My Faith Deconstruction | Why I'm No Longer a Christian
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- Опубліковано 31 тра 2024
- This video is about why I'm no longer a Christian. I share some experiences growing up in an evangelical fundamentalist homeschool family, my faith deconstruction, and the religious trauma that I am still processing. Thanks so much for watching, and please subscribe for more!
[Terms Mentioned]
Evangelicalism: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evang...
Christian Fundamentalism: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris...
Faith Deconstruction: www.thegravityofguilt.com/chr...
The Sinner’s Prayer: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinne...
Religious Trauma: www.google.com/amp/s/www.nyti...
Progressive Christianity: progressivechristianity.org/t...
Christian Universalism: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris...
Faith Crisis: theartofsimple.net/faithcrisis/
[Resources Mentioned]
"Exvangelical" by Blake Chastain: exvangelicalpodcast.com
"White Homework" by Tori Williams Douglass: www.toriglass.com/white-homework
"You are Your Own" by Jamie Lee Finch: jamieleefinch.com/you-are-you...
[Timestamps]
00:00 - Being born into christian fundamentalism
01:40 - Growing up homeschooled and isolated
03:07 - My cultish family and my abusive "prophet" dad
04:10 - Religious trauma, therapy, and PTSD
04:40 - How my faith deconstruction started
05:03 - Progressive christian blogs and new values
07:40 - My first faith crisis: is god even real?
09:57 - Rejecting the doctrine of hell
10:56 - Trying (and failing) to hold onto my faith
12:47 - The pain of losing my belief in Jesus
14:45 - Refusing to believe out of fear
16:21 - Listening to stories and joining the conversation
[Background Music]
Title: By the Riverside
www.hooksounds.com
Image description: Elly is white with brown eyes and straight, shoulder-length brown hair. She is wearing a gray shirt with little white hearts on it. Sitting on the floor in a bedroom, she looks into the camera as she talks.
#Exvangelical #FaithDeconstruction #ReligiousTrauma
Stepped away from Christianity officially this past week. Starting searching for deconstructing videos. Found yours. And it’s been so helpful. Thank you. 🙏🏻
Good for you!
Check out Belief it or Not!!!
@@elisabethscott20 I LOVE that channel!
You made a terrible mistake. Jesus is literally so precious even tho many Christians are terrible to be around
@@scubatastic you are so terribly misguided, I feel sorry for you.
You know, I've always been an atheist, but I've been in various forums where people talk about how hurt they've been by religion, and evangelical christianity in particular, and I just feel so much compassion for you guys and the struggle you've gone through. There is so much love in this world and I don't care what anyone believes as long as they can put that above everything else. Proud of you!
1) Gottfried Leibniz Rationalist metaphysics
2) Nag Hammadi (original Human Religion)
3) good luck :)
@@ready1fire1aim1 philosophe from someone that doesn't even Know what a germ is. I would study him closely. NOT
@@ilovegir Rationalist metaphysics and germs have what in common? I can't follow your logic. Not sure you can either.
@@ready1fire1aim1 makes you feel intelgent does he now. I find it amusing. Your adorable.
@@ready1fire1aim1 does rational metaphysics and Nag Hammadi get you a lot of dates or are you just to smart to bother with the ladies.
Your videos are so raw for me. Married at 20 (evangelical raised) for 26 years. Raised my 3 kids the same. Now apologizing to them and definitely not religious. Thank you so much for posting these.
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
Yay I’m so proud of you 🥹❤️
@@faithd2046 To some a reminder, to some, new information:
Bible banns not judging, Judging must be always righteous, not a false one. Being judgmental is not banned. After all Christians themselves must and are called to give a judgment daily to themselves.
Christian is in daily battle against his or hers sinful flesh.
Christian is busy winning souls to GOD, not letting satan having them.
Christian prepares the most hardest times ahead, TRIBULATION - satan kingdom for 7 years. In which he or she, must be willing to get beheaded for CHRIST and for the Gospels sake. That`s what waits all those Christians who were left behind in rapture.
Christian prays for the blessed hope - rapture , an escape from this nightmare which is coming.
Christians are of a sound mind = 2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
You left Christianity? - souls, you were never in the reality.
One thing you all , who "left" leave out, is , SINFUL NATURE, WHOLE MANKIND SUFFERS FROM.
Those lived in the 1st testament timeline, now , in church age and timeline to come, tribulation, all times mankind suffers from sinful nature.
Before claiming GOD to be evil, 1st learn to understand HIS reasons. Mankind WAS IS AND REMAIN SICK AND EVIL. Many amongst us are:
John 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it.
Why is Christianity seek`d from religions and Christ amongst the dead?
The easy answer to the statement “ left Christianity” is - the love for the lies. Sins are held more precious then the truth.
THANK YOU for sharing your story!!! I'm so glad I found this channel. I married into this lifestyle 10 years ago. My ex came from a quiverfull-ish family, homeschooled and then later private schooled at a school ran by his church. I had been warned by insiders who had escaped that lifestyle and outsiders who were looking in that it was weird and dangerous and to stay away. I didn't believe them. Fast forward a few years and I would find myself a slave in my own home. No job, no vehicle, forced to homeschool 2 children, broke, depressed, suicidal suffering from crippling anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia. All day, cook, clean, kids. We were poor. Our trailer was crumbling around us. We went months with no hot water and were always behind on bills. When I finally pleaded for my husband to get a better job, he accused me of being worldly and I needed to be content with what we had; that I was unhappy with our life because I was putting my faith in man (him) and not God. He took his role as man of the house quite seriously but did nothing to provide and protect, always instead, accusing me of simply not being content. He had me convinced the problem was with ME and always had scripture to support his claims. I thought maybe I truly wasn't being a good Christian so I decided to study the Bible from page one and learn theology so I can get on up to "his level" and be a better Christian like him. Like many apostates, that was the beginning of the end. I lost faith after a long terrifying and lonely struggle to make it all make sense. I tried to hide that I was no longer a Christian because I was so scared of what my husband would do to me if he ever found out. Eventually I had to “come out of the closet”. He knew he didn't have a way to control me anymore and he became hostile, nasty, and emotionally abusive - so I left. Now I’m on the outside looking in, seeing women my age working on their 6th, 7th, 8th child… far removed from the rest of society - just huddled about in their safe little bubble… enthusiastically embracing domestic slavery in the name of the lord. I have zero regrets. I am free and I will never go back to that.
How scary, but very glad you found your way out
Oops, I deleted my comment by accident.
For those who didn't have a chance to see, I live in a building specifically for disabled people. I have a visual impairment. I had a die-hard Christian care worker coming over to help me with the cleaning. She got upset with me because there was one day before she came that I decided to put in my laundry myself to save her the trouble, and I barely started the process when she yelled at me, saying that I didn't trust her. The biggest red flag I think I ever saw was when she said, "I don't do this for you, I do this for God. God will make me pay!"
They do it for their ego, not God. They're narcissists. Probably some of the scariest narcissists on the planet. It's so well disguised that no one fully understands until they really analyze what happened.
Thank you for sharing your story.
religiosity absent of regeneration isn't true Christianity. you do everything apart from faith, it's all based upon works. it's only by the grace of GOD through faith in Him are we saved. it's only by the life, death, and resurrection of the LORD JESUS CHRIST that we're saved. it's only by a turning away from a lifestyle of sin and a turning to GOD that we're saved.
a little prayer doesn't save you.
good works don't save you.
going to church and reading the Bible don't save you.
true relationship with the LORD JESUS CHRIST and baptism of the Holy Spirit is true Christianity. you must be born again.
@@JESUSistheTRUTH-ROBLOX the illusion of regeneration is created BY the religiosity.
I left the evangelical religion in the late 1980s. I was gay and really struggling. The hell doctrine was also affecting me. I've learnt soooo much since then. Evangelical christianity can come across as so innocuous, but dig deeper and it is quite ugly. And watch out if you tell the church you want to leave because that's when the real, nasty manipulation ramps up!
Although I was not raised in a family that was religious (I would have loved it as a child if they were! - we could have been druids as far as my mom was concerned), I "felt the call" early in my life. I was always drawn to the church, looking back, probably because of how orderly and "nice" it seemed - especially when compared with my chaotic/abusive home. I got on a church bus as a 5 year old and went to church, where I was served kool-aid and cookies and told that Jesus loved me. I liked that part. Back then, there was not a separate, "children's church", so kids stayed in the sanctuary. I listened, transfixed and terrified as the preacher shouted about hell and how I was going there if I didn't "get saved". I remember crying in my bed at night because I wanted to "be saved" but didn't really understand how.
I went to church on and off from that time and finally, "got saved" at the age of 17 (because I was still so scared of hell!). Later, I would reconfirm my faith and "really" "get saved" because by the ripe age of 20, I finally understood how dirty, disgusting, and sinful I was. From there forward, I was God's Girl. I did it all by the book because, like you, I LOVED Jesus and wanted to please him. He was such a friend to me. He got me through so much and I really, truly just wanted the whole world to have what I felt I had. I got married and my husband became a deacon.
I studied The Word and hid it in my heart that I might not sin. I tried my best to be what Jesus wanted and to grow ever closer in my relationship with Him. Through all of this, though, there was always a little, horribly doubting part of me (it was my analytical brain that was the problem). Like you, I had a LOT of trouble squaring a Loving God with eternal damnation and burning punishment forever and ever andeverandeverandeverandever. Even for the worst of the worst sinners...just, why? Even for argument's sake, let's say, Hitler (most of us can agree he was a Baddie)...why must he be consciously, eternally punished? I mean, if it were up to me, I think i would assign a thousand years for each life he destroyed and then call it a day. How then, could God, who is said to be LOVE be satisfied only with the ETERNAL TORMENT of UN-redeemed sinners? How was it that I, a lowly human, seemed to contain more compassion than God. To believe in Hell was to have to accept that God was a masochistic psychopath. So, like you, I threw out believing in Hell. Also like you, the rest fell away, piece by piece from there (reading the book, "Misquoting Jesus" was also very instrumental in that - I naively thought we had, like, a master copy of the Bible stored away somewhere - lol).
I also MOURNED the loss of My Friend Jesus. Once I was no longer a Believer, to whom could I turn? He had gotten me through so much! At least, that's what I believed at the time. Through a lot of years (and I mean decades!) of counseling, including EMDR therapy to help me overcome my CPTSD (long term childhood sexual abuse gave me that), I came to realize that *I* got me through so much. I had myself - always. I'm not perfect and never will be, but I'm there for me. I've got my back. It was me all along!
And it's YOU! You are your best friend.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing this! I feel so seen and understood by your story and faith experiences. Your last few sentences are absolutely beautiful. I'm so inspired by your self-love and self-acceptance. I am working on my own relationship with myself and hope to truly be my own best friend someday. Thank you again!!
How did you read my thoughts? :))) It sounded like you read my thoughts, after the doctrine of hell fell apart, everything else fell apart. Then I watched near-death experiences, nonduality, quantum physics, etc and I can confirm with myself that Christianity can't be true. Christianity is a fear-based religion masked under love-based. I feel more love, and I love more after I left Christianity than when I was in it.
I remember when I was still a teenager and in a Bible study session and they straight up told us to interpret the word “fear” as “love” in Bible verses. They gave us no explanation as to why we were supposed to do that and even they themselves looked unsure. I didn’t say anything but I was immediately confused on how it made sense to interpret it that way because I believed that there was no fear in love like it is stated in 1 John 4:18. I also vaguely remember having an argument with family member who told me that we should fear god, and I got kind of mad at her and told her something about god being love and not about fear. This makes me think that maybe this idea of fearing god played a bigger role in my doubts early on than I realized.
@@vanillabean7832 Wow, that is straight-up Orwellian. "Fear is love." And abusive. Horrible. You were right to doubt it from the beginning.
@@kirstencorby8465 If I only had myself to rely on I would be hopeless in this life.
I have been slowly deconstructing my whole life and didn’t even realize it. I’m so glad I’m out and get to be myself now.
Religion tends to breed insanely controlling narcissistic parents unfortunately. I’ve gone through it myself. I’ve had to totally cut family off in order to happily live my life with my wife and little family. Always look after your self ❤️
religiosity absent of regeneration isn't true Christianity. you do everything apart from faith, it's all based upon works. it's only by the grace of GOD through faith in Him are we saved. it's only by the life, death, and resurrection of the LORD JESUS CHRIST that we're saved. it's only by a turning away from a lifestyle of sin and a turning to GOD that we're saved.
a little prayer doesn't save you.
good works don't save you.
going to church and reading the Bible don't save you.
true relationship with the LORD JESUS CHRIST and baptism of the Holy Spirit is true Christianity. you must be born again.
my mother is the only one of my family who still claims to be a catholic. she also happens to be a severely psychologically and verbally abusive narcissist. my mother's mother was the same exact way. had this holier-than-thou attitude but was horrible and abusive. i've also had to cut off a lot of family (and then be gaslit for it, of course). I get you.
Growing up, my parents based our whole identity on hating a church I had never attended. They could never shut up about it. And my mom constantly excitedly mocked Christianity and blamed all the world's problems on it and the "patriarchy." She emotionally abused my dad nonstop and occasionally physically abused her children. When my Dad would try to stop her, she would accuse him of being a misogynist, controlling husband. She gave her children a very dim view of feminism and liberalism. And I believe this is why recent studies show that more than 50% of Gen Z(both genders) believe feminism has destroyed our society, despite Idiot millennials gushing about how liberal we adorable gen z are. I was tired of all the empty identity my mom gave me, so I accepted Islam. My mom told me I was betraying my heritage. I'm fucking tired of Western culture and how people can base their entire identity on confronting a random church that no longer has a fucking thing to do with them!
@@JESUSistheTRUTH-ROBLOX "true relationship with the LORD JESUS CHRIST"
What does this entail, in your own words?
Some religious parents are like that but narcissism has to do more with the person than their beliefs, just like a LGBTQ person can be narcissistic if their child would want to be a Christian . But I think we all are narcissistic to some extent to be honest
Hearing about people deconstructing and being in the process myself, I am always reminded of someone going through a difficult breakup with a gaslighting, abusing, neglectful partner and finally breaking free.
❤️ As just another human on this planet, I feel compelled to say: I AM PROUD OF YOU. ❤️
Thank you!! That means so much to me :)
When you quoted 1 John 4:18, it really struck a chord with me. Seneca, an ancient Roman statesman said the same, and I think it might have been the inspiration for that Bible verse. He said: "Love and fear cannot be mingled." Every judgemental Christian needs to think about that.
That's fascinating, thanks for sharing!
She only quoted part of the scripture and therefore did not convey the full meaning. This is what happens when one cherry picks scripture without understanding, just to fit their narrative. The fullness of that scripture applies to those that are born again. They will have no fear when they appear before the throne of God. If you are not born again, there should be fear because you have reject the love of God. Please read the entire chapter, not just pick a part of a scripture because it sounds good.
@@mrsmorgann0000 I say this respectfully, not combatively. Where does the chapter mention being born again? And can I please ask you this - Have you read the context of the Seneca quote? No, you haven't. You're entitled to believe whatever you want. You're faith is a personal thing. But when you attempt to turn it into a uniquely true thing you reveal to everyone else just how empty your faith is. True faith would never have to rationalize like you have just done. Your faith in Christ is not based on reason or logic and that's fine. Embrace it. Love it. Live it. Jesus showed love and understanding and compassion. He didn't try to win people over with logical arguments. He acted, he lived. At least that's how I see him now. God bless you.
Yes, and for christians who think it is alright to hit or spank their children need to read that verse. They read the other one where it says, "spare the rod and spoil the child" which, actually, is a mistranslation and should say "spare the instruction and spoil the child."
Exactly. As Rabbi Harold Kushner explained (having ministered to many people, inc Christians), a loving God, if you choose to believe in such a being, would not advocate punishment for people exercising their right to think, and possibly not be a believer.
Thank you for sharing your story❤ I also grew up Christian fundamentalist and have deconstructed a lot, but the person of Jesus and the connection I have never stopped being real to me. I’ve held on to love as the purest expression of my beliefs. The stories about Jesus still inspire me to love others (and myself) better each day. The questions about hell, LGBTQ issues, etc honestly, I just don’t know. Allowing myself to just say “I don’t know” has been so empowering. The only thing I need to do is treat everyone equally with love in everything I do.
Christianity destroyed my life. I spent 27 years in a cult. I see the bible as a book of lies. I also have PTSD. I will spend the rest of my life picking up the pieces. You are so brave!!
The interpretation of the Christian version you embraced was destructive that I can agree with believing in Jesus is a positive thing.
I am so sorry for what you have experienced. I totally relate to the feeling of a lifetime of recovery ahead of us. Thanks so much for sharing and for your kind words!
@@ExFundieDiaries Thanks and YW. Looking forward to more videos 👍🏽
@@octaviomartinez2935 sure, your version is the one good one in thousands
Are you sure it was Christianity or a toxic interpretation.
I'm a Christian (did not grow up Christian- converted like 6 or 7 years ago) but I felt you on the "Jesus felt like a friend, God not so much". Tbh I have a hard time with the idea of Jesus as a friend. Still workin' on it- but we all is workin' on something. I hope the best for you yo!
I’m two months out of Christianity and I’m still in the anger phase. Thanks for sharing your story ❤️
It sucks to have something you believe in so deeply and be indoctrinated in so young be a lie. Still pisses me off over 20 years later. Watching these rich mega churches and pastors getting these kids brainwashed so young so they have a new generation of believers fund their lavish lifestyles is just disgusting. I remember going to a good friends funeral at his church, and the pastor drove a FERRARI to the church. I was already an atheist at that point, so it made me even more mad knowing that these suffering people funded his $200,000 car. Religion is poison
@@theshapeexists exactly. I’m still very angry and so annoyed by it all. I wish people would actually read the book they claim to follow because it doesn’t say what they think it does 😢
@@plants_and_wellness1574 well, I'm happy for you regardless. Cheers!
I feel for you. It does get better. Time and good friends are a wonderful healer. I left in the late 1980s. Im 55 now.
Anger about what? That you knew the way of forgiveness and truth ?
I deconverted through a couple things. My sexuality and science. I self harmed for a long time because of my sexuality and trying to push it down inside and not address it. Also, when researching science and realizing that what my parents and church told me about what science said was complete bullshit. The amount of lies I've had to come to terms with...I still get surprised
I'm glad I saw through it at a young age.
Thank you for sharing, I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm really glad you are able to be your true self now!
@@ExFundieDiaries i self harmed because of my sexuality too... and i am a celibate (because.. am so alone), cis gender, heterosexual woman!
@@Plethorality I'm sorry, and I hope it gets better. I'm very queer, but it absolutely can get better, and wishing you the best
@@aazhie thar is very kind of you. i appreciate that! thank you.
I just found your channel, and I'm so grateful. From what I've seen so far, I relate to nearly all of your experiences and I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for your vulnerability and authenticity. It means so much
Thanks for sharing your deconstruction journey. I grew up in a very loving household but was raised in a southern Baptist church-going every Sunday morning and night, Wednesday night and youth activities Friday and Saturday night. I didn’t think much about it until one Sunday bible study before the sermon, which was about Catholics going to hell. Some of my closest friends in school were Catholic. It made me wonder “what if I had been born into the ‘wrong’ household and.was raised Catholic instead of the ‘true’ faith?” But I set those thoughts aside. In college I taught Sunday school at a Quaker meeting and realized that my values fit Quakerism much better that the Baptist church. But I still didn’t think much deeper about it,. In law school, I stopped attending church, but did my laundry at a laundromat across from a gospel church, with an amazing choir, which was pretty much the antithesis of the silent Quaker meetings. That’s where I began to think that various Christian denominations are different ways of seeing God. The I went to work as a human rights lawyer in the Middle East, where I got to know Jews, Muslims, Druze and other faith#, all of which were as sincere in their faith as I was in mine. I came to realize that, at best, they were all trying to understand God but could only see God through their own cultural binoculars. I later married a very devote Catholic but drifted even further away from believing in God which was ok for my husband, but he felt strongly about raising our two boys Catholic. I think this is mainly because he is Arab and there are so few Christian Arabs, especially Catholics, left in the world and he feels some sort of duty. Fortunately, we are still happily married and our boys are atheist/agnostic like me, but respectful of their father’s faith and defensive of believers (of any denomination) when their college friends mock religious beliefs. But others who go through deconstruction often are forced to give up their marriage, extended family, close friends and community. They are shunned. It’s brutal and cruel, but perhaps for the best-no risk of being sucked back into the faith.
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
"I just decided, somewhere along the way of my deconstruction, that I was not going to force myself to believe anything out of fear" (15:08)
Yeah. I had a similar experience when I left religion. I was terrified of hell, terrified that I was making a mistake. But eventually something in me snapped, I just didn't want to lie to myself. In my heart of hearts I just didn't believe in Jesus anymore and if that meant I'd go to hell I guess I would have to accept that
hell is for the devil and his squad. If you got Jesus with you, you've got nothing to worry about. then of course, there's religious ocd, so i get it
Also, we have various types of evidence for biblical events, if anyone is interested
@@spider-man9118 no, you don't get it. Your input isn't wanted here, thanks.
I understand that fear of realizing you just don't believe it anymore. I left evangelical christianity a long time ago, and it took a long time for me to say I am not a christian, especially to my brother and family who are all dyed in the wool christians. They were missionaries in France for years, and once they realized I didn't believe, they kept trying to save me. It has been quite a process.
I respect your honesty with your family, I have yet to tell my dad. It terrifies me.
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
I was heartbroken when I stopped being a Christian.
A friend recently told me about a Christin meditation group that is meant to calm the mind & let them focus on hearing god's still, small voice. She said she tought it was beautiful, because it was like they were asking themselves. This made tears well up in my eyes. All those years of praying to god & feeling like I was with someone always, I was really just praying to myself. I was the projection of unconditional love & support I had been relying on for all those years. I feel a little bit more whole now, because the line is no longer dead, I just know who is on the other side.
What happens if the Bible turns out to be true? Wouldn't that just suck. Imagine the regret!! And there's no second chance. Just think about it
@@xXFUEGIxX You failed to realise that people do not chose what they believe, if they are being honest with themselves.
As regards the truthfulness of the bible, reality contradicts the supposed unwavering love of 'god', so yeah, but can't coexist.
the love of God is that Christ died for our sins, but you have to believe to claim it. That's the love. God is a judg - He will judge.@@Emma-cy9lp
I just wanna say I think you’re remarkable and times like this make me so happy that the internet exists. Your story deserves to be told and can help so many, so thank you so much for sharing
Looking forward to watching you continue to grow and I really hope I can follow your example and always grow and challenge myself
What the heck is it with american christianity?
Why force a three year old kid to read the sinners pray?
I dont think such a young person even knows what that means.
The internet is the biggest enemy to Christianity
@@paulrichards6894 I think knowledge is the main enemy. And the brain. When people start to think and using their brain they will deconstruct their beliefe.
Why force children? Easy. Because that's when the effects of indoctrination/brainwashing will have the most effect... it's when those important early neural pathways in the brain are set. It's repetition of ritual and the emotional connections that will remain (to the fear, guilt and shame of the dogma) that will be reinforced by the family, cult, congregation. Brainwashing 101. No matter what religion - it works because children must trust the adults in their life to survive.
i think Islam will survive but in 100 years Christianity will probably be far less popular
@@paulrichards6894 Christianity biggest enemy is knowledge of the world through scientific studies and observations. The internet is allowing people to learn and connect with each other.
I am so happy I've found your channel. Thank you so much for sharing your story and for being so vulnerable, open, and honest about your journey in deconstructing your faith. I know this isn't easy, but it's all worth it in the end. You are so inspirational! Thank you!
Thank you so much!! I'm glad you're here :)
My deconstruction really started in a class in college about gender roles. Hearing other people’s experiences, showed me the contrast of what I had learned about women, which was negative and abusive, and what other people had. From then on, I could not commit to a God that seemed to not care the same way about women in the way that he care about men. And that allowed half the world population to be treated so badly for most of human existence. Comparing experiences is what saved me of a lifetime of emotional, physical and spiritual abuse. So I’m really grateful for you and other people that are willing to share their most painful experiences online! Thank you so much!
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
I'm so glad the algorithm brought me to your channel 💗 What you're doing is amazing. Thank you so much 🥰
I've watched a few of your videos and I love that you keep your journals and share entries with us.
Thank you, Elly for sharing your own story. It breaks my heart to hear what you experienced and how deeply it has affected you.
I’m a credentialed teacher who homeschooled our children through eighth grade, then put them in public school. Our home was open and welcoming to the neighborhood. We were involved in many activities, Christian and secular and I saw a lot of homeschooling families who were so strict in the name of God that I knew it wasn’t going to produce the outcome they were seeking.
So now I’m a student of yours, listening to you and your generation, seeking to understand your perspective and so I can help lead parents down a much healthier path. Thank you for sharing.
Elly, that had to be one of the most compelling, heart-felt, honest and wonderful stories of release that I've ever heard (and I'm WELL ahead of you on the age-meter!) I cannot congratulate you enough for your strength and courage for doing the things that you not only have done but have persevered through. I went through my own "deconstruction" MANY years ago (back then we just called it "leaving the church" and we simply walked out). From seeing what is going on, the only word that has caused more fear in the whole of Christendom than "deconstruction" was/is "reformation"! Have a GREAT LIFE now that you have shed the shackles of religion. HOLY SHIT, it feels pretty damn good, doesn't it?!
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
I recently, finally left my Christianity behind and now consider myself agnostic. Over the past few weeks your channel has been a massive help to me now that I'm at this point. So many of your experiences mirror mine growing up and seeing I'm not alone and listening to your analysis of what you went through helps me sort through my own trauma. Thank you so much.
Look up "THE CRUCIFIX FISH - WHAT THE CRUCIFIX FISH REVEALS"
You are so beautifully brave. I can't tell you how much I admire your transparency, and personally relate to the excruciating pain of finally letting go of your whole entire existence and what your whole identity consisted of. Thank you for sharing
I stumbled across your channel and have viewed a few of your posts. I have initiated my own faith deconstruction a few years back and now have transitioned into reconstruction and reinstituting my spiritual formation. I have seen so many parallels between my story and yours. What a great service you are providing to so many others who feel they are alone in their own stories. And it is true, " there is no fear in love, for perfect love expels fear." Keep questioning keep challenging, keep reading and keep listening. All the best!
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
I love your presentation and the warm friendly way you express yourself. Thank you for this.
My deconstruction from the things I was taught in church started when I became a believer in God.
1) Gottfried Leibniz Rationalist metaphysics
2) Nag Hammadi (original Human Religion)
3) good luck :)
Eloise so true
This! Yes!! I was raised in church but it wasn't biblically right. I too was abused. I found the real God. I pray she does as well.
FYI, this is called the "no true Scotsman" argument and it is a logocal fallacy. It's actually further evidence that God does not really exist. If He does, he is not all powerful, all good or all knowing which means he is not worthy of worship.
Basically this is a childish response to atheism that will only get you eyerolls.
@@cl5470 There is a difference in religion and God. Unfortunately many people fall into religion rather than God. It sounds like her parents where more religious than bible followers. I wish you all peace and love. May you turn your face to the sunshine once more and may you find God's grace. Also, God gave us free will. So therefore, God doesn't hold power over us. He gave us free will so that we may choose him and feel his unconditional love, so that we may humble ourselves and repent. If God didn't give us free will, we wouldn't ever feel the holy spirit, we wouldn't ever feel the power of repenting and forgiveness. I was a religious mess, until I let go of religion and let God in. I was angry at God, but realized it was religion. Not God. I felt so dark inside from my childhood. But all that is gone. I pray someday you will find the peace I have found. That you will find the one true God.
I am so glad that you are here sharing your story! You have such a sweet authentic presence, and it radiates ♥️ Your words are profound! Thank you so much for your wisdom! I support you and honor you.
Thank you for talking about this, for including your pronouns, and for being you in a space where I could see and connect with your experience. It means a lot! - a bi, trans, ex-fundie fella with PTSD
Thanks for sharing. I came from a conservative, fundamental Baptist denomination; a pastor's kid; a bible study leader for many years; worship team member, etc. Now, I'm an agnostic and deconstructed my beliefs. It's very liberating to be out of the clutches of religion.
Wow, I'd imagine so. Ha. That's a wild ride.
That’s a lot to deconstruct from! I’m so glad to hear that you feel liberated on the other side. Thanks so much for watching and commenting!
I’m glad you deconstructed because obviously you needed to deconstruct from harmful theology, but I have one question, what about the pretense of the lord within you or was what you felt all and imagination, I have deconstructed from church I no longer go to church because it’s toxic but I have found different ways of looking at scriptures that make sense to me.
Octavio Martinez So you took their lies & fashioned some new ones for yourself. Doesn’t sound too reconstructed, Octavio..
@@susanmaggiora4800 Jesus is not a lie, I’m a living miracle of his power to heal, also I can not deny the reality of his presence, but I do recognize deconstruction as a legit process in spirituality, jesus attempted to deconstruct the religion of his day also the apostle Paul deconstructed Judaism and laid the foundations of Christianity, we as humans have made toxic the most beautiful spiritual reality in the universe, the Christ of god.
Thank you for sharing. I had a similar experience (although I was never an evangelical Christian) but at age 50. Thankfully you have escaped at an earlier age. It is a painful process, but so liberating on the other end.
I just found your videos recently, and honestly, I want to thank you and give you a big hug. I'm also coming out of Christian fundamentalism, and our experiences are very similar. I've been looking for a channel like this for a long time. Thanks for sharing your story!
I just found your channel and I just want to give you a big hug. You’re so strong. ❤️❤️❤️
I'm truly sorry you had such a difficult childhood. You present as an intelligent, serious and sensitive person which would have made your childhood experiences all the more painful.
I too had a long and winding spiritual journey. I was raised in a strict Calvinist tradition (we're the ones with predestination, which is a pretty bad deal :)). In my young adult years I moved to the Evangelical stream. In middle age I had a series of profound spiritual experiences, which shifted my paradigm greatly and permanently.
Now I'm a 67 year old granny. I still believe in God and Jesus and that gives me peace and purpose (and usually, joy :)), but I don't feel attached to organized Religion. I believe we're all connected, the universe is a welcoming place, and love is the most powerful force. My daily prayer is to bring kindness and love wherever I can.
Thank you for sharing so honestly and vulnerably. You're on your journey, and all is well. Big virtual hug!
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
I've come out to my parents as Panthiest as my fiancé and I are getting married next year. Ive been struggling with my faith for 10 years, and let me tell you, it is so freeing, and yet so stressful because of my parents. I pretty much went through the same deconstruction as you did in regards to my Catholic upbringing. I spent 10 years being angry with God, and fluctuating between agnostic and athiest. Eventually, i discovered Panthiesm out of an aha moment where i surmised God as Energy, which is the driving force of the universe. I then began to see god AS the universe in all its creative and destructive workings. I also came across the idea of the big bang as a Phoenix Event and not necessarily the beginning of time. In other words, the big bang was the death of the old and the birth of the new, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, and that there is no end. That is where I am now. And i am happy here. I hope you find your happiness, darling. And never stop questioning!
I like to keep a little bit of the mystical too, but I realize I wasn’t taught science in Fundie homeschooling. So when I understand more about the natural world around me, I think, “Oh cool!” But the mystical aspect is to embrace my imagination (also repressed) and respond with wonder.
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
the honesty that pours from your heart and words is tangible. you have a true gift of articulation and you bring a great deal of humanity and peace into my world. thank you. 💙
It takes huge courage, honesty, and insight to go on this path of yours. There are many of us waiting for you patiently. Welcome.
Thx for sharing.. you describe what I now recognize as an anxiety crisis, layer by layer of faith is stripped away... but there is always a residual anxiety... there “must” be some exquisite core that would remain in the end. The un acknowledged anxiety is the fear to come to terms with the idea that, ...in the end... through all your devotion ... your unconditional love .,. How is it possible that in the end, there was nothing there?
And then, one day, it is all gone... like waking up from a dream... and being a little astonished that what had seemed so real.... has evaporated. Not even so much from some decisive choice to wake up...it is gone. No guilt, no anxiety, no wondering whether I am making a reckless decision... just gone
I remember one moment of recognition......a person in a film or a docudrama was in court and asked to swear on a Bible to tell the truth. I suddenly felt this was ridiculous... why would swearing on a Bible mean anything? Now, for me, the Bible could have been Alice in wonderland... it no longer had any transcendental significance.
This is an excellent description! Thanks for sharing!
There are many Christians (myself included) who refuse to swear on the Bible because the Bible itself forbids it (Matthew 5:33-37). The very act of swearing on the bible indicates that the person doing so has either not read it or is happy to defy it.
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
Oh Elly! You are a gem. Thank you for sharing your heart-wrenching story. I'm 70 years old and I spent my first 20 years as a devout Catholic in a strict Catholic family. All of my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc., on both sides of my family were strict Catholics - not the "à la Carte" Catholics that were all around us. When I was about 11 years old, I had this sincere belief that EVERYONE should be priests and nuns, because what else matters? I spent my high school years in a Catholic seminary, gathering the scholastic credits that I needed to get into a major theological seminary.
I'm happy to say that after graduating 12th grade, I got involved with a girl and a rock band. I like to say that I was knocked off the path to the priesthood by "sex, drugs, and rock and roll, but not in that order". I still devoutly studied my religion, reading the fathers of the church as well as modern theologians. It took about five years to go through new-age beliefs and even pantheism, but none of that stuck with me. I became a hardcore materialist atheist.
I still love reading about deconversion experiences, because I went through the tears and intense praying and studying that I thought would save my faith. In my "crisis of faith" years, in my early 20s, I spent lots of time talking with my mother. My dad overheard us one time, and he barged into the room saying, "so, you're not Catholic anymore?" I answered, "I'm not really sure." He nearly shouted, "well, do you go to church on Sundays?" I said, "not always". Then he roared, "WELL! Then you're OUT of the church." My poor mom who was trying to build a bridge to me had to chase him out of the room. It was sad but comical. Thanks for sharing your own experience.
May I suggest watching Julia Sweeney, "Letting Go Of God". She will make you laugh and make you cry. Another heart-wrenching story about personal deconversion, which incidentally was sparked by attending a bible study seminar where the class went through the bible from start to finish.
It’s so good to find your content! It’s hard to find exfundie content like yours! Keep going, it’s so encouraging to hear each of your stories and see my own story reflected in yours. 💜 much love!
I just saw this video, much appreciate you raising awareness about this sensitive but deeply important topic that requires air so religious or authoritarian abuse doesn't go undertected. Thank you for creating a space for people to self reflect on their faith and it's oppressive dogmas and incompatibilities to objective truths, history and science. Thank you for exposing some controlling elements, the mental conditioning can be very hard to un-program from one's mind due to the intense fear-based concepts that has people gripped. Thank you for being a beacon, Elly. Conversation opens perspectives, perspectives provides for worldliness, so we mitigate the narrow-mindedness of our society. Keep doing your videos, many grateful people you'll encounter.
I am happy for you in that you can share your experiences and attempt to help others to decompress from religion. Your example inspires people like myself to share as well. The trauma is real. Deconstructioners need social support and acceptance.
Thank you, what a kind comment! The trauma is definitely real, and sharing with each other can be so helpful. I also really like the use of Deconstructioner as a title :)
ua-cam.com/video/rQeK67rubmQ/v-deo.html
Thanks for sharing your story. I relate to this a lot.
I struggle because a lot of my friends are Christians. I have struggled for many years even as a child because I never fully believed.
Keep up the good work ❤️
You explain your deconstruction so well! It’s almost exactly how mine went (and I came from such a SIMILAR background). I’m over 40 and having to reevaluate ALL my beliefs! Best wishes on your journey 💜!
Your story today really resonated with me and my own experiences. Thank you once again for sharing. It is always nice to know that you aren't the only one experiencing such doubt, and that you can come out the other side whole.
Thank you for sharing. It’s really inspiring.
Thanks so much for watching! :)
I can't imagine how scary that must have been. Growing up in an abusive cult!? I'm so glad your free of it now.
Thank you for sharing this very difficult part of your life. Your story will help so many others
I found you two days ago and im hooked! You have a powerful story and a lovely voice to narrate it with! You are the change ❤
So moving to hear your story. Thank you for being so brave.
Thank you so much!!
Been there done that, sounds a lot like my story, I will never go back, I'm finally free. So proud of you sweetie.
Thank you!! I'm so glad you're free too.
@@ExFundieDiaries I've been there. Done that, too... What exactly are you denying now?... Ever thought that 'just MAYBE' your priorities and your methods were out of order and you didn't ask for the Comforter's (Holy Spirit) help?...
Input: Pascal's wager: Your Life's journey is too precious to just end very tragic compared to eternal glory -- are you prepared to be wrong... and yet leading others the same way?
@@rhemalithduncan8802 the problem with Pascals Wager is that there are THOUSANDS of religions, so betting on one and betting on none of them is pretty safe
@@A.B.3103 That could be a good point "IF" everything did not pivot on any possibility of there being just ONE legitimate God (creator, intelligent designer) who may indeed be obsessed with ORDER. For example: The statement Jesus Christ made in John 14:6, "Jesus said to him, I am THE way, THE truth, and THE life: no man comes to the Father (God) except by me." This is a very concisely exclusive statement. The depravity of man has always been an issue and the world has scratched its head, confused as to how many gods it takes to be safe and sane. Hinduism sports 250 million + gods. If mankind can think of thousands of other ways to the divine, we'll think up millions more... Ultimately, we can be politically correct and yet still fail to ask the right questions... What religion covers our Origin, Meaning, Morality, and Destiny and remains coherent after the inquiries are complete?... After all, if every single person's version of TRUTH was correct, nothing would ever be true or false, right or wrong and life on earth would be unlivable.
@@rhemalithduncan8802 you didn't even address what I said. Nice word salad
Wow, i have been through a lot of things you are talking about too. Thank you for sharing your story! So encouraging!
Love your channel!!! So happy I found it and I look forward to following along with your story in your future videos! 💗💗💗
So happy you broke free 😌
Thank you so much!! I really appreciate your encouragement :)
I pray for your wellness and enlightenment on which path you are taking...
This is quite similar to my experience. Thank you for your testimony.
I like the idea of calling it a testimony :)
1) Gottfried Leibniz Rationalist metaphysics
2) Nag Hammadi (original Human Religion)
3) good luck :)
I just became aware of your channel. You are so well spoken and thoughtful. Thank you for sharing your story! I look forward to watching your other videos. I cannot relate personally, as I grew up in a non-religious home and community, but I find American fundamentalism to be fascinating (and sad and disturbing).
lovely video! Keep posting. It's great to see stories that resonate with me.
Thank you for sharing your experience.
Hello Elly!
I am so sorry for all that you are going through!
Sounds like you went through narcissistic abuse! Many therapists overlook this!
I only hope that you will find peace!
Be well and all the best!!
🌷🌷🌷
Thanks so much for sharing your story! It's very interesting to get your perspective.
Thank you!...I'm going to a very similar struggle right now; listening to your video is helping.. a lot.
The meaning of life is to find your own meaning. Congratulations, darling. ♥️ Now you are free.
I love this video, and very much appreciate all of it.
And losing my belief in hell brought so much more comfort than believing in heaven ever did.
This is a Must Watch! Elly’s insight is amazing.
I'm getting severe flashbacks. This sounds *exactly* like my life growing up. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. And I'm so glad you're out 💜
Hi! Thanks so much for sharing this. I've deconstructed from Christianity in the last several years especially, and appreciate anyone who is talking about that journey. I really relate to several aspects of your story and have a similar evangelical/conservative/homeschooled background.
I'm so glad you can relate. Conservative homeschooling is such a unique kind of horrible haha. Thanks for watching and commenting! :)
P
I related with so much in this video, especially when you talked about pulling back the layers and deconstructing until there was nothing left. Thank you so much for sharing your story, it helps to know that there are others out there who share the same experiences as I do.
Absolutely!! You are definitely not alone. Hearing others' stories helps me too :)
@@ExFundieDiaries yes, the point where you mentioned basically saying you'd always have jesus really resonated bc i rememebr that point in my deconstruction (around2.5 years ago) where I my line of thought was "well all of these questions and confusion don't matter, i'll just focus on jesus he's all that matters. then i started googling the history of jesus and that didn't last too long lol
1) Gottfried Leibniz Rationalist metaphysics
2) Nag Hammadi (original Human Religion)
3) good luck :)
You had the spiritual awakening humanity had to have.Congrats =)
The craziest part of of this is I never thought that I would get to a place where I would say that I was no longer Christian.
Excellent. Thank you for sharing! It took me some 30 years to finally walk away from Christianity. It started when as a Freshman at a Christian college, I took an Old Testament course. During that semester the Jonestown massacre occurred - when Evangelist Jim Jones made his entire community of over 900 followers commit suicide.
Here I was reading about God helping the Isrealites slaughter whole communities so his chosen people could have their land. Something started to feel "off" to me, but I just put all my questions on the shelf, so to speak, and kept on believing. Similarly, during my second semester,while taking New Testament, the Islamic Revolution occurred in Iran. Innocent people again were being captured or slaughtered in the name of religion. In class, I'm reading that Jesus said he didn't come to change the law - all the dreadful, draconian rules and punishments outlined in the first 5 books of the bible.
In my heart, at 19 years old, my faith started to crumble. As I said, it took me 30 years, but when I finally admitted I saw no reason to believe in a God, I felt freer and happier - and more fulfilled - than I ever did in all my years of being a committed Christian.
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
Wow! This is the first time I've watched 14 videos from a single UA-camr in one sitting.
You are so encouraging! I wouldn't say I am in the same state as you are. I still couldn't completely let go of Christianity but thank you so much for your videos! I love how honest (and very brave) these are.
I would like to know more about how you dealt with your mom. How did you overcome guilt? Did you completely cut ties with your previous friends from Christianity?
I consider myself to be someone who is leaving the fold but due to social anxiety (I just feel I have it though I'm clinically diagnosed with it), I find it hard to mingle with other people and find community.
How did you find yours when you were still leaving?
Wow, thank you!! What an honor! I'm really glad my videos have been helpful for you. Those are all great questions that I will try to address in future videos! (Maybe a Q&A). I wish you all the best in your journey of leaving the fold. It is not easy, and I definitely relate to struggling to find community afterwards. Be patient with yourself :)
@@ExFundieDiaries Thaaaanks! I'm looking forward to those vids. Have a great day! 😊
I'm so happy for you that you are on this journey and proud of you for starting the monolithic task of learning yourself outside of the doctrine that was programmed into you. All my love to you and your family 💕
Elly, your story is almost word for word mine as well. We have so many similarities we could almost be sisters!! Thank you so much for sharing and I’m so glad I found your channel!!! ❤️❤️
Perfect love cast out all fear! I had a christain tell me once you've lived your life in fear that's not how God wants you to live your life. I grew up a catholic homeschooler. Be spiritual not religious. And if You are led to religion it should be a discipline that leads you to spirituality. God bless you on your journey rather you believe he's there or not! And never let anyone judge you!
So happy for you! My family deconstructed too and we are doing great!
Thank you! I’m so happy for you too!!
Thank you for sharing your story, it’s so sad what this religion can do. It was really hard when I deconverted and I still have PTSD to this day from it but hearing others going through the same thing does make it a little bit easier
Enjoying your videos! Thank you for sharing your story!
I'm not crying! You're crying! Seriously, thank you for sharing your story. I wish you well on your journey.
Aww, thank you so much! I wish you well on your journey too :)
"The line is dead."
Bro, I said EXACTLY those words to my Mother two months ago.
Wow, that's wild! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for sharing your story. I love the way you described the line going dead.
Deconstructing was sad and painful for me because it was realizing that the person who I had been talking to for most of my life, wasn't there and turns out never had been. What happened to you in months took me almost a decade, I would look at my faith and just ignore the growing problems I was having with conflicting emotions and ideas. Until one day I decided to just sit and start working through the tangled knot it had become and have been working through it ever since.
Love these. Wonderful to meet you! 🎉🎉❤
I just want to add on to the people thanking you for sharing. I have left & come back to the church several times after being raised in an independent fundamental baptist church, but am only now discovering that there are other people out there like me who just can’t align with these things anymore. I got chills when you spoke about fear being a big part of it & there being no fear in love. That’s been my biggest struggle stepping away is the fear, not even for myself, but that I’m sending my kids to hell by not teaching them the Bible & taking them to church. I am heading down a rabbit hole with these stories and couldn’t be more grateful for all of y’all that have laid your hearts out for the rest of us to feel validated & seen in this often lonely journey of deconstruction. 🖤🖤
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
you should watch paulgoia videos in youtube and there are several other....his videos will help you with these guild/sin/hell fear and relating all the other things. he is a former Christian too.
You just described what I've been going through over the past month. "The line is dead. There's nothing there." I left christianity in my early twenties, but then latched onto orthodox judaism because all those rules will tell me exactly what I have to do for god to love me! I left that three years ago (after fifteen years of being strictly orthodox), but still clung to belief in god. A month ago, I had my world upended by a realization. And now the line is dead. Your videos are so damn important. You're speaking what I'm feeling. Thank you so so much.
Thanks for your honesty. For me it was the list of "Do's and Don'ts" that made me feel inadequate and further away from God. Finally I decided to leave church, not saying everyone should, but I needed to be uninfluenced and sort myself out.
What I found is that religion says "Fix yourself and God/we will accept you" while the Gospel is supposed to be "Come just as you are and I will give you righteousness as a gift". Religion says "You have to work hard to stay forgiven and right" while the true Gospel is supposed to be: "With a single sacrifice I have made you perfectly accepted and irreversibly forgiven forever". Religion says "God is in love with a future version of you" while the Gospel of Grace is supposed to be: "God loves you as you are right now unconditionally and is NEVER GOING TO CHANGE". This reveals a bit of what I found. Please see my journey as I left the church in this link for more: ua-cam.com/video/WHGJZRMIA08/v-deo.html
Appreciate it.
Nicolas
👍👍👍💚
Thank you for being so raw with us strangers, takes a lot of bravery
Sending you love, this was an amazing video❤❤❤❤
I understand you so much......
Many people got through what you got through....
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Thanks for watching!
what you said about fear and christianity really hits home with me. one of the biggest ways i was able to un-indoctrinate myself was the idea i was struggling with of how god can be love if i am also supposed to fear him. thank you for this. im so happy for you and i wish you well on your journey in dealing and healing from religious trauma
Thanks for your bravery here. This is incredibly helpful.
Thank you, you are a brave woman for faxing your fears....your an inspiration.
Thank you so much!
Elly,
Thank you for sharing your story. It really resonated with me because although we come from very different denominations of Christianity (Roman Catholic) I had the same kinda epiphany where I was like “I...don’t believe in this anymore.” I had been feeling that way for years, I was just terrified to acknowledge it. I would pray, worship and read the Bible hoping for him to say something to me or let his presence be known to me in the privacy of my room at night. Nothing.
There were many moments where I would just stay awake at night, crying and pleading for god to speak to me. I struggled with feelings of inadequacy. Was I so horrible that god didn’t want to have a relationship with me? I too experienced abuse and felt that factored into why he doesn’t respond to me. Looking back I see how unhealthy that mindset was, but I didn’t know any better.
What makes me sad is how people will insist that you and I “never really knew him” or we were “never Christians to begin with”. Another common one is blaming the church we attended. Why does god only choose to have a relationship and make his presence known to some people but will reject others? Why would god refuse to acknowledge my pleas and earnest prayer? Is that was a loving, benevolent god does to those who seek to know him? I guess so.
Something else that drove me away was the overconfidence and arrogance of most Christians.The belief that their interpretations are true and everyone else is wrong when there’s no way to know.
Now as a young adult I have actually found comfort in the words “I don’t know”. I don’t need to know the answer to everything. I can give myself purpose. I don’t need a god to be a good person. It’s so sad that one of the core pillars of Christianity is that we are corrupt and need god to “fix” us. Then there’s the fear mongering with hell. It’s so toxic and unhealthy.
That was so long winded, I apologize. I just got myself going lol. Again, thank you for sharing your story. I love hearing how other people come to terms with their lack of belief.
Best,
Alexus :)
Thank you so much for sharing, Alexus! It's fascinating how, even though we come from different denominations, we have such similar experiences. I relate to everything you said, and I really appreciate your comment!!
even i came from a strict Catholic household, and i don't go to church anymore.
What you said is so true. I condemned myself when I was a Christian, like I deserved all the hardships I went through because I'm a sinner. People said God loves me and I can have a relationship with God if I become a Christian, but I never had in almost 5 years being Christians (and few years before that learning about Christian God - I'm a converted one). There are so many denominations in Christianity and all of them think that they get the right things. Even people in the same church have different believes and they all believe that they get it right and others get it wrong :)))) And they said that: "God isn't God of confusion" but they're so confused themselves.
I was raised totally without God and the Bible and went to public and private school. I was raised to believe that religious people were hypocrites and that I "didn't need religion to be a good person". I ended up becoming a Bible believing Christian as an adult and I am fascinated how people are raised with God and take the opposite path that I did.
This was an amazing video. Same thing happened to me a couple of years ago. Grew up evangelical Pentecostal and my dad was the lead pastor of the church for many years( my whole upbringing). I endured a lot of abuse and have been in therapy a little over 3 years. I kept deconstructing and then I realized, there was nothing left. My heart sank. I was so so sad. I felt like my whole life was a complete lie. All those years of guilt! All those years of fear! All the abuse, I felt like I went through it for nothing. Nothing was there. It felt… empty. I cried for days. Cried so hard my eyes were practically swollen shut. That thought of there was nothing there to begin with, was so overwhelming. That my life was so insignificant that I got the short end of the stick. Like my life as so less than, it was a mockery because I didn’t deserve a real one. I felt like I was floating in space towards… well nothing.
I am still in therapy ( probably for the rest of my life) and Christianity, well, that’s man made construct.
My faith? Havnt seen in a very long time. I am a mother of 4, and I raise them lots of love and understanding and I told myself that if I wanted to change the world, it starts at home. I learned that what I told myself, was ten times more useful than anything “ God” told me. There is still lots of healing. Ellie, thank you so much for this channel. It has really meant a lot to me to hear these words.
I'm proud of you!! Thank you for sharing these :)