Jon Bernthal learns how to be a better father
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- Опубліковано 24 тра 2023
- Larry Hagner is the founder of The Dad Edge and host of The Dad Edge Podcast. He and Jon discuss Larry’s story, fatherhood, how he came to found The Dad Edge, and masculinity in today’s world.
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This is an important conversation. This type of parenting has been replaced by cell phones and social media, and kids have become detached from reality. Interpersonal communication is important. The way we speak to each other is important, and the words we choose to use matter significantly.
Do you have children? You cannot imagine how hard it is to compete with devices for a person's attention.
@stevewilson5402 I do. I didn't allow them to have phones until they entered high school and even then. I have monitored use, and location services are active. I turn wifi off at night as well. I told them they have responsibilities and that everything they do carries our family's name behind it and to respect our family's name. I think it's important to set boundaries and draw a line in the sand with kids. We're parents, not friends.
Facts man stop using the devices especially porn
Man this is beautiful. I literally started crying after his response at 6:45. Fathers take it from me I’m a 32 year old man thats taking care of my family with a son that just turned 1. Haven’t spoke to my dad in 6 years and have no intention to. He abandoned me at least a dozen times growing up and was 600 miles away chasing money and ass during my childhood. The closest man I’ve had to a real father passed away 7 yrs ago from fentanyl but he was the only person that truly loved me unconditionally and the only person I think of now and I KNOW he is proud of me. That means the world even though he’s gone. Everything I’ve learned was the hard way, and now the dreams I used to have most nights of talking to my dad are gone, I still long for a father figure to ask basic life questions and to get some support, but I have no one. I’m trying my best and feel like I’m not good enough in any way but my son is getting the best I’m possible of giving. Last thing he said to me was I am and always will be worthless, I’ll never own anything or be anyone. He chased money his whole life and I made more than him last year while taking a total of 2 months off. Still I’m a 32 year old man with daddy issues and I’m telling you guys, your better off living in a tent with your son and no money compared to living in another state so your kid can have a nicer pair of shoes. All I wanted was my dad
You'd rather struggle with your dad living in a tent than have your dad miles away chasing money to give you a better life. That is deeeeeeep! We all long for healthy relationships. Blessings and love to you bro! Continue to be there for your kid and break that possible cycle.
Read Bible. Lots of father relationship and wisdom in those books. Lots. For biological fathers and the eternal All Father.
Man it’s so crazy how similar your story is to mine, I hope you find peace with all this. The best thing we can do is be everything we needed growing up for our children. You’re awesome man and I’m proud of you!
@@destynvelez2825 Agreed mate, but keep in mind, not to discourage you or anyone else here, it is a HARD road, you will fail, time and again, you will make mistakes, and when you do so, like I did, apologise. Always. That also teaches them a lesson that there is no perfection in adulthood, and we don't really own our shit altogether, and the 1st step to own that is by apologising to them, hugging them, and once you know better, do better.
This is an original sentence by Maya Angelou (look into her, she got lessons!) which goes like this: “I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.”
But it is hard to stick to those words, the past comes back and haunts us, the failures of our parents upon us, and they keep peeking through the cracks of our own veneer.
We need to know ourselves. It is hard to know ourselves, because it can be painful, it can be frustrating to the point of bringing angst and tears upon us. But we need to know ourselves to distinguish between what was wrongfully taught, and what we know in our hearts to be right.
Apologise, when you make mistakes with your kids, so that they know a life's journey is not easy. They need to know that in order to understand that in our path, we have the obligation to make it better for them than it was for us. If we can achieve 2x better, 10x better, 100x better, we're getting there. And forget perfection, it doesn't exist.
From a heart in healing, to every single one of you struggling to make our society every day a little better. 💪❤
Powerful. Know that you're not your dad, though. You're not doomed to replicate that abuse of absence. Committ yourself to what you know from experience is necessary for healthy kids and healthy relationships, and move forward with the understanding that you're breaking that cycle. Talk to a therapist. They can help you see your hurt from all angles and teach you ways to turn it into energy for good. It sounds like you could have used a help from a father-figure in your community. You can give back and help others who are in similar situations now; I can't help but believe that in giving back, you can better process that hurt and heal like never before. Best of luck to you, my brother. You are an important person of value even though no one ever told you that; I can tell simply by the power in your storytelling. You're an empath. You are deserving of love. Hug your friends. Wring their necks. Tell them what they mean to you. Don't be afraid to shed tears or talk about your experience and troubles. Letting people care for you is probably very hard, but we all need it, and if it doesn't come when we're kids, we can still get some of that love as adults. Big hugs to you, man. Best of luck in your journey.
As a young girl, it was my DAD who I called when I was at a place where drinking was going on & the cops showed up. I was underage but I had to call a parent. He never lectured me but was real with me. He let me know he cared. My home is going through major remodeling right now. I'm back living with my Dad & my son who is 1 years old, my dad's first & only grandchild. He spoils my son so much. It is wonderful giving my family a baby to love & spoil. It won't be like this forever but I'm cherishing the here & now every day.
Blown away. Dude is 100% winning at trying to be the best dad for his kids. Respect.
My mom constantly blamed, shamed and guilted and instilled FEAR in me for standing up for myself. I didn't realize how controlling she was until she died.
my mom died when i was 6 so my father raised me, but he was 56 years old when i was born, so i got nothing even remotely close to support. Oh well, some people just aren’t lucky enough!
Still dealing with that shit at 37
My son is 23 and my daughter is 18. They have busy lives but always want to take time to spend a day together. Some people I know ask how I get my kids to want to be around me. They have always known they can come to me for anything. He is exactly right that it takes a lot of work on the parents part to create that compassionate and open minded relationship with your kids and they will feel comfortable sharing their successes and failures with you. When you are there for those darker days you You will earn your spot at their triumphs and celebrations.
Thank you for this one! I'm a 30 year investigator with two daughters from a broken home. This was similar to the way I raised my girls, not exact by any means, but very similar, which explains a lot of things now and looking back, now that my girls are grown, successful and living their adult lives. I can say from life experience that Larry's advice are excellent words to raise your children by. The first time one of my girls called me to come get her from a party during time she was at her mother's house came to mind the first time I watched this. Especially given the work I did then, working a lot of undercover drug cases, and to have my daughter call me and say "Daddy, I need you to come pick me up and don't tell mom" speaks volumes to the different parenting styles we had. Mine was strict, but loving and open about life because I wanted my girls to know they could call me anytime, day or night, and what was between us stayed between us, unless of course it was of a serious nature their mother needed to know and then I told them before I told their mother. Thanks again!
I am a 50 yo woman, my parents divorced when I was 6 or 7. I moved in with my dad and his wife the day after 6th grade ended. It was supposed to be for the summer and ended up being 5 years. My dad was such a HUGE influence on my life. He still is. But those teenage years, my dad taught me about integrity, he taught me about being independent, he taught me about the importance of my word. There is so much my dad taught me. My dad was always supportive of me, I could tell him ANYTHING! I could talk to my dad about sex, about drugs, about when i was confused and hurting and when I was happy and excited.
The best thing is now I am 50 years old he is 73. We have a yearly tradition of going to a specific concert together. We dance the whole time and enjoy the music and we talk. We just went to this concert for 3 days in a row in Boulder, CO. My dad tells me how proud he is of how turned out and I told my dad how much he influenced and inspired me and how fortunate I am to have the relationship I do with him.
I gotta say how much I appreciate that it's a free video. You know, parenting can be challenging, and not everyone can afford to shell out big bucks for advice. So having access to valuable content like this without breaking the bank is a total win-win!
New Dad here. Thank you for sharing. This was awesome
John seems like a really down to earth sincere regular dude
I am so glad I found this. I totally agree on what he said that when you asked the kids how's your day. they answered super generic and it feels like nothing happens to them. I will try that method 'What is the best part of your day' and 'What is the lease part of your day'. I'm trying my best to be a better father so I am happy to see this.Thank you so much!
Thank you Jon for bringing Larry onto your show and for also joining Dad Edge. Being a member of the Alliance, it brings me great joy to see Larry on a larger platform and sharing the same messages that have saved my life, my marriage, and provided a better future for my son. Thank you!
Wheres the full interview?
That's something i will improve. I am always asking my 6 years old son "How was your school" - And to be honest: At some point i was quite annoyed to always get the same answer: "Good", "Was ok" etc. But realizing now: That's my fault because I as a father didn't asked the right question.
I was the same. fely like a brick wall then I asked what knew did you learn today and get a little more out of them.
Why does this video have less than 1k views?! So many parents need to learn these communication strategies!
Damn! This conversation just opened my mind so much... I've been legit trying to find ways to connect and become more active in my kids life... I fucking love this podcast and I just started to watch it...
This is amazing! Thanks for sharing this. I honestly needed to hear this so much! Specially after my kids skipping classes via CoVid19, and just playing games when they were supposed to be listening too the teacher.
Thank you for this conversation. It has soothed my soul.
This really touched my heart. Thank you.
THANK YOU FOR THIS ONE
Just discovered you guys. Great intro and parenting share ❤️ greetings and gratitude from Switzerland
Amazing conversation! ❤
Amazing conversation ❤
A very interesting and helpful episode!
I came here after seeing the short video where I was not only intrigued by the topic of the missing father but also of Jon's intensity of listening to Larry.
Loved this. So important. I really enjoyed watching Jon's physical responses too. He was truly listening. Great podcast. Great actor.
Such a brilliant conversation.
As a single father I really appreciated this segment
When we were younger my sister and her friends went to a house party and one of her friends had strict parents who were away that weekend. This friend got so drunk she got alcohol poisoning. All of their friends were freaking out about how much trouble they would be in if they called anyone. My sister said "F*ck this" and called my Mom who took her to the hospital. My sister's friend ended up having to get her stomach pumped and in the end, the relief that my Mom felt that she was going to be okay far outweighed any anger/disappointment - in fact my Mom was glad that my sister knew to call home no matter how much trouble she would be in for drinking.
Love the content Jon!
Wow....this was amazing!
This is gold bro
That was an amazing podcast
Jon you’re becoming my favorite actor, you’re such a good guy, keep doing good things
I popped in an airpod to listen to this episode. I don't know what my 5yo daughter or wife wanted, but it can wait.
Really good information. Wow.
That was awesome to listen to brother 🇺🇸
Geez!!!! My WWII era dad NEVER got the truth from me! The bullies that I navigated my entire high school years weighed on me, which led to negativity, self-loathing and failing schoolwork I hid from him, out of fear of getting in trouble, shame and guilt.
This is beautiful and so accurate
2:34 all facts. I both wing it and pay attention to the old generational cycles.
Great info. #dadapproved #gooddadgang
This guy is a g. Im gana stat that patreon up again
Hey Jon dont know if your ever gonna see this but would like to say your one of my favorite actors. One of the few I try to learn off. I really want to get into acting but have no idea and no connections. Anywhu cheers
Hopefully, this great recommendation will help me to navigate better as a grandparent than I did as a parent. ❤ Thanks.
Would like to find out the rest of the story about him seeing his father.
Well said Larry - connection is key to emotional security. Shame, guilt, blame, pain is so harmful for kids. For over 36 years, I've worked with men and women who experienced abandonment, abuse and neglect as children and as adults they carry this burden into EVERY aspect of their life - especially when they enter marriage and have children of their own as the cycle of chaos passes from one generation to the next.
As one who is raising a teenager, i got alot out of this conversation ❤
Jon you are a great father and friend and actor. And brother
I think it’s so powerful that his response to the seven assignments was what did you do before because that becomes the sons inner voice which I think leads to more success in life
Chris Voss energy in the family. I love it.
That was fucking amazing.
I always ask that question, the best part of their day also from a scale one to ten, I ask my kids to describe the worst part and the best part of their day, it's really important to me to connect with my kids.
Where’s the rest of the interview?!
God damnit this guy has become my fucking spirit animal great work John
This part hit hard. 9:34
Where is the full episode published?
I paused this around 2:20 because I felt the drop of were you actually are able to "influence" your kids as a father, or any parent. And it's a scary truth. I have three kids and one of my main rules have allways been to be their father first. I myself grew up with a strict father figure in both of my divorced parents households and what I learnead was that as a kid around the ages of 11-12 you are perfectly able to make the decision to distance yourself from your parents. That is not to say that anyone made any particular mistakes but we are all winging it.. truth! I am too, I've goot three kids. Two girls and a boy and I cant wait for the rollercoaster. But my belief is that if you teach love and understanding.. and dont forget to be a little transparent yourself.. around the kids. They will know/experience and learn through life but will be able to relate to it if you dont hide it from them when it matters. By the way Jon, you've earned another sub. Keep the work up. And know that it makes a difference.(From sweden)
We must see on podcast with Andrew Lincoln ❤
Where is the link to full video?
I went and watched the interview and they didn’t include this clip in it 🤦♀️
I am the father I was deprived of.
This is exactly my worst fear, so I made sure my two daughters felt they could phone me if they were in trouble when they got that age of drinking. They both felt comfortable enough to phone me. Our kids will have things they keep from us, but the most important stuff they will come to us when they need help. I think what you said here was incredibly important for parents and children. I can't relate with sons, but I'm sure it's similar to daughters. 😊❤
This is a brutal topic. And the scariest video I’ve watched on UA-cam. I know I have work to do
empathy, everybody can learn it
So true..
How do you listen to the full interviews?
Spotify or Patreon
Telling Jon something isn’t something you hear. It’s usually him telling you somethin
The best advice that I have ever been given about fatherhood was "be the father that you wish that your father had been."
Hes a truth teller.
Being a first-time father with no real idea of what a father is has been tough. I just try my best everyday..just hoping that is enough
Be present and show up everyday for you and them ❤
Yes, your presence & patience is SO incredibly important. Also, don't just act like you care but CARE! Ask about their day, ask how they're feeling, instill kindness & please, make them feel as if they are loved & worthy of your time. ♡ If you're here, it's a safe bet you are doing a good job. ♡
This is wise man
Episode link??
Hey Jon.🤎✝️
8:45 is the real shit
Love what he has to say but I have to disagree that not all kids will act in this manner. How they deal with being in the dark is sometimes influenced by what they experience in their own time. Who they hangout with and what they get into. No matter how good you parent, our children view things in their own way. Bottomline line is, you can do everything right and not get the results you are going for. With this being said, what he says still has value. It’s still worth trying regardless of outcome. It is just easier sometimes to know all outcomes.
Dude looks just like Teddy McDonald from Snowfall
Pro put the link to this video in the short you’ve got people thirsty for the link over there
Can we get Andrew Lincoln on here
👏🏾💖💖💖💖💖💐
Did he really crank out 62 push ups!!?! 😂😂😂😂
I wish I could watch the full video Jon
You can, just get Patreon
I’m gonna disagree with the safe place parental mentality…kids don’t have the knowledge that we have to give them wisdom to help. Sometimes that wisdom is harsh and straight forward. Sometimes wisdom is loving them through their screw ups, but they have to understand that mistakes cause consequences…but here’s how we work through it.
The very second you put a person in a defensive mindset, it's over. Now they are going to double down with spite, they'll ignore you, and have a hard time confiding in you in the future. "How could you do that?" is such a reductive and ridiculous thing to say. If you're a living human you know exactly how that person made an unwise decision that lead them to face unpleasant consequences... Every single human does that or has been through that situation a thousand times a year. You know exactly "How" it happened and so what are you offering the other person but your anger and judgment? It's so unhelpful and toxic. You have as much right to take your anger out on your kids as they do to do the same to you. It's amazing how every "good parent" says the same thing in different ways, "Treat them like humans or adults with less experience than you, and they'll respect you, your opinions, and your advice a lot quicker."
"My kid is useless, disrespectful, disobedient, rude, lazy... and I can't get through to them!" Well, you just insulted them to a stranger, how respectful is that? Would you appreciate it if they went around talking to people about how you constantly fall short of their expectations as a parent? Of course not. You'd be hurt and heartbroken to know they are shit-talking you behind your back. Yet, if you're doing that to other parents, how are they supposed to feel? There is this mindset with parents that I see so, so, so often that says every moment with your child is an opportunity to teach, correct, control, manipulate, and change your child into the person you want them to be. So, about that, there are two options when you do that. Either you succeed and mold a person into a slave to your expectations, completely separate from their own feelings, desires, or personality or you don't. I gotta say, the "you don't" is the better option.
If you are disappointed in your child there is exactly ONE reason for it. Your expectations. You have planned that kid's life for them before they ever walked out of the womb. You decided who they were, what they were going to be, and how proud you were gonna be when that happened. Your child's input rarely, if ever, came into any of that. How could it, you'd never met them before you decided all that. So, they come out a little different than your expectations and suddenly that's the child's fault? What the fuck are you on?
You should absolutely establish boundaries and consequences for actions, especially general rules about behaviors in social settings and anything to do with safety. They should be expected to figure out a way to do well academically if they are capable. The rest, however, is up to them to decide. I mean that literally. They will decide who they are with or without your input. The only choice you get to make is if you're going to be a decent enough parent to them that they still value your opinion when it's time for them to make those choices. If you lecture them about every hiccup in their life as if they've failed you, then most of the time, you'll be lucky to see them at Christmas. All you're doing is making that kid loathe talking to you. If you can speak to them in a way that they feel respected and human, they will often come to you and ask for help finding solutions to their problems. Instead of hiding them from you.
Anyway, I didn't mean to write this book but this is a topic that really bugs me. Kids are not aliens or a different species. They are adults who lack context and experience. Treat them as such, and you'll most likely retain a much healthier relationship.
Legit thought this dude was Michael Burnett from thrasher
Interesting
8:42
John -> I got a real one you should interview. I don’t know him personally but follow what he does with demining in Ukraine. Ryan Hendrickson. His buddy just stepped on a mine over there while they were working. Thankfully he survived and is in recovery but they are doing great work and definitely should be on!
This for dealing with teenagers for sure!
Is that Mikey?
I want to see the whole interview and I don't even have the name of the guy he is talking to. Jon is getting a big thumbs down because of this.
I’m a better father than you Rick
I'm a better father than you Rick!
Shia Jon soprano bernthal, how you doing. In Jesus Christs name we pray amen.
I'm a better father than you, Rick. I'm better for Lori than you, man. It's 'cause I'm a better man than you, Rick. 'Cause I can be here and I'll fight for it. You come back here and you just destroy everything!
Bernthal is the best, coolest, down to earth actor
does this guy have a youtube channel
Dont listen to the full podcast. The amount of times this guy says "I'll never forget" is staggering.
9:26