How to deal with high expectations from your parents, family, or friends
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- Опубліковано 19 лис 2019
- How to deal with high expectations from your parents, family, or friends. Here is the full email text from Sumad: "My parents and my older sister both have really high expectations for me. They want [me] to be the super smart kid that sits and studies all day, gets the highest test scores and grades, is super religious, and listens to everything they say. Now, as much as I try to live up to their expectations, I don’t just want to be a kid with no life that is like a slave. I love playing volleyball, I like learning about and running business, I like doing things outside of what school offers. Now, last year was my freshman year of high school and I got my first set of B grades and my parents and sister basically dropped all respect for me and treat me like s***. They are always constantly talking bad about me and saying how I’m not focused and wasting time doing other activities. My sister is that one Indian kid who gets a 4.0 and does SAT every day and overall is just a grade/scores person. Now, some of the classes I do are hard but I don’t want to drop them because my sister did them and she got As in all of them. I know with enough time and dedication I can do the work. It’s just that I don’t have anyone in my corner cheering me on, whether it’s my family, friends, or coaches. I feel like everyone just wants me to do the best in their own respect. And I feel like there is no point in life right now because I don’t have much free time and I feel like the dumb*** amongst my friends. What can I do?"
High expectations for someone is abusive. It is very wrong for parents to put all this pressure on their children. More people need to realize this is actually more harmful than good.
one of my best friends ran away from home at 16 because of this.
was never good in school, no matter how hard he tried. parents told him he had to become accountant since he's too dumb to be doctor. mom expected him to help build them a big house when they were older. when he told her it wasn't his job to build them a house, dad beat him up and called him ungrateful and couldn't understand why he was so stupid, even after spending money for extra studies.
the very night he got that beating, he packed what he needed, and ran away. hasn't seen nor spoken to his parents in 14 years!
I'm 16 and highly capable of caring for myself and I'm independent. I study and do my schoolwork, it's always up to date and most of the times neat. But my parents expect me to score high scores in my tests and no matter how hard I try I struggle with that. But here's where the twist is, even if I did good, my dad doesn't think I did good enough or even set confidence in me in doing better next time. He just says "I expect you to do better next time". He only wants everything according to him and if things don't, he gets mad and take my phone, games and any other oppertunities that will make me feel happy, away. And if I "talk back" I'm having an attitude according to him.
I can get emotional alot of times but random anger outbursts rarely occur with me but when it does, I sometimes say stuff that doesn't make sense or I repeat the same sentences. My mom loves me and I do too but sometimes she says things to me in front of my dad that causes me to get upset about it and if I get "an attitude", my dad threatens me to take my phone away and study at his desk place (where I feel the least comfortable and focused, but have to study either way) and says that if I continue with this, he'll make me sit in the living room and study where he can watch me..
Every teenager has their privacy and limits but he doesn't see that. Again, I'm 16, capable of looking after myself and independent, but he treats me like I can't even walk on my own and it's really annoying. How am I supposed to study for exams if I'm not even focused or comfortable where I'm studying!? I have my own study area in my room so why do I have to study at his work desk..
I guess we're kinda the same buddy
Awesome! Been obedient “puppet” for far too long. Love finally being myself with respect to others views of course
yess!!
I just want to make them happy I feel like if I be myself I'll disappoint them
Girl i feel the same...
Yes, that has happened to me many times I really hated that my parents are the same way. I hate that, and i still struggle with Asian families are the worst when it comes to higher expectations
It isent easy with alot of pressure from parents especially when there is alot of drama in your family,even tho this was a few years ago it still really helped to to understand what I want to do with my life,Thank You
I am 26 yo and decided to recently change my career up with a lot of backlash from my family. I spent years trying to go into the career my parents wanted for me but tbh i absolutely hated and it and was just a puppet for my parents. Throughout those years my family compared me to my friends or family who had early success however my family didn't realize that many of those people now haven't moved up from those positions or are in worst positions. For example, I have two friends who graduated early in dance and the other went to school to become a social worker. Both of them graduated with great grades but are just taking up any job they can in retail and are not looking to actually pursue the careers they went to school for. Currently I am going to school for Computer programming and have never been the cream of the crop but you don't need to be the cream of the crop to graduate and get a job. I've met many people who are the cream of the crop in hs but aren't social or ambitious so they just never popped off like my two friends I talked about before. My friends are happily do their current jobs now and I am happy for them but for myself I am planning for the future and i do want to go into what i am going to school for.
This is such an important message. Thank you so much.
Can you do a video on high expectations of dating from Asian parents? Long story short I am in a situation in which my parents does not approve of my girlfriend or anybody who does not meet their conditions. My parents have fixed mindsets and their conditions are: 1) must have at least a Bachelor's degree (junior college won't count) 2) have a stable job (min wage does not count) 3) Cannot be older than age 31. If they don't meet these conditions, my parents will not meet the girl and urge me with threats to break up with them and use ultimatums such as disowning me, won't attend my future wedding, cut off contacts, won't help buy house, and won't see my future children. My parents are harsh and overly judgmental, but I am choosing love over what my parents want from me.
Nice video Richard, and I agree we are all put on earth to go OUR way. Not other people’s way.
Thank you brother! Appreciate your support brother!
Thanks for this video. You always hit me with these videos right when I need the. Hope you have a good week and can't wait to see more videos.
Thank you Kass! Much appreciated and I'm happy they are helpful. :)
Good video. Nice goatee, Richard. You should keep it, it suits you.
haha thank you!
im 13 years old and I am very independent and do good in school. I am also religious and listen to anything my parents and sister says. I get my stuff tooken for little stuff and I feel like they aren't proud of me. My mother loves me but she constantly sets high standards for me. When one of my other sisters were 13 she was allowed to get Cs and fail quizzes but if that happens once I get my stuff tooken. I feel incredibly frustrated because I cannot do anything else to please them. I love them with all my heart but I feel like they don't understand that I want to make them happy instead of me.
my parents just stretched everything and so how they think I need to be a doctor. I almost cried I don't want to do it anymore. Thats what I get for listening to them.
Life is waisted by doing what society tells us to do. They expect us to work 18 hours days with no personal time.
They see us as disobedient just for asking why...
Final year med student here; growing up I always felt that my academics mattered too much to my rents. I get that they want me to have a better life- no arguments there. However they seem to not care what my high grades and academic achievements have costed me (and my mental health) over the years and the burden I may carry into the future with my career. I chose to do medicine yes, but choosing medicine as my career when I was 18 and then experiencing the day to day struggles of studies/wards/normal life and then living up to high expectations (esp when we factor in the pandemic) takes a massive toll on you.
I get better test scores than my friends so it’s natural for them to have high expectations for me, but the moment they score higher than me they make it a big deal and it hurts my head. We’ve recently got them back and I’m not comfortable enough to share it with them because they will push it in my face…
I can get it accidentally found it.Following my passion kind of sometimes makes my relations with near ones critical
good video
Good Video. Also Richard When you playing fortnite?
CRAZY never foo gtfo here
haha. man it's been forever. you guys still stacking those dubs?
@@RichardKuoLive yeah we have missed you!
I’ve got a question for the next video: How do I help struggling family members, I have a cousin who lost his mom years back, has been kicked out of school for impulsive behaviour, doesn’t work because his other job fired him, and hates my entire family for a reason I don’t know and refuse’s to let them help him with his life. He has no money for anything, he never eats, and does cocaine all the time. This upsets me because I was very close to my cousin, we had great memories. And now he’s facing a very bad life we’re I can never see him unless he changes. But refuses to change. And I honestly cant see him living much longer. What can I do.
Hey again brother. I'm sorry to hear that is happening. :/ I MAY make a video in the future on this, but I think it's better to just simply address it in a response. It's really hard to change people who don't want to change and they need to want to change for themselves. How I believe we can best support someone who is in a tough spot is by being patient, compassionate, caring, and loving. It means to not judge or force him to do anything, but to show that you care about him long term and when the time is right, you will feel little moments where he may be open to receiving help and/or getting help. If he has an addiction, encouraging him to seek treatment or counseling may be helpful as well... when he is ready for it. I believe helping someone who is struggling like this can take some time and patience and it's best to hope, but NOT expect him to change. Keep being optimistic and working towards it. Lastly, consider google searching for answers on this too to see what mental health/medical/addiction sites may say on how to help others we care about who are going through something similar. Appreciate you and I support you brother!
Richard Kuo thanks Richard, you’re the best
I am almost 20 now. I think I have achieved so much in life, all I wanna do is to see my parents proud and happy. I think I've done everything a brilliant kid supposed to do. I excel academically, got rank 1 from grade 1 to 12, graduate from highschool for only 2 years, got accepted to college without test, doing a double degree, perfect GPA, teaching stuff, etc. My parents are proud but not like very proud. They literally said that they would be weirded out if their kids are not capable doing what I did. I don't know what to feel at that point.