yes! relationships end and you really don't want to have all of your deepest secrets be gossiped about by someone you shouldn't have entrusted them with.
One time I shared a hurtful experience of being bullied as a kid with the guy I was dating and ended up crying a bit...20 min later he broke up with me! 😑 At the time I was super hurt but now when I look back on it I think “bye, boy! And good riddance.”
The holy spirit is truly working in you Emily. Thank you so much for your ministry. I get excited every time a new video is released. Much love sista❤️
A LOT of great, sensible, actionable wisdom and advice in this video. This is definitely not a one-size-fits-all cookie-cutter kind of thing. The decisions about what to share, when, with whom are definitely individual- and situation-specific. I watched another video in which the speaker said that if a first date is really, really great, you should cut it off at 60 minutes, because of the tendency, if it feels so great, to launch into a big data dump (I have experienced that myself and wish I'd known to follow that advice). It is not only OK to wait to share, it is wise.
vulnerability and intimacy is not microwaveable!!! 💯 perfect timing. thanls for your video. i was really needing to hear this from a big sister like you. 🤗 as i was praying for this for a long time now... 🙏 God bless you more! 😇 sending hugs and love from the Philippines 🇵🇭
This is something I need to hear. Especially the parts about prayerfully deciding things and honesty. Even in a non-dating relationship, sometimes I find it hard to tell the truth about something I am embarrassed about.
This has really helped me. As a widow, I sometimes worry that a guy will be upset by the things I do to remember my first husband, that the guy will insist that all the pictures of LH and his family have to eventually come down. However, I was married to this man for a decade and a half, and he was my children's father. And in a very real sense, his parents help to finish raising me. In my mind, asking me to take down pictures of his parents would be like asking me to take down pictures of my own family. However, after what you said, the right man would see my affection for my first set of in-laws as a sign of the kind of daughter-in-law I would be to his parents. My mom's best friend died a few years ago, and her widower remarried less than a year ago. The new wife made it clear that any of the first wife's friends or family members were only to stop by occasionally. And they were used to spending almost every holiday there. She didn't expect him to completely cut off the first wife's family, but he was expected to downgrade them to little more and casual acquaintances.
Emily, there is so much wisdom in this! The different perspectives are refreshing. I agree 100%. I chose to share early on in a relationship, and he was super respectful and loving. In retrospect I wonder if the weight of my past made him scared to hurt me even more. I really needed to clarify that me sharing is not to put responsibility onto his shoulders, but to have all cards on the table and an ongoing conversation. We broke up a couple months later, but I don't regret sharing my heart, even if it feels vulnerable. I trusted him with it, and even though it didn't work out, my conclusion is that honesty and putting it all out there is good. But there comes certain consequences and potential backfires to it. Worth it? I think so.
I told a guy I had a crush on a couple years ago that some comments his friend made at an open mic night made me uncomfortable. His friend assumed I was experienced even though I've practiced abstinence all my life and it made me very uncomfortable. When I talked to my crush he told me not to take things so personally. I look young for my age, so guys in their twenties think I'm their age or younger, they try to give me advice or try to bully me, but when they find out I'm 35 they smarten up real quick. My cousins on my mom's side committed suicide due to sexual abuse, so that is something that has also affected me, knowing that happened to my cousins and in today's society it's really difficult to know who you can trust without really getting to know people well.
Thank you Emily! I've heard you say that you and your husband talked about everything before marriage, that is such an inspiration, my question is what is your opinion or maybe what was your personal choice in having a natural progression in what you are sharing in relationships?
The thing I’m still unsure of is how detailed should a person get when sharing those things? It’s not that I don’t want to be detailed, but I feel that with certain topics sharing all the small details may be more painful for the person listening. I guess my question is, are there cases where telling the full story but sparing the intricate details would be appropriate? Sometimes using detailed language can paint a picture that’s just a little bit too vivid and may hurt the person listening more. I just don’t know where the line is, any thoughts/advice are welcome ♥️
The answer to your question is so, so specific to each person's life and the exact experiences to which you are referring. This is a question better asked to a counselor or mentor regarding your exact situation and life circumstances.
Honest question. Do you think it is wrong for a guy or girl to not want to pursue someone because they’ve multiple sexual partners or a past of cheating? Personally I think it depends on who is telling you this and why they are.
Thanks for this video!! I'm not dating, but still good things to think about even just as I have a couple guy friends (one more than the other) who I'm going deeper with and I have think about where my boundaries are for sharing things.
I truly wish I had found someone to talk to about this topic before I got married. I had a traumatic childhood experience caused by someone in my family, and I never told anyone about it because I felt ashamed and I didn’t know any better. It does taunt my mind and spirit sometimes, but I find peace and comfort in prayer, and in my time with God. I have since forgiven that person, and I see them as a changed person and in a happy family. Since I never discussed it with anyone else, I never brought it up with my husband as well. I can tell you it’s been such a burden and I find myself wanting to say something all the time. I keep wishing that I had said something earlier, because what I did is not fair for him. My husband is a good, loving, Christian man and I have no doubt that we could work through this, but I am truly at a loss of words when it comes to bringing this up after so many years. He’s also very protective and outspoken, while I am a person that would rather eat dirt than start a scandal. Any advice is appreciated
I disagree to a degree.. I grew up and my mom said your past is between you and God. No one needs to know details about your past and all that matters is who you are in Christ today! You should be able to share only if you’re comfortable. Not everyone is comfortable with their past and is can bring up a lot of trauma. Jesus doesn’t want us to focus on our past sins because he has already forgiven them.
I appreciate your perspective - it's not about focusing on past sins but sharing about your past with someone who should know about it if they are making a lifelong commitment. Are you married?
Great video! thanks for this. But I do have one question. Are you sure somethings should be left unspoken? I have seen and done things in my past, when I was in the navy, as a fireman, and now as a security guard, that I never really know how to bring up. Because those are things that truly broke me. I am always afraid that women start running as soon as they know my past. I know that it made me who I am today. But I also know what it did to me, and that I needed intents psychiatric, psychological, and therapeutic help for years, to learn to live with it. Isn't it better to spare your partner from that kind of pain?
Honestly, us men usually have worse pasts because we have tough egos & therefore a lot of regretful decisions (mainly porn addiction), don't feel bad because the past does not describe your future as long as there is a presemt. 👍
“Don’t share your story with someone who hasn’t earned the right to hear it in an effort to microwave intimacy” Amen.
yes! relationships end and you really don't want to have all of your deepest secrets be gossiped about by someone you shouldn't have entrusted them with.
“We would not be who we are if our past wasn’t our past.” I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. Love this!
“You are allowed to evolve and change. Just because you did something in your past doesn’t mean you will in the future” ❤️
One time I shared a hurtful experience of being bullied as a kid with the guy I was dating and ended up crying a bit...20 min later he broke up with me! 😑 At the time I was super hurt but now when I look back on it I think “bye, boy! And good riddance.”
The holy spirit is truly working in you Emily. Thank you so much for your ministry. I get excited every time a new video is released. Much love sista❤️
This makes me so happy to hear. Thank you so much.
A LOT of great, sensible, actionable wisdom and advice in this video. This is definitely not a one-size-fits-all cookie-cutter kind of thing. The decisions about what to share, when, with whom are definitely individual- and situation-specific. I watched another video in which the speaker said that if a first date is really, really great, you should cut it off at 60 minutes, because of the tendency, if it feels so great, to launch into a big data dump (I have experienced that myself and wish I'd known to follow that advice). It is not only OK to wait to share, it is wise.
vulnerability and intimacy is not microwaveable!!! 💯
perfect timing. thanls for your video. i was really needing to hear this from a big sister like you. 🤗 as i was praying for this for a long time now... 🙏 God bless you more! 😇
sending hugs and love from the Philippines 🇵🇭
This is something I need to hear. Especially the parts about prayerfully deciding things and honesty. Even in a non-dating relationship, sometimes I find it hard to tell the truth about something I am embarrassed about.
This has really helped me. As a widow, I sometimes worry that a guy will be upset by the things I do to remember my first husband, that the guy will insist that all the pictures of LH and his family have to eventually come down. However, I was married to this man for a decade and a half, and he was my children's father. And in a very real sense, his parents help to finish raising me. In my mind, asking me to take down pictures of his parents would be like asking me to take down pictures of my own family. However, after what you said, the right man would see my affection for my first set of in-laws as a sign of the kind of daughter-in-law I would be to his parents.
My mom's best friend died a few years ago, and her widower remarried less than a year ago. The new wife made it clear that any of the first wife's friends or family members were only to stop by occasionally. And they were used to spending almost every holiday there. She didn't expect him to completely cut off the first wife's family, but he was expected to downgrade them to little more and casual acquaintances.
LOVE this message. Our past does not define us!🙏🏼💕 Thank you for the advice too!!
Absolutely!! Thanks for watching :)
I love how your outfit is coordinated with the paintings in the background :)
Hey thanks :)
Emily, you have no idea how much your videos have helped me 💗 love your channel so much!
I'm so glad to hear this! Thank you so very much!
Nobody talks about this! Thank you!
I agree so I hope this can be helpful for many women!
Emily, there is so much wisdom in this! The different perspectives are refreshing. I agree 100%. I chose to share early on in a relationship, and he was super respectful and loving. In retrospect I wonder if the weight of my past made him scared to hurt me even more. I really needed to clarify that me sharing is not to put responsibility onto his shoulders, but to have all cards on the table and an ongoing conversation. We broke up a couple months later, but I don't regret sharing my heart, even if it feels vulnerable. I trusted him with it, and even though it didn't work out, my conclusion is that honesty and putting it all out there is good. But there comes certain consequences and potential backfires to it. Worth it? I think so.
I told a guy I had a crush on a couple years ago that some comments his friend made at an open mic night made me uncomfortable. His friend assumed I was experienced even though I've practiced abstinence all my life and it made me very uncomfortable. When I talked to my crush he told me not to take things so personally. I look young for my age, so guys in their twenties think I'm their age or younger, they try to give me advice or try to bully me, but when they find out I'm 35 they smarten up real quick. My cousins on my mom's side committed suicide due to sexual abuse, so that is something that has also affected me, knowing that happened to my cousins and in today's society it's really difficult to know who you can trust without really getting to know people well.
Your timing is impeccable, Emily! God’s providence, for sure ☺️💛
I am so glad to hear that! Thank you!
This is such a good topic! I needed this. Thanks Emily for yet another beautiful, thought-provoking video.
Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks so much for commenting!
Another great message, Emily. The right person will love you and not judge your past. Let God lead. 💜🙏🏻
Amen! Thank you Mary :)
Thank you Emily! I've heard you say that you and your husband talked about everything before marriage, that is such an inspiration, my question is what is your opinion or maybe what was your personal choice in having a natural progression in what you are sharing in relationships?
Perfect timing!!
I am glad to hear this :) Always want to be a helpful support when you need it!
The thing I’m still unsure of is how detailed should a person get when sharing those things? It’s not that I don’t want to be detailed, but I feel that with certain topics sharing all the small details may be more painful for the person listening. I guess my question is, are there cases where telling the full story but sparing the intricate details would be appropriate? Sometimes using detailed language can paint a picture that’s just a little bit too vivid and may hurt the person listening more. I just don’t know where the line is, any thoughts/advice are welcome ♥️
The answer to your question is so, so specific to each person's life and the exact experiences to which you are referring. This is a question better asked to a counselor or mentor regarding your exact situation and life circumstances.
Emily Wilson thank you Emily!♥️♥️ the video is so helpful and very well put together ♥️♥️♥️
Honest question. Do you think it is wrong for a guy or girl to not want to pursue someone because they’ve multiple sexual partners or a past of cheating? Personally I think it depends on who is telling you this and why they are.
Wow, this video came at a really good time!
I'm so glad it did!
Thank you sooo much for this Emily 😓. Super sobering yet encouraging.
Thanks for this video!! I'm not dating, but still good things to think about even just as I have a couple guy friends (one more than the other) who I'm going deeper with and I have think about where my boundaries are for sharing things.
Absolutely!! Thanks for watching!
Emily thank you for your wisdom In this topic! These topics are so hard yet, I love how you put videos together to be encouraging and open!
You are so welcome! Thanks for your sweet comment.
Thank you Emily, you are amazing. Sending love 💕
Thank you Regina!!!
So so good and helpful!! Thanks!
I am so glad it was helpful! Thanks for letting me know!
I truly wish I had found someone to talk to about this topic before I got married. I had a traumatic childhood experience caused by someone in my family, and I never told anyone about it because I felt ashamed and I didn’t know any better. It does taunt my mind and spirit sometimes, but I find peace and comfort in prayer, and in my time with God. I have since forgiven that person, and I see them as a changed person and in a happy family. Since I never discussed it with anyone else, I never brought it up with my husband as well. I can tell you it’s been such a burden and I find myself wanting to say something all the time. I keep wishing that I had said something earlier, because what I did is not fair for him. My husband is a good, loving, Christian man and I have no doubt that we could work through this, but I am truly at a loss of words when it comes to bringing this up after so many years. He’s also very protective and outspoken, while I am a person that would rather eat dirt than start a scandal. Any advice is appreciated
Give it to Jesus so he can take that burden off of you, the pain or trauma you went through. Keep praying about it.
I disagree to a degree.. I grew up and my mom said your past is between you and God. No one needs to know details about your past and all that matters is who you are in Christ today! You should be able to share only if you’re comfortable. Not everyone is comfortable with their past and is can bring up a lot of trauma. Jesus doesn’t want us to focus on our past sins because he has already forgiven them.
I appreciate your perspective - it's not about focusing on past sins but sharing about your past with someone who should know about it if they are making a lifelong commitment. Are you married?
Needed this! 🔥
Great video! thanks for this.
But I do have one question. Are you sure somethings should be left unspoken?
I have seen and done things in my past, when I was in the navy, as a fireman, and now as a security guard, that I never really know how to bring up. Because those are things that truly broke me.
I am always afraid that women start running as soon as they know my past.
I know that it made me who I am today. But I also know what it did to me, and that I needed intents psychiatric, psychological, and therapeutic help for years, to learn to live with it.
Isn't it better to spare your partner from that kind of pain?
I think it's so sad the as women we get judged so hard for our past and men don't, it doesn't seem to affect them in any way...😪
Honestly, us men usually have worse pasts because we have tough egos & therefore a lot of regretful decisions (mainly porn addiction), don't feel bad because the past does not describe your future as long as there is a presemt. 👍
Do you have a video about shame? This kinda covered it somewhat I feel. Love your channel.
What's the difference between this and then talking about things that should only be shared in a confessional with a priest?
Love this!! 💕
Thumbs up for You Emily even before I start the video 💖
Thank you very much!!!
Thank you for this video!!
You are welcome! Thank you for being here Susannah!
Hey Emily, Have you read Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft? Would love to know your take or a book review!
♥️
:)