13 Warning Signs You Might Be In LIMERENCE
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- Опубліковано 29 чер 2024
- Is an intense infatuation a sign of true love, or is it something else entirely? This episode explores the concept of limerence and its potential impact on relationships. In this eye-opening episode of Relationship Radio, Dr. Joe Beam and Kimberly Beam Holmes of Marriage Helper dive deep into the powerful and often misunderstood phenomenon of limerence.
Discover:
- What limerence is and how it differs from romantic love
- The warning signs of limerence: how to know if you or your partner have crossed the line
- Powerful questions to assess how to set boundaries and protect your marriage relationship
- What to do if you're facing the destructive forces of limerence
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If you're struggling with confusing emotions or have questions about the health of your relationships, this episode is for you!
⚠️ The video discusses 13 warning signs of limerence, which include: ⚠️
1. Heightened focus on the other person (limerence object).
2. Halo effect where the person in limerence cannot see any flaws in the limerence object.
3. Decrease in productivity due to being so focused on being with them, daydreaming about them, or thinking about future plans together.
4. Deep longing, craving, or almost unquenchable drive to be emotionally connected to the limerence object and for them to reciprocate those feelings.
5. Willingness to sacrifice everything in life to be with the limerence object.
6. Obsessive thinking about the limerence object.
7. Hurting other people around them due to their focus on the limerence object.
8. Changing habits that they never thought they would change.
9. Having hyper vigilance and being overly attentive to any sign that the limerence object is moving towards or away from them emotionally.
10. Experiencing emotional highs and lows based on the limerence object's actions or perceived actions.
11. Being in a state of ecstasy or misery based on interactions or lack of interactions with the limerence object.
12. Unable to see the limerence object's flaws.
13. Turning against anyone perceived as being between them and the limerence object.
Resources Mentioned 👀
Helen Fisher Episode: • Match.com Researcher T...
Ethical Non Monogamy Episode: • Ethical Non-Monogamy: ...
Jealousy and Insecurity Episode: • Is Jealousy Harming Yo...
Intervention: How To: marriagehelper.com/intervention/
Time Stamps:
0:00 - Intro
1:44 - Limerence and romantic love, its differences and negative effects.
6:11 - Limerence and its impact on relationships.
10:15 - Limerence and Attachment Styles.
14:32 - Limerence and Relationship Boundaries.
19:15 - Recognizing and addressing potential infidelity in a marriage.
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Understanding limerence can be crucial for protecting your relationship. Discover the difference between intense infatuation and healthy, lasting love. If you're struggling with confusing emotions, feelings of jealousy, or fear about your partner's behavior, this video is for you. Learn how to recognize the signs of limerence, assess boundaries, and get the help you need to navigate difficult relationship situations. Explore themes of infidelity, emotional turmoil, and the importance of psychological well-being, so you and your partner can build a healthy and fulfilling relationship
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#Limerence #MarriageAdvice #RelationshipAdvice
Society needs more info on this as it relates to the increase in social media.
Loved this episode! Appreciate the breakdown of limerence and romantic love 👏🏾
I’m in limerence with Jesus 😍
Romantic love, limerence, is a drug my spouse is/was addicted to. He took his marriage and his wife for granted.
Mine too
When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'll trade the world
For the good thing he's found
If she is bad, he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down
When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Trying to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way it ought to be
Well, this man loves a woman
I gave you everything I had
Trying to hold on to your high-class love
Baby, ooh, please, don't treat me bad
When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool, yeah
He's the last one to know
Loving eyes can't ever see
When a man loves woman
He can do her no wrong
He can never want some other girl
Yes, when a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels
Baby, baby, baby, you're my world
When a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels..!!!
This is so true and heartbreaking 💔
unfortunately, many of us grew up in narcissistic families who were uncapable of giving us the unconditional love we needed. That is why we are attracted to people who have no emotional availability, no love to give, just like our families of origin. For me, finding self-love and the love of god helped me a lot in my recovery from my limerence.
Thank you for this video. Very informative and a revision as well ❤
So I'm seeing this and it is exactly what I have been through. I wish I could have aeen it before now. I keft my wife of 30 plus years, hurts my kids and grandkids thinking thatvthey will just get over it. I divorced my wife. I have since left the other woman for many reasons. My question is do you have anything that can help my now ex wife and I to repair our relationship after a limerant affair? I feel like such an idiot for what I have done. It might be too late for me. Please, if you are feeling this way Dr. Beam is correct. It is not sustainable and it isn't worth it.
Bro why did you leave the other women. Did it not work with the other woman ?
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@@RajeshKankavlikar Because she was also controlling, manipulative, and a narcissist. I couldn't see all of that because of my limerance I assume. And because I also knew that the decisions I made were not me. I was losing myself and my faith. Just like Dr. Beam said, I made excuses for everything that I believed just so I could be with this woman.
@@Stageson6 I'm so sorry you went through this. I'm glad you realize now what you've done. I hope you can find a path forward with your ex if she's willing 🙏
@@Stageson6 I feel so sorry for you mate. We get to know only when we start living with that person. Wish they knew what all we had to give up to be with them and then in the end they leave us miserable. It's heartbreaking 💔
Many marriages are going through this.. it's really educating.. thanks
I love the topic of limerance
I know you've covered The PIES a lot, but would love more content on that as well!
It's very interesting but I can't lie, I wish it was just something I heard of vs only hearing about it when my husband was in it and I was trying to figure out what in the world was happening to him.
@@nicholesidla6233I'm so sorry that happened to you. My story is I was the one in limerance and my husband had no idea. I had a full affair. We came out the other side of it still married. Worked through a lot of stuff. I like learning about it cause I see myself in what I'm hearing about and its unreal that I was that person. We listened to a bunch of marriage helper videos during that time.
@sherridevries9144 I'm so glad you got out of that and you made it work with you H. I stood with him through his whole affair (a year) and he did some really really terrible things while I was pretty much stuck watching him do them. It was miserable but he's been NC with the LO now for a year and we are working on our marriage. Its getting better slowly but it's been a rough road for sure. Limerence is a very interesting topic, I talk about it frequently but had I not seen how much it all changed my H, I don't know that I would have believed how bad it could really get. I'm just so grateful I found MH and had them there to help guide me through everything at a time I couldn't have felt more alone. I'm so happy you're learning to understand what you went through and you and you H do it together, that's amazing! Wishing you both lots of love and the happiest of future's!
If you want to hear more about the PIES and ways you can work on yourself, Kimberly's podcast "It Starts With Attraction" covers all areas of the PIES. You can find that here! youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes
Can anyone tell me what is PIES please?
Thank you Dr. Beam and Kimberly for a very thought provoking video! I am familiar with the CAGE measure have seen it's utility as a good screening tool. I think adopting it to "screen" for limerence is a great insight. I wonder, just throwing it out there, if the Guilt component could also be viewed as guilt more associated with not spending more time with the object of their limerence rather than guilt that the limerence is occurring. Considering limerence can be nearly all consuming, I speculate that perhaps guilt as not as common as we would like. Just a thought, regardless; great video!
I never heard until of MH.
do more on this
thats what you beleive sir!
It’s backed by research, it’s not what he “believes”
I have a question about my husband's affair. He says he stayed in the affair because of selfishness. He knew she was a very disturbed person and had alot of issues but stayed with her anyway. I don't know how to move on from feeling such rejection from my husband because he went from avoiding me all these years to telling me he really really loves me now. Thank you
It’s honestly not your fault. I was in limerance for two years after my nephew passed away. It happened while I was in a long time commitment. My partner I am with is an alcoholic and after the death of my nephew I was in so much pain I now see the limerance was an escape from reality just like drugs or alcohol the person you are limerant over becomes like a drug and we project our fantasy onto that person even when we know in reality that person is not perfect. I’m better now and watching videos like this helped. I’m not making excuses but if your husband was stressed over finances or work or the death of a loved one that may have pushed him over the edge. When I was in limerance I felt like it was completely out of my control. The man I was limerant over was a long distance friend I knew for 15 years but I had never met in person and I was seeing him through rose colored glasses so it was the perfect situation to project a fantasy life onto him.
How would cancer effect this? And can someones LO change overnight?
This sounds like codependent love addiction
is it posible for limerence to turn into trully loving them for ever? like, you know you will be there for them always no matter what? Even if they leave, you will love them? You even feel so confident about really spending life with them and sharing this positive view of love and life and remaining strong no matter the bad or good we might experience, just trully loving each other...
Yes it’s possible limerence can turn into love for one or both of the partners. But limerence is a bigger high and rush because it’s like a drug. The lows are worse in limerence though.
Can It last 25 years
Should I send this to my husband?
If he is in limerence he will likely not see it as such and will try and find a way to explain away the similarities between him and limerence. I highly suggest you look into doing the MH workshop with him. That workshop is what my H calls the "turning point" in his limerence (though it still took awhile) he really started to realize that he was in limerence and it wasn't right, even started using the word but months before I had said something about limerence and he shot the idea down and reiterated that his LO was his "true love". He's been no contact with her now for a year and when we do talk about it he now refers to her as "the devil" because he was tempted and unfortunately fell for it but it was never what he thought it was.
How long does it take to go away?
I think I've read somewhere that it peaks in a few months time. I've seen it last a few years but could be wrong.
@@aqua-elle thanks
It lasted for me about two years after the death of my nephew I now realize I was in so much pain I was desperately trying to escape reality. Don’t give up
hope it will get better and watching videos like this has helped me. The person I was limerant over was a long distance friend and I knew in reality I couldn’t be with him but it was the perfect situation to get caught up in a fantasy land. I was projecting want I wanted on him because I never had that in a real relationship. I’m learning how to be more self reliant and how to keep myself grounded in reality.
You mean with our phones? Tablets? Social media? Def not with another human being.
look up attachementstyles. you are using an extremely easy theory I could explain to someone in elementary school wrongly. You don't change your attachementstyle for one person XD. I am pretty sure the rest of his talk is more his opinion, based on things he did not understand, either.