I think its quite fascinating that this end of the spectrum is so focused on "experiences" that they don't account for experiencing their own home. For me, the experience of living in my own home (nicknacks, art, clutter and all) is so extremely important, all the little day to day moments take place there, and who knows when another lockdown for whatever reason might happen.
I totally agree with you, I don't think I could fully "experience" my creativity in one of these "decluttered" minimalist homes. But to their credit - these guys started to whole "Minimalists" brand long before the pandemic, maybe they changed their tune, now that they know what it feels like when the only experiences you can have outside of your house are a walk in the park and shopping for groceries?
My rule is to separate aesthetic and functional minimalism. I’m a painter, highly visual person, and I do care about aesthetics, but minimalism is not my style. It is how I relate to extra possessions. Color and pattern do not add any ”thing” to your life to make it harder to manage. I can’t handle a lot if stuff but I can handle color and whimsical style.
Absolutely loving your channel right now. As someone who’s been consuming a lot of the same content you keep talking about, it’s refreshing to hear your takes. Your ideas are original, personal, and relatable. I feel like a lot of content feels like regurgitated versions of the same things. Keep up the good work
The ironic part of minimalism is how unsustainable constantly "getting rid" of items can be. Like the 1 in 10 out rule. It almost feels like a curated aesthetic comes before personal responsibility. discarding 10 items at once for something new that fits better with your current wants is exactly what hyper capitalism wants. it's funny to me that decluttering started from a good place but has now been hijacked to fuel extreme consumption cycles. sometimes owning less isn't the most responsible thing when you have a lot of items, often making use of those items until they reach the end of their life cycle and being content with them not matching your new desires is the sustainable way to go. throwing 10 items away or donating them so they end up thrown away on some other part of the planet so your closet meets some minimalist standard and isn't as overwhelming feels unfair. I come from divorced parents. one never wants to throw anything away and the other throws everything away the moment they get the chance. both are problematic ways to consume in my opinion but often the one who keeps the same kitchen plates for 2 decades and uses them weekly is much more sustainable than the one who throws out anything that's no longer "perfect" to them.
The "curated aesthetic" coming before personal responsibility I think is one of the "features" of consumerism these days - normalizing the upgrade, throwing out what's not perfect, evolving our "style" when we don't actually need to, trends...I'd seen people talking about how it's all a hamster wheel before, from various angles (often financial), but until I stepped off of it and saw it in these different ways I didn't fully understand what that meant!
My experience is that cases do turn up for just-in-case items, or for “maybe I’ll find use for it later” ones or even for “why get rid of a perfectly fine thing”. It has to be smth of decent quality or otherwise attractive for you though. Just last week I’ve opened some bags from my last move (that happened 7 years ago, mind you) and was happy to discover things I forgot existed. Or another example: it’s been 10 years since I stopped running and I truly thought irrevocably so. But this summer I suddenly took it up again, and I’m all set with my old running gear. Including a couple of pairs of fave running shoes that had since been discontinued, but I kept them (one pair virtually unused, another held up for the first 100k). Technically all of this should’ve been decluttered long ago, but it wasn’t and now I don’t have to shop for my rediscovered hobby.
Yes, that experience of "not having to shop" I think might be more valuable to me right now, than getting rid of things just to have more space or to be more "minimalist" - also part of it is that I do have the space available, I understand that too. That's amazing that you're starting running again! I hope to start running (or at least light jogging 😆) soon here too, I definitely have everything I need to do that already so no shopping necessary!
I am a sentimental sort... if an item has been handmade by someone I love and is beautiful I will not declutter it unless I'm giving it to someone who will really value it directly (and I sometimes rescue handmade items from op shops because I value the work that has gone into them more than most people as a crafter myself). My father digitised all of the family photos some time ago... he is happy with the electronic ones, but I asked for the albums, as if (is likely) my parents pass before me they are something I will absolutely treasure, even though I already have most of the photos electronically. I am not a fan of the 90/90 rule - the seasons of my life tend to occur over a much longer time frame - I go for years of not drawing or crocheting and then pick it up again passionately, so it really doesn't work for me - it's better to store totes of items for certain crafts well so the items remain good and I can pull them out again in a few years time. I understand why people gamify decluttering as it can be difficult (works with children packing toys up too to gamify things and turn cleaning up into a race etc) but unless you have LOTS of stuff you don't use and don't value I would think getting rid of 400-500 items in the course of the minimalism game is hard - there is no point getting rid of things you will almost certainly have to purchase again sometime (unless moving a long way and they'll cost lots to shift or a similar reason). As an adult, there are items I would like that I deliberately don't buy myself to allow for people who want to purchase gifts to get things I really want - I don't think lots of people do that, and it makes Birthdays and Christmas much harder and results in gifted items being random rather than something really useful to the person (so contributes to massive oversupply of thrift stores after Christmas etc). At the moment there is a certain Johanna Basford colouring book and a few CDs on my list ready for my upcoming birthday and Christmas.
Thank you for sharing - I also think lots of people these days don't "save things" to be gifted, or at least we see so much of the "treat yourself" message out there, (and people acting on it), that we deprive others the joy of treating us to a gift we actually want. It strikes me that keeping a wishlist (physical or digital) of things that one wants to buy for themselves is kind of strange, compared to a wishlist designed for others to gift from (like the "Santa Claus" lists of childhood perhaps). It's like by making a list with ourselves as the buyer, we start to take our pursuit of material conquests too seriously...if the buyer is friends/family there's still some lightness and practical purpose there. I'll probably expand on this idea as we get into gifting season but thank you for planting some seeds 😀
@@Alexas.nobuyyear no worries :) I'm all for self care, but when it becomes buying everything we want it's definitely gone too far, and tends to remove a lot of joy from family celebrations (being able to gift something you know someone will love brings lots of joy). The things others have gotten me as gifts become a reminder of that person every time I use them, so I find it better to wait... the item will have more value if I don't buy it for myself but allow a loved one to get it for me :)
My 10 yr old granddaughter started playing the Viola this week. We will keep an eye out for when we can come watch you play. Alexa, I failed at minimalism. I have a few videos. I think the Swedish death cleaning taught me a lot about what i have. Yes, i have a small wardrobe, but i absolutely can not declutter just to declutter. Yesterday, i decided i needed a sitting room. So i took a table that my grandfather made, put a table cloth on it, and now its my desk. Its just a tiny space. My point is, im reusing and repurposing. Its hard not to bring new things in, but taking something out each time is just not sensible to me. Great video!🎉
Ooh - wise granddaughter! Yes do keep an eye out and if it's a classical (Masterworks series) show, I can probably get you tickets! And hey I think I failed at minimalism too if my wardrobe is anything to go by...but the ideas of using and repurposing what you have when you can, rather than going for "new", are much more what I'm going for than the idea of "minimalism" just to be a minimalist. I'd like to be a "conscious consumer" first and foremost and if minimalism eventually plays a bigger part (after not bringing in new stuff for longer!) then great, but looking at rules like these makes me realize that it's not necessarily my end goal!
There’s a running theme in these rules about reducing attachment to things, which is an important concept for minimalism, to not get overly attached to things, but also attachment gets into value systems, which is very personal. If less attachment means more flexibility for opportunity, that sounds wonderful, but it can lead to a mindset of only looking towards the future while denying things that might make your life more convenient in the moment. Speaking as a former minimalist here 😉 It’s probably the wording of this statement that gets me, as I don’t think attachment and appreciation is bad as long as it is within reasonable boundaries. Overall, there is an emphasis on reducing physical things in these rules, which is definitely a practical guide for someone getting into decluttering. For me, minimalism is mostly valuable in that it gave me a lot of practice in deciding what to cut, and what to let into my life. The rest is my own inner work - what are my values, what do I care about working towards and spend my time on, what can I realistically handle.
I think you really hit on what I experienced with these rules when you said attachment gets into value systems....while I appreciate the ideas of these rules it was the communication of the idea that threw me off sometimes, probably because they have different value systems to me! So I can achieve similar ideas, but through my own system of values. This is a very helpful way of looking at it.
I enjoyed listening to your point of view on these Minimalist "rules". While I haven't seen the e-book, I am familiar with many of them through listening to their podcast. I like the idea of minimalism, but I've come to realize that I will probably never be a minimalist. I hate waste, I love beautiful things, and I am a "just-in-case" sort. But clutter stresses me out and I am trying to find a happy medium - and they are helpful to my journey. All that said, I am glad to hear you vocalize things I've also felt, like the wastefulness inherent in the $20/20 minute rule. As for the 30 day game, I agree with you about the possible loss of opportunity for mindfulness, but I was able to get my husband - who has had NO interest in downsizing anything (can't be bothered) - on board and we started playing it on the 1st. It helps that he is very competitive (as I suppose am I) and that we have been discussing moving back to Michigan in the next few years and don't want to take it all with us. So I am not too bothered that he isn't being overly mindful right now, just that he is finally willing to dig into bins and let things go. (Some things were easy, such as all the boxers with the blown elastic 😂) I just borrowed a high speed photo scanner (Epson's costs over $500) from a friend because I do have a lot of photos that I either want to digitize and share with others or simply to downsize - pictures that don't mean anything to anyone but me and I don't need to look at the physical copy anymore but don't want to completely throw away. I want to save others from having to deal with these someday - my own little Swedish Death Cleaning exercise. Otherwise, especially as the honorary family genealogist, I would NEVER consider decluttering the sentimental photos, even after they are digitized. They will most likely be valued by my nieces and nephews (not having kids of my own...) and I want them to have that choice. Thanks, Alexa! And thanks for making me smile: Beethoven is my favorite.
I think your application of the 30 day game is perhaps the best one, where it actually IS a fun (or competitive!) game with someone and there are enough "easy" things still to get through and therefore it's a way to kickstart that progress! I get the feeling that Joshua Fields Milburn cares a lot about language and trying to be fairly precise (what with having a writing course as well), which may have added to some of the "issues" I felt with some of the rules. I was more inclined to take them to the letter, than I might have been coming from another author. Even so, I think the meaning that came across from the last few rules was a little bit TOO detached for my liking (but is perhaps extremely on-brand for "the minimalists!"). Hooray for borrowing a photo scanner! That sounds like a perfect compromise for the "photo scanning party".
@@Alexas.nobuyyear Update: Half-way through the month of the 30 day decluttering challenge and we are still at it, though I am a few days behind. Though that's only because he was out of town this week and I got lazy. (The overachiever did extra/advance days before he left! 🙄) Catch-ups are definitely allowed, so I'm doing that now 😁
@scrappy6932 you know, maybe I will try to do a week of this challenge just to see what I would choose to declutter - and how hard it is to find 7 days' worth of items. I guess that'd be 28 things total. Your progress is inspiring me too! ✨️
@@Alexas.nobuyyear Go for it! It has made me really "think" about what to declutter and actively work at it, as I've been doing this sporadically for a while. The other day I remembered we had a box full of old maps. Guess what's coming up soon? 😂
Hi There. I've been silently watching your channel for a couple of weeks now. I'm not doing a no-spend, but I have been doing a low spend for almost a year now. I'm not a minimalist, but what I have found during my time decluttering ( 4 years and counting) is the longer I live with less stuff around, the happier I am. Walking into a store at this point gives me anxiety because I feel overwhelmed by all things that usually have a layer of dust on them. This does not mean that I live in a empty box. I've just been getting stuff out of my life that no longer serves me. I don't take the 'rules' for minimalism literally. I use them as guidelines because every household is different. I think of it much like budgeting. I have pets; their needs are reflected in my budget. A non-pet household does not need to account for pet food, vet visits, ect... As for things like the $20.00 rule, this is another one of those 'rules' people take way too seriously. If I donate my rolling pin because it has been sitting around in my kitchen unused for 3 years, then one day for whatever reason I decide to bake something, it isn't difficult to get another rolling pin. If I really needed one, there is room in my budget to buy another and I don't have to go far to get one. The one in, ten out rule is another one of those rules that people need to stop and think about how it applies to their life. I hate clothes shopping, I don't own 10 shirts. If I get rid of one, it is because it has holes, a bleach stain or some other reason it needs to be replaced. The problem with the "one in, one out rule" is people never decrease the volume of stuff they have with this rule which is the point. The people that follow the one in, one out rule typically get rid of stuff, then go out and replace the stuff they got rid of for new stuff. It is a endless, vicious cycle of buying and getting rid of things. It also looks a bit like a excuse to perhaps hide a shopping addiction, but that is a whole other topic. Take from these rules that apply to you and forget the rest. In the end, you'll still be making progress and learning about yourself.
Thanks so much for this! It is quite helpful to me to hear your feedback. In hindsight I think my perception of the "rulebook" was actually skewed by listening to the minimalists' podcast, where I found that Joshua would often take things literally as part of his answers. So I then felt inclined to take his rules literally, feeling as if he may have approached them the same way he approaches answering questions sometimes...but reading your comment I do understand that the value of the rules is not found in taking them literally. And I also learned that sometimes it's not helpful to bring what you think you know about an author with you, when you look at their work. Thank you!
Much as I'd love to have more experiences, e.g. holidays, I'd rather buy a piece of furniture or a much wished-for item of clothing that I will enjoy for years. I've had cheap holidays (all I could afford) and they've been more stress than enjoyment. Same with eating out or even having a coffee out - I'd rather not, unless it's a special occasion with a friend - and use the money to buy something longer lasting like a pair of shoes or a reference book
I feel the same about holidays! This is not often said, most people say experiences > possessions, which I generally agree too. BUT if I value the everyday experience of a nice home more than a holiday that is soon over, it at least doesn't apply to me. Everbody is different. If you're a homebody like me, I can never get that much pleasure out of holidays as others do. We are renovating now and I will rather not go on holidays for some years than not having the budget to make my home nice.
I do like the time limit on selling because people do think they have the time and energy for that when they don’t . However, I do appreciate your take on it because feeling the weight of what you buy and also realizing how little value your things have may make you think harder about buying something next time.
Yes that's true, when it comes to "I think I'll sell that" vs. ACTUALLY selling it, things can end up sitting around for way too long. If I consider it a guideline rather than a hard-and-fast rule it works better, I guess for me I can appreciate having a time limit to get things listed for sale, and then am okay to wait a bit longer to actually get rid of the items if they're on a platform where they can be sold.
Sometimes gift giving is the only love language you can use. I live across the world from my family and I can’t use time or touch to express my love, I rarely get to help them, so the only two I have left are gifts and language. So yes, I do use them. Claiming that one of the love language is somehow less of value than the other is extremely arrogant as the Minimalists are (especially Josh who also loves to pick on people’s words) and that’s the reason why I didn’t follow them for too long years ago. They give an ick of self-righteousness
This is a good point! I really feel like their rules about gifts were lacking in depth and that in some ways, the often-touted advice about gifting experiences or quality time aren't a complete replacement for the kind of thought and knowledge that goes into a good gift. I'm going to try and gather my thoughts for the holiday gifting season to speak on this and perhaps come to a few more alternatives, although it feels a little ambitious to think that I might be able to give useful advice on a topic that feels like has many "solutions" out there already. The reason I also felt okay to be pedantic about the examples Joshua gave in these rules is because I have heard him be picky about language before, (I also don't currently follow) so I feel like someone who is aware of things like that, may consider themselves to be aware enough to carefully select examples that expressed exactly the meaning he intended...
I agree with this sentiment. I give away gifts of things but ask the person whether they want it or not. I re-gift a lot of my things and the persons receiving it are always aware it’s a re-gift and have been asked prior if they want it. Not directly face to face as it’s easier to say no for people that way. I’ve also said straight out, I will not be offended if you do not want the stuff. I have also said it is okay for them to re-gift in turn or sell it/donate it. gift giving is my love language and I am fortunate enough to be able to purchase higher quality items that some family members of mine have openly said they cannot afford. Besides, I also ask if there is anything in particular they’d like for Christmas or as such and they have often said what they would like. And giving someone a physical item that they have wished for or wanted gives me great joy.
I think a lot of rules are good for people in the situation where their house is completely full with stuff and also people who have rooms that they can't use or also self storage places . Then people who are more on the maintenance stage
Also on the subject of photos, I am scanning in all my parents photos for them at the moment, but we will not be throwing out the orginals after. They want easy access to them to send them to friends and family, particularly pictures of family who are not with us anymore. But all the physical ones will be kept because they are super meaningful.
Old art & crafts materials that I haven't used in a very long time. Best to get rid of them, e.g. donate them to a school or art college and let someone else use them, and become a master at using the materials you love and that are your first choice, in my case, simple pencils and watercolours/gouache
Sometimes I am OK with decluttering one item (clothing, knick-knacks) if I have photographed it, especially if the photograph is a meaningful one, e.g. a photo of me wearing that dress at a party, a pet toy when the actual pet dog/cat/rabbit is in the photo playing with it
Agree with all of this! I think they vere towards the demonisation of stuff at points, however they highly value "experiences" as events Do they realise all those experience events require ALOT of stuff? In any case someone being more thrifty, or working class or perhaps even just more genuinely mindful might have some things that bring those experiences into their every day lives. Nice cups they enjoy every day instead of constant coffee shops. Bathroom products they love to use instead of spas and massages. Tvs and phones instead of the theatre. Art instead of trips and stay overs. Just off the top of my head. Not instead of but less frequently than I imagine they do. Sometime I wonder if there was something psychologically they are trying to leave behind by throwing away stuff, an unsuccessful externalisation. Humanity has spent millenia making using and loving stuff. Are they really above it? 😝
OMG. I love that strawberry sweater!! If you ever feel the urge to declutter it, please, I want the opportunity to buy it off you!! Edit: I know it is terrible, I watch an anti-consumeristic influencer buuuuut then I feel the **need** to own her sweater. I might have a problem!! Also. I am NOT a minimalist, I just don’t have it in me. Edit 2: I am a daily Lolita and can get away with it because I teach elementary music. And that sweater will match SO MANY of my coordinates!!!! 🫣😅
It IS a perfect elementary music teacher sweater! I did not make mine, but I've seen tutorials out there for strawberry sweaters if you want to try getting crafty - I might try doing a mini one at some point for my kids 😄
I love your chanel it's inspiring. But like you said even looking at these channels and sometimes we get influenced by what someone is wearing....I love your strawberry sweater. I grew up with strawberry shortcake was my favorite doll/character....then I started looking for where I can find a strawberry sweater like yours. I'm ashamed to even ask where did you find the sweater 😂
Haha well I got mine off of Etsy, someone hand-knit it. I would love to learn to knit or crochet my own next time, I've seen several tutorials for strawberry sweaters specifically!
Also, the idea on gift giving...I feel our society has become waaaaay too involved in gift giving...it's actually very stressful...I have a large family and it is challenging to actually give a meaningful gift when you have so many people and occasions...we have, as a family, decided to limit gift giving...for instance, for Xmas, we draw a name and only buy for that one person with a spending limit. This way, we are able to focus on just one family member and truly think of and invest in a gift that they will enjoy, whether a physical item or an experience. With friends, we treat each other to a meal on our birthdays with the understanding that the true gift is spending time with each other.
Yeah I need to go back to the drawing board on my thoughts about gifts - the thing that strikes me reading your feedback is that I am just not on the same page as "the minimalists" right now, so when I read the tone of these rules I'm maybe not seeing what was intended for me to see. So as always I really appreciate your comments! With gifts - I actually have not been in many "gift-giving situations" in recent years, so it's probably quite different when I'm lacking in that personal experience and I acknowledge that. But - I really don't want any of the intention of "gifting" to be lost - I saw someone talk about how in "Braiding Sweetgrass" the author talks about gifts, and reciprocity, and it's on my list of books to read before I discuss this idea further closer to the holiday season. Maybe you've read this one? I could be totally off base here since I haven't read it yet. Either way, the idea of what a gift represents is positive to me, while the idea of collecting items that you don't truly value (even through gifting) is not. So I'm still searching for a balance of how to achieve this beyond the advice of "presence and quality time", "experiences over things" - or maybe I'll simply arrive back at the starting point of presence and experiences (which feels likely, given that that IS often the advice!) but having been through the forest of possibilities to reach a better personal understanding of how we retain the thought and ceremony of a gift while doing these other activities instead 😅
@@Alexas.nobuyyear YES, I have read Braiding Sweetgrass and it was a very appreciated "gift" from a family member a few years ago. Highly recommend it. I think you hit on it....that there needs to be a balance and it seems like in American culture, we've sort of lost that balance. And maybe the most important thing about gifting, whether our time or physical item, is understanding what the person you are gifting to values (maybe the Platinum Rule of gifting is "gift onto others as they'd like to be gifted to" LOL. Just had a good friend come visit for a few days and she brought the tea that I love, homemade sourdough bread, and some cozy socks that she knitted. She knows me so well and the gifts were perfect. The socks were really impressive since this friend is a lot busier than I am, so I can appreciate them even that much more for the time and care she put into making them. I feel what is stressful is just all these various holidays that seem created to push consumerism, and that come so often that they don't give us the space and resources to really choose well thought out gifts that are perfect for those we're gifting to.
I agree. In my family some people have 'opted out of a Christmas gift exchange' - I am the oldest of 6 children, my parents are still with us, and 3 of my siblings are married with children - just in my immediate family we have 18 people. I get a small gift (usually edible) for Dad, a small gift (usually handmade) for Mum, a decent gift for my 2 youngest sisters, a gift for one of my nieces, and a small item (e.g. small toy or colouring book) plus holiday spending money for the other nieces and nephews. My youngest sister always gets me a gift to make sure that I get something. I tend to get gifts to tuck away when I am out with people and they see something they like, because then I know they will love and use it. I haven't done a gift exchange with friends for quite a long time... my best friends bought me a painting class for my last birthday (we went together). I don't object to it, but want to give out of love and not obligation - my best friend is a minimalist and stuff stresses her out, so unless it was food a gift from me would likely cause anxiety.
@@racheljames9187 Yes to the "giving out of love and not obligation". We also are a family of about the same size as yours...all the birthdays, anniversaries, and other gift giving holidays like Mom's/Dad's Days, Valentines Day, Xmas....it can be pretty overwhelming. I love that you are empathetic to the feelings of your minimalist friend.
I’m confused by $20 20 minutes rule. If you need it why would you get rid of it? Like are you supposed to be testing yourself here? I was thinking of some of the $20 20 minute items I have and I use them. Maybe I don’t use the waterproof boot spray often but why would I get rid of that? Don’t want to buy a whole new bottle when I need it again even if it’s within $20 20 min.
Well I think the premise is that if you're not sure if you need something, if it's less than $20 or 20 min to re-acquire it you should try to let it go. And usually you don't need it. Using your example since you do know you use your waterproof boot spray sometimes, you wouldn't be deciding whether or not to get rid of it - but if you had the boot spray and didn't have boots anymore, but then you thought you might get some boots but you don't actually have a plan to get the boots yet, you'd get rid of the spray because you don't need to hang onto it for just a "hypothetical" situation. I find it tricky too, because I guess I don't have that many things that I'm not sure about, or don't have a definite use for, and the things I'm not sure about aren't things that are always replaceable with $20 or 20 minutes 😅
@CNJL1 I also have my issues with that. The question "Does it spark joy" can also be quite funny. Did I ever use the fire blanket? Does it make me happy? The snow shovel? On the other hand, it probably works when things pile up like paint for a car I had ten years ago, a half empty oil bottle for the lawn mower I had before I moved, 100 MBit PCI Ethernet card, etc.
Love your content and I agree with many of your observations. The point for me, many years now, is doing my best to be intentional and make conscious decisions, not minimalist just for the sake of being minimalist. I think that's probably why (although it is not perfect) the Marie Kondo method resonated better with me in making a sustainable change, as its main principle "sparks joy?" is a simple question that gives space for our emotional needs, not only our practical ones. Although we don't want to have our lives revolve around material things, we shouldn't be shamed for the material things that we enjoy and appreciate, we just need to be as intentional and thoughtful as we can about it. On a side note, we all have our specific, unique life experiences that make us who we are, but I feel like it is always a miss when people resort to identity politics such as "privileged white childless man". There's so much of that all around and it's really divisive. We all bleed the same, privileged in our own ways with some things that put us at a better starting point than others and other things that put us at a disadvantage. That's actually a beautiful thing in some ways. I mean this in the most respectful way possible and I hope this comes across as such. Thanks for another interesting take, as always! Have a great day!
Thanks for this feedback! I actually wasn't familiar with the term "identity politics" before looking into your comment, and I now see that it's kind of a big can of worms that I wasn't intending to allude to. I feel like I was just trying to be expedient in saying he doesn't necessarily have the experiences that would make his advice more applicable to people with certain different experiences, like mine, and it's not necessarily because of his demographic info. I also got the sense that at least when he made the rules, he might not have done as much work towards understanding the emotional landscape behind some of these different experiences - or at least in my opinion I didn't pick up much of that when I read them. Not that it's a bad thing, like you said, but again in my opinion if he had tried to imagine himself in these mentalities, then the rules might have felt more inclusive to me - not that he was targeting me necessarily with the rules, or that he has to aim to be inclusive in that way. I'm struggling even now to express exactly what I mean, so I hope you are able to understand a bit of what I'm getting at. Likewise I appreciate your comment, as now I understand more that sometimes it's important to be precise, instead of deferring to generalizations that I've maybe seen around me to explain what I'm somehow sensing. (Especially as I don't really want to dive into political topics on this channel, be divisive if I can avoid it).
@@Alexas.nobuyyear I have tremendous respect just for the fact that you took the time to write this extremely thoughtful response and in such a lovely manner. I don't take it for granted. I'm glad that you weren't familiar with the term and if that's the case I'm kind of sorry to be the one to expose you to it honestly. It's just that this is something that I've been seeing everywhere in this social climate unfortunately and I find that it never leads to a good place, so if I may have been reading too much into it and shouldn't have I truly apologise for that. I completely understand and agree with the point you were trying to make in the first place, most of the rules mentioned, and other content by the minimalists, did not fit my own lifestyle and preferences as well and I often find many of their ideas as too "cold" for my liking, if that makes sense. I think if not careful, the minimalist's approach can have a lack of intentionality just as over consumption does, as it becomes some sort of a strange competition to owning the least just for the sake of it, instead of being mindful and asking the actual questions of what fills your heart with what you need, material and otherwise. All of us only have our own lived experience to pull from, and although we can try and embrace a broader perspective as much as we can, we view the world and research it through that lens. That's probably why there will never be a one size fits all type of advice, and that is the flaw of all of these methods, they will always fall short (some more than others) due to the very nature of the biases and blindspots all humans have. They can still bring value in their own way, for those who are like minded- for obvious reasons, and for those who aren't, even just having this conversation has its own value. Thanks again Alexa! Hope you're having an awesome day :)
@@whydelilah8565 I'm grateful for the exposure to the term and the ideas, honestly - I feel that more info and awareness is almost always a good thing if one is equipped to contextualize it, and it helps me go forward and communicate with more clarity!! So, thank you for this conversation!
I am neither young nor broke, but would find it unpalatable to spend what I see friends spending on beds. I like that you made yours! Living in the US, but aware that most of the world doesn’t have a bed frame. We gave away our bed (inherited from my grandma who was born around 1900), and chose to keep no beds, sleeping only on futon mattresses on the floor. The house is also hella cluttered lol, so I make no claims to having figured everything out! A kid frequently has that effect. 🥴🫠 Beds take up so much space, and I found this suited having an elderly dog and a baby-neither risked injury getting in and out. But I have done this for many years and plan to keep doing it even though my dog has died and my baby is now a kid. Love your channel! I am also the result of two cultures and can relate to your sense of exclusion and isolation. 👯♀️
I like your thoughts on this and I believe for many of us it’s exactly just that. The thought that goes into why we do things, why we shop and why we keep some things and not other things. All in all, different viewpoints are healthy for discourse and getting us all to think for ourselves which I believe is the main point of it all. As many have pointed out, questioning why we consume is presumably the main factor of why we are here commenting. The minimalists have their set of rules just as you have yours to tackle the emotional aspect of owning things. Because let’s face it, having things is a recreational activity for us as humans in lieu of going out hunting for food etc. it’s normal and natural to want to buy, collect etc, but the fact that a lot of us are questioning why is always a positive in order to make sense of our worlds. I want to own less and try to buy less as it causes great stress for me personally. I do not strive to be a minimalist but as my lifestyle for almost 15years has been to move around stuff gets extremely useless fast when I have to cart it around everywhere. But now that I am settled a bit more I find myself wanting beautiful things as I am a very visual person. But not too many due to the other factor that is stresses me and I do not like to contionsuly maintain a ton of stuff let alone clean up after it all the time. I do it to live an stress-free life with less cleaning. And hoping to save money. It’s very simple for me. But I understand everyone has their own perspective of it as we are all different individuals with different wants, needs and desires/lifestyles😊
Yes totally agree - while a lot of the "minimalist rules" may not actually work for me, I think they're still a positive resource if they guide people to think about these things more!!
At 15:00, isn't a waiting time still some kind of putting something on a wishlist? But whatever you call it, I usually that's what I usually do with my "impulse buys" which gives me time to (over-)think about it and in the best case do some tweaking and planning before actually buying. And it delay the moment when a fulfilled wish creats offspring, like Wilhelm Busch points out in a poem :-D The lists value vs expensive, I think that shows how normalised many things in our lives are. A roof that doesn't leak? Heating that works? Access to transport? I think that's like the question whether money makes happy. In my opinion it mainly works in the opposite direction: things are more difficult if it's missing.
Waiting time and wishlists are similar for sure! But for me there's some psychological difference between having something "listed" or saved somewhere, than telling myself internally I have to wait to buy x item, and if I still remember it after 30 days or whatever I can get it, trusting my brain to remember without the list. And if I forget, it wasn't truly something I wanted. For some reason having it on a list makes it seem more important to me, and then if I did forget the thing but see it again on my "list" I might think I want it all over again. Could be a "me" problem though 😄
Here's another big fan of your cardigan! I agree with so much of what you said here! Thinking about the most expensive things I own (aside from our house), most of them are telescopes or astronomy related stuff. Many of my most wonderful memories are related to me having those things, even if with the weather here in the Netherlands I don't often get a chance to use them. Oh and about the shiny expensive things that women get from men: there's a historical reason for that. Only a few decades ago, women were not even able to open a bank account without permission from their husband. So giving a woman an expensive piece of jewellery was a way of making sure that they would be OK if the man were to leave or worse.
Wow thanks for sharing that history, I didn't know! I think in this day and age it kind of doesn't hold water anymore, both because women can have bank accounts etc. as well as the fact that it's hard to get as much value for used jewelry, it feels like the markets are getting saturated with consumer goods in general...
Just in the beginning, but for 1 i want to say that when i came to my conculsion that i wanted to actually declutter, just dont think alot about it helped alot. It also helped significantly to not repurchase anything. Because why would i ever spend more money on these things, when i so easily could declutter without any issue. I have felt alot after the declutter about how good it feels to not miss anything and not drag out the process. 2; yes i do look at my harddrive photo album 😂 i have probably ten photos left of pictures then rest is on my hard drive. I like the minimalists helpful guidelines alot, they helped me early on in my process.
That's great to hear that people do look at digital photos! Maybe I am just old fashioned in this area. This is also an interesting approach to make it "easier" - not overthinking it...not to be ironic here, but I'll have to think about that a bit more 😆 so far I've been on the side of "thinking too much" to be sure about things, but I see your point too!
I agree with all your takes! We are very similar in being mothers of small children on conscious consumer journeys! And, like you, I've been interested in minimalism and consumed some UA-cam content on it. But my opinion is that there is definitely a lot of lifestyle stipulations and some privilege at play. I'm a rural, low income lifestyle type over here and the fact is we'd be shooting ourselves in the foot if we got rid of our junk! We build things and fix things without ever having to go to the store, thanks to a fantastic collection of useful odds and ends😂 minimalism might be for city dwelling folks that hire people to fix things?
Yes, it's amazing how often items you saved for 'just in case' come in handy. I use my old toothbrushes and things like that ALL THE TIME... they are very good for cleaning certain things.
Pictures on proper paper will last for a hundred years or more, while digital pictures need constant reformatting as technology changes the mediums we save them on.
I feel that the rule about listing out your 10 most expensive things versus the 10 things that add most value to your life is a little bit misunderstood here. I believe the point is that we should consider where we spend our money in relation to our true priorities/values. At least, this is my take. Yes, a home is a necessity, but do I really need the 2,000 sq ft suburban home or can my family live happily in something smaller? Yes, a car is a necessity depending on where you live/work but do I really need the newest model $50,000 SUV as opposed to a smaller used sedan? Yes, I may love my $500 handbag but how much enjoyment do I get out of that as compared to sharing amazing experiences with a friend or loved one. Money = time. That time/money could have been spent with our loved ones, on experiences that we will remember for a lifetime, or whatever else I might list as most important in my life, etc. In fact, for me, this idea is the actual motivation and at the very heart of becoming more minimalist.
You're probably right! I fully acknowledge that I am likely performing some kind of mental gymnastics here, or that my take is based on some skewed perceptions. But since I wasn't fully comprehensive in this video, I'll try to explain a bit more of these possibly skewed ideas as I'd love to try and break down the barriers to my understanding here 😄 I guess in my "practical experience" I'm not yet anywhere close to the stage where it really feels like money = time, even if that is the reality. Because we have the needs of a place to live, transportation, food, basic clothing, we have to have some kind of job, and without being self-employed, the job will largely dictate how we spend our time. And yes, if we spend less on these things that we need, we will have more to put towards retirement, vacations, etc, which are all examples of "quality time" that require money...or, not material possessions that we could be prioritizing. But, the other thing is that even if I don't buy the big house, the nice car, the best viola - these are still my most expensive possessions, even if it's not $50,000 but rather $5,000-10,000...the material objects will mostly stay the same on my list (the ones that aren't true "needs" could go away, like jewelry, but mostly it's things I'd have to have to live or to do my job) and they are there because they DO bring some kind of value to my life by enabling me to do something I would like to do or that provides for my and my family's needs. I agree with the concept of weighing up whether it's worth spending more on something vs. saving the money to buy quality time, but I struggle with applying it in practicality I guess. I may have also been too literal with considering Joshua's own examples in the rulebook - yes they're activities that take time, but they're all activities that I would consider a part of what could be a normal day, (or normal weekend, assuming we have to have a job to cover basic necessities). They don't necessarily require a re-allocation of money to achieve, at least I would hope for most people these could be achieved without drastic measures. ("This list might include experiences like catching a sunset with a loved one, watching your kids play baseball, eating dinner with your parents, etc.") It could also be that it's not about how expensive a possession is - because if I tallied up all the "things I bought that I didn't need to buy" and put that on the list, I perhaps am able to get more of the meaning that was intended with this rule! That the "things I bought" really aren't valuable and I could have considered whether I needed those purchases more carefully in favor of things I actually care about. And maybe it's as simple as that. Sorry for the long comment to get to this conclusion, but thank you for sparking the thinking 🙏
@@Alexas.nobuyyear I always appreciate your detailed responses. Maybe the true value of this "rule" (I would call it a "thought exercise" instead of a rule) is that it does cause us to reflect like this. I always enjoy hearing your take on things.
I think its quite fascinating that this end of the spectrum is so focused on "experiences" that they don't account for experiencing their own home. For me, the experience of living in my own home (nicknacks, art, clutter and all) is so extremely important, all the little day to day moments take place there, and who knows when another lockdown for whatever reason might happen.
I totally agree with you, I don't think I could fully "experience" my creativity in one of these "decluttered" minimalist homes. But to their credit - these guys started to whole "Minimalists" brand long before the pandemic, maybe they changed their tune, now that they know what it feels like when the only experiences you can have outside of your house are a walk in the park and shopping for groceries?
My rule is to separate aesthetic and functional minimalism. I’m a painter, highly visual person, and I do care about aesthetics, but minimalism is not my style. It is how I relate to extra possessions. Color and pattern do not add any ”thing” to your life to make it harder to manage. I can’t handle a lot if stuff but I can handle color and whimsical style.
Absolutely loving your channel right now. As someone who’s been consuming a lot of the same content you keep talking about, it’s refreshing to hear your takes. Your ideas are original, personal, and relatable. I feel like a lot of content feels like regurgitated versions of the same things. Keep up the good work
And profound, articulate, considered, and informed. I'm so appreciative.
The ironic part of minimalism is how unsustainable constantly "getting rid" of items can be. Like the 1 in 10 out rule. It almost feels like a curated aesthetic comes before personal responsibility. discarding 10 items at once for something new that fits better with your current wants is exactly what hyper capitalism wants. it's funny to me that decluttering started from a good place but has now been hijacked to fuel extreme consumption cycles. sometimes owning less isn't the most responsible thing when you have a lot of items, often making use of those items until they reach the end of their life cycle and being content with them not matching your new desires is the sustainable way to go. throwing 10 items away or donating them so they end up thrown away on some other part of the planet so your closet meets some minimalist standard and isn't as overwhelming feels unfair.
I come from divorced parents. one never wants to throw anything away and the other throws everything away the moment they get the chance. both are problematic ways to consume in my opinion but often the one who keeps the same kitchen plates for 2 decades and uses them weekly is much more sustainable than the one who throws out anything that's no longer "perfect" to them.
The "curated aesthetic" coming before personal responsibility I think is one of the "features" of consumerism these days - normalizing the upgrade, throwing out what's not perfect, evolving our "style" when we don't actually need to, trends...I'd seen people talking about how it's all a hamster wheel before, from various angles (often financial), but until I stepped off of it and saw it in these different ways I didn't fully understand what that meant!
My experience is that cases do turn up for just-in-case items, or for “maybe I’ll find use for it later” ones or even for “why get rid of a perfectly fine thing”. It has to be smth of decent quality or otherwise attractive for you though. Just last week I’ve opened some bags from my last move (that happened 7 years ago, mind you) and was happy to discover things I forgot existed. Or another example: it’s been 10 years since I stopped running and I truly thought irrevocably so. But this summer I suddenly took it up again, and I’m all set with my old running gear. Including a couple of pairs of fave running shoes that had since been discontinued, but I kept them (one pair virtually unused, another held up for the first 100k). Technically all of this should’ve been decluttered long ago, but it wasn’t and now I don’t have to shop for my rediscovered hobby.
Yes, that experience of "not having to shop" I think might be more valuable to me right now, than getting rid of things just to have more space or to be more "minimalist" - also part of it is that I do have the space available, I understand that too.
That's amazing that you're starting running again! I hope to start running (or at least light jogging 😆) soon here too, I definitely have everything I need to do that already so no shopping necessary!
I am a sentimental sort... if an item has been handmade by someone I love and is beautiful I will not declutter it unless I'm giving it to someone who will really value it directly (and I sometimes rescue handmade items from op shops because I value the work that has gone into them more than most people as a crafter myself). My father digitised all of the family photos some time ago... he is happy with the electronic ones, but I asked for the albums, as if (is likely) my parents pass before me they are something I will absolutely treasure, even though I already have most of the photos electronically.
I am not a fan of the 90/90 rule - the seasons of my life tend to occur over a much longer time frame - I go for years of not drawing or crocheting and then pick it up again passionately, so it really doesn't work for me - it's better to store totes of items for certain crafts well so the items remain good and I can pull them out again in a few years time.
I understand why people gamify decluttering as it can be difficult (works with children packing toys up too to gamify things and turn cleaning up into a race etc) but unless you have LOTS of stuff you don't use and don't value I would think getting rid of 400-500 items in the course of the minimalism game is hard - there is no point getting rid of things you will almost certainly have to purchase again sometime (unless moving a long way and they'll cost lots to shift or a similar reason).
As an adult, there are items I would like that I deliberately don't buy myself to allow for people who want to purchase gifts to get things I really want - I don't think lots of people do that, and it makes Birthdays and Christmas much harder and results in gifted items being random rather than something really useful to the person (so contributes to massive oversupply of thrift stores after Christmas etc). At the moment there is a certain Johanna Basford colouring book and a few CDs on my list ready for my upcoming birthday and Christmas.
Thank you for sharing - I also think lots of people these days don't "save things" to be gifted, or at least we see so much of the "treat yourself" message out there, (and people acting on it), that we deprive others the joy of treating us to a gift we actually want.
It strikes me that keeping a wishlist (physical or digital) of things that one wants to buy for themselves is kind of strange, compared to a wishlist designed for others to gift from (like the "Santa Claus" lists of childhood perhaps). It's like by making a list with ourselves as the buyer, we start to take our pursuit of material conquests too seriously...if the buyer is friends/family there's still some lightness and practical purpose there.
I'll probably expand on this idea as we get into gifting season but thank you for planting some seeds 😀
@@Alexas.nobuyyear no worries :) I'm all for self care, but when it becomes buying everything we want it's definitely gone too far, and tends to remove a lot of joy from family celebrations (being able to gift something you know someone will love brings lots of joy). The things others have gotten me as gifts become a reminder of that person every time I use them, so I find it better to wait... the item will have more value if I don't buy it for myself but allow a loved one to get it for me :)
My 10 yr old granddaughter started playing the Viola this week. We will keep an eye out for when we can come watch you play. Alexa, I failed at minimalism. I have a few videos. I think the Swedish death cleaning taught me a lot about what i have. Yes, i have a small wardrobe, but i absolutely can not declutter just to declutter. Yesterday, i decided i needed a sitting room. So i took a table that my grandfather made, put a table cloth on it, and now its my desk. Its just a tiny space. My point is, im reusing and repurposing. Its hard not to bring new things in, but taking something out each time is just not sensible to me. Great video!🎉
Ooh - wise granddaughter! Yes do keep an eye out and if it's a classical (Masterworks series) show, I can probably get you tickets!
And hey I think I failed at minimalism too if my wardrobe is anything to go by...but the ideas of using and repurposing what you have when you can, rather than going for "new", are much more what I'm going for than the idea of "minimalism" just to be a minimalist.
I'd like to be a "conscious consumer" first and foremost and if minimalism eventually plays a bigger part (after not bringing in new stuff for longer!) then great, but looking at rules like these makes me realize that it's not necessarily my end goal!
How nice, the viola is such a beautiful instrument! I’ve only ever played the violin though.
Just found your channel and really enjoying hearing your thoughts about these topics, it's very helpful! Thanks
There’s a running theme in these rules about reducing attachment to things, which is an important concept for minimalism, to not get overly attached to things, but also attachment gets into value systems, which is very personal.
If less attachment means more flexibility for opportunity, that sounds wonderful, but it can lead to a mindset of only looking towards the future while denying things that might make your life more convenient in the moment. Speaking as a former minimalist here 😉 It’s probably the wording of this statement that gets me, as I don’t think attachment and appreciation is bad as long as it is within reasonable boundaries.
Overall, there is an emphasis on reducing physical things in these rules, which is definitely a practical guide for someone getting into decluttering. For me, minimalism is mostly valuable in that it gave me a lot of practice in deciding what to cut, and what to let into my life. The rest is my own inner work - what are my values, what do I care about working towards and spend my time on, what can I realistically handle.
I think you really hit on what I experienced with these rules when you said attachment gets into value systems....while I appreciate the ideas of these rules it was the communication of the idea that threw me off sometimes, probably because they have different value systems to me! So I can achieve similar ideas, but through my own system of values. This is a very helpful way of looking at it.
I enjoyed listening to your point of view on these Minimalist "rules". While I haven't seen the e-book, I am familiar with many of them through listening to their podcast. I like the idea of minimalism, but I've come to realize that I will probably never be a minimalist. I hate waste, I love beautiful things, and I am a "just-in-case" sort. But clutter stresses me out and I am trying to find a happy medium - and they are helpful to my journey. All that said, I am glad to hear you vocalize things I've also felt, like the wastefulness inherent in the $20/20 minute rule.
As for the 30 day game, I agree with you about the possible loss of opportunity for mindfulness, but I was able to get my husband - who has had NO interest in downsizing anything (can't be bothered) - on board and we started playing it on the 1st. It helps that he is very competitive (as I suppose am I) and that we have been discussing moving back to Michigan in the next few years and don't want to take it all with us. So I am not too bothered that he isn't being overly mindful right now, just that he is finally willing to dig into bins and let things go. (Some things were easy, such as all the boxers with the blown elastic 😂)
I just borrowed a high speed photo scanner (Epson's costs over $500) from a friend because I do have a lot of photos that I either want to digitize and share with others or simply to downsize - pictures that don't mean anything to anyone but me and I don't need to look at the physical copy anymore but don't want to completely throw away. I want to save others from having to deal with these someday - my own little Swedish Death Cleaning exercise. Otherwise, especially as the honorary family genealogist, I would NEVER consider decluttering the sentimental photos, even after they are digitized. They will most likely be valued by my nieces and nephews (not having kids of my own...) and I want them to have that choice. Thanks, Alexa! And thanks for making me smile: Beethoven is my favorite.
I think your application of the 30 day game is perhaps the best one, where it actually IS a fun (or competitive!) game with someone and there are enough "easy" things still to get through and therefore it's a way to kickstart that progress!
I get the feeling that Joshua Fields Milburn cares a lot about language and trying to be fairly precise (what with having a writing course as well), which may have added to some of the "issues" I felt with some of the rules. I was more inclined to take them to the letter, than I might have been coming from another author. Even so, I think the meaning that came across from the last few rules was a little bit TOO detached for my liking (but is perhaps extremely on-brand for "the minimalists!").
Hooray for borrowing a photo scanner! That sounds like a perfect compromise for the "photo scanning party".
@@Alexas.nobuyyear Update: Half-way through the month of the 30 day decluttering challenge and we are still at it, though I am a few days behind. Though that's only because he was out of town this week and I got lazy. (The overachiever did extra/advance days before he left! 🙄) Catch-ups are definitely allowed, so I'm doing that now 😁
@scrappy6932 you know, maybe I will try to do a week of this challenge just to see what I would choose to declutter - and how hard it is to find 7 days' worth of items. I guess that'd be 28 things total. Your progress is inspiring me too! ✨️
@@Alexas.nobuyyear Go for it! It has made me really "think" about what to declutter and actively work at it, as I've been doing this sporadically for a while. The other day I remembered we had a box full of old maps. Guess what's coming up soon? 😂
Hi There. I've been silently watching your channel for a couple of weeks now. I'm not doing a no-spend, but I have been doing a low spend for almost a year now.
I'm not a minimalist, but what I have found during my time decluttering ( 4 years and counting) is the longer I live with less stuff around, the happier I am. Walking into a store at this point gives me anxiety because I feel overwhelmed by all things that usually have a layer of dust on them. This does not mean that I live in a empty box. I've just been getting stuff out of my life that no longer serves me.
I don't take the 'rules' for minimalism literally. I use them as guidelines because every household is different. I think of it much like budgeting. I have pets; their needs are reflected in my budget. A non-pet household does not need to account for pet food, vet visits, ect... As for things like the $20.00 rule, this is another one of those 'rules' people take way too seriously.
If I donate my rolling pin because it has been sitting around in my kitchen unused for 3 years, then one day for whatever reason I decide to bake something, it isn't difficult to get another rolling pin. If I really needed one, there is room in my budget to buy another and I don't have to go far to get one.
The one in, ten out rule is another one of those rules that people need to stop and think about how it applies to their life. I hate clothes shopping, I don't own 10 shirts. If I get rid of one, it is because it has holes, a bleach stain or some other reason it needs to be replaced. The problem with the "one in, one out rule" is people never decrease the volume of stuff they have with this rule which is the point. The people that follow the one in, one out rule typically get rid of stuff, then go out and replace the stuff they got rid of for new stuff. It is a endless, vicious cycle of buying and getting rid of things. It also looks a bit like a excuse to perhaps hide a shopping addiction, but that is a whole other topic.
Take from these rules that apply to you and forget the rest. In the end, you'll still be making progress and learning about yourself.
Thanks so much for this! It is quite helpful to me to hear your feedback. In hindsight I think my perception of the "rulebook" was actually skewed by listening to the minimalists' podcast, where I found that Joshua would often take things literally as part of his answers. So I then felt inclined to take his rules literally, feeling as if he may have approached them the same way he approaches answering questions sometimes...but reading your comment I do understand that the value of the rules is not found in taking them literally. And I also learned that sometimes it's not helpful to bring what you think you know about an author with you, when you look at their work. Thank you!
I think basic furniture like a sofa or bed are part of the shelter need category. Maybe an accent table or upgrading your basics is a want.
Much as I'd love to have more experiences, e.g. holidays, I'd rather buy a piece of furniture or a much wished-for item of clothing that I will enjoy for years. I've had cheap holidays (all I could afford) and they've been more stress than enjoyment. Same with eating out or even having a coffee out - I'd rather not, unless it's a special occasion with a friend - and use the money to buy something longer lasting like a pair of shoes or a reference book
I feel the same about holidays! This is not often said, most people say experiences > possessions, which I generally agree too. BUT if I value the everyday experience of a nice home more than a holiday that is soon over, it at least doesn't apply to me. Everbody is different. If you're a homebody like me, I can never get that much pleasure out of holidays as others do. We are renovating now and I will rather not go on holidays for some years than not having the budget to make my home nice.
Ah yes I already have a problem with "experiences vs. stuff" and I didn't even think about the stress of a vacation yet - that's a great point 😅
I do like the time limit on selling because people do think they have the time and energy for that when they don’t . However, I do appreciate your take on it because feeling the weight of what you buy and also realizing how little value your things have may make you think harder about buying something next time.
Yes that's true, when it comes to "I think I'll sell that" vs. ACTUALLY selling it, things can end up sitting around for way too long.
If I consider it a guideline rather than a hard-and-fast rule it works better, I guess for me I can appreciate having a time limit to get things listed for sale, and then am okay to wait a bit longer to actually get rid of the items if they're on a platform where they can be sold.
Sometimes gift giving is the only love language you can use. I live across the world from my family and I can’t use time or touch to express my love, I rarely get to help them, so the only two I have left are gifts and language. So yes, I do use them. Claiming that one of the love language is somehow less of value than the other is extremely arrogant as the Minimalists are (especially Josh who also loves to pick on people’s words) and that’s the reason why I didn’t follow them for too long years ago. They give an ick of self-righteousness
This is a good point! I really feel like their rules about gifts were lacking in depth and that in some ways, the often-touted advice about gifting experiences or quality time aren't a complete replacement for the kind of thought and knowledge that goes into a good gift. I'm going to try and gather my thoughts for the holiday gifting season to speak on this and perhaps come to a few more alternatives, although it feels a little ambitious to think that I might be able to give useful advice on a topic that feels like has many "solutions" out there already.
The reason I also felt okay to be pedantic about the examples Joshua gave in these rules is because I have heard him be picky about language before, (I also don't currently follow) so I feel like someone who is aware of things like that, may consider themselves to be aware enough to carefully select examples that expressed exactly the meaning he intended...
I agree with this sentiment. I give away gifts of things but ask the person whether they want it or not. I re-gift a lot of my things and the persons receiving it are always aware it’s a re-gift and have been asked prior if they want it. Not directly face to face as it’s easier to say no for people that way. I’ve also said straight out, I will not be offended if you do not want the stuff. I have also said it is okay for them to re-gift in turn or sell it/donate it. gift giving is my love language and I am fortunate enough to be able to purchase higher quality items that some family members of mine have openly said they cannot afford. Besides, I also ask if there is anything in particular they’d like for Christmas or as such and they have often said what they would like. And giving someone a physical item that they have wished for or wanted gives me great joy.
I am enjoying watching your videos and hearing your perspective.
I think a lot of rules are good for people in the situation where their house is completely full with stuff and also people who have rooms that they can't use or also self storage places . Then people who are more on the maintenance stage
That's true!
Also on the subject of photos, I am scanning in all my parents photos for them at the moment, but we will not be throwing out the orginals after. They want easy access to them to send them to friends and family, particularly pictures of family who are not with us anymore. But all the physical ones will be kept because they are super meaningful.
Old art & crafts materials that I haven't used in a very long time. Best to get rid of them, e.g. donate them to a school or art college and let someone else use them, and become a master at using the materials you love and that are your first choice, in my case, simple pencils and watercolours/gouache
Not sure about that. Some time ago I found an old Strickliesel (some knitting exercise tool) and it's fun to use it from time to time.
I love your ability to push back
Sometimes I am OK with decluttering one item (clothing, knick-knacks) if I have photographed it, especially if the photograph is a meaningful one, e.g. a photo of me wearing that dress at a party, a pet toy when the actual pet dog/cat/rabbit is in the photo playing with it
Agree with all of this! I think they vere towards the demonisation of stuff at points, however they highly value "experiences" as events Do they realise all those experience events require ALOT of stuff? In any case someone being more thrifty, or working class or perhaps even just more genuinely mindful might have some things that bring those experiences into their every day lives. Nice cups they enjoy every day instead of constant coffee shops. Bathroom products they love to use instead of spas and massages. Tvs and phones instead of the theatre. Art instead of trips and stay overs. Just off the top of my head. Not instead of but less frequently than I imagine they do. Sometime I wonder if there was something psychologically they are trying to leave behind by throwing away stuff, an unsuccessful externalisation. Humanity has spent millenia making using and loving stuff. Are they really above it? 😝
OMG. I love that strawberry sweater!! If you ever feel the urge to declutter it, please, I want the opportunity to buy it off you!! Edit: I know it is terrible, I watch an anti-consumeristic influencer buuuuut then I feel the **need** to own her sweater. I might have a problem!! Also. I am NOT a minimalist, I just don’t have it in me. Edit 2: I am a daily Lolita and can get away with it because I teach elementary music. And that sweater will match SO MANY of my coordinates!!!! 🫣😅
It IS a perfect elementary music teacher sweater! I did not make mine, but I've seen tutorials out there for strawberry sweaters if you want to try getting crafty - I might try doing a mini one at some point for my kids 😄
@@Alexas.nobuyyear oooh yes I LOVE to be crafty!! I should TOTALLY crochet one!! That will keep me off the shopping websites for a while!!
I love your chanel it's inspiring. But like you said even looking at these channels and sometimes we get influenced by what someone is wearing....I love your strawberry sweater. I grew up with strawberry shortcake was my favorite doll/character....then I started looking for where I can find a strawberry sweater like yours. I'm ashamed to even ask where did you find the sweater 😂
Haha well I got mine off of Etsy, someone hand-knit it. I would love to learn to knit or crochet my own next time, I've seen several tutorials for strawberry sweaters specifically!
Also, the idea on gift giving...I feel our society has become waaaaay too involved in gift giving...it's actually very stressful...I have a large family and it is challenging to actually give a meaningful gift when you have so many people and occasions...we have, as a family, decided to limit gift giving...for instance, for Xmas, we draw a name and only buy for that one person with a spending limit. This way, we are able to focus on just one family member and truly think of and invest in a gift that they will enjoy, whether a physical item or an experience. With friends, we treat each other to a meal on our birthdays with the understanding that the true gift is spending time with each other.
Yeah I need to go back to the drawing board on my thoughts about gifts - the thing that strikes me reading your feedback is that I am just not on the same page as "the minimalists" right now, so when I read the tone of these rules I'm maybe not seeing what was intended for me to see. So as always I really appreciate your comments!
With gifts - I actually have not been in many "gift-giving situations" in recent years, so it's probably quite different when I'm lacking in that personal experience and I acknowledge that.
But - I really don't want any of the intention of "gifting" to be lost - I saw someone talk about how in "Braiding Sweetgrass" the author talks about gifts, and reciprocity, and it's on my list of books to read before I discuss this idea further closer to the holiday season. Maybe you've read this one? I could be totally off base here since I haven't read it yet.
Either way, the idea of what a gift represents is positive to me, while the idea of collecting items that you don't truly value (even through gifting) is not. So I'm still searching for a balance of how to achieve this beyond the advice of "presence and quality time", "experiences over things" - or maybe I'll simply arrive back at the starting point of presence and experiences (which feels likely, given that that IS often the advice!) but having been through the forest of possibilities to reach a better personal understanding of how we retain the thought and ceremony of a gift while doing these other activities instead 😅
@@Alexas.nobuyyear YES, I have read Braiding Sweetgrass and it was a very appreciated "gift" from a family member a few years ago. Highly recommend it. I think you hit on it....that there needs to be a balance and it seems like in American culture, we've sort of lost that balance. And maybe the most important thing about gifting, whether our time or physical item, is understanding what the person you are gifting to values (maybe the Platinum Rule of gifting is "gift onto others as they'd like to be gifted to" LOL. Just had a good friend come visit for a few days and she brought the tea that I love, homemade sourdough bread, and some cozy socks that she knitted. She knows me so well and the gifts were perfect. The socks were really impressive since this friend is a lot busier than I am, so I can appreciate them even that much more for the time and care she put into making them.
I feel what is stressful is just all these various holidays that seem created to push consumerism, and that come so often that they don't give us the space and resources to really choose well thought out gifts that are perfect for those we're gifting to.
I agree. In my family some people have 'opted out of a Christmas gift exchange' - I am the oldest of 6 children, my parents are still with us, and 3 of my siblings are married with children - just in my immediate family we have 18 people. I get a small gift (usually edible) for Dad, a small gift (usually handmade) for Mum, a decent gift for my 2 youngest sisters, a gift for one of my nieces, and a small item (e.g. small toy or colouring book) plus holiday spending money for the other nieces and nephews. My youngest sister always gets me a gift to make sure that I get something.
I tend to get gifts to tuck away when I am out with people and they see something they like, because then I know they will love and use it.
I haven't done a gift exchange with friends for quite a long time... my best friends bought me a painting class for my last birthday (we went together). I don't object to it, but want to give out of love and not obligation - my best friend is a minimalist and stuff stresses her out, so unless it was food a gift from me would likely cause anxiety.
@@racheljames9187 Yes to the "giving out of love and not obligation". We also are a family of about the same size as yours...all the birthdays, anniversaries, and other gift giving holidays like Mom's/Dad's Days, Valentines Day, Xmas....it can be pretty overwhelming. I love that you are empathetic to the feelings of your minimalist friend.
I’m confused by $20 20 minutes rule. If you need it why would you get rid of it? Like are you supposed to be testing yourself here? I was thinking of some of the $20 20 minute items I have and I use them. Maybe I don’t use the waterproof boot spray often but why would I get rid of that? Don’t want to buy a whole new bottle when I need it again even if it’s within $20 20 min.
Well I think the premise is that if you're not sure if you need something, if it's less than $20 or 20 min to re-acquire it you should try to let it go. And usually you don't need it. Using your example since you do know you use your waterproof boot spray sometimes, you wouldn't be deciding whether or not to get rid of it - but if you had the boot spray and didn't have boots anymore, but then you thought you might get some boots but you don't actually have a plan to get the boots yet, you'd get rid of the spray because you don't need to hang onto it for just a "hypothetical" situation.
I find it tricky too, because I guess I don't have that many things that I'm not sure about, or don't have a definite use for, and the things I'm not sure about aren't things that are always replaceable with $20 or 20 minutes 😅
@CNJL1 I also have my issues with that. The question "Does it spark joy" can also be quite funny. Did I ever use the fire blanket? Does it make me happy? The snow shovel?
On the other hand, it probably works when things pile up like paint for a car I had ten years ago, a half empty oil bottle for the lawn mower I had before I moved, 100 MBit PCI Ethernet card, etc.
Love your content and I agree with many of your observations. The point for me, many years now, is doing my best to be intentional and make conscious decisions, not minimalist just for the sake of being minimalist.
I think that's probably why (although it is not perfect) the Marie Kondo method resonated better with me in making a sustainable change, as its main principle "sparks joy?" is a simple question that gives space for our emotional needs, not only our practical ones. Although we don't want to have our lives revolve around material things, we shouldn't be shamed for the material things that we enjoy and appreciate, we just need to be as intentional and thoughtful as we can about it.
On a side note, we all have our specific, unique life experiences that make us who we are, but I feel like it is always a miss when people resort to identity politics such as "privileged white childless man". There's so much of that all around and it's really divisive.
We all bleed the same, privileged in our own ways with some things that put us at a better starting point than others and other things that put us at a disadvantage. That's actually a beautiful thing in some ways. I mean this in the most respectful way possible and I hope this comes across as such.
Thanks for another interesting take, as always! Have a great day!
Thanks for this feedback! I actually wasn't familiar with the term "identity politics" before looking into your comment, and I now see that it's kind of a big can of worms that I wasn't intending to allude to. I feel like I was just trying to be expedient in saying he doesn't necessarily have the experiences that would make his advice more applicable to people with certain different experiences, like mine, and it's not necessarily because of his demographic info. I also got the sense that at least when he made the rules, he might not have done as much work towards understanding the emotional landscape behind some of these different experiences - or at least in my opinion I didn't pick up much of that when I read them.
Not that it's a bad thing, like you said, but again in my opinion if he had tried to imagine himself in these mentalities, then the rules might have felt more inclusive to me - not that he was targeting me necessarily with the rules, or that he has to aim to be inclusive in that way.
I'm struggling even now to express exactly what I mean, so I hope you are able to understand a bit of what I'm getting at. Likewise I appreciate your comment, as now I understand more that sometimes it's important to be precise, instead of deferring to generalizations that I've maybe seen around me to explain what I'm somehow sensing. (Especially as I don't really want to dive into political topics on this channel, be divisive if I can avoid it).
@@Alexas.nobuyyear I have tremendous respect just for the fact that you took the time to write this extremely thoughtful response and in such a lovely manner. I don't take it for granted. I'm glad that you weren't familiar with the term and if that's the case I'm kind of sorry to be the one to expose you to it honestly. It's just that this is something that I've been seeing everywhere in this social climate unfortunately and I find that it never leads to a good place, so if I may have been reading too much into it and shouldn't have I truly apologise for that.
I completely understand and agree with the point you were trying to make in the first place, most of the rules mentioned, and other content by the minimalists, did not fit my own lifestyle and preferences as well and I often find many of their ideas as too "cold" for my liking, if that makes sense.
I think if not careful, the minimalist's approach can have a lack of intentionality just as over consumption does, as it becomes some sort of a strange competition to owning the least just for the sake of it, instead of being mindful and asking the actual questions of what fills your heart with what you need, material and otherwise.
All of us only have our own lived experience to pull from, and although we can try and embrace a broader perspective as much as we can, we view the world and research it through that lens.
That's probably why there will never be a one size fits all type of advice, and that is the flaw of all of these methods, they will always fall short (some more than others) due to the very nature of the biases and blindspots all humans have.
They can still bring value in their own way, for those who are like minded- for obvious reasons, and for those who aren't, even just having this conversation has its own value.
Thanks again Alexa! Hope you're having an awesome day :)
@@whydelilah8565 I'm grateful for the exposure to the term and the ideas, honestly - I feel that more info and awareness is almost always a good thing if one is equipped to contextualize it, and it helps me go forward and communicate with more clarity!! So, thank you for this conversation!
I am neither young nor broke, but would find it unpalatable to spend what I see friends spending on beds. I like that you made yours! Living in the US, but aware that most of the world doesn’t have a bed frame. We gave away our bed (inherited from my grandma who was born around 1900), and chose to keep no beds, sleeping only on futon mattresses on the floor. The house is also hella cluttered lol, so I make no claims to having figured everything out! A kid frequently has that effect. 🥴🫠 Beds take up so much space, and I found this suited having an elderly dog and a baby-neither risked injury getting in and out. But I have done this for many years and plan to keep doing it even though my dog has died and my baby is now a kid. Love your channel! I am also the result of two cultures and can relate to your sense of exclusion and isolation. 👯♀️
I like your thoughts on this and I believe for many of us it’s exactly just that. The thought that goes into why we do things, why we shop and why we keep some things and not other things. All in all, different viewpoints are healthy for discourse and getting us all to think for ourselves which I believe is the main point of it all. As many have pointed out, questioning why we consume is presumably the main factor of why we are here commenting. The minimalists have their set of rules just as you have yours to tackle the emotional aspect of owning things. Because let’s face it, having things is a recreational activity for us as humans in lieu of going out hunting for food etc. it’s normal and natural to want to buy, collect etc, but the fact that a lot of us are questioning why is always a positive in order to make sense of our worlds. I want to own less and try to buy less as it causes great stress for me personally. I do not strive to be a minimalist but as my lifestyle for almost 15years has been to move around stuff gets extremely useless fast when I have to cart it around everywhere. But now that I am settled a bit more I find myself wanting beautiful things as I am a very visual person. But not too many due to the other factor that is stresses me and I do not like to contionsuly maintain a ton of stuff let alone clean up after it all the time. I do it to live an stress-free life with less cleaning. And hoping to save money. It’s very simple for me. But I understand everyone has their own perspective of it as we are all different individuals with different wants, needs and desires/lifestyles😊
Yes totally agree - while a lot of the "minimalist rules" may not actually work for me, I think they're still a positive resource if they guide people to think about these things more!!
At 15:00, isn't a waiting time still some kind of putting something on a wishlist? But whatever you call it, I usually that's what I usually do with my "impulse buys" which gives me time to (over-)think about it and in the best case do some tweaking and planning before actually buying. And it delay the moment when a fulfilled wish creats offspring, like Wilhelm Busch points out in a poem :-D
The lists value vs expensive, I think that shows how normalised many things in our lives are. A roof that doesn't leak? Heating that works? Access to transport? I think that's like the question whether money makes happy. In my opinion it mainly works in the opposite direction: things are more difficult if it's missing.
Waiting time and wishlists are similar for sure! But for me there's some psychological difference between having something "listed" or saved somewhere, than telling myself internally I have to wait to buy x item, and if I still remember it after 30 days or whatever I can get it, trusting my brain to remember without the list. And if I forget, it wasn't truly something I wanted. For some reason having it on a list makes it seem more important to me, and then if I did forget the thing but see it again on my "list" I might think I want it all over again. Could be a "me" problem though 😄
Here's another big fan of your cardigan! I agree with so much of what you said here! Thinking about the most expensive things I own (aside from our house), most of them are telescopes or astronomy related stuff. Many of my most wonderful memories are related to me having those things, even if with the weather here in the Netherlands I don't often get a chance to use them.
Oh and about the shiny expensive things that women get from men: there's a historical reason for that. Only a few decades ago, women were not even able to open a bank account without permission from their husband. So giving a woman an expensive piece of jewellery was a way of making sure that they would be OK if the man were to leave or worse.
Wow thanks for sharing that history, I didn't know! I think in this day and age it kind of doesn't hold water anymore, both because women can have bank accounts etc. as well as the fact that it's hard to get as much value for used jewelry, it feels like the markets are getting saturated with consumer goods in general...
Strawberry fields forever🍓
Just in the beginning, but for 1 i want to say that when i came to my conculsion that i wanted to actually declutter, just dont think alot about it helped alot. It also helped significantly to not repurchase anything. Because why would i ever spend more money on these things, when i so easily could declutter without any issue. I have felt alot after the declutter about how good it feels to not miss anything and not drag out the process. 2; yes i do look at my harddrive photo album 😂 i have probably ten photos left of pictures then rest is on my hard drive. I like the minimalists helpful guidelines alot, they helped me early on in my process.
That's great to hear that people do look at digital photos! Maybe I am just old fashioned in this area.
This is also an interesting approach to make it "easier" - not overthinking it...not to be ironic here, but I'll have to think about that a bit more 😆 so far I've been on the side of "thinking too much" to be sure about things, but I see your point too!
I agree with all your takes! We are very similar in being mothers of small children on conscious consumer journeys! And, like you, I've been interested in minimalism and consumed some UA-cam content on it. But my opinion is that there is definitely a lot of lifestyle stipulations and some privilege at play. I'm a rural, low income lifestyle type over here and the fact is we'd be shooting ourselves in the foot if we got rid of our junk! We build things and fix things without ever having to go to the store, thanks to a fantastic collection of useful odds and ends😂 minimalism might be for city dwelling folks that hire people to fix things?
Yes, it's amazing how often items you saved for 'just in case' come in handy. I use my old toothbrushes and things like that ALL THE TIME... they are very good for cleaning certain things.
Pictures on proper paper will last for a hundred years or more, while digital pictures need constant reformatting as technology changes the mediums we save them on.
I feel that the rule about listing out your 10 most expensive things versus the 10 things that add most value to your life is a little bit misunderstood here. I believe the point is that we should consider where we spend our money in relation to our true priorities/values. At least, this is my take.
Yes, a home is a necessity, but do I really need the 2,000 sq ft suburban home or can my family live happily in something smaller?
Yes, a car is a necessity depending on where you live/work but do I really need the newest model $50,000 SUV as opposed to a smaller used sedan?
Yes, I may love my $500 handbag but how much enjoyment do I get out of that as compared to sharing amazing experiences with a friend or loved one.
Money = time. That time/money could have been spent with our loved ones, on experiences that we will remember for a lifetime, or whatever else I might list as most important in my life, etc. In fact, for me, this idea is the actual motivation and at the very heart of becoming more minimalist.
You're probably right! I fully acknowledge that I am likely performing some kind of mental gymnastics here, or that my take is based on some skewed perceptions. But since I wasn't fully comprehensive in this video, I'll try to explain a bit more of these possibly skewed ideas as I'd love to try and break down the barriers to my understanding here 😄
I guess in my "practical experience" I'm not yet anywhere close to the stage where it really feels like money = time, even if that is the reality. Because we have the needs of a place to live, transportation, food, basic clothing, we have to have some kind of job, and without being self-employed, the job will largely dictate how we spend our time. And yes, if we spend less on these things that we need, we will have more to put towards retirement, vacations, etc, which are all examples of "quality time" that require money...or, not material possessions that we could be prioritizing.
But, the other thing is that even if I don't buy the big house, the nice car, the best viola - these are still my most expensive possessions, even if it's not $50,000 but rather $5,000-10,000...the material objects will mostly stay the same on my list (the ones that aren't true "needs" could go away, like jewelry, but mostly it's things I'd have to have to live or to do my job) and they are there because they DO bring some kind of value to my life by enabling me to do something I would like to do or that provides for my and my family's needs.
I agree with the concept of weighing up whether it's worth spending more on something vs. saving the money to buy quality time, but I struggle with applying it in practicality I guess.
I may have also been too literal with considering Joshua's own examples in the rulebook - yes they're activities that take time, but they're all activities that I would consider a part of what could be a normal day, (or normal weekend, assuming we have to have a job to cover basic necessities). They don't necessarily require a re-allocation of money to achieve, at least I would hope for most people these could be achieved without drastic measures. ("This list might include experiences like catching a sunset with a loved one, watching your kids play baseball, eating dinner with your parents, etc.")
It could also be that it's not about how expensive a possession is - because if I tallied up all the "things I bought that I didn't need to buy" and put that on the list, I perhaps am able to get more of the meaning that was intended with this rule! That the "things I bought" really aren't valuable and I could have considered whether I needed those purchases more carefully in favor of things I actually care about. And maybe it's as simple as that. Sorry for the long comment to get to this conclusion, but thank you for sparking the thinking 🙏
@@Alexas.nobuyyear I always appreciate your detailed responses. Maybe the true value of this "rule" (I would call it a "thought exercise" instead of a rule) is that it does cause us to reflect like this. I always enjoy hearing your take on things.
@@pamelapeterson2987 That's what the comment section can be used for :-)
Fun fact I also when I was young and broke did not have a bed and slepr on a folding matress on the floor. Kisses!
Nice to hear I'm in good company there 🤗
Me too! When I was young and broke in NYC, I slept on a box spring. Yup. Just the bottom part - no cushy mattress. Ah, youth!
Watching Drew Gooden's video on them really put me off these guys :( but very interesting to hear your thoughts on this!
Ooh I'm curious to go check that video out too now 👀
That was a brutal watch lol. Great recommendation!
Love the outfit😀😀
I agree with everything you said about rule #2 🤍