@@VrushaliAnant there's something called locus of control, nobody can control things that were never in their control to begin with. Although the comment sounds passive aggressive, i hope your health improves.
Can pls share explain more ? Like what does he do?? To you.? And do u have any sister also if he is doing to both of u pls explain ❤... And take care ❤❤❤
@@celebcounter1007 It will take 500+ words to explain. And I don't wanna talk about it because it makes me feel bad about the problem. I need a solution and I am working on it. After clearing my NEET exam, I will start earning on my own and I won't be dependent on him. So if he does anything that I am not comfortable with, I can freely distance myself from him. I am still open for a good father-son relation if he chooses the relation over his abusive habits. But then it will be his choice. Still, I can share some things he does: When I was a kid, he used to forcebly pull my pants down in front of the family (paternal grand parents and my mother). I used to shout and cry. Sometimes he used to put his hand in my pants and touch my privates to tease me. When I cried, he used to laugh at me for crying. He stopped this in my teenage as I got strong enough to now allow his hand near me. Still he used to touch me like a man touches a girl. Vulgarly rubbing his hand on my shoulder or legs, taking pleasure out of it. Obviously I would run away as soon as he started doing this. My running would hurt his ego and mostly this conversation would happen: Dad: "Why are you running?" Me: "I don't feel nice when you tease me and touch me like this." Dad: "So are you a girl?" (and by this he means that according to the society he is not allowed to tease girls, so he teases me instead, because the "no vulgar touching" rule is for the girls and not for the boys.) Me: "I am a boy, but that dosen't mean you can tease me like this." Dad: "You are overly sensitive and overreactive to little things and if you can't play and have fun, you won't make friends and will be alone when you grow up." He would never understand that I don't feel comfortable. If me or my mother tried to strongly oppose, he would never listen, or it would start a huge fight in the house. He just said that he is having fun with his kid. (It is same as the college ragging excuse, seniors say that they are having fun with juniors but they don't realise that they are bullying them.) One day, when I was around 10 years old, he forcebly held me and sat on me, my legs were under him and I coundn't escape and run. I was resisting with my hands but he was trying to get hold of them, a thick layer of his saliva drooled from his mouth onto my face and into my mouth. He still didn't leave me for around 15 seconds. I screamed so hard out of my lungs and applied all my force but I was not strong enough to escape his weight. I was extremely traumatised and ran to the bathroom as he got off me. It hurt his ego, so we had a huge fight in the house because of it. Once I woke up from sleep and found out that he was kissing me on the lips. He is not gay and didn't want sexual pleasure. he wanted sadistic pleasure by seeing me cry about it. For him, it is just a silly prank, but he cannot understand what it actually is. It has been 10+ years but I still get anxious before sleep thinking he might kiss me or touch me when I am asleep. These are just a few incidences and there are dozens more but it is of no use to think of them now. Both my mother and sister realise what is happening to me, they talk to me but are helpless. My mother used to teach M.A. english and my dad teaches 11th,12th students for NEET. My dadi made her quit her work because my mother's students were college students and my dad's students were school students. Now it has been 2.5 years since my mother has been fighting cancer. My dad loves my mother and has been working very hard in his job to earn and treat my mother, he does his job and cooks 3 times a day and takes care of all household tasks as now my mother is on bedrest. He is very complicated and I don't undrerstand him at all. He is extreme on both things, (love,) and (anger,teasing,fighting,etc.) Even now we live in the same house but I stay away from him, but he never understands why his son dosen't love him. He is alone and I want to help him. But I can't until he decides to choose between his habits and our relationship. I don't hate him and I will mend the relationship whenever he realises what he does to me. But if he won't, then I will stay away from him. He being alone and not having a loving son is his choice.
Absolutely agreed. As a therapist by profession, I believe that understanding a behaviour doesn't equate to justifying it. We all always have the freedom and choice to choose our behaviours, like you said, as long as we have a functioning PFC.
It's very easy to say "work on yourself"... Let me tell you , it doesn't matter how hard you try.. childhood trauma & horrible parenting leave such a deep rooted impression on your personality, that it almost never goes away...And despite all your efforts you may end up being a person that you never wanted to be....
Try vipassana meditation 🧘♂️. It deprograms all those crappy patterns including hopelessness and self criticism. You will be proud of yourself for doing bravest thing ie working on your soul.
We see what we focus on ...if you keep looking in your past , more than 80% people have had bad experiences , it's a choice to focus on good ones and it's a choice to work against the tides . Excuses never invented or discovered anything. Choice is yours live in the past or move forward .
yes absolutely right and coming this from a neuroscientist is very much needed in this era where depression and anxiety is being sold to you like halwa and puri from random instagram influencer....after a certain age one should be accountable for this own actions.....
Nonsense! Seems like you don't know anything about the brain! Challenge for you: show me a neuron independent of its biological past!!! Stop saying crap without knowledge.
I have been able to understand, grow and be better and have that light of knowledge because of you. Sir huge respect for you.... For how you break down basic things to scientific facts and educate..... Just to understand that people use certain things just as excuses for their worse behaviour. Much love and respect 🙏🏻😃
Omg! Just had an argument where I had a shout at mom for saying hurtful and belittling things to me and that spoiled my peace of mind. I fought for my right but I had to fight lowering myself to a level of pig, it feels. I hope this would put to an end of mistreatment. But .. really! This does not feel right. Any solution for me?
Sure I am still working on myself. If at 25 I am getting matured ask me the same question when I am 50. I am pretty sure by then I will be responsible. 😂
thanks Doc, how can one measure functioning level of PFC versus limbic ? Self-assessment can be one ....any other way.... ? Also is one's ability to get better without anothers help possible?
Even if someone knows all this, most of them don't have time to invest in themselves because as soon as u cross your 20,a mediocre will inevitably be in the rat race.
Sir in my MRI , partial empty sella diagnosed as findings and I have severe headache. Lot of stress started after postpartum. I don't know what to do , Dr said it's fine not to worry much and prescribed some medicine. I feel it should not be worse if we ignored it. What should I do please suggest
Dr. For some it may be possible. Not for everyone. Especially when we have adults around us who think maturity and responsibility is obeying and listening to them without uttering a word. In our culture, unfortunately adults dictate and expect us to follow. Perhaps that is the reason most of us end up blaming our parents or elders for our screwed up life.
Trueeee They throttle us ... They dictate us Speaking up equals to badtameezi for them Wht to do with hell amount of shit locked inside us since childhood!!!! How to process tht nd let it out
I am dealing with some mental issues. Even sometimes feel I need therapy, but can't afford. I have started my articleship a month ago. I realized that my brain's processing ability is not good. Something is wrong with me. I don't behave normal like my other friends. Feeling so helpless😢 Could u plz make vdo on how to work on PFC?
But then how will the mental health professionals and Insurance companies in the West make money 💅🏽if their clients start understanding pre frontal cortex 😛
Don’t over bug yourself with this age stuff though. It’s fine if u learn at even 30 or 35 or even 40. Somehow get out of d trap n take responsibility. Sooner d better.
May b may b not. You are a doc so I’m assuming you know better. So as a child you were fucked (not literally) but now when you are 25 with matured pfc you want the person not to blame the past who made your present challenging. Something to think about.
So you train someone for 25 yrs to do shitty things and suddenly expect them to act mature and responsible? 😂 Does it really work like that in reality?
Boss its not the shitty things doing as an adult its the beautiful things lying all around you and not having a clue. These people cant just say all is well, its always lack no matter what. If you are really a doctror stop bullshitting just for views.
Ew So much new research is being done on trauma in the west and how it impacts EVERY SINGLE aspect of a person's life and here we are stuck in the same mindset from our parents' generation. "Just grow up" lol. Tell me you never had childhood trauma without telling me you never had childhood trauma. Do better doc.
I tried to be Mature bcz of use of my Pre froNtal cortex developed a decade ago..but Cann't escape the Toxic loop of my life Bcz My surroundings does not changed, My parents behaviour doesnot change They expect me to do All the household chores,takes care of Sick family member, stay in a toxic house hold, do not get a chance to improve my personality, Absolutely No social life, no hobbies, no time For myself ...still wants me to secure a High paying job by cracking toughest competition.😅 How great they are.. Still they want me to Be emotionally attached to them..when they never care for my feelings, my life, my happiness, my safety..not even my younger sibling..enjoying its own life.. and forget me. Still they Think it is my responsibility..bcz They gave me birth..as a girl..i have to take care of EVERYTHING.. but they do not Ask For Once how i am feeling?? What i want.. But the MAIN ISSUE IS I Still care for them despite of All the anger and disappoIntment. Why? Do i become an Emotional slave of my family??
Absolutely 🙌🏾
Taking accountability gives us the freedom to change.
Absolutely. Took accountability for everything. My shoulders are heavy now. Can't take anything anymore. It impacted my health. Was healthy. Now sick.
@@VrushaliAnant there's something called locus of control, nobody can control things that were never in their control to begin with.
Although the comment sounds passive aggressive, i hope your health improves.
So true.... 😊 finally someone said this
You are absolutely right doctor. We need to take responsibility for our emotions
I have a sexually abusive father (I'm a guy) and at the age of 16 I realised what you are saying and started working on it.
Watch patrick melrose series , you’ll find it relatable. Similar story
👏👏👏👏👏🙌
Can pls share explain more ? Like what does he do?? To you.? And do u have any sister also if he is doing to both of u pls explain ❤...
And take care ❤❤❤
@@celebcounter1007 It will take 500+ words to explain. And I don't wanna talk about it because it makes me feel bad about the problem. I need a solution and I am working on it. After clearing my NEET exam, I will start earning on my own and I won't be dependent on him. So if he does anything that I am not comfortable with, I can freely distance myself from him. I am still open for a good father-son relation if he chooses the relation over his abusive habits. But then it will be his choice.
Still, I can share some things he does:
When I was a kid, he used to forcebly pull my pants down in front of the family (paternal grand parents and my mother). I used to shout and cry.
Sometimes he used to put his hand in my pants and touch my privates to tease me. When I cried, he used to laugh at me for crying.
He stopped this in my teenage as I got strong enough to now allow his hand near me. Still he used to touch me like a man touches a girl. Vulgarly rubbing his hand on my shoulder or legs, taking pleasure out of it. Obviously I would run away as soon as he started doing this. My running would hurt his ego and mostly this conversation would happen:
Dad: "Why are you running?"
Me: "I don't feel nice when you tease me and touch me like this."
Dad: "So are you a girl?"
(and by this he means that according to the society he is not allowed to tease girls, so he teases me instead, because the "no vulgar touching" rule is for the girls and not for the boys.)
Me: "I am a boy, but that dosen't mean you can tease me like this."
Dad: "You are overly sensitive and overreactive to little things and if you can't play and have fun, you won't make friends and will be alone when you grow up."
He would never understand that I don't feel comfortable.
If me or my mother tried to strongly oppose, he would never listen, or it would start a huge fight in the house. He just said that he is having fun with his kid. (It is same as the college ragging excuse, seniors say that they are having fun with juniors but they don't realise that they are bullying them.)
One day, when I was around 10 years old, he forcebly held me and sat on me, my legs were under him and I coundn't escape and run. I was resisting with my hands but he was trying to get hold of them, a thick layer of his saliva drooled from his mouth onto my face and into my mouth. He still didn't leave me for around 15 seconds. I screamed so hard out of my lungs and applied all my force but I was not strong enough to escape his weight. I was extremely traumatised and ran to the bathroom as he got off me.
It hurt his ego, so we had a huge fight in the house because of it.
Once I woke up from sleep and found out that he was kissing me on the lips. He is not gay and didn't want sexual pleasure. he wanted sadistic pleasure by seeing me cry about it. For him, it is just a silly prank, but he cannot understand what it actually is.
It has been 10+ years but I still get anxious before sleep thinking he might kiss me or touch me when I am asleep.
These are just a few incidences and there are dozens more but it is of no use to think of them now.
Both my mother and sister realise what is happening to me, they talk to me but are helpless.
My mother used to teach M.A. english and my dad teaches 11th,12th students for NEET.
My dadi made her quit her work because my mother's students were college students and my dad's students were school students.
Now it has been 2.5 years since my mother has been fighting cancer.
My dad loves my mother and has been working very hard in his job to earn and treat my mother, he does his job and cooks 3 times a day and takes care of all household tasks as now my mother is on bedrest.
He is very complicated and I don't undrerstand him at all. He is extreme on both things, (love,) and (anger,teasing,fighting,etc.)
Even now we live in the same house but I stay away from him, but he never understands why his son dosen't love him. He is alone and I want to help him. But I can't until he decides to choose between his habits and our relationship.
I don't hate him and I will mend the relationship whenever he realises what he does to me. But if he won't, then I will stay away from him. He being alone and not having a loving son is his choice.
@@celebcounter1007TMI bro. Empathise with him
Absolutely agreed. As a therapist by profession, I believe that understanding a behaviour doesn't equate to justifying it. We all always have the freedom and choice to choose our behaviours, like you said, as long as we have a functioning PFC.
It's very easy to say "work on yourself"... Let me tell you , it doesn't matter how hard you try.. childhood trauma & horrible parenting leave such a deep rooted impression on your personality, that it almost never goes away...And despite all your efforts you may end up being a person that you never wanted to be....
True.
Try vipassana meditation 🧘♂️. It deprograms all those crappy patterns including hopelessness and self criticism. You will be proud of yourself for doing bravest thing ie working on your soul.
We see what we focus on ...if you keep looking in your past , more than 80% people have had bad experiences , it's a choice to focus on good ones and it's a choice to work against the tides . Excuses never invented or discovered anything. Choice is yours live in the past or move forward .
yes absolutely right and coming this from a neuroscientist is very much needed in this era where depression and anxiety is being sold to you like halwa and puri from random instagram influencer....after a certain age one should be accountable for this own actions.....
Absolutely sir . Working on self since 2021.
Thanks to the doctor Sid.. sharing valuable info
Thanks for this. People need to hear this stuff and stop blaming their past for the actions they take today.
Wonderful thought! So precise, insightful and powerful.
Honestlyyyyy you’re so right here!
I am gonna send this to my friend NOW
THANX
Today I realise that this is what I was doing till now😞and making not only mine bt others life hell😢
Thank you sir❤. Valuable insight
So true...
I've been learning this lately ..
I assume you are targeting these at narcissists. Currently dealing with one. Man, these people are painful to deal with.
Don’t deal with them . Have minimal interactions. That’s the only way .
@@ramyavineethh what if they're family members like brother or sister?
NEED LONG VIDEO ON THIS TOPIC AND HOW TO GET BETTER???
Yes by the growing, I understand that, you cant blame past for your present behavior ❤️🥰
Thanks for this reminder i have been blaming to my childhood but from now i will change
I really needed this to send this to someone
Thank you for laying out facts as is
Help is not available for everyone 😢
Nice to spread awareness. Otherwise it is now on trend that on the name of childhood trauma justifying all the ill behavior
Nonsense! Seems like you don't know anything about the brain!
Challenge for you: show me a neuron independent of its biological past!!!
Stop saying crap without knowledge.
I have been able to understand, grow and be better and have that light of knowledge because of you. Sir huge respect for you.... For how you break down basic things to scientific facts and educate..... Just to understand that people use certain things just as excuses for their worse behaviour. Much love and respect 🙏🏻😃
Learning and deliberately changing... but sometimes it gets overwhelming
Thank you for saying it.
Well this was much needed.❤
Thank you, needed to hear this so bad
Taking accountability is essential
you just solved one of the biggest puzzles of my life. you know! PFC :) as I dont want to live in my childhood trauma.
Yesss! These days people simply deny their responsibility with this excuse
Thank youu for saying this 🙏
I wish somebody I know could have worked on themselves
Absolutely sir 💯
Thank you sir
Exactly exactly 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉yes yesss
Absolutely sir ❤
Very true
Share as much as possible this short ... Every youth of India should here this out!!!
So true! What type of help you are mentioning? How do I improve my PFC?
Absolutely!!!!
So true
So how can we speed up the process on the same
Thankyou Dr.Sid
💯💯💯
Wow❤
Omg! Just had an argument where I had a shout at mom for saying hurtful and belittling things to me and that spoiled my peace of mind. I fought for my right but I had to fight lowering myself to a level of pig, it feels. I hope this would put to an end of mistreatment. But .. really! This does not feel right. Any solution for me?
Brilliant. ❤
I feel this is for me
Here is my hot take!
An apple never falls far from a tree.
Sure I am still working on myself.
If at 25 I am getting matured ask me the same question when I am 50. I am pretty sure by then I will be responsible. 😂
Please make a video on how to control limbic system
I thought some months ago, how much do I or can I resolve that happened in my childhood? Can I resolve everything wrong that happened in my childhood?
CAN ANYONE ACHIEVE HIGHER ATTENTION IN EVERY DAY LIFE NOT FOR ONLY STUDY ALSO FOR CONVERSATION OR ANY OTHER TASK, IF YES THEN HOW?? PLZ TELL ME 🙏
thanks Doc,
how can one measure functioning level of PFC versus limbic ?
Self-assessment can be one ....any other way.... ?
Also is one's ability to get better without anothers help possible?
How to work on one's limbic system
But who will I blame next😢?I don't wanna blame myself 🫠
🎉🎉
Even if someone knows all this, most of them don't have time to invest in themselves because as soon as u cross your 20,a mediocre will inevitably be in the rat race.
100% Agreed
Sir in my MRI , partial empty sella diagnosed as findings and I have severe headache. Lot of stress started after postpartum. I don't know what to do , Dr said it's fine not to worry much and prescribed some medicine. I feel it should not be worse if we ignored it. What should I do please suggest
Dr. For some it may be possible. Not for everyone. Especially when we have adults around us who think maturity and responsibility is obeying and listening to them without uttering a word. In our culture, unfortunately adults dictate and expect us to follow. Perhaps that is the reason most of us end up blaming our parents or elders for our screwed up life.
Trueeee
They throttle us ...
They dictate us
Speaking up equals to badtameezi for them
Wht to do with hell amount of shit locked inside us since childhood!!!!
How to process tht nd let it out
How do PFC and amygdala develop track in ADHD-ers?
I am dealing with some mental issues. Even sometimes feel I need therapy, but can't afford. I have started my articleship a month ago. I realized that my brain's processing ability is not good. Something is wrong with me. I don't behave normal like my other friends. Feeling so helpless😢 Could u plz make vdo on how to work on PFC?
Try Inner engineering, it really helped me
Ccan try vipassana 🙂
Exactly... 💯
What about lifestyle disorder like thyriid
So true!
So can adhders can be called as the ones with a functioning PFC?
I agree with you completely but those abusive people are still there and cause problems I don't think what you told is true
Can a person in depression chronic and its genetic can improve pfc
Itnaaaa sach nahi bolna tha sir 😭
But then how will the mental health professionals and Insurance companies in the West make money 💅🏽if their clients start understanding pre frontal cortex 😛
Some lazy asses won't. We call them narcs.
❤❤❤❤❤
Sir plz provide solution
What about before that it that justify?
Nice 👍
👍
Cool
❤
Absolutely righy
✅️
1000%
It’s rather unfortunate really that we have to spell out something as obvious as this as a hot take
Don’t over bug yourself with this age stuff though. It’s fine if u learn at even 30 or 35 or even 40. Somehow get out of d trap n take responsibility. Sooner d better.
Wow
Correct
Does 🧠 really develop fully at 25?
This s my most imp qsn
True
May b may b not. You are a doc so I’m assuming you know better. So as a child you were fucked (not literally) but now when you are 25 with matured pfc you want the person not to blame the past who made your present challenging. Something to think about.
2 saal bche h abi 25 ka hone m
2 saal kar leta hu😂
So you train someone for 25 yrs to do shitty things and suddenly expect them to act mature and responsible?
😂
Does it really work like that in reality?
Hindi speech
Boss its not the shitty things doing as an adult its the beautiful things lying all around you and not having a clue. These people cant just say all is well, its always lack no matter what. If you are really a doctror stop bullshitting just for views.
Your pfc is more exposed
Bulls eye
Ew
So much new research is being done on trauma in the west and how it impacts EVERY SINGLE aspect of a person's life and here we are stuck in the same mindset from our parents' generation. "Just grow up" lol. Tell me you never had childhood trauma without telling me you never had childhood trauma. Do better doc.
I tried to be Mature bcz of use of my Pre froNtal cortex developed a decade ago..but Cann't escape the Toxic loop of my life
Bcz
My surroundings does not changed,
My parents behaviour doesnot change
They expect me to do All the household chores,takes care of Sick family member, stay in a toxic house hold, do not get a chance to improve my personality, Absolutely No social life, no hobbies, no time For myself ...still wants me to secure a High paying job by cracking toughest competition.😅
How great they are..
Still they want me to Be emotionally attached to them..when they never care for my feelings, my life, my happiness, my safety..not even my younger sibling..enjoying its own life.. and forget me.
Still they Think it is my responsibility..bcz They gave me birth..as a girl..i have to take care of EVERYTHING..
but they do not Ask For Once how i am feeling??
What i want..
But the MAIN ISSUE IS I Still care for them despite of All the anger and disappoIntment.
Why?
Do i become an Emotional slave of my family??
Right