As a trainee therapist I'm often shocked at how many therapists are out there that haven't done the work themselves. For me it's been 4 years of grueling, painful, gut wrenching exploration, and that only feels like the start of my journey. Everything about this work is to be able to be with and hold a space for someone that is truly exploring there own past and trauma so I feel anger at therapists and trainings that operate without really knowing the process intimately. It feels unethical and selfish to me. Loved your video as always Daniel, you've been inspirational to me throughout my own process and it warms my heart to see other men have so much passion for the exploration of emotional truth.
jay rekt / I met many clinicians who pride themselves on being able to listen from inside a bubble, and to be immovable. Personally, I’m at the point where I have to be careful what I hear or see..because I’m going through everything alone right now, and I have a low set point. ~ I thought doctors were supposed to be able to treat patients with its emotional involvement ? That’s what I was told anyway. That it’s unprofessional to get emotionally affected or involved with the client. ( Patients are called “ clients “ these days )
They are charging money and have no clue about what they are selling. That's capitalism at its worst. I'm mad at my therapist, one year of therapy and she wanted me to go on drugs. Other than that no effect at all. I've found a friend and started journalling. I see that I'm getting slightly better day after day.
@@BarbaraMerryGeng patients are called clients because therapists want to avoid responsibility for them. Therapists don't follow any comprehensive neuroscience just because it's not there yet, scientists are in progress of learning about our brains's work. Yet therapists call themselves therapists - which means doctors! Such hypocrisy!
@@NeistovyAngel Journaling can be unexpectedly empowering for me, too. And a friend can mean a lot, and you yourself can be that friend, which can do you good. No guarantees, but not impossible odds, either.
@@pushista9322 in the UK..therapist and doctors do not mean the same thing at all...And saying "clients", while perhaps not ideal as it still highlights the power differential, is better in my opinion than saying "patients" because "patients" would insinuate a medical job - which therapy/counselling isn't.
I get you. I've been there. Schools, nannies that I didnt wanted to go to, but been put with them anyway. My protests that were shut down or ignored. Parents fighting. Cheating, substance abuse. I dont know how common that is, but certainly that was part of my upbringing. And guess what? One of my diagnosis was generalized anxiety disorder!
Your childhood mirrors mine in many ways. My parents had terrible fights a lot especially when I reached about 10 years old. I went to many counselors in my teenage years and the progress was slow. I'm 61 now and still work on anxiety and depression. Never found a magic bullet. It's constant self assessment and letting go or growing in another direction. Never had kids which I decided because didn't want to pass all of this on to them. My brother is 9 years younger and has 4 kids. They're all pretty good emotionally. He created a very nurturing environment that is pretty darn nice to be around. Not perfect though. Nothing is. He didn't live thru the same traumatic effects that I did so he's better suited to having a family. Does make me wonder what could have been though.
61 is still young enough to grow emotionally. Try being open and honest with one good friend. Try to have the same honesty with yourself for a month or so before engaging with a friend. Try to look at the reasons that you are not honest with yourself. Until you can work with yourself in this manner, nothing will change. Be kind and patient with yourself. People constantly fib to themselves...so did I, once upon a time.
For me anxiety is always connected to a lack of certenty!Of being loved and/or being "enough" which is a fear imprinted in/on us by our parents which never felt loved/enough themselves!YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!Love to all of you!!!
Mixed messages, mostly negative however. I kept hoping that if I was better and more compliant with their demands that they would be less abusive of me . Not so. I started realizing that I could do nothing to change the way they treated me. That’s when I realized very young that it had nothing to do with me. It confirmed for me that these were just bad parents period and I was stuck until I could get out and take care of myself. It was horrible.
That's amazing that you were able to realize that at a young age. Most don't, and suffer terribly believing there is something wrong with ourselves, that we should be "better", be different than our essential nature...
Amir G. From all the voracious reading I had done later I found out I had a huge intuitive gift which is unusual especially as young as I was . It was still horribly hurtful and even shocking that I had such TOXIC ABUSIVE PARENTS. I left at 20 had to quit college and get a job , my own place etc. later I went NO CONTACT AT age 30. Sad but I was not going to put up with anymore gaslighting and constant verbal and psychological abuse. I was done. I don’t let any malignant narcissists in my life period. I learned to appreciate my drama free aloneness. There is much more to my recovery process here but will stop sharing for now. God bless. I’ve been no contact for 20 years now. Daniel has done the same. He is the most authentic person and I love him so much for that. I’ve been told the same thing about me but believe this many do not like me at all. I’m too real and honest and most ppl hate this gift. Like Daniel says here ppl just DO NOT APPRECIATE what we’ve gone through and do not understand our ability to be so brutally honest about our parents and the ability to disown our families of origin. Ppl love lies and hate the truth bc with the truth WE HAVE TO GROW AND CHANGE OUR WHOLE TRAJECTORY IN LIFE. It takes researching getting educated on toxic family dynamics. It is hard work. What can I say.
Sorry if my grammar is bad, English isn't my first languaje but I felt the urge to express myself. I was molested as a child. Growing up, I never understood why I always felt deeply sad, insecure and anxious. Later in life, I realized that because of that experience, the concept of evilness was embedded in my being. "If an adult, who was responsible to take care of me, did that terrible thing, then why should I trust anybody?" To this day, I am still trying to gain confidence and move foward, but is hard to forget things that have been learned trough a traumatic experiencie.
Maybe what you're suppose to do is not forget what happened. But perhaps reinterpret it. Yes it was wrong what happened to you 100%. This may not at all help but from my view I just remind myself that dark actions and dark thoughts originate from dark emotions and that people become dark through traumatic life events but originally they were born whole/untraumatized.
Brenda Camacho God bless you. None of us deserve this trauma in our lives. It is heartbreaking that any child should have to through this and by a parent no less. I experienced the same thing. I told no one until I was 30 years old. Got into a nonstop incest recovery process. Long story short went no contact from my family of origin. I have nothing to do with them. They are the enemy and it is the best for me. I hope u went no contact also. These parents are incapable of loving their children. It has and is taking years of reparenting myself but it can be done. I also do not let toxic ppl in my life for any reason. It is difficult but can be accomplished. I’m able very quickly today to spot these narcissist verbally abusive ppl very quickly so as to keep from getting close in the first place. Take care of yourself in every way and don’t feel guilty for doing so.
@@Eartheraeis I see what you mean, I understood that trough therapy and in a way, it helped me to "humanize" my abuser. Regardless of that, it's hard to unlearn this perception of the world being a dreadful place, full of disgrace and people with bad intentions.
@@laraoneal7284 Thanks for sharing your experience. I've learned trough the years that we are surrounded by broken people, even if sometimes we feel alone with our traumas. We just need to keep going I guess, trying to see the best in others and in ourselves.
I had similar experience in my lifr when I was 11. When you fully process the trauma, the emotions will go away, it will be a very sad fact of your life, but no more. Don't try to humanize your abuser. What he did was WRONG it was a choice he made at that moment, do not try to wear his guilt for him. He was a monster with no human consciousness at that moment, like some force of nature. Don't agree with things people (flying monkeys) say 'he was a victim himself, he was stupid to do that etc'. He was a criminal and had no excuse to act like this. Feel your rage and express it but in a way that will not harm innocent people around you.
I just love your stripped down, fearless approach to all those which subjects which people might find uncomfortable to think about let alone talk about. It really helps me a lot. Thank you.
Tomorrow I am quitting my job because it’s killing me as a person. It offers me a lot of things and opportunity to travel, I live abroad, but lately I cannot even enjoy my trips any longer, I am really sad and it started to affect the relationship with new people I interact with. Most importantly, I cannot even enjoy my free time and be creative in the hobby that I like so much. It takes away all my motivation and positive energy. Everything. I am writing this to motivate myself to do it and stop finding excuses. It’s not worth it, because I no longer feel my emotions. I am numb. I cannot continue this way. Be courageous, you have to do it!
i also grew up with parents that were always fighting and it was so horrible and sometimes i wonder if it was damaging in ways that im maybe not even aware of yet. i was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. i rarely hear anyone mention growing up like that so thank you for sharing that part of your past.
Thanks Daniel, so helpful to hear you describe your experience. I agree it is sometimes hard for others to fully understand or empathise on these subjects, however, by underestimating your pain and expecting you to forgive and move on too soon, they invalidate your experience/reality, which is doubly traumatising. This happend to me on a first visit to a 'therapist', where I was told off for having these feelings. This was a leader of a therapist training group where I was learning psychotherapy/hypnotherapy. At the next session another 'teacher' in the group came up and started discussing my session in public!! Omg I thought it was confidential!! In our group of about twenty I would say there were one or two genuine people who had the humilty and wisdom to go on to become decent therapists while most of the rest of the group were delusional or unenlightened in a basic way. This has taught me that we shouldn't give away respect or power to a title of therapist, teacher, doctor etc. Respect has to be earnt, and competence displayed, whatever the 'title' of the person. I grew up in a home where mum and dad were at each others throats on a daily basis. It was deeply traumatising. Listening to you describe your own experience and feelings is so empowering as it resonates with my own. I don't need to be told to forgive, I know most people are only doing their best - that is my own conclusion to come to in my own time. I also think that anyone thinking of being a therapist who is not prepared to 'walk through the shadow of the valley of death' with their client should think carefully before possibly retraumatising people. Sorry to rant, but basically, thank you again - you are more helpful than you know.
Daniel, I think that "anxiety" is inherited through family disturbance and it also goes beyond childhood trauma. There is a tempest sweeping across the planet as humanity transitions into its maturity and sensitive individuals are going to feel it keenly.
I have used magnesium which has helped with my sleep and to help our bodies rest which in turn helps my sleep which keeps my anxiety at bay. I highly suggest trying it :)
It is a strange thing that often the person suffering the most from anxiety is putting themselves last on their list of concerns. I identify with you much. Thank you for the details.
Thank you once again, you ARE being very useful and helping so much by working on yourself and sharing your journey with us! It has been absolutely irreplaceable to hear all these viewpoints from a former therapist. So grateful! Hope you'll find the best tools for dissolving the anxiety as well.
It feels like a huge freedom when u watch someone who is true to himself , who tries to not sencor himself , it feels like being able to take a full breath with joy .
Dear Daniel, this video is pure gold, I just resonate so much with you, my childhood has been very similar to yours in many ways, plus my parents were both alcoholics and my mother completely border line, very close to radical madness, still and forever working on myself, trying to parent my self and be de adult that can morrow the little child inside giving him all the love, nurturing, self value and the sense of being enough that he never had, thank you so much for your work, all blessing for you Dear brother
The answer is so simple. Life is about solving problems. The ones that we can solve, the stress of solving those problems is empowering, creative, enriching, specially when we have a deadline. The other problems that no matter how small they could be (we have to ask the neighbor to not let his dog poop close to our side walk...), can run us crazy, and it is because two things. We feel inept to solve them and our cosmogony of the world which is a soup of how we interpreted our life as children combined with our temperament, limitations, intelligence, capabilities etc and everything that make us dictates from the inside that talking with the neighbor is dangerous and make us insecure. Until we do the inside work to change the way we perceive our narrative, any logical babbling will not bring any changes. And the stress of the unknown will pare with our interpretations. Until we revise our messages inside our head (which are always chatting), the stories will be the same. By the way, as an immigrant I travel to Latin America and Europe often, and I love it!! There is nothing, nothing that in all those years of traveling, (40) that I felt anxious and the only time I did was when a passenger two seats from me in an intercontinental fly had a mini stroke and her wife managed the situation really bad. That was something, but praying and praying and helping my two college kids to pray too was an experience in itself. That, we could say was stress, and he survived (there is the story of the doctor that came to the rescue but that is for another time) and we were happy. Because I love to travel everything that comes with traveling is enjoyable: to be in airports, to read newspapers, to observe people (my favorite past time), to learn something knew about airports, to take pictures and put in google local guides, to listen to other languages, to buy chocolate in the airports in Europe, etc, etc I enjoy it tremendously. Do you get that is not the trip, but the interpretation? I hope you work a little more in your interpretation of living because like they say life is just a dream... Enjoy it while it last,
Thank you for this enlightening video, your words resonate within myself. The more you know the nature of the monster of anxiety inside you, the less it will have power over you. It seems now you invented new parents, the ones you had wanted to have, the empathetic ones, the protective parents within yourself. You are those parents :). Good job
Wow- I really needed this ! I feel safe knowing I’m not going through this totally alone, this time. ~ I am trying to put into practice, labeling what am I feeling now ? What can I do to help myself feel better right now ? What would I like to do ( that might help me feel better ? ) And I do what I can to assure myself, even to a small degree, I do it immediately ! And I keep asking , “ what else can I do to feel better now ?” And I do that .. I also understand that it is normal & human to feel distress, to feel lonely, to feel any unhappiness or loneliness .. It’s human to want to feel connected, accepted, liked, wanted, enjoyed. It’s a sign of being healthy actually .. And I feel proud of myself about that ! Thanks, for your sharing !! 🌻🐿
Thanks for sharing another great video. It's all about attachment, isn't it... I read your book and I'm getting the other one next. All the best to you Daniel.
(Pete Walker's) Emotional flashbacks? Mine can be severe. Extreme hypervigilance, total inability to concentrate, anxiety bordering on outright panic, intense feelings of shame and self disgust. Etc. They've been getting less and less frequent and intense the more i dig deep and look inside and learn and gain wisdom. I have to thank on my journey Richard Grannon, Pete Walker, Sam Vaknin, Van der Kolk, Ken Wheeler... I came across your channel Daniel maybe 2 months or so ago, and my growth and my peace of mind has taken to a whole new level. I've learned much wisdom. I'm starting to journal. It makes so much sense to write it all out and look at it and analyse it. Grieving makes so much sense. Philosophically/metaphysicaly speaking uncovering all these hidden pains is uncovering evil and shining light onto it. Light, truth, facts, logic and wisdom is the antidote to evil; healing. Thank you very much. Your travel stories are very inspiring too. Thank you!
Please interview Gabor Maté. I see your insights is similair to his and he is such an inspiration to many people who are struggling with mental health. Please interview Gabor Maté
I distinctly remember being told by professors, field supervisors, and in supervision that to be an effective therapist one NEEDS to maintain that, "professional boundary," not overuse self disclosure, not become emotionally invested with clients, and to actually separate (or dissociate as it were) at the end of the day from work. Now I understand the premise of self preservation and avoiding burnout, but how effective is that really when establishing a "therapeutic' relationship. I didn't stay in the field long, but when I did see clients (and with my own therapists) it was essential to identify with the other person to build rapport. Especially with trauma and anxiety, depression, grief, abuse... not to mention clients who are experiencing severe & distressing symptoms. I finally dropped a lot of what I was being taught and just talked to people as I would a friend. I experience severe anxiety occasionally under similar conditions and it can take over. Do you use any CBT techniques to diminish symptoms or find exploring and validating trauma is effective in itself?
I had to find a new therapist when mine said i needed trauma therapy she wasn't trained for. I couldn't see myself talking through all that again. But eventually i did. Then when i brought up early childhood trauma as possible root, she let me go too and i knew it as soon as i said it. I think they just get tired of listening to us instead of actually doing their job and trying to get to root of things. She said i have go somewhere else because she didn't have experience with early non verbal age trauma. Its criminal
I believe the unsafety I feel also comes from having lived in a house that didn't feel My home. For example my mother would often say that it was Her house and that she could kick me out whenever she wanted. My father was living abroad and he often played on this need I had to see him and spend time at his house. He would sometimes cancel my flight or change his mind last minute, or tell me I hadn't behaved enough to earn it. So it felt as if I had no real home, no real place to feel safe not only because of the abuse but because of this. Loving parents would give all they have to their children, they would give even the last thing they have. And if they have a house they would make sure the kids grow up having this certainty that they'll always be welcome and that their parents' door will always be open for them. It really plays a big role in how we feel safe to try in our adult life and take risks, but also how we relate to people. My father often threatened to disinherit me and he will sooner or later because of my NC. But this has damaged me in another way he could have expected. I observed myself in the years always looking around imaging how people are safe at their homes, instead I am always feeling like I am homeless, as if when I am outside in any unpredictable situation it's just the same as when I am home. I always feel thrown out in the nowhere. I've looked for a home either in other people's houses or just in their hearts. Now I have understood all this and I know where I belong, first of all my inner child is safe in the care of my adult self, and then that those things happened to me but not because it was any of my fault, it happened to me and to many and I need to see it as not being because I am defective in any way and unlovable, unworthy.. it felt relieving to understand this. My anxiety often defines me, it's how I see the world, it's how I constantly feel by always being extra alert and it's exhausting. I would like to welcome this part of me without torturing myself because this is how my brain functions and I don't expect it to change that much. Thank you Daniel for your own insight on this and for how you've been changing my life
For years I attempted to bury the past. I was trained to ignore it all and pretend all is fine. Watching your videos, I hear so much of the same "puss of infected wounds" I simply have to release out of me and allow my brain, body, and nervous system to heal from. Your honest videos are a wonderful resource for aiding in this process. I have come to really value this necessary work and reparenting myself. I came to see, never was there a time an adult helped me process difficult situations and feelings were not allowed to be displayed. There is a lot of anxiousness pushed down. I am applying new techniques to overcome this anxiousness and I can absolutely understand the struggle in others. The reassurance well, was always dry, and I believe that is one of the reasons I developed such high empathy for others. I deeply hated the feeling; it never went away it was burned into my being. I think it is crucial a child be reassured in their early development they can confidently work through solutions and practice them little by little. When the overwhelming feelings of how hard this was left alone, it carries over into adulthood. The pervasive feeling "help is NOT coming" what will happen to me if I can't figure this out, panic tries to creep in, and here goes the anxious brain scrambling to deal, not calmly, not rationally but panicked and catastrophizing.
I was diagnosed as depressed at age 16. "Chemical imbalance." 50 years later, still depressed. Pills help a bit, hash more. I'm not suicidal anymore, but when I was, all the people who would have expressed bewilderment at my demise, did NOTHING to stop it. THEY were my depression, but I was the 'crazy' one. I live in isolation now.
When I got my diagnosis of Anxiety Neurosis, I didn't understand the label, yet I felt relieved that I was not psychotic or pathological, which would imply that I could not be meaningfully helped. Yes, I agree that General Anxiety is a catch all name for collective symptoms that are not a danger to self or others.
I believe that these days, all "normal" people are experiencing General Anxiety, daily. I never experienced panic attacks or extreme disruptions in behavior. I think of anxiety as having the capability to take deep breaths and know that you'll be fine. This is what I did following my decision to cease therapy/analysis. I knew that I accomplished nothing significant in analysis, yet it was time to test my wings solo. 25 years later I realized that the years spent in analysis gave me my training to become my own psychoanalyst. I did it, and it worked. Am I still anxious? Probably, yet I have no depression at all! And suicide is off the table. I have peace of mind, regardless of what happens in the world. Certainly I have compassion and empathy for all less fortunate than I, and compassion for humanity worldwide. We are all the same, doing the best that we can, regardless of being surrounded on all sides by strife and stresses.
@@LaniAnne402 sometimes I wish I could sleep a lot less and start the day normally. I fall into a cycle of needing 12hrs sleep and still wake up feeling exhausted and anxious/depressed. I grew up in a troubled family too, I had little security growing up but it’s frustrating that I’m still stuck there now
I used to have terrible anxiety and panic attacks. I don’t get any now. Have you tried mindfulness meditation and/or chanting? I practiced regular mindfulness meditation (breathing and walking meditation) and chanting (‘Om Mani Padme Hum’) for about ten years, and it really helped me. Also regular exercise helps, such as walking.
Wow - you nailed it! People often want to pathologize you when they don't have the patience, knowledge, strength, and/or respect to see you as a person with healthy reactions to events and situations you had to handle in your life. You might ask what is wrong with you if you do *not* carry anxiety after all that and with still not being seen and supported today. There is so much in this video that many can relate to, I bet. Thank you!
"It doesn't serve me." One of the people that counseled me in the past told me to ask this question when a negative emotion takes hold. If it doesn't, move on let go. If you can't therapy may be the answer, journaling, forgiveness or acceptance and letting go. I find googling positive coping mechanisms helps a lot.
Hi Daniel, I've been meaning to thank you for the video you posted a while back about how you fixed a ligament problem in your thumb which was impeding your ability to play the guitar. At that time, I was also experiencing the same problem, so I took your advice and I'm almost back to 100 functioning. Thank you so much. BTW, I hope your anxiety clears up soon. 💛
My anxiety begins every night around 8pm about not being able to sleep. For example, it is 2:38AM and I’m awake. Childhood trauma started at age 4 (incest), 7-8 (molestation by a neighbor) and age 9 (molestation by an uncle). My diagnosis is generalized anxiety too. I take Zoloft daily and Xanax to take the edge off if I’m stuck in high anxiety. Sleeping medication does help for my insomnia.
I have a lot of anxiety as well, due to childhood trauma. The question is, can it be "cured"? Or just managed. If we can only manage it, what do we do? The usual things like take a walk or do yoga?
It seems that we all need to dissociate when chaos and pain strike and empathize when sincerity and openheartedness reveal themselves, but it never has been easy to be emotionally limber enough to really meet all challenges. Peace and silence: also always needed!
I'm pretty dissociated from my trauma. When I tried to talk about it in therapy I had amnesia. It was such a strange experience, happened several times. Maybe if I could remember things I wouldn't be so anxious. My therapist didn't tell me what I said, she never thought I was stable enough. She stopped letting me talk about trauma and never let me talk about it for the next 2 years I saw her.
@@Ceekeyz I understand..I've been through a lot of trauma myself. I feel that you are in charge of you and your therapy. It's your right to know what you said. You know yourself best.
I feel I can never move on for myself and survive even the next day if I don't solve that something connected to me. And the moment I am in it- it being the daughter/mother relation caused just by my birth or it- being a fight with a boyfriend: I feel responsible to find the only acceptable solution and only a good one counts, meaning the others being happy with me (NOT for me never!) I simply hate and despise myself and would like to throw my mother from a cliff, but then I'd remember that every next day of my life, just as now I'm remembering last 25 years of day to day problems no matter what anyone does to help. Lost everything there is to like in life and hope, too
well. welcome Daniel on other side of the table. You and other therapists were "diagnosing" people with exactly same issues as yours right now- mostly social/environmental problems and imprint "diagnosis" and label to mostly social problems. Now you now how it feels but you are somewhat stronger because of your education and experience so you will work that out for yourself some day. dont worries
I imagine compounding stressors like a sphygmomanometer (BP cuff) ... gradually increasing pressure until it starts to become painful. I say... ok... it's a sphygmomanometer moment....it's a fun word to say. It makes me laugh... and that helps release the pressure. ....but yeah. ...compounding stressors are usually where it all goes wrong for me too.
Anxiety often results from nutrient deficiencies. We eat crap drink toxic water breath poluted air, how on earth can we be healthy? Permanent vitamin B deficiency is enough to knock anyone down.
Anxiety is not created from nutritional deficiencies, although lack of good nutrition results in physical illnesses! Anxiety develops in childhood from family dysfunction. Gabor Mate has found this to be true over his lifetime spent working with people from all walks of life.
Isn’t the reason people in general don’t dig deep and deal with what happened to them when they were young is how disruptive it would be, it’s not just that it’s painful, it’s really confusing, it takes so much commitment to careful analysis, and it’s also profoundly disregulating. Who has that kind of space and flexibility? Also there’s very little support. As you say therapists don’t seem on the whole to understand this process very well. I’m responding to you saying that people don’t do it because it’s painful. I’m saying yes but it’s actually far worse than that. I guess I’m saying people should be forgiven, I was incredibly lucky to have this rebellious spirit that allowed me down this wild path but very few people have as an option, or the support to maintain their lives while they do it
I no longer believe that childhood traumas can be “resolved”. You need to look at it deeply, understand what happened, and empathize with yourself... but I’m not able to “resolve” it. At a certain point, therapy and reading books on this was just perpetuating it in my consciousness. And forgive? Nope.
"Be anxious for nothing" "(leave everything to God)" We cannot handle the burden of the weight of the world on our shoulders. "The last Adam" took the place of Adam so that we the offspring of Adam don't have to carry any such burdens. If you are not able to understand or accept that, just don't worry about anything : ) I am so far removed from my past that I hardly even think about it anymore. (I still have a lot of respect for you.) I guess I had some childhood trauma but I learned to deal with it at an early age when my rabid dog bit me when I was three years old and I remember everything including the 50 injections that I had to take afterwards. I actually love and understand dogs so much to the point where they seem to think that I am one of them. Dogs are very attentive and they can read you. Cats are great too, just not quite as bright. ...and I guess that will end my pursuit of rabbit trails and such.
Anxiety is my best friend, and if it is not there "when I need it", it is my second best friend there- depression. BUT I never felt happier than now in my life. I don't know how this is possible. I feel so much in touch with my self than ever before in my life. It is ridiculous. Same symptoms like yours. Why don't you go back in practice clinical therapy like part-time and private, not in a clinic? This will help you financially. Maybe try to change the system from within not from outside. Maybe it is not a good idea to say publicly the info that your parents cheat each other because it is kind of "their" information. Like it is their personal info, not exactly yours. It may be sensitive to them. I understand that this was traumatizing for you but it is also their life, not only yours. They were struggling and suffering too. It may help you to feel better if you understand that they did what they were able to do. I understand that they do not have regrets- but it may help you if you try to understand that this is their capacity- they can't better. This is their IQ (mental, emotional and so on). A few years ago I got sick and tired to search for some feedback from my parents and just began to care more about me as an adult now than to analyze my childhood like crazy. It became naturally that I don't want recognition for their behavior any more I just see that it is their mental capacity that stops them from understanding and they can't do better, they just don't have the potential to do it. It is not a choice. This doesn't mean I don't have boundaries with them- Oh I have very strong boundaries with them. I am happy that you understand that you are an adult not a child anymore.
As a trainee therapist I'm often shocked at how many therapists are out there that haven't done the work themselves. For me it's been 4 years of grueling, painful, gut wrenching exploration, and that only feels like the start of my journey. Everything about this work is to be able to be with and hold a space for someone that is truly exploring there own past and trauma so I feel anger at therapists and trainings that operate without really knowing the process intimately. It feels unethical and selfish to me. Loved your video as always Daniel, you've been inspirational to me throughout my own process and it warms my heart to see other men have so much passion for the exploration of emotional truth.
jay rekt / I met many clinicians who pride themselves on being able to listen from inside a bubble, and to be immovable. Personally, I’m at the point where I have to be careful what I hear or see..because I’m going through everything alone right now, and I have a low set point. ~ I thought doctors were supposed to be able to treat patients with its emotional involvement ? That’s what I was told anyway. That it’s unprofessional to get emotionally affected or involved with the client. ( Patients are called “ clients “ these days )
They are charging money and have no clue about what they are selling. That's capitalism at its worst. I'm mad at my therapist, one year of therapy and she wanted me to go on drugs. Other than that no effect at all. I've found a friend and started journalling. I see that I'm getting slightly better day after day.
@@BarbaraMerryGeng patients are called clients because therapists want to avoid responsibility for them. Therapists don't follow any comprehensive neuroscience just because it's not there yet, scientists are in progress of learning about our brains's work. Yet therapists call themselves therapists - which means doctors! Such hypocrisy!
@@NeistovyAngel Journaling can be unexpectedly empowering for me, too. And a friend can mean a lot, and you yourself can be that friend, which can do you good. No guarantees, but not impossible odds, either.
@@pushista9322 in the UK..therapist and doctors do not mean the same thing at all...And saying "clients", while perhaps not ideal as it still highlights the power differential, is better in my opinion than saying "patients" because "patients" would insinuate a medical job - which therapy/counselling isn't.
I get you. I've been there. Schools, nannies that I didnt wanted to go to, but been put with them anyway. My protests that were shut down or ignored. Parents fighting. Cheating, substance abuse. I dont know how common that is, but certainly that was part of my upbringing.
And guess what? One of my diagnosis was generalized anxiety disorder!
Your childhood mirrors mine in many ways. My parents had terrible fights a lot especially when I reached about 10 years old. I went to many counselors in my teenage years and the progress was slow. I'm 61 now and still work on anxiety and depression. Never found a magic bullet. It's constant self assessment and letting go or growing in another direction. Never had kids which I decided because didn't want to pass all of this on to them. My brother is 9 years younger and has 4 kids. They're all pretty good emotionally. He created a very nurturing environment that is pretty darn nice to be around. Not perfect though. Nothing is. He didn't live thru the same traumatic effects that I did so he's better suited to having a family. Does make me wonder what could have been though.
61 is still young enough to grow emotionally. Try being open and honest with one good friend. Try to have the same honesty with yourself for a month or so before engaging with a friend. Try to look at the reasons that you are not honest with yourself. Until you can work with yourself in this manner, nothing will change. Be kind and patient with yourself. People constantly fib to themselves...so did I, once upon a time.
For me anxiety is always connected to a lack of certenty!Of being loved and/or being "enough" which is a fear imprinted in/on us by our parents which never felt loved/enough themselves!YOU ARE ENOUGH!!!Love to all of you!!!
I am so excited when new vid is out.. a new scrumptious insight
Mixed messages, mostly negative however. I kept hoping that if I was better and more compliant with their demands that they would be less abusive of me . Not so. I started realizing that I could do nothing to change the way they treated me. That’s when I realized very young that it had nothing to do with me. It confirmed for me that these were just bad parents period and I was stuck until I could get out and take care of myself. It was horrible.
Lara O'neal I’m sorry
ladybug Ur kind . Thank you.
That's amazing that you were able to realize that at a young age. Most don't, and suffer terribly believing there is something wrong with ourselves, that we should be "better", be different than our essential nature...
Amir G. From all the voracious reading I had done later I found out I had a huge intuitive gift which is unusual especially as young as I was . It was still horribly hurtful and even shocking that I had such TOXIC ABUSIVE PARENTS. I left at 20 had to quit college and get a job , my own place etc. later I went NO CONTACT AT age 30. Sad but I was not going to put up with anymore gaslighting and constant verbal and psychological abuse. I was done. I don’t let any malignant narcissists in my life period. I learned to appreciate my drama free aloneness. There is much more to my recovery process here but will stop sharing for now. God bless. I’ve been no contact for 20 years now. Daniel has done the same. He is the most authentic person and I love him so much for that. I’ve been told the same thing about me but believe this many do not like me at all. I’m too real and honest and most ppl hate this gift. Like Daniel says here ppl just DO NOT APPRECIATE what we’ve gone through and do not understand our ability to be so brutally honest about our parents and the ability to disown our families of origin. Ppl love lies and hate the truth bc with the truth WE HAVE TO GROW AND CHANGE OUR WHOLE TRAJECTORY IN LIFE. It takes researching getting educated on toxic family dynamics. It is hard work. What can I say.
Sorry if my grammar is bad, English isn't my first languaje but I felt the urge to express myself.
I was molested as a child. Growing up, I never understood why I always felt deeply sad, insecure and anxious. Later in life, I realized that because of that experience, the concept of evilness was embedded in my being. "If an adult, who was responsible to take care of me, did that terrible thing, then why should I trust anybody?"
To this day, I am still trying to gain confidence and move foward, but is hard to forget things that have been learned trough a traumatic experiencie.
Maybe what you're suppose to do is not forget what happened. But perhaps reinterpret it. Yes it was wrong what happened to you 100%. This may not at all help but from my view I just remind myself that dark actions and dark thoughts originate from dark emotions and that people become dark through traumatic life events but originally they were born whole/untraumatized.
Brenda Camacho God bless you. None of us deserve this trauma in our lives. It is heartbreaking that any child should have to through this and by a parent no less. I experienced the same thing. I told no one until I was 30 years old. Got into a nonstop incest recovery process. Long story short went no contact from my family of origin. I have nothing to do with them. They are the enemy and it is the best for me. I hope u went no contact also. These parents are incapable of loving their children. It has and is taking years of reparenting myself but it can be done. I also do not let toxic ppl in my life for any reason. It is difficult but can be accomplished. I’m able very quickly today to spot these narcissist verbally abusive ppl very quickly so as to keep from getting close in the first place. Take care of yourself in every way and don’t feel guilty for doing so.
@@Eartheraeis I see what you mean, I understood that trough therapy and in a way, it helped me to "humanize" my abuser. Regardless of that, it's hard to unlearn this perception of the world being a dreadful place, full of disgrace and people with bad intentions.
@@laraoneal7284 Thanks for sharing your experience. I've learned trough the years that we are surrounded by broken people, even if sometimes we feel alone with our traumas. We just need to keep going I guess, trying to see the best in others and in ourselves.
I had similar experience in my lifr when I was 11. When you fully process the trauma, the emotions will go away, it will be a very sad fact of your life, but no more. Don't try to humanize your abuser. What he did was WRONG it was a choice he made at that moment, do not try to wear his guilt for him. He was a monster with no human consciousness at that moment, like some force of nature. Don't agree with things people (flying monkeys) say 'he was a victim himself, he was stupid to do that etc'. He was a criminal and had no excuse to act like this. Feel your rage and express it but in a way that will not harm innocent people around you.
I just love your stripped down, fearless approach to all those which subjects which people might find uncomfortable to think about let alone talk about. It really helps me a lot. Thank you.
Tomorrow I am quitting my job because it’s killing me as a person. It offers me a lot of things and opportunity to travel, I live abroad, but lately I cannot even enjoy my trips any longer, I am really sad and it started to affect the relationship with new people I interact with. Most importantly, I cannot even enjoy my free time and be creative in the hobby that I like so much. It takes away all my motivation and positive energy. Everything. I am writing this to motivate myself to do it and stop finding excuses. It’s not worth it, because I no longer feel my emotions. I am numb. I cannot continue this way. Be courageous, you have to do it!
❤ u, Daniel!
Do be kind to yourself.🌹
i also grew up with parents that were always fighting and it was so horrible and sometimes i wonder if it was damaging in ways that im maybe not even aware of yet. i was also diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. i rarely hear anyone mention growing up like that so thank you for sharing that part of your past.
Thanks Daniel, so helpful to hear you describe your experience. I agree it is sometimes hard for others to fully understand or empathise on these subjects, however, by underestimating your pain and expecting you to forgive and move on too soon, they invalidate your experience/reality, which is doubly traumatising. This happend to me on a first visit to a 'therapist', where I was told off for having these feelings. This was a leader of a therapist training group where I was learning psychotherapy/hypnotherapy. At the next session another 'teacher' in the group came up and started discussing my session in public!! Omg I thought it was confidential!! In our group of about twenty I would say there were one or two genuine people who had the humilty and wisdom to go on to become decent therapists while most of the rest of the group were delusional or unenlightened in a basic way. This has taught me that we shouldn't give away respect or power to a title of therapist, teacher, doctor etc. Respect has to be earnt, and competence displayed, whatever the 'title' of the person.
I grew up in a home where mum and dad were at each others throats on a daily basis. It was deeply traumatising. Listening to you describe your own experience and feelings is so empowering as it resonates with my own. I don't need to be told to forgive, I know most people are only doing their best - that is my own conclusion to come to in my own time. I also think that anyone thinking of being a therapist who is not prepared to 'walk through the shadow of the valley of death' with their client should think carefully before possibly retraumatising people.
Sorry to rant, but basically, thank you again - you are more helpful than you know.
@Liz Stubbs Amen, Sister!
Daniel, I think that "anxiety" is inherited through family disturbance and it also goes beyond childhood trauma. There is a tempest sweeping across the planet as humanity transitions into its maturity and sensitive individuals are going to feel it keenly.
I have used magnesium which has helped with my sleep and to help our bodies rest which in turn helps my sleep which keeps my anxiety at bay. I highly suggest trying it :)
You are so courageous and brave, Daniel. Thank you
It is a strange thing that often the person suffering the most from anxiety is putting themselves last on their list of concerns. I identify with you much. Thank you for the details.
Thank you once again, you ARE being very useful and helping so much by working on yourself and sharing your journey with us! It has been absolutely irreplaceable to hear all these viewpoints from a former therapist. So grateful! Hope you'll find the best tools for dissolving the anxiety as well.
It feels like a huge freedom when u watch someone who is true to himself , who tries to not sencor himself , it feels like being able to take a full breath with joy .
Daniel thank you so much. You have inspired me to do journalling again and it was a really refreshing beautiful session :)
Dear Daniel, this video is pure gold, I just resonate so much with you, my childhood has been very similar to yours in many ways, plus my parents were both alcoholics and my mother completely border line, very close to radical madness, still and forever working on myself, trying to parent my self and be de adult that can morrow the little child inside giving him all the love, nurturing, self value and the sense of being enough that he never had, thank you so much for your work, all blessing for you Dear brother
The answer is so simple.
Life is about solving problems.
The ones that we can solve, the stress of solving those problems is empowering, creative, enriching, specially when we have a deadline.
The other problems that no matter how small they could be (we have to ask the neighbor to not let his dog poop close to our side walk...), can run us crazy, and it is because two things. We feel inept to solve them and our cosmogony of the world which is a soup of how we interpreted our life as children combined with our temperament, limitations, intelligence, capabilities etc and everything that make us dictates from the inside that talking with the neighbor is dangerous and make us insecure.
Until we do the inside work to change the way we perceive our narrative, any logical babbling will not bring any changes. And the stress of the unknown will pare with our interpretations.
Until we revise our messages inside our head (which are always chatting),
the stories will be the same.
By the way, as an immigrant I travel to Latin America and Europe often, and I love it!! There is nothing, nothing that in all those years of traveling, (40) that I felt anxious and the only time I did was when a passenger two seats from me in an intercontinental fly had a mini stroke and her wife managed the situation really bad. That was something, but praying and praying and helping my two college kids to pray too was an experience in itself. That, we could say was stress, and he survived (there is the story of the doctor that came to the rescue but that is for another time) and we were happy. Because I love to travel everything that comes with traveling is enjoyable: to be in airports, to read newspapers, to observe people (my favorite past time), to learn something knew about airports, to take pictures and put in google local guides, to listen to other languages, to buy chocolate in the airports in Europe, etc, etc I enjoy it tremendously. Do you get that is not the trip, but the interpretation?
I hope you work a little more in your interpretation of living because like they say life is just a dream...
Enjoy it while it last,
Thank you for being so honest an open, it really helps, thank you very much 😊
Thank you for this enlightening video, your words resonate within myself. The more you know the nature of the monster of anxiety inside you, the less it will have power over you. It seems now you invented new parents, the ones you had wanted to have, the empathetic ones, the protective parents within yourself. You are those parents :). Good job
Wow- I really needed this ! I feel safe knowing I’m not going through this totally alone, this time. ~ I am trying to put into practice, labeling what am I feeling now ? What can I do to help myself feel better right now ? What would I like to do ( that might help me feel better ? ) And I do what I can to assure myself, even to a small degree, I do it immediately ! And I keep asking , “ what else can I do to feel better now ?” And I do that .. I also understand that it is normal & human to feel distress, to feel lonely, to feel any unhappiness or loneliness .. It’s human to want to feel connected, accepted, liked, wanted, enjoyed. It’s a sign of being healthy actually .. And I feel proud of myself about that ! Thanks, for your sharing !! 🌻🐿
Excellent, Daniel. Excellent.
Yes, Daniel, this is indeed very useful and very helpful!
My parents also fought loudly when I was a little kid. It became a backdrop I got used to.
@Daniel Mackler. Hope u had a blessed thanksgiving Daniel. I’m very thankful u are in my life.
Thanks for sharing another great video. It's all about attachment, isn't it... I read your book and I'm getting the other one next. All the best to you Daniel.
Thanks for sharing Daniel! Very resonating.
(Pete Walker's) Emotional flashbacks? Mine can be severe. Extreme hypervigilance, total inability to concentrate, anxiety bordering on outright panic, intense feelings of shame and self disgust. Etc. They've been getting less and less frequent and intense the more i dig deep and look inside and learn and gain wisdom. I have to thank on my journey Richard Grannon, Pete Walker, Sam Vaknin, Van der Kolk, Ken Wheeler...
I came across your channel Daniel maybe 2 months or so ago, and my growth and my peace of mind has taken to a whole new level. I've learned much wisdom. I'm starting to journal. It makes so much sense to write it all out and look at it and analyse it. Grieving makes so much sense. Philosophically/metaphysicaly speaking uncovering all these hidden pains is uncovering evil and shining light onto it. Light, truth, facts, logic and wisdom is the antidote to evil; healing. Thank you very much. Your travel stories are very inspiring too. Thank you!
Please interview Gabor Maté. I see your insights is similair to his and he is such an inspiration to many people who are struggling with mental health. Please interview Gabor Maté
I'd like to hear more about putting a buffer up for traumatizing people. I have one of those I'm trying to break away from.
I distinctly remember being told by professors, field supervisors, and in supervision that to be an effective therapist one NEEDS to maintain that, "professional boundary," not overuse self disclosure, not become emotionally invested with clients, and to actually separate (or dissociate as it were) at the end of the day from work. Now I understand the premise of self preservation and avoiding burnout, but how effective is that really when establishing a "therapeutic' relationship. I didn't stay in the field long, but when I did see clients (and with my own therapists) it was essential to identify with the other person to build rapport. Especially with trauma and anxiety, depression, grief, abuse... not to mention clients who are experiencing severe & distressing symptoms. I finally dropped a lot of what I was being taught and just talked to people as I would a friend. I experience severe anxiety occasionally under similar conditions and it can take over. Do you use any CBT techniques to diminish symptoms or find exploring and validating trauma is effective in itself?
I had to find a new therapist when mine said i needed trauma therapy she wasn't trained for. I couldn't see myself talking through all that again. But eventually i did. Then when i brought up early childhood trauma as possible root, she let me go too and i knew it as soon as i said it. I think they just get tired of listening to us instead of actually doing their job and trying to get to root of things. She said i have go somewhere else because she didn't have experience with early non verbal age trauma. Its criminal
"My heart went out to myself..."
I felt that.
The truth will set you free. Great stuff Daniel.
Hey Daniel,
Please consider making a video on self-care and burnout prevention.
Take care!
Thanks for the idea, Kevin!
@@dmackler58 is anxiety genetic
I believe the unsafety I feel also comes from having lived in a house that didn't feel My home. For example my mother would often say that it was Her house and that she could kick me out whenever she wanted. My father was living abroad and he often played on this need I had to see him and spend time at his house. He would sometimes cancel my flight or change his mind last minute, or tell me I hadn't behaved enough to earn it. So it felt as if I had no real home, no real place to feel safe not only because of the abuse but because of this. Loving parents would give all they have to their children, they would give even the last thing they have. And if they have a house they would make sure the kids grow up having this certainty that they'll always be welcome and that their parents' door will always be open for them. It really plays a big role in how we feel safe to try in our adult life and take risks, but also how we relate to people. My father often threatened to disinherit me and he will sooner or later because of my NC. But this has damaged me in another way he could have expected. I observed myself in the years always looking around imaging how people are safe at their homes, instead I am always feeling like I am homeless, as if when I am outside in any unpredictable situation it's just the same as when I am home. I always feel thrown out in the nowhere. I've looked for a home either in other people's houses or just in their hearts. Now I have understood all this and I know where I belong, first of all my inner child is safe in the care of my adult self, and then that those things happened to me but not because it was any of my fault, it happened to me and to many and I need to see it as not being because I am defective in any way and unlovable, unworthy.. it felt relieving to understand this. My anxiety often defines me, it's how I see the world, it's how I constantly feel by always being extra alert and it's exhausting. I would like to welcome this part of me without torturing myself because this is how my brain functions and I don't expect it to change that much. Thank you Daniel for your own insight on this and for how you've been changing my life
For years I attempted to bury the past. I was trained to ignore it all and pretend all is fine. Watching your videos, I hear so much of the same "puss of infected wounds" I simply have to release out of me and allow my brain, body, and nervous system to heal from. Your honest videos are a wonderful resource for aiding in this process. I have come to really value this necessary work and reparenting myself. I came to see, never was there a time an adult helped me process difficult situations and feelings were not allowed to be displayed. There is a lot of anxiousness pushed down. I am applying new techniques to overcome this anxiousness and I can absolutely understand the struggle in others. The reassurance well, was always dry, and I believe that is one of the reasons I developed such high empathy for others. I deeply hated the feeling; it never went away it was burned into my being. I think it is crucial a child be reassured in their early development they can confidently work through solutions and practice them little by little. When the overwhelming feelings of how hard this was left alone, it carries over into adulthood. The pervasive feeling "help is NOT coming" what will happen to me if I can't figure this out, panic tries to creep in, and here goes the anxious brain scrambling to deal, not calmly, not rationally but panicked and catastrophizing.
daniel, you are an exceptional human being. you are helping countless people you have never met.
Very revealing, can totally relate to! Thanks for your uploads :)
Ur the man Daniel! Keep ur chin up!!!
Thank-you. I feel like I'm in a group therapy situation with you. Provacative. I like it!
Perhaps we could start a FB group or something to discuss this material deeper or start a support group. This is priceless advice.
Big agree
That's a really great idea!
I like the idea
Im in❤️
yes please
I was diagnosed as depressed at age 16. "Chemical imbalance." 50 years later, still depressed. Pills help a bit, hash more. I'm not suicidal anymore, but when I was, all the people who would have expressed bewilderment at my demise, did NOTHING to stop it. THEY were my depression, but I was the 'crazy' one. I live in isolation now.
When I got my diagnosis of Anxiety Neurosis, I didn't understand the label, yet I felt relieved that I was not psychotic or pathological, which would imply that I could not be meaningfully helped. Yes, I agree that General Anxiety is a catch all name for collective symptoms that are not a danger to self or others.
I believe that these days, all "normal" people are experiencing General Anxiety, daily. I never experienced panic attacks or extreme disruptions in behavior. I think of anxiety as having the capability to take deep breaths and know that you'll be fine. This is what I did following my decision to cease therapy/analysis. I knew that I accomplished nothing significant in analysis, yet it was time to test my wings solo. 25 years later I realized that the years spent in analysis gave me my training to become my own psychoanalyst. I did it, and it worked. Am I still anxious? Probably, yet I have no depression at all! And suicide is off the table. I have peace of mind, regardless of what happens in the world. Certainly I have compassion and empathy for all less fortunate than I, and compassion for humanity worldwide. We are all the same, doing the best that we can, regardless of being surrounded on all sides by strife and stresses.
Hi, Daniel, please take care of yourself.
Great video!
Daniel, I know how you feel, although my problem is that I oversleep due to anxiety.
FRO Films I’m the opposite. I’m up for two to three days dragging around unable to complete household tasks. Then I crash and sleep 12 hours!
@@LaniAnne402 sometimes I wish I could sleep a lot less and start the day normally. I fall into a cycle of needing 12hrs sleep and still wake up feeling exhausted and anxious/depressed. I grew up in a troubled family too, I had little security growing up but it’s frustrating that I’m still stuck there now
I used to have terrible anxiety and panic attacks. I don’t get any now. Have you tried mindfulness meditation and/or chanting? I practiced regular mindfulness meditation (breathing and walking meditation) and chanting (‘Om Mani Padme Hum’) for about ten years, and it really helped me. Also regular exercise helps, such as walking.
Wow - you nailed it! People often want to pathologize you when they don't have the patience, knowledge, strength, and/or respect to see you as a person with healthy reactions to events and situations you had to handle in your life. You might ask what is wrong with you if you do *not* carry anxiety after all that and with still not being seen and supported today. There is so much in this video that many can relate to, I bet. Thank you!
"It doesn't serve me." One of the people that counseled me in the past told me to ask this question when a negative emotion takes hold. If it doesn't, move on let go. If you can't therapy may be the answer, journaling, forgiveness or acceptance and letting go. I find googling positive coping mechanisms helps a lot.
Hi Daniel, I've been meaning to thank you for the video you posted a while back about how you fixed a ligament problem in your thumb which was impeding your ability to play the guitar. At that time, I was also experiencing the same problem, so I took your advice and I'm almost back to 100 functioning. Thank you so much. BTW, I hope your anxiety clears up soon. 💛
My anxiety begins every night around 8pm about not being able to sleep. For example, it is 2:38AM and I’m awake. Childhood trauma started at age 4 (incest), 7-8 (molestation by a neighbor) and age 9 (molestation by an uncle). My diagnosis is generalized anxiety too. I take Zoloft daily and Xanax to take the edge off if I’m stuck in high anxiety. Sleeping medication does help for my insomnia.
Now the insomnia has returned and no medication helps me sleep.
How do I fix this?
Ahh man same same same .. the anxiety should be "that stressful".. yup! Man i was looking for answers
I have a lot of anxiety as well, due to childhood trauma. The question is, can it be "cured"? Or just managed. If we can only manage it, what do we do? The usual things like take a walk or do yoga?
Uh! Same thing here.
It seems that we all need to dissociate when chaos and pain strike and empathize when sincerity and openheartedness reveal themselves, but it never has been easy to be emotionally limber enough to really meet all challenges. Peace and silence: also always needed!
Wow - this was fantastic!
I completely understand, great psycho-education on the early attachment trauma.
I'm pretty dissociated from my trauma. When I tried to talk about it in therapy I had amnesia. It was such a strange experience, happened several times. Maybe if I could remember things I wouldn't be so anxious. My therapist didn't tell me what I said, she never thought I was stable enough. She stopped letting me talk about trauma and never let me talk about it for the next 2 years I saw her.
I'm sorry. Did you want to know?
@@lotusunicorn5467 I did because I dont like it that I could talk and not know what I said. I feel uncomfortable with that for one thing.
@@Ceekeyz I understand..I've been through a lot of trauma myself. I feel that you are in charge of you and your therapy. It's your right to know what you said. You know yourself best.
I feel I can never move on for myself and survive even the next day if I don't solve that something connected to me. And the moment I am in it- it being the daughter/mother relation caused just by my birth or it- being a fight with a boyfriend: I feel responsible to find the only acceptable solution and only a good one counts, meaning the others being happy with me (NOT for me never!)
I simply hate and despise myself and would like to throw my mother from a cliff, but then I'd remember that every next day of my life, just as now I'm remembering last 25 years of day to day problems no matter what anyone does to help.
Lost everything there is to like in life and hope, too
well. welcome Daniel on other side of the table. You and other therapists were "diagnosing" people with exactly same issues as yours right now- mostly social/environmental problems and imprint "diagnosis" and label to mostly social problems. Now you now how it feels but you are somewhat stronger because of your education and experience so you will work that out for yourself some day. dont worries
I imagine compounding stressors like a sphygmomanometer (BP cuff) ... gradually increasing pressure until it starts to become painful.
I say... ok... it's a sphygmomanometer moment....it's a fun word to say. It makes me laugh... and that helps release the pressure.
....but yeah. ...compounding stressors are usually where it all goes wrong for me too.
Anxiety often results from nutrient deficiencies. We eat crap drink toxic water breath poluted air, how on earth can we be healthy? Permanent vitamin B deficiency is enough to knock anyone down.
Anxiety is not created from nutritional deficiencies, although lack of good nutrition results in physical illnesses! Anxiety develops in childhood from family dysfunction. Gabor Mate has found this to be true over his lifetime spent working with people from all walks of life.
Whoever is in these comments resonating with this video, you are my people 😊
This is an Insightful video. It would be instructive to show how your parent’s childhood traumas were passed to you.
Love your brain
Isn’t the reason people in general don’t dig deep and deal with what happened to them when they were young is how disruptive it would be, it’s not just that it’s painful, it’s really confusing, it takes so much commitment to careful analysis, and it’s also profoundly disregulating. Who has that kind of space and flexibility? Also there’s very little support. As you say therapists don’t seem on the whole to understand this process very well. I’m responding to you saying that people don’t do it because it’s painful. I’m saying yes but it’s actually far worse than that. I guess I’m saying people should be forgiven, I was incredibly lucky to have this rebellious spirit that allowed me down this wild path but very few people have as an option, or the support to maintain their lives while they do it
I no longer believe that childhood traumas can be “resolved”. You need to look at it deeply, understand what happened, and empathize with yourself... but I’m not able to “resolve” it. At a certain point, therapy and reading books on this was just perpetuating it in my consciousness.
And forgive? Nope.
Al Stewart, I don’t have any “hatred” in my heart. You don’t know what you’re talking about.
"Be anxious for nothing" "(leave everything to God)" We cannot handle the burden of the weight of the world on our shoulders. "The last Adam" took the place of Adam so that we the offspring of Adam don't have to carry any such burdens. If you are not able to understand or accept that, just don't worry about anything : ) I am so far removed from my past that I hardly even think about it anymore. (I still have a lot of respect for you.) I guess I had some childhood trauma but I learned to deal with it at an early age when my rabid dog bit me when I was three years old and I remember everything including the 50 injections that I had to take afterwards. I actually love and understand dogs so much to the point where they seem to think that I am one of them. Dogs are very attentive and they can read you. Cats are great too, just not quite as bright. ...and I guess that will end my pursuit of rabbit trails and such.
The comments from 14:30 I have seen everywhere. It's just everywhere.
Can I ask if you have ever indulged in recreational drugs and to what degree?
Have you tried quitting smoking and quitting caffeine?
Have you done Camino de Santiago?
Geting jacked and knowing i could kill most people with my fingers really gelped me with anxiety😂
What do you mean by work out or heal my traumas?
Anxiety is my best friend, and if it is not there "when I need it", it is my second best friend there- depression.
BUT I never felt happier than now in my life.
I don't know how this is possible.
I feel so much in touch with my self than ever before in my life.
It is ridiculous.
Same symptoms like yours.
Why don't you go back in practice clinical therapy like part-time and private, not in a clinic? This will help you financially.
Maybe try to change the system from within not from outside.
Maybe it is not a good idea to say publicly the info that your parents cheat each other because it is kind of "their" information.
Like it is their personal info, not exactly yours. It may be sensitive to them. I understand that this was traumatizing for you but it is also their life, not only yours.
They were struggling and suffering too.
It may help you to feel better if you understand that they did what they were able to do. I understand that they do not have regrets- but it may help you if you try to understand that this is their capacity- they can't better. This is their IQ (mental, emotional and so on).
A few years ago I got sick and tired to search for some feedback from my parents and just began to care more about me as an adult now than to analyze my childhood like crazy. It became naturally that I don't want recognition for their behavior any more I just see that it is their mental capacity that stops them from understanding and they can't do better, they just don't have the potential to do it. It is not a choice.
This doesn't mean I don't have boundaries with them- Oh I have very strong boundaries with them.
I am happy that you understand that you are an adult not a child anymore.
OMG me too
Just read “In an unspoken voice” it’s makes this vid utterly obsolete.
Anxiety is the brain not being at peace
Or the mind? :)
Your anxiety is coming from unresolved issues from your childhood so you need to revisit your childhood and resolve them properly.
Bill Howard HOW DOES ONE DO THAT?
Just want to say I am really sorry about getting worked up at you for your schizophrenia theory. It was not like me.
If you follow ANY of Elkhart Tolle’s work or listen to his videos, you will know “why!”
Nah, you'll be fine. We're all going through work, housing and caring for dependents stress. Buck up!
Great video!