This came in the perfect time for me. I’m married but we’re open, and for two years we’ve encountered some guys but we have not been with anyone more than once. But recently I met someone in a gay sauna, we had great chemistry, so he asked for my phone. But before we met after that, I explained my situation, and it’s perfect for both of us because he was married with a woman, and they have kids, so neither of us want to be in a relationship. It’s not a threat for my marriage, but it’s good to have this new person, makes it easier than finding someone on apps. I would never leave my husband for him, but I would also not be in a relationship with him even if I was single because he loves a bit far and he snores, in addition to the kids situation which goes against what I want in my life. We have sex but we’re friends because we also go out and have fun, but we both know this is as far as it will ever go. It’s perfect
I'll be honest. I could never do the whole "Friends With Benefits" thing. I value genuine friendship too much, to add a sexual component to it. And because I know I'm the type to catch feelings and value a deeper connection, it's better that I don't involve myself in hookups or FWB-type situations. For those who do, more power to them. I will never fully understand it, but that's perfectly okay.
The only problem with some FWB is that they only contact you if they are horny and want sex but there is really no element of friendship and care. In a way eventually you feel like being used.
Thank you for sharing your perspective.❤It's important to have open conversations about relationships and boundaries. Healthy connections should involve mutual respect and care. If you're feeling used or undervalued in a situation, it's essential to prioritize your well-being.🙏
I do like your episodes. I just find them lacking full breadth of experience. Please consider expanding the generations of your guests & panelists. You cover some really good topics but the perspective is limited by rarely having men over forty-fifty. Their experience is not only valid, it would add a lot to discussions and contrasts in the conversation. I hope you consider broadening your audience. In my discussion with my friends (the demographic I am talking about) we all agree we feel it's good but could be better. Good luck.
I agree. I also find the advice and opinions of older gay men important, as they can offer a contrast to the sometimes flawed thinking of younger men, which seems to prioritise pleasure seeking over all else.
I think this would be a good idea to do fairly regularly I think youger gay would also be a good idea Generally just a bit of diversity in a multitude of areas could go a long way
Thanks for the feedback. I try to invite guests with a different background/experiences than myself from time to time. Check out the episodes I did with Jon Carl Lewis on Purity Culture (ua-cam.com/video/uTwuOeaJStk/v-deo.html) and Tim McCaskell on Bathhouses and Cruising (ua-cam.com/video/-5RIm4BaPhk/v-deo.html) and The Evolution of Gay Culture (ua-cam.com/video/ilYIAcusLkw/v-deo.html) as examples.
@@MbartM96 I agree. In a few weeks, there is an episode dedicate to Age Discrimination where I spoke with 3 members of the Gay Men's Brotherhood. Also check out the links in the comment below for other episodes with men over 55 years old.
Great episodes as always, thank you. And thanks for having Pepper on again, he has great communication skills and articulates well. Good to also hear from a younger perspective too so thank you for the variety of guests you guys have on these podcasts! Your communication skills are great too, Michael, although you speak too fast for my note taking abilities sometimes! Sending positive vibes from London x
I know, I know... I'm so sorry. I really do tell myself before a show that I need to speak slowly but I get so excited!!! Now imagine how I think? I think about 100x faster than I can speak. I'll try to slow it down for you. You're not the first person to mention it ... ⏰
Listening to this made me realize, I don’t think I could do a FWB relationship. At e I could. Idk. Maybe it would force me to communicate more. I know I’m very good at strictly hooking up. But I’m working on building my friendships. When I catch feelings I usually cut people off instead of communicating that. Because I assume the rejection. I have some things to work on.
I'm glad you're identifying it as something to work on because if your pattern is to run away from feelings, how are you to build meaningful friendships and relationships...? Def something to think about.
What about guys getting involve with another guy that's in an open relationship? I noticed they just don't respect that. If you knew a guy is already in a relationship, why are you asking him out on dates and texting him all the time? When I found out my friend with benefit had a partner and they are open, I made sure to tell him that theres nothing to worry about because I'm only in it for the sex. And I would never contact him unless it's for sex!
Years ago I got involved in a FWB situationship and it was an utter disaster. I broke his heart, he tried to manipulate me, I ended our friendship. Nine years later, I occasionally thing about him but would rather not reconnect and reopen any wounds.
what is the point of "communication" if it comes from a selfish, self important self absorbed "My way or the highway" mentality? I was looking forward to this episode, not sure if I can get through it. I remember having similar thinking but thankfully it has been a long time...we are all on a journey in this thing called Life. but I think there needs to be more compassion, and especially in the gay men's /queer community. Am I just humping a mirror or is there an actual human being on the other side of this "Friends with benefits?" --- I just got out of a year with a grindr hookup that turned into friends with benefits, almost a boyfriend situation...(it played itself out but we both are better men for having gone through the Lovely experience) but it was a two way street which is part of the fun and playfulness of Love not "Talking" everything to death and a whole dichotomous key of rules, which just makes me think of the granularism of gay subcultures anyways. what is a quicker death to Romance than endless "discussions" and Rules? LOL .I don't know how to put it in a kinder more diplomatic way, I find this episode to be very irritating. a first as I have got a lot out of all your other episodes on this channel. Sorry if I am being a D*ck - there just needs to be more awareness from somewhere at least a little bit past 2 inches in front of one's face...
@@WellismoCoachingJust trying to cultivate a relationship with a fellow You Tuber/content creator first. Meeting in person not yet appropriate or possible due to geographic distance, and other factors.
I really appreciate the content. Personally, I struggle with the overuse of upspeak. It’s affected and unnecessary. As a former broadcast journalist, upspeak was discouraged so my ear and training are perhaps not the norm. Otherwise, good job!
Up speak seems tentative, being over polite and the upspeak doesn't seem to always agree with a sentence being spoken, as if it's a question. It doesn't bother me very much, but it is a distraction that I am keenly aware of.
So what if that friend is bi and married and does not care if he is cheating behind his wifes back? The other is how to protect yourself from stds with this kind of arrangement. No one wants to suck on a condom. Make a video on this.
Thank You. Never been on Grinder.
This came in the perfect time for me. I’m married but we’re open, and for two years we’ve encountered some guys but we have not been with anyone more than once. But recently I met someone in a gay sauna, we had great chemistry, so he asked for my phone. But before we met after that, I explained my situation, and it’s perfect for both of us because he was married with a woman, and they have kids, so neither of us want to be in a relationship. It’s not a threat for my marriage, but it’s good to have this new person, makes it easier than finding someone on apps. I would never leave my husband for him, but I would also not be in a relationship with him even if I was single because he loves a bit far and he snores, in addition to the kids situation which goes against what I want in my life. We have sex but we’re friends because we also go out and have fun, but we both know this is as far as it will ever go. It’s perfect
Sounds like you hit the FWB jackpot 🎰 It really does need to work (HONESTLY) for all involved.
I'll be honest. I could never do the whole "Friends With Benefits" thing. I value genuine friendship too much, to add a sexual component to it. And because I know I'm the type to catch feelings and value a deeper connection, it's better that I don't involve myself in hookups or FWB-type situations. For those who do, more power to them. I will never fully understand it, but that's perfectly okay.
That awareness is exactly what Pepper and I are advocating for. Great that you know your own boundaries around this. 👏🏼👏🏼
The only problem with some FWB is that they only contact you if they are horny and want sex but there is really no element of friendship and care. In a way eventually you feel like being used.
Thank you for sharing your perspective.❤It's important to have open conversations about relationships and boundaries. Healthy connections should involve mutual respect and care. If you're feeling used or undervalued in a situation, it's essential to prioritize your well-being.🙏
I do like your episodes. I just find them lacking full breadth of experience. Please consider expanding the generations of your guests & panelists. You cover some really good topics but the perspective is limited by rarely having men over forty-fifty. Their experience is not only valid, it would add a lot to discussions and contrasts in the conversation. I hope you consider broadening your audience. In my discussion with my friends (the demographic I am talking about) we all agree we feel it's good but could be better. Good luck.
I agree. I also find the advice and opinions of older gay men important, as they can offer a contrast to the sometimes flawed thinking of younger men, which seems to prioritise pleasure seeking over all else.
Micheal has had one. It was an episode about going to bath houses and the guest was an older man. It was a great episode.
I think this would be a good idea to do fairly regularly
I think youger gay would also be a good idea
Generally just a bit of diversity in a multitude of areas could go a long way
Thanks for the feedback. I try to invite guests with a different background/experiences than myself from time to time. Check out the episodes I did with Jon Carl Lewis on Purity Culture (ua-cam.com/video/uTwuOeaJStk/v-deo.html) and Tim McCaskell on Bathhouses and Cruising (ua-cam.com/video/-5RIm4BaPhk/v-deo.html) and The Evolution of Gay Culture (ua-cam.com/video/ilYIAcusLkw/v-deo.html) as examples.
@@MbartM96 I agree. In a few weeks, there is an episode dedicate to Age Discrimination where I spoke with 3 members of the Gay Men's Brotherhood. Also check out the links in the comment below for other episodes with men over 55 years old.
Great episodes as always, thank you. And thanks for having Pepper on again, he has great communication skills and articulates well. Good to also hear from a younger perspective too so thank you for the variety of guests you guys have on these podcasts! Your communication skills are great too, Michael, although you speak too fast for my note taking abilities sometimes! Sending positive vibes from London x
I know, I know... I'm so sorry. I really do tell myself before a show that I need to speak slowly but I get so excited!!! Now imagine how I think? I think about 100x faster than I can speak. I'll try to slow it down for you. You're not the first person to mention it ... ⏰
This topic hit home. Thank you.
Happy to help!
Wait did I catch a shout out to Mistress Brooks? 😊 love it!
We're in our shout out era 🌈
Listening to this made me realize, I don’t think I could do a FWB relationship. At e I could. Idk. Maybe it would force me to communicate more. I know I’m very good at strictly hooking up. But I’m working on building my friendships. When I catch feelings I usually cut people off instead of communicating that. Because I assume the rejection. I have some things to work on.
I'm glad you're identifying it as something to work on because if your pattern is to run away from feelings, how are you to build meaningful friendships and relationships...? Def something to think about.
We used to call this "F__K BUDDIES" back in the day.
They pointed out the difference between the two. I think that difference changes the dynamic enough to warrant its own term.
What about guys getting involve with another guy that's in an open relationship? I noticed they just don't respect that. If you knew a guy is already in a relationship, why are you asking him out on dates and texting him all the time? When I found out my friend with benefit had a partner and they are open, I made sure to tell him that theres nothing to worry about because I'm only in it for the sex. And I would never contact him unless it's for sex!
Your approach seems logical to me. It helps to have very clearly defined boundaries and expectations.
Years ago I got involved in a FWB situationship and it was an utter disaster. I broke his heart, he tried to manipulate me, I ended our friendship. Nine years later, I occasionally thing about him but would rather not reconnect and reopen any wounds.
Sounds like a wise choice after that situation. These "situationships" are complicated by their very definition. There's a lot to navigate.
what is the point of "communication" if it comes from a selfish, self important self absorbed "My way or the highway" mentality? I was looking forward to this episode, not sure if I can get through it. I remember having similar thinking but thankfully it has been a long time...we are all on a journey in this thing called Life. but I think there needs to be more compassion, and especially in the gay men's /queer community. Am I just humping a mirror or is there an actual human being on the other side of this "Friends with benefits?" --- I just got out of a year with a grindr hookup that turned into friends with benefits, almost a boyfriend situation...(it played itself out but we both are better men for having gone through the Lovely experience) but it was a two way street which is part of the fun and playfulness of Love not "Talking" everything to death and a whole dichotomous key of rules, which just makes me think of the granularism of gay subcultures anyways. what is a quicker death to Romance than endless "discussions" and Rules? LOL .I don't know how to put it in a kinder more diplomatic way, I find this episode to be very irritating. a first as I have got a lot out of all your other episodes on this channel. Sorry if I am being a D*ck - there just needs to be more awareness from somewhere at least a little bit past 2 inches in front of one's face...
Such an interesting topic! Do you think an online-only FWB relationship can exist?
@mstrsims2 I'm not on GMGDP's monthly Zoom call (yet).
If it's online only, what's the benefit?
@@WellismoCoachingJust trying to cultivate a relationship with a fellow You Tuber/content creator first. Meeting in person not yet appropriate or possible due to geographic distance, and other factors.
My two cents: if the benefits are of the online variety, sure you can have online FWB. @@kso808
I really appreciate the content. Personally, I struggle with the overuse of upspeak. It’s affected and unnecessary. As a former broadcast journalist, upspeak was discouraged so my ear and training are perhaps not the norm. Otherwise, good job!
Up speak seems tentative, being over polite and the upspeak doesn't seem to always agree with a sentence being spoken, as if it's a question. It doesn't bother me very much, but it is a distraction that I am keenly aware of.
@@laurencemartin2797 Never heard of it. Thanks for the feedback!
So what if that friend is bi and married and does not care if he is cheating behind his wifes back? The other is how to protect yourself from stds with this kind of arrangement. No one wants to suck on a condom. Make a video on this.
We have an episode on Sexual Health here: ua-cam.com/video/PqXwGsI5QCI/v-deo.html
I joined your Facebook group and a post with me in suit and tie was declines. WTF. Shirtless men post and ok. Done 😢
There might be more to the story. Please email us to discuss this further and we will get this sorted. info@gaymensbrotherhood.com