One hour version of I'll be here for a while
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- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- I have made a song from Milk outside a bag of milk into a one hour cut that synced perfectly.
I don't own this music, Nikita Kryukov does and I do not claim ownership of the song. Credits go to him.
When I feel okay, I stay away from this song because it makes me feel awfully sad. But when I feel awful, this song feels like home. It's really something special.
honestly, i think i feel that way about the whole game
@Jill Jeebus yeah definitely. When I'm feeling awful ill start up the game, turn off my lights, and just live in the atmosphere. It helps, I think
According your text im 24/7 ill
I feel mostly. company, company with sadness, and that company isn't near, it is really far away, but there is someone, giving you company, not support, just company
R/edgykids
In between every up and down in my life milk-chan is there. Every “rock-bottom” I’ve ever hit has been accompanied by a binge of this game, Ive spent countless nights sitting on my computer chair staring at the screen with milk-chan staring back, the text on the screen along with this music playing in the background resonates with my soul. I relate to her in a lot of ways, Im an outcast and a weirdo, my brain functions in a highly irregular way, it’s hard for me to relate to others, sometimes I see and hear things, sometimes my head is like a puzzle…. It goes on and on. Milk-chan makes me feel a lot less alone, but this game also makes me feel deeply depressed. I remember one night, after realizing I’ve been on a binge of drugs such as Percocet, meth, crack, Xanax, heroin, etc… I sat and played this game. That was the most empty I felt in my entire life. I only got a few cutscenes deep, and I just stared, stared into the screen, I didn’t feel anything except for milk-chan’s presence. This song is difficult, it reminds me of the worst times of my life but I also desperately need it when the loneliness caves in, how sad is it that the only person on this planet I relate to is a video game character from an obscure visual novel such as this? It doesn’t matter to me really, I’m just glad it exists.
As somebody who is struggling with insomnia and the inability to cry, im so glad I found this game. The OCD from the first game, social anxiety, the fear of the past etc. It just feels comforting to know I'm not alone in my feelings ❤ This game made me cry, and I really needed that. I may be sick, and hell I may not have slept tonight, but at least I know I'm not alone.
How does the inability to cry work?
@@CatoTato It's like when you're sad, and you know you're sad, but you can't cry. You want to cry, you know your body would feel much better after letting everything out, but for some reason you just can't. I wouldn't wish it onto my worst enemies.
@@StarryMeeps so you physically can’t cry?
@@CatoTato It's not like it's impossible (like it's not a medical condition) but more like my body has just gone numb from my past. But yeah, there are a lot of times when I FEEL like crying, but nothing ever comes out of my eyes.
I love this game so much,the songs,Milk-chan,the story, Its beautiful.
vay be bu oyunla ilgilenen bir türk ilk defa gördüm
undeniably the best game ive played, there's just so much to it i could spend days talking about it
I’ve decided I’m going to use this video as a sort of diary, every day I’m going to write about my day, my feelings, and everything I want to. This game has resonated with me so much and truly changed my life. So this seems like a good way to honor it I suppose. I dunno, I thought this was a neat idea :)
Day 1
January 17th 2024
I realised that my life is pretty boring after some conflict in a group of my friends. There were two sides of conflict. At the beginning I chose one of the sides, but after a while my opinion about situation shifted drastically and I became “neutral”. It’s alright now, nobody’s arguing, but I feel like my friends have forgotten me. Only after being forgotten I realised how I depend on them. Something that was making my life a lot happier went missing. Maybe they don’t need me anymore? Maybe when I decided not to choose between my friends, I lost all of them?
Anyways, now I feel myself completely left behind, so…
*I’ll be here for a while.*
…May I?
I hope you find more friends that is a really bad thing to be in I'm sorry you have to go through that.
Hey it's been 3 months, how's it going?
Hey it's been 3 months, how's it going?
It's not exactly like that but a similar thing happened to me. I don't really know why bout people started avoiding me so it's not I don't exist now. Welcome to group!
I feel you, I'm awfully dependent on my friends and close people too, at the moment, they all ignore me and are happy with their own lives
Im mentally ill [update] it got worse [update] it never got better and I failed at taking my life.[update] genuinely ruined my life everything is shit.
x2
Hi mentally ill I am dad
i love you bro
@@sesvitv Заткнись 😄
You're not alone. Stay strong
Wonderful game, beautiful soothing ost, i wish the game was longer because now im back at reality.
some realities not far away from the game
This game is like a therapy for me. I feel comfortable every time I come back again. In many ways I can relate to the girl.
I have such a strong affection for this game.
Or am I just insane?
nah man, in many ways I can relate. not specifically with this game, but there was an another game which name I won't say, but it's basically really nostalgic for me even though I played only one time not too long ago. and it feels really weird, I can't explain it. it just sorta stuck with me and I can't do anything about it, however I do enjoy the fact that it exists in the same world I do, and that's already enough
this game is literally the best thing that happened in my life
me same
@@anubisfox3841This game literally saved my life, it wasnt that worth of im sure it will now. Love this game
Really a great game wish there were more like it, makes me want to learn how to code to make a sequel or a movie
Keep going struggler, stay here for a while gathering your thoughts
I went to a local music show today, and it was really cool! We got to see a New Wave band and a Punk band play back to back which was odd but awesome! After that we got some tacos from the food truck and then headed home.
Great day :D
Day 67th
March 24th, 2024
мужик перепутал личный дневник с комментариями к видео
this is the version that will keep playing for a while.
The sublime is disappointingly elusive.
I wrote a scene for a story I'm working on to this song. While it doesn't fully fit the song itself, nor the theme of the game. It was a good background track to just write to with no interruptions. Here is the scene. (yt doesn't like italicizing things so everything that has an * and is separated from the other paragraphs is internal thought from Skylar, the main character.) (I had to put this is in two separate posts, the next part is the 1st reply to this)
“That’s our exit.” Oli spoke, breaking the silence as he pointed at a green sign that rose above the interstate. It read Mt. Hazara Recreation Zone. Turning the car onto the off ramp, and onto a country road he eventually turned into a dirt trail that led deep into the wood, then into a large clearing. “Here we are.” He put the car in park, and shut it off.
As I got out, my eyes adjusted to the darkness, revealing the tapestry of stars that blanketed the sky above. A faint cloud of light and color stretched across the expanse. “Is that the milky way?” I pointed at it.
“Yep, it’s actually a little less visible than I remembered.” He sighed. “But at least we can still see it.” He sat on the hood of the car, patting on it for me to sit next to him.
*Tell him before you don’t have a chance.
This is honestly the worst time I could do it.
There is never a good time for bad news.
You’re right but I just….don’t wanna hurt him.*
Taking a seat next to him, I stared into the cosmos above, letting my eyes wander from each and every stare to the next one. “Hey Oli.” My voice was low as it escaped my lips.
“What’s up?” He leaned back on the car.
“I…have something to tell you…and it’s something that is hard for me to even begin to say….but I don’t think it’s fair to keep it to myself cause you just poured your heart out for me.”
“What is it? Is it something to do with what happened yesterday?” He asked, anxiety tinged the edges of his words. His eyes widened as they searched my face, as if he was desperately trying to read my expression, any form of confirmation or denial to his guess.
“No, it’s actually from a lot longer than a day ago…but-” I took a deep breath. “I am dying.” The words hung in the air between us, like a cloud.
“Y-you’re joking right?” He sat up, staring at me. “You are joking, right?” He repeated, as I didn’t respond to the first. “How long do you have left?”
“Late January at best. At worst-tomorrow?” I shrugged.
He stared at me, his lips trembling, as if to allow my words to echo within his own mouth. “How long did you know?” He leaned closer, frowning.
I stood up, pacing back and forth. “About a year. I found out when I went for my last heart exam.” I sighed. “The doctor told me, and I guess I haven’t truly registered what those words meant until now.”
“So…what are you gonna do?”
“I’m just gonna keep on living like I’ve been. What’s done is done. When it’s my time, I guess that’s it.” I stopped in place, and stared up to the sky. “I mean, I’m happy with how everything turned out I guess. I’ve got friends, people who I care for, those who care for me…and if a part of me lives on in just one of them, then maybe I’ll live forever.” Breaking my gaze at the sky, I turned to Oli. “Right?”
“Maybe. But I don’t wanna lose you, Sky.” He got up to meet me.
“You won’t lose me.” I said, pointing at the stars. “I’ll always be right there, shining among the stars.”
“It’s just…I-” He trailed off. “How could you be so casual about this!?” His eyes narrowed, flickering between a volatile cocktail of disbelief, agony, and anger. “How could you think I’d be okay with this?” His voice cracked, letting the pent up emotion break through like a flooding dam.
I pulled him into another hug, placing his head on my shoulder. “I know it’s hard…it’s hard for me. But I don’t want my last moments to be spent in grief, and pain.” I smiled. “You know I hate that sappy stuff.” Releasing him, I looked him in the eyes. “I really do want to live, even if it’s just for a while longer.” I sighed, “Besides, being upset won’t really change anything… believe me I tried.”
A weak smile graced his lips as he nodded. “Well then we’ll make each moment together count.” A tear escaped his eye, falling to the gravel beneath us. “So…what’s wrong …or why are you dying?”
“Well…normally I don’t tell people this story.” I nodded towards the car. “It’s probably better if we sit for this.” Taking a seat on the hood next to Oli, I took a deep breath. “You see this scar?" I pointed to my eye. "a relic from the 2007 attacks. “Shrapnel, right in the eye. But that wasn't all. I was hit in the chest too, by a piece of bench from the bomb's epicenter. It didn't kill me," I looked away. "but it left a silent time bomb in my heart."
Oli leaned in. “How did you find out?”
“Well I was in the gym, like ten years ago and then I just collapsed. I couldn’t breath, speak or even move. It was a heart spasm… it felt like my entire chest was getting crushed, but exploding at the same time.”
“God…that must’ve been so terrifying.” Oli said, his voice barely a whisper.
“The worst part was waking up in a hospital with a bunch of tubes, and wires attached to me. The doctors said it was a mild heart attack, and for someone my age that’s…y’know a sign that something might be very wrong.” I layed back, placing my head on my arms. “They ran some tests, found the damage and did a surgery to try and fix it, but…it didn’t work, and it happened again a year later, so they tried the same surgery again.” I placed my hand over my heart. “Eventually they just gave up on me, anything else and they’d only damage it more... So here we are…I guess.”
He looked at me, opening his mouth to speak, but never finding the words. He laid on the hood of his car next to me. “I’m sorry you went through all of that alone.”
“Well all that matters is that I’m not alone anymore…I’ve lived a life I think was worth living. I’ve got you and I’ve got the people I help out everyday that care about me.” I stared at the never ending expanse of stars and dust above us. “I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. I… just didn’t want to worry you. You already had so much on your mind, with school, and your father.” I sighed, sitting up and pulling my knees close to my chest. “I just didn’t want it to come as a surprise if I just stop showing up in the morning for coffee. I doubt any of the people who work with me would even know to tell you what happened.”
Oli sat back up, placing a hand on my back. “Well, I’m glad you told me. It probably took a lot more to do that than anything I’ve ever had to do.” His voice was low, and soft… little more than a whisper. “You’re the strongest person I know, to carry that burden around for so long. The hardest part became letting it off.”
I turned to him. “I wouldn’t say that. I’m still afraid to die, afraid to stop being who I am. Afraid to hurt the people who care for me by disappearing without a trace. I mean, who would tell you? Who would tell Jess or the kids I read to earlier today. Even if I’m not alone now, what about when it actually happens. Where will I be?” Ragged breaths surged through my chest. “Alone in my room, where no one will find me for a few days at the most? Or will I be sitting in the park drinking a coffee with the sunrise, never seeing it coming at all? What would it be like, is it just gonna be quick and silent, or will there be a scene with me thrashing about, flopping like a fish who's been dropped on the sand by some cruel fisherman?” Tears pushed at the edges of my eyes, the saltiness burning and irritating my cornea. “I’m not strong…I’m not brave…I’m just scared… I’ve had to put up this facade for the last few years, and now it’s all catching up to me.” I turned my head forward, letting the tears flow. “I’m just a liar, acting like nothing’s wrong even though in less than two months everything could just end.”
“Well you’ve shared it with me, that takes a lot of strength to do. Y’know.” He stood up from the hood of the car, pacing around and rubbing the scruff of his chin. “Y’know I’ve also got a hard question of my own to ask.” He paused, turning towards me. His face, illuminated by the dim amber lights, was lined with furled brows and a flat mouth. “This is probably a bad time, but I was never good with timing.” He met my eyes. “Would it be okay if I stayed with you…y’know until the end?” He reached his hand out for me to grab it.
I got up from the hood of the car. “No, Oli.” I turned away from his open arms. “I can’t let you do that…I just…can’t.” Each word cut through the cold air like knives leaving my throat. His eyes burrowing into the back of my head, the feeling of betrayal piercing my skull. “I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
*What are you doing?! What do you think this is gonna do? You think he’s gonna move on more easily? Do you really think this is the goodbye he deserves?*
“It might be easier,” I whispered in a surrender. “It might be easier if you could just forget me before I die.” My hands curled into fists, trembling as they tightened as much as they could. The words hung in the air, trapped in the clouds leaving my mouth with each breath. “I’m…sorry. For everything.”
The world around us grew silent. The wind even stopped, not a single creature on earth dared to disturb the air that had grown so heavy. It was like the stars held their breaths as they stared down from above.
“No.” Oli responded, his voice firm, yet soft. “I can’t do that.” Gravel crunched beneath his feet as he approached. “You mean too much to simply forget like that.” His words echoed against the mountains on either side of us, filling the valley.
I turned to face him, reaching my hands out to stop him. “Oli…I-” He pushed my hands down.
“I’m not leaving now, not when you need someone the most. I’m right here, as I’ve always been since we’ve known each other. I didn’t leave then, and I’m certainly not leaving now.” His eyes reflected the stars and moon. He reached his arms out to embrace me in a hug, allowing my head to rest on his shoulder.
“I…” I failed to find the words to push him away. “Thank you.” I sighed, letting my weight shift towards him. “For not giving up on me.”
We stood embracing each other, sharing the warmth in the cold air. His heart beat, steady, strong, even… unlike the whirlwind of thoughts racing in my head.
“You should rest.” He said, patting my back, and rubbing his hand up and down with each pat. “You’ve had a long day. Let’s get you home…are you okay with that.?”
I nodded, wrapping my arms around him. “Yeah…that’d be nice.”
“You got it.” He released me, and unlocked the car.
We both entered the car and sat in our seats. Starting the car he got back onto the main road and drove back towards the city.
“So…about what you said…about being with me until the end.” I faced him as he stared ahead at the road in front of us. “What exactly did you mean by that?” my cheeks grew warm.
His eyes dashed down and to the side. “I…love you.” His words filled the cab. “I want to be with you, until the end. Whether it be two days from now, or twenty years.” He glanced at me. “It’s not about how long you have left. It’s about how we use the time you have left.”
“I…just don’t want to be the reason you’re hurting.” I stared back at him.
He smiled. “Whether or not, you die today or two years from now. It’ll still hurt. But if I can make the time you have left happier. It’ll be worth the pain I may feel.”
“Oli…” I started. “I…love you too.” I swallowed as tears once again strained against my eyes trying to break free.
i read the whole scene and now i'm hurt... also i know the scene wasn't made with this song in mind, but it actually fits the starry cold night and the mood of the scene. I'm really invested in their relationship, I want to read more when you finish it. Please don't give up!@@foxtrotgamerutube
i love the way this game brought a community of people together that all interpret the game in a different way that they are able to relate to, i'm sure a lot of the experiences are the same, but there must be a variety of people that see this game in ways they can relate to right? its hard to explain but basically I feel like this game wasn't made to have a crazy story or origin, but for the player to make it up for themselves what different events and aspects of the game mean, i dont know maybe im going too in depth into a concept that could just be really simple. I personally only had 1.5 hours played but this game really made it milestones into my brain and heart like no other game or movie has before.
I was met face to face with the remains of the corpse.
The eyes were mold. The hair was mold. The nose was mold, the mouth was mold, the chin was mold. The hands were mold. The arms were mold. The legs were mold. The feet were mold. The torso was mold. The hips were mold. The back was mold. The knees were mold. The elbows were mold.
I saw it decay in front of me, I could’ve sworn the tiny bits of moss flew at me.
Day 46th
March 4th, 2024
I don't know if you are doing actual diary entries or if this is creative writing but I hope you are doing okay, there was a time I would do live journals and it made me cry reading yours but not in a bad way, I hope you are doing okay
@@diplodocus6969 It was diary entries, I just quit doing them because I felt my life was getting better, and it was just kind of tedious. It’s sorta weird but cool to look back on now lol. Either way the game’s creator (Nikita Kryukov) actually replied to one of these :D
@@uncarbonatedcola9190 WOAH NICE
I love you Milk-chan. Milk-chan will never leave me.
Real
True AHAHAHAH
real
real
real
Я периодически размышляю под эту музыку, стоит ли мое существование хоть чего-то. Хочу охарактеризовать ее как некое забвение.
Не стоит лезть в эту тему.
да лан похуй. бро живи с толикой похуизма на своей стороне и не давай таким мыслям забивать голову надолго
Surprisingly social day tbh
I invited a couple people to a show our band is opening up but even aside from that, I’ve been talking to a lot of people today, so that’s something ig? Idk. I wanna go to bed now xD
Day 85
April 11th, 2024
Hey dude! I'm glay to see you stick to your thing in this comment section. Hope you dont mind me reading some, haha.
Time really flies huh
I hope you doing well!
@@ssimplerumbling LET PEOPLE DO THEIR THING!!!!
@@uncarbonatedcola9190 this was your last one man
Today was brilliant!!
First day of camp was awesome! And all the songs we picked so far I love.
When you're frozen with pain and feel like melting away, but it still hurts to exist
I can't explain why this makes me sort of happy and sad like- I just can't explain it, the uncanny part of it- I don't know damn this is weird. Thank you?
I couldn’t sleep at all tonight, that’s why I’m posting this so late. I’ve been usually doing these right before I sleep so, I’m finally getting a nights rest. At 8:30am. Fuck, what has this come to. But other than that, today, or technically yesterday, was pretty uneventful, I’ve just been sad, like before. What is there to expect I guess. :)
Day 10
January 26th 2024
Today was sorta eventful, I went out to eat and had a guitar lesson, food was good, and the guitar lesson went fine enough. But not too interesting. Tomorrow is my first day of camp though, so I’m looking forward to that! :D
Day 51st
March 9th, 2024
Today is a pretty cool day, Liam left and went home so that kinda sucks. But I went to a local coffee shop for some coffee and I got a pizza bagel lolz. After that we went to see a the venue I’ll be playing music at around late May. Then I went home, took a walk, and then had one of my favorite foods for dinner, gnocchi!
All in all, awesome day, maybe my life is starting to come around?
Day 78
April 4th, 2024
Some to say ig, Today’s schedule at school was weird, it’s gonna be weird tomorrow too so that sucks, as when I got home I had a random anxiety attack which sucked. But other than that, today was fine I guess. So happy Valentine’s Day, and also happy birthday Nikita Kryukov!
Day 27th
February 14th, 2024
Pretty cool day. Started off with some of my friends coming over to my place to play some music, after that I went to a local concert, and then ended the day with some more Azumanga Daioh (lol)
So overall, very musical day xD
Day 81
April 7th, 2024
На протяжении 3 последних лет я чувствую только одиночество, страх и холод 24/7.
Я боюсь будущего.
Я не знаю кем или чем я буду в будущем, даже в самом ближайшем.
У меня никогда не было отношений, однако, я очень хочу чтобы меня кто-то обнял.
Когда-то у меня были друзья, но я всех потерял.
Даже когда я пытаюсь влиться в общество, мне очень сложно смотреть на людей.
Я не чувствую что меня кто либо понимает.
Неужели я многого прошу ?
Я хочу лишь тепло.
Мне постоянно страшно.
Я боюсь
Этот мир был создан явно не для всех.. Нам все-равно ничего не остается.. Либо мы найдем человека, который подарит нам новую жизнь, либо же бесславно кончим, не имея возможности адаптироваться. Надеюсь, вы хотя бы сможете подождать еще немного. Так или иначе.. Торопиться некуда.. Смерть и так заберет то, что ей причитается. Хотя как же просто разочароваться в этой бессмысленной попытке найти смысл. Мне жаль.. Надеяться не на что.
Я совсем не альтруист, но, возможно, вам нужна помощь? Даже если нет, поживите еще какое-то время. Хоть так цена жизни будет чуть выше...
@@Misa65 На данный момент все плюс минус наладилось.
Я подумал про себя в сотый раз как до этого: «срать я на это всё хотел».
И в принципе продолжаю свое бренное, абсолютно лишенное какого-либо смысла,существования.
Дабы себя утешить стал снова думать что все счастливые люди это нормисы и я один такой дохуя особенный.
Ну конечно это не так, всё это для самоутешения, не более.
А так, пока что, думаю сам справлюсь.
@@sickseraph98766Продолжать оставаться в живых во всём этом вечном аду? Похвально. Возможно, когда-то что-то и изменится, но явно не сейчас.. Удачи справляться с этим. Кто знает, кто останется жив.
@@Misa65 И вам не хворать
@@Misa65 Могу поинтересоваться как у вас ситуация в жизни обстоит ?
(Можете не отвечать если считаете что вопрос вообще ни к месту)
this game made me realize how much my mental health changed me, in ways i mourn for my past self, i have to come to accept this change
Well today wasn’t too interesting but it had a few neat moments, I got to talk to a counselor and I also went out to eat Mexican food which was great. All in all, probably the best day I’ve had in a while. At the very least this week. :)
Day 15th
January 31st 2024
Today I rehearsed for the music project thing which was fun! Henry (Lead guitarist) couldn’t come though which kinda sucks, but me, Eddie, and Ginny were still there, so that’s cool!
Day 63rd
March 20th, 2024
Pretty well-rounded day, some good, some bad. Today’s schedule in school was different and we had an assembly, the same thing is going to happen tomorrow as well. So that’s pretty cool. What sucks though is that on the bus, some asshole middle school started throwing all the stuff in my bookbag on the floor for some reason, and it was raining so the floor was kinda wet from all the wet shoes and stuff. Everything’s fine, but that sucked. Either way though, pretty cool day. :)
Day 8
January 24th 2024
Today wasn’t too special, I just had a regular (and bad) school day, went home, took a nap, and ate dinner. Same old, same old. Eh, whatever. I have a bunch of cool stuff to look forward to in the future! :)
Day 6
January 22nd 2024
Today was really fun! Best day I’ve had in a while.
First off, I went hiking and had a blast. We got to go to a river and see so many beautiful places, I loved it.
Then, we went to this Asian grocery store and they had TONS of really cool stuff. Me and Liam both got this really cool Japanese soda with a marble inside it. It’s probably the best soda I’ve ever had!
Amazing day, really happy! :D
Day 77
April 3rd, 2024
My friend Liam is staying the night, we hang out a lot today, we also tried whataburger for the first time today, pretty good!
All in all, swell day. :)
Day 76
April 2nd, 2024
i love you for this
I’m not happy at all
People don’t like me, people stress me out.
I want to be alone by myself forever.
Day 74
March 31st, 2024
life is horrible
Yeah. I thought it would be so much more than what it turned out to be. I miss the colors, I can't see them anymore.
.
Well today was better, but weird. I forgot my phone at home today so I didn’t have it at school, but luckily it just happened to be the day I snuck my switch into school so that’s fun. All in all, better day today. Let’s hope it stays that way. :)
Day 20th
February 5th, 2024
she literally me, fr (jokes aside i love this song, one of my favourites of the OST along with 'death music?')
“I’m so happy, ‘cause today I’ve found my friends. They’re in my head.”
Day 49th
March 7th, 2024
Woow you still here, impressive
We had a school assembly today, which once again made the schedule sorta weird, but it was Alr, other than that, not much to say other than tomorrow is the last day before spring break! :D
Day 71
March 28th, 2024
Today at camp was good, but Bella wasn’t able to come that day sadly since she had after school. Oh well, still a great day!
Day 55th
March 13, 2024
I haven’t gotten much done today, it’s just been sorta boring.
But I’m backing to school again, and I hate it more than ever. I can do the work, but it’s the people, I hate everyone. Idk if it’s some sorta random misanthropy I picked up on throughout the weekend or what, but I hate everyone I see at my school. So that’s something.
They just make me so angry.
Day 61st
March 18th, 2024
Мне очень стыдно в этом признаваться но вероятно я психически не здоров и при этом не обращаюсь за соответствующей помощью профессионала.
Я понимаю что могу нести вред себе и возможно даже окружающим, и даже с осознанием этого факта я не в силах заставить себя разобраться с этими проблемами.
В последнее время я всё чаще и всё серьёзнее задумываюсь о самоубийстве. Я ненавижу себя за то кем являюсь, я не вижу для себя никаких перспектив и боюсь думать о том что со мной будет дальше. Я чувствую что для окружающих я не представляю ничего кроме обузы, что я не могу нести для близких ничего кроме разочарования. Я знаю что я должен делать и что мне станет лучше если я просто обращусь за помощью, я знаю это но не понимаю. Это невозможно описать но это то как работает моё сознание, я просто не могу довериться незнакомому человеку для которого мои проблемы это не больше чем работа.
Я уже как факт принял то что я ещё не мёртв лишь потому что убить себя сложно и после меня останется слишком много грязи. Моё гниющее тело, кровь, что угодно. Если бы был способ просто исчезнуть не оставив от себя ничего, я наверное воспользовался бы им.
Мне больно и я даже не понимаю почему, я веду себя странно и пугаю друзей, я ненавижу себя и боюсь лишний раз напоминать о себе.
порой мне хочется просто извиняться за то что я существую, и от этого я ненавижу себя ещё больше
@@EttaKamenatios давай для начала ты хотя бы с chat gpt поговоришь там я не знаю или попробуешь еще раз а то ну как то совсем печально
@@EttaKamenatios Чел, я не психолог или психотерапевт, но по-моему субъективному мнению, нужно просто закрыть глаза и через не могу обратиться за помощью. Тебе от этого не убудет, а помочь очень вероятно смогут. Главное, не отчаиваться и карабкаться вверх. Я не знаю, есть ли люди кто тебе помогает, но я хочу сказать что каждый человек может быть в такой ситуации и стыдиться здесь нечего. Ты единственный в своем роде и не надо стесняться своих проблем, потому что если люди привыкли лечить геморрой и сифилис, то почему стесняться лечить психическое здоровье ? Это предрассудки, которые еще никому не помогли. Мир не станет лучше от того что кто-то наложит на себя руки, но вот то что он станет хуже - это факт.
Не буду тебе указывать что делать, но я искренне желаю тебе сил и терпения, потому что ты в силах это решить. Пусть сейчас очень темно, но один великий классик сказал:
"Чем гуще сумрак, тем светлей в бою
Чем темнее ночь, тем скорей расвет будет"
Удачи тебе, анон
Самодиагностика может принести больше вреда чем пользы, но если ваше состояние мешает вам, то это уже достаточно весомая причина обратиться за помощью к профессионалу. Как минимум для того чтобы убедиться, что вы и в самом деле больны.
не могу утверждать, но возможно вы не можете с этим разобраться, потому что вы просто устали? Если вас постоянно преследует
это чувство вины и отчаяния, то вероятно вы не можете выбраться из них потому что ужасно истощены. Не давите на себя так и делайте все в своем темпе. если вы не можете обртиться к профессионалу сейчас, дайте себе время - отдохните от этой мысли или попробуйте найти альтернативу психологу. От того что вы часто об этом думаете, мысль никуда не пропадет. Конечно, не стоит слишком с этим затягивать, ведь проблема не исчезнет, но всем нужен отдых. дайте себе время. Не дуймайте об этом.
также вынуждена предупредить, что психолог не сможет магическим способом избавить вас от проблем. психотерапия полностью зависит от вас и вашего желания работать над собой. Вполне возможно, что вы захотите бросить это все, потому что тяжело стараться сделать себя лучше - ваша боль уже стала для вас зоной комфорта.
Психотерапия нужна не окружающим вас людям, в первую очередь она нужна именно вам. если вы пишите это, значит вы жалеете себя, а по моему мнению это уже форма любви к себе. Нет ничего плохого в том, чтобы помочь себе. как бы ужасно это не звучало, но никто не сможет вам помочь, если вы не захотите помочь себе. Если ввашем окружении есть люди, которые могут протянуть руку, то это замечательно,но они не смогут вас спасти.
Психолог это и вправду незнакомец, но не легче ли открыться незнакомцу, который вас не осудит? Прямо сейчас вы открыли свою душу абсолютным незнакомцам в интернете зная, что мы прочитем и пройдем мимо, а кто то даже не дочитает до конца. Это маленький шаг, но вы должны гордиться собой за то, что сделали его. Психолог делает это не просто потому, что это его работа. Что то заставило этого человека выбрать именно эту профессию. Вам может показаться, что психологу плевать, но это просто их обязанность смотреть на ситуацию со стороны, ведь вы не можете этого сделать. Если бы специалист искренне сочувствовал вам, то не смог бы провести вас верной тропой. также психологам звпрещено что либо советовать не потому , что им плевать. Это потому, что они просто ваши помошники - главная задача психолога это дать вам возможность выбрать путь самостоятельно.
Бояться будущего - нормально. Если вы испытываете потерянность и страх, значит вы еще заботитесь о себе в какой то степени да и просто страх неизвесного пугает многих. Если вы сделаете шаг навстречу этому будущему то увидите, что оно не такое ужасное как вы думали. Реальный мир страшен, но он стоит той боли, которой надо заплатить за счастье.
Я не знаю в каких вы отношениях со своими близкими - но если они правда любят вас, то любят даже со всеми недостатками. если вы откроетесь им то им буде больно от того, через что вы проходите, но это не катастрофа. я слышала фразу - Разделенная боль уменьшается, разделенная радость преувеличивается, и я думаю что она правдива. вы и так причиняете им боль(если опираться на предыдущие высказывания о сложности заболевания) будет лучше дать им понять причины по которым вы поступаете так или иначе.
Даже если вы ненавидите себя, я рада что вы все еще живы. это показывает, что вы сильный человек и еще можете бороться, даже если вам тяжело и сами вы смысла не видите. Для вас еще все возможно, просто к этому нужно долго идти, но не теряте надежду, ведь каждый заслуживает счастья. Плохие люди не думают о себе плохо. Если вы склонны к самоманализу и можете признать свои недостатки, то вы уже делаете шаг к тому, чтобы стать лучше.
Я верю, что вы сможете найти для себя путь к лучшему будущему. Вы прекрасны и не заслужимваете той боли, через которую вам приходится проходить.
Если захотите выказаться вот так, без каких либо последствий, можете написать мне в тг(nuoana). Даже если вам сложно, высказав другому свои мысли, вы можете и сами узнать больше о себе и понять себя.
Берегите себя❤🩹
when i'm listening to this piece, i'm stuck at it and waste my 1 hr of living.
Tired
Same. Doesn't matter how much I sleep, always tired. Tired in my body, tired in my head, tired in my heart. Just tired, of everything. I wish I could go to sleep and dream forever. But every morning I wake up back here, in this Hell.
@@juliagoetia How many hours do you sleep usually ?
My time is 7 hours, max was 10
Today’s schedule at school was interesting I guess, we had a different schedule than usual.
Other than that, not much to talk about really. Not a bad day, but nothing notable.
Day 70th
March 27th, 2024
я устал
я отдохнул
теперь за работу
Воняешь слабостью
My plushies I’ve been waiting for months to get finally came today! Also it’s Friday so it’s good either way, not much happened, but pretty good day :)
Day 3
January 19th 2024
Today had a lot of good and a lot of bad.
The bus got a flat tire on the way back to our houses, and before we could get a replacement bus, a huge storm came through, either way, I was really late to being home. Good thing is though, I rehearsed some songs with some of my friends for a project, and it was really fun and we wrote 2 songs! Hell yea!
Day 41st
February 28th, 2024
Today sucked.
I got to saw Eden, and that’s a good thing. But my social anxiety screwed me over and I couldn’t say hi, ruined my day.
Day 56th
March 13, 2024
Not much happened today either, but I submitted a project that was being worked on all week for school, so that’s cool. :)
Day 43rd
March 1st, 2024
i’m hopeless
Day 59th
March 16th, 2024
Gaslight
Gatekeep
GIRLBOSS💪💪💪💪🕋💪🏿🇮🇱🌲🫀🫀👱🏻♀️👱🏻♀️👱🏻♀️👱🏻♀️
💪💪💪💪💪💪
I know what she feels like.
My legs are covered, it’s all I really recognize anymore, it’s so warm, it’s almost piercing. Make it end. I’m lost, I’m lost here, can’t you tell. I’m sorry to creator, I’m sorry to the artist, please forgive me. :)
Day 18th
February 3rd, 2024
Not much to say today at all, just really standard. Only thing worth noting is, I’m on spring break now! :D
Day 72
March 29th, 2024
Лично сам испытал почти полное одиночество в которое загнал себя сам, на этом фоне стал очень много размышлять для чего я существую и другие вопросы на которые нету ответа, на протяжении первого года было просто чувство тревоги, на протяжении второго года это вылилось в очень частые панические атаки. По несколько раз в день, дни когда их не было были отдыхом для меня. Потом я просто устал, не сказать что всё это было тяжело. В компании моих прошлых друзей нашлась девочка которой стало на меня не безразлично после того когда ей рассказали кто я и с чем живу. На сегодняшний день я почти перестал чувствовать какую либо тревогу, из всех кто у меня сейчас есть это мама и она, после того когда она появилась в моей жизни мне наконец-то стало интересно жить.
so true
you know you can just loop the original video right
This one has a better thumbnail tho
@@Lukas-qm8sr ur literally me fr
Life is a struggle for all and for few,its sad that many go through pain and few go through none yet the stuggled become the free while the free soon become stuggled,when given all,all will be taken.
Breathe,for you are alive and well,Breathe for you have sinned yet continue to do good,Breathe for you seek freedom and forgiveness,Breathe for Christ Jesus has given you so.
Breathe for if even you do not believe in the Lord you still love and live,Breathe for times are hard and struggle are many,reward is plenty too.
I hope you all get through what you stuggle with and are going to stuggle with.
Not sure if most people will get this reference, but gives me MAJOR ZIZZ Studio during their "Saya No Uta" days kinda vibes.
I know someone that is kinda similar. It feels like a weird coincidence.
Still sick, but feeling better both physically and mentally, not much happened today, but that doesn’t matter, today was just cool!
Day 39th
February 26th, 2024
Today was also neat! I went out to eat, and plan a house remodeling with my grandpa, after that I went home and at a bunch of junk food xD, great day, hopefully it stays good. :)
Day 34th
February 21st, 2024
Today had good news and bad news. Bad news: I’m sick, that sucks. Good news: I’m just the right amount of sick to not go to school today, but also have my friend over! So today I hung out with my friend Liam for a while and we played some games, and even had some tacos, yum! Anyways, other than that, tomorrow I have a little recording practice in a studio for music, that’s pretty exciting and I’m looking forward to it. :)
Day 36th
February 23rd, 2024
no comment.
Day 62nd
March 19th, 2024
Finally home, exhausted but happy. Not much has happened though. I guess that’s fine though, I need a break.
Day 31st
February 18th, 2024
😪
No comment.
Day 73
March 30th, 2024
Peak
Nothing good has happened today.
My boyfriend broke up with me.
My life is shit.
I’m in depression again.
I’m exhausted.
But I guess I’m ending all of these with a smile, just today I won’t actually mean it. Today was hell. :)
Day 9
January 25th 2024
Hang in there my dude ❤
@@sacrificethembuns9589 I will, I’ve been exhausted to my core and only all of this has made me realize it. But I don’t really have a reason to go or anything. I guess this song’s title is fitting. :)
@@uncarbonatedcola9190 Yeah listening to this song along with other milk outside OST/inspired tracks always helps me calm down whenever im struck down and doubting myself that it's okat and it's part of life, and won't be for forever. Cuz, like the title "i'll be here for a while", that while is only a certain period of time, and things will get better. :)) so, hang in there my dude, and please remember to take care of yourself, you deserve it. Really, from your diary in this comment section I can see you're trying, and I respect you for that :)
@@sacrificethembuns9589 Tysm, I’ll keep going until I die of anything but suicide! :D
How can relief and sadness come hand in hand?
Polar opposites attract. Bipolar opposites repel.
Feeding off of its hand I sit. Starting up into my future. My future is lost, I can't see it! I never will! I know it's not locked away, through some sixth sense. I've kept my eyes open this whole time. The nurturing tree of light is withering along with me.
Exhausting all the energy we can, until we're left to dry. Sunbaked, as skin and bones. We used to feed off of eachother. Taking turns, killing parts of ourselves until wed die. I faked crying, never faked emotions. My tears are burnt. I burned them a long time ago. Even as the blue fades away, so does the pink, and the green. The Orange and the gray fade away before I even grasp them for a single moment. Is this it?
Day 25th
February 12th, 2024
Not much has happened today, nothing of note anyway. I’m just kinda sleepy, I think I’m gonna go to sleep now. Yea, that sounds awesome. What are you gonna do, stop me? Hehe. >:)
Day 35th
February 22nd, 2024
No comment.
Day 47th
March 5th, 2024
Today was a mixed bag.
I got betrayed by a “friend” but I also accomplished a lot for myself
Also I had band practice again today and we made some pretty good progress, so that’s cool.
Day 48th
March 6th, 2024
I'm not even crazy or sad or shit my life is going well. This song bare leng tho
Today I’ve been sort of down in the dumps, I’ve been feeling like an unlikeable person, and like I’m wasting my life, and my potential. But other than that, today was pretty good, let’s see what tomorrow has. :)
Day 5
January 21st 2024
Sometimes I feel drained, but more than ever now. I just want this to end. :)
Day 19th
February 4th, 2024
Mildly eventful day to day. After school me and my family went to this local restaurant that was really good, they served the super good (but unhealthy) queso fries, and you eat on a balcony at the restaurant. Other than that, today was pretty standard, but good!
Day 23rd
February 9th, 2024
glad to hear you are doing okay! just had queso fries at wendy's a couple days ago
@@nkt_krkv Great to Hear! :D
Also HI??????
7:43 audible loop
Today has just been boring
So boring
I’m tired.
Hopefully tomorrow will bring something worthwhile :)
Day 11th
January 27th 2024
FUCK.
Day 69th
March 26th, 2024
Today was neat, my boyfriend drew a lot of art for me which is always great, he’s an amazing artist. Other than that, today has been mostly usual. :)
Day 2
January 18th 2024
Not much happened today, but I have been exploring around the school campus for fun recently, so that’s something. Either way, tomorrow is my last day before I get my shit together.
Day 22nd
February 8th, 2024
I’m emotionally exhausted, just as I thought I’d have a savior, I had been slapped across the face. Intimacy is a fucking bore anyways.
Day 24th
February 11th, 2024
Well not much has happened today, but I’ve been well, I did get sorta bad sleep last night, so hopefully I’ll be able to tonight. :)
Day 13th
January 29th 2024
Oh god.
Day 83
April 9th, 2024
Kinda depressed.
Haven’t done much today, just been a lazy, unproductive curmudgeon I guess. Oh well…
Day 60th
March 17th, 2024
don't give up, skeleton!
Today sucked, I’m sick as hell, and nothing interesting happened anyways, just tired and miserable as hell. Fuck.
Day 38th
February 25th, 2024
School’s back, that kinda sucks.
Whatever though, not the worst!
Not much to say tho.
Day 82
April 8th, 2024
Today kinda sucked and I’ve just overall felt unproductive. Ughh, I hate people sometimes.
Day 84
April 10th, 2024
Not much to say about today, just sorta boring, not bad though.
Day 64th
March 21st, 2024
Again, just boring, mehhhhhhh
Day 44th
March 2nd, 2024
Literally nothing to say about today, just boring. Waaaaa
Day 42nd
February 29th, 2024
At my friend’s house, we’ve been fucking around a lot, playing cards against humanity, messing around outside, throwing knives, etc. We also had pizza and went bowling, night’s fallen now so we’re going to sleep now, but tomorrow will be fun too! :D
Day 30th
February 17th, 2024
Sounds like a blast, if only my friend group were that outside or met up often. 😅😂😊
I'm sitting at friend's house rn, drinking vodka from the bottle and listening to this. We had a good day today but now i feel empty bc he don't want to drink bc he has work tomorrow. I would like to have party with you but that's impossible and it makes me even more sad.
I’m sick. That sucks.
I’ve been feeling like crap all day and I can’t stay home tomorrow since we have benchmark testing tomorrow.
Ideal, ideal. Other than that, nothing much to say.
Day 68th
March 25th, 2024
It's 2 AM in my country I'm listening to this song while thinking about stuff, I have to wake up in like 4 hours, but I guess I just don't care anymore.