the dark side of pretty privilege that no one talks about.
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- Опубліковано 28 чер 2024
- I made a video about the benefits of pretty privilege about a month ago, which many of you seemed to like and agree with. However, I received a lot of comments that disagreed and believed that being pretty has a lot of disadvantages associated with it, so let's explore the negative side of pretty privilege and answer this question: is being beautiful a blessing or a curse?
my previous pretty privilege video: • IS PRETTY PRIVILEGE A ...
TIME STAMPS:
INTRODUCTION: 0:00
Reading comments from previous video: 0:43
Disclaimer (cuz I know yall like to tussle): 4:13
UNWANTED ATTENTION FROM MEN: 5:04
Case example: Tangshan Attack: 6:23
Quick story: getting approached by a creep: 9:03
do outfits matter?: experience being all dressed up versus casual clothes: 10:30
JEALOUS WOMEN: 11:46
story of a jealous/insecure friend: 13:38
Case example: woman poisons best friend because she is jealous: 16:03
PRESSURE TO MAINTAIN APPEARANCE: 16:51
quick work story about a trash manager: 18:09
pressure from the media: 18:43
New York Times article: 18:59
PERSONAL EXPERIENCES: 21:01
my co-workers think I've been "around": 21:24
fake friend wants me to look ugly: 23:26
FINAL THOUGHTS: Is beauty a curse or a blessing?: 26:17
sources:
video of Tangshan attack: • Footage of women's bea...
• The Price of Pretty Pr...
• Why You Have No Friend...
www.nytimes.com/2022/08/29/wo....
www.nytimes.com/2016/10/28/wo....
www.nytimes.com/2015/05/31/op...
www.sheknows.com/entertainmen...
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When you’re considered beautiful people feel entitled to you and your time and if you don’t oblige they immediately want to knock you off the pedestal they placed you on. Dating is hard too because like art, they want to possess you and show you off. They see you and place their own interpretation on who you are/who they think you should be and when they find out you’re your own person, it’s upsetting because now you’ve destroyed their illusion🥴 Let’s not even get started on the workplace politics of beauty…whew 😮💨
I love this comment right here!!!! this is the comment of the year!! I agree with you so much, when you do not oblige with what they want their first step is to knock you off the pedestal they placed you on based solely on your looks. And I have had certain experiences with guys who are just interested in showing me off to their friends to show they bagged a "baddie" its a struggle out here!!
@@NkirukasWrld keep your beautiful head up and thank you for presenting both sides of this topic 🫶🏽
yeah, the sad reality is that it raises a man's 'status' or respect they receive from other men when they have an attractive woman on their arms. It could feel a little demeaning and the pressure to look good and keep this up is real@@NkirukasWrld
This I am a man, and I will acknowledge that I have pretty privilege and I noticed at work, a lot of people take a lot of time with small talk and flirting and don’t make it discrete either
I hate when that manipulation tactic is used..who gives a fuck if they knock me off a pedestal I never wanted to BE on... Why would I want to be admired by every and any random person??
This is why I'm kind to pretty women.... most of them nice... gotta protect my girls... like its not their fault they were born pretty
Youre such a sweet person.
I wish we had more people like you in this world.
Same ❤
It is the Man that is the Protector. * Furthermore as a Real Woman I do not particularly care rather for other females.
I am enough Woman for the World. *
That’s why i changed my friend group because insecure people are dangerous
Facts
Deadly
Yes,you're right! I had a friend who I knew since we were children and she constantly made indirect mean comments to me. We're no longer friends
❤👏🏾
Nah fr. Jealousy is actually a scary thing sometimes. An insecure individual will put you in a dangerous situation and try to ruin your life from the inside out. My brothers ex best friend was turning everyone in my brothers life against him behind his back, all because he was jealous.
the worst thing is how sometimes, some of your girlfriends get jealous of you and even think you're going to steal their man or crush simply because you're pretty!
Right I had this happen in the past to an ex friend I told her girl your man is trash inside and out…he tried to get with me I rejected him I showed her the dms she felt stupid..cut her off right after
The sad thing is, I have found myself avoiding meeting peoples’ significant others in the first few months of them dating because I want to avoid this exact situation. They’re like why don’t you want to meet my boyfriend?? and I’m like because I don’t want us all to have to deal with that yet 😬 this only happens with my less secure friends, but it is definitely a thing that I have to be mindful of. And then that just creates a barrier between me and my friends, it’s awkward.
I wouldst not call that a worst thing. As a Real Woman I do naturally rather Love the MEN !*
you sound delusional😵💫
Girl so true and the star being mean to you I work in a restaurant the just don’t like wen the men talk to me like I can even smiley
Idk, as an “ugly duckling” I still think the benefits outweigh the challenges when it comes to being pretty. Yes there are issues but the fact is my life is much easier now that I’m considered attractive by society than it was when I was not, period.
There are a LOT of benefits to being attractive. and I used to be quite ugly growing up lol so I see a stark difference between how i was treated then versus now. With all that being said i agree, there's more benefits to being deemed attractive.
Obviously
I believe the benefits are relative because I hate mine.
There’s nothing beneficial about being seen as an object who will still lose value the moment you develop one wrinkle but good for you for finding happiness
@@re-newed5312I think it's like being wealthy. Yes, you have to pay more attention to who you trust with your finances and look out for people who just want to use you for your money. But poverty? Worrying about your next meal or hoping you don't get sick so you don't die? That's worse.
As a person who is average and my best friend is really attractive she gets harassed badly 💔💔 being pretty is a privilege but it can be a curse in disguise
Loved both of your videos
Thanks for watching my videos, I am so glad you enjoyed them but I am so sorry to hear that about your friend. I feel like being pretty is an advantage when you know how to play the game unfortunately.
I feel like on the base level, the privilege is very much enjoyed: the confidence and self love that comes with being especially beautiful is important first and foremost because it lets you relax a little and enjoy your natural self and focus on other things because... well you got it covered.
The value is priceless if you enjoy your reflection first and foremost. I get we call it a privilege because overall, in the societal sense, you do get better treatment/access to relationships you want/jobs/opportunity.
But I think the most important privilege in this world is to have good morale and self belief. You need audacious qualities and confidence to move up in the world, to look at yourself and feel like it’s an extension of your standards and artistic vision for this finite life.
Its not just about the predictable moves and trappings of beauty like hypergamy, climbing up the social class’ and just being transactional with your looks, but being comfortable with yourself and finding independence safely. Beauty is currency and a good buffer to connect confidently with people.
I get some pretty girls are dysmorphic and carry a lot of anxiety still, but even with my own dysmorphia I can recognize when good facial harmony or nice features are displayed. My very real flaws are exaggerated and overblown in my head, I might not be that bad/just normal pretty, but i don’t see me grouped with the supermodels of the world.
I’d take the privilege just so I can enjoy being in my own skin and the freedom of expression that brings: Taking a picture, being comfortable on camera, enjoying certain silhouettes in clothing, styling my hair certain ways, doing complementary makeup. That’s a gift, honestly.
There’s always a watershed moment in life where people disappoint or hurt you no matter how you look. Ignorance will always be present, people who only centre themselves and don’t experience sonder so they’ll remain hurtful and unable to see others as dimensional people. No nuance just walking stereotypes.
life carries these inevitable hurtful events to us and I’d rather the reason behind it be because I have a positive trait and not dehumanized over not being beautiful enough to deserve respect. Such a vapid world and it’s all so transitory but we still cling desperately to these social politics and biases.
It’s sad that many attractive people feel the need to be reclusive and cautious going out in public, because jerks will feel entitled to them and it’s an unpredictable world. It really is like a honey trap where you only attract the worst kinds of people that just want to take when you’re especially pretty, luckily those kinds of people are obviously horrible and you can weed them out, but I digress.
@@surette2012 how validating ! Thank you. /s
@@surette2012 You can do all of the things you have described - you can become more confident on camera, style your hair and learn to do your makeup. The problem is when you are comparing yourself to the "supermodels" of the world and creating a narrative that they are the only ones capable of being confident and happy with themselves. You even admit that not all pretty girls are confident which shows that confidence and high-self esteem comes from within. It doesn't matter what you look like, if you don't have that self-love no amount of compliments will be enough. Also, when your life is centred around your looks, you are more likely to be hyper-critical of yourself in fear of losing this privilege which can create insecurity. Many people make the mistake of creating a narrative in their heads that being more attractive will magically fix all of their problems in life. I am NOT denying that pretty privilege exists. It is very real and I perfectly understand how being more conventionally attractive would help get to that place of confidence and high-self esteem a lot easier . However, I strongly believe that this level of self-love and high self-esteem is achievable for most people. The thing is, it would definitely takes more mental effort and commitment which not everyone is willing to put in which is why not everyone gets there in the end which is a true shame. We only have one life and one body which is why i firmly believe that everyone should see their bodies as an extension of your standards and artistic vision in your words, regardless of how they look. Although I will admit that this is easier said than done depending on your perception of yourself. Confidence in your appearance is not reserved only for the conventionally attractive at all. It just requires the ability to detach from society's standards and not allowing it to influence how much you value yourself which like I said may require a lot of mental effort - daily positive affirmations, self-care e.t.c over a long period of time but it is very achievable imo for most people.
People often seem to forget that ugly women get harassed too. Men feel as if they shouldn’t refuse and they think that ugly women should be glad someone is paying attention to them. Sexual harassment, objectification and being a victim of disgusting misogynists isn’t a pretty girl exclusive thing. It happens to other type of women too. Let’s keep that in mind.
I would like to also add another point to the dark side of pretty privilege some women befriend you to elevate their attraction to appeal to certain men because they feel like the attention that women will receive will trickle down to them. It's like they are in silent competition with that woman. I've been enjoying your videos. Keep up the good work.
Yesssss!!!! I’ve seen that too! I don’t want to name any names but my friend befriended these two girls and everything was cool until my friend started noticing those girls behaving weirdly around her boyfriend. They would call him attractive to his face, slightly touch his arm and at my friends bday dinner they was focused on just talking to my friend’s boyfriend! Then later we found out that both of them thought he was attractive and wanted him😐it was very obvious they was friends with my girl to get closer to her man🙄
Also thank you so much for watching my videos 😭😭😭I appreciate it sooooo much omg thank you thank you thank you!
Yup they will befriend you as an Access door or anaccessory. Once they typically get the man, they want their online crying about how they don't have any bridesmaids.😅
And then the mask come down and the jealousy comes out
YES YES YES YES YES!!! I watched this happen to my bestie on many occasions and had to warn her that some of these girls are shallow based on this!!! Turns out I was right.
This is even worse when your at work, I remember being like 17 and working as a cashier and a man taking pictures of me thinking I didn’t notice. And this is constant by older man too. I feel young pretty women are especially harassed.
That is so creepy!!! That is terrible you had to go through that, the same thing happened to me when I was 16! I had so many creepy male customers who would constantly flirt with me and i was young and thought i had to be nice to every customer so it was a struggle back in the day ughhhh
Eyup, I got targeted by a group of construction workers fresh out of highschool. They ate at the restaurant I worked at because they happened to be working nearby, and they'd do things to make it more likely I'D serve them. So they could harrass and oogle me more despite being twice my age and me wearing a frumpy and loose uniform.
People are just vile.
Oh my gosh yes that is horrible but extremely common
I feel like that sort of thing is sadly common for average girls too. I have heard many similar expeirmces or even more confrontational harassment, I've noticed it's especially common when teenage girls work minimum wage jobs or intern. These boys and men really need to be called out more and punished by society to tackle this problem.
Stop the cap. Focus on those female junior high teachers who are having babies with babies.
Is pretty privilege real? Absolutely. Its a blessing and a curse. Marilyn monroe once said you would not just marry a girl because she is pretty but it does help. Marilyn knew the power of beauty and she used it to her full advantage.
What she said was a line from a movie though, "How to Marry a Millionaire" It's not a quote that personally came from her point of view
@@chicanapunkLA yeah I know that however what she said was still True.
And Marilyn herself was pretty much exploited her whole life just because of her looks. She deserved better :(
@@chicanapunkLA it was her line towards the end of "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes", not "How to Marry a Millionaire".
@chicanapunkLA the film was Gentlemen prefer Blondes.
I also think pretty privilege is different for black & brown women/girls. Beautiful black women are seen as promiscuous/heavily sexualized, whereas beautiful white women are held in higher regard (Even if they have an OF page, or sleep around). It's infuriating actually, especially because in college it was always the white girls who partied the hardest, drank the most, and slept around most. I've noticed white women can sleep around throughout their teens/early adulthood, and have multiple boyfriends without being slut shamed (people don't automatically assume they're promiscuous), but then people see a pretty black girl who's a virgin and they'll assume the absolute worst about her. From a young age blac girls are heavily sexualized, told not to wear the same things little white girls can wear, told they're "dirty" for having crushes on boys, or that they're being "fast" just by being girly.
When I was 17 I got huge breasts overnight. I was a pretty girl with waist length hair and now these huge distractions. My whole life I got lots of attention from men (there was no way to hide), and lots of hate from women. The attention was scary because many men wanted to touch me. The sad thing is I didn’t realize I was getting hate from women, until I got a breast reduction and the hate literally stopped and I no longer got the sneers and mean comments. I don’t call what I had ‘pretty privilege’, but I can see how being in an extreme category can get you negative and scary attention along with the perks. I certainly don’t expect anyone to feel sorry for me.
You have just given me a realisation. I made a friend in college who had very large breasts, and she seemed to really appreciate that I treated her ok, she would mention how I was kind a lot. At the time I thought it was a generic comment and maybe because I am polite but now I am realizing that she probably faced a lot of poor treatment from other girls/women, so me just not actively being horrible seemed like being kind!
Also I feel sorry for you, just because you didn't experience the worst thing ever doesn't erase your negative experiences, it was still bad and worthy of sympathy.
It is exhausting having no one to confide in about those issues because everyone thinks it's conceited. Imagine being constantly aware of the constant snide comments and bullying that EVERYONE thinks is perfectly fine because you're pretty. Not all ppl are jealous but when they are, and they're spreading lies and turning people against you, nobody will believe you if you speak about it. You never get defended by anyone bc they all assume anything bad they hear about you is true since "pretty girls are mean girls" Even therapists think it's fine. Like that translates to resources or something. Like it means you're rich or emotionally immune to insults. Whether or not you actually have any friends depends on whether or not someone decided you made them so insecure that they felt like making up lies about you or sabotaging you. And you roll this dice every single day. Such a joke. You are gaslit your entire life
RIP boobies 😢
It’s so wrong that some women have to permanently surgically alter themselves to be treated like more than a pair of boobs. God bless
Attention from a Man is perfectly normal and natural. That is a Man being a Man. Rather than a freaky radical lbtq person. Females that art scared of Men art rather the weird ones. Within the past, Women rather welcomed and were flattered by Male attentions. Twas rightly so, rather. I am a Real Woman. A pretty girl. A Man Lover. * I do not particularly care rather about other females.
There’s definitely also a male pretty privilege as well.
Yes! It has its perks it’s just like when your trying to just buy your groceries and the cashier is flirting with you and making small talk, I have had random women who were in line with me buy me groceries when I had lived in Seattle
This vid is about women.
Absolutely! Dated an attractive man for five years and let’s just say that he got away WITH A LOT 😂 fun times though
Yea I think men have even more pretty privilege
No. Men art not pretty. Men art good looking, rather.
People thinking youre mean because they assumed because THEY think youre pretty, you should be happy all the time and availble to them 24/7.
Everything is like a coin, there are 2 sides-
drawbacks and advantages.
100%, I do feel that pretty privilege has more advantages than drawbacks though
@@NkirukasWrld Yh but I do feel like getting attacked for just saying no to someone is so disturbing to even think about. I personally think its both drawbacks and advantages. Because imagine you got a job at a high paying office obviously due to your appearance but everyday you get harassed by men there and the women there hate you and are jealous of you because of how you look. So, A. you're getting high paying job opportunities that set u for life and the only reason you are is because you're attractive so you're basically set for life no stress no nothing. But then there's B. everyday you're constantly harassed and beaten because of how you look and you don't even have genuine friends because all women you come across immediately hate you. So it seems like there's disadvantages and drawbacks but for me I think it has more drawbacks because I wouldn't want to be harassed everyday at work (and other places) and sometimes even beaten because of my attractiveness. Hope you understood.
as someone who’s been considered pretty all my life i can say pretty privileged has a good side but also bad one, i’ve been chased down on the street, hated on and bullied, i’ve had a crazy amount of fake friends, being sexualized to a point i’ve never had a partner cause it feels like nobody wants me as a person but as a trophy, i was stalked for four years by a guy and all these years i’ve never felt like i could speak on it (still don’t) without it looking like i’m bragging or i’m full of myself, so i’m glad you made a video about this, it’s good to see i’m not alone lol
As someone who is considered as very pretty even when i dont wear make up... it comes with a Lot of privileges but the downside to it is the entitlement people have over my personal space. The amount of stares and catcalling i get. The stares come from both men and women. It gets so bad that my friends literally have to double check and look at me to see if there is something wrong with me. My friend always asks me how it feels to walk and people are just staring. Men have grabbed me, whispered in my ear.
Makes me miss social distancing. The only time I had space in a looooooooong time 😂
I’m so sorry
This older guy was walking towards me, and literally was 1 inch away from kissing me. Like walking by. Excuse me SIR
Me TOO! Girl, your comment sounds so freakishly familiar to my same daily experiences! I don't even have a single female friend who gets the same constant attention and constant staring so they don't get it!! Most "normal" even somewhat attractive women I know don't get it and just laugh!!! I feel so mistrustful of men and so isolated from my female friends!!! 😢
@@samanthapoole212Omg they always do this. I HATE when they cross our physical boundaries at random!!! Happens to me even 8 times a day in the WINTER!!! Fuck my life in the summer.
You get harassed and stalked ALOT! I’ve had to put out 3 restraining orders on men at old jobs that would follow me home an stalk me on social media. Women also hate you, like a lot.
Those are not women people act from their childhood wounds instead of being adult women or men...these were definitely not women tho...wounded children at best
Insecure women*
Attention from a Man is not a bad thing for a Real Woman.* Rather.
True alottttttttttt ...thank god this is being discussed
@@kiranjitKaur61harassment and fearing for your life is bad for everyone. To be honest.
I totally agree with this video. I've had a lot of "friends" that I've had to let go of because of the jealousy issues. When I was in highschool there was this group of girls that always talked bad about me and gave me dirty looks everytime I wore a cute outfit or had my curly hair was looking real good (our school had uniforms and on special days we wore regular clothes) I eventually learned to sticked to my group of friends which are really good people and ignore everyone else. I've also had random men touch me inappropriately in public since I was a child and have been SA'd a few times.
Thing is I find myself a very average looking person, so if these things happen to me, I couldn't stomach things that happen to really pretty people. Stay safe to whoever reads this❤️
Oh my god that’s so sad . My friends in high school used to say my twin sister and I didn’t have any friends just because we always say next to each other at recess and lunch time . One time our friends offered us to sit with them . Did you tell your parents about the men touching you in public ?
lol...seems like the problem is other women and the competition they "feel" they'll experience when it comes to "who could get the Man". That's an inside problem between women...Men have nothing to do with it, and if women "feel" we Men do, get ugly surgery and reverse what you all perceived to be the problem, that being what you see in the mirror...YOU 😎
@@minatran3652She didn't say she was touched...what she said was that Men "wanted to touch her" and with that being said, it's what she FELT they wanted to do which is based on her feelings. No touch...is no touch. Now...women are and have always touched Men without our consent. Now what?
Oh ok . I didn’t know that some women touch men without their permission.
@@minatran3652 ...been going on since forever, don't know how ya didn't know this fact, it's something y'all have become very accustomed to doing.
I definitley have tons of anxiety due to being pretty. I don't feel safe walking outside alone, girls have been extremely catty towards me, and I feel the need to always feel the need to keep up with my looks. It's a blessing and a curse, I enjoy the perks, but the isolation can be miserable. I love the girlfriends I've made but I feel like sometimes my looks get in the way sadly. I just want more lady friends.
I know how you feel
I grew up in a different time - no such thing as “me too” back then. The stories I could tell.
Anyway, if you were pretty, the business world automatically thought you didn’t have a brain. You had to work extra hard to prove your abilities . . . and to prove you deserved promotions, etc vs getting them because of looks.
Ugly and average looking women get sexually harassed too, raped, objectified and are victims of misogyny from men. I have several of such experiences as an unattractive woman, so do other women who are like me.
Also, studies show that pretty people experience the halo effect; being perceived to be better in all aspects than their less attractive counterparts. This includes intelligence. If you’re pretty, people are more likely to think you’re smart.
And even after you got the accolades & positions you deserved, people still had their ideas about how you "really" got there. It sucks/ed.
It’s still like that for the most part. There are rare exceptions
The 90s were a better time…
O the blonde and big breast so they are dumb kinda thing? I have heard about it so much but never understood what that even means 😅
lol depends, if you are really pretty, you can be fully clothed, wearing nothing revealing and still get a tonne of attention. Strangers like to stare at you eat etc
So true am very modest. Sometimes l wish l could go back in time where l was a unattractive.
@@kheleecebrown1799i am sry, if that is u in ur profile pic, u r not that pretty
Literally. I was in Mc Donald’s work clothes and was being harassed and hit on by customers 😂
@@kheleecebrown1799it’s very easy to become unnattrative
I totally agree with the creepy parts. Like for me, I’m 18 years old and a few times a week I tend to have older men (35+ year olds) trying to hit on me and it makes me REALLY UNCOMFORTABLE and I don’t know how to stop it. They do this while I’m working too, it’s so weird
i can’t lie, i had to stop myself from getting jealous of your looks 😂 but in all seriousness, what an excellent and important video! i’ve seen my beautiful friends go through the most horrendous experiences and i think this is something that isn’t talked about enough! subscribed 💗
Awww you shouldn't be gworl haha, you look so pretty! but thank you so much for watching I am so happy you liked the video!! I am so sorry to hear that your friends have to go through that, its a tough world out here for women!!
I’ve had to deal with the jealousy of their females since I was a child. I’ve had multiple girls pretend to be my friend and maliciously sabotage me & use my weaknesses against me bc they secretly hated me. Since elementary school I recall a girl comparing her looks to mine, hating on me & telling me that I would become ugly. I had a girl in hs admit she only wanted to be friends with me bc she thought I was pretty & then she backstabbed me & made my life hell. She set me up with an older man in his 20s who was a pedophile and specifically sought hs girls. I didn’t know what I was getting into and he sexually abused me. I also had a stepmom who was disgusting towards me & groomed me. She used to tell me how beautiful I was and how creepy ppl are attracted to good looking ppl.. only for her to be disgusting and creepy towards me. I had no idea what was going on until my adulthood. She also ruined my life.
I lacked social skills growing up. I can from a toxic household with emotionally immature parents who were divorced. I didn’t learn self confidence or preservation. I had to go through so many creepy situations & learn on my own how to protect myself. I feel like I attracted the worst kinds of ppl & brought the worst out of them. Now that I’m in my 30s, I’ve learned to pick up on the jealousy and contempt of other women. That being said, as you expressed, I still would rather be pretty than not. I probably did experience some privileges too, like getting in for free to clubs or free drinks, but not anything that affected me as substantially as the malicious energy I attracted.
I believe as an attractive woman you have to be stronger & confident, and most importantly able to discern what others want from you. It’s taken so much heartbreak for me to eventually learn how and when to disengage from others who don’t actually have my best interests at heart and just want to use me. As an adult, I attracted “friends” easily but had to learn the hard way which friends were only superficial. Being beautiful isn’t for the faint of heart imo- it puts a target on your back. I understand diff ppl have diff experiences- it’s great that you primarily experienced the positives, and you seem like a confident woman who doesn’t take shit from ppl. I wasn’t growing up and am still struggling with working on my self confidence, which I can imagine would also make me more susceptible to experiencing the downsides of pretty privilege.
Wow. I'm sorry you had to grow up in that environment, especially at home. We've all bumped into pathetic creeps in some points in our life. And I'm just 18 like they're everywhere. But backhanded hate from females sounds bad. But your soul is the most beautiful for pushing through all that.
That's horrible. How can someone have gone that far? I'm glad you're fine now. In most cases I have seen, the girls are kidnapped and killed, or abused for years. Still, it's so sad what happened.
❤❤❤
I relate to you so much... I think pretty privilege and its advantages are definitely bonuses for children of good, stable families .. because the parents can instill confidence and self worth and defense mechanisms for the child. But growing up in a broken household, where your parents are abusive, is breeding ground to grow up as prey to predators and evil people who are jealous because you're pretty or want to damage you because you're pretty or want to possess you because you're pretty ... And in those situations with no social skills, self worth or defense mechanisms one goes through hell...
I literally stopped dressing up…people always wanna comment on my looks. When I dress up daggers when I don’t I get ridiculed. Also the bullying in adulthood…chile it’s weird
I know many aren’t going to relate to this, but being a pretty/attractive guy is also burdensome. What’s worse is that you get none of the privilege, but all of the unwanted attention from women and creepy men. And it’s true what many say here, people want you to be what they want you to be or they’ll do all they can to knock you down.
I always wanted to believe I’m in the same boat as other guys and that we all look average, but even amongst my friends I always stand out even they tell me I’m really not like them and that I have it easier, which I don’t btw. I always want to be liked for who I am, instead of being given unwanted attention because of my looks. And for a long time I wasn’t even allowed to compliment myself because it would be deemed pretentious. So at some point, I decided f*** it I guess I’m pretentious because I genuinely love lifting my spirit when I’m constantly being torn down.
It’s because of this life experience I too choose to be kind to attractive women, and also average looking women because I believe beauty is grace and not aesthetic.
Let's be friends ♥️
I loveeeee that you are receptive to nuances. It's so refreshing to see. Balanced conversations are quite rare these days especially when a youtuber presents a topic. Never be one-sided with a conversation as big as this. Thank you for that❤
I appreciate that so much! I try my best to see all sides of the perspectives before making my opinion! i also want everyone to hear both sides before making their own opinions. Thank you so much for watching the video, i really hope you enjoyed it!
23:05 that is so true like I’ve realised that when men and women see pretty girls they immediately think they are full of themselves, easy and hoes and from personal experience I’ve heard this before until they realise I’m actually really nice but extremely shy but at that point I don’t even want to speak to them cause they already made a judgement about me based on how I look 😒. I remember starting year 10 in a new school and all the girls hated me instantly because of the side eyes the attitude towards me, were talking behind my back and I was the new girl I could see them doing it and as they got to know me they said yeh we thought you were a “conceited bitch but you aren’t ” I no longer speak to these women 😅
Ah yeah, the old "I thought you were a jerk, but you're actually really nice!". It's like, nice your opinion changed but why did you assume that in the first place?
@@edotori091 I know how this feels 😔
You literally have to be a witch to survive the hatred. You think because you get older it goes away..NOOO. They call you old and try to find something wrong with you to make themselves feel better. The only way to deal with it is to be a witch. When you call them out, the clam up and play dumb and their whole attitude change. Ignoring them is a no no.I feel for other women as well, any woman thats being treat badly 😢
I love that you mentioned being a witch to survive! It is nothing short of spiritual warfare, because beauty is so coveted, and people stare with such hatred and vitriol. People think the attention beautiful people get is good, no, sometimes it is downright evil! That’s how I got into witchcraft and spirituality, because I would go outside and the looks made me feel like I was dying, they cut right through me. I could feel my nervous system shutting down. It started to feel so dangerous. My protection spells helped me, along with prayer and meditation. I’m a beginner and I’m not even good at it, but it’s helping me gain some control and safety. Also, I’ve been getting into energy work, and when I recognize the shit energy people send my way, I send it right back in the moment and I just watch their reaction. Priceless! Stop shooting daggers at people and expecting it not to get deflected right back at you!
As a pretty woman, we all need bodyguards and strong wealthy protective men who will marry us and make life easy
I've been through a lot as an attractive, young and vulnerable woman. I'm so grateful my husband gave me a life where I can feel safe in my femininity.
Amen to this! 🎉
I disagree, I think only pretty women need strong wealthy men. The rest need to either get pretty or protect themselves
My partner is a 300lb tough body type and they have protected me from so many creeps
@@unionunicorn6776 Love that for you baby girl. To the life of leaving the house with a purse that contains nothing but lipgloss only coz daddy got you 🤣✨
@@sjejsj7615 this is such a sad comment, hope u get better one day
It can be exhausting just trying to exist when no matter how nice you are, quiet, non attention seeking, helpful, kind it never seems to be enough to satiate some people.
Your correct. I can literally be wearing sweatpants or be dressed up the creeps be creeping
In my experience pretty privilege has been nothing but sexual harrasment since i was 14. Not a flex people think it is. Live for you❤
Thank you so much for sharing this message. I have a pretty friend who so lonely. Not only are women often offended by you, but your “dating options” often include someone else’s man. Plus, men often mistreat her to break her spirit assuming she’s spoiled. I’ve noticed she has to go out of her way and dress down to “prove” she’s nice. When it comes to work, she gets picked easily, but it’s usually by toxic people who only hire her for her beauty and get surprised when she’s also smart. She’s hardly ever taken seriously. In the end, pretty privilege often opens doors that you might not want to walk through. These women are just people. I wish the phrase “pretty privilege” would just go away. They just want a joyful life just like anyone else.
Girl yes!! You’re so right when you mentioned cutting out jealous friends. I had a best friend/roommate who would take any opportunity to poke fun at me and embarrass me whenever she got the chance. She loved to put me down in front of other ppl, but I never let it get to me because I knew it was coming from a place of insecurity. I did have to eventually move out because she became weirdly obsessed with me and hated the man I was dating at the time and it was WAY too much. We are no longer friends and I am fine with that.
I always let jealous people know that I'm aware of them and that I don't want anything from them. When they notice that I'm aware of their behaviour and I'm being stand-offish against them severely, they suddenly don't know how to act, and as result, they get very insecure 😄
Like what do you say? How do you word it, I need help lol
men have ALWAYS tried and usually succeeded in making me feel like I owe them my body. We usually don’t wanna be bothered goin about our lives. This girls smart and makes a lot of good points. Very well spoken. I have face tattoos and people always staring and complimenting me when i wish I was invisible and did my tattoos for myself.
That's interesting. As a young woman, 22, who is not attractive and looks older than 22, I've always wanted to experience being attractive. I'm on the far opposite of the spectrum. I get completely ignored, I'm invisible to people. Walking down the street, people don't even make eye contact, they pass by, expressionless. At the park, I'll sit and read, people and their kids will walk right around me, almost as if they're passing through me. I've never gotten male attention outside of the internet, or 60y+ yr old men at walmart. Sometimes I'm glad I'm invisible, I can lose myself in my thoughts, go for walks outside alone in the evening, and not have to worry much about anyone bothering me. But women also ignore me. The truth is, even ugly people don't want to be around ugly people. Making friends with other women is hard if you aren't attractive. People aren't drawn to you if you're ugly. You have to try 10x harder than everyone else to keep someone's attention, to get a text back, to be confident. Being ugly is putting your all into your hair, makeup, and outfit, and still not being half as pretty as the attractive girl. I'm invisible, at least people look at you. Did you know when you see ugly people, your brain subconsciously blots them out of your mind because it can trigger the same part of the brain responsible for pain? Being an ugly woman is living life on Xtreme hard mode.
Can you do a video on the levels of pretty privilege I’ve seen girls get rappers and NBA players any guy they want with pretty privilege? I feel like there’s levels to it ya know? From a social media standpoint, to work place , to everyday can you please do a video on the levels of pretty privilege? That nobody talks about I’ve seen girls get celebrities like rappers, NBA players liking their post and dming them based on how they look and pretty privilege? Can you do a video and dive into that and discuss that with us I feel like that would be an entertaining conversation that everybody including myself would enjoy and girl u gained a new subscriber!
That is a really interesting idea so thank you so much for sharing. I did not even think of that but your right there are levels to being pretty and being able to use your looks to your advantage. And I have heard of so many girls on Instagram getting DMed by rich/famous men because they think they are pretty, its crazy! Also, thank you so much for subbing!!! Just made my day:)
Yes! I've always wanted to hear someone else perspective on this. Because there are definitely levels. Some women have men buying them private Islands whereas others have men buying them drinks at some club.
I hope this doesn’t get taken the wrong way but I circled back to this video after watching it yesterday because of an incident that happened with a girl at work today. There are levels to pretty
privilege. And there are differences in treatment depending on just exactly how pretty you are. There have been times like today where I literally walk into a room and be minding my own business not bothering anyone and some woman somewhere feels the need to come remind me that I ain’t shit. And I know exactly why they do this.
Yes ! Because I work in education and as someone with pretty privilege I notice it presents differently in that field than in any other field
This might be a dumb idea but also what if she did a video on different types of “pretty privileges” people can receive? Because I notice not everyone experiences it the same, yes it can be similar but ultimately someone who looks naturally more intimidating but pretty would get treated differently compared to someone who has a more “doll face” or “classically feminine” type of beauty, and something I don’t see often is how beauty privilege affects women who are more androgynous, or unconventional looking but are still pretty, as it’s always been people attaching pretty privilege to a more conventional archetype of what’s considered beautiful today and only that archetype. I mean I get that’s the point, you receive pretty privilege mainly for being conventionally attractive but I’m just curious on the narrative of, again, how specific beauty archetypes can affect how you’re treated in general. is there a type of archetype of beauty that gets harassed more than the others? One that naturally gets more respect? What are the downfalls of each? What are the benefits? What if we expanded and go more into how the LGTBQ could play into this as well? Such as butch lesbians, masc women, studs, ect.? Especially since I notice all of this is in a more heteronormative narrative as well. Sorry if this is a dumb idea but it’s just been something on my mind lately because the only real studies or things I’ve been able to find that expand on this are the “feminine archetypes” and QQOVES (I think that’s how you spell it)
True- it is not fun to deal with sexual harassment over and over again
It is a lonely life! Not only women is showing jealousy, I have been dating guys who were resentful because it! They hate i got attention! Work place is a nightmare; does not matter how competent and experienced you are, no promotions, no mentoring! They have you stocked!
What people don't realize is that being pretty comes with a lot more SH and SA. According to the data attractive people are more likely to experience these things. At the end of the day, no matter how many privileges afforded to pretty women, we are still living in a patriarchal society where by and large women hold less power over their lives and will still be subjected to a b u s e.
I love Rotten Mango too, she is who I listen to when I’m at work, I enjoy her podcast
Yup I started watching her a couple months ago and I am obsessed! Its perfect for my long car rides homes:)
I had a friend who is extremely attractive. I was the less attractive friend. We went to a bar and this random dude was like "Oh wow she is so much prettier than you!" I immediately felt so embarrassed. Later that night he starting hitting on me. "You're actually kinda sexy." Haha he would compliment me but would emphasize the "kinda." 🤦♀️ Long story short my friend got harassed alot. We were at a pizza shop and this married dude was hitting on her, blantany told her he was married and when she got upset and started to yell we got kicked out. She definitely had pretty privilege and it honestly works out to her advantage because she is very emotional unstable and would get away with alot of drama solely due to her appearance. Great video gurlll. 🙌👏👏I've really enjoyed reading the comments and hearing people's perspectives.
As a man, I can tell you that "Oh wow she is so much prettier than you!" is almost bullying and body shaming. That's so cringy.
I've always seen myself as normal, but I've come to know I'm conventionally attractive due to the attention I get from men... and the random hate I get from women (including "friends"). My biggest pain right now is finding genuine loving female friendships. I'm a girls girl and love to see my girlfriends feeling their best and getting the love and attention they deserve. HOWEVER, I find myself continuously becoming friends with very insecure women who end up hating me due to the attention I get while out or online. What's wild is I'm a pretty chill and sometimes shy girl. I don't look or ask for attention. The videos I post online are about self-care, and no thirst traps. What is there to hate??? And where are the women who enjoy seeing other women bloom, look their best, and feel their most confident without feeling insecure about themselves??? I know I can't be the only one?! I just wish I could find other women with the same mindset. Being a "pretty" woman is not always easy when it comes to making girlfriends.
👋🏾 hey same same same ❤ I figured it out, they’re re jealous. Your just doing you and self care is self love they don’t have it. Not your fault! I wanna see the self care videos 👀❤❤❤❤
pookie, my favorite way to get rid of mean girls (bc i cant take nothing seriously) is just to like flirt with them, especially if they straight, like huney boo why u talk about me so much u r obsessed u r in love
Why?
Same story here😭 Idk why I keep attracting insecure and jealous women in my life.
@@Wheezer_stinky Thank you so much for this! I know I'm replying weeks later lol, but I really appreciate this advice. I actually am planning on moving soon to a new city and this is exactly what I plan to do! Join group activities, dance classes, workout classes like tennis etc and I'm sure I will find some genuine girls who have a similar mindset and values as me. I'm finally coming into my own and am confident with what I want out of life, so that will help to narrow down the types of people I socialize with. I used to socialize with everyone and anyone out of desperation to have friends. But over the past 3 years I've enjoyed my own company more and realized it's not worth it if the company you keep doesn't share your values and reciprocate your love etc. So yeah.. taking all of this into account and wishing you the best on your journey in life.
As someone who gained pretty privilege in like , my late years of highschool (im a junior in college now) , the most negative experience I’ve gotten is hating, jealousy and cattiness from other women. And not to toot my own horn but I’m a very humble and sweet person who doesn’t brag about my looks or act cocky. but because I’m confident and nice women like that were the main ones who hatedddd me bc of that.
i used to be an ugly ducking growing up, I got bullied for having a mustache (I was in 1st grade) and later on in life when I was turning into a teenager and maturing, it was honestly a shock how open and known pretty privilege is and how ppl have no shame with it. I used to be a side friend who would be used for other ppl to look better and now that I finally am fitting the beauty standards it's crazy how everyone switches up. So many times, I've gotten free stuff, discounts, and more. Yeah, sure sometimes pretty privilege is somewhat of a useful thing to have but you also get harassed in so many terrible ways. I've been used to be shown off, used for my body, and more. It NEEDS to be talked about how people WITH pretty privilege isn't always a blessing.
I understand how this feels. I experienced catcalling almost all the time when I get out of the house looking put together. It scared me and after a while, it was really draining to fight off that attention.
It made me resorted to stop wearing dresses and skirts and chopping off my long hair. Once I went back to wearing t-shirt and baggy jeans, short bob cut, men started to ignore me again and women treating me decently.
P/s: I'm living in South East Asia.
Being touched at a young age is a downside of being pretty.
YEP 😔
@@bm5_5_5 💯💯💯
Finally 😭 this is what I had always said! People can assume you usually do get positive attention and act the opposite out of spite. I’m blonde though, something I feel society has been brainwashed to make assumptions about.
I really appreciate your video and sharing your stories. And not just pretty women but all woman need to be careful when they’re with a man they don’t know too well. There’s men out there who would harass you no matter what you look like, young and old. Always make sure you’re in a public place during first dates.
I found your channel yesterday and have been loving the content. I know you’re probably not interested in making a counterpart video about being average or not conventionally attractive; and speaking on the topic such as (the biggest issue for me) men feeling like you OWE them your time because lord forbid the ugly/average chick doesn’t wanna talk to them, as if just cause we don’t meet societies standard of beauty that we should be willing to accept whatever comes our way, or how people meet us with violence, disrespect, or just ignoring our existence all together. I can’t tell you the amount of times dudes have pushed me, stepped on my toes, or literally made me spill a drink on myself trying to talk to my “hot” friends w/o even taking a second glance at me. I’ve had men catcall me then turn around and try to assault me for not responding the way he felt I should, I’ve had friends talk down to me or give me advice and send TikTok’s on how to make myself “look better” and though she thought she was helping I took it in another way, I’ve had friends use me as a scape goat for the ugly guys trying to talk to them or use me to make themselves look better and don’t get me started on the shocked faces when an attractive person comes up to me and not the beautiful women in the group. I mean, society should just mind their business and let people live their lives as they see fit.
SN: I know this conversation can become pretty redundant so I can understand not speaking on it, esp since we’re all pretty much enduring the same plight just on different levels.
First off, thanks for your comment i really enjoyed reading it! I believe what you're saying 100% because growing up I'll be straight forward i was ugly and surrounded by attractive (in societys standards) ppl so i was the friend who was never approached or complimented on how i look but i just got used to it. But seeing how people who should be my friend acted around guys was very telling basically i was the scape goat too and if a guy showed me ANY interest they was shocked to say the least lol.
I also hear you on the the entitlement men have because they feel like since the girl they are approaching is "average" then she has to give them a chance, so when they get rejected their ego is bruised and they result in harassing or assaulting her. I even remember this man made a happy birthday post to his wife and basically said he didn't find her attractive compared to other women and could have gotten an attractive lady because he was wealthy but he found her intelligence attractive so he chose her instead. All imma say to that is that man is definitely cheating.
Oh and i forgot to address this: I like this video idea and it is something I will def look into doing in the future but probably not now because I gotta switch it up a bit so no one gets bored haha
@@NkirukasWrld You spoke nothing but pure facts truly! I def appreciate you replying back to me and I also understand not speaking on this topic so soon, def gotta switch it up and throw a lil twist in the mix to keep the momentum going! I appreciate your reply and your channel/commentary! Please keep doing your thing and giving us the goods ❤️✨
Trigger Warning: S/A, Anxiety, Depression, Fatphobia.
As a plus sized person, I’ve mainly dealt with the opposite side of pretty privilege. Although there have been times that I have been able to see what it’s like to deal with the pretty privilege side.
I’ve had a couple of men let me go ahead of them when in line, I’ve had a life guard break a rule for me, I’ve had a man compliment me in a kind way, which ofc all were nice things.
As for the negative things, oh there’s a list and I’m not gonna write it all. I was in school, and it was a guy that liked me, we were sitting on the ground and I had a blanket on my lap just to cover myself.. he literally grabbed my butt which caused me to jump. I told him he needed to get up before me so I could get up because I felt uncomfortable getting up before him. He didn’t do so, the teacher came over and told us to get up, and I got in trouble for not getting up first.
I was walking in Chicago with my family, mind you I was 16, and 2 men probably around their late 60’s cat called me.
I try to stay positive and I try to stay confident but it’s definitely hard to do. I’ve been extremely depressed since the middle of my high school years and my anxiety has been extremely high. I’ve been trying to hide myself because so many people have called me fat, overweight, whale, and so much more.
My mental health and emotional health have spiraled because of these things.
(Sorry for this being so long and so all over the place)
GIRL LISTEN UP!!!! Boundaries boundaries boundaries and again boundaries. Your self image defines how people treat you. You CANNOT feel insecure or like a victim or like prey. You have to force yourself to feel strong and feel like telling all these creepy men to fuck off. The reason they comment on your body like that is not cos you are any of these things, it’s because they want your attention and they are insecure men who have no respect for themselves and know that they will never attract a girl like you. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you and I pray you heal. But ima say this truth and it’s tough but you gotta be there for yourself and pick yourself up and even when you feel like shit you HAVE TO get up and tell yourself “yea this shit is unfair but I ain’t gonna be depressed cos of this” take your power back. It takes practice but I BELIEVE YOU CAN DO IT!!! You are so strong and beautiful!!! Be there for yourself. Always.
@elinaj3689 Although I agree with you for the most part, I must say one ought to be careful with the way you call a guy out. Take into reference the 2022 Tangshan restaurant attack. The girl pushed the guy that was trying to touch her, and she got beaten up by a whole gang. She ended up with second-degree injuries and was hospitalized for quite some time. She wasn't the only one, her friends were also beaten just because they were trying to stop the fight.
I’ve been on both sides, and being plus size, doesn’t protect you from pretty privilege hate. If you’re beautiful, no matter your size, height, color, age, disability or how you dress, you will get it. Everyone knows what beauty looks like, nothing covers it up.
@@Shaa-Belle I agree with you. I’m sorry that you’ve also gone through it. 😕🫶🩷
I know plenty of plus size women that live with tons of pretty privilege. They also deal with the negative side of it at times.
For myself, I’ve definitely dealt with a lot of the negative side of pretty privilege. Although there has been times that I have dealt with the positive side of it. Unfortunately a lot of it has been from people that fetishize bigger people.🙁
However I think it sucks that pretty privilege exists. It just divides us even more.
I have always been “different” looking, Elven even, bc my features are stereotypical irish features. I’m white, but people still treat me almost like a commodity bc of my family and my appearance. I’ve been called an Irish princess my strangers since I can remember. When I got to college, it was the talk of every bar i went to. people openly talked about my features, how different but beautiful they were, how lucky i was, how jealous they were or how badly they wanted me. i am a computer engineer, and in my major class of 80 graduates, 4 others were girls. my professors treated me like a god damn harlot. if i dressed down, i was approachable, n everyone tried to be my “friend” only to actually want something more (all guys obv bc of the %). i quite literally have had professors LIE to me about class requirements, set teammates up against me and to also keep these lies secret from me, ignore my emails, ignore my intellectual disabilities, it doesnt end. ive learned to dress in dark and neutral colors, keep my head and eyes down, headphones in when in public (with no music), walk quickly and how to pick up on peoples personalities by just looking at them (so i can cross the street if i think theyre otw to approach me). my mom, image of me, has the same problem. i cant even talk about it because it feels stupid, and i dont even feel that pretty, but im constantly reminded how i am. i just want someone to notice me for who i am on first glance instead of my beauty. i want someone to look at me and think, god, her mind is incredible. i want to be ignored when i go outside. i want to be loved for what i do and what i stand for n not just how i appear. i dont have any plus sides. ive never received money, more free drinks than the average person, jack shit. i just got a life of constantly acting like i am being watched and i literally (i live alone) only get naked in my bathroom w the door closed. rip lmao. ty for this video, i feel a lot less alone
Your videos were recommended to me a few days ago and Ive been obsessed with you ever since fr everything u say and analyze is so true it actually shocks me that Ive never noticed these things before.
I also had a 'friend' I thankfully cut off a while ago... Now I can confidently say that she was insecure of her character and was jealous of my personality or friendliness I guess? because she would always out of the blue say "oh my god you're actually really nice" in the fakest voice possible or she would state how my behavior with people was 'cute' and how she wanted to be "more like me" because "thats what guys like" and stuff like that. She would also sometimes comment on my looks out of the blue like if we're mid conversation, she would suddenly say "oh my god I love your nose its so unfair like i want to get a nose job to look like u"... I never thought much of it until I realized a pattern of her always wanting to push me down when guys would be around. Whenever we would be hanging out with a group of her friends and I would be talking to one of the guys, she always had to interrupt and say how awkward I usually am or tell embarrassing stories about me which I found very weird. Eventually I noticed that she wasn't a true friend and thankfully cut her off. Ik this doesn't have much to do with "pretty" privilege but it goes to show how fake women can be and the lengths they will go to sabotage you when they are jelly of u. Thank you for ur videos fr!!
Y'know, as a young man with Aspergers Syndrome (and not someone who has the best social skills--believe me, I take every opportunity to work on it and am getting better at it) I can't say that I was aware of "pretty privilege" as word growing up, but I did see how people who WERE quite beautiful or dashing did receive better treatment and the perks that came with it (i.e., there was one really pretty girl who I had a crush on who nearly everyone in the school knew). But, my mother told me, during a talk with her about pretty people, that beauty comes with its own challenges and some of her own experiences being catcalled or having her appearance being the element that judged for her, despite being a VERY successful businesswoman.
That really made me think quite a bit because I've never been one to place wholesale value on beauty, but realizing so many people/our society does rocked me quite a bit. From there on, I became REALLY conscious how I looked at & regarded pretty people. Reading the comments here just proves my case even more--in some ways, I feel pity for pretty people because of the pressures they'd go through and in others, I just want to reach my hand out and say, "Are you okay?" Lastly, great video and you have earned a subscriber.
An autistic white guy has stalked me for the last 2 months. I am cool with it because I am an engineer so used to people on the spectrum.
But he is not even close in terms of personality, education, career, or looks so I am confused why he was so persistent because he doesn't really have anything going for him to be so brazen.
At MIT, the men didn't act like this even if they were on the spectrum. It seems very odd to me to be honest.
@@amediumlife Hmmmm....given the details you have told me and your experience, it is rather strange. It could be that he really likes you but feels either too shy or unsure of himself. I don't know if this will help you or not, but when he does this again and you feel an uncomfortable breaking point, here are a few pieces of advice; again, coming from someone who hasn't been stalked so I'm limited by experience here--this isn't gospel, but I hope these help you out:
>Tell a supervisor about this if you haven't already. He obviously isn't doing his job and shouldn't be doing something that you feel not-okay with, so the supervisor should know. Try to go for the supervisor you feel most comfortable with or trust the most. Again, it's only a suggestion--not a sure fire way of solving your problem. I know this solution doesn't always work, but it's a decent place to start.
>If that doesn't work (which given systemic racism still existing in the system wouldn't be out of place, unfortunately), confront him directly about it--let him know your boundaries and of your experience with Aspergers people, tell him that not everyone has that knowledge and that people (especially girls he likes) will get anxious with that conduct. Be firm with him if that's what it takes. He needs to know that his actions, even if well-meaning, do have consequences
>If he continues with that stuff or escalates, do not hesitate in calling for help. Phoning for the police might be excessive unless he violates you in someway, but if he does, push the buttons!
I am sincerely sorry if my previous comment triggered or offended you in anyway; the above post is just me sharing my experience as a person on the spectrum learning about this and my journey about pretty privilege and is never meant to away anything from anyone's perspective. I've been educated at University about the issues POC's and other minorities face (heck, some of those issues--though nowhere near as bad as others--I've face too, again not to the same degree, I concede). But, once more, my apologies if what I said didn't sit well with you or hurt you in anyway.
@@b.h.7983 Thank you for even responding I really appreciate it. I liked your answer which is why I felt comfortable asking.
I guess I don't think it's fair that people think aspberger's men are either very innocent or very violent.
I think this man has an overinflated opinion of himself (which many men have) but this is a bit too extreme. I have met men on the spectrum who are very innocent and sweet but he isn't one of them. I also know men on the spectrum who are physically attractive
Like he feels he is single because he just doesn't talk to pretty girls. I guess he is more on the incel side going after the pretty girl and being a bit persistent. His persistence and arrogance in talking to me and making things about him is what's scaring me.
Like I am trying to be neutral but this is a white man who went to trade school and can't really hold down a job and he is very physically unattractive (I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it) so I am confused why he is so brazen when he can see I am pretty, intelligent, well-respected in my field and went to MIT.
Like I guess most men (aside from homeless men) don't really brazenly approach me unless they have something going for him. And the fact he even thought he stood a chance is confusing.
This man is also in his 30s which is even more disturbing to me. Because I feel most people learn how society works by then. But I also think him working in tech and going to trade school and not college is maybe why he doesn't get it but I don't know.
@@amediumlife You're most welcome. I'm always happy to help! :)
*Shrugs* Who knows, but if he went to trade school, I WOULD think he'd be able to understand people's personal bubbles--then again, he might be a sociopath. Like you said, men on the spectrum can be, and ARE, quite varied in personality, looks, economic status, etc. But, if he's making you feel nervous, that should be made known, hence why I answered the way I did.
People sexualize me when im very awkward, i have social anxiety, and depression. I dont understand it, i keep having to get new jobs because people slowly gain up on me. Im curvy and considered beautiful. I very often find myself dimming my own light. I dont benefit from pretty privilege because i stay home. I understand that i could if i did get out more.
You are Not alone, i feel you on Everything you Said 😞😞
It‘s hard having all eyes on you at all times
cry me a river that's such a hard life
@@allycampbell9274 lol what?
@@soullooker cry me a river
The saddest part about it is that no one can help you truly. I used to go to a psychologist to deal with all of my trauma and she just said “all your problems come from you being pretty and I can’t help you with that…” she then dropped me. Tried a few others too but all said something along those lines and dropped me too. Being pretty helped me with my career (as a model) but it also left me lonely and sad.
😩💔 Sorry to hear you experienced that. Especially trying to get professional help.
jesus this honestly sucks. i hope you realize that this therapist was being simply unprofessional, like this is not a normal response from a trained therapist...
What trauma did you had exactly? Did other women treat you badly due to envy?
Thanks to everyone that’s concerned. Nowadays I know this therapist really wasn’t professional, but I still can’t trust other professionals yet.
Since I was asked about my trauma. I experienced SA in my teens and lost my mother in those same years. I don’t think my trauma is the main reason they were mean, but I lost a good friend because her then boyfriend harassed me and she tried to put the blame on me when I told her…
I always enjoy these topics
I am so glad you do! its definitely an interesting one and I hope it creates an insightful convo! Thank you so much for watching:)
Looking good has kinda gives me anxiety. Ppl stare men and women, they give compliments which shows they were looking at me / analyze you. Some women may not invite you out because they “think you think your too good”
My personal experience with a jealous friend was when my mom called me and told me friends are not in competition with each other. I told her I’m not competing with shit, my life good….she wasn’t talking about me
And I do believe there is a barrier with women being attractive. But there’s also boundaries that we need to know for ourselves. I’m beautiful, I know it. However like a in the video you were talking about Alabama and really just the young girls today. even the way we grew up, (right as social media and technology was really rising before it is now) i had problems with how I saw myself and “what can I bring to the table.” Yeah , being called Mature was nice, and yes I was. But like you said, decrement is key✨
Self worth so important, not cliche. And I’m very happy to hear you talk about the importance of a safe supporting group of women or really just the people who really make you know and feel safe and really mean it. We don’t want to be closed off, at least not me. But innerstanding people, their minds, why they can be/are envious, baby it be enough to just vibe with me.
Learning all of this is a part of ✨Self Preservation ✨
We’re able to pick at everything society that was created really oppressing people. All this expressed itself in everything we do. Our relationship. Wanna know why they annoy you but you still love them, lol who they remind you of. Speaking from my perspective because until I realized why I was so irritated, hurt, yet I loved them is because you HAVE to HEAL YOUR PAST in order to enjoy and live a beautiful future.
Relationships are meant to love and elevate us💖 those that do anything different are lessons. Even if it didn’t work with someone, I’m grateful for the experience and God/Source💙✨ getting me out safely and lovingly. Okay ! F** dis shit. We just want to be loved properly, not with no underhanded intentions. Get on. Then people wonder why the sweet ones mean. Shid, I’m a sour patch kid, just depends on how you wanna play it. But deep inside, my heart is loving and kind. The exterior of boundaries that I have made are to protect me and they came from experience. So 🤷🏽♀️
11:11a.m. Lovingly anointed 💖
Pray this speaks to someone who need it 💖✨
One of the dark side is you will end up attract creeps, pedophiles and old people
I am so glad u added the weight gain comment into the video. As someone pre-covid who consistently took care of themselves/appearance I too found myself not even realizing I was putting on weight just to steer the attention away from derogatory men and their comments towards me. Not only did i find myself putting on weight I no longer took care of my appearance, i no longer enjoyed the things I loved most and within just a year later i found myself slipping into a slippery slope of depression due to constantly trying to compare to who I once was before. Overall regardless of the positives and the negatives, it can be severely damaging to your mental health if that's the only thing your self worth revolves around. Please do be kind to yourself if found in that limbo.
I enjoyed watching this!! Great job girl!!❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much 🤗
I work really really for my grades and study extra hours to prep for future courses and classes. But when I get good marks, my classmates and course mates say I get good grades just cz I'm pretty or teachers like me because of my face. It's really heart breaking to get your hardwork demolished and not having the credit.
I'm not really good looking or anything but mediocre. But these things really take a toll on me sometimes. 💔
I'm older and what that GenX lady said rang true to me. I actually LOST weight back in the early 2000's because I was tired of the attention that my body caused me. I felt like I attracted the wrong men. It's a different time now and I'm glad young women are more empowered now.
Since a kid ive always had men tell me how "flirtatious" i am just because I was being "NICE" rubbed me the wrong way to the point if a man is smiling and waving at me i will deadass roll my eyes or cut contact. My biggest fear is being stalked by a stranger psycho who got a image of me inside they brain.
I've been on both sides and experienced the good and bad. Neither is a cake walk especially if you are an empathetic person. I prefer being in the middle but if I had to ultimately choose between the two... I'd choose to be considered conventionally really pretty again 100% 😂
I can definitely relate, especially to the not always knowing who your real friends are and people treating you differently because you’re not interested. I’ve had friends from all backgrounds ( man, woman, non-binary, what have you) put me on a pedestal, but the minute they found out they couldn’t have a physical relationship they acted shady. Either I get shunned or talked about or they start as you said, “dimming my light.” And that’s honestly what hurts the most. That some people (even women) only wanna be nice to me when they think they can get something sexual out of me, but when I can’t give them what they want they find ways to try to disenfranchise my character.
it sucks to be looked at in public. I guess people would consider me conventionally attractive, which could be the reason I get stared at.
I just hate being perceived, my biggest pet peeve is staring. I guess it all started from being a navy brat which had me move around a lot, including outside of America, since I was born. being black and living in countries I obviously wasn't from, I would get stared at for being a foreigner, but I was desensitized at this point. i knew why id be stared at and just brushed it off. really gained some confidence out of it. I moved back to America from turkey in 2021 after living there for 4.5 years and I was so ready to come back because I could be somewhere I am actually from again and not be stared at cause obviously I am from this country. but nope it still happens.
people tell me its because im pretty but I honestly dislike it. staring has a bad connotation with me and I don't believe it's okay to just be staring at someone in public for long even if it's because u think they're attractive. it makes you feel so uncomfortable to ever step foot out of your house.
also being a pretty women with social anxiety and/or any developmental disability such as autism or adhd, is a living hell.
I wish I could like this comment again, being perceived and stared at in public is also a big pet peeve of mine as well.
Girl… this is all too true. I’m at the point now where I’m finding a therapist to help me with some of these issues - especially my strained relationship with women. I’m autistic, too, so it’s even harder for me to connect and make friends. I’m so sick and tired of feeling like I’m on the back foot at all times with women because, historically, majority of them have stabbed me in the back in some way. I’m almost used to being perpetually condescended to by other women and try to laugh it off but it’s starting to fuck with me now. I don’t wanna compete with y’all. I just wanna be friends and be accepted. The constant talking behind my back, or any time I slip up in any way it’s fucking publicised and I’m shamed. The nicer and kinder I try to be the more suspicion I get projected onto me, let me live. I just wanna support you. I’ve honestly been more supported and “seen” by boys and men, so I feel safer around them, but then I’m seen as a “pick me” - it’s paradoxical as fuck. The more confident I try and be, the more openly I am disdained, but the more I try to please and cater to women, the more hot/cold and games are played with me. Can I ever win? Just wanted to vent, tbh. Thanks for this video ❤
I keep my energy to myself at alll times when I’m out. I stopped caring what people think about me and my beauty. The people closest to me know my heart/soul. I’m not proving anything to anyone. The staring is very annoying but learning to be in your own world prevents a lot of anxiety from knowing people are starting at/watching you.
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I'm like you ❤❤❤
my mom is STUNNING she’s 50 and aged like fine wine. she has had a difficult time maintaining and making friendship with women. worst part is she doesn’t even know how beautiful she is.
Kudos for shouting out Stephanie Soo, I love her!
Underrated opinion, but being pretty can attract players, manipulators, WERID grown men, and etc.
Yes 😭
Its true but definitely not an underrated opinion
I haven't finished the video yet, but I totally agree with what you said about there being a "comfortable" level of attractiveness where you get some of the perks of pretty privilege without constant harassment or overloads of attention. I also want to add that sometimes the way you present yourself can play a role in the kind of attention you get. I would consider myself attractive, and I notice that I get a minimal to moderate amount of attention throughout the day when I'm dressed "normally"- jeans, t-shirt, minimal makeup, hair presentable, etc. But I notice the type of attention (and who gives me that attention) is usually determined by how I present myself. When I wear minimal makeup and have my hair in its natural state (curly afro), I tend to get more attention from older men. It's also not a creepy attention that makes you uncomfortable, I just notice they tend to be nicer and more attentive. When I wear a more flashy outfit (esp. if it shows skin), have my hair done in braids or a wig, and have more makeup, the attention I get is usually more lustful and is typically from younger men (35 and under). So I think it's not even just being attractive, but the kind of attractiveness someone displays can impact how the world interacts with them.
Girl…thank you so much. I’ve been called an “attention seeker” for speaking on my experiences and I can understand why, but at the same time these things DO happen whether people want to admit it or not. Thank you ❤️
The video and the comments 🙌🏾👏🏾. I feel like this conversation can never be had on my end of the world because people just refuse to believe there are negatives to being seen as attractive.
You're always mean, or a hoe, or shallow, or ditzy or whatever else. It's beyond irritating and isolating....
Very
Unfortunately the insecure ppl who hate "pretty people" to their very soul will invalidate and get mad at other people's negative experiences becuase they want to be seen as better and smarter. Somehow they think shaming other people makes them a better person.
This video was so needed 👏🏾👏🏾
Being pretty is literally just working out, grooming yourself, putting on makeup, doing your hair, dressing up and eating healthy. So pretty privilege is something people can choose.
The world is not divided into pretty people and ugly people. It's divided into people doing the work and people not doing the work.
That's why I sometimes find it hard to understand when women who are pretty say they suffer from it. It's not like anyone forced you to put in all this time and effort into your experience.
On the other hand women who are jealous and insecure should definitely stop talking bad about pretty women. Because firstly looks don't matter that much anyway, but if they do to you PUT IN THE WORK. Then you'll be part of the pretty women's club and can complain about the dark sides of pretty privilege.
love your makeup girl I need a tutorial ❤️
I am 34 years and I don’t have any friends anymore due to so much trauma related to this… it is frustrating. I could read a whole book about all those experiences.
Me too. We can be friends. 💖
Never let insecure people drag you down. They dont deserve any attention, if they want to be noticed and be objectified out of pure desperation then let them drown in fakeism soceity in order to achieve fake praises that they wanted. Its always the insecure ones who loves to spread their misery... They invalidate other people's bad experience because they think their own bad experiences makes them super special
this video is full of gems💎goddess!
thank you so much!! I am so glad you enjoyed my video:)
your lip combo and your skin is so pretty
Great video, and I love your curly hair like that! Have a nice day !
lol I was just thinking about that Rotten mango case. Funny that you’ve seen it too
I love Stephanie👏🏾
Ive been on both sides of the aesthetic spectrum. I grew up rather pretty , and yes I did benefit from the halo effect sometimes. I was sheltered from the creeps until I grew up. I Unfortunately had a big chest as well, so many people would make their own assumptions about my character based off of that. I realized that a lot of people I would come across would assume that I was automatically stuck up because I was painfully shy . When I did manage to accomplish something it was downplayed since it seems like people just wanted to take me down a peg for whatever reason. I tried to be sweet and kind to everyone, but people just took advantage of this. I would never go walking alone without pepper spray.
Eventually I got into trucking where I could work alone. I cut my hair and gained weight over the years, and of course I aged naturally. I never really dressed up or wore makeup. I have to admit, It felt so amazing to feel invisible. I still try to be kind to people, but I don't ever feel under threat like I used to. When I speak to anyone, I feel like they have less assumptions about me and fewer wants out of me. It definitely feels different.
This is why I gained weight too. I just couldn’t stand all the unwanted attention.
This is also why I gained weight before...
well said we should not have to deem our light to not get unwanted attention
There’s always pros and cons, as a pretty girl I feel like people are intimidated by me, or think I should make the first move ? Which sucks for me because I’m really shy
its scary because when i am the "cute girl" at any workplace, people feel the need to touch me, protect me and be so possessive. some men at my workplace would insist that i give them my number so they can "check on me to get home safely". usually i would be thankful but more often than not those are the same men that touch and hug me all over, and after knowing their intentions theres just no way in hell i could feel safe at any workplace. it limits me to more isolated jobs, though i dislike the office - its better to work alone than have coworkers because theres a 70% chance someone will start touching me.
100% experienced evil and jealously from other females (young and old) my whole life from women from being “to pretty.” And I’m nice and humble. It doesnt make a difference. Theyre going to hate.
People just need to stop comparing or competing at each other.
❤
Being someone who's not that pretty but kinda smart i can relate to the fake friends part but not only from women but men too. I find it hard to say no to ppl so they often take advantage of me to complete assignments and homework. Its quite annoying.
Hii. Loving the vid so far. However, I do have a suggestion to better the quality of your video.I would suggest having a mic or making your voice sound less far away. Keep up the content!
Thank you! and i know my next investment will be a mic lol just need to find the right one! Thanks for watching:)
Get armed ladies. If it were me and my friends the story would’ve been completely different
It’s honestly crazy to me cause when I was little (like 6-7) I was told by my family ALL THE TIME that boys are gonna love me bc of my body. Obviously I didn’t have boobs at the time, but I had an ass. I still do, and I’m a DD in bra size. I’m only 17, and throughout all of my life, I HATED my body. I hid it as much as possible, especially during middle school and freshman year of high school. Yet, all of this effort of wearing hoodies that were longer than my ass every day, wearing sweats almost every day, and almost never going to school without a jacket, I STILL had a guy friend that I had since middle school dm me during my freshman year on Instagram asking “why’re you so thick tho” and said “those coconuts are huge!” At this time, I had almost never worn a tank top to school in my life, and if I did, it was under a big hoodie.
Another experience I had was also freshman year. This time it was actually on campus in person. I was walking out of the little area we had between the bathroom entrances (I ate in that spot all the time cause it’s secluded from people) after I had finished eating, and I was walking back to class when this ginormous group of guys started yelling at me from across the room. I looked over at them confused and they all started aggressively pointing at one guy saying “aye, he want your snap” “can he get your snap?” This was one of my first cat calling experiences so my reply was “I’m gay so no” and I walked away. As I left tho, I remember being so confused because I looked down at my outfit, and once again I was showing no skin, I was in my big ass hoodie that covered everything, I had no makeup on, and my hair was in a crazy ass ponytail cause I have curly hair and I didn’t brush it. I was even more confused because I genuinely hated how I looked (glad to say I’m doing a little better now after graduating my junior year), but the fact that that was a no effort day and I still got attention scared the shit out of me.
You brought up a lot of important and thought-provoking points! But is it exactly the dark side of pretty privilege, or the dark side of being pretty in our society? I guess parts of it like the harassment go along with the extra attention (which can already be good or bad attention), and the pressure to stay pretty and keep your body the same, keep wearing makeup, keep being fashionable, etc. are directly tied to pretty privilege, but I'm less sure of the rest of it.
as someone who had what could be considered a 'glow up', the genuine fear of going back is real and ever-present, like actually. Im currently recovering from an ed which i developed as a result of not wanting to be fat again, i used to have panic attacks over spots, and genuine meltdowns if i felt ugly. i would regularly skip lectures and seminars to stay inside if i wasn't picture perfect, and i was constantly paranoid that people were trying to sabotage me when they asked if i was okay or eating. dont get me wrong, im very grateful im pretty - people are nice and eager to interact with/help me, however its pretty bleak sometimes too. like sometimes you get into this mindset where you forget youre actually a person who feels things and you become like this passive body because people only really see/care about the surface. not like im like mentally ill or diagnosed or anything, but its kinda like people have this image of you and they dont care to engage with any parts of you that ruin their fantasy version, if that makes sense. idk have you heard of Plato's cave? sometimes i feel like the shadowy imitation of me rather that the full, embodied, real thing. anyways love the video, soz this comment is literally way long lmao
So the expectations put on pretty people and figures are high? That actually makes sense. For example, when you think of celebrity women who are deemed as pretty, it always seems like they are given such expectations that are not humane in the slightest.
Praying for this struggle
Actually, I realized TODAY that I tend to get more approached when I’m dressed down. It’s like the predators can sniff out the insecurity/vulnerability and see you as an easier target.
Today I went to a museum by myself so I didn’t wear makeup. Baggy t-shirt, jeans, sneakers. When I say I could tell this creep was going to be a problem as SOON as I walked in, I mean it. Cus I recognize that leer so well. I have a radar for it - it senses danger. Lo and behold, he ends up next to me in the very crowded elevator and tries to make conversation. I’m literally trapped. Forced to engage. Something about photography. Then he begins to mansplain privacy laws to me, claiming that he’s a lawyer. Oh did I mention he was a million years old 🤮
I walked away as soon as I could, but he pretty much followed closely behind me and kept trying to talk to me the entire time. He hadn’t done anything outright inappropriate so it was weird to ask for security. When I found him lingering at the door after coat check though, my heart dropped. I was worried that he’ll follow me out. Bro I legit snuck out through the gift shop. Now I’m like, what was that exhibition even about 🥴 couldn’t even enjoy my time there.
When I was younger, those interactions sometimes made me feel better about myself. Like - oh, I must not be as ugly as I feel today! I didn’t realize then just how much my sense of self worth was entangled with the male gaze. I see things differently now, but still struggle with this.
When I’m stomping down the street with my practiced “don’t mess with me” confidence and resting b face (aka armor), these men would stare but wouldn’t dare to actually approach 😤 but I do get catcalled a lot more when I’m dressed up. I absolutely hate when they honk and yell from their cars (nyc), it always startles me and fills me with rage. What do you expect me to do, hop in your car??! No, right? Unless you’re delulu? Then what is the purpose of this action… other than to project your objectification of me… ON ME… while I’m literally just trying to walk down a street 🤨
“pretty privilege isn’t real there’s actually-“ why start with that? yeah there’s downsides to pretty privilege but saying it’s not real is crazy.