How Do I Stay Present with My Family Members?
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- Опубліковано 22 лис 2023
- Sometimes we just want to run away when family drama ensues. To help us stay present when family members vie for our attention, Eckhart recommends inner-body awareness practice to help us root into the source of attention, avoid the trap of thinking and judging a situation, and shine the light of Being (rather than try to fight against unconsciousness).
When do you find you have a tendency to "lose yourself in the giving of attention" to family members, as Eckhart describes it? What helps you remain rooted in Being?
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It’s easy to say “it’s just conditioning”. Narcissistic criticism is damaging.
When they said she was going crazy, she was awakening.
When they said that she was isolating, she was healing.
When they said she was acting funny, she was growing.
When they said that she had changed, she was evolving.
When they said she did not care anymore, she finally realized that her peace lives within.
When they said he was becoming distant, he was learning to trust himself.
When they said he was losing touch, he was finding his inner voice.
When they said he was being stubborn, he was asserting his boundaries.
When they said he was aloof, he was finding solitude and serenity.
When they said he was being unrealistic, he was dreaming bigger.
❤❤
💛🙏🏽💛
💜
LET THERE BE LIGHT 🌄 🌅🧚♀️💧🍃
LET THERE BE LOVE🌄🌅🧚♀️💧🍃 💜❤️💓💚💛🧡❤️💜 💖
LET THERE BE LIFE 🌄🧚♀️💧🍃🌲🌳🌴🪴🍃METTA🍓🍉🍎🍌🫐🍇🌹🏕️🏡🛖🤽♀️🚣♀️🏊♀️🚣🚵♀️🪂🐤🐣🐒🐶🐱🐹🦊🐰🐻🐷🐼🦉🦅🐴🦄🐝🦋🐞🐟🦢🐇🦥🐲🍚🥑🙏🌄🧚♀️
BHAWATU SABBA MANGALAM
Did you write those sentences??
I was working in a factory in my early 20's and feeling badly about it, then one day out of the blue I thought to myself, "focus on what you have instead of on what you don't have", and the cloud was lifted for a while, until I shared this pearl of wisdom with my mother who responded, "bah, I don't believe that!".
& her mother or father probably told her the same type of isht ?
i know that my moms mom, my gramma, treated me with love & patience as a grandson, but towards my mom it was like her mother had a target/trash can for all of her disappointments, resentments & anger
(pain-body).
😂
I totally get it. I sought (still seek) any acceptance and validation from my mother and she will always find a way to IMPOSE her belief. I am trying to see her conditioned mind as not her fault and have compassion. I can only do my part which is work on my part which is MY belief that it “SHOULD” be another way. ❤
😂
You are blaming your mother but you are the same: you did not listen to what Tolle said.
I understand exactly. My mother left me when I was four years old. I accepted it. I still feel the same.
She was a human being. That’s what I learned. Not just a mother. But a person in herself.
my takeaway on this is about setting expectation, seeking validation, and things that we think we can control but we can't - making others to understand our point. these will lead us to another cycle of suffering in ourselves. thank you again Eckhart for the reminder to stay present, mindful and be compassionate with ourselves, everyone, everything around us
This advice helped me with my relationship ( lack there of)with my mother. She past away at 96.
Without this healing mindset ,I would have never been able to go through this.I kept Eckhart’s teaching close to my heart before and after the visits.
I accepted her conditioning and suffered less in her criticisms. I let her go in compassion and acceptance. May they all rest in peace.
I'm glad you had a realization that your mother's conditioned mind wasn't going to change.
Compassion and love is the only way to set you free from the mindset of the past..
Eckhart teachings are healing..
God bless you on the rest of your journey 💕
My mother is just like how you describe. I am comfortable having no communication with her. Peaceful
Both my parent are just like you discribe
Well put. It doesn’t mean that you stay around narcissistic parents, siblings, people for too long. This is extremely wearing. You have to play this “game”, you can’t be your true self. All you are doing is acting. You are then yes being authentic but , not interacting, and you will really feel isolated. Occasional visits yes longer term no.
To interact with narcissistic types is useless. Remember they probe to get a reaction to feed their ego. The only way they know how to get food ( energy)
Your reaction is not contingent on what’s going on outside of you but rather what’s going on in YOU.
These are the smartest,wise and true words about family relationships I have ever heard in my life.
Don't judge your parents, anyway they don't deserve it. Compassion saves the world❤
So grateful 💓🙏✨🌠 ✨🌺
Absolutely agree…there seems to be a fashion to psychoanalyse our parents and give them a diagnosis of narcissism or ???? It’s really unfair and making young people more unhappy in my opinion. There needs to be less judgement and more acceptance. Parenting is the hardest job to do right so cut your parents some slack and you’ll feel happier.
@@slippery-out-there Absolutely agree 😁❤️🙏
Imagine my parent sale my land, houses I'm in a read cross
@@rogathesarwatt No why? You just go somewhere else.🙏
Took me a long time to stop worrying and feeling hurt about the things my mum used to say to me.
But now, I enjoy her and her qualities outweigh her faults…they always did…I just wasn’t seeing it. This seeing has given me back so much joy & love for her and myself. I think she feels loved and accepted. It’s been a revelation and feels easy to give & receive love
Having compassion for your parents as you would any other person presenting their patterned fears and attitudes helps so much. Thankfully, I eventually learned how to do that years before my mum died - to see my mum as hampered by her own material which she hadn't either chosen to heal, or her conditioning made the options presented for healing unpalatable to her. I could hear and see her as a wonderful woman trapped by her past. I offered her my attention, my care and drew on my own knowledge that parents are not all-knowing Gods!! 😅 I also am a mother, I have times of presentness and rationality, and times, when triggered, when my patterns might play. It hurts to be judged for my patterns, for which I am not to blame. However, it is my responsibility to heal. And so it is for every generation, perhaps, to heal the multi-generational muddles and bring all into the light. With love to all and thanks to Eckhart. Kxxx
I made some really big changes at 46 and oh my gosh I needed my mum more than ever. I have been so depressed and mum's cruelty to myself and my children really shocked us. Been really tough.
My mother taught me a lot, still teaching me today. To stay present no matter what.
She was not a good mother, she still isn’t but I accept her the way she is.
What helped me was seeing that it had actually not come from her, it come from before her and before my grandmother. I can’t pin point when it started but it helped me realise that if I was to hate my mother for how I was raised or how she is, the cycle would just keep on going.
I always have to remember to stay out of my head when I’m around her or when she comes to mind.
LET THERE BE LIGHT 🌄 🌅🧚♀️💧🍃
LET THERE BE LOVE🌄🌅🧚♀️💧🍃 💜❤️💓💚💛🧡❤️💜 💖
LET THERE BE LIFE 🌄🧚♀️💧🍃🌲🌳🌴🪴🍃METTA🍓🍉🍎🍌🫐🍇🌹🏕️🏡🛖🤽♀️🚣♀️🏊♀️🚣🚵♀️🪂🐤🐣🐒🐶🐱🐹🦊🐰🐻🐷🐼🦉🦅🐴🦄🐝🦋🐞🐟🦢🐇🦥🐲🍚🥑🙏🌄🧚♀️
BHAWATU SABBA MANGALAM
Metta🤗💜❤️💚
Exactly- well put👍
What is a good enough mother? These roles are ego constructs, designed as impossible ideals against which we compare ourselves and always feel Guilty...The ego's purpose is Guilt. As long as our mind feels guilt we can't remember Who we really Are. 😂
@@trevelinadelmar4534 one that doesn’t beat, gas light, criticise, manipulate and lie. I am an a extension of her, just a branch off the tree. With the same dis - ease she has.
I fully understand societal role playing.
I also understand the “cutting people out” I choose not to, my mother cut my grandmother out, my grand mother cut my grt grand mother out.
I’d rather!! Use her to become more fully conscious while in her presence, then maybe my consciousness in time just might give my mother a sense of peace she’s never felt.
Thank you Mother’s for bringing me into this world
This was a fantastic session. I needed this right now. Such clarity.
Same with me - but actually for relationship to my husband! I fell into the trap the other day and once again started to justify my way of life ! I became more and more angry about his lack of understanding and shouted at him ! After the argument he left me convinced that I was an aggressive person... .the entire conversation was a waste of time..... 😂
I love Eckhart Tolle ! ❤
Same to me! 😊
🤣"If you think you are enlightned spend two weeks with your parents." 🤣 OMG I live with both my parents at 43!😲😫😂 I knew I was on the right path to enlightment!🤣🌱🧚🏻♀️🙏
I am so grateful to see my mind is full of programs and others are too... lm so blessed to still have my mama and papa around ... lm 51 yrs old awakening now . Thank Goodness
Oceans have waves and always will ..big or small
Just like the brain continues movement we just allow that to pass the brain is a huge storage unit.
Thank you all for my experiences
Xo 🤗
"I hear what your saying. I hear you. "
Incredible Being with such soundful wisdom ☺
We should all be very angry with our minds for misleading and lying to us and causing us so much pain. Better yet, just transcend the mind.
🤣🤙
To survive our childhood we couldn’t be our authentic self. It was not safe to be this. So we used our ego defences to survive. False selves etc. Far from being angry about these “ protectors” we should thank them for helping us get through this . As we integrate our shadows, feel our pain, we can come off these defences. Their neural pathways have forged “ skills” or “talents” that we can use with Awarness.
If we shift our thinking to “ I am consciousness without addressing our “wounds” “ we may miss the necessary healing that we have to do to integrate our shadow parts.
Yes, the finite mind is like a cocoon holding the butterfly captive.
Being angry means having an expectation. But it makes sense to expect our mind act in our best interest! I get so frustrated that it keeps steering me wrong. But that ego saved us when we were creatures just trying to survive, so it is there for a reason. Acknowledge it , observe it, and remember it is not you. But I get sick of that fight!
@@roselowry2960 Exactly, anger happens before realization
This is gold, Eckhart!
I love my mother dearly, she understands me as her son, but not so me as a grown man.
That doesn’t mean that I love her any less.
Certainly not!
Your note saying that my mother would hope that I should be “successful”, as in _financially_ successful, especially for any woman in my life, is exactly on point!
I have needed to learn that I don’t need my mother to understand me.
I accept my mother’s view of her world, but I disagree with her ideology for me.
Since I have moved on from that, I have lifted that burden that you indicate and have come to rest, that we can “agree to disagree”, and our relationship - which hasn’t been _that_ bad by the way - has got a better.
❤
My son keeps telling me that I am a great mom . But listening to this video helps me reflect on my attitude towards my son . Some changes are definitely needed . Thanks for enlightening me !
I appreciate that the universe intervened with the algorithm to present me with this video the day after Thanksgiving. 😂. And not because of my mother if not because some family members make us react irremediably. I who thought I was close to enlightenment yesterday checked that with some theme I have not moved an inch 😂.
Great teaching! Sometimes it's necessary to go no contact with a parent because they will actually try and sabatoge aspects of your life to fulfill their projections of who you should be. Also, a parent can become physical, trying to make you fulfill their projections about who you "need" to be.
This video comes in time for so many of us as holidays approaching. There’s always someone we can relate to with the person who asked the question. Eckhart explained it so well, it guides us how to jump out of our mind, and not to be conditioned like the other person. Thank you so much for your teaching. Gratefully ~ 💕
What a perfect video for thanksgiving time. Haha, thank you Eckhart.
Agreed!!!!!
Thank you, thank you and Thank you.
Thanks Eckhart! It's a perfect video for the holidays! Happy Thanksgiving everyone! 🍂💐🍂💐🍂
Happy Thanksgiving to you too Nicole!💐💜🎉
@@stephenflood3463 💜
I love this man!
Thank you Eckhart
...." occasionally you could see her being shining through her eyes, when she stopped talking .".....😅...I can relate to that
I think my now 23 year relationship with my partner (wife) was "the straw that broke the camel's back". Disapproval and judgement was met on all sides from both siblings and parents. Yet the family must go on! (Despite the more apparent problems that were never truly recognized such as alcoholism and infidelity). What it came down to in the end was the limitations and limiting beliefs that existed in my parents and still exist in my siblings. It is sad. We don't talk to each other anymore--only recognizing our various birthdays. But through self study and listening to helpful people like Eckhart, I realize that I am who I am, and they are who they are--and that's just the way it's going to be.
I need to bring more Presence into my relationship with my Mom. Personally I’m up for change, finally. Used to get trigger by not being understood. But gratitude, awareness, and so much more helped me.
Powerful information. I will be rewatching. And not just for parental relationships but other family AND for the part I play.
I say that I have "quiet quit" my family. In US: " Quiet quitting refers to doing the minimum requirements of one’s job and putting in no more time, effort, or enthusiasm than absolutely necessary. "
That's where I am... no estrangement but minimal interaction and that at my discretion and convenience.
So far, I do not have guilt, etc. for my choice. As far as my mother, I told her that she only had to call and I would collect her to help her move wherever she wanted (there is a step-father situation). I am at peace with my decision(s) but am also reviewing my own conduct!
Way to respond to a Narcissist as per Psychologist Dr Ramani (and tried and tested): the DEEP technique:
DONT DEFEND
DONT ENGAGE
DONT EXPLAIN
DONT PERSONALISE
Do NOT expect Narcissists to “change”. They do NOT change.
Thank you Eckhart ❤ This video is very useful for tonight Thanksgiving & Christmas 😢 same thing with my sister, she's right all the time, at least that's what she thinks 😂 Very helpful, the video we all needed right now 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I relate to the mother story.Thanks Eckhart ❤
This is VERY relevant for me also.. Very similar situation with my parents. More my father, but affected relationship even more EXTREMELY than this person. Been trying to do as advised here tbh as we didn't speak for last 4 years until this year. Similar age as this person also. This must be more common than I thought..
Parents are ego Roles created to raise Guilt when we identify with the perishable body/personality
'I hear you' Eckhart Tolle😊yes now, thanks🙏❤️ı love you🌹
Merci !
Every time I see his video, it's the perfect video for now, it gives me an idea of how to deal with close people who are not used to living in the here and now👌🙂
Yes... There are burdens there in these relationships... Thank you Tolle. You know, one thing I'm contemplating on is the shared nature of these things, or "shared unconsciousness". Like you mention, it can happen, that you make unconsciousness stronger between you. There's a step in Steps to Knowledge that says "nothing has ever been created alone, even in your mind." It's a new viewpoint I haven't been able to grasp yet, but feels very true... That everything is a result of relationship...
Be in a state of gratefulness and presence because that Mother you love and suffer with / without will be gone one day too soon. Miss my Momma every day but so happy to have had the time with her when I did, even in her most criticizing days. Her unawareness made me more aware and less defensive because what's the point? It's just Mom being Mom and don't internalize her ego and outer thoughts.
Happy Thanksgiving all & thank you so much for this video!
Thanks for sharing love, truth. Love and courage for all to be here.
10:10 Yes I do believe in miracles today, thank you, thank you and thank you for it is an honor to be one with you and being in your presence. How can it get better than this? I am very grateful for all of my blessings 🙏, thank you. So much love and so it is namaste
Very revealing information. I’m grateful. Thanks.💓
I like that now it's using music and image before it's started. And not using music during talk. Just perfect!
Thank you
As a young adult I came to realize there were certain topics to steer clear of if I wanted to maintain relations with my parents and my siblings.
Thank you!! Needed this. Love you all. Happy Thanksgiving
Gratitude
You can take this one step further and agree with the person who critisices you. Quite often the total lack of pushback makes them go into such extreme positions that even they realise they are talking nonsense.
Re-evaluation co-counselling (RC) has been around since the 1950s. An observation of how patterned behaviour is formed, how the influence of the patterns can be identified and healed through the discharge process (laughing, crying, shaking and more). In the RC community we learn not to identify the person with their patterns (no matter who they are) but to recognise behaviours coming out of patterned behaviour - which is unhealed pain. We learn how to help each other to heal those patterns. It certainly has helped see all people, including family, as the humans they are within the context of their societal, cultural and family patterned influences. It's a global activity and community for which I am very grateful. kxx
Thanks!
Thank you for your support.
Actual conversation for many young or not many young people.
Thx man👌
Each of his words is laser chosen/focused
Thank you Eckhart, you are divine ❤🙏
I already know my thoughts have 0 value 📣🤸🏽♀️💪🏼*trust*💪🏼🤸🏽♀️📣
Gratitude ❤🙏
Your such a joy. 😂. Thank you
Thank your and happy thanksgiving 🍁
Thank you
I really needed to hear this, thank you Eckhart! ♥
Thank you, I'm 53 and also stopped contact. I recognise this so....
This is what is happening to me with my grandmother and the rest of my family My mother is the best of them all but she still has issues. My girlfriend showed this to me and I'm hoping that I can use it to learn a little bit
How deep your words are!!! Thanks for healing
Beautiful video ❤
Thank you Eckhart 🙏❤️
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Mom is always playing the same old download in her mind 😂 I’m sorry that was so funny I had to pause the video and laugh
Thank you, brother and the team. I believe it is time for the final teaching. Can you answer the hard question of consciousness. Namely, how you or I can do the things we appear to be able to do. Not just externally, of course, but also internally. The question has been answered, but no one until now has bothered to put the pieces together. It is answered quite beautifully by the amalgamation of science, spirituality and religion. Ramanamma Who? Author and 21st-century prophet is the vessel through which the answer is being given to (fake) humanity. Love and Wisdom to you and your families. RW ❤️ 🙏
Thank you ❤🌸
I Love You Eckhart. ♥️🙏☮️
Love this. Thank you Eckhardt! 🤍
Excellent video, full of wisdom & compassion. Thank you x
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Thank you so much it's so helpful
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This is so so true. This is my sister to a T. Thank you.
Brilliant
Thank you so much.❤
So good. Need this. Such right moment
It DOES make a difference because with understanding comes much more compassion and a shift in energy and dynamics in the relationship
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In case of family and people i guess most people's lives are super challenging. 😅😁
Muito muito muito obrigada!
This was so helpful
I can understand that in such trying circumstances, there is an impulse to just 'let it all wash over you' and pay no heed to the parent - and that can make things more bearable. But it does not mean that the situation is not a tragedy. The solution presented is not ideal. Surely there is a way for both parties to agree that they are different and that's okay but still find some fundamental value in and respect for the other?
Epic as always❤
...minha mãe era assim. "já vai né? é só 'batendo perna,' não pára mais em casa, parece que está adivinhando ' passarinho verde', depois não vai dizer que não te avisei, ( virava as costas e saía, e no mesmo momento: voltava) é isso mesmo, e tem mais heim" ...e lá ia ela por aí à fora...
Thanks Eckhart .and happy Thanksgiving 🙂☄️💥⚡
Yes... But how can you keep your love and dedication and respect when your mother keeps bullying you? How can you keep your balance and inner peace when she's alternatively a nice person and a bad, evil person? I have to stay with her, for a while, and I am exhausted by her every day changes 😢
~comments~ I actually feel like my thoughts are less important- texting wise. Like oh Das ma mind. (BTW ur so psychic for making this vid 😂)❤❤❤
Legend ❤🙏
It’s so hard to stay present with my mom and allow her to talk when she is constantly questioning me. I don’t always know how to answer. She is extremely wounded so her questions come from her wounded inner child.
God this stuff is so wise and funny at the same time I'd have fallen to the ground because of laughing if I didn't lied in bed anyway :D
😊 beautiful
i'm laughing so hard at ur story of ur mom and u
😅😊 👍Thankyou dear dr Tölle
💙💙🙏😇
when they feel you are hindrance best way, is to go
Does anyone know the Ram Dass reference he is speaking of? I can’t seem to find, there’s so many! Thank you!