Preventing Abuse in Tibetan Buddhism: Can Gurus be Infallible? (Tenzin Peljor)
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- Опубліковано 27 січ 2024
- In this interview by Damcho of the German monk Venerable Tenzin Peljor, a spotlight is directed at with ways in which Buddhist teachings and practices are used to enable and justify abuse. The notion of an infallible guru comes in for particular scrutiny, and Tenzin Peljor offers a teaching on the three qualities that disciples need to enter into healthy relationships with Vajrayana teachers. He describes his own process of recovering from abusive situations in the Buddhist community he joined originally, only to identify it later as a cult.
Tenzin Peljor is one of the very few monks in the Vajrayana tradition speaking openly about abuse and supporting survivors. He created and manages the "Tibetan Buddhism - Struggling with Diffi-Cult Issues" blog and teaches in Berlin.
Thank you so much for speaking up!!!
I have comments here where I express why I will not be a Buddhist and it is coming from a very negative experience. I do believe that we have a calling to different religions or even no particular religion, but keep our inner knowing of spirituality. I deeply appreciate your strength to face these issues and all that what it needed cognitively to short through. It can be very unpleasant and heartbreakingly difficult to face reality.
I wish people see this video and those with experience of abuse feel validated, those who enable abuse I hope see an other angel, Buddhist angle, that makes them do their practice more sincerely. It is hard? That is the center of the teaching: facing reality.
I do believe that this video can stop immense suffering. Many people experience narcissistic abuse. I heard stories where people committed suicide because they were not supported in their communities. Wifes and children can be harmed in the case of domestic abuse. There are Asian families where it is a reality, but nobody talks about it. Creating a cycle that causes even more suffering. When the only thing they needed was that their reality was not denied and the love of others were provided. Your video touches the lives behind religion and a temple. It touches families. Maybe their tradition is Buddhism, but it is there where we deny it the most.
When your guru has a narcissistic personality disorder, there is not much you can do: everybody fall in the trap of manipulations. I was lucky to get out in less than a year and I learned a lot. Nevertheless, too many Tibetan Lamas have this personality disorder. MY opinion is that it is their culture than promotes this personality disorder.
From this abuse I learned that the real teacher is Vajrasattva and always with me guiding me. So, my lesson was that really guru is nobody else that yourself. Now I can walk alone and practice what Buddha said, not what a Lama says, exactly what it is sayed here at about min 25:00
Timely, well-articulated and extremely valid. Thank you so much for publishing this interview. Sadhu.
A very intelligent and grounded discussion. Thank you.
Well done thank you all!
Everything can be underdone or overdone. Some people lack self esteem, some over confident. A teaching can be used to reinforce your old patterns and tendencies because humans practice self-deception. When it has been the way how they usually like to deal with problems, they will stick with it. If your #1 goal is happiness, why would you practice self awareness, that feels cringe and uncomfortable? Change is hard, not happy. That is why I actually like psychology better because you don't "mystify it". A therapist is a therapist. They can be unhealthy or not trained for the problems you are working on. They are not "gurus", super humans or flawless. You should question things, no blind following etc... When you do it as a Buddhist practice, it becomes much more complicated and you will go down in paths and ignorance that you would not do with a therapist.
(4 Signs You’re Lying To Yourself (+ 6 Ways To Stop It)) I am not saying that all articles or therapist are worth your time, but it is not better how some people practices Buddhism. They can use spiritual bypassing as they pick and choose the way they respond to lives/ relationships challenges. It is a stronger self-deception because you claim that your religion says so...
44:42 It can take years until you see behind the appearance of the community. It took me years. Although I saw hypocrisy early on, I thought I am ok with it, they are a human community doing their best.
Then I realized that there are members who probably are suffering from "some people doing their best". That best was still an abuse and the community enabled the abuser, blamed the abused. I decided that for me, as a person, not only oneness, is not ok.
I decided I prefer psychology and I prefer to take responsibility in this reality and leave when I don't want to be part of creating suffering.
(Not Tibetan practice. But it does not matter. Human communities creat these, doesn't matter what the base of the bond between them.)
22:05
I am not Buddhist. I believe we have different potentials and responsibilities as a human being compare to the time the Buddha lived, or compare to even later times, before we had democracy, and the chance to have power over our own lives. Human communities have people with personality disorders. So does Buddhist communities. Some people are very manipulative and they will exploit others. Buddhism can create a person who is extremely easy to exploit and abuse.
Buddhism also numbs down biological tools that are there for someone to stand up for themselves. Like anger. You need that energy to stand up to a bully. You do need to fight sometimes to survive. So did Buddhist countries too and in history, they did twisted Buddhism for it. (Like Japan in WWII, but it is only one in any other scenarios they fight wars). Survival is not pretty or peaceful.
Most people are not on a level to be able to shift through these psychological realities when certain things in psychology didn't even had a name a couple of decade ago.
I will never be a Buddhist. I suffered from them too much. All this talk about "reality", the goal of one to see their own self clearly, all this we are all the same and to see the clear hypocrisy. Every single thing you say can be over done and under done. Like self love or self hate. It matters who you talk about these, a narcissist or a codependent. Many westerns also have problems with entitlement. If you talk about non attachment that can have a huge problem when a narcissistic person use it as a tool to justify their toxic behaviors. They say: my psychologist said my lack of attachments are unhealthy, but actually I am just a natural Buddhist who is awesome with non attachment.
A community should not enable abuse. Abuse is never ok. Abusing the more vulnerable because the abuser has power is anything but compassion or wisdom. It is hard to clear up a community? It is hard to step up to a bully? So? Isn't it the center for Buddhism? To honor reality before anything else? Is being a bully a sign of the Buddha nature? Is the bully doing well on his practice or needs correction and a hard reminder about causing suffering?
I am *extremely* disillusioned by Buddhist communities and because of that, I am extremely grateful for psychology, neuroscience and science based understanding the self.
I have a self. I have a personality different from others (I am very grateful that people have different personalities - if it is healthy. It makes humanity so much more colorful. It is a delight when it is not toxic.)
In a quantum level, we maybe all one. Not maybe, but yes, I believe we are. But there are different levels of reality and in this one, it is important that I try to be my best self. This reality is not something that we should toss away. The body is important because in your body lies your neural system. It is in this realm when you can change that. Your neural system is an electric current. That is the bridge between this realm and the one closer to quantum. The way you change your behavior is the way you create or cut off circuits. There is an importance in that. (Sorry, it is something I believe in. Not scientific, just my own running of my mind)
The other important point: many people are there for community. They don't even question deeply or dedicated to do the hard things because it's not their interest. They become sheep because they are there to belong. Put one or two dark triad as lead teachers and see how Stockholm syndrome plays out there. Nobody will be interested in reality, but in covering up and punishing the one who sees what's happening.
I am not Buddhist. I believe we have different potentials and responsibilities as a human being compare to the time the Buddha lived, or compare to even later times, before we had democracy, and the chance to have power over our own lives. Human communities have people with personality disorders. So does Buddhist communities. Some people are very manipulative and they will exploit others. Buddhism can create a person who is extremely easy to exploit and abuse.
Buddhism also numbs down biological tools that are there for someone to stand up for themselves. Like anger. You need that energy to stand up to a bully. You do need to fight sometimes to survive. So did Buddhist countries too and in history, they did twisted Buddhism for it. (Like Japan in WWII, but it is only one in any other scenarios they fight wars). Survival is not pretty or peaceful.
Most people are not on a level to be able to shift through these psychological realities when certain things in psychology didn't even had a name a couple of decade ago.
I will never be a Buddhist. I suffered from them too much. All this talk about "reality", the goal of one to see their own self clearly, all this we are all the same and to see the clear hypocrisy. Every single thing you say can be over done and under done. Like self love or self hate. It matters who you talk about these, a narcissist or a codependent. Many westerns also have problems with entitlement. If you talk about non attachment that can have a huge problem when a narcissistic person use it as a tool to justify their toxic behaviors. They say: my psychologist said my lack of attachments are unhealthy, but actually I am just a natural Buddhist who is awesome with non attachment.
A community should not enable abuse. Abuse is never ok. Abusing the more vulnerable because the abuser has power is anything but compassion or wisdom. It is hard to clear up a community? It is hard to step up to a bully? So? Isn't it the center for Buddhism? To honor reality before anything else? Is being a bully a sign of the Buddha nature? Is the bully doing well on his practice or needs correction and a hard reminder about causing suffering?
I am *extremely* disillusioned by Buddhist communities and because of that, I am extremely grateful for psychology, neuroscience and science based understanding the self.
I have a self. I have a personality different from others (I am very grateful that people have different personalities - if it is healthy. It makes humanity so much more colorful. It is a delight when it is not toxic.)
In a quantum level, we maybe all one. Not maybe, but yes, I believe we are. But there are different levels of reality and in this one, it is important that I try to be my best self. This reality is not something that we should toss away. The body is important because in your body lies your neural system. It is in this realm when you can change that. Your neural system is an electric current. That is the bridge between this realm and the one closer to quantum. The way you change your behavior is the way you create or cut off circuits. There is an importance in that. (Sorry, it is something I believe in. Not scientific, just my own running of my mind)
The other important point: many people are there for community. They don't even question deeply or dedicated to do the hard things because it's not their interest. They become sheep because they are there to belong. Put one or two dark triad as lead teachers and see how Stockholm syndrome plays out there. Nobody will be interested in reality, but in covering up and punishing the one who sees what's happening.
I am not Buddhist. I believe we have different potentials and responsibilities as a human being compare to the time the Buddha lived, or compare to even later times, before we had democracy, and the chance to have power over our own lives. Human communities have people with personality disorders. So does Buddhist communities. Some people are very manipulative and they will exploit others. Buddhism can create a person who is extremely easy to exploit and abuse.
Buddhism also numbs down biological tools that are there for someone to stand up for themselves. Like anger. You need that energy to stand up to a bully. You do need to fight sometimes to survive. So did Buddhist countries too and in history, they did twisted Buddhism for it. (Like Japan in WWII, but it is only one in any other scenarios they fight wars). Survival is not pretty or peaceful.
Most people are not on a level to be able to shift through these psychological realities when certain things in psychology didn't even had a name a couple of decade ago.
I will never be a Buddhist. I suffered from them too much. All this talk about "reality", the goal of one to see their own self clearly, all this we are all the same and to see the clear hypocrisy. Every single thing you say can be over done and under done. Like self love or self hate. It matters who you talk about these, a narcissist or a codependent. Many westerns also have problems with entitlement. If you talk about non attachment that can have a huge problem when a narcissistic person use it as a tool to justify their toxic behaviors. They say: my psychologist said my lack of attachments are unhealthy, but actually I am just a natural Buddhist who is awesome with non attachment.
A community should not enable abuse. Abuse is never ok. Abusing the more vulnerable because the abuser has power is anything but compassion or wisdom. It is hard to clear up a community? It is hard to step up to a bully? So? Isn't it the center for Buddhism? To honor reality before anything else? Is being a bully a sign of the Buddha nature? Is the bully doing well on his practice or needs correction and a hard reminder about causing suffering?
I am *extremely* disillusioned by Buddhist communities and because of that, I am extremely grateful for psychology, neuroscience and science based understanding the self.
I have a self. I have a personality different from others (I am very grateful that people have different personalities - if it is healthy. It makes humanity so much more colorful. It is a delight when it is not toxic.)
In a quantum level, we maybe all one. Not maybe, but yes, I believe we are. But there are different levels of reality and in this one, it is important that I try to be my best self. This reality is not something that we should toss away. The body is important because in your body lies your neural system. It is in this realm when you can change that. Your neural system is an electric current. That is the bridge between this realm and the one closer to quantum. The way you change your behavior is the way you create or cut off circuits. There is an importance in that. (Sorry, it is something I believe in. Not scientific, just my own running of my mind)
The other important point: many people are there for community. They don't even question deeply or dedicated to do the hard things because it's not their interest. They become sheep because they are there to belong. Put one or two dark triad as lead teachers and see how Stockholm syndrome plays out there. Nobody will be interested in reality, but in covering up and punishing the one who sees what's happening.
I am not Buddhist. I believe we have different potentials and responsibilities as a human being compare to the time the Buddha lived, or compare to even later times, before we had democracy, and the chance to have power over our own lives. Human communities have people with personality disorders. So does Buddhist communities. Some people are very manipulative and they will exploit others. Buddhism can create a person who is extremely easy to exploit and abuse.
Buddhism also numbs down biological tools that are there for someone to stand up for themselves. Like anger. You need that energy to stand up to a bully. You do need to fight sometimes to survive. So did Buddhist countries too and in history, they did twisted Buddhism for it. (Like Japan in WWII, but it is only one in any other scenarios they fight wars). Survival is not pretty or peaceful.
Most people are not on a level to be able to shift through these psychological realities when certain things in psychology didn't even had a name a couple of decade ago.
I will never be a Buddhist. I suffered from them too much. All this talk about "reality", the goal of one to see their own self clearly, all this we are all the same and to see the clear hypocrisy. Every single thing you say can be over done and under done. Like self love or self hate. It matters who you talk about these, a narcissist or a codependent. Many westerns also have problems with entitlement. If you talk about non attachment that can have a huge problem when a narcissistic person use it as a tool to justify their toxic behaviors. They say: my psychologist said my lack of attachments are unhealthy, but actually I am just a natural Buddhist who is awesome with non attachment.
A community should not enable abuse. Abuse is never ok. Abusing the more vulnerable because the abuser has power is anything but compassion or wisdom. It is hard to clear up a community? It is hard to step up to a bully? So? Isn't it the center for Buddhism? To honor reality before anything else? Is being a bully a sign of the Buddha nature? Is the bully doing well on his practice or needs correction and a hard reminder about causing suffering?
I am *extremely* disillusioned by Buddhist communities and because of that, I am extremely grateful for psychology, neuroscience and science based understanding the self.
I have a self. I have a personality different from others (I am very grateful that people have different personalities - if it is healthy. It makes humanity so much more colorful. It is a delight when it is not toxic.)
In a quantum level, we maybe all one. Not maybe, but yes, I believe we are. But there are different levels of reality and in this one, it is important that I try to be my best self. This reality is not something that we should toss away. The body is important because in your body lies your neural system. It is in this realm when you can change that. Your neural system is an electric current. That is the bridge between this realm and the one closer to quantum. The way you change your behavior is the way you create or cut off circuits. There is an importance in that. (Sorry, it is something I believe in. Not scientific, just my own running of my mind)
The other important point: many people are there for community. They don't even question deeply or dedicated to do the hard things because it's not their interest. They become sheep because they are there to belong. Put one or two dark triad as lead teachers and see how Stockholm syndrome plays out there. Nobody will be interested in reality, but in covering up and punishing the one who sees what's happening.
i won,t forget the dalai lama and other so called respected monks pushing the poison cough injection
8:55 If teahers are projecting an image out that are false, or a community is projecting an image about their community that they know are false: it is not your fault that you were deceived. You don't go to a spiritual place and looking for hypocrisy. You need time to learn about hypocrisy.
When you go to the hairdresser, you assume they know what they are doing.
Why only western people are victims or always complain such things because the Native community like Tibetan and Himalayan people from ladak to arunachal pradesh also have womens, they always keep a certain distance thats why such things are not occurred from pseudo teachers.
Western people should especially make distance from any teachers because if they don't trust someone. Such incidents is more likely in overseas because there , there is no or less native Bhuddhist community.