, and that was in Tech School and I had a two roommates for the majority of the time I was there. I just wanted to say, A1C Muhammad and A1C Ariel if you’re reading this thank you for being the best most easy going roommates of all time. Those two guys were the best! Granted I didn’t know anything about them, we hardly talked at all with one another, but they were clean, well organized, not annoying, and they all kept to themselves. My Sheppard experience was less crappy thanks to them!
air force sounds like it's for me
@@kekula69 Don’t do it man
@@Dylan_Sterling too late, I'm already being sent to texas oh god
@@kekula69 oh well it's got to be better than ft polk Louisiana?
@@sirjmo yeah but I'm fat
I was watching Halo 2 cutscenes remastered and as soon as Master Chief was about to say “Sir, finishing this fight” I see the notification for this
You mind telling me what your doing on that ship?
Sir, going to watch Baloney Bob by mikeburnfire
@@alexanderzagula1994 you mind telling me why you replyed to yourself in a UA-cam comment section.
@@grandmademetrius9941 Sir. I thought of a joke.
@@Ch4pp13 tell me the joke
@@grandmademetrius9941 The likely reason behind why he replied to himself.
Thought of a joke, and it was quicker to reply to himself than hit the edit button.
i love how the superior officer doing the inspection in this story isnt yelling, just very very confused
Mike met an honest-to-god anime character
Zack after awhile would just say to bob just “dammit bobby”
Baloney bob: “My goals are beyond your understanding.”
And his too.
When I heard the part about the window smashing, I felt pain both in my heart about the cars and in my pocket when I heard millions
Ghost sounds way too much like a IRL Vincent Vincent...
This video is going to be the perfect Father’s Day gift for my dad ….that and the pocket knives I got him
Edit my dad had the most priceless reaction on the ball vice scene you really should’ve seen it he was going absolutely nuts😟
It's not too late
Should've gotten him a truck bumper.
I already gave it to him also 2 pie’s pecan and apple
Nice- wait was that pun intentional?
@@pennylowes6389 Ironically enough no it was an accident
“I didn’t know they let man-children serve in the military”
Zach talking about his weeb drawings :P
Maturity is the only difference between them
Ghost sounds like he needs to be made into a new Vegas follower c:
there's already a character named Ranger Ghost
There already is! It's Vincent Vincent, cause holy crap, I'm sure Ghost is the IRL version of him somehow!
The best part is Mike pulled out some crazy answer of "Oh well maybe he liked to fill it with water and let it flow over his head" and Zach replies "How did you know?". It's fun when life is absurd.
Don't know why but the only time I laughed throught out the video was when Zach said:
*_"YES. ME WANT GO ARMY, ME DRIVE TRUCK"_*
My humor is so fucked up.
That just makes the part of the bologna Bob story with the truck bumper funnier lol
@@GenshinLover283 *_Bologna Bob_* I'm fucking dying.
No I'm not, I'm perfectly Healthy.
Episode 4 Zach: I DON'T LIKE FEET STAHP MIKE!
Zach now: Laughs and makes his own foot fetish jokes
"why do you have a 6 foot pillow of a foot?"
im rolling
*Zach starts talking:* "I had a roommate when I was at Fort Polk..."
*Me:* Here we go. That's why we all are here.
Baloney Bob was definitely a Blue Falcon
Isn't he only a blue falcon if he rats on his fellow soldiers
I am genuinely sorry you had to deal with someone like Baloney Bob. Having a roommate like that fucking sucks.
Here’s a story, it’s from my Father’s career in the USMC. Back during boot camp when they were graduating, one of his buddies decided to pull a prank. What they had done is steal a DI’s hat specifically a Master Sergeant DI, insignia and the such. And he went over to the other company’s area where the DIs didn’t know him.
So for a good couple hours he just went around messing with people, yelling at them, getting to do tasks, including other DIs. Until about 4 hours in one of the DIs who recognized him went, “Hey! That’s Recruit Smith!” And they just started chewing him out, but this was like on the day before they graduate so they found it hilarious but still chewed him out. Like at the end of the day there was just a circle of like six DIs yelling at him all at once.
okay we need more Ghost stories he sounds like a interesting person
I legit wanna spend an evening with Ghost... He sounds like someone that'd be fun to hang with... Especially since I don't talk very much, we'd just be there saying a couple sentences a piece and just quietly chilling.
I'm glad that guy got to be Lance Corporal in the end, after having to go through boot camp twice
I love how, by the time we get to the ketchup, the officer just defaults to, “This is Baloney Bob’s, isn’t it?”
I love hearing from you guys. Makes my day every time.
Bologna Bob sounds like every roomies WORST WORST nightmare
"Sir, I'll give you $20 do drink whatever's in that cup" I literally spit out my toothpaste and had to clean my mirror
I like how on their own they are good, Zach is funny and interesting and Mike is entertaining and kinda calming but together they are some odd fusion of stupidity, genius, irresponsibility, responsibility and all in all completely fun
I went through boot twice, because I busted my shoulder the first time around. Once it had healed, I had to start over - that little bit of experience I'd gained before helped quite a bit three years down the line.
But not as much as the experience of the guy in the next squad bay over on my first round. He had double citizenship, so he had gone to do his military service first in his father's country - Vietnam. And then, some time later, he had finished some school (I think he was a professional cook) he had to go and do his Finnish service before he got too old for it (he was in his early twenties, about my age, at the time). He could field-strip an RK-62 in about three seconds flat, and put it back together blind-folded in about ten, and while he wasn't that good on our drill (everyone has different drill), he was hell on two legs in combat practice. Sadly, we did shooting days by squads, not a full platoon at a time, so I never saw him shoot.
yep that definitely sounds like a proper-trained Vietnamese former conscript.
.
For context, in Vietnam you have 18 months of mandatory service (there are lots of grounds of exemption though so not everyone has to go through it). Now couple with your National Defense training we have in high school (which usually consisted of basic formations, basic first aid training, familiarize with AK and SKS,...) and finally the similarity in design between the Finnish Rk.62 and your regular AK, I can totally see him field-strip the thing in a few seconds.
.
which is quite impressive in on of itself.
the last time I got to touch and field-stripped an AK back in high school I did it in 24 seconds.
Mike conversation about ghost bruh he sound like scruffy the janitor from Futurama
I always love these stories. I never served in the military or anything of that sort. I merely love living vicariously through Zach and Mike.
Did anyone else misread this as "Balcony Bob?"
I thought he was gonna tell a story about a guy who would always hangout or sleep on a balcony
That would've have been much more pleasant.
Its funny baloney bob could be watching this but will never admit it
*_are you baloney bob?_*
Are you the baloney man?
Would he even realize its him?
"Why do you have a 6-foot pillow...of a foot?"
This line alone will always crack me up cause of that delivery.
Hey, those blankets are comfortable in the winter time.
I love you guys, I suffer from bipolar 2 and depression and you guys make me laugh and brighten up my day just a little more each time I see your videos.
I remember my older brother telling me how much he hated his bunkmate in the Marines that he farted on his pillow as a joke and bunkmate woke up the next day with double pink eye.
We had a guy we’d call BO1 (body odor first class petty officer) because he was such a raunchy disgusting human being. We constantly tried getting this garbage bag to shower or at least bathe, but all he would do is throw on some Axe body spray and call it a day. When my roommate was on deployment BO1s roommate came down into my room to stay for a couple months due to the smell. BO1 failed every room inspection after that, only ever got counseling chits but nothing ever came of it. I believe it was because no one ever wanted to be close enough to him to get that grossness rubbed off on them.
"Why do you have a 6 foot pillow of a foot?"
Foot fetishists: Shut up and take my money!
mike : *uploads nee campfire stories*
me : oh sweet new bedtime stories :DD
I will legit sometimes put the campfire stories playlist on and fall asleep to these two guys telling funny dumb s*** stories.
Everyone in the military has their Baloney Bob. I had a guy in basic, when I was in medhold for a month, who, in the middle of the night, would make this low bouncing noise in his bunk. Everyone just assumed he was wacking it. Turns out, he had carved a little hole in the mattress. He was fucking his bed. We had to wrap the damn mattress in plastic wrap to take it down for disposal.
I want to ask how he didn’t injure himself doing that, but we all know god takes care of stupid people.
@@addisonwelsh I don't know, and I really, really, do not want to know.
Jesus Christ.
My dad had pneumonia during the end of his boot camp and he didn't eant to do it again so he made it to the end of boot camp while being ill. Officers back then pushed you so hard but even they werent as crazy as my dad.
2:06 Yeah, they were DESPERATE for manpower. I remember getting absolutely INUNDATED with recruitment mailers in the mid-oughts. Army, National Guard, Marines, Navy...I think the Chair Force was the only branch I didn't get any from, ironically since it was the only branch I actually wanted to join but wound up not being able to because I developed an astigmatism in my eye.
Chair Force?
@@ThatGenericPyro Air Force.
This is the 5th time I've watched this video, and the "why do you have a 6 foot pillow, of a foot?" got me again. That always kills me. Every time I hear that, I'm dieing of laughter.
god, i was expecting something COMPLETELY different as to why that man carved a hole on the inside of a burger king soda cup, if you know what i mean
Same bro i mind was deep in the gutter
I love the campfire stories, probably my favorite part of your channel. Both my parents served and they shared a few horror stories.
i'm heading off to university pretty soon and i am TERRIFIED of having a roommate like baloney bob. i can't stand people that never clean up after themselves.
I'm so glad most of my roommates have been cool. My favorite is a guy I've known forever, he grew up on a farm in the middle of nowhere Minnesota and he is the single most boring yet most hardworking guy you will ever meet and is the living embodiment of the stereotypical Scandinavian: protestant work ethic, somewhat puritan values, pragmatic and practical, and easy going. He will bust his ass if you need help, I have seen him outwork men who have 50 pounds of muscle on him, and he will do absolutely anything you ask him no matter how degrading or demeaning. I have seen him unclog a toilet with a coat hanger and no gloves. He watches TV in his room at low volume and works 14 hour shifts at a factory and then spends the rest of his time helping out other people for no reason or gardening. That said he is still pretty weird and the dude lived off almost nothing but ice cream, soda, water, cereal, microwave pot pies, canned chili, and microwave pop corn for years, no exaggeration that was 90-95% of his diet and on more than one occasion I've walked into the house to find him staring out the window or staring out into space for so long its gotten dark and he hasnt bothered to turn the lights, turn on the TV, or even move (and he was wide awake the whole time).
If you think the Army was bad for man children, you should swing by Naval Nuclear Power Training Center in Goose Creek. Actually, no, you shouldn't.
I will one up you one and say visit Naval Submarine Station New London
I was curious about the naval nuke training center, it's a 15 minute drive from my house. Though I doubt they'd let me in.
I did.
These are the best videos ever, you just sit and listen like it's a actual campfire. It's awesome
Mike's Ghost voice sounds exactly like Vincent
Mike should do the replacement voice for Vincent, I'm not even joking.
(For those who don't know, the creator of the mod removed it from Nexus after he learned that the voice actor of Vincent has been found guilty of murder. He is currently looking for a replacement.)
Everyone keeps talking about Vincent Vincent and it kept bugging me so I had to go watch the other videos Lol
@@948320z Yikes!
"Why do you have 6 feet pillow...of a foot" lost it a bit xD
I was hoping we'd get to hear the tale of Bologna Bob after last episode
I was not disappointed
How tf did you comment this a week ago?!
@@Darkspace. patreon
@@hadesoil7289 Aww I wanted to tell him I was a time traveler
@@OneThousandTerabytes hows one week ago did you mess with the timeline?
@@raptorfromthe6ix833 I'm a time traveler
@hadesoil don't ruin it this time
Zach laughing at the 6 foot pillow line is awesome
Can someone animate the “mosquitos were spawning in the toilet” but use CS classic spawn sounds
yes, yES & *_YES_*
@@MrGermandeutsch magic portal UA-camr horse.
I love Campfire Stories. This was amazing, I loved how Zach and Mike sounded like they were trying to one up each other.
"im gonna shit on his pillow or something" this aged like fine wine
The stories you guys tell are just the perfect background noise I use for when I'm working on stuff at home. You guys are the best, stay funny bois.
Ghost sounds like an IRL Vincent Vincent.
That was the most authentic pig squeal done by a human
Big question for Zach, why were you called Hazard in the military
Yeah why?
It's his last name
Pretty sure it's his last name
Zach Hazard is a cool full name ngl
In a live stream, I believe he said it was the middle name of someone he kinda admires (and also it sounds cool). But I might be misremembering.
5:13 the GENUINE belly laugh from this made the already side splitting joke twice as good
You guys should make a campfire story of nothing but you guys telling all the jokes you know, but instead of just saying jokes, you should make it like you're trying to 1-up each other.
I had a a guy with me in ait. We were in fort Lee Aco 16th ordinance. He had the room dead center in the hallway. This guy refused to shower. Combined with the other roommate who did shower but never cleaned up any of the water he spread around. Long story short the room got black mold and whenever you passed his room when going to morning pt or whatever the smell and especially the heat hit you like a truck. Also forgot to mention the ac was broken in said room too which did not help the mold situation.
Not sure if it’s the horrific visualization of a man who smells like bologna, or the constant misspelling of bologna.
This video makes me want to Minecraft myself into a pile of bologna
"Why do you have a 6-foot pillow...
OF A FOOT!?"
11:43 Ghost sounds like IRL Vincent XD
I think I can see that
I was terrified that cup with a hole was gonna go the route of that mlp jar story
So did anybody imagine Pvt.Pile from full metal jacket as baloney bob?
Pyle mixed with Chris Chan
He looked like a shorter, dumber version of pile, actually.
@@Zach_Hazard I am actually honored to get a reply, thanks for the awesome content. All I could picture was the dumb face Pyle made during the scene in the barracks where he’s being yelled at to stop smiling.
@@Zach_Hazard care to illustrate it?
Ghost sounds like the kind of guy I would want to be friends with. That dry sense of humor is just fuckin neat!
4:39 free repeat button. Enjoy
Thank you 🐷
👌
I’m glad these are coming out more
"11 minutes ago" I've never been this early for a campfire story!
oh no..
I hate to say this-
but it was already uploaded *_a week ago_*
Ya know hearing Zack speak of his army days... your more than likely to die at Fort Polk than you are on an actual battlefield.
There’s another channel called Combat Veteran Reacts that did a reaction video to some of Zach’s stories.
According to him, you can find volunteers for any posting in the world, including active combat zones and Antarctica, but never for Fort Polk.