PSA TO ALL PARENTS: When you decide to have kids, you have made the decision to obligate yourself to raise and take care of them. Using the fact that you DECIDED to have them does NOT automatically entitle you to anything they have worked for. Quit using your kids as a pawn to satisfy your own greed and selfishness.
This poor girl. You can hear it in her voice that she's scared and yelling for help. This is a lot to put on a 25 year old. Broke my heart when he asked if the dad was aggressive and she said yes. They need family counseling and/or someone needs to take the dad to a homeless shelter. I'm all for family helping each other out, but he's taking advantage of his daughter.
How bizarre. My daughter is about same age as this lady. I couldn’t imagine doing this. Crazyville. I paid boat loads for my daughter. • college • car • wedding • world travel. She don’t owe me a penny.
If you were suddenly broke and desperate you may feel differently. Dont get me wrong. This dad is ou of line. But you are comparing apples to oranges here. You are trying to put yourself in his shoes but holding to your own situation. Thats not his shoes thats yours.
natas0733 I’ve been there before. I called my millionaire brother and asked him for $2000. He said no. Best thing that ever happened to me Because I had to sink or swim.
Yeah, that's not going to happen. My mother is aging fast, she'll be living with me soon. She's not a slacker just old and I'll have to take care of her. She'll probably have dinner made at 6 o'clock sharp and demand I eat it before it gets cold, never mind that I can't eat after work because of stress and I'm not hungry. I'll be a 60+ kid again. Not looking forward to that but that's how it will be.
Problem is, he can't afford a 30K car, otherwise he wouldn't be paying that high interest rate. I think he bought it to convince himself & whoever cares that he is successful with a nice car, but the emperor has no money
I have a 25 & 18 yr old and I'm working DILIGENTLY to make sure that I'm never a burden to my kids. My goal is to leave a legacy of wealth and change my family tree so NO ADULT in my bloodline has to EVER sleep on anyones couch for any reason. I feel bad for this caller because she's clearly afraid to confront her parents.
I was a stay at home wife and mom to a military office for ninety days shy of twenty years we got divorce I got zip now my son takes care of me I hate it
You sound like my husband and me. We’re obsessed with collecting assets so when we go our children will be set so that when they want to retire (when they’re retirement age) they’ll be able to. Our kids are 19 and 24 and we’re terrified about where the economy will be and how much things will cost when they’re our age (late 50s).
@@Robert74450 I am sorry for you. I am sure you did an excellent with your son that he will help you out and get yourself a trade or education. It is never too late to start!🙏🏼
I love studios. LoL. I lived in one for 9yrs. My daughter came to visit me. She said “Dad, u told me your room was small, but I didn’t think this small.”
The parents legally had to take care of the child or guess what...the child would get taken away! Sure momma or poppa can sleep on their adult children’s couch for a couple weeks. Heck, maybe even move in if it’s a healthy relationship...but these people need to go get an apartment.
Just had to get my dad out of my house who I share with my husband. He lived there for 3 years. Behaviors haven't change and now he's living with a girlfriend. If you dont do anything about it they'll take advantage as long as you let them.
Sure it's reciprocal. The one who pays the bills gets control over the life of the one who doesn't. If the one not paying doesn't like it, then s/he gets to move out.
@@Jared-tc1qt I totally disagree with you. My husband and I work hard. We save. We dont buy stupid things. There is NO reason why my children should ever have to support me for the rest of my life. A person like that is a person who makes selfish decisions like my Father in law. He stopped working at 50 years old, he never saved, he blew through thousands and thousands of dollars. He thinks savings is for losers. He finds women to support him. And now he is in his 70's and has diabetes, he is now living on everyone's couch. Its pathetic and it sucks for everyone else. I am 31, I dont have enough income to take care of 2 families. My focus is saving for mine and my husbands future and my childrens future.
This philosophy is not universal. Many cultures in Asia, Europe, and Africa (Billions of people) have the philosophy of "unconditional" when it comes to family - in particular parents and child. All children take care of their parents unconditionally. In 99% of the cases, three generations of a family live together: share expenses, child care, and elderly care. Meanwhile, nobody is stressed financially because everything is shared and they only need to buy one set of everything. Kids are never given to strangers to babysit. In US, people work to death just to keep up with paying bills to keep families apart! Think about it...
I can relate. My dad took $1000 from me and I didnt even have it. I had to borrow money off a credit line to give him the $1000. Was supposed to be pay me back in a week and took 5 months. Was lucky to get it back. Learned my lesson. Boundaries with dysfunctional parents is vital
My brother came and over-stayed his welcome when I was first married. My husband st him down and said, "Paul, we love you, but we've helped you all we can. You need to find a place to go." He was gone the next day.
People say to take care of your parents. It is difficult to take care of your parents when they are taking advantage of you, you are drowning in debt, you are struggling to get by, you are just now beginning to stand on your two feet, you have your own kids and family to take care of, the cost of taking care of your parents is your one month take home pay, your parents abandoned you or abused you, your parents are a heavy financial burden or a great burden in general. You have no moral obligation to take care of your parents. You don't owe them anything. It was their decision to bring you into this world not yours. Just because they raised you doesn't mean they should turn you into a bank and turn you into their parents. You can help your parents all you want, unless helping your parents is destroying your life and causing you to drown, and preventing you from moving forward in life.
This brought tears to my eyes. She is in a tough situation and is going to have to show tough love. Remember those times your father told you something you didn't want to hear but it was for your best. I know you love your father and I believe Dave has coached you with some good verbiage. I wish you the best of luck with this delicate situation.
I’m dealing with the same issue in my family. Thank you for the lady who called and for Dave Ramsey offering his advice. I’m gonna need it in the future.
Just want to let you know the job you do, the wisdom, common financial sense and Bible morals you deliver are appreciated and resonate within me too. Here in Lviv, Ukraine. Thank you.
When people don't have to worry about paying for the necessities(like housing) they feel they can afford to spend money on stupid things. Case in point.
Nowadays almost everybody seems to be mentally ill in some way or another. Anxiety stress, depression, OCD, BPD, ADHD, whatever. I'm not sure what mentally ill means if 70-80% of people are suffering from it.
Omg... so true. Narcissistic parents are so hard to deal with. My mom refused to acknowledge the boundaries I wanted to start laying down so much so that she started to threaten to withhold her relationship. She did it a couple times while I asked her to respect my boundaries, so I gave her what she kept threatening and cut her out of my life.
Same with MIL. I tried and tried for eight years to set boundaries and she just refused to accept and made my life hell. Controlling, bossy, negative and a liar. Almost divorced because of her. Cut her out of my life completely…only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. Still married 20 years…she still causes constant chaos with others and still has no friends. Sad.
my day makes just hardly makes $17k per year & purchased a used 2012 bmw 750li from a scummy car lot , he is currently living on section 8 housing & asked me to loan him $3k to replace his water pump on his car , not sure if he remembers that he took over a year to pay me back $900 out of a $1,000 that i loaned him..
mizzbolly got the right idea. Tell him you don't have the money to loan. I would even go as far as advising he sell the car. But take my advise with a grain of salt. I don't know if he still owes on the car and how much he could get without the water pump in it.
Yeah I worked in the oilfields and I know many guys like that lost there houses and they still have big spending habits that they are used when they worked
My father was like that. Saying that he was responsible for my success and talent and therefore was owed money. It was a hard thing to walk away from ... One thing that Helped was to remind myself that “I can be grateful without being endebted” I’m grateful for an Education and any help I may have ever had... but that doesn’t mean I’m endebted for the rest of my life for his mistakes and risky choices.
My dad did the same as this lady's dad. He was never in my life when I was younger, but treats his other daughter like a queen. He went and bought a 30k vehicle instead of a place to stay. I had a talk with him about him finding a place of his own because I needed privacy. He was okay with moving out and now lives close to his other daughter. He didn't keep his new vehicle because he couldn't keep up with the payments for two vehicles. Yes, he already had a decent vehicle to drive.
Or they can buy a small camper/RV. But the 6 kids together should pitch in and have a family intervention/talk and pool resources to help. The mentality is different with US families vs other cultures where it’s an honor to be able to help your parents when they age.
I can't stand parents who make their children financially responsible for them. I am very active in my churches youth program and so many of these kids who are getting their first jobs and should be saving up for college, a car or moving out can't because their deadbeat parents are forcing them to buy groceries and cleaning supplies and pay their bills.
This goes onto my theory that the poor isn't poor because they lack money. That's like saying the tire is flat because it doesn't have air. But we all know, putting more air into the tire isn't always going to help. We're all one or two really bad choices away from poverty. We really are. There are not exceptions. However, person who is able bodied, having long term financial issues, isn't the result of one or two bad decisions. That's usually the result of continual bad decisions, both big and small. Buying things with a credit card as opposed to cash. Not getting the oil changed regularly on the car. Not being able to hold down a job because you're too proud to be told what to do. Going to college, racking up debt without a real plan on what you're going to study. Buying a lottery ticket instead of investing in retirement. The list goes on. These are things I see again and again and again among my peers. Many of my peers lack very basic life skills. You go to their house and there's piles of clothes because no one does laundry. They drive this car that's falling apart because they don't get the basic maintenance done on it. They're always getting fast food because no one wants to cook. Those things add up to a really deteriorated quality of life.
They sound almost as bad as my parents. They would literally just take money from me without asking. Definitely had to cut them off. Almost destroyed my life
This is so unfair to the kids. My MiL had a baby with no husband and mooched off my husband starting at age 19 until we got married when he was 29. Then we had to continue supporting her and his baby half sister for 6 more years. It caused such a strain on us. She refused to get a job and work and be responsible. She was a terrible parent to his sister too.
There was that movie years ago called “Failure to Launch”. It was about getting the son out of the house. But, what I’m seeing is that there are a number of parents, many of them narcissistic and even abusive and that some say are the result of how Baby Boomers were raised, that make them seem to feel they’re entitled. They don’t care if you’re barely making it. They don’t care that many people work more than one job now, in order to get what their parents got with one job. They don’t care that it’s harder to save for retirement. They don’t care about anything. Her father sounds like a couch wart and he made a statement when he bought the car. The statement was, “I don’t need to plan my spending better because I am never leaving here. I bought a $30K car to draw you a picture and to let you know.” And culture and tradition usually dictate that whatever our parents want, even if it kills us, they get. Fortunately, people are waking up. I have a narcissistic mother, who “may” have dementia. But, I note that she seems to pay her bills on time, as far as I know. But, what she doesn’t want to be told, she never seems to hear and completely forgets. She “runs” a small business that is doing awfully. I use “run” loosely because she wanted me to continue fulfilling orders after she was sick but, she wasn’t interested in selling the business. Why? Because she wanted me to go running around, fulfilling the orders for free, while the money goes into her bank account. She probably wouldn’t even know if her website went down. Because I told her to buzz off, she’s got my sister, who has 4 jobs, cutting the lawn, fulfilling orders and God only knows why else and my sister is on foot. She’s perfectly triangulated is so, we’re no contact now, as well. What she’s currently seeming to do is to get my sister and I to handle the issues of the fact that she decided to not file taxes for 5 years. She will call me and have a pretty good coherent conversation most of the time - but, in order to tell me to call her tax accountant to find out what’s going on. She’s not asking we pay the thousands owed as she knows my sister is broke and I’d say no, very flatly. An onlooker would say that it’s not too much to do for my mother and it is not a lot. But I feel I’m looking at someone who it’s more important to see us working for her at our expense, than it is to even pay taxes. That the whole idea for her is to have slaves, which is actually the antithesis, considering her line of business. Other onlookers might say, “But, look at what she’s done for you and she’s leaving each of you a property.” Yes, but, she has also destroyed the property in many ways, directly and indirectly. So, she’d like for us to have jobs (so she doesn’t have responsibility) live in her property and have my sister and I dancing around like Fred Astaire’s dancers, in between our jobs. Sorry. Let the property pancake.
Good old dad needs to grow up and get his act together. My father tried the same nonsense with me, more than once. It did not work for long. I had him out in less than a month, each time. I was younger than 25. And I understood, quite clearly, that he was just being irresponsible and entitled.
In India, we stay with our parents. We take care of them as they did when we were children. We feel it is our duty and its a disgrace of we let our parents suffer in any way. Also, parents here don't kick children out when they turn 20 or so.. We are always welcome to stay with them. I am amazed at the idea of giving rent to your parents when u stay with them.. I think it's a culture difference.. But as a parent you should be a role model for your children and not a burden..
You also have pre-arranged marriages because the parents can't let their kids think for themselves. The cultures are different, and lets leave it at that
@@HamiltonRb I am not saying that our culture is good. I am just saying its different and sometimes its difficult to understand these stark differences. FYI India is changing interms of arrange marriages. But we have 1 percent divorce rate and US has more than 50.
I do not have a single friend who has only one parent due to divorce.. That says something about family and the importance of having family near and dear to us
@@maheshwarim1839 I'm not judging, just stating the facts. I believe it is also punishable for 5-10 yrs in jail for a man to commit adultery with another man's wife? Could that be the reason for lesser divorce rate, or is it because the child doesn't want to disappoint the parents who picked out their spouse? Or both!
@@HamiltonRb no there is no law like that.. Its not about disappointing others.. Its just that we try to work things out and not take the extreme step just because "you feel like you fell out of love".. When we get married here, we decide that he or she is the one for us for our whole life. Divorce happen for extreme cases like abuse or cheating..
I’m 64 and have three adult children age range 26-34. Not once in my entire life did I think that my kids in adulthood would “owe me” for raising them. Where would someone even get that idea?
Really grateful for my parents after seeing this. They were always the role models growing up: putting the values of working hard and loving their jobs and always saving something. They passed on to their seven kids the value of love and communication simply by having dinner around the table every night. They have passed on but lived to see seven adult children all succeed in their marriages, home ownership and employment. My mom always said the best thing was that all of her seven children truly liked each other. She wrote a self published book, that is on google books for free, called Mothers are people too. I would love if anyone would just take a peek at it.
Her dad worked in the oil fields so it sounds like he made good money, I would assume there was money mis management which caused them to loose their house, but the $30,000 car needs to go, this man needs to start making better financial decisions for his future.
Oil prices fell a lot in the past few years. He was probably up to his eye balls in debt to take advantage of fracking booms. Then oil prices went negative and he could not pay them back.
As a child, you are not obligated to pay back parents. As a parent, it is your duty to care for your kids. It is not an investment and you expect a return on your kids by abusing their finances...
I can see hitting hard times and needing help. I got hurt and couldn't work and it destroyed me. But being in that position and then buying a new car is just insane.
I agree with Dave and also with honoring your parents. He just needs some guidance as to how to manage what he makes so he can be independent again. He's probably depressed after losing everything as anyone would be. Compassion and encouragement will go a long way.
A 30k car?!! That’s so ridiculous for his situation. If you don’t have a house then 3k for an old camry sounds like a good idea but you can get a newer, low mileage, reliable car for like 8k 🤷🏽♂️
@@MsPants1632 Because none of their kids is willing/able to put up both parents at once. That one part of the call makes sense, it's the rest of the stuff that's crazy.
I feel this caller frustration. As I am in the same situation. However, I feel obligated to fullly support my parents as best as I can as they gotten older. And I am not financial myself at all.
Kicking parent out to sleep in a car when they are having a hard time is very rare in Asia. My parents in law let my wife's grandmother lives with them for free infinitely. She has her own room. They cook food and provide her medicine. When she passes away, they will visit her grave every year. American family culture is very different. I wonder it's like that in Europe, and South America too
My mom and grandmother moved in with us when my father past away. They were immigrants with very little ss. They live with me until they died. I never regret to take them and I still miss them so much.
There were times in our life where our kids offered to help us when we were going through a rough patch, but we said NO... parents dont take from their kids. We live in a country where there are so many opportunities.
My dad passed away November 2019. There is no way I would think of putting my parents out for just sleeping on the couch. Now a mentally stable sibling would get a timeline.
I wonder how different it is in the west. In India if my father stayed with me doing nothing in his 60s I would be more than happy and would consider it my duty as was his when I was young and obviously gave a hard time to him in my college days in terms of financial hardship. Correct me if I am wrong but I would be very very happy if my father is happily relaxing on my couch after working hard his entire life for us.
@Xx BigBoss xX I would not! And I know many Americans who would not do such a thing! I also knew many families when I was in health care who cared for their family members at home, even when tremendously difficult due to mobility issues.
This hits very close to home, I'm dealing with something very similar to this with my father and I'm trying to expand my family he says he isn't stopping me but it feels like he is from my view.
I don’t know what kind of oil business he thought he had, but wow. The magnificent thing about the shale revolution is precisely that it’s still profitable even when oil is like $40 per barrel. And shale gas is a practically free byproduct of the oil plays. We’re piping that to Mexico because we don’t know wha to do with it all !
@The Dave Ramsey Show Dave, you should write a book or at the very least do a segment about the differences and where the line stands between helping and enabling.
PSA TO ALL PARENTS: When you decide to have kids, you have made the decision to obligate yourself to raise and take care of them. Using the fact that you DECIDED to have them does NOT automatically entitle you to anything they have worked for. Quit using your kids as a pawn to satisfy your own greed and selfishness.
I want to like this comment 1,000 times! 🙌🏼 I’m a mother and I would feel incredibly guilty to do this to my adult children!
THANK YOU
Amen.
Only if the whole world could agree with this. I literally know people that would cry if you told them that.
Well said
Sometimes helping someone a little less will help them a lot more!
Okaay
True
Yep
Nailed it!
Daniel Iles - Small Business Well put
Living on your 25 year old daughter's couch? Wow 👎🙄
@Anthony Ericsson haha witty
Chris Invests - Personal Finance Videos That's backwards. SHe needs to stop letting her Dad feed her guilt
This poor girl. You can hear it in her voice that she's scared and yelling for help. This is a lot to put on a 25 year old. Broke my heart when he asked if the dad was aggressive and she said yes. They need family counseling and/or someone needs to take the dad to a homeless shelter. I'm all for family helping each other out, but he's taking advantage of his daughter.
If I have kids, I wouldn’t want them to pay for my poor choices. That’s why I’m working hard now, so I can provide the best life for my family!
There we go!
You sir a a real man
Just don't pay for their poor choices either.
U R SUCH A GOOD PERSON.
Thank you everyone for the kind words! I’m about to start a second job while I go to college! Not a single student loan for me!
How bizarre. My daughter is about same age as this lady.
I couldn’t imagine doing this. Crazyville.
I paid boat loads for my daughter.
• college
• car
• wedding
• world travel.
She don’t owe me a penny.
What did she marry a man who could pay for a wedding
A 1 could yes. It’s very traditional for the father of the bride to pay. To help out. Her husband is doing great.
He makes about $100k a year.
If you were suddenly broke and desperate you may feel differently. Dont get me wrong. This dad is ou of line. But you are comparing apples to oranges here. You are trying to put yourself in his shoes but holding to your own situation. Thats not his shoes thats yours.
natas0733 I’ve been there before.
I called my millionaire brother and asked him for $2000. He said no.
Best thing that ever happened to me
Because I had to sink or swim.
What a great father u r
Imagine having to tell your parents. If you live in my house you have to follow my rules.
hopefully we'll never have to deal with that
they will. There bound to be a lot of clashes.
Thts like a dream come true lol
Evil lough 😂
Yeah, that's not going to happen. My mother is aging fast, she'll be living with me soon. She's not a slacker just old and I'll have to take care of her. She'll probably have dinner made at 6 o'clock sharp and demand I eat it before it gets cold, never mind that I can't eat after work because of stress and I'm not hungry. I'll be a 60+ kid again. Not looking forward to that but that's how it will be.
@@pjgumby only if you make that choice
So he can afford to buy a 30k car but can’t afford to put a roof over his head 🤦🏻♂️
Problem is, he can't afford a 30K car, otherwise he wouldn't be paying that high interest rate. I think he bought it to convince himself & whoever cares that he is successful with a nice car, but the emperor has no money
Head scratcher, huh!
No. Because they make it easier to buy a car than to rent a place.
The car is the roof !
He needs to buy a van, so he can turn it into a great home.
I feel sorry for her. I can’t imagine, she probably feels stuck and suffocated in her own house
How can you put that on your child, sleeping on her couch & buying a $30k car!!! Unreal!!
I have a 25 & 18 yr old and I'm working DILIGENTLY to make sure that I'm never a burden to my kids. My goal is to leave a legacy of wealth and change my family tree so NO ADULT in my bloodline has to EVER sleep on anyones couch for any reason. I feel bad for this caller because she's clearly afraid to confront her parents.
THATS what its all about so our family and our children never have to ask anyone for a dime, penny or a farthing!!!!
I was a stay at home wife and mom to a military office for ninety days shy of twenty years we got divorce I got zip now my son takes care of me I hate it
You sound like my husband and me. We’re obsessed with collecting assets so when we go our children will be set so that when they want to retire (when they’re retirement age) they’ll be able to. Our kids are 19 and 24 and we’re terrified about where the economy will be and how much things will cost when they’re our age (late 50s).
Need an extra family member?? 🤗 I wish my family had that mentality
@@Robert74450 I am sorry for you. I am sure you did an excellent with your son that he will help you out and get yourself a trade or education. It is never too late to start!🙏🏼
The parents should have their own place,even if it's a studio apt!!
I love studios. LoL.
I lived in one for 9yrs.
My daughter came to visit me.
She said
“Dad, u told me your room was small, but I didn’t think this small.”
@@PInk77W1 the best part is nobody wants to shack up with you for free hahaha
Great advice! When people don't respect boundaries they FEEL entitled to EVERYTHING you have! This is soooooo true!
Parents love to pull the “I paid for you growing up and now it’s time to pay for me” CHILDERN DON’T ASK TO BE BORN it was your job to RAISE them!
Marcus M. Chiiiile that was put on me the other day 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣it’s like clockwork in black families.
Khami Cakes
Chris Rock said it best “people want credit for stuff they are SUPPOSED to do”
The parents legally had to take care of the child or guess what...the child would get taken away! Sure momma or poppa can sleep on their adult children’s couch for a couple weeks. Heck, maybe even move in if it’s a healthy relationship...but these people need to go get an apartment.
Amen
Typical teenage opinion
Just had to get my dad out of my house who I share with my husband. He lived there for 3 years. Behaviors haven't change and now he's living with a girlfriend. If you dont do anything about it they'll take advantage as long as you let them.
Parents having a ridiculous sense of entitlement from their kids is absurd 🤷♂️👎
Chris Invests there are too many of those kinds of parents around..I have one😂
@@rogers5622 I have 2 parents like that. Smh. Its sad.
Its an investment! treat your kids well and expect for them to pay for your retirement!
@@RettigJ Treat them well, but never expect them to be your retirement income. That is pure insanity and greed
I agree!!!
I was atheist before watching Dave Ramsey. But after watching his videos I strongly believe Dave is doing God's work.
I'm a believer and I use that exact term. He is doing God's work.
The parent to child relationship is not reciprocal. As parents it our job to give to our children so that they can give to their future children.
Sure it's reciprocal. The one who pays the bills gets control over the life of the one who doesn't. If the one not paying doesn't like it, then s/he gets to move out.
Kevin your kids will be entitled with that view. If you do every single thing for them even as adults they won’t respect you one bit
@@Jared-tc1qt I totally disagree with you. My husband and I work hard. We save. We dont buy stupid things. There is NO reason why my children should ever have to support me for the rest of my life. A person like that is a person who makes selfish decisions like my Father in law. He stopped working at 50 years old, he never saved, he blew through thousands and thousands of dollars. He thinks savings is for losers. He finds women to support him. And now he is in his 70's and has diabetes, he is now living on everyone's couch. Its pathetic and it sucks for everyone else. I am 31, I dont have enough income to take care of 2 families. My focus is saving for mine and my husbands future and my childrens future.
This philosophy is not universal. Many cultures in Asia, Europe, and Africa (Billions of people) have the philosophy of "unconditional" when it comes to family - in particular parents and child. All children take care of their parents unconditionally. In 99% of the cases, three generations of a family live together: share expenses, child care, and elderly care. Meanwhile, nobody is stressed financially because everything is shared and they only need to buy one set of everything. Kids are never given to strangers to babysit. In US, people work to death just to keep up with paying bills to keep families apart! Think about it...
The guy is depressed and has given up. He doesn't see a way out and buys a car to make himself feel better.
Timeline is key. Good advice as always.
With that kind of money he could’ve live in a place for a yesss without working the sense of people are stupid
I can relate. My dad took $1000 from me and I didnt even have it. I had to borrow money off a credit line to give him the $1000. Was supposed to be pay me back in a week and took 5 months. Was lucky to get it back. Learned my lesson. Boundaries with dysfunctional parents is vital
My brother came and over-stayed his welcome when I was first married. My husband st him down and said, "Paul, we love you, but we've helped you all we can. You need to find a place to go." He was gone the next day.
Sometimes not enabling someone is the best thing for them, even though it hurts.
People say to take care of your parents. It is difficult to take care of your parents when they are taking advantage of you, you are drowning in debt, you are struggling to get by, you are just now beginning to stand on your two feet, you have your own kids and family to take care of, the cost of taking care of your parents is your one month take home pay, your parents abandoned you or abused you, your parents are a heavy financial burden or a great burden in general.
You have no moral obligation to take care of your parents. You don't owe them anything. It was their decision to bring you into this world not yours. Just because they raised you doesn't mean they should turn you into a bank and turn you into their parents.
You can help your parents all you want, unless helping your parents is destroying your life and causing you to drown, and preventing you from moving forward in life.
is dave wearing a track suit??????
Yup, when you're a millionaire entrepreneur you can wear what you want :) lol
Like a boss😎
Adidas track suit all day everyday VIP attire lol
Adidas I think lol
😆😆Same thing I said! I 👀 you DR!
This brought tears to my eyes. She is in a tough situation and is going to have to show tough love. Remember those times your father told you something you didn't want to hear but it was for your best. I know you love your father and I believe Dave has coached you with some good verbiage. I wish you the best of luck with this delicate situation.
I’m dealing with the same issue in my family. Thank you for the lady who called and for Dave Ramsey offering his advice. I’m gonna need it in the future.
Just remember the folklore around vampires: in order for them to hurt you, they have to be invited in by you first.
I like track suit Dave
Davie Walnuts.
Some parents sure love manipulating their children into paying for their mistakes. Freaking sad.
Ikrrrr
Just want to let you know the job you do, the wisdom, common financial sense and Bible morals you deliver are appreciated and resonate within me too. Here in Lviv, Ukraine. Thank you.
Very wise words Mr Ramsey 👏👏👏 definitely God’s voice speaks through him .
The car purchase was so wrong!!!
When people don't have to worry about paying for the necessities(like housing) they feel they can afford to spend money on stupid things. Case in point.
I'd rather be dead than do that to my kids. They are 31 and 27, and I can't begin to imagine doing that to them.
Nowadays almost everybody seems to be mentally ill in some way or another. Anxiety stress, depression, OCD, BPD, ADHD, whatever. I'm not sure what mentally ill means if 70-80% of people are suffering from it.
Because nobody eats fruits and vegetables anymore.
Thanks Dave! We are raising small Grandchildren and Thriving! Just started this channel to try and help others see how! Jesus is the way!
Home depot has those small sheds on display. Tell him to live there.
I was thinking a van...but a shed would work!
Grown up doll house.
Omg... so true. Narcissistic parents are so hard to deal with. My mom refused to acknowledge the boundaries I wanted to start laying down so much so that she started to threaten to withhold her relationship. She did it a couple times while I asked her to respect my boundaries, so I gave her what she kept threatening and cut her out of my life.
How did that end up?
Same with MIL. I tried and tried for eight years to set boundaries and she just refused to accept and made my life hell. Controlling, bossy, negative and a liar. Almost divorced because of her. Cut her out of my life completely…only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. Still married 20 years…she still causes constant chaos with others and still has no friends. Sad.
my day makes just hardly makes $17k per year & purchased a used 2012 bmw 750li from a scummy car lot , he is currently living on section 8 housing & asked me to loan him $3k to replace his water pump on his car , not sure if he remembers that he took over a year to pay me back $900 out of a $1,000 that i loaned him..
mizzbolly got the right idea. Tell him you don't have the money to loan. I would even go as far as advising he sell the car. But take my advise with a grain of salt. I don't know if he still owes on the car and how much he could get without the water pump in it.
buys a 30k car at 22% while living on a couch
People with these types of parents need to shut them out. There is no benefit to having these types of people in your life. I say cut the ties.
How dreadful imagine having your father still boss you around at 25 in your own home
Excellent counsel!
Well done, Dave Ramsey.
I feel so sorry for her. I had a similar situation with my mother in law and we ended up having to do the same thing that Dave suggested..
Does she still talk to yall
Yeah I worked in the oilfields and I know many guys like that lost there houses and they still have big spending habits that they are used when they worked
My father was like that. Saying that he was responsible for my success and talent and therefore was owed money.
It was a hard thing to walk away from ...
One thing that Helped was to remind myself that “I can be grateful without being endebted”
I’m grateful for an Education and any help I may have ever had... but that doesn’t mean I’m endebted for the rest of my life for his mistakes and risky choices.
My dad did the same as this lady's dad. He was never in my life when I was younger, but treats his other daughter like a queen. He went and bought a 30k vehicle instead of a place to stay. I had a talk with him about him finding a place of his own because I needed privacy. He was okay with moving out and now lives close to his other daughter. He didn't keep his new vehicle because he couldn't keep up with the payments for two vehicles. Yes, he already had a decent vehicle to drive.
He can sleep in his $30,000 car.
Waiter: Are you ready to order?
Dave Ramsey: Better than I deserve!
No he will be like what's your house hold income lol
It sounds like mom and dad's marriage is over, as well.
This guy has major depression, both parents need help from a professional!
there are 6 kids...Put your money together and get them a cheap apartment to rent. Tell them they have ____months to sort things out.
Then they will be financially responsible for the apartment.
It's only a good idea when they are not capable of working.
@@DH-lc4do You would have to find a place that allows a month to month lease.
He works 40 hrs a week
PA reent for studio or 1 bedroom u can get a $600 rent
He can afford it
Or they can buy a small camper/RV. But the 6 kids together should pitch in and have a family intervention/talk and pool resources to help. The mentality is different with US families vs other cultures where it’s an honor to be able to help your parents when they age.
He can buy a camper van and move into a cheap trailer park. And looking after your Dad from 23 is NOT okay!
Ann Williams yes that $30,000 would buy a used camper which he can fix up and live in
Ann you speak the truth !!!!!!!!!
I thank God everyday for the parents that He blessed me with.
I decided not to have kids because of the curse of my family
Wow her dad is taking the ultimate advantage. I hope she figures it out and gets him out 😔
I can't stand parents who make their children financially responsible for them. I am very active in my churches youth program and so many of these kids who are getting their first jobs and should be saving up for college, a car or moving out can't because their deadbeat parents are forcing them to buy groceries and cleaning supplies and pay their bills.
Yup! I see that happen to many of the kids growing up
This goes onto my theory that the poor isn't poor because they lack money. That's like saying the tire is flat because it doesn't have air. But we all know, putting more air into the tire isn't always going to help.
We're all one or two really bad choices away from poverty. We really are. There are not exceptions. However, person who is able bodied, having long term financial issues, isn't the result of one or two bad decisions. That's usually the result of continual bad decisions, both big and small. Buying things with a credit card as opposed to cash. Not getting the oil changed regularly on the car. Not being able to hold down a job because you're too proud to be told what to do. Going to college, racking up debt without a real plan on what you're going to study. Buying a lottery ticket instead of investing in retirement. The list goes on.
These are things I see again and again and again among my peers. Many of my peers lack very basic life skills. You go to their house and there's piles of clothes because no one does laundry. They drive this car that's falling apart because they don't get the basic maintenance done on it. They're always getting fast food because no one wants to cook. Those things add up to a really deteriorated quality of life.
They sound almost as bad as my parents. They would literally just take money from me without asking. Definitely had to cut them off. Almost destroyed my life
How did they take money from you without asking?
Sounds like mine
This is so unfair to the kids. My MiL had a baby with no husband and mooched off my husband starting at age 19 until we got married when he was 29. Then we had to continue supporting her and his baby half sister for 6 more years. It caused such a strain on us. She refused to get a job and work and be responsible. She was a terrible parent to his sister too.
There was that movie years ago called “Failure to Launch”. It was about getting the son out of the house. But, what I’m seeing is that there are a number of parents, many of them narcissistic and even abusive and that some say are the result of how Baby Boomers were raised, that make them seem to feel they’re entitled. They don’t care if you’re barely making it. They don’t care that many people work more than one job now, in order to get what their parents got with one job. They don’t care that it’s harder to save for retirement. They don’t care about anything.
Her father sounds like a couch wart and he made a statement when he bought the car. The statement was, “I don’t need to plan my spending better because I am never leaving here. I bought a $30K car to draw you a picture and to let you know.” And culture and tradition usually dictate that whatever our parents want, even if it kills us, they get. Fortunately, people are waking up.
I have a narcissistic mother, who “may” have dementia. But, I note that she seems to pay her bills on time, as far as I know. But, what she doesn’t want to be told, she never seems to hear and completely forgets. She “runs” a small business that is doing awfully. I use “run” loosely because she wanted me to continue fulfilling orders after she was sick but, she wasn’t interested in selling the business. Why? Because she wanted me to go running around, fulfilling the orders for free, while the money goes into her bank account. She probably wouldn’t even know if her website went down. Because I told her to buzz off, she’s got my sister, who has 4 jobs, cutting the lawn, fulfilling orders and God only knows why else and my sister is on foot. She’s perfectly triangulated is so, we’re no contact now, as well.
What she’s currently seeming to do is to get my sister and I to handle the issues of the fact that she decided to not file taxes for 5 years. She will call me and have a pretty good coherent conversation most of the time - but, in order to tell me to call her tax accountant to find out what’s going on. She’s not asking we pay the thousands owed as she knows my sister is broke and I’d say no, very flatly. An onlooker would say that it’s not too much to do for my mother and it is not a lot. But I feel I’m looking at someone who it’s more important to see us working for her at our expense, than it is to even pay taxes. That the whole idea for her is to have slaves, which is actually the antithesis, considering her line of business.
Other onlookers might say, “But, look at what she’s done for you and she’s leaving each of you a property.” Yes, but, she has also destroyed the property in many ways, directly and indirectly. So, she’d like for us to have jobs (so she doesn’t have responsibility) live in her property and have my sister and I dancing around like Fred Astaire’s dancers, in between our jobs. Sorry. Let the property pancake.
Children are never responsible for parents
Dave making the face to rip these parents a new one 😂
her parents need to sleep in that car
😂😂😭😭😭
He should have bought an RV!
Exactly!!!
rachel v - yea so many people are doing it full time now.
I can’t even wrap my head around this.... as the father of 2 daughters I would NEVER think of putting this on my children
A Cameron aww thanks
Good old dad needs to grow up and get his act together.
My father tried the same nonsense with me, more than once.
It did not work for long.
I had him out in less than a month, each time.
I was younger than 25. And I understood, quite clearly,
that he was just being irresponsible and entitled.
This seems to have addiction written all over it! 🤨🤔😞
Holly Chesser yessss
In India, we stay with our parents. We take care of them as they did when we were children. We feel it is our duty and its a disgrace of we let our parents suffer in any way. Also, parents here don't kick children out when they turn 20 or so.. We are always welcome to stay with them. I am amazed at the idea of giving rent to your parents when u stay with them.. I think it's a culture difference.. But as a parent you should be a role model for your children and not a burden..
You also have pre-arranged marriages because the parents can't let their kids think for themselves. The cultures are different, and lets leave it at that
@@HamiltonRb I am not saying that our culture is good. I am just saying its different and sometimes its difficult to understand these stark differences. FYI India is changing interms of arrange marriages. But we have 1 percent divorce rate and US has more than 50.
I do not have a single friend who has only one parent due to divorce.. That says something about family and the importance of having family near and dear to us
@@maheshwarim1839 I'm not judging, just stating the facts. I believe it is also punishable for 5-10 yrs in jail for a man to commit adultery with another man's wife? Could that be the reason for lesser divorce rate, or is it because the child doesn't want to disappoint the parents who picked out their spouse? Or both!
@@HamiltonRb no there is no law like that.. Its not about disappointing others.. Its just that we try to work things out and not take the extreme step just because "you feel like you fell out of love".. When we get married here, we decide that he or she is the one for us for our whole life. Divorce happen for extreme cases like abuse or cheating..
I’m 64 and have three adult children age range 26-34. Not once in my entire life did I think that my kids in adulthood would “owe me” for raising them. Where would someone even get that idea?
Really grateful for my parents after seeing this. They were always the role models growing up: putting the values of working hard and loving their jobs and always saving something. They passed on to their seven kids the value of love and communication simply by having dinner around the table every night. They have passed on but lived to see seven adult children all succeed in their marriages, home ownership and employment. My mom always said the best thing was that all of her seven children truly liked each other. She wrote a self published book, that is on google books for free, called Mothers are people too. I would love if anyone would just take a peek at it.
I don't owe my adult children anything and they don't owe me anything either.
I'm in the SAME position. Following this. My inlaws are homeless. I am 31 and they are expecting us to take care of them.
Her dad worked in the oil fields so it sounds like he made good money, I would assume there was money mis management which caused them to loose their house, but the $30,000 car needs to go, this man needs to start making better financial decisions for his future.
Oil prices fell a lot in the past few years. He was probably up to his eye balls in debt to take advantage of fracking booms. Then oil prices went negative and he could not pay them back.
As a child, you are not obligated to pay back parents. As a parent, it is your duty to care for your kids. It is not an investment and you expect a return on your kids by abusing their finances...
Wow, I'm preparing myself now and the future. So, that I'm not a burning on my kids later in life.
All it takes is one illness
Woow great advice as always Dave!!
“I ToOk CaRe oF yOu sO nOw YoU hAvE tO tAkE cArE oF mE”
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Right🤨
Least she can do.
I know all about having an entitled Parent who thinks their kids are supposed to make up for their poor financial decisions 😏👀
Well they can think whatever they wish, but don't let their problems be your problems, or else you will be in their situation out of guilt.
HamiltonRb yep that is exactly what they do..guilt you and the entire family.
I can see hitting hard times and needing help. I got hurt and couldn't work and it destroyed me. But being in that position and then buying a new car is just insane.
I work really hard so that my mom will always have a place to live if needed when my dad passes.
I agree with Dave and also with honoring your parents. He just needs some guidance as to how to manage what he makes so he can be independent again. He's probably depressed after losing everything as anyone would be.
Compassion and encouragement will go a long way.
Rip the bandaid off. It hurts. But in the future, if the parents ever mature they will understand why u did it.
And connect them with a good church.
Connect them with a good church 😂
This sounds like financial abuse, straight up. He's trying to manipulate her by guilt as well. He's already violating many boundaries. Put him out
No matter how bad your parents are, you still should help them! Your dad made a bad decision with the car... but you shouldn't cut ties with your dad.
When you have a child you’re responsible for raising that child till they’re 18 At which time if you did a good job, they will be a good adult
🙏 Prayers for you, Elizabeth. 🙏
I love Dave Ramsey always giving the truth.
Most parents I know would rather live on the street than to burden their children financially.
A 30k car?!! That’s so ridiculous for his situation. If you don’t have a house then 3k for an old camry sounds like a good idea but you can get a newer, low mileage, reliable car for like 8k 🤷🏽♂️
Wow hash!!! I never hear Dav gives this kind advice.
Are the parents divorced I wonder??
QueenBee Bargains I know why are they on separate couches in different kids homes?!
@@MsPants1632 Because none of their kids is willing/able to put up both parents at once. That one part of the call makes sense, it's the rest of the stuff that's crazy.
He's already living on your couch and he just YESTERDAY went to buy a $30k car? No. He's out. He can live in the car.
I feel this caller frustration. As I am in the same situation. However, I feel obligated to fullly support my parents as best as I can as they gotten older. And I am not financial myself at all.
Kicking parent out to sleep in a car when they are having a hard time is very rare in Asia. My parents in law let my wife's grandmother lives with them for free infinitely. She has her own room. They cook food and provide her medicine. When she passes away, they will visit her grave every year. American family culture is very different. I wonder it's like that in Europe, and South America too
I suspect the grandmother was kind and respectful. If her father was behaving differently, it would be a different situation.
Noo only in the usa
$30k car w 10% down, 22% interest rate on a 5 year loan = $750 A MONTH ($17,743 in interest). You know they also sold him assorted riders. Yikes.
My mom and grandmother moved in with us when my father past away. They were immigrants with very little ss. They live with me until they died. I never regret to take them and I still miss them so much.
That is not the same situation
His poor decision making started when he had 7 kids.
They are probably grateful to be here, though.
There were times in our life where our kids offered to help us when we were going through a rough patch, but we said NO... parents dont take from their kids. We live in a country where there are so many opportunities.
My father can sleep on my couch for the rest of both our lives if he wants to. I can't imagine kicking him out onto the streets.
My dad passed away November 2019. There is no way I would think of putting my parents out for just sleeping on the couch. Now a mentally stable sibling would get a timeline.
Update I would be ashamed to tell anyone I was making my dad sleep on the couch.
I find it stunning that a parent does non have enough self respect to do this.
I am very impressed by the answer
I wonder how different it is in the west. In India if my father stayed with me doing nothing in his 60s I would be more than happy and would consider it my duty as was his when I was young and obviously gave a hard time to him in my college days in terms of financial hardship.
Correct me if I am wrong but I would be very very happy if my father is happily relaxing on my couch after working hard his entire life for us.
I agree but people can be selfish they forget very quickly the sacrifices made on their behalf.
@Xx BigBoss xX Out of sight out of mind, easier to forget that they ever existed.
You are not wrong. I would be so happy, too. i wish I had my father, here. But, if this guy is abusive to her, that is another story.
@Xx BigBoss xX I would not! And I know many Americans who would not do such a thing! I also knew many families when I was in health care who cared for their family members at home, even when tremendously difficult due to mobility issues.
@Youtoob celery jason genova What parent do you know? Goodness. My family members were all pretty kind.
This hits very close to home, I'm dealing with something very similar to this with my father and I'm trying to expand my family he says he isn't stopping me but it feels like he is from my view.
I don’t know what kind of oil business he thought he had, but wow. The magnificent thing about the shale revolution is precisely that it’s still profitable even when oil is like $40 per barrel. And shale gas is a practically free byproduct of the oil plays. We’re piping that to Mexico because we don’t know wha to do with it all !
@The Dave Ramsey Show
Dave, you should write a book or at the very least do a segment about the differences and where the line stands between helping and enabling.