Why Do I Feel So Hopeless?
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- Опубліковано 19 жов 2024
- Many people with narcissistic parents often feel overwhelmed by feelings of hopelessness. This video explains how hopelessness can be seen as a defensive response to living and having to find ways to survive in an abusive family.
childrenofnarc...
sarahgrahamcou...
I found that so helpfull and listening to it gave me hope lol...because i now understand hopelessness as a defence that i can work thru. Without such understanding i experienced hopelessness as an all encompassing state that i have no power to shift. Thank u so much for this channel, i am learning a lot from the information here, and i love how its presented in a way that is clear and easy for me to access x
My father was a bastard when I was a child, I was the favourite child because I would crawl away somewhere dark & quiet and I'd pass out with the tension in the home that as a toddler, I had no place for! My mother & father took it to be a good thing that I was less work told themselves I was just a "sleepy" child, when in actual fact It was neglect! My mother would forget to dish a plate of food for me at mealtimes because she was living in survival mode too! Due to housing conditions & my father's only ability to provide for the lives he so carelessly created, was to sign the back of his welfare check & grudgingly give it to my mother, so we could at least eat! !Due to all that my brothers, sister & I were in & out of foster care growing up in between these times, my father always wanted to move away from anywhere we lived, he wasn't happy & that's all that mattered! As kids, were made to feel awful just for existing! My father literally blamed us for being born & when he was having a manic episode, he'd slap us around & make us apologise for ruining his life! I will NEVER fucking understand why, after they had child no1 they didn't figure out that parenting wasn't their jam & to put a damn bag on it! I'm 40 now & I try to believe in myself & leave the past in the past, but the damage has been done & I feel so resentful & hopeless that I'll ever recover emotionally & catch up to the rest of society!
I recently realized why I sabotage myself. My idiot NPD father and BPD-HPD mother always wanted to "help me" when nobody asked them to do. I was a smart kid, and did things by myself, mostly pretty good, until these fuckers came to "help". Now, I guess eventually I internalized the belief that I am "incapable" (that is why they need to come help, right?), until I developed imposter syndrome.
Typical when child is scapegoated by insecure, self absorbed, egotistical “ parents”
Took me years to figure that out, the lies thats were projected on me, made me believe that I am incapable of completing the simplest tasks, but in my spirit I knew that it is not true, I am not retarded ( I was viewed as) its mind blowing, so much suffering just in vein, because I se no purpose and reason why destroying own child instead of building up!
Not just imposter syndrome is developed but learned helplessness, zero confidence, suicidal thoughts and profound sense of loneliness
Where can I get more resources and/or support on this topic? I have been in most most recent therapy stint 2.5 years and it has not alleviated these feelings whatsoever. They are the worst now that they have ever been. I have been in treatment and recovery for over 10 years, which just makes me feel more hopeless.
I suspect I am currently in the scapegoat role with my family of origin who are all still alive and in low contact with me. Diagnosed BPD & ADHD and family knows so I am the identified patient & disabled.
Thank you for this informative video. I have so many questions, haha!
❤ from Canada 🇨🇦
Hi latenitetubing,
You might like to look up books by Janina Fisher - she writes about trauma and the different defensive 'parts' of us (the structural dissociation model) and breaks down how our defences are structured. Really interesting and helpful on understanding the effects of trauma.
You might look up James F. Masterson also - he has a book called The Search for the Real Self - lots of explanation about BPD in there (when we have grown up in a narcissistic family).